Quantum Leap (1989–1993): Season 5, Episode 3 - Leaping of the Shrew - September 27, 1956 - full transcript

Sam leaps into a Greek sailor who is stranded on a deserted island with a spoiled rich brat.

Theorizing that one could time travel
within his own lifetime,

Dr. Sam Beckett stepped
into the Quantum Leap accelerator...

and vanished.

He awoke to find himself
trapped in the past,

facing mirror images
that were not his own...

and driven by an unknown force
to change history for the better.

His only guide on this journey is Al,
an observer from his own time,

who appears in the form of a hologram
that only Sam can see and hear.

And so, Dr. Beckett finds himself
leaping from life to life,

striving to put right
what once went wrong...

and hoping each time
that his next leap...

will be the leap home.

Hey! Hey!

Over here!

Help! Help me!

Help! Help me!

- Help!
- Oh, boy.

When you leap for a living, you expect
to land in some stormy situations.

But doing a half gainer
into an unknown ocean?

Somehow the words "above and beyond"
seemed inadequate.

If anybody's listening up there,

- I sure could use some help.
- Oh.

Thank you!

What? What?


Miss? Miss?

Miss? Huh?

- Oh, David. Oh, help me. Help me.
- Are you--

- It's okay. It's okay.
- Oh, David.

It's all right. You're okay.

Oh, David, is it really you?

Uh, I g-- I guess so, yeah.

I was so scared.

It's okay.
Everything's gonna be all right.

It's all right. It's all right.
Don't worry.

- You're not David.
- I'm not?

- Oh.
- What was that for?

- How could you do this to me?
- Do what?

- I saved your life.
- Look at this dress!

Where are we?
Where is everybody else?

Oh, well, we're not sure, Sam.

But you're somewhere in the
middle of the central Aegean Sea.

Where's my trunk?

Oh, I'm sorry I didn't
get here sooner,

but we're making preparations
for Tina's birthday.

It has to be here.

She wants me to pop
out of the cake.

You'll never believe what
she wants me to not wear.

Where is it? There it is. There it is.
It's sinking. Come on.

The Aegean Sea, Al-- What, south of Greece?
North of Crete? Where?

Right over there, you greasy little man!

Who is this? The Miss Wet
Evening Gown contest winner?

- You tell me.
- I am telling you. Now get it.

Look, if you think that you can get
out of your duty to me by acting crazy,

you don't know who
you're dealing with.

Now go get my trunk!

I can see she's not gonna win
the Miss Congeniality award.

Well? Did you hear me? Now!

She reminds me of my fourth wife, Ruth.
No, that's wrong.

Fifth-Fifth? No, third wife.
My third wife, Ruthie.

- Al.
- Al.

Al what?

I'll be damned if I'm going
into the ocean for your trunk,

and I don't care who your are.

Uh, this is Vanessa Foster.

- Of the Philadelphia Fosters.
- I am a very important person.

She's got more dough
than Pillsbury.

And since you don't have any supplies
whatsoever, I'd go get the trunk.

- No. No way. Give me a break.
- Look, you.

Since you are an employee of
a ship that my fiancé hired,

you have to do whatever I say.

And I say go get my trunk.

- Fine. I'll get it myself.
- No. All right. Just sit--

- Get back in here. I've seen you swim.
- Geez. What a shrew.

- Stop it!
- Very much.

I'll have you know that
I won the bronze medal...

at the Northampton Beach and Bay Club
Junior Olympics when I was merely 15.

- Daddy bought me a ski boat for that.
- Ah.

It's too bad it's not still here.
You could ski over and get the trunk.

- Just answer me this, okay?
- What?

Are there any
essentials in the trunk?

Yes, everything! Now,
are you going to go get it or should I?

Go get it.

Please tell me you've got
food and water there.

- Better.
- Better?

Mmm. Mmm.

I risked my life for cigarettes?

- Mmm.
- Well, at least these might be useful.

What are you doing?
Get your grubby paws out of my--

Give-Give me that.

Trust me. I have no interest
in your underwear.

I knew it.
The sun is getting to his mind.

I can't believe this
is happening to me.

I am marooned with a pervert
on my wedding voyage.

Your wedding voyage?

What do you think
this is for, huh? Bowling?

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. David.

Who-Who's David?

My fiancé. My late fiancé.

- No, he's still alive.
- Uh, your fiancé's fine.

How do you know?

I, uh--

He's on a raft
with the captain.

He's in the captain's raft.
I put him there.

They're gonna get picked up in
about three hours, 10 minutes.

I gave him my place.

You had a place on the captain's raft?

Well, why not?

Because usually grimy, little grunts
don't travel with the captain.

Where'd I work?
The engine room?

Uh, yeah, right.
Yeah, the engine room.

Oh, no. Uh-uh.
I'm not buying amnesia either.

And, oh, and your name
is Nikos Stathatos.

Born in Piraeus, Greece,
February 12, 1935.

And, yeah, you worked
with the diesels in the yacht.

Do you mind?

Uh, and David and Vanessa here were
going to get married at sea tomorrow.

So I'm here to rescue her.

You never talked to yourself
when we were on the ship.

- This act--

Well, in the original history,
she eventually got rescued.

Then she met up with David, and they
went to Crete, and they had their wedding.

Then why am I here?

A psychiatrist told me once that
lonely people talk to themselves--

desperately lonely people.

Uh, well, we don't--
we don't know for sure.

Uh, but you're on the main
shipping lanes here,

uh, so that you should
get picked up before nightfall.

Now what are you looking for?

I'm just praying that you've got
some food and water in here.

It's a hope chest,
not a picnic basket.

That sounds more like a no-hope chest.

Wait a minute. Wait, I do.
I do have food in there.

- You do?
- Yeah.

That's great. That's the first
good news we've had.


Gum? Hundreds of sticks of gum?

You brought hundreds
of sticks of gum?

Yeah. I was gonna quit smoking.

Then why'd you bring all the cigarettes?
I was gonna go out with a bang.

She managed to do that okay.

She snuck a smoke down by the engine room,
and that's what sank the ship.

You blew up the ship
because you had to have a smoke?

I knew it. You were following me.

Answer the question.

I didn't know it was still lit when
I put it in that cigarette can.

Sam, uh, bon voyage.

Um, I've got to, uh,
jump up out of a cake.

Now what are you doing?

What are you doing?
Why did you do that?

We are lost in the
middle of the ocean.

There's a good chance
we're gonna get rescued,

but I'm not gonna risk you
sinking our only mode of survival

because of your nasty habit.

I don't have to take this kind
of behavior from an insolent,

smart-mouthed deckhand.

Oh. Look what you made me do.

- Me?
- Fix it. Do something.

Uh-Uh-Uh, get the gum.

- What?
- Get the gum and start chewing it.

Come on. Come on.
Come on. Come on.

- Mmm.
- Give me a piece.

Give me a piece.

Give me another one. Another one.
Give me another one.


I forgot how much sugar
they put in these things.

- Chew!
- I am!

Come on. Come on.
Give me. Give me.

- Let me have your hand to hold it.
- Dream on, sailor.

- Let me have your hand. Hold it.
- Oh. Ah.

Get out of the way.

Now what are you doing?

We lost a lot of air. We gotta
lose weight, or we're going down.

Oh, no you don't. Stop that!
Stop that right now!

No, not my gold pumps. I have
a belt to match. This one?

- Yes. Oh!
- Oh, my God.

- No way. Not that. Don't you dare.
- What the heck is this? What is this?

- Grandmama's sterling silver.
- Sunken treasure.


No! No!

What? Grandmama's favorite vase?

No, Grandmama.
We wanted her at the wedding.

All right. She can stay.

- I wouldn't count on that, Sam.
- Back so soon?

This is serious, Sam.
What've you been doing here?

Just what you told me.

Oh, go ahead. You can just babble
all along as much as you want.

You can even drool.
But I know you're not crazy.

No, Sam. You must be doing
something wrong here,

because your odds of survival are
going down faster than I can read.

What's the problem?

The problem is that I'm
stuck on a leaky life raft...

with a crazed barbarian
who talks to himself.

Well, suddenly,
you're getting yourself all off course.

You must be doin' something
wrong, so stop doing it.

How can I stop doing something
when I'm not doing anything?

You better figure it out.

Because Ziggy says the ship
should've picked you up an hour ago.

You've changed history, Sam.

Now Vanessa and Nikos
never get found.

This is totally unforgivable.

We needed a sail
to get us back on course.

Yeah. When we get back,
the first thing I'm doing is calling Daddy

and asking if Greece
has capital punishment.

Anything would be
better than this.

I was gonna get married
in this dress.

So hungry.

I figure we got about
188 more sticks of gum.

Our last meal on the ship
was flatbread with caviar...

and Caesar salad,

paupiettes of Dover sole
with those tiny little potatoes.


Oh, the fish was fresh.
Caught right off the ship.

Now what are you looking for?

The veil that goes
with that dress.

- No, you don't. No, you don't.
- Here it is.

No. Wait a second. Give me
that. Give me that. Look.


We need a veil to
catch the fish in.

Well, lookit! I'm telling you.

You threw away my favorite shoes.
You used my wedding dress as a sail.

You are not going fishing
with my grandmama's veil.

I won't tell her if you don't.

I said no.


Hi, little fishy. A little sole
off the port bow there.

Oh, stop it.

Oh, look. He's got all his little
anchovy buddies with him.

They're right from the Caesar
salad, you know.

All right. Here.

See if you can catch some of those
little potatoes while you're at it.

Hold this.

Over here.

- Come on. Huh! What was that?
- What? What? What?

- I think I got something.
- Don't loose it.

- A big one. It's big.
- What is it?

Don't tell me. It's a Caesar salad.

Actually, it's not so bad.

- Yeah, if you're a seal.
- Look, the Japanese

practically live on this stuff, okay?

Yeah, my poodle eats the grass
on Daddy's putting green.

You don't see me there grazing.

I'm sorry it's not cherries jubilee, okay?
But it's the best we got.

So if you wouldn't mind,
I gonna keep you alive.

Just sit there,
shut up and eat some of this.


- Go to the back of the boat first.
- What?

- Go to the back of the boat first.
- Why?

Because we Fosters
always change for dinner.

Scoot over.

- Give me that. Give it to me.
- All right.

- I can't believe I'm doing this.
- We don't have a choice.

Well, don't you ever
tell anyone I did this.

Did what?

If one of those tacky tabloids gets a hold
of this, I know who I'll come after.

You're right. You're right.

I can see the headlines now.

"Socialite sucks seaweed." They
won't be able to keep it on the stands.

That's it. When we get back,
I'm reporting you to Daddy.

Is that a threat?

My father owns the largest shipping
company in the United States.

He's been on the cover of Look magazine.
He's frequently quoted in the Journal.

You sound like his press agent,
not his daughter.


Was he on the ship?

No, thank goodness. He had
stockholders' meetings in Manhattan.

But he paid for everything. Well, it wasn't
his fault that he couldn't be there.

Those meetings are very important.

You don't have to defend him to me, okay?

I don't have to defend
my father to anyone.

He's the perfect father.

He gives me everything
and anything that I ask for.

Did he ever take you
for a walk on the beach?

No. Fathers are very busy.

Mm-hmm. They are. Very busy.

Well, you obviously
don't understand our culture.

No, I, um--

I obviously don't.

My dad taught me the names
of all the constellations.

He said if I knew the names
of the stars above our home,

then I could never be alone,

because I could always look
up and know that he and Mom

were looking at the same stars.

That's nice.

Well, it's quaint.

But the point is, my father
loves me just as much as yours.

I'm sure he does. It's just that...
from what you've been saying,

it's hard for me to imagine
that there were a lot of hugs and smiles...

and things like that at your house.

Well, we Fosters do things differently.

I mean, we feel that public displays
of affection are--

Well, they're socially incorrect.

- You really believe that?
- Daddy believes it.

And David does too.

Well, it's nice that they agree.

They always agree.

Hey. What's, uh--
What's that one called?

- Well, what one? Which one?
- That one.

That really bright star.
That one right over there.

That one or the
one next to it?

No, the one next to it.
The really bright one.

That's not a star.
That's a planet.

That's Venus.

Named for the goddess of love,
born from the sea.

A reminder to all men's souls that...

true love is the only love
worth having.

That's really beautiful.

Yeah, it is.

Mmm. David.
I had the worst dream.


Hmm. You were covered in grease.

And you never shaved.

What? What?

- How dare you?
- How dare I what?

Use your shoulder as my pillow.

- Your pillow?
- What else did you do?

Well, you know, first,
I ripped off all your clothes.

Then I-I pulled out my bouzouki...

and played wild peasant songs
while I danced naked around the raft.

Well, you just keep
your bouzouki to yourself.



Hey. I didn't know seagulls
were out this far.

That was no seagull.

Neither was that.







How could you be sure
this is Corfu?

Are you kidding?
I have been here four times.

There is the cutest little bar Just
around the corner. I am dying for a mimosa.

Vanessa. Miss Foster!
Miss Foster!

- I can't hear you.
- Miss Foster, just wait a second!

Will-- There's no--

It's not Corfu, Sam.

Tell me something I don't know.

If it's not Corfu, where is it?

Well, uh, the good news--

Is Ziggy says there's
no dangerous wildlife here.

- Where are we, Al?
- Um, there's gobs of edible flora.

- Al.
- And the, uh--

Oh. The annual average temperature...

is a very comfortable 76 degrees.

- And...
- And?

And, uh, no-
nobody else sets foot on it...

for another nine years.

10,000 silkworms gave up their lives
to make the silk for my dress.

It took 200 oysters to find
32 matching buttons.

Nine French seamstresses
went blind sewing it together.

And now, instead of
a wedding gown, what is it?


Camping gear by Chanel.

Thank you.

Where are you gonna sleep?

Where do you think
I'm gonna sleep?

Oh, no. You're not
sleeping with me.

David would be furious.
He's very protective.

- So is Grandmama.
- Trust me.

David and Grandmama
have nothin' to worry about.

And what does that mean?

You know what? Nothin'.
Forget it. It's all yours, okay?

Here you go. Whew.

There's no powder room.

Right next to the poison ivy.

You enjoy torturing me,
don't you?

No, I don't enjoy torturing you,
Miss Foster.

It's just, you see, my back is killing me,
my skin feels like it's leather,

and I really could use
another pair of helping hands.

So if you wouldn't mind filling this
with wild grapes, I would appreciate it.

I don't like grapes.

Then fill it with
something you like.

But don't eat it
till I have a look.

Just what are you gonna do?

Catch crabs, just as soon
as I find us some water.

- So if you'll excuse me.
- This is so unfair.

Trust me.
You could not handle fair.

Yeah? Just try me.

You eat what you find. I'll eat
what I find. How's that for fair?

Wait a minute!

Can't hear you.
Don't miss me too much.


I wouldn't do that.

Why? Is there something
wrong with the water?

Oh, no. No, it was quite good.

In fact, I drank until
I was about to pop.


And then I didn't wanna pop.

You didn't.

In our water?

In our only water?

I didn't know it
was our only water.

Besides, you told me I'd get
poison ivy in the bushes.

- That was a joke.
- Well, I guess the joke's on you then.

Sam, uh, Ziggy says this water
should be cleared up by the morning.

I am having a very, very hard time
keeping my cool with you.

Oh, really? Well, let me see
if I can help you.


Any cooler?

Can you give me a hand?
I'm not gonna pull you in.


There. Now you still think
this is so funny?

- Huh?
- Yes.

You know, you guys should put on
bikinis and charge admission.

- Oh!
- Ah!

I hate to miss the exciting conclusion,

but I've gotta give Tina
her birthday present.

And it's a big one.

Just get off.

You greasy--

Stay away. Get off me.

You better be careful, or I might
think you're starting to like me.

Well, do you?

Do I?

I don-- I don't know.
I just met you.

My, G-- Look,
I just don't think that...

probably in your
social-s-s-social circle,

people would, like,
go in for this--

- Yeah. I know it. You don't like me.
- Kind of entertainment.

I didn't say that. I just--

I mean, come on.
Look at you.

You're a wreck.

Ah, it's all right. Nobody likes me.

Oh, come on.
Somebody's gotta like you.

Your fiancé, I bet--
what's-his-face-likes you.

- Doesn't he?
- I don't know.

I mean, he loves me, but--

I don't know if he likes me
for who I really am.

Daddy's the same.

Wait a second. Uh--

Are you telling me that
your own father doesn't like you?

Of course he likes me.

You should have seen his face
at my debutante ball.

I have the most fabulous picture of
he and David, with me in the center.

They had the best time.

But what about you?
Did you have a good time?

Of course I had a good time.
What's that supposed to mean?

It's just that you're always talking about
how everybody else is feeling, you know?

David, your daddy, grandma.

I mean, what about you?
How-How-How are you feeling about--

What do you
think you're doing?

You know what-- I'm doing
the same thing you're doing.

You had no right to kiss me.

What are you talking about?
I-- You kissed me.

I did not. You seduced me.

I have berries to pick,
so if you'll leave me alone.

Vanessa. Vanessa, come on.

Despite all of Al's assurances,

it wasn't easy finding food
in this tropical paradise.

After four hours of playing
hide-and-seek with the crabs,

I finally found something.

Meanwhile, Vanessa
found everything else.


This is heavenly.

I still can't believe you knew
how to dig for clams.

Daddy took us clamming
in the Hamptons every summer.

Sometimes I'd eat them raw,
right out of the shell.

You know, I, uh-- I hate clams.

And you just love grapes
and toothpaste.


Look, I know we had a deal,
but I don't mind sharing.

I bet if you try some of these,
they'll change your mind.

- No, thanks. This is--
- Come on.

Come on. You have to
keep up your strength.

Well? Hmm?


I can't have you fainting
from hunger.

You're in charge
of getting us rescued.

Mmm. Mmm.

Already in the works.

Hair spray and matches?

Rescue equipment.

The contents of this can
are under pressure.

When we spot a ship out there,
we take this, right?

Put it in the fire upside down, like so.

And voilà.

We die of second-degree burns?

No, no, no. The can launches
like a skyrocket into the sky.

Then we get rescued.

- A rescue flare.
- Yeah.

- That's inventive.
- Thank you.

You know what this
reminds me of?

- Hmm?
- Indian Guides.

Every summer I went to sleepover
camp with Betsy Johnson.

- You were in Indian Guides?
- Uh-huh.

- I mean, I was in Indian Guides.
- In Greece?

Trojan Guides. The Trojan Guys.

"Guides" are what we call 'em.


- Hey, what was your Indian name?
- Mmm. I didn't have one.

Come on.
Everybody had an Indian name.

What was your Trojan name?

- Zeus.
- Zeus?

Yeah, Zeus.
You know, king of the gods.

- Yeah.
- Huh. That was me.

So come on. Out with it.
What was your name?

- Pain in the Buffalo.
- What?

Pain in the Buffalo.

Come on. Knock it off,
or I'll take back my clams.

I'm sorry. It's just that--
I'm-I'm sorry.

Hey, there's Venus again.

What was the saying again?
The one about true love?

Um, Vanessa, about what
happened this afternoon,

- I, uh, just--
- Nothing happened.

- Nothing happened?
- Nothing.

Then why did you
wanna talk about Venus?

I was simply trying to make
polite dinner conversation.

Okay, fine. Fine.

Since dinner's almost over,

I guess we should decide who's
gonna take the first watch.

We can, uh, flip a coin
or toss a stick or something or--

I'll do it.

- You will?
- Yeah.

All right. Well, you sure you know
how to launch the flare? You know just--

I'm good at launching things.

Okay. Uh--

All right then.
If, uh, you need me for anything or,

you know,
in the middle of the night--

Yeah. I'm perfectly capable
of taking care of myself.

Yeah, well, that's good.

- Ah, good night.
- Bonsoir.

You know, she really is very pretty.

Yeah, when she's asleep.

Oh. Aren't we touchy?

No, we are not touchy.

Well, I'm sorry. I was wrong.

She's nothing but a spoiled brat.

Well, there's a little bit
more to it than that, Al.

Silver spoon in her mouth,
a pampered princess.

Al, once you get past the act,

she's just a-a little kid playing
at being a grown-up, that's all.

Oh, yeah. It must have been really tough
being waited on hand and foot.

- Tougher than you think.
- See? You like her.

Me? Her?

I'm just trying to be
objective, okay?

You not only like her,
you really like her.

Don't be ridiculous.

What? What's Ziggy got?

I don't know. It needs
a tune-up, this thing.

What do you mean
it needs a tune-up?

Oh, no. Tuna. Tuna?

Oh, there's a school of
tuna just off the reef here.

Tuna? How far out?

Ah, a couple hundred yards
just out toward that ship.


- Sam, there's a ship!
- My flare.

- I gotta get my flare. Here it is.
- You got a flare?

That's great.
The ship'll see ya.

- Okay, Al.
- Okay.

- That's great.
- Homeward bound.

Nothing's happening
with this flare.

- This is impossible.
- Sam, go say, "Ahoy," or somethin'.

I don't believe this!
Th-That can has got to explode!

What are you doing now?

Trying to build up the fire.
What do you think I'm trying to do?

Oh. Well, you better hurry up. The ship's
only in range for another 3.6 seconds.

- Just--
- Two.

One. It's gone.

Aah! Careful, Sam. You're
gonna burn yourself.

- That's not that hot. It--
- Are you all right?

The flare didn't work.

It's empty.

- Well, didn't it explode?
- It's impossible. H-How could it be empty?

The only way it
wouldn't have worked,

is if it was empty before
you put it on the fire.

Which means that somebody
must've emptied it.


Well, this can wasn't empty last night.

It got windy.

- Bingo.
- Are you telling me...

that you emptied this entire can
of hair spray on your head?

Who are you,
the hair-spray police?

This was our only
way of being rescued.

I said it was windy.

We're on a deserted island.
Who cares?

You were a lot nicer
when we were on the ship.

We weren't shipwrecked then,
and we had plenty of hair spray to spare.

- Well, I didn't realize I used so much.
- Oh, no.

No, of course not. Because you're a vain,
selfish, self-centered spoiled brat...

who doesn't give a damn
about anybody but herself.



I've been a woman, Al.

I mean, I was a beauty queen.
I was even pregnant. Right?


And nothing-nothing has
prepared me for a woman like that.

You gotta get me out
of this leap, fast.

Well, I'm doing everything I can.

I got the programmers and the analysts--
They're workin' around the clock.

Of course, some of them are still
a little trashed from Tina's party.

Oh, fine.

- But they're doing the best they can.
- Well, tell 'em to do better.

- I knew it.
- You knew what?

- You got a thing for this girl.
- I don't have a thing.

You do.

I do not.
For Princess Pain in the Buffalo?

- Princess What the What?
- Oh, Princess Pain in the Buffalo...

is what the kids in her summer camp
nicknamed her,

and I can't imagine why.

- You mean she told you that?
- Yes, she told me that.

That's a very intimate
childhood detail.

Oh, Al. Come on.

I would never dream of sharing

what they called me when
I was a k-- Never mind.

It just proves that
you care for her a lot.

No way.

There's no way she would
get this bad under your skin

unless you had feelings for her.

The only feelings I have
for her are homicidal.

It didn't look that way
after the mud fight.

It looked like your lips
were glued together.

- You watched?
- Mmm. A little peek.

All right. All right. L--

Let's just say that, you know,
hypothetically speaking,

that-that I do, for some strange,
unknown reason,

have feelings for this woman--

Okay, but what about Nikos?

What if he doesn't
feel the same way?

Don't you remember
what I told you before?

He worships the ground
that she walks on.

The minute he laid eyes on her,

he volunteered to carry her
trunks on board the ship.

She had more than one trunk?

Five trunks?

She had five trunks? Oh.
- Five trunks.

And he put a mint on her
pillow every night.

And don't think that
she didn't notice him.

She did, huh?

Yeah, uh, Vanessa quit
smoking three days ago.

So she used sneaking
a smoke as an excuse

to follow him down
into the engine room.

Unfortunately, uh, she used that
bucket with the dirty diesel rags

for an ashtray, and--

Al, I don't get it though.

I mean, if-if the two of them were
so hot and heavy, why am I even here?

Because Nikos was such a good navigator
that he got them rescued too soon.

Wait a second.

They never had a chance
to express their feelings.

Wait a second. Are you telling me that
I'm here because I'm a lousy sailor?


Partly? What's the other part?

Uh, well, the other part is getting Vanessa
Foster of the Philadelphia Fosters--


To admit that she's in love
with a greasy Greek sailor.

- Oh.
- Yeah?


Been looking for you.

You know, I gotta say,
in spite of all that hair spray,

your hair looks--
really looks great.

I mean, a little stiff, but--

Dave is a lucky guy.

It doesn't matter anymore,
does it?

I'll never see him again.

You don't know that. I mean, true,
nobody can predict the future.

- We're gonna die out here, aren't we?
- No.

You know,
your grandmama would...

turn right over in her--

She would be very upset
if she heard you talking like that.

I've ruined everything.

Like what?

- Only our rescue.
- Oh, our rescue.

You know, uh, we saw one ship.
There'll be other ships.

Yeah, but there won't be another flare.

You underestimate Greek ingenuity.

I just never thought I'd die this way.

You're not go--
Would you stop that?

I always pictured myself growing older,

sitting in a rocking chair,

making my grandchildren miserable.

Withholding those little cash bonuses
whenever they got bad report cards?

- Grandmama used to do that.
- Huh.

There's just so many things
I wanted to do.

I wanted to climb a mountain,

and I wanted to sail the Nile.

I wanna learn how to make
chocolate chip cookies.

Chocolate chip cookies?

I always figured you for
the baked alaska type or something.

I used to go over to
Betsy Johnson's house.

And her mom, she used
to make this tuna casserole...

and bake cookies,
and then she'd let us lick the bowl.

They didn't have nearly
as much as we had,

and yet they were so happy.

Does David make you happy?

Of course he does.

David's wonderful.

My family loves him.

Do you love him?

Well, I'm marrying him, aren't I?

Yeah, but do you love him?

Why are you doing this to me?

Because I wanna make
sure you understand

that you don't have to marry somebody
because your family likes 'em.

And you really don't have to marry somebody
because he reminds you of your daddy.

It's not like that at all.
I love Daddy.

I mean David.

I just don't wanna die
before I have a chance to live.

You know, sometimes you just--

You have to take the chance.

It's too late.

It's never too late.

This isn't fair.

What about David?

What about Nikos?
I mean-- I mean, me?

I can't. I'm saving myself
for my husband.


You're saving yourself
for your husband, Nikos.

- Oh, my God.
- Huh?

- No. No.
- No?

A ship.

A ship! Come on.

- Where are you going?
- To send an S.O.S.

Your flare is gone.

I don't need the flare.
They'll be able to see the bonfire.

What bonfire?
The one I'm about to build.

Come on.
Help me with the wood.

I can't.

What do you mean, you can't?
You can steam clams.

You can't help build a bonfire?
Come on.

I wanted to steam those clams.

And I wanted to empty
that can of hair spray.

You don't want to be rescued, do you?

Sam. Sam, there's a ship.

Sam, there's a ship out there.
Did you see it?

Sa-Sam, do something!

Ask Ziggy what the odds are for Vanessa
and Nikos staying on this island...

and living happily ever after.

Is this some kind of a Greek thing?

Ancient custom.

Hey, this is a first-- 100 percent.

So then I'm really here to make sure...

that we stay on this island together.

And I'll make sure
you won't be sorry.

Oh, and Sam.
These are busy bunnies.

They're gonna have six kids by the
time they get picked up in 1965.

Six kids.

I'd like that.

I'd like that very much.

Excuse me, Grandmama.

Uh, no, Sam. Sorry.

Uh, Sam, you're outta here.

Dr. Parker. Dr. Phil Parker.

- Can you hear him? He's out there.
- Who?

Charlie! He's comin' over the wire.

He's gonna kill us all. We gotta get out
of here. He's gonna cut our heads off!

Don't you fight me,
or I'll break your freakin' neck.

- That isn't necessary, is it? Huh?
- Sam. Don't get up.

- Why not?
- Sam, don't move.

Oh, boy.