Queen of Meth (2021): Season 1, Episode 3 - To Catch a Queen - full transcript

Drugs are menacing
our society.

If people have money,
they get more respect.

They're killing our children.

It was all about
having fun and living life.

Meth is spreading
like a cancer.

It was just so easy
to bring in hundreds
of thousands of dollars.

It was too easy.

We're at the tip
of the iceberg

in an epidemic proportions.

She had this reign of,
you know, drug dealing.

But for me,
she's my mom, Lori.



I wasn't thinking
how it was gonna affect
people's families,

even my own.

She was like, "I'm a kingpin.
I'm not an addict."

She was
out there cutting lines out
on the hood of a car,

which, to me, was a little
outrageous for Lori.

I thought,
as long as nobody
was getting hurt,

they just kind of
overlooked it.

Our goal was to identify
and target the largest
trafficking organization.

That's why we were
investigating Lori.

Methamphetamine
was out there,

but it was primarily
a west coast drug.

Lori was truly
a kind of a pioneer.

She was one of the first
major targets we identified

that was moving
significant quantities
of methamphetamine



from the west coast to Iowa.

Upwards of ten pounds
at a time,

which we had not seen before.

With methamphetamine,
you stay in this long enough,

you're gonna end up
in one of two places.

You're gonna end up dead

or you're gonna
end up in prison,

and it's only
a matter of time.

Unbeknownst to her,

the state and local officers
have been working
on Lori for some time.

They've been gathering
lots of intelligence on her,

watching the Wild Side bar.

We had identified
numerous people
in the organization.

Your goal is to try
to flip them and move on
up through the chain,

but the difficulty in cracking
an organization like Lori's

is the fear factor.

Floyd's a pretty
scary-looking guy.

He had multiple guys
in this organization

to fit the exact same profile.

These are biker guys,
big guys, tough guys.

Everyone knew they had access
to multiple weapons.

As a child,

it was something that was
very deeply encoded in us.

"Snitches get stitches
and ditches," you know.

In addition
to the fear factor,
you had loyalty.

The combination
of those two things

makes it very difficult
to get people to roll over.

The loyalty factor
in this case, I think,

was stronger than a lot
of others that you see.

I was arrested
on state charges.
I had seven counts.

They asked me questions about

Lori for sure and what I did,
where I got my stuff,

and they just tried
their best to get you to talk
about anything.

And I just couldn't do it.

Because she was my friend.
I mean, I couldn't do that
to her. I couldn't.

We were trying to bring
continuing criminal
enterprise charges

against the principal members
of this group to take
the entire organization down.

So what's required to prove it
is that they are in a position
of supervision

over five or more individuals,
minimum of three overt acts,

whether they were sales
or transporting,

and that they gained
substantial income
from the enterprise.

And that type
of an investigation

takes longer
than the standard "rip and run
and arrest" type case.

We reached a point
where we were able to get

a broader historical picture
of what had been going on.

We weren't ready to move
against the whole group,

but at the same time, we were
still actively moving, though.

So we decided to gather
additional evidence

and disrupt
what they were doing.

I was heading in town
and I saw all these cars,
just one after another,

and I could see them
eyeing me.

So I had a cell phone
in the truck

and I called Floyd

'cause I knew Floyd
was sitting at
the dining room table

and he could see
down the road.

I said, "Keep an eye out."
He said, "All right."

I went and did my dope deal,
then I went over to my friend
Lisa's to cut my hair

and I called her to tell her
I was on my way and she goes,
"Don't go home."

I'm like, "Why?" She goes,
"You guys just got busted."

And all of a sudden
out of nowhere,

you hear the helicopters,
you see all these people
running up.

SWAT-looking type guys
come rush the house...

...and they're beating
on the kitchen door

and we're looking
out the dining room door,
like, looking at them,

"Let us in," you know.
And my dad's like,
"Well, it's unlocked."

And then they, boom,
break down the door

and come rush in
and grab everybody,
throw them on the ground.

Get down!

I got a call.

Someone identified themselves
and said, "Okay.

There's nothing you can do,
but this is happening
right now."

And they said that Lori
and Floyd is being raided

by the Feds or whatever
and a lot of people out there.

I'm like, "I just wanna get
my nephew out of here.

He don't need to be
around this, you know."

And then I went down to
the road and then
highway patrol finally told me

that my birth mother
had actually come out there

and picked him up, like,
ten minutes before
I got there.

I called again.
Floyd answered the phone.

I'm like, "What the hell's
going on?" He goes,
"Come on home."

I'm like, "Fuck you."
I thought he was gonna
set me up or something.

"No, I'm not gonna."
He says, "No, they're gone."

I said, "Well,
why are you still there?"

They came in,
they brought search warrants,

everybody handcuffed
while they were searching.

They found three pounds
of meth and $25,000
in my basement.

They collected every gun,

every piece of paper,
every photo...

They took all the stuff
and they just left.

They didn't arrest nobody
and we're like,

"What the..."

I called and it was my dad
on the phone.

He's like, "It's okay.
They're gone." He's like,
"You can come back out."

So I was like, "Oh, okay."

They, frankly,
don't know what to think.
They are wondering,

how'd they get here
and who's cooperating,
who isn't cooperating

and why didn't they
arrest them.

Never really
understanding that,

well, we only didn't
arrest you

because we're continuing
our case full speed ahead

and we're going for a much
bigger piece of the pie.

We didn't know
if they were coming back,

so everything they didn't take
that we had, we got rid of.

I mean, we had
all kinds of cars.
I hid my Jag.

I was hiding shit, you know,
taking it to different places
and hiding it.

I waited maybe
three weeks or four weeks,
something like that.

Nothing was happening.

But, you know, when you're not
getting drugs coming in,

you're not getting money
coming in.

So I can only wait so long.
I got to keep this stuff up.

After a certain period
of time of seeing nothing more
happening from our end,

she calmed back down enough
to get back in business.

But we were actively watching
everything they were doing.

And there were things
happening to people
around them

that she was not aware of.

Drugs were being seized.

People were being locked up.

After we executed the raid,

we had lots of people
all of a sudden
starting to realize that,

"Wait a minute,
this is getting real."

You're gonna come in
and you're gonna cooperate

or you're gonna go down
with the rest of the ship.

As I'm going down
the road,

I notice this car
is following me.

So I pull up to a stop sign
and they pull up next to me.

"Where are you going?"
And you could tell
they were Feds.

He says, "We need to talk.
Meet us at such and such time

because we've got information
you need to know."

I'm like, "All right."

Prior to actually
pulling the trigger
on the indictment,

we thought, "You know what,
let's take one more shot
at Lori."

Because we found out
that she was utilizing Mexican
national sources of supply.

And if we can
get her cooperating

before we arrest everybody
and the cat's totally
out of the bag,

maybe she's gonna be
in a position to actively
assist us

and maybe who knows
what she can do, but look,
let's find out.

So I went and bought
this little tape recorder...

...and put it down
the front of my boot.

He goes,
"We know your whole operation.

We know everything about you,

California, Arizona,
we know what you're doing."

So, and at this time,
I've got my leg crossed
and my tape recorder up

because I want to make sure,
you know, it heard everything

because I thought, "Well,
that's kind of entrapment."

I'm like, "Okay,
then what do you need from me,
you know?"

He says, "We're gonna
offer you a deal.

You'll only get ten years
in prison if you work with us

and give us information
about Floyd, about the trip."

We were somewhat careful
in what we said to her,

but we did, at the same time,
want to emphasize to her,

case was strong
and if she wanted to cooperate

and really get
the bang for the buck
of her cooperation,

this was the time to come in.

He was thinking that

Floyd was the mastermind
selling all this shit and,
you know.

He didn't realize
most of it was me.

We knew that Floyd
basically worked with Lori,

but mostly allowed Lori
to run the show.

He was there for security,
if needed.

But people knew if they were
dealing with Lori, they were
dealing with Floyd.

I said, "How are you
gonna give me only ten years
in prison?

I mean, you're not a judge.
You're not a jury."

You know, so I talked,
argued with them.

Thought I was smartass,
but I wasn't afraid of them
or anything.

She was smart,
a little on the cocky side.

I think Lori probably
would have been successful

in a legitimate business
had she pursued it.

And I think Lori was a person
who could pretty much
handle herself

with just about anybody
she dealt with.

I took the tape.
I hired a lawyer,

but he said, "Lori, the Feds
can do anything they want."

So the tape didn't help any,
but I thought I was pretty
cool doing it.

We called her one day
and asked her,
"Where are we at, Lori?"

It became very obvious
that Floyd was standing
right there with her

and she was having
this conversation with us.

So, well, I guess
Lori's not coming in.

And we continued
our investigation.

We waited and we waited and,
like, nothing was happening.

So, I'm like, "Well,
evidently, they couldn't find
anybody to testify against me.

They couldn't find anybody
to snitch me out."

There was some reason
they couldn't come arrest us.

So we started relaxing
a little bit

and then once we figured,
well, it must be over,

I mean, we'd party for, like,
a month straight
and they came back.

We finally just felt like
we had enough
not only to indict Lori,

but to move forward
and take the whole group down.

And that's when we moved.

We were all sleeping...

...and I just woke up
to a big boom.

The first two officers
in were dealing with Floyd

who had come out
of the bedroom.

Myself and another officer
went into the master bedroom,

which was totally dark.

There was just enough light.
I could kind of see
some shadows in there,

so I hit the person
with the light, who did,
in fact, turn out to be Lori

and I pinned her to the bed,
told her not to move.

I felt a cold pistol barrel
on my forehead,

so I looked up and it was
a Fed sitting on top of me.

I'm like, "What do you want?"

He says, "You know
God damn well what we want."

"We're DEA and FBI
and ATF and OPD."

I'm like, "Where's AC-DC?"

I heard a bunch of
rustling and then the first
guy that came up

to go run upstairs
pointed a gun at me.

But I think he realized
immediately that it's a kid.

I was ten years old.

They brought Josh
upstairs with me.

I was sitting in the chair,
handcuffed, and so he started
brushing my hair.

Then I was talking
to him real easy...

...and trying to make sure
he didn't get excited
or scared or...

We just kind of
kept each other calm.

I think about an hour
later, my grandparents came
and got me.

Last thing my mom said
to me was, you know,

that she loved me
and see me soon,

because she was probably
assuming the same thing
I was assuming.

That, you know,
whether it's that night

or whether it's, you know,
a day or two later, it's...

We're gonna, you know,
get back together

and everything's gonna be
okay again. But it just
wasn't the case.

Like I said,
I was thinking I'd be back

because I'd get bonded out
and everything,

so I didn't realize

that that was going
to be the last time
I was seeing him,

when he combed my hair
before they hauled me out.

Get on the floor now!

That morning,
we had probably 250,

maybe 300
law enforcement officers

execute simultaneous raids
on about 14 or 15 locations.

Get on the floor!
Get on the floor!
Get on the floor!

They hauled us down
to the Ottumwa Police Station

and when we walked
down the stairs,

all of my co-defendants
were all there.

Floyd and Lori
were, like, the captains

and then, you know,
they had lieutenants

and then my mom was probably
more like a foot soldier.

When the raid happened
at my house, I was 15.

Um, 15 and pregnant.

I was laying naked
in my bed...

...and there were these men,
you know, all over my house.

"I've already
been busted," I said.

"So I don't think
you're supposed to be
doing this to me again."

They said, "Well,
this is Federal charges now."

There were ultimately
50 to 60 defendants

that went to jail over this.

All my co-defendants
were all sleeping
on the table...

So I turned to the cop
and I'm like,

"Do we look like a bunch
of meth heads because
everybody's sleeping?"

He told me
I could have a phone call.

So I called Pizza Hut
and ordered a pizza

and they got mad at that
and hung the phone up on me.

You know, I apologized
and said, "I really need
to call my bar."

Prosecutors say
much of the drug activity

was headquartered
at the Wild Side Tavern
in Ottumwa.

I remember when they got
arrested, I kind of wasn't
really surprised really,

you know,
for what was going on.

It was pretty quick
through the pipes.

You know, small town.

You know, 25,000, you know.

Residents of this
typically quiet community

have plenty to say
about the recent drug problems

that have been
dominating the headline.

I'm really glad
to see the cleanup.

I think, you know,
it's been long--

It's been needed.

The first thought in my mind
is I got to get more dope,
you know.

So that's immediately
where I went,

"Where can I go
get some dope?"

Because I knew it was
gonna dry up real quick.

Officers here in Ottumwa
is gonna have a lot more
to handle

than what they think
they got now.

According to the indictment,

authorities have seized
the Wild Side Tavern

and the Stockdall's
170-acre ranch.

Floyd and Lori,
both were charged

with operating
a continuing criminal
enterprise.

They were charged
with possession with intent

to distribute methamphetamine,

gun violations,

use or carrying of a firearm

in furtherance
of drug trafficking,

and money laundering.

Lori Arnold Stockdall
and her husband, Floyd,

federal prosecutors allege

for the past six years,
they ran a five-state
drug ring.

Lori, she is
a celebrity from Ottumwa

in a different way
of being a celebrity
as you can get.

Probably because
she was Tom's sister.

You know, they publicized it
a little bit more

than what they normally would
have anybody else.

The marshals
hauled me around in a van

and whenever we pulled up
at the courthouse,

of course,
there was cameras everywhere.

Media was everywhere
because Tom and Roseanne
were in town.

Lori Arnold Stockdall
is the sister to Tom Arnold,

sister-in-law
of Roseanne Arnold.

At that time, they were
both very well-known.

The Roseanne Show was popular.

And they really showed up
just in support of Lori.

When I was drinking
and using drugs,

it made it easier
to forget about the fact

that she's my little sister

and buy into the,
"Oh, she's, you know,
a drug kingpin."

But I've been
sober for a while

and you can't get over
seeing the picture of us
three kids together

and I am her big brother.

You know, you step up for
your family, you know, uh...

Unconditionally.

I was like, "What can we do?"

Tom and Roseanne
Arnold arrived in a black
stretch limo for the hearing,

here to support
and, if necessary, testify
on his sister's behalf.

It was in the papers
and then the news

and everywhere and stuff.

Tom, just a quick
question for you.

Do you think your sister
is a threat to the community

like they were trying
to portray her as?

I don't think so, no, but I...

Tom and Roseanne showed up
to post bail.

The money was $400,000.

The prosecutor wasn't
gonna have that

and he immediately
appealed that to
a district court judge.

We were trying
to keep them in jail.

We didn't want them out

running around,
threatening witnesses
or whatever.

Who knows what they might do.

We prevailed in that hearing,

and they never
got out after that.

She told me that they told her
that I had a hand grenade

and was going around
threatening people
with a hand grenade.

And I was like,
"Well, how am I gonna get
a hand grenade, you know?"

And if that was true,
you know,

the Feds would have been
all over me on something
like that, you know.

And, you know,
there was absolutely
no truth to that at all.

My lawyer told me
that they were giving me
25 to life.

But if you take it to trial,
you're gonna get
life in prison.

And when you get
life in prison in Federal,
you die there.

He said, "So I'm suggesting,
you plead guilty."

So I pled guilty.
That's 25 years,

ten for continuing
criminal enterprise,

ten for manufacturing
and five for firearms.

She did break the law.
She deserved to go to jail,

but she's been cooperating

and hopefully the government
will see to its way

to reduce the sentence
a little more so she can
get out with her son.

Finally, we went
to sentencing.

The judge ran
two of my tenures together.

Because I was in county jail
for over two years

and they're not supposed to be
in county jail that long
because you don't see the sun.

But the gun charge,
they have to run
consecutive after.

So instead of 25,
I ended up getting 15.

They put me in Alderson,
West Virginia prison.

The whole investigation
of me for those two years,

I think the Feds were doing it

because they wanted a big bust

and I am Tom Arnold's sister.

It was in theEnquirer
and it was world news.

They wanted Tom
and Roseanne to be involved
in my enterprise,

but they weren't.

It was a highly
successful case

and ultimately we hoped
to take the organization down
to the degree...

...that they're totally,
completely

out of the methamphetamine
trafficking business

and they are no longer
a threat to that community.

We accomplished
what we wanted to accomplish

and I kind of feel good
about that.

Lori, Floyd,
the whole crew,
all pled guilty.

That's why we took our time.
That's why we did it right.

We wanted to
basically give them
nowhere to turn.

Lori went to prison
for a significant
period of time.

We deserved to be punished.

No matter how you look at it,
you know, because what
we was doing wasn't legal.

You know, it was messing up
lives and families
and everything

and that's not good.

Lori's story is like
everybody else's story

when they get caught up
in addiction.

She got in probably
way beyond what she expected
that it was gonna be,

but that's addiction.

I didn't cry,
I didn't whine,
I didn't blame anybody.

It's not the cops' fault.
It's not the Feds' fault.

I was the one that did it.

I'm just paying
my debt to society, so...

Do the crime,
do the time, you know.

So I just did it
the best I can.

Yeah, you just got to do
what you got to do.

You live your life
going a certain way, you know,

and then something
like that happens
and all of a sudden it's--

It's 180 and it's going
another way.

I was ten years old.
My biggest thing was,
you know, playing baseball.

Now, I got to worry about,
where am I gonna live
and what am I gonna do,

because I'm used
to having my parents around.

I think you guys
kind of realized, "Hey, we--
You know, we fucked up."

-Yeah.
-This is, you know, this is...

-The punishment.
-Yeah.

We did it. We're doing
our time for our crime.

-But I never thought
it would be the extent of...
-Me, neither.

And I was like, "Am I ever
gonna see my parents again?
Am I, you know..."

I held it together
in front of the judge

-until I turned around
and saw you crying.
-Yeah.

I was worried
that you'd hate me
because I lied to you,

-because I told you
a year and a half.
-Right.

-And here I'm gonna
be gone, you know.
-Yeah.

I don't think I ever
hated you for that and...

It was probably
the whole situation.

You know, my life
got flipped upside down.

He went through hell.

Yeah, when you lose
both parents at the same time

all of a sudden, you know,
I mean, it's hard to imagine.

I was lucky enough
to have a good family.

My mom took him.

He was with her
for about a year.

Grandma Linda,
she was really nice to me.

She was a lot like my mom,
so it was like,

she was laid back, easy going,
always laughing, you know,
cracking jokes.

Smoked like a chimney
just like my mom.

And then I got a call
in county jail from my stepdad

that my mom died.

I requested permission
to go to my mom's funeral,

and the prosecuting attorney
denied it.

That was really tough
because I never got
to see her again.

She wasn't a motherly
type person, you know,

but, uh, I loved my mom.

Josh then went to live
with my dad and stepmom.

Whatever it was like
growing up with Lori,

Ruth made up for it
by mothering Lori's child

and looking after Josh
for years.

I talked to him on
the phone, I wrote him,

send him money
and candy and stuff,

but I didn't see him
for quite a while.

And then when he came
to West Virginia,

he had to be 15. He was tall.

His hands and feet were bigger
than it should have been

because I knew
he had more growing to do.

He's got to grow
into that face.
He was a big boy.

He still had the baby face,
you know. He's still my baby,

but, yeah, it was weird.

When you're in prison,
you're just there.

Nothing changes there.
So I'd walk a lot.

And they had, you know,
all kinds of different
programs and stuff like that.

Because you got to do
your time. You can't let
your time do you.

July 2nd, 1999.

I was released from Alderson,
West Virginia.

I was nine years
into my sentence

and I appealed the gun charge

because when they came
into my house
and took all my guns,

I wasn't even home,
so they didn't get me

carrying one or using one,
not one.

So I got released from prison.

Josh didn't know
I was released...

...so we thought,
"Well, we'll surprise him."

You know,
I'm getting ready to start
college in a month,

you know, and I'm thinking,
"Okay. Well,

you know, you're getting out
in five years, so..."

-Right.
-You know, and...

And she comes out
from behind me,

and she's like,
"You remember me?"

And I'm like,
I turn around and, like...

-It was just...
-It took you a minute.

Yeah, it was just-- It was
one of those things where
you see and you're like...

"Am I dreaming?
What's going..."
You know, like...

And then it kind of--

Everything kind of
caught up to me and...

-You know, we hugged
and cried and...
-Yeah.

Yeah, it was definitely
the last thing I expected,
you know.

-Surprise!
-Yeah.

And he goes,
"Oh, my God! Oh, my God!"

And we just cried

and I hugged him,
you know.

It was an awesome feeling.

I love that kid, yeah.

"I'm ready to change
my life completely
and start over.

I'm sober, healthy,
and thinking straight
these days.

I can't go back and change
anything that happened
or the things I've done.

All I can do is move ahead
and work towards my future,

and I want to make it
up to him somehow.

I'll never break
a promise again."

All right.

They do this to me on purpose.

When I first got out, I mean,
I was kind of--

I was scared to go anywhere

because I didn't want
to be around drugs.

You know, I was trying to be
on straight and narrow.

But then it was like,
I was at my parents' house...

...and it was like, I felt
like I was still in prison.

So I went down
and I got a job.

Excel Meat Packing Plant.

It was the same place
my brother, Tom, worked
when it was Hormel

and the same place
my dad worked years ago
when it was Marel.

And that is hard work.

I said, "I want you to work
at the meat packing plant
like I did.

It's the best place in town
because you got
to stay sober."

And so, she's working there.

Worked all day
and everything,

but it seemed like
when I got off work,

I didn't just want
to go to Dad's house.

So I went to Wendy's
and applied for a night job.

So I was doing two jobs

and, uh, it lasted
for a little while,
but it was like...

I just-- I was missing
something. I was like...

It wasn't me. You know,
I needed something.

I hear she's doing well.
Then, all of a sudden,
I get here,

"Hey, she's not
working there."

And I hear she's drinking.

I was like, "Oh, boy."

When Lori and Floyd
went to prison, there weren't
any drugs for a while.

Just slowed it down
a little bit, but then
it picked right back up.

There was no way
you were gonna
keep people sober

once meth came into town.

It didn't matter if Floyd
and Lori went to jail,

you know, it wasn't dry long.

You know, some of my
friends were still doing meth.

This gal came up and asked
if I knew anybody that
wanted some

because she was trying
to sell something.

I said, "Okay."
Like, I'm gonna make
a quick 50 bucks.

So I did that and then I think
it was the next night,

she was back in there
and I got more

and it just
took off again so quick.

I think my daughter
peed for a few times

and she was getting away
with that,

like, you know, sneaking in,
using my daughter's pee,

which my daughter
was okay with that

because she was making
$5 a drop.

That was a lot of money
to her back then.

I bought another bar.
I bought another house.

I bought new vehicles.

And I started getting back
into pounds and stuff.

It was kinda like,
"Oh, my goodness!

What are you doing, girl?"
You know?

She just got out of prison
and I come back
from Des Moines

and all of a sudden,
she bought the fucking place

-right across
from Breadeaux Pizza.
-There was a big board.

There was a big fucking
board, right on the corner...

I'm like, "Fuck, this is like
walking into the wilds tonight
times ten."

-I was trying to recapture
all the fun I had...
-Right.

...in the past,
you know, so...

And all I was thinking
was money.

I didn't care about the drugs
because I wasn't doing them,
you know.

Money is the root of all evil.

-Oh, shut the hell up.
-Yeah, it is.

I get a call from one
of the Federal guys

who's like, "Okay,
she's dealing drugs again."

I was like, "Oh, shit!"

"But if you get her to quit,
uh, right away,

we're not gonna
bust her again."

So I fly to town
and I pull her aside

and I said, "Lori, they know
you're dealing drugs.

If you stop right now,

you're not gonna get busted."

And she's like, "Mind your
own fucking business."

I was getting ready
to go to the casino.

I was taking my friend, Lisa.

So I said, "I'll pick you up
in a minute."

But this guy wanted
to buy a whole pound,

so I'm gonna drop
the whole pound off first...

...and then go pick Lisa up.

So he said, "Well, let's just
meet at Walmart parking lot."
I'm like, "All right."

And he pulled up next to me
and he gets the money out,
you know,

and I've got the dope

and I just kind of
look up real quick

and I see these guys
running up behind me

with guns drawn
and everything.

I'm like, "Shit!"

They grabbed the doorknob
and opened it up

and had guns in my face.

So I didn't say a word.

There we go.

It was over.

I felt like an idiot
doing it the second time.

First time, you know,
I thought I had a purpose

or reason or goal
or something,

but second time is just--

Just stupid.

I don't know where
her head was the second time.

But, of course,
once again I was kind of like,

now we're hanging out
with her again, you know,

so I'm not right either.

I got sober
September 22nd, 1995,

and I've been sober
ever since.

I thought
when she got out of prison,

she would go to meetings,
I would go to meetings,

we'd hang out
and we'd rebuild
our lives together

and that's really
what I thought would happen
and it didn't, you know.

I wasn't surprised
that she went back to prison.

I was sad for her,
sad for Josh.

There's still a lot of pain.

I am sorry for what I've done.

I'm sorry that it's ruined
people's lives.

I'm sorry that, you know,
that people even kept doing it

even after they've seen
everything go down

and long prison sentences
for people

and they still didn't stop,

but their kids are starting
to grow up and their kids
are getting into it.

And I didn't see that
because I was away.

-Right.
-I was locked up.

So I didn't realize
it was going on.

So, you know, I feel guilty
about people's kids.

Your kid,
I feel guilty about that.

Yeah, he's been
off and on doing it for--

God, he was probably 17.

I didn't know he'd been
smoking weed since he was 11.

Then when I got sober,

he started drinking
and tripping on acid and shit.

And started doing meth.
And, man...

It's been-- My whole recovery
has been Dustin using meth,

my niece using meth,

my grandkids all fucked up
because of meth.

-It's like, you know,
I've never got away from it.
-Right.

You know, it hits
close to home
when your good friend's kid

turned to drugs and got
in trouble with the law
and stuff like that,

it makes you realize
that it can't just be him,

it's got to be a lot
of the other kids of,

you know, the parents
who were buying drugs

from me or my suppliers.

So, yeah, it puts a different
spin on things.

I'm not the only child
who was seriously neglected,

who had trauma happen to me

due to the neglect
of my mother from meth.

The first time
I ever did meth, I was 12.

And where did
that meth come from?

It came from Lori and Floyd.

My parents loved
their drugs just as much
as they loved their children.

We were put in bad places
and were around bad people.

And I sincerely feel
that I was robbed
of my childhood.

The town lost a whole bunch
of parents at the same time.

It wasn't just Lori,
a bunch of people went
to prison there in her town

and really a generation
of kids ended up being raised
by their grandparents,

all over the whole country.

Well, I feel bad
because I have a half-brother,

my mom had him
when she was 41.

He looked up to me, you know,
and he's a drug addict
to this day.

He's got congestive
heart failure now.

He's 36 years old
and they won't--

They won't do anything for him
because he's a drug addict,

so it's like I led him down
the way wrong path, you know.

I should have been
a better sister, you know.

-My little brother died
this August 3rd.
-Really?

-Yeah.
-From meth?

Yeah, they found a meth pipe
in his pocket,

put him on the streets
of Arizona, you know.

Yes.
That's a devastating drug.

It is. It's very devastating,
you know,

and he always wanted
to be like me.

And I always told him to stop
and then he moved to Arizona.

It's like it really makes you
feel like everything--

Everything's forever good.

You have no worries,
no cares in the world. Yep.

Your world could be
falling around with you

and as long as you got
fucking high, you're good.

...fucked up idea of life
that's supposed to be easy.

That's why
you close out your family
and everything else

because you don't do
those things.

But I was introduced
to meth just shortly
before everybody else was,

so I didn't know
the drug either, you know.

The first time I tried it,
like, "Well, it's pretty good,
you know. I'm feeling it."

So I want my friends
to share it with me.

It wasn't like I want to go
get everybody addicted

and ruin their fucking lives.

You know, that wasn't a plan.
You don't think about that.

No, you never think
about the bad.

When I got arrested
the second time,

uh, I did six years.

My Josh, we are smiles,
we are hugs,
we love each other,

but we've got a distance
that we never had before.

It's because I lied.

You know,
I've made him promises
that I didn't keep

and I got back into it and...

Here I go again
type of thing, so...

The first time it was,
you know, sadness probably.

You know, because, you know,

I loved spending time
with you and dad.

And having that
taken away is, you know...

It's probably, I would say,
sadness more than anything.

But the second time was anger.

I was an addict, you know.

I didn't know I was an addict.

I was just wanting to go back
to the good times,

the fun memories, the...

You know, what I remember
because you're trying
to hold in the good.

-You know what I'm saying?
-Oh, yeah.

And nothing about the bad.

So I was just trying
to relive that more

and I wasn't really thinking
the drugs themselves,

it was more the money.

I just wasn't making
enough money
to cover anything.

And, yeah,
and then I went back again.

I think that's the issue,
you know.

I'd like to have
a nice thing, you know,

but I would rather live under
a bridge than sell drugs,
you know.

There's good money
and there's easy money.

Easy money usually
isn't good money,
you know. It's just...

-It's not really
that easy either.
-Yeah.

Floyd died in
Leavenworth of a heart attack.

He was afraid to appeal
the gun charge,

so he was
finishing his sentence.

He had six months left.

We kept in contact. We wrote,

you know, each other
and I sent him money.

But when we got arrested,

we was in court one day,
he looked at me,

he goes, "I'm not gonna
make it out of here alive."

He knew he wasn't gonna do it.

I came to peace
with the whole situation
probably a long time ago.

Probably maybe even earlier
than maybe I should have,
you know.

And maybe there's
lingering effects
that's, you know, that's--

That's stored deep
down, you know, away.

As a ten-year-old,
I had to grow up a lot faster

than other people,
you know, and...

You all right?

I shouldn't have had
to grow up that fast

and, you know...

And it was your job.

It was you guys' job
to make sure that I was okay

and, you know, there's
part of me that, you know,

may resent that

because you didn't
do your job.

I don't know. It kind of is
what it is, you know.

You know, man,
and my biggest thing is,

you know, I got,
as weird as it sounds,

I got lucky
because you're here, you know,

but then I only had a dad
for ten years.

You know, he died in prison.

A lot of people,
you know, they're like,

"Well, what,
you don't have any regrets?
You don't have remorse?"

I said, "You know,
my biggest one

and the one that gets me
every time is you,
what I did to you."

I mean, I would love to have
a close family, you know,
close dinners,

be with my kid all the time,
talk on the phone,

do this and that
like normal families do.

There's nothing normal
about any of our families
as far as that goes.

Yeah. I'd say so.

But I love you more than
anything in the world.

And I love you, too. I just...

And I got lucky
because you don't hate me
and you should.

-Yeah.
-Well, you know,
what I did to you.

Yeah, he's the only one
that really brings emotions
out in me.

You know, like I said,
I don't show emotion.

It makes me feel weak.

And I don't like anybody
seeing me weak or vulnerable.

I'm embarrassed
of my own self with him,

so my guilt keeps me away
from him a lot of times,
you know.

I think now that, you know,
I got my shit together
a little bit,

I've got a good job
and everything,

nice little house, you know.

I'm doing it the right way,
which I should have done

-years ago.
-Yeah.

-I just didn't see
how I could in Ottumwa.
-Yeah.

Because I didn't have
an education, you know.

So if I'd have to go back
and change something,

-I'd have to go way back.
-Right.

You know, to ten,
11 years old,

the age you were, you know,

because, you know,
my life's been screwed up
ever since.

But-- It took me 60 years...

-Yeah.
-You know,

but I'm still alive
and kicking.

So, yeah, this time I think
I can keep that promise now.

-Yeah, I hope so.
-Yeah.

The Stockdall name
has been so bad for so long.

I've never done drugs.
I've always had a job,

a legal job, you know.
I have a college degree.

So, if I can take that name
and make it

totally different
from what it was 30 years ago,

I think I'm doing okay.

She's a survivor, man.

As we're sitting right here,
I'm talking about her,

this is about her.

Her son's sober,
her son's never done drugs,

and her son's happily married
to a really great woman.

It's pretty good, man.

When I got out
of prison, 2007,

I just didn't want to go back

because I knew I'd be dragged
right back in because,
you know,

familiar places,
familiar people,
blah, blah, blah.

My brother out there
in Arizona told me,
"Come out here."

I lived there
for quite a few years
where I met my fiance

and he asked if I'd be
interested in coming home
with him.

And I ended up
in Sandusky, Ohio.

I think she's paid her dues,
you know.

She can never repay
a lot of the mistakes
that happened

but she doesn't do it now,
you know.

What she did in her past
is not the Lori that I know.

Monday,
I go back to my job

and my now normal life.

I used to brag all the time
about the good time,

but coming back
and actually seeing it

and seeing the town

and seeing people
still on drugs
after all these years,

I have a lot of regrets.

The Queen of Meth title,
it's not something
to be proud of,

but it's something
I'll never get away from.

I got out from prison,

but I'm doing
pretty much a life sentence
for selling drugs.