Psych (2006–2014): Season 8, Episode 4 - Someone's Got a Woody - full transcript

Woody the Coroner is taken hostage and although Shawn, Gus, Lassiter and Detective O'Hara try carefully to resolve the situation, Interim Chief Trout has a plan of his own.

This is crazy, this is crazy,
this is crazy, Gus.

We haven't had a case
in, like, two months.

Let's face it, Shawn,
Trout is never going to hire us.

Man, I'm exhausted.
I'm going to bed.

Good night.

I will face no such thing,

and neither should you,
Burton Guster.

You want to know why?

Because your ancestors died
fighting for your inherent right

to have a fake psychic
detective agency.

My ancestors died
of high blood pressure,



which is not going
to happen to me

because I'm not gonna stress
over things

that I can't control.
Good night.

Gus!

Dude, you just nailed it.

We have been going about this
the wrong way.

So Trout won't hire us.
So what?

We'll just make up
our own case.

How?

By planting clues and evidence

and then leading the cops
to said clues and evidence

and then getting hired
to solve the case.

The case that we made up when
we filed a false crime report.

But nobody gets hurt.
Nobody even dies.



Right.
Because we falsified evidence.

- It will hold up.
- Once we perjure ourselves.

No.
When we get paid.

Man, you know
I'm not tired anymore.

I know exactly which crime
we can fake.

A puppeteer is murdered,

and the only witnesses
to the crime

are his puppets.

Then I psychically say

that one of the puppets
is the murderer.

Which one?

[Clicks tongue] You must be out
of your damn mind, Shawn. No.

- What do you mean, no?
- But how 'bout this?

The winner of a competitive
food eating competition

goes missing.

There's signs of foul play.

We say it's murder.

Dude, no.

- Hmm?
- However...

[Cries out, muffled speech]

Ninja, please.

You know I can't understand
anything you're saying.

Man, I'm out of ideas!

That's it, I'm going home.
We just wasted the whole night.

Fine.
But it was not a waste.

I choose to believe that if
we put positive energy and vibes

out into the universe,

the universe will
reward that positivity

by making someone
get murdered...

or bludgeoned or robbed.

I don't care.
Just so we can solve the case.

Man, let's hope so.

[Sighs]

[Car alarm wailing]

Excuse me.

Excuse me, can I help you?

I'm fine.

Just gonna get this body
to the mortuary.

Oh, oh, no, wait.
He's a John Doe.

I haven't done the autopsy yet.

Wanna come back in the morning?

No.

Gonna take this body
whether you like it or not.

Go ahead and take him.
I don't care.

Yo, Woody!

Got your strudel.

- Back off.
- Oh!

Hey, Woody,
did you get the--

[gunshot, glass breaking] Oh!

Back off!
Everybody back off!

Everybody back off!

What the hell
is going on down there?

For God's sake,
spit it out, man.

[Panting]
Hostage--

People, we have ourselves
a situation.

Now look what you've done.

[The Friendly Indians'
I Know You Know]

♪ I know you know
that I'm not telling the truth ♪

♪ I know you know
they just don't have any proof ♪

♪ embrace the deception ♪

♪ learn how to bend ♪

♪ your worst inhibitions tend
to psych you out in the end ♪

♪ I know you know ♪

Okay, Slim,
I'm not gonna hurt you.

But I can't let you do
an autopsy on this body,

because if you do,

every single piece of evidence
of a murder

will point in my direction.

I-I don't want
to pre-judge,

but I don't have you pegged
as a pathologist.

I mean, I don't know
what the requirements are

in your home state
of North Dakota--

- I'm not from North Dakota.
- All right, South Dakota.

I knew it was one
of the Dakotas.

I have a great ear.

But how could you
possibly know that?

And thank you
for calling me "Slim."

Boy, it has been a struggle.
Whew.

I found this body
a couple of hours ago

in my living room,
stabbed to death

with a knife from my kitchen.

I've been set up.

All right, anyone who doesn't
have to be here,

stay out of my way
and my sight lines.

From here on in,
this is gonna be

referred to
as my command center.

- Am I clear?
- Crystal, sir!

But are you willing to consider
other names for this area,

such as "The hostage
juicing room," sir?

What the hell are you two
even doing in my station?

You don't work here.
Get out.

If I even smell you,
I'm gonna shoot you.

Sir, I believe
I am being punished

for the scent of Gus'
cocoa butter ointment, sir.

It's not an ointment.
It's a lotion.

All right,
let's keep it moving here.

Okay, Harry, buddy, pal.

Obviously you didn't realize
that Gus and I

have been
in this exact situation before,

and we crushed it, so look.

You can just sit back and relax,
and we'll handle everything.

I'm just gonna need
a pizza delivery guy uniform,

and Gus needs
a dangerous situation diaper.

Listen, I don't want you
within 100 yards

of this building, okay?
You're a liability.

But we can solve this case
and touch hearts along the way,

starting with yours.
Okay.

Shawn, let's go.

- That's Woody in there, man.
- Exactly.

And if there is a lunatic
with a gun down there,

things are gonna get dangerous.

It's best if you two
stay out of the fray

and leave it to the big boys.

You stay, you die.
Okay?

- Let's go.
- Sir, I am here now.

I want you to consider me
by your side

as a skilled negotiator
and co-commander.

What's our next move?

Okay, I want you posted

down the hallway to the morgue,
all right?

All due respect, sir, what
am I supposed to do down there?

Uh, you can be co-commander
of the hallway.

You can make sure
that the drinking fountain

isn't compromised.
How 'bout that? O'Hara!

- Yes.
- I need you right here,

- by my side, right now!
- Right here.

- All right, not that close.
- Okay.

This isn't
Dancing With the Stars.

I'll keep you in the loop.

Stupid jerk.

Uh, chief, these are
Woody's medications

from up here in the fridge.

He takes them for anxiety.

Should we take them
down to him?

Anxiety?

I can't be concerned
about his mental state.

He's half bananas
anyway, right?

It's like his wheel is spinning
but the hamster fell off.

Or it's dead.
I don't know.

I have to tell you,
this is not the first time

someone has pulled a gun on me
in the morgue.

The last one was
a former colleague

I had a sexual history with.

This feels different.

I don't want a conversation.

Understand?

The less you talk,
the more likely you stay alive.

Hey, anything you say
is between me, you,

and that dead guy there.

Should we give him a name?

My vote would be Caleb,
but your vote counts too.

I know his name.

It's Greer Wilson.

Mm, that's not as good
as Caleb.

We were in the joint together.

I'm assuming "the joint" is not

that new falafel place
on broad street?

We were in the same cellblock.

Had a beef,
got into a nasty fight.

Everyone saw it.

When they broke up the fight,
last thing I said,

"The next time I see your
ugly face, I'm gonna kill you!"

Now my fingerprints and DNA
is all over his body,

and his blood
is all over my carpet.

I didn't do it.
Someone is setting me up.

[Phone ringing]

I bet that's for you.

Pick up, pick up, pick up.

[Phone ringing]

Oh.

Hello?

Well, hello there.

This is Harris Trout,
the interim police chief

of the Santa Barbara
Police Department.

With whom am I speaking?

This is Cyrus Polk.

Hello, Cyrus.

Can I call you Cyrus?

I don't care what you call me.

Cyrus, I want you
to listen to my voice.

You are gonna be okay.

We're all gonna be okay.

You made a bad decision,
but you can get out of this

without too much tuble, okay?

We all have things to do.

Personally, I have to get home
in time to watch 2 Broke Girls,

see what kind of pickle
they're in this week, right?

I've been set up for murder.

Yeah, see,
I hate when that happens.

I wanted to take this body

to hold up the investigation,
so I could prove my innocence.

Cyrus, I would have done
the same thing as you.

All right, I'll put my best
detectives on this, okay?

In the meantime,
I just need you

to sit tight
and not get too excitable, okay?

I'm gonna hang up now,
but we're gonna talk soon.

[Line disconnects]

[Whistles]

I said, out!

He just went Gary Oldman
on my ass.

Uh, you might want
to rephrase that.

- Why?
- Come on.

You are amazing at this.

Yeah, I am.

You should know, uh,
Woody down there

is not just our coroner,
he's a very dear friend.

So I thank you for your delicate
and thoughtful approach

- to this negotiation.
- Oh.

It's refreshing
and, frankly, unexpected.

Well, thank you, O'Hara.

Yeah, you know,
I have my methods.

I went through a similar ordeal
in Poughkeepsie.

You know, I like
to establish a relationship

and get to know the guy
and see what he's feeling.

I find it enhances the moment

before I put a bullet
in his head.

Listen, it's nothing personal,

but I probably have to kill you
to get out of here.

That's fair.
[Exhales]

This lab is chock-full
of embalming fluid,

highly flammable.

You could threaten
to torch the place.

Oh, why are you
telling me this?

- We're in this together.
- Back. Back off.

Look, I can't die.

I have 43 Twitter followers
who depend on me.

Oh, and I have a daughter.

Just promise me you'll let me
continue to tweet.

My daughter and I
are estranged.

Kids.

One day,
they're tugging at your leg,

asking you to lift them
on your shoulders,

and the next,
they're angry at you

because you drove them to
the daddy-daughter dinner dance

in a hearse.

Obviously, we have
some trust issues.

I don't trust anybody,
especially not a cop.

They look at me,
and they see an ex-con,

and then they write me off
as some weird kind of animal.

Well, to be fair to them,
you do come across

kind of mean and super scary.

Personally, me?
I like it.

I just need some time.

[Gasps] I have something.

I may have a way
out of this for you.

But it will involve
radical, unconventional,

out-of-the-box methods.

Are you willing
to go off the grid?

[Whimpers]

It's like trying to climb
a damn Christmas tree.

We gotta get
back in there, Gus.

I know, Shawn, but I also
don't want to get arrested.

What?

There's only one thing
left to do.

We're not going
Shawshank,Shawn.

Why not?

Because it would
take us three months.

Right. Damn it.

But Woody is family, man.

Yesterday,
he called me Darnell.

Family is family, Gus.

Woody's not going out like that,
not on our watch.

Trout threw us out, Shawn.

And, again, there's no way
for us to get back inside there

without getting arrested.

You're right.

Trout threw out Shawn Spencer

and Darnell Guster.

But he did not throw out
Satchel Gizmo and Soupcan Sam.

Come on, son.

Do you have
your half of the beard?

Man, you know
it's in the glove compartment.

- I'm proud of you.
- I'm proud of you.

Let's do this.

[Rock music]

♪ ♪

[Armpit squeaking]

Man, we got arrested.

It'll take a miracle
for us to get out of here.

Hey.
I'm proud of you.

Man!
[Shakes door]

[Line ringing]

Hello, Cyrus.

I don't want to talk to you.

I want to talk to someone
with the name of Shawn--

Shawn Spencer and G--

[mouthing]

Shawn Spencer
and Guutono somebody.

I want to talk to those two.

There's nobody by those names
in this department.

Well, that's exactly
why I want to talk to them

and only them, you know?

I want to communicate
face-to-face, you got it?

That's simply not possible,
Cyrus.

Let's be reasonable.

[Whispering] Food.
Cheese, cheese.

And together,
with those two guys,

I want you
to send some cheese, okay?

- Cheddar.
- Yeah, American cheddar.

Not the sharp thing.
The yellow one.

- You know? The mild.
- [Whispering] Grapes.

Okay. Grapes.
Grapes. We need grapes.

[Spitting]

Seedless.

Enough!

Okay, that's all.
Over and out.

I can't believe
I'm saying this.

O'Hara, get Spencer
in here right away.

[Rock music]

What are you guys
doing down here?

Lassie, relax.

We have been requested
by the assailant

for a face-to-facer, okay?

My face, Gus' face.

We'd invite your face,
but it wasn't requested.

- I'm sorry.
- Cheese wedge?

You have to stop
eating the cheese, man.

Guys, I'm serious.
Back the hell up.

You could get shot.
This is no joke.

Cop!

Interlock your hands,
and put them behind your head!

Good boy.

You sons of bitches.

You two, over here.
Now.

Here we come, sorry.
Told you.

On your knees,

as if you were praying
for your life.

Drop!

Hey--
ooh, okay.

Yep. There.

[Laughs]

- Stop.
- What's going on with you?

Shawn, you know the back
of my thighs are sensitive.

No, why would I
possibly know that?

Go ahead.

How do you guys always do this?

Huh?

Here you go.

Woody here tells me
you're some kind of geniuses.

Yes, that's correct.

Is there some cheese
missing here?

Like, maybe two cubes?

You better give me
one good reason

why I should trust
the two of you

and not kill you
right here on the spot.

Don't you think your time
would be better spent

giving us a lead on
who might have murdered

that man on the table there?

His name is Greer Wilson.

We most recently crossed paths

at a place
called Redemption House.

That's the halfway home
in the boonies

- for recently released felons.
- Hmm.

Gus writes letters
to men in prison.

Well, it's no secret
I hated his guts.

So did a bunch of guys.

Most of those guys, they know
their way around a setup.

That's why I want you
to go down there

as soon as you can, okay?

- You got it.
- For Woody.

Hey, hey!

Listen, I...

I got a wife who loves me.

I got something to live for.

I'm sure you can relate.

Actually, this time, I can.

- Gus cannot.
- We'll take the case.

O'Hara, where's the wife?

She's right here.
This is Rosie Polk

and Edward Tripp,
his parole officer.

- Is he okay? Is Cyrus okay?
- Is he okay?

He's taken
my whole police station hostage.

- What do you think?
- I don't understand

what happened.
He seemed fine this morning.

Hey, look, we all can't
marry winners, honey.

Your man-picker was way off on
that one, but on a bright note,

you do have a nice caboose,
so you should bounce back.

O'Hara, find a nice spot for her
in the conference room.

So when I need you,
I'll call you, okay?

All right, come on.

Okay, Tripp,
I'm gonna need your help.

Of course, sir.
Anything.

Just let me know
if you need anything.

So, Tripp, you've been
dealing with Cyrus

since he was released, huh?

Yes, and unfortunately,
I am also Greer Wilson's--

the victim's--parole officer.
I know them both.

I'm their first contact
with the outside world, really.

I help them adjust
as best I can.

I'm willing to talk to Cyrus
if you feel it's necessary.

Nope, right now, I just need
you to tell me how to break him.

Sorry, sir?

Or get him to turn the gun
on himself.

That'd be even better.

With all due respect, sir,

I take my work very personally.

I blame myself.

I should have
reported this earlier.

I could see him
coming unhinged,

but he's not a bad man.

Yeah, well, hold that thought.
Forever.

[Groaning] Okay, everybody.

You can do the slow Brubaker
clap for us if you'd like.

[Both applaud slowly]

- So how did it go down there?
- Woody's fine.

We're gonna look
into Cyrus' claims.

I think he's telling
the truth, Jules.

- You do?
- Sure, he's a criminal.

Got a rap sheet
longer than a list

of Gus' erroneous zones.

- Erogenous zones.
- He's on fire today.

But they're all petty thefts,
B&Es.

This guy is not a murderer.
It doesn't compute.

Well, then, we need
to hurry, Shawn,

because Trout is trigger-happy
and in rare form.

We have to stall him
from going down there.

Okay, but nobody
likes a nag, Jules.

- Boom.
- Spencer, Guster!

In my office!

Oh, boy.

[Grunting]

Whew.

- All right, don't sit.
- Okay.

Wait, sit.

No, one of you, sit.

- No, not the white one.
- Okay.

All right, mind giants.

Give it to me.
What'd you see down there?

Vulnerable spots,
access points?

I saw a dead guy,
a bunch of scalpels,

and, uh--
Oh, oh!

A tuna fish sandwich
with celery.

I never understood celery
in tuna salad.

Thank you, exactly.

- Pickles, man.
- Mm-hmm.

Gives you the same crunch,
gives you the same texture,

but doesn't taste
like absolutely nothing.

- What's your thought on egg?
- I'm passionate.

How much time you got?

Move past the sandwich!

Move past the sandwich.

Okay.

I'm pretty sure
I saw a black guy.

- That was me.
- No.

- This guy was super effeminate.
- [Clicks tongue]

Okay, you guys
are truly useless.

Now get up
and get out of my office.

You're dismissed.

Sure thing.

But to be fair, sir,
I don't think

either one of us
fully sat down.

Well said.

O'Hara!
I thought about it!

Bring me
that freaky coroner's meds!

Hey, sport.

I've, uh, got
your hostage's pills here.

I want to talk to you
for a minute,

man-to-man, all right?

Now, I know
you're hurting, okay?

But I'm not just
some rookie cop, okay?

I used to be head detective
of this monkey factory,

and I still got some juice.

So what do you say
you let me come in there,

and we can be heroes
together on this thing, huh?

Get down on all fours.

I'm sorry?

Be a good boy and get down!

Man.
Come on, man!

Trying to help you out.

- Okay.
- Can I get up now?

Hey, uh, I just wanted
to thank you

for having a change of heart
about Woody's medication.

Yeah, I guess
you could call it that.

All right, turn me on, please.

[Typing]

Okay, we're in.

Wait, what do you mean,
you're in?

I have a visual.

Someone get me a shooter
in place.

- Nice work, O'Hara.
- Whoa!

What about Woody?

What, your coroner
who lost a fork

inside of two bodies?

Yeah, he might not
survive this.

[Knock at door]

[Latino accent]
What's up, homes?

I'm Emilio Estevez Estevez.

Just got out of lockdown
for some armed robbery.

This dude here, he's--

Break yourself, fool!

I just got out of lockdown too.

That's right, homes.
Wait.

- No, you didn't.
- Yes, I did.

- You most certainly did not.
- Yes, I did.

One second,vato.
One.

What are you doing?
You're supposed to be

- my parole officer.
- I called an audible.

You can't call an audible.
We only have one play.

Why do you always get
to be the criminal?

I want to be offensive too.

What kind of criminal
wears slacks

and tucks his shirt
into his underwear?

A black collar criminal.

- There's no such thing.
- It's like White Collar,

only blacker, and you weren't
in Magic Mike.

What if Woody just died?

Just now,
because of this nonsense?

- I'd have regrets.
- Yeah.

Tighten it up, man!

I'm sorry.
There was some confusion.

I'm really his P.O.
I was testing you.

You passed.

Now, I need a room for
this low-life piece of trash.

Yes, sir.

Usually, you got to talk
to Maurice.

He runs the place.

But he's not in right now,

so he left me in charge.

- My name's Rocco.
- Oh.

Come on in.
I'll show you around.

Come on.

[Speaking Spanish]

No offense, Rocco,
but isn't leaving you in charge

like letting the fox
guard the hen house?

Or Jamie Foxx guard
the recording studio.

Maurice likes to give us
different responsibilities

- around the house.
- Hmm.

Says it helps us
re-assimilate.

Makes your job easier.

[Sniffing]

It's a tight ship.

We all gotta do chores,
get jobs,

keep a 9:00 P.M. curfew
and, uh...

stay within 10 miles
of the house at all times, sir.

Damn, this place
is worse than the joint,

know what I'm saying, homes?

Hey, man.

Let me holler at you
for a minute.

You got to come up
out of those shoes, homey.

- My zapatos?
- Yeah.

You see, that's how I run things
up in here.

[Rap music]

[Exhales]

Dude, I knew I smelled venison!

- That guy took my shoes.
- Wha--

quit playing, Shawn.

What if Woody would have died,
just now, because of that?

Do I look like I'm playing?

And Jules got me those sneaks.

I'm gonna get in trouble.

And I don't think Rocco
is as re-assimilated

as he pretends to be.
Matter of fact...

- I think he's our killer.
- [Clicks tongue]

- Tighten it up.
- [Clicks tongue]

Yeah, you can go on upstairs.

My room is the first room
upstairs on the left.

It's the only one available.

My roomie, Wilson,
was found dead this morning.

Oh, yeah?

You don't seem too broken up
about it, homes.

You get what's coming to you.

Okay, what are we looking for?

Any evidence that Wilson
and Rocco were having a beef.

Man, Rocco wasn't lying when he
said Maurice runs a tight ship.

He made these guys
report everything.

Dude, looks like Wilson
was trying

to get his life together
before he died.

No.

What it looks like is that

Wilson was sticking a file
into Cyrus' wife's cake.

Okay, okay, I was having
a relationship with Greer,

but I called it off as soon
as I found out he went back

to doing the things that got him
arrested in the first place.

Oh, so let me get
this straight.

The person
you were adulterating with

didn't live up
to your standards?

Exactly.
It was dangerous.

He was going in and out
at all hours of the night,

doing God knows what
with bad people.

Like adulterers?

It's a tight ship.
We all gotta do chores,

get jobs,
keep a 9:00 P.M. curfew.

Now, why would Maurice let
Wilson break the house curfew?

Who the hell is Maurice?

Maurice runs the halfway house.

Gus writes letters
to men in prison.

- What?
- Okay, I'm already bored.

We need to go back there,
Shawn.

We need to find Maurice.

[Latino accent] Yo, Maurice!

We know you're in there, man!

Stop playing with our emotions!

Maurice!

- Come on, ese!
- We know that you're here,

because the folks inside said
that if you weren't

at the store, you'd be out here

because you like to work on--

Dude, I think he gets it.

I'm just trying to let him
know that we're onto him.

We're onto you, Maurice!
Mo!

- Come on, ese!
- Mo!

Come on out
and talk to us like men!

This is some nonsense.

[Both grunt]

[Speaking Spanish]

Man, now we have to clear
Cyrus of two murders.

That's how I run things
up in here.

Dude, I bet you
it's that two-faced Rocco.

Got tired of living
under Maurice's rules...

killed him.
[Wheels rolling]

Uh-oh.

Maurice!
Stop farting around, man!

Will you stop talking
like that?

Okay, boys, time to gear up.
Let's go, come on!

Um, sir, might I remind you
that we have

yet to try any of
our less aggressive protocols?

Ah, Detective O'Hara,
when I want your opinion,

I'll rent Charlie's Angels.

Well, this doesn't look good,

- does it?
- I don't know.

I'm getting a bulletproof vest
just in case.

Uh, can I get one too?

Hey, how's it going up there?

Trout's not open
to any of my suggestions.

I actually think he's willing
to sacrifice Woody to end this.

Nah, I mean, Trout's crazy,
but he's not that crazy.

He is.

I looked up that hostage
situation in Poughkeepsie,

the one he keeps bragging about?

Four casualties--the bad guy,
two civilians, and an officer.

It wasn't the officer
guarding the door, was it?

Oh. [Sighs]

Okay, look,
it's your call, O'Hara.

I'll do whatever I can
from down here.

[Sighs]

- Stop fidgeting.
- Sorry.

I'm just getting
these hot flashes.

- They killed the A/C.
- [Sighs] Thank God.

I thought I was going
through male menopause.

I mean,
I've got all the symptoms.

I'm sweaty,
my cheeks are flushed,

my nipples have been
really tender.

Hey, Cyrus!
Woody's daughter is here!

No, I can't let you see her.

Look, I have been a good sport.

If this thing is going to end
like I fear it might,

can you at least--

come on, let me say good-bye
to my little girl.

Okay.
One minute.

Okay, come on in.

Hi, dad.

Cyrus, thank you for this.

I feel like I owe you something.

Maybe a nice V-neck?

[Scoffs] Just make it quick.

Hi.
Oh.

What the hell
is she doing down there?

Now, if I, in any way,
led you to believe

- that I am your father--
- Woody!

This is a plan Lassie and I came
up with to get you out of here.

- You have to play along.
- Ow.

Both: Oh.

Sweetie.
[Both laughing]

Lassiter!
How did she get past you?

How did that happen?

I'm sorry, sir.
That's one of our own in there.

We had to take a chance
on a plan that might actually

- get him out alive.
- No, no!

Now your plan might get both
of them injured or shot,

because my plan
is still the same!

And all this is gonna happen
because you defied my orders!

So how have you been?

You know.

No, no, I don't.

That--that is why I asked.

So, what's going on?
Spill. [Laughs]

Uh, well, um, things are
pretty much the same, I guess.

- Uh-huh.
- You know?

You're not great
at this improv thing, are you?

I am not great at this.

We may be looking
at a second murder weapon?

I don't know, Gus.

Definitely missing something.

Yes!

What, you found
a murder weapon?

No, I found my shoes, dude.

- What did you just take?
- Nothing.

- Just some tickets.
- What kind of tickets?

Lottery tickets.
Quick pick.

- Shame on you.
- Shawn, the dude is dead.

He's not gonna be playing
the game anymore.

- Give 'em up.
- [Clicks tongue] Man.

- Give 'em up!
- Here.

Stay within 10 miles
of the house at all times, sir.

He was going in and out
at all hours of the night.

Wait a minute.

These were all bought at a store

that is definitely more
than 10 miles from here, Gus.

And all after 9:00 P.M.

That's the part of town
he was going to.

So that's condoms.

I don't even know how
we got on this topic,

but I am way past
the birds and the bees.

When you get around boys,
do you sometimes get nervous?

Clammy palms?
That is normal.

Now, there are changes
that will occur in your---

your southern hemisphere.

- Oh, my God.
- Hey.

- This is not witchcraft.
- [Laughs nervously]

- Okay, sweetie?
- Eww, no, no, no.

No.

Yeah.

It's a touching family reunion,

- but my life is at stake here!
- [Clears throat]

Let me help you.

Don't touch me!

Stop!

Don't touch the body.

You should be
letting me touch it.

Not in a weird way--that,

based on our earlier talk,
would not be normal--

I mean, in a medical,
scientific way.

Let me perform the autopsy.

[Scoffs]
What good would it do?

I'm actually really good
at what I do.

If there are clues in this body
that will lead

to someone else and not you,

I'm the only person
who's going to find them.

He is really good.

You're his daughter.
Of course you're gonna say that.

What other options do you have?

Untie me.
Let me free!

Take a chance on me!

Okay.

But you got one shot, okay?

And you, out of here.

You know,
visitation time is over.

- Come on.
- Okay.

Dad.

Uh, you know, actually,
I think she should stay.

I think she should stay
and assist me.

She actually is taking
after her old dad,

and she is becoming
a coroner too.

She is number one
in her forensics class.

- Brilliant, geni--
- Well, I mean,

that's kind of an exaggeration.

It's a very, very small class.

Now--now she's being modest.
Strode family trait.

- Dad, stop.
- No, I will not!

I love you,
and I'm proud of you.

She's brilliant.
Specializes in fluids.

I'm gonna watch
every single move, okay?

We're up to it.

Yeah, I recognize him.

He would buy quick picks
all the time.

Never hit the big one, though.

- Mm.
- Aw.

Speaking of which, do you mind
checking these, please?

Are you kidding me right now?

Since Wilson was murdered,
he's due some good luck now.

At least that's what math says.

Would you please stop quoting
math like it is a person?

Next you're gonna tell me
that math is black.

[Laughs]
Don't be ridiculous, son.

- Verb is black.
- Verb is not--

- verb is black.
- Told you.

Verb.

- Sorry.
- Aw.

Do you remember seeing Wilson
with anyone else?

Nope.
Always alone.

Another dead end.

[Grunts]

Oh. [Laughs]
Now she's getting shy.

When you were a little girl,
you were all,

"Oh, daddy, let me touch
the dead man's pancreas."

[Laughs nervously]

Then your mother
turned you against me.

Is that what's going on here?

What the hell is this?
[Screams]

[Clattering]

We lost visual!

We lost the visual!

Remember what I told you?

"I'm gonna shoot the next cop
that comes down here."

We're going in.

Hey, listen, before or after
you shoot Detective O'Hara--

but preferably
before you shoot me--

can I please just--
just show you something.

- Hey.
- Uh-uh.

What?

This color change indicates

the presence of traces
of sulfuric acid.

Sulfuric acid is not
a common household product.

This amount in the wounds
is good reason to believe

that the murder did not
take place in your house.

This could clear you
of all circumstantial evidence.

[Musical ringtone]

- Woody, talk to me.
- Shawn...

Juliet and I found something.

Juliet?
What are you--

what are you talking about?
What is she doing there?

Uh, well, she was pretending
to be my daughter.

She has a colon in her hand.

Long story short, I found

a trace of sulfuric acid
in Greer Wilson's wounds.

Do I have any idea
what sulfuric acid is?

- [Clicks tongue]
- That's all I got, Shawn.

We really need you
to make this work.

[Sighs]

- She's got a colon in her hand.
- What?

Look, we know Greer
was here, right?

The question is,
what was he up to?

[Sighs]

What the hell was Greer doing

hanging signs
all the way out here?

Whatever is back there,

he didn't want anybody
to find it.

[Grunting] Oh.

It's lower than
I thought it was.

[Both grunting]

This is just filthy.

Oh!

[Both screaming]

[Thud, thud]
[Both panting]

I'm gonna kill you, Shawn.

[Grunts loudly]

[Both grunting]
Oh, God.

What is this place?
It smells like your apartment.

Dude, they made
fertilizer here.

Gus, I do not have time
for encyclopedia brown.

The clock is ticking, okay?

We've gotta solve this case!

Sulfuric acid is used
to make fertilizer, Shawn.

Woody just told you
on the phone

that he found sulfuric acid
on the body.

- That was today?
- Oh, my gosh.

That means Wilson
was here, Gus!

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Signs of a struggle.

[Grunts]

Blood!

Dude, this is
where he was killed.

Whoever killed him
would have been exposed

to the same sulfuric acid
Woody found on Wilson's body.

Do not tease me,
Rebbie Jackson.

He'd show signs of blistering,
scarring, discoloration.

Oh, my God.
I gotta call Lassie.

[Whispering] Fall in.
[Phone vibrating]

[Beep]
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Spencer, you better
make this good.

They're getting ready
to go in as we speak.

I know who did it,
and they're in the station.

[Indistinct radio chatter]

All right, come on, guys.
Fall in.

Freeze!

Edward Tripp,
you're under arrest

for the murders of Greer Wilson
and Maurice Night.

Are you out of your mind?

[Phone vibrates]

[Doors busts open]

Oh!

Stand down, detective.

Okay, Trout, listen to me!
I just got word

from Shawn
that he solved the case.

Cyrus is innocent.

I don't care what Spencer says!

Look, I know you don't
trust him, okay, but I do,

and right now,
I need you to trust me.

Both of you!

[Whimpering]

Stand down, officers.

Lower your weapons.

[Sighs]

[Exhales]

[Grunts]

I'm from a neutral country,
okay?

Oh, get away.

Crisis averted, Carlton.

Cyrus has surrendered
and is in custody.

- I'm alive too!
- Copy that, O'Hara.

I've seen some dirty P.O.s in
my day, but you take the cake.

[Scoffs] I don't know
what you're talking about.

Spencer told me
the whole thing.

You found out Wilson was making
cash on his old hustle.

Told him you'd look
the other way

for a piece of the action,
right?

Paid off Maurice to relax
the house rules?

I'm not saying anything.

But then Wilson said
he wants to go clean.

And by that time you were in too
deep, so you had to kill him.

Cyrus killed Wilson
and Maurice!

That's not even close.

Put your hands
behind your back.

Do it!

You found out Wilson
was sleeping with his wife.

[Handcuffs click]
Who better to set up for murder

than a sad sack like that?

You're a disgrace
to your badge.

- Whoa, whoa, Lassie, hold up!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Whoa, whoa, be careful!
- What?

- What are you doing?
- Aah!

[Overlapping shouting]

We got him!
We got him.

[Slow clapping]

What the--

How do you always manage
to do this?

Come on, get up!

- Come on, get up. Take him away.
- Get up.

Hey, guys.

- Hey, Big Wood!
- Hi, on my way

to visit Cyrus in prison.

Got him a "Congratulations
on your reduced sentence" cake.

Mm, cost about a buck
and a half more,

but I think he'll appreciate it,
huh?

Would you like me to bring along
any special messages

- from the group?
- Uh, no, no.

Because the group
does not have a sick,

crack-minded attachment to him.
Just you do.

Well, you don't get over
an experience like that.

- Sure.
- Mm.

- Juliet...
- Mm?

You should be proud
of your work

- in the autopsy room.
- Mm.

I will never again be able
to look at a boggy prostate

- without thinking of you.
- You're sweet, Woody.

Do you think maybe
you should tell

your real daughter
about what happened?

Already did.

She is now
my 44th Twitter follower.

- Oh.
- How sweet.

Yeah, then my account got
hacked and sent out spam email

- from deviant dating sites.
- Hmm.

Or I hit "retweet" by mistake.

Either way,
she's glad I'm not dead.

There it is.

- Okay, let's go get our glory.
- Yeah.

Wood, I sure hope
you're not hiding

a gun in there for old Cyrus.
[Laughter]

Oh, you guys!

I'm not that attached.

Sorry, sorry!

Tough being needed by everyone
all the time.

All right, chief.

We're all present
and accounted for.

I had a bit
of a condescending attitude

towards you all,
and to be fair,

it was just my own prejudice.

It was nothing that you guys
had done or not done,

'cause frankly,
I hadn't seen you in action.

And I have to say,
your teamwork,

your unwavering support,
your camaraderie,

three things I hate.
The fact remains,

you guys are the most misguided,
insubordinate group of people

that I have ever supervised
in my career,

and I refuse
to run a department

where I don't have 100% support

from every officer
under my command!

Now, I'm very comfortable saying
the following...

You're fired, you're fired!

You two were never hired,
but you're both fired in spirit.

You guys are remnants
of the former regime,

and clearing you out

is the first step
into bringing this department

into the 21st century.
[Laughs]

Dismissed!
[Laughs]

No.
[Phone ringing]

Hold on a second.

Yeah, Trout here.
Yeah.

Yeah, I got a minute.
Yeah.

Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.

Sure.

Yeah, I just got fired.

Internal Affairs determined
that my tactics

during the hostage standoff
exposed the department

to unnecessary liabilities
due to the high risk of civilian

and officer casualties
during the operation.

Okay, well...

this is me packing it in.
Okay?

Think I left a gun over here.

You know, as a consultant,

I'm always prepared, you know?

'Cause at a certain point, an
assignment will come to an end.

Oh, and by the way,
I never got you two as a couple.

Just saying.

Wha--no!

Oh! Well, that's not--
he can't--he's bitter.

He can't say that, sweetheart.