Queer as Folk (2000–2005): Season 4, Episode 2 - Episode #4.2 - full transcript

One, two, three, four, five, six,

shake it, dude.

Cue the pulse to begin

Cue the pulse to begin

Cue the pulse to begin

Cue the pulse to begin

Sonny makes me sunny

He makes the skies watch over me

Better not be a parakeet in there, jane.

Huh?

Obviously you're not up on your gay film history.



Whatever happened to Baby Jane?

Starring the two greatest bitch-goddesses in the history of the human race:

Ms. Joan Crawford and Ms. Bette Davis.

"Ms. Crawford and I ne-e-ever got along."

I ne-e-ever saw it.

I suppose there's no point even mentioning Esther Blodgett.

I know that one.

It's "A Star is Born", right?

Well thank god. He really is gay.

Eat.

No thanks.

Tuna salad. Not parakeet.

I'm not hungry.

Well, you're going to need your strength.



Huh, for what?

The doctor says I might have a permanent limp.

That should brighten up my act.

What are you listening to the doctors for?

After they stuffed my brain back into my head,

they told me I'd never draw again.

And do you?

Yes...

For about 15 minutes and my hand starts to shake.

So I use a computer.

But the point is...

You went on!

Right.

So will you.

You're so, uh...

Reasonable.

I keep hoping when they catch my bashers,

They'll sentence them to life in prison,

and they'll get fucked nightly by prisoners with AIDS.

That's gruesome.

It doesn't cost anything to dream.

When it happened to you, weren't you angry?

I tried not to think about it.

I can't stop thinking about it.

I see their faces...

Their boots smashing into me.

I even hugged this one guy's foot to my stomach,

hoping it'd stop him from kicking me.

It didn't.

If you're still holding on to that boot,

then you're still on the ground taking it.

Forget about it.

Listen, if you'd been reduced to jerking off with your left hand...

You'd want them dead too.

What's the matter, baby? Tummy ache?

What is it, Michael? A migraine?

Impacted wisdom teeth.

But you had them all extracted.

Emmett doesn't know that.

Oh.

What possessed me?

Why did I ever agree to go with him?

Because you're a good- hearted human being

Who would do anything for his friend.

Cause I'm a lame- brained doormat

Who doesn't know how to say no.

It'll only be a couple of days.

It's more like an eternity.

We've discussed these radical faerie gatherings in my class.

This guy, Harry Hay...

I've heard of him.

Started them in the '70s.

They're supposed to be a very empowering and enlightening experience.

Well, if they're so empowering and enlightening,

Why don't you go?

I have classes, there's Hunter.

Anyway, Emmett asked you, not me.

I'm not going. No way?

No way.

Darren asked me to thank you

for all the food you've sent him, Deb.

The poor kid. It's the least we can do.

How's he doing?

I'm afraid it's going to be a while before

Shanda Leer appears in public again.

Well, at least he has one ray of sunshine in his life.

Ben: Tell him we'll miss him at the Center tonight,

But we're going to make sure this never happens again.

Hi, Em.

Wh... are you ready to find your inner faerie?

When I do, I just hope he looks more

like Tinkerbell than Captain Hook.

You all packed?

Em, I...

Uh, before you say anything.

As we all know,

I have been going through some pretty tough times lately.

I guess you could say my headlights are on low beam.

But if this faerie frolic will turn the brights back on,

Well, what the fuck, I'll give it a try.

More power to you, sweetheart.

Whatever happens, uh,

The important thing is, I will always...

Always be grateful that, uh... that your son

, uh, your boyfriend...

My best pal...

Will be there with me,

Offering his love and support.

Well, we'd better get a move on,

Or else these faeries won't get their wings.

Bye, honey.

Bye.

Bye, honey.

Ben: Oh.

So it was actually a good thing I left here that night.

See, my, uh, my condo needed dusting.

I don't really trust my cleaning lady,

And, uh, it gave me time to think...

About where I should be and what I should be doing.

So I came back...

Although it hasn't been easy,

And every day's been a challenge.

But you did it.

And now it's time for me to leave...

With clear eyes and my head held high.

Guess that's what happens when you have a great counsellor...

And your health insurance runs out.

He'll be back.

What did you say, Jonathan?

I said he'll be back.

Sure, for group, as an out-patient.

I mean back using. And then back here.

Jesus, Jonathan, can't you be positive?

Huh, well I'm that too.

Doesn't mean I have to laugh at Billy Crystal here doing his stand-up.

It's not going to be any different for you than it is for the rest of us.

You're wrong.

Aw, you'll find out soon enough.

It's not the same world you left when you came here.

I'm going to be all right.

I'll make sure of it.

Well, just in case, we'll leave a light on for you.

It's an interesting offer.

It's a first rate company, Mr. Kinney. You'd fit right in.

Interesting in that they think I'd actually agree to it.

Two-thirds of what I was previously making,

a lesser title, and no profit sharing until the fifth year?

Times are tough, Mr. Kinney. It's a job.

Uh, you mean indentured servitude.

Then you're passing?

You can tell them I've just taken a new position.

Bye-bye.

I can't believe you just did that.

Flipped you on your back?

Flipped off that head-hunter.

I can do better.

Doing what?

Working for myself instead of other people.

I thought all your clients turned you down.

Fuck them. I'll get others.

What if you can't?

You'll be destitute. You'll have nothing.

Since when did you turn into a Jewish mother?

Or Michael?

You're just taking an awfully big risk. That's all.

Well... What's one more?

Besides, if I don't do this now, I never will.

Something tells me we're not in Pittsburgh any more.

Something tells me we're not even on the planet any more.

You two must be virgins.

Haven't been a virgin since I was 15.

Well maybe out there.

But here, your life as a faerie has just begun.

I'm Periwinkle,

The queen registrar and official greet-ar.

"Periwinkle"?

It's my faerie name.

Everyone here has one.

What's wrong with our real names?

Real names are fine for the real world.

But this is a special place.

This is a magical place, where you leave your real life behind...

At least for a little while.

So take your time. Give it some thought.

It'll be your faerie name forever.

So get settled into your cabin.

Dinner's whenever Spiral and Elk quit braiding hair

and start boiling garbanzos.

Oh.

There's a midnight massage in the yurt.

You don't want to miss that.

What's a yurt?

If we back up real slow, no one will even know we were here.

Hey, you dragged me here.

We're staying.

Besides, what's the worst that could happen?

That?

I'm looking so forward to that tantric sex seminar today.

Oh, me too. I think it's going to be great.

Could you pass me the shovel please?

We'll start with a new logo,

Then launch an aggressive ad campaign in the locals,

And set up some high-profile sponsorships.

That sounds bigger than we can handle.

It's simple branding.

Our customers aren't into branding.

Tattoos, piercings maybe.

I'm talking about a new image.

I adore makeovers, but, uh,

Our ad budget's only $200 a month.

Great.

Then we'll run a lean campaign.

No fat.

Just like our customers. Perfect.

Just between us, around here,

we refer to Jonathan as "D. And G."

Dolce and Gabbana?

No, doom and gloom.

Huh. He doesn't bother me.

That's good.

To be honest, he's not entirely wrong.

A lot of patients do wind up coming back here.

Huh. Not me.

Well, just remember what we talked about.

Yeah, give myself time to adjust.

And not just you, but...

People in your life are going to need some time too.

Here we are.

Never thought I'd be so scared to see a door.

Don't think of it as a door.

Think of it as a threshold...

To a new life.

Right.

Look, I-I-I want to thank you for...

Everything.

Hey, you don't have to thank me.

You did it all.

With your help.

Listen... I was wondering if I... well...

I could give You a call...

sometime. I mean, strictly on a professional basis.

You know, like, I suddenly find myself standing

on a ledge with a rope around my neck, or something.

Or maybe just to say hello.

Good luck.

Recognize this?

Oh, yes. Remson pharmaceutical account. My last campaign.

Before the old warrior was unceremoniously escorted from the building

without so much as a...

Ballpoint pen.

So what does this magic pill do?

Well, it's guaranteed to turn you into a hottie

who can climb the Matterhorn.

It also reduces your viral load.

What are you showing it to me for?

Vance is taking your idea and pitching it to Remson tomorrow.

Well, he should. He owns it.

You thought it up.

Basic rule of advertising and eternal damnation:

Once you sell your soul to the devil...

he holds the copyright.

So come up with another idea.

And then you can steal the account from Vance,

and your former assistant along with it.

Well, that's an ingenious plan, Cynthia,

but what pharmaceutical company is going to trust

their wonder weapon to a one-man band working out of his house?

It's not the size that matters.

Have I taught you nothing?

It's the vision.

If you can win this account, then you'll be back on top.

For once, I'll stick to the bottom.

You have to throw off your civilian drag

and become true faeries, or else the magic doesn't work.

You'd look enchanting in this.

Strapless makes me look fat.

Well, then use your own divine powers

and come up with something fabulous.

From these schmatas?

Every faerie has a god-given gift to take what's ugly

and make it into something beautiful.

You'll soon discover that you can do that too.

Now I really must fly.

I'm late for an ear-candling.

If you care to join me, it's down by the bog.

Where's the bog?

Make a left at the yurt.

When I agreed to come here with you,

I didn't agree to look like my mother.

Well, maybe Periwinkle's right.

If we put something on, we'll...

feel the magic.

I look like Virginia Mayo in "South Sea Woman".

You know, let's just, uh, forfeit our registration fee

and go home.

Now you tell me?

I look completely and utterly...

Hot!

Totally hot.

It's just a little something I picked off the rack.

I'm Piston.

I'm Wolfen.

I'm...

Dumpling.

Hello, Dumpling.

See ya later, Dumpling.

"Dumpling"?

Where'd you get that?

It suddenly came to me.

Yoo-hoo! Wanna play?

Come on.

Come and play. Come on.

That must be the naked volleyball game.

Your powers of observation are remarkable.

Let's check it out.

You're not serious.

I, uh... Come on. It might be fun.

You go ahead. I'll...

stay here and shake my pom-poms.

And we're thankful they came out to see us tonight.

As you know, the police are still working

to apprehend the three men who attacked Darren Ealy.

In the meantime, we've met with the liaison officer

who's asked us to keep a lookout for anyone

matching their descriptions,

and to take extra precautions when we're out on the street,

especially at night.

Keeping that in mind,

we'd like to open the floor to your suggestions

on how to make Liberty Avenue

a safer environment for all of us.

Yes?

I never thought I'd say this,

but the first thing we need is more cops on the street.

We've already talked to the new police chief.

He said he'd do his best.

Yeah, sure. We've all heard that one before.

Then let's send a petition to the mayor,

demanding something be done.

We also need some more lighting,

especially on the side streets.

Good idea. We'll take note of that. Yes?

I think we should wear little whistles around our necks.

That way, if someone attacks us, all we have to do is blow.

Like that?

Would you like to say something?

Well, who do you think will come running?

Them?

They can't even defend themselves.

The cops?

If a bunch of homo-haters want to beat the shit out of you,

you're not going to stop them by blowing a little whistle.

Then what do you suggest?

We protect ourselves.

Patrol the streets.

You mean a vigilante group?

Yeah. The pink posse.

Isn't that taking the law into your own hands?

Which law is that?

The one that says you can't get married?

That if they find out you're gay, they can fire your ass?

That you can't adopt kids?

Hell, they can even arrest you for fucking.

That was changed.

Right.

You can now copulate in Texas.

Well, yippie-ki-yo-ki-ay!

All right, okay, okay, okay.

Okay, let's have some order.

You think anyone would dare call a black man a nigger?

And try calling an Israeli a kike.

Man, they'd blow your ass right off the face of the earth.

But they have no problem calling us fags.

Why?

Because they can,

because they know we're all sissies,

that we're too chickenshit to do anything.

So go on.

Sign your petitions and write your letters

and blow your little whistles.

But nothing's going to change until you fight back.

Until you learn to say, "Don't fuck with me."

Hey, did you see this?

They actually caught the fucking bashers.

Mmm. Oh, that's fantastic.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if for once,

justice were actually served?

Yeah well, I'd love to serve it to them,

right down their fucking throats.

It's all thanks to Darren's description.

I bet he must feel relieved.

More like bloodthirsty.

Well, we all know there's nothing more terrifying

than a bloodthirsty drag queen.

Hey, Deb, how about a cup of coffee?

Sure, honey. Have a seat and I'll be...

Teddy. Hi, honey!

We missed you.

How are you doing?

I'm doing great.

Ah, you look good.

Well so, what's new?

I just got out of rehab.

How did it go?

It was probably the most significant experience of my life.

Yeah, the first day I was there, I was totally resistant,

furious, ashamed, certain I didn't belong there.

The second day, I started to accept their help,

went to group, and individual sessions.

I began sharing the pain, you know.

The third day, I thought that maybe I...

Uh, honey, sorry, I-I'd love to stay for the whole seven days,

but now I've got a grilled cheese that's about to turn to cement.

Welcome home.

And I've got to get back to the gallery.

I'd love to hear more, but Gus is waiting at daycare.

Okay. Bye.

Don't you have somewhere to be?

Thanks for reminding me. Welcome back.

Well I, for one, think you're to be commended, Theodore.

Well, thank you, Brian.

What you've accomplished is an amazing achievement.

Oh, I wouldn't go so far as...

To sink so low.

To hit bottom with such a resounding thud.

You know, you should be a guest motivational speaker in rehab.

Of course, the good news is once you've hit the bottom,

you can't go any lower. So...

that means there's only one way to go, and that way is...

Sounds like...

Up?

We can do a cross-pollination campaign with Torso.

A new membership here gets you 10% off there.

200 bucks of club wear there gets you 10% off here.

Sounds like an interesting idea.

I'll get back to you.

It's Batman and the new Robin.

Better not tell the old Robin that.

I just got Hunter a membership.

Yeah, you want to hook up in the steam room?

Yeah. He should fit in here just fine.

We did not come here so you could hit on the guys.

That includes Brian.

We came so you could stay healthy.

Too late for that.

No. It's, uh, never too late to get in shape.

Yeah, you want to develop that six-pack before you drink it.

I could use that for the ad.

Why work out when I can take some meds and ka-pow!

So long, virus.

Because it's better to build your immune system naturally.

That guy looks pretty healthy to me.

That's not what HIV looks like.

And the meds don't fix anything. They...

They buy you time if they work.

And then there are dozens of side-effects:

Skin rashes, liver failure, cardiac arrest.

A little early to be freaking the kid out, don't you think?

I just don't want him believing some misleading ad

that makes it seem like all you have to do

is pop some pill and you're as good as new.

Anybody who's ever taken one knows what a crock of shit that is.

Mushroom?

Sure, why not?

Hey, looking for the naked Twister competition?

Probably the last thing I'm looking for.

Then, uh, how about giving me a hand, darling?

What are you doing?

Important work.

Moving rocks?

Depends on why you're moving them.

Here, help me place them in a circle.

You're a new faerie, aren't ya?

Around here, I suppose I am.

What's your name?

Emmett.

No, I don't mean your mundane name.

Back there, I'm Harry. But here, I'm Ariel.

So what's your faerie name?

I haven't thought of one.

What's stopping you?

I don't know.

I do.

You don't believe in faeries.

You think this is all nonsense, don't ya?

No! I-I don't. Really.

Yeah. I do.

Well, maybe when you stop thinking that way,

your faerie name will come to you.

But somehow, I doubt it.

You see, darling, I can always tell.

You're not one of us, a proud faerie.

I happen to be a very proud fairy.

Ask anyone who knows me.

My flame burns bright.

Ah, right now, it couldn't toast a marshmallow.

It may be a little low.

Because you've been hurt...

by someone you loved.

Now all you can feel is anger and pain.

How do you know?

You wear it, darling...

like that outfit...

Which, by the way, isn't very flattering.

Thanks.

Hey, give me that.

You're pretty strong for...

An old faerie?

It's called faerie power.

It's what gives us our will to survive.

But sometimes...

we forget we have it.

That's why the gathering was started.

To help us remember, to celebrate.

That's why I came, to...

renew my spirit, you know.

But it isn't working.

'Cause what you're looking for isn't here.

Then where is it?

There.

The circle is complete.

You want a snort? You want to be beautiful?

You were hot. Hot, hot, darling.

- Hi. - Hey.

Can we come in?

Uh, yeah. Yeah, sure.

Listen, we didn't mean to run out of the diner like that.

We were just in a hurry.

That's okay. I... I understand.

So, you all right?

Yeah, fine, fine. Don't worry about me.

We brought Droopy back.

Though, you might have to rename him.

He's not drooping any more.

And look, he's even got a new bud.

Just needed a little TLC.

That's "tender lesbian care".

And your mail.

We also brought you a few things you might need.

Milk, coffee, eggs.

I was, uh...

I was just getting rid of my triggers.

Anything that reminds you of what you

don't want to be reminded of.

In my case...

well, let's just say I should move to a desert island

and start from scratch.

Anyway, it's the first thing they tell you to do.

Look, I-I... I don't want you to think I was...

because I-I wasn't.

No, no, of course not.

No one said you were.

Crunchy granola.

Are you girls trying to convert me?

Would you like to come over for dinner tonight?

You can pick up your magazines.

God, you've got a ton of them.

What is... Endovir?

Is it a drug? A pill?

The latest miracle of medical technology?

Of course, it's all of these things, and more.

It is the promise of health,

of a future bright with hope,

of dreams fulfilled,

of being...

"back on top".

And so we've designed a campaign

to accentuate the positive aspects

of being positive.

A campaign based on one simple word,

and that word is...

Bullshit?

I was going to say optimism.

Melon ball, anyone?

How the hell did you know about this meeting?

I'm the one who set it up, before I left.

I like what you've done.

Downplayed the disease,

emphasized quality of life.

I should be so lucky as to have HIV.

Then I too could go play volleyball

with my shirtless, hunky buds.

If you don't get your ass out of here, I'm calling security.

Regretfully, Mr. Remson, I must be going. But...

before I leave, I'd like, with your permission,

to show you a new campaign I've designed

based on one simple word.

And that word is honesty.

Ladies and gentlemen...

the real face of HIV.

"Some days I feel like hell,

but at least I'm still alive."

"I don't want to climb a mountain,

I just want to live another day."

"Sure, there are side effects,

but nothing I can't handle."

You've got to be kidding.

It's strong medicine, I'll admit that.

We spent 6 years and 50 million developing this drug.

I personally worked my ass off getting it through the FDA.

And you think I'm going to throw it away on some ad campaign

that tells people they're going to feel like hell?

They already know that,

and they're willing to accept it,

provided your drug can buy them

another year, another month.

That's all they're hoping for. That's all they want.

And that's all you can honestly offer.

Our job is to make your product as attractive as possible

to the consumer.

And that's exactly what we did.

Uh, you mean, what I did.

This...

was my idea.

And let me be the first to say it stinks.

Having HIV may not be a ride in the park,

but with Endovir, it's not a death sentence.

So why not just say that?

"Suspects matching the description of the three men

who attacked a young gay man

were apprehended last night

in the vicinity of Liberty Avenue.

Charges will be filed pending an investigation."

Uh, isn't that great?

They finally caught the motherfuckers.

Now all you have to do is finger them,

metaphorically speaking, of course,

and they can rot behind bars for 20 years.

Or better yet,

get gang-raped nightly by prisoners with AIDS.

I'm thinking maybe Shanda should go blonde

for her comeback.

Didn't you hear me?

Of course I heard you.

"Gang-raped nightly by prisoners with AIDS."

Where do you come up with such gruesome thoughts?

So when's the line-up?

If you're referring to what goes on

in the back room of a certain club...

I don't engage in such activity.

I'm referring to the police line-up.

When are you going to identify them?

I'm not.

I don't really have a very clear memory of what they looked like.

Well, you're the one who described them.

I guess I've forgotten.

Well, maybe seeing them again will jog your memory.

Look, I already told the police,

"Sorry, wish I could help, but I really can't.

Thanks for asking."

If you don't point them out, they're just going to walk.

I really don't want to discuss this any further.

Now, what's for lunch?

Chicken.

Darren, why did you change your mind?

I-I guess I had time to think.

And I decided,

cowardice is the better part of valour.

Nothing is going to happen.

How do you know that?

Say I identify them.

Say they go to trial.

Say they get off.

Say they come looking for me.

Say they're back on the street tomorrow

because you didn't do anything.

Say they attack someone else.

Look, you're the one who told me to put all this behind me,

to get on with my life.

Yes, I do think blonde.

Maybe I was wrong.

Maybe it's time that we stood up for ourselves.

Fought back.

Oh! And when your attacker bashed you

and left you for dead,

and then they got off practically scot-free,

what exactly did you do?

I know I said I'd only call you if I was

on a ledge with a rope around my neck, but

I figured a curb and a scarf would suffice.

That's no problem.

I told you, you could call me anytime.

More coffee?

No. If I was any more wired, I'd light up Times Square.

Be patient.

You've only been back in your life for one day.

And already I'm a wreck.

Ah, god. I even have sweaty palms.

Fuck.

Rod Longbottom was a guy I dated once for about five minutes.

Lived up to both his names. Gorgeous. Amazing.

I dumped him. You want to know why?

Sweaty palms.

Remember, as we discussed in group,

it would take some getting used to.

And not just for you,

but for everyone around you.

I make my friends nervous.

They don't know what to say.

They see me, they want to flee.

They don't trust me.

They think I'm still using.

The same thing happened to me.

But eventually they came around, and even forgave me.

Except one.

Your mother? Your father?

The first guy who ever believed in me.

I never really made amends to him.

Did you try?

We lost touch.

But recently, we've reconnected.

Maybe now I'll get my chance.

Since when did our heroes become

the merry butchers of Gayopolis?

Someone has to do it, since

fags are too cowardly to stand up for themselves.

Fuck!

Somebody's pissed off.

Yeah, you would be too if you got your head bashed in.

Yeah, I know. I was there.

I thought you'd put that behind you and moved on.

I don't want to talk about it.

Darren refused to identify his attackers.

They're going to get off.

When I told him to be brave, stand up for himself,

he said to me, "What did you do?"

I was a coward.

I should've done something, and I didn't.

Well, you want to get even?

I'll tell you how to get even.

Become the biggest fucking success you can possibly be.

I already know.

Well then, if you know,

take that anger and put it into your work.

Use it.

Have more money,

more power, and more sex

than any poor hetero schmuck,

because trust me, nothing pisses off a straight guy

more than a successful fag.

You know "Guernica"?

People say it's the most powerful

anti-war statement ever made.

I say bullshit.

It hangs in a fucking museum, collecting dust.

And this is all bullshit.

It doesn't do a motherfucking thing.

Fuck clothes.

Christ, they stink. Oh, god.

I won't be needing these.

Or these.

Or these.

Uh, wait.

How's, uh, Giuseppe Verdi a trigger?

He was here watching the whole time.

Yeah.

He was also here...

the first time you played "La Traviata" for me.

I say we give him a reprieve.

That it?

Almost.

Uh, you sure you want to trash that?

Never gave me anything but trouble.

Hook-ups, porn sites,

not to mention endless e-mails to increase my dick size.

I don't recall that being one of your shortcomings.

And even if I got rid of every trigger, every reminder...

I'd still remember what I did.

God, how I hurt the people that I loved.

You going to be all right?

Tell you the truth, after rehab, where they never left you alone,

I'm... I'm... I'm feeling a little freaked, being here by myself.

I, uh, could stay with you, if... if you'd like.

Oh, no. I-I-I couldn't ask...

If it'd make you feel better.

Well, uh... where do we... uh, I mean...

I'd crash on the sofa.

Yeah, the sofa. Right. Um...

Of course. Um, I'll get you some blankets.

Sleep tight.

Yeah, you too.

And, uh... if you need anything, uh...

I feel the power.

I feel the power.

I feel the power too.

Now let us stoke our fires

and release our burdens into the flames.

Hold it!

I'll take that, Dumpling.

Hey.

I feel the power too.

My name is, uh,

"On A Clear Day, You Can See Forever".

It just sort of came to me, ya know what I mean?

But you can call me "Clear Day".

This is a heart circle, Clear Day.

We share our feelings here.

Is there anything you'd like to share?

Well...

the truth is, I didn't really want to come here.

But then...

somehow, something magical happened.

Always does.

I realized that...

if it's true that faeries have the power to create

beauty out of ugliness

and joy out of pain...

then that power can only come from one place.

Which I-I guess I knew all along.

Thank you.

Rise, faeries.

We thank the powers of the earth

and the heavens for giving us our special gifts.

We celebrate our faerie forefathers

and the generations of faeries to follow.

And our faerie founder...

Harry Hay.

Where is he, anyway?

Harry Hay?

Yeah, I helped him put the rocks in the circle.

Honey, Harry passed away two years ago.

So how do you feel about these ads?

If you saw them in a newspaper or a magazine

or on a billboard,

would they make you want to ask your doctor

about Endovir?

Sure, if they came with his phone number.

Pretty much the same-old same-old.

Hunky white dudes having fun.

I like the message of hope.

And being on top.

What about these?

You've got to be kidding.

I don't believe it.

That's different.

Who would run ads like these?

It's the truth.

Some days I do feel like hell.

But to actually see it?

You think you're ever going to see that?

That is one ad you'll never see.

They wouldn't have the balls.

This is Piston and Wolfen, and Periwinkle,

and there's Emmett. I mean, Clear Day.

Don't forget the cutie in the kilt.

I think you may have found your Christmas card.

Didn't I tell you it'd be a once-in-a-lifetime experience, Dumpling?

"Dumpling"?

That's my faerie name.

And if you ever so much as call me that...

Cosmo, please!

Why did you do that?

Just trying to spread the magic.

You know, maybe next year we all should go.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

Brian, how about you?

I'd rather have my tongue

super-glued to a lesbian's twat.

Besides, I'm going to be way too busy with my new business.

And, uh, my new account.

The "Circus of Porn" account

isn't exactly going to buy you a summer home in P-town.

But the Remson Pharmaceuticals account will.

Here's to Kinnetik.

Drinks are on me, boys.

To Kinnetik!

This isn't an isolated incident.

This goes on every day.

They don't even get it.

They think it's about walking their poodles

without getting mugged.

But it's more than that.

Well, if it isn't Meg Ryan.

I heard what you said at the center, and I agree.

That's nice.

They need to understand

it's not about being a victim.

It's about not allowing yourself to be victimized.

Cody Bell.

Justin Taylor.

Ready to kick some straight ass?

Okay, where are we going to meet?

Moo!