QI (2003–…): Season 16, Episode 9 - Episode #16.9 - full transcript
Hello!
Welcome to the QI Christmas party.
We're all gathered at the QI Arms
for a good old-fashioned festive
shindig.
Let's see who's joining me
round the old Joanna tonight.
First of all, our mate
Josh Widdicombe.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
The life and soul of the party,
Cariad Lloyd.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Cor blimey,
he's a laugh,
it's Noel Fielding.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
And our favourite regular,
it's Alan Davies.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Now let's hear
their jingle bells.
Josh goes...
# Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way. #
Cariad goes...
# Ding dong merrily on high
In heaven the bells are ringing. #
Noel goes...
# Just hear those sleigh bells
jingling... #
Nice.
# Ring ding-a-ling-a-ling too
# Ding-a-ling-a-ling a ding dong
ding. #
That's got some funk.
Alan goes...
Time, ladies and gents, please!
Go on, clear off.
Ain't you got no homes to go to?
As it's Christmas,
we may have some P series
pigs in the show so,
if you spot a question
that is about pigs,
do not forget to play your porker.
There he is. OK?
Meanwhile, here is a special
Christmas treat.
We've got a piano player in.
Play it, Sam!
MUSIC: Hark The Herald Angels Sing
Oh! Fantastic!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Do we all love that tune?
AUDIENCE: Yes!
What was it written for?
AUDIENCE: Christmas!
KLAXON
This is why we don't ask
the audience questions.
It wasn't written for Christmas.
Does anybody know who wrote it?
Elton John.
Anybody know the tunesmith?
Mr Tunesmith?
Felix...
Felix Tunesmith? Felix Mozart.
Mendelssohn. Mendelssohn!
Felix Mendelssohn.
It was originally written not
at all for Christmas.
Does anybody know what
it was written for?
It's not Easter.
Birthday, his birthday...
A special occasion.
Yes, special occasion.
Wedding, a coronation.
It was the 400th anniversary
of the invention of the Gutenberg
printing press.
Oh! So the song is called
the Gutenberg Cantata.
Why didn't you get that?
I don't know what's wrong with you.
Do you know what, I'm not at my best
because I was out last night getting
hammered because it's
the 500th anniversary.
Only three of the printing press
manufacturers could read.
I have to say, the man
on the left who can't read,
he does look like he's trying
to pull one of those three,
doesn't he?
Anyway, what they're trying to read,
which is very long,
is probably the German
title for the song,
as the Germans like a snappy title.
Festgesang zur Eroffnung der am
ersten Tage der vierten
Sakularfeier der Erfindung
der Buchdruckerkunst.
Ja, ja, ja. Thank you very much.
APPLAUSE
A festive song for the opening
of the first day of the fourth
secular celebration of the invention
of the art of printing,
is the snappy title to
Hark The Herald Angels
in the beginning there.
That tune was written to celebrate
that? Yes.
But the words were written...
The words are completely separate,
so Mendelssohn said
he didn't mind what lyrics were put
to his rather marvellous tune
as long as they weren't religious.
Oh.
Yeah.
Didn't really work out.
Eight years after he died,
the words were paired with a poem
by probably the most famous
hymn-writer in the English language.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, the big one.
What's his name?
Him.
Sylvia Plath. Cliff Richard.
Charles Wesley. Charles Wesley.
The Wesley... Come on!
Yes, the one on the right.
He wrote over 6,000 hymns.
It was kind of his... Wow. Wow.
He was your go-to hymn guy, really.
Yeah. Although the current wording
is by his co-worker,
George Whitefield,
who wrote them in 1753.
So that's Felix on the left
and Charles on the right.
And who are those eight
people in the middle?
And it's six!
How bad is the...?
I was counting Cariad and Noel.
OK, you are building
the world's first ice rink,
so you're going to need
a rink and some...
# Ding dong. #
Josh. Well, I've never seen the show
before, so this can't go wrong,
but ice.
KLAXON
Oh!
# Ding dong. #
Yes. Yes!
No! Yes!
Yes!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Play the pig!
Play the pig.
Why do you think you need the pig?
Oh. Ah.
I didn't know I had
to show my workings.
Bacon ice.
You don't know the ice is safe
to skate on,
so they'd slide a pig out...
..and see if it will go through.
If it's safe for the pig,
it's safe for the kids, right?
No. Pigs can ice-skate
really well, a few of them.
They go on their back
so they screw down into the ice.
What did you say though, Noel?
You said...
Bacon ice. Yes.
That was quite abstract, I know.
And weirdly is the correct answer.
What?!
I feel like I'm the nana
at the table
and you've just given that to me as
some sort of...
Bacon ice, bacon ice, Nana.
Get another Bailey's for Nana.
The very first artificial rinks,
they didn't have the technology
to freeze large amounts of water.
It hadn't been invented.
So the ice, in inverted commas,
was made of pig fat and salt,
so The Glaciarium,
which was the world's first
permanent artificial ice rink,
it opened in Baker Street Bazaar,
Portman Square, 1844,
was one shilling to get in
and one shilling to go on the ice.
Except look at the wonderful kind of
notice
they've put at the top.
They've put, not-ice!
Not-ice!
So there was alpine scenery
painted on the walls,
but you did have to put up with the
smell of pig lard. Basically.
So, yeah. It would be all right.
It wasn't until 1876
that they developed the technology
to freeze large amounts of water.
It was developed by a man
called John Gamgee.
He was a vet and an inventor,
and he had been trying to find a way
to freeze meat so he could
transport it from Australia,
and he suddenly realised
that his technology
could be used for recreation.
I bet the pigs sent
him some flowers.
Thanks!
And he had this wonderful tent
off the King's Road.
He had live bands
to entertain the skaters.
It only lasted two years,
but the technology that he invented
is very similar to the system
used in ice rinks today.
The only problem was, in the summer,
the ice used to evaporate
and people used to skate around
in a bit of a fog.
They couldn't really see each other.
Exciting!
Yeah. Like Stars In Their Eyes.
I love that bit! Tonight, I'm going
to be Torvill and Dean.
Yes! Tonight, I'm going
to be Jack the Ripper.
Anybody a fan of Lord Of The Rings?
Yes.
Yes. Yes. So the guy who came up
with the technology,
Gamgee...
Samwise Gamgee.
Yes, very good.
Frodo's best friend. So...
Who never let him down,
no matter what anyone said.
"I'll stay with you, Master Frodo.
Give me your hand."
The other one I do...
I don't know if I fancy
you more or less now.
I'm going to go with less.
"Havo dad, Legolas."
That's, "sit down, Legolas."
It's definitely less.
Anyway, he's named after...
That man!
No, not after him,
after his brother.
His brother was called J Sampson
Gamgee... Yeah.
And he's the person that invented
that surgical dressing where you get
cotton wool between two pieces
of absorbent gauze. Oh, yeah.
And so he was known
as Sampson Gamgee,
and Sam Gamgee, it is most likely
that Tolkien got the name from him.
Which is my connection
between the hobbits and ice-skating
just for you,
as a Christmas present.
I love it! Brilliant.
I auditioned for The Hobbit.
What?!
Did you?
I don't know if I fancy you more
or more.
You were nearly in The Hobbit?
Yeah, well, I didn't get it.
To be what?
The main... The hobbit.
Bilbo, you auditioned
to be Bilbo Baggins.
I auditioned to be Bilbo Baggins,
and the day before...
I'm going to blow your mind now,
but go on, carry on.
..they brought down the maximum
height, and my agent phoned me
and she said, "how tall are you?"
I said, "I'm five foot six
and a half."
"How tall do you want me to be?"
That's what you tell them.
Never accept the premise
of the question.
Find out what they want before...
..you say anything.
APPLAUSE
So you didn't go? No! They said,
"We've brought down the maximum
height," but I still qualified.
I was short enough to be a hobbit.
And?
I went and...
..I was dogshit.
I also auditioned
for something in that.
Did you?
They said, "You'll be four hours
a day in make-up in New Zealand.
"Is that OK?" And I went, "Yes."
"How tall are you?"
"How tall do you want me to be?"
I went for the part of Frodo.
Did you? Yeah, and they went,
"You're a bit tall.
"You look more like an elf.
Get out."
I really wanted an audition!
You're the right size
and everything!
I know! I don't think you'd have
been professional on set.
I wouldn't have been.
Yeah, you'd have been like, "Can
someone remove this crying woman?"
OK, let's have another
festive singsong.
We all know the words.
MUSIC: The 12 Days Of Christmas
ALL: # On the 12th day of Christmas
my true love sent to me
ALL SING
# Nine ladies dancing
# Eight maids a-milking
# Four calling birds
Three French hens... #
BELL AND KLAXON
# And a partridge in a pear tree. #
My kids sing, five golden rings.
Do they?
It annoys me, because it's five gold
rings. OK.
And I can't let it go. I just...
They go...
# Five... #
Gold!
# Always believe in your soul. #
APPLAUSE
Do you sing four calling birds
though?
Yeah.
Yeah, that would be incorrect.
They should shout at you.
Is that because you're not supposed
to call prostitutes that any more?
No, the original thing
is colly birds.
It means blackbirds, like collier,
like coal. Oh.
It's another word for black,
and their presence predates calling
birds by about a century.
So, from calling birds to
pouring pints,
how can you enjoy unlimited glasses
of beer
without getting completely pie-eyed?
Is it one of those fake glasses?
No.
Real beer, unlimited glasses.
I have half a Smirnoff Ice
and I pass out.
I'm out of this equation.
Well, here we are.
We can show you how to do it
for real.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome
mathematician Katie Steckles.
APPLAUSE
Hi there.
Katie, what's the plan?
Well, to explain this, I'm going to
tell you a joke. OK.
So the joke goes, infinitely many
mathematicians walk into a pub,
and the first one orders a pint
and the second one orders a half
and the next one orders a quarter
and the next one orders an eighth
and the next one orders a 16th.
And the person behind the bar says,
I'll stop you there,
and pours two pints
and puts them on the bar.
And, if you're a mathematician...
That's hilarious!
Yes, hilarious. Come on, let's all
sound like we know, which we do.
APPLAUSE
OK.
I can show you why this is funny.
I've got here a pint...
OK.
Do you like a pint, Josh?
Easy, Josh, easy.
Oh, man, that looks so good.
I've got a half and a quarter
and an eighth and a 16th.
I've also got 1 over 32,
1 over 64, 1 over 128,
1 over 256,
and I also have this
empty pint glass.
And the reason why the person
behind the bar pours two pints
is because all of these
and the infinite chain
of following drinks will all
fit into that glass,
so, if I pour a half into there...
Right, and then I think, well, I'd
better slow down a bit more,
I'll have a half of that.
Yeah, so this is a quarter,
and that fills half
the remaining space.
Can I just ask a quick question?
This other one here,
is that going begging?
The space that's left is a quarter,
so I can fit this eighth in there
and it fills half
the remaining space.
You're having an endless amount
of beer, but you're having
half as much each time.
Yeah.
And so what have we got down to now?
That's one 64th of a pint.
One 64th of a pint.
It's not a common drink order, that.
So you'll never fill
the whole glass up?
Yeah, it's that common sensation
that, no matter how many drinks
you have, there's always just
a little bit of space left
for a little bit more, and it gets
closer and closer to two pints,
but it will never go over two pints.
If you had infinitely many drinks,
it would add up to exactly
two pints.
That's one of the nice things
about infinite series of things,
that you can have an infinite number
of things that add up to a finite
number at the end.
See, I love that, because the next
time I hear that joke,
I will actually understand
why it's funny.
We say that the limit
of this sequence of numbers is two.
That's why the end of the joke
is that the barman says,
"The problem with you mathematicians
is you need to know your limits."
There we go! Katie Steckles!
Thank you, Katie Steckles!
APPLAUSE
Cheers, man.
Cheers.
Now, from pints to pies.
Here we go.
Right, come on!
There's sixpence for you.
Let's have a song.
MUSIC: Sing A Song Of Sixpence
How many blackbirds
should be baked in a pie?
4 and 20.
KLAXON
4 and 20!
That's what it says
in the song, Sandi.
Yes, but not baked in the pie -
is the mistake.
They were known as surprise pies,
and it was a genuine thing.
They used to cook the pastry case
and then they would put
live animals in so they could
emerge at the table,
and the idea was to startle them,
entertain the guests.
Scare the shit out of everybody!
They wouldn't just put birds in.
So there was a chef
called Robert May.
He was born in 1588. And he is...
Oh, Bobby May, Bobby May,
yeah, yeah.
..famous for his elaborate
centrepieces, and he put them
in together, frogs and birds,
and the pie would open
and they would fly and jump out.
It's like the Sharks and the Jets!
It's a nightmare in there!
Frogs and flick knives.
So the whole point was
the showmanship of it.
There used to be a thing
called bride pie,
so before wedding cake,
that was the traditional thing
to serve at English weddings,
and it was just the best food
that you had available to you.
And, if a woman had a baby,
she'd have a groaning pie.
That's what they used
to call childbirth.
They used to call it groaning time.
Right, pies away, please.
Anyone want a pie?
AUDIENCE: Yes.
Come on, let's give them the pie.
Welcome to the QI Christmas party.
We're all gathered at the QI Arms
for a good old-fashioned festive
shindig.
Let's see who's joining me
round the old Joanna tonight.
First of all, our mate
Josh Widdicombe.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
The life and soul of the party,
Cariad Lloyd.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Cor blimey,
he's a laugh,
it's Noel Fielding.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
And our favourite regular,
it's Alan Davies.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Now let's hear
their jingle bells.
Josh goes...
# Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way. #
Cariad goes...
# Ding dong merrily on high
In heaven the bells are ringing. #
Noel goes...
# Just hear those sleigh bells
jingling... #
Nice.
# Ring ding-a-ling-a-ling too
# Ding-a-ling-a-ling a ding dong
ding. #
That's got some funk.
Alan goes...
Time, ladies and gents, please!
Go on, clear off.
Ain't you got no homes to go to?
As it's Christmas,
we may have some P series
pigs in the show so,
if you spot a question
that is about pigs,
do not forget to play your porker.
There he is. OK?
Meanwhile, here is a special
Christmas treat.
We've got a piano player in.
Play it, Sam!
MUSIC: Hark The Herald Angels Sing
Oh! Fantastic!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Do we all love that tune?
AUDIENCE: Yes!
What was it written for?
AUDIENCE: Christmas!
KLAXON
This is why we don't ask
the audience questions.
It wasn't written for Christmas.
Does anybody know who wrote it?
Elton John.
Anybody know the tunesmith?
Mr Tunesmith?
Felix...
Felix Tunesmith? Felix Mozart.
Mendelssohn. Mendelssohn!
Felix Mendelssohn.
It was originally written not
at all for Christmas.
Does anybody know what
it was written for?
It's not Easter.
Birthday, his birthday...
A special occasion.
Yes, special occasion.
Wedding, a coronation.
It was the 400th anniversary
of the invention of the Gutenberg
printing press.
Oh! So the song is called
the Gutenberg Cantata.
Why didn't you get that?
I don't know what's wrong with you.
Do you know what, I'm not at my best
because I was out last night getting
hammered because it's
the 500th anniversary.
Only three of the printing press
manufacturers could read.
I have to say, the man
on the left who can't read,
he does look like he's trying
to pull one of those three,
doesn't he?
Anyway, what they're trying to read,
which is very long,
is probably the German
title for the song,
as the Germans like a snappy title.
Festgesang zur Eroffnung der am
ersten Tage der vierten
Sakularfeier der Erfindung
der Buchdruckerkunst.
Ja, ja, ja. Thank you very much.
APPLAUSE
A festive song for the opening
of the first day of the fourth
secular celebration of the invention
of the art of printing,
is the snappy title to
Hark The Herald Angels
in the beginning there.
That tune was written to celebrate
that? Yes.
But the words were written...
The words are completely separate,
so Mendelssohn said
he didn't mind what lyrics were put
to his rather marvellous tune
as long as they weren't religious.
Oh.
Yeah.
Didn't really work out.
Eight years after he died,
the words were paired with a poem
by probably the most famous
hymn-writer in the English language.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, the big one.
What's his name?
Him.
Sylvia Plath. Cliff Richard.
Charles Wesley. Charles Wesley.
The Wesley... Come on!
Yes, the one on the right.
He wrote over 6,000 hymns.
It was kind of his... Wow. Wow.
He was your go-to hymn guy, really.
Yeah. Although the current wording
is by his co-worker,
George Whitefield,
who wrote them in 1753.
So that's Felix on the left
and Charles on the right.
And who are those eight
people in the middle?
And it's six!
How bad is the...?
I was counting Cariad and Noel.
OK, you are building
the world's first ice rink,
so you're going to need
a rink and some...
# Ding dong. #
Josh. Well, I've never seen the show
before, so this can't go wrong,
but ice.
KLAXON
Oh!
# Ding dong. #
Yes. Yes!
No! Yes!
Yes!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Play the pig!
Play the pig.
Why do you think you need the pig?
Oh. Ah.
I didn't know I had
to show my workings.
Bacon ice.
You don't know the ice is safe
to skate on,
so they'd slide a pig out...
..and see if it will go through.
If it's safe for the pig,
it's safe for the kids, right?
No. Pigs can ice-skate
really well, a few of them.
They go on their back
so they screw down into the ice.
What did you say though, Noel?
You said...
Bacon ice. Yes.
That was quite abstract, I know.
And weirdly is the correct answer.
What?!
I feel like I'm the nana
at the table
and you've just given that to me as
some sort of...
Bacon ice, bacon ice, Nana.
Get another Bailey's for Nana.
The very first artificial rinks,
they didn't have the technology
to freeze large amounts of water.
It hadn't been invented.
So the ice, in inverted commas,
was made of pig fat and salt,
so The Glaciarium,
which was the world's first
permanent artificial ice rink,
it opened in Baker Street Bazaar,
Portman Square, 1844,
was one shilling to get in
and one shilling to go on the ice.
Except look at the wonderful kind of
notice
they've put at the top.
They've put, not-ice!
Not-ice!
So there was alpine scenery
painted on the walls,
but you did have to put up with the
smell of pig lard. Basically.
So, yeah. It would be all right.
It wasn't until 1876
that they developed the technology
to freeze large amounts of water.
It was developed by a man
called John Gamgee.
He was a vet and an inventor,
and he had been trying to find a way
to freeze meat so he could
transport it from Australia,
and he suddenly realised
that his technology
could be used for recreation.
I bet the pigs sent
him some flowers.
Thanks!
And he had this wonderful tent
off the King's Road.
He had live bands
to entertain the skaters.
It only lasted two years,
but the technology that he invented
is very similar to the system
used in ice rinks today.
The only problem was, in the summer,
the ice used to evaporate
and people used to skate around
in a bit of a fog.
They couldn't really see each other.
Exciting!
Yeah. Like Stars In Their Eyes.
I love that bit! Tonight, I'm going
to be Torvill and Dean.
Yes! Tonight, I'm going
to be Jack the Ripper.
Anybody a fan of Lord Of The Rings?
Yes.
Yes. Yes. So the guy who came up
with the technology,
Gamgee...
Samwise Gamgee.
Yes, very good.
Frodo's best friend. So...
Who never let him down,
no matter what anyone said.
"I'll stay with you, Master Frodo.
Give me your hand."
The other one I do...
I don't know if I fancy
you more or less now.
I'm going to go with less.
"Havo dad, Legolas."
That's, "sit down, Legolas."
It's definitely less.
Anyway, he's named after...
That man!
No, not after him,
after his brother.
His brother was called J Sampson
Gamgee... Yeah.
And he's the person that invented
that surgical dressing where you get
cotton wool between two pieces
of absorbent gauze. Oh, yeah.
And so he was known
as Sampson Gamgee,
and Sam Gamgee, it is most likely
that Tolkien got the name from him.
Which is my connection
between the hobbits and ice-skating
just for you,
as a Christmas present.
I love it! Brilliant.
I auditioned for The Hobbit.
What?!
Did you?
I don't know if I fancy you more
or more.
You were nearly in The Hobbit?
Yeah, well, I didn't get it.
To be what?
The main... The hobbit.
Bilbo, you auditioned
to be Bilbo Baggins.
I auditioned to be Bilbo Baggins,
and the day before...
I'm going to blow your mind now,
but go on, carry on.
..they brought down the maximum
height, and my agent phoned me
and she said, "how tall are you?"
I said, "I'm five foot six
and a half."
"How tall do you want me to be?"
That's what you tell them.
Never accept the premise
of the question.
Find out what they want before...
..you say anything.
APPLAUSE
So you didn't go? No! They said,
"We've brought down the maximum
height," but I still qualified.
I was short enough to be a hobbit.
And?
I went and...
..I was dogshit.
I also auditioned
for something in that.
Did you?
They said, "You'll be four hours
a day in make-up in New Zealand.
"Is that OK?" And I went, "Yes."
"How tall are you?"
"How tall do you want me to be?"
I went for the part of Frodo.
Did you? Yeah, and they went,
"You're a bit tall.
"You look more like an elf.
Get out."
I really wanted an audition!
You're the right size
and everything!
I know! I don't think you'd have
been professional on set.
I wouldn't have been.
Yeah, you'd have been like, "Can
someone remove this crying woman?"
OK, let's have another
festive singsong.
We all know the words.
MUSIC: The 12 Days Of Christmas
ALL: # On the 12th day of Christmas
my true love sent to me
ALL SING
# Nine ladies dancing
# Eight maids a-milking
# Four calling birds
Three French hens... #
BELL AND KLAXON
# And a partridge in a pear tree. #
My kids sing, five golden rings.
Do they?
It annoys me, because it's five gold
rings. OK.
And I can't let it go. I just...
They go...
# Five... #
Gold!
# Always believe in your soul. #
APPLAUSE
Do you sing four calling birds
though?
Yeah.
Yeah, that would be incorrect.
They should shout at you.
Is that because you're not supposed
to call prostitutes that any more?
No, the original thing
is colly birds.
It means blackbirds, like collier,
like coal. Oh.
It's another word for black,
and their presence predates calling
birds by about a century.
So, from calling birds to
pouring pints,
how can you enjoy unlimited glasses
of beer
without getting completely pie-eyed?
Is it one of those fake glasses?
No.
Real beer, unlimited glasses.
I have half a Smirnoff Ice
and I pass out.
I'm out of this equation.
Well, here we are.
We can show you how to do it
for real.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome
mathematician Katie Steckles.
APPLAUSE
Hi there.
Katie, what's the plan?
Well, to explain this, I'm going to
tell you a joke. OK.
So the joke goes, infinitely many
mathematicians walk into a pub,
and the first one orders a pint
and the second one orders a half
and the next one orders a quarter
and the next one orders an eighth
and the next one orders a 16th.
And the person behind the bar says,
I'll stop you there,
and pours two pints
and puts them on the bar.
And, if you're a mathematician...
That's hilarious!
Yes, hilarious. Come on, let's all
sound like we know, which we do.
APPLAUSE
OK.
I can show you why this is funny.
I've got here a pint...
OK.
Do you like a pint, Josh?
Easy, Josh, easy.
Oh, man, that looks so good.
I've got a half and a quarter
and an eighth and a 16th.
I've also got 1 over 32,
1 over 64, 1 over 128,
1 over 256,
and I also have this
empty pint glass.
And the reason why the person
behind the bar pours two pints
is because all of these
and the infinite chain
of following drinks will all
fit into that glass,
so, if I pour a half into there...
Right, and then I think, well, I'd
better slow down a bit more,
I'll have a half of that.
Yeah, so this is a quarter,
and that fills half
the remaining space.
Can I just ask a quick question?
This other one here,
is that going begging?
The space that's left is a quarter,
so I can fit this eighth in there
and it fills half
the remaining space.
You're having an endless amount
of beer, but you're having
half as much each time.
Yeah.
And so what have we got down to now?
That's one 64th of a pint.
One 64th of a pint.
It's not a common drink order, that.
So you'll never fill
the whole glass up?
Yeah, it's that common sensation
that, no matter how many drinks
you have, there's always just
a little bit of space left
for a little bit more, and it gets
closer and closer to two pints,
but it will never go over two pints.
If you had infinitely many drinks,
it would add up to exactly
two pints.
That's one of the nice things
about infinite series of things,
that you can have an infinite number
of things that add up to a finite
number at the end.
See, I love that, because the next
time I hear that joke,
I will actually understand
why it's funny.
We say that the limit
of this sequence of numbers is two.
That's why the end of the joke
is that the barman says,
"The problem with you mathematicians
is you need to know your limits."
There we go! Katie Steckles!
Thank you, Katie Steckles!
APPLAUSE
Cheers, man.
Cheers.
Now, from pints to pies.
Here we go.
Right, come on!
There's sixpence for you.
Let's have a song.
MUSIC: Sing A Song Of Sixpence
How many blackbirds
should be baked in a pie?
4 and 20.
KLAXON
4 and 20!
That's what it says
in the song, Sandi.
Yes, but not baked in the pie -
is the mistake.
They were known as surprise pies,
and it was a genuine thing.
They used to cook the pastry case
and then they would put
live animals in so they could
emerge at the table,
and the idea was to startle them,
entertain the guests.
Scare the shit out of everybody!
They wouldn't just put birds in.
So there was a chef
called Robert May.
He was born in 1588. And he is...
Oh, Bobby May, Bobby May,
yeah, yeah.
..famous for his elaborate
centrepieces, and he put them
in together, frogs and birds,
and the pie would open
and they would fly and jump out.
It's like the Sharks and the Jets!
It's a nightmare in there!
Frogs and flick knives.
So the whole point was
the showmanship of it.
There used to be a thing
called bride pie,
so before wedding cake,
that was the traditional thing
to serve at English weddings,
and it was just the best food
that you had available to you.
And, if a woman had a baby,
she'd have a groaning pie.
That's what they used
to call childbirth.
They used to call it groaning time.
Right, pies away, please.
Anyone want a pie?
AUDIENCE: Yes.
Come on, let's give them the pie.