Queer as Folk (2000–2005): Season 3, Episode 14 - The Election - full transcript

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR,

ONE, TWO, THREE,
FOUR, FIVE, SIX.

SHAKE IT, DUDE.

[ *** ]

[ *** ]

* YOU'RE FLYING HIGH... *

HI THERE.

SHE THINKS
SHE'S SO HOT.

NOT AS HOT
AS YOU.
AW-W.

* SUN IN THE SKY *

* YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL *



* OOH, DRIFTING ON BY *

* YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL *

* IT'S A NEW DAWN
IT'S A NEW DAY *

* IT'S A NEW LIFE *

* FOR ME *

* AND I'M FEELING GOOD *

[ *** ]

THIS USED
TO BE SUCH A
MAGICAL KINGDOM,

FULL OF SPRITES
AND FAIRIES.

NOW, IT'S
LIKE WATCHING
"THE WIZARD OF OZ"
IN REVERSE.

COPS IN THE
STREETS, COPS
IN THE BARS,

COPS IN
THE CLUBS.

IT'S FUCKING
DEPRESSING.

UNLESS YOU'RE
INTO COPS.



[ *** ]

Debbie:
WHAT'RE YOU
TWO DOING?

WHAT DOES IT
LOOK LIKE
WE'RE DOING?

WE'RE
COP-ULATING.

THIS IS NO
LAUGHING MAT-
TER. COME ON.

THIS STREET'S
A SHADOW OF
ITS FORMER SELF.

STOP STOCKWELL.

I THINK
HE'S HOT.

I'D DO HIM
ANY DAY.
[ Chuckling ]

JESUS. WHAT DO
YOU HAVE TO DO
TO GET THROUGH
TO THESE GUYS?

SHOVE UP A STICK
OF DYNAMITE
UP THEIR COL-
LECTIVE ASS?

HOLLER "BLOODY
MURDER"?

THAT'S WHAT
WE'VE BEEN
TRYING TO DO.

THANKS.

STOP... STOP
STOCKWELL.

YOU WANT TO
LEND A HAND?
Justin:
STOP STOCKWELL.

IT'S GOING
TO TAKE MORE
THAN THAT.

Justin:
STOP STOCKWELL.

Man:
NOT INTERESTED.
STOP STOCKWELL!

YOU GOT IT?
YEAH.

Michael:
OH-H, HOW DO YOU
STOP THIS THING?
[ Chuckling ]

Ben:
SO LISTEN, I'VE
GOT CLASSES
TILL 5:00.

COMING HOME
AFTER SCHOOL?

FIRST I'VE GOT
BAND PRACTICE,

THEN SUZY AND I
ARE STUDYING FOR
THE CHEM FINAL.

WHO'S SUZY?
CAN'T YOU TELL HE'S
BULLSHITTING US?

SURE. SO WHERE
ARE YOU GOING?

TO HANG WITH MY FRIENDS,

IF IT'S ALL
RIGHT WITH YOU.

I TOLD THEM I'M
LIVING WITH
TWO OLD QUEENS

WHO PAY ME
FIVE Cs A DAY TO
WALK AROUND NAKED.

YEAH, I'M...
ALWAYS BULL-
SHITTING US.

ACTUALLY,
THAT'S
THE TRUTH.

THEY'RE JEALOUS
AS HELL THINKING
I GOT THIS
CUSHY GIG,

WHILE THEY'RE
OUT TRYING TO
ROLL A STOCKBROKER
FOR LUNCH MONEY.

YEAH, WELL...

TRY AND REMEMBER,
DINNER'S AT 7:00.

BEN'S MAKING
HIS TOFU
STIR-FRY.

[ Scoffing ]
MORE FUCKING
HEALTH FOOD?

ALL RIGHTY.

LOOK, I'M
SHOWING.

AND IT'S SEXY
AS HELL.

OH, YOU THINK SO?

MM-HMM.

YOU SAID I WAS
SEXY WHEN I WAS
CARRYING GUS.
HMM.

OR WAS THAT
TO MAKE ME
FEEL BETTER

BECAUSE I LOOKED
LIKE A WHALE?

THERE'S SOME-
THING ABOUT A
PREGNANT WOMAN.

THAT GLOW.

FOR ME, THAT
GLOW WAS
NAUSEA.

HMM, ME TOO...

AND YET I CRAVE
PIZZA WITH
PEPPERONI AND
PINEAPPLE.

WELL, THAT'S
WHAT I CALL
FAST DELIVERY.

SORRY. IT'S
NOT A PIZZA.

IT'S A BLANKET
FOR THE BABY.

I GOT IT AT THIS
ANTIQUE STORE
NEAR THE GALLERY.

YEAH, GET THIS
OUT OF HERE.

HUH?
PLEASE.

W-WHAT'S
THE MATTER?

DON'T YOU KNOW
IT'S BAD LUCK
TO BUY SOMETHING

FOR A BABY
BEFORE IT'S BORN?

WELL, HOW WAS I
TO KNOW IT WAS
A JEWISH CUSTOM?

I'M JUST A
POOR SHIKSA.

LOOK, I'M SORRY,
BUT YOU HAVE TO
TAKE IT BACK.

ALL RIGHT, ALL
RIGHT, I'LL
RETURN IT ON
MY WAY TO WORK.

EM, YOU'RE
UP EARLY.

HMM, COULDN'T
SLEEP,

THOUGHT I'D
COME DOWNSTAIRS,
PICK UP A BOOK.

"PSYCHOLOGY OF
THE VAGINA"?

YEAH, IT'S ALWAYS BEEN
ON MY MUST-READ LIST.

[ Ringing of cell phone ]

OH, THAT'S MINE.

VIC, HI.

YEAH, I'M, UM...

[ Clearing of throat ]
I'M FEELING A LITTLE
UNDER THE WEATHER.

DO YOU THINK YOU
COULD MEET WITH
THE, UH, THE
HILLIARD-FORDE'S

TO GO OVER THE PLANS
FOR THEIR WILD
WEST ANNIVERSARY?

THANKS EVER SO.

THEY WANT TO RENEW
THEIR WEDDING VOWS...

ON HORSEBACK.

EMMETT,

SWEETIE, YOU
CAN TELL ME

IT'S NONE OF MY
BUSINESS AND
TO BUTT OUT...

BUT IF TED WANTS
TO DESTROY HIMSELF,

THAT'S HIS CHOICE.

DON'T LET HIM
DESTROY YOU TOO.

LINDSAY,
SWEETIE...

IT'S NONE OF
YOUR BUSINESS...

SO BUTT OUT.

[ Sighing ]

SORRY.

IT'S JUST...
HE'S MY PARTNER.

YOU KNOW, MY PAL.

IF ANYONE CAN
UNDERSTAND THAT,
YOU TWO CAN.

YEAH, BUT STILL,
YOU GOT TO BE TOUGH.

TOUGH, HMM.

THAT'S WHAT MY
DADDY USED TO SAY.

HE EVEN BOUGHT
ME BOXING GLOVES

TO TEACH ME TO BE A MAN.

HMM. I LOVE BOXING.

OF COURSE YOU DO.

I GLUED RHINE-
STONES ON THEM.

OF COURSE YOU DID.

Lindsay:
WELL, WOULDN'T
YOUR DADDY
BE SURPRISED

TO SEE THE MAN
YOU'VE BECOME.

I GOT TO HAND
IT TO YOU, BRIAN.

NOT MANY PEOPLE
WHO JUST GOT FIRED

WOULD GO OUT
AND SPEND $5,000

ON A NEW LIQUID
TELEVISION.

WELL, WHAT BETTER
USE OF MY FREE
TIME THAN TO SHOP?

[ *** on TV ]

I'M JIM STOCKWELL,
POLICE CHIEF

AND COACH OF MY SON'S
BASKETBALL TEAM...

[ Snorting ]

WHAT A
COINCIDENCE.

THE FIRST FUCKING
THING YOU SEE

ON YOUR BRAND
NEW 99-INCH
HOME ENTERTAIN-
MENT SYSTEM

IS STOCKWELL...

IN ONE OF
YOUR FUCKING
COMMERCIALS.

IT'S NOT A
COINCIDENCE.

THEY'RE RUNNING
THESE SPOTS ON
EVERY LOCAL STATION.

I SHOULD KNOW.

I BOUGHT THE
AIR-TIME MYSELF.

Justin:
NOW HIS HIGH-
DEFINITION GHOST

HAS COME BACK
TO HAUNT YOU.

IT'S VERY
DICKENSIAN.

HEY.

MAYBE THIS'LL
CHEER YOU UP.

WHAT THE
FUCK IS THAT?

IT'S A NEW
VILLAIN I'M
WORKING ON
FOR "RAGE".

HIS NAME'S
RAZORBACK.

HE'S ACTUALLY
A SWINE.
YEAH, I NOTICED.

YES, BUT THANKS
TO A RUTHLESS
ADVERTISING
EXECUTIVE,

HE CAN APPEAR
IN CLOSE-TO-
HUMAN FORM

AND HE'S RUNNING
FOR MAYOR OF
GAYOPOLIS.

OH, I MARVEL AT
HOW YOU COME UP
WITH THESE IDEAS.

MM-HMM.

HE'S ALREADY
MESMERIZED
ALMOST EVERYONE

INTO VOTING
FOR HIM,

BUT WHAT THEY
DON'T KNOW IS,

HE GOING TO SEND
THEM TO THE
SLAUGHTERHOUSE.

HOLY PORK CHOP.

MM-HMM.

SO RAGE HAS TO
USE HIS POWER
OF MIND CONTROL

TO EXPOSE
RAZORBACK'S
VILLAINY

AND BRING EVERYONE
TO THEIR SENSES

BEFORE IT'S
TOO LATE.
YEAH.

THAT'S SOME STORY.
MM-HMM.

IF ONLY THERE
WERE A REAL RAGE

TO CHANGE
EVERYONE'S MIND.

Stockwell:
...YOU CAN BE SURE,
AND AS A CRIME FIGHTER

AND A PARENT IS...

IF YOU SAY IT, MEAN IT.

RIGHT, BOYS?

Boys:
RIGHT, DAD.

I'VE GOT EXACTLY
43 MINUTES

BEFORE I HAVE TO
GET BACK FOR CLASS.
OKAY.

[ Loud kissing ]

ARE YOU SURE
WE WON'T BE
DISTURBED?

AH, I CALLED
HUNTER'S SCHOOL
AND...

MMM, MMM.

AND HE IS IN
SPANISH LAB
AS WE SPEAK.

HOLA.
[ Chuckling ]

[ Knocking on door ]

[ Groans of
frustration ]

BIBLES OR BEAUTY
PRODUCTS?

EXCUSE ME?

TIME-SHARE IN TAMPA?

UH, NO, UH,
ACTUALLY,

I'M LOOKING FOR
BENJAMIN BRUCKNER?

HEY, I'M BEN.
HI.

[ Whispering ]
DON'T LET HER
SELL YOU SOMETHING

FOR ERECTILE
DYSFUNCTION. YOU
DON'T NEED IT.
SHH.

I HOPE I'M NOT
INTERRUPTING
ANYTHING.

UH... NO.

UM, THE PRINCIPAL'S
OFFICE AT THE
HIGH SCHOOL GAVE
ME YOUR ADDRESS.

UH, IS SOME-
THING WRONG
WITH HUNTER?

HUNTER?

YOU... YOU
MEAN JIMMY?

IS THAT WHAT
HE CALLS HIMSELF
THESE DAYS?

I'M RITA MONTGOMERY.
I'M HIS MOM.

HE TOLD YOU THAT
I WAS IN PRISON?

FOR KILLING HIS FATHER.

OH MY GOD...

I CAN'T IMAGINE
WHY HE WOULD
SAY SOMETHING
LIKE THAT.

UH, ALTHOUGH I HAVE
TO CONFESS, I DID
THINK OF IT ON
SEVERAL OCCASIONS.

YOU KNOW, HE
CHEATED ON
ME AND...

HE LEFT ME WITH
A CHILD AND
WITHOUT A CENT.

I COULD BARELY
TAKE CARE
OF MYSELF.

I MEAN, THAT'S WHY
I HAD TO LET HIM
GO TO A FOSTER HOME.

Ben:
AH, I CAN IMAGINE
HOW DIFFICULT
THAT MUST'VE BEEN.

YEAH.

I CALLED SOCIAL
SERVICES ABOUT
A YEAR AGO

TO TRY AND FIND
HIM, AND THEY
TOLD ME THAT HE
HAD RUN AWAY...

AND I'VE BEEN
LOOKING FOR
HIM EVER SINCE.

Michael:
NOW YOU'VE
FOUND HIM.

YEAH.

I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW
HOW HE'S SURVIVED ALL
THIS TIME ON HIS OWN.

HE WAS IN PRETTY
BAD SHAPE.

Michael:
YEAH, UM...

SO WE TOOK HIM IN.

YOU TWO ARE ANGELS.

NO, THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE.

[ Clearing
of throat ]

SO DO YOU INTEND
TO STAY IN TOUCH?

NO, I... I INTEND
TO DO MORE THAN
THAT. I...

NOW THAT I
HAVE A JOB AND
AN APARTMENT,

I WANT HIM TO COME
AND LIVE WITH ME.

AND OF COURSE,
I KNOW IT WON'T
BE EASY AND...

I'M SURE HE'S
VERY ANGRY,

BUT I INTEND TO
MAKE IT UP TO HIM.

[ Office hubbub ]

IT'S AN INTERESTING TAPE...

BUT WHAT I WOULD
LIKE TO KNOW

IS WHY YOU
BROUGHT IT
TO US,

CONSIDERING YOUR
FORMER POSITION
IN JIM STOCKWELL'S
CAMPAIGN.

I'VE ALWAYS
HAD A DEEP AND
ABIDING REGARD
FOR THE TRUTH,

ESPECIALLY WHERE
POLITICIANS
ARE CONCERNED.

I REALIZE IF
THIS WERE SHOWN,

IT COULD SERIOUSLY DAMAGE
MY OPPONENT'S POSITION.

IT MIGHT EVEN
LEAD TO A CRIMINAL
INVESTIGATION.

OR IT MIGHT ALSO
LOOK LIKE LAST-
MINUTE DESPERATION,

NOT TO MENTION
DAMAGE MY REPUTATION
IF IT ISN'T TRUE.

COUNCILMAN...
NO, MR. KINNEY,

I'M SORRY. I'VE
RUN A CLEAN
CAMPAIGN.

REGARDLESS OF
THE OUTCOME, I
INTEND TO KEEP
IT THAT WAY.

WELL...

YOU KNOW, STOCKWELL
MAY BE A DICK,

BUT AT LEAST
HE'S NOT A PUSSY.

WITH ONLY A FEW DAYS TO
GO BEFORE THE ELECTION,

POLICE CHIEF JIM STOCKWELL

IS MAINTAINING A SLIGHT
ADVANTAGE IN THE POLLS.

HOWEVER, THE GAP BETWEEN
THE TWO CANDIDATES IS
STARTING TO NARROW.

Man: [ On TV ]
BE SURE AND STAY
TUNED TO OUR...

HEY! I THOUGHT YOU
WERE TAKING A NAP.

WHO'S GOT TIME TO NAP?

I'VE GOT CLIENTS
TO CORRAL,

CONCEPTS TO CONCEIVE,

CELEBRATIONS
TO CREATE. HUH.

MAGIC DOESN'T HAPPEN
BY MAGIC, YOU KNOW.

THAT'S THE
SPIRIT, EM.

YEAH, WELL,

I CAN'T LET TED
DRAG ME DOWN.

I GOT NO CHOICE
BUT TO GO ON.

[ Sighing ]
[ Ringing of doorbell ]

HMM.

HEY, MEL.

HELLO, TED.

[ Clearing
of throat ]

SORRY IF I
CAME AT A BAD
TIME. I GUESS I
SHOULD'VE CALLED.

WHEN MICHAEL
TOLD ME YOU WERE
HERE, I COULDN'T
BELIEVE IT.

YEAH, MEL AND I
KISSED AND MADE UP.

WELL, WE DIDN'T
ACTUALLY KISS.

THEN LIFE WITH
THE LESBIANS

ISN'T AS HORRIFYING
AS ONE MIGHT EXPECT?

LOOK...

WHY DON'T YOU
PACK YOUR THINGS
AND COME HOME?

I DON'T THINK
THAT'S A VERY
GOOD IDEA.

[ Sigh ]

I KNOW. I BEHAVED
ABYSMALLY.

THERE'S NO
EXCUSE...

BUT YOU'RE STILL
MY FRIEND...

MY LOVER.

HUMPH. "LOVER".

HOW I USED TO
LOVE THAT WORD.

USED TO?

HUH.

THEN I GUESS I
BETTER REMIND YOU.

YOU REMEMBER NOW?

YOU'RE STILL A
GREAT KISSER,
TED SCHMIDT.

[ Clattering ]

TIME FOR GUS'S BATH.

LOOK, I'LL
STOP USING,
EM. I PROMISE.

YOU PROMISED
BEFORE.
I MEAN IT
THIS TIME.

YOU MEANT
IT BEFORE.
BUT I GIVE
YOU MY WORD,

I SWEAR...
YEAH, TEDDY, DON'T.

DON'T WHAT?

DON'T SAY WHATEVER
IT IS YOU THINK
I WANT TO HEAR

TO GET ME
TO COME BACK,

BECAUSE I DON'T
BELIEVE YOU.

I DON'T EVEN
THINK YOU
BELIEVE YOURSELF.

SO YOU DON'T
TRUST ME?

WELL, HAVE YOU
GIVEN ME ANY
REASON TO?

Y... UH...
YOU'RE AN ADDICT.

I'M NOT AN ADDICT.

I'M SORRY,
SWEETIE, BUT
IT'S TRUE.

THAT'S WHAT
YOU ARE.

AND I-IF THAT'S
WHAT YOU WANT
TO BE, FINE,

I CAN'T STOP YOU,

BUT I SURE AS
HELL AM NOT GOING
TO JOIN YOU.

[ Snorting ]

WELL, SOMEONE'S
BEEN TALKING TO YOU.

WELL... THEY
TURNED YOU AGAINST
ME, DIDN'T THEY?

NO, TEDDY. NO
ONE TURNED ME
AGAINST YOU...

EXCEPT YOU.

LOOK...

I HOPE YOU'LL
GET SOME HELP.

I DON'T NEED
ANY HELP, OKAY?

AND I DON'T NEED
YOU TELLING ME WHAT
THE FUCK TO DO.

[ Slamming of door ]

[ *** ]

DON'T FORGET
TO VOTE,
OKAY, GUYS?

DON'T FORGET
TO VOTE.

DON'T FORGET...

SUNSHINE, YOU'RE
SUPPOSED TO BE
OUT FRONT, PASSING
THOSE AROUND.

I FOUND A BETTER
USE FOR THEM.

WHAT THE FUCK
KIND OF ATTI-
TUDE IS THAT?

REALISTIC.

THE KID'S
RIGHT.

IF YOU'RE COUNTING
ON THIS GROUP OF
APATHETIC APES,
COUNT AGAIN.

WELL AS FAR AS
I'M CONCERNED,
IT AIN'T OVER

UNTIL THE SLIGHTLY-
OVERWEIGHT-BUT-
STILL-WORKING-ON-
IT LADY SINGS.

DON'T FORGET
TO VOTE.

DON'T FORGET
TO VOTE, GUYS.

WHATEVER.
TAKE THOSE.

DON'T...

WHAT THE HELL'D THEY
DO? PUT A SIGN OVER
THE FRONT DOOR:

"ABANDON ALL HOPE,
YE WHO ENTER HERE"?

HUNTER'S MOM
SHOWED UP TODAY
WHEN HE WAS
AT SCHOOL.

SHE'S PLANNING
TO TAKE HIM BACK.

Michael:
EVEN THOUGH SHE KNOWS
NOTHING ABOUT HIM

OR HOW HE'S
BEEN SUPPORTING
HIMSELF...

OR THAT HE'S
POSITIVE.

I UNDERSTAND,
SWEETHEART,

AND YOU'VE
DONE A LOT
FOR THAT KID,

BUT SHE'S STILL
HIS MOTHER.

AS MUCH AS
YOU AND BEN
CARE ABOUT HIM,

NOTHING CAN
REPLACE A
MOTHER'S LOVE.

Debbie:
DON'T FORGET
TO VOTE.

YO, TURN IT ON.

TURN WHAT ON?
THE FUCKING
TELEVISION.

Announcer:
...TO BE THE BEST-
LOOKING, HARDEST-WORKING

TRUCK ON THE ROAD TODAY.
WHAT?

Man: [ On TV ]
ON APRIL 11, 2002,

JASON KEMP, AGE
19, WAS MURDERED,

HIS BODY LEFT
IN A DUMPSTER.

LESS THAN A MONTH AFTER
JASON KEMP'S MURDER,

POLICE CHIEF STOCKWELL
SUSPENDS THE INVESTIGATION,

CITING LACK OF EVIDENCE.

FIVE DAYS LATER,
CHIEF STOCKWELL'S
FORMER PARTNER

SERGEANT KENNETH RIKERT,
UNEXPECTEDLY RESIGNS
FROM THE FORCE.

ONE YEAR LATER,
DNA TESTING LINKS
KENNETH RIKERT

TO JASON KEMP ON THE
NIGHT HE WAS MURDERED.

THE NEXT DAY, POLICE
SERGEANT KENNETH RIKERT
COMMITS SUICIDE.

Man:
OH MY GOD!

BEFORE YOU ELECT
JIM STOCKWELL MAYOR,

AREN'T THERE SOME
QUESTIONS YOU'D
LIKE ANSWERED?

THIS POLITICAL AD-
VERTISEMENT PAID FOR

BY "CONCERNED CITIZENS
FOR THE TRUTH."

Commercial announcer:
IS THIS YOUR TOWN...

[ Mixed reactions ]

OH MY GOD!
OH, I...

JESUS CHRIST.

[ *** ]

[ Sighs of pleasure ]

[ *** ]

* ABANDONED MY VESSEL *

* ASLEEP WHILE I
WRESTLE WITH BLUE *

[ *** ]

* POPSICLE SUMMER *

* I SNIFF TILL
I'M DUMBER THAN YOU *

[ *** ]

* SHOWING OFF FOR SUSAN *

* SKIN KNEE AND
BRUISES FOR DAYS *

[ *** ]

* WHILE I'M ON
THE CURB... *

YOU KNOW WHAT
I'D LOVE?

NO, WHAT WOULD
YOU LOVE?

TO MASSAGE YOUR
BELLY WITH OIL.

MMM.

ESSENCE OF
VANILLA,
MMM.

ORANGE...
MMM.

AND ROSEMARY.
MMM.

[ Chuckling ]

I'M AFRAID
THE ONLY OIL
WE HAVE IS ES-
SENCE OF OLIVE.

THAT'S WHERE
YOU'RE WRONG.

I PURCHASED THE
SAID DELIGHT
THIS MORNING.

OH, AREN'T YOU CLEVER.
MM-HMM.

WHERE IS IT?

IN THE BOTTOM
DRAWER.

OH, I'LL GET IT.

Lindsay:
[ Gasping ]
OH, WAIT, NO.

WHAT IS THIS?

I SUPPOSE THERE'S NO
POINT IN USING THE
LEFT-OVER PIZZA EXCUSE.

YOU TOLD ME YOU'D
TAKE IT BACK.

WELL, THE ANTIQUE
STORE WAS CLOSED.

YOU KNOW THE CRAZY
HOURS THOSE SHOPS KEEP.

NO, I DON'T WANT IT HERE.

IT'S JUST A SUPERSTITION.

NO, IT'S NOT
A SUPERSTITION.

WHEN I WAS ABOUT
FIVE OR SIX,

MY MOM AND DAD TOLD ME

THAT I WAS GOING TO
HAVE A NEW LITTLE
BROTHER OR SISTER.

I REMEMBER THEM FIX-
ING UP THE NURSERY,

BUYING LITTLE
STUFFED ANIMALS.

MY MOTHER MISCARRIED
IN HER 11th WEEK,

RIGHT BEFORE HER
SECOND TRIMESTER.

YOU NEVER TOLD ME.

YEAH, WELL, SHE
WAS DEPRESSED
FOR YEARS.

BLAMED HERSELF,
SAID IT WAS PRIDE,

THINKING THAT THE
CREATION OF LIFE

WAS UP TO THEM, NOT GOD.

WELL, NOW I'M
IN MY 11th WEEK.

IN A FEW DAYS, I'LL REACH
MY SECOND TRIMESTER.

WHAT IF THE SAME
THING HAPPENS TO ME?

"CONCERNED CITIZENS
FOR TRUTH"?

WHO THE FUCK
ARE THEY?

A BUNCH
OF LUNATICS.

A BUNCH OF
LUNATICS
WITH MONEY.

THAT COMMERCIAL
MUST HAVE COST
THEM A FORTUNE.

YEAH, FIVE THOU
EVERY TIME
THEY RUN IT...

AND THEY'LL BE
RUNNING IT EVERY
HOUR, UP UNTIL
THE ELECTION.

[ *** ]

Brian:
IF IT ISN'T THE
WIDOW SCHMIDT.

FIRE ENGINE
RED MUST BE
THE NEW BLACK.

I'D APPRECIATE IT
IF YOU'D SPARE ME
THE SEARING WIT.

I'VE BEEN BURNED
ENOUGH ALREADY.

HOW ABOUT
A COSMO?

NOW THAT I... I
WOULD APPRECIATE.

COME ON.

YOU WANT
TO DANCE?

UNLESS YOUR
CARD'S FULL.

AS A MATTER
OF FACT,
IT'S EMPTY.

HUH.

[ *** ]

YOU KNOW, WE'VE
NEVER DONE
THIS BEFORE.

IT'S A SHAME.

WE MAKE SUCH A
LOVELY COUPLE.

WE'RE BOTH... TALL.

SO WHY NOW?

THOUGHT YOU MIGHT
ENJOY BEING THE
CENTRE OF ATTENTION.

[ Laughing ]
HOW DO YOU
FIGURE THAT?

YOU'RE WITH ME.

YOU'RE UNBELIEVABLE.

I KNOW.

[ *** ]

AND YOU ALSO
NEED TO MOVE ON.

I HAVE.

THEN FORGET
ABOUT HIM.

HE'S DEAD.

HE'S NOT DEAD.

WELL, HE WILL
BE SOON ENOUGH.

BUT THAT'S
HIS PROBLEM...

KEEP DANCING.

[ *** ]

I DON'T KNOW
HOW YOU DO IT.

IT'S EASY.

JUST PUT ONE
FOOT IN FRONT
OF THE OTHER.

I MEAN, BE
SO HEARTLESS.

WELL, IT TAKES
A LITTLE PRACTICE,

BUT EVENTUALLY
YOU GET THE KNACK.

WELL, I COULD
NEVER BE
LIKE THAT.

SURE YOU COULD.

WELL, THEN GO
BACK TO HIM,

SHOW HIM HOW
MUCH YOU CARE...

AND LET HIM KILL YOU TOO.

[ *** ]

* LISTEN UP *

* PUT YOUR
HEARTACHE DOWN *

* SOONER OR LATER *

* YOU'LL COME AROUND *

* SO UP TIGHT *

* SHAKE IT UP *

[ *** ]

* TIGHT *

[ *** ]

* YOU'RE UP TIGHT *

[ *** ]

* TIGHT *

[ *** ]

* UP, UP, UP,
UP, UP, UP *

[ *** ]

* UP, UP, UP,
UP, UP, UP *

[ *** ]

I'M GOING TO HAVE
BABIES AND TAKE
CARE OF THEM

AND GIVE THEM
COD LIVER OIL AND WATCH
THEIR TEETH GROW AND...

AND IF I EVER SEE
ONE OF THEM LOOK AT
A NEWSPAPER AGAIN...

I THOUGHT TO-
NIGHT INSTEAD
OF, UH, HAVING
DINNER AT HOME,

MAYBE WE COULD
GO TO THE
SHANGHAI PALACE

AND GORGE OUR-
SELVES ON THE
NINE-COURSE FEAST,

AND THEN AFTERWARDS
MAYBE WE COULD
GO SEE THE NEW
JACKIE CHAN MOVIE.

THINK HUNTER
WOULD ENJOY THAT?

MICHAEL.

WHAT?

WE HAVE TO
TELL HIM.

I KNOW.

HEY, PAL.

WHERE YOU BEEN?

PICKING UP
SUNDAY BRUNCH.

[ Clearing
of throat ]
WANT ONE?

HUH!

YEAH, I WANT ALL OF THEM,

BUT I'LL REFRAIN.

LISTEN, WE'VE GOT
SOME NEWS WE'VE BEEN
MEANING TO TELL YOU.

WE'VE JUST BEEN
WAITING FOR
THE RIGHT TIME.

RIGHT, MICHAEL?

YEAH, WELL,
I GUESS THIS
IS IT.

WHAT?

YOU HAD A VISITOR
THE OTHER DAY.

WHAT KIND OF VISITOR?

SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO
SEE YOU VERY MUCH.

HUNTER, YOUR
MOM WAS HERE.

FUCK! HOW DID
SHE FIND ME?

WELL, THE
SCHOOL GAVE HER
OUR ADDRESS,

SHE CAME TO
SEE US AND...

Hunter:
SHIT!

Ben:
HEY! WHOA, HEY!

[ Fast chatter on TV ]

[ Blaring of car horn ]
[ Squealing of tires ]

HUNTER!

HUNTER!

CHRIST,
JESUS CHRIST,
YOU RUN FAST.

[ Grunting ]

WHAT THE FUCK
ARE YOU DOING?

WHAT'S IT LOOK
LIKE? GETTING AS
FAR AWAY FROM HERE
AND HER AS I CAN.

LISTEN TO ME. SHE SAID
SHE FEELS TERRIBLE
ABOUT GIVING YOU AWAY.

SHE'S A LIAR.
DON'T BELIEVE
A FUCKING WORD.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO
SAID SHE WAS IN JAIL

FOR KILLING YOUR FATHER.

EXCUSE ME, SHE
ONLY STABBED HIM.

SHE WANTS TO MAKE
IT UP TO YOU.

WHY DON'T YOU
JUST TALK TO HER?

GIVE HER A CHANCE.

I'LL NEVER GO WITH HER.

HEY, TAKE IT
EASY, TAKE
IT EASY.

DON'T! GET OFF ME!

HEY.

I-I KNOW WHY SHE
WANTS ME BACK.

TO SUPPLEMENT
HER INCOME.

"COME ON, JIMMY.
YOU LIVE HERE TOO.

GOTTA PULL YOUR
OWN WEIGHT.

WE ALL NEED
TO WORK."

DOING WHAT?

HUNTER...

IT'S ALL RIGHT.
YOU CAN TELL US.

"YOU LIKE
YOUNG DICK?

FOR 50, Y-YOU
CAN SUCK IT.

FOR 100, I'LL
LET YOU FUCK ME."

YOU THINK I'M
BULLSHITTING?

FUCK YOU TOO!

HUNTER, WAIT,
WAIT, WAIT.

WE BELIEVE YOU.

THERE'S
NO WAY...

WE'RE GOING
TO LET YOU
GO WITH HER.

THAT'S A
PROMISE, OKAY?

OKAY?

BRIAN, WHY'RE YOU...

WHY'RE YOU GET-
TING RID OF
YOUR NAKED
GUY PAINTING?

AND YOUR
ITALIA MODA SOFA?

AND YOUR
MIES VAN DER ROHE
TABLE?

I THOUGHT I'D
REDECORATE.

SOMETHING
MINIMAL.

Man:
OKAY, GUYS.

SOMETHING TO
MATCH MY CURRENT
NET WORTH.

WELL, I TOLD YOU
NOW WASN'T THE
BEST TIME...

OH, THE TV, TOO?

MMM.

GOOD THING IT
WAS LIQUID.

BRIAN, IF YOU'RE
IN TROUBLE,

I'M SURE I COULD
LOAN YOU...

$100,000?

HOW MUCH?

[ Sighing ]

THE COST OF 20 30-SECOND
PRIME-TIME SPOTS,

AT FIVE THOU A POP.

YOU SAID THAT
WAS PAID FOR
BY THE...

MEET THE "CON-
CERNED CITIZENS
FOR THE TRUTH."

YOU.

WELL, WHO THE HELL
ELSE WAS GOING
TO PAY FOR IT?

[ Sighing ]

I MAXED OUT
FIVE GOLD CARDS.

THOSE CONCERNED
CITIZENS REALLY
ARE LUNATICS.

I THINK I'M
EXPERIENCING
POSSESSION
WITHDRAWAL.

I NEED TO
LAY DOWN.

GOOD THING
YOU DIDN'T
SELL YOUR BED.

[ Scoffing ]
SURE.

I'D RATHER
SELL A KIDNEY.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU DID THIS.

IT'S SO...
NOBLE?

OUT OF CHARACTER.

WHAT MADE
YOU DO IT?

SOME ASSHOLE
TOLD ME

THAT IF YOU BELIEVE
IN SOMETHING
STRONGLY
ENOUGH,

YOU HAVE TO
BE WILLING
TO SACRIFICE
EVERYTHING.

[ *** ]

[ Distorted voices ]

HEY, SLEEPING BEAUTY.

I MUST'VE CRASHED.

I'LL SAY.

YOU'VE BEEN OUT FOR
A COUPLE OF DAYS.

OH, SHIT.

Various:
[ Moaning/yelling ]

THERE IT IS. THERE IT IS.

I LOVE IT. OH GOD,
I LOVE IT.

YOU'VE ALREADY FUCKED
HIM. IT'S MY TURN.

COME ON. HERE I COME.

COME ON. GET IN
THERE. GET IN THERE.

WHAT'S EVERYBODY WATCHING?

IT'S A LITTLE
INDY FEATURE.

NOT MUCH IN THE WAY
OF PRODUCTION VALUES,

BUT THE PERFORMANCES
ARE FABULOUS.

[ Mixed yelling ]

LOOKS HOT.

IS HOT.

HERE WE GO. HERE WE GO.

THERE YOU ARE. COME ON.

AH.

YEAH.

GO FOR IT.

Various:
AH, VERY GOOD. YEAH.

AH, LOOK AT THAT.
LOOK AT HIS FACE. AH!

OH YEAH.

[ Mixed shouts
of excitement ]

YOU WERE HOT,
HOT, HOT, DARLING.

HOW DOES IT FEEL
TO BE A PORN STAR?

[ Distorted *** ]

[ Mixed chatter ]

DID YOU
VOTE YET?
YES, MA'AM.

OKAY.
THANKS.

DID YOU VOTE?

YOU BET, DEB.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

I'M GOING TO.
OH, GOSH.

YOU'D BETTER
HURRY...

BEFORE YOUR
FOOD GETS COLD.

DID YOU TWO
VOTE YET?

WE'RE JUST
ON OUR WAY.

I'D KEEP YOUR
HANDS OFF THOSE
LEMON BARS.

JEEZ, MA,
YOU WANT US
TO STARVE?

"THIS ESTABLISHMENT
RESERVES THE RIGHT
TO REFUSE SERVICE
TO ANYONE",

AND THAT
INCLUDES ANYONE

WHO HAS NOT
PERFORMED THE
SINGLE MOST
IMPORTANT ACT

EXPECTED OF
EACH AND EVERY
AMERICAN.

ANAL SEX?

IT'S WORKING, DEB.

Man: [ On television ]
WITH ONLY A HANDFUL OF
DISTRICTS REPORTING,

IT'S STILL TOO EARLY
TO PREDICT THE OUTCOME

OF TODAY'S
MAYORAL ELECTION.

MEANWHILE, IN RELATED NEWS,
A POLITICAL ADVERTISEMENT

AIRING ON LOCAL STATIONS
IS CAUSING A REACTION.

THAT'S THE FUCKING
UNDERSTATEMENT
OF THE YEAR.

CHIEF STOCKWELL,
AS YOU KNOW,

THERE'S AN
AD PAID FOR
BY A GROUP
CALLING ITSELF

"CONCERNED CITIZENS
FOR THE TRUTH,"

THAT IMPLIES YOU
COVERED UP THE MURDER
OF A YOUNG GAY MAN.

KELLY, I CAN ASSURE YOU,

NOTHING COULD BE FUR-
THER FROM THE TRUTH.

Woman:
THEN YOU DENY
THE ACCUSATIONS?

Stockwell:
THERE ARE NO ACCUSATIONS,

MERELY INSINUATIONS
MADE TO DISCREDIT ME

ON THE BRINK
OF THE ELECTION.

HOWEVER, I HAVE EVERY
CONFIDENCE THAT THE
VOTERS OF OUR CITY

WILL SEE THROUGH THIS
OBVIOUS SMEAR TACTIC,

AND NOT ALLOW IT
TO INFLUENCE THEIR
DECISION-MAKING WHEN
THEY GO TO THE POLLS.

AND I HAVE EVERY
CONFIDENCE THAT
THE VOTERS ARE
SMART ENOUGH

TO REALIZE
THAT YOU ARE
FULL OF SHIT.

Announcer:
...TONIGHT. ON CHANNEL 5
WE'VE GOT YOU COVERED.

YOU PUT YOURSELF
IN DEBT TO THE
TUNE OF...

I CAN'T EVEN SAY
IT. I'LL HAVE
A PANIC ATTACK.

100,000.
YEAH. THAT'S IT.

[ Sighing ]
HEY, TAKE
IT EASY.

BREATHE DEEP.

YOU'RE SELLING
OFF YOUR
POSSESSIONS?

THE 'VETTE'S
NEXT TO GO.
NO.

IT'S JUST A CAR.

THE CAR OF
YOUR DREAMS.

JESUS, BRIAN.
HOW COULD
YOU DO IT?

WHAT, RISK
EVERYTHING?

SOMETIMES, A...

A GAY MAN'S GOTTA
DO WHAT A GAY
MAN'S GOTTA DO.

WHAT'S THE
WORST THAT
COULD HAPPEN?

I END UP WITH
A PACK OF GUM.

LAST STICK.

WHAT'S ALL THIS?

HEY, WHAT'S
THE LINE FOR?

TO VOTE.

OH, I THOUGHT
THEY WERE HANDING
OUT FREE POPPERS.

IN CASE YOU
HAVEN'T HEARD,
THERE'S AN
ELECTION.

NO SHIT.

WHO'S RUNNING?

[ *** ]

UH, EXCUSE ME.

YES?
HI. UM...

[ Sniffling ]

MY NAME IS, UH,
TED SCHMIDT

[ Sniffling ]
AND, UH...

I NEED SOME HELP.

* SUNDAY MORNING
I'M WAKING UP *

* CAN'T EVEN FOCUS
ON THE COFFEE CUP *

* DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHOSE BED I'M IN *

MY MOM WAS SO
FREAKED OUT
ABOUT IT BUT...

BUT THERE WAS
A LINE OF GUYS
LINED UP AROUND
THE BLOCK,

WAITING TO VOTE.
SAME WHEN I
WAS THERE.

COULD NOT
BELIEVE IT.
YEAH.

JIMMY?

OH MY GOD. BABY?

I BARELY RECOGNIZE YOU.

LOOK HOW MUCH
YOU'VE GROWN.

YOU'RE PRACTICALLY A MAN.

COME HERE AND GIVE
YOUR MOM A HUG.

GET AWAY!

HE'S AT THAT AGE.
HE'S EMBARRASSED
BY HIS MOTHER.

THAT CAN HAPPEN
AT ANY AGE.

DID THESE TWO
GENTLEMEN TELL
YOU THAT I CAME
LOOKING FOR YOU?

I HEARD.

DID THEY ALSO TELL
YOU THAT I WANT YOU
TO COME LIVE WITH ME?

NO FUCKING WAY.
MRS. MONTGOMERY,

WE'VE TALKED IT
OVER WITH HUNTER,

AND WE THINK
HE SHOULD STAY
WITH US.

WHY SHOULD HE
STAY WITH YOU?

BECAUSE HE WANTS TO...

AND WE WANT HIM TO.

WELL, I'M HIS
MOTHER, AND I...

I DON'T SEE WHERE
YOU GET A SAY.

NOW I SAY, GET YOUR STUFF
TOGETHER. WE'RE LEAVING.

I'M SORRY,
BUT AFTER WHAT
HE TOLD US,

HE'S NOT
GOING ANYWHERE.

WHAT DID HE
SAY? MORE OF
YOUR STORIES?

HOW YOU MADE HIM
WORK TO PULL HIS
OWN WEIGHT.

YOU KNOW, I REALLY
DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE REFERRING
TO, JIMMY,

BUT I DO HAVE
SOME IDEA WHY YOU
WANT HIM HERE,

AND WHEN I TELL
THE AUTHORITIES
THAT MY TEENAGE SON

IS LIVING
WITH TWO FAGS...

ALL RIGHT,
MRS. MONTGOMERY,
THAT IS ENOUGH.

NOW IF YOU
DO NOT MIND...

YOU KNOW WHAT?
I MIND PLENTY.

AND I'M GOING TO COME
BACK HERE WITH A COURT
ORDER AND THE POLICE,

AND YOU BETTER
GET HIM READY.

JIMMY?

BABY, BABY.

MOM'LL SEE
YOU LATER.

[ Chatter on TV ]

Blake:
TED?

BLAKE?

I, UH...

SAW YOUR NAME AT
THE FRONT DESK.

I DIDN'T KNOW
IF IT WAS THE
SAME TED SCHMIDT.

IN THE FLESH.

I, UH...

GOT MYSELF IN A
LITTLE TROUBLE.

IT'S... IT'S OKAY.

YOU DON'T NEED
TO EXPLAIN.

[ Heavy sigh ]

UH, LISTEN, UH...

I'M GOING TO GROUP.

DID YOU WANT TO
COME WITH ME?

[ Sniffling ]
YEAH, WELL YOU
KNOW, I MEAN,
I DID...

SIGN UP FOR
THE BADMINTON
TOURNAMENT.

YOU'RE STILL
FUNNY.

[ Sniffling ]

YEAH.

LAST TIME I
SAW YOU WAS...

WHEN YOU BROUGHT
ME HERE.

I DIDN'T
STAY LONG.

AND NOW
YOU'RE BACK.

YOU COULD
SAY THAT.

[ Sighing ]

I GUESS IT ISN'T
EASY GETTING
OFF THIS.

YOU'LL DO IT.

THIS OKAY?
YEAH.

WELL, LET'S
GET STARTED.

MY NAME
IS BLAKE

AND I'M YOUR
COUNSELLOR.

Various:
HEY. HI, BLAKE.

WE HAVE SOME
NEW PEOPLE WITH
US TONIGHT.

I'D LIKE TO
WELCOME YOU AND
TELL YOU HOW
MUCH I ADMIRE...

HOW MUCH WE
ALL ADMIRE
YOUR COURAGE

IN MAKING
THIS CHOICE.

WITH MOST OF
THE DISTRICTS
ALREADY REPORTING,

THE RACE BETWEEN POLICE
CHIEF JIM STOCKWELL AND
COUNCILMAN MARVIN DEEKINS

STILL REMAINS
TOO CLOSE TO CALL.

Woman: [ On TV ]
WE'RE GOING DOWN
TO THE WIRE ON
THIS ONE, AARON.

Debbie:
I'M FUCKING
OUT OF NAILS.

ANYBODY GOT
SOME I CAN
BORROW?

HERE, CHEW
ON THESE.

FINALLY, AN ACT
OF SELFLESS
GENEROSITY.

Lindsay:
YOU KNOW WHAT
THIS REMINDS
ME OF?

HOMECOMING
QUEEN.
[ Chuckling ]

THERE WAS A LOT
RIDING ON THAT
ELECTION AS WELL.

WAITING ALL NIGHT
FOR THE VOTES
TO BE COUNTED.

FORTUNATELY,
I WON.

YOU TOO?

NOT TO RESORT
TO TRITE MUSICAL
THEATRE REFERENCES

AT THE 11th HOUR,
BUT I'VE BEEN THROUGH
NIXON, REAGAN,

TWO BUSHES...

AND I'M STILL HERE...

AND, KIDDIES, IF
I CAN SURVIVE ALL
THAT AND MORE,

WE'LL SURVIVE
THIS, TOO.

THE INDOMITABLE
SPIRIT OF QUEERS
EVERYWHERE.

Various:
YEAH. HEAR, HEAR.

Woman: [ On TV ]
LATER ON IN THIS BROADCAST,

OUR LIFESTYLE EDITOR,
SHEILA GODDARD

WILL SHOW US WHAT IT TAKES
TO GIVE A VICTORY PARTY

FOR A NEW MAYOR.

OKAY, MA'AM.
Hunter:
SHIT!

SHE BROUGHT THE
FUCKING COPS.

HOLY CHRIST.

I'M NOT GOING
WITH HER.

LET'S TRY TO STAY CALM.

LOOK, YOU MAY
HAVE TO, WHETHER
WE LIKE IT OR NOT.

NO WAY, YOU
PROMISED.
LOOK, TOMORROW,

WE WILL GET
AN ATTORNEY,

AND WE'LL FIGURE
OUT THE BEST WAY
TO HANDLE THIS,

RIGHT, MICHAEL?

NO.

NO?

LOOK, YOU KNOW
AS WELL AS I DO

THAT IF WE LET
HIM GO WITH HER,
THAT'LL BE THAT,

'CAUSE NO MATTER WHAT
SHE DID TO HIM, SHE'S
STILL HIS MOTHER,

AND WE'RE THE TWO FAGS.

SO WHAT DO YOU
SUGGEST WE DO?

[ Sighing ]

COME ON.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

LEAVING.

MICHAEL, YOU CAN'T.

LOOK, HE'S NOT GOING
WITH HER AND HE'S
NOT GOING BACK

TO THE STREET.
THIS IS NOT
THE WAY TO
DEAL WITH THIS.

YOU REALIZE HOW
MUCH TROUBLE WE
COULD GET IN?

YEAH, I REALIZE
IT, BUT RIGHT NOW,

I DON'T GIVE
A SHIT.

IF YOU GUYS
STOP TO FUCK,
I'M SCREWED.

COME ON.
MICHAEL...

MIC... MICHAEL.

Michael:
BACK STAIRS.

WAIT.

WHAT, IF YOU FORGOT
SOMETHING, JUST LEAVE IT,

THERE'S
NO TIME.

Officer:
MS. MONTGOMERY,
STAY BEHIND ME.

AND, AARON, DID YOU KNOW
THAT FOR THE DEEKINS PARTY

32,000 CHICKEN BREASTS
WILL BE STUFFED.

NOW THAT'S A
LOT OF BREASTS.

A FEW COMMENTS
ON THAT...

CAREFUL, WE'RE
ON THE AIR.

Aaron:
AND WE DON'T WANT
TO GET OFF THE AIR,

AT LEAST NOT UNTIL
AFTER THE ELECTION.

Woman:
THAT'S RIGHT. SHEILA'S
REPORT IS COMING RIGHT UP.

REMEMBER, WE'RE HERE ALL
THROUGH ELECTION NIGHT

SO YOU WON'T MISS
ONE MOMENT.

THIS JUST IN.
WITH 84% OF THE
VOTES COUNTED,

SHHH.
SHH.
IT APPEARS WE
CAN NOW DECLARE

THAT THE NEW MAYOR
OF PITTSBURGH IS...

MARVIN DEEKINS.

[ Cheering ]

Debbie:
YES! YES!

Woman: [ On TV ]
AND HERE'S AN INTER-
ESTING FACT, AARON.

IN AN OTHERWISE APA-
THETIC VOTER TURNOUT,

UNEXPECTEDLY HEAVY
RETURNS FROM THE
8th DISTRICT

MAY HAVE TIPPED
THE OUTCOME...

YES! WE MAY BE
THE LAST VOTE
TO BE COUNTED,

BUT WE'RE THE VOTE
THAT COUNTED MOST.

[ Cheering ]

...MUST BE DUE IN
PART TO THE LAST-
MINUTE ALLEGATIONS

THAT POLICE CHIEF
STOCKWELL WAS INVOLVED

IN THE COVER-UP OF THE
MURDER OF A YOUNG GAY MAN.

COME ON,
LET'S DANCE.

Debbie:
DAMN RIGHT
WE'LL DANCE.

IN THE STREET!

[ Cheering ]

[ *** ]

OKAY!

LET'S PARTY!

[ *** ]

[ Wild cheering ]

[ *** ]

A WORD OF ADVICE,
MY SWEET EMMETT?

MOURN THE
LOSSES BECAUSE
THEY'RE MANY...

BUT CELEBRATE
THE VICTORIES...

BECAUSE THEY'RE FEW.

YOU KNOW, I HAVEN'T
DANCED SINCE
THE LAST CENTURY.

WELL, IN ADDITION
TO THROWING
FABULOUS PARTIES

AND BEING A
WORLD-RENOWNED
MASTER IN THE
ART OF FELLATIO,

I'M ALSO ONE
HELL OF A DANCE
INSTRUCTOR.

MAY I?

[ *** ]

[ Ringing of cell phone ]

MEL?

WHERE ARE YOU?

I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

IT'S INSANE.

WHAT?

I SAID IT'S...

MESHUGA! WE'RE
NEVER GOING TO
BE ABLE TO FIND
EACH OTHER.

OH!

I SAID, IT'S
WONDERFUL.

I KNOW.

HE LOST.

WHAT... W...
WHO DID?

STOCKWELL!

YOU MEAN
YOU DIDN'T...

WELL, WHY ARE
YOU SO HAPPY?

I GOT THROUGH
MY FIRST TRI-
MESTER TODAY.

Both:
[ Laughing ]

Lindsay:
NOW THAT'S A
VICTORY WORTH
CELEBRATING.

[ *** ]

Justin:
WOW.

THANKS TO RAGE,
THE STREETS
OF GAYOPOLIS

ARE ONCE AGAIN
SAFE FOR PERVERTS.
HMM.

[ Cheering/laughing ]

[ *** ]

WHAT'RE YOU DOING?

I'M USING
MY POWERS OF
MIND CONTROL.

DROP YOUR PANTS...

BEND OVER.

UH, SURELY
YOU CAN, UH,

USE YOUR AMAZING
SUPER-POWERS

FOR SOMETHING
MORE CONSTRUCTIVE
THAN THAT.

TRY AS I MIGHT,

I CAN'T COME UP
WITH ANYTHING ELSE.

YOU...

[ *** ]

BRIAN!

HEY, YOU'RE LATE
FOR THE PARTY.

STOCKWELL LOST.

YEAH, MARVIN DEEKINS
WON. UNDOUBTEDLY, HIS
FIRST OFFICIAL ACT

WILL BE TO
DECLARE NATIONAL
HOMO WEEK.

HUNTER'S IN DEEP-
SHIT TROUBLE.

HIS MOM CAME TO
TAKE HIM AWAY.

AND SHE BROUGHT
THE COPS.

SO I... I TOOK
HIM AND I RAN.

MY GOD, HAVE
YOU NO RESPECT
FOR AUTHORITY?

THE LAW?

I HAD TO DO
SOMETHING.

SO YOU RISKED
IT ALL?

MIKEY, YOU
ARE SO...

PATHETIC, I KNOW.

I...

WHAT AM I GOING
TO DO NOW?

GO FOR IT.

YOU SURE?

I'VE LIVED WITH
A MOTHER. IT'S
A FATE WORSE
THAN BIRTH.

USE HI-TEST.

Crowds:
[ Cheering ]

JESUS CHRIST,
BRIAN.

NOW YOU DON'T
EVEN HAVE A CAR.

OH, NOW I GUESS
I'VE LOST
EVERYTHING.

NOT EVERYTHING.

* I FEEL SO EXTRAORDINARY *

* SOMETHING'S GOT
A HOLD ON ME *

* I'VE GOT THIS FEELING
I'M IN MOTION *

* A CIRCUMSTANCE
OF LIBERTY *

* THE CHANCES ARE
WE'VE GONE TOO FAR *

* YOU TOOK MY TIME AND
YOU TOOK MY MONEY *

* NOW I FEEL YOU'VE
LEFT ME STANDING *

* IN A WORLD
THAT'S SO DEMANDING *

* I USED TO THINK THAT
THE DAY WOULD NEVER COME *

* I SEE THE LIGHT IN THE
SHADE OF THE MORNING SUN *

* MY MORNING SUN IS THE DRUG
THAT BRINGS ME NEAR *

* TO THE CHILDHOOD
I LOST *

* REPLACED BY TEAR *

* I NEVER THOUGHT THAT
THE DAY WOULD NEVER COME *

* AND MY LIFE WOULD DEPEND
ON THE MORNING SUN *

[ *** ]

* I USED TO THINK THAT
THE DAY WOULD NEVER COME *

* I SEE THE LIGHT IN THE
SHADE OF THE MORNING SUN *

* MY MORNING SUN IS THE DRUG
THAT BRINGS ME NEAR *

* TO THE CHILDHOOD I LOST
REPLACED BY TEAR *

* I USED TO THINK THAT
THE DAY WOULD NEVER COME *

* AND MY LIFE WOULD DEPEND
ON THE MORNING SUN *

[ *** ]

MOO!

[ *** ]