QI (2003–…): Season 8, Episode 11 - Highs and Lows - full transcript

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[Events]
Format: Marked, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:24.84,0:00:26.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,APPLAUSE
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:31.56,0:00:39.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, hi there, hi there, hi there,\Nhiya, hiya, hi and hello!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:39.00,0:00:41.96,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Tonight we scale the heights\Nand plumb the depths
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:41.96,0:00:45.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,for our theme is highs and lows\Nand joining me tonight,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:45.52,0:00:47.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,the height of good manners,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:47.16,0:00:48.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Sandi Toksvig...\NAPPLAUSE
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:52.04,0:00:56.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,..and the highly-fancied\NRob Brydon...\NAPPLAUSE
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:59.80,0:01:02.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,..the highly-regarded\NFred MacAulay...\NAPPLAUSE
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:07.56,0:01:11.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,..and the depths of depravity,\NAlan Davies.\NAPPLAUSE
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:13.68,0:01:15.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,So...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:16.80,0:01:21.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,..your buzzers, if you please.\NSandi goes...\NMID-RANGE # La! #
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:21.60,0:01:24.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,..Rob goes...\NHIGHER: # La! #
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:24.88,0:01:26.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,..Fred goes...\NHIGHER STILL: # La! #
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:26.92,0:01:29.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,..Alan goes...\NDEEP: # LA! #
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:29.64,0:01:35.96,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Of course, what else?\NLet's start our journey\Nin the heather-clad Highlands.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:35.96,0:01:39.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Fred, perhaps you can help us\Nas a Scot.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:39.00,0:01:46.60,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm a non-Scotsman, as are the\Nothers, so which of the tartans here\Nwould I NOT be entitled to wear?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:46.60,0:01:48.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, good grief!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:48.80,0:01:54.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you recognise any of them? I\Nthink the one on the extreme left\Ncould be a Stewart. It is!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:54.64,0:01:58.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Not just a Stewart. Royal.\NRoyal Stewart. Royal Stewart.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:58.92,0:02:03.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The next one, I think, is...\NA mistake. ..probably Burberry.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:03.44,0:02:08.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Burp-erry. No, Burb-erry. Ahem,\Nforgive me.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:08.48,0:02:13.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Erm...as is the next one. I don't\Nthink you'd be allowed to wear
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:13.00,0:02:15.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,anything other than\Nthe black and white one.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:15.60,0:02:18.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, it's interesting.\NWhat you say is true.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:18.20,0:02:24.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,That one is the Royal Stewart.\NThe one next to it, the purple\Nand green, is actually known as
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:24.32,0:02:29.36,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,the Sikh tartan and it's\Nfor the Singh, S-I-N-G-H,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:29.36,0:02:35.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and a rich Sikh businessman went to\Nthe biggest of the tartan companies\Nand said, "I want a Sikh tartan,"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:35.52,0:02:37.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and, of course, they obliged.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:37.32,0:02:42.72,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,It's the Wimbledon colours. It is\Nactually Wimbledon, you're right,\Ngreen and purple. Yeah.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:42.72,0:02:49.48,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,The point is that the whole tartan\Nbusiness is very recent.\NIt's not an ancient clan thing.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:49.48,0:02:55.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It's only in the 19th century when\Nthe Highlands became the playground\Nof the Royal Family and Balmoral
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:55.16,0:02:58.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and places like this, they were\Nnever related to families.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:58.08,0:03:02.92,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It wasn't like,\N"Oh, we're in Glen Coe and we're\Nthe MacDonalds, so this is ours."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:02.92,0:03:07.80,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,That all happened much, much later\Nand was a sort of invention of the\Ntartan-selling cloth merchants
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:07.80,0:03:14.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,of the Royal Mile and other such\Nplaces. I fear I might not be able\Nto contribute. I'm welling up.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:14.96,0:03:21.24,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,If there is one we CAN wear, it is\Nthe Royal Stewart because we can all\Nwear the tartan of our chieftain,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:21.24,0:03:24.04,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and, constitutionally,\NHer Maj is our chieftain
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:24.04,0:03:29.16,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,and therefore we, if we're British\Nsubjects... So I couldn't wear it,\Nthen?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:29.16,0:03:32.04,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,You're not a British subject.\NI'm Danish. You're Danish.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:32.04,0:03:35.20,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Is there a Danish tartan,\Nmade of pastry...? No.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:36.60,0:03:38.92,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,That's our entire culture\Nin a nutshell, um...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:39.92,0:03:43.56,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,You forgot the porn films,\Nyou silly boy.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:43.56,0:03:50.28,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,With an apricot plopped in the\Nmiddle, so your people certainly\Nclaimed the tartan,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:50.28,0:03:56.04,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and took hold of it, but there's\Nnothing in history to show that that\Nwas the first place that plaid,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:56.04,0:04:01.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,as the Americans call tartan...\NDo you know what "plaid" means,\Nwhere it's from? It means tartan.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:01.04,0:04:08.40,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,No, it doesn't really, it's a Gaelic\Nword... It's the same as plaiting.\NIs it blanket? Like a blanket? Yes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:08.40,0:04:15.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,The Gaelic for blanket is plaid.\NPlaid. And tartan is thought to\Ncome from the French "tertaine"...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:15.16,0:04:18.72,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,He didn't know how to put that on,\Ndid he? Oh!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:19.96,0:04:21.16,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, I don't know!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:21.16,0:04:22.88,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't know. How's that?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:22.88,0:04:26.04,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Steady! If I move, it'll fall off.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:26.04,0:04:30.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Take the picture, take the picture.\NFunnily enough, that was the\Noriginal tartan,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:30.04,0:04:35.32,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,the long thing that went over\Nyour shoulders, and the modern...\NSCOTTISH: "I've my sword in my toe!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:35.32,0:04:37.16,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,"Ha! God!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:40.44,0:04:42.40,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,"Take the picture, it hurts!"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:44.16,0:04:50.64,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,The short kilt... "Is there a weed\Nin my hat? Is there something\Ngrowing in my hat?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:50.64,0:04:53.88,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,"It's a weed!" "No, no, it's fine."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:53.88,0:04:59.80,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a symbol of something... "I\Ncannae move, my tartan will fall."\NSorry about this offensive accent.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:59.80,0:05:02.88,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,It's lovely to see you again...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:02.88,0:05:09.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,There will be a lot of people\Nwatching who will wonder, "What does\Na true Scotsman wear under his kilt?"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:09.76,0:05:15.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And I can tell you\Na true Scotsman would never tell\Nyou what he wears under his kilt.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:15.28,0:05:21.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,He will SHOW you at the drop\Nof a hat. I've seen dandruff\Non the shoes. That's a giveaway.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:21.92,0:05:23.32,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,AUDIENCE GROANS
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:23.32,0:05:29.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, dear. The short kilt...\NI don't feel well now.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:29.64,0:05:35.68,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,How could you, with that\Ninformation? Give me something else.\NGive me another image.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:35.68,0:05:38.44,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Danish pastry, Danish pastry.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:38.44,0:05:42.60,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,The short kilt, you'll be sorry\Nto know, is an English invention.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:42.60,0:05:46.40,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It was an industrialist called\NRawlinson who had an iron mill\Nin Scotland,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:46.40,0:05:49.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,who thought that this long blanket\Nwas a waste of time,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:49.84,0:05:55.92,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,but that the short kilt with skirt,\Nbasically, would be a very handy\Nand efficient way of dressing.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:55.92,0:06:03.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you know how to get the exact\Nlength of the kilt correct?\NYou kneel down so the bottom hem
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:03.64,0:06:10.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,of the kilt just has to rest on\Nthe surface. That's how we measured\Nour skirts at school. Oh, really?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:10.52,0:06:15.12,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,At boarding school. Mind you,\Nwe all wore two pair of pants\Njust on the off-chance.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:15.12,0:06:21.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,We wore a white pair with a blue\Npair over the top, in case any boy\Nshould happen... No! Yes. Seriously?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:21.36,0:06:23.96,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,In case one pair would fly off\Naccidentally.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:23.96,0:06:28.72,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,How extraordinary! They were\Nterrified of boys. Meanwhile,\NI was in a dorm full of girls
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:28.72,0:06:29.76,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,and quite happy.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:29.76,0:06:32.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I was going to say that.\NLAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:35.76,0:06:41.28,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, there you are. The fact is ,\Nthe idea of being entitled to a\Nparticular tartan is fairly recent,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:41.28,0:06:48.36,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,comes from England, but you can't go\Nwrong with Royal Stewart. How do you\Nwin a caber-throwing competition?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:48.36,0:06:54.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh-ho! He's a big boy! Good to see\NMel Smith getting back out\Ninto the public eye.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:54.28,0:06:59.36,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,he looks like he's just caught that\None. It does, doesn't it? Whooar!\NI've got it!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:59.36,0:07:02.76,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,What's really unlikely\Nis that I have taken part
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:02.76,0:07:06.08,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,in a caber...\NLAUGHTER\NI know. Wow! Yeah. I took part
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:06.08,0:07:10.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,in some Highland Games. You have to\Ntoss it and it has to flip over...\NYes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:10.72,0:07:16.80,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,..and then it's the direction... It\Ndoesn't matter how high it is or how\Nfar it is, not like putting shot,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:16.80,0:07:21.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,it's not about distance, it's how\Nstraight it is... 12 o'clock.\N12 o'clock is the phrase.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:21.64,0:07:26.60,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,You have points deducted for every\Nminute off 12 o'clock\Nyou are from yourself.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:26.60,0:07:30.72,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,We can see someone doing a very good\None and it doesn't look easy.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:30.72,0:07:32.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,That must be very, very heavy. Yeah.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:32.84,0:07:36.12,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And you think, "It's going to fall\Nback on him,"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:36.12,0:07:40.32,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,but no, it just goes over and...\Nthat's impressive. It's disappeared.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:40.32,0:07:43.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It's completely disappeared\Ninto the long grass.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:43.00,0:07:46.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It could be a man in early January\Ndisposing of this Christmas tree.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:46.92,0:07:48.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:48.20,0:07:53.36,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Or trying to. I love\Nthe Highland Games cos they do\Njust what it says on the tin.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:53.36,0:07:58.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Weight over the bar is one of them\Nand you throw a weight over a bar.\NLAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:58.64,0:08:03.00,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,They have sheaf toss... A sheaf\Ntoss. A sheaf, and you toss it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:03.00,0:08:06.28,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,It's straightforward...\NFor those of us that loathe sport,\Nit's straightforward.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:06.28,0:08:08.08,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,I know what's going to happen.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:08.08,0:08:13.92,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Hammer toss. I'll get out the way.\NI know what's happening. Putting\Nthe hot was putting the stone.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:13.92,0:08:19.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Aye! But again, it's a recent\Ninvention. People have claimed\Nit goes back to Malcolm III,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:19.72,0:08:25.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,you know, the son of the murdered\NKing Duncan, the one that Macbeth\Nmurdered, but there's no evidence.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:25.64,0:08:30.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,The first one was in the 19th\Ncentury, the first gathering of\Nthese games
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:30.16,0:08:33.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and it was around the time\Nof Queen Victoria,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:33.08,0:08:38.24,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,and Prince Albert came to Balmoral\Nand they liked it, there was one\Nat Braemar... "Entertainment!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:38.24,0:08:44.96,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,"We need entertainment." Exactly.\NAnd around the same time, or\Na little later, Baron de Coubertin,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:44.96,0:08:50.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,who founded the modern Olympic\Nmovement, he saw them and he liked\Na lot of the events, including...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:50.32,0:08:55.36,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Which ones went into the Olympics\Nfrom the Highland Games? Poetry. No.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:55.36,0:08:59.44,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,There was poetry in the Olympic\NGames, as you rightly remembered,\Nbut no.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:59.44,0:09:05.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The hammer is still there, the shot.\NNot the caber-tossing.\NNot the caber toss. Never made it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:05.48,0:09:08.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Dancing was another feature,\Nwhich was originally all men,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:08.32,0:09:10.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,but now tends to be\Nalmost exclusively women.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:10.84,0:09:18.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,As is the man on the left. Oh, yes.\NCan I just say well done to whoever\Nused the computer-aided design
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:18.20,0:09:21.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,to put in a blue sky\Nand some shadows.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:24.72,0:09:26.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Very good indeed.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:26.20,0:09:35.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Did you ever try it as a child?\NWe had to do country dancing\Nin primary school. I had to.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:35.00,0:09:38.72,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I was in the lead-off pair\Nwith Nicola Raby. Wow!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:38.72,0:09:45.12,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,That came out very quickly. Nicola\NRaby obviously meant something to\Nyou. Yeah, she was a good dancer -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:45.12,0:09:50.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,the best in the class. Do you know\Nwho the great, you may have heard of\Nhim, Donald Dinnie was?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:50.84,0:09:55.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Donald Dinnie? That's an instruction\Nin Scotland. "Donald, dinnae!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:55.36,0:09:58.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"Whatever it is you're thinking\Nabout, Donald, dinnae!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:59.72,0:10:03.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"Jimmy, you can,\Nbut, Donald, dinnae!"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:03.36,0:10:06.60,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, I'm afraid Donald DID!\NThose are all his medals.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:06.60,0:10:11.12,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,He was far and away the most\Nsuccessful Highland Games exponent\Nin all disciplines.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:11.12,0:10:17.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,"Remove these. They're all going to\Nfall off!" He won, in one day alone,\N20 prizes in different disciplines
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:17.08,0:10:26.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,in a Highland gathering. He doesn't\Nlook the build of a heavy...\NFor 40 years, from 1850 to 1890,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:26.16,0:10:27.72,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,he ruled supreme.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:27.72,0:10:32.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Can I ask, Stephen, what did he win\Nthe medals for? Caber-tossing,\Nhe was most proficient at.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:32.72,0:10:34.48,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,He was also a high jumper.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:34.48,0:10:40.56,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,There was one high jumping thing and\Nhe failed twice, took his kilt off\Nand managed it on the third attempt.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:40.56,0:10:45.04,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,So, yes, caber-tossing is all about\Nthe straightness of the throw.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:45.04,0:10:47.56,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Caber-tossing is sometimes called\Nspurning the barre,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:47.56,0:10:50.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,not something you'd imagine\Nany Scot ever doing.\NLAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:54.20,0:11:00.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,What was regularly smuggled into the\NUSA from Canada for the traditional\NBurns Night celebrations?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:00.08,0:11:05.96,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,What do they have at Burns Night\Ncelebrations - haggises?\NIs the right answer! Thank you.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:05.96,0:11:07.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,CHEERING
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:11.92,0:11:18.44,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,We thought you might be tempted\Nto say whisky, but this is\Nfrom 1989 up until 2010,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:18.44,0:11:23.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,haggises were smuggled from Canada\Ninto America - why might this be?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:23.88,0:11:30.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Because the Americans don't approve\Nof inedible food. Haggis is delish!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:30.00,0:11:34.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Why? I can't think... There is\None element inside the haggis\Nthat was contraband.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:34.20,0:11:36.60,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,There it is.\NWhat's the outer casing? Stomach.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:36.60,0:11:43.32,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,A sheep's stomach, and inside is...\NIt's called pluck. Pluck is the\Ncorrect word for the bits...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:43.32,0:11:47.08,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Is it heart, liver and...?\NOffal, certainly, bits of that,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:47.08,0:11:52.60,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,but one... Lung. Lugs, which is\Nknown, in the butcher's trade,\Nas the lights, which are...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:52.60,0:11:58.40,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And those were outlawed in America\Nbecause of BSE and indeed their own\Nproblems. You couldn't eat them.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:58.40,0:12:01.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,So there was a trade\Nin smuggled Canadian haggis.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:01.20,0:12:05.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,What do we know about the haggis?\NWhich nation invented the haggis?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:05.00,0:12:10.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I wonder if we're not responsible.\NYou think it might be Danes?\NIt might be.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:10.96,0:12:16.12,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,The first reference in the British\NIsles is Lancashire but there are\Nlots of theories about the haggis.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:16.12,0:12:21.72,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Offal comes from Danish. It's from\Nthe Danish word for rubbish -\Naffald. Oh, really?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:21.72,0:12:28.36,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,There must be some hideous\NScandinavian connection. Some think\Nit was Vikings who brought it over.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:28.36,0:12:33.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It comes from Lancashire, does it?\NThe first reference to it. You know\Nthe Burns Address to the haggis?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:33.80,0:12:40.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, it's a poem. It's a poem, which\Non Burns Night, at a Burns Supper,\Nsomebody would address it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:40.56,0:12:44.08,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It would come in... That's been cut\Nopen but before it's cut,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:44.08,0:12:49.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,someone addresses it and it starts\Nwith, "Fair fa'\Nyour honest, sonsie face,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:49.04,0:12:50.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"Great chieftain o' the puddin-race!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:50.56,0:12:53.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"Aboon them a' ye tak your place,\NPainch, tripe, or thairm
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:53.96,0:12:59.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"Weel are ye wordy of a grace\NAs lang's my arm." Oh, bravo!\NAPPLAUSE
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:02.32,0:13:09.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And there it is being piped in,\Nbut somebody I know was doing\Na Burns Supper abroad,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:09.40,0:13:14.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and they had sent the address over\Nto Germany and it was translated\Ninto German,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:14.40,0:13:19.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,but the German translated it back and\Nthe line, instead of "Great chieftain\No' the puddin-race!"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:19.76,0:13:23.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,translated back as, "Mighty Fuhrer\Nof the sausage people."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:26.52,0:13:28.24,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, that's fabulous!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:30.96,0:13:34.96,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,That should stay. It's a lot\Nbetter than "Great chieftain\No' the puddin-race!"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:34.96,0:13:41.08,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,"Mighty Fuhrer of the sausage\Npeople." What is the date of Burns\NNight? January 25th.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:41.08,0:13:46.96,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, it's his birthday. I like the\Nway you get all your celebrations\Nin one corner of the year.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:46.96,0:13:53.44,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Being Scottish, you have Christmas\Ncraziness, then Hogmanay insanity,\NBurns Night three weeks later...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:53.44,0:13:57.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,PRIM SCOTTISH ACCENT:\N..and for the rest of the year,\Nnothing. Just a long hangover.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:57.84,0:14:00.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Abstinence. Abstinence. Dourness.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:01.88,0:14:05.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,There is no poet that has the same\Naffection in the English culture.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:05.08,0:14:10.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,We venerate Shakespeare\Nin different ways. Some people\Nresent him because of school.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:10.08,0:14:16.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,But there is a deep love for Burns.\NAbsolutely. He was a great man\Nand very forward-thinking.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:16.72,0:14:20.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,He was completely and utterly\Nanti-slave trade.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:20.04,0:14:25.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So much so that if you go\Nto the Burns Museum, there is\Na photograph of Muhammad Ali,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:25.60,0:14:30.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,who came over to Scotland and visited\Nit because he was a student of Burns,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:30.40,0:14:35.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,because of the humanitarian work\Nthat he'd done 150 years ago.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:35.12,0:14:38.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And he was fond of a rhyme.\NAnd he loves haggis.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:38.12,0:14:41.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"I love all you sausage people,"\Nhe used to say.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:41.64,0:14:47.68,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Scottish friends of mine used\Nto say, "I don't know why you go on\Nabout our accent being impenetrable.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:47.68,0:14:51.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,"Americans find it easier\Nto understand than English."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:51.20,0:14:56.24,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Then I saw Trainspotting in America\Nand there were subtitles\Nall the way through.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:56.24,0:14:59.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Where is the Chinese Burns Night\Ncelebrated?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:59.84,0:15:02.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Beijing. No, oddly enough.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:02.52,0:15:05.96,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,There is one... Chinese Burns Night?\NThere's one where they combine...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:05.96,0:15:09.68,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Isn't that something unpleasant done\Nto your wrist?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:09.68,0:15:13.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:16.80,0:15:20.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, fun, but a whole evening?\NLAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:20.92,0:15:23.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It combines Burns Night with\Nthe Chinese New Year.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:23.52,0:15:28.36,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Because they often fall very close\Nto each other. And in Vancouver\Nthey hold them together.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:28.36,0:15:31.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It's called Gung Haggis Fat Choy,\Nand they have haggis with bean curd\Nsauce and things like that.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:31.88,0:15:37.80,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And the biggest Highland Games,\Nwith regular spectators of 50,000,\Nis where, do you think?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:37.80,0:15:39.60,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It has to be in the States. It is.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:39.60,0:15:44.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's Arkansas, Kentucky or... No,\Nit's actually in San Francisco.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:44.24,0:15:50.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I was going to get there eventually.\NQuite camp, then. Quite camp, yes!\NPink tartan. Oh, dear me!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:50.40,0:15:56.36,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Canadian haggis smugglers\Nplied their wicked trade across\Nthe US border right up until 2010.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:56.36,0:16:01.48,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, once he'd conquered Everest,\Nwhat did Edmund Hillary do\Nfor an encore?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:01.48,0:16:05.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,He had a massive teeth-off\Nwith Sherpa Tenzing.\NLAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:08.28,0:16:13.12,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,"I can notice no other...\NLook at my teeth, they've grown!\NLook at my teeth!"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:13.12,0:16:15.44,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,"Mine too, Edmund, mine too!"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:15.44,0:16:18.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Look at this. Ready? Ready? >
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:18.16,0:16:20.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,You DO look like him!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:20.20,0:16:23.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, my God!\NLAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:23.28,0:16:26.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,APPLAUSE
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:29.36,0:16:33.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Did he become a Welsh comedian? No!\NMe or him?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:33.56,0:16:38.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I do look a bit like him,\Nactually, but there's not much\Nyou can do with it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:38.60,0:16:40.88,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Not really. You've got to do\Na Kiwi accent.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:40.88,0:16:45.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,KIWI ACCENT:\NYeah, I mean, I've climbed a few\Nmountains in my time, sure I hiv,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:45.00,0:16:47.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's not something I like to go\Non abit.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:47.72,0:16:50.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm struggling because...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:50.00,0:16:53.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Needs a bit of work there, Rob. \NI'm sorry, I apologise...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:53.16,0:16:56.36,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I apologise to any New Zealanders\Nwatching.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:56.36,0:16:59.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The Australians, they don't\Nsay Elvis, they say Ilvis.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:59.84,0:17:04.40,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I heard that New Zealanders are\Ntraditionally quite puritanical
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:04.40,0:17:07.76,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and it's quite hard for them\Neven to say the word "six".
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:07.76,0:17:11.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,One, two, three, four, five... Ooh,\NI can't say it. Six.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:11.88,0:17:15.48,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,There's a famous graffiti that was\Nseen in Melbourne,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:15.48,0:17:19.60,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,which looked like a rugby score,\N"Australia 6, New Zealand 7",
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:19.60,0:17:25.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,which of course they would\Npronounce as "Australia sucks,\NNew Zealand's heaven."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:25.08,0:17:28.36,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Isn't that clever? Doesn't really\Ntravel, does it? No, it doesn't.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:28.36,0:17:33.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I should tell you, when this\Nphotograph was taken - I'll never\Nforget it - we'd had a...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:33.12,0:17:34.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:34.28,0:17:39.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,We'd had a wonderful day\Nand I'd just said a lovely joke\Nto my good friend there
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:39.28,0:17:43.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and as you can see he was pissing\Nhimself laughing. And his name was?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:43.40,0:17:45.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,His name was Bert.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:45.20,0:17:47.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER\NHis name was?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:47.12,0:17:50.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Sherpa Tenzing. Sherpa Tenzing\NNorgay. Yes, but to his FRIENDS...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:50.96,0:17:55.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Wasn't it cheating, having someone\Ncarry your luggage for you?\NSTEPHEN LAUGHS
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:55.84,0:17:59.24,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, which one of them got\Nto the peak first? Sherpa Tenzing.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:59.24,0:18:01.24,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,No, Hillary. Edmund Hillary.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:01.24,0:18:03.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And not only that...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:03.00,0:18:07.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Were they racing? Not at all, they\Nwere friends, and Tenzing Norgay
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:07.20,0:18:10.24,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,wrote in his autobiography\Nthat Hillary got to the top first,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:10.24,0:18:13.96,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and that Hillary said, "No, we tell\Neverybody we got there together."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:13.96,0:18:18.48,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Then the King of Nepal said,\N"Everybody knows that Tenzing\Ngot there first,"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:18.48,0:18:20.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and Hillary didn't say a word.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:20.08,0:18:22.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh... He was very noble about it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:22.88,0:18:27.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And he actually devoted most of\Nhis life to raising money for\Nthe Nepalese people.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:27.32,0:18:30.56,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,25 schools, his charity, so he was\Na very good man,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:30.56,0:18:33.36,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,but what did he do after Everest?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:33.36,0:18:37.52,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,He went to the bottom of the sea.\NNo. Did he climb something else?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:37.52,0:18:43.04,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,No, he didn't. Well, sort of.\NIt was in the Himalayas still,\Nbut he went on an expedition...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:43.04,0:18:49.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,He took an incredible challenge\Nthat tested the extremes of\Nphysical endurance.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:49.04,0:18:54.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Not really. It was a bit of a wild\Ngoose chase. Was he looking for\Nthe Yeti? He went on a Yeti hunt.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:54.88,0:19:00.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,He concluded that the thing didn't\Nexist, but this is him preparing,\Nlooking slightly less like Rob.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:00.88,0:19:05.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Who does he look like there? Erm...\NEdmund Hillary. Basically, yes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:05.28,0:19:09.88,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,He does look awkward. He does look\Nlike, "Yes, I am going to marry her,\Nbecause I love her."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:09.88,0:19:15.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"I'm standing by her." In that\Npicture I look more like the chap\Nin the drawing, actually.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:15.92,0:19:17.80,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Did he really think that it existed?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:17.80,0:19:21.92,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,He wanted to settle the matter,\Nor at least attempt to,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:21.92,0:19:26.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and of course they didn't find it,\Nbut one thing they discovered\Nis this footprint business,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:26.64,0:19:33.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and in shadows a fox print is small,\Nbut as it gets into a sunny area\Nit gets elongated as it melts,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:33.52,0:19:35.96,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and a human footprint can go\Nup to 21 inches,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:35.96,0:19:40.72,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and that seems to be an explanation\Nfor some of the footprint stories.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:40.72,0:19:44.04,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,They're like the crop circles\Nof the Himalayas. They kind of are.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:44.04,0:19:47.44,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,To be fair, one of the members said,\N"We were probably too noisy,"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:47.44,0:19:53.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,because they didn't see a snow\Nleopard, and we know they exist,\Nso it doesn't prove that they don't.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:53.08,0:19:58.56,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Are you suggesting that only\Nan expedition that was fantastically\Nquiet might find it? Well...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:58.56,0:20:00.28,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,"Shhhh!" Yes, basically.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:00.28,0:20:05.28,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,They lost their mobile signal.\N"Hello?! Yeah, we're nearly\Nat the top! You're breaking up."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:05.28,0:20:07.24,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,"We're looking for the Yeti!"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:07.24,0:20:11.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Ironically, you get fantastic\Nmobile coverage high up mountains.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:11.68,0:20:16.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,If you ever go on a skiing holiday,\Nyou... Oh, good God, what's that?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:16.36,0:20:19.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,An artist's impression of a thing\Nthat doesn't exist.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:19.16,0:20:25.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Edmund Hillary, after looking for\Na Yeti for 20 years. \NLAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:25.04,0:20:28.60,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Some people thought that actually\Nthey were on a spying mission,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:28.60,0:20:31.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,because two of the people with him\Nwere rocket experts,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:31.64,0:20:35.44,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and that they were spying on Chinese\Nrocket installations in Tibet.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:35.44,0:20:41.40,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Who knows? Some people now think\Nthat may have been... Yes, they still\Nthink that's what they were doing.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:41.40,0:20:44.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,So, there you are.\NThat's basically the answer.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:44.00,0:20:48.96,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,After conquering Everest in '53,\NEdmund Hillary went in search of\Nthe Abominable Snowman.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:48.96,0:20:55.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Speaking of Yetis, what would\Nbe the quickest way of getting\NBrian Blessed to the top of Everest?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:55.52,0:20:57.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:57.92,0:21:01.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Tell him they're putting on\Na production of Peter Pan,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:01.72,0:21:05.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Ken Branagh's directing\Nand he's a shoo-in for Captain...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:05.56,0:21:08.24,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,MIMICS BRIAN BLESSED:\N"I'd do it like a shot!"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:08.24,0:21:13.44,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,That's possible. He loves\Nmountain climbing. Of course he does.\NHas he climbed Everest?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:13.44,0:21:16.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,He had a go. He's had several goes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:16.24,0:21:20.28,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,He got incredibly close. He got\Nto 28,000 feet without oxygen,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:20.28,0:21:23.60,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,the oldest man ever\Nto climb that height.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:23.60,0:21:29.12,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,He had to turn back to save\Nsomeone's life. His whole life,\Nhe'd been wanting to climb it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:29.12,0:21:33.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,He helped save someone's life, so\Nthat stopped him going to the top.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:33.16,0:21:36.60,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,He's a Black Belt in judo,\Nhe was a boxing champion.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:36.60,0:21:42.44,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,He's the oldest man to go\Nto the North Pole and to 28,000 feet\Nwithout oxygen. He's extraordinary.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:42.44,0:21:47.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You say he went to 28,000 feet\Nwithout oxygen,\Nbut he must have had some.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:47.80,0:21:51.40,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,No, I mean... Sorry.\NWithout the assistance.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:51.40,0:21:53.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,He held his breath all the way. >
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:53.84,0:21:56.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"Here we go, OK."\NBREATHES HEAVILY
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:56.96,0:21:59.92,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Using the very little\Nthat is in the atmosphere.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:59.92,0:22:05.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I think the fastest way to get him up\Nis you get a big balloon\Nfull of hot air,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:05.16,0:22:07.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,then tell him to go up the mountain.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:07.68,0:22:12.72,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,That would be quite...\NThere is a quicker way,\Nbut it's incredibly dangerous.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:12.72,0:22:17.32,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,It's only recently been done.\NCan't you be dropped by a plane?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:17.32,0:22:22.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It's been done once by helicopter.\NIt's unbelievably difficult
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:22.16,0:22:25.72,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,because with that little air,\Nthe rotor resistance...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:25.72,0:22:31.56,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And the hydraulic fluids all behave\Ndifferently. It's a pretty\Ninsane thing to try and do.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:31.56,0:22:34.36,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And the winds gust at 160mph.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:34.36,0:22:40.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It was done by a Frenchman\Ncalled Didier Desalle. He stayed\Non the surface for two minutes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:40.64,0:22:46.24,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,So it's the highest ever in history\Nlanding and take-off\Nthat has ever been made.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:46.24,0:22:52.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought you couldn't breathe at...\NI went sky-diving once\Nand it was at 17,500 feet.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:52.36,0:22:57.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,AUSTRALIAN ACCENT:\NThey said that's the highest\Nyou can sky-dive without oxygen.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:57.88,0:23:01.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,This was in Lancashire,\Nwhich was rather odd.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:01.96,0:23:06.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,How many people who attempt it die,\Nwould you say? Quite a lot.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:06.08,0:23:11.48,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,A lot of people\Ndon't even go halfway\Nbecause of the altitude sickness.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:11.48,0:23:16.48,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,What is this condition? Heart\Nfailure? It's a cerebral oedema\Nor a pulmonary oedema.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:16.48,0:23:19.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Fluid build-up in the brain\Nor the lungs.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:19.32,0:23:25.56,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,So you start to get a headache\Nat about 14,000 feet or something\Nand apparently there are signs
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:25.56,0:23:30.28,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,saying, "If you're getting\Na headache...go back."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:30.28,0:23:33.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"Tiredness kills. Take a break."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:33.16,0:23:37.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER\N"Feeling woozy?\NPull in for a coffee."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:37.60,0:23:40.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"Moto - two miles."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:40.44,0:23:44.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"M&S Simply Food - 12 miles."\NLAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:44.60,0:23:47.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,We'll keep going to the M&S!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:48.84,0:23:51.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's so much better there.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:51.80,0:23:58.04,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,There is the Dead Zone,\Nwhich has a lot of bodies in it\Nand a lot of equipment.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:58.04,0:24:04.92,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Some Nepalese and Sherpas are\Nplanning to get rid of the litter.\NThey're going to get a skip. Yes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:04.92,0:24:09.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,There will be a lot of dead bodies.\NBrian Blessed is a lover of animals.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:09.16,0:24:13.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,He has over 2,000 animals\Nat his house in Surrey, apparently.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:13.16,0:24:18.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,In his house?! His house and gardens.\NHe has a lot in his house as well.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:18.12,0:24:21.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No wonder he shouts!\NThousands? 2,000.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:21.48,0:24:25.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,What species?\NAll kinds. Wasps, llamas.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:25.00,0:24:30.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,2,000 creatures of various kinds.\NBut that seems a ridiculous number.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:30.40,0:24:38.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Am I the only person to be staggered\Nby two... No. I know someone with 12\Ndogs and I think that's incredible!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:38.24,0:24:45.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,He's a remarkable man.\NIf it was bees, you could\Nunderstand, but eland or zebra...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:45.48,0:24:51.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,All mixture of creatures.\NSome tiny-winy and lots of,\Nsome quite big and only a few.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:51.84,0:24:56.68,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,He's also one of the few people\Nto have boxed with the Dalai Lama.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:56.68,0:25:00.92,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,You're making it up! No,\Nthe Dalai Lama was keen on boxing
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:00.92,0:25:06.76,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and they actually sparred together.\NFew people can say they've sparred\Nwith His Holiness.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:06.76,0:25:11.48,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,He is one of the most remarkable\Nmen. I agree. One cow.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:11.48,0:25:17.92,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,When he dies, he'll be able to look\Nback on a much richer life\Nthan just about anybody else.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:17.92,0:25:21.96,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Extraordinary. Acted with the RSC,\Nplayed Voltan in Flash Gordon!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:21.96,0:25:24.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"Fly, my beauties!"\NLAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:24.00,0:25:27.92,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,You can't ask for better than that,\Ncan you?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:27.92,0:25:32.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Why did he box with the Dalai Lama?\NHe met him and they talked\Nabout boxing.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:32.16,0:25:36.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,He was a boxing champion himself\Nin the past, Blessed, in\NYorkshire, where he comes form.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:36.84,0:25:41.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The Dalai Lama is a passionate fan\Nof boxing. Not as prized as\Nhe should be, Brian Blessed.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:41.60,0:25:46.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I agree, he's a remarkable figure.\NHe's not held up the way\Nhe should be.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:46.60,0:25:49.80,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,He calls me spunk bubble.\N"Hello, spunk bubble! How are you?"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:49.80,0:25:52.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER\NDon't know why, but he does.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:52.28,0:25:56.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe that's the reason why\Nhe's not prized!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:56.48,0:26:01.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"If only I hadn't called Stephen Fry\Na spunk bubble!"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:03.72,0:26:08.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Why does he call you... \NWe don't want to know!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:08.48,0:26:11.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No explanation. Did he do it\Nwithout oxygen?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:11.28,0:26:14.36,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,No-o-o! Enough, already!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:14.36,0:26:18.40,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Since the record-breaking flight\Nof Didier Desalle in 2005,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:18.40,0:26:22.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,the quickest way of getting to\Nthe top of Everest is by helicopter.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:22.52,0:26:28.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,If you were on top of a mountain,\Nhow could you tell how high you were\Nwithout electronic instrumentation?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:28.84,0:26:33.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I went up the Old Man of Coniston\Nearlier this year.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:33.72,0:26:38.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I have to say\Nhe was very accommodating.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:38.68,0:26:42.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I think he enjoyed it.\NAnd at the top there
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:42.64,0:26:48.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,they've got a thing that tells you\Nwhere you are. But that's not\Nwhat you're getting at, Stephen.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:48.60,0:26:52.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You're thinking of somewhere\Nfiendishly clever.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:52.24,0:26:58.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Not really... Can you?\NYou can if you have a spirit stove\Nand a kettle.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:58.52,0:27:05.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I have one here... Is this to do\Nwith the temperature? Not\Nthe temperature. The boiling point?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:05.52,0:27:10.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,The boiling point, yes. At sea level\Nit is 100 degrees Celsius,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:10.32,0:27:13.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,but every 1,000 feet up you go,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:13.84,0:27:18.28,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,boiling happens\Nat one centigrade lower.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:18.28,0:27:20.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Right. Right?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:20.40,0:27:25.80,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Climb 1,000 feet and it's 99 degrees\NCelsius at which water boils.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:25.80,0:27:29.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,By the time you get to, say,\NMont Blanc,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:29.52,0:27:35.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,it's about 84 degrees\Nand by the time you get to Everest,\Nit's 70 degrees it boils at.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:35.84,0:27:41.00,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,You could never be completely\Naccurate. Mountains must be sinking.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:41.00,0:27:46.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Actually, Everest is growing\Nby a tiny amount every year.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:46.32,0:27:49.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's dead people...\NLAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:49.44,0:27:54.44,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,That's basically what it is!\NThat's a terrible thought.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:54.44,0:28:01.04,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Conversely, if you tried to boil\Nan egg down in the Mariana Trench,\Nin the deepest part of the ocean...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:01.04,0:28:05.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You couldn't get the fire to light.\NThere is that problem!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:05.28,0:28:10.12,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,But it would be 584 degrees\Nbefore water boiled.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:10.12,0:28:17.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,So it would be far too hot. The\Nhigher you go, you could put your\Nfingers in it and not get burned.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:17.16,0:28:23.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Is it to do with air pressure? Yes.\NSuch a British notion. "I wonder\Nhow tall it is. Let's make tea."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:24.76,0:28:29.64,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,This tea is cold. We couldn't live\Nin this trench! You can't make tea.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:29.64,0:28:35.68,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It's called hypsometry,\Nthe art of determining your height\Naccording to various metrics.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:35.68,0:28:40.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,There are other ways, not on\Na mountain, to tell temperature.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:40.84,0:28:45.72,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Animal ways, which are surprisingly\Nprecise. Finger in your bum.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:45.72,0:28:49.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Mm. Yeah. Mm.\NLAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:49.56,0:28:51.80,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,No? Mm.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:51.80,0:28:57.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I was thinking of the field cricket.\NOf course, sorry.\NField cricket in your bum.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:57.40,0:29:02.40,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,So...if you count the number\Nof chirps... Yes, you're right.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:02.40,0:29:06.44,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Below 13 degrees Celsius,\Nit doesn't chirp at all.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:06.44,0:29:12.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,At 13 exactly, it chirps\Nat around 60 a minute, one a second.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:12.08,0:29:18.72,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes(!) And then the rate increases\Nwith temperature. So 140 a minute\Ntells you it's 22.5 degrees Celsius.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:18.72,0:29:26.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The quicker he's chirping,\Nthe hotter it is? Yes. Gosh.\NAnd it's quite reliable. 22.5.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:26.16,0:29:30.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,In hot countries, you're tossing\Nat night, you can't get off.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:30.92,0:29:33.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:33.52,0:29:36.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No... No! No!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:36.64,0:29:41.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm simply not having it.\NIt sounds like it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:41.36,0:29:44.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:47.20,0:29:51.04,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,You can tell what the weather will\Nbe like with your coffee.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:51.04,0:29:57.08,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,If you get a cup of coffee,\Nbefore you put the milk in,\Nif the bubbles go into the middle...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:29:57.08,0:30:01.52,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Let me get this right.\N..it's going to be low pressure.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:01.52,0:30:07.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So you can tell if it'll be a nice\Nday or not. Or look out the window.\NLAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:07.44,0:30:13.92,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Bubbles in your coffee. The simplest\Nway to calculate the height of\Nyour mountain is to boil a kettle.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:13.92,0:30:18.40,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,More record-breaking international\Ncooperation, this time\Nat the bottom of the sea.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:18.40,0:30:22.44,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,An Englishman and a Frenchman were\Ndrilling a tunnel under the Channel.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:22.44,0:30:24.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Who made sure they met\Nin the middle?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:24.52,0:30:28.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Were they really dressed like that?\NLAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:28.12,0:30:32.80,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,The Frenchman is called\NPhilippe Cozette and the Englishman\Nis called Graham Fagg.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:32.80,0:30:36.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER\NEr, and...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:36.20,0:30:40.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,they did meet in the middle. They\Nwere just 300-odd millimetres out.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:40.52,0:30:44.04,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It was extraordinary how accurate\Nit was. But what would they use?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:44.04,0:30:48.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Sonar, I would imagine. Not sonar.\NShouting? Not shouting, no!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:48.24,0:30:51.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER\N"Hello? Are you there?"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:51.92,0:30:55.00,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,"We are here!"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:55.00,0:30:59.20,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh, we've gone past you!\NWe're coming back."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:30:59.20,0:31:02.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Then they would just say\Nit's two tunnels,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:02.96,0:31:06.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,one's the exit tunnel.\N"We'll keep going!"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:06.24,0:31:10.92,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Have you read Birdsong by\NSebastian Faulks? Indeed, yes. \NAll about tunnelling. The saps.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:10.92,0:31:17.52,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a brilliant book.\NThey would tunnel underneath\Nthe enemy trenches
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:17.52,0:31:21.76,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,and plant explosives. But the other\Nside were doing the same thing,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:21.76,0:31:25.20,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,so they would be...\NIt's a brilliant novel.\NThey're in the tunnel
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:25.20,0:31:29.48,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,and everyone has to be completely\Nquiet, and they can hear\Nthe Germans tunnelling.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:29.48,0:31:34.44,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Are they going to let\Ntheir bomb off, are we going\Nto let our bomb off?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:34.44,0:31:37.16,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,See how quiet it's gone?\NThat's how good the book is!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:37.16,0:31:41.28,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not going to tell you what\Nhappens, but it's really good. \NIt is.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:41.28,0:31:45.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Was it a Scot, the engineer? \NIt wasn't. Come on! You'd think\Nit would be.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:45.84,0:31:49.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Is that Superman up the top there?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:49.24,0:31:52.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER\NIt is Superman!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:52.48,0:31:55.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,What's going on?!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:55.00,0:31:58.80,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,They told him to wear high\Nvisibility clothing, and he did!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:31:58.80,0:32:01.48,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Came straight from the party\Nthe night before.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:32:01.48,0:32:04.92,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Obviously it was some celebration\Nthere. That machine they use,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:32:04.92,0:32:08.48,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,they had it at the side of\Nthe motorway for ages afterwards.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:32:08.48,0:32:11.92,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,They had a large sign on it\Nthat said, "One careful owner".
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:32:11.92,0:32:17.28,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,The French, rather sweetly,\Ngave them names. Brigitte, Europa,\NCatherine, Virginie,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:32:17.28,0:32:23.40,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Pascaline and Severine, and after\Nthe tunnel, they dismantled them,\Nrebuilt them and kept them.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:32:23.40,0:32:28.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,The British didn't give them names.\NThey made the machines burrow\Nthemselves into the ground,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:32:28.88,0:32:34.40,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,where they just left them. Aww!\NThat says it all, doesn't it? \NI'm ashamed.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:32:34.40,0:32:40.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm faintly ashamed. So who did get\Nthem to meet in the middle? A German\Ninvented a machine to do it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:32:40.00,0:32:43.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And the machine is called\Na gyrotheodolite.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:32:43.64,0:32:48.48,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,You can't know where you are\Nunderground, you can't use a compass\Nbecause of the magnetic ore.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:32:48.48,0:32:53.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Or GPS. Or GPS, because you haven't\Ngot line of sight with the... \N"Turn left."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:32:53.68,0:32:55.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER\NYeah, so...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:32:55.72,0:33:03.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,the use is, being a\Ngyrotheodolite... "Do U-turn where\Npossible." "PLEASE do U-turn."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:03.28,0:33:07.72,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,"You are under the sea." But what\Nwould a gyrotheodolite use
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:07.72,0:33:11.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,to find out where you are, or where\Nnorth is? "Gyro" means...?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:11.88,0:33:15.32,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Revolving. Revolving,\Nit's the rotation of the Earth.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:15.32,0:33:20.60,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Ah! So it can work out where\Nnorth is. Why not just ask Superman?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:20.60,0:33:23.40,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Ask Superman, who has a little place\Nat the North Pole.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:23.40,0:33:27.52,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,I love how Superman's got\Na hard hat. "Come on, you're\Nthe man of steel!"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:27.52,0:33:31.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,So it was a German invention.\NHis name was Max Schuler.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:31.64,0:33:35.32,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So the French had one of these\Nmachines and the British had one?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:35.32,0:33:39.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,They didn't meet halfway, however.\NWho had got furthest, the French\Nor the English?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:39.64,0:33:42.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, the English, surely! \NWe got furthest.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:42.32,0:33:45.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It was the French, cos the English\Nwere wandering about,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:45.48,0:33:48.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,disposing of the earth out of\Nthe bottom of their trousers.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:48.64,0:33:51.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Making sure nobody could see.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:51.60,0:33:55.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"We've just passed the guy vaulting\Nthe horse, we'll be fine, come on."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:57.32,0:33:58.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,We got further?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:33:58.48,0:34:02.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, but not because the French\Nwere lazy and workshy.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:02.52,0:34:06.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,They were talking to their machines.\N"My beautiful machine!"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:06.40,0:34:08.92,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,They had geological difficulties\Ntheir end.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:08.92,0:34:13.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,IN FRENCH ACCENT:\N"We are experiencing geological\Ndifficulties, mon petit cher,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:13.24,0:34:14.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"but soon, it will all be good."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:14.96,0:34:16.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,They're giving them names!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:16.92,0:34:18.96,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,"Let the English do the work!"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:18.96,0:34:24.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It reminded me of the German\Nwho made a gyroscopic theodolite.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:24.48,0:34:25.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:25.52,0:34:29.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I've got to say, a brilliant\Ninvention, but not a huge market!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:29.28,0:34:33.76,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,That's unfortunately true.\NNot enough tunnels being built.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:33.76,0:34:36.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,IN GERMAN ACCENT:\N"We have sold two!"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:36.72,0:34:38.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:38.68,0:34:41.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"All gone very well!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:41.40,0:34:45.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"We were hoping for sales of one,\Nbut we're selling two!"
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:48.16,0:34:50.76,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,There was a man\Ncalled Colonel Barog,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:50.76,0:34:54.60,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,who could have used it when\Nthey were doing a tunnel\Nfor the railway there,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:54.60,0:34:58.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and they missed, and he went home\Nand shot himself. He was so ashamed.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:58.88,0:34:59.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Did he hit?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:34:59.92,0:35:04.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:08.04,0:35:10.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,The ends of the Channel Tunnel\Nmet in the middle
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:10.52,0:35:13.72,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,thanks to a clever German invention\Ncalled a gyro-theodolite.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:13.72,0:35:21.24,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Now the time has come to abandon\Nthe uplands of knowledge and plunge\Ninto the abyss of general ignorance.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:21.24,0:35:26.24,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Name a country where English\Nis the official language.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:26.24,0:35:28.08,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:29.88,0:35:32.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Go on, my children.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:33.64,0:35:35.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes? Wales.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:35.80,0:35:39.76,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes! It's the right answer.\NVery good.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:39.76,0:35:42.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,APPLAUSE\NAny others?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:42.88,0:35:44.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Scotland!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:44.88,0:35:48.40,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Eng...England. England?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:48.40,0:35:50.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,HOOTER BLARES
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:50.88,0:35:53.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm afraid not.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:54.32,0:35:58.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,India? Yes, I think it is\Nan official language.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:35:58.20,0:36:00.56,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Absolutely right. Very good.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:00.56,0:36:03.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah? France.\NLAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:03.88,0:36:10.32,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No, darling. No, it isn't.\NYou know when you're thinking,\N"It sounds crazy, but...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:10.32,0:36:16.08,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,"Go on, be brave.\NLeap into the abyss."\NOdd use of the word "thinking".
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:16.08,0:36:18.08,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:18.08,0:36:24.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,So we haven't got an official\Nlanguage, obviously. The point is\Nthat it has never arisen here.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:24.16,0:36:30.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,An official language is defined\Nas one which, in statute,\Nis enshrined in the legal system
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:30.20,0:36:35.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,as a language that can be used in\Ndocumentation. So it's never arisen.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:35.08,0:36:41.12,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,In America, nor has it arisen.\NTheodore Roosevelt said everybody\Nshould learn English,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:41.12,0:36:45.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,but if it's suggested as an official\Nlanguage, Hispanics complain.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:45.08,0:36:48.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe just make them both\Nofficial languages.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:48.52,0:36:53.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,In Canada it's an official language\Nbecause French is there.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:53.00,0:36:58.32,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Australia? No. Not in Australia.\NSo what's the deal with the map?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:36:58.32,0:37:04.48,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,To show English-speaking countries\Nand lure you into our web.\NYes, it worked. It did, I'm afraid.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:37:04.48,0:37:09.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Many countries have English as the\Nofficial language, but not England.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:37:09.32,0:37:12.24,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Where do modern Huns live?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:37:12.24,0:37:13.88,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Hungerford.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:37:13.88,0:37:17.36,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Huntington. Huntington!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:37:17.36,0:37:21.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Germany. Germany?\NHOOTER BLARES
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:37:24.36,0:37:29.20,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Any offers? Come on.\NI can't think where they might be.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:37:29.20,0:37:35.56,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Why do we associate them with\NGermany? The Hun! But why Germans?\NThe Huns are an ancient...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:37:35.56,0:37:39.60,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,But it was only ever applied\Nto the Germans in 1910.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:37:39.60,0:37:44.60,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It was all the Kaiser's fault.\NMuch was. He made a speech in 1910
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:37:44.60,0:37:50.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,when he was sending German troops\Noff to China. Look at that outfit!\NI love those. Look at them. I know.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:37:50.84,0:37:54.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You'd get up. "Oh, God, I'm stuck!"\NLAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:37:54.92,0:37:59.56,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,He was sending troops off to China\Nto fight in the Boxer Wars
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:37:59.56,0:38:04.36,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and he said, "Take no prisoners,\Nwe will sweep down on them\Nlike the Hun."
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:38:04.36,0:38:10.80,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,He was merely comparing himself\Nto Attila the Hun. The Huns didn't\Ncome from Germany. Mongolia?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:38:10.80,0:38:17.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,They came from the East, certainly.\NThey weren't a people.\NThey were an army you could join.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:38:17.32,0:38:25.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Attila was the most famous.\NDid you ever in your time at Dundee\Ndrink in the Speedwell Tavern?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:38:25.00,0:38:29.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes. In the '70s,\Nwhen I was a student there,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:38:29.04,0:38:34.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,it was owned by a chap called\NIan Thompson, who had a German wife\Ncalled Connie,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:38:34.48,0:38:41.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,who used to stand at the cash\Nregister and her nickname was\Nthe Hun at the Till. Oh, very good!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:38:41.84,0:38:44.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Very good.\NAPPLAUSE
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:38:49.20,0:38:55.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,So the answer is that the Huns were\Nan army, not a tribe and no modern\Ncountry is descended from them.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:38:55.84,0:39:00.48,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,What do you suffer from if you are\Nafraid of heights? Vertigo.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:39:00.48,0:39:03.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,HOOTER BLARES
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:39:03.28,0:39:08.36,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It's all Alfred Hitchcock's fault.\NVertigo is not a fear of heights.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:39:08.36,0:39:14.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a condition of dizziness.\NPeople who are afraid of heights\Ncan get vertigo,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:39:14.16,0:39:21.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,but most of them have a particular\Nphobia. Heightophobia. Yes...\NUsually we use Greek, don't we?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:39:21.16,0:39:23.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Not me.\NLAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:39:24.96,0:39:30.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So there's a high city in Greece.\NAcropol, as in Acropolis.\NAcropolis.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:39:30.64,0:39:35.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And an acrobat flies high.\NSo it's acrophobia.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:39:35.20,0:39:38.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,As opposed to agro.\NAs opposed to agoraphobia.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:39:38.88,0:39:43.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The guy's gone a bit far\Nto take a photo of his shoes. Yes!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:39:43.76,0:39:48.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,You remember the movie Vertigo\Nwith James Stewart and Kim Novak.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:39:48.32,0:39:57.36,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,The story is that James Stewart\Nsmuggled the Yeti's hand\Nout of India
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:39:57.36,0:40:01.20,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,and took it to the United States.\NJames Stewart and his wife, Gloria.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:40:01.20,0:40:05.12,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,They thought they'll never check his\Nluggage. He put it in her underwear.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:40:05.12,0:40:08.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It was transported out of India.\NGood Lord.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:40:08.68,0:40:13.44,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,A strange connection between Vertigo\Nand the Yeti. It's a very good one.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:40:13.44,0:40:17.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,To weave and link.\NQuite interesting. Indeed.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:40:17.00,0:40:25.16,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Lots of people say they're scared\Nof heights, but I don't think\Nthey are. Everyone is, to a degree.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:40:25.16,0:40:30.08,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Is it to do with perspective...?\NIt's a pretty straightforward,\Nlogical evolutionary defence
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:40:30.08,0:40:36.52,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,against this not being a safe place\Nto be. Like in I'm A Celebrity when\Nthey don't like the rope bridge.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:40:36.52,0:40:41.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,That's the perfect example.\NWell done.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:40:41.76,0:40:44.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,LAUGHTER
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:40:44.68,0:40:51.12,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Fear of heights is acrophobia.\NVertigo is a spinning or whirling\Nexperienced when stationary.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:40:51.12,0:40:54.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Which point on Earth is furthest\Nfrom the centre?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:40:54.88,0:41:01.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The centre of the Earth.\NWhich point is furthest from it?\NThe top of Mount Everest.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:41:01.80,0:41:04.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,HOOTER BLARES\NSadly not.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:41:04.44,0:41:07.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You'd think it would be.\NYes. Very much so.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:41:07.84,0:41:12.88,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,It being the highest point on Earth\Nso furthest from its centre.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:41:12.88,0:41:18.28,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,The South Pole? The Earth isn't\Nround. It's a funny shape.\NYes! Trick question!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:41:18.28,0:41:23.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It's flattened at the poles\Nso the South Pole is nearer\Nto the centre.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:41:23.88,0:41:27.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It bulges at the Equator.\NThat's the point.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:41:27.64,0:41:34.08,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Somewhere in Japan? No, not Japan.\NIn South America. The Andes. The\NAndes. At the end of your armies.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:41:34.08,0:41:37.04,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Annapurna? Not Annapurna.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:41:37.04,0:41:40.20,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Chimborazo. Of course!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:41:40.20,0:41:46.64,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Chimborazo, at the time, people\Nthought was the highest on Earth.\N20,500 feet. High enough for me.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:41:46.64,0:41:51.12,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, yes. Very, very high. Because\Nit's so close to the Equator,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:41:51.12,0:41:55.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,it's on the bulge part. It's only\Na degree off the exact Equator.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:41:55.20,0:42:02.48,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,So it ends up being 1.3 miles\Nfurther from the centre of the Earth\Nthan Everest.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:42:02.48,0:42:06.28,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,And snow on the Equator.\NThat's quite unusual. Yeah.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:42:06.28,0:42:11.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you know how you should say\NEverest? Because it's named after...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:42:11.64,0:42:14.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Everest Double Glazing. No.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:42:14.64,0:42:18.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,The boot may be\Non the other foot there.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:42:18.16,0:42:25.80,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It was named after George of that\Nname, Surveyor General in India,\Nbut he pronounced it Ee-verest.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:42:25.80,0:42:30.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Eeverest? It should be\NMount Eeverest. I like that.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:42:30.16,0:42:34.72,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Look! The tea is not boiling\Non Mount Eeverest.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:42:34.72,0:42:39.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Which brings us to the high point\Nof our evening - the scores.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:42:39.16,0:42:45.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Suffering altitude sickness,\Nin first place is Fred MacAulay\Nwith eight points!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:42:45.20,0:42:47.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,APPLAUSE
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:42:47.04,0:42:53.28,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Fred is closely followed\Nby the high-flying six-pointer,\NSandi Toksvig!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:42:53.28,0:42:55.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,APPLAUSE
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:42:55.84,0:43:01.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,In third place,\Nwe have with one point\Nthe mildly adventurous Rob Brydon!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:43:01.88,0:43:04.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,That's good for me!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:43:04.76,0:43:11.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Lurking down in a Mariana Trench\Nof his own making with -39\Nis Alan Davies!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:43:11.20,0:43:12.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Wow!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:43:17.76,0:43:21.80,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It only remains for me to thank\NSandi, Rob, Fred and Alan
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:43:21.80,0:43:26.24,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and to leave you with this\Ntimely proverb about ambition.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:43:26.24,0:43:32.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,The higher a monkey climbs,\Nthe more you can see of its bottom.\NGood night.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:43:43.96,0:43:48.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Subtitles by Subtext\Nfor Red Bee Media Ltd - 2010
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:43:48.96,0:43:51.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Email [email protected]