QI (2003–…): Season 2, Episode 11 - Beats - full transcript

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[Events]
Format: Marked, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:06.80,0:00:09.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Theme music)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:24.00,0:00:26.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:32.84,0:00:35.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, hello, hello,\Nhello, hello, hello,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:36.28,0:00:39.32,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and welcome to QI, the show\Nthat puts a song in your heart,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:39.60,0:00:41.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,a tune on your lips\Nand a hum in your pyjamas.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:42.04,0:00:44.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Joining me for tonight's\Nspecial music edition
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:45.04,0:00:49.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,are Sean Lock, Mark Gatiss,\NLinda Smith and Alan Davies.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:52.00,0:00:54.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So, let's tune up,\Nladies and gentlemen, please.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:54.72,0:00:56.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,See how you're sounding. Sean goes...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:56.40,0:00:58.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(# Beethoven - Fifth Symphony)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:00:59.20,0:01:02.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Mark goes...\N(# Handel - Water Music)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:02.68,0:01:06.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Linda goes...\N(# Vivaldi - Spring)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:06.64,0:01:11.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And Alan goes...\N(# Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:15.04,0:01:18.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well done. Very good. Excellent.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:18.40,0:01:21.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,First question this evening is,\Nwhat kind of music
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:21.96,0:01:25.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,do snakes like the best?\NWhat do they find most charming?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:25.48,0:01:28.08,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(# Handel - Water Music)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:28.36,0:01:31.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Mark?\NKraftwerk.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:31.84,0:01:33.60,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Really vicious German electro-pop.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:35.80,0:01:38.48,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Imagine those fakirs playing it...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:38.80,0:01:41.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Those whats? Excuse me?\NFakirs. Oh, yes, right, fair enough.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:41.52,0:01:44.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You're quite right. They are.\NAll of them. Um, and...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:44.88,0:01:46.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Cymbals crash)\NAt ease, thank you.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:46.24,0:01:47.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you, sound department.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:48.16,0:01:50.48,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,When you say they like it,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:50.76,0:01:52.68,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,it's not like they like it,\Nthey go out,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:52.96,0:01:55.08,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,they buy it, they put posters up\Ninside their baskets.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:55.36,0:01:58.04,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,No, right, I see.\NWhen you say like...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:01:58.24,0:02:01.04,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,(Imitates snake-charming music)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:03.04,0:02:04.44,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, Kraftwerk.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:04.68,0:02:07.08,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Just a second.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:07.32,0:02:10.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Good heavens! It works.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:10.36,0:02:13.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, the hood right back,\Nready to pounce.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:13.44,0:02:15.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Um...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:15.52,0:02:17.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm so sorry.\NX-rated Ain't Half Hot Mum, that.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:18.04,0:02:19.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It was, rather.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:19.52,0:02:20.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The oddity is, actually,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:21.04,0:02:23.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,that snakes, uh, don't respond\Nto the music at all.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:23.32,0:02:25.04,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,They don't. They can't.\NIt's simply the sight of it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:25.32,0:02:28.16,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,They just like the sight of it.\NYeah, 'cause if you do it without...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:28.44,0:02:31.28,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,They don't respond to music.\NYou're quite right.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:31.60,0:02:32.96,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,You could be doing that on anything?\NYeah.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:33.16,0:02:34.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah. Or just making no noise at all,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:35.08,0:02:37.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and it would still sway backwards\Nand forwards and look mesmerised.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:37.80,0:02:39.08,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,They don't have ears.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:39.36,0:02:41.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You're sort of right. Until recently\Nthat was exactly what was thought,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:41.80,0:02:43.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,'cause they don't appear to.\NIn fact, when you go inside -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:44.00,0:02:46.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,they've now discovered - they do\Nhave otic nerves and a whole system,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:46.84,0:02:48.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,which responds electrically to sound.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:49.24,0:02:52.20,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Is that snake alive\Nor is it a model one?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:52.48,0:02:54.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I think it's actually a dinner.\NIt's a snake in a basket.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:56.48,0:02:58.40,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,I think it's just come back\Nfrom holiday in Spain
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:02:58.68,0:03:00.84,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,and bought one of those donkeys,\Nthose straw donkeys.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:02.44,0:03:05.72,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,When I was a kid, there was\Na rattlesnake on TV, every week.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:05.92,0:03:07.64,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:07.96,0:03:11.36,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Every week, in something,\Nthere was always a rattlesnake.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:11.68,0:03:15.72,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,And nowadays, there's never\Na rattlesnake on TV.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:15.96,0:03:17.48,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,It was like a big thing in the '70s.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:17.80,0:03:19.56,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,You didn't even see one.\NYou just heard one.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:19.84,0:03:21.72,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,It was the most terrifying\Nnoise of my childhood.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:22.00,0:03:23.24,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,And I grew up in Loughton.\NYeah.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:25.00,0:03:27.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Good. Well, there you are.\NThat's the point. Snakes and hearing.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:27.96,0:03:29.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, onto a nursery rhyme.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:29.44,0:03:30.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The nursery rhyme says,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:31.04,0:03:32.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,'Hey diddle diddle,\Nthe cat and the fiddle.'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:32.80,0:03:35.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,But what have cats\Ngot to do with violins?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:35.44,0:03:37.76,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Catgut?\N(Alarm sounds)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:37.96,0:03:41.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, dear. Oh, dear, oh, dear. No.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:41.40,0:03:43.64,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Not that then?\NNot that! No.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:43.92,0:03:46.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The fact is, catgut has never\Ngone into the making of violins.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:46.48,0:03:48.08,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It was a myth put about by the...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:48.36,0:03:50.72,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,By dogs.\N..string-makers.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:54.04,0:03:57.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It was considered very unlucky\Nto kill a cat in medieval times.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:57.88,0:03:59.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,They're made out of sheep gut,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:03:59.68,0:04:01.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and the people of...\NSheep really get it all.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:02.08,0:04:03.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't they just?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:03.88,0:04:06.44,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,They've got low self-esteem,\NI think.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:06.76,0:04:08.96,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,They allow themselves to be bullied.\NThey do allow themselves to be.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:10.36,0:04:13.44,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,In Australia, they discovered that\Nsheep possess morphic knowledge.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:13.72,0:04:16.04,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,They found that sheep managed\Nto get across a cattle grid
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:16.24,0:04:17.96,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,by lying on their backs,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:18.28,0:04:19.76,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,holding their legs up,\Nand rolling across them.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:20.00,0:04:21.32,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,'Cause they were like\Na little furry ball.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:21.64,0:04:24.56,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,And sheep were doing it\Nalmost at the same time...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:24.88,0:04:26.16,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,..1,000 miles away,\Nother side of Australia.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:26.44,0:04:27.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,But that's it, people don't know.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:28.00,0:04:29.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,That's why it's called morphic\Nresonance or morphic knowledge.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:29.80,0:04:31.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It started with tits.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:31.36,0:04:34.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Blue tits seemed to discover,\Nin different parts of Britain,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:34.32,0:04:36.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,to peck open the silver top\Nof a milk bottle,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:36.88,0:04:39.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,within a week of each other\Nin Scotland and in England,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:39.84,0:04:41.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,without any tit\Nhaving done it before.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:41.52,0:04:43.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And they were too far away from\Neach other to have communicated.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:43.96,0:04:45.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And this theory arose\Nof what's called,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:46.00,0:04:47.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,as Sean said, morphic resonance.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:48.12,0:04:49.88,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Er, cats and violins.\NOh, yes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:50.16,0:04:52.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The people who had the monopoly\Nas it were, put it about
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:52.48,0:04:53.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,that it was made of catgut,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:54.04,0:04:55.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,knowing that their rivals\Nwould never dare kill cats,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:56.20,0:04:57.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and they wanted to, kind of,\Nkeep it secret.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:04:58.08,0:05:01.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The same families have run violin\Nstring-making for over 600 years.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:02.20,0:05:04.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,But now, of course,\Nthere's nylon and steel added,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:04.92,0:05:07.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,though people still say\Nthe old sheep gut is still the best.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:07.48,0:05:09.56,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought it was something to do\Nwith the cat's penis.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:09.76,0:05:11.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Did you?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:11.32,0:05:13.48,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Isn't it a strange shape, like\Na violin, or something like that?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:13.76,0:05:14.96,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Is it really strange?\NThat would...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:16.72,0:05:20.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,What would be the shape\Nof the female's orifice?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:20.56,0:05:22.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,A violin case.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:26.86,0:05:28.34,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Isn't it? Haven't they got\Na strange shape?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:28.66,0:05:32.18,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,That's why they screech\Nso loudly when they're...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:32.46,0:05:34.38,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Cats' penises are barbed\Nand have a bone in them.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:34.66,0:05:36.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So yes, they are\Nan unusual shape, unless...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:36.46,0:05:38.18,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, they've got a bone.\NThat was it. Yep.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:38.38,0:05:39.90,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Cats could choke on small bones.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:42.70,0:05:44.18,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So, you wouldn't want\Nto fiddle with them.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:44.50,0:05:45.66,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,That's the connection\Nwith the violin.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:47.98,0:05:49.38,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Nice.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:51.02,0:05:53.74,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Now. We're still musical,\Nas we hope to be all evening.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:54.06,0:05:56.10,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, what kind of music\Ndo spiders like?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:56.42,0:05:58.14,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, I reckon...\NYeah, go on.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:05:58.42,0:06:02.22,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,..they've got eight legs -\Nthey'd appreciate a one-man band.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:02.50,0:06:04.34,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, chicka-chicka-ching,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:04.62,0:06:06.42,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,dum-dum, brrp-brrp-da-drrp,\Ndoof-doof.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:06.70,0:06:09.30,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, they'd appreciate\Nthat all-round entertainer.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:09.50,0:06:10.86,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(# Handel - Water Music)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:11.14,0:06:13.26,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Et cetera.\NEr, Kylie Minogue.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:13.54,0:06:14.82,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Why's that?\NSpinning Around.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:15.06,0:06:16.34,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Spinning Around. Very good.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:16.66,0:06:19.26,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You could have said,\NAndrew Lloyd Webber, I suppose.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:19.54,0:06:21.78,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Actually, on a similar note, might\Nit be Cliff Richards?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:22.06,0:06:23.22,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Because isn't his real name...\NRichards?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:23.54,0:06:25.46,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Cliff Richard, rather -\Nbeg your pardon. Is? Webb.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:25.74,0:06:28.14,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It is, his real name's Webb.\NMarti Webb.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:28.42,0:06:30.30,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Marti Webb. It's all just, isn't it?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:30.32,0:06:32.04,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,But I don't think spiders\Nare that into puns.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:33.76,0:06:37.56,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,I think they like flies,\Nstuff like that, cheese.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:37.84,0:06:39.48,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,I'll tell you\Nan interesting fact about spiders.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:39.64,0:06:41.76,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,The Huntsman spider -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:42.04,0:06:44.84,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,well, a fact everyone knows,\Ndoesn't actually build a web -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:45.16,0:06:47.84,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,is the only spider with lungs.\NOoh, I like that.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:48.12,0:06:50.40,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,So, you can get it a birthday cake\Nwith a candle on.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:53.08,0:06:57.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,What a sweet thing to think of.\NWhat a nice way of thinking.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:06:57.76,0:07:00.08,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,What do spiders do to flies?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:00.40,0:07:02.60,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,They wrap them up in web,\Nlike in Lord Of The Rings.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:02.92,0:07:04.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, and?\NLike silk.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:04.56,0:07:08.72,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,And then take them off, till they've\Nsoftened up a bit and then eat them.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:09.04,0:07:11.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,That's the odd thing, 'cause they\Ndon't eat them - they drink them.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:11.44,0:07:13.92,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,They drink them and dissolve them.\NThey squirt them with that acid
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:14.20,0:07:15.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,that dissolves them\Ninto a sort of liquid.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:16.24,0:07:19.92,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Flies, when they land on your food,\Nthey immediately vomit on it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:20.24,0:07:22.80,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,And then they tread\Nabout on it, like that,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:23.16,0:07:25.44,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,get it all mushy,\Nand then they digest that.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:25.72,0:07:27.40,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,That's quite rude, isn't it?\NIt is.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:27.68,0:07:29.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And they listen\Nwith their eight feet.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:29.44,0:07:30.88,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,They can hear you coming.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:31.24,0:07:33.56,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,They listen with their feet?\NThey have a penis on their head.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:33.76,0:07:35.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's on the end of a little feeler.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:35.44,0:07:36.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,That's where their mating organ is,\Nthe males.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:37.04,0:07:39.12,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,They're just a mess, aren't they?\NExactly.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:39.36,0:07:40.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,They're all dickheads, really.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:43.60,0:07:45.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And they have eight eyes, as well,\Nmost of them.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:46.08,0:07:47.76,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Spiders have eight eyes\Nand eight legs? Yes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:48.04,0:07:50.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The answer to this question is\Nit seems to be classical music,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:50.44,0:07:52.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,'cause they did an experiment
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:53.20,0:07:55.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and they found that...\NWho are they?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:56.20,0:07:59.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,University of Ohio, in this instance,\Nis they. Or are they.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:07:59.32,0:08:01.32,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,The University of (Bleep)\NAll-Else-Better-To-Do.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:01.56,0:08:02.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Ah, well, no.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:03.04,0:08:05.24,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Formerly the Polytechnic\Nof (Bleep) All-Else-To-Do.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:06.64,0:08:09.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Domestic spiders were\Nsubjected to Bach, techno -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:10.24,0:08:12.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,which I believe is\Nsome kind of modern music -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:12.40,0:08:13.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and rap.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:13.96,0:08:15.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,For techno and rap,\Nthey built their webs
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:15.88,0:08:17.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,as far away from the speakers\Nas possible.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:17.80,0:08:19.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,For classical music, closer to.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:19.48,0:08:21.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Someone very close to me told me\Nabout a music called tesco.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:22.00,0:08:23.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you know about that?\NBOTH: No.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:23.68,0:08:24.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a blend of disco and techno.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:25.12,0:08:26.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Rather sweet, as it's known as tesco.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:27.16,0:08:29.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And they have tesco evenings\Nin certain nightclubs.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:29.52,0:08:32.00,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Really? Type of modern\Nyoung person's dance music,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:32.32,0:08:37.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,like two-step UK garage for example,\Nwhich is my particular favourite.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:37.76,0:08:39.56,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,These will be nightclubs\Nright on the edge of town.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:39.88,0:08:42.24,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Plenty of parking.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:44.40,0:08:46.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Another bizarre experiment\Non spiders -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:46.72,0:08:48.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and this, I think, will fascinate\Nyou - was conducted by NASA.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:49.08,0:08:50.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Really extraordinary experiment,\Nin 1995,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:50.68,0:08:54.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,to see how spiders reacted to drugs.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:54.36,0:08:56.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So, behind you\Nare some of the results.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:08:56.56,0:09:00.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,We have two webs - one produced on\NLSD, and one produced on caffeine.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:01.12,0:09:03.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You have to match the drug\Nto the web.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:03.52,0:09:06.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,I bet the worse one is caffeine.\NOn the right there.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:06.20,0:09:07.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,That's what you reckon, yeah?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:07.72,0:09:09.96,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,The other one looks like\Na bullet through glass on Callan.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:10.16,0:09:11.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You're absolutely right.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:11.76,0:09:14.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The extraordinary thing is that\Nwhen they give them LSD,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:14.44,0:09:16.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,they make even more\Ngeometrically perfect webs
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:17.08,0:09:19.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,than they do in nature.\NIt's absolutely perfect.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:19.72,0:09:22.16,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,And they see spiders everywhere.\NWell, they'd see humans, probably.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:22.48,0:09:25.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Ooh, it's a bad trip, I saw humans\Nfloating in front of my eyes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:27.08,0:09:29.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And that jangled mess on the right\Nis caffeine,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:29.36,0:09:31.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,the world's most popular drug.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:31.24,0:09:34.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,80% of all human beings\Ntake caffeine at least once a day.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:34.32,0:09:36.88,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,There's an exhibition at\Nthe British Museum at the moment
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:37.12,0:09:38.56,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,and it's about healthy living,\Nor life,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:38.80,0:09:40.20,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,and the things we do to ourselves,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:40.48,0:09:44.96,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,and there's an exhibit with 14,000\Npills in it... Ah.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:45.20,0:09:47.16,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,..all sewn into a big mesh
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:47.44,0:09:49.76,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,to represent the pills that\Nan average First World person
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:49.96,0:09:51.68,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,takes in their life.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:51.88,0:09:53.76,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,That would last my nan about a week.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:56.20,0:09:58.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Not content with that,\Nwe kind of push our gear on spiders
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:09:59.20,0:10:00.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,for some extraordinary reason.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:00.68,0:10:02.84,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,You try it. We don't want coffee.\NTry it, have it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:03.16,0:10:05.24,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Want to see what you do.\NWant to see what you do.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:05.44,0:10:08.28,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh! Ah, look, you're weird. Thanks.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:08.56,0:10:11.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,There'd be a lot of loud-laughing\Nflies if they saw that.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:12.16,0:10:13.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Ooh, I just fly straight through it.\NIt's great.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:15.04,0:10:18.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,We have another one, and you have\Nto guess the drug. Let's have a look.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:18.52,0:10:20.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,There we are.\NWhat would that be as a result of?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:21.04,0:10:22.28,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Lager.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:24.04,0:10:26.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Any other thoughts?\NMarijuana.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:26.76,0:10:29.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Marijuana is the right answer.\N(American accent) Mary Jane.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:29.76,0:10:31.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Or cannabis, or whatever else\Nyou'd like to call it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:32.04,0:10:33.40,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,'Cause they couldn't be arsed\Nto finish it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:33.64,0:10:35.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Exactly. Good.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:35.76,0:10:38.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, listen to this piece of music\Nby The Mamas and The Papas.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:38.56,0:10:41.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,# Ba-da, ba-da-da-da
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:41.56,0:10:44.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,# Monday, Monday
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:45.12,0:10:47.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,# So good to me\N# Ba-da-da
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:47.44,0:10:50.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,# Ba-da, ba-da-da-da
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:50.32,0:10:51.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,# Monday morning. #
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:52.00,0:10:54.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Lovely. That, as I say,\Nis the sound of
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:54.52,0:10:56.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Monday Monday\Nby The Mamas and the Papas.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:56.80,0:10:58.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,But what colour would\Nyou say Monday is?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:10:58.48,0:11:00.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(# Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:01.24,0:11:02.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes.\NBlue.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:02.80,0:11:04.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Blue. Because of...why? Because...?\NJust makes me think of blue.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:05.20,0:11:06.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, that's right.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:06.84,0:11:08.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Most people,\Nthinking of days of the week,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:08.52,0:11:10.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,assign a colour to them.\NNot assign one...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:10.36,0:11:13.28,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Wednesday is kind of green,\NThursday is brown, Friday is black.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:13.48,0:11:15.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Ah, you see, Friday dark blue to me,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:15.64,0:11:17.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and Thursday\Nis sort of orange, reddy.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:17.48,0:11:19.28,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Tuesday is, maybe, yellow.\NYellow. I have a yellow Tuesday.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:19.56,0:11:23.00,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Saturday's red.\NSunday's sort of bluey purple.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:23.28,0:11:25.08,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Monday's white to me,\Nfor some reason. There you are.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:25.36,0:11:28.28,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Have you done a spider experiment\Nat NASA, you two?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:28.52,0:11:30.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you not have\Nany sense of colour...?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:31.20,0:11:33.44,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,No, Monday, I think of\Na period of time
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:33.64,0:11:36.64,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,which has to be endured\Nuntil Tuesday comes along.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:36.92,0:11:39.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, don't expect\Na poet laureateship
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:40.08,0:11:41.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,to be handed to you on a plate.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:41.80,0:11:43.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a little bit literal.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:43.44,0:11:46.08,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,If Monday makes you think of blue,\Ndoes blue make you think of Monday?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:46.36,0:11:47.92,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,It makes me think of mould.\NYeah.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:51.36,0:11:53.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not thought, either.\NThat's to say, it's not thought
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:53.80,0:11:55.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,in the sense of rational analysis.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:56.20,0:11:58.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's as if you see the colour\Nin your head.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:11:58.56,0:12:00.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, we'll move onto this\Nbecause, uh,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:00.40,0:12:02.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I'll play you a chord of music,\Nlike so.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:02.68,0:12:04.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(# Piano chord)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:04.84,0:12:08.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Which some of you with perfect pitch\Nmight know was D major.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:08.56,0:12:10.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,D, F-sharp, A triad.\NLime green, I had there.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:10.92,0:12:13.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You had lime green?\NAnybody else have a colour?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:15.32,0:12:16.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,No.\NNo?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:17.20,0:12:18.68,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Tell you what I heard.\NI heard a sound.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:19.00,0:12:21.68,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,I just thought. I just sat here.\NYes, I know. We do. Most people do.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:21.88,0:12:24.68,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Anyone hear a sound?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:25.00,0:12:27.68,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Anyone? Or just me?\NPlease, God, not again!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:28.00,0:12:31.52,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,I just thought of, also,\Na sound man going, 'Yes!'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:31.84,0:12:33.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's true, 'cause he really did it\Nwell. Let's try it again.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:34.24,0:12:35.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(# Piano chord)\NHe's good, isn't he?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:35.92,0:12:38.52,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,He's going, 'Oh-uh-oh.'\N(# Piano chord)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:38.80,0:12:41.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(# Piano chords)\NHe's very good, that sound man.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:42.12,0:12:44.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,He's very good. Round of applause.\N(Laughs)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:46.72,0:12:49.20,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,If I do it, will he do it for me?\NGo on, see.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:49.48,0:12:51.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(# Piano chord)\NYes, with one finger, as well.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:51.40,0:12:53.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(# Piano chord)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:53.92,0:12:55.64,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Will he do it for me?\NMove up the scale.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:55.84,0:12:57.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(# Piano chord)\N(Laughs) Eh!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:12:58.24,0:13:01.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No, the fact is there is this\Ncondition known as synaesthesia,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:02.20,0:13:04.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,which is quite common, in which\Npeople genuinely see a colour
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:04.80,0:13:06.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,when they hear sound.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:06.56,0:13:09.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Rimsky-Korsakov, for example,\Nsaw that D major chord. Boing!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:10.20,0:13:11.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(# Piano chord)\NAh-ha!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:12.16,0:13:16.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,There's Rimsky-Korsakov. He saw it\Nas a glorious sunny yellow.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:16.72,0:13:19.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Liszt would say to orchestras,\Nand completely baffle them,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:19.88,0:13:21.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,'No, no, no, please, gentlemen -\Nbluer, bluer.'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:21.44,0:13:22.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Julian Asher,\Nwho is a neuroscientist,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:23.08,0:13:24.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,who also has synaesthesia,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:24.72,0:13:26.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,tried to explain it -\N'cause he had it as a child -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:26.96,0:13:28.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and he used to go\Nto concerts with his parents,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:29.04,0:13:31.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and he always used to assume that the\Nlights went down before the concert
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:31.80,0:13:34.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,so you could see the colours better\Nas they came off the orchestra.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:34.56,0:13:36.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,He just always assumed that\N'cause he assumed, as you would,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:37.08,0:13:38.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,that everybody\Nhad the same experience -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:38.76,0:13:40.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,that when they heard music,\Nthey saw colours,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:40.88,0:13:42.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,right in front of them, for real.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:42.92,0:13:46.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And Rimsky-Korsakov wrote down that\Nhe saw, and so, going up from F,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:46.76,0:13:48.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,we have E major.\N(# Piano chord)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:49.32,0:13:52.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And that for him was bright blue.\NAnd F major.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:52.48,0:13:55.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(# Piano chord)\NRed. Uh, bright green for him.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:56.04,0:13:57.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,But this is interesting.\NE-flat major.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:13:58.08,0:13:59.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(# Piano chord)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:00.24,0:14:01.96,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Magnolia.\NMiserable grey for him.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:02.28,0:14:04.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, isn't that interesting?\N'Cause it's very, very common indeed,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:04.76,0:14:06.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,E-flat major, for singers.\NIt's their most common chord.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:07.08,0:14:08.36,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,It's quite odd, that photograph.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:08.64,0:14:10.12,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not like he's posed\Nfor it - not full-on.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:10.44,0:14:11.76,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,It's like he's coming out\Nof somewhere,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:12.04,0:14:15.48,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,and someone's taken a sort of\NVictorian paparazzi snap of him.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:15.80,0:14:18.36,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,It's probably CT camera,\Nor a Victorian CT camera,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:18.64,0:14:23.48,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,which was a bloke with a big\Nclunk...moving along the street.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:23.72,0:14:26.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, in 1988, lady and gentlemen.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:27.12,0:14:30.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,In 1988, Warner Communications\Nas then was,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:31.08,0:14:37.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,paid John F. Sengstack $28 million\Nfor the rights to a single song.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:37.68,0:14:39.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I just want to know what it was.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:39.36,0:14:41.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(# Vivaldi - Spring)\N1988. Yes?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:41.88,0:14:43.16,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,A bit pricey.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:43.36,0:14:45.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughs) It was. It was.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:46.20,0:14:47.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,They reckon they'll do well\Nout of it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:47.76,0:14:50.24,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,National anthem? It was not\Nthe national anthem. Not copyright.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:50.60,0:14:52.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(# Handel - Water Music)\NYes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:52.40,0:14:54.04,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Was it the theme to Button Moon?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:54.32,0:14:57.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughs) Lovely idea.\NIt wasn't that.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:58.08,0:14:59.44,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Hokey Cokey? No.\NHappy Birthday?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:14:59.64,0:15:01.32,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Ah, thank you very much, Mark Gatiss.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:01.56,0:15:03.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It was indeed Happy Birthday To You,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:03.92,0:15:07.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,which was composed in 1924\Nby a couple of old biddies.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:07.44,0:15:08.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,$28 million?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:09.12,0:15:10.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,$28 million. They make\Nabout $2 million a year.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:11.28,0:15:14.36,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,What did the people sing in 1923,\Nfor goodness sake?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:15.84,0:15:17.96,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,They brought the cake out,\Neveryone just stood about
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:18.16,0:15:19.64,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,in a slightly awkward silence?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:19.92,0:15:23.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's infinitely preferable than\Nhaving that bloody song sung at you.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:23.96,0:15:28.28,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,You're older! You're older!\NYou're older!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:28.56,0:15:31.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It was written by these two,\Nand then Irving Berlin included it,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:31.32,0:15:33.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,with the words Happy Birthday To You,\Nwhich they didn't write -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:33.48,0:15:34.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,nobody knows who did write those.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:35.04,0:15:37.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,He included it in a 1933 musical,\Nso they sued, and won,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:38.20,0:15:39.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and retained the copyright.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:39.80,0:15:41.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And in theory, if you sing it\Nin a restaurant,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:41.88,0:15:43.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,you owe Warner Brothers money,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:43.44,0:15:44.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,because it's counted\Nas a public place.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:44.96,0:15:47.12,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,You'd have to be very honest\Nto phone them up and go,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:47.48,0:15:51.64,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,'Er, it was my birthday last night,\Nhow much do I owe you?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:51.92,0:15:54.56,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,And I hummed a few bars\Nof Let It Be, as well.'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:56.64,0:15:58.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Happy Birthday was the first\Nsong to be sung in space,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:15:59.00,0:16:00.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,by the Apollo 9 crew.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:00.56,0:16:02.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you know what the original song\Nwas written as - the lyrics?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:02.88,0:16:04.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,They weren't Happy Birthday To You.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:04.40,0:16:06.76,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,It was a death row song.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:07.00,0:16:08.88,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,# You won't be alive tomorrow
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:11.20,0:16:12.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:12.88,0:16:14.28,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,# Don't bother making your bed. #
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:15.88,0:16:18.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No. A really, really\Ngood idea for Ainsley Harriott
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:18.76,0:16:20.72,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,would be\NAinsley's Death Row Dinners.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:22.56,0:16:25.44,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't you think?\N'Cause he's so jolly.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:25.72,0:16:27.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Originally, it was written\Nas a teachers' song
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:28.12,0:16:29.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,to sing to their class.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:29.88,0:16:31.32,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Good Morning To All, it was called.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:31.60,0:16:34.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Then it became Good Morning To You,\Nand then Happy Birthday To You.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:34.48,0:16:36.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,That's its history. Anyway.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:36.40,0:16:38.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,What was the most\Ndisastrous composition
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:38.80,0:16:40.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,of the man who gave the world\NThe Wombling Song,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:41.20,0:16:43.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Remembering You're A Womble,\NWombling Free,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:43.52,0:16:44.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Wombling In The Rain...\NMike Batt.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:45.04,0:16:46.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(# Handel - Water Music)\N..Non-Stop Wombling Summer Party,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:46.52,0:16:48.08,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,whose name, as you rightly say,\Nis Mike Batt.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:48.32,0:16:50.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,All of them.\NYes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:50.80,0:16:53.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,But one of them was particularly\Nand rather amazingly disastrous.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:53.68,0:16:54.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(# Vivaldi - Spring)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:16:55.20,0:16:59.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Not one of those I've mentioned.\NWas it The Wombling (bleep) Party?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:01.60,0:17:03.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It was actually a financial disaster.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:03.64,0:17:05.24,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,# Free Myra Hindley. #\NOoh, hang on.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:05.44,0:17:08.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(# Handel - Water Music)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:10.24,0:17:12.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Free Myra Hindley?!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:12.60,0:17:14.64,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,It didn't take long.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:14.92,0:17:16.68,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,# Free Myra Hindley. #\NKapow!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:19.28,0:17:21.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No, he didn't go that far.\NNo, it was on an album.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:21.96,0:17:25.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,He had a track which lasted a minute,\Nand it was complete silence.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:25.48,0:17:26.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Ah, yes.\NIt was called A Minute's Silence.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:27.16,0:17:29.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And he was sued by...\Nwho would sue him?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:29.64,0:17:31.76,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Cage. John Cage.\NJohn Cage. John Cage, exactly.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:32.08,0:17:36.08,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Author of 4'33", the famous\N1952 composition of complete silence.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:36.28,0:17:37.56,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,What a load of rubbish.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:37.88,0:17:40.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,But there are two reasons why we\Nshouldn't feel sorry for Mike Batt.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:40.72,0:17:45.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,One is, he actually put\NOne Minute's Silence (Batt/Cage),
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:46.28,0:17:48.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,so, uh-huh...\NAnd the second reason is,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:48.76,0:17:51.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,he wrote the campaign song for\NWilliam Hague's 97 campaign,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:52.00,0:17:53.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,so whatever shit is flung at him,\Nfrankly...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:56.32,0:17:58.56,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,I heard one of the best ever links\Ndone on radio
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:17:58.84,0:18:01.52,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,was done by Dale Winton\Non his Radio 2 show.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:01.84,0:18:04.56,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,He played Watership D...you know,\NBright Eyes, which Mike Batt wrote.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:04.84,0:18:06.60,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, # Bright eyes... #\NYes, indeed.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:06.88,0:18:09.44,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,And he got to the end of it,\Nand he goes,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:09.64,0:18:11.28,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,'Listen to that,' he said.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:11.56,0:18:13.64,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,'A song about a rabbit,\Nwritten by a Batt.'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:15.16,0:18:17.60,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,And I thought, that's ghastly.\NDale...well, he is the guv'nor.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:17.88,0:18:19.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,He's the guv'nor, of course.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:19.96,0:18:22.16,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,I saw The Wombles.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:22.48,0:18:24.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Live? They were actually\Nmen dressed as Wombles,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:24.76,0:18:26.00,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,So they were enormous.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:26.32,0:18:29.36,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,It was one of the most frightening\Nthings of my entire childhood.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:29.68,0:18:31.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Freak you out?\NThey towered over children
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:31.48,0:18:34.20,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,who'd come to see little cute\NWombles who gathered litter
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:34.44,0:18:36.20,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,and lived in a burrow.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:36.40,0:18:38.04,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Loomed over them, like that.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:38.32,0:18:39.56,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Was it Christmas?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:39.84,0:18:41.36,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,All the dwarves are booked up\Nround that time.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:42.76,0:18:45.80,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Two actor friends of mine\Nwere in this pantomime version
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:46.00,0:18:47.72,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,of The Wind In The Willows.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:48.04,0:18:50.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,One was the badger\Nand one was Toad.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:51.16,0:18:53.52,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And they didn't really get on.\NThey were getting on quite badly.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:53.80,0:18:56.20,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,So obviously, there's quite\Na long section of the show
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:18:56.44,0:18:59.92,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,where Badger is nagging Toad,\Nyou know, to change his ways.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:00.20,0:19:03.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And one day, my friend who was the\Ntoad, just got really, really drunk
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:03.28,0:19:05.36,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and he turned up\Nfor the afternoon show,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:05.56,0:19:06.96,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,and Badger started telling him off,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:07.24,0:19:08.76,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,saying, 'You've got\Nto mend your ways.'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:09.04,0:19:12.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,And he just said, 'You (bleep) off\Nyou stripey bastard!'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:16.12,0:19:18.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Are the children still in therapy?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:20.72,0:19:22.32,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Anyway, here's an interesting\Nquestion, as well.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:22.60,0:19:27.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,What was unique about Good Friday,\N1930, that urgently required
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:27.44,0:19:29.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,ten minutes of light piano music?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:29.68,0:19:32.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Did Jesus come back, change His\Nmind, and they had to fill in?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:33.28,0:19:35.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No...it was a news program,\Nbut instead of news,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:36.24,0:19:38.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,they played ten minutes' light music.\NWhy would that be?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:38.92,0:19:40.32,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,'Cause something had happened?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:40.60,0:19:43.08,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Quite the opposite. Nothing\Nhad happened? Nothing had happened.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:43.36,0:19:44.76,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,'Oh, no news today.'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:45.04,0:19:46.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,An announcer came on and said,\N'Ladies and gentlemen,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:46.84,0:19:48.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,there is no news tonight,\Nso here is some music.'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:48.88,0:19:51.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Absolutely true. Absolutely true.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:55.44,0:19:57.24,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,There was no news?\NNothing happening...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:57.60,0:19:59.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, in fact, we've tried\Nto check what did happen,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:19:59.52,0:20:00.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and aside from football matches,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:01.24,0:20:04.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,in India, there was the start of what\Nwas called the Chittagong Rebellion.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:04.48,0:20:06.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,700 youths attacked\Nthe telegraph office,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:06.88,0:20:09.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,disconnected all communications\Nin the city of Chittagong,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:09.52,0:20:11.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,but that didn't happen\Nuntil ten o'clock.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:11.32,0:20:12.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It was too late\Nfor the news in London.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:13.08,0:20:14.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,So, there was no news, it seems.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:14.92,0:20:16.28,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,They probably didn't\Nhave traffic reports.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:16.52,0:20:17.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,They wouldn't have\Nhad traffic reports.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:18.16,0:20:20.12,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,'Here we go live to the camera\Nat Hanger Lane...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:20.32,0:20:22.16,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,..and there's a bloke on a bike.'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:24.88,0:20:26.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,'Lorks, I wouldn't give you\Nmuch chance of getting home
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:27.16,0:20:29.12,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,before six o'clock,\Nand that's a fact.'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:29.44,0:20:30.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,'You'd better call up\Nyour maid and butler,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:31.00,0:20:33.32,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and tell them to put\Nsomething in the oven.'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:35.44,0:20:36.96,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,But that's ridic...\NI mean, local papers
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:37.24,0:20:38.76,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,have to deal\Nwith no news every week.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:39.04,0:20:40.68,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,They still write\Nthe paper every week.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:41.00,0:20:43.00,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,My favourite ever...\NWhen I used to live in Sheffield -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:43.28,0:20:45.44,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,the Sheffield Star -\Nmy favourite ever headline.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:45.68,0:20:47.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,'Worksop Man\NDies of Natural Causes.'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:50.68,0:20:53.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Fantastic! Oh, that's bliss.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:53.68,0:20:56.76,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,But what about the story of the\Ngiant microphones invading the BBC?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:20:58.96,0:21:00.32,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,He's terrified.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:00.52,0:21:01.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,They were hushing that one up.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:02.16,0:21:05.12,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,The Incredible Shrinking Announcer.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:05.32,0:21:08.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, prepare to lose composure,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:08.44,0:21:11.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,because it's General Ignorance,\Nso fingers on buzzers. What is this?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:11.64,0:21:14.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(# Beethoven - Fifth Symphony)\NTap music?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:14.56,0:21:17.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Tap music? Yeah, very close.\NLooks like taps, doesn't it?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:17.68,0:21:20.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, it does.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:20.92,0:21:22.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,By a weird accident, you're right,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:22.72,0:21:25.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,in as much as it's a dance notation.\NAh.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:25.96,0:21:27.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's known as\Nthe Benesh Movement Notation,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:28.12,0:21:30.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,which was invented in the 1950s\Nby a Mr Benesh,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:30.80,0:21:32.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,who was an accountant and\Nvery talented artist and musician.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:32.80,0:21:34.28,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,His wife was a ballet dancer,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:34.60,0:21:36.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and it shows the choreography\Nof a particular dance.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:36.88,0:21:38.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Can you work out what it is?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:38.80,0:21:40.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It sort of represents...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:40.48,0:21:41.76,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Is that legs then?\NOh, bodies changing.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:42.04,0:21:43.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(# Handel - Water Music)\NYes? The Hokey Cokey?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:43.84,0:21:45.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It is the Hokey Cokey! Well done.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:46.24,0:21:48.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And there are legs going in and out.\NExactly.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:49.12,0:21:50.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,There was an American version\Nof the dance...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:51.28,0:21:53.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,A man called Larry LaPrise,\Nand he died in 1996.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:53.68,0:21:54.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,What happened at his funeral?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:55.24,0:21:56.96,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, they couldn't get him\Nin the coffin. Why's that?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:21:57.16,0:22:00.36,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,They put the left leg in...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:00.64,0:22:02.96,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,..then the trouble started.\NRight, fair enough. Exactly.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:04.36,0:22:07.80,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Mr Fry, can I do my song? Mr Fry?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:09.04,0:22:11.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Bring back variety.\N(Audience laugh)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:12.00,0:22:13.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, next question.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:13.52,0:22:17.24,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,What was the first invention\Nto break the sound barrier?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:17.44,0:22:20.76,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Mae West's vibrator.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:21.04,0:22:23.24,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(Makes buzzing noise)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:23.56,0:22:26.60,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,How fast does a bullet go?\N(Makes buzzing noise)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:26.88,0:22:28.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,I need an answer, not a question.\N(Makes buzzing noise)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:28.84,0:22:31.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(# Handel - Water Music)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:31.80,0:22:33.92,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,(Makes buzzing noise) More steam!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:35.68,0:22:37.60,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,They've got coal.\NThey're shovelling it in.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:40.32,0:22:42.56,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,(Makes vibrating sound)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:42.76,0:22:45.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Counting to three. Um, so...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:45.96,0:22:47.76,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,She had a giant rubber band,\Nsix foot wide,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:48.04,0:22:49.44,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,with ten men twisting it round.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:50.80,0:22:52.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Dear. Dear me.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:52.96,0:22:55.72,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Cannonball, musket fire, catapults?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:55.96,0:22:57.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Alarm sounds)\NWhoa, hello.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:58.12,0:22:59.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No, not a cannonball.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:22:59.68,0:23:02.64,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,They spelt it wrong,\Nthey spelt it wrong! Points to me.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:04.60,0:23:06.60,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,No, they haven't.\NYou'd prefer there Ns, would you?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:06.88,0:23:08.80,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Two Ns in cannon, isn't there?\NThree, I would have thought.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:09.12,0:23:10.92,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, well, one on the end,\Nbut in the middle.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:11.16,0:23:12.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,In the middle, two, yes.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:12.76,0:23:16.64,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Otherwise it's a ball\Nof religious person.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:16.84,0:23:18.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, exactly.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:18.40,0:23:20.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,We thought it was Bobby and Tommy,\Nyou know.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:20.88,0:23:22.76,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,MARK: Hey!\N(In Northern accent) Hey!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:23.08,0:23:26.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You're looking at me!\NHe's looking at me!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:26.76,0:23:28.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Stop looking!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:28.84,0:23:30.60,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Alistair McGowan, watch out!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:33.04,0:23:34.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Anyway...\NNot a cannonball then?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:34.84,0:23:38.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No, not a cannonball. It's 7,000\Nyears old - the earliest we've found.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:38.88,0:23:40.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,In China, it was invented.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:40.92,0:23:42.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,A very common thing\Nin all cultures, though.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:42.64,0:23:43.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Harrison Ford uses it extensively.\NOoh.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:44.28,0:23:46.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(# Handel - Water Music)\NAlan: Whip? Firework?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:46.44,0:23:47.84,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Not a firework.\N(Makes whipping sound)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:48.12,0:23:49.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,A whip is the right answer.\NMARK: What?!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:49.72,0:23:52.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,A whip. The sound of a whip cracking\Nis not leather hitting leather -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:52.96,0:23:54.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,it is a sonic boom,\Na mini sonic boom.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:55.24,0:23:56.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Whistling)\NIt's where it makes a loop,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:56.80,0:23:58.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and as it tapers towards the end,\Nit gets faster and faster
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:23:59.16,0:24:01.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,till it gets up to 724mph.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:01.72,0:24:03.60,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Wowser.\NWe only discovered this -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:03.88,0:24:05.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,humans only discovered it -
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:05.44,0:24:08.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,When we were able to use high-speed\Ncameras to see it all slowed down,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:08.88,0:24:10.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and see that\Nit wasn't hitting itself,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:10.84,0:24:12.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,and that wasn't the noise at all.\NIt was actually...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:13.24,0:24:14.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,But Professor, that's fantastic!\NIsn't it?!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:15.04,0:24:17.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Isn't it? It's great news.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:17.64,0:24:19.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, on the subject of sounds,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:19.32,0:24:21.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,when you listen\Nto the waves in a seashell,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:21.36,0:24:22.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,what are you actually hearing?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:23.08,0:24:26.08,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(# Vivaldi - Spring)\NYes?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:26.32,0:24:28.28,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Nine times out of ten, Norah Jones.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:29.92,0:24:31.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Norah Jones.\NWhat do you mean?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:31.92,0:24:34.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,What's the sound you hear when\Nyou do that? You're hearing the sea.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:34.44,0:24:37.20,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Alarm sounds)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:37.48,0:24:39.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Why would that be?\NYou're on the beach, aren't you?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:40.24,0:24:41.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No, you could be\Nin Ashby-de-la-Zouch.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:42.16,0:24:43.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You'd still hear that same noise.\N(# Handel - Water Music)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:44.08,0:24:45.92,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,I've never done it anywhere\Naway from the seaside.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:46.12,0:24:47.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Ah, you must try it with a mug.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:47.76,0:24:49.76,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,It's the pounding\Nof your blood in your eardrums.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:50.08,0:24:52.16,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(Alarm sounds)\NOh, dear.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:52.36,0:24:54.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No, not that, neither. No.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:54.88,0:24:57.36,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Who's that girl though, who's got\Nthat seashell on her ear?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:24:57.64,0:25:00.96,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, she looks like\Nshe failed the Magnum advert.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:01.36,0:25:02.76,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,They said, 'No, lick it,\Nyou silly bitch!'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:09.88,0:25:12.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,They're awfully rude, aren't they?\NBut I know what you mean.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:13.00,0:25:16.64,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,You just get a rushing sound,\Nlike...what would that be?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:16.96,0:25:18.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It's...\NAir in your ear?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:19.12,0:25:20.28,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Echoes? Yeah, noise, airflow,\Nresonating inside it.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:20.48,0:25:22.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It works with a mug or a cup.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:22.28,0:25:24.84,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Course, if you hold a shell-suit\Nto your ear, you can hear Romford.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:28.60,0:25:30.68,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Very good.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:31.00,0:25:34.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,There we are. Now, who wrote\Nthe tune for Alan's buzzer?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:34.36,0:25:37.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(# Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:37.24,0:25:39.76,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Prince Edward.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:40.00,0:25:41.44,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Who's that? Oh, blimey, it's me.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:42.56,0:25:44.88,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Is that two of\NAnne Robinson's daughters?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:49.84,0:25:54.32,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You see now, how they got\Nthe idea for the Slinky, don't you?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:54.56,0:25:59.24,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,I bet there's a clown somewhere,\Npanicking, going 'Jesus Christ!'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:25:59.52,0:26:01.68,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,It's about five minutes to showtime.\NHe's going 'Aah!'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:03.40,0:26:04.92,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Why's it not so springy now?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:05.24,0:26:07.32,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,You're not eating\Nso many Cheesy Wotsits, are you?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:08.84,0:26:10.56,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,Also, I'm looking a bit ginger\Nthere, aren't I?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:10.84,0:26:13.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,You certainly are. He looks like\Nthe new Anne Robinson. Seen her?
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:14.08,0:26:15.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,The new...? Oh, yes.\NShe's regenerated.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:17.20,0:26:20.36,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Beautiful new lady.\NIt's extraordinary.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:20.64,0:26:22.88,s2,,0000,0000,0000,,She looks like a Siamese cat\Nwalking into a storm.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:26.08,0:26:27.72,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,What was the tune again?\NI've forgotten.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:28.00,0:26:30.08,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,It was what we would call\NTwinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:30.40,0:26:33.12,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,SLOWED DOWN:\N(# Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star)
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:33.32,0:26:34.56,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Didn't do that last time.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:37.72,0:26:39.72,s3,,0000,0000,0000,,I bet it's German.\N(German accent) Twinkle, Twinkle...
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:40.00,0:26:42.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,(German accent) At five years old...\N..Little Star!
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:44.20,0:26:46.64,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,No. Mozart wrote an extraordinary\Nseries of variations on that tune
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:46.92,0:26:49.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,at the age of five.\NVery beautiful variations indeed.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:49.60,0:26:51.96,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Bloody Mozart. Special needs boy.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:54.52,0:26:56.88,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And now, let's get to the scores.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:57.16,0:26:59.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's rather a dissonant quartet,\Nhere. My goodness, me.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:26:59.64,0:27:02.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, look, we're going to\Nhave to do it in first to last.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:02.80,0:27:06.60,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Our winner, very tunefully, is Linda,\Nwith two massive and tuneful points.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:09.28,0:27:12.32,s1,,0000,0000,0000,,Two. Two points. Yes! Two.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:13.96,0:27:17.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And Mark managed a perfectly\Nrespectful and harmonic minus four.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:23.08,0:27:26.44,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And Sean was not quite so on song\Nwith minus eight.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:31.48,0:27:33.96,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,As usual, I'm sorry to say,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:34.24,0:27:38.48,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Alan managed an absolutely\Nastounding, caterwauling mess
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:38.80,0:27:41.40,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,of a ruin of a sound,\Nwhich was minus 13.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:41.68,0:27:43.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Congratulations.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:49.60,0:27:51.36,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,That's all from QI for this week.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:51.64,0:27:55.04,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,A big hand, please, for our singers,\NSean, Mark, Linda and Alan.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:27:57.64,0:27:59.76,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,And we leave you with\Nthis famous musical memento,
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:00.12,0:28:02.80,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,the observation of the conductor\NSir Thomas Beecham to a lady cellist.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:03.12,0:28:05.72,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,'Madame, you have between your legs\Nan instrument capable
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:06.04,0:28:09.52,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,of giving pleasure to thousands,\Nand all you can do is scratch it.'
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:09.76,0:28:11.00,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Good night.
Dialogue: Marked=0,0:28:13.68,0:28:16.56,s0,,0000,0000,0000,,Closed Captions by CSI -\NDavid Hull