QI (2003–…): Season 16, Episode 11 - Potpourri - full transcript
Sandi Toksvig examines a potpourri of quite interesting topics with regular panellist Alan Davies and their guests - comedians Phill Jupitus, Rhod Gilbert and Cally Beaton.
This programme contains
some strong language.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Welcome to QI, which tonight
is a bit of a potpourri -
pounds and pounds of pungently
perfumed petals of pertinent points
piled precariously in
a pot for your pleasure.
Mm, that's perfume.
That was very good!
Thank you, darling. Thank you!
Not bad for a foreigner.
Mm, that perfume is a clue,
just smell that panel-pourri.
The fragrant Cally Beaton.
The pungent Rhod Gilbert.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
The fruity Phill Jupiter.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
DROWNS OUT SPEECH
And the unmistakable waft
of geranium, leather,
moss, coffee,
toasted cheese, Biro ink,
musk, ox, Johnson's baby powder
and football sock
that is Alan Davies!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Right, let's hear their ringtones.
Cally goes...
TRADITIONAL TELEPHONE RING
Oh, very nice.
Rhod goes...
MORE MODERN PHONE RING
Phill goes...
NOKIA RINGTONE
And Alan goes...
PHONE DISCONNECT TONE
The number you have dialled
has not been recognised...
..you idiot!
Sorry about that. Wow.
OK, I've got a gift for you all now.
I've got your very own QI
periscopes. OK? Have a look.
What are you going to use them for?
OK, have a look through.
Oh, that's a good idea. Yeah...
It's very clever, because even
though you're down below,
you can still see the audience,
even though you're below the desk.
You have totally
understood periscopes!
I can't see the audience now!
I can't see the audience!
No, you need your periscope,
darling. It's the thing...
My periscope doesn't work.
PHILL: Where's Alan gone?!
Alan?!
I can see your periscope, Phill,
I can see your periscope!
I can see yours as well!
Are you under the desk?
I am under the desk, Alan!
I'm coming up! OK.
I'm now above the desk, Phill.
We toyed with the idea of having two
five-year-old boys on the panel...
..and then we thought, "No need!"
This is me going down the stairs.
I'm coming up now.
Oh, I've forgotten something.
He's having so much fun under there,
you should see his little face.
I really, really enjoyed that.
Phill, get up now. You're all right.
I'm going to be honest...
Yeah, do you need a hand?
..Getting up takes a bit
of a while...
I'll help you...
Come on. That's...
I'm coming, I'm on my way. Jesus!
I'm on my way.
OK, OK... Thank you. Thanks, Mum.
Can I have this?
Yes, you can have them.
Cos we've got quite
a high garden wall
and I've often wanted
to look over it.
Didn't you build
the high garden wall, Alan?
Uh, yes.
I could... It's true to say
I could have a lower one.
But really, I want to go like that.
The high garden wall does that for
you, to be honest.
Rhod, yours has got no mirrors in
it... Yes, we've established that.
..because I had yours made in
Scandinavia, because the last time
you were on, you said it's not
possible to see anything
in Scandinavia because
it's dark all the time.
So I have specially had a periscope
made for you
where it's just dark
all the time.
About two years ago, for a joke,
I said that there was no sunshine
in Denmark,
and you've been waiting there for
two years,
sitting there, biding your time...
Do you know, revenge...
served cold.
I mean, I say two years.
It's been two years for me.
It's probably the next day for you.
Yeah, that's true.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Oh, no!
I stand by it!
What would you use periscopes for?
Let's work out what...
They're to see difficult things,
aren't they? Like what?
It could very much show your
go-getting attitude
at an interview for the Navy,
bringing your own periscope.
I was thinking maybe submarines.
Yes. So submarines, but they don't
use the old-fashioned periscope
any more on a submarine.
Did the cardboard get soggy?
Is that why...?
Can I ask a question, Sandi?
Yes, Rhod.
Is your periscope bigger
than ours because you're the host?
Well, what can you do?
Or is it because of
your diminutive stature?
Yes, I think because I need
the extra help with the periscope.
Imagine how much easier shopping's
going to be for you now with that.
Do you know...
Alpen, they've got Alpen!
On submarines, you don't want just
one person seeing what's going on,
so they project the image
now onto monitors.
And here is a wonderful thing -
the control panel for the ones
you need on a submarine,
it normally costs 38,000,
and they did a survey of
younger sailors who went,
"Yeah, it's just exactly the same
as an Xbox controller,
"and they're 30."
And they now can be bought
in any world port.
The USS Colorado is now equipped
exclusively with Xbox controllers
and most modern submarines
are going to follow suit.
So are they playing games
against other submarines?
Is that how it works?
I think that is one way
of referring to warfare, but...
There was a woman in the 1930s,
a Californian woman called
Dorothy Beck, and she wanted
to draw fish under water.
So she used an inverted periscope,
so she got, I think,
a local man to hold it.
And he held it into the water,
and she sat by the water with a...
This is not one of her pictures...
And she would sit by the water,
and using the periscope down
into the water,
she was able to paint and draw fish
in their natural habitat.
Periscopes, like telescopes,
only... peri-er.
Now...
..everybody likes a bit of
potpourri, even though, you know,
it's both smelly and useless,
and that's also true of something
else these days - phone boxes.
So, can you suggest something useful
to do
with a phone box, please?
You could put a couple of mirrors
in it and get some poor bugger
to hold it while you paint fish
all day, couldn't you?
I like your thinking. Yeah. Yeah.
They're shower cubicles
in California, aren't they?
The Calis love to buy them.
The Callys? I've never bought one
in my life. Wahey!
You're absolutely right,
they can be bought by anybody.
You can buy a phone box for 2,750.
If you're a community or a village,
you can adopt one for 1
if you wanted to look after it.
But they have been repurposed
in about,
well, more than 3,000 ways
that we know of.
There's one near us
that's a coffee shop.
That's not a lot of customers
they get...
No, well, the guy who runs it
has to stand outside the phone box.
He hasn't thought it through.
They've been turned
into defibrillator stores,
they're art galleries, libraries,
an unattended grocery store
in Draughton in Yorkshire.
There was one made into an aquarium.
That's a Welsh one, that.
How can you tell that, darling?
"Dim arian..."
Oh, "Dim arian, dim problem."
"Dim arian, dim problem."
Do they not have
a Welsh word for "problem"?
No, it's the English that don't have
a word for...
HEAVILY ACCENTED WELSH: ..problem.
They didn't have any problems
till the English turned up!
Tom Jones bought one, presumably,
and then had it exported to LA.
I met Tom Jones once. I was
producing a play, which Tom Jones
was going to be in, and I was due to
meet him at the Dorchester Hotel.
When I arrived, they said,
"Mr Jones would like you to go up to
his suite."
I said, "Fair enough..."
So she went up there...
I went up... That was the press
outside the window!
And I knocked on the door,
and he opened the door,
and he was wearing the SHORTEST
dressing gown I've ever seen
in my life. It just came to here.
Did you see little Tom? No!
Anyway...
You were about eye level
with little Tom, I imagine...
He's actually charming,
we got on very well.
It was also, which you might like,
the world's smallest pub
for a single day, The Dog And Bone,
in the Cambridgeshire village
of Shepreth.
They dispensed everything
in very small quantities,
but unfortunately, they ran out
at 10:30 and had to call time.
Dog and Bone, rhyming slang -
I see what they've done there.
Yeah, you see what they've done.
For flyering in Edinburgh
and postering,
we put them all up in
the phone boxes, don't we?
Well, you guys have people to do it.
I put my own up...
I enlist my kids to help me put
posters up, and this year,
I was saying to my daughter,
I was like,
"Just get in there and
put the bloody poster up."
She was like, "I can't, Mum.
I said, "Will you just do it?!"
She said, "There's people having sex
in there, Mum - I can't."
Anybody know who designed
the classic phone box?
Phoney Box o' the Box family.
Mr Phone Box.
Did all the boxes.
His brother Pill did the pillbox.
Sir Giles...
Gilbert, there's a Gilbert in it!
Sir Giles Gilbert Scott.
That's why I knew.
Very, very good.
The man who also had a hand in
the design of
the Battersea and Bankside Power
Station, so currently Tate Modern.
Supposedly, he was inspired by
the mausoleum that was designed
by the neoclassical architect
Sir John Soane
for his own tomb,
which you can see...
Oh, you could put a phone in there!
Yeah, well, it looks exactly
just like it, doesn't it? Yeah!
It's at St Pancras Old Church
in London, and the different...
Is that why every time you pick up
the phone, it was dead?
CROWD GROANS
Shut up, shut up!
LAUGHTER
So there are lots of worthwhile
things you can do with a phone box,
but what about something
that isn't worthwhile?
What pointless and puerile
phone box prank
propagated prolifically
from place to place?
It was people stuffing themselves
in, wasn't it?
Yeah, you're absolutely right.
1959, the year of the great
phone booth stuffing fad.
It began in Durban in South Africa.
25 students were crammed
into a phone box.
It's a world record that has still
not been beaten.
I take a very dim view of that.
Some of those guys have only got
a toe in. You're absolutely right.
There was a Canadian school who
claimed that they'd got
40 students in, but they had
an outsized fraternity hall booth,
they laid it on its side.
So, just like you, they decided to
bring in some rules. Right.
So the rules were...
About time.
..the booth had to be upright,
it had to be a normal size,
everybody had to have at least
half a body inside it.
Only half a body? Half a body.
The stuffing fad spread
to lots of other objects -
cars, outdoor lavatories,
there was a hollow tree
at the University of Maine.
Then the next phase was hunkering.
Anybody know what that is?
I've heard the phrase
hunkering down - that's it.
CALLY: Do you go into holes? No, you
literally go down onto your haunches
for as long as possible.
Is that to hunker, is it?
To hunker, yes. To hunker down?
Yeah, so this was apparently a fad -
how long could you hunker for?
That was a fad?! Yes.
Some people hunkered
in phone booths.
That was a thing. On car roofs...
Like sitting like this -
has this ever been a big thing?
Well... Anybody else ever done other
student pranks?
Things like a Chinese fire drill?
I grew up in New York -
we used to do it all the time.
So you turn up at the lights.
You need a full car of people.
As soon as the lights turn red,
you open all the doors
and you have to run all
the way around the car,
and whoever's not in the car
when the lights turn green
is left behind.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Why is it called
the Chinese fire drill?
I have absolutely no idea.
We had Chinese burns, didn't we?
Oh, yeah, they were very...
Yeah, do you remember those? Yeah...
But I like a prank!
So there was a Harvard-Yale football
match in 2004,
and some Yale supporters disguised
themselves in Harvard colours,
and they gave out red-and-white
cards to spectators
on the Harvard side of the stadium.
And they said, "If you hold them
up above your heads,
"it'll say, 'Go Harvard!'"
And in fact, it spelled out,
"We suck".
Possibly the greatest prankster
of all was a Roman emperor.
He was called Elagabalus, and he was
only emperor for four years -
from 14 to 18 -
and he was unbelievably eccentric,
decadent,
even by standards of the time,
and he was a very keen
practical joker.
So he once filled a full ceiling
above a banqueting hall
entirely with flowers,
and then had them dumped
onto the diners below.
And some of them smothered to death.
It is the only death by potpourri
that we know of.
Elagabalus, he was amazing,
so he would...
Quite often, people
were having dinner,
he would let in lions and bears
and leopards while they're
eating, and...
LAUGHTER
And not tell anybody
they'd been defanged and declawed
and it was perfectly fine,
and some people died of fright.
He would also let the same animals
into people's bedrooms
while they were sleeping.
And he was particularly fond
of inviting poor people to dinner
and giving them paintings of food.
If you were one of those
wild animals, though,
and you'd been defanged
and declawed,
your heart wouldn't be in the prank,
would it? No, not...
Stuffing phone boxes was the
ice bucket challenge of its day.
Did anybody do the ice
bucket challenge? No. No.
I had the weirdest
experience with that.
So I didn't know anything about it,
and my son phoned me up and he said,
"Mum, Daniel Craig has
just challenged you
"to the ice bucket challenge."
Now, I've never met Daniel...
Daniel Craig?! Yeah.
Anyway, as chance would have it,
that evening,
I was at a party and there he was.
So, I went up to him
and I said, "You bastard.
"Why have you challenged
me to this thing?"
I said, "The chances of us
ever meeting again, very slight,
"let's do it straight away."
So, we were backstage
at the Royal Festival Hall,
we went into my dressing room
and into the shower,
and I have a video of me and
Daniel Craig in the shower
doing the ice bucket challenge.
Do you spend your
whole time with showbiz men,
semi-naked, in...?
Did he come out wearing
a very short dressing gown?
Sandi, I thought I
understood you, but I'm...
I don't... I'm like a magnet.
He was perfectly charming.
Now, to give the show
a bit of a "Philip",
there have been two
King Philips of Macedon,
six King Philips of Spain,
six King Philips of France,
and of course,
one King Phillip of QI.
Yay!
But when...?
When will we get a
King Philip of England?
We're not.
Not never.
Never say never.
In the future.
No, not in the future.
We've had one.
We've had one, but he
is not normally taught
in the school monarchs.
King Philip of England,
he reigned for four years
15541558.
He was actually King
Philip II of Spain,
but he was king of England
and Ireland by virtue
of his marriage to Queen Mary,
so not a consort like Queen
Elizabeth's Prince Philip,
but actually crowned king
in his own right.
So both their faces
were on the coins.
Parliament was called
under their joint authority,
and he actually lived in England,
just under a year,
July 1554-1555.
He married her, he was 27,
she was 37.
It's kind of an odd thing.
He only spoke Castilian Spanish,
so the whole marriage must've been
conducted through an interpreter.
I wonder what attracted her to him
at 27 when she was 37. Who knows?
It's rather sweet,
when she died, he wrote,
"I felt a reasonable
regret for her death."
Maybe it's better in Spanish.
He proposed marriage to her
half-sister, of course, Elizabeth.
Classy, classy move.
Classy, classy.
The Philippines are named after him,
he ruled the Spanish Empire.
He had very slim legs!
It does look like they've
photoshopped his head
onto the body of a child. Yeah.
In the potpourri show,
it's finally time for a
bit of Popery.
Ooh. Potpourri?
Potpourri, potpourri,
potpourri show... Potpurri, yes.
..and time for a bit of Popery.
Popery, ah...
Yes, do you see?
Why would you say the
Pope's name three times
and then whack his ring
with a hammer?
His ring?
Because...
Because he forgot the safe word.
APPLAUSE
Bloody marvellous.
I live for those moments.
He doesn't say a lot, but when
he says it, it lands.
Are you talking about the Pope now?
The answer is because he's...
A nail?
Oh... Francis, Francis, Francis!
Bang.
Because he's dead? Because he's
dead, you're absolutely right.
Why do you have to hit
his ring with a hammer?
OK, so, there's a thing called
the Apostolic Camera.
So it's an office of
the Roman Curia
that is a largely ceremonial
office, until the Pope dies.
At this point, the camerlengo,
he's the cardinal in charge
of the Apostolic Camera.
IN POOR ITALIAN ACCENT:
Cardinal in charge.
And he comes.
I'm in charge of it.
His duty is to
ceremonially verify...
And whack you with
a fucking hammer.
Bang, bang, bang!
Francis, Francis, Francis. Boom!
Right in the ring hole.
Well, kind of.
So he has to call the Pope by
his baptismal name three times,
so the Pope's baptismal name
is Jorge, so he says...
"Jorge, dormisne?" Jorge!
"George, are you sleeping?"
And then he has to destroy
his Fisherman's ring,
so that is the signet ring that
he wears of the picture
of St Peter fishing,
along with the papal's seal.
It is sometimes said that they also
have to hit the Pope on the head
with the hammer.
I think this seems very improbable,
but the Vatican will
neither confirm nor deny.
We have asked.
Sticking with priests
for the moment,
who was the Mad Monk of Russia?
Here it comes. Rasputin is...
I thought I'd take that
for the team.
Take one for the team,
thank you, Cally.
Why was he not the mad
Monk of Russia?
He wasn't mad and he wasn't a monk.
He wasn't a monk,
is the truth of it,
he was never a monk.
The guy who referred to himself
as the Mad Monk
was a one-time friend of Rasputin's,
he was called Sergei Trufanov,
also known as Iliodor, there he is.
And he wrote his memoirs, they were
published in New York in 1918,
and he published them as
the Mad Monk of Russia.
And that book is one
of the primary sources
that we have for
the life of Rasputin.
So the Mad Monk is the less famous
Iliodor and not Rasputin,
but because we know so much
about Rasputin from this book,
The Mad Monk of Russia,
that is why we associate him.
I think everybody knows
that Rasputin was a faith healer,
and he parlayed his claim to be
able to help the son of the Tsar
into a position of
tremendous influence
in the Russian Imperial court.
There's a theory, a sort of rogue
theory about Putin being
the reincarnation of Rasputin, and
there was a thing that was about,
they took some of Putin's pubic hair
and then they took some
of Rasputin's residual
testicular fluid,
and the DNA was exactly the same.
I'm struggling with the whole of
that story, so... Yeah.
I do like the phrase
"residual testicular fluid". Yeah.
I'm going to need...
I shall be using that again,
I'm not sure when.
Can I have a vodka residual
testicular fluid, please?
So they're going to need
an unwashed sheet of some kind?
Yeah, Putin left his
pubic hairs everywhere.
Yeah, they scraped it
off the back of a tiger.
The Mad Monk of Russia
wasn't Rasputin,
it was some bloke
you've never heard of.
Now, we know that Rasputin
was a massive player,
but who is the most dangerous
football player of all time?
Stanley Knife Matthews.
Are we talking about offences
committed on the field
or in another life as an assassin
or carpet bombing?
No, I'm talking about actually
on the football pitch.
Does it have something
to do with the early,
very early origins of football?
In the 16th century,
if somebody died accidentally
during a football game,
all of the players were put
on trial for manslaughter.
And, in theory, the person who was
responsible for the accident
was liable to be hanged.
Now, the courts were
reluctant to do this,
so the coroner would return
a verdict of murder,
but the name of the culprit
was always John at Stile.
So, it's a legal fiction,
it's a bit like John Doe today.
So, on paper, John at Stile
is still the most dangerous
footballer in history.
There's a wonderful professor
in Oxford called Steven Gunn,
and he studies...
I like, I like people
to study very specific things.
He studies accidental death
in 16th century England.
And we have established,
through his work,
that football was
unbelievably dangerous.
It caused more deaths than sword
fighting in the 16th century.
There were at least
seven deaths in England,
I have to say, beaten only
by 56 people who died
in archery accidents.
Of the seven football deaths,
two accidentally were stabbed
with a knife while tackling.
Joint third, sword fighting,
wrestling and bell-ringing -
three deaths each.
Hammer throwing - two deaths.
One person died in a game of quoits.
I have no idea why.
In one of the archery deaths,
there was a man who accidentally
shot himself in the head in 1552.
That's quite hard, isn't it?
It's quite tricky.
He was called Henry Pert,
from Welbeck.
Just got the bow
the wrong way round?
Well, he drew the bow
to full extent... Plunk!
..and the idea was to aim it
straight up into the air,
and the arrow lodged into the bow,
and so he leant over to have a look.
No! Yeah...
How did the bell-ringers,
like, did they fall?
No, they go high, have you
seen in The Sound of Music,
and they go down, there's that one
kid that's going up and down
for the whole intermezzo,
isn't there, in that?
Yeah, I didn't think
that was a documentary, though.
Do the bells fall on them or
do they go up and then fall?
No, the bells... They fell. So they
went back up and then they fell?
Yeah. See, I was right.
Handgun accidents,
they don't start to overtake
archery until the 1550s.
The very first one was 1519 in Hull,
so there was a Hull woman,
she was accidentally
shot by a Frenchman,
rather brilliantly
called Peter Frenchman...
That's got to be a nickname, that.
She had never seen a gun before,
she didn't know what it was...
Friday night in Hull.
She just walked in front of it
while it was being fired.
Saying that, my dad walked
in front of a dartboard
and got a dart straight
in the side of his head.
Did he not know what
a dartboard was?
I mean, she had an excuse,
she'd never seen a gun before.
Yeah, well, he was shit-faced.
That's fair enough.
Lots of people died drowning,
most people couldn't swim.
There's a story of a
Cambridge baker, he drowned,
he fell into a cesspit
while relieving himself.
So you said more people died
during... Than sword fighting.
..football than sword... Yeah.
But it's a bit like hippos
are more dangerous than sharks.
Do you know, I once went
to a barbecue in Mozambique
where we had hippo,
and it was deeply unpleasant.
For you or for the hippo?
I just had fermented shark
in Iceland. Oh, in Iceland!
I was there last week. So was I.
Were you? Yeah.
It's so dark, I didn't see you.
You know what that's like, Sandi.
I'm standing by my
"Denmark is pitch dark..."
That's why you export all your
bacon, cos it's so dark over there,
you haven't got time to do a cooked
breakfast, there's no point.
You've hardly got time for a soft
boiled egg, it's so dark over there,
you just grab a handful of dry
cereal before it's night-time again.
For a man who thinks it's a place
where there is no sunshine,
you spend a lot of time
in Scandinavia.
He means the supermarket with the
frozen food, that's...
Now for our weekly portion
of jiggery potpourri, huh?
Thank you. The general ignorance
round,
fingers on buzzers, if you please.
In 1580, Francis Drake
and his crew became the first
Englishmen to circumnavigate the...
The globe.
Well, the question was,
what did they call their ship?
Is it a famous ship?
Yes, Sir Francis Drake, famous ship,
what did they call the ship?
The Golden Hind.
The Golden Hind is not correct.
So when he set sail, he set sail
from Plymouth, December 1577,
the ship he was in was
called the Pelican.
There is a popular account
that it was renamed the Golden Hind
and that this apparently happened
at the Straits of Magellan,
but there is no evidence that
the crew used this new name
at any time. Certainly, Drake's
second in command, John Wynter,
he used the name
the Pelican throughout.
But it appears likely that the ship
now called the Golden Hind
was actually called the Pelican
by the crew
throughout the entire voyage.
Anyway...
Drake Passage is off the
southern tip of South America,
does anybody know what the southern
tip of South America is called?
Cape Horn. It is Cape Horn.
Does anybody know what the
southern tip of Africa is called?
Yes. The Cape of Good Hope.
It's not called the Cape of
Good Hope, you crazy fool!
I don't care, I don't care.
I don't care. It's good not
to care. Bring it on.
The southernmost point of Africa
is actually called Cape Agulhas.
There it is, about 90 miles away,
you can see the Cape of Good Hope.
There's not much to see there,
there's a sort of rocky beach,
they placed a bit of a plaque
so that you can see.
It marks the dividing line
between the Indian Ocean
and the Atlantic Ocean,
so a relatively cold one
and a relatively warm one.
The Cape of Good Hope is the bit
that the Flying Dutchman
couldn't get round.
Does anybody know, while
we're on southernmost parts,
the southernmost part of
the north American continent?
Well, it's all connected up,
isn't it,
to the south American continent?
Oh, no. The north shore
of, of the, of the canal,
of the Panama Canal.
It's really an astonishing thing,
it's actually Australia.
Geologists have discovered that
there is an area around Georgetown
in northern Queensland that was
once part of North America
more than a billion years ago.
It's got rocks in the area
that are unlike any other rock
deposits in Australia.
Oh, here we go. Here we go again.
What?
With this show's...
This, the QI ceaseless bullshit.
It's Australia!
Sorry, have I upset you, darling?
Oh, no, it's like the sun not
being there when it was there
and all those other
things that happened...
The southernmost point
of mainland Australia
is rather brilliantly South Point.
But which is wider,
Australia or the Moon?
Ooh, that's a good one.
Hang on.
Um...
The Moon.
Are they the same?
Australia.
Well done. The Moon is somewhat
less than the width of Australia.
Is it? So, Australia's about 4,000
kilometres and the Moon is 3,500.
If you're observing from the Moon,
Australia would look the same size
as the Moon does to us. Yeah.
But which one's got
the greatest surface area?
The Moon.
Yeah, cos it's a sphere. Yeah.
APPLAUSE
So, let's see how all the little
petals in my potpourri have done.
Coming up smelling of roses
with 4 points and the winner,
it's Phill!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Lightly perfumed with -6, it's Rhod.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
I'm very happy with that,
very happy. Very happy.
Lightly musty with -11, Cally!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
A bit of old stinkwort
with -44, Alan. -44?!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
It only remains for me to thank
Cally, Phill, Rhod and Alan.
I leave you with this -
the great French marshal,
Lyautey, once asked his
gardener to plant a tree.
The gardener objected that the
tree would not reach maturity
for 100 years. The marshal replied,
"In that case,
"there's no time to lose,
plant this afternoon."
Thank you and goodnight.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
some strong language.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Welcome to QI, which tonight
is a bit of a potpourri -
pounds and pounds of pungently
perfumed petals of pertinent points
piled precariously in
a pot for your pleasure.
Mm, that's perfume.
That was very good!
Thank you, darling. Thank you!
Not bad for a foreigner.
Mm, that perfume is a clue,
just smell that panel-pourri.
The fragrant Cally Beaton.
The pungent Rhod Gilbert.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
The fruity Phill Jupiter.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
DROWNS OUT SPEECH
And the unmistakable waft
of geranium, leather,
moss, coffee,
toasted cheese, Biro ink,
musk, ox, Johnson's baby powder
and football sock
that is Alan Davies!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Right, let's hear their ringtones.
Cally goes...
TRADITIONAL TELEPHONE RING
Oh, very nice.
Rhod goes...
MORE MODERN PHONE RING
Phill goes...
NOKIA RINGTONE
And Alan goes...
PHONE DISCONNECT TONE
The number you have dialled
has not been recognised...
..you idiot!
Sorry about that. Wow.
OK, I've got a gift for you all now.
I've got your very own QI
periscopes. OK? Have a look.
What are you going to use them for?
OK, have a look through.
Oh, that's a good idea. Yeah...
It's very clever, because even
though you're down below,
you can still see the audience,
even though you're below the desk.
You have totally
understood periscopes!
I can't see the audience now!
I can't see the audience!
No, you need your periscope,
darling. It's the thing...
My periscope doesn't work.
PHILL: Where's Alan gone?!
Alan?!
I can see your periscope, Phill,
I can see your periscope!
I can see yours as well!
Are you under the desk?
I am under the desk, Alan!
I'm coming up! OK.
I'm now above the desk, Phill.
We toyed with the idea of having two
five-year-old boys on the panel...
..and then we thought, "No need!"
This is me going down the stairs.
I'm coming up now.
Oh, I've forgotten something.
He's having so much fun under there,
you should see his little face.
I really, really enjoyed that.
Phill, get up now. You're all right.
I'm going to be honest...
Yeah, do you need a hand?
..Getting up takes a bit
of a while...
I'll help you...
Come on. That's...
I'm coming, I'm on my way. Jesus!
I'm on my way.
OK, OK... Thank you. Thanks, Mum.
Can I have this?
Yes, you can have them.
Cos we've got quite
a high garden wall
and I've often wanted
to look over it.
Didn't you build
the high garden wall, Alan?
Uh, yes.
I could... It's true to say
I could have a lower one.
But really, I want to go like that.
The high garden wall does that for
you, to be honest.
Rhod, yours has got no mirrors in
it... Yes, we've established that.
..because I had yours made in
Scandinavia, because the last time
you were on, you said it's not
possible to see anything
in Scandinavia because
it's dark all the time.
So I have specially had a periscope
made for you
where it's just dark
all the time.
About two years ago, for a joke,
I said that there was no sunshine
in Denmark,
and you've been waiting there for
two years,
sitting there, biding your time...
Do you know, revenge...
served cold.
I mean, I say two years.
It's been two years for me.
It's probably the next day for you.
Yeah, that's true.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Oh, no!
I stand by it!
What would you use periscopes for?
Let's work out what...
They're to see difficult things,
aren't they? Like what?
It could very much show your
go-getting attitude
at an interview for the Navy,
bringing your own periscope.
I was thinking maybe submarines.
Yes. So submarines, but they don't
use the old-fashioned periscope
any more on a submarine.
Did the cardboard get soggy?
Is that why...?
Can I ask a question, Sandi?
Yes, Rhod.
Is your periscope bigger
than ours because you're the host?
Well, what can you do?
Or is it because of
your diminutive stature?
Yes, I think because I need
the extra help with the periscope.
Imagine how much easier shopping's
going to be for you now with that.
Do you know...
Alpen, they've got Alpen!
On submarines, you don't want just
one person seeing what's going on,
so they project the image
now onto monitors.
And here is a wonderful thing -
the control panel for the ones
you need on a submarine,
it normally costs 38,000,
and they did a survey of
younger sailors who went,
"Yeah, it's just exactly the same
as an Xbox controller,
"and they're 30."
And they now can be bought
in any world port.
The USS Colorado is now equipped
exclusively with Xbox controllers
and most modern submarines
are going to follow suit.
So are they playing games
against other submarines?
Is that how it works?
I think that is one way
of referring to warfare, but...
There was a woman in the 1930s,
a Californian woman called
Dorothy Beck, and she wanted
to draw fish under water.
So she used an inverted periscope,
so she got, I think,
a local man to hold it.
And he held it into the water,
and she sat by the water with a...
This is not one of her pictures...
And she would sit by the water,
and using the periscope down
into the water,
she was able to paint and draw fish
in their natural habitat.
Periscopes, like telescopes,
only... peri-er.
Now...
..everybody likes a bit of
potpourri, even though, you know,
it's both smelly and useless,
and that's also true of something
else these days - phone boxes.
So, can you suggest something useful
to do
with a phone box, please?
You could put a couple of mirrors
in it and get some poor bugger
to hold it while you paint fish
all day, couldn't you?
I like your thinking. Yeah. Yeah.
They're shower cubicles
in California, aren't they?
The Calis love to buy them.
The Callys? I've never bought one
in my life. Wahey!
You're absolutely right,
they can be bought by anybody.
You can buy a phone box for 2,750.
If you're a community or a village,
you can adopt one for 1
if you wanted to look after it.
But they have been repurposed
in about,
well, more than 3,000 ways
that we know of.
There's one near us
that's a coffee shop.
That's not a lot of customers
they get...
No, well, the guy who runs it
has to stand outside the phone box.
He hasn't thought it through.
They've been turned
into defibrillator stores,
they're art galleries, libraries,
an unattended grocery store
in Draughton in Yorkshire.
There was one made into an aquarium.
That's a Welsh one, that.
How can you tell that, darling?
"Dim arian..."
Oh, "Dim arian, dim problem."
"Dim arian, dim problem."
Do they not have
a Welsh word for "problem"?
No, it's the English that don't have
a word for...
HEAVILY ACCENTED WELSH: ..problem.
They didn't have any problems
till the English turned up!
Tom Jones bought one, presumably,
and then had it exported to LA.
I met Tom Jones once. I was
producing a play, which Tom Jones
was going to be in, and I was due to
meet him at the Dorchester Hotel.
When I arrived, they said,
"Mr Jones would like you to go up to
his suite."
I said, "Fair enough..."
So she went up there...
I went up... That was the press
outside the window!
And I knocked on the door,
and he opened the door,
and he was wearing the SHORTEST
dressing gown I've ever seen
in my life. It just came to here.
Did you see little Tom? No!
Anyway...
You were about eye level
with little Tom, I imagine...
He's actually charming,
we got on very well.
It was also, which you might like,
the world's smallest pub
for a single day, The Dog And Bone,
in the Cambridgeshire village
of Shepreth.
They dispensed everything
in very small quantities,
but unfortunately, they ran out
at 10:30 and had to call time.
Dog and Bone, rhyming slang -
I see what they've done there.
Yeah, you see what they've done.
For flyering in Edinburgh
and postering,
we put them all up in
the phone boxes, don't we?
Well, you guys have people to do it.
I put my own up...
I enlist my kids to help me put
posters up, and this year,
I was saying to my daughter,
I was like,
"Just get in there and
put the bloody poster up."
She was like, "I can't, Mum.
I said, "Will you just do it?!"
She said, "There's people having sex
in there, Mum - I can't."
Anybody know who designed
the classic phone box?
Phoney Box o' the Box family.
Mr Phone Box.
Did all the boxes.
His brother Pill did the pillbox.
Sir Giles...
Gilbert, there's a Gilbert in it!
Sir Giles Gilbert Scott.
That's why I knew.
Very, very good.
The man who also had a hand in
the design of
the Battersea and Bankside Power
Station, so currently Tate Modern.
Supposedly, he was inspired by
the mausoleum that was designed
by the neoclassical architect
Sir John Soane
for his own tomb,
which you can see...
Oh, you could put a phone in there!
Yeah, well, it looks exactly
just like it, doesn't it? Yeah!
It's at St Pancras Old Church
in London, and the different...
Is that why every time you pick up
the phone, it was dead?
CROWD GROANS
Shut up, shut up!
LAUGHTER
So there are lots of worthwhile
things you can do with a phone box,
but what about something
that isn't worthwhile?
What pointless and puerile
phone box prank
propagated prolifically
from place to place?
It was people stuffing themselves
in, wasn't it?
Yeah, you're absolutely right.
1959, the year of the great
phone booth stuffing fad.
It began in Durban in South Africa.
25 students were crammed
into a phone box.
It's a world record that has still
not been beaten.
I take a very dim view of that.
Some of those guys have only got
a toe in. You're absolutely right.
There was a Canadian school who
claimed that they'd got
40 students in, but they had
an outsized fraternity hall booth,
they laid it on its side.
So, just like you, they decided to
bring in some rules. Right.
So the rules were...
About time.
..the booth had to be upright,
it had to be a normal size,
everybody had to have at least
half a body inside it.
Only half a body? Half a body.
The stuffing fad spread
to lots of other objects -
cars, outdoor lavatories,
there was a hollow tree
at the University of Maine.
Then the next phase was hunkering.
Anybody know what that is?
I've heard the phrase
hunkering down - that's it.
CALLY: Do you go into holes? No, you
literally go down onto your haunches
for as long as possible.
Is that to hunker, is it?
To hunker, yes. To hunker down?
Yeah, so this was apparently a fad -
how long could you hunker for?
That was a fad?! Yes.
Some people hunkered
in phone booths.
That was a thing. On car roofs...
Like sitting like this -
has this ever been a big thing?
Well... Anybody else ever done other
student pranks?
Things like a Chinese fire drill?
I grew up in New York -
we used to do it all the time.
So you turn up at the lights.
You need a full car of people.
As soon as the lights turn red,
you open all the doors
and you have to run all
the way around the car,
and whoever's not in the car
when the lights turn green
is left behind.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Why is it called
the Chinese fire drill?
I have absolutely no idea.
We had Chinese burns, didn't we?
Oh, yeah, they were very...
Yeah, do you remember those? Yeah...
But I like a prank!
So there was a Harvard-Yale football
match in 2004,
and some Yale supporters disguised
themselves in Harvard colours,
and they gave out red-and-white
cards to spectators
on the Harvard side of the stadium.
And they said, "If you hold them
up above your heads,
"it'll say, 'Go Harvard!'"
And in fact, it spelled out,
"We suck".
Possibly the greatest prankster
of all was a Roman emperor.
He was called Elagabalus, and he was
only emperor for four years -
from 14 to 18 -
and he was unbelievably eccentric,
decadent,
even by standards of the time,
and he was a very keen
practical joker.
So he once filled a full ceiling
above a banqueting hall
entirely with flowers,
and then had them dumped
onto the diners below.
And some of them smothered to death.
It is the only death by potpourri
that we know of.
Elagabalus, he was amazing,
so he would...
Quite often, people
were having dinner,
he would let in lions and bears
and leopards while they're
eating, and...
LAUGHTER
And not tell anybody
they'd been defanged and declawed
and it was perfectly fine,
and some people died of fright.
He would also let the same animals
into people's bedrooms
while they were sleeping.
And he was particularly fond
of inviting poor people to dinner
and giving them paintings of food.
If you were one of those
wild animals, though,
and you'd been defanged
and declawed,
your heart wouldn't be in the prank,
would it? No, not...
Stuffing phone boxes was the
ice bucket challenge of its day.
Did anybody do the ice
bucket challenge? No. No.
I had the weirdest
experience with that.
So I didn't know anything about it,
and my son phoned me up and he said,
"Mum, Daniel Craig has
just challenged you
"to the ice bucket challenge."
Now, I've never met Daniel...
Daniel Craig?! Yeah.
Anyway, as chance would have it,
that evening,
I was at a party and there he was.
So, I went up to him
and I said, "You bastard.
"Why have you challenged
me to this thing?"
I said, "The chances of us
ever meeting again, very slight,
"let's do it straight away."
So, we were backstage
at the Royal Festival Hall,
we went into my dressing room
and into the shower,
and I have a video of me and
Daniel Craig in the shower
doing the ice bucket challenge.
Do you spend your
whole time with showbiz men,
semi-naked, in...?
Did he come out wearing
a very short dressing gown?
Sandi, I thought I
understood you, but I'm...
I don't... I'm like a magnet.
He was perfectly charming.
Now, to give the show
a bit of a "Philip",
there have been two
King Philips of Macedon,
six King Philips of Spain,
six King Philips of France,
and of course,
one King Phillip of QI.
Yay!
But when...?
When will we get a
King Philip of England?
We're not.
Not never.
Never say never.
In the future.
No, not in the future.
We've had one.
We've had one, but he
is not normally taught
in the school monarchs.
King Philip of England,
he reigned for four years
15541558.
He was actually King
Philip II of Spain,
but he was king of England
and Ireland by virtue
of his marriage to Queen Mary,
so not a consort like Queen
Elizabeth's Prince Philip,
but actually crowned king
in his own right.
So both their faces
were on the coins.
Parliament was called
under their joint authority,
and he actually lived in England,
just under a year,
July 1554-1555.
He married her, he was 27,
she was 37.
It's kind of an odd thing.
He only spoke Castilian Spanish,
so the whole marriage must've been
conducted through an interpreter.
I wonder what attracted her to him
at 27 when she was 37. Who knows?
It's rather sweet,
when she died, he wrote,
"I felt a reasonable
regret for her death."
Maybe it's better in Spanish.
He proposed marriage to her
half-sister, of course, Elizabeth.
Classy, classy move.
Classy, classy.
The Philippines are named after him,
he ruled the Spanish Empire.
He had very slim legs!
It does look like they've
photoshopped his head
onto the body of a child. Yeah.
In the potpourri show,
it's finally time for a
bit of Popery.
Ooh. Potpourri?
Potpourri, potpourri,
potpourri show... Potpurri, yes.
..and time for a bit of Popery.
Popery, ah...
Yes, do you see?
Why would you say the
Pope's name three times
and then whack his ring
with a hammer?
His ring?
Because...
Because he forgot the safe word.
APPLAUSE
Bloody marvellous.
I live for those moments.
He doesn't say a lot, but when
he says it, it lands.
Are you talking about the Pope now?
The answer is because he's...
A nail?
Oh... Francis, Francis, Francis!
Bang.
Because he's dead? Because he's
dead, you're absolutely right.
Why do you have to hit
his ring with a hammer?
OK, so, there's a thing called
the Apostolic Camera.
So it's an office of
the Roman Curia
that is a largely ceremonial
office, until the Pope dies.
At this point, the camerlengo,
he's the cardinal in charge
of the Apostolic Camera.
IN POOR ITALIAN ACCENT:
Cardinal in charge.
And he comes.
I'm in charge of it.
His duty is to
ceremonially verify...
And whack you with
a fucking hammer.
Bang, bang, bang!
Francis, Francis, Francis. Boom!
Right in the ring hole.
Well, kind of.
So he has to call the Pope by
his baptismal name three times,
so the Pope's baptismal name
is Jorge, so he says...
"Jorge, dormisne?" Jorge!
"George, are you sleeping?"
And then he has to destroy
his Fisherman's ring,
so that is the signet ring that
he wears of the picture
of St Peter fishing,
along with the papal's seal.
It is sometimes said that they also
have to hit the Pope on the head
with the hammer.
I think this seems very improbable,
but the Vatican will
neither confirm nor deny.
We have asked.
Sticking with priests
for the moment,
who was the Mad Monk of Russia?
Here it comes. Rasputin is...
I thought I'd take that
for the team.
Take one for the team,
thank you, Cally.
Why was he not the mad
Monk of Russia?
He wasn't mad and he wasn't a monk.
He wasn't a monk,
is the truth of it,
he was never a monk.
The guy who referred to himself
as the Mad Monk
was a one-time friend of Rasputin's,
he was called Sergei Trufanov,
also known as Iliodor, there he is.
And he wrote his memoirs, they were
published in New York in 1918,
and he published them as
the Mad Monk of Russia.
And that book is one
of the primary sources
that we have for
the life of Rasputin.
So the Mad Monk is the less famous
Iliodor and not Rasputin,
but because we know so much
about Rasputin from this book,
The Mad Monk of Russia,
that is why we associate him.
I think everybody knows
that Rasputin was a faith healer,
and he parlayed his claim to be
able to help the son of the Tsar
into a position of
tremendous influence
in the Russian Imperial court.
There's a theory, a sort of rogue
theory about Putin being
the reincarnation of Rasputin, and
there was a thing that was about,
they took some of Putin's pubic hair
and then they took some
of Rasputin's residual
testicular fluid,
and the DNA was exactly the same.
I'm struggling with the whole of
that story, so... Yeah.
I do like the phrase
"residual testicular fluid". Yeah.
I'm going to need...
I shall be using that again,
I'm not sure when.
Can I have a vodka residual
testicular fluid, please?
So they're going to need
an unwashed sheet of some kind?
Yeah, Putin left his
pubic hairs everywhere.
Yeah, they scraped it
off the back of a tiger.
The Mad Monk of Russia
wasn't Rasputin,
it was some bloke
you've never heard of.
Now, we know that Rasputin
was a massive player,
but who is the most dangerous
football player of all time?
Stanley Knife Matthews.
Are we talking about offences
committed on the field
or in another life as an assassin
or carpet bombing?
No, I'm talking about actually
on the football pitch.
Does it have something
to do with the early,
very early origins of football?
In the 16th century,
if somebody died accidentally
during a football game,
all of the players were put
on trial for manslaughter.
And, in theory, the person who was
responsible for the accident
was liable to be hanged.
Now, the courts were
reluctant to do this,
so the coroner would return
a verdict of murder,
but the name of the culprit
was always John at Stile.
So, it's a legal fiction,
it's a bit like John Doe today.
So, on paper, John at Stile
is still the most dangerous
footballer in history.
There's a wonderful professor
in Oxford called Steven Gunn,
and he studies...
I like, I like people
to study very specific things.
He studies accidental death
in 16th century England.
And we have established,
through his work,
that football was
unbelievably dangerous.
It caused more deaths than sword
fighting in the 16th century.
There were at least
seven deaths in England,
I have to say, beaten only
by 56 people who died
in archery accidents.
Of the seven football deaths,
two accidentally were stabbed
with a knife while tackling.
Joint third, sword fighting,
wrestling and bell-ringing -
three deaths each.
Hammer throwing - two deaths.
One person died in a game of quoits.
I have no idea why.
In one of the archery deaths,
there was a man who accidentally
shot himself in the head in 1552.
That's quite hard, isn't it?
It's quite tricky.
He was called Henry Pert,
from Welbeck.
Just got the bow
the wrong way round?
Well, he drew the bow
to full extent... Plunk!
..and the idea was to aim it
straight up into the air,
and the arrow lodged into the bow,
and so he leant over to have a look.
No! Yeah...
How did the bell-ringers,
like, did they fall?
No, they go high, have you
seen in The Sound of Music,
and they go down, there's that one
kid that's going up and down
for the whole intermezzo,
isn't there, in that?
Yeah, I didn't think
that was a documentary, though.
Do the bells fall on them or
do they go up and then fall?
No, the bells... They fell. So they
went back up and then they fell?
Yeah. See, I was right.
Handgun accidents,
they don't start to overtake
archery until the 1550s.
The very first one was 1519 in Hull,
so there was a Hull woman,
she was accidentally
shot by a Frenchman,
rather brilliantly
called Peter Frenchman...
That's got to be a nickname, that.
She had never seen a gun before,
she didn't know what it was...
Friday night in Hull.
She just walked in front of it
while it was being fired.
Saying that, my dad walked
in front of a dartboard
and got a dart straight
in the side of his head.
Did he not know what
a dartboard was?
I mean, she had an excuse,
she'd never seen a gun before.
Yeah, well, he was shit-faced.
That's fair enough.
Lots of people died drowning,
most people couldn't swim.
There's a story of a
Cambridge baker, he drowned,
he fell into a cesspit
while relieving himself.
So you said more people died
during... Than sword fighting.
..football than sword... Yeah.
But it's a bit like hippos
are more dangerous than sharks.
Do you know, I once went
to a barbecue in Mozambique
where we had hippo,
and it was deeply unpleasant.
For you or for the hippo?
I just had fermented shark
in Iceland. Oh, in Iceland!
I was there last week. So was I.
Were you? Yeah.
It's so dark, I didn't see you.
You know what that's like, Sandi.
I'm standing by my
"Denmark is pitch dark..."
That's why you export all your
bacon, cos it's so dark over there,
you haven't got time to do a cooked
breakfast, there's no point.
You've hardly got time for a soft
boiled egg, it's so dark over there,
you just grab a handful of dry
cereal before it's night-time again.
For a man who thinks it's a place
where there is no sunshine,
you spend a lot of time
in Scandinavia.
He means the supermarket with the
frozen food, that's...
Now for our weekly portion
of jiggery potpourri, huh?
Thank you. The general ignorance
round,
fingers on buzzers, if you please.
In 1580, Francis Drake
and his crew became the first
Englishmen to circumnavigate the...
The globe.
Well, the question was,
what did they call their ship?
Is it a famous ship?
Yes, Sir Francis Drake, famous ship,
what did they call the ship?
The Golden Hind.
The Golden Hind is not correct.
So when he set sail, he set sail
from Plymouth, December 1577,
the ship he was in was
called the Pelican.
There is a popular account
that it was renamed the Golden Hind
and that this apparently happened
at the Straits of Magellan,
but there is no evidence that
the crew used this new name
at any time. Certainly, Drake's
second in command, John Wynter,
he used the name
the Pelican throughout.
But it appears likely that the ship
now called the Golden Hind
was actually called the Pelican
by the crew
throughout the entire voyage.
Anyway...
Drake Passage is off the
southern tip of South America,
does anybody know what the southern
tip of South America is called?
Cape Horn. It is Cape Horn.
Does anybody know what the
southern tip of Africa is called?
Yes. The Cape of Good Hope.
It's not called the Cape of
Good Hope, you crazy fool!
I don't care, I don't care.
I don't care. It's good not
to care. Bring it on.
The southernmost point of Africa
is actually called Cape Agulhas.
There it is, about 90 miles away,
you can see the Cape of Good Hope.
There's not much to see there,
there's a sort of rocky beach,
they placed a bit of a plaque
so that you can see.
It marks the dividing line
between the Indian Ocean
and the Atlantic Ocean,
so a relatively cold one
and a relatively warm one.
The Cape of Good Hope is the bit
that the Flying Dutchman
couldn't get round.
Does anybody know, while
we're on southernmost parts,
the southernmost part of
the north American continent?
Well, it's all connected up,
isn't it,
to the south American continent?
Oh, no. The north shore
of, of the, of the canal,
of the Panama Canal.
It's really an astonishing thing,
it's actually Australia.
Geologists have discovered that
there is an area around Georgetown
in northern Queensland that was
once part of North America
more than a billion years ago.
It's got rocks in the area
that are unlike any other rock
deposits in Australia.
Oh, here we go. Here we go again.
What?
With this show's...
This, the QI ceaseless bullshit.
It's Australia!
Sorry, have I upset you, darling?
Oh, no, it's like the sun not
being there when it was there
and all those other
things that happened...
The southernmost point
of mainland Australia
is rather brilliantly South Point.
But which is wider,
Australia or the Moon?
Ooh, that's a good one.
Hang on.
Um...
The Moon.
Are they the same?
Australia.
Well done. The Moon is somewhat
less than the width of Australia.
Is it? So, Australia's about 4,000
kilometres and the Moon is 3,500.
If you're observing from the Moon,
Australia would look the same size
as the Moon does to us. Yeah.
But which one's got
the greatest surface area?
The Moon.
Yeah, cos it's a sphere. Yeah.
APPLAUSE
So, let's see how all the little
petals in my potpourri have done.
Coming up smelling of roses
with 4 points and the winner,
it's Phill!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Lightly perfumed with -6, it's Rhod.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
I'm very happy with that,
very happy. Very happy.
Lightly musty with -11, Cally!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
A bit of old stinkwort
with -44, Alan. -44?!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
It only remains for me to thank
Cally, Phill, Rhod and Alan.
I leave you with this -
the great French marshal,
Lyautey, once asked his
gardener to plant a tree.
The gardener objected that the
tree would not reach maturity
for 100 years. The marshal replied,
"In that case,
"there's no time to lose,
plant this afternoon."
Thank you and goodnight.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE