Queer as Folk (2000–2005): Season 3, Episode 8 - Episode #3.8 - full transcript

ONE TWO, THREE, FOUR,

ONE, TWO, THREE,
FOUR, FIVE, SIX.

SHAKE IT, DUDE.

Various:
HEY, I GOT A NICE TIGHT ASS,

DADDY, YOU WANT
A NICE TIGHT ASS?
YOU WANT TO FUCK ME?

HEY, YOU CAN DO MY
FRIEND AND ME FOR
THE PRICE OF ONE.

C'MON, WHAT DO YOU SAY?

YOU LIKE YOUNG DICK?

YOU CAN SUCK ME
FOR 50 BUCKS.
50?

I'LL DO WHAT-
EVER YOU WANT.

Man:
THAT'S ALL I GOT.
TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.



Various:
FUCK YOU! NO DISEASE!

SEE YOU TOMORROW.
[ Laughter ]

YEAH, YOU
LOOK GOOD. ARE
YOU WORTH IT?

YEAH, YOU WANT IT.
YOU KNOW YOU DO.

YOU COME ON OVER, YOU
DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.

DO YOU WANT TO FUCK
A NICE HOT ASS, MAN?

I'M REALLY TIGHT.

DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME...
[ Groaning ]

...TAKE YOUR MONEY.
YOU DON'T WANT
ANY OF THAT...

ARE YOU ASLEEP?

ARE YOU KIDDING?

I FEEL LIKE
OUR BED'S ON
THE STREET.

HUH. OR THE
STREET'S IN
BED WITH US.

Man:
YOU LIKE YOUR MEAT FRESH?
THAT DOES IT.



NO, MICHAEL,
MICHAEL.
MICHAEL, HEY.

HEY, SAVE YOUR SHOES.

ALL RIGHT, THAT
ONLY WORKS ON
CARTOON CATS.

WELL, WHAT DO
YOU SUGGEST?

[ Sigh ]

Various:
WORTH EVERY PENNY.
HERE ALL NIGHT.

Ben:
HEY, MAN...
WHOO!

YOU WANT A
LITTLE MORE
EXPERIENCE...

GUYS.
YEAH, COME
ON, MAN.

GUYS. GUYS!

UH, YOU MIND?

PEOPLE ARE, UH... ARE
TRYING TO SLEEP HERE.

UH, YEAH? DO...
DO YOU MIND?
WE'RE TRYING
TO WORK HERE.

Boy:
YOU CAN SUCK
IT FOR A BILL.

Ben:
LOOK, UH,

I'M... I'M NOT...

I'M NOT TRYING TO
CAUSE ANY TROUBLE,

OKAY? I'M
JUST TRYING

TO JUST ASK YOU
NICELY TO PLEASE

FIND SOMEWHERE ELSE
TO DO YOUR BUSINESS.

Man:
HEY, I HAVE
A BETTER IDEA.

WHY DON'T YOU FIND
SOMEWHERE ELSE TO SLEEP?

[ Laughing ]

FINE. FINE. WE'LL...

SEE WHAT THE COPS
HAVE TO SAY.

Various:
OH-H, COPS! OH!

MOTHERFUCKER!

YOU JUST COST
ME 100 BUCKS.

YEAH, LIKE SOMEONE
WOULD PAY A BILL FOR
THAT PIECE OF CHICKEN.

ALL RIGHT,
YOU CAN MAKE
IT UP TO ME.

HOW OLD ARE YOU?

HOW OLD DO YOU
WANT ME TO BE?

YOU CAN'T BE
MORE THAN 16.

YOU LIKE
YOUNG DICK?

YOU COULD SUCK
IT FOR A BILL.

FOR TWO YOU CAN FUCK ME.

WITHOUT A CONDOM.

Various:
I'M YOUNG
AND I'M HOT.

C'MERE, BUDDY,
DON'T... DON'T
DRIVE AWAY.

NO, NO.

THANKS.

IF YOU CHANGE
YOUR MIND, YOU KNOW
WHERE TO FIND ME.

♪ SOFT FOCUS
FOR FULL APPEAL ♪

♪ PICTURE IS FLAWLESS ♪

♪ NO CONTEXT
FOR SELF-ESTEEM ♪

♪ BUT BE PUSHED
TO GIVE YOU LOVE ON THAT ♪

♪ AS FAR AS
THE EYE CAN SEE ♪

♪ TOO MUCH PERFECTION ♪

♪ PURE SUBSTANCE
FOR WANNABES ♪

HEY.

♪ KEEPS YOU
BEATING TO A... ♪

WANT SOME PEACH YOGURT?

NO, THANKS.

IT'S JUST THAT IT'S
A LOT HEALTHIER

THAN ALL THOSE CIGA-
RETTES YOU'RE CONSUMING.

YOU... YOU'VE
BEEN DEPRESSED

FOR PRACTICALLY
THE ENTIRE FIRST
MONTH'S RENT.

I'M SORRY, I'M A
LOUSY ROOMMATE.

I'LL MOVE OUT IF
YOU WANT ME TO.

DID I SAY THAT?

LOOK, I JUST WANT
YOU TO CHEER UP.

I CAN'T HELP IT.

I CAN'T
STOP THINKING
ABOUT HIM.

YEAH.
LAST NIGHT, I
DREAMT ABOUT
HIM AGAIN.

HE SOMEHOW LEARNED
HOW TO LEVITATE

AND WE WERE
FUCKING, MID-AIR.

I WONDER WHAT
THAT MEANS.

PROBABLY THAT I
SHOULD SEE A SHRINK.

IT'S ONLY
NATURAL THAT
THESE THINGS
TAKE TIME,

YOU KNOW, YOU'VE GOT
TO SOMEHOW GET OVER HIM.

MOVE ON.

TELL YOURSELF
ETHAN'S HISTORY.

WHO'S TALKING
ABOUT ETHAN?

I'M TALKING
ABOUT BRIAN.

BRIAN?

BUT I... I
THOUGHT YOU
WERE OVER HIM.

THAT'S WHAT
YOU SAID.

I THOUGHT I WAS TOO.

SO WHAT DO YOU DO
WHEN YOU REALIZE

YOU MADE THE BIGGEST
FUCKING MISTAKE

OF YOUR PATHETIC,
STUPID LIFE?

BURY IT IN YOUR
SUBCONSCIOUS AND...

FORGET ABOUT IT?

OBVIOUSLY, THAT'S
NOT WORKING.

WELL, THEN DEAL WITH IT.

TELL HIM YOU
STILL LOVE HIM.

YEAH, RIGHT.

HE'D FUCKING
LAUGH IN MY FACE.

WRITE HIM A LETTER.

HE'D TEAR IT UP.

I DON'T KNOW,
ATTEMPT SUICIDE?

HE'D LET ME DIE.

OKAY, DO YOU REMEM-
BER WHAT I DID

WHEN I WAS MADLY,
PASSIONATELY

IN LOVE WITH
BILLY HAUSER?

MADE AN IDIOT
OF YOURSELF.
NO! NO!

I SIGNED UP FOR EVERY
CLASS HE WAS IN.

I WENT TO...
I WENT TO SWIM
PRACTICE.

I GOT INVITED TO
EVERY SINGLE PARTY
I KNEW HE'D BE AT.

WHEREVER HE WENT,
THERE I WAS.

HE COULDN'T AVOID ME.

WHOA, LOOK AT YOU.

WHAT? I PUT ON THE
WRONG THING, DIDN'T I?

I SHOULD'VE WORN THE BUR-
GUNDY, SHOULDN'T I HAVE?

I'M GOING TO PUT
ON THE BURGUNDY.

WHOA, WHOA,
YOU LOOK GREAT.

I'D BUY A PAINTING
FROM YOU ANY DAY.

DID GUS EAT?
YEAH,
ALL DONE.

WHAT'D YOU GIVE HIM?

A SPANISH OMELETTE

WITH, UH, LOTS OF
PEPPERS AND ONIONS.

YOU DIDN'T!

OF COURSE
I DIDN'T.

MOMMY MADE YOU
YOUR FAVORITE, HUH?

OATMEAL AND RAISINS.
Gus:
[ Babbling ]

HE LOOKS A
LITTLE FLUSHED.

DOES HE LOOK
FLUSHED TO YOU?

NO, HE DOES NOT
LOOK FLUSHED.

NOW, YOU BETTER
GET A MOVE ON.

I'M GOING TO
DROP HIM OFF AT
DAYCARE ON THE
WAY TO MY OFFICE.

BYE, BABY.

MMM... OH-H-H.

I'M GOING TO
MISS YOU, PUMPKIN.
MAMA.

I'M GOING TO
THINK ABOUT YOU
ALL DAY, LAMBSKIN.

THIS IS THE
GREATEST GOODBYE
SINCE RHETT
AND SCARLETT.

OH, I CAN'T
HELP IT. I'VE
BEEN WITH HIM

PRACTICALLY EVERY
MOMENT SINCE
HE'S BEEN BORN.

WELL, YOU'RE
GOING TO HAVE TO
LET HIM GO WHEN
HE TURNS 18 ANYWAY,

SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL
START GETTING USED TO IT.

I MEAN, COME ON.
YOU WANTED THIS JOB.

I KNOW! I'M JUST
A LITTLE NERVOUS.

YOU HAVE NOTHING
TO BE NERVOUS ABOUT.

YOU'RE
INTELLIGENT.

YOU'RE
ACCOMPLISHED.

YOU CAN HANDLE
ANYTHING AND
ANYBODY.

NOW, YOU GO OUT
IN THAT WORLD

AND YOU TAKE A
GREAT BIG BITE
OUT OF IT.

THANKS.
[ Beeping of car horn ]

OOH!

OH!

OKAY. MMM.

BYE!
Gus:
MAMA?

Melanie:
SAY BYE-BYE.

[ Moaning ]

GO, HERE WE GO. OH, COME ON.

DOWN, DOWN, DOWN,
DOWN, DOWN. GOOD.

OKAY, COME ON.
COME ON, BABY,

AND YEAH, YOU GOT IT.

OH-H.

GOOD, OH-H-H.

THAT'S NICE.
NICE.

OKAY, ONE MORE.

COME ON, BABY.

YEAH, THAT'S GOOD,
BABY. GOOD, GOOD,
GOOD, GOOD.

COME ON, COME
ON, COME ON.

AH, PERFECT!

AH-H-H!

[ Grunting ]
GOOD, GOOD,
GOOD, GOOD.

[ Panting ]

OH, IF THAT'S
WHAT IT SOUNDS
LIKE WHEN YOU COME,

I'M AMAZED YOU
HAVEN'T BEEN EVICTED.

IT LOOKS LIKE
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE
TO MOVE ANYWAY.

YUP, YOUR
FRIEND
STOCKWELL

CHASED ALL THE HUSTLERS
OFF LIBERTY AVENUE

AND NOW THEY'RE
RIGHT UNDER OUR
BEDROOM WINDOW.

SAY WHAT YOU WILL
ABOUT CITY LIVING,

NOW YOU CAN'T BEAT IT
FOR THE CONVENIENCE.

SOME OF THEM LOOK 14.

TOO YOUNG
EVEN FOR YOU.
[ Cackling ]

Ben:
I CANNOT STOP
THINKING ABOUT
THIS ONE KID.

HE SAID FOR 200 BUCKS
THAT I COULD FUCK HIM
WITHOUT A CONDOM.

Brian:
YOU SHOULD HAVE.

AT LEAST HE'D HAVE
ENOUGH FOR HIS
PROTEASE INHIBITORS.

WAIT, LOOK WHO'S
HERE! TED!

CHRIST! DOES HE HAVE
TO ANNOUNCE IT?
IT'S TED!

WE HAVEN'T SEEN
YOU IN WEEKS!

COULDN'T WAIT
TO GET HERE.

YOU HAVE NO
IDEA WHAT
IT TOOK.

RRR.
H-H-HEY!

I REALLY HAVE TO HAND
IT TO YOU, THEODORE.

YOU KNOW, MOST
GUYS WHO JUST
LOST EVERYTHING

AND BEEN HUMILIATED
IN ALL THE MAJOR MEDIA

WOULD HAVE TOO
MUCH SELF-RESPECT

THAN TO SHOW THEIR
FACE IN PUBLIC...

BUT NOT YOU.

I DON'T KNOW
WHETHER TO SAY
THANK YOU OR
FUCK YOU.

PEOPLE FORGET
ABOUT THESE
THINGS.

BY NOW THEY'RE
ON TO THE NEXT
HEADLINE.

YEAH, "FORMER PORN
KING HOMELESS."

Ben:
NO, YOU WILL BE
BACK ON YOUR FEET
BEFORE YOU KNOW IT.

Ted:
BETTER BE. MY
MORTGAGE ISN'T GOING
TO PAY FOR ITSELF.

IT WON'T HAVE TO.

I HAVE DECIDED TO
GET A SECOND JOB.

NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT.
NO, I-I GOT MYSELF
INTO THIS MESS,

I'LL GET MYSELF OUT.

Emmett:
THAT IS
VERY NOBLE,

BUT WE ARE IN
THIS TOGETHER.

NO...
NOW I DON'T WANT
TO HEAR ANOTHER
WORD ABOUT IT.

THAT MAKES TWO OF US.

HEY, COME ON,
LET'S, UH...
LET'S GET CHANGED,

AND HIT THE
STAIRMASTER.

AND WORK UP
A SWEAT.
YEAH! RELEASE
THOSE ENDORPHINS,

BURN OFF SOME
LACTIC ACID.
YEAH, YEAH.

COME ON, COME ON!
YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU'RE RIGHT.

EXERCISE IS PROBABLY
JUST WHAT I NEED.

[ Popping of joints ]

OH-H.

TEDDY... TEDDY,
WHAT IS IT?
MMM.

ARE YOU
ALL RIGHT?
MM-MMM.

I... IS IT...
TED?
[ Moaning ]

DID YOU
DO YOUR...
EHN.

IS IT THE
THING...
WHERE THE...
NO. UH.

Lindsay:
CONSTANCE DALYEAU
WAS A PROSTITUTE

TOULOUSE LAUTREC
DISCOVERED AT ONE OF THE
BROTHELS HE FREQUENTED.

THE LEGEND GOES
THAT WHEN HE
WENT TO HER ROOM,

SHE WAS NAKED
AND PAINTING.

INSTEAD OF
MAKING L'AMOUR,

HE INSISTED THAT SHE
FINISH HER CANVAS.

HE THEN INTRODUCED
HER WORK INTO THE
SALONS OF PARIS,

MUCH TO THE HORROR
OF THE CRITICS.
HMM.

OH, SHE'S RELATIVELY
UNKNOWN TODAY...

BUT IF SHE
HAD BEEN A MAN,

YOU CAN BE SURE
SHE'D BE AS RENOWNED
AS DEGAS OR MANET.

WHAT A REMARK-
ABLE STORY.
MM-HMM.

HOW DO YOU
KNOW ALL THIS?
I USED TO TEACH
ART HISTORY...

AND I'M ALSO A
PAINTER MYSELF.

AH, WELL,
YOU'VE SOLD ME.

WONDERFUL.

WELL, WE'LL WRITE
UP THE ORDER

AND HAVE IT DELIVERED
TO YOU JUST AS SOON
AS THE SHOW IS OVER.

IT'S BEEN
A PLEASURE.

THE PLEASURE IS
ENTIRELY MINE.

Man:
OH, ALFRED!

HELLO, SIDNEY.

THANKS TO THIS
CHARMING YOUNG
WOMAN, I NOW
OWN A DALYEAU.

A SPLENDID CHOICE.
HMM.

WHAT A NICE MAN.

HE'S BEEN COMING
TO THE GALLERY
FOR OVER 10 YEARS.

NEVER BOUGHT
A THING.

HOW'D YOU DO IT?

OH, IT WAS EASY.

I LOVE ART AND
I LOVE PEOPLE.

HMM. DO YOU ALSO
LOVE PARTIES?

OH, I ADORE
PARTIES.
GOOD.

THEN YOU CAN DEAL WITH
FLORINDA ZECKENDORFF,

FORMERLY HITLER'S
MISTRESS,

CURRENTLY PLANNING
OUR OPENING.

SHE'LL BE STORMING
IN HERE TOMORROW

TO DISCUSS THE
FINAL DETAILS.

SOUNDS LIKE
A HANDFUL.

OH, SHE REMINDS
ME OF MY EX-WIFE.

I BREAK OUT
IN HIVES IF I
STAND WITHIN
TWO FEET OF HER.

PERHAPS I NEED A
BIT MORE EXPERIENCE

IN ORDER TO, UH,
TAKE ON SUCH A
FORMIDABLE TASK.

I'M SURE IF ANYONE
CAN WITHSTAND

THE ASSAULT OF
A PANZER DIVISION
SINGLE HANDED,

IT'S YOU. ENJOY.

NICE WORK ON
THE STOCKWELL
CAMPAIGN, BARB.

OH, THANK YOU,
MR. KINNEY.

BUT, UH,
LIGHTEN UP ON
THE AIRBRUSH.

YOU'RE MAKING
HIM LOOK YOUNGER
THAN ME.
OKAY.

MURPH?

WHERE THE FUCK'S THE
LAYOUT FOR MIGHTY MINTS?

OH, I KNOW I
PROMISED THAT TO
YOU THIS MORNING.

ANY WAY I CAN HELP
SPEED THINGS UP?

SALARY CUT?

PINK SLIP?
HUH. YOU'LL
HAVE IT BY NOON.

AND STARTING TODAY
THINGS SHOULD GO
A LITTLE FASTER.

WE'RE HIRING A NEW
STUDENT INTERN TO HELP
WITH THE BUSY WORK.

OH, BRIAN, THIS
IS JUSTIN TAYLOR,
OUR NEW INTERN.

JUSTIN, THIS
IS MR. KINNEY,

ONE OF THE
PARTNERS IN
THE AGENCY.

NICE TO MEET
YOU, MR. KINNEY.

Justin:
I WAS GOING
TO TELL YOU.

Brian:
WHEN?

AFTER I GOT THE JOB.

OH, YOU DON'T
HAVE THE JOB
UNTIL I SIGN OFF,

AND I DON'T
SIGN OFF

UNTIL I ASK THE
POTENTIAL CANDIDATE
A FEW QUESTIONS,

SUCH AS, "WHAT THE FUCK
ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

AS PART OF OUR
DEGREE CANDIDACY,

WE'RE REQUIRED TO
GET THREE CREDITS

OF PRACTICAL EXPERIENCE
IN OUR CHOSEN FIELD.

SO I WROTE
A LETTER

TO THE HEAD OF
YOUR ART DEPARTMENT

SAYING I WANTED
TO INTERN,

SUBMITTED MY TRAN-
SCRIPT, SAMPLES OF MY
WORK, AND HERE I AM.

HERE YOU AREN'T.

THERE'RE OTHER AGENCIES
WHERE I DON'T WORK.

THAT HAS NOTHING
TO DO WITH IT.

VANGARD'S
THE BEST.

WORKING HERE
WILL LOOK GREAT
ON MY RESUME.

I'LL MAKE IMPOR-
TANT CONTACTS.

I'LL LEARN THINGS
THAT I WOULDN'T
LEARN IN THE
CLASSROOM.

LEARN THEM SOME-
PLACE ELSE.

THAT'S NOT FAIR.

I WAS ACCEPTED BASED
SOLELY ON MY MERIT.

IT HAD NOTHING
TO DO WITH YOU.

I THOUGHT YOU'D
BE PLEASED.

HUH-HUH, TO SEE
YOUR FACE EVERY DAY?

I HAD NO IDEA THAT OUR
FORMER RELATIONSHIP

WAS STILL A
PROBLEM FOR YOU.

WHO SAID IT
WAS A PROBLEM?

AND WHO SAID THAT WE WERE
EVER IN A RELATIONSHIP?

WELL, THEN I CAN
SEE NO REASON THAT
YOU WOULD OBJECT

TO MY COMPLETING
MY EDUCATION...

THAT YOU'RE PAYING FOR.

WELL, JUST...

DON'T EXPECT ANY
SPECIAL TREATMENT.

I NEVER HAVE.

HERE, HONEY. YOU
CAN'T SIT DOWN

AND EAT LIKE
A CIVILIZED
HUMAN BEING?

UH-UH. I GOT TO
GO TO THE FRAMERS,

THEN TO THE
PRINTERS, THEN TO
THE BANK. OH-H.

THIS JOB MAKES
TAKING CARE OF
GUS LOOK LIKE
CHILD'S PLAY.

Debbie:
[ Laughing ]

THAT'S IT,

ONE STEP
AT A TIME.
[ Groan
of pain ]

JESUS CHRIST,
WHAT HAPPENED
TO HIM?

HE INJURED HIS
BACK AT THE GYM.
[ Groaning ]

OOH, THAT COULD
BE SERIOUS.

A FRIEND OF MINE
SLIPPED A DISC

AND HAS BEEN
IN EXCRUCIATING
PAIN EVER SINCE.

WONDERFUL!

OKAY, LET'S
SIT DOWN.

THAT'S IT,
SLOOOWLY.

[ Moaning ]

DOES IT
HURT, HONEY?

THERE YOU ARE.

NOW, LET'S, UH...
LET'S HAVE A
LITTLE LUNCH,

STARTING WITH A
VICACET APPETIZER.

I DON'T BELIEVE
IN DRUGS.

I'LL TAKE MY PAIN
STRAIGHT UP.

SHAME YOU CAN'T
STAND THAT WAY.

WOULD YOU BRING
ME A SCOOP

OF BUTTER
PECAN, DEBBIE?

WHENEVER WE WANTED,
UH, OUR DOG, FETCH,
TO TAKE A PILL

WE'D ALWAYS HIDE
IT IN THE ICE CREAM.
GOT IT.

DO YOU REALLY
THINK I COULDN'T
HEAR WHAT YOU
JUST SAID?

FETCH HEARD EVERY-
THING WE SAID TOO,

BUT HE COULDN'T
RESIST THE
BUTTER PECAN.

I HAVE TO RUN, YOU GUYS.

THERE'S A NEW SHOW
AT THE GALLERY.

MR. BLOOM PUT
ME IN CHARGE.

I EVEN HAVE TO
MEET WITH THIS PARTY
PLANNER TOMORROW.

PARTY? DID
SOMEONE SAY
PARTY? HA-HA-HA.

LINZ, UM...

YOU KNOW I
WOULD, UM...

NEVER ASK
A FRIEND FOR
A FAVOUR.

IT'S... IT'S...
IT'S... IT'S
MANIPULATIVE,

IT'S UNFAIR,
IT'S DOWNRIGHT
BAD MANNERS.
HOWEVER...

UM, DO YOU
THINK YOU MIGHT
NEED A WAITER?

VALET?

HAT CHECK GIRL?

WELL, I...

IT... IT'S JUST,
UM, EVERYTHING
THAT'S HAPPENED,

WE COULD REALLY
USE THE CASH.

I'LL SEE WHAT
I CAN DO.

THANKS.

BYE.
BYE.

OOH, UH, WOULD
YOU, UH... WOULD
YOU HAND ME A
MENU, SWEETIE?

[ Groaning ]

ALL RIGHT, TO HELL
WITH THE BUTTER
PECAN, JUST GIVE
ME THE PILLS.

♪ EACH NIGHT YOU HELD ME
IN YOUR ARMS ♪

♪ STILL YOU NEVER
DID KEEP ME WARM ♪

♪ CONVERSATION
WAS A WASTE OF TIME ♪

♪ YOU NEVER EVEN ASKED
WHAT WAS ON MY MIND ♪

♪ IT'S FUNNY HOW I CAN'T
RECALL YOUR TOUCH ♪

♪ SPENDING TIME ALONE
WITH YOU... ♪

VODKA TONIC.

Bartender:
COMING
RIGHT UP.

BRIAN.

THE UBIQUITOUS
JUSTIN TAYLOR.

FANCY MEETING
YOU HERE.

FANCY THAT.

WHERE'S YOUR
BOYFRIEND?

I DON'T DO
BOYFRIENDS.

SINCE WHEN?
SINCE WE BROKE UP.

WHAT HAPPENED
TO THE LOVE THAT
WAS GOING TO LAST
FOR AN ETERNITY?

ETERNITIES AREN'T
AS LONG AS THEY
USED TO BE.

BUY YOU A DRINK?

MMM... OH, I
LOVE THIS SONG.

DO YOU LIKE
THIS SONG?

IT FILLS THE VOID.

I HAVEN'T DANCED
IN FOREVER.

KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.

NO RUSH.

I'VE GOT ALL NIGHT.

DON'T YOU HAVE TO BE
AT WORK IN THE MORNING?

SO DO YOU.

YEAH, THE ONLY
DIFFERENCE IS,

I DON'T HAVE TO
IMPRESS MY BOSS

SO HE DOESN'T
FIRE MY ASS.

THANKS FOR
THE DRINK.

WE HAVE THIS NEW
VILLAIN, ICE TINA.

SHE'S THIS
EVIL DRAG QUEEN

WHO FREEZES
RAGE WITH THIS
DIRTY LOOK

AND JUST WHEN IT
SEEMS LIKE RAGE
IS GOING TO SPEND
THE REST OF HIS DAYS

AS A FROZEN
TV DINNER,

J.T. DEFROSTS HIM

WITH THE WORLD'S
HOTTEST BLOW JOB.

BEN?

BEN!

OH!

I'M SORRY. WERE YOU
SAYING SOMETHING?

WELL, NO WONDER YOU
WEREN'T ANSWERING ME.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE
JUST PREOCCUPIED.
NO, NO.

FORGOT TO TAKE
THESE EARPLUGS
OUT OF MY EARS

WHEN WE WOKE UP.

AHH. REALLY CUTS DOWN
THAT STREET NOISE.

YEAH, AND PESKY
BOYFRIENDS WHO
WON'T SHUT UP.
OH-H.

OKAY.

YOU CAN REPEAT
IT TO ME ON
THE WAY TO
THE BUS STOP.

I PROMISE TO
GIVE YOU MY
UNDIVIDED AT...

...TENTION.

CHRIST. IS...
IS HE DEAD?

NO, NO. HE'S SLEEPING.

WAKE HIM UP,
TELL HIM TO MOVE.

HELLO?

HELLO?

HEY.

HUH! WHAT?
WHOA!

OH JEEZ.

YOU'RE THAT KID...
THAT KID FROM
THE OTHER NIGHT,

THE ONE WITH
THE "CONDOMS
OPTIONAL" POLICY.

OFFER STILL
STANDS.

I ALSO GIVE TWO-
FOR-ONE DISCOUNTS.

WHAT ARE YOU,
THE Q-MART?

WE'RE NOT
INTERESTED.

AND I DON'T WANT
YOU SLEEPING IN
FRONT OF MY DOOR,

SO GET LOST.

I DON'T WANT TO
SEE YOU AROUND
HERE AGAIN,
YOU UNDERSTAND?

YEAH, I
UNDERSTAND.

FUCK YOU TOO.

HEY, KID...

YEAH, "DON'T COME
BACK," I GOT IT.

NO, I WAS GOING
TO ASK, UM...

WHEN WAS THE LAST
TIME YOU ATE?

Debbie:
BEEN A WHILE SINCE
YOU EATEN, HUH?

MYSELF, I LOVE TO COOK.

IT'S THE ITALIAN IN ME.
Ben:
HUH.

WHAT ABOUT
YOUR MOM?

SHE LIKE TO COOK?

BET SHE MISSES YOU.

ME, I GO A DAY
WITHOUT SEEING MY
MICHAEL, I'M A WRECK.

RIGHT, BABY?
MOM, DON'T.

HE RAN AWAY ONCE
WHEN HE WAS 10.

I WAS WORRIED
OUT OF MY MIND.

IT'S A ROTTEN THING
TO DO TO YOUR MOTHER.

YOU EMBARRASSED THE SHIT
OUT OF ME BY SHOWING UP
AT THE LITTLE LEAGUE

IN THAT COACH'S
UNIFORM YOU BOUGHT
AT THE GOODWILL.

Debbie:
I FELT BAD.

HE WAS THE ONLY KID ON
HIS TEAM WITHOUT A FATHER.

SOME KIDS HAVE
ALL THE LUCK.

Ben:
SOUNDS LIKE YOU
AND YOUR DAD

AREN'T TOO CLOSE.

HE'S DEAD.

WHERE'S YOUR MOM?

IN JAIL, FOR
KILLING HIM.

WELL, THERE MUST
BE SOMEPLACE
YOU COULD GO,

A NICE FOSTER FAMILY.

YEAH, IT'S BETTER
THAN THE STREETS.

YEAH?

AT LEAST MY CLIENTS
PAY TO FUCK ME.

Michael:
HEY. HEY, WATCH
THE LANGUAGE.

THAT'S MY MOM
YOU'RE TALKING TO.

Ben:
OKAY, WHAT
ABOUT...

THE GAY AND LESBIAN
CENTER YOUTH SHELTER?

YEAH, THEY EVEN GOT A
BACK-TO-SCHOOL PROGRAMME.

THAT'S RIGHT.

RIGHT ON.

I'LL BE SURE TO
CHECK THAT OUT.

HEY, BRIAN.

IT'S MR. KINNEY.

WHERE IS
EVERYONE?

THEY'RE OUT
TO LUNCH.
HMM.

WELL, THAT'S GOOD
THAT SOME PEOPLE
CAN AFFORD THE
LUXURY TO EAT

WHEN EYE-CONIC OPTICS
WILL BE HERE IN TWO HOURS

AND THESE BOARDS
ARE FOR SHIT.

CAN I HELP?

CAN YOU HELP?

UM, YEAH, YOU
CAN TELL THEM
I WANT ONE CELL
PER BOARD,

20-BY-30, IN
BLACK FOAM CORE,
AND, UH...

CENTURY FONT
IN 16...

NO, MAKE THAT 20.

WANT TO WRITE
THAT DOWN?

ONE CELL PER
BOARD, 20-BY-30,
BLACK FOAM CORE,

CENTURY FONT
IN 16... NO,
MAKE THAT 20.

SO HOW'S IT
GOING, TAYLOR?
GOOD.

EVERYONE'S
INCREDIBLY NICE,

AND I'VE ALREADY
LEARNED MORE

THAN I WOULD IN
AN ENTIRE SEMESTER
OF SCHOOL.

THAT'S GREAT.

WHICH SAYS A LOT
ABOUT YOU, ACTUALLY.

ABOUT ME?

YEAH, THEY SAY
THE TONE OF
THE WORKPLACE

IS ESTABLISHED
FROM THE TOP.

SO IT'S A GREAT
COMPLIMENT TO YOU

THAT YOU HAVE SUCH
A DEDICATED AND
HARDWORKING STAFF.

WELL, MAYBE I
WAS A LITTLE
HARD ON YOU.

NOW, GET
BACK TO WORK.

YES, MR. KINNEY.

Woman:
NOW, WE'LL HAVE
THE BAR THERE,

THE BUFFET THERE,

AND THE DESSERT
TABLE THERE.

EXCUSE ME.
YES, DEAR?

WELL, WOULDN'T
IT BE NICER TO
HAVE WAITERS

CIRCULATING AMONG
THE GUESTS WITH
TRAYS OF FOOD?

THAT WAY EVERYONE
CAN ENJOY THE SHOW.

IT'S JUST EASIER
TO JUST LET THEM
SERVE THEMSELVES.

BESIDES, SIDNEY
APPRECIATES KEEPING
THE COST DOWN.

NOW, FOR THE
MENU, WE'LL
HAVE THE USUAL,

MINI-QUICHES,
FINGER SANDWICHES.

MINI-QUICHES?

IS THERE SOMETHING
WRONG, DEAR?

WELL, I WAS HOPING FOR
SOMETHING A BIT MORE...

IMAGINATIVE.

WHAT HAPPENED TO
THAT NICE GIRL WHO
USED TO WORK HERE?

OH, THAT GIRL WAS 65.

SHE RETIRED.

WELL, I'VE NEVER
HAD ANY COM-
PLAINTS BEFORE.

PERHAPS I'D
BETTER GO OVER
THESE DETAILS
WITH SIDNEY.

MR. BLOOM PLACED
ME IN CHARGE.

WELL, THEN PERMIT
ME TO INFORM YOU

THAT I HAVE BEEN
DOING THESE EVENTS
FOR OVER 15 YEARS.

MAYBE IT'S TIME
TO DO THINGS
DIFFERENTLY.

OH, AND WHAT
WOULD YOU SUGGEST?

SOMETHING
SPECIAL, UNIQUE,

THAT REFLECTS
THE THEME OF
THE EVENING.

OH, I DON'T KNOW,
FOR INSTANCE,

COOKIES WITH...
MINI-IMPRESSION-
IST PAINTINGS.

IMPRESSIONIST
COOKIES. OOH!

I CAN'T WAIT
TO TELL SIDNEY,

AND WHILE I'M
AT IT, I'LL
TELL HIM THAT
HIS OFFICE GIRL

SHOULD BE
ANSWERING PHONES
AND TAKING MESSAGES.

NOT INTERFERING
WITH THE WORK OF
HIGHLY RESPECTED
PROFESSIONALS.

OH, YOU NEEDN'T BOTHER
TELLING HIM ANYTHING,

MS. ZECKENDORFF
BECAUSE...

YOU'RE FIRED.

OH, YOU CAN'T FIRE ME.

I'VE KNOWN SIDNEY
FOR YEARS.

HIS EX-WIFE AND
I ARE LIKE THIS.

YES, HE TOLD ME.

NOW IF YOU'LL
EXCUSE ME, DEAR,

I HAVE TO GO
HANG A MONET.

Vance:
TO INTRODUCE
EYE-CONIC OPTICS'
NEW LINE OF...

EYE CANDY,

WE DECIDED TO
GIVE THE BUYER

SOMETHING TO
REALLY LOOK AT.

Brian:
A DELIGHT
TO THE EYES.

A FEAST FOR
THE SENSES...

AN EYE-
POPPING ARRAY

OF COLOURS AND IMAGES
TO DELIVER THE MESSAGE

THAT WHEN YOU WEAR
EYE-CONIC OPTICS'
EYE CANDY,

YOU SEE THINGS YOU
DON'T WITHOUT THEM.

UNLESS YOU HAPPEN
TO BE A VOYEUR.

WOULD YOU BUY A PAIR
OF THESE SUNGLASSES
IF YOU SAW THIS AD?

OH, SURE.

HMM.

I DON'T LIKE
THE LETTERING.

THE FONT CAN
ALWAYS BE CHANGED.

UH, IT'S
NOT THE FONT,

IT'S THE COLOUR.

OUR ART DEPARTMENT
RESEARCHED IT.

IT'S WHAT THE
FOCUS GROUPS MOST
RESPONDED TO.

WELL, THEY MAY
BE RESPONDING
TO IT TODAY,

BUT WHAT ABOUT
TOMORROW?

IN SIX MONTHS?

YOU'LL BE AHEAD OF THE
WAVE, NOT RIDING IT.

IT'S ORANGE.

WHAT WAS THAT?

NOTHING.

NO, NO, NO.
YOU SAID ORANGE.

EVERYONE AT ART
SCHOOL SAYS ORANGE
IS THE NEW BLUE.

IT'S THE OPPOSITE
OF COOL TONES.

IT'S SOMETHING HOT.

HMM.

I WANT ORANGE.

THEN ORANGE IT'LL BE.

RIGHT, BRIAN?

YOU GUYS HAD
BETTER BE CAREFUL

OR THIS KID'LL
HAVE YOUR JOB.

YOU REALLY DON'T
MIND WATCHING
"SPIDER-MAN" AGAIN?

NO, NO, NO.
NOT AT ALL.

WE'VE ONLY WATCHED
IT NINE TIMES.

Various:
YOU PIECE OF SHIT
MOTHERFUCKER!

TEACH YOU TO
STEAL MY TRICK.

Ben:
HEY, HEY, HEY,
HEY, HEY!

BEN, DON'T. IT'S
NONE OF OUR BUSINESS.

I'LL TEACH YOU
TO STEAL MY TRICK!

HEY, YOU PUNKS
WANT TO FIGHT?

[ Mixed yelling ]

PLEASE, BE CAREFUL!

YOU FIGHT ME,
OTHERWISE GET THE
FUCK OUT OF HERE!

Boy:
WE'LL BE BACK,
BASTARDS!

[ Jeering ]

[ Panting/
groaning ]

WHO DIED AND MADE
YOU SUPERMAN?

[ Coughing ]

Lindsay:
SHE WAS SO
CONDESCENDING.

"YES, DEAR.
WHAT, DEAR?"

IF SHE CALLED ME
"DEAR" ONE MORE TIME,
I'D HAVE CLOCKED HER.

[ Chuckle ]

AS YOUR WIFE AND
YOUR ATTORNEY,

I'M GLAD YOU DIDN'T.

SO INSTEAD, I FIRED HER.

NO.

YUP, I FIRED SOMEONE.

ME!

OH, SOUNDS LIKE YOU
HAD EVERY REASON
TO NAIL THE BITCH.

WHAT'D YOUR BOSS SAY?

OH, HE OFFERED TO
GIVE ME A RAISE.

SAID HE'S WANTED TO
CAN HER FOR YEARS,

BUT JUST DIDN'T
HAVE THE NERVE.

OH, THERE YOU GO!

EXCEPT THERE'S STILL
A PARTY TO GIVE IN
LESS THAN 48 HOURS,

AND NO PARTY
PLANNER TO GIVE IT.
I'VE TRIED EVERYONE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE
HELL I'M GOING TO DO.

[ Sigh ]
[ Mumbling ]

THERE'S THESE
TWO WOMEN I KNOW,

PLANNED THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL WEDDING,

BUT EVERYTHING
WENT WRONG,

AND THEY WERE
EVEN GOING TO
CANCEL IT.

BUT THEN ALL
THEIR FRIENDS...

POOLED THEIR TIME
AND TALENTS...

AND THEY
CAME UP...

WITH THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL
CELEBRATION

THAT YOU COULD
EVER IMAGINE...

IN LESS THAN A DAY.

IS ANY OF THIS
RINGING A BELL?

TED?

[ CD ♪♪♪ ]

TEDDY?

Ted:
DOWN HERE.

OH-HO, YOU ALL RIGHT?

YEAH, AS LONG AS I
SPEND THE REST OF
MY LIFE ON MY BACK.

IT'S ALWAYS BEEN
A DREAM OF MINE.

[ Chuckling ]

DID YOU TAKE
YOUR PAIN PILLS?

YES, MOTHER.

NOT WITH
THAT, I HOPE.

YOU KNOW WHAT
COMES FROM TOO MUCH
PILLS AND LIQUOR.

AH-H. WELL...

AT LEAST I'M OUT OF PAIN.

THAT'S GOOD NEWS.

OH, THERE MAY BE MORE.

I'M WAITING TO HEAR
FROM FIELD AND STEEN.

ABOUT THE...

NEW FISHING ROD
YOU ORDERED?

WELL, THAT'S
"FIELD AND STREAM".

THIS IS AN
ACCOUNTING FIRM.

I HEARD THEY
HAD AN OPENING,

SO I CALLED ALAN FIELD,
HE'S AN OLD FRIEND,

AND HIS ASSISTANT
SAID HE'D RETURN.

HO-HO!

[ Ringing of telephone ]
AH...

WELL, LOOK AT THAT,
LIKE I TOLD YOU.

MAYBE THINGS
ARE LOOKING UP.

UH, AT LEAST I AM.

THEODORE SCHMIDT
RESIDENCE.

EMMETT,
IT'S LINZ.

OH, HI.
HOW'S TEDDY?

DOING LOTS BETTER.
Lindsay:
That's good.

LISTEN, YOU
REMEMBER THAT
PARTY I TOLD
YOU ABOUT?

AT THE, UH,
ART GALLERY.
OH, HONEY,
YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M SORRY. I
DIDN'T MEAN
TO PUT YOU
ON THE SPOT.

NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO. AS A
MATTER OF FACT,

I'D LIKE TO
TAKE YOU UP
ON YOUR OFFER.

REALLY?

I'M GOING TO
WORK LINZ'S PARTY.

OH-H.
SO DO YOU WANT
ME TO, UM,

POUR THE CAB OR
PARK THE CARS?

OH MY GOD.

OH MY GOD!

OH, THAT'S INCREDIBLE.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

OKAY!
[ Chuckling ]

THAT'S AN AWFUL
LOT OF GRATITUDE

JUST TO SAY "SHRIMPBALL"?
ACTUALLY,

I WON'T BE WAITING
AT THE EVENT...

I'LL BE GIVING IT.

OH-H.

"ORANGE IS THE NEW BLUE"?

WHAT THE FUCK
WAS THAT?

SHE ASKED ME.

WELL, WHO TOLD
YOU TO ANSWER?

I WAS JUST TRYING
TO BE HELPFUL.

AH, BY UNDERCUTTING ME
IN FRONT OF THE CLIENT?

YOUR JOB WAS TO
PUT UP THE BOARDS,

WHICH YOU COULD
BARELY DO,

AND KEEP YOUR
MOUTH SHUT.

I'M SORRY.
IT WON'T
HAPPEN AGAIN.

YOU'RE DAMN
RIGHT IT WON'T.

YOU'RE THROUGH.

ARE YOU
FIRING ME?

YOU WANTED ON-THE-JOB
EXPERIENCE, RIGHT?

LESSON ONE:
YOU FUCK UP,
YOU'RE GONE.

BUT YOU GOT
THE ACCOUNT.

AND SHE GOT
MY BALLS,
THANKS TO YOU.

BRIAN...

MR. KINNEY?

I WOULD APPRECIATE
IT IF YOU'D GIVE
ME A SECOND CHANCE.

I NEVER SHOULD
HAVE GIVEN YOU
THE FIRST ONE.

NOW PACK UP YOUR
SHIT AND GO HOME.

I GUESS I...

SHOULD'VE
EXPECTED THIS.
AFTER ALL,

YOU NEVER WANTED
ME HERE TO
BEGIN WITH,

DIDN'T WANT TO
HAVE TO SEE MY
FACE EVERY DAY

WHEN YOU CAME
IN TO WORK.

ALTHOUGH I GUESS
A PART OF ME

WAS KIND OF HOPING
THAT EVENTUALLY YOU
WOULDN'T MIND IT.

MAYBE YOU'D EVEN
GET USED TO IT.

[ Chuckling ]
YEAH.

I GUESS I WAS WRONG,
TO THINK THAT...

MMM. UH, FUCK IT.

NEVER MIND.
WHAT?

THAT WHEN YOUR LITTLE
ROMANCE WITH PAGANINI
JUNIOR WAS OVER,

YOU COULD COME
RUNNING BACK?

YEAH, SOMETHING
LIKE THAT.

SORRY.
I KNOW.

IT'S STUPID.

ALMOST AS STUPID
AS FALLING FOR
HIS BULLSHIT IN
THE FIRST PLACE.

BUT YOU'RE YOUNG
AND INEXPERIENCED.

WHAT, AND
YOU'RE SO SMART?

IF YOU HAD
ANY FUCKING
BRAINS AT ALL,

YOU NEVER WOULD'VE
LET ME LEAVE.

YOU WOULD'VE
TOLD ME

I WAS MAKING THE BIGGEST
MISTAKE OF MY LIFE,

THAT I WOULD LIVE
TO REGRET IT.

THAT WHAT YOU GAVE ME
WAS WORTH 1,000...

A MILLION TIMES
MORE THAN ANYTHING
HE HAD TO OFFER.

YOU WOULD'VE TOLD ME
THAT YOU LOVED ME.

THAT YOU WOULD GO
ON LOVING ME, EVEN
AFTER I WAS GONE.

IS THAT
WHAT YOU WERE
WAITING TO HEAR?
YES.

BUT AS USUAL,
YOU NEVER
SAID IT,

SO IT'S JUST AS
WELL THAT I GO.

THAT'S SO
LIKE YOU.

YOU DON'T HEAR
WHAT YOU WANT,
SO YOU LEAVE.

TRY STANDING
UP FOR YOURSELF
FOR A CHANGE.

HAVE SOME BALLS.

Boys:
[ Laughing/jeering ]

COME ON, WE'RE
NOT CALLING THE
POLICE, MICHAEL.

BUT I...I DON'T
WANT THEM HANGING
OUT IN FRONT OF
OUR APARTMENT.

WHAT IF ONE OF THEM
HAD A KNIFE, OR A GUN?
YOU COULD'VE BEEN
SERIOUSLY INJURED,

OR EVEN KILLED.
THEY'RE
JUST KIDS.

THEY'RE NOT KIDS.
THEY'RE HUSTLERS.

THEY'RE DRUG
ADDICTS AND
THEY'RE DANGEROUS,

AND NOW THERE'S
ONE IN OUR GOD-
DAMN BATHROOM.

I COULDN'T JUST
LEAVE HIM OUT
ON THE STREET

TO GET THE SHIT
KICKED OUT OF HIM.

WELL, WHAT ARE WE
SUPPOSED TO DO?

I THOUGHT HE
COULD STAY HERE.

WHAT?
FOR JUST
ONE NIGHT.

ARE YOU OUT
OF YOUR MIND?

NOT FOR ONE MINUTE.
NOT FOR ONE SECOND.

COME ON, IT'S CHRISTMAS.

IT IS NOT
CHRISTMAS.

WELL, THEN SHOW A
LITTLE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT,

A LITTLE LOVE TOWARDS
YOUR FELLOW MAN.

WHAT IF HE RIPS US OFF?

OR MURDERS US
IN OUR BEDS?

WHAT IS HE GOING TO
TAKE, THE CD PLAYER?

[ Opening of door ]

OKAY, WHO WANTS
TO FUCK ME FIRST?

THAT'S NOT WHY WE
BROUGHT YOU UP HERE.

WELL... THEN
WHAT DO YOU WANT?

FOR YOU NOT
TO GET KILLED.

BIG LOSS IF I DID.

I'M GOING BACK TO WORK.

Ben:
NOT WITH THAT.

SOMEONE SHOULD PROB-
ABLY LOOK AT IT.

I'LL TRY TO PICK
UP A DOCTOR.

UH-UH. YOU'RE
STAYING HERE
TONIGHT.

ALONE.

NOW PUT THIS ON
AND FOLLOW ME.

[ Sighing ]

Ben:
OKAY...

Boys on street:
WANT A GOOD TIME?

WHATEVER YOU WANT, BUDDY.

Lindsay:
OKAY, THAT'S
TOO HIGH.

NOW THAT'S TOO LOW.

Emmett:
OKAY, GIRLS, LINE UP!

[ Snapping of fingers ]
OOH, THERE'S THE
MAN IN CHARGE.

Emmett:
OKAY...

Lindsay:
I THINK YOU
CAN DO THE SAME
WITH THAT ONE.

ONE, TWO, THREE.

WHO, OR SHOULD
I SAY WHAT, ARE
THOSE PEOPLE?

MR. BLOOM,
I CAN EXPLAIN.
YOU SEE...

Emmett:
HONESTLY!

PUT OUT A CALL
FOR DRAG QUEENS,
NOT DREG QUEENS.

MR. BLOOM, THIS IS
EMMETT HONEYCUTT,

THE NEW EVENT
PLANNER.

HOW DO YOU DO?

UH, MAY I
JUST SAY...

NO, MAY I JUST
SAY THAT I TOOK
A GREAT RISK

IN ENTRUSTING YOU
WITH TONIGHT'S EVENT.

I CERTAINLY HOPE
FOR YOUR SAKE

YOU KNOW
WHAT THE HELL
YOU'RE DOING.

GET OUT OF MY WAY.
OH-H!

DragQueen:
I LOVE A MAN
WHO'S FORCEFUL.
TESTY, ISN'T HE?

OH GOD, EM,
PLEASE TELL ME

EVERYTHING'S GOING
TO BE ALL RIGHT,

AND I HAVE NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT.

EVERYTHING'S GOING
TO BE ALL RIGHT.

YOU HAVE NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT.
GOOD.

[ Shattering of glass ]
[ Gasping ]

OH, DO YOU KNOW
WHAT'S FUNNY?

I REALLY WANTED
TO GET BACK INTO
THE WORLD AND
PROVE MYSELF,

AND NOW, ALL I
WANT TO DO IS BE
HOME WITH GUS,

CHANGING HIS DIAPER.

SAME WITH
ME AND TED.

YEAH, EXCEPT FOR
THE DIAPER THING.

IN FACT, I
CAN'T UNDERSTAND

WHY PEOPLE WOULD
EVER WANT TO LEAVE
THEIR HOUSE.

...WHEN IT'S SO
MUCH SAFER JUST
TO CLOSE THE DOOR.

BUT IF YOU
CLOSE THE DOOR,

NOTHING'LL EVER
HAPPEN, WILL IT?

WELL, YOU'LL
JUST SIT THERE
IN YOUR SAFE
LITTLE ROOM

FOR THE REST
OF YOUR LIFE...

WONDERING WHAT
MIGHT'VE BEEN.

Both:
[ Sighing ]

OKAY, GIRLS,
LET'S, UH... LET'S
SEE WHAT YOU GOT.

Lindsay:
OKAY...

NOW, THAT'S TOO LOW.

THAT'S TOO HIGH.

HE'S STILL ASLEEP.

MUST'VE BEEN EXHAUSTED.

I'M SURE WITH THE
HOURS HE KEEPS.

YOU KNOW, TO...
LOOK AT HIM...

THERE YOU GO.

YOU'D THINK HE WAS
LIKE ANY OTHER TEENAGER.

WELL, HE'S NOT...

AND HE'S NEVER
GOING TO BE.

JESUS, MICHAEL,

WHERE IS YOUR SENSE
OF COMPASSION?

IT'S NOT LIKE YOU
TO BE SO UNCARING.

IT'S BECAUSE
I KNOW WHERE
THIS IS HEADING.

"GEE, MOMMY, CAN
I KEEP POOCHIE?

I'LL WALK HIM.
I'LL FEED HIM.

HE WON'T BE ANY
TROUBLE, I PROMISE!"

WELL, THE ANSWER'S NO.

WE'RE NOT TAKING
IN A STRAY.

DID I ASK YOU TO?

LOOK, I LOVE
HOW GOOD-HEARTED
YOU ARE....

AS LONG AS I
DON'T ACT ON IT.
BUT ONE NIGHT
IS ENOUGH.

SO WE SHOULD JUST
TOSS HIM BACK
ON THE STREET,

LIKE EVERY-
BODY ELSE?
HE DOESN'T EVEN
WANT OUR HELP!

HE'LL BE THE FIRST
TO TELL YOU.
WELL, HE'S WRONG,

BECAUSE THE WAY
HIS LIFE IS GOING,
IT'LL BE OVER
BEFORE HE'S 20.

WHAT TIME IS IT?

IT'S ALMOST NOON.

OH, FUCK! WHY
DIDN'T YOU WAKE ME?

FIGURED YOU COULD
USE THE SLEEP.

WHAT I COULD
USE IS CASH.

A LITTLE EARLY TO OPEN
UP SHOP, ISN'T IT?

LUNCH HOUR'S ONE
OF MY BUSIEST TIMES.

ALL THE MARRIED
BUSINESSMEN.

OKAY, AT, UH, LEAST
HAVE SOMETHING TO
EAT BEFORE YOU GO.

YEAH, YOU
CAN'T EXPECT

TO DO YOUR BEST WORK
ON AN EMPTY STOMACH.

LISTEN, IF YOU
NEED SOMETHING,

OR YOU JUST
WANT TO TALK...

HERE'S
OUR NUMBER.

[ Sighing ]

AND, UH...

PUT THIS
SOMEPLACE SAFE,

IN CASE OF
AN EMERGENCY.

[ Closing of door ]

WE DID MORE FOR HIM
THAN MOST PEOPLE.

WHAT WE DID WAS BUY
OFF OUR CONSCIENCE
FOR 100 BUCKS...

HALF THE PRICE
OF FUCKING HIM
WITHOUT A CONDOM.

Drag Queen:
HM-MM, YES I AM
A NATURAL BLONDE.

Man:
HA-HA, YES,
IT'S WONDERFUL.

THANKS...

TRY ONE OF
THESE, MONSIEUR.

OH, NO, NO,
I COULDN'T.

SURE YOU CANCAN.
[ Chuckling ]

[ Laughing ]

THIS IS AMAZING!

I CANNOT BELIEVE
WHAT EMMETT
ACCOMPLISHED.

WELL, HE'S
BEEN WORKING
LIKE A DOG.

I MEAN,
UN CHIEN.

WE'VE NEVER HAD AN
OPENING LIKE THIS.

MY CLIENTS
ARE RAVING,

AND I HAVE
YOU TO THANK.

SO HOW MUCH IS IT
GOING TO COST ME?

YOU'LL BE
HAPPY TO KNOW

THAT EMMETT
IS VERY
RESOURCEFUL.

MMM, THEN BOOK HIM
FOR THE SURREALIST
SHOW IN JUNE...

[ Mixed chatter ]

BUT HURRY. IT
LOOKS LIKE HE'S
GOING TO BE BUSY.

EXCUSE ME.

I FEEL LIKE
THE TOWN SLUT
ON PROM NIGHT...

AGAIN!

[ Chortling ]

LOOK AT ALL
THESE CARDS.
WOW.

I'M PROUD
OF YOU, EM.

OH, THANKS, BABY.
CAREFUL ON
THE BACK.

OH, SORRY.

SO, UM, WHAT
DO YOU THINK?

SHOULD WE
BRING OUT
THE PASTRIES?

YOU'RE THE
PLANNER.

WELL, THEN I
SAY, FOLLOW ME.

TROOPS, IT'S TIME
THOSE NAPOLEONS
MET THEIR WATERLOO!

I'LL BE
RIGHT BACK.
OKAY.

IT'S FUNNY.
USUALLY WHEN WE
GO TO THESE EVENTS,

IT'S FOR MY
BUSINESS AND...

AND LINDSAY'S
THERE TO
SUPPORT ME,

BUT TONIGHT,
I'M THE WIFE.

YEAH.

GUESS I AM TOO.

Boys:
[ Mixed chatter/shouts ]

Various:
CHECK ME OUT, MAN.

COME ON, I THOUGHT
YOU WANTED A HARD ASS.

HEY, COME ON BACK HERE.

I'VE GOT WHAT YOU WANT.

Various:
YOU WANNA PLAY?

Michael:
BEN?

Various:
LONELY?

WANNA HAVE SOME FUN?

YOU GOTTA PAY.

HEY, DADDY, COME HERE...

I MASHED UP SOME
FRESH GARLIC IN
THE POTATOES.

OH, SMELLS GREAT.

Various:
[ Jeering/laughing ]

HEY, NO DISEASE.
I'M CLEAN.

DADDY, YOU WANT A NICE
TIGHT ASS? HEY, SEXY...

[ Knocking ]

MR. KINNEY?

TAYLOR.

COME IN.

SIT DOWN.

YOU WANTED TO SEE ME?

I GAVE IT SOME THOUGHT.

I DECIDED YOU SHOULD
TAKE ME BACK.

OH?

EVEN THOUGH I HAVE
MADE A FEW MISTAKES,

I THINK YOU'D BE MAKING
AN EVEN BIGGER ONE

NOT TO GIVE ME
A SECOND CHANCE...

I SEE.

'CAUSE I NOW UNDER-
STAND WHAT IT IS
YOU WANT OF ME...

AND I KNOW WHAT I
CAN EXPECT FROM YOU.

YOU ALSO UNDERSTAND
THAT YOU'LL BE REQUIRED

TO WORK LONG, HARD HOURS,

SOMETIMES DEEP
INTO THE NIGHT?

IT'LL BE A PLEASURE
TO WORK UNDER YOU, SIR.

AND YOU'RE NEVER...

TO PLAY VIOLIN MUSIC
IN MY PRESENCE AGAIN.

I PROMISE.

GOOD.

WELL, THEN...

YOU CAN... START...
IMMEDIATELY.

♪ ALL THESE PEOPLE
DRINKING LOVER'S SPIT ♪

♪ THEY SIT AROUND AND
CLEAN THEIR FACE WITH IT ♪

♪ AND THEY LISTEN TO TEETH
TO LEARN HOW TO QUIT ♪

♪ TIED TO A NIGHT
THEY NEVER MET ♪

♪ YOU KNOW IT'S TIME ♪

♪ THAT WE GROW OLD ♪

♪ AND DO SOME SHIT ♪

♪ I LIKE IT ALL THAT WAY ♪

♪ I LIKE IT ALL THAT WAY ♪

♪ ALL THESE PEOPLE
DRINKING LOVER'S SPIT ♪

♪ SWALLOWING WORDS
WHILE GIVING HEAD ♪

♪ THEY LISTEN TO TEETH
TO LEARN HOW TO QUIT ♪

♪ TAKE SOME HANDS
AND GET USED TO IT ♪

♪ ALL THESE PEOPLE
DRINKING LOVER'S SPIT ♪

♪ THEY SIT AROUND AND
CLEAN THEIR FACE WITH IT ♪

♪ YOU KNOW IT'S TIME ♪

♪ THAT WE ♪

♪ GROW OLD ♪

MOO!
♪ AND DO SOME SHIT ♪

♪ I LIKE IT ALL THAT WAY ♪

♪ I LIKE IT ALL THAT WAY ♪