Queer as Folk (2000–2005): Season 1, Episode 9 - Babylon Boomerang - full transcript

...STYLE, COLOUR, NOT COLOUR...

STILL BATTLING KLEPTOMANIA, ANDREW?

YOU KNOW, THE FIRST STEP IS ADMITTING YOU HAVE A PROBLEM.

AH, KID'S BIRTHDAY THIS WEEKEND.

GOOD THING FOR OUR STORE DISCOUNT.

YEAH, YOU COULD GO BROKE.

WHICH IS WHY I HOPE I GET THAT JOB.

WHAT JOB?

DIDN'T YOU KNOW?

THEY'RE MAKING BARBAROSA

THE NEW DISTRICT MANAGER.



FOR ALL THE STORES IN THE STATE.

NO SHIT. AND THEY'RE LET- TING HIM PICK HIS OWN REPLACEMENT

FROM INSIDE THE STORE,

SO I FIGURED, "FUCK! MIGHT AS WELL BE ME."

RIGHT? RIGHT.

WELL, I'D BETTER GO PRACTICE MY ASS-KISSING.

WISH ME LUCK. YOU GOT IT.

SO? AREN'T YOU GOING TO ASK ME?

ASK YOU WHAT?

WHAT I THINK ABOUT YOU AS BARBAROSA'S REPLACEMENT.

I THINK YOU'D ROCK! THANKS, BUT I LIKE MY JOB.

BESIDES, BEING A MANAGER IS A LOT OF RESPONSIBILITY.

SO? YOU CAN HANDLE IT.

BESIDES, YOU'RE MUCH BETTER QUALIFIED THAN ANDREW ANY DAY.



Y-YOU'RE A BETTER WORKER, YOU'VE BEEN HERE LONGER,

PEOPLE LIKE YOU BETTER, AND THEN THERE'S THE RAISE.

YEAH, I GUESS. COME ON.

IF YOU WANNA GET AHEAD, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO LEARN

TO DO A LITTLE BIT OF ASS-KISSING, LIKE ANDREW.

AND SOMETHING TELLS ME YOU CAN KISS ASS WITH THE BEST OF THEM.

DID I TELL YOU MY DAD WANTS TO SEND ME TO MILITARY SCHOOL?

I SAID, "FUCK,NO!"

I THINK YOUR DAD MIGHT BE RIGHT.

A LITTLE MILITARY SCHOOL OR SOME- THING MIGHT DO YOU SOME GOOD.

I ALWAYS WANTED TO GO TO MILITARY SCHOOL.

YOU KNOW, THOSE SLEEK UNIFORMS, WELL CUT...

TAKING ORDERS, GETTING PUNISHED WHEN YOU'RE NAUGHTY.

YES, SIR! SORRY, SIR!

OUCH!

AND DON'T FORGET SHOWERING WITH ALL THOSE CADETS.

OOH. MMM!

CADETS...

AWW!

AH, MY. WHO EVER THOUGHT WE'D SEE THE DAY?

BRIAN KINNEY DRIVING AN ECONOMY COMPACT.

SUB-COMPACT.

AND I HAVE TO GET A NEW CAR THIS WEEK.

ANOTHER FUCK-MOBILE?

PLEASE, AT HIS AGE HE NEEDS ALL THE HELP HE CAN GET

TO ATTRACT THOSE HOT, YOUNG THINGS.

I THOUGHT AFTER WHAT HAPPENED,

YOU MIGHT CONSIDER SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE PRACTICAL.

WHAT? LIKE SOMETHING AN ACCOUNTANT MIGHT DRIVE?

YOU DON'T WANT ANY MORE WEIRDOS RAMMING INTO YOU.

NEVER HEARD HIM COMPLAIN ABOUT THAT BEFORE.

SEE YOU LATER. LATER.

HEY.

YOU FUCKING PERVERT.

DAD! I SHOULD THROW YOUR FAGGOT ASS

RIGHT IN JAIL, YOU SON OF A BITCH!

DAD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? JUSTIN, GET OFF.

GET OFF ME, JUSTIN!

JUSTIN, GET OFF ME. GET OFF ME.

FUCK!

NO! IT'S HIS DAD, STOP IT!

THAT'S IT, JUSTIN. THAT IS IT.

YOU COME HOME WITH ME RIGHT NOW,

OR YOU NEVER COME HOME AGAIN.

THAT'S IT.

NEVER AGAIN.

DID YOU HEAR ME?

I SAID, "NEVER AGAIN!"

GO! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! GO!

I'M NEVER COMING... HOME AGAIN.

JUSTIN...

NEVER!

STOP.

SO MY DAD WAS KICKING HIM AND BEATING HIM,

AND I JUMPED ON HIS BACK, I PULLED HIM OFF,

AND THEN I STARTED PUNCHING HIM.

AND DON'T FORGET HOW YOU SINGLEHANDEDLY

FOUGHT OFF THE ATTACK DOGS.

OR, HOW YOU FOILED THAT ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT

BY THE IRANIAN DEATH SQUAD.

YOU BOYS THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

HUH, IS THIS YOUR IDEA OF SOME EVENING ENTERTAINMENT?

THIS POOR CHILD'S BEEN FUCKING TRAUMATIZED,

WATCHING HIS FATHER GO BERSERK LIKE THAT.

AND AS FOR YOU,

I TOLD YOU THERE'D BE TROUBLE,

AND YOU DIDN'T LISTEN.

IT'S NOT HIS FAULT, AND I'M NOT A CHILD.

I'M TURNING 18 SOON.

THAT MEANS I CAN VOTE AND GET MARRIED AND JOIN THE ARMY.

HOPEFULLY NOT ON THE SAME DAY. MAYBE SO,

BUT AS FAR AS YOUR PARENTS ARE CONCERNED,

YOU'RE STILL THEIR SWEET, INNOCENT LITTLE BOY.

THEY'RE NOT READY TO THINK OF YOU SUCKING COCK AND TAKING IT UP THE ASS.

MA, DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO GRAPHIC?

MICHHAEL, I AM MAKING A POINT.

WOULD YOU PLEASE NOT INTERRUPT

WHEN I'M TALKING.

SO, WHAT WAS I TALKING ABOUT?

SOMETHING ABOUT... SUCKING COCK...

TAKING IT UP THE ASS.

RIGHT. SO...

THEY'RE NOT READY TO SEE YOU AS A MAN.

ESPECIALLY A... A GAY MAN.

YOU KNOW, THEY NEED EDUCATING

SO THEY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH.

WHAT ABOUT WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH?

YOU KNOW, HIS FATHER ALMOST BROKE MY FUCKING RIBS.

YOU KNOW, I SHOULD HAVE HIM ARRESTED.

LEAVE IT ALONE.

YOU'VE DONE ENOUGH DAMAGE TONIGHT.

SHIT.

MA, ARE YOU OKAY?

YEAH, I'M FINE, HONEY.

JUST TIRED.

I'VE BEEN WORKING SINCE 6:00 A.M.

OH, MA! GOD!

MA!

YOU OKAY? SOMEBODY GET SOME HELP.

SOMEBODY GET SOME HELP! STOP SCREAMING!

I CAN... I-I-I... I HAVEN'T LOST MY HEARING.

I JUST LOST MY HAIR. OH, MICHAEL...

I'M GONNA TAKE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL.

NO, I HAVE TO FINISH MY SHIFT.

YOUR SHIFT'S OVER, MA.

I SWALLOWED MY GUM.

MICHAEL, HELP ME PUT THIS BACK ON.

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? I WASN'T.

AH, THAT'S RIGHT, YOU NEVER DO. YOU JUST... ACT.

I DID WHAT I HAD TO DO.

WHAT YOU HAD TO DO? CRAIG, DO YOU KNOW

HOW CLOSE WE ARE TO LOSING HIM? WHAT DO YOU DO?

YOU PRACTICALLY PUSH HIM OUT THE DOOR.

I TOLD HIM TO COME HOME, JEN. HE WOULDN'T.

WHO WOULD, WITH A LUNATIC?

LOOK, I'M TRYING TO PROTECT OUR SON.

IT'S YOU HE NEEDS PROTECTION FROM.

NO WONDER HE'S OUT THERE.

YEAH WELL, HE MADE HIS CHOICE.

WHAT DID YOU... WHAT DID YOU SAY?

I SAID HE MADE HIS CHOICE, JEN!

I GAVE HIM A CHOICE, HE MADE IT.

OH. OH... BIG MAN.

BIGMAN.

JEN...

DON'T COME UPSTAIRS. I MEAN IT.

I DON'T WANNA SEE YOU.

I AM NOT GONNA BE HUMILIATED BY A BUNCH OF...

FAGS?

UH-H. I GOT NEWS FOR YOU, BIG MAN.

YOU ALREADY HAVE BEEN.

OH-H.

HOW ABOUT I MAKE YOU SOME CINNAMON TOAST?

AND TEA.

I DON'T WANT ANY CINNAMON TOAST,

AND I DON'T WANT ANY TEA.

WHAT I WANT IS YOU ALL TO STOP MAKING A FUSS OVER ME

AND GO HOME.

YOU ALL HAVE TO BE AT WORK TOMORROW. SO DO I.

I ALREADY TOLD YOU: YOU'RE NOT GOING IN TO WORK.

YOU'RE GONNA STAY HERE AND TAKE IT EASY.

I CAN'T AFFORD TO TAKE IT EASY.

IT'S NOT GONNA KILL YOU

TO STAY HOME FOR A DAY OR TWO, DEB.

BEDREST IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF EVERY RECOVERY.

THANK YOU, DOOGIE HOWSER.

HEY.

DON'T WORRY, UNCLE VIC. OH, I KNOW...

SHE'S OKAY. THE DOCTOR SAID IT'S JUST EXHAUSTION.

THAT'S ALL. "JUST EXHAUSTION."

YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW TIRED YOU HAVE TO BE TO FALL OVER?

THAT'S HOW TIRED YOUR MOTHER IS.

AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF ME.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

THINK ABOUT HOW UNHAPPY SHE'D BE WITHOUT YOU.

BUT I'M THE REASON SHE'S PUSHING HERSELF SO HARD.

WORKING DOUBLE SHIFTS. TO PAY OFF MY DEBTS.

SHE'S EVEN TAKEN OUT A SECOND MORTGAGE.

WHAT, ON OUR HOUSE? YEAH.

SHE COULDN'T GET MUCH, BUT SHE DID.

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?

SHE MADE ME PROMISE NOT TO.

I'M LUCKY I STILL HAVE ALL MY TEETH.

AND NO BLACK EYE.

HOW DO I LOOK?

GREAT. YOU ALWAYS LOOK GREAT.

I'M SORRY. FOR MY DAD AND EVERYTHING.

YEAH, SORRY'S BULLSHIT.

LOOK, I DIDN'T MEAN TO CAUSE YOU ANY PROBLEMS.

WELL, I'M GONNA GO.

WHERE?

I DON'T KNOW.

I'LL FIND SOME PLACE.

JUSTIN.

YOU CAN STAY HERE.

UH? ON THE SOFA.

YOU'RE NOT CRYING, ARE YOU?

I'M NOT SOME LITTLE FAGGOT.

NO, YOU'RE NOT.

EVEN PRETTY BRAVE, ACTUALLY.

STANDING UP TO YOUR FATHER LIKE THAT.

HE WAS HURTING YOU.

GET SOME SLEEP.

SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK, MIKEY?

THE JEEP'S ALWAYS HOT.

WHAT IS HE DOING AT YOUR PLACE?

HE HAD TO STAY SOMEWHERE.

THE AUDI T.T.'S A FUCK-MACHINE.

BUT THE GUYS WHO DRIVE IT, THEY USUALLY AREN'T.

HIS DAD ALMOST BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU.

THE BOXTER'S SEXY...

IF YOU HAVE A LITTLE DICK.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? WHAT DO I THINK?

IT'S OBVIOUS YOU DON'T CARE WHAT I THINK ABOUT YOUR BOY WONDER.

W-WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOUR BATMOBILE?

WHY DON'T YOU GET THE JEEP FOR MONDAY, THE AUDI FOR TUESDAY

AND THE BOXTER FOR WEDNESDAY. HEY!

WELL LIKE, YOU'RE SITTING HERE TRYING TO DECIDE WHAT NEW HOT CAR TO BUY

AND MY MOM MIGHT LOSE HER FUCKING HOUSE!

I GOTTA GET TO WORK.

MICHAEL.

IF YOU NEED MONEY... NO.

LOOK, I'VE HAD AN AMAZING YEAR... THAT'S GREAT.

BUT THANKS ANYWAY.

I'M OFFERING YOU A FUCKING GIFT, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. I KNOW.

I JUST CAN'T. WHY?

BECAUSE YOU'RE ALWAYS THERE FOR ME. TAKING CARE OF THINGS,

FIGHTING OFF THE BULLIES AT SCHOOL,

AND GIVING ME THE ANSWERS TO TESTS,

AND TAKING ME TO THE HOSPITAL THE FIRST TIME I GOT GONORRHEA, AND...

THIS... THIS IS MY MOM.

AND... THIS IS SOMETHING I HAVE TO DO FOR HER. BY MYSELF.

SO MY DAD TRIED TO BEAT UP BRIAN,

AND DEBBIE ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF US.

AND THEN, I SPENT THE NIGHT AT BRIAN'S.

WHAT'D YOU DO?

UH, HAD VEGETARIAN LASAGNA AND READ "A LESSON BEFORE DYING,"

WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT IT FELT LIKE.

JUSTIN?

HI, DAPHNE. HI.

BROUGHT YOU YOUR UNIFORM AND YOUR BOOKS.

I KNOW YOU'VE GOT THAT ESSAY DUE TODAY.

TOMORROW.

YOU ALL RIGHT?

I'M FINE.

I WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU LAST NIGHT. WHERE WERE YOU?

WHERE DO YOU THINK?

JUSTIN, PLEASE WAIT.

I WANT YOU TO COME HOME.

AFTER WHAT DAD DID? NO WAY!

H-HE... HE GOT CRAZY. HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING.

BUT WE CAN WORK THIS OUT, I PROMISE.

YEAH, DON'T PROMISE.

NOW WOULD YOU PLEASE GO?

DO YOU NEED ANYTHING?

FOR YOU TO GO.

BOO.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP?

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE TAKING A NAP.

WELL, NAPS ARE BRIEF. THAT'S WHY IT'S A SHORT WORD.

HAVE YOU TAKEN YOUR MEDS?

YES, I'VE TAKEN MY MEDS.

WHAT IS THIS?

APARTMENTS FOR RENT?

WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT APARTMENTS FOR RENT?

DON'T GET YOUR TITTIES IN A TWIST.

I'M NOT SELLING THE HOUSE,

IF THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK.

OF COURSE YOU'RE NOT SELLING THE HOUSE.

IT'S FOR ME.

I'M THINKING OF MOVING OUT.

I'M FEELING MUCH BETTER NOW.

AND WITH MY DISABILITY, I CAN AFFORD TO GET A ROOM SOMEWHERE.

YOU HAVE A ROOM SOMEWHERE: HERE.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO FEEL OBLIGATED.

OBLIGATED?

YOU KNOW, YOU ARE COMING THIS CLOSE TO GETTING PUNCHED OUT.

YOUR DOCTOR TOLD YOU NOT TO EXERT YOURSELF.

WELL, FUCK HIM! I PUNCHED YOU OUT WHEN YOU WERE A KID

AND I CAN PUNCH YOU OUT NOW.

I WANT SOME SOUP.

CHICKEN NOODLE?

YEAH.

WHEN YOU CAME BACK FROM NEW YORK,

I DIDN'T TAKE YOU IN 'CAUSE I FELT OBLIGATED.

I TOOK YOU IN 'CAUSE I WANTED TO.

HELL, I WOULD DO IT AGAIN. OH!

YEAH, LET'S.

THE DEMENTIA, THE THRUSH...

THE C.M.V., THAT WAS A LAUGH AND A HALF.

I MEAN, I WANT YOU HERE SICK,

AND I WANT YOU HERE WELL.

I'LL TAKE YOU ANY WAY I CAN GET YOU.

SO UNLESS YOU'RE GONNA BE READING THE FUNNIES...

I'M JUST GONNA TOSS THIS.

WHERE'S MY SOUP?

I'LL SERVE. I DON'T WANNA GET RUSTY.

HI.

JENNIFER TAYLOR.

JUSTIN'S MOTHER.

OKAY. SO,

I'VE GOT HIS CLOTHES, UH, A SKETCH PAD,

SHOES, UNDERWEAR...

OH.

"THE YELLOW SUBMARINE". IT'S HIS FAVOURITE,

HE'S WATCHED IT A MILLION TIMES.

DID YOU KNOW HE WANTED TO BE AN ANIMATOR?

NO, I-I... NO, YOU WOULDN'T.

UH, CHEQUE. CHEQUE.

HERE WE GO.

FOR WHAT? WELL, JUSTIN'S EXPENSIVE.

HE EATS LIKE A FOOTBALL PLAYER, HE GOES THROUGH CLOTHES FASTER

THAN I CAN BUY THEM, AND HE'S...

ALWAYS NEEDING SOMETHING FOR SCHOOL.

YOU THINK HE'S STAYING WITH ME?

WHERE ELSE? WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

BUT HE'S NOT MOVING INTO MY PLACE.

WELL...

HE'S GONNA HAVE TO LIVE SOMEWHERE,

SINCE HE TOLD ME HE'S NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN.

WHY DO YOU CARE WHAT HE SAYS?

YOU'RE HIS MOTHER. COME AND GET HIM.

IF I CAME AND GOT HIM, HE WOULD JUST, UH, RUN AWAY

AND I MIGHT NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO RUNAWAY KIDS, MR. KINNEY?

THEY END UP ON MILK CARTONS. OR WORSE.

AT LEAST WITH YOU...

I KNOW WHERE HE IS.

HE'S NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY.

OH YES, HE IS.

YOU SEDUCED HIM, YOU S... FUCKED HIM,

SO NOW HE'S YOURS.

JUST KINDLY, SEE THAT HE TAKES HIS ALLERGY MEDICINE,

AND, UH... AND DOES HIS HOMEWORK AND GETS TO SCHOOL ON TIME.

AND...

AND TELL HIM THAT WE LOVE HIM.

HEY, BOB.

YOU SOUND GREAT. THANKS, MIKE.

I DIDN'T REALIZE I HAD AN AUDIENCE.

YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN AN OPERA SINGER.

WELL, I WANTED TO BE ONE ONCE,

BUT THEN I HAD TO MAKE A CHOICE.

THE MET, OR THE BIG Q.

WELL, OBVIOUSLY IT'S PAYING OFF.

CONGRATULATIONS ON THE PROMOTION. BAH, THANKS.

OOH. DISTRICT MANAGER. BIG RESPONSIBILITY.

I BET. HAVE YOU, UH, PICKED YOUR REPLACEMENT YET?

BAH, NO, NO, NO.

COUPLE OF PEOPLE HAVE EXPRESSED SOME INTEREST, YOU KNOW.

YEAH, I KNOW. UM...

I HOPE YOU WOULDN'T MIND, I... I'D LIKE TO TOSS MY HAT IN THE RING.

WELL, SURE, MIKE. SURE.

SURE. TO BE HONEST WITH YOU,

I NEVER REALLY HAD YOU PEGGED FOR THE AMBITIOUS TYPE.

WELL, I'VE... ALWAYS BEEN FOCUSED ON MY JOB.

YOU KNOW, DOING IT WELL.

A PROMOTION SHOULDN'T BE ABOUT WHAT'S GOOD FOR ME,

BUT WHAT'S GOOD FOR THE COMPANY.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING, MIKE?

AH. A LOT OF PEOPLE DO NOT FEEL THAT WAY.

MOSTLY, THEY'RE JUST KIND OF IN IT FOR THEMSELVES, YOU KNOW?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

THEY'RE HAVING A LITTLE CONGRATULA- TION DINNER FOR ME TOMORROW NIGHT.

OVER AT DOMINIC'S. MM-HM.

WHY DON'T YOU COME ALONG?

WOW! THANKS, BOB. THAT'D BE GREAT.

OKAY. AND, UH... BRING YOUR LADY.

HE WANTS ME TO BRING MY LADY.

STRAIGHT GUYS REALLY SAY THINGS LIKE "BRING YOUR LADY"?

THEY SAY WORSE THAN THAT.

I DON'T HAVE A LADY.

NO, YOU HAVE SOME- THING BETTER.

DR. DREAMBOAT. WHEW.

WELL, I CAN FIX YOU UP WITH MY SISTER...

ONLY, SHE LOOKS LIKE IN A DRESS.

THAT'S A TERRIFYING THOUGHT.

OR MAYBE EMMETT COULD DRESS UP LIKE HE DID LAST HALLOWEEN.

NO, EMMETT COULD NOT.

BESIDES, HOW WOULD YOU EXPLAIN THAT YOU'RE DATING REBA McENTIRE?

EASIER THAN EXPLAINING I'M A FAG.

SO TELL THEM THE TRUTH ALREADY.

YOU SAID THAT HE'S A NICE GUY, THAT HE LIKES YOU.

YEAH, UNTIL I GIVE HIM A REASON NOT TO.

THERE'S THIS WOMAN... WHO WORKS IN SHIPPING. HELGA.

BIG, SHORT-CROPPED HAIR, DRIVES A PICKUP.

SHE'S BEEN WORKING THERE FOR 15 YEARS.

EVERY YEAR, SHE GETS PASSED OVER FOR A PROMOTION

BY PEOPLE WHO'VE BEEN THERE ONE YEAR, TWO YEARS.

EVERYBODY KNOWS WHY, NOBODY SAYS ANYTHING.

SO SHE'S STILL SITTING THERE, DOING INVOICES.

I CAN'T AFFORD TO LET THAT HAPPEN TO ME. I...

15 YEAR FROM NOW, I CAN'T STILL BE DOING INVENTORY

AND DIRECTING SHOPPERS TO OUR SUPER SALE ON BACKYARD BARBECUES.

Hello-o-o?

Justin? I know you're there.

Pick up! WHOO!

Justin! Are you guys, like, doing it?

WHOO!

HUH? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

HUH? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

UH, LISTENING TO MOBY.

IT'S REALLY HOT.

SO...

WHASSUP? "WHASSUP"...

IS YOU LEFT MY DOOR UNLOCKED.

"WHASSUP" IS THIS IS NOT A HOTEL ROOM.

AND YOU'RE NOT ON YOUR "BLONDE AMBITION" TOUR.

"WHASSUP" IS YOUR MOTHER PAID ME A LITTLE VISIT TODAY.

FINALLY, "WHASSUP" IS YOU'RE GONNA TAKE OFF MY SHIRT,

AND CLEAN UP YOUR SHIT.

AND ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS COME HOME,

AND HAVE SOME- THING TO EAT.

I COULD... MAKE YOU SOMETHING. MMM.

NO, Y-YOU COULDN'T.

I'M SORRY I'M IN YOUR WAY. NOT AS SORRY AS I AM.

I DIDN'T MEAN FOR IT TO HAPPEN. WELL, IT DID.

SO? AS LONG AS WE'RE TOGETHER,

WE MIGHT AS WELL...

WE'RE NOT...

"TOGETHER".

YOU'RE HERE AS THE RESULT OF A SERIES

OF UNFORTUNATE CIRCUMSTANCES...

WHICH HAVE GIVEN ME THE WORST HEADACHE OF MY LIFE...

AND A DUFFEL BAG...

FULL...

OF YOUR FUCKING UNDERWEAR.

NOW, I'M GOING TO BED.

OKAY.

ALONE.

YOU GO OVER THERE, AND DO YOUR HOMEWORK.

AND LIGHTS OUT BY 11:00.

11:00?

DO YOU KNOW THAT I HAD TO PROMISE YOUR MOTHER

THAT YOU WOULDN'T BE LATE FOR SCHOOL TOMORROW?

AND BY THE WAY,

SHE SENDS HER LOVE.

OH, NO. NO. VIC!

LISTEN TO ME. GET AWAY FROM THAT DOOR!

GET OUT OF THOSE CLOTHES, AND BACK IN YOURMUUMUU.

IF I HAVE TO WATCH MARTHA STEWART

MAKE ONE MORE GODDAMN THING OUT OF GOAT CHEESE

I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF!

AMC HAS A JOAN CRAWFORD FESTIVAL ALL WEEK.

NOBODY'S THAT GAY.

I'VE GOT TO GO TO WORK, THEY NEED ME.

AND YOU NEED TO REST YOUR ASS!

GO ON! HI, HONEY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

UNCLE VIC ASKED ME TO BRING SOME ROPE TO TIE YOU DOWN.

KINKY.

YOU WANT SOME EGGS? YOU'RE GETTING EGGS.

I GOTTA DO SOMETHING WITH MY HANDS.

I WANT YOU TO STAND STILL AND LISTEN TO ME.

DO YOU WANT TOMATOES WITH THOSE?

MA, WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME?

I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.

I'M UP FOR A PROMOTION AT WORK.

SWEETIE, THAT'S GREAT! I DON'T HAVE IT YET.

I MAY NOT GET IT EVER.

BUT EITHER WAY, I'M MAKING SOME CHANGES.

YOU'RE NOT GOING STRAIGHT, ARE YOU? VIC, SHUSH.

I KNOW HOW HARD YOU WORK.

YOU ALWAYS HAVE TAKEN CARE OF ME ALL BY YOURSELF,

NOBODY TO HELP YOU.

AND I'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING FOR YOU.

THAT IS NOT TRUE.

NOW IT'S MY TURN TO TAKE CARE OF YOU, AND I WILL. I SWEAR.

BABY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF ME.

YOU ALREADY DO SO MUCH.

WELL, I WANNA DO MORE.

NOW, WILL YOU STAY HOME

AND TRY AND GET A LITTLE REST?

THAT'S MY HERO.

HMMM.

GUS APPROVES.

YEAH, HE'S NOT BAD.

OF THE CAR.

HE THINKS IT'S YOU.

I BET JUSTIN WILL LIKE IT TOO, DRIVING AROUND WITH HIS SUGAR DADDY.

I'M NOT HIS SUGAR DADDY, AND WOULD YOU PLEASE LEAVE HIM OUT OF THIS?

WOW! BEAUTIFUL BABY. LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU.

WELL, THANK YOU. SO DO OUR FIVE OTHERS.

I'M GONNA GO CHANGE HIM, HONEY.

YOU DO THAT, SWEETIE.

WHERE'S THE LADIES' ROOM?

UH, JUST AROUND THE CORNER THERE.

BEAUTIFUL FAMILY.

UH, YOU'VE HAD YOUR EYE ON THIS ONE.

YEAH, I NOTICE IT COMES FULLY LOADED.

HUH, YOU NAME IT, IT'S ON IT.

ONLY, YOU DON'T REALLY WANT THIS.

I DON'T?

FAGS DRIVE IT.

I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS,

BUT THEY'RE ATTRACTED TO IT LIKE FLIES.

A NICE COUPLE LIKE YOU? YOU WANNA BE IN SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

I APPRECIATE THE WARNING.

BUT I'M STILL... I'M CURIOUS. DO YOU THINK I COULD...

TAKE ONE FOR A TEST DRIVE? OH.

AND THEN, I'LL TRY ONE OF THE, UH, S-STRAIGHTER MODELS.

GREAT IDEA.

SO, HONEY, W-WHAT DO YOU THINK?

WE'LL TAKE IT.

MMM. GOD, YOU'RE TIGHT.

THANKS.

I MEANT YOUR BACK. YOU GOT A LOT OF TENSION.

AHH. OH.

BRIAN.

YEAH. HI!

UH, HOW ABOUT I PICK YOU UP AROUND 7:00?

UH, YEAH, ME TOO. IT'LL BE FUN.

MM-HM.

OKAY. BYE.

WHO WAS THAT?

TRACY, FROM THE STORE.

OH. THE GIRL WHO HAS A CRUSH ON YOU.

SHE DOESN'T HAVE A CRUSH ON ME, SHE LIKES ME.

AND I LIKE HER.

BUT NOT IN THE SAME WAY.

I INVITED HER TO GO WITH ME TO BOB'S PARTY.

REALLY? AS YOUR DATE? NO!

WELL, YEAH. BUT NO!

WELL, THAT'S CLEAR.

HAVE A GREAT TIME. OW!

LOOK, YOU KNOW I CAN'T ASK YOU, AS MUCH AS I'D LIKE TO.

I'M PROUD OF YOU.

REALLY?

IT'S JUST... I'M SUPPOSED TO BRING "MY LADY".

DOES TRACY KNOW WHY YOU'RE ASKING HER?

I COULDN'T TELL HER THAT.

WELL, DON'T YOU THINK IT'S FAIR?

CONSIDERING SHE'S GOING THERE THINKING THAT SHE'S YOUR LADY?

HOW WOULD I KNOW WHAT SHE THINKS?

BESIDES, IT'S NOT ADATEDATE, IT'S A PARTY FOR THE BOSS.

IT'S BUSINESS.

CHRIST, I WISH EVERYBODY WOULD JUST GET OFF MY BACK!

FINE, I WILL. I...

HEY, I'M SORRY.

I DIDN'T MEAN...

WHAT THE HELL ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

MICHAEL, I KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THIS PROMOTION IS TO YOU.

BUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING IS NOT RIGHT.

IT'S NOT FAIR TO TRACY, OR TO YOURSELF.

BELIEVE ME, I KNOW, I'VE LIVED IT:

THE DECEIT, BUT ALWAYS WITH A GOOD REASON.

THE ONLY THING IS, IS THAT THERE'S NEVER A GOOD REASON.

THERE'S ONLY THE HURT THAT YOU CAUSE.

THAT IS WHY YOU HAVE TO TELL THE TRUTH. YEAH, TELL THE TRUTH.

WHICH YOU CAN AFFORD TO DO.

I CAN'T. I DON'T HAVE AN OFFICE, AND A DIPLOMA,

AND "NOTHING AVAILABLE TILL FOUR WEEKS FROM TUESDAY".

I DON'T EVEN HAVE MY OWN BATHROOM.

BUT I DO KNOW THAT IF I JUST TELL THE TRUTH,

I PROBABLY NEVER WILL.

I CAN'T BELIEVE HIS MOM ACTUALLY BROUGHT YOU HIS STUFF.

YEAH, SHE PRACTICALLY MADE A GIFT OUT OF HIM.

GIFTS CAN BE RETURNED.

I JUST WANT HIM OUT OF MY LIFE, AND OUT OF MY HOUSE.

HAVE EITHER ONE OF YOU EVER BEEN TO ATLANTA?

NO. BUT I HAD A BOYFRIEND FROM GEORGIA ONCE.

I, UH, I CALLED HIM "PEACH FUZZ." BET YOU CAN'T GUESS WHY.

'CAUSE HIS BUTT CHEEKS WERE COVERED WITH THIS SOFT, FUZZY DOWN

THAT LOOKED LIKE TWO GEORGIA PEACHES.

YEAH.

WELL, I THINK I'M GONNA GO SHOW OUR GUEST

SOME, UH, NORTHERN HOSPITALITY.

AHH.

OOH! OH.

OOH. WHAT'S THE MATTER?

HO, IT'S A LONG STORY.

NOW, HURRY UP AND OPEN THAT DOOR.

I CAN'T WAIT.

BE PATIENT. THE SOUTH WILL RISE AGAIN.

AND AGAIN.

WHAT'S ALL THIS?

I MADE DINNER.

I HAD SALAD, BUT I DROPPED IT.

YEAH, YOU MADE A FUCKING MESS.

I'LL CLEAN IT UP, DON'T WORRY.

OH...

WHO'S HE?

HE'S AN OUT-OF-TOWN GUEST.

MMM, WHAT YOU'RE MAKING?

SMELLS GOOD.

JAMBALAYA. MY MOM TAUGHT ME.

EXPECT IT'S SORT OF INSTANT JAMBALAYA, BECAUSE I USED, UH,

FROZEN SHRIMP AND MINUTE RICE.

I DIDN'T KNOW HOW MUCH RICE TO USE,

AND THE WATER FOR THE SHRIMP

OVERFLOWED A LITTLE BIT. WELL HERE,

MAYBE I CAN HELP.

YOU KNOW, I USED TO LIVE IN NEW ORLEANS.

WELL, MY BOYFRIEND AND WE'D MAKE JAMBALAYA ALL THE TIME.

HUH. WE'D JUST COOK,

AND FUCK.

WELL, LET'S SEE. GOT A SPOON?

MMM. IT'S NOT BAD.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED...

IS JUST AN ITSYBITSY PINCH OF CAYENNE PEPPER.

THAT'S WHAT'LL GIVE YOU THAT EXTRA SPECIAL KICK.

HE'S GONNA GET AN EXTRA SPECIAL KICK... LATER.

NOW YOU CAN EITHER STAND AROUND HERE EATING JAMBALAYA,

OR YOU CAN COME UPSTAIRS AND EAT MY ASS!

WELL...

MAYBE WE CAN HAVE SOME OF THIS AFTER, HUH?

YEAH. MY MOM SAYS IT'S ALWAYS BETTER THE SECOND DAY.

MMM.

THANKS FOR COMING WITH ME, TRACE.

THANKS FOR INVITING ME.

MICHAEL! EXCUSE ME, HONEY.

HEY, BOB! GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT, HUH!

YOU KNOW TRACY? SURE! SURE.

ALTHOUGH, UH, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU TWO WERE AN ITEM, THOUGH.

UH, CAREFUL. DON'T LET THE BOSS CATCH YOU FRATERNIZING, HUH?

LISTEN, I WANT YOU TO MEET MY WIFE.

HONEY.

BETTY, HONEY, COME HERE. MM, MM.

COMING.

BETTY, I WANT YOU TO MEET MIKE NOVOTNY.

HE'S ONE OF OUR ASSISTANT MANAGERS.

OH, MIKE! OH, IT'S SO NICE TO MEET YOU.

SAME HERE, MRS. BARBAROSA. BETTY.

CALL ME BETTY.

OH, AND THIS MUST BE YOUR ADORABLE WIFE.

NOT EXACTLY. I MEAN...

HONEY, COME ON. GIVE THEM SOME TIME, WILL YA?

THEY'RE STILL WORKING ON IT, YOU KNOW?

PROBABLY NEED TO PUT SOME MONEY IN THE BANK FIRST, RIGHT?

OH WELL, MAYBE YOU CAN HELP THEM WITH THAT.

B-BETTY, COME ON, NOW HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I GOTTA TELL YOU,

BUSINESS IS BUSINESS. OH, WHEN IT COMES TO BUSINESS,

I DON'T OPEN MY MOUTH.

THAT'S STRICTLY YOUR DOMAIN, SWEETHEART.

THANK YOU.

BUT WE KNOW WHO'S REALLY RUNNING THE SHOW, DON'T WE?

OH, LOOK! THERE'S, UH, GEORGE AND HELEN. HI!

YEAH. WOULD YOU EXCUSE US?

YEAH. THANK GOD. HELLO, GEORGIE!

SHE THOUGHT WE WERE MARRIED. YEAH.

HOW 'BOUT THAT?

AND IT'S ONLY OUR FIRST DATE.

I MEAN, IF THIS IS A DATE. CAN I GET YOU A DRINK?

OH, SURE.

UM, WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE?

UM, WHATEVER YOU'RE HAVING.

I JUST... I WANNA USE THE LADIES' ROOM. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

THEY'RE MARKED, UH, SIGNOREANDSIGNORA.

HEY, MIKE.

OH, HI, ANDREW. THIS IS MY WIFE.

LIZ.

OH, I'M SORRY. LIZ... I'M SORRY.

I SEE YOU BROUGHT TRACY.

YEAH. I DIDN'T KNOW YOU TWO WERE GOING OUT.

WELL, WE LIKE TO KEEP IT DISCREET,

YOU KNOW, SINCE WE WORK TOGETHER.

SMART IDEA, CONSIDERING THE WAY RUMOURS FLY.

HUH, YOU'RE TELLING ME.

IN FACT, YOU SHOULD HEAR SOME OF THE ONES ABOUT YOU.

LIKE WHAT?

NOTHING I'D WANT TO REPEAT.

BUT THE KIND OF THING THAT COULD REALLY HURT SOMEONE'S CHANCES.

ESPECIALLY IF THEY WERE LOOKING FOR A PROMOTION.

HUH.

THERE'S MY GIRL. THANKS.

TRACY, HAVE YOU MET ANDREW'S WIFE, LIZ?

NO, HI. HI.

HMM.

MMM.

HMM.

AH, MORNING, JUSTIN.

HOW'D YOU SLEEP?

OKAY.

IT'S A LITTLE LUMPY.

OH. COME HAVE SOME BREAKFAST.

I'M NOT HUNGRY.

GOTTA EAT SOME- THING. YOU'RE A GROWING BOY.

OH JESUS, DID I JUST SAY THAT?

DO YOU WANT ME TO WASH THE SHEETS?

OH, IT'S OKAY.

BUT IF YOU'D LIKE, YOU COULD WASH MY CAR.

I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR LETTING ME STAY HERE.

HEY, IT'S NO TROUBLE.

YOU CAN COME ANY TIME. RIGHT, MEL?

MMM, ANY TIME.

HE HATES ME.

HE DOESN'T HATE YOU.

YES, HE DOES. AND SO DOES MY DAD.

I PULLED HIM OFF BRIAN AND I HIT HIM,

AND NOW I CAN'T EVEN GO HOME.

AH, SWEETIE, IT'S OKAY.

NO, DON'T SAY IT'S OKAY.

AND DON'T SAY ANYTHING BAD ABOUT BRIAN EITHER.

THAT DOESN'T LEAVE MUCH ROOM FOR CONVERSATION.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO.

OH! WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

OH...

YOU'RE GOING TO DO ONE THING AT A TIME. RIGHT.

FIRST YOU'RE GONNA TAKE A SHOWER.

THEN YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE BREAKFAST.

THEN YOU'RE GOING TO SCHOOL. OKAY?

NOW GO.

WHEW. POOR GUY. GOD.

AND STILL, HE DEFENDS THAT FUCKING PRICK.

YOU KNOW, IT AMAZES ME... DON'T START.

ALLOW ME.

BRI? IT'S LINZ. DID I WAKE YOU?

GOOD.

I APOLOGIZE FOR MAKING YOU BELIEVE OTHERWISE,

BUT I DON'T THINK IT SHOULD AFFECT MY ABILITY TO DO MY JOB...

HI, MIKE.

HEY, BOB. THANKS AGAIN FOR INVITING ME, UH...

I MEAN, US, TO THE PARTY THE OTHER NIGHT.

WE HAD A GREAT TIME.

HEY, LISTEN, BETTY WAS CRAZY ABOUT YOU.

ALL SHE WANTS TO KNOW IS, WHEN ARE YOU AND TRACY GETTING HITCHED?

LISTEN, BOB, THERE'S SOMETHING I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT...

THAT TRACY, SHE'S A REAL PRETTY GIRL.

SHE'S WHAT WE USED TO CALL A... A FOX.

YOU GUYS STILL USE THAT WORD, A FOX?

YEAH, WE STILL USE THAT WORD.

UH, DO YOU KNOW IF SHE'S BUSY TONIGHT?

EXCUSE ME?

UH, 'CAUSE YOU MIGHT, UH...

YOU MIGHT WANNA HAVE A LITTLE CELEBRATION OF YOUR OWN.

WELL, AFTER ALL, ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU GET A PROMOTION,

MR. MANAGER!

WAY TO GO, BUDDY.

CONGRATULATIONS, BUDDY.

A FUCKING PAPER, YOU KNOW. LIKE...

WELL FUCK YOU, YOU OLD WHORE.

OH, SHIT. WHAT'S UP? HEY, JUSTIN!

HEY, JUSTIN. HEARD YOU'RE NOT LIVING AT HOME ANY MORE, HUH?

THAT FUCKING DAPHNE AND HER BIG MOUTH.

AH, YEAH, YEAH. YEAH, THAT'S NEAT.

HEY, MAYBE IT'S 'CAUSE YOU'RE A FUCKING FAGGOT!

YEAH, 'CAUSE YOU'RE A FUCKING HOMO, YOU LITTLE BITCH!

HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW? FAGGOT!

WHAT'S UP? HEY, WANNA COME FUCK ME IN THE ASS?

WANNA SUCK MY DICK?

JUSTIN!

GET IN THE CAR.

WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?

W-WHAT FOR?

I SAID GET IN THE CAR.

WHERE ARE WE GOING?

HOME.

JUSTIN?

DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING YOU'D LIKE TO SAY?

WELL IN THAT CASE I'LL, UH, SPEAK FOR YOUR FATHER AND ME.

WE WANT YOU TO COME HOME.

IT'S WHERE YOU BELONG.

AND I THINK, UH...

BRIAN WOULD AGREE.

WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE WHAT BRIAN...

EXCUSE ME, I WAS SPEAKING.

KINDLY LET ME FINISH.

JUSTIN?

LOOK AT YOUR MOM, JUSTIN.

YOU'RE STAYING HERE.

ONLY IF DAD SAYS HE'S SORRY, TO BRIAN.

JUSTIN, HE IS THE ONE

WHO SHOULD BE APOLOGIZING TO YOU, FOR CHRIST'S SAKES!

FOR MAKING YOU THINK HE LOVED YOU.

HE NEVER SAID HE LOVED ME.

HE SAID IT WAS JUST A FUCK, THAT'S ALL.

BUT I'M OKAY WITH THAT BECAUSE THAT...

THAT'S ALL IT WAS.

ALL IT SHOULD BE.

I-I THINK YOU SHOULD GO TO YOUR ROOM NOW.

ONE MORE THING, JUSTIN.

CRAIG... NO!

NO, NO. I'M GONNA SAY THIS.

IF YOU'RE GONNA LIVE IN THIS HOUSE,

THERE'S RULES YOU HAVE TO OBEY.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA GO TO ANY MORE GAY BARS

OR TALK ABOUT YOUR DISGUSTING LIFESTYLE AROUND HERE.

AND YOU ARE NEVER, EVER TO SEE HIM AGAIN.

SO IN OTHER WORDS, FOR JUSTIN TO LIVE HERE WITH YOU,

HE HAS TO DENY WHO HE IS,

WHAT HE THINKS, AND HOW HE FEELS?

NO ONE ASKED FOR YOUR OPINION, PAL.

WELL THAT'S NOT LOVE.

THAT'S HATE.

GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE.

JUSTIN, YOU COMING?

OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH! SAVE IT FOR MY KID.

MIKEY, STAND UP.

COME ON! STAND UP.

HEY, EVERYBODY, MICHAEL GOT PROMOTED.

HE IS THEMANAGER OF THE BIG Q ON BUCKLEY!

BUTLER, NOT BUCKLEY.

COME ON, MA.

WHAT, I CAN'T BE PROUD JUST THIS ONE TIME?

IS IT ONLY FOR GAY PEOPLE?

NO ONE'S GAYER THAN YOU, DEB.

NO, YOU ARE A ROLE MODEL TO ALL OF US.

WHAT CAN I SAY?

I'M SURE YOU'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.

All.

HONEY. LOOK AT THAT FACE, HUH?

YOU LOOK AT THAT FACE,

AND YOU KNOW THAT MY SON HAS THE BIGGEST HEART,

AND THE MOST HONEST.

HUH? COULD THOSE EYES LIE?

NO ONE DESERVES A PROMOTION MORE THAN YOU, SWEETHEART.

BECAUSE YOU'RE THE BEST.

DIDN'T I ALWAYS TELL YOU YOU WERE GONNA BE A BIG SUCCESS?

SHIT.

BEFORE I GET ALL WEEPY,

LIKE BEFORE MY HYSTERECTOMY.

I'M TAKING ORDERS AND IT IS ON ME!

MA, YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO DO THAT.

HONEY, WE CAN AFFORD ANYTHING TONIGHT!

GO.

UH, AH... I'M FINE. I'M FINE.

HAVE SOMETHING. I DON'T... NO.

NO... SHOULD I? YOU SHOULD EAT.

YOU DID GOOD, MIKEY.

THANKS.

...AND A SALAD. CAN I GET A SALAD?

YEAH, I'LL BE BACK IN A SEC.

...I MEAN, IS THAT TOO MUCH? AM I ORDERING TOO MUCH?

I'M ORDERING TOO MUCH. I DON'T NEED ANYTHING!

I'M FINE. YOU KNOW WHAT? NOTHING, NOTHING FOR ME.

NICE GOING, MIKEY.

I WISH EVERYONE WOULD JUST STOP CONGRATULATING ME.

OKAY! I TAKE IT BACK. NO, I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY. I JUST...

YEAH, I'LL BE ABLE TO HELP MY MOM NOW.

GREAT. I-I'M A LIAR.

AND DON'T TELL ME I SHOULD BE USED TO THAT BY NOW.

THAT'S NOT WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY.

WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY IS,

IT'S NOT LYING IF THEY MAKE YOU LIE,

IF THE ONLY TRUTH THEY CAN ACCEPT IS THEIR OWN.

NOW, YOU'D BETTER GET BACK IN THERE.

HOW CAN IT BE A PARTY WITHOUT THE GUEST OF HONOUR?

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

I'VE GOT SOMEBODY WAITING FOR ME.

HEY.

YOU HUNGRY?

NOT REALLY.

GOTTA EAT SOMETHING.

SO,

WHAT'S FOR DINNER?

JAMBALAYA. FROM LAST NIGHT.

IT'S NOT BAD.

IT'S ALWAYS BETTER THE SECOND DAY.
.