QI (2003–…): Season 18, Episode 16 - Random - full transcript

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello, Wembley!

AUDIENCE ROAR BACK

Whoa! That was slightly terrifying.
Welcome. Whoo!

Welcome to QI, where tonight
we've gone all rock and roll.

Please welcome on bass,
it's Katy Brand.

BASS PLAYS, CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

On drums, Eshaan Akbar.

DRUMS PLAY, CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

On guitar, it's Bill Bailey.

GUITAR PLAYS, CHEERING AND APPLAUSE



And on lead vocals, Alan Davies.

FEMALE VOICE SINGS,
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Wow.

HIGH-PITCHED SINGING CONTINUES

RECORD SCRATCH, SINGING STOPS

Wow.

APPLAUSE

And I'm so sorry, Bill,
you are actually musical.

That must have been painful. It was,
yes.Yes, I can only apologise.

That was an affront to my musical
sensibilities.Yes. I'm so sorry.

So, to kick us off,

what kind of music did
they listen to in the Stone Age?

Oh.Come on.

Rock. It was rock music.It was
rock music! What?!Is correct.



LAUGHTER

Rock music like The Rolling Stones?

KLAXON

Oh!

Yeah. It was going so well.
It was.

And then you just opened
the trap door, right like that.

Yes, singing rocks used for music
have been found all over the world.

So if you go to Serengeti,
in Tanzania,

there are stone gongs in Tanzania.
There's one. Oh, look at that.

Stone gongs?Yeah, well you can
actually see the impression

of where they've been struck.

There are dolerite boulders -

so an igneous rock with percussive
marks in southern India.

There's a cave in France,
Fieux a Miers,

it's all over the world...
But how do they resonate?

Well, it depends on the rock
and the type of rock. Yeah.

It's called a lithophone. It's from
the Greek lithos for rock. Lithos.

Yeah. So this is a Victorian group
that very pleasingly were called

the Till Family Rock Band.

A likely story. That sounds fun.

Isn't that fantastic? It's the
biggest xylophone I've ever seen.

Those are all rocks that they've
laid out

like a sort of
glockenspiel?Yes, exactly, darling.

They are rocks from the Lake
District,

indeed, the entire family
is from the Lake District.

The rocks are from Skiddaw.

And it makes a most fantastic sound
and it is a huge pleasure to play.

Anybody here ever played
a rock instrument of any kind?

I have played a rock, yes.

Hit upon a stone that was
designed to be struck

and it was extraordinary.It makes
a most beautiful noise. Yeah.

So, they have some in the British
Museum.

You're not really supposed
to play them,

but we have some
security footage from the museum

which we are going to play you now.

DOOR CREAKS

LAUGHTER

METALLIC CLANGING

It's kind of jazz rock.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Very good.

I would say, if I was reviewing
that album, I would say,

"As expected,
slightly disappointed." Yes.

Wow. I thought it was very musical.

I've got a four-year-old cousin

who can do the same kind of thing.
There you go, see, yeah.

Probably similar height, actually.

Well, what was extraordinary was...
I'm not musical in the slightest,

but depending on where you hit it...

Didn't show, didn't show.
Thank you, darling.

I think Alan might win.

Depending on where you hit it, it
made a completely different sound.

Yeah.But you get stalagmites

that have clearly been
used as instruments

and they were
struck 20,000 years ago.

In fact, there is a new theory that
Stonehenge

may have been
an ancient concert arena. Oh.

So, the inner circle of stones,
they're called bluestones,

they take on a sort of bluey tinge
when they're broken or they're wet.

And some of the bluestones
have a,

well, it's a microscopic
structure in them

and it makes them
sound like a metallic gong.

They came from the Preseli Hills
in west Wales,

a place called Carn Menyn,

which just means butter rock, and
they've tested the rocks in the area

and a huge number of them sort of
ring out when they are struck.

And it may explain why they went to
such an effort to take the rocks

all that distance to Stonehenge,
that in fact they were making music.

What do you think the term "rock and
roll" originally referred to?

Some sort of body movement?
Yes, where?

In something that you're rolling.

Where might you have that kind of
movement? In a barrel, in a barrel.

Dentist chair. You're put in a
barrel and put over a waterfall.

It's the movement of a ship.
In a boat, yeah.Yeah.

It's a 17th century phrase,
rocking and rolling,

to describe the movement
of a ship on the ocean.

And then in the early 20th century

you get it to be, to do with
dancing,

to get spiritual fervour
and a euphemism for... you know.

LAUGHTER

What's that? What?

That's... It's a euphemism for...

Well, I was doing a hand
euphemism there... Oh, yes.

When the jellyfish clamps around
the buttocks.Yes, yes. Like a fox.

Two crabs colliding.Yeah.

OK - sex. Sex! Sex.

Oh.I don't know why
I was shy suddenly.

I don't know what that's about.

But the phrase, in terms of it being
used for music,

it was a Cleveland
radio DJ, known as Alan Freed,

and he used "rock and roll"
for the very first time in 1951

to describe what we now know as rock
and roll music.

Right, what are these people doing?

Moving a massive nipple tassel.

LAUGHTER

So what's this, Tippecanoe?
It's Tippecanoe Procession.

Does anybody know
anything about Tippecanoe? Er, no.

This is to do with an American
presidential election.

So it's called a
presidential campaign ball.

So in 1840, William Henry Harrison
ran for US President

against the incumbent
president, Martin Van Buren.

And his whole campaign
centred around victory balls,

so huge spheres, they were
made of tin and of leather.

They were more than
ten feet in diameter

and they had pro-Harrison

and anti-Van Buren slogans written
on them.

And his supporters would go
to a rally

and then they would roll
the ball all the way

to the next town in order to gain
attention.

The word "OK"
comes from this election.

So Martin Van Buren came from Old
Kinderhook and "OK" comes from

"Things will be as good as they were
in Old Kinderhook",

which is
where he came from in New York.

So there's the beginning of us using
that expression that things are OK.

It's an extraordinary campaign,

because it spawned the phrase
"keep the ball rolling" -

that's where we get that from. But
Tippecanoe was Harrison's nickname.

So he was the leader of the US
forces at the Battle of Tippecanoe.

And the campaign was a huge success.
Harrison was elected President,

first election in American history -
there they are -

in which a candidate won more than
a million popular votes.

Unfortunately, he died
a month after becoming President.

Run over by a giant ball, was he?
Yeah, yeah. Run over.

LAUGHTER

And then the really weird thing,
1888, his grandson, Benjamin,

was elected President
with exactly the same strategy.

So here is the actual ball
and you can see how big it was.

It was steel-ribbed
and canvas-covered, this one.

And they rolled it around 5,000
miles from Maryland to Indiana.

By hand?Yes, darling.

Or did they have not even like
a horse to roll the thing?

No, no, supporters would roll
the ball along. God. Wow.

I know, it is astonishing, yeah.

That's the bloke in charge of it,
there.

He's not happy about it, is he?

He's just found out the route.
"Oh!"

"You're going downhill
for 1,000 miles."Yes.

There have been some truly terrible
American presidential slogans.

This is Ulysses S Grant in 1872.

LAUGHTER

Alfred M Landon
against Franklin Roosevelt in 1936.

Nice.Yeah.Thomas Dewey
versus Franklin Roosevelt, 1944.

That's pretty good, to be fair.

This is my favourite,
Richard Nixon, 1972.

LAUGHTER

They didn't see that coming.No. No.
What would you have?

What would anybody have if they were
going to run for President?

Well, I mean my surname,
Akbar, means "the greatest".

Oh, well, you're off and running.
You're on the way.

So it would probably be
"Allahu..." No.

LAUGHTER

Probably, "Eshaan is Akbar."
So "Eshaan is the greatest."

Yes, that's right. I think that's
very...

I think I'd just have,
"I'd be best." Yeah.

I think the best slogan is the sort
of thing you say to children

when you need them to pay attention.
So I think mine would be,

"Katy Brand -
can everyone just calm down?"

Yeah. Yeah. When I used to do
fringe festivals in Canada,

every year there was a comedy group,
sketch group,

and they called
themselves "Free Food and Beer"

and that was their poster.

"Free Food and Beer"
all over the town.

You just make some ludicrous promise

that you can never, ever
follow through, but just... Yeah.

"Free anal sex with Alan." Free...

Sorry? Hang on, hang on.
It's a play on the name.

Do you give it or receive, or?

No, it's up to you how you get it,
but you won't be charged. Right, OK.

Hold on...

I think that's going to be less
successful than you imagine.

It's an empty promise.

Are you saying that normally, that
is something you have to pay for?

LAUGHTER

I think you're going to get elected.

I'm going to move on...

In the 19th century, getting elected
president took really big balls.

I don't think that helped us...

That didn't help us move on, really,
did it? It wasn't really ideal.

I thought it was good.
Thank you, darling.

What's the problem
with an ice runway?

Slip off.What are you saying,
it's too... too slippery?

KLAXON

I was just... I was luring you in.
I think you said it there, Sandi.

I think that klaxon was for you.
Yeah, but there's...

The first time the host
has ever got minus...

LAUGHTER

So the problem is not with
taking off, it's not with landing.

So what might the problem be?
Going sideways?

Is it just with existing,
because it might just melt?

Yeah, yeah, parking, basically.
Oh, yeah.Yeah.

You're absolutely right.

So they are constructed
in the Antarctic each year,

so it services the
US McMurdo Research Station

and it's made of sea ice and they
use it from July to early December.

Apparently,
when it's good and solid,

it's a bit like landing on concrete,
it's absolutely fine.

But when the heavier planes
come to a stop after landing,

they start to sink into the ice,

because the braking
heats up the tyres.

And so what they actually have to
do, when the plane is sitting there,

they have to train lasers and
monitor the height of the tyres.

And if it goes below ten inches
that the aircraft has moved down,

they have to repark it
because it just keeps on sinking.

I mean, that's quite a bold...
The first person who thought,

"Let's land this hot plane
on that ice."Mm, yes.

What were they drinking?
I know, it's fantastic, isn't it?

There's an airport
I landed on in Svalbard,

that's on the permafrost.Mm.

It was very bumpy,
but the Norwegians just...

They're very practical people
and they just, the pilot said,

"It's a bit bumpy landing because
the permafrost is melting

"because of the global warming.

"Anyway, have a nice time
in Svalbard." What?

We had our honeymoon in the Arctic

and I was talking to
one of the people that we met there

and I said, "How bad is the
weather?"

They said, "Well, last winter was
very bad.

"The porch blew off my house." Yeah.
And I said, "Oh, that's terrible".

He said, "No, it was winter,
who needs a porch in the winter?"

LAUGHTER

That's right.You can't really argue
with that,

you think, "That's fair
enough, let's have another herring".

There's enough problems with just
normal runways before you start ice.

There was... In an old job
I had to work in Guernsey

and I don't know if you've ever
travelled to Guernsey,

but they have quite rickety
small planes. Yes.

And as we were landing,

it was clear that he was running
out of runway, the pilot.

So I think what he decided

was just to turn the plane off
and let it drop.

And when it dropped, he came over
the tannoy and went, "Whoopsie."

LAUGHTER

Once we were trying to
land in a storm in Indonesia

and it didn't land, and then he came
round again and then he said,

"Sorry. I bottled it."
He actually said that.

LAUGHTER

Right, who's got the most
rock and roll medical records?

Mick Jagger.Why do you say
Mick Jagger? Do think he's...?

Cos he's... old?

LAUGHTER

No, it's not, it's not him.
No?Any other thoughts?

So not someone like
Lemmy from Motorhead?

Has he been under the doctor?

Well, years and years ago, my first
job in TV

was as a work experience
runner here in this very building,

and one of my jobs
was to look after Lemmy.

Ahem. Not in that way.

LAUGHTER

He was an absolute gentleman,
lovely.

As long as there were
five bottles of Jack Daniel's

in his room,
he was an absolute delight.

He was actually very, very nice,

but he did tell the story where
he said that he had heard that

people in the '60s were having
full blood transfusions,

people
who had been addicted to drugs.

So that they no longer had
drugs in their system? Yes.

And he had gone to his doctor
and said, you know,

"I have been drinking
and doing everything, you know,

"for so long,
I'd be interested in this, too."

And he said his doctor told him that
if they were to do that to him,

the shock to his organs of clean
blood would kill him instantly.

LAUGHTER

So it would be best to remain
90% Jack Daniel's.

Keep it topped up. Yeah.
Yeah, you just want to....

And he lived to a ripe old age,
so... Yes.

That's why I've got a mug of JD
right here.So here's the thing.

Western media, quite a wide range
of it was banned in Russia

during the 1950s and '60s,

so there was a black market
in bootleg gramophone records.

Now, you had to fashion it

out of some kind of readily
available source of thin plastic.

What might it be? Condoms?

Con...No.

We are talking about X-ray sheets.
And in fact, I have a record here.

Is that an actual one of them?

That is an actual one. So they were
known - I'm going to try and say

it in Russian - rocknakostyak,

"rock on bones", they were known
as.

They were also known as
skelet moyey babushki,

"a skeleton of my granny". So I...

Oh, I see, so... I can see now.
I've got this light box.

You can see the image of the bones.
And if I hold it up like that...

That is amazing. How amazing.
Then you can actually...

But does the record just sound like
someone going "Arrgh!"?

This is a record by a Latvian
Russian singer

called Konstantin Sokolsky. And we
couldn't get permission to play it.

I'll do it. "Arrgh!"

But they pressed all sorts of music
on these records.

You could get
Elvis, you could get The Beatles,

you could get The Beach Boys,
The Rolling Stones, Ella Fitzgerald.

All sorts of banned Russian artists.

And they were very expensive,

because they only lasted for
about seven or eight plays

before
the grooves completely degraded.

But very popular for the...
Not only for their musical content,

but their appearance.

On the subject of musical roles,
I once had a pianola.

Does anybody know what a pianola is?

It's a player piano.
Yeah, a player piano, yeah.

So it has a roll of sort of paper
that you attach to a....

We had one when I was a kid.

It had like a parchment
with holes in.Yeah.

And if you pushed the pedals
quicker, it plays quicker.

Yeah, so like a pneumatic air system
and it reads paper rolls of music.

There are more advanced versions
which exist

called reproducing pianos.

And it's not just the notes,
but the volume and the tone,

and you can effectively reproduce
a live performance.

So there are lots of
famous composers, including Gershwin

and Grieg and so on, they were
recorded

performing their own pieces.

I mean, presumably now, darling,

that must be possible,
with modern technology...

Yes, you could do, if you wanted,
yes.Just to reproduce.

I mean,
there are simpler ways.Yeah.

Like, you know, a laptop.

LAUGHTER

You're so boring!

I know, I know, it's much more
interesting to try and,

"Let's record it on some kitchen
roll. Have you got any?"

But the difference between that
and a laptop is that, in a way,

with this reproducing piano,

you are still sort of watching the
live performance, aren't you? Yeah.

That's right. Well, the brilliant
thing about this was,

was that it would record
the expression of the piano as well.

So the player would put literally
their very own imprint on the roll.

So it wasn't just the notes,

it was actually the expression
and the way they played it.

So it's a bit like Grieg's ghost
turns up to play for you.

Yes, it would be.How amazing.

It would be exactly like having
Grieg in the room.

And we all know what that's like.

LAUGHTER

When I was a child, I learnt some
Indian classical music

and we used
something called a harmonium,

which is a wind-based kind of piano.

Yeah. So you press it like this...

That's right, it's a beautiful
thing, that, isn't it? Yeah.

It's really, really beautiful. Yes.

But you're very musical anyway,
aren't you, darling?

You've been a choreographer in your
time?

I was a Bollywood dance
choreographer, yeah. For a...

How cool is that? Oh, my goodness.
Go on, give us a couple of moves.

Yeah!Go on. Can you?
Go on, I just want...

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hang on. Fine, fine, fine.

My husband is obsessed with
Bollywood dancing, he loves it.

But if you could teach me a couple
of signature moves to teach him,

he would be thrilled. OK, I'll teach
everyone, then.

OK, yeah. Something simple.

OK, now, the common misconception

of any kind of Asian
or Indian dance moves

are the light bulb and pat the dog.
I can do that.

Which, you can,
but that's also racist. So...

LAUGHTER

Right, I won't do that, then.

"Light bulb, pat the dog - I won't
do that, then."

No. Well, I will teach you.
Do we have to get up? No, no, no,

you can do it sitting down.OK.

Because the beauty of Bollywood is
a lot of the dancing is in the face.

Ah, OK. If any of you have ever
looked for a remote under a sofa,

have you ever had to do that?
Yes, yes.

Yeah, so you kind of go like that.

Yes. And you don't find it.Yeah.

And then do the other hand.

And do it together.

I like it.Oh.

And the middle finger to your thumb.
Kill the wasp, kill the wasp.

Kill the wasp and then
throw the wasp away. Ah.

Kill the wasp, throw the wasp away.
Right, so let's do it together.

OK, ready? Everybody, together,
ready? We've got to be a team.

Everybody? Right hand first.OK.

In, can't find it.

Again, can't find it.

Found a wasp, throw it. Found
a wasp, throw it. There you go.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And you made a living doing that?

LAUGHTER

It seemed to work, yeah.

It was 20 quid a job, you know,

you did what you could when you were
16.Fantastic.

Now, roll up, roll up, we're going
to have a game of Will It Roll?

This is a game and it's called
Will It Roll? OK.

It's rather straightforward.

So, I have a cylinder here
and I'm going to place it here

and I want you to say

whether you think it will roll
down to the bottom of the slope.

Yes. Oh, will it roll?

Eshaan says yes. Yes. Yes.Yes, yes.

Maybe yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes. OK.

So that one does.

Now, I have another cylinder here

and this has got very, very thick
liquid in it, it's got honey

and we've put the balls in so that
you can see what's going to happen.

Do we think that this is going to
roll down the slope?

Er... Yeah. No. We're going to.
Oh, Eshaan, no. Why no, darling?

Because I think the liquid
and the balls do something

to stop it from rolling.

LAUGHTER

You see, once you open the...

When you're in the presence...
"Sir! Sir! Sir, I think I know!"

When you're in the presence of a
scientist... Say what you see.Yeah.

Bill? Yes, it will.It will.

Surely it will roll. I think it
will, because it... Let it roll.

Oh, oh. Go on, go on.

It will roll,
but incredibly slowly,

because what's happening
is that the liquid is moving

and as it moves back, into the jar,

it's causing it too slow down. Oh.

Although, can I just say,
that we had some cheaper honey

and it didn't work and we had to go
and get some from Waitrose.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

And then it worked.

So, the cheaper thing
was not a good idea. Ah.

Now, this one, I think,

very slightly blows my mind.

So, what I want you to notice

about this slope is that it starts

down here in a sort of V shape,

and I don't know if you can see,

it widens out as the slope goes up.

OK. So this is something called
the double cone paradox. Right?

So what I'm going to do is,

I'm going to place it here.

Does anybody want to suggest
what is going to happen?

I'm going to suggest something
that will blow my mind also,

that it's going to roll uphill.
It's going to roll uphill.

Anybody else?
Yeah, roll up, back, up.OK.

Wow.

Isn't that the weirdest thing?

Now, I will try and explain it.

So you have to imagine
it's two cones put together,

and so what's happening is,
if you imagine that is an axle...

We've got a straight line
that you can see.

If you watch just the ends,

what it does,

the axle is actually going down.

It does your head in,
because it appears to be going up.

Is it an optical illusion or is it
really happening?

No, it is actually moving,
but what's happening is,

because it's widening out...

Oh, it's like one of those toys

like you used to get with strings
and a piece of wood...

Oh, yeah, with the string.Yeah.

..that you could roll a sort of
diabolo thing up and down.

Yes, that's right.
So the double cone paradox,

it was very first published by a man
called William Leybourne,

and he published it in 1694,

he wrote a book called
Pleasure With Profit.

He's actually a really
interesting guy.

He was a land and quantity surveyor,

in fact, he is the person who
surveyed much of London

when a lot of it had been
lost in the Great Fire,

and he's the very first person to
write an English book on astronomy.

But I love... Don't you think
that's amazing?

The double cone?
I did not know about it

and it sort of takes you a while
to get it into your head.

Yes, but is there some sort of
cooking application?

What's a
practical application for it?

Do you know what, we've been...
So that was my first question,

what is the practical application?
And we can't find one?

It's just... It's just curious.
It's just curious.

It's quite interesting.Yeah.
It is quite interesting, yes.

There's a hill in Essex,

I think it's called Hunter's Hill or
something, where -

I think there's a few places like
this around the world -

where if you take your car and you'd
expect it to roll down...

Yeah? But it rolls upwards instead.
That's right.

There's a few places like that.

There's one in Scotland called
the Electric Brae.

Do you have to have a
cone-shaped car?

But those are, those are optical
illusions.

It's not actually going uphill.

Right, it's time for the round
between a rock and a hard place,

the roll of the dice
that we call General Ignorance.

Fingers on buzzers, please.

Where did the pilgrim fathers land
when they got to America?

GUITAR PLAYS

Yes, Bill?

Plymouth.Do you mean Plymouth Rock?
Is that where you mean? Yes.Yeah.

KLAXON

Oh, you see?

I was going for the klaxon.

No, they did not
land at Plymouth Rock.

It was further, further north.
OK. Plymouth Rock Parkway.

LAUGHTER

Provincetown, which is about
24 miles away from Plymouth Rock.

But they have this rock,
this large rock where they go,

"This is where the pilgrims landed."
And it's completely impossible.

Here is the rock. If they had landed
alongside this rock -

which at the time did not have
that helpful date carved into it...

"1620."..it would have smashed
the boat to pieces.

Plymouth Rock is not even mentioned
as significant until 1769,

when there was an elderly man
called Deacon Ephraim Spooner

and he suddenly remembered that
when he was six,

another older man, a 95-year-old,

had remembered his parents taking
him to see this rock

and this was the very
rock where the pilgrims had landed.

And that was 121 years
after the boat had arrived.

It just makes you think that most
oral history is bollocks. Yeah.

When they landed, was someone there
playing a tune on it? Yes.

That's why it's got a crack down
the middle. Right. That's right.

They didn't carve that date into it
until 1880.

And it wasn't actually named by the
pilgrims for the English port,

it was already called
Plymouth by John Smith.

Do you remember John Smith from the
Disney cartoon about Pocahontas?

Oh, yes.Yeah.
He's one of my favourites.

I like him
because he's such a rogue.

So, in theory,
she is said to have saved his life,

that's probably unlikely to have
happened,

but he was a mercenary and
he fought the Turks in the Balkans.

He was captured,
he was put into slavery,

he murdered his master,
he stole a horse, he fled to Russia.

And, in fact, he became
so famous

for all these things
that had happened to him

that the British thought,

"Let's get him to set up
an early American colony."

They just thought, "What a
marvellous representative he'll be."

He was arrested for mutiny
on the boat over.

He barely avoided being hung
when he arrived.

He met Pocahontas and then soon had
to return to England -

there was an accident when some
gunpowder blew his genitals off.

AUDIENCE: Ooh.
Ah, yes, I know.

How do you blow your own...?

How do you blow your genitals off
and just sort of walk away?

Well, yeah, he did. Like, it's quite
a controlled explosion, so...

Yeah, I mean...
I don't know how big it was.

LAUGHTER

So Smith was in a canoe with
a pouch of gunpowder in his lap

and it exploded, injuring him
seriously,

and he had to be taken
to Britain for treatment.

So there you are - don't go in a
canoe with a pouch of gunpowder.

So I'm assuming this incident
isn't in the Disney film?

No, and the really weird
thing about Pocahontas,

do you know where she's buried?
It's in Essex somewhere, isn't it?

It's in Gravesend. Is it?
She died in Gravesend, yeah. Yeah.

She came to England, I think there
was a sort of a thought

that it would be good to bring over
some Native Americans

and they could
meet the royal family

and it would
all be marvellous and everything.

And she was on her way home and she
became ill

and the boat stopped in
at Gravesend

and that is in fact
where she died and is buried.

And there is a statue
of Pocahontas in Gravesend.

Now, who had their ribs removed
and why did they do it?

Well, there's the old sort
of apocryphal thing, isn't there,

that was going around my school,
when I was young.What?

Which was that Prince had his...

KLAXON

So he could...
pleasure himself, yeah.

I think we like to call it...

KLAXON

"Autofellatio?""I want a car.
What kind of car have you got?"

"It's an Autofellatio."
"Autofellatio."

So no, is the thing. Right, OK,
fair enough. Not that.No, not that.

Any others?

Oh, for, well, for the
tightening of a garment, was it?

A corset or something?
Yeah, no, not that either.

So, in fact, all of these are myths
that we are debunking. Oh.

Victorian women did not have ribs
removed

in order to gain
an hourglass figure.

No celebrity has ever had ribs, that
we are aware of,

removed in order to
be slim. Is it Adam?

I mean, that's supposedly
what we're looking at here.

Can I just say, he's got
the smallest penis in the...

I mean how... That's a perfectly
normal size.Oh, fine.

LAUGHTER

So Cher is the one that's usually
claimed to have had a rib removed,

and as far as we know, that's not
true. But didn't.

Marilyn Manson is commonly thought
also to have had a...

Oh, that's a good look he's got
there.It's a bold look, I think.

The only reason to remove a rib is,
you know, for medical reasons,

a bone graft maybe, to gain access
to organs inside for surgery. Yeah.

So you can survive having
a rib removed? It's OK?

You can, yeah, or to remove
cancerous cells, that kind of idea.

The world's smallest waistline

belongs to a woman who used
a corseting technique.

She's called Cathie Jung. Oh.
She's 5'8".

She has a waist that measures
21 inches, but in a corset it is...

I bet if you put her on her side,
she would roll uphill.

LAUGHTER

She narrows her waist down
to 15 inches using corsets.

Really weird.Yeah.
Pick her up with one hand.I know.

Nobody that we know of has ever
had their ribs removed for pleasure.

All right, that's all for tonight.

We've just time for one encore
and that's to read the scores.

In last place tonight,

having reaped rock-bottom
with -33, it's Katy!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

In third place
with -12 is Eshaan.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

In second place
with -3, Bill.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And in first place, our winner
has been on a roll all night

with a positive three points,
it's Alan. Three?

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

All right.

Give it up for Eshaan, Bill, Katy
and Alan

and I leave you with this

from one of our greatest ever
rockers, Lemmy from Motorhead.

"That was a great time,
the summer of '71.

"I can't remember it, but
I'll never forget it." Goodnight.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE