Queer Eye (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - You Can't Fix Ugly - full transcript

In front of his chest, below his chin,

- and do soft sticks. Okay?
- Soft sticks?

- Yep.
- Mark.

Do I look at you, do I look at camera?

Are we ready?

Hey. I know we're not speeding yet.

- No, we are.
- Are we?

- Being a part of the Fab 5...
- What was the question?

...is just bizarre.

It's a dream.
I really hope I don't let you down.

- This is amazing.
- I'm nervous.



I don't know what to expect.

I'm so honored to be here.

Being part of this makes me happy.

Everything's gonna end with that.

Yeah.

The original show was fighting
for tolerance.

Our fight is for acceptance.

My goal is to figure out how we're similar
as opposed to how different we are.

We all got to come together
and understand each other.

- Guys, where are we going?
- Georgia.

- Let's do it.
- Yeah!

- The usual?
- My usual.

Jumbo Texas margarita
with a lime and two orange slices.

Yes, sir.



- What'd you do this weekend?
- Nothing.

I'm just a dumb, old country boy
from Kentucky.

My dad, he is a hot mess.

I don't do a whole lot.
I get up, I go to work, I come home.

Fix me a redneck margarita.

His style has been the same
for 27 years.

He wears a lot of jorts, jean shorts.
They all need to go.

Smoke a cigarette
and watch the television through the door.

It's my favorite thing to do.

This is Chandler.
Chandler is Dad's grandson.

Chandler is the love of my life.

I don't have a girlfriend.
I see my ex-wife Abbey every now and then.

We're still friends,

and I want her to be... excited
about the new me.

I think my dad is lonely.

I think that anybody who's spending
most of their time by themselves

would want to find a companion.

I think I'm unlucky in love
because I'm butt-ugly.

You might make me look a little better,
but you can't fix ugly.

So, we have Tom Jackson
from Dallas, Georgia.

Yes, we do!

Aged 57.

- Tom rents a basement apartment.
- A basement apartment at 57?

- I know.
- That's a concern.

Millennials are having a hard time
and everyone knows that.

He loves Mexican food and sappy movies.

He's a softy with gas.

He's a sentimental man with IBS.

Tom hasn't had luck with the ladies.

He's single,
and he's been divorced three times.

- Three times?
- A little pattern going on here.

I wonder. Is it him or is it his wives?

All my failed relationships have been
100 percent the other's fault.

It's never me.

Tom has a car show at the end of the week
that's important,

and he thinks it's a perfect opportunity
for him to maybe invite a special lady.

- Ooh.
- Mm-mm.

Hot rods and hot ladies.

He's eating breakfast right now
with a group of guys.

They all love old cars
and call themselves the Romeos.

Retired old men eating out.

We're pulling in. What's our mission?

We're gonna dust off these
Christmas ghost past of relationships.

Sort out his closet. Get him cute,
we're gonna get that house fixed up.

- We're ready, we cannot wait.
- Yes!

Yeah!

Tom Jackson?

Tom Jackson.

Oh!

I see him.

Hey, Tom.

There is Tom.

- Tom, get up. How are you doing?
- Get up, Tom.

I'm Bobby. Good morning.
Great to meet you.

- Ready?
- I'm ready.

We're taking you out.

- Let's go.
- Let's get out.

Enjoy your breakfast.

- Bye, guys.
- Everybody say, "Bye, Tom!"

- Bye.
- Bye.

Wow, look at these cars.

You guys come out here every Tuesday.

- Every Tuesday.
- You have breakfast.

We have breakfast
and look at each other's cars.

Gotta get the pink one.

Do any of the ladies in your life
enjoy the car shows?

- Uh, yes. Abbey does.
- They do?

Bye, thank you.

- This is Bob, my best friend.
- Yeah.

So, Bob, why do you think
Tom doesn't have a lady right now?

Look at him.

- Bob!
- Friends like this,

- who needs enemies?
- Who needs enemies?

Tom wears the same clothes over and over.

And we haven't figured out yet
if Tom has seven or eight pairs

of the same pants, same shirt,
that he rotates.

I wouldn't want him to hear me say this,

but he just needs to clean up his act,
he really does.

We'll follow you, Tom.
We're gonna see you soon.

- All right, guys, let's head to the truck.
- Let's go make somebody pretty.

So, what's Tom's house gonna look like?

A little dirty,
a little bit covered in smoke.

- A little like his beard.
- Yeah.

Oh, wow. Look at that classic car.

How awesome is that?

- Tom, this car.
- Tommy boy.

- Love this car.
- You like it?

Who gave you permission
to have a nice car?

It's a 1937 Plymouth.

And she's gorgeous.

- We wanna see this house.
- We'll come back to her.

I feel scared and excited
all at the same time.

- Should we be scared?
- This is my backyard.

- Oh, nice.
- This has great space.

Yeah, it's tidy.

This is my apartment.

I wanna know why
these are next to the bed.

What do you need these tongs for?

Jonathan. Whoo!

Not gonna ask about the dish rags
on the side of the bed,

- but that's fine.
- Oh, God! Whoa!

- You don't sit naked in this.
- No.

Liar face,
I know you sit in there naked.

Oh, what?

Why would you do that?

This is what I wanna see.

Oh, I see legs in the closet.

Tom, who is this little man?

A friend of mine,
his sister made that for me.

What did you do to her
to deserve this?

- Is that a douche?
- That's a showerhead.

Don't scare her. We just got here.

- Nice car shirt.
- Love a good car shirt.

Wear any shirts in there you want.

Blow it, baby.

Yes.

Get it! He's our Beyoncé.

I am guessing
you did not decorate this space.

- No, I did not.
- So, tell me about the chair.

My ex-wife gave it to me.

But it didn't have stains on it
when I got it.

Then and there, I knew I needed to find
a good alternative for that easy chair.

And if I were a lady friend coming over
and saw that...

No, no, no. Mm-mm.

Is this recliner making you
a bit of a creature of habit?

- Absolutely.
- So...

But I love recliners.

Wouldn't you rather have this room set up
to where a lady feels welcome?

- Damn right I would, hell, yeah.
- Oh, God, what the hell's this?

Urine. Definitely urine.

Oh, my God.

- Sorry, we made a mess.
- I can see.

Sorry about this. These things have to go.

Listen, nobody wants to have sex with you
when you're wearing pajamas like this.

I understand why women stay away.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

- On my behalf...
- Yeah?

...I only wear those when I'm by myself
and it's really cold.

- As long as no woman's seeing these.
- No women has seen them.

You like a lot of plaid.

I love plaid.
But there's different ways of doing it.

- I didn't buy most of those.
- Who buys your product?

My ex-wife bought most of these.
My first ex-wife and my second ex-wife.

Tom's closet is surprising.

He likes color, which is bizarre

from a man who doesn't seem to care
about his appearance.

So, you know he's got a playful side.
The closet gives me hope.

He doesn't need to be
a boring 57-year-old man.

Have a belt I could cinch this with?

Yes. Let me get it for you.

I've never felt better about myself.

You've never looked better.

There you go, brother. I mean, sister.

- Sister's better for me.
- Let's cuddle his make-believe girlfriend.

I will hug you and squeeze you
and pet you and hug you.

I put my lips on it, gross.

Stop putting other people's things
in your mouth.

So, Tom, there are a few things here
that I like.

This is actually the extent of it.

- Not much.
- So, that's that.

I do love your beard,
and the color of your beard is: mwah!

I've noticed a little bit of dryness
on your cheek.

- That's my lupus.
- Okay. Let's talk about that a little.

I know about lupus, it's all about SPF.

We have to protect your skin
from UVA and UVB rays

because sun can cause inflammation
and flare-ups in people with lupus.

How you take care of yourself is how
the world sees you, and he's not doing it.

So, the first ingredient in this
is sodium lauryl sulfate,

which is the same thing
that cleans the car engine in a car.

- But it says moisturizing.
- She's a liar.

She's a liar.

I love monoglycerides as an emulsifier
with preservatives potassium sorbate,

sodium benzoate,
calcium disodium EDTA.

- Do you have any dating profiles?
- Yes.

And how's that working?

The last lady I was with,

she wanted to go to a sporting goods place
to walk around.

- I broke my back in September.
- Sorry to hear that.

You know what,
as you tell me the story, you sit.

If your back is hurting you,
I'll stand up for you.

Just standing and walking.

And, uh... she said,
"Well, where do you wanna go now?"

I said, "Well, I really wanna go home...

and just sit on a couch,
and then watch movies."

So, we came home, she came in
and packed all of her shit up.

She said, "I'm going home,
you don't wanna do anything fun."

- Well, you know, I've got a bad back.
- Yeah.

So, the last real relationship
that you met ended

because she thought
you weren't adventurous enough?

Exactly.

- So, you got in a block right now.
- Exactly.

Yeah. How long do you think
you've had that block?

Phew. For years.

There's a whole world online,
there's a whole world here.

We were driving through Dallas, Georgia,
and it is beautiful here.

And telling the truth, I saw a lot
of fine ladies that are out there.

But a lot of them are younger.

They don't like fat, ugly old men,
you know.

See? You're seeing a fat, ugly old man.
We're not.

- You're 57?
- Fifty-seven.

- That's not old. You do know that.
- True.

There's things that we can do
to help you feel younger

- and make you feel better.
- I want that.

- Yeah.
- That's what I want.

What's so interesting about your kitchen
is that you have signs

of somebody who appreciates
cooking things from scratch.

But then you have fudge rounds,

and these super processed...

- I mean, I don't know.
- I need help.

- Yeah. Yeah.
- To say the least.

Yeah, and that's what I'm here for.

Food-wise, I know that there's
a Mexican restaurant that you really like.

Absolutely.
I get the same thing every time.

- And what's that?
- Beef burrito supreme

and a jumbo Texas margarita.

- You're a creature of habit.
- Absolutely, I am.

- You appreciate Tex Mex?
- Absolutely.

Noted. Okay, drink situation. It's not
necessary to drink this all the time.

We can re-create this.

If you're having that much sugar,
make it real.

If you're gonna be eating this,
I'm saying you have...

- I don't...
- Is this your daughter's?

- No. Abbey got me that.
- Who's Abbey?

- My last ex-wife.
- Your last ex-wife, okay.

- We see each other every now and then.
- Oh.

- We have been...
- Why'd your face twitch?

Talk to me about that.

- About Abbey?
- Yeah.

Well, I love Abbey more than anything.

I wanna spend my life with her.

What's going on there?

She says she loves me,
I know I love her.

- Well, anyway...
- Okay. Wait! No, no, stop.

- Okay.
- So?

So, what?

- Why aren't you with her?
- I don't know.

You'll have to ask her
why she's not with me.

I'm a romantic.

Bringing two people together
who are meant to be...

I think that'd be really sweet.

She has always told me I'm the best man
she's ever been with in her life.

The more I get to know him, I
realize there's a lot going on underneath.

He's very open about sharing that,
which is such a gift.

You guys might make me look better,

but one thing you can't do,
you can't fix ugly.

- You need to stop saying that.
- First thing that has to go.

If this happened seven to ten years ago,
and if you were gay,

you'd be my husband,
so there's nothing ugly about you.

- Do you all want a redneck margarita?
- I would try one.

I would try one.

Tequila and Mountain Dew,
that sounds really good.

Who doesn't love margaritas
and Mountain Dew and tequila?

- Cheers!
- Cheers!

But, honey, that shit was gross AF.

That is the most disgusting shit ever!

- What?!
- Goddamn!

Put more Mountain Dew in it.

I want to give Tom a space that
he could entertain Katie and Chandler,

as well as a lady friend.

So, the only kind of place to do that
is to open up the back of his apartment.

I'll teach Tom it's okay
to have a relationship with yourself,

to take care of yourself.

We've really got to get
the confidence wind beneath his wings.

Right now, he's giving me penguin wind
beneath the wings.

I need him to have pelican wind
beneath the wings.

He wears jorts. It's fucking hideous.
Every one of these shorts needs to die.

We need to make sure he's got a version
of that that is more appropriate.

I want Tom to look at his diet
and see it as dynamic.

Something that can evolve.

I hope he gets to see
a different kind of life.

My main mission is to get him
to a place where he understands

that you are not ugly,
you are a beautiful man inside and out.

When we are done with Tom, he is going
to be snatched from head to toe.

You know what snatched means?
This is gay terminology 101.

Y'all learn what that is.

This is crazy.

Ever think you'd have
gay men blindfolding you

- and taking you somewhere?
- No, I didn't.

- We call this 50 Shades of Gay.
- Oh, 50 Shades of Gay.

- Are you ready for it?
- Oh, God. I'm ready.

- I'm gonna go ahead and take this off.
- Okay.

- Are we going to the landfill?
- We are, indeed.

What are we doing at the landfill?

- You've gotta witness this.
- Okay.

Welcome.

- Say goodbye.
- Oh, God, you're throwing my chair away!

- We are throwing it in the dump.
- Oh, God.

- It's gotta go.
- It's my favorite chair.

- I'm sorry. It's gotta go.
- It's gotta go, damn.

It could clean up.

Clean it? No, no, no.

Oh, man.

Do you have any final words to say to her?

I'm gonna miss you, darling.

- He's had a lot of fun sitting on you.
- Give her one last hug and kiss.

All right.

- This is dead and gone.
- Dead and gone.

- Are you ready, Tommy?
- I'm ready.

All right. One, two...

Blends right in with the trash.

Everything that chair symbolized,
everything sitting in your house,

not going out in the world, feeling alone,
that's where it's gone.

- In the trash now.
- Absolutely.

Brand-new me.

All right, Tommy,
let's go get you some new furniture.

- There's a mattress at the very bottom.
- That might've been from your house, too.

We're going to a mattress shop,

- roll around in bed a little.
- All right. I can't wait.

Tan said he was married.
Are you married?

I'm married.
Yep, been together for 13 years.

- Wow.
- We've been together for 13,

married for five. Not legal to get married
until five years ago.

Are you the husband or the wife?

Um...

- That is a misconception.
- Yeah, let's unpack that, so, let's do it.

- Yeah, let's do it.
- That's a little sexist.

- Well, I'm sorry.
- Just lightly so, not majorly.

I get that a lot,
when I'm in a relationship:

"Oh, who wears the pants?"
Even with hetero couples.

I think those lines are blurred.

- Yeah.
- And, like, whatever role you are,

whether it's like moon or sun,

moon being more feminine energy
and sun being more masculine,

- Uh-huh.
- there's strength to be had in both.

Absolutely.

But I also think that I'd love to have,
like, a rich lawyer,

- who's strong and silent.
- He destroyed everything.

- I did.
- We both wear the pants.

- Okay. That's good.
- Yeah.

We're going.
Let's go find a gorgeous mattress.

Okay.

We wanted to come by today
to find our friend Tom a mattress.

What are we trying?
What are we doing?

So, I saw this mattress online
the other day. It's, like, $52,000.

Fifty...? For a mattress?

- So, climb up on there and see.
- 52,000 dollars?

It does look comfortable, though.

- Oh, God.
- Oh, my God.

Well, hey, guys, I'm joining.

- Oh, my God, Tom.
- This actually feels like a cloud.

- Tom, ever shopped for a mattress before?
- No.

What? You just said you have never shopped
for a fucking mattress?

After my last divorce, I bought mine
from an individual off-line... Online.

So, let's never do that again.
They're not the best thing to buy used.

So, with back problems... Um, I have
back problems myself, like I've said.

And I've found that sleeping
on a soft mattress is murder.

What about this one?

- It's too soft.
- Too soft? Good.

I want to find
a nice memory foam mattress for you.

So, this is a memory one.
It's 100 percent natural.

Get on this, see what you think.

Make it look sexy, now.

- Oh, God, this feels good.
- Right, it's nice, right?

It's slightly soft on top,
but then it stops.

You don't keep sinking down into it
like a marshmallow,

- but it supports you, right?
- Absolutely.

This thing is so major.

With the research I've done, this is
actually the one I'm hoping you'll like.

Oh, man, this is nice.

Like I'm in the infomercial of my dreams.

As you sleep,
the foam is stretching out your spine.

And it works when you're on your side,
on your stomach, on your back.

- Ooh.
- Feel the support.

Think this is gonna help your love life?

If I find a lady, it will.

We'll find that next. Scoot on over.

I mean, honestly, it's the prettiest thing
I've ever felt in my gay life.

You wouldn't need a recliner anymore.

- Absolutely. I'd like a bed like this.
- What's this do?

Ooh, honey!

- She's a hard vibration, honey.
- She is.

Oh, my word, this has got
pleasure chest written all over it.

Oh, my word, I can just imagine
my midwife come in.

If you keep at this pace,
you're gonna have this baby.

Strap her up.

No. She's too close.

Oh, you had a great little, fluffy cloud.

- Oh, she is gorgeous.
- Oh, she looks just like you.

My word.

Well, so, this is this bed.
I had a great time.

I hope you did, too.

You guys are crazy.

Are you nervous
to have a gay dress you?

- Not at all.
- No?

Gay guys dress great.

You know we do,
and I'm so excited to show you this.

- I'm excited.
- Yeah.

I've never been to stores like this.

This is a vintage store.

It's full of fun, it's super well-priced.

If you're on a budget, it's great.

But the reason I wanted to bring you here

is 'cause it's full of fun,
and so are you.

You can bring your personality out
in a place like this.

I'll take your hat.
You love it, but take that off.

And I won't get you out of the hat.
Get a new hat.

Have you ever considered a flat cap?

- Never considered a flat cap.
- Let's give it a go.

- The reason why...
- I probably look stupid in it.

No, you don't look stupid.

The reason why I would rather
you have something like a flat cap,

it doesn't cover your face as much.
I want you to stop covering your face

'cause you're handsome,
so let's show it off. So...

- It's definitely different.
- It's different. I know.

It's more sophisticated than just a cap.

- Right.
- Let me try one more.

This might be a bit much, but I'll try.

My hair looks terrible,
I wear my hat all day.

You've worn your hat for 25 years,
don't worry about that.

- I don't like that.
- You won't wear that?

- No.
- If you're not loving it, get rid of it.

Let's stick with something easier.

This is an easy transition,
but it opens up your face more.

- Right, I like that better.
- Good. Oh, my gosh.

Amazing.

The thing I really wanted you to see
was this.

This wall is color spectrum.

I want you to understand colors
you need to keep away from.

Tom has lupus, and that has given him
a red undertone to his skin.

There's certain things you can't wear.

This is not home for you,
stay away from here.

You are not welcome in that home.
This is home for you.

All these colors bring out your eyes.

So, even if you're lost in this store,
this is your friend. Yeah?

- Yes.
- That's what I want you to see.

We'll do the same in your closet,

so, when you step into your closet
you know, "This is my space."

Absolutely.

What's the most
you've spent on a haircut?

- Fifteen dollars.
- Work.

Wanna grow the beard out?

- Absolutely. I want a ZZ Top beard.
- Work. I love a ZZ Top beard.

But there's still a fair amount of
grooming that goes into a ZZ Top beard.

I'll show you how to give that beard love.

- Okay.
- And we're gonna trim it.

I'll cut your hair off.

- Are you nervous?
- Not really.

- I love that, you trust me.
- I do.

That's a good deal. Hey, everybody.

Hi!

Okay, so, come on in, take a seat.

The beard is gonna be
our transformation moment.

All about the beard.

What I wanna do is take
a bit of this length off the bottom,

and I wanna taper these sides,

so, it comes in on the face

instead of quite so wide. I'm excited.

It's hard to work
with Beyoncé hair in my face.

- You look so cute.
- Don't I?

I remember when I first met you,
you were saying, like,

you can't fix ugly.

But the deal with that is,
no matter how anyone is born,

whatever anyone's appearance is,
there's only so much you can do.

One thing you have power over,
but you have to work at it, is confidence.

Confidence is sexy.
Knowing who you are is sexy.

You're such a sweet guy.
And you do have a lot to offer.

But if you don't make it seem
that you have a lot to offer,

no one gives you the time of day.

- Right.
- Does my hair look insane?

- Yes.
- It does. But it's fierce, I don't care.

See, confidence. Hi! That's what it is.

- You're a little cooler though, right?
- No. You're fucking cool.

I don't know many people who can rock
a ZZ Top beard really effortlessly.

Where does this go?

Okay.

You know, it's all about a beard.
Beard length, beard shape, it's very now.

He's got good stuff to work with,
we just need to show him how.

Right now, it's looking real tumbleweed,

and I want it to be real moisturized.

Mmm. That smell of cigarette
wafting up your beard is so hot.

- You're crazy.
- I'm sorry.

So, Abbey. When you guys were married,
did you have this hair?

- Yes.
- And what about the beard?

I had a beard, but it was
about like yours, it was tight.

Oh, it was tight?

So, you don't know
if she likes you with a beard or not?

- I'm not sure. I think she does, though.
- Well, I hope so, 'cause I'm leaving it.

The thing with beards is,
you want it to be nice and neat,

but you don't want it to look
like you overdid it.

You wanna mimic your face shape.
You have a nice strong line here,

in your jaw and your cheek.

We mimic your jawline
with the beard, more square.

Okay. I'm starting to look
like a president.

- Ulysses S. Grant? Yes, queen. I know.
- Yes.

I was literally trying to channel him,
but in 2017 with all sorts of fly style.

- Right.
- Ah.

Beard oil.
This is how much you need to use.

Just two pumps.
Rub it up all underneath your beard.

Oh, God. Yes, balance. Yes, symmetry.

Who gave us permission?

- What? What? What?!
- What are you doing here?

- You are killing it.
- You like this?

You look fresh. What?!

Look at you.
You look like a brand-new man.

- I feel like it, too.
- Yes.

- Go be good, boys.
- Yes.

- You look like a new man.
- I feel like one.

You do?

So, I wanna give you a lesson on
how to make sure you got your swag.

The walk.

We've still got some work to do
with the walk.

But there's a piece
that we gotta still fix inside of here.

When was the last time you felt confident
about yourself?

- Probably about 12 years ago.
- Really?

- What was going on 12 years ago?
- When I met Abbey.

When you met Abbey.

She was such a beautiful lady
and was interested in me.

Got it.
What is something you like about yourself?

- I like my personality, I think I'm funny.
- You're very funny.

Look at you two lovebirds on a park bench.
Look at your face.

- You like it?
- It's amazing.

- How are you doing?
- How are you?

Oh, my God.

- You look great.
- Thank you.

I can see your eyes.
I wasn't sure what he'd do, but I love it.

I like the way he squared it up,
makes me look like Ulysses S. Grant.

I've been hearing you talk about
your ex-wife Abbey a lot.

- Yeah.
- I know that you have a car show

- that you're going to on Friday.
- I do.

With all that you've learned,
you're looking good, feeling better.

Absolutely, I am.

I think you should give her a call and,
you know, see if she wants to hang out.

Do you have the guts to call her
and invite her on Friday?

Absolutely, I do.
You want me to call her now?

- Now. No better time than the present.
- Bust out the flip phone.

I'll call her.

- Hello?
- Hey, darling Abbey, how are you?

Hey, I'm good. What you doing?

- How was your day today?
- It was super busy, but it was good.

- Good. I got a question for you.
- Okay.

- I've got a car show coming up.
- Oh, okay.

Do you think you might like to come?

- Yeah, I'd love to.
- Great.

- That sounds awesome.
- I'll send you the details, okay?

- I'll be there.
- Okay, bye.

Bye.

Whoo!

- What'd you think?
- I think that went well.

Whoo!

- I think it did.
- Can I tell you? It was perfect.

- Yeah.
- Sounds like she's into it.

- Yes, she does.
- I'm into it.

Got it, this boy's ready to be gorgeous.

- Finally here.
- What's up, brother?

- Wow, look at you.
- You like it?

- Everything but the jorts.
- You don't like the jorts.

I hate the jorts.

- Hair's on point, the beard looks good.
- We're gonna blindfold you.

- Okay, Tom, you ready for this?
- I'm ready.

- Yeah? You sure?
- Yeah.

Oh, come on, man. I'm so damn excited.

On the count of three,
take off the blindfold.

One, two, three.

Oh, my God!

Hey, damn. God!

- I told you I was gonna make...
- I can't believe!

Damn!

This is... Oh, God.
I can't believe this shit.

Got you some market light,
a new table

so you can feed everyone, the family,
the ladies out here.

A little lounge
to have some romantic evenings.

- Damn.
- I just wanna cry.

Oh, God.

This is great, guys.

- Ready for the inside?
- I'm ready.

- All right.
- Oh, my God.

Holy shit!

Damn, guys.

- Does it look like the same place?
- Hell, no.

I can't bel... Look at my car!

Damn!

The mattress we picked out
for you, it's under here.

So, it's gonna help elongate your back.

During the day, walk as much as you want
with the ladies and not hurt your back.

Great.

- These are recliners.
- They are?

- They are, indeed.
- No lubed-up fabric in sight, either.

Just push back.

Oh, man.

Do you notice there's not one,
like before, but two?

- Absolutely.
- You know why, right?

- For my lady friend.
- Exactly.

If you open your heart and your mind,

knowing there's somebody else
for it, it'll happen.

Look at this!

You know how you had
the big dresser?

- Yes.
- You have a huge bathroom.

- I know.
- So, we put a dresser in here for you.

My favorite thing,
got rid of that showerhead.

All right.

- God, I love this.
- Whatever that thing was,

now you're not gonna have to...
whatever that was.

- And a nice pretty new shower curtain.
- Absolutely.

This is your face sunscreen,
your body sunscreen.

This is in the morning.

We're gonna be naked.
I want it everywhere.

Beard oil,
remember what to do with beard oil?

- Two drops.
- Yes, we just wanna moisturize him.

This beard. It's a him. Who knew?

This is a frozen face mask.

Ooh, that's cold.

Cold stuff removes puffiness.

It invigorates the skin,
and it really takes inflammation down.

This is, like, the only makeup-y thing
I'll ever show you.

Green stick.
If you're ever going to a major night,

and you wanna calm your redness down,

just put a little bit on your nose.

It's not gonna get rid of the redness
completely, it just tones it down.

And the rule with it is,
if you can see it, you did too much.

But that made a gigantic difference,
look at yourself.

- It looks good.
- Doesn't that look better?

- A lot.
- Can you believe?

No.

I'm gonna teach you
how to make a guac from scratch.

We just slice right along the pit.

Introducing things that are fresh
into his diet is so simple.

He had guacamole in restaurants
and had no idea how to make it.

So, this pit, the easiest way
to get it out quickly,

boom, and it comes right out.

We have our salt,
we have our acid from the lime juice,

we have cilantro,
and we have avocado.

This is pretty much all that you need
for a guacamole. Mash this up.

One thing I like to add,
I like things super creamy.

I'm, like, a dairy freak.
So, this is tangy Greek yogurt.

It has so much less fat than sour cream,
and it has a lot of flavor.

I like to put a little spoon of that
in there. Sir, grab a chip.

- You know what to do with that?
- Yeah, I know.

That's delicious.

You're grabbing a second
and you're not done.

Four ingredients,
you have an amazing guacamole.

Something you'll make again?

- Hell, yes.
- Amazing.

- Wow, I'm so impressed.
- It's beautiful, right?

It is.

We've made it easy
to work your way through.

I wanna keep it accessible.

You live in a small town.
You can find some awesome products.

When I've found stuff, all I needed to do
was send it to a tailor,

make sure it's my size.
That doesn't cost a lot.

- I love this.
- Does it feel like you?

An elevated version of me, the new me.

I'm gonna take these from you.

You don't need to wear
these granddad glasses.

- Grandpa glasses.
- Grandpa glasses.

I want you to see these.

You've got beautiful blue eyes,
let's show them off.

Let's get a younger pair
of glasses on you.

They're a bit hip,
but still age-appropriate.

- I like them.
- You feel good?

Absolutely.
I can already tell, absolutely.

- You look handsome.
- I never would've dreamed it.

Exactly. Exactly.

- Tom, you ready?
- Yes.

I've got someone I want you to see.

- Ready.
- Better not be jorts.

I wanna see him in a suit,
that's what I'm betting on.

Look at you!

- Hey, guys, what do you think?
- You look amazing.

Aw!

- You like it?
- We love it!

Let's see how somebody else feels.

Wow, Katie, what are you doing here?

- You look awesome.
- You like it?

- Look at you.
- Hey, Chandler, buddy.

- Who's that?
- What's up? Come here.

Yeah, that's my buddy.

- You got new glasses.
- Yes, you like them?

Yeah. You look so good, Dad.

This isn't the only look.
We've got more looks.

If you ever find
you can't take something to a tailor,

- roll that up a little bit.
- Right.

It'll show that you've put some thought
into your look.

We're giving you layers,
so, you're not focusing on one area.

When you look from the side, you'll look
so much slimmer than you did earlier on.

- I like it.
- I'm dying for them to see. Come on.

- Okay, kids.
- Look at this.

- The cool...
- Oh, yes.

- What do you think?
- So cool.

- That's what shorts that fit look like.
- Absolutely.

Yes, yes, yes.

- You two are matching.
- Oh, we are, look at this.

Mwah!

Seeing Tom at the end of the week
was such a juxtaposition

from when we first met him.
God, all laughs and all smiles,

but you could tell something was going on.

- I had a great time.
- We did, too.

I'm gonna miss you.

You can't teach an old dog new tricks?
Not true,

you can reinvent yourself
and learn new things when you want.

First couple of days,
you kept saying you can't fix ugly

- and it broke my heart.
- You all have fixed ugly.

We have fallen in love with you,

and I didn't really expect
to have this moment with you,

and you are such an amazing man.

- Guys, you're making me cry.
- It's okay.

We love you, Tom,
you're such a good man.

- I'm sorry.
- No.

- I'm gonna miss all of you guys. Cheers.
- Cheers.

- Bye, Tom. Love you.
- Bye, Tom.

- See you.
- You all be careful.

- Good job, guys.
- Good job.

Bye.

Mm. Just the right amount of head.

Thanks, babe.

Cheers. Oh, Bobby, here you go.

Oh, thank you, boo boo.

- Where's Tan?
- Come on, come on.

- All right, Tom Jackson time.
- Yes.

He's putting on his eye mask.

Leave that on for just a minute.
I can't see.

He's taken his glasses off
so he can't see.

- You took them off too soon.
- Get a shirt.

I like that print.
Was he supposed to keep the undershirt on?

Older men do. I'm fine with that.
I'm not hating that.

- My dad wears one.
- I'll look good for Abbey. Ah.

My shirt's too tight.

Oh, he's not sure to do it open or closed.

- Oh, come on, Tom, I told you to layer.
- Yeah, get that off, Tommers.

Hold on,
why is he going back to the outfit?

- It's Groundhog Day right now.
- What are you doing, Tom?

He's going back to the outfit
he's comfortable in.

It looks more dressed up.

That wasn't his date-night look,
that was day wear.

Get a nicer shirt, good for you.

- I'm not hating this outfit.
- The khaki with the blue.

Dig the kicks.

He looks ten years younger
with just his outfit.

God, I wish I had time
for a mani-pedi.

That nail, he could climb trees
with those toenails.

- You can clip those, it's okay.
- What he's doing?

Where are we going?
Yes, sunscreen, control those flare-ups.

In the last three minutes,

he has done 750 percent more skin care
than he's done in his life.

- Okay, we're going in for green stick.
- Good job, green stick.

- First I've heard about green stick.
- Oh, shit.

Hit your nose,
that's where the redness is.

Look at that, he looks cute.

- He looks adorable.
- Actually, he looks cool.

I look cool.

He's finding a balance
in between old Tom and new Tom.

This is how we kind of found him,
just refined.

Okay, let's go to the car show.

- There's Tom.
- You look vaguely familiar.

Oh, yeah, he wants to be seen now.
No more fading in the background for Tom.

- How are you doing?
- He looks vaguely familiar.

- What do you think, guys?
- Look at you. All right.

Look at that smile and baby blues.

Look how happy
they all look to see him.

Look at that beard.

- Where's this lovely lady?
- Where's the lady?

Oh!

- What's going on?
- She came.

- Lookie here.
- Oh, my.

- Damn, holy shit!
- Look at you.

There's good old Tom, still in there.

You look so good.
Oh, my gosh, you look different.

Oh, God, oh, Abbey.

- Aw. She's pretty.
- She is.

Yeah.

- My gosh, I love your glasses.
- You like my new glasses?

I love your glasses, I do.

I love how Southern women dress up.

She looks so sweet.

- Wanna look at some cars?
- Sure.

- Will you hold my hand?
- Sure.

He's literally, like,
acing the intimacy test.

- It's nice.
- It's like a '65, no '66.

Oh, my God, she knows about cars?

Would you like to possibly come back
and look at my new apartment?

I'd love to.

Hold on to your panties.

He's about to take you
for a ride, girl, yes.

- Tell me what's been going on.
- Oh, God, I've had so much fun.

- I became really good friends with them.
- Did you?

Yes, I did.

When we were saying bye, I started crying.

Aw.

- And they did, too.
- That's so sweet.

- Welcome, my love.
- He lets her out of the car, great.

Welcome to my house, my new house.

My God, now she's gonna see it
for the first time.

- Wow. Oh, my gosh.
- What do you think?

Look at the lights
and the little seating area.

- I can't believe the change.
- They did a wonderful job.

- Yes.
- You wanna come in and see my new place?

- He's kind of putting it on.
- Oh, Tom is a player.

Oh, my gosh! I don't believe this,
Thomas, this is amazing.

- Do you believe this?
- It's like a hotel room.

- Sit down there. What do you think?
- Oh, wow, this is nice.

These are awesome.

That was a little moment.

- His and hers.
- Absolutely.

His and hers.

- His and hers.
- His and hers.

He really loves his space.

You've never been over here
to eat like this with me.

No, I haven't. This is amazing.

- Lighting the candles, setting the mood.
- Good job, Tommy.

I've never had this in a restaurant,
have you?

Mmm.

- Antoni taught me to make this.
- Mm.

- Look at that finger action.
- Aw. She's touching him.

- Things are happening.
- You did a great job.

- Are you impressed?
- I'm very impressed.

Yes!

You look great.

What is it that you liked the most
about being with the five guys?

I loved their personalities,

and I've never hung with gay guys before,
and they were great.

They were so open with me,
and I was open with them.

- Sure was.
- I'm glad that you had the experience.

I am, too.

- You deserve it.
- Thank you.

Would you like to do this again?

I would love that.

Would you like to go to dinner
next Saturday night?

He's asking for a dinner date.

Yes, I would love to.

Yes!

I love the Fab 5.

They made me feel great.

For the last ten or 15 years,
all I did was come home,

fix me a redneck margarita
and watch TV, I never went out.

But I am going to live healthier.

I'm already looking
a hell of a lot better.

And I'm just moving on with my life.

- Let's toast.
- To the new, improved Thomas.

- Don't we love our Tom?
- Yes. Oh, Tom.

- Gosh, I miss Tom.
- Cheers to Tom.

All human beings have a commonality.
More so than anyone thinks.

- We're all really exactly the same.
- Yes.

We all are born,
we all grow up wanting to be loved,

we all become an adult searching for love.

It doesn't matter if it's gay or straight.

A common thread that holds every human
together is that we wanna be loved.

Yes.

- To Tom.
- To Tom.

Don't get stuck in a rut
with your margarita.

Add some jalapeños...

or cilantro, but not for Jonathan.

He hates cilantro.

But he loves margs.

Mmm.

That's gorgeous, Antoni.