Queens (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - 1999 - full transcript

Excuse me, ma'am.
Where we going?

"Ma'am"?

Rows or twists?

Rows. But do
my baby hair like Doja Cat.

Girl, I'm canceling
the Internet.

Hand me
that edge control.

What's burning?

Oh, God.

Oh. Nuh-unh, girl.
Put that back. Upstairs.

Watch out.

Oh. My goodness.
Sorry.



Listen.
I am sorry that I slept so late.

These migraines are killing you.
I know, I know, I know.

But you got errands, so I will
get the kids to school.

You're the best.

No, baby. You're holding this
whole operation together.

You are the queen.

Hey. Look at me.
You are the king.

You can't control
what's happening to you.

I know. I get the results
from my CT scan this week.

I just...
I need answers.

I miss another semester,
I might lose tenure.

Look. We'll be okay. I got them.
All right.

And we gonna get you back to you.
Yeah?

Yeah?
You're so hot right now.



Ooh. Stop.
I'm just sayin'.

Professor Sex, when
the last time we, you know?

Mnh. You see all them
damn kids over there?

Yes.

Come on.
I'm just sayin'.

I just combed grits
out of my hair.

Oh, you are so filthy.
Just think about it.

You're gonna think
about it.

I can tell you're gonna
think about it,

'cause I can see it
in your eyes.

Good morning,
my beautiful children!

Hello, hello, hello!

Look at your hair.
I'ma finish doing your...

Did you miss me?
Did you miss me?

Oh, you missed me!
Come here, man.

Forgive me, Father,
for I have sinned.

I've been
avoiding sex with my husband.

The Bible says
we should not...

I'm having an affair!

I've fought it
for a long time,

but I'm in love
with someone else.

And there's more, Father.

Something I've never said
out loud, to anyone.

But I have to.

Go on, my child.
Unburden yourself.

Father, I...

I-I can't.

Wait. I'm off
the Van Jones interview

and now I'm doing a segment
on the world's oldest chimp?

This was Dana's call,
wasn't it?

Three minutes to show.

First you get the money...

then you get the power.

After you get the power...

they will respect you.

Falling asleep
down here!

Hey, ain't you one of them
Nasty Bitches?

Cut!
That's a wrap! Got it!

I know, it's your world.
It's your world.

Dap me up.
It's your world.

Baby...

Watch the cables, people!

-Nasty Bitches forever!
-Forever!

World-premiere
exclusive video.

The number-one record
in the country right now,

and we've got the ladies
right here with us.

We're the Nasty Bitches.
Welcome to our crib.

...records sold.

"Nasty Girl"
up for two VMAs,

but any response to being banned
from "Saturday Night Live"?

Yeah, that George Bush
is still an!

Butter Pecan.

From the hood to Hollywood.

Why'd you walk off stage?

What's the beef?
Are the Nasty Bitches done?

Yes.

Excuse me?

Excuse me!

Sorry.
This is my van.

Oh, snap! Is that...
That's you! Baby, she's famous!

My bro had her poster
on the wall.

Her? Really?
What happened?

Rude.

What, TLC's not
getting back together?

Oh, you got me confused
with somebody else.

You stupid.
You think TLC be shopping

for prune juice in some
dirty-ass sweats?

Have a wonderful day.

Boy, you stupid.

Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

Yes.

Oh, you are the queen!

Oh! Oh, my God.

What...

You said she was gone all morning!
Oh!

What are you wearing?

I am, like,
genuinely sorry.

I don't even like condoms, but
I made him wear one every time

out of the deep respect

I have for you
and your amazing family.

What is wrong with you?!

Nothing.

Everything. I...

I don't know.
A white girl?!

I'm 1/8th Peruvian.

I bought this for you.

I look like a clown
because two fools

thought I was too disgusting
to be TLC.

If I may...
No.

...I think
you look fantastic.

Really?

Yes. Stunning.

There's nothing more attractive
than mature beauty.

I'm sorry.

I know I messed up,
and...

I don't know
what to say.

I ju...
Please, say something.

Yell at me, hit me.

I'm an asshole!

Bree.
Babe, I'm sorry.

I gave up everything.

For you.

Okay.

Crap.

Oh. I thought today for sure.
Did we miss the window?

Maybe. I-I don't know.
You disappointed?

Not at all.

This is all part
of God's plan.

I know you believe that.
Come here.

I love you. However this
journey ends up is fine.

Because it's ours.

You deserve the best.

You are the best.

What is it?

Nothing.

I love you.
That's all.

Hey.

Guess who brought
lemon cookies.

You're amazing.
Darren loves these.

Is he home?

Bowling league.
Championship.

You look nice.

Thank you.

Everything all right?

I called you last night.
You didn't answer.

I'm good.

I know what
you're dealing with.

You know I'm here
for you, right?

I couldn't do it.
I couldn't tell Darren.

I know I said I would, and
I had a plan, but I couldn't.

How far are you
gonna take this

before you do something
you can't go back on?

I am married.
I'm Catholic.

I'm also the daughter
of a deacon

who literally prayed over kids
he thought might be gay.

Do you love me?

Of course I do.

This is hard for me.

It is difficult
to break someone's heart,

but is this easier?

Pretending to be
someone you're not?

No.
But I'm used to it.

And I respect your struggle,
but I have got to live

out in the open
with the person I love.

Tina, we'll figure it out.

I've already
figured it out, Jill.

It's your turn.

Tina.

Hey, Ma.
It's been a minute.

It's been a year.
Why you gotta show up today?

Can I speak
to my daughter, please?

Jojo!

Coming!

You can't keep
doing this to her.

Look, I'm doing
the best that I can.

Happy birthday.

I haven't seen you
in over a year.

You gonna let me in?
No.

I'm your mother.
No, you're someone

who pops in
every once in a while

with a lame gift and an excuse
as to why she is never around.

Being on the road is not easy
for me, either, Jojo.

It's always about you,
isn't it?

When I get past my issues

and I really think
about who you are,

it makes me sad, 'cause I see
someone still chasing the fame

they lost 20 years ago,

someone so reckless
with her life,

she doesn't even know
who my father is.

I hope you find what it is
that you're looking for.

Dana, I'm here
to discuss yet another

unjust killing of a Black man
by law enforcement,

and as a member of the news
media, the words you use matter.

Wait.
This is on me? Racism?

All a hundred and something
years it's been happening?

Look.
All lives matter.

Why is that controversial?
I shoot straight.

I call them criminals
when they commit crimes.

I call them thugs
when they act thuggish.

And when Blacks act ignorant,
I call them...

Never again will this woman
work in this town.

I am totally appalled.

This is a major problem.
Dana is our top-rated host.

Because she's the last
of the originals.

But someone has to look
our viewers in the eye

on Monday and apologize...

a woman of color, me,

and I will make America
fall in love with me.

It's what I do.

Right.
Get us out of this mess.

One more thing.

We've been negotiating
my contract for months...

It's done.
Whatever you want.

Okay.
Now I want...

More potatoes, honey?
Yes, please.

Thank you. Um...

Guys, did we say "thank you" to
Mommy for this amazing dinner?

Thank you.
Thank you, thank you.

So, how was school?
School was good?

Everybody have a good day?
Princess? You have a good day?

-Yeah. I drew a giraffe.
-I had a pretty good day.

Yeah? What'd you make? Okay.
You had a quiz today?

You had a good day?
Good day?

Oh!

Oh, you are the queen!

What's wrong?

Unh!

God.

Bree?

Yeah, it's Bree.
Listen. Turn the radio on.

Zoom, zoom, zoom,
that was "Nasty Girl,"

the '90s chart-topper from
the former queens of hip-hop.

Why did they break up,
and where are they at?

Zah-zah-zah.

Hey.

Long time.

That's what happens when you
tell someone you love them

and they break
your heart.

You don't talk to them
for a long time.

You look great.
I know.

What do you want?

How 'bout we get the band
back together?

Why the hell
would I do that?

'Cause we owe them.
You know what we did.

Yo!

Yo!

Oh, man.

Ooh!

Can you believe
it's been 20 years

since we imploded
on that stage in San Diego?

Mnh. Mnh-mnh.

But it is really good
to see your face.

I know.

You bitches!

Ooh!

Girl,
what you been up to?

Oh, I'm down in Nashville,
finally expressing myself

musically the way
I've always wanted to,

and, you know,
people are responding.

-Ladies!
-Ooh.

You look...incredible.

Are you in professional
hair and makeup right now?

What a tremendous
compliment.

Please. Please don't.

We are too old for this.

What's up...

-Bitch!
-Aah!

Get out of my face! Get off of me! -You get
off of me! -Don't put your hands on me!

Get off!
Get off me, Eric!

You mad?
Still jealous?

Of what?!
Your fake J-Lo ass?!

Look, everybody shut up
right now before I put you both

in a timeout, and you can
forget about iPads!

-What?
-Habit.

You flew to L.A. to finish
a fight from 20 years ago?

I'm sorry.
That's ridiculous.

It is.

Listen, yo. Y'all here,
which means you heard the song.

Now, since it dropped, everyone
been asking about y'all.

Lil Muffin's my artist.

She's closing out the BET Awards
this Sunday.

I want y'all
to perform with her.

What? I'm a mom.
I don't rap anymore.

Well, that's a 50K haul
for each of you.

Konnichi wa, lil babies!

Okay, dis gotta be
quick fast, okay?

'Cause I got
a Japanese lesson in 10.

Bitches want me
to be a one-trick pony,

but I'ma be one of dem ponies with,
like, a 40-inch rainbow weave

and a bedazzled horn
comin' out my head.

A-A unicorn?

Whatever. Yes. Dem.

Now, I ain't never heard
of no Nappy...

"Nasty."

Okay.

E-Roc played the track,
and I was like,

"What I'm 'posed to do wit dat?"
He was like, "Trust."

20 mil on YouTube now.

I am straight
chop stickin' crow!

I understand nothing.

We are not a sideshow.

You're not a show
at all anymore.

It's not 1999,
when you had your one big album.

Now you're
whatever you are.

Muffin has things to do.
If you're in, great.

If not,
this was just a favor for Eric.

Sayonara, lil babies.

I see some things
haven't changed.

Just a bunch of straight men
shaping the image

of a young,
impressionable artist.

Look. Whatever. I got five kids
and a husband out of work.

I could use that money.

I am still active
in my parish.

There are things
I can't say anymore.

It's one night.

Splash some holy water on
that ass and keep it movin'.

Plus, we get to hang
for a week

and forget about all the crap
going on back home.

Okay. Fine.
For you.

Well, I'm in.
I want an audience again.

-Yes!
-But we have

way too much history
to just hop back on stage

like the Brady Bunch.
Oh, here we go.

Valeria
needs to apologize.

What? A fistful of weave
wasn't enough?

Look, you're the reason
we broke up!

You used us,
and you rode my talent

to everything
you have now.

You want me to apologize?
You want me to kiss the ring?

Bow down to your
effortless brilliance?

It's a start.

You are
a stubborn egomaniac.

You hate
that I have the fame

that your thirsty ass
is still chasing.

I came here because sometimes
I feel guilty that I'm the only

one that went on
to have any real success.

Yo! V, come on!

No.
She crazy, and this?

It's beneath me.

Look.
Valeria hasn't changed.

Neither have you.

And, sadly, the beef
all boils down to Eric.

You had a thing for him,

he wasn't checking for you,
and V landed him.

She was the least talented
and now somehow the most famous.

I was the glue.
I had to be.

Bree was always buried
under three dudes.

They were buried under me.

And Jill was always bitter
about something,

and that was before you started
doing blow every night.

- Yo. What are we doing?
- Mnh.

I got five kids at home,
and I am not at home.

I'm at a bar, kickin' it
with two of my oldest friends.

Can we please
cheers to that?

Yes.
Yeah.

Cheers to three women
from Queens

who stood on top of the world
for a hot minute.

Can I tell you guys
something?

I have to tell you something.
I'm gonna tell you something.

Do you have something to tell us? I
think she has something to tell us.

I walked in on my husband

"instructing"
one of his students.

With his...
Penis.

Oh, not the penis.
Does he still have it?

What? His... Penis.

Yes.

Oh.
You really have changed.

Look. Every chick thinks
they'd walk.

Beyoncé didn't leave.
Hillary didn't leave.

And why not?
Why don't we leave?

It's because
we sacrifice out of love,

and when you sacrifice
so much,

how the hell
you gonna walk away?

We got five kids.
I don't have friends.

I have other moms
who come over and talk at me

about hand creams
and preschools,

but they are not friends.

I thought I had everything.

But I can only blame myself.
I chose this.

Yo, remember when
you used to date Ja Rule?

-Oh, girl.
-We caught dude outside

of Limelight
making out with Foxy.

You didn't blame yourself.
You didn't sulk.

You set his Ducati on fire.
Sure did.

Yeah, but Jeff
drives a Prius,

and it's in both of our names,
and we tried hard.

Like, we had to get a loan,
'cause I got the...

Okay, well, I think
what Naomi's trying to say

is that you need to find
Professor Sex.

You need to find the fierce
woman you used to be.

For real. Find her
and cut that mother...

Forget about his penis.

Ooh.
Oh, my God.

Wait.
Too fast.

Oh, I love you guys.
I really needed that.

Alright. I'm gonna
go call my husband.

Ooh, and I'm gonna
fall asleep

with a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos
on my chest.

Buy me a drink.

You still doing music?

Everybody wants Xplicit Lyrics.
They don't want Naomi.

You know, I called.

You never called back.
You did me dirty.

You had a baby
with somebody else.

You chose Valeria.
I was just the secret chick.

I was young.

You know V. She...
She a lightning bolt.

You know it's dangerous,
but you gotta look.

Whatever. I... I-It didn't
work out with her, either.

All right. Look.
I'm just gonna go.

No, no. Wait.

It's good to see you.

Why'd you do all this?

You know,
I'm getting older.

Married twice,
divorced twice.

No kids.

Rich but broke.

Nothing's all good
or all bad anymore.

Nothing's pure.
It's just...life.

Y'all's my first big act.

Before we messed it
all up, we...

we had something
good and pure.

Not just the group.

Me and you.

Guess I'm chasing
that feeling.

You're drunk.
Very.

But am I lying?

Look.
I leave in 12 hours.

Let's drink and pretend

like the last 20 years
never happened.

I'm down with that.

Now, are we gonna take
these drinks to my room...

...or do you wanna keep talking
about your feelings?

I was up all night working
on... You mind explaining?

I put my mug down.

In front of Dana.

You're gonna fire me
because you think

I poisoned my co-host
with a racist elixir?

Get ready for court!

Is that what you want?

For us to hire investigators
to really dig into this?

We can do that,
or you can quietly step down

and we all move on
from this nightmare.

Mini-bar?

Oh, tell me how something so
small can inflict so much pain.

Look, we're not performing, but
the dumbest thing we ever did

was throw away friendships
that most people never have.

That's the truth. I'm gonna call
you guys, and you better answer.

Of course.

I'm in! We should do it.
The show. I was being petty.

"'Shade' host
Valeria Mendez

stepping down
after three years."

Girl, what did you do?

Wait. You got Google Alerts
on a bitch?

Keep your enemies close.

You know me
better than anyone.

I'm the kind of person that screws
three ladies over who care about her

and then turns around
and asks them for a favor.

That's me.
That's what I'm doing.

You have no reason
to have my back

when I never really had yours,
but I do know the only time

I had anything resembling a
family is when we were together.

We are family.

You're still gonna need an apology.
I'm still gonna need an apology,

I'm sorry.

I'm not
Jill Da Thrill anymore.

Then we do it our way
this time.

For wives, moms, and
ambitious hos everywhere.

Y'all are mad corny.

Come on.

Whoo!

Okay, so a mom,
a church lady,

a washed-up musician...

and a disgraced daytime TV host
are gonna be performing

at the biggest Black awards show
in the world in four days?

Tell me how this isn't
gonna be a disaster.

Can we talk?

Go ahead.
They all know what you did.

I need you to come home.

Jeff, I told you. I needed
space. I don't want to do...

It's cancer, Bree.
The CAT scan.

It's a tumor, and then the
migraines are caused by the tumor.

It's bad.
I need surgery.

Look.
I know what I did to you.

I just... I don't want
to tell the kids alone.

Hey. Did, - Did Art
finally get to sleep?

No. He did stop crying,
though.

I mean, we just told him
his dad might die.

So, listen, I've been
a lot of research...

binging "Grey's Anatomy,"
I mean...

and, apparently, depending
on the location of the tumor,

judgment and impulse control
may be impaired,

so maybe... and I'm just
thinking here...

that can explain why,
you know, um, I did what I did.

Are you kidding me?

You want me to watch a TV show
so maybe I'll feel better

about you pile driving one
of your students in our bed,

in the home that we share
with our five children

that I birthed?!

Nah, bruh.

You couldn't even
give me the satisfaction

of being pissed
about what you did.

You had to go
and catch cancer.

Do you know how excruciatingly
unfair that is?

But you will not die,
homie.

Hell no.

I will do everything in my power
to keep you alive

because I want nothing more
than the absolute pleasure

of nursing you
back to health...

and then leaving
your ass!

I am performing
with my girls.

You don't get
another piece of me.

Sleep on the couch,
bitch!

Good. Hit five, six, seven, and... Nice!
That's good, ladies! All right...

I used to wonder where I'd be
if I had your talent.

I mean, you parlayed it.
I didn't.

You have a family.

I got a kid.

I don't have no family.

What's the story
with Jojo's dad?

He wasn't ready
to be a dad,

and he wasn't ready to be
with me, so I never told him.

I guess I thought that was
better than Jojo knowing

and him not being around.

My mom left me at the back door
of a shelter when I was 2.

I'm sure there are good foster
parents, but I never met any.

When I'd get to a new home

and someone would
beat the hell out of me,

tell me I'd never amount
to anything,

I told myself
I'd prove them wrong.

I did, but I still
go to bed every night

wishing my mom
would call me.

You gotta keep trying.

Because if Jojo's
anything like me...

that's all she wants.

Can we go back
to beefing, please?

I got my regrets, too.

I let the one relationship
I knew was real slip away.

What's good?
How'd it go?

Amazing.

I made a reservation
for dinner tonight.

We're gonna catch up,
and you can't say no.

Guess I can't.

Everything alright?

Nah. But who
wanna hear that?

Me. I do.

All these dudes got
their hands in my pocket.

Like, who they want
the best for?

Me or them?

Them. Honey, these dudes
will pick you apart

until there's nothing left
but bones. Trust.

What's your name?

You know my name.
Your real name.

Why you wanna know that?
Do people not ask you that?

Police.

Well, I'm asking.

Lauren.

Don't let his persona,
the fame define you,

because when it's all gone,
you won't know who you are.

Well, damn.

Maybe I'll grow up
to be like you someday.

All put together with
the whole world figured out.

You don't know me.

What y'all doing tonight?
Wanna shoot through the crib?

I got the plug
on Benihana delivery.

You know,
that sounds awesome.

Cool. Just gotta
put my face on.

My bad. Juwant?

I'm good.

Okay.

Girl, you been
in Montana too long,

just walking up in people's
cribs like you're Mr. Rogers.

That was his house.

She probably couldn't
hear us over the music.

Lauren?! What's up?
It's Jill and the girls!

This what hot girls do?

Oof.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Damn.

Call an ambulance.

- Please. We need an ambulance.
- A girl just overdosed.

What happened?

Tell me you didn't have the most
recognizable rap star

in the world admitted
to a county hospital.

She overdosed.
She could have died.

And you may have just
killed her career.

You all right?

- Yeah.
- Perfect.

Hey.
Let's get out of here.

She's not going anywhere
until she's properly discharged.

Did you know she had
a drug problem?

She's young. All right?
People party.

Jill, you know
the game.

Partying doesn't get you
in the hospital. I know.

You know I know.

This is a really dope after-school
special, but we have a show.

She needs rehab.

The BET Awards is promotion
for the album.

Failure to perform
is breach of contract,

and the label will go after
every cent of her advance.

Is that money still around,
or did it fly up her nose?

Jill, this is business.

She is not a business!

Lauren,
you have to speak up.

- These my people.
- It's settled.

Muffin has the stage all
to herself, as she should.

Nah, nah, nah, chief.
Nobody said...

Look, it's been real,
but it's time for you to go.

Your plane tickets back to pre-menopausal
obscurity will be at the hotel.

-Turn the other cheek.
-What?

You slapped him?

Straight knocked
homeboy out.

I mean, it'd be funny
if he wasn't the dude

who gave us
this opportunity.

Forget him.
Lauren needs us.

I didn't know that girl
till a few days ago.

She's alive. The only thing
that's gone now is our shot.

Naomi, really? I mean, seriously,
is your life so perfect now

that you got time
to fix other people's?

You don't know what
you're talking about.

Some of us don't have
the perfect house

or the perfect husband...
Stop.

...with a stomach full
of under-seasoned

potatoes au gratin or whatever
else you folks eat in Montana.

Shut the hell up.

-Shut me up.
-Ladies!

You know, you should focus
a little less on fame

and a little more
on that kid you abandoned.

I needed this.

Are y'all two ever out
for anyone but yourself?

Yes. I agreed to do the show
because my career

blew up in my face, but then
I was in a cypher again

with you ladies,
and I felt it...

the magic we had
on that boat.

I got to take my mask off
for a few days,

and I am scared as hell of
having to put it back on again.

I'm gay.

I...am gay!

That must've felt
really good.

Ooh, yes, Lord, it did.

Yes, and I am madly in love
with someone else.

I mean, Tina is the first person
who made me feel like

I could be honest with myself,
honest with the world.

My husband is amazing.

I mean, he saw something in me
when no one else should have.

He doesn't deserve this.

-You deserve to be happy.
-Yeah.

I'm sorry.

All right.
Stand up.

Okay.

We don't need a crowd,
and we don't need a stage.

We need each other.

Okay?

Hi.

I just came to say
thank you.

I'm not used to people
looking out for me, so...

Listen, I have to
perform tomorrow,

but I'm not doing the show
without you guys.

Thank you for this opportunity.

It's always been a dream
to close the BET Awards,

so thank you so much.

We need to talk.

Now, I didn't know nothing
about the Nasty Bitches,

but now I'm grateful that I do.

They've earned the spotlight
all to themselves,

and I want to give them that,

because I would not be here
without them.

-What the hell is going on?
-Nothing you can stop.

Ha-ha!

Take it off!

Hold up, hold up, hold up.
I got a question.

Are my ladies
in the building tonight?!

Any moms in the building
tonight, holding it down,

still sexy, don't need no man?

That's right.

I used to be a Nasty Bitch.

Tonight? I'm a queen!

-Whoo!
-Yes!

Whoo!

Yes!

Oh, my God. You did it, Jill.
You are amazing!

Thank you.

Nasty Bitches
forever!

So, a mom, a washed-up musician,
a disgraced daytime TV host,

a lesbian church lady,

and a young rapper
fresh out of rehab

are going
on a world tour?

Yeah.

Cool.

...Captions by VITAC...