Quantum Leap (1989–1993): Season 2, Episode 12 - Animal Frat - October 19, 1967 - full transcript

Sam leaps into the body of Knut 'Wild Thing' Wileton, a frat house president who is known for his partying. It's 1967 and protests against the Vietnam war are now common on college campuses. Sam's task is ensure that a fellow student, Elizabeth Spokane, doesn't make an error that will ruin her life. In a few days, she will place a bomb in the chemistry lab to protest work they are doing for the Defense Department. Although the lab is supposed to be empty at the time, a student will be killed. It turns out Sam also has another task, one related to Wild Thing himself.

Quantum leaping
into someone else's life means...

never knowing what set of problems
come with the package.

Sometimes my purpose is

something as important as stopping
my newly acquired sister...

from marrying
an abusive alcoholic,

and sometimes
it's as simple as a first kiss.

But always, always,
it's a true and rewarding experience.

Wild Thing!

- Go for it, man!
- Well, maybe not always.

I, uh...

I think I'll, uh, go
check out the bathroom.


Surf's up!
We got your Banzai Rums.

We got
your Hang Tens and Tonics,

your beer, and of course,
your ever-popular...

because it's named after me...

Guna Laguna Tuna Smashers.

Whoa, whoa! You gotta be a
virgin to drink that drink.

I think you better step into my office
so I can make sure you're qualified.

Wild Thing!

Wild Thing!
Wild Thing! Here.

I got the lobsters you ordered.


I mean, here are your lobsters,
Your Royal Wildness, sir.

Scooter, what is
the lowest form of life?

- A pledge is the lowest form of life, sir!
- Yes, and who is the lowest pledge?

I am, sir!

And what is the greatest fraternity
in this great nation of ours...

in this year of our Lord,
one thousand nine hundred and sixty-seven?

- Tau Kappa Beta!
- Damn right.

Now, take those sacred lobsters
and place them in Dean Stomper's mailbox.


I just love being in a fraternity.

Wild Thing, you throw the greatest
parties of any fraternity.

Excuse me.

Oh, boy.

So, it was 1967,

and I was apparently a member
of Tau Kappa Beta fraternity...

at Meeks College.

And this, according to
the subtle clues on the door,

was my room.

Though perhaps "cave"
was a better description.

I mean, look at this place...
piles of unwashed clothes,

the scent of stale beer
in the air.

It looked like every other fraternity
room I had ever seen in college,

which is precisely
why I never joined one.

And according to this notebook,
my real name was Knut Wileton.

That was Knut with a "K," so I was named
after the king and not the salamander,

which is something of a relief.

Otherwise, it also seemed
I was known as...

Wild Thing?

Oh, I-I guess we fell asleep.


I thought you had
forgot about us.

I just, uh, got a little
sidetracked is all.

Well, why don't you come
and get back on track?

That-That-That would be great.

Except I j... I gotta...

I just remembered,
I gotta go study.

So just excuse me, girls.

Range... one hundred meters!

Range... one hundred meters!
Torpedo number one,

loaded, ready and...



Miss. Correction.
Fifteen degrees.

I used to do the same thing
when I was in college,

only we used to use
the inner tubing from a bicycle tire...

instead of this surgical tubing,
and this is definitely better.

Al, I'm in a fraternity.

Yeah. Looks like a great one,
from the look of these guys.

- Prepare number two!
- Number two!

Ready? Loaded? Fire!

- Fire!
- Direct hit!

I'm trapped in the body
of a troglodyte!

I don't wanna graduate in it.
I wanna leap out of here as soon as I can!

Well, don't worry.
According to Ziggy,

you're in no danger of graduating
this year or next year.

It seems this Knut Wileton
is into the ten-year plan.

Let me guess: He's a P.E. major with a
minor in underwater hotel management.

Wrong. You're a physicist
with a shot at the Nobel prize.

Just kidding.

Oh. Well, he's an art major.
Some kind of a sculptor.

Probably works in beer cans.

Okay, so, I gotta pass some test
or something, right?

So he can stay in school and
become a great artist. Is that it?


According to Ziggy, there's
an 87.6% chance you're here...

to help Elizabeth Spokane.


You stupid jerks!

Well, so much
for first impressions.

Al, look. If anybody needs help,
it's these guys, not her.

Well, tomorrow...
that's Saturday...

Elizabeth and her group are gonna
plant a bomb in the chemistry building.

A bomb?

Yeah. Well, there was a lot of
bombs planted on campuses in the '60s.

Usually protesting departments
whose, uh, research...

Was related to the government's
war efforts in Vietnam.

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

It goes off at 9:00 p.m.

There wasn't supposed to be anybody
in there.

- But this time there was?
- Right.

A kid who snuck in late
to finish some project.

And it killed him.

Elizabeth went underground and spent
the rest of her life on the run.

I can't let that happen.

- Hey, where are you going?
- I'll get the notes from you later.


U.S. out of Vietnam!
Bring the troops home now!

Excuse me. Excuse me.
Can I interest you in this pamphlet

that tells you everything
that's happening in Vietnam?

What do you want?

I just...
I just came to apologize.

Is that supposed to make
everything better?

No. It's supposed to start to make
things a little better.

Mmm. Well, the best way to do that
is by leaving.

Maybe I could just
jump off a cliff instead.

Well, that would mean
you were smart enough to find one.

Look, Elizabeth,
I want to apologize, and...

maybe we could get together sometime
and talk about what you're doing here.

Do you really think that
I would ever go out with you?

I'm not talkin' about
goin' out with me.

Sam, you could be
passin' up a good thing.

Will you forget about
her body for a moment?

- I wasn't talkin' about you.
- I don't care.

Elizabeth, I... I need to talk to
you about what you're doing here.

Well, if it is that important
to you, then talk to Duck.

I'm sure he can explain it
much better than I can.


No fair moving your lips.

Look, um, are you really serious
about trying to stop the war?

What do you think?

Okay. Okay. Um...

- Then I'd like to help.
- Good idea, Sam.


Because I agree with you and Elizabeth.
I think the sooner we end it, the better.

Oh. I see. You wanna help
here so you can get to her.

No, no. That's...
That's not what I mean.

I... I'm really interested
in trying to end the war.

You know, man, you're like glass.
I see right through you.

Look, I'm not tryin' to hide anything.
I just wanna help.

You keep saying that,
but I don't believe you.

I mean, you just wanna
get to Elizabeth.

Look, if you don't let me help,

I mean, I'm never gonna be able to
prove to you that I'm tellin' the truth.

On a... On a trial basis.
Just-Just for one day.

- Let me work with you and see what...
- No way, man.

Thanks, but no thanks.

So you're really not serious
about trying to stop the war.

This is just like some kind of a...
what, a game or somethin'?

You know, serious doesn't begin
to describe how I feel.

Well, if you are serious, then I don't
understand why you keep turning me down.

I would think you could use
all the help you could get.

You know, I underestimated you.

You're not just some
big, hulking beer can.

You're a lot smarter than that.

And deceptively smart people
need to be watched.

That's why I'm gonna
be watching you,

making sure that you don't get
anywhere near Elizabeth.

Oh, great. That's good.

Now you not only have to figure out
how to get on Elizabeth's good side,

you gotta be on the lookout
for that nozzle.

Generally speaking,
oxidation is a loss of electrons...

from an ion, an atom,
or a group of atoms...

to oxygen or to some other element
that acts in a manner similar to oxygen.

This transfer of electrons
produces heat...

and sometimes light.

Any questions?

Gentlemen, do you mind?

Thank you.

How do you justify this department's
participation in a homicidal and illegal war?

I think that the policies of this university
are contributing to the destruction...

Now, there's a taco I'd really
like to sink my teeth into...

if she wasn't such a dip.

She's not a dip. She's just...
She's stating her opinion.

The only opinion
you want to hear is...

- "Yes! Yes! Oh, golly, Knut, yes!"
- Come on.

Hey, 10 bucks say
you can't get her to the luau.

Sam, if you take her
to the luau,

she can't be planting a bomb
in the chemistry building.

By omission or commission,

if you aid in the perpetuation of an
immoral war, aren't you equally as guilty?

That's a question
for the philosophy department.

This is a chemistry class.

You're on.

If you're not part of the
solution, you're part of the problem.

Uh, isn't this really a moot question?

I think the real
question is, uh,

what do
the South Vietnamese want?

That's a good point, Sam.

Are we trying to help
a friend in need,

or are we trying to impose our will
upon a weaker country?

Now, a lot of people might feel that it's
immoral to abandon the war right now.

- It's immoral to continue it!
- And a lot of people feel that way.

But I think that we should take
our cue from the South Vietnamese.

Because once they lose the will to fight,
then no matter what we want, or do,

I don't think there's
any way we can win.

- Hear! Hear!
- Yeah. Cheers.

Could I, uh...
Could I talk to you for a moment?

Uh, I have to go to a meeting.

- You mind if I come along?
- It's a free country.

Uh, Scooter? Scooter.

Yes, sir, Your Royal Wildness?

Uh, who told you to wear your
underwear on the outside of your pants?

Uh, y-you did.

You said whenever I went
to class, I had to do it.

Oh, well, yeah. Good. So, now you've
done it. You don't have to do it again.

Oh, thank you,
Your Royal Wildness!

Don't mention it.

What are you gonna do with
all that hamburger meat?

- It's for Dean Stomper's dog.
- His dog?

It's supposed to distract him
while I get the basketball.

- What basketball?
- Well, you know.

The one in his trophy case...

that Wilt Chamberlain signed and that
he shows at all the alumni meetings.

No, Scooter. You don't have
to steal that basketball.

But Hags and Guna and Will
said if I don't do it,

I won't be in the fraternity.

Uh, well... Um, okay. Listen.

After you steal it,
bring it to me.

- Yes, sir.
- Scooter...

That's pretty...
pretty funny, huh?

It's pretty stupid.
This whole pledge stuff, it's ridiculous.

It-It's humiliating.
I don't know why you do it.

Well, m-maybe it's-it's like a...
a leftover from primitive times.

What do you mean?

Well, it's like a rite
of passage, an initiation.

You know, like in the olden days,
when a boy wanted to be considered a man,

he had to go out and kill a saber-toothed
tiger or something like that.

So then he would be accepted as
an equal amongst the other hunters.

- Is that what you mean?
- Exactly.

And so now he has
to wear underwear

on the outside of his pants
and steal basketballs? Hmm.

Which, depending on
how you look at it,

is either incredibly lame
or infinitely more civilized.

Oh, you are unbelievable.

No, I figure in another
500,000 years,

we'll have the tigers wearing underwear
and-and-and stealing basketballs,

and we will have
evolved beyond it.


But will we have evolved
out of war?

How long can we allow
the oppressive agendas...

of a selfish minority...

to control the destiny of a people
located halfway around the world?

Where is the justice in that?

The only people who want this war are
those who stand to make a profit from it.

And the only ideology that they're
concerned with is the bottom line.

And that is why we must do
whatever it takes,

even if it means that we must
take up arms ourselves.

There was something
a little spooky about Duck.

A touch of the fanatic, perhaps.

Now maybe the average citizen felt
Thomas Jefferson was kind of spooky...

when he talked to them about disobeying
the laws of Great Britain, I don't know.

Violence is now the
only language that

the-the bloated ruling
class can still understand.

But then again,
maybe they didn't.

Duck is a Duck
is a Duck is a Duck.

Al, what does Elizabeth
see in a guy like this?

I don't know.

Well, part of it's him,
but mostly it's the cause.

You look at these kids around here, most
of them come from comfortable backgrounds.

They can afford to go to college,
so they don't have to go to Vietnam.

And sometimes that...
that breeds guilt.

She's tryin' to make up for that?

Well, guilt is part of it.

Uh, part of it's also a normal rebellion
against what the parents stand for.

Hers, by the way, are loaded.

And then part of it
is her sincere desire to do...

what she believes is right.

...to serve as a research tool
for the military-industrial complex,

then we are as guilty of murder
as those who drop the bombs...

whose contents
are developed right here!

So, uh, I mean, he's...
a pretty great speaker.

That's because he's right.

Well, except for
the taking up arms ourselves.

I mean, that kinda sounds
like civil war.

Did you just come along here
to bug me or what?

No, no, no.

Uh, would you come to the luau
with me tomorrow night?

Wh-What? What's the matter?
You don't... You don't like parties?

Not if you call getting drunk and
throwing up a party, no.

Come on. I mean, even revolutionaries
need to party every once in a while.

I mean, don't you think
that uh, uh,

Washington and, uh, Gandhi,

or even uh,

L-L-Lenin needed to
take a break occasionally?

When they had the time, I'm sure.

Stop it.

Okay, what do you say I promise
to pass out flyers with you tomorrow...

if you go to the luau
with me tomorrow night?

Flyers for luau,
luau for flyers...

Whoa! Wait. What would
the Young Republicans think?

I don't care.

What, are you worried
about, uh, Abbie Hoffman...

and what he's gonna think
if you go to a luau with me?

Uh, who's Abbie Hoffman?

- Okay.
- Okay, okay.

- I'll pick you up at 8:00.
- No!

Okay, you meet me there
at 8:00.



You were great.

You two seem pretty cozy.

Oh. He asked me to go
to this luau tomorrow night.

Well, you aren't going, are you?

No way! No way.

Wild Thing!

- Wild Thing!
- Hi, Wild Thing.

Help! Help!

What am I doin' here?

I feel incredibly sophomoric.

Give yourself a break, Sam.
You've always been a genius.

You never had a chance
to goof off like the rest of us.

Okay, I know I'm supposed
to be enjoying this, but I'm not.

Well that's because
you're a triple-A,

overachiever type of personality.

Unless you're re-inventing the wheel
every 33 seconds, you're not happy.

Are you saying I don't
know how to have fun?

Well, that's a relative term.

Fun for you is ancient
languages, quantum physics.

But for Scooter and Guna and...

Shooting water balloons and stealing...
stealing basketballs.


I g... I guess I don't know how
to have fun if that's what fun is.

Sure, you do. Lookit.
Nobody has fun all the time.

Not even me.

Well, there's a news flash.

You're between "funs."

Between "funs"?

This is all gonna be over
by 9:00 tomorrow night anyway.

All you gotta do is hang in there
until you stop Elizabeth...

from setting off the bomb and then...

you leap out of here,

and then you never have to do
sophomoric pranks ever again.

I guess I can make it until then.

Spoken like a true martyr.

Help! Help!

There's a bomb
in the chemistry building.

That's right. There's a bomb
in the chemistry building.

Not a blonde. A bomb.

Geez, these guys can't even
get a prank right.

That's really stupid.
You know that?

Oh, much pain!
Much pain!


'If a gas has a volume of 200 milliliters
at 20 degrees centigrade...

and 750 millimeters of pressure,

If we change it
to 12 degrees centigrade...

and 637 millimeters of pressure,
what is its new volume?"

I'll tell you what my grade's gonna be.
Same as before... F-minus.



Wild Thing, I think I love you.


We'll sit behind you
during the test.

But that would be cheating.

- So?
- How are you ever gonna learn it?

We don't wanna learn how to do it.
We just wanna pass the course.

No way.
Forget it.

Well, then, I've got about
as much chance of passing

as Scooter does in
losing his virginity.


Well, since you won't help us,

I think we should do something
incredibly stupid and pointless...

to raise our spirits in anticipation
of our upcoming massacre.

Damn right.

Oh, I think that looks great!

I don't know.
I still think he's kinda cute.

Oh, please! He's a freshman.

Come on.

Boy, oh, boy!

This gets the adrenaline

- Al... Al...
- This is great stuff.

Oh, I used to love this stuff.

Did I do this
when I was in college?

You were 16 years old
when you were in college.

You were a mega-nerd.
Face it.

Come on.

Okay. We can start now.

They're using cigarettes.
You can't flush 'em,

and you gotta flush 'em or else what's
the point, you know? So tell 'em.

- Go on.
- You guys gonna flush 'em?

- There's not enough time to escape.
- Flush 'em?

Well, you make the fuse longer.
You use fuses from the other cherry bombs.

You make the fuses longer
from the other cherry bombs.

Just stick 'em together.

And stick 'em together.
Scooter's gum!

Get his gum!
Cough it up.


Cut it out!
Okay, gum!

- Oh, it's really slimy.
- Slimy!

Right, right, right.


Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Go! Go! Go!

Oh, the fuses were
a lot slower in my day!






Look, um,

let me just start all over again.

- I'm sorry about the bathroom...
- Look,


you and I are different.

We live in completely
disparate worlds.

Sort of like
the Montagues and the Capulets?

Exactly. All you care about
is beer and partying,

- and I'm trying to...
- Trying to change the world. I-I know.

But do you think that violence
is the way to do it?

It's the only voice the bloated
ruling class can understand.

Do you really believe that?
What Duck says?

I mean, don't you see? If you use
violence, you are as morally corrupt...

as the people
you're fighting against.

Sometimes you have
to fight fire with fire.

Elizabeth, violence is
not gonna stop this war.

But we've gotta end it.
Too many people are dying.

Then stop it by using something
more powerful than violence.

Well, I'm afraid God seems to be
sitting this one out.

I wouldn't be too sure about that.

I know this is a cliché,
but the pen is mightier than the sword.

- Time for rhetoric is over!
- You haven't even begun yet.

Do you think 20 people
at an outdoor rally is a big deal?

- You need 20,000, 20 million!
- That's impossible.

Not with a pen.
Not with publicity.

In any form... newspapers,
magazines, pamphlets, television.


Television is gonna play a
big part in stopping this war.

Publicity is the key,
not violence.

The only reason why you're
saying this to me is

because you want me to go
to some party with you.

You don't care about
the people over there.

You don't care about how
many soldiers are dying.

- I do care.

- Hey, hey. Let her go.
- Just stay out of this.

- Back off!
- Don't! Don't!

Stop it!

Look, I lost a brother in Vietnam,
all right? So don't tell me I don't care.

Well, maybe you should've cared just a
little more about him before he went.


I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.

- Yeah.
- Um...

So what are you supposed
to wear to these luau things?

Great, uh...
Great party, huh?

Uh, yeah, yeah.

It reminds me of my parents'
cocktail parties.


Oh, a lot of people talking,
but no one really listening.

Your mom and dad
don't listen to you?

I think you're on
to something there, Sam.

Well, you know parents.
Uh, always busy.

Daddy making a lot of money,
Mom busy spending it.

And you get lost in between.

I mean... I mean,
you know what I mean.,

It's like sometimes I feel like I'm
shouting at the top of my lungs,

and nobody seems to hear me.

You know,
"Hello! Is anybody home?"

Exactly. Exactly.

- By the way, you look terrific.
- That's a great... shirt.

- You want a drink?
- Please.

That would be great.

Uh, Knut, you know, I was really thinking
about what you said this afternoon,

and, uh, you were right.

- Oh, well...
- Hey, hey, hey, Wild Thing.

- I'm gonna get myself a mai tai.
- I just...

Let... Let's go in
the other room, okay?

- It'll be a little less crowded, I hope.
- Oh, okay.

- Hey, hey, where you goin'?
- Excuse us.

Excuse us.

Look, I just...

I... I wanna apologize about comin' down
on you so hard about all this stuff, and...

Well, you were right.
Publicity is the key.

I mean, look at... Look what you
did to the toilets at our dorm.

It spread across the campus
in a matter of seconds.

Are you thinkin'
what I'm thinkin'?

That was just a stupid prank though.
We never should have done that.

Well, because it made no point.

But had it been a symbolic gesture trying
to draw attention to a serious problem,

then that would have been
the best way to go about it.

What are you saying?

Tonight we're gonna do to the chemistry
department what they have been doing...

all over South Vietnam.

We're gonna bomb it.

- That is crazy!
- No!

No, it'll draw attention to the
carnage they're causing in Vietnam.

And-And maybe we
can end this war

just that much sooner so nobody
else's brother has to die.

And we would've never thought of it
if you hadn't blown up those toilets.

- Elizabeth, I can't let you do this.
- It's too late.

What do you mean, too late?

Maybe she put a timing
device on the bomb,

and that's how come she
could still be here.

- I gotta call Security.
- What?

No, you can't do that!
I'll get in trouble!

Don't you understand?
Someone's gonna die because of this!

No. Nobody's gonna die.

- Nobody's there. The building's empty.
- Not tonight!

Hey, Wild Thing!

I need a phone!

What's wrong
with the one right there?

Operator. Operator.

Yeah, listen. I need Campus Security
immediately. This is an emergency.

Come on. Uh, yeah.
Hello. Security?

I'd like to report a bomb
in the chemistry building.

My name is Sam... Uh, Wileton.
My name is Wileton.

Yeah, right. Knut Wileton.

No, this is not a prank!
This is real...

- Hello? Damn it.
- Sam, try it again!

They won't believe me. That's the fourth
call they've had about a bomb this week.

- Hey, Thing. You seen Scooter?
- No, I haven't.

See, I told you he'd never make it.
Well, maybe he got lucky.

- Get outta here.
- Make what?

We told him he had to sneak
into the chemistry lab

and steal a copy
of Monday's exam.

Normally, you're
the best man for the job.

But since you wouldn't let us cheat
off you, we knew you'd never go for it.

- He should've been back by now.
- Sam, it's quarter to 9:00.

Don't you see?
This is no longer a publicity stunt.

- Scooter's gonna die.
- Oh, my God.

Please tell me...
Just tell me where it is.

Uh, it's in a locker on the top
floor of the chemistry building.

- Wait! Knut!
- Man, how does he do it?

Maybe he uses deodorant.

What are you doin' here?
You're supposed to be gettin' blown up!

- Hey, hey. Did you get the exam?
- I... didn't get it.

Sam! Come back!

Scooter's here!

Sam, if you don't come back,

Ziggy says it's you and Elizabeth
who are gonna get killed!


Hey, where's Wild Thing goin'?

He's protecting the honor
of Tau Kappa Beta, you moron.

He's gettin' the exam.

- Knut! Knut, here!
- Scooter?

Sam, he's okay!
He came back to the frat house!

We gotta get you and
Elizabeth out of here!

I can't!
Somebody else might come in here.

- What's the combination?
- Right 28.

Left 7.
Right 13.

I mean, 19!

- Okay, 28, 7, 19.
- Hurry up, Sam!


Oh, boy.

We've got four minutes
and 37 seconds.

Do you know how to
take this thing apart?

No. Uh, Duck made it.

Hang on. Look.
See that blue grommet on the top there?

- Yeah.
- Don't touch it.

That's the trigger device.

- Probably.
- Famous last words.

You've gotta cut four wires, in
sequence, in about five seconds.

Cut? You got anything
to cut with in there?

- Five seconds?
- Uh, no.

- Yes, five seconds.
- No, I don't.

Try the lab, Sam.
Get something in there.

Get two scissors,
because she's gotta help you.

Come on, Sam.

Here. Take one.
All right.

Okay, now...
white, red, blue, orange.

White, red, blue orange.
Three minutes, 52 seconds.

You gotta cut these, but do 'em
in the order I tell you to, okay?

- Have her do the white and red.
- You do the white and the red.

- And you do the blue and the orange.
- Do the blue and the orange.

- Ready?
- Do it! Do it!

- White.
- White.

- Red.
- Red.

Blue, orange.

- Orange.
- Get the orange!

- Hurry, Sam!
- Orange.


Oh, thank God.

- Oh, thank God.
- You can say that again.

You did it, Sam!
Only three minutes and 25 seconds left.

Twenty-four, 22, 20...

- Sam, it's still counting down!
- That's impossible.

- What's impossible?
- Unless...

Unless Duck didn't
trust her and there's...

- two bombs!
- Two bombs!

Two bombs?

- Duck!
- Good job.

- Tell me where the other bomb is.
- What are you talking about?

Duck, I told him.
He said somebody was gonna get killed.

And you believed him?

Three minutes and eight seconds.
Sam, we gotta get out of here.

- Tell me where the other bomb is.
- I'm not tellin' you anything.

Duck, please! Stop it!

You're not gettin' out of here until
you tell me where the other bomb is.

- Man, you really are crazy.
- That's why they call me the Wild Thing.


Hey! Get him, Wild Thing!
Hit him in the head!

Hit him!
Get his legs!

Fifty seconds, Sam!
Knock off the John Wayne stuff.

We gotta get out of here.

Come on, Wild Thing!

Give him the head thing with the knuckle.
Do the knuckle thing.

- Everybody get out of here!
- Stop it! Let's get out of here!

Spread out!

Let go! It's gonna take out
this whole top floor!

- Thirty seconds, Sam!
- Thirty seconds, Duck.

- You ready to die? Huh? Come on, Duck.
- Go to hell.

- Thing! Thing! Thing! Thing! Thing!
- Come on, Duck.

I'll stay in here with you. Twenty-five
seconds. Come on, Duck. Where is it?

It's fail-safe, Sam!

If that bomb goes off, there's no time to
get out of here. We're all gonna go up!

Twenty seconds, Duck!

It's taped to the back
of the oxygen tanks!

Fifteen seconds, Sam!
Thirteen seconds, Sam.

Twelve, 11...

- Hold it. Hold it still.
- Nine.

- Eight.
- Prepare torpedoes.

Get the window!

- Five, four...
- Put it up!

- Hold it!
- Two. One.

- Fire!
- Get down!


- Hey.
- Oh, thanks.

What's the matter?

I keep thinking about
what almost happened.

Elizabeth, don't torture yourself.
Nobody got hurt.

I know. I know.
But I really should've listened to you.

God, I am really almost
like my own father.

Well, you know, maybe...
Maybe that's what this is all about.

- Only, you just got confused.
- What do you mean?

Well, I mean, what if...
what you were trying to do...

on some subconscious level...

was to try and get your parents
to notice you again?

But I really do care
what's happening in Vietnam!

I-I know you do.
And that's great.

But if you could get your parents
to notice your work against the war,

then... they might
notice you too.

I guess.

Except this time, you just got a
little carried away, that's all.


You know, I have to tell you that
one day this war's gonna end...

because people like you
keep chipping away at it.

And that's the only way you're gonna
break through to your parents too...

inch by inch.

So don't give up, all right?
On either of 'em.


Gee, enough boredom
and boring speeches.

- You wanna dance?
- Sure.

Come on.

- What?
- Sorry, man.

It's showtime!

Wild Thing! Wild Thing!
Wild Thing! Wild Thing!

Al, what's happening?

Elizabeth goes
back to her parents

and ends up a major player
in helping to stop the war!

- Then I should be leaping!
- Yeah, but first you got to change!

- Change?
- Maybe you're here to do something else.

I summon thee,

O God of the Luau!

Al, this is ridiculous.

I don't know, Sam.
Looks pretty neat.

Why haven't I leaped?

Uh, Ziggy says
you gotta jump in the pool first.

You serious?

It seems when Knut did it,
uh, he missed.

It left him paralyzed.

Come on.
It's just a couple of feet.

Well, it only takes a teaspoon
of water to drown you.

- He drowned?
- No.

He broke his neck.

I am the great Tau-waii...

Kappa-lua Beta-Hiti,

God of the Luau.

Let no man refuse...

my hospitality tonight,

lest he shall be forced to suffer...

through the deaths
of a thousand limbos!


- Bimbo.
- Limbo.


Therefore, my children, go.

Eat with your fingers.

Drink with your toes.

Dance with your lips...

until the dawn smiles down...

upon your warm,
unconscious bodies.

I am...


the great Kappa-lua...


God of the Luau,
and I leave you with this message!

T.K.B. is the life for me!

- Go get it!
- T.K.B...

is the life for me!

- T.K.B. is the life for me!
- Go get it!

T.K.B. is the life for me!

T.K.B. is the life for me!

- T.K.B. is the life for me!
- What the...

- T.K.B. is the life for me!
- Uh-oh.

T.K.B. is the life for me!

T.K.B. is the life for me!

- T.K.B. is the life for me!
- Oh, now I know how Knut broke his neck.

- T.K.B. is the life for me!
- Sam!

- T.K.B. is the life for me!
- If you wanna leap, you gotta leap.

T.K.B. is the life for me!
T.K.B. is the life for me!

Wild Thing! Wild Thing!

Aloha, Sam.


is the life for me.

T.K.B. is the life for me!

I bought that shirt
with my own money!

That is my Queen T-shirt!
It's not yours, jerk!

Read my lips, barf-head.

- That's my shirt, and I want it back.
- Mommy!

Wookiee ate my doll.

- Mommy!
- Mom!

I'm a mommy.