Quantum Leap (1989–1993): Season 2, Episode 21 - Sea Bride - June 3, 1954 - full transcript

Sam leaps into the body of Philip Dumont who is aboard the Queen Mary and is trying to prevent the marriage of Dumont's ex-wife Catherine Farrington to a gangster, Vincent Loggia, affectionately referred to as Vinny the Viper. She's still in love with Philip who inexplicably disappeared three years before while sailing in the south seas. Her father wants the marriage to go forward because Vinny has offered to buy his failing shipping firm. Catherine's younger sister is on Philip's side but Vinny is prepared to do whatever it takes to get rid of him.

Theorizing that one could
time travel within his own lifetime,

Dr. Sam Beckett led an elite group
of scientists into the desert...

to develop a top secret project
known as Quantum Leap.

Pressured to prove his theories
or lose funding,

Dr. Beckett prematurely stepped
into the project accelerator,

and vanished.

He awoke to find himself in the past,

suffering from partial amnesia and facing
a mirror image that was not his own.

Fortunately, contact with
his own time was maintained...

through brain wave transmissions
with Al, the project observer,

who appeared in the form of a hologram
that only Dr. Beckett can see and hear.

Trapped in the past,
Dr. Beckett finds himself...

leaping from life to life,

putting things right that
once went wrong...

and hoping each time that
his next leap will be the leap home.

Quantum leaping always leaves me
with an unsteady feeling,

but this is ridiculous.

"We have not yet begun to fight. J."

John Paul Jones?

Oh, Phillip!

Why the hell are you here?

Oh, boy.

You were supposed to be dead.
I knew it wasn't true.

But if it wasn't true,
why didn't you come home?


And don't give me that naive
act, Phillip.

You know, maybe you and I
should just sit down and talk.

Oh! Oh, about what?

Well, uh...

- You could tell me...
- That I'm still in love with you.

Huh! Well. I'm not!

And how could I be?

You just sail out of my life
one afternoon to go and think!

And three years later, I get
a letter from Bora-Bora...

that said you were swept away
and stranded on some island.

Well, I didn't buy it, Phillip.

- I guess I wouldn't...
- I'm over you, Phillip.

- Do you understand me?
- I can see that.

I'm going to marry
Vincent tomorrow,

and there's nothing you
could do to stop me.

Now just get out of my room.

- I think this is my room.
- Oh.

Well, then, I'll get out.

Open this door, Dumont.

- Before I tear it down!
- It's Daddy! Do something.

Uh, uh, uh...
Do what?

The closet! I have to hide
in the closet!

Damn it! Open this door!

Don't stand there! Help me.

I'm warning you, Dumont!
I'll give you to a count of three.

One. Two. Three.

And a half.
All right, Phillip.

You leave me no choice
but to break down the door!

Are you, uh, all right?

You have one hell of a nerve,
showing up at Catherine's wedding.

I'm... I'm sure
it's just a coincidence.


The same kind of coincidence that
got you two married in the first place?

That coincidence took three years and a
fortune in psychiatrist's fees to undo.

Maybe if we all would just kinda
come of the closet and talk about it.

There's nothing to
discuss, Dumont.

You closed that conversation
when you chose to run away,

rather than work
for Farlington Nautical.

If you show one perfect hair...

around me, my daughter,
or any member of my family,

I'll... I'll...

Middleweight champion. 1919.

I'm very sorry, Mr... Mr. Dumont.

Miss Farlington refused
to accept these,

so the concierge suggested
we bring them back to you.

Coincidence, eh?
That's it, Dumont.

Let's have it out, right now!
Mano a mano!

That means, "man to man," Sam.

- Sir?
- I know what it means.

Then, get your dukes up!

I really think that there's
been some mistake here.

Not yet, but there's gonna
be, if you...

Only if you try and stop
Catherine from marrying Vincent.

- Vinnie the Viper?
- I will not allow any...

future son-in-law of mine
to be slandered by the likes of you.

Slandered? It's not slander, Sam.
This Vincent Loggia has a bad habit...

of using people as cement additives.

Mr. Dumont...

Vincent Loggia may not be
as reputable as you may think.


Because he's willing to join Farlington
Nautical and help pull it out of the red?

Something you were
unwilling to do?

These are extremely heavy, sir.

Uh, tell him to take 'em back to her.

- Take 'em back.
- I won't allow it!

Why not?

It is unacceptable
for an engaged woman...

to receive flowers
from her ex-husband.

As a token of
Phillip's friendship!

As a token of my
friendship and...

wishes for a happy new life.

- Sir?
- Well, all right.

But I don't like it!

And you, sir, if you would please
give Catherine my well-wishes...

and assurance that I am absolutely
no threat to her marriage.

I want your word that you'll
stay away from Catherine,

and not interfere
with this wedding.

You have my solemn word of honor.

You have no honor, Dumont.

You're not Harvard.

According to Ziggy,
there's an 88.3 percent probability...

that you are here to prevent
this wedding from taking place!

Well, Ziggy's wrong.

No. Phillip and Catherine
were crazy over each other.

They why did they get a divorce?

When Phillip was marooned at sea,
Weathers Farlington IV,

that pompous nozzle that
just walked out the door,

convinced Catherine
that he was dead.

And he had the marriage annulled.

Great. Now what?

Oh, my God. The closet.


It's so hot in there.


You been busy.

Just take long,
slow, deep breaths.

I can't!

- I certainly could.
- Why not?

It's the dress. It's too tight.
I can't breathe.

Unbutton her dress, Sam.
Slowly! Ooh, I wish I could help.

- Better?
- Ooh.

I thought I heard you talking
to somebody after Daddy left.

Uh, well, no. I was...
I was talkin' to myself.

It's kind of a... a bad habit
that I can't get rid of.

Why are you here?

Go ahead. Tell her.

See? All right. Originally...

Phillip was unable to stop the
wedding, so he committed suicide.

Catherine could
never get over it,

so two years later,
she died of a broken heart.

- Please.
- Oh, don't beg, Phillip.

- It's too late.
- Oh.

This is Wuthering Heights.
This is... Romeo and Juliet.

- We're talkin' true love here!
- Phillip, it's just too late.

- Catherine.
- Phillip?

If there's any love left
in your heart for me,

jump off the ship
and swim back to New York.

"Jump off the ship"?

Well, maybe that's exactly what
the poor devil did.


He committed suicide by
jumpin' off the ship.

Oh, come on, Al!

People don't jump off a ship
for unrequited love.

No, but for true love.

- "True love"?
- Yeah.

I mean, it only happens
once in a lifetime,

and-and you have to be lucky.

Well, how would you know?

What do you mean,
how would I know?

That's not fair. I'm sorry. I'm sure,
I mean, given the sheer volume of attempts,

that you had to luck out once.

Yeah. All right. I had good odds, and yes,
for one brief moment, it happened to me.

What, did you forget
to get her number?

No, I got married.

If she was so perfect,
why aren't you still married to her?

That's not important. What's important
is that you help these lovebirds.

- Okay! Fine.
- Okay.

I won't jump overboard. Phillip won't
die, and Catherine won't pine away.

- What about Vinnie the Viper?
- What do you mean, Vinnie the...

- You can't let her marry that gavone.
- Gavone?

- Yeah, it's Italian. Gavone!
- What's it mean?

G... I forgot.

Look, just have Ziggy
get me some information

on Vinnie's
underworld activities.

I'll tell the Farlingtons.
They'll call of the wedding.

I'll leap out,
Phillip will leap in,

and he can win his own true love
back... by himself.

No, no, no, no.
My instincts tell me,

it cannot be that simple.

So do mine.

We have to talk.

Okay, everything's going
according to plan.

She's locked up in her cabin,
totally confused and miserable.

- This is what we planned?
- Absolutely!

This must be Catherine's
little sister, Jennifer Elizabeth.

we've got one tiny little problem.

- What's that?
- I overheard Vinnie the Viper.

How'd you know his name?

I made it up. I mean,
doesn't he look like a snake to you?

- Uh, uh, sort of.
- Anyway.

He was talking to that henchman
he calls a "best man," and he told him...

- if you step one foot near Kate...
- That's short for Catherine.

He's gonna chop you up into little,
tiny pieces and feed you to the fish.

Maybe it wasn't a suicide.

Fish food. Vinnie wants
to turn me into fish food.

Vinnie's creepy, but I doubt
he's actually ever murdered anybody.

No, he's never been
convicted of murder.

But the state of New York
got him on three other felonies.

Maybe this isn't really
such a good idea.

She loves you.

If she loves me,
why did she slap me?

Sam, that means she loves you!

You're the only person who can
get her that impassioned.

Before you,
she was positively boring.

You know, this kid's gonna be
a good ally.

Falling in love with you was the only
thing she ever did right in her life.

Please, please, please talk to her!

- Sam!
- Okay! O... Okay.

Maybe... Maybe you're right.

Oh, Phillip.
I'm so glad you're here.

Me too.

Now, listen. You, uh, get to dinner,
before we both get in trouble.

Thanks for the flowers.

Ziggy says
there's a 96.2% chance...

that you're here to get Vinnie
out of her life without ending yours.

Why do I feel like Vinnie the Viper
is not going to appreciate that?

Good point. Uh, now
you have to look around...

and find a nice, romantic place.

Are you saying I have to
make her fall in love with me?

She's already in love with you.

But unless she thinks
you're still in love with her,

she's not gonna trust you...
And if she doesn't trust you,

then she's not gonna believe you when you
give her the lowdown on Vinnie the Viper.

Which I'm gonna get... to you.

How come you always get
the easy stuff?

Eh, just lucky, I guess.

Go away! All of you,
just go away!

I don't like it, Vinnie. The children have
no respect. The women have no respect.

I don't like that nobody
gotta no respect.

"Love hath no 'rot'
like a woman scorned."

- Hmm?
- Shakespeare.

Hey! Maybe you should no marry
into this crazy family.

Does make me kinda wonder, though,
what's in store for the marriage.

Oh, pre-wedding jitters.

Maybe I should talk with her.
'Splain to her about Italian men.

After the wedding,
I'll have a long talk with her.

"Fair Catherine, we await you,

"like the day awaits the sun."

Besides, if you don't come out,
I'm tearin' the door down.


Get the hell out here!

That'll make her rush
right into your arms.

You know, Marian did
practically the same thing...

the night before our wedding.

Didn't you, diddums?


I don't care what you have to do,
Weathers, but in seven minutes,

we are supposed to be sitting down
at the captain's table for dinner.

And I want you and your...

Your women there,
and in control.

- Do we understand each other?
- Andiamo.

- Seven minutes.
- Hmm.


Oh, for heaven's sakes,
put a cap on it, Marian.

How can we be doing this
to our little Kate?

- Doing what?
- Feeding her to the Romans.

It's lions, Je...
We're not feeding her to the lions!

- It's a wedding!
- Are they gone?

- Other than the smell, yes.
- Stop it.

Daddy? Daddy, I don't think
I can go through with this.

Oh, you're a Farlington.
You can go through with anything.

I just don't think
I'm in love with him.


Well, marriage isn't only about
love, darling.

Is it, diddums?

Oh, uh, Marian. Marian,
go and fix your face, will you?

- And take Jennifer with you.
- But I'm ready.

You do... like Vincent,
don't you?

- Well...
- He likes you.

Daddy, he likes me because I'm blonde,
went to Vassar, and speak English.

A language completely
foreign to him.

Catherine! The shipping business
is about to go under.

God, do I hate
the way that sounds.

And Vincent has offered
to buy us out.

Is that why he's the first man
you've ever approved of?


He'll take care of you.
The way you deserve to be taken care of.

And with the sale
of the company,

I'll be able to take care
of your mother and Jenny.

Give her all the opportunities that I
was able to give you as a young girl.

Daddy, I want Jenny to have all the
wonderful things I had growing up.

But I really think that you should love
someone if you're going to marry them.

Like Phillip.

I remember.
Week after week you cried.

And there was nothing I could do
to take the hurt away.

I don't know what I would have done
without you.

You survived Phillip's love,
and I think it's time now...

you take a little
responsibility for your life.

- Daddy, will I ever...
- Yes. You'll learn to love him.

And you'll have children.

And you'll always have us.

I'll go get ready for dinner
now, Daddy.

Oh. That's my little girl!

What are you doing here?

You're supposed to be
talkin' to Catherine!

She wouldn't talk to me.

What do you mean,
she wouldn't talk to you?

I mean, she wouldn't talk to me.


I sent two notes to
her table at dinner.

She wouldn't accept them. I tried to cut
her off on the way to the ladies' room...

She saw me, she turned back. I've
done everything but wait on her table.

- She won't talk to me.
- Well, you've got to get alone with her.

- How?
- Well, try Jenny. She's a bright kid.

No, no. She's already
done her part. Look.

"I got you a key
to the first-class pool."

Ooh, a midnight swim! You know,
there's nothing more erotic than...

a couple of wet,
slippery bodies...

Al! Al! Al!
I'm not going there to be erotic.

Forgive me. I forgot who I was talking to.
I mean, even if I was...

Which I'm not... I-I'll be
going there by myself.

Unless I can convince Catherine
to come there.

And the only way I'm gonna
convince her to get there

is if I can get two
minutes alone with her!

W-What about Jenny?
Can't she get her to come?

No, she... that it should all
look like it's comin' from me.

Well, she's right. Because the last
thing a woman wants to think...

is that she's being set up
by her... by her baby sister.

I know what. Hmm!

What's the way to be
completely intimate...

in a room full of people?

♪ And though we are parted ♪

♪ I want you to know ♪

♪ That if things go wrong, dear ♪

♪ And fate is unkind ♪

♪ Look over your shoulder ♪

♪ I'm walking ♪

♪ Behind ♪

Oh, merci, merci.
I am Carlo Monte,

and this is the
Monte Carlo Nights.

We are here till dawn
for your listening pleasure.

Ah, oui, monsieur? And
what is your pleasure tonight?

I don't speak French. I just
speak with a French accent.

- I need you to play a tango.
- I love the tango.

- What the hell are you doing?
- Dancing with you.

Everybody's watching.

You look gorgeous.


- I don't want to smile.
- I need to talk to you.

We have nothing
to say to each other.

- I'll kill him. Gimme your gun.
- I can't give you a gun.

Especially here.

I'm gonna kill him.

I want you to meet me tonight.

Why are you doing this to me?

Because I care about
what happens to you.

Then stay out of my life!

Meet me at the first-class pool
at midnight.

- It's closed.
- Jenny has a key.

The little imp.
I should have known she was in on this.

She's worried about you.

- Are you doing this for Jenny?
- I'm doing it for you.

- Will you meet me?
- No.

All right, all right.

If I meet you, will you go away
and let me live my life in peace?


If that's what you really want.


- Thanks for the dance.
- Phillip!

That little waltz may have
just cost you your life.

- Tango.
- Outside.

Actually, I'm meeting someone...

I ought to kill you right now.

Oh, don't make me shoot him
here, Vinnie.

Don't call me Vinnie.
And I'll shoot him.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Why don't we just discuss
this like civilized people?

Instead of arguing about
who's gonna shoot me, all right?

Besides, isn't it bad luck to shoot
somebody the night before your wedding?

- Not in Brooklyn.
- Look.

- I don't wanna shoot you.
- Good.

Vincent is tryin' real hard
to change his image.

And... I can see that.

I'm gonna marry Catherine tomorrow.
And I don't want you gettin' her all...

confused with a lot
of stuff from the past.

I can appreciate that.

And I'm sure you
can appreciate that

I just want to make sure that she's
not confused about the present.

Why does that sound like
you're not gonna go away?

Because, maybe... I can't.

Let's, uh, try another approach.

I'm a businessman. And your
comin' here is jeopardizing my future.

And that, uh, offends me.

And like Shakespeare said,
"If thy eye offends thee, pluck it out."

That means, if you don't stay out of
Vinnie's way, you're gonna get plucked.

So, let's just say that from here out,
you and I have an agreement.

Your part of the deal says you stay away
from Catherine and her entire family.

My part says,
if you don't, I kill you.

Sounds like you're making me
an offer I can't refuse.

An offer you can't refuse...
That's good.

I like that.

You can't threaten me
out of Catherine's life.

She's the only one
who can tell me to go away.

That's it. Gimme the damn gun!

The passageway is just after
the first-class bunk.

Uh, Captain? Captain, I was
wondering if, uh,

uh, you could, uh, well, you could
arrange for a tour of the bridge for me?

Yes, of course! Just contact
my second in the morning.

No, no, no. No, sir.
I was thinking about tonight.

- Captain Sheffield.
- Oh, Mr. Loggia!

Mr. Dumont and I were
just discussing...

Other than that his ex-wife
turns out to be my fiancée...

How much we have in common.

Phillip Dumont. You're the chap who
sailed single-handedly from Bora-Bora...

after you lost your mainsail
in the storm.

Quite a nifty piece of seamanship.
Were you able to rig a sail?

- Well, uh...
- Did you simply... drift?

You used your
jib, and you rowed.

I used my jib, and, uh, rowed.
To Bora-Bora?

- Uh, Bora.
- Fascinating.

Yeah. I'm mesmerized.

If you could get the captain to
take you to the bridge,

you could show him how
you plotted your course.

Captain, I could plot my
course for you.

- If you'd take me up to the bridge.
- Oh, I'd like to see that!

- Yes, well. Uh.
- Yeah, we'd like to see that too.

Oh, come on. A couple of sailors,
talking a bunch of sea stuff?

You'd be bored to tears.
Good night, gentlemen.

Oh. Here.

Uh... yeah.

- So, Captain.
- Extraordinary.

I was wondering if
you could show me the...

Follow him.

I'd heard you had
no sextant or watch!

How did you compute
your longitude?

Mr. Dumont.
Are you all right?

Yeah. I'm fine.
Listen, Captain.

Uh, the reason
I pulled you aside is that...

I have reason to believe
that Vincent Loggia...

is gonna kill someone
on this cruise.

- Who?
- Him.

- Me.
- Mr. Dumont.

I realize that Mr. Loggia's about to
marry your ex-wife, but I'm sure...

- He's a convicted felon.
- Three times.

- Three times convicted.
- Are you certain?

The New York police
have his record.

The New York police can
fax you his criminal record.

- Fax?
- Telegraph.

- Cable. Have him cable Lieutenant Brown...
- Cable Lieutenant Brown...

- Fourth precinct.
- In the fourth precinct.

I'll wire this Lieutenant Brown.
But if this is a ruse...

to prevent Mr. Loggia
from marrying your ex-wife,

fellow sailor or not,
I'll have to confine you to your cabin.

Ah, well.
Yes, I understand, sir.

Now, without a sextant, without a watch,
how did you compute your longitude?

Ah, Phillip, you might have been
better off on Bora-Bora.


I've invited a woman to go swimming,
and I can't find any trunks.

Do you know what's
going on right now?

Uh, Vinnie found out that I have
a rendezvous with Catherine,

- And he has her...
- No. No. No. No, no, no.

What? What?

Right now, down on the bottom
deck, in the bowels of this ship,


there's this yucky room and
there's this giant thing...

like a big Dempsey Dumpster,

and it's pushing all the trash
right out into the ocean!

- That's what you're telling me?
- Yes! The ocean! It's poison.

Not about Catherine and
Vinnie, just about...

No thought about future generations.
Just lousing up the ocean.

Al, all right. Fine.
It's probably biodegradable.

No! Some of it is, but most of it,
believe me, is stinky stuff.

And it galls me.
It really galls me.

- You're not ready!
- He's never ready.

I'm never... I'm never ready?

You were late
for your own wedding.

Where are your trunks?

Well, like, I couldn't...
I can't find my trunks.

Got to admit, the kid is sharp.

Now, I got this all figured out.

When Kate comes in,
you should be swimming.

- Swimming?
- Swimming!

Bobbing around in the water.
Makin' your arms go in circles. Glub, glub.

Don't even look at her. Just tell
her your side of the story and leave.


Now, I better get back in case
Kate needs me for a smoke screen.


Oh! Wear the blue trunks.
You look smashing in blue.

- Oh, I hope this works, Al.
- Of course it'll work.

Just think Cary Grant.

That's not what I'm talking about.
What if Catherine doesn't show up?

Catherine will show up. What woman
could resist Cary Grant, in blue?

I just don't think
I should go swimming

with another man the
night before my wedding.

Ah, but what a man!
He's better that Tab Hunter.

Oh, will you stop that?

Look, just get in the
pool and do a few laps.

He'll say whatever he has to say,
and then you can leave.

Just... go for a swim, right?

You don't even
have to look at him.

- I don't know.
- Kate!

If two people who are in love with each
other can't work out their differences,

they should at least say goodbye.

Well, why should I say goodbye
to him? He sailed off to Bora-Bora...

and never said goodbye to me.

He was shipwrecked. He tried to come
back to you as soon as he could.

Well, what do you know?
You're only 11.

I'm young, Kate, not stupid.

Besides, I read all those
unopened letters you threw out.

You did?

I won't forgive him, Jenny.

He's not asking
for your forgiveness.

He's asking for a chance
to tell you what happened.

So, just go for a nice swim
and listen to what he has to say.

That's the only way you can
get him out of your system.

Well, I... I guess if I don't,
I'll always wonder, right?

Right! He's waiting
at the pool for you.

I'm pretty lucky to have
a baby sister like you.

Yeah, I know. Now go!


- There's no water in the pool.
- I noticed that.

This is just like you, Phillip.

I didn't arrange this!

The sign says that they drain
the pool every night after 11:00.

Oh, well.

Why should our last night together be any
better than the rest of our relationship?

Come on. Let's... Come on, let's make
the best of a bad situation. All right?

Come on down here.

I promise I won't splash you.

All right, Phillip. I'm here.
Speak your piece.

I suppose it's now or never.

That's right.

Do you really love Vinnie?

What a silly question!

- I don't think so.
- And why not?

Because you didn't answer it.

if that's all you have to say,

then I-I guess this
conversation's just over.

- Goodbye, Phillip.
- Catherine. Catherine.

I can't let you marry
a man you're not in love with.

I didn't say... I wasn't
in love with Vinnie... Vincent.

You didn't say you were.


When you first disappeared,
I blamed myself.

For being such a spoiled brat.

I knew you couldn't
afford my lifestyle.

But it didn't make any
sense that you wouldn't

take Daddy's offer to
work for the family.

And at first, I thought
that was your pride.

And I guess...

I admired that.

But when you showed me that...
That silly little apartment,

and you wanted me to live there,

I was too afraid.

if I could do it all over again,

I would move into that
apartment this very moment.

- But I can't.
- Why not?

Because, there... There are some
things we're obligated to do.

- Marriage isn't one of them.
- Sometimes it is.

You never had a family. You can't
understand what it means to see them...

in trouble.


You should always love your family.

And do whatever it takes
to help and protect them.

But you can't lose sight
of your own happiness.

I did love you.

More than I've loved anybody
in my whole life.

No. It's just too late!

- Only if you let it be.
- I don't love you anymore, Phillip.

- I can't afford to.
- Catherine!

You have a second chance at happiness.

Don't let it sail away again.



Paging Mrs. Thatcher.
Mrs. Margaret Thatcher.

Ouch! Oh, mother,
you didn't have to pin it to my brain.

- Catherine, please!
- Where is she?

She was dressed and
ready an hour ago.

An hour ago?

I'm sure she's just walking
around, Kate.

It's a boat, after all.
Where can she go?

- Did you find him?
- No, I searched everywhere.

Oh, God!

Find who? And Jennifer,
you have ruined this dress.

The dress is fine! You're the one
who's ruining everything.

Well, now, wait a minute.
I'm the one getting married in 20 minutes.

I get to be the basket case,
not you, okay?

Jenny, darling, what's wrong?
Who are you trying to find?

Mother, it's Phillip.
I can't find him anywhere.

Oh, Jenny, it's a boat.
Where could he be?

I don't know!
I've searched everywhere,

and I just know something
horrible's happened to him.

Maybe-Maybe we should
call the captain.

Stop it, both of you. Jenny, I am sure that
Phillip just needed some time by himself.

Do you really think so?

It is hard to stand by and let
someone go out of your life.

Even if you know in your heart
it's the best thing in the world for them.

Teddy told me that's exactly
how he felt the day I got married.

- Teddy?
- Teddy?

He was a young man that
I was very much in love with.

My dad did not approve of us,
and so I married your father.

Not that I regret that I did,
for one minute!

But... I'll never forget the look
on his face that last night,

when he said goodbye.

But I am sure that Phillip is
doing all that he can to forget...

that he made a fool of himself going
after Catherine the way that he did,

and I'm certain
that after the wedding,

he'll be just fine.

Now, come on.

Let me get you out of this dress,

and I'll give it to Bridget and maybe
she can, oh, freshen it up a little bit.

That's right. Step out.

Jenny. All right?

Now, you wash your face,
and I'll be right back.

Kate, after this is all over,
would it be all right if I married Phillip?

When that time comes,

I hope you marry
whomever your heart desires.

Now, go wash your face,

and I'll let you wear some of
my "Pink Passion" lipstick, okay?

Do you really think he's okay?

I think Mother's right.

I think he's off having
the time of his life,

doing something terribly
fun and exciting.

Oh. Good morning, Mr. Dumont.
I trust you slept well.

Like a baby.

I take it you decided...

it wouldn't be civilized to murder
someone on your wedding day.

"My object's all sublime, I shall achieve
in time a punishment to fit the crime."


- Gilbert and Sullivan.
- Close enough.

If protecting Catherine from you
is a crime,

then... s-sooner or later, you're going
to have to kill everyone who loves her.

You're right.
I can't kill everyone.

Just you.

Tony, get rid of the garbage.

Do you realize that
by the year 2000, there's gonna be...

18 billion tons of waste...

polluting the waters
of this planet?

And that's not including China!

I appreciate your
ecological concerns, Al,

but right now I have a little more
pressing problem to deal with.

Yuck! How did you get
in this mess?

Trying to help Catherine.

Yeah, well, you must have really done
something that ticked off Vinnie the Viper.

Al, don't leave me!

I'm right here, Sam.
Right here!

Now, look. Try and pile up
a bunch of garbage and stand up on it,

so you can reach up
and grab this grate.

- I can hardly move my arms!
- Well, you gotta move 'em!

Hurry, Sam.
Lookit, this wall is coming.

Now get up and reach up here!

It's too high, Al!

Come on, Sam.
You can do it!

You look beautiful.
Are you happy?

Of course.


- Do something!
- Try again!

It's too high!
Throw me the rope!

Throw you the rope? I can't throw
you the rope! I'm a hologram!

All right, now, now just...
We gotta stay calm.

We gotta keep
our minds calm here.

I don't want to keep calm
and get killed at the same time.

Make your way over this way, here,
and see if you can grab this hook here.

All right, Sam? You gotta try
and grab these chains.

And pull yourself up!

You've gotta jump for it!

Jump up and grab it!

- Oh, Sam?
- Ugh. Oh!

Hey, Sam! Right down by
your foot there, in the garbage!

Sunk in the garbage.
It looks like there's an umbrella there.

Yeah! Use that. Reach up
and... and hook on to it.

Attaboy. Now pull yourself up!

Yeah. That's it.

Whoa! Hang on!

Hang on, now!

Sam, you only got two minutes
to stop this wedding.

Come on, pull yourself up!

Attaboy! Come on!

Do you, Vincent, promise to love and
honor for as long as you both shall live?

I do.

If anyone here
objects to this union,

let him speak now
or forever hold his peace.

I do!
I definitely do.

- Therefore...
- Sam?

- By the powers vested in me...
- Somebody, say something!

- I now pronounce you man and...
- Wait!

I'm sorry. Vincent, I don't love you.

- I can't marry you.
- Good girl!

You better have a
talk with your daughter.

No, I don't think so, Vincent.

If Catherine doesn't
want to marry you,

I have no intention of
trying to change her mind.

Oh, thank you, Daddy.

- This is a very big mistake.
- No, it isn't!

Captain Sheffield...

I want you to place Mr. Loggia
under arrest for attempted murder.

- Phillip...
- You stay away from him!

He tried to...
throw me out to sea with the garbage,

because she wouldn't
stay away from me.

That guy's just nuts,
'cause I'm marryin' his ex-wife.

If Phillip says Vinnie tried to
kill him, I believe him.

Mr. Loggia, Mr. Dumont,

I'm afraid I'll have to confine
you both to your quarters,

until I can determine
exactly what happened here.

Ensign Pope, please show
these gentlemen to their rooms.

I ain't bein' confined nowhere!

- Harvard, '19.
- Harvard, '19.

Phillip, you smell horrible,
but I don't care.

I don't care about anything except
being with you for the rest of my life.

- If you'll have me.
- Wow!

Six kids! You guys are
gonna be busy bunnies.

I think that can be arranged.

Oh, and get this, Sam. You tell the
story about your sail to Bora-Bora...

and Jenny writes it
as a murder mystery,

and it becomes
a runaway best seller.

And the two of you make enough money
to keep the family going...

until the cruise business
makes a comeback in the '70s.

Don't you just love
happy endings?

Oh, no!

No, no, no... No, not the heels!
Not a woman again!


Oh, boy.