QI (2003–…): Season 19, Episode 6 - Sensational - full transcript

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello and welcome to QI,

which tonight
is simply sensational,

so keep your eyes open,
your ears peeled,

your nostrils flared,
your tongue hanging out

and your hands to yourself,
as we meet.

A sight for sore eyes,
it's Jessica Fostekew.

APPLAUSE

A touch of class, Roisin Conaty.

APPLAUSE

A taste of heaven, Aisling Bea. Oh!



APPLAUSE

And somehow still here, Alan Davies.

APPLAUSE

And their sounds are a feast
for the senses.

Jessica goes.

# I see trees are green...
Oh, lovely!

# Red roses, too. #

Roisin goes.

# I hear music

# Mighty fine music. #

Aisling goes.

MUSIC: U Can't Touch This
by MC Hammer
Oh, yeah.

Alan goes.

# Oh, I think I smell a rat



# Oh, I think I smell a rat. #

LAUGHTER

Sorry about that.

Don't know what to make of that.

Now, on with the questions.

What's the main sense that
a typist uses?

Sense of foreboding,

because you're soon
to be unemployed

because of the never-ending
advancement of technology?

That is a very good idea.

There are, as I think Alan will know
from previous episodes,

there are more than five senses.
It depends on how you define them.

There are between
nine and 26, to be honest. Oh!

But we are thinking of one
called proprioception.

You know the ocpetions.

Yes. We are talking...
Ah, proprioception!

A lovely man, but a racist.

LAUGHTER

It's also known as kinaesthesia.

It's the body's ability
to sense its movement

and location without looking.

It's why we don't have to look
at our feet when we walk,

or we don't have to look at the fork
when we eat.

It allows the body to perform
simultaneous actions

without stopping to think about each
one separately,

so you can dribble a basketball
while running.

And touch-typing is achieved through
this, through proprioception,

knowing where the keys
are without looking.

The only thing that you really
need in order to get started is,

you know the F and the] have
a little raised thing on them...

Yes, that's why they're there!

I wondered why they
had a nipple. That's it!

I thought they were
the keyboard's boobs.

Jess just text me like,
"F, J, F, J, F, J, F, J---"

I'm like, "All right, Jess."

SHE CLEARS HER THROAT
You really love texting F, J.

When I was in school, we, all
the girls, were taught to touch-type

and to do speedwriting
or shorthand.

The way we were taught was
you had a black apron

that went over the back
of the typewriter and round
the back of your neck.

Then you had to put your hands
in underneath.

I bet all sorts
went on under there.

More than one use for a space bar.

Yeah.

LAUGHTER

POSH VOICE: Well, actually, Alan,

a lot of good novels are
written there, so up yours.

I type so much
now that I think better

by not looking.

If you have to handwrite,
it takes forever.

Have you handwritten
a letter recently? It's hell.

By the third page, it looked like
I was sending, like, a death threat.

I'd lost all patience.
I was just, like, scrawling.

Literally, I can't...
There's no way to sustain this.

I just had to end the letter with,
"Things are fine. The end."

Yeah.

You need proprioception,
all of us do, in order, for example,

to touch your nose
with your eyes shut.

So, if you shut your eyes and try
and touch your nose. No problem.

LAUGHTER Oh...

I slowed down when I did it,

cos I genuinely thought
I was going way off.

I definitely went round the houses.
When would you be way off?

When is an example of when
you would be way off?

I've no idea, Sandi,
if you get my drift.

Drunk. Yeah, it's one of
the sobriety tests that are used.

There is a quick way to demonstrate
proprioception,

so put an arm in the air
with a fist clenched, OK,

but your thumb sticking out.

Close your eyes and grab your thumb
with your thumb and forefinger

on the other hand.

For a second, I thought I could
cheat by watching everyone else.

Is someone undoing my flies?
LAUGHTER

Well, I have to get the fun
where I can, Alan.

Just looking for the space bar.

Yeah.

So, it's along with our sense of
touch, temperature, pain, movement,

it's all part of what's called
the somatosensory system.

So, it's the sensation that can
occur anywhere on the body

as opposed to in a particular organ
like the eye.

Right, moving on.

During the Renaissance,
who ate better than a king?

Would it be maybe the king's,
like, servant or, like, waiter? Why?

Because I had lots of waiting jobs
as a teenager

and I ate loads, I ate loads
of the stuff off the plates.

You were heading in
the right direction,

but not quite getting there.

Cos they'd have a poison tester
with a king or queen. Poison tester.

Yes. It's the poison tester.

They would taste everything
in Renaissance Europe

that the royal had to eat

and also large amounts of it,
not just a nibble.

If it was just a nibble,
you wouldn't pick up enough poison.

They had to eat spoonfuls
from the royal plate.

If it was beautifully intact,
say it had a sort of pastry lid
or something,

they would have to break it open
and dip bread in.

By the time the poor royal
received their meal,

it was probably cold and
half—eaten or demolished, in fact.

What if the poison tester's
the poisoner?

Genius! There's Murder She Wrote.
The novel writes itself.

AISLING HUMS
Just constantly making out
things look dodgy.

I don't know... Ohh. Like...

If it's like
something with rhubarb in it,

like, you're fine, no-one
would poison rhubarb. Eat it.

Or a brussel sprout.

There was a physician called
Ambroise Pare,

who was a physician
to four kings of France

and he wrote in 1585,

"Anybody afraid of being poisoned
should be wary of meats

"cooked with much art,
very sweet, salty, sour

"or notably endued
with any other taste."

So... Was he my Uncle Alan?

LAUGHTER

In Pare's time, it was believed
that bezoar stones

could cure
the effects of any poison.

Anybody know what a bezoar stone is?
There is one.

A badly-cooked potato.

Well, it's a food-related thing.
Is it?

Is it something's turd?

You are the closest.

Oh! It's an undigested mass
found in the digestive system.

Bleurgh! Bezoar is Persian
for antidote or counter-poison.

The theory was that if you had
a bezoar stone, it would cure you,

so they decided to do a test on this
and they performed an experiment.

This same guy, Pare,
that I was telling you about,
this 16th century physician,

he performed an experiment
on a cook at the King's court.

The cook had been caught stealing
some fine silver cutlery

and he was sentenced to death
by hanging,

so the cook agreed
to be poisoned instead,

and Pare then used
the bezoar stone to cure him.

Cook died in agony seven
hours later.
ROISIN GASPS

Yeah. Wait, I'm confused.
It didn't work.

Is that an old poo?

No, it's undigested stuff
from inside the digestive...

It's got the makings of a poo,
but it never got out. Yeah.
It's a poo foetus.

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
It's a potential poo.

It's a wannabe poo.
ROISIN: It's a potential poo.
Yeah. It's not...

All poos are equal

under God's eyes.

Don't touch it.
Wait for it to come out.

God intended out the back.
Out the back!

They were really malleable.

They could be worth ten times their
weight in gold. Who's buying these?

But did they have to cut open
a person to get them out?

No, I don't think you
can go up the back and find it.

Yeah, just have a rummage.

I don't think that... It's like...
That's more like Bollywood.

It's a bit late to
tell me that now, Alan.

You've got your evening planned.

LAUGHTER

They mostly came out of animals
like goats and not humans, so...

It's a bit disconcerting
that it's sort of nestling

in a Moses basket.
Yeah. We do love them now.

We were going to get rid of them
at one stage,
but now, I have to say,

absolutely over the moon
with this bezoar stone.

Only a mother could love it.

Time now for a sensory
demonstration.

I'm going to give
you a hearing test.

OK, let me get
out my little keyboard.

Oh. Here we go.

Now, you should have some
whiteboards and some pens there.

Yes. So, I'm going to play
you two notes.

You have to write down
which is higher or lower.

OK, so I'm going to play this note.
Don't look.

And then this note. Higher or lower?

OK? So, what's everybody got?

Higher. Higher? Hmm.

Higher? Yeah.
Yes, it's correct.

It's absolutely right.
Oh, God!

Good. OK. OK, fine.

So, now we're going to play you
some stuff

that has been created
by a computer,

and I'm going to play you three
sets and I want you to write down

on each occasion
whether the second note

is higher or lower.

OK, really simple.
Yeah, OK. Really simple.

Did the note go up
or did the note go down? Here we go.

TWO NOTES PLAY

Up or down?

We only get one go? Yeah.

OK, next one.

TWO NOTES PLAY

Up or down?

Well, that's very tricky, isn't it?

Yes.

I'm feel like there's more than one
note sneaking in there each time.

And the third one?

TWO NOTES PLAY

Oh, Roisin was very
confident with that one.

Probably they're wrong. OK.
Turn all the boards around.

Let's have a quick look.

So, you have got lower, lower,
higher.

You have basically got
lower, higher, higher.

Lower, higher, lower.

Higher, lower, higher.
I mean, they're all different.

Is this gold dress, blue dress,
but for the ears? Yes!

It is an auditory illusion.

I'd just like to point out that
I haven't drawn a cock and balls.

LAUGHTER Well done.

Do you want to do it now?
Would you feel better?

I think, in terms of children,

you'd say this was
a developmental milestone.

Are you saying that this is
a sign of maturity?

So, the truth is that what you were
listening to,

the tones go both up and down.

It is called the tritone paradox.

So, there's two notes effectively
being played.

It's like C and F sharp
at the same time. Ah.

And then the next note
is one in the middle.

And the consequence of that is

it's both higher and lower,
depending on which seemed...

That's what you said,
there was more than one note.

...more prominent,
so you are all correct.

It doesn't really matter
which you put,

whether you put up or down,
higher or lower.

Shall we hear it again?
See if you can hear it now.

TWO NOTES PLAY
Huh. I don't like it.

TWO NOTES PLAY
See, if that was your doorbell...

TWO NOTES PLAY
Oh, you'd never answer it.

It's very annoying, isn't it?

It's just an illusion,

so that it sounds as if,
frankly, it could go up and down,

but what's most interesting
about it, it was analysed

by a music psychologist
called Diana Deutsch in 1986,

and what she realised is
what we hear,

whether we hear it going up
or whether we hear it going down,

very much depends on our culture,
on our language. Oh, my God!

Yeah, the perception is
probably going to be the same

as your parents, probably
going to be the same as people
in the area that you live.

People who have
a very much more musical language

will hear it differently from people

who are rather straightforward
with their language.

I think it's fascinating.

It'll tell you something
about people,

just whether they say
it's higher or lower.

That's fascinating, even in terms
of what makes the sound of a joke,

how you play it, the sound
of your voice in different cultures.

Can you hear a joke happening
if you don't understand the language

and the rhythm of something

and what cadence
works in different cultures? Yeah.

I'd love someone to tell
my mum that,

cos I've got a mum who's
really desperate to have somebody

in our family who's really good at
any kind of instrument or anything.

So now I can tell her I am,
cos I do comedy.

Are you musical, Alan?

Not in the slightest.

He's drawn a lovely dick and balls,
though,

so he is still artistic.
LAUGHTER

Right, let's nose around
another question.

Hmm. Here's one.

OK, what do banks smell of?

Money.

Money.

It depends on the bank,
is the truth of it.

It depends on what scent

they have decided to associate
the bank with. Bank scent. Yeah.

Armpit. So it could be grapefruit,
could be cardamom,

could be chocolate.

We're in the world of
scent marketing.

So, environmental scenting.

It's the scent that
is introduced into

a retail or a leisure environment.

It's really big business.

It makes you part
with your money? It does, darling.

It works because it sends
signals to our limbic system,

which is the sector of the brain
that controls memory and emotion

and it absolutely works.

The very first bank to try this

was the National Australia Bank
headquarters in Melbourne,

and they introduced the scent
of lime and grapefruit.

Oh! In 2012.

They're quite happy scents. Yes.
Happy scents. Yeah.

And some high-end banks or
sort of financial institutions

use signature scents
that are supposed to lend

a sense of luxury
to their clientele. Very nice.

One bank selected a premium
fragrance that begins with

mouthwatering mandarin, fresh,

watery ozone

and green cardamom notes

supported by black pepper and musk.

Musk? Musk. That's lovely.
I don't want that in a bank.

Do you want that in a bank?
I don't want musk in a bank, no.

I don't want to get
pregnant off the air in a bank.

LAUGHTER

Well, casinos have found,

depending on the scent that they use
in the casino,

people will gamble more.

Wow. So, the Las Vegas Hilton found
that people spent 50% more time

playing in the casino
if there were floral smells.

I like the idea of quite
a lot of rough gamblers going,
"Ooh, it's nice in here." Ooh.

I've been to Vegas casinos
and people smoke in there.
There's still smoking?

Yeah, in the casino.

I love a casino. I do.

Do you? Oh, God.

Oh, my God, Sandi.
That's the most random fact!

I would never...
Toksvig loves a casino.

She loves gambling.
She goes in the roulette wheel.

Whoo-ooh-ooh!

I'm going for 14. Wish me luck!

It's red, it's red, it's red.

That is so funny.

So, Las Vegas,
they all have different smells.

The Mirage is Polynesian,
the Mandalay Bay is Southeast Asian

and the Bellagio —

whispers of northern Italy.

Oh! I know.

And cigars and cigarette
smoke, mainly. Yeah.

So, scent marketing is a thing.

Jewellers, gyms, dentists, funeral
parlours,

all kinds of people use it now.

It's very popular in supermarkets,
scent marketing.

So, in New York, for example, they
have the fresh bread

in the bread aisle,

grapefruit in the fruit
aisle, that kind of thing.

But it's not the only trick
that supermarkets play.

Some supermarkets use smaller
floor tiles

in front of the more expensive
sections.

And the reason is, as you notice
the clicking of your trolley wheels

is becoming faster,

you don't realise it's the tiles
becoming smaller,

you instinctively slow down.

You feel like you've sped up

cos you can hear the wheels
kind of going like this.

You think it's going a bit too
fast. Are any choices our own?

Absolutely nothing.

When we spray perfume, we're all,
like, doing the sell. Yeah.

It's just like, who are we?

Right, this question is not as
senseless as it sounds.

What kind of dog can tell the time?

# I hear music. #

A good boy.

A watchdog. Ay!

ALARMS RING

GROANING

I asked for it.

What about a CLOCKER spaniel?

ALARMS RING

There's no original thought left.

Who's got dogs? I've got a dog,
you've got a dog, you've got a dog.

Well, have you ever noticed
that when you get home,

your dog seems to be waiting for
you?

How does the dog know what time
it is?

It waits there all day, surely.
They're like...

PANTING No, definitely not.

No. Definitely they don't do that.
My dog, she would get up

and start yelling the place down
before the doorbell rang,

so you could tell someone was
approaching the property.

Sure, they can hear if somebody's
approaching the property,

but how might they know what time
is? Well, there's something,

and I'm probably going to say this
wrong, but there's...

When they go to the toilet,

they put their bum to the sun, the
south, always to the south.

I got told this quite recently,
and it's...

Maybe it's Ql, cut it if it's wrong

But I think... I think it...

You want a show called Gullible.

The more I'm talking on it, the more
I'm losing faith in it.

Well, there is some thought that
they do prefer to poo along the
north-south axis,

and it's to do
with magnetic fields, but...

Ooh! There we are... we don't know
if that's true or not.

So, it might be your smell,
is the thing.

Right. So it is not that you stink.

My smell? No, a human being's
smell.

It's not you smell as you come up
the path, or whatever.

After you leave the house,
your scent lingers

and they have phenomenal sense
of smell,

and it decays slowly over the day.

If you have a fairly regular
schedule,

the dog will notice when your smell
has declined to a certain level

that it associates with you coming
home.

Wow! Wow!

And then, if it disappears
completely, it thinks you're dead.

And then, when you open the door,

it acts as if you've come back from
the dead,

every time you come home. "Oh, my
God! I thought you were dead!

"You were definitely dead!

\ "It's a miracle!" I

There's a dog researcher called
Alexandre Horowitz,

and what she did was she tested
this thing about the smell

by placing several sort of fairly
sweaty shirts from the dog's owner

around the house before the dog's
owner was due to come back.

And the dog was not waiting
by the door because the smell

was still strong in the house,
and therefore it didn't think

it must be time for the owner
to be returning.

I mean, it could also be if you feed
your dog at exactly the same time,

or your cats, then they know
it's nearly dinner time

because they're beginning
to get hungry.

If you have a dog, is a dog pleased
to see your face when you come home?

Yes, my dog really is.

My dog levitates when I return.

It is frightening. Aw!

But it seems that the dogs

don't really have a part
of the brain that specifically

responds to faces. Wow.

So, they did a study in Hungary
of domesticated dogs,

and they showed them videos of
either the back or the front

of a human head.

And first of all, they preferred dog
videos to human videos.

And secondly, they didn't seem
to care whether it was the back
of the front of your head. Wow.

What part of a human does
a dog recognise, then?

What part of you is it?

The smell. Well, I have to say this
is one of the few times

where I would dispute something
because I swear that my dog

can recognise emotion in my face.

But do you think that's
actually your face

or that dogs can sense feelings more
than it's your...

they know Sandy's feelings and ups
and downs, and it's not your...?

It may well be that. I mean, they
certainly can read your emotions,

I think. Sometimes I get
all three children and the dog

all have left the room.

"He's going off. Let's go out."

They're all in
another room like that together.

"Have you calmed down?"

Sorry, everyone, sorry.

Right, cue lighting.

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Ooh! Oh. Ooh.

What does the spotlight
effect feel like?

It points out creeps in our
presence.

That's not nice. What does that feel
like?

Well, it seems to be the right
answer because they brought them
back.

What does it feel like to...? I love
it. You love it.

It reminds me being on stage,
the only one in the room lit,

the only one anyone can hear.
Go on, Alan. Dreamland.

Yes, yes, Alan, yes.

Darling, it's something that maybe
you guys are not

the right people to test this on.
Yeah. A bad focus group.

I imagine it's supposed to make you
feel a bit

uncomfortable and self-conscious.

The spotlight effect is the name
psychologists have given

to our tendency to dramatically
overestimate how much attention

people are paying to us.

I don't think so, Sandy.

I don't think so.

In 2,000, students were asked to
wear a bright yellow

Barry Manilow T-shirt to a seminar.

In what year, sorry? In the year
2,000. OK.

That's a really cruel experiment.
It is.

He was described as a figure
of dubious renown.

Ugh.

That's on his passport.

Among college students.
Oh, so they...? Yeah.

Anyway, afterwards, the wearers
of this T-shirt were asked

to estimate how many fellow students
had noticed that they were wearing

this t shirt, and they overestimated
by a factor of two.

So it's the spotlight effect. You
think that people are looking at you

when in fact they're not really.

Well, maybe it means if you feel
vulnerable you can be seen,

you're more vulnerable
to a predator. Hm.

You know, if you're in a herd
of antelope or something,

you're like, "Oh, I'm the only
one they can see." Yes!

Because you're wearing
a Barry Manilow T-shirt.

But of course, the cheetah
in the long grass doesn't know

anything about Barry Manilow.

It's just trying to find
the slowest, weakest one.

I mean, I'm really trying to make
the science that I've got

match up with what you just said.

Does the spotlight effect always
make us think it's something

great rather than it's something
bad?

No, it's just, for example,
if you contribute in an argument

in a group discussion, people almost
always overestimate the extent

to which others have noted
their contributions. Hm.

And now I have a horrible
sense of foreboding

that it's about to be General
Ignorance. Yes, it is.

Fingers on buzzers, please.

Which composer was completely deaf
by the time of their final work?

MUSIC: U Can't Touch This
by MC Hammer.

Beethoven.

ALARMS RING

Oh, God.

Beethoven is the one that we most
think.

He has always thought to have been
deaf at the end of his life.

It is popularly believed
that he wrote

the ninth and final symphony, 1824,

and that he couldn't really hear it.

Now, we know his hearing did
deteriorate, but there is some...

I love that there is still research
happening and all these years later,

we might decide to change
our minds about it.

He carried around something
called conversation books

when his hearing deteriorated,
in which his companions

could scribble their side
of the conversation.

He also used them as sort of diary,
writing reminders, shopping lists

like any other human being.

And there's a musicologist
at the Kent State University in Ohio

called Theodore Albrecht,
and he has spent decades translating

these conversation books
into English and found 23 references

to Beethoven's hearing in the
composer's writing around this time.

So, for example, in 1823, Beethoven
wrote, "Baths and country air

"could improve many things.

"Just do not use mechanical devices,
ear trumpets too early.

"By abstaining from using them,

"I have fairly preserved my left ear
this way."

And that is only a year before the
Ninth Symphony.

So it's possible
that we just were wrong.

Not only, according to Professor
Albrecht, was Beethoven not

completely deaf at the premiere
of his Ninth Symphony,

he could hear, although increasingly
faintly, for at least

two years afterwards.

I love that we're
like, you weren't that good.

You were only barely deaf.

You had the left ear, Beethoven,
you had your left one.

That's the
most Irish you'll ever be.

"Ah, but I heard he wasn't that
deaf, like." Yeah.

Gabriel Faure,
we could have gone for,

or Ralph Vaughan Williams.

Sadly, a deafness caused by the guns
of World War I. Sorry?

I totally fell for it. Did you like
that? Yeah, I remember it.

It's like having my dad here.

Beethoven could probably hear the
cheers for his final symphony.

What did people in the Middle Ages
do with their excrement?

# Trees of green. #

Look for magical stones in it.

Yes. Bezoa rs.

But then, throw it out the window.

ALARMS RING

No? Not throw it out the window?

But there's a picture of someone
throwing it out the window.

Well, this is actually an anecdote
about King Louis IX of France.

And a student
poured his pot, as it were,

out onto the king.

And you would have thought the king
would be furious.

But the king, in fact, gave him
a prebendary,

which is a remunerative based in a
cathedral

because he was so thrilled
to see a young person up early

and going about their studies.

So you were not supposed
to throw your excrement

out of the window.

Apart from anything else, everybody
knew that human waste

spread disease. So they did not
tip it into the street,

they poured it into the nearest
river. And the rules were people

were responsible for the cleanliness
of the streets

outside their own houses.

In the 1300s, there was one
man who was beaten to death

for dropping eel skins
on the street, and the other people

didn't want to have to pay the fine.

And larger houses had latrines.

And then they had something called
a gong farmer,

somebody who came and emptied the
latrine. There we are.

They're taking it off.

And towns usually provided
public latrines.

They were known as places
of easement.

Place of easement.

Those two lads. Yeah. Like, I'm
doing a Ql,

which is a beloved
television show,

and I have not even dressed up as
well as those two lads

going to empty the jacks.

That is bowler hats, waistcoat.
Whole shebang.

You're probably going to get
shit on you. Absolutely.

Gong farmers. Hats
off to the gong farmers.

If you found something in the shit,

somebody had dropped coins or
whatever, you got to keep it.

Yes! Lovely. That's nice.

I thought you were going to say
they did, like,

tea readings with poo.

Some sort of like, "Ooh!" You know.

The notion that people emptied their
chamber pots out of the windows,

a load of...

Anyway, moving on.

At what time of day are
you most likely to hear

a cock crowing? Oh.

MUSIC: U Can't Touch This by MC
Hammer

Soon as I bat my eyelashes.

ALARMS RING

How did they know?

They are, people think, famous for
crowing at first light of day.

Actually, they crow all bloody day,
sometimes at night as well.

They do often crow at or just
before dawn,

but basically, they then keep going.

The interesting thing is
that they seem to know it's dawn,

not because it's light, but
because their internal body clock

tells them. So they've done tests

where they've kept them in sort of
dimly lit rooms,

and they still start growing
at exactly the same time each day

so you can rely on them to wake you.

It's perfectly fine.

It's one of the few creatures
that could swallow its own brain.

What? What?

Look at the size of its mouth.

And its brain has got to get
into that tiny head.

Oh, if you fed it its own brain? If
you got it out,

it could eat its own brain.

Anyway, they're not crowing
because it's light,

they're crowing for all sorts of
reasons.

Warnings, territorial
claims, showing dominance

tell other cocks
they've just mated. Woo!

You know. Ah! Their crows
are really, really loud.

It's an average of 100 decibels,
if you're standing within a few
feet.

That's about the same as a chainsaw.

Or it could be as much as 143
decibels.

So human eardrums rupture
at 150 decibels.

So why don't cockerels deafen
themselves?

Haven't got any ears.

No, that's not... Oh, actually, why
would they be bothering telling

their mates about the... Why would
they bother? Jess's head is like
Sherlock now.

"But of course..." Yeah. This is
shrinking my brain to the point

where I could eat it.

They have an in-built system
to prevent their hearing getting

damaged. It is amazing. Half of the
bird's eardrum

is covered by bit of
soft tissue that dampens the noise.

And also when they tilt their head
back to crow,

another bit of material covers
the ear canal completely

and serves as a built-in ear
defender.

Oh, so a little bit of minor
surgery and they'd shut up.

Yeah.

Well, the bit nobody talks about
is why haven't the hens gone deaf?

Oh. Oh, they're all in the
corner, like...

"Shut it! Shut it!"

If you hear a cock crow,
it might be morning

or he might have just got lucky.

Let's hear the scores and see
if they feel smelly or tasty.

In last place, with a sense of
shame, frankly,

with minus... Wow. Minus 36.

Aisling. No! What? How?

APPLAUSE
I smell a rat. I smell a rat.

With a sense of humour, in joint
second place with minus 18,

it's Roisin and Jessica.

APPLAUSE

And with the sense of purpose,
with minus seven, it's Alan.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thanks, Roisin, Aisling,
Jessica and Alan.

I leave you with this sign off from
Steve Martin

about his sense of smell.

"I cannot smell mothballs

"because it's so difficult to get
their little legs apart."

Goodnight.