QI (2003–…): Season 8, Episode 16 - History - full transcript

[Script Info]; This is a Sub Station Alpha v4 script.
; For Sub Station Alpha info and downloads,
; go to http://www.eswat.demon.co.uk/
; or email [email protected]
;
; Note: This file was saved by Subresync.
;
ScriptType: v4.00
Collisions: Normal
PlayResX: 384
PlayResY: 288
Timer: 100.0000

[V4 Styles]
Format: Name, Fontname, Fontsize, PrimaryColour, SecondaryColour, TertiaryColour, BackColour, Bold, Italic, BorderStyle, Outline, Shadow, Alignment, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, AlphaLevel, Encoding
Style: s0,sansSerif,16,&Hffffff,&H00ffff,&H000000,&H000000,-1,0,1,1,2,2,10,10,10,0,0
Style: s1,sansSerif,16,&H00ffff,&H00ffff,&H000000,&H000000,-1,0,1,1,2,2,10,10,10,0,0
Style: s2,sansSerif,16,&Hffff00,&H00ffff,&H000000,&H000000,-1,0,1,1,2,2,10,10,10,0,0
Style: s3,sansSerif,16,&H00ff00,&H00ffff,&H000000,&H000000,-1,0,1,1,2,2,10,10,10,0,0
Style: Default,Arial,16,&Hffffff,&H00ffff,&H000000,&H000000,-1,0,1,1,1,2,5,5,10,0,0

[Events]
Format: Marked, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:25.08,0:00:27.08,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:32.04,0:00:34.80,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Welcome, welcome, and thrice welcome
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:34.80,0:00:39.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,to the home of highbrow know-how\Nthat we call QI.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:39.08,0:00:43.80,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Tonight, we'll be groping down the\Nback of the great sofa of history,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:43.80,0:00:48.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,to find those tasty morsels\Nthat other historians have\Nso carelessly discarded there.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:48.32,0:00:52.48,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And to accompany me on my quest,\NI have the postmodern Rob Brydon.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:52.48,0:00:56.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,THUNDEROUS CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:59.24,0:01:01.48,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,The pre-classical David Mitchell.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:01.48,0:01:03.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,MORE CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:06.64,0:01:09.60,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,The Pleistocene Sandi Toksvig.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:09.60,0:01:11.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:14.24,0:01:18.60,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And our very own bowl of\Nprimordial soup, Alan Davies.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:18.60,0:01:21.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:24.32,0:01:28.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Each panellist is equipped with\Na suitably historic buzzer.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:28.00,0:01:33.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Sandi goes...\NMELLOW NAUTICAL MELODY
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:33.20,0:01:36.32,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,David goes...\NGRANDIOSE FANFARE
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:39.28,0:01:41.24,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Quite long.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:41.24,0:01:45.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Rob goes...\NAMERICAN-STYLE MILITARY FANFARE
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:45.52,0:01:47.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And Alan goes...\NHORN SQUEAKS
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:47.92,0:01:49.80,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Of course.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:49.80,0:01:52.68,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,So, as we stroll off\Ninto the mists of time,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:52.68,0:01:56.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,let's start with something\Nnice and easy - name a henge.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:56.64,0:01:58.80,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, look, come on...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:01.20,0:02:02.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Seahenge. Aaah!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:02.48,0:02:05.32,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,ALARM AND BELLS
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:05.32,0:02:08.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,There is a Seahenge,\Nbut it's not a henge. Oh, right.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:08.16,0:02:11.12,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a word\Nwith the word "henge" in it,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:11.12,0:02:15.04,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,as "spigot" has got the word "pig"\Nin it, but it isn't a pig. You see?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:15.04,0:02:19.36,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,So, the word "henge"\Nin it, that's wrong?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:19.36,0:02:22.48,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I think you're wary enough,\Nfor good reasons.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:22.48,0:02:24.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, you didn't get me there.\NA henge is a specific thing.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:24.96,0:02:27.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,What is a henge?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:27.32,0:02:30.60,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,You have two of them on the side of\Na door, or on the top of a window.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:30.60,0:02:34.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,WEST COUNTRY ACCENT:\NI'll do you a nice henge, sir, yes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:34.64,0:02:38.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,A hedge bent on revenge,\Nthat's what it is.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:38.64,0:02:43.00,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Good. It's a very old form of\Neconomic investment - a henge fund.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:43.00,0:02:46.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Wahey! It's not that either. It's\None of those archaeological words.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:46.52,0:02:49.76,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,There's a specific meaning,\Nan embanked area outside
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:49.76,0:02:52.92,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,with ditches on the inside, right?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:52.92,0:02:56.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And Stonehenge is the other way\Nround, so it's not a henge.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:56.84,0:03:00.80,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Even though the name henge\Ncomes from Stonehenge.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:00.80,0:03:03.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,A henge is a word for something\Nthat's like Stonehenge,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:03.76,0:03:06.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,but not including Stonehenge?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:06.00,0:03:08.36,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Basically, yes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:08.36,0:03:11.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It was just Stonehenge. Was the word\N"stone" named after Stonehenge?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:11.92,0:03:14.24,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, you're safe with the stone.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:14.24,0:03:18.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe Stonehenge was just a noise\Nthey came up with for Stonehenge,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:18.64,0:03:22.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,which luckily gave them a word\Nfor two common sorts of things.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:22.48,0:03:25.24,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Probably the noise\Nwhen they put those top ones up.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:25.24,0:03:28.32,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,GROANS AND SQUEALS
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:28.32,0:03:32.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,People right up until the 20th\Ncentury were quarrying it.\NThey would actually set fires
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:32.88,0:03:37.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,on the lintels, the top bits,\Nto crack the stone and take it\Noff and build things with them.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:37.52,0:03:40.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Nowadays it's cordoned off.\NYes, it is, rather, isn't it?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:40.72,0:03:42.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Except the Druids.\NThey can do what they want.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:42.84,0:03:47.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,How long have\NDruids been celebrating\Nreligious services there? 1970.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:47.08,0:03:50.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Since the beginning of\Nthe 20th century. There's no
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:50.00,0:03:53.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,evidence that Druids had anything\Nto do with Stonehenge.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:53.00,0:03:56.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So why did they get all these\Nconcessions of access to Stonehenge?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:56.52,0:04:00.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,In 1905, when they started doing\Nit, Stonehenge was private property.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:00.20,0:04:02.92,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It didn't belong to anybody\Nexcept the owner of it,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:02.92,0:04:08.76,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and then Chubb in 1915,\Nwho went to a lunatic asylum nearby,\Nbought it in 1915...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:08.76,0:04:10.56,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,For his wife. You're quite right.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:10.56,0:04:15.84,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, he bought it for his wife at\Nauction. Yeah, and three years\Nlater she gifted it to the nation.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:15.84,0:04:17.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Re-gifted?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:17.84,0:04:21.80,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, re-gifted. Well, it must have\Nbeen hell to clean. Those top bits.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:21.80,0:04:27.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So, the Druids have access to\Nit, so presumably, I mean, they\Ncan't all have parked miles away.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:27.40,0:04:32.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,They must have little\Nstickers in their windows\Nwith a little Druid sign on it,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:32.20,0:04:35.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,which also gets them into\NKlu Klux Klan meetings.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:35.00,0:04:38.48,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, they've just got to straighten\Nup their headdresses.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:38.48,0:04:40.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,They can park near the burning cross.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:40.60,0:04:45.28,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,There was a mention you made there\Nof Seahenge. What is Seahenge?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:45.28,0:04:50.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So that's not a proper henge either?\NNo. Seahenge, isn't it some bits\Nof old and knackered wood
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:50.20,0:04:53.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,that occasionally become visible\Nwhen the tide is out.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:53.52,0:04:57.76,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,That's it, 55 bit of old oak in\NHolme-Next-The-Sea in Norfolk coast
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:57.76,0:05:00.12,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,which was only discovered\Nquite recently.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:00.12,0:05:02.92,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Carhenge,\Ndoes that mean anything to you?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:02.92,0:05:06.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, I do know what that is. Yes?\NWell, I'll guess.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:06.00,0:05:07.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's that...\NAUDIENCE TITTERS
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:07.88,0:05:10.08,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,You started really confident,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:10.08,0:05:12.20,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,then it just slid away\Nfrom you there.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:12.20,0:05:16.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's probably not right, I'll give\Nit a go. I think I know what it is.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:16.00,0:05:19.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It was featured on the inner liner\Nnotes of Bruce Springsteen's album
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:19.84,0:05:22.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The River, in particular\Nreference to the song Cadillac Ranch,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:22.80,0:05:25.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,it's all these Cadillacs\Nthat have been... It's not, is it?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:25.64,0:05:27.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, it is. It is, it is!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:27.68,0:05:30.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,All these cars have been\Nstuck in the ground.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:30.04,0:05:31.60,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And sprayed with grey paint.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:31.60,0:05:34.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, it's in Nebraska.\NIt's interesting, though.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:34.52,0:05:37.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,That obviously looks\Nquite a lot like Stonehenge,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:37.52,0:05:41.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,considering it's made of cars,\Nbut you can't help feeling
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:41.20,0:05:43.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,he could have made it\Nlook more like Stonehenge
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:43.60,0:05:45.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,if he'd used something else\Nto make it with.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:45.88,0:05:49.44,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,It was a memorial to his father.\NWas he killed in a car accident?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:51.48,0:05:54.80,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Does the name Alfred Watkins\Nmean anything to you?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:54.80,0:05:58.60,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,He wrote a book called\Nthe Old Straight Track
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:58.60,0:06:03.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,in the 1920s, and he posited\Nsomething that he called leys.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:03.64,0:06:05.20,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,They're spiritual lines...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:05.20,0:06:09.36,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, people, apparently wrongly,\Ncall them ley lines.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:09.36,0:06:14.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,They're wrong to do that.\NWhereas people who allege they\Nexist aren't wrong to do that.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:14.76,0:06:18.72,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,But we can show you some ley lines\Nwhich may make you think again.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:18.72,0:06:21.76,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Each one of those letters\Nrepresents something.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:21.76,0:06:24.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, it's certainly\Nchallenging my scepticism.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:24.72,0:06:29.12,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,If each one of these letters\Nrepresented a stone circle\Nor a henge of some kind,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:29.12,0:06:32.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,it would be quite a coincidence,\Nbecause you would need to get
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:32.20,0:06:34.92,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,above the ground to get\Nthem that shape, but actually,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:34.92,0:06:40.44,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,this map was drawn\Nby someone who was deliberately\Npoking fun at ley lines,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:40.44,0:06:46.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,because this is nothing less\Nthan a representation\Nof Woolworths stores in Britain.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:47.32,0:06:50.56,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,As he says, you can't rule out\Nthe possibility that Woolworths
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:50.56,0:06:54.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,used aliens to get so exact\Nand perfect a geometrical shape.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:54.20,0:06:58.12,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It does look like if you folded it\None more time you'd get a frog. Yes!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:58.12,0:07:02.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It looks quite origami.\NSurely there are more, or were.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:02.28,0:07:03.72,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,There are 800.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:03.72,0:07:06.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So he's been very selective\Nin his choice of Woolworths stores.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:06.80,0:07:10.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Whereas, people who\Nbelieve in ley lines aren't?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:10.08,0:07:14.68,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,According to archaeologists,\NStonehenge isn't really\Na henge at all.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:14.68,0:07:16.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,So, I have a thing\Nthat I want to show you.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:16.88,0:07:19.12,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,This might help in decision-making.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:19.12,0:07:22.04,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Have a look at one there.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:22.04,0:07:24.40,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Pass one along.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:24.40,0:07:26.36,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,There you go. It's a bowl.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:26.36,0:07:31.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a replica of an original\Nancient British bronze bowl that\Nwas discovered in Northern Ireland.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:31.64,0:07:34.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's very like a bronze bowl.\NIt's very like a bronze bowl.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:34.52,0:07:37.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It has got a hole in it.\NHas yours got a hole in the bottom?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:37.32,0:07:39.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes.\NThey've all got holes in the bottom.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:43.64,0:07:46.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,That's a very ancient British use,\Nit must be said.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:46.20,0:07:48.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You know what I'd use this for?\NTell me.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:48.28,0:07:52.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,If I were enjoying some\Nsalted pistachios at home,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:52.16,0:07:54.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,while watching\Nthe Emmerdale omnibus...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:56.56,0:08:00.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,..I would use this to deposit...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:00.04,0:08:02.12,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,To kill yourself. To kill yourself!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:07.24,0:08:09.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm joking, of course. I would
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:09.00,0:08:12.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,use it to deposit the shells.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:12.48,0:08:15.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And would the salt run\Nout of the bottom hole?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:15.16,0:08:19.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, it would, and I would use\Nthat to encourage slugs.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:19.96,0:08:23.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I would make a trail of the salt\Nto encourage them to their death.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:23.40,0:08:27.80,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you think that's what ancient\NBritons used to use it for?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:27.80,0:08:29.08,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I think I'm close.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:29.08,0:08:33.44,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Except it would have been Crossroads\Nrather than Emmerdale Farm?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:33.44,0:08:38.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes. Would you like me to demonstrate\Nhow would you use it? Yes!\NI have one here.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:38.64,0:08:42.16,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a slightly bigger one. I have a\Nlarge vase... Where's the fish gone?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:42.16,0:08:46.60,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And if I put it in here,\Nwhat's going to happen?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:46.60,0:08:49.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, great. It's going to sink.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:49.16,0:08:52.44,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,But the point is, it takes\Na set amount of time to fall
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:52.44,0:08:56.04,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,to the bottom, and you could call\Nthat time a minute, or something.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:56.04,0:08:58.56,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,You could give it a name\Nand make it a time unit.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:58.56,0:09:03.92,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Suddenly, you've got a way\Nof repeating a consistent\Nlength of time.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:03.92,0:09:07.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Almost all civilisations\Nhave developed different ways
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:07.00,0:09:09.92,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,of measuring\Na unit of time they can predict.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:09.92,0:09:12.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Not necessarily\Nto tell the time of day,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:12.08,0:09:13.96,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,which you could say when it's noon,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:13.96,0:09:17.04,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,but, "I will see you in two..."\Nlet's call it a bowlington.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:17.04,0:09:20.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,When it hits the bottom - bang.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:20.20,0:09:22.96,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Go! Yeah, go, exactly.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:22.96,0:09:25.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,So, if you're playing\Nhide and seek, you'd say,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:25.32,0:09:29.04,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,"I'll give you a bowlington," OK?\NAnd then you just drop it like that.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:29.04,0:09:32.28,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,It's called a water clock,\Nor a water thief, it is called a...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:32.28,0:09:34.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Ah, that's slightly different.\NIs it?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:34.48,0:09:38.40,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, that's a Greek thing, that's\Na clepsydra, which is a water thief.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:38.40,0:09:42.04,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,They used it the other way round.\NThey had a bowl with a hole in it,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:42.04,0:09:45.72,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,but they perched it above and they\Nmeasured out the amount of water
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:45.72,0:09:47.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,that dropped out through the hole.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:47.64,0:09:49.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,What other early clocks\Ndo you know about?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:49.64,0:09:51.24,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Candles, marked off.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:51.24,0:09:55.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, do you know who was said\Nto be the inventor of the candle?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:55.16,0:09:57.28,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a legend.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:57.28,0:10:00.40,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Alfred the Great, they say.\NThough not very reliable,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:00.40,0:10:04.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,to be honest. No, he burnt\Nthose cakes. Yes, exactly, you see?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:04.20,0:10:07.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Very difficult to strap\Nto your wrist, as well.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:07.72,0:10:11.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you know about explosive\Nsundials, you might call them?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:11.20,0:10:13.44,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,The sundial alarm clock?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:13.44,0:10:15.68,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It uses a lens,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:15.68,0:10:20.80,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,so that when the sun hits the lens,\Nit points a beam at a fuse,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:20.80,0:10:24.36,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,which tracks all the way to a cannon\Nand fires a gun at exactly noon.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:24.36,0:10:26.16,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Can you get one of those, Stephen?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:26.16,0:10:29.24,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,That's a fantastic way\Nto wake the children.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:30.44,0:10:33.28,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,In a hail of bullets.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:33.28,0:10:36.12,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,"You're going to school!"\NPp-pp-pp-pp-pp!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:36.12,0:10:37.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Dance!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:37.96,0:10:40.12,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, that would do it. We've got
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:40.12,0:10:45.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,time telling by looking, by seeing\Nsomething, the sun's shadow,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:45.16,0:10:48.28,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,for example, on a dial,\Nand by listening
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:48.28,0:10:51.92,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,to a drum or a gun going off,\Nbut the Chinese, God bless them,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:51.92,0:10:54.12,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,they managed to use another sense.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:54.12,0:10:57.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Is it something that goes\Noff in a certain amount of time
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:57.00,0:10:58.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,when starts to stink.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:58.16,0:11:02.28,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Sort of, they just had gradated\Nincense sticks, joss sticks,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:02.28,0:11:04.60,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,so that it would burn for an hour,\Nand it would
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:04.60,0:11:06.48,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,smell of sandalwood, and then
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:06.48,0:11:09.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,it would go through another band\Nwhich smelt of rose or something
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:09.88,0:11:11.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,so you could tell what time it was.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:11.64,0:11:14.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh, it's the rose-smelling time,\Nit's that hour."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:14.08,0:11:15.24,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,That's rather sweet.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:15.24,0:11:19.20,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh, it's cinnamon, I must collect\Nthe children." Yes, exactly.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:19.20,0:11:22.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,You talked about the clepsydra,\Nthe Greek one that was like a bowl.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:22.64,0:11:26.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,But there was a much more subtle\NGreek machine. Have you ever heard
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:26.00,0:11:28.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,of a really remarkable\NGreek computer? The watch.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:28.88,0:11:31.60,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Sort of. It was much\Nmore than a watch, though.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:31.60,0:11:36.60,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,It was discovered in 1901 by sponge\Ndivers. It's known as... SpongeBob?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:38.68,0:11:41.04,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,SpongeBob Square Pants.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:41.04,0:11:43.28,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,An antikythera.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:43.28,0:11:46.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,The antikythera is\Nan extraordinary device. Look at it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:46.16,0:11:48.40,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,That's Ancient Greek.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:48.40,0:11:50.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you know what it can tell you?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:50.08,0:11:53.76,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It can determine the course of the\Nsun, the moon and the known planets.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:53.76,0:11:56.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,When you enter the date\Nit calculated the positions.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:56.52,0:11:59.36,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,An achievement made all\Nthe more remarkable by the fact
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:59.36,0:12:03.68,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,that they believed\Nthe solar system was geocentric\Nrather than solar-centric.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:03.68,0:12:06.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Stephen, you've been watching\NQVC again. It does look like it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:06.92,0:12:09.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It does look like something\Nyou would get on there.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:09.40,0:12:11.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It subdivided the year\Ninto 365 days,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:11.84,0:12:14.60,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,including a leap year\Nevery fourth year,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:14.60,0:12:17.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,it was able to predict eclipses\Nof the moon and the sun,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:17.32,0:12:20.96,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,as well as the appearance of\Nthe zodiac signs in the sky.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:20.96,0:12:24.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And this is from the Greeks?\NThe Ancient Greeks, around 180 BC.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:24.48,0:12:29.08,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It kept track of the Olympic Games,\Nwhich year was an Olympic year.\NDiscovered by sponge divers?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:29.08,0:12:34.40,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't you find it odd that there's\Njust as much water where sponges\Ngrow as there is anywhere else?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:36.08,0:12:38.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,That is odd.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:38.32,0:12:41.60,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,You weren't a guest on that\Nparticular show, it was an early QI.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:41.60,0:12:45.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you know a peculiar property\Nof sponges? No. It is amazing.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:45.00,0:12:48.56,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,You put a sponge in a liquidiser,\Nit will obviously turn into a
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:48.56,0:12:53.36,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,hideous coloured mess\Nand then settle down, it will
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:53.36,0:12:55.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,reassemble itself into a sponge.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:55.32,0:12:57.72,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,But, more amazingly,\Nput two sponges in,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:57.72,0:13:01.40,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and it will settle itself into\Nits two original sponge shapes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:01.40,0:13:04.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So they're essentially like\NTerminators?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:04.44,0:13:06.44,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Exactly, exactly,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:06.44,0:13:08.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,but Terminator 2.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:08.88,0:13:11.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's evil, isn't it? Definitely evil.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:11.12,0:13:15.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,We should definitely, I think,\Ndestroy all sponges, shouldn't we?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:15.00,0:13:19.48,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,That's only natural sponge, not\Nthe one you get at Halfords? No, no.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:19.48,0:13:22.68,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,So it's proper real sponge,\Nlike the Body Shop sort of sponge.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:22.68,0:13:23.72,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, that kind.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:23.72,0:13:25.72,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to do that\Nas soon as I get home.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:25.72,0:13:28.96,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I think they have to be alive.\NThe dried-out ones won't count.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:28.96,0:13:30.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So where would I go to get a sponge?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:30.52,0:13:35.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The Adriatic for the Aegean\NSea would be a good place.\NWell, what time is it now?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:35.56,0:13:39.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,There's your problem.\NThey'd probably pay you to go\Nto Greece, given their economy.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:39.16,0:13:43.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So had the sponges stolen that clock?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:43.12,0:13:45.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,What where they are doing with it?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:45.72,0:13:50.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, I think it had been dropped\Noff a ship, it was undersea.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:50.00,0:13:55.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,If they've got these powers,\Nwe don't need them to have\Naccess to our technology as well.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:55.48,0:13:58.96,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,You said the divers found that.\NSorry, I genuinely thought you
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:58.96,0:14:04.76,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,said they were kind of creating\Nthat from the sponges... No!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:04.76,0:14:09.44,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,I've been sitting here going,\N"How the hell did they do that?"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:09.44,0:14:16.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,What, you thought in Ancient Greece,\Nthe greatest timekeeping technology\Nwas possessed by the sponge divers?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:16.28,0:14:18.72,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, that's how it\Nappeared to me over here.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:20.20,0:14:23.36,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,But moving on to more modern\Ntimekeeping pieces, there was
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:23.36,0:14:29.76,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,a recent discovery, or invention, I\Nsuppose you would call it, of the\Nmost accurate clock yet devised.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:29.76,0:14:33.40,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Is it the atomic...\NIt's a new optical clock, accurate
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:33.40,0:14:39.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,to one second in 3.7 billion years,\Nbut what is the point of having\Nan incredibly accurate clock?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:39.00,0:14:43.76,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,You'd have to know when SpongeBob\NSquare Pants is going to start.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:43.76,0:14:47.20,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,There are some ready meals that\Nyou need to time exactly. Yeah.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:47.20,0:14:49.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, how does GPS work?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:49.20,0:14:51.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't know.\NSatellite, various satellites.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:51.64,0:14:55.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,You send a signal from your GPS\Ndevice, there have got to be at the
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:55.08,0:14:58.92,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,least three, usually four or five\Nsatellites that receive your signal,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:58.92,0:15:04.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and the difference in time it\Ntakes to get from one satellite\Nto the other and the other,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:04.16,0:15:10.12,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,which is milliseconds,\Nallows them to calculate your\Nposition to within ten metres.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:10.12,0:15:12.56,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,So they built this clock\Nso your TomTom will work.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:12.56,0:15:15.92,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,No, this one you'd be\Nwithin a metre, if not less.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:15.92,0:15:20.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,You would be able to have aeroplanes\Nlanding without humans, traffic on
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:20.88,0:15:24.40,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,motorways without humans driving,\Nbecause it's so accurate.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:24.40,0:15:29.76,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Any transaction over the internet\Nuses what's called packet switching,\Nwhich means that the information
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:29.76,0:15:32.56,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,is broken up into packets\Nand they're reassembled
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:32.56,0:15:37.76,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,at the other side, but each side\Nhas to be exactly synchronised,\Notherwise the message is nonsense.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:37.76,0:15:41.60,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,So the caesium atomic clocks are not\Njust for, "Gosh, look how accurate,"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:41.60,0:15:46.04,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's in order to make\Nall this technology work.\NThat's rather pleasing, isn't it?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:46.04,0:15:47.68,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,I preferred it when\Nit was more relaxed.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:47.68,0:15:50.76,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Who was the king that had\NSandringham time, was it Edward VII?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:50.76,0:15:54.84,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,All the clocks were set\Nhalf an hour earlier, so that\Neverybody got up for hunting.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:54.84,0:15:57.88,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,I read this once and I thought,\N"What a marvellous idea."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:57.88,0:16:02.32,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,On New Year's Eve, for years, I used\Nto reset the clocks during the day.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:02.32,0:16:06.28,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,At nine o'clock,\Nit look like it was midnight,\Nand I'd say to the children,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:06.28,0:16:09.84,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,"You've stayed up,\Nisn't it marvellous? Well done."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:10.84,0:16:14.88,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,And put them to bed.\NIt was fantastic.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:14.88,0:16:18.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes. There's accurate time and\Nthere's Bergsonian internal time,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:18.84,0:16:24.80,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,which is the time in which things\Ncan seem to take a lifetime in your\Nown head, and things can go fast.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:24.80,0:16:28.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't they say that the amount of\Ntime that something seems to take
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:28.24,0:16:31.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,is in terms of a percentage\Nof how long you've been alive?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:31.20,0:16:33.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Time speeds up, the older you get.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:33.00,0:16:37.04,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I had an aunt in her 90s and she'd\Nsay, "It CAN'T be breakfast again."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:38.68,0:16:41.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,She was astonished by the idea.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:44.28,0:16:50.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The Queen Mother, everything after\N1964 was just a sort of blur.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:50.40,0:16:53.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,She must have thought, "My horses\Nare definitely getting quicker."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:55.44,0:16:58.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It was an ancient British clock,\None of the ways we told the time
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:58.64,0:17:02.40,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,when being accurate\Nto a billionth of a second\Ndidn't seem so important.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:02.40,0:17:05.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Talking of time,\Nit's time for a picture round.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:05.84,0:17:09.92,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Here's a very famous image,\Nso you can bank a few points.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:09.92,0:17:11.60,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,How was it made, what is it?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:11.60,0:17:15.40,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not a tapestry. You've learnt.\NFirstly, it wasn't made in Bayeux.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:15.40,0:17:19.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Bayeux is in France, this was\Nprobably in Kent. Do we know who by?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:19.32,0:17:25.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The Normans commissioned it, but sort\Nof Saxon embroiderer ladies did it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:25.80,0:17:28.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, absolutely right.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:28.08,0:17:31.56,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,It's one example of why women's\Nhistory has completely disappeared,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:31.56,0:17:35.04,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,because women tended to make things\Nlike this phenomenal piece of work,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:35.04,0:17:37.68,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,but they didn't sign it.\NSo we don't know the names.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:37.68,0:17:42.72,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,We know the name of the man who\Ncommissioned it, but we don't know\Nthe names of the women who made it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:42.72,0:17:46.92,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,The lack of signature\Nis one of the reasons why\Nwomen's history has disappeared.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:46.92,0:17:51.56,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It's remarkable. You're right\Nto say it's an embroidery,\NIt's absolutely not a tapestry.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:51.56,0:17:56.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,A tapestry is all one material\Nwith the different colours\Nwoven in at the weaving stage.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:56.32,0:17:59.92,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,This is a woven piece of cloth\Nthat is then embroidered.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:59.92,0:18:04.72,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,It's so typical. The women do all\Nthis embroidery and the man goes,\N"Nice tapestry." I know.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:04.72,0:18:07.72,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,It's very absurd. "Couldn't make\Nus a cup of tea, could you?"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:09.96,0:18:12.40,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,"My hands are raw."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:12.40,0:18:18.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Is the word "tapestry" named after\Nthe Bayeux tapestry but they decided\Nto make it mean something...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:19.76,0:18:22.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:23.56,0:18:27.72,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Can you tell the British from\Nthe French in that picture?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:27.72,0:18:31.76,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Are the British the four-legged\Nones at the top?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:31.76,0:18:34.28,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I should say English\Nrather than British.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:34.28,0:18:37.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The English would be\Nthe ones not on horses.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:37.00,0:18:40.12,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,That's pretty much true.\NThe other giveaway is moustaches.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:40.12,0:18:43.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Some English fighters were\Non horses. But the British...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:43.08,0:18:45.72,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,The English - I'm allowed\Nto say English, I'm unused
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:45.72,0:18:48.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,to saying English -\Nhad the moustaches.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:48.08,0:18:49.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Harold's housecarls,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:49.84,0:18:54.24,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,plus they tended to have battle-axes\Nrather than the lances and things.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:54.24,0:18:56.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Great comedy hats.\NThey're rather extraordinary.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:56.96,0:19:01.04,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,They're like party hats, they've\Ngot a bit of elastic under the chin.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:01.04,0:19:07.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It was done by the same person\Nthat did Mr Benn. It's a very\Nsimilar style, isn't it? Yes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:07.00,0:19:10.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"Suddenly the shopkeeper appeared."\NI wonder if they are specific blokes
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:10.52,0:19:12.76,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,that the women doing\Nthe embroidery knew.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:12.76,0:19:14.56,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,"Who you doing?" "I'm doing Reg."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:16.56,0:19:21.20,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,"Look at the way he held his axe.\NHe was lovely before\Nthey cut him to bits."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:21.20,0:19:26.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Their mail, their suits\Nof reinforced defensive clothing,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:26.08,0:19:28.68,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Harald Hardrada had a long one\Nwhich apparently
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:28.68,0:19:31.80,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,couldn't be penetrated by a spear\Nand was known as Emma.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:31.80,0:19:35.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Was that based on\Na particularly aloof woman\Nwho couldn't be penetrated?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:35.56,0:19:39.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,APPLAUSE
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:42.20,0:19:44.28,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,One's bound to wonder.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:44.28,0:19:47.76,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't know until someone\Ntold me this recently
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:47.76,0:19:49.88,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,that quite a lot of\Nthe names that we use,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:49.88,0:19:52.56,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,or Christian names, we call them,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:52.56,0:19:57.08,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,came from the Normans\Nand that invasion.\NThey completely changed the country.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:57.08,0:20:00.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, including William,\Nand the first few kings.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:00.08,0:20:02.48,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,John, Richard. Robert, lots of them.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:02.48,0:20:07.60,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Is it not when we start to change\Nthe language completely, is it not\Nwhen we get beef instead of cow?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:07.60,0:20:11.40,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Because we had two words each time,\Nexactly. We could use the English
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:11.40,0:20:15.96,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,word for the animal, cow, and the\NFrench word, boeuf, for the food.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:15.96,0:20:20.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,The British word sheep, and mouton,\Nmutton, can become what you eat.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:20.64,0:20:24.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,You eat the mouton, you eat\Nthe beef, but the animal is the cow.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:24.08,0:20:27.48,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,But why? The Saxons herded them\Nand knew them as animals,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:27.48,0:20:30.44,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and the Normans just feasted\Nand ate them because they
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:30.44,0:20:33.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,were the upper class,\Nso would use their word for it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:33.16,0:20:36.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,The only time they saw a cow was\Nwhen it was on a plate\Nin front of them.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:36.52,0:20:39.76,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Quite a lot of what we know\Nabout the Bayeux Tapestry,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:39.76,0:20:43.28,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,we don't know, because it's not\Nfrom Bayeux and it isn't a tapestry.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:43.28,0:20:46.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,But how can you tell which one\NHarold is in the Bayeux tapestry
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:46.64,0:20:48.76,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,that's not a tapestry\Nor from Bayeux?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:48.76,0:20:53.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Isn't there a bit of a dispute\Nabout whether he's the one with the\Narrow in his eye, or someone else?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:53.88,0:20:58.64,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Is it like on Facebook, when you run\Nthe cursor over it, you get tagged.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:58.64,0:21:02.52,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,And it says,\N"You are also in this photo,"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:02.52,0:21:04.32,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,and it'll have the other people.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:04.32,0:21:05.92,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not dissimilar.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:05.92,0:21:08.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,There are three tags,\Nall meaning him.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:08.16,0:21:14.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,"Harold Rex interfectus est," which\Nmeans Harold the King is killed.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:14.08,0:21:17.80,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,They tell the story narratively\Nfrom left to right.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:17.80,0:21:21.28,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,They could all be Harold,\Nor only one of them could be Harold.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:21.28,0:21:24.72,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It's impossible to tell. We don't\Nknow that he'd an arrow in his eye.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:24.72,0:21:26.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a much later story.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:26.32,0:21:30.36,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,So is it like a cartoon? Like one\Nof those books you used to flick.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:30.36,0:21:33.84,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Exactly. Although not successful\Nin embroidery, I think. No...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:33.84,0:21:35.88,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a cross between that\Nand Where's Wally?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:35.88,0:21:38.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, there's a hint...\NA hint of Where's Wally?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:38.44,0:21:41.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So the one with the blue shield,\Nhe's got an arrow in his eye...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:41.76,0:21:44.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,He has. People have always\NASSUMED that was Harold.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:44.52,0:21:49.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So if it's a journey, it's,\N"Got an arrow in my eye, I'll just\Nget on this horse for a rest..."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:49.44,0:21:54.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Continuity! "Where's my shield?"\N..and then the horse\Nhas disappeared! "I'm dying."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:54.00,0:21:57.00,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,And they've cut his head off\Non the right... Yeah.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:57.00,0:21:58.64,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,I can't see the arrow in the eye.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:58.64,0:22:02.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not come out very well.\NI blame bad embroidery.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:02.48,0:22:05.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,You can see him\Nholding the end of it...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:05.00,0:22:09.44,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,He can't have been that\Nill though, because he seems to have\Nhad time to change his socks.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:09.44,0:22:12.00,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,It probably is...\N"I'm dying, get the death socks!"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:12.00,0:22:13.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:13.80,0:22:19.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Stephen, can I point out...\NCan I give the seal of approval to\Nhis wonderfully LONG socks?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:19.16,0:22:21.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:21.36,0:22:22.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Rob Long-Socks(!)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:22.88,0:22:26.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,APPLAUSE\NOh, dear... They are long.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:26.96,0:22:30.24,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes - it's probable that it's\NNOT the same person repeated.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:30.24,0:22:32.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,The other theory is that\Nhe's only one of those
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:32.64,0:22:36.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and maybe he's the LAST one -\Nunder the horse, almost,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:36.00,0:22:40.04,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,cos that's where\N"interfectus est" - "is killed"...\NThe point is, we just don't know.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:40.04,0:22:43.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,That's good. So we know how we spot\Nthe Englishmen, by their moustaches,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:43.64,0:22:46.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,the Bayeux Tapestry isn't a\Ntapestry - isn't from Bayeux -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:46.32,0:22:49.80,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and you shouldn't believe anyone who\Ntells you they know HOW Harold died.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:49.80,0:22:52.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,However, you CAN spot the\NEnglishmen by their moustaches.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:52.52,0:22:55.72,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,On the subject of\NEnglish gentlemen with moustaches,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:55.72,0:22:59.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,could you give us your impression of\Nthe average World War II British...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:59.32,0:23:00.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:02.36,0:23:05.56,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, dear. ..the average\NBritish World War II fighter pilot?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:05.56,0:23:07.20,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,You look hilarious on the end!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:07.20,0:23:09.32,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:12.00,0:23:15.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,That is a character...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:15.00,0:23:18.48,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Someone has got to write a sitcom\Naround David Mitchell's character.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:18.48,0:23:25.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You look like you're posing\Nwith a very successful team of\Nkind of...novelty Air Force -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:25.84,0:23:30.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,you've just agreed to have\Nyour photograph taken with them,\Nfor your birthday.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:30.04,0:23:35.36,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I know you're not, but if they'd\Ninvented gaydar instead of radar...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:35.36,0:23:36.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:36.76,0:23:39.72,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,..I'm sorry to say\Nthat would mark high.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:39.72,0:23:41.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:42.08,0:23:46.64,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,"I'm ordering these helmets\Nfor my wife's birthday..."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:46.64,0:23:52.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I think in this war film,\NI think I die about two-thirds\Nof the way through.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:52.20,0:23:56.20,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,It breaks the heart of the\Naudience - and inspires the hero.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:56.20,0:23:59.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Everyone goes and kills a load of\NGermans as revenge for my death.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:59.84,0:24:06.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'm the old First World War\Nhero with a gammy leg who runs and\Nwatches them come back, and cries...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:06.32,0:24:09.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't think Alan dies. I think\Nyou make it through. I think I die.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:09.92,0:24:13.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You THINK I'm going to live, and\Nthen right near the end, I die.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:13.44,0:24:18.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Like Von Ryan's Express - as\NI'm running towards the train,\NI get shot at the end.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:18.04,0:24:23.48,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm the plucky woman who was just\Nsupposed to do the radio, who's been\Nforced to fly one of the planes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:23.48,0:24:25.76,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,You look as if you could,\Nwith your sergeant stripes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:25.76,0:24:29.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I look rather fine. But how did\Nthe pilot talk? That's the thing.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:29.84,0:24:31.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Erm... ROB: Er...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:31.68,0:24:34.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,HE HOLDS HIS NOSE\NAND MAKES DISTORTED WORDS
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:34.76,0:24:39.68,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,..we've got a lovely team today\Nwho will be furnishing\Nyou with the easyKiosk...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:39.68,0:24:41.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:41.28,0:24:44.60,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Scratchcards... Minstrels...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:44.60,0:24:46.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,"Clean up in aisle three." Yes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:46.52,0:24:48.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:48.92,0:24:51.00,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,But what sort of people? Well...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:51.00,0:24:54.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,What sort of PEOPLE? Yes.\NQuite posh...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:54.48,0:24:57.08,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,KLAXON
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:57.08,0:24:59.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I think you'll find you're wrong.\NLAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:59.68,0:25:02.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,That's the odd thing -\Nthey so weren't.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:02.00,0:25:06.28,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Only 30% of all\NBritish fighter pilots in the Battle\Nof Britain went to public school.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:06.28,0:25:09.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And of that 30%, they were\Nmostly MINOR public schools,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:09.20,0:25:12.92,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and of the Eton, Harrow, Winchester\Nor the top 13, there was only 8%.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:12.92,0:25:16.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Just the actors that played them\Nwere posh, then? That's the point!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:16.40,0:25:18.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,In the war films\Nduring and after the war -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:18.32,0:25:21.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,your Kenneth Mores\Nand your David Nivens and so on -\Nthey spoke like that.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:21.88,0:25:25.60,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Did the Germans know we were\Nsending up the lower classes(?)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:25.60,0:25:27.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:28.92,0:25:33.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,SHE MIMICS A GERMAN\N"Here comes someone who has\Ngot no manners vatsoever!"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:33.28,0:25:35.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:40.72,0:25:43.96,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,But there's your Richard Todd\Non the left, who's playing...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:43.96,0:25:46.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"Your actual" Richard Todd.\N..Guy Gibson I think,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:46.28,0:25:50.36,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and there's David Niven\Nfrom A Matter Of Life\NAnd Death, by the look of it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:50.36,0:25:53.68,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's how people thought\Nof them, with the moustache and...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:53.68,0:25:56.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, 30% of them having gone\Nto public school
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:56.12,0:25:58.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,is more than the percentage\Nof the population.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:58.12,0:26:01.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, you're absolutely right...\NSo they're a bit posher than...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:01.96,0:26:04.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,But "posh" IS the first word\Nthat comes to mind -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:04.20,0:26:08.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,when 70% were state educated,\Nnot privately educated.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:08.20,0:26:11.12,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,But they didn't speak like\NJordan or something, did they?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:11.12,0:26:13.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER\NNo, nobody did then. No.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:13.72,0:26:17.08,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,ROB MIMICS JORDAN\N"There's no way\Nwe're gonna drop the bombs
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:17.08,0:26:18.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"over that lot!"\NLAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:18.40,0:26:20.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"It's a real bloody mess dahn there!"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:20.84,0:26:23.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER\N"Right, let 'em go...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:23.40,0:26:25.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"Look at that!"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:25.12,0:26:26.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:28.40,0:26:30.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,APPLAUSE\NOh, dear...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:34.76,0:26:40.24,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,20% of all the pilots were in fact\Nnot even British...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:40.24,0:26:44.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Polish? Quite a few were Polish\Nand Czechoslovakian, but also from
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:44.64,0:26:47.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,the Dominions,\Nthe Empire and the Commonwealth.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:47.16,0:26:51.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Canada and New Zealand\Nand Australia particularly of\Ncourse. And South Africa also.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:51.64,0:26:55.48,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,There's one sitting on the\Nplane at the end there,\Nhe's obviously hoping for a ride.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:55.48,0:26:57.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:57.52,0:26:59.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"Is this right...?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:59.12,0:27:02.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"Is this where you go?" "I'M ready!"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:02.12,0:27:05.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"I find you get a\Nbetter view from here..."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:05.20,0:27:10.48,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,What about modern pilots?\NIs it any advantage for THEM\Nto posh up their accents?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:10.48,0:27:15.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes - isn't it something that it's\Nmore reassuring for people? Yeah...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:15.56,0:27:17.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The classic\NBritish Airways pilot is...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:17.52,0:27:19.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,CLIPPED, POSH VOICE:\N"Welcome aboard..."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:19.56,0:27:21.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Nowadays, you've got\Nyour Virgin, Buzz and Go,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:21.92,0:27:24.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and those guys sound like\Nthey're on Radio Top Shop... They do!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:24.92,0:27:26.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:26.64,0:27:28.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,DJ VOICE:\N"Good morning to you, ladies,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:28.56,0:27:31.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"gonna get this little\Nbaby airborne soon as I can...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:31.12,0:27:34.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"First of all, check out Lily Allen."\NLAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:34.00,0:27:36.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And they tell you\Nthe Christian names of the other...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:36.84,0:27:39.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Why?! You don't need to know that.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:39.00,0:27:42.12,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,I was on a British Airways flight\Nabout six weeks after 9/11,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:42.12,0:27:45.16,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,and everybody was a little bit tense\Nabout flying out of New York -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:45.16,0:27:48.28,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,and tragically, the plane directly\Nin front of us took off and crashed.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:48.28,0:27:51.84,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't know if you remember,\Nit was a flight going to the\NDominican Republic.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:51.84,0:27:58.20,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Anyway, we all deplaned...and after\Nabout 12 hours we were allowed back
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:58.20,0:28:01.88,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,on to the flight. Anyway,\Nthe pilot came on and he said,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:01.88,0:28:06.00,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,\Nthis is the delayed flight\Nto London.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:06.00,0:28:08.24,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,"I know many of you are\Nseasoned travellers and
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:08.24,0:28:11.60,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,"probably don't watch the safety\Nbriefing, but perhaps today..."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:11.60,0:28:12.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:18.40,0:28:20.56,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Usually Australians get it right -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:20.56,0:28:24.92,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I was on an Ansett flight\Nfrom Perth to Adelaide,\Nand he started off by saying
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:24.92,0:28:27.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,"We're on our way to Adelaide.\NIf Adelaide is not your
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:27.88,0:28:31.72,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,"final destination, now would\Nbe an ideal time to deplane."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:31.72,0:28:35.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,He started talking about the\Nsafety, then "But that's\Nenough yakety-yak from me.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:35.52,0:28:40.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,"It's time to push some service\Ndown the aisles and some\Nscenery past the window."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:40.84,0:28:42.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:43.20,0:28:46.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought that was very good.\NAustralians are good at\Nthat kind of thing.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:46.64,0:28:49.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, accents...\NYou're absolutely right, people
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:49.00,0:28:53.56,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,do like what they consider\Nto be an authoritative and\Nreassuring voice from a pilot.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:53.56,0:28:56.76,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,72% of people interviewed felt at\Nease if a pilot had a WHAT accent?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:56.76,0:29:00.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,People like Scottish accents...\NRight. Edinburgh in particular.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:00.40,0:29:03.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,HE TALKS LIKE BILLY CONNOLLY\N"I don't think THAT\Nwould be very good..."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:03.64,0:29:06.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,But a nice, respectable Edinburgh\Nwould make you feel...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:06.16,0:29:08.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Miss Jean Brodie.\NThat's right. That would be fine.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:08.60,0:29:10.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You could sit down on the plane,\Nhear "Ding-dong..."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:10.88,0:29:14.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,HE MIMICS RONNIE CORBETT\N"Ha-ha... This is not the\None about the aeroplane..."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:14.52,0:29:15.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:15.88,0:29:18.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"that crashes in the river,\Nit's not that one..."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:18.44,0:29:19.96,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,What about a Geordie accent?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:19.96,0:29:23.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,65% of people said a Geordie\Naccent would make them feel\Nmore or less comfortable?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:23.88,0:29:25.48,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,He can serve the drinks.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:25.48,0:29:28.96,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,"He can serve the drinks"?! Ooh...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:28.96,0:29:31.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't want him flying the plane.\NWell, funnily enough...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:31.72,0:29:37.12,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Very friendly... But they're likely\Nto be chatting too much and then\Nthey'll just crash into earth.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:37.12,0:29:39.92,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,..65% said they don't mind a\NGeordie, they'd like a Geordie.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:39.92,0:29:42.12,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Very popular for a call centre.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:42.12,0:29:45.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,What about Brummie? 76% said they\Nwould or wouldn't... ROB: Oh, no.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:45.60,0:29:48.40,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm afraid to say\Nthat they would NOT like...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:48.40,0:29:51.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's easy to sort of think,\N"Sounds like a victim..." You know.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:51.88,0:29:55.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"Doesn't sound incompetent -\Nsounds unfortunate."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:55.72,0:29:57.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:57.36,0:30:00.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And I think... I don't want a skilled\Npilot, I want a lucky pilot(!)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:00.48,0:30:05.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Exactly!\NThe posh voice... Could be an idiot,\Nbut he's lucked his way through life.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:05.92,0:30:07.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:08.52,0:30:13.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Then he screws all the stewardesses,\Nand his wife never finds out...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:13.24,0:30:15.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, I want HIM flying.\NLAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:15.76,0:30:20.44,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And 83% of men and women polled\Nsaid they'd be more likely to\Ntrust a male or a female pilot?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:20.44,0:30:21.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, male. Must be. Male.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:21.96,0:30:23.76,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm afraid so. Yeah.\NI'm sorry to say.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:23.76,0:30:26.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,There we are. So that's your\Nflying done for the moment.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:26.64,0:30:31.40,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Despite the stereotype of the\NBattle of Britain pilots being posh\Nyoung chaps fresh from the better
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:31.40,0:30:35.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,public schools and varsities,\Nthe great majority were in fact\Nstate educated.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:35.00,0:30:37.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Now we're engaged in\Nmortal combat...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:37.88,0:30:41.04,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,perhaps you can tell me\Nwhich side Yorkshire was on
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:41.04,0:30:44.60,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,in the Wars of the Roses? Well,\Nit's the white rose, is Yorkshire.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:44.60,0:30:50.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not the counties though, is it,\Nit's just the er...the royal houses.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:50.12,0:30:56.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,That's the point exactly.\NYorkshire had no more to do with the\NHouse of York than Kent or Norfolk.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:56.00,0:30:58.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's the Duke of York\Nversus the Duke of Lancaster.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:58.44,0:31:03.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, exactly. The point is that\Nmost people who lived in Yorkshire\Nwhere Lancastrians, in fact.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:03.20,0:31:05.96,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,They favoured the Lancastrian cause.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:05.96,0:31:10.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,But now of course, people in\NYorkshire very much associate with\Nthe white rose and the Yorkists.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:10.48,0:31:13.60,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Well - because it's become a symbol\Nof the county, and the cricket match
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:13.60,0:31:16.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,between the two counties is\Nknown as the Roses Match and so on.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:16.84,0:31:18.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,There are other things\Ncalled "Yorkshire"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:18.88,0:31:21.92,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,that aren't particularly Yorkshire,\Ncan you think of one? Pudding?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:21.92,0:31:26.48,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Yorkshire pudding is not a thing\Nthat was invented in Yorkshire -\Nalthough people in Yorkshire...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:26.48,0:31:29.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Hello?\NOh, yes - this was really annoying.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:29.52,0:31:33.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,They're trying to say that -\Nlike you can't make...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:33.72,0:31:38.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,you know, champagne outside\Nthe Champagne region or\NStilton outside a certain region -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:38.28,0:31:42.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,that you wouldn't be allowed\Nto make something and call it\Na Yorkshire pudding
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:42.20,0:31:45.08,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,outside Yorkshire...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:46.04,0:31:49.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Which is basically entirely an idea\Ncooked up by people who
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:49.56,0:31:52.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,manufacture those horrible\Nfrozen Yorkshire puddings.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:52.20,0:31:53.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,You're right to be angry.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:53.84,0:31:58.48,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, it's called a protective\Ndesignation of origin - a PDO -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:58.48,0:32:04.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and champagne as you say has it, and\NParma ham... You can't call it Parma\Nham unless it comes from Parma.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:32:04.32,0:32:08.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,But making Yorkshire pudding one\Nof those would be like making\Na SANDWICH one of them.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:32:08.80,0:32:11.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, you had to come\Nfrom Sandwich in Kent...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:32:11.00,0:32:16.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You had to go to Marks & Spencer's in\NSandwich, for the authentic sandwich.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:32:16.04,0:32:21.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Give me some other British\NPDO-protected foods. There's one\NI think... I think Stilton is one.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:32:21.48,0:32:25.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Where must it come from? It CAN'T\Ncome, for example, from Stilton.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:32:25.04,0:32:28.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No, that's quite right.\NThe town of Stilton -\Nthe cheese is named after it
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:32:28.48,0:32:32.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,because that's where the cheese was\Nsold, not where it was manufactured.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:32:32.40,0:32:37.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So the designated area\Nthat you make it in was bits of\NLeicestershire, I don't know...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:32:37.48,0:32:40.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Anyway, Stilton's not in it. Mostly\Nround the Melton Mowbray area.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:32:40.84,0:32:42.88,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,What about pork pies?\NMelton Mowbray pork pies.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:32:42.88,0:32:46.48,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I guess you can't call it\Na "Melton Mowbray" pork pie.\NI don't know if it's a PDO.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:32:46.48,0:32:50.52,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Did you know the chairman of the\NPork Pie Association is vegetarian?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:32:50.52,0:32:52.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:32:52.16,0:32:54.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't know that.\NYes, I interviewed him.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:32:54.52,0:32:56.88,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,He brought pork pies for us to try,\Nand I said,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:32:56.88,0:33:01.08,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,"Go on then, tuck in."\NAnd he said, "No, thanks very much,\NI'm vegetarian.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:01.08,0:33:04.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER\NThat's very peculiar.\NYeah, it's weird.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:04.28,0:33:05.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,What... What?!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:05.40,0:33:06.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:06.48,0:33:08.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,He's angry now!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:08.52,0:33:12.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No, I am absolutely... Surely...\NWhat's this man DONE with his life?!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:12.48,0:33:14.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:14.44,0:33:17.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You can't on the one hand say\Nit's wrong to eat animals, and then
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:17.36,0:33:21.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,dedicate your professional life\Nto the marketing of ground-up pig.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:21.68,0:33:23.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:24.12,0:33:29.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You've got a point!\NIt's just a sort of pacifist...\Nnuclear weapons manufacturer!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:31.36,0:33:35.84,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Not all vegetarians are vegetarians\Nbecause they don't agree with\Nthe slaughtering of animals -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:35.84,0:33:37.52,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,some just don't like the taste.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:37.52,0:33:41.80,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe he thought it was a job of\Nbeing chairman of pork pie hats...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:41.80,0:33:44.56,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes. Or of lying...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:44.56,0:33:48.68,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Or of lying. Yes, telling porkies.\NHe thought he was being a spy.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:48.68,0:33:50.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,"I'm going to tell porkies!\NTell pork pies."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:50.88,0:33:54.52,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,"I'm going to destroy the pork\Npie business from the inside."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:54.52,0:33:55.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:55.80,0:34:00.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, there you are. The fact is\Nmore Yorkshire folk supported the\NLancastrians than the Yorkists.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:00.52,0:34:02.80,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Scotch whisky! Thank you.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:02.80,0:34:04.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:04.40,0:34:07.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,The question will no doubt...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:07.88,0:34:09.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,DAVID: Any minute now. Yeah.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:09.16,0:34:13.28,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,On the subject of making a bit of\Nnoise, what might you use these for?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:13.28,0:34:15.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, those are fantastic.\NAren't they great?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:15.72,0:34:20.16,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,If they're mobile,\Nthey look like giant tubas...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:20.16,0:34:25.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Tubas is a word that was used,\Nthey were called war tubas...\NSirens? Air raid warnings? No.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:25.32,0:34:27.00,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Is it an over-large hearing aid?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:27.00,0:34:29.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes. What?! Yes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:29.52,0:34:30.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:33.04,0:34:35.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,APPLAUSE
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:35.04,0:34:38.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Was it for hearing enemy aircraft?\NIt's like an ear trumpet.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:38.36,0:34:42.24,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,You can hear enemy aircraft\Ncoming towards you.\NAnd by setting the angles,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:42.24,0:34:45.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,they could determine not\Njust the distance but the direction.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:45.52,0:34:49.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Wheel it down to Dover, you\Ncan hear 'em in France. That's\Nthe idea - like sound mirrors.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:49.64,0:34:54.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,They had sound mirrors as well,\Nwhich were largely made of metal\Nbut usually of concrete.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:54.32,0:34:59.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,These are Japanese, as it happens.\NThe Japanese used them to\Ndetect aircraft coming in.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:59.64,0:35:01.80,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,We had nothing\Nquite as enormous as that,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:01.80,0:35:05.76,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,but there have been yokes you put on\Nyour shoulders... Look at that.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:05.76,0:35:10.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's extraordinary how much they\Ndid give you a slight advantage.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:10.00,0:35:14.28,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, it looks silly,\Nbut I find myself more and\Nmore, as I enter my 30s now...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:14.28,0:35:15.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:15.84,0:35:17.68,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,..doing that. Yes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:17.68,0:35:21.04,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,And it makes a hell of a difference.\N..Take them away, David.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:21.04,0:35:23.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Now - hello, Da... Not yet!\NLAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:23.48,0:35:26.28,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Hello, David, it's lovely\Nto see you. Now try them.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:26.28,0:35:28.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Sorry, what...?\NLAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:28.48,0:35:30.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Put them there. OK, yeah...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:32.20,0:35:33.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Hello, David... Ouch!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:33.52,0:35:35.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:35.56,0:35:40.08,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You see? Practical proof.\NHe's misunderstanding for comic\Neffect, but it's...it's true.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:40.08,0:35:41.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:41.60,0:35:45.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Hello, David, lovely to see you...\NIt does quite genuinely work.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:45.16,0:35:47.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,ALAN: It makes it sound different.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:47.84,0:35:51.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,ROB: It sounds much better. If you do\Nit... Now, that's very disorienting.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:51.84,0:35:56.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,That's quite nice.\NAnd when you talk to yourself\Nwith them, you almost fall over.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:56.00,0:36:00.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So don't talk to yourself like this.\NAlso, you look like an idiot. Yeah...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:00.60,0:36:03.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I feel like I'm in front of myself.\NROB: Yes...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:03.16,0:36:06.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I think what's nice is it also has\Na nice warming effect on the ears.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:06.40,0:36:07.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:07.96,0:36:10.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It's really a\Nwin-win-win-win-win, isn't it?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:10.08,0:36:11.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, I find it very comforting.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:11.84,0:36:15.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And also it means you can't\Nhear all the horrible things\Npeople behind me are saying.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:15.80,0:36:18.36,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,You'd have to reverse it,\Nlike that...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:18.36,0:36:21.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Shut up, shut up, shut up!\NLAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:21.56,0:36:23.08,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, you bitch!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:23.08,0:36:24.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:24.76,0:36:28.72,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Miaow! Get back\Nin the knife drawer, Mrs Sharp!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:28.72,0:36:31.12,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Perhaps the really clever\Nthing is the fact that you can
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:31.12,0:36:36.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,get the range and elevation from\Nthe slight difference in time, like\Nwhat we were saying about clocks.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:36.00,0:36:37.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Our own ears receive the same sound,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:37.64,0:36:41.44,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,but at slightly different times,\Ncos one is nearer than the other.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:41.44,0:36:44.24,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, it's minuscule. It's\Nenough for the brain to process it
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:44.24,0:36:46.76,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and know that the sound is\Ncoming from there, not there.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:46.76,0:36:50.36,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And some animals, like the\Nbarn owl, have this to\Nan extraordinary degree.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:50.36,0:36:56.44,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Their ears are actually inside a\Nkind of sound dish - that's what the\Nround shape is in the owl's face -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:56.44,0:36:59.60,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and they've got one high, looking\Ndown, and one low, looking up,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:59.60,0:37:02.80,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and they're able therefore\Nto tell with extraordinary precision
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:37:02.80,0:37:05.28,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,from something they hear,\Nexactly where it is.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:37:05.28,0:37:08.48,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,So nature, as always,\Ngets there first.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:37:08.48,0:37:11.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,So - yes, Japanese war tubas\Nwere mobile acoustic locators
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:37:11.16,0:37:13.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,that helped to find enemy\Naircraft in the days before radar.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:37:13.88,0:37:20.56,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And so time's winged chariot glides\Nus gracefully towards the crack of\Ndoom that is General Ignorance,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:37:20.56,0:37:23.92,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,or in this case Generals Ignorant -\Nbecause let's see what we really
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:37:23.92,0:37:28.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,know about some of the greatest\Nmilitary leaders from history.\NFingers on buzzers.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:37:28.00,0:37:34.72,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,What animals did the Carthaginian\Ngeneral Hannibal use to defeat King\NEumenes of Pergamon in 184BC...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:37:34.72,0:37:37.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,MELLOW NAUTICAL MELODY\NElephants. Oh...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:37:37.72,0:37:40.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,KLAXON
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:37:40.80,0:37:45.08,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"..did he use to defeat WHO?"\NKing Eumenes of Pergamon.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:37:45.08,0:37:47.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Right... Him! Him, there he is.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:37:47.24,0:37:49.32,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Is he defeated(?) Horses?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:37:49.32,0:37:51.40,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Tigers, lions, leopards, mice...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:37:51.40,0:37:53.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Bacteria. Birds, eagles...\NLAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:37:53.48,0:37:54.92,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Snakes!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:37:54.92,0:37:59.12,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Snakes... I don't think of that\Nas an animal, really.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:37:59.12,0:38:02.68,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,He put them in earthenware\Npots, threw them at the\Nenemy and onto their ships.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:38:02.68,0:38:08.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Really? What a great idea.\NSnakes On A Plane, almost the\Nfirst example of it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:38:08.04,0:38:10.72,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,How did Snakes On A Plane come\Nabout...? Do you know?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:38:10.72,0:38:13.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,ROB: Snakes On A Plane?\NYes, the film.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:38:13.60,0:38:15.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,People had more money than sense,\Nand er...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:38:15.68,0:38:18.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER\NMaybe...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:38:19.16,0:38:24.24,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Supposedly a group of scriptwriters\Nwere trying to think up the\Nstupidest names - like a pub game -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:38:24.24,0:38:29.04,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and someone said, "Snakes On\NA Plane!" and they said, "Do you\Nknow, that's so crap, it's good."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:38:29.04,0:38:32.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It would be scary to be on a plane\Nwith lots of snakes, though.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:38:32.88,0:38:35.40,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,I liked the film...\NIs it good? Quite scary.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:38:35.40,0:38:37.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The key would be whether\Nthe plot that leads to the snakes
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:38:37.84,0:38:39.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,being on the plane\Nis believable or not.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:38:39.64,0:38:41.92,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, they get out of\Na thing in the hold.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:38:41.92,0:38:44.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, well, that sounds\Nall right to me. Yes!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:38:44.44,0:38:49.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And they're snakes, so they\Ncan get through tiny cracks.\NThey come up the loo! Oh...!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:38:49.00,0:38:51.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Ooh... Anyway. Yes...\NLAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:38:51.64,0:38:56.68,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Hannibal defeated the Pergamese\Nby bombing them with\Npots full of snakes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:38:56.68,0:38:59.76,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, who succeeded Harold\Nas King of England in 1066?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:38:59.76,0:39:04.48,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Is there a trick to it?\NNo - it's just you need to name the\Nperson who succeeded Harold
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:39:04.48,0:39:07.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,as King in 1066....\NDAVID: Don't trust him!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:39:07.56,0:39:12.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The trick is to know the answer.\NI don't trust you. At all.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:39:12.28,0:39:14.12,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Is it the bastard, then?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:39:14.12,0:39:16.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Who's the bastard? Oh, dear...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:39:16.20,0:39:19.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,KLAXON\NSee? You see?!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:39:19.68,0:39:23.84,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,It wasn't a trick.\NDid England cease to exist in some\Nway, or was it changed in name?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:39:23.84,0:39:29.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,There was another Saxon claimant\Nwho was nominally king for\N45 seconds, or something...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:39:29.12,0:39:31.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Well - for a few months, yes. Yes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:39:31.00,0:39:32.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Edgar Atheling. ROB: Ah.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:39:32.88,0:39:38.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And er, he was 15 years old.\NBut Saxon kings were...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:39:38.64,0:39:42.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,How did you become a king\Nif you were a Saxon?\NDid you have to be nominated?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:39:42.04,0:39:46.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,You had to be from one of the\Nfive or six families...\Nand then you'd be elected.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:39:46.64,0:39:50.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,By what, by votes?\NThey would vote for you? Yes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:39:50.76,0:39:54.36,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Edgar the Aetheling. 15 years old.\NBut of course\NWilliam had won the battle,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:39:54.36,0:39:59.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and so he came after him\Nand he tried to fight - he couldn't\Nraise an army, he went abroad...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:39:59.08,0:40:03.32,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,He didn't lead a very successful\Nlife. He was 15, so he wouldn't\Nhave been able to do anything.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:40:03.32,0:40:06.72,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Edgar the Aetheling\NWAS proclaimed king\Nafter the death of Harold,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:40:06.72,0:40:09.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and reigned for two months\Nbefore William was crowned.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:40:09.20,0:40:11.76,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Why did Julius Caesar\Nwear a laurel wreath?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:40:11.76,0:40:14.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,GRANDIOSE FANFARE\NWas it because he was bald?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:40:14.40,0:40:18.80,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, is the right answer,\Nabsolutely right. He was very vain.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:40:18.80,0:40:23.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,According to Suetonius,\Nhis baldness was a disfigurement of\Nwhich he was deeply ashamed,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:40:23.16,0:40:29.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and so he chose the laurel wreath\Nas one of the things he had a right\Nto wear, and wore it all the time.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:40:29.20,0:40:32.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"The laurel wreath is going to do\Nwonders for you, Julius...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:40:32.76,0:40:36.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"What it's going to do is take\Nattention away from your baldness.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:40:36.92,0:40:40.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"Now, they come in a\Nvariety of colours and styles -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:40:40.12,0:40:43.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"we're going to start your off with\Na very simple, traditional one."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:40:43.16,0:40:47.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,He was also supposed to have\Ninvented the comb-over,\Ncos Suetonius...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:40:47.20,0:40:49.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,He invented the comb-over?!\NLAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:40:49.36,0:40:53.80,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I shall quote you Suetonius in\Ntranslation. "He used to comb\Nforward the scanty locks
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:40:53.80,0:40:57.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,"from the crown of his head,\Nand of all the honours voted for him
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:40:57.20,0:40:59.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,"by the Senate and people,\Nnone did he receive more gladly
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:40:59.88,0:41:02.68,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,"than the privilege of wearing a\Nlaurel wreath at all times."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:41:02.68,0:41:06.60,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,He must have\Nlooked like a '60s footballer\Nwho'd come through a hedge!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:41:06.60,0:41:07.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:41:08.88,0:41:12.32,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It would be like leaving your\NChristmas cracker hat on all year.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:41:12.32,0:41:13.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:41:13.52,0:41:18.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,So, with that display of general\Nincompetence, we reach the\Nend of recorded history.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:41:18.08,0:41:20.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,All that remains to see is\Nwho has learnt its lessons,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:41:20.88,0:41:26.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and who is condemned to repeat\Nits mistakes endlessly...on Dave.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:41:26.16,0:41:27.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:41:27.52,0:41:29.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And taking their place\Nin history tonight
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:41:29.32,0:41:32.28,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,with a magnificent plus 2 points
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:41:32.28,0:41:34.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,is Rob Brydon!\NCHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:41:38.72,0:41:42.44,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Happily dancing to the music of time\Nin second place with minus 4,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:41:42.44,0:41:45.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,it's David Mitchell!\NCHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:41:49.80,0:41:53.68,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,But hanging grimly on\Nto past glories with minus 27
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:41:53.68,0:41:56.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,is Sandi Toksvig!\NCHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:42:01.12,0:42:05.12,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And finally, sadly no more than\Na forgotten obscure footnote...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:42:05.12,0:42:08.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,with minus 29, Alan Davies!\NCHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:42:14.48,0:42:17.04,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Well! That's all\Nfrom this historic edition of QI,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:42:17.04,0:42:19.76,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,so it's goodnight\Nfrom Sandi, Rob, David, Alan and me.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:42:19.76,0:42:23.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I leave you with Winston\NChurchill's remark to Stanley\NBaldwin in the House of Commons.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:42:23.84,0:42:26.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,"History will say that the right\Nhonourable gentleman was wrong,"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:42:26.84,0:42:30.04,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,he remarked. "I know it will -\Nbecause I shall WRITE the history."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:42:30.04,0:42:31.36,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Goodnight.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:42:31.36,0:42:33.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,APPLAUSE AND WHISTLING
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:42:52.48,0:42:54.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:42:54.52,0:42:56.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,E-mail [email protected]