Psych (2006–2014): Season 8, Episode 10 - The Break-Up - full transcript

Shawn and Gus help Detective Lassiter enlist the help of Henry and Woody to solve the murder of a real estate executive. Meanwhile, Shawn struggles with a life decision.

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
All right.

Uh, it all started last week,
with the new job.

So you get this?
To keep?

Not to keep.
It's a company car.

But you can drive it
whenever you want

as fast as you can

with full diplomatic immunity?

Do you understand
how a company car works?

- It is jet-black.
- Like me.

Holy living--
soda fountain!

- Gus, that's fully functional.
- Yep.

And you're certain
that this stuff

I'm eating is flaxseed?

I think they mill it
with cinnamon or something.

Don't use your hand, okay?

Oh, my God, Gus.

You have found
the only healthy thing

that ever tasted good, ever.

And you have
an endless supply right here

in your new office kitchen.

I know.
Come on.

[Plastic crinkles]

These guys
were our biggest rivals.

I knew them from college.

Oh, thanks.

We are out
of this stuff, though.

Three weeks vacation,

yearly retreat in Belize.

But here's the best part.

[Indistinct chatter]

She loves reggae,

brought jerk chicken
to the potluck,

and rereads Harry Potter
once a year

to keep herself centered.

You move fast, my friend.

Her name is "Love," literally.

Well, her middle name,
but literally.

And she's single.

And how many times
have you spoken?


I got it off her company bio,

and I follow her
anonymously on Instagram.

Is this a little creepy?

It could be interpreted
that way, yes.

[Both slurp]

That's when I knew.

that's when it became clear.

You know,
that's when it became real.

That's not true.

It didn't become real
until I said it out loud.

I've made a decision.

About next weekend?

Are you not coming up?
'Cause I can come down.

You're not driving down.

Shawn, what's wrong?

I can't do this anymore.

It's too hard.

it's frickin' impossible.

What are you saying?

I am saying that I'm going

to move up there
to be with you.

- You're closing Psych.
- Yes.

A man can follow a woman
because he loves her, okay?

There is no rule or law
against that.

And if there was,
I would break it,

and it wouldn't be quiet.

I would do it brazenly
and out in the open.

Are you sure this is right?

Oh, sweetheart, it is so right.

I have never been
so sure about anything.

I already have offers

- for a mountain pie maker...
- What?

And a water-powered
butter churn.

Oh, my God, this is happening.

This is really happening.

What did Gus say?


I haven't
actually told him yet.

[The Friendly Indians'
I Know You Know]

♪ I know you know

♪ that I'm not telling
the truth ♪

♪ I know you know

♪ they just don't have
any proof ♪

♪ embrace the deception

♪ learn how to bend

♪ your worst inhibitions

♪ tend to psych you out
in the end ♪

Gus, sometimes in this life,
there are things

that are just so difficult
to say, you know?

I'll give you an example.

I ate all the food in your
earthquake emergency barrel.

You raided my emergency kit?

Yes--no, not me.

I didn't--
no, someone raided it,

and damn it,
we're gonna find them,

and we're gonna make them pay.

Shawn, I took a year
stocking that thing.

That's why I'm so upset

that the same dude
used all the blankets

to make a desk fort.

- Shawn--
- Gus, listen.

You're such a sensitive soul.

A very, very sensitive soul.

Now, I need you
to brace yourself for some...

truly disturbing news.

- Spencer, what the hell?
- I don't know.

Lassie, I'm not--
I don't know.

I'm completely freaked out,
if that helps.

Get your ass up.
We got a dead body to go see.


I had all the right intentions.

What I didn't have was a plan,
until that moment.

Yes, yes, I love that idea.

I love that idea.

Let's get up--let's go see

the life sucked out
of a hapless victim.

Got that list of junior
detectives for you to peruse.

Already have.
No, thanks.

"No, thanks?"

If it's all the same to you,
I work alone.

Always have.
Not always by choice.

Sometimes by court order,
but alone.

- That's my lot.
- Don't do it.

Working alone is the saddest
of all situations.

I'm sorry, Lassie.

This isn't nearly as grisly
as I was hoping for.

Are there any other crime scenes
in the area?

Dude, what is this bad news
I have to brace myself for?

Not yet.
You're not prepared.

Shawn, you know
you can't just tell me

there's bad news
and not tell me.

You know what my head will do.

I know.
Your sweet, sensitive dome.

Warren Dern.

Single, successful,

no local next of kin.

The I.C.E. on his cell
was his best friend.

I have him here right now.

Yes, we knew each other
since grade school.

This situation
is nothing like ours.

I understand Mr. Dern
was also your business partner?

We were partners.
Prestige real estate.

Until he split off
on his own this year.

Permission to treat this man
as hostile, please?

I'm sorry.
Who is this man?

My name is Shawn Spencer.

This is my partner--

I can't do it.

Sir, can you tell me
why he left the company?

He wanted to move on
to a new chapter in life,

which I found strange
because we were doing so well.

Oh, my God.

We had a great partnership
and a great friendship,

and apart, we'll never
really be the same.

Okay, I'm sorry,
sir, could you just--

could you just
give your statement outside

and leave all of
this flowery, heartfelt stuff

out of it, please?

Spencer, what the hell
is wrong with you?

This man is manipulating
our emotions

and making us feel bad about
our own personal relationships.

I mean, how do we know
he didn't do it?

Because the body
has been dead for two hours,

and we picked him up
at a fund-raiser.

Okay, Brannigan,
did anyone else see him there?

Yeah, about 300 people
and my wife.


Are we sure we don't wanna
drag her pasty ass downtown?

I beg your pardon?

Okay, Brannigan,

would you please
take over the scene?

would you join me outside?

What? What?

You wanna tell me
what this is all about?

You wouldn't understand

in a zillion years.

You're moving to San Francisco
to be with O'Hara,

and you don't know
how to tell Guster.

Okay, two things: What?
And what?

I was head detective
for a reason, you know.

You thought you could
get Guster off kilter

by getting him
close to a dead body

and that would soften the blow.

Well, when you
say it like that,

it is awfully callous.

He's my best friend
in the universe.

How are you supposed to break up
with your best friend?

You don't take him someplace

that's gonna make him
sad or uncomfortable.

You take him someplace
that's gonna make him happy,

filled with happy memories--
good memories.

Memories that can't be tainted

by a selfish, inconsiderate act

of abandoning your oldest friend
in the world.

Oh, Lassie.

I--you just saved my life.

Oh, God.


Let go of me,
or I will shoot you.


Jesus, come here.

Look who's a big boy now, huh?

There's my big boy.

Get out of here, seriously.

Odd as it may seem,
that was the wisest advice

that Lassiter had ever given.

To me or anyone,
for that matter.

So there was dirt on the floor

and dirt deep in the fingernails
of our victim.

There were scratches
on the hands and cuts.

There were traces of dirt
from head to toe.

So we can reasonably assume

he was rushing
to uncover something or--

He was actually pig-pen
using the alias "Warren Dern."

Thank you.

Anything else?

There was also scat?

Yes, raccoon!

I eyeballed that
at the crime scene.

- There were traces of moss?
- Three types.

- Did you get the mushroom?
- What mushrooms?

Tiny fragments of mushroom
under the nails

mixed in with the moss
and the dirt.

I only mention it
because it's rare.

- Called a playa.
- [Gasps]

Yeah, bright, colorful, cute
as a button, tastes like ass.

All right, now just--
just work with me, okay?

So I took the time here
to circle the areas

where raccoons might run free.

I'm never going outside again.

And then these are the subsets

where the moss types
could grow.

But you factor in
this delectable little beauty.

This right here
is where our victim was digging,

give or take 40 yards.

Well done, Brannigan.

Thank you, sir.
I live to serve.

Shawn, this woman
might make us obsolete.

No, we've got absolutely
nothing to worry about, Gus.

Found it!

- What?
- Now, I am a little confused

as to what would fit
in a hole this small.

[Chuckles] Betsy.

this is where we come in.

See, I am sensing
that this hole is ideal

for a standard-sized
pirate's chest.

Shawn, that's ridiculous.
The ground is damp.

It's obvious that our guy
was searching for

and found
the fountain of youth.

Oh, Gus,
you're clearly not accounting

for the possibility
of the lost city of Atlanta.

- Atlantis.
- Well, I've heard it both ways.

- And they're both wrong.
- One of them was yours.

- Uh, they're kidding, right?
- Unfortunately, no.

Excuse me, can we
at least do a background check

to see if there's a chance
that our digger

is 900 years old?

That feels more reasonable.

Dude, I am missing work.

- Get us in the game.
- Okay.

There's two sets
of prints here.

All right, now our guy
is a 10 1/2,

but the other set is a 12.

So that means,
based on the weight imprint,

that his partner
is a 6-footer, give or take.

Well, Spencer, it was
very nice very knowing you,

but I think we've got it
from here.


[Truck horn beeps]

- Thi--
- This road has a tollbooth

with a camera.

So it took her
approximately seven minutes

to get the picture
of our dead guy

and his unknown "coconspirator"

sitting right there
in the front seat.

Dern and his coconspirator
paid with a $50 bill.

No usable prints.

Oh, good,
because I was sensing--

But the bill was crisp enough
that I thought

it might have been
recently fed from an ATM.

So I cross-checked a few cameras
outside local banks.

[Chuckles] There is no way
that could have worked.

Not this fast.

Name: Klaus Goedecke.

Size 12 wide.

Rapidly improving rap sheet.

Recently made
a sizable cash deposit.

Well, at least it was just
a name and one bank deposit,

so I still had a little
more time to break the news.

Gordon Mark Hotel, room 418.

Who's coming with me?

- I guess we are.
- [Blows raspberry]


Yeah, and just--
just for the record,

this woman
does not need a partner.

I don't even know if she needs
a police department.

All right, Gus,
before we go in there

and solve our last case ever--

Whoa, whoa, Shawn, stop.

- Last case?
- Ugh.

Man, I-I think
that the writing is on the wall

for everything in our lives.

Okay, okay, I think I know
what's happening here.

Look, Shawn,
I may finally have the job

that I deserved
since I left college.

I may have a sweet company car

that has a navigation unit
that can be set to "tacos."

But know this,
I will not let that

or anything else
come between us.

Goedecke, it's SBPD!
We are coming in.

This case is gonna
be over in 30 seconds,

and if you don't know
before it ends,

the window's gonna close--
[Heavy thud]

[Stun grenade explodes]

- Aw, crap.
- He's already dead.

Wait a minute, you can
set your navigation to "tacos"?


That's my middle name.
How did you know?

Please be good to him.

- To who?
- My best friend.

And he's gonna need someone
to take care of him.

Someone kind,

someone understanding,
like you.

He's fragile, you know?

He has night terrors,
and he cries a lot,

but that's just because he has
an extra chamber in his heart.

I believe scientists call it--
[Chokes up]

call it the compassion chamber.

Oh, my God, are you okay?

I'm so sorry.

She's amazing.

My best friend
is gonna be just fine.

I'm sorry.
Who are you?

Oh, I'm Shawn.

I'm Gus's best friend.


Who's Gus?



Maybe not today.

But eventually.

Look at you.

You're so handsome.

- You are handsome.
- Thank you, Mr. Richmond.

I'll get right on it.

So I need it
on my desk by the morning.

I gotta get over
to Bosseigh High before dark.

- Oh, wow, you too?
- Me what?

I like to go to Bosseigh High
when the place is empty.

Best days of my life.

I walk around
and get perspective.

My troubles melt away.

Well, I finally had the venue
for the bad news, at least.

Solve the case, memory lane.

Plus I am almost positive

I still have a whatchamacallit
bar in my locker.


So you're saying you like to go

down to a high school
and hang out?


No, no, no.
Nothing like that.

You know, I like being there.

It clears my mind, like you.

I was going for my son.

You have a son in high school?

We're the same age.
How is that possible?

How do you not have kids, man?

Childbearing is
a very limited window.

Oh, no.
Kids are a big thing.

I just wanted
to get things lined up.

Retirement plan,

I'm looking at a house.


- Downtown.
- That's my neighborhood.

- Do you garden?
- Do I garden?

Do agapanthus
have basal leaves?

[Chuckles] Good one.

Well, I got a real estate guy
if you're looking for someone.

I have an agent.
I have an agent.

How did I not know any of that?

[Laughs] I gotta go, buddy.

Take it easy, bud.

Hey, man.
We should probably get going.

- I just got here.
- It's never been more important

for us to score a win
here, Gus.

This could be our last case.

Okay, give me two hours.

Brannigan'll have the murderer
on trial by then.

- Okay, 90 minutes.
- 4 minutes.

- One hour and 15.
- 4 minutes and 5 seconds.

- One hour.
- Four minutes.

- You can't go backwards.
- Fine. 4 minutes, 12 seconds.

That's not a negotiation.
45 minutes.

- 43 minutes, 42 seconds.
- Done.

But you clean this mess up.

I didn't do that.

Do you guys
have to-go containers?

Hey, hey.

Don't worry, bud.
I got it.

Papa bear.

Can't solve your problem
today, Shawn.

I am here simply
to say hello to my maker.

Yeah, well,
then you can help me.

I got roped in to filling in

for a criminology course

at the college
for a stupid ex-partner

who went
and let his liver fail.

Come on, dad,
you've never been afraid

of anything in your whole life.

Yeah, I'm just
unsure of the rules.

Let me ask you, how much
are you allowed to scream, huh?

Why don't you go
with medium loud

and keep your belly button
covered no matter what?

Sound advice.

I need to go.

Gotta buy bullets.

Dad, wait!

You're--you're right.
I do need something.

I have to deliver
some pretty bad news,

and--and I can't quite
figure out a way in.

Are you breaking up
with Juliet?

No, of course not.

Listen, I-I can't
mess this one up.

Not this one.
It's--it's too important.

Just be straightforward.

It's always
about the state of mind.

Do you know the day your mother
told me she was leaving

was the day I solved
the Jeannie Codron kidnapping?

Best professional day
of my life ever.

Did it take the sting off?
I don't know.

But at least I knew
that not everything

in my world was wrong.

That's good.

That's good, dad.
I g--yeah, I get it.

Every time we solve a case,
we dance, right?

I didn't say to dance, Shawn.

No, but you told me
to solve the case.

I always tell you
to solve the case.

I love you, kid.

All right.

Come on, let go.
That's good.

Jesus, dad, why do you
still have that picture?

That guy shot you,


I know it probably seems like

I'm just jumping
from idea to idea,

but this one truly
does feel like the best.

But first, I needed
to solve the case.

There's nothing
Brannigan missed.

There has to be.
There always is.

[Inhales sharply]

Name: Klaus Goedecke.

Size 12 wide.

Rapidly improving rap sheet.

Recently made
a sizable cash deposit.

Stop thinking so hard.
You're gonna pop a blood vessel.

Hey, you remember that gun case

that was right over there
on the floor?

Yeah, it was
a pelican pick and pluck.

- A what?
- A pelican pick and pluck

- pistol pack.
- Somebody brought a pelican

pick and pluck pistol pack
on a cross-country trip?

It's plausible.

Gus, what if
it wasn't a criminal?

What if he was a hit man?

Someone murdered a hit man
without breaking in?

- He let 'em in.
- It was someone he knew.

Yes, Gus, yes!

This wasn't a robbery.

[Singsong] Somebody was
looking for something.

Oh, hello.
My name is this.

A treasure map.

Whoever came here
and killed the hit man

was looking for this.

We found the hole already,
and it was empty,

and I'm pretty sure
it didn't lead

to the fountain of youth.

- Okay.
- Wait a second.

The hole we found
was somewhere different.

Both: They were digging
in the wrong place!

- Yes!
- What, what, what, what, what!

Now punch me in the face.

Hit me.
Hit me as hard as you can.

- With your right fist.
- What?

- Everything you got.
- I'm not doing that, Shawn.

Man, you got problems.

I deserve it.

Maybe we should call the cops.

Only good things happen
when we dig for stuff.

Shawn, we dug our own grave.

Yes, but that was in Mexico.

It doesn't count.

- Gus, look.
- What?

The soil's been disturbed.

The map says this is it.

- Dude.
- Whoa.

- What?
- Before we get all dirty,

let's just take a--let's take
a moment to savor this.

Do you wanna tell me what
you've been avoiding saying?

You can tell me anything.

I suck!

You know, Gus,
we really should discuss

how much of this treasure
we're gonna keep.

Half, maximum.

Unless, of course,
there's a talisman

with invisibility properties.
Your turn.

No, no, I want you
to be the one who finds it.


This is your moment, Gus.


After all, it was you
who has steadfastly held true

to the belief that someday,
we would, in fact,

discover treasure
and hoard it all for ourselves.

I mean, it feels like--
like closure.

Dude, I hit something.

Closure that represents
changing of the guard, perhaps.

- [Singsong] It's big.
- Not who we are as men.

And certainly not
what our friendship means, but--

This is exciting!

I mean, you could argue
that this is the pinnacle

of our careers, I mean,
we've discovered treasure.

How are we gonna top that?

I don't think we can, Gus.

I've made a decision--


It's a skeleton!

How do you know
it's not a mermaid?

[Screams] It's not a mermaid!



Who am I kidding?

Our high school.

Much better place
to give the speech.

- Hey, Wood.
- Hey, Shawn.

Are we keeping
the police out of this?

Just for a brief moment.

Victim's name
is Chris Cheramie.

Killed by nine M&Ms.

That's impossible.

You're right.
That seems low.

9-millimeter gun.
9-millimeter gun.

Yeah, sprayed
by a handful of bullets.

Was he killed by a hit man?

Well, it would have to be
a really bad one.

The bullets are distributed
all over the body.

And, you know,
a 9-millimeter pistol,

it's just not--
it's not sexy.

Unless Gael Garcia Bernal
is holding it.


Shawn, Chris Cheramie
was a land speculator.

He came to town
to bid on a property

and never made it
to the auction.

Guess who won the auction.

- Warren Dern.
- And his partner Ian Collins.

- Boom!
- What?

- Whoo, whoo, whoo.
- Whoo!

That's right.

Same bastard who ruined my first
chance of breaking the news

with his
"dedicated friend" routine.

- Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!
- Why are we doing this?

♪ 'Cause we know
who the killer is ♪

♪ it's Ian Collins

♪ it's, it's Ian Collins

That's right, we were partners,

and then he left this year.

And I thought
that was a surprise.

But Warren wanted out,

and his best "friend," Ian,
didn't like that.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Gus.

So quick to judge.
Breakups are hard, Gus.

Sometimes, circumstances dictate
more than personal choice.

What are you
talking about, Shawn?

Woody, can you give us an hour

before you let anyone
know about this?

I needed some time

to sneak out the flaxen-haired
hit man's jacket.

You want the clothes
he was killed in?

Two things: I don't have
any hit-man clothes.

And this jacket accentuates
both my spring features

and my third shoulder blade.

I just have to make sure

that I can dry-clean out
the stain on the sleeve.

I have identified it
as, uh, brake dust

or a really stale pixy stick.

That's technically mine.

Was his car impounded?


And a 9-millimeter pistol,
it--it's not sexy.

Unless Gael Garcia Bernal's
holding it.

Gus, we have the murder weapon.

- We solved it.
- It's over.

We're winners.
We've won.

Let's get this to Lassie,

so I can get back
for my 3:00.

- Or...
- Or what?

All right, Shawn.

You wanna tell me why
we're at our old high school?

Because it's awesome, Gus.

Because it's your happy place.

And our friendship

is the single most important
thing in my life.

Got me
through my parents' divorce.

Holy crap, that's the car
we learned to drive on.

- That's the car you stole.
- Once, for a date.

Ah, indelible memories,
unable to be tainted.

You can probably taint those.

[Laughs] Anyway,

two steering wheels,
dual brakes.

Makes it impossible to make out

in the front seat,
you know what I'm saying?

What are you
talking about, Shawn?

You've been acting crazy
this entire investigation.

Well, there's
a reason for that.

This is our last case together.

What? Why?

Probably because I'm gonna
have to shoot you both.

[Smacks lips]

I have been following
you two all day.

Who finds a murder weapon

and goes
to a Wendy's drive-through?

Hungry people.

People who appreciate value
and quality

and don't have a lot of time.

we had Mexican yesterday,

- so Del Taco was out.
- You went to Del Taco.

- For dessert.
- Where's the gun?

- Don't have it.
- It's in the car.

- I already searched the car.
- What?

You didn't break the window,
did you?

That's a custom tint.

And I cut
the ignition there, Leno,

so don't think
about running off.

I'll have you know
that I cannot

make a damage claim
this early into my new job.

You tell me where the gun is,

I'll let you live
another 30 seconds.

Come on, man, you
don't wanna keep killing dudes.

Yeah, I do.

It gets easier.

Does it really?

Let's--let's chart

your progress as a murderer,
shall we?

Three years ago,
you and your best bud killed

Chris Cheramie,
your rival in a land deal.


And you all buried
his body in the woods.

No, that's not what hap--
I buried the body,

he buried the gun.

But I didn't know he
was gonna use it for leverage.

See, you can't
trust your friends.

Don't try
and make this about me.

- Would you give me the gun?
- Hold on.

I wanna make sure
I have this straight.

Your partner splits,

you hire a hit man to kill him

while you have the perfect alibi
of being at a fundraiser.

But your boy
has one more card to play.

I got a murder weapon
with his fingerprints.

We can blackmail him.

Put the gun down.
I can take you to the gun.

Because he and the hit man
go to the gun and realize,

"Wait a second.

"We should be blackmailing
the dude

whose prints
are actually on the weapon."

[Silenced gunshot]

And when you give me
the weapon, the trail ends.

So how are we gonna play this?

All right, look.

There's something
I desperately need to admit

to my best friend
before you blow us away.

- Is that okay with you?
- Not really.

Gus, listen.

I stole a whole bunch

of this spiced flaxseed
from your office kitchen.

- What?
- It's delicious.

I can't stop
putting it in my mouth.

I'm ashamed.

I'm sorry.

All right,
your conscience clear?

Now it is.

- Thank you for that.
- Sure.


Go, Gus! Run!

Did you see that, Gus?

He fell for the old
"flaxseed in the eye" bit.

Shawn, we need
to get out of here.

Then we'll go
through the cafeteria.

- The door's locked.
- So is mine!

Keep going!

[Both panting]

- Gus, look, our lockers.
- Shawn!

You can't
let these moments pass.

- Upstairs!
- Okay.

Gus, we're trapped.
All these doors are locked.

Shawn, you know
that it's school policy

that after 5:00 P.M.,
all doors to the school--

oh, my gosh!

It's him!

Gus, I have an idea.

- Aw, sweet. Got it.
- Shawn, start the car.

[Engine starts]

[Tires screech]

- Let me drive.
- Why would I let you drive?

You're in the passenger seat.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Look out!
- [Grunts]

You know I have
better eluding skills, Shawn.

Now punch it.
I got the brake.

We both have brakes.

Let go of your wheel, Shawn.

You let go of your face.

[Tires screech]

Let go of your wheel, Shawn!

- He's coming right at us!
- Oh, my God!

How'd he get his car so fast?

Because he's smooth
and European

and his 'stache
is immaculately groomed.

Stop thinking he's cool,

and tell me what
this is all about, Shawn.

- Why are we here?
- I can't.

Now's not the right time.

Yes, it is!
[Tires screech]


Here's the big surprise.

That car can move.

Wait a minute.

- Where's that road end?
- At the college.

All right.
Take the wheel.

I have the wheel!

[Tires screech]

What--what are you doing?

[Phone vibrating]

I guess we'll wait
till everybody's here

to do roll call.

- This is it.
- That can't be right.

Class is supposed
to be online, so...

none of us are happy about it.

Why are you texting?

Will you
just work with me here?

Drive faster.

This car
is 20 years old, Shawn.

Stay on the road.

I'm just saying, I don't
think you can learn anything

about police work online.

Then why do I have all "A"s?



Tell you what.

Why don't you show us
what you've learned?

We don't do quizzes.

Of course you don't.

- Close your eyes.
- What?

- You heard me. Close your eyes.
- You're serious.

You're failing already.

- How many hats are in the room?
- How many what?

You know, I'm starting to
think your problem is hearing.

How many hats are in the room?

How many rows of seats?
What color shirt am I wearing?

I'll take an answer
to any one of these questions.

[Phone beeps]

Field trip.

We're coming up on the end
of the road, Shawn.

Can we make a u-turn?

We're also running out of gas.

All right, Gus, if this is it,

I really need you
to know something.

- I know, Shawn.
- You do?

Yes, I do.
You love me.

You love me in a way
that men can love each other

and still have wives

and children
and connecting pools.

Yes, but maybe the pools thing
isn't gonna work.

It doesn't matter, Shawn.

Yes, it does,
because it's all my fault.

Shawn, I need to hit
the brakes.

[Tires screech]


[Tire pops]


No, no.

All right, all right.

He finally called me.

Best class ever.


[Distant sirens blare]

So what exactly
are you trying to say?

Look, Gus, the truth is--

look at my dad.

He's totally Matt Damon-ing
it up over there.


He's like Bruce Willis
in Cop Out.

Will you just say it, Shawn?

Chiklis in Wired.

- As Belushi?
- Sure.

- No.
- "Breaking Dad."

And so I accept
that this is my fatal flaw.

I just can't quite...

engage all the way
when I really need to.

When it really matters,
you know?

When the chips are down.

I guess what I'm saying

is that I'm sorry, Gus.

I'm sorry
that I can't do good-byes.

I tried so hard
to tell you, man.

I just--I just suck...

at the real stuff.

You know that.

You're gonna be fine.

You're gonna
be better than fine.

I just can't help
thinking that...

the only problem

that you really had
this whole time...

is me.

And I've kept you from the life
that you deserve, you know?

The life that you've earned.

The life that you'd have

if I hadn't barged
into your office eight years ago

and said,
"We're gonna play detective...

whether you want to or not."


I love you, man.

[Door closes]


[Clatter] Shawn?

He didn't tell you either, huh?


Yeah, I guess
he sent one to everybody.

What am I supposed to do
with this place?

I'm sure somebody'll
figure out what to do with it.

See ya around.


I'll miss you most of all.

Stay gold, Pony Wood.

Stay gold.

You know I will, Shawn.

Shawn? Shawn?

This is the weirdest Skype call
I've ever been on.

Detective Dobson...

what can I say?

We didn't get to speak
nearly as much

as I ever would have liked,
but I heard more about you

than anyone ever could.

And you sound heroic.

The kind of guy that I
could have worshipped as a child

and an adolescent.

Well into my 20s.


Brannigan's making
these damn bracelets again.

You gotta take this one.

I clogged the drain
with the last batch.

- What's this?
- I don't know.

Guy hasn't said one word to me
in eight years,

and then he sends me
a good-bye video.

It's really weird.

Not really.

Carlton Lassiter.
Chief Lassie.

The Lord of Sternbush.

I am proud, honored, and...

baffled to call you my friend.

But it's true.

It's also true that you might

be the only other person
on the planet

who loves Jules
as much as I do.

Even though it's different.

You've always had her back,
and for that, I feel I owe you

more than the others, so...

time to come clean.

Regarding my methods
and the way that I solve cases,

you're the only one that's
ever suspected that, uh...


the truth is,
I am not--


- Chief?
- Yep.

Okay, chief.

So I've been doing
a lot of soul searching,

and even though you're
technically making me do this,

I've chosen a junior detective.

This is far and away
the lowest score

I've ever seen
on a detective's exam.

- Yes.
- No.

It's the perfect project.
A moldable piece of clay.

This hardly qualifies as clay.

I can build him
from the ground up.

I can turn him into you.

I suppose stranger things
have happened.

Did he say yes?

junior detective.

Thank you, sir.

Tighten your tie.

Yes, sir.

All right, get out of here.

I got a lot
of busy important things to do.

Thank you, sir.


Put the baby on.

Hello, Lilly.

This is your daddy.


I'm here.


How did you find me?

Look, it doesn't matter which
dispatcher made me promise

not tell you that she gave up
the crime scene

you were working at--

what matters is that
our life together starts now.

And if we
don't get busy living it,

it is gonna pass us by.

Mr. Spencer.


Please don't fire Loretta.

You're standing on evidence.

This is San Francisco.

It's a little more structured,

perhaps, than you're used to.

- Oh!
- Oh, sure. Why not?

You leave me without
so much as saying good-bye,

and that's supposed to be okay?

[Gasps] You didn't tell him?

No, no, I--
I left him a message.

You might as well
have just sent me

a text saying, "I'm out."

No, no, no, guys.
It was a video message.

I spent several hours finishing
it, it was full of detail

that made it even more personal

than an actual conversation,
and holy crap, man!

What are you--
what are you doing here?


I was about to make
my first presentation, right?


All right, conference room,
two minutes.

Be right there.
I am ready.

I just have to pick up
my presentation.

Ladies and gentlemen,
today's presentation

will be handled
by our newest team member,

Mr. Burt Guster,
a man that I personally saved

from a lifetime
of underachievement.

I'm sorry.



What about the house
that you wanna buy,

the real estate agent you have

that I never
heard anything about,

and--and all the children

that you're ready
to start pushing out?

Shawn, children terrify me.

I'm sure they won't,
at some point,

but there's plenty of time
to have them

when you're 60, right?

Yes, but that's not true, Gus.

I heard what you said.

I was hiding and hoarding
the soda machine.

I drank straight from the tap
like an animal.

Like an animal!

It's not something
I'm proud of,

but I heard every word.

Shawn, I was lying.
I was so lying.

I looked at all those faces,
and then I realized

I have the same job.

Yes, I have a better office,
a hotter secretary,

a soda machine,
but it's the same job,

and I cannot be
that man, Shawn.

I am an adventurer now,
with a friendship for the ages.

And if I have to live
in another city

to make that happen,
then so be it.

That's the way it's gotta be.

You didn't have
second thoughts at all?




What am I doing?

[Tires screech]

According to the figures, it
looks like we'll be able to do--

I am so, so sorry.

My closest friend
just moved away, and...

I'm experiencing
mixed emotions and...


You leave, Burt,

you don't take
that company car with you.

Think it through.

That's when I realized

I needed to do something bold.



Real bold.


My name is Burton Guster.

I'm a realist, a dreamer,
an adventurer,

a lover of Harry Potter,

vintage safes,
all things Jamaican.

And I wanna spend
the rest of my life

making you the center
of my universe.

A universe that contains
a solar system

with nine planets.

In We Bought A Zoo,
Matt Damon promises

that if we can have 20 seconds
of insane courage,

something great
will come out of it.


this is my moment
of embarrassing bravery.

Uh, that didn't play out
the way I planned it.

Can I take the speech over?

My name is Burton Guster.



Shawn, We Bought A Zoo lied.

Sorry, man.


Oh, gosh.

Oh, no, no, no.

[Whimpers] Oh, gosh.

How many times
did you turn around?


But look at me now, Shawn.
I am here.

I found myself,
and not at a 9:00-to-5:00,

but with my closest friend,
solving crimes,

living life to the fullest.

And if we have to do it
a little further up the coast,

then that's
what we'll have to do.

So be it.



Mr. Guster.

You guys, look at us.

We're all here.

We can set up shop here.

We c--we can solve crimes.

And, chief, we're gonna
be twice as efficient now.

Wanna know why?

'Cause we have
two steering wheels.

Look at Gus.
He's unstoppable.

- He's like Wesley in To Wong Foo.
- What?

Um, but, Mr. Spencer,
we already have a guy.

- What?
- Oh, really?

- Mm-hmm.
- That's funny.

I-I don't see him.

He's in the kitchen,

alphabetizing the pantry.


But he can't possibly
be as good as us.


- We'll see.
- Hmm.

Come on, guys,
let's hug it out.

- Come on.
- Oh!

Okay, Mr. Spencer.

You're now standing
on the dead body.

- Mm-hmm.
- Mm.

Oh, my gosh, Gus.

- This is gonna be so incredible.
- Uh-huh.

Just like it was before,
only bigger and better,

with more wineries.

- Except for one thing.
- What?


I made the biggest mistake
of my life

by leaving Santa Barbara
without saying good-bye to Gus,

and I am done cowering
from the big decisions.

I've wanted this
for long enough.

So it's gonna happen...

right now.


Wh--is--is this the time?

You bet your ass it is.

Juliet O'Hara,

I do not believe
in love at first sight

because I didn't
even need to see you

to know that I wanted
to spend forever with you.

That didn't make
a ton of sense, did it?

The center of your universe,
nine planets.

Gus, has that Pluto line
ever worked on anybody?


I'm gonna get back in there.

Scratch that.

I have spent my whole life

running from one thing
to another.

Quitting and running
and quitting and running

and pretending that my destiny
was to drive a wienermobile.

He was young and afraid
of commitment.

That's true,
but I'm not that young anymore,

and I'm also not afraid.

Because when I'm with you,
Jules, I'm just fearless,

and--and I'm unbreakable.

Like Samuel L. Jackson.

No, Sam Jackson
was the glass man.

Not emotionally, Shawn.

Not emotionally.

Okay, I need you to dial
it back just a teeny bit.

[Voice cracking]

I know that I come with baggage

and a best friend
who's not going anywhere ever.

But I promise you
that from this moment forward,

the only running that I
will be doing is into your arms.

And I will never stop holding
your cold little hands

or losing myself
when I wake up in the morning

and look at you and recognize
how frickin' lucky I am.

Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh.

It's happening.
Say yes.


O-okay, but technically,
you just said yes to Gus.

Well, ask me, Shawn.


Jules, will you marry us?

- Mostly me.
- Yeah.

Even though Gus is always
gonna be part of the deal.

And then some day,
he'll have his own Juliet,

and her name
will be "Juli-ay."

- And she'll be Jamaican.
- Oh, yeah.

And together, we'll be one big,

giant, frosted,
black-and-white cookie.

And we're gonna have dogs,
all rescues.

And kids,
probably before we're 60.

Oh, way, way before 60.

Oh, just marry me
so that I can show you

how amazing
our life will be together.


Yes, I will marry the crap
out of you, Shawn Spencer.

Now give me the ring.

Oh, my God!

Hey! Hey!

- That's my grandmother's!
- Oh, my God.

What the hell
kind of city is this?

No, no, I got this!

That's your grandmother's?

Come on, let's do this!

What is this car?

And why is the window broken?

It's technically stolen.
Hold on.

- Dude, he went right.
- He went left.