Psych (2006–2014): Season 7, Episode 12 - Dead Air - full transcript

A radio DJ is killed while on the air, and Shawn & Gus help the police with the crime. They determine a fan of the DJ seems to be involved. She says she is being stalked by a person named Bob, and he is the one who might be the killer.

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
Welcome back to the Crock Pot,

Crock-O's and
other lesser beings.

Hey, Dean.
Are you alive over there?

Come on! I feel like
a kid again, Crock.

Well, try not to wet yourself.

Or at least put
a towel down this time.

Uh, Dean and I are here with two,
uh, local psychic detectives,

Shawn Spencer
and Vijay Amritraj.

Now, Shawn, before the break
you were about to tell us

just what it feels like to have
these otherworldly abilities.

I mean, basically you're like
Drew Barrymore in Firestarter,

except you don't get older and
then get naked in Doppelganger.

Have I got that right? Have
I got it right?

You pretty much
nailed it, Crock!

Well, you know, Crock, I am the
spark that lights the fire.

And I could tell you what time
it is anywhere in the world

except for the Poles.

Why don't you liven things up a
little bit and read Deano's mind

and tell us which Jonas brother

he's daydreaming about right now!
Oh, no!

What? You guys are crazy!

Oh, you guys. It's like a zoo in here!
Except for vegetables.

Ah, it's always a bit of a
dice-roll with venison.

Well, not today. It was an
absolutely lovely meal, Henry.

Thank you so much.
Oh, please!

It's been ages since I've been
able to grill for anyone.

Shawn doesn't come
around much these days.

Nope, not since the incident.

More than fair.

Look, Shawn, what happened between
your mother and I that night

was completely natural
and arabesque.

Oh, God.

Shawn, you saw
your parents shagging?


He's still not ready
to talk about it.

Whoa, look at that!
It's time for the Crock Pot.

Oh, no.

We are not spending the next two
hours listening to Crock Daniels.

Who's Crock Daniels?

Who's Crock Daniels?

He's like the Howard
Stern of radio.

That doesn't even
make any sense.

I can't believe
you guys like him.

He has the mentality
of a five year-old.

Oh, come on, Jules.
He had us on his show.

To make fun of you.

He was laughing with us, Jules.

And you know,
he's matured since then.

He tackles the real
issues on the air now.

That's right.

Proctology is witchcraft.

Pass. Do you fancy a
walk on the beach?

That sounds delightful.

...with the Crock Pot. What seemingly
important issues do you have?

Be careful.

It's better this way.

...who will immediately
judge and berate you.

Time for the Crock to put a bit of
money in the bank, so stay put!

You know I want you to think,

but just don't think
about touching that dial.

This is the Crock Pot!


I'm bringing in a live alligator next segment.
So, honey up your sack.

Wow! So...

You're going to London
for six months?

It's my temporary visa, it's a
nightmare situation.

It wouldn't be so terrible
if I hadn't met Burton.

Mmm. How's he taking it?

Oh, you haven't told him?

I don't know how
to break it to him.

I mean, he cries at
the drop of a hat. Literally.

don't want to listen! Hey!

Hey, what... What the
hell are you doing?


No! Please, no!
No, please don't! No!

Was that a gunshot?

It's got to be
some kind of a joke.

Yeah, it's got to be, it's...
It's Crocks, right?

He's up to his old tricks.
No, no.

That was a gunshot.

Somebody shot the Crock Pot?

I know, you know
That I'm not telling the truth

I know, you know
They just don't have any proof

Embrace the deception
Learn how to bend

Your worst inhibitions tend
to psych you out in the end

A moment of silence
for the Crocker, Gus.

Oh, heavenly bearded
father of the Nazarene.

That's not silence.

Such a bummer, man.

What time did
we hear that gunshot?

Ten minutes into the show.

I remember because Crock just
made his crank phone call

as Willie, the
two-year-old telemarketer.

That baby could sell anything.
To what?

Let's hear it again.

- No, you don't, please don't!
- No!

Dude, I...

Hey! I think I just heard a voice on the
recording just before Crock was shot.

- Is Crock okay? Tell me he's okay.
- Ma'am!

Who in the hell
are those whackados?

Those are Crock O's.
Crock's biggest fans.

Does he need soup?

She does realize
he was shot, right?

What kind of soup
do you think she's packing?

I'm not sure.
Something seasonal, though.

Winter Bean?

All right, let's make the rounds,
see what we can find out.

Hey, Boo, I'm at
the crime scene, talk later?

All right, kisses.


Man, Rachael
can't get enough of this.

I think she can,
and I suspect she will.

Gus, someone here
knows something.

Where you want to start?
We should start at the top.

I hope it's near a kitchen.
That soup made me hungry!


That is my private office.

And you are?

Miranda Sherrod.
I own this station.

I see. Well, I am psychic
detective, Shawn Spencer.

And this is my partner,
Django Unchained.

I'm not amused by that.

You want to try it again?
I wouldn't if I were you.

Um, excuse him. My name is
Burton Guster, Miss Sherrod.

We were huge fans of Crock.

We know this must be
devastating for you.

You can't replace
these kind of numbers.

No, I was talking
about as a friend.

Being a friend is not
in his job description.

This is a cutthroat,
stab you in the back,

corporation, you dig?

I give Gus fun names, like
silly impromptu nicknames.

I've always done that.

There you are. Would you stop
wandering off like children?

Who are you? And why are
you hiding in here?

Miranda Sherrod.
Owner. And no!

I am not going downtown
to answer questions.

Bert Johansen is my attorney.
He will ruin your life.

As you were.

Uh, Miss Sherrod,

we were trying to get some insight
into Crock, his brief history here.

He doubled the ratings of his
previous show in six months.

He doubled the ratings of his previous show?
How is that possible?

With audience erosion and competition
from Internet and satellite?

Looks like someone here is
more than just a pretty face.


Crock's success was impressive.

And it drove his
competition crazy.

As in his old partner,
Dean Ballou?

Dean? You bet your megawatt smile
that he was jealous of Crock.

Now would you two
get the hell out of here?

I have got a crisis to manage.

Yes, ma'am.
She's just mean.

Yes, she is.

So, we'd like to speak with you about
your former partner, Crock Daniels.

I'm sure you heard
that he was murdered.

Such a tragedy, Deano.

Since we were on the show,
we consider ourselves family.

This hurts us just
as much as it hurts you.


He deserved it!

I hated that bastard
with a passion.

Why are you speaking
in that ridiculous voice?

This is a serious matter.

This is my voice.

Sure it is,
and graffiti's an art form.

We were together for 20 years.

Then last year he comes in
and says it's over.

Did he say it like a normal
person or like the Moviefone guy?

He bailed on me to take a seven-figure
payday at that dump hole station.

Seven figures?

Mister Ballou, I don't know
if you know how this works,

but unless you
have a firm alibi,

you're painting yourself
as our number one suspect.

I was doing what I'm doing
right now, my radio show.

Speaking of which...

I've got a show to do.

It's incredible out there.

Thanks for joining us, kids, cats and
teen queens, and guys in blue jeans!

KKSB Drivetime.

That's my radio voice.

What a bummer.


I'm getting a warrant
to search this guy's house.

He's our man.

There's no way he could've pulled off
a clean murder. You saw the dude.

O'Hara, check his alibi.

I'm guessing it's Swiss, as in
cheese, as in full of lactate.


Crock was pulling over a million dollars, man?
Are you kidding me?

Now we know how Miranda got
him to switch stations.

Wonder what that meant
for the rest of the staff?

Probably a lot of pay cuts.

Which could be motive for
someone to bump off Crock.

Well, well, well.

Looks like someone's more
than just a brownish face.

She said "pretty face," Shawn.


Hello again, Miss Sherrod.

It's your favorite psychic, Shawn
Spencer and his partner, Burton Guster.

You just threw in the towel
on your nickname game, huh?

Well, I thought you didn't...

What a pleasure
to see you again.

Miss Sherrod.
Miranda, to you.

Just to him?

Miranda, we have reason to believe that
Crock's killer is in this station.

Someone he worked with.

And why would you think that?

Because I've had a vision of other
staffers taking huge pay cuts

so that you could bring in
a big shot like Crock.

Yes, and they were happy to take
less and not be sent packing.

Try again.

My advice to you, and I think
you'd be wise to take it,

is to give us access
to every department.

I'm talking ad sales, on-air
personalities, program directors.

You know your stuff.

Well, I worked at my college
radio station for a semester.

I was a bit of a star.

You fell asleep
during your own show.

It was a 3 a.m. Show, Shawn.
I was doing radio verite.

Nobody noticed.
What I'm saying is,

you're in good hands.

They don't suck.
They're not great.

Knock yourselves out.
But you better make it quick.

'Cause I'm about
to shut the station down.

What? Uh. Miss Sherrod,

I realize that
your staff is small

and while my talents
are prodigious,

it'll take me some time
to vet them all.

Without Crock, I have nothing.

And I can't keep putting these
other morons on the air.

Well, why don't you
bring in some new blood?

And what do you suggest I do?

Just pluck someone
off the street?

Good morning, Santa Barbara!

Hell! You've just
been S-Bagged

on Santa Barbara's newest
and most potent morning show


Look. Whoever this is, I'm coming
down there and I'm you up

Prank-calling me!

Wait a minute.

- Oops!
- You idiot!

That's what it sounds like to
be bald, angry, and divorced.

With nipples
like elephant darts.

We'll be right back,
after we pay some bills.

Man, I'm exhausted.

I guess now that we have the
first hour under our belts,

it'll get easier, huh?
Sea legs and what not.


You've been on
for seven minutes.

What? We have four hours
and 53 minutes to go?

Talk about your personal life.

Listeners love that stuff.

Yeah. Yeah, what Syd said.

Expose myself.
Open up. Get personal.

Welcome back, Santa Barbara,
you guessed it.

It's time to get personal!

Hey, Gus, how do you feel
about your girlfriend

heading back to the UK
for six months?

Rachael's heading overseas?

Juliet told me. I assumed
you already knew.

Juliet knows?

And now so does
all of Santa Barbara!

Why is she leaving?
Why hasn't she told me?

That's not the mute button.

And you have a call!

We have a Rachael
from Santa Barbara.

No, no, no! No, Shawn!
Do not take that call!

You deserve an explanation.
Not on the...

Not on the radio!

Rachael, from Santa Barbara.

You're live on Spence-Air!

We need to talk.

I don't have anything
to say, Rachael.

Buddy, that's just bad radio.

I don't care. My life is not
fodder for your show, Shawn.

You're not going to use my pain
to fill airtime. Rachael...

How could you do this to me?

Is this about Max's dad?

I'm only going back to sort
out some immigration issues.

Gus, that
relationship is long over.

I'm with you now.

You have nothing to be afraid of.
Do you hear me?

You stay classy, Santa Barbara.

Thanks for spending your morning with me.
Spence-Air, out.

Man, I can't believe I just
confessed to all of Santa Barbara

that I make love
with my socks on.

You sure did. Hey, guys,
I'm going to take off.

I just wanted to say thank you.

Thank us? For what?

Well, for not asking me
to measure my junk.

Or crank call my
birth mom on the air.

What are you talking about?

That was always Crock's move.

He did whatever he could
to humiliate me for laughs.

You were okay with that?

No, but what could I do?

Pop a couple caps in him and
pretend someone knocked me out?

Syd, that's...

That's, uh, dark.

Dude, did that man
just confess to us?

No, that's way too easy.

We should talk
to the other employees.

All right. I'm filing him
under suspect number one.




This guy Redd kills
a lot of stuff, Shawn.

Certainly explains why my dad
likes his outdoors shows so much.

Hey, beaver.

Look at you.

Nature's engineer.

You don't belong stuffed
into somebody's office.

Maybe Redd needs a taste
of his own medicine,

see what it's like
being stalked and hunted.

Just name the time
and the place.

Whoa! Hey, Redd Herring!

I am radio personality,
Shawn Spencer and this...

Is the man who's
going to hunt me.


Do you really think
you have what it takes

to track me down and shoot me?

Uh, Redd.

Did you kill Crock?

If I wanted to kill Crock,

I wouldn't have missed.

Fair point, that's fair.

But were you angry with him

because you did have to take a
pay cut when he came on board?

And, um, are you sure
you didn't kill Crock?

Well, I did have
to take a teeny pay cut.

But most of Crock's salary come
out of Miranda's bird bag.

She just used Crock
to boost her ratings

till she could sell
the station to Clear Channel

and make her money back.

But the deal fell through.

The deal fell through.

Good talk, Redd.
Great talk.

Goodbye forever.

See you in my recurring
Hunger Games nightmare.

Dude, Miranda had
motive to kill Crock.

Once the station didn't sell, she was
on the hook for the rest of his deal.

We got to put the nails to her.

How? She knows
we're investigating.

She'll see us
coming a mile away.

If only we knew someone
with a megawatt smile.

He could get her from behind.

You know, slip in
beneath her guard

with his gorgeous face.


Hi. Our dinner
reservation is at 8:00.

We will arrive
in separate vehicles.

Once there, we will
converse about business only.

After our meal, we will shake
hands and drive away separately.

I see.

You're like a more
agitated Blair Underwood.

But I have a counteroffer.

We stay here. I cook you a
jerk-chicken dinner wearing this.


Jerk chicken. No apron. We talk about
what's going on at the station.

Counter-counter-counter offer.

Jerk chicken.
Apron on top of dress.

Option to bend over
only as needed.


Oh, gosh.

So, this deal with Crock

was the largest talent acquisition
you ever made, right?




I like how you know your
way around a chicken leg.

Mmm-hmm. How do you do
with the human kind?


As I was saying, if all your assets
were wrapped up at the station,

you'd be in some pretty hot water if
a business deal suddenly went south.

You're talking about
the Clear Channel deal?

But Crock's death makes his
contract void, am I correct?


You think I killed him just to
get out of the money I owe?


Uh, uh... Well, hold on.
Hold on! Hold on, now.

Miranda, Miranda,
Miranda. Calm down.

No one said anything about
anybody killing anybody.

I love that you think
that I could be so cunning,

so calculated, that I could
pull off the perfect murder.

I didn't say perfect.

It would be if I did it.

Interrogate me, Burton.

Turn the screws.
See if I'll break.

Uh, where were you the night
of the murder? Faster.

Uh, Where were you the night
of the murder? Slower.

Where were you
the night of the murder?

You're not attracted
to me, are you?

Uh, well no.
That's not it.

That's rhetorical.
Of course you are.

Look, I'm in a relationship,
Miranda. A real one.

And not just one with God.

Rachael and I have
our issues, yes,

but we are committed
to making it work.

You have sex with your socks
on because your toes get cold.

- Isn't that right?
- Yes.

See? See, here's
your problem, Miranda.

Some men, evolved men,
seek a chase, seek romance.

I am one of those men.
I believe in slow seduction.

I believe in feeding each
other poached eggs in bed

and leaving love notes
squeegeed on the shower door.

I believe in writing the sound
track to each other's lives.

I believe I can fly.


I believe in making
my woman my queen.

Well, Shawn. I have
good news and bad news.

You know I'm bad news first, ever since
we saw Prometheus on opening night.

I had to endure some serious
sexual harassment last night.

Miranda actually wanted
to be interrogated.

How's that the bad news?
That's not the bad news.

The bad news is that she made a
decision to cancel your show.


Come on, son.
I was only on for a day!

Radio game is brutal.

Sure is.
Ain't that a...

Well, what's the good news?

She found a replacement.

Aww, yeah, Santa Barbara.

You are now entering
the Smooth Storm,

KJAD's new after-dark talk.

I'm your host,
A Player Named Gus.

So, sit back and chillax with me,
as I take you on a funky ride.

If you don't scream, well, I sure
enough won't holler.

You feel me, White Chocolate?

Seriously? You're going
to do A Player Named Gus?

Man! You couldn't even stay awake
doing this shtick in college.

Miranda has
a vision for me, Shawn.

Yeah. You standing naked,
posing like Captain Morgan.

She still believes I know
women and how they operate

and what it means
to touch someone.

I have the power
to touch people, Shawn.

She probably
killed Crock Daniels.

Well, until we know for sure...

Why don't we open up these call
lines for all you lovers out there.

We have long-time caller,
Laura, on line one.

What? He actually
has a caller?

Aw, yeah!

L-Boogie, why don't you tell A Player
Named Gus what's on your mind?

I've always
listened to KJAD

and I was a big fan
of the Crock Pot show.

But after hearing
your smooth voice,

I knew I had to be the first
to call and say, "Hello."

Uh-huh. Well, I like
how you sound, girl.

I like how you sound, too.

What is your
relationship situation?

Well, L-Boogie,
I do have a special friend.

Mmm. Does that mean
I can't have a hug?

I tell you what.

This is me hugging you
over the airwaves.

Mmm. Mmm.


You feel that?

Hey, maybe I should
come on down.

Uh, A Player Named Gus is going to
take another call as quick as he can.

So you hang right there, Laura.
I'll be waiting.

Right now, we have
Jalinda on the line.

Oh! Hi.

My name is Jalinda.

And I was just wondering if this
was the same Player Named Gus

who back at Camp Tikihama
had to use rubber sheets

because every night he would
water log his mattress.

Uh, people out there, A Player
Named Gus was five, you dig?

And then he discovered
he had a shy bladder.

Well, that makes me feel funny!

Jalinda, you keep on talking right there.
All right?

Is this the same
Player Named Gus

that used to run so hard and
so fast in his squishy boots

at the playground that once he
tripped and sprained his ding-ding?

Dude! What are you doing?

What am I doing?
I'm investigating.

What are you doing? What
I was born to do, Shawn.

Yeah, well, while you were
exercising your birthright,

I found this.

Miranda's worth over eight
million in assets alone,

and she owns three
El Pollo Loco's!

Really? Which ones?

The one with the
really huge salsa bar?

Man, you know they all
got big ass salsa bars.

Wait a second.

That means Miranda most
definitely didn't kill Crock

over the Clear Channel deal.

No kidding, Bruce Wayne.

First rule of radio, someone
actually has to be on the air.

You're filthy rich.
And just plain filthy.

Why didn't you just
clear your name last night?

What? And miss the opportunity to
have you turn the screws to me?

Now, will you two
get back on the air?

L-Boogie? You still there?

Of course,
I could wait all day.

Aww, yeah!

Are you sure you don't
want a walk to your car?


Stellar debut, Gus.
Shut up.

Thank you for everything.
You're welcome.

Come on, Gus. Come on,
buddy, breathe!

In through your
nose and just...

Just breathe.

All right. Nobody got
a look at our shooter,

but we do have the security
video from the parking lot.

Just downloaded it
from the main server.

- Oh.
- Nice, Syd. Nice.


That must have
been when I fainted.

Uh, this is when Miranda found
him and gave him mouth-to-mouth.

She what?

I'll fast-forward this.

This goes on
for a little while.

Yeah. Yeah, just...

Mouth to mouth.

Mouth to mouth.

All right.

Your little legs are just kicking
all over the place there.

I tell you what, Gus, uh, I think
we can probably take it from here.

Why don't you, uh...

Why don't you clear your head.

And rinse and spit.

Should I be worried?

What, about that?

No. She just thought my condition
was worse than what it was.

Yeah, I'm sure she did. Come on,
let's get you home. Okay.

So, I think it's safe to assume
whoever took a shot at Gus

also killed Crock.

Why is it safe to assume that?

I mean, I was on the air first.

Nobody tried to kill me.

What's the difference
between my show and his show?

Where to start?
Um... Gus was good.

Gus had callers.

Good point, Syd.

I have a link between
Gus and Crock.

It is a caller and her name...

Is Laura.

She was the president
of Crock's fan club.

Odd duck. Nice cans.

Which means she would've known
the station well enough

to get in, kill Crock and
get out without being seen.

You got all that from her cans?

Rumor was, she and Crock
had a fling at one point.


You think maybe she was a jilted
lover who was out for revenge?

It's worth checking him out.

Her. It's worth
checking her out.

I know what you meant.
Wow, guys! Wow!

- Have a seat.
- Thank you.

So, we are investigating
the murder of Crock Daniels.

We would like to talk to you
about the dozens of calls

you made to the Crock Pot show.

Don't touch those.
Those are Crock's jellybeans.

I was a big fangirl of his.

We made out once.

I was devastated when
he was killed on the air.



You also made numerous
calls into the Smooth Storm

right before someone
tried to kill its host.


Is A Player Named Gus okay?

Oh, my God.
He's fine.

By the way,
his name is just Gus.

And he wears footy pajamas and he
gets gout like, three times a year.

Aww! I'm serious. We call
him Burton Goutster.

Laura, right now, you are the common
link between these two incidents.

Listen, I call in to
plenty of radio shows.

Ever since my
parents died, it's just

kind of lonely in this big,
old house all by myself.

Mmm. Don't care.

Where were you last night and
also the time of Crock's murder?

Right here.

Making shirts and buttons
and pudding and things.


Aww, yeah.

That's a monumental
waste of your time.

Do you mind if I take
a look around your house?

Oh, no.

To be honest, I thought you were
here to talk to me about Bob.

Who's Bob?

My stalker.

Um, isn't that sort of like
a bird eating another bird?

That happens all the time.

Sweetheart, I thought we
agreed that birds were my thing.

Bob is this guy who used to hang out
at my local coffee shop, Latte Da.

He once bought me a muffin.

Anyway, he started showing up at
the places I go to regularly.

And I was nice to him
but he took it the wrong way.

Does this Bob have a last name?

Don't know it,
don't want to know it.

He freaked me out.

He also somehow got my phone
number and started calling me.

"Hi, Laura.

"Why weren't you
at coffee today?

"Too busy on the radio?"

The eggheads down
at the department

said they pulled a gravelly voice off
the recording of Crock's last show.

Could you describe
this Bob to a sketch artist?

Of course. Absolutely.

That's neat.


I decided to stop hatin'.

This is the sketch artist's rendition
of Bob, based on Laura's description.

Could this guy look any more like a
stereotypical comic book villain?

Great. Thanks, guys.

So, listen to this.
A guy named "Bob"

called into the Crock show a few weeks
ago and had some choice words for him,

right after a long on-air
exchange with Laura.

The tech lab guys just matched

the gravelly voice on the
recording of Crock's murder

with Bob's voice
from a few weeks ago.

That's fantastic.

Somewhere in Bob's deluded mind

he thought he'd have a chance
with Laura if he eliminated

all the people that she adores.

First by killing Crock...
Then by trying to kill Gus.

I bet you Bob will strike again

the next time he hears Laura gushing
over someone, anyone on-air.

A sting.

We should set a trap.

We should create a situation that
seems like one thing and then...

Spider fly.

But who do we use as bait?

Aww, yeah.

Santa Barbara, you are
entering the Smooth Storm.

Can love lightning
be caught in a man bottle?

The answer when we return after
this commercial break.

Nice. No!
No, no, no, no, no.

I can't do it.

The man is a living
comic book villain, Shawn!

I know, it's ridiculous.
But you got to relax.

You're wearing
a bulletproof vest,

we got you covered here,
isn't that right, Lassie?

Well, yeah. Providing Guster sticks
to the plan and doesn't screw up.

We've got the perimeter to the station
monitored, the phone lines are tapped.

We'll get this bastard.

You see?
You are safe and sound.

Now remember,
when Laura calls in,

you keep her on the line
as long as you can.

You make it hot, you make
it wet, you make it smooth.

Hot, wet and smooth.

That's right.

We got to get Bob all riled up
so he tries to kill you again.

You're not helping, Shawn!

We're back in
five, four, three...

And the answer is in.

Love lightning can
be caught in a man bottle.

And the label reads,
"A Player Named Gus."

So call if you've got
a story of electric love.

That's our cue.

We have Laura on line one.

This is go time.

I don't have a story
of electric love,

but I do have
the fantasy of one.

With you, A Player Named Gus.

Aww! Baby.

Well, A Player Named Gus has
100,000 volts of love for you.

And my currents run deep,
if you know what I mean.

What do you mean?

Really, Shawn? You're going to choose
now to know something about anything?

Well, when can I see you, so
we can blow up the power grid?

Yeah. I'm, uh, just...

I'm moving to another room.

Somebody call Con Edison
and prepare for a black out

'cause A Player Named Gus
and Laura are going

to make the lights
go out in this city.

Aww, yeah.


You can't go in there.

Your boyfriend's helping
with a police sting.

He didn't mention anything
to me about a sting.

Obviously, there are a lot of
things he hasn't mentioned to you.


I just said
you can't go in there.

No, you didn't.
Oh, yes, I did.

What are you
going to do about it?

Oh. Oh. What? What are you
going to do about that?

Oh, missy, no.
I'm going to push you back.

Make a wish!

Oh! Hey, hey, hey. Rachel,
what has gotten into you?

I know I said I was okay and I'm
absolutely not freaking out,

but I'm not okay and that's
why I came down here.

I'm nervous and clearly
a little jealous.

Especially if this
man-eating trollop

tries to shoplift you
the second I board that plane.

What did she just call me? Ladies,
this is not the way to handle this.

Rachael, you are British
and sophisticated.

Miranda, you are rich and...


But look, as much as this would check
an item off of my bucket list,

you two cannot fight.

I just have more to say and I
think if I don't lay it out,

I don't believe we'll make it.

And I so badly want
us to make it, Gus.

Me too, Boo. And we'll talk.
I promise.

But right now I have to go flirt
my butt off with some white woman

and get a comic book
villain to shoot me.

Play nice.

Guys. We have
Bob on line one!

Be tough, man.

Don't be weepy boy Santos.

All right, Guster,
keep him on the line.

We need 30 seconds
more for the trace.

Aww, yeah, Bob.

Tell A Player Named Gus
what's on your mind.

I've been listening to you
trying to smooth-talk Laura.

She doesn't want
someone like you.

Keep him talking,
we almost got him.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Bob.

Calm down.

I think Laura has made it clear

the kind of person she wants
and who she doesn't.


Almost there.

Got him!

Oh, no.

we traced Bob's call.

He's headed towards you.
We got it wrong.

He's making his
move against Laura.

Got it.

Okay. Bob's nearby!

Stay put!

So you got that? Cool.

Jules! Oh, dear.
Dear goodness.

Are you okay?

Here, sit. Sit in this
chair, it has a cushion.

Look, I am here

for you.

Oh, my God, you think
I have brain damage?

There's a good chance
that you do.

But I will not abandon you.

Why don't you
have a seat, Miss?

We found her about three blocks
away, hiding in some bushes.

She ran out the back door.

You sure you're okay, O'Hara?

Oh. Considering I let the guy get the
jump on me, oh, yeah, I'm just aces.

Well, don't be
so hard on yourself.

We've all had our clocks cleaned
by a perp at least once.

Except for me, of course.


Did you ID your assailant?

Was it Bob?

The perp hit me from behind.
I didn't get a face.

I just can't understand how he
got through that little window.

You're sure you locked down
the entire house?

Of course I did.
I'm not a total moron.

And even if you were,
I would clean up your messes.

Gus, I need to talk to you
in the bathroom. What?

You must be out
of your damn mind.

Dude, I just need your expertise
for a second. Now, come on.

I don't care. Stand if
it's one, sit if it's two.

That's all you're
getting from me, Shawn.

I don't need to use the bathroom,
would you just come with me?

I don't care!


Excuse me.

Man, this is weird,
Shawn, even for you.

Where are you going?

We didn't really come up
here to cross streams, Gus.

I have a hunch.


You think we're back
at Camp Tikihama?

Come on, son.


Laura's an addict, Gus.

A real pill popper.

Wonder what else
she's involved in?

Murder, perhaps?

These drugs aren't
recreational, Shawn.

You can't take these
in a park, or an arcade?

These are anti-depressants, mood
stabilizers, anti-psychotics.

These are for
a serious condition.

What condition?

Jules, oh, Jules!

Jules! Can you
understand me, sweetheart?

Were you with Laura when she
called into Gus' radio show?

No, I was re-checking
all the doors and windows.

And where was Laura
when you were attacked

and almost turned in
to a delightful dimwit

with no control
over your faculties?

Uh, she was in the next room.

Well, I am sensing
that Crock's killer,

who is also Juliet's attacker,

is right here in this room.

That's what you two nimrods
came up with in the crapper?

That the perp is one of us?

Not one of us.

One of her.


Laura is Bob and Bob is Laura.

And who knows how many
other personalities

you have swimming around
in your cute but crazy

Aimee Mann looking face.

Am I right?
Yes, and no.

Yes, I've had problems
in the past,

but I take my meds religiously.

I'm in a really good place.

Maybe Laura is in a good place,

but Bob is in
an Eli Roth movie.

He flipped and killed Crock. And he
did it all on the cheap in Romania.

There is a Bob!
A real Bob!

Yeah, and pigs fly.

I knew it.

Look. As far
as Crock knew,

it was Laura who came
to the studio that day.

He had no reason to be alarmed.

It was just a visit from
his number one fan,

who he used to make the
spanky-tank-pank dance with.

But that day you were Bob.

And Bob was jealous of Laura's
relationship with Crock.

So, he killed him.

Hey, what the hell
are you do...

No, please don't!

It was you, as Bob, who
called into Gus' radio show,

which is why Lassiter traced
the call back to this area.

And it was you, as Bob
who attacked Juliet.

And tried to turn her
into the other sister.

Laura, Bob,
whoever else is in there,

we're going to have to
head down to the station

before we can clear this up.

Let's go.


I have to say, these last two days in
our relationship were pretty rough.

Well, I guess we both
flipped out a bit, didn't we?


But we can handle this
separation thing, right?

Oh, yeah. Definitely.

Don't you think? Absolutely.
Yes. No doubt.

Well, that's my taxi.

Yeah. Look...

No matter what happens,

I'm so happy for these last
few months I've had with you.

And trust me...

I will count down the next
six months like a stopwatch.

Um, call me when you land,

so I know you got there safely.

Except it'll be in the
middle of the night there.

Oh yeah. Well,
send me a text or email me.

You know,
if you get the chance.

I will. I'll see you
in six months.

I'll be here.

What the...


O'Hara? So, here's
some strange news.

I spoke with Laura's doctor,

who says she's actually
doing really well.

The meds have been working.

And no other personalities have
surfaced in over two years.

Hmm. Maybe there
really is a Bob.

Two years?

You know, Gus was supposed
to call me when he got home.

He hasn't called.

Laura was telling the truth
about having a stalker.

Stalker? I love her.

She just can't see it 'cause
people keep getting in the way.

You killed Crock.

And then you took a shot
at me at the station.

You're just figuring this out?

Breaking down a case is
harder than it looks!

I'm trying to remember something
that happened days ago

and keep track of
what's going on now.

You shouldn't have tried
to take Laura from me.

I wasn't trying
to take your girl, man.

I already have a girl.

Please, I heard you talk
about that on the radio.

Like that's going to last
the next six months.

No doubt that
is the police, Bob.

It's time to give it up.

Gus, I happened to be in
the neighborhood.

What are you doing here?

Seizing an opportunity.


Indian Girl's on
the plane, right?

Oh, my gosh.
You need Jesus.

That would kind of
ruin the mood.


I see you, Bob.

You are under-appreciated.

God, you're huge.

Stop talking.
I can't.

I said shut up!

That's enough, Bob!

Son of a...

Gus! Hey, hey, hey!

You did good, playa.
Did I?

Aww, yeah!

Well, I'm glad you
and Max landed safely.

Did he get the surprise
I left in his bag?

Not yet. He slept
most of the flight.

Ah. Oh! Wait till
I tell you what happened!

Daddy! You surprised us!

You know what?

Another time.

You know Max really enjoyed
spending time with you, right?

Yeah. But I know
it's not the same.

Well, I guess we better...


Call me when you get a chance.

I will.


I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I couldn't resist, man.

Look, how cool is it
that Miranda gave us

Crock's sound effects panel
as a thank-you gift?

Psst. I have a feeling I'm going
to be the one to regret it.

I've been there, buddy.
It sucks.

You look like you could
use some time alone.

You know what?
I'll hit the bricks.


All right, man. That's it. Just
trying to lighten the mood.

I'm done.


I know, you know
That I'm not telling the truth

I know, you know
They just don't have any proof

Embrace the deception
Learn how to bend

Your worst inhibitions tend
to psych you out in the end

I know, you know