QI (2003–…): Season 18, Episode 10 - Rest & Recreation - full transcript

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Good evening and welcome to QI...

..where tonight,

tonight we are taking in some
Rest and Recreation,

in our R&R show.

Lounging poolside with me are

the really relaxed Susan Calman...

APPLAUSE

..the radiantly
refreshed Lou Sanders...

APPLAUSE

..the rigorously revitalised
Stephen K Amos...



APPLAUSE

..and the reasonably
rat-arsed Alan Davies.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Now, don't forget to be
mindful of your buzzers.

Susan goes...

ZEN WOODWIND

WOMAN: You are an island,
a desert island.

Feel your troubles lapping
away from your feet.

WATER LAPPING

I need to wee now.

LAUGHTER

Lou goes...

STRANGE VOICE: Listen
to the sound of my voice,

as you experience...



..deep relaxation.

GENTLE DRUM FADES

Where is that person from? I mean...

Stephen goes...

LAUGHTER

GLASWEGIAN WOMAN: Let your worries
melt away

and find your happy place.

Is that me?
LAUGHTER

You didn't know we were recording,
did you?

I'll be really honest,
I don't think a Glaswegian,

STRONG GLASWEGIAN ACCENT:
"Let yer worries melt away.

"You'll be all right love,
all right?"

Argh! Bleeding to death
in an alleyway.

I love the idea of you
as a relaxation app.

I think that's a marvellous...
BRASHLY: Oh, just get on with it,

for God's sake!

And Alan goes...

You are feeling

sleep...
YAWNING

SNORES LOUDLY

LOUD ALARM BELL
Argh! Oh!

CLATTERING, BELLS RING

OK? Feeling relaxed now? Yeah.
Yeah? Excellent.

Anybody, favourite ways to relax?

I like meditation to relax. Oh.

I don't do it now,
cos I'm already enlightened,

but I used to do it a lot. Yeah. OK.

Yeah, cos I fell asleep a lot,
but it was kind of meditation.

And then... That is just sleeping,
you know that, right? Yeah. OK.

And I woke up once from a meditation

and honestly, I thought
I could speak Portuguese.

LAUGHTER

I was so sure that I could,

and then I thought, "Oh, no,
I don't even know the word for yes."

What about you, Alan? You like to go
to the football, don't you?

Yes, but I don't get relaxed
at football. No. No.

If I want to have a nap,
I just go for a drive.

LAUGHTER

OK. I've slept for 50 miles
on the M1.

What about you, Susan?
Are you a relaxer?

Smoking jacket, pipe, mantelpiece,

a globe that turns into a bar.

I like reading aloud a Miss Marple
of an evening.

Just a very traditional
ladies' evening.

OK. And then a hand
of bridge probably.

So just that kind of... Some brandy.

I know you,
you count your Smurf collection.

I do count my Smurfs.
LAUGHTER

I do count my Smurfs collection.

Is it more relaxing to be in
a locked room or an unlocked room?

What?

LAUGHTER

I think it's more relaxing for other
people if you're in a locked room.

That's interesting you see,

cos some people would think,
"The door's locked, I'm fine." Mm.

And other people would think, "The
door's locked, I can't get out."

Have you ever done that thing
of staying in a hotel

and you wake up and you can't
remember where the toilet is

and you're naked and so you open
the wrong door...

Anyway, I was in the corridor
and the door closed.

Oh, no!

Yeah.

Can't you just get under it?

APPLAUSE

OK. Those are all good,

but we have some ideas of our own
about relaxation.

So, Alan... Yes?

I know the absolute perfect thing
to make you relax.

Unfortunately, it was too big
to fit under the desk.

Bring on the cow.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
Ooh!

So how might this cow aid
relaxation? What do you reckon?

Sit underneath it
and get a pat on the head?

So here is the thing,
you can cuddle a live cow

in a farm in Upstate New York,

weirdly called Mountain Horse Farm,
but it's for cows.

You pay $75 an hour

and you can go and cuddle a cow.
Do you want to give it a go, Alan?

That is a lot of money to cuddle
a cow, $75...

$75 an hour. That's a lot of money.

I know, but they assure you,
and I don't know why

they need to assure you, that
the cuddling sessions are private.

Oh, right. Well good, good.

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

Thank you.

Do you feel better? I do.
I feel much better. Yeah.

Maybe that's all you need,
you need some bloke in a flat cap.

I'm not a big fan of the cow.
Are you not? Why?

I'll tell you... Yeah, any creature
that's got an eye there

and there and looks there, brrrr.

That upsets you?
That's the devil's work.

But if you look at the picture,
I mean, it looks sweet,

don't you think?
But what is that cow actually doing?

Well, we'll find out
when it inhales.

Susan, what have you got
under your desk

for relaxation?

Is there nothing there? Is it this?

What is it? What have you got?
LOU: Stephen's leg.

That's not my leg. This? Yes.

Oh.

I'll be honest, Stephen,
that wouldn't relax me.

Right. What do you reckon?
How would you relax with those?

Um... Genuinely? Mm-hm.

Put them down there
and pretend to be Dolly Parton.

LAUGHTER

# Working nine to five... #

Um...

I don't know what
I would do with them.

OK, so this is a thing
that you can pay money for as well.

You would sniff it.

It doesn't have to be an orange,
it can be a lemon,

or I particularly like a lime.
Smell it for a few minutes

and it's shown to reduce
stress and anxiety,

so there's a very expensive clinic
in the United States,

the Mayo Clinic, they use this
as part of their aromatherapy.

Do you feel... Can you feel a sense
of the relaxation?

No. No.

I think it depends on where
the orange has been. Hm.

Because sometimes... Stephen!

Lou, what have you got
to relax with?

Uh-oh. Yeah. It's rude.

It's rude? Why do you say it's rude?

Well, straight away my mind's
whirring. OK.

And I'm going to be polite
on this one,

because my mum didn't like last time
when I was on.

Did she think you were a bit rude?

Can you switch it on?
Has it got an on/off switch?

What is wrong with you?
It's just a hand. Yeah.

LAUGHTER

It might light up.
No, it's another way of relaxing.

So you could either use
your own hand

or you could use... Yes. Oh!

I'm afraid...

Make your mother proud, girl,
make your mother proud.

I'm doing this for Daddy!

LAUGHTER

So, what I want you to do,
and this is a method of relaxation,

I want you to put the thumb
into your mouth.

This is absolutely... Oh! You see,
I was... You were close... psychic.

Yeah. Close your lips around it.
Yeah.

And then I need you to blow like
this and...

And then exhale.

Is it like a bagpipe? OK, so...

So what it does is it, this is
a genuine thing to help you relax,

it stimulates the vagus nerve,

so that's the bit that's responsible
for the body's relaxation response,

and it is called
the Valsalva manoeuvre.

And what it does is

it lowers the heart rate
and it calms you down.

I love it. Yeah.

Right, Stephen,
what have you got, my darling?

I have with me a concoction.

Yes? Which is made up of

PVA glue... Yeah.

..and bicarb of soda. OK.

And I will add to that

a little contact lens solution. OK.

Because it takes a while to mix in,
we've already put

the bicarbonate of soda and the
white glue together. Red pepper.

Add the contact lens solution,
we're going to make some slime.

Why might you make slime?

Kids love it, man.
They do love it. "Man!"

It's the feeling of it. OK,
so this is a slightly worrying thing

about the world.
2017 was a huge year for slime.

"How to make slime"
was the most popular

"how to" Google search

in the whole of the UK
that year. Wow!

It was huge in the United States.

It caused a glue shortage in the US.

And people watched people
playing with it

as a relaxation tool.

It's this thing called ASMR...
Mm. Yes.

..Autonomous Sensory
Meridian Response.

So you get a sort of tingling
relaxation feeling,

and apparently you get it
with slime.

I like watching ASMR videos.

I like watching people touching
things. I think it's really nice.

Well, you're absolutely right.

Apparently, people like
the predictable way

in which things move,

they like the fact
that it's being manipulated.

And we are...
LAUGHTER

What colour did you...?

It...

What colour have you got there?

It started off...

LAUGHTER

It started off as quite, you know,
alien-esque scary green.

Yeah. And now it's kind of snotty.

Yeah, but can you play with it with
your hands, darling?

Can I play with it? Yeah, well...

So the idea is to watch you,
watching you play...

Maybe the spoon in it
is not helping.

Play with it like they do in
the videos like you're enjoying it.

I haven't seen those videos,
I've got a life to lead! OK.

Susan, can you show us the...?
Yes, of course I can.

So what you do is you have to...

You have to kind of, you go,
you go...

LAUGHTER AND GROANING

Yes, it is that. It's just weird.

Achoo!

The point of these videos

is to display the enjoyment
of the thing

to the person, as if you are...

as if you're showing a prized child.

Do you watch these things
on YouTube? Yes, I do, yeah.

OK, so there's a woman,
she's 26 years old,

she's called Karina Garcia,

she has nine million subscribers...

Yeah... watching her play
with slime.

She makes about $200,000 a month

playing with slime.
LOU: Wow.

She also does things where she sees
how many chicken nuggets

she can get in her mouth.
I mean, it's not for me.

How many can she get in her mouth?
It's a substantial number.

Yeah. Yeah.

I can get 15.

Oh, I...
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

I so wish we had
chicken nuggets right now.

Shall we rustle the cow out of here?

And many thanks to our farmer.

Well done. Thanks, farmer.

Wild cow enthusiasm.

Who needs Valium when you've got
citrus fruit and slime?

What's rotund
and makes a royal retch?

Something sort of chubby or round
that's a bit smelly

and lives in Buckingham Palace?

No, so it is an actual place
called a rotunda.

I'm going to help you out here, it
was in Leicester Square.

It is, in fact,
still in Leicester Square.

Have any of you played
the Leicester Square Theatre?

I have, yes. Yes.

OK, so this is right next door

and it's still there and you
probably wouldn't even know it.

So it was a purpose-built building,
enormous building,

to display enormous paintings,

so the largest paintings
of all time -

gargantuan panoramas.

It was an artist called
Robert Barker.

He, in fact, coined the term
panorama. There he is.

And he began with a view of London
and he charged three shillings

for you to come in and he made
an absolute fortune.

And it was an amazing building.

So it was perfectly round,
it had a lower and an upper circle

so that you could do two panoramas
exhibited at the same time,

one above the other.
The paintings were so large

that you had to have a map
in order to find your way around.

It is now the
French Catholic Church,

but you can't see it because
they've put a brick front on it.

So that's what it looks like now,

and you might have just
walked past it.

It's between
Leicester Square Theatre

and the Prince Charles cinema,
but if you have a look from the air,

so say you looked at Google maps
or something,

look at the size of it. Wow! Wow!
Isn't it fantastic?

And if you look, there it is,
pull out -

there, that is Leicester Square.

You can see where it's located,

and it's become a sort of hidden
treasure in London. You would...

Change it into flats.

But you wouldn't know it was there,
which is amazing.

Anyway, just a few days before
it opened,

so we're talking about 1794,
King George III and his wife,

Queen Charlotte, they were given
a private viewing of a naval scene.

It was so realistic and so
overwhelming that Queen Charlotte,

after she stared out at the painted
ocean, she became seasick.

I know how she feels,
cos I went to the IMAX

to watch Gravity
with Sandra Bullock.

Right. And... Is this a film,
darling?

Cos it just sounds like
a really boring thing to do.

It's a film. It's a film.

Just you...

You and Sandra Bullock

watching gravity as a...
You can't tell me...

"Wow!

"Sandra! Sandra! Sandra!"

I rarely, I rarely... "Oh!"

I mean, you wouldn't need
to go to the IMAX, surely?

I'm sorry, I... "Sandra! Sandra!

"Look at that!"

I rarely stand up for myself,

but you cannot tell me that the star
of Miss Congeniality

and Miss Congeniality 2:
Armed And Fabulous

could not make me interested
by doing that.

But it was a film about space,
it was just her

and she was in her pants and vest,
that's irrelevant to the story.

She was in Gravity. She was there,
I was right up close,

cos I couldn't get seats
cos I was late in booking.

It's huge, it's the size of this
entire studio.

But why couldn't you get seats?
You know Sandra Bullock.

I have not understood this
story at all.

LAUGHTER

I'm there, I'm sitting,
she's right in front of me.

It was so realistic
that I vomited on myself

in the cinema,

because I felt like I was in space

with Sandra Bullock,
who's a real person,

who was not doing that.

She was trying to escape!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Queen Charlotte definitely would not
have enjoyed the panoramic scenes

of another gentleman.

They were of the Mississippi Valley
by a man called John Banvard.

They were known as moving panoramas.

I don't know if you would
have liked this. No.

So these were from the 1840s
and instead of just having a thing

where you stand and you look
at the picture,

they were on sort of rollers
and they were cranked around

and they had somebody explaining
what the story was

or what you were looking at.

They were amazing. In fact,
they were brought here to Britain

to be seen in a private viewing
by Queen Victoria

as early kind of moving pictures.

But the thing that Charlotte
suffered from,

this sort of motion sickness
by just looking at a picture,

you can even get sick
looking at optical illusions,

so the ones that appear
to be moving.

There's an amazing professor
called Akiyoshi Kitaoka,

and he was from a university
in Kyoto,

and he designs illusions
on his websites

and he warns you if you look
at them, you actually can be sick,

even though the picture is not
moving. And if you are sick,

you should immediately cover one eye
with your hand,

but don't close your eyes,

because that can make the attack
worse of you feeling it.

So it's like watching
Good Morning Britain.

LAUGHTER

Let's all take a look at one
and see how we feel.

So this is called Irrigation,

and it appears,
when you are looking at it -

it's a completely static picture -
that there are rollers.

Mm-hm. Yeah, it does.

Hands up in the audience who can see
that the sort of thing is moving,

it's actually moving?

I mean, that's just astonishing,
isn't it?

Even though it's a completely
static picture.

Have a look at another one.

This one I think,
is actually slightly more...

I don't know if disturbing
is the right word.

It's called Rotating Snakes.
There it is.

Oh, no, no, no. Is that
a general thing?

Who finds that one more disturbing
than the previous one? Ooh.

That's on the level of me looking
at pictures of my ex-boyfriend.

Should I be concerned that I'm not
getting anything from either?

Nothing at all? No.

Well, it's very interesting that,
on the whole,

women can see colour
and shape better,

so the women on the panel will
probably be able

to see it slightly better than you.

But the one you're staring at
doesn't move.

The ones around it move. Yeah, yeah.
It's the ones near it, isn't it?

There are lots of things
on the internet, Stephen,

that will say you can tell how
stressed you are

by how much you can see it move.
It's all nonsense,

so you're absolutely fine,
I wouldn't give it a thought.

But for some people that would
make them feel extremely unwell.

You're probably the other end
of the spectrum. Oh.

Now, let's put your bodies
to the test.

What's the least sportsmanlike
thing you can do on a rugby pitch?

What they used to do at school

was put Deep Heat in the jockstraps.

GROANING

Is Deep Heat a euphemism? No. Oh.

It's a product... It's a product.

..that will warm up your genitals
to a terrific degree

during a scrum.

I don't understand this picture,

because I don't know anything
about rugby, but...

They're not playing rugby there.
Oh, I see, OK.

Tripping? You're not allowed
to trip people up.

You're not allowed to trip people,
but this is a truly terrible thing

and I think it doesn't reflect
well, frankly, on England.

It was 1889,
New Zealand's rugby team,

they were fairly newly formed.

They came over to play against
England in a place called Blackheath

and during the game,
one of the English players,

a man called Andrew Stoddart,
he was tackled

and his shorts
accidentally ripped off.

So, very nicely, the Kiwi players

surrounded Stoddart

to allow him to get back
his modesty.

While this was happening,
another English player,

a man called Frank Evershed,

picked up the ball and scored a try.

I know, Lou, right? That's...

Scored a try unopposed,
which was allowed by the referee,

a man called Rowland Hill,
who also happened to be

the Secretary of the English Rugby
Football Union. Oh, come on!

Three of the Kiwi players went off
in protest, they were so furious.

England won the game 7-0

and the Kiwis were later forced
to apologise

for their players leaving the field.
No. Wow!

It's not a good story, is it?
No. No. No.

But I have a worse one.

So almost 100 years later,
so we're talking about 1986,

the All Blacks, they endured
a crotch-related incident.

So there was a guy called Wayne
Shelford. He went on to be captain.

In one of the first games, he ended
up at the bottom of the ruck.

He lost four teeth

and a French boot ripped
open his scrotum...

HORRIFIED GROANING

Very low groan there.

..and left a testicle hanging out.

It was sewn together

on the sidelines.

He played on until way
into the second half,

when he was knocked unconscious.

He says he has no memory
of the game.

LAUGHTER

What was the question?

What's the least sportsmanlike thing
you can do? I would say that.

That was very unpleasant.

The secret to succeeding at rugby

is to try and try again.

GROANS AND APPLAUSE
I like that.

Thank you.

That's one of two sporting jokes
I've made in five years.

What were the world's first

roller-coasters made of?

Sturdy stuff. Sturdy stuff. Mm-hm.

No, weirdly not, actually,
made of all that sturdy stuff.

STEPHEN: Wood. Wood,

some wood, but not
entirely made of wood.

What else might you use?

Snow.

What is more slippy than snow? Ice.

Ice, absolutely.

So, you get...

APPLAUSE

I'm well on the way, guys!
I can feel it.

It's literally like pleasing
a Labrador.

LAUGHTER

So the idea goes all the way back
to 15th-century Russia.

So "ice-slides"
or "flying mountains"

were built in several towns,
including St Petersburg.

I mean, look, these are amazing.

So some of them were 80 foot high.

They were on wooden supports
and then they were coated with water

and they quickly froze to
a sort of slick, icy surface.

And then they used to use hollowed
blocks of ice

lined with straw as the car
to go down.

Catherine the Great actually had one
specifically built for herself

at the Oranienbaum Palace
on the Gulf of Finland.

And everybody thought these were
marvellous.

They quickly caught on
around the world

and became known as Russian
Mountains. In fact, in Spain,

I think they still call them
Montana Rusa.

They look like huge fun,
do you not think? No. Yeah.

Yeah, no, not for me. No? No.

I'm too... Yeah, I'm scared, don't
like the height. Not for me.

Yeah. But you're not alone.

So the pioneering American
roller-coaster engineer,

a man called Ron Toomer, he designed
93 of the world's roller-coasters

by the time he died in 2011.
He didn't like going on them.

No. No, he said the very thought
of it made him queasy,

and this is what
he did for a living.

I get that, because I don't
really like my comedy.

LAUGHTER

Obviously not as much
as your mother dislikes it.

No, but you are right to be afraid.

So in June 1911,

the owner of Boston's Derby Racer
roller-coaster,

he stood up in one of the cars
to give a speech

about roller-coaster safety

and fell out.
LAUGHTER

And he died. He died. I know.

He died while giving a talk
about "Be careful."

Actually, and this is
one of my favourite stories,

does anybody remember Fabio,
do you remember Fabio?

Oh, yeah. Sexy Fabio? Sexy Fabio.
Sexy Fabio.

There he is, sexy Fabio. Yeah.

He was often on the sort
of cover of romance novels.

Anyway, he went on a roller-coaster,

it was the inaugural ride
of this roller-coaster...

Oh, I remember this!

..in Virginia, this was in 1999.
Oh, yes.

And he killed a goose with his face.

LAUGHTER

Hang on, what?!

What do you mean? Yeah. "Help!"

Everyone thought it
was hilarious. Look...

Look at the girl behind him.
This is the thing.

"Oh, Fabio, even when you do that
it's sexy." Yeah. Yeah.

Quick question,
do geese like roller-coasters?

No, the goose... No, it flew into
his face.

No, so it flew into his face.

Here's the thing,
is that we're not really sure

whether the goose flew
into the roller-coaster

and then hit Fabio.
"That looks like Fabio, doesn't it?

"Is that Fabio? He's moving!"

ALAN HONKS

Anyway, he said afterwards,

he said it was very dangerous
to go on roller-coasters,

this was clearly not a freak
accident and it would happen again.

LAUGHTER
As far as we know, it hasn't.

It's just going to happen again.

It's a ticking time bomb.

But I reckon if a bird
did fly in his face

at that speed, he'd have had much
more serious damage than that.

It was probably pulling up,
wasn't it? Yeah.

It went, "Whoa! Whoa!"

And I imagine it was right
on the belly. Yeah.

If it was the soft behind
of a goose,

then perhaps that would happen.
You mean he was pursuing the goose?

He was pursuing it.

LAUGHTER
Yes.

"Get off, Fabio! Get off!"

And then it just went up a loop
and went right round...

How I wish you two had been
the detectives on this case.

"I'm coming for you. Mwahaha!"

"Hey, ladies, watch me get this
goose with my nose, watch this.

"This could happen again."

Now it's time for
the not at all restful bit

we call General Ignorance.

We're going to speed through this.
Fingers on buzzers, please.

How do car thieves start cars?

GLASWEGIAN BUZZER: Happy place...
STEPHEN: Hot wire.

Hot wire.

Almost impossible to hot-wire
a modern car, did you know that?

LOU'S BUZZER: Listen...
Yes, Lou?

It's something to do
with the wing mirror

and something in the wing mirror
then triggers something else.

Look it up.

In certain cars... Yeah. Um...

I can't go into it for legal
reasons. No.

No. Well, what it is, since
the mid-90s,

there have been all sorts
of precautions,

so there's a little chip
in the key. I love chips.

If the car doesn't detect the chip,
then the key isn't there

and then it won't start.

But there's all sorts
of new-fangled technology

and you can now use things
like scanners

to clone radio signals from the keys

and you can, in fact, do it
from outside somebody's house.

So you could be outside the house
with your scanner

and the keys are in the house
and they're all fast asleep

and you can still start the car.

Basically, keep your car keys
as far away from your front door

as possible, or in a biscuit tin.

Oh, yeah, because thieves
do not like biscuits.

LAUGHTER

The first car theft ever was
committed by a woman,

did you know this?
I love that. Yes.

So her name was Bertha Benz,

so married to...?

Oh, not the Benz of...
The Benz of Mercedes Benz. Mr Benz.

Karl Benz.

He'd invented the very first
practical automobile

and she thought he wasn't doing
his best to sell it,

so she decided that she was going
to take it

on the very first
long-distance journey.

It was the 5th of August, 1888,
and she took his car

and she drove 90km
from Mannheim to Pforzheim,

with her two teenage sons,
cos she thought whilst doing this,

she might as well visit her mother.

LAUGHTER
But I love this about her -

at one point she stopped
at a cobbler's

and asked him to put some leather
pieces onto,

hammer them onto the brakes so that
the brakes wouldn't wear out,

and in doing so, she invented
the modern brake pad.

So she's marvellous, isn't she?
Cool. Yeah.

She was both a thief
and an inventor. Yeah.

STEPHEN: Bet she couldn't
park it though.

LAUGHTER AND GROANS

APPLAUSE

Do you know what,
it's such a pleasure

to see somebody doing so well
on their last time on the show.

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

Now how was the cat that
got the cream?

Ah? How was the cat that
got the cream?

AUDIENCE: Aw!
Not very well.

Well, mm, yeah, not very well.

Cos cats shouldn't have
cream and milk.

They are lactose intolerant.

So, in order to be able
to process the milk,

they need the enzyme lactase
in their digestive system.

Obviously as a kitten, you have lots
of it because you get mum's milk,

but then the lactase production rate
slows down as they get older, and...

Did you know, Sandi, that...
What? Probably not.

..that human beings made cheese,

and I read this in a cheese book
that I bought,

made cheese for a thousand years

before they became lactose tolerant?

Isn't that weird? They used to keep
cows and make cheese,

even though they couldn't digest
the milk.

And then after about a thousand
years of it, they were able to.

Yes. People get very, very squeamish
when you have a nice cup

of breast milk in the morning,

but it's fine to have it
out of a cow's breast.

Why? Doesn't make any sense, does
it, Lou? I know, it's stupid. No.

Ridiculous. Well, the thing is,
you don't gain anything

nutritionally from having that
kind of milk, not even breast milk.

But it is yummy.

OK.
LAUGHTER

Adult cats are lactose intolerant.

So let's look at the final results.

In last place...

Well, this is extraordinary,
this has never happened before.

We have a triple placement
of people in last place with...

LAUGHTER

..minus six.

And this will give away
who's the winner.

With minus six,
we have Stephen, Alan

and Lou.
APPLAUSE

CHEERING

In first place,

reclining in a bucket of slime,

with nine points, it's Susan!

CHEERING

Yes, thanks to our guests,
Susan and Stephen, Lou and Alan.

And I leave you
with an old American story

about the risks of combining work
with recreation.

AMERICAN ACCENT: "As she lay there
dozing next to me,

"one voice kept saying
'Relax, you're not the first doctor

"'to sleep with one
of his patients.'

"But another kept reminding me,
'Howard, you're a veterinarian'."

Goodnight.
LAUGHTER