Psych (2006–2014): Season 6, Episode 8 - The Tao of Gus - full transcript
Gus and Shawn take up residence at a hippie commune, to uncover the source of the mysterious threats aimed at NICOLE REED...
Hello, dad.
What is this,
do your job half-ass day
at the Santa Barbara
Police Department?
We've got serious business to tend to.
Serious business?
You're going to the opening
of a new cupcake store.
No, we're going to a closing
of an old cupcake store.
And then we're going to the opening
of a new cupcake store.
Bring me back a red velvet.
Ah, just give us our check.
Sign.
- There you go.
- Thank you.
I'm gonna die and come back
as that peach scarf.
Wha...?
I thought you wanted to
come back as the skinny Elvis.
No, you wanted to come back
as skinny Elvis.
I wanted to come back
as black Michael Jackson.
Now you're downgrading to a scarf?
You know that's right.
We'll be keeping this report on file
and if you need
absolutely anything else
please don't hesitate
to give me a call.
What's your number?
I was gonna ask you the same question.
Um, Gus.
Please, this woman
may have witnessed a crime.
A crime in progress.
She's stealing my heart,
but I ain't pressing charges.
Wow.
I would like to apologize
for my creepy colleague.
No need.
I find his energy very soothing.
Really?
Your silhouette
should be on a mud flap.
That's the weirdest flirting
I've ever heard.
Burton Guster, P.I.
My apologies for your traumatic
crime-seeing experience.
Oh.
Guys.
Sidebar?
Sure.
Yeah, we'll be right back.
Don't go anywhere near this one.
Why is that?
Because Janis Joplin over there
is crazier than Janice Dickinson.
This girl's obviously been doing
too much of this.
Suffering from hemorrhoid pain?
Doing an inaccurate impression
of Dr. Evil in Space?
She claims she
witnessed a murder in an alley
right off of main street
at the height of lunch hour.
That is crazy.
No chance of getting a table
after that.
We checked with
all the businesses in the area.
The only weird thing
anyone saw was a girl
a peach scarf
dancing off a Greyhound bus.
So? That doesn't mean
it didn't happen.
Look at the girl.
She's been living in the hills,
she hasn't been down
to the city in five years.
She meditated during the interview.
The only understandable thing
in the witness statement
was a doodle of three large circles.
- Maybe a snowman did it.
- Okay.
You've been warned.
Okay.
I don't know, man.
As much as I like to zig
when Lassiter zags,
I'm feeling pretty zaggy.
So what do you say we hit the, uh,
museum of lactose intolerance
like you've been wanting to.
No can do, Shawn.
I feel a case comin' on,
and it's comin' hard.
Eh...
That's the creepiest euphemism
of all time.
So what did the killer
look like exactly?
I don't remember, but
it happened right over there.
Okay.
So you didn't see the killer,
you barely saw the victim,
and you were the only one
looking down the alley?
Wait, no, I do remember
something about the victim.
He had a very heavy presence.
Mmm, that's good.
It's not great.
Yes, for this conversation it is.
Oh, I'm getting something.
Gus, over here.
Excuse me one second.
You think she's making it up?
I don't know, man.
I guess I think she believes it.
The only reason we're
listening to any of this
is because you have a crush on her.
Since when are you
into the granola chicks anyway?
First of all,
don't try to put me in a box.
I'm a complicated man
who likes complicated women.
And Brazilians.
Secondly, I've seen you take a case
based on the testimony of a cat.
It was suspicious meowing.
Not testimony, don't be ridiculous.
Trust me, this girl
did not witness a murder.
Unh!
I've given it some thought,
and I'm willing to reconsider.
You think?
Someone is after her.
No, Shawn, she can't
stay here at my place.
Oh, come on, Jules.
A car zoomed out of nowhere
and almost ran her over.
On the sidewalk?
No, no, not exactly.
So where was she standing?
- She was, um...
- Shawn.
She was in the area directly
between the two sidewalks.
So she was in the street.
Only sort of.
Did you get a look at the car?
Yes, I did.
Dark blue sedan, no license plates.
Or license plates.
Look, I would
really like to believe her,
but she's making it very difficult.
And don't think I didn't see Gus
doing that thing that he does
with his lip.
This better not be some elaborate
wingman act on your part.
Look, there are consequences
on my part
if I intercede at this point,
especially in my own home.
You should know that.
So take her someplace secure
and we will check out the blue sedan.
And that's all I can tell you
at this point.
All right, we'll go somewhere else.
Hopefully nothing
terrible happens to us.
All right.
I think we should go pretty far away,
you know, someplace
completely off the map.
That way at least you'll be safe
while we figure this thing out.
I say we go north.
Can you be a little more specific?
Fine, south.
Well, if you wanna go off the map
you can take me home.
Tsk, I feel that.
Wait!
Go back inside!
All of you!
# In between the lines #
# there's a lot of obscurity #
# I'm not inclined to resign to maturity #
# if it's all right #
# than you're all wrong #
# but why bounce around #
# to the same damn song #
# you'd rather run when you can crawl #
# I know you know
that I'm not telling the truth #
# I know you know #
# they just don't have any proof #
# embrace the deception,
learn how to bend #
# your worst ambitions #
# tend to psych you out in the end #
Aah.
That's very nice.
You live on a farm.
No, it's more than a farm.
Gus.
Gus, we may have a
Children of the Corn
situation happening here.
Oh, come on, guys.
Don't you like love?
- I like love.
- Gus.
Gus, drive! Drive!
- There are people around.
- Drive through them!
They're smiling.
Fine, they'll die happy.
Floor it!
No, Nicole! Don't be a hero!
Gus, what are you doing?
No! Just...
Welcome.
Ooh.
Welcome back, sister.
You two are sisters?
Sure, in that we are
all brothers and sisters here.
Aah, all right.
So you're not...
not really sisters.
I mean you're "sisters,"
'cause, uh, I was thrown.
Because there's really no resemblance
between the two of you.
- Shawn.
- What...?
Oh, we were so worried.
We were so worried.
When you didn't return
from the bus station, I...
- Oh.
- Oooh.
- Wow, okay.
- Ooh.
Oh, yeah, when one of us is gone
the whole balance is off.
I haven't been regular all day,
and that's just not like me at all.
Listen, come here, I love you.
- Hey, no, I'm good.
- Oh, no?
Yeah, I'm good.
You should eat some roughage.
- I know!
- Maybe we can hug it out later.
I'd love to.
So you guys aren't related to corn
in any way, shape, or form?
We like to think of ourselves
as an intentional community.
Living together in peace
and celebrating our shared values
of cooperation, nonviolence,
equality and ecology.
All under the loving guidance
and leadership of Eli.
Welcome back, sister.
I tell you people,
I woke up this morning
and right away...
something wasn't right.
There was a jaggedness.
Who else felt it?
Come on, now.
I know this guy did.
I can see a glorious wind
has brought back one of our own.
Eli, I saw something in the city.
She saw a murder.
Oh, little bird.
My poor little bird.
I blanked, I flipped,
I was completely useless.
She was brave and dreamy.
If that matters.
Are these the heroes
who delivered you safely to us?
Mm-hmm.
I'm Burton Guster, I'm just a man.
A man who cares.
We think Nicole might be in danger.
We'd like to stay and protect her.
- Uh, we would?
- Yes.
That's funny, 'cause
I was under the impression
that this was more
of a drop-off situation.
No, mm-mm.
See we have tickets
to a screening of Xanadu
at 5:50.
I feel like a eucalyptus tree.
Normally we don't take in strangers.
Perfect.
I...
would feel safer if...
they stayed.
Well, a brother of my sister
is a brother of mine.
- So welcome, brothers.
- All right.
All right.
Everyone, we have guests.
We've got three simple rules.
Keep your mind open, your heart pure,
and your plate full.
I hear that.
I'm afraid I can't abide
by those stifling restrictions.
Ooh, let's eat.
- Let's eat, huh?
- Let's eat.
- Let's eat!
- Ah!
You don't find anything odd
about this whole setup?
Not really.
You're too trusting.
It's like that time you bought
that dwarf all those drinks
in the ice bar 'cause
he told you he was a prince.
No, he was a prince in exile
and he lost his wallet.
I'm telling you, man,
there's something
seriously strange about these people.
Like what?
Like maybe...
It's a cult.
It's a cult.
Let's eat.
Oh, my God.
Thank goodness you're okay.
Shawn, I've been calling.
I guess we were out of range.
What's going on?
Shawn, you were right,
somebody is after Nicole.
Some lunatic shot up
my house like an hour ago.
My place is a crime scene.
Holy crap.
Jules, are you okay?
We're coming back right now.
No, Shawn, I am fine.
I wasn't the target,
but I'm pretty sure Nicole was.
We've extended an APB
to surrounding counties.
We haven't heard anything.
The shooter could
still be in the area.
Please tell me you are
somewhere out of the way.
Oh, yeah, we're so far off the grid
I think we're actually
back on the grid.
Okay, I will get
a protective order for the girl.
Just keep her safe
until Lassiter and I
can figure things out
on this end, okay?
I will send somebody out there
for you soon.
Okay, there's only one problem.
Uh, we don't really know where we are.
Good.
Oh, my God.
I can't believe anyone
would be up at this hour.
- Not even animals.
- Mm-hmm.
Are we really protecting
a witness in a cult?
It's not a cult, Shawn.
They grow their own food
and make kick-ass hammocks.
You need to open your mind.
Man...
You are in complete denial
because you're
smitten with Nicole.
Oh, that has nothing to do with it.
But I do like the girl, though.
All right, all right.
Listen to me, man.
- I gotta say this.
- Mm-hmm.
You know that I am okay
with you doing your thing
and putting a little vibe out there
every once in a while, but...
I think lately things
are getting out of hand.
Oh, no it's not.
Dude, you gave a necklace
to the Fed-Ex girl last week.
That's because she kept
stopping by for no reason.
She kept stopping by
to deliver our Fed-Ex packages.
All right, fine, fine.
Maybe I want somebody special
in my life too,
you ever think of that?
And if putting out a slightly
stronger signal is gonna help,
well, that's something
I'm willing to do.
I'm not sure it's helping.
Agree to disagree, Shawn.
I can't move.
Mmm, neither can I.
- Let's pretend we're dead.
- Mm-mm.
Hey, it's morning ritual
down by the peace ash,
so I brought you guys
some fresh clothes.
- We are so there.
- Peace ash?
- Hello?
- Hello.
Shawn, why are you whispering?
Because I have to, okay?
I just...
Look, I just am.
Such a waste of time.
Shawn, we are standing here
on Nicole's street corner
and there is absolutely nothing.
I could really
use your help right now.
Look, I can't just
be psychic on demand, okay?
Right now it's all I can do
just to carry the tiger
over the mountain.
Come on, tell your boyfriend goodbye
and let's go get some pancakes!
Cloud hands.
This place is beautiful.
Isn't it?
I used to be a trust fund kid.
Nothing in the world
meant anything to me.
When I signed the
pledge of simplicity,
my life suddenly became clear.
I'm finding some
clarity myself and whatnot.
Shawn, are you even listening?
I mean...
Whoa!
Hey! It's a red light!
What the hell was that?
Oh, some jackass
just blew through a red light.
And it happened right over there.
Okay, look, I'll get on
the psychic thing, all right?
And, um, I'll call you back.
And open...
And close.
Excellent.
Bring on the day!
I really shouldn't
be doing this, Shawn.
Yeah, well, dad,
I'm desperately trying
to drum up a psychic vision here,
so a little help would be nice, okay?
Ooh!
Ooh, wait.
I can totally see your screen.
Like, I told you this would work.
I told you how to do it.
Two minutes ago,
you didn't even think it was possible.
Okay, listen,
I need to see any pictures
the traffic-cam
may have taken
between noon and 12:30.
That's when Nicole claimed
to have seen this murder.
And the victim has a face,
a suit, and a heavy presence.
You know it's a real long shot
that a car would blow a light
at the exact moment
your guy was standing there.
Dad, just look.
Otherwise Gus is going to end up
handing out lunch meat at airports.
Wait, wait.
This may sound crazy,
but I know this guy.
It's Dan Cooper.
This guy's a cop.
- He's I.A.
- Internal affairs?
Yeah, that's him all right.
He's a crusader
with a chip on his shoulder.
He's pissed off
a lot of cops in his time.
Hm.
Hey.
You're not supposed to be in here.
Uh...
I know that.
Now.
It's a rule, eh?
That's the man I saw killed.
All right, check it out.
The guy who got killed
was an I.A. investigator
named Dan Cooper.
I'm guessing whoever killed him
was one of the officers
he was investigating.
Because as you know,
Internal Affairs
isn't very popular with cops.
I have Jules looking into it.
These plums are God's candy.
Okay, if God meant
for them to be candy,
then why did he invent candy?
Huh? Did you hear
what I just said?
I'm trying to do my job.
Your job is to find out
who tried to kill Nicole,
not sell apples.
Shawn, you think
every round fruit is an apple.
No, I don't.
Okay.
- What are these?
- Tiny apples.
And those?
Halloween apples.
These berries are green now,
'cause they're just
pulled from the vine.
But in a few days they're gonna
be this right, beautiful red.
Oh, terrific,
you have a beautiful day.
Seems like a lot of work for 75c.
Trust me, you try rolling calls
to your hundred clients
explaining why the Plainco fund
is suddenly worth half it's value,
and you tell me
which is more rewarding.
You were a hedge fund manager?
Oh, yeah, I was a pretty big one.
Yeah, I had a beach house
in Antigua, and...
but none of that buys happiness.
- Heh, no way.
- Mm-mm.
That sounds awful.
Hey, weirdoes!
How are things
at the freakstand today?
Yeah, you see any double rainbows?
I will kick their redneck asses.
No, no, shh, brother Gus.
Eli has taught us
that these kind of people
need our love, not our fists.
We love you.
You love me, huh?
Even if I did this?
Yes, I do.
I don't, just for the record.
- I don't love you.
- Sweet.
But you...you're
pretty cute, sunshine.
That's it, I'm gonna kill him.
I'm so torn 'cause I don't wanna be
part of this group, and I don't wanna
be part of their group either.
Pow!
- Aah!
- Mother of Pete!
- Come on, quick!
- Oh, my...
- One punch, Shawn.
- No.
That's all I need, one punch.
Come on, come on!
Okay, buddy, one punch.
Aaaah!
Pow!
Aaaah!
Dude, this is like Footloose!
Brawling with townies...
that means I'm Bacon
and you're Lori Singer.
Why do I have to be a girl?
'Cause you just swung like that.
Yaah!
Aah!
- Arrggh!
- Rraah!
Aah!
Waah!
You aren't ready for this, son!
You're not ready for that!
Ha!
Unh!
Pow!
- No.
- Aaaaah!
Unh!
Come on, boys, let's get outta here.
Shawn!
Shawn, are you okay?
Oh.
We knew you guys are busy
at Internal Affairs,
so thanks for coming.
We'll make this fast,
March, believe me.
I don't wanna be seen palling around
with the head of Internal Affairs.
That's fine, I don't need to be seen
hanging with Carlton Lassiter.
Ha! You don't know me.
We know you.
Believe me.
Listen this is regarding one
of your officers, Dan Cooper.
We need to know who
he was investigating.
Why would I tell you that?
Well, because we have reason
to believe that one of them
may have just killed him.
I talked to Cooper yesterday.
What evidence do you have?
Well, to be honest
our evidence is a little hazy.
Purple hazy.
Oh, okay.
Well, when it becomes
a little less hazy,
call me.
I'll check on Cooper.
Until then I'm not disclosing
who he was investigating.
You listen to me, you little snitch.
- We're trying to help you...
- Carlton!
Look, if there's anything
you can tell us...
Look, Cooper chased paper trails.
Professional standards.
It's not the kind of stuff
that makes real enemies.
As for you, detective,
we'll be watching.
Oh, please.
You don't have anything on me.
In '04 you discharged
a weapon in a circus.
Twice.
Last year you put
an 86-year-old shoplifter
in full body restraints.
That old lady was feisty as hell,
and I've got the denture marks
to prove it, Bub.
Oh, no.
What else?
What else you got?
Am I making you nervous?
You're not making me nervous at all.
Am I making you nervous?
Hey.
What's with all the angry texts?
You blew your cover,
you're at a hippie farm?
- How do you know that?
- Box Canyon.
We got a report on the wire
that you two
got into a physical altercation
with some of the locals.
What is that ridiculous sound?
That's my washboard, Jules.
I'm washing my bloomers.
Actually they're not mine per se,
they're Dot's.
Truth be told,
they're community bloomers.
These panties are owned
by the collective as a whole.
Clearly Eli's out of original ideas.
Look you guys are vulnerable,
the person looking for Nicole
could know that you
and Gus are with her.
Well, we don't
know that for sure, Jules.
Look, do you have
any good news for me?
Or just doom and gloom stuff?
Doom and gloom.
We hit a dead end at I.A.
with your guy Cooper.
He's small time.
Evidence-related paperwork,
logging and inventory...
Wait, like, evidence inventory?
Yeah, why?
Bring me back a red velvet.
The guy wasn't
half-assing his job.
He didn't sign on purpose.
Um, I'm getting something!
Pierce...Officer Pierce.
I think that may be the cop
that Cooper was investigating.
Okay, well, I will check it out.
Until then I need you
to lay low and make sure
that Gus does the same thing.
Yeah, will do.
As soon as I figure out where he is.
Shawn!
Hi!
It's creepy.
Eli, nice house.
Creepy family, but nice house.
Hello, sister Nicole.
Uh, brother Gus?
May I speak with you
gently but sternly
outside on the porch?
Sure, brother Shawn.
Gus, what the hell is wrong with you?
Brother Shawn, don't come at me
with anger in your voice.
Hey, kill the brothers thing.
You were using it.
Yeah, as a joke.
You're using them for real.
I use them all the time.
'Cause you're a black guy.
You know what Eli says?
That's anger from previous lives
that was never set free.
Okay, what are you...
what are you talking about?
It makes sense.
Clean living
with higher thinking, Shawn.
I think they found
a higher way of living.
Okay, stop it.
Just stop it.
You have been sucked into this thing
because Nicole is pretty
in a Kate Hudson
from Almost Famous sort of way.
And you're you.
- Burton.
- Oh, uh...
Don't be jealous, Shawn.
You know what they say.
Love is abounding and is for everyone.
True, Nicole is beautiful.
But she's merely a vessel
for that love.
Right.
True, that vessel is smoking hot,
and sometimes bathes
in an outdoor shower.
- Really?
- Yes.
But we cannot possess love, Shawn.
That kiss was not just
between her and me,
it was with everyone.
Right.
I would leave you here,
but I owe it to your parents
to see this thing through.
Burton.
Uh...Eh...
I appreciate this talk, Shawn.
But it's time to get transcendental
and rejoice in the wonder of the day.
Wonder of the...?
- Hello?
- You were right, Shawn.
It was Pierce.
We caught him in possession of drugs,
stolen from evidence.
- No kidding.
- Yeah.
We got him to cop to it.
He tried to make a run for it
but now he's in custody.
He's been doing this for months now,
working alone.
Lassiter's confident
we can get him to confess
to the murder of Dan Cooper,
and lead us to the body.
Yes!
Jules, this is amazing.
It means I can get
the hell out of this place.
And that Gus isn't going to
end up robbing a bank
in a beret with a machine gun.
What?
Hello? Hello?
Hey, buddy.
Gus, come on.
We're outta here.
Don't bother me, Shawn,
my aura shield is up.
Which means
my prana vayu and my apana vayu
are in the midst of harmonizing.
Correction: Were in
the midst of harmonizing.
My bad.
That's my bad, clearly.
I just wanted to apologize for earlier
and tell you that I too
could use some harmony.
So why don't we rendezvous
at the peace ash,
and reconnect with our,
uh, Shoshanna Lonsteins?
I do love me some peace ash.
See?
That's what I'm talking about.
Hey, Nicole, bye, Nicole.
Let's go.
I'm pretty sure the peace ash
is back the other way, Shawn.
Yeah, well, I'm taking a shortcut.
Doesn't seem like a shortcut to me.
That's because it's a
shortcut the hell out of here.
- What?
- Ridiculous thing.
What are you doing?
- We're going home, Gus.
- You tricked me.
Hey, isn't that the same car
that tried to run down Nicole?
Yes, but it doesn't make any sense.
Pierce is in custody.
That means Pierce isn't the killer.
And the killer just got here.
Nicole! Nicole!
- Nicole!
- What are you doing?
Trying to summon
every Nicole within 50 miles?
One of you gonna hand me a towel?
- She seems fine.
- Yeah.
- I'll get it.
- Okay.
Oh, good, you made it.
We got here as soon as we could.
- Thank you.
- Great directions, Spencer.
If it wasn't for the fetid
stench of unwashed hippie pits,
we might never have
found this place at all.
We are not hippies, sir.
We enjoy the serenity
of isolation, and I welcome you.
I'm Eli.
You may call me Eli.
This is what our troops
have been fighting to protect?
The right not to wear brassieres?
You like what you see, slim?
Back off, squeaky fromme.
Spencer, where's this car
you were talking about?
I don't wanna spend one more second
with these do-nothings
than I have to.
We're hardly do-nothings.
These are some of the most
successful members
of your malfunctioning society
come together.
And this is a fully operational farm.
Oh, I'll bet it is, Cheech.
How about I bring
some pals down from the DEA.
And we help with the harvest?
Shut up.
If we're all done making friends here,
why don't I stay with Nicole
and you guys go check out the car?
Great.
Thank you.
Love, love, come here,
come here, come, come.
Please be careful.
The killer's here somewhere.
Gus.
Love, love,
love, love, love, love.
- Gus?
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
Love, love,
love, love, love, love.
No plates, no registration.
Have to run the VIN by the DMV.
Gus...
Check out the tiny apples.
The berries are green now
'cause they're
just pulled from the vine.
But in a few days
they're gonna be this
bright, beautiful red.
Ripe and ready to eat.
That means the killer
didn't just get here.
He's been here the whole time.
Eli, I'm gonna need to interrogate
your entire herd of weirdoes.
You're gonna
treat us all like criminals?
There is your problem, sir.
Come with me.
I have a much more effective ceremony
which all my brothers and sisters
gather in the barn...
and speak the truth.
Dare I even ask what you call this
flowery gathering of nonsense?
The barn of truth.
Okay.
I know we don't do this very often,
but sometimes we need to
purge ourselves of our secrets.
Maybe some lies.
So let's keep it loose,
speak freely,
get it all out in the open.
Then get together for a community hug,
and send these outsiders on their way.
Milosh, my man, "the gourd
of transparency" please.
This is your left shoe, Milosh.
The gourd.
I need the gourd.
Oops.
Okay.
Thank you.
Remember, if you want the floor,
you must hold the gourd.
Now who'd like to
get something off their chest?
I do.
This is beyond ridiculous.
Thank you, hi.
I have had a series of
deliciously impure dreams,
where I'm dumping out
cold butter, sugar, raw eggs,
flour, and chocolate chips
all over the exposed body of that man.
This is a rough moment for me.
- We have a history.
- That's not...
He washed my bloomers.
Uh, okay...
they were community bloomers.
- I told you that on...
- Hmm.
On the phone.
And I was assigned those bloomers
as a work assignment
from...from Eli.
They were so clean.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
- That was great.
- There you go.
Thank you, thank you very much.
Okay, very good.
Anyone else?
I'd like to give it a go.
Thank you, Eli.
Uh, I have to tell the truth, Nicole.
When you went to Santa Barbara,
uh, I know you weren't going shopping
for bobbins the other day.
I know you were gonna see a man.
Okay.
Uh, well...
Actually, it wasn't like that at all.
Um, we exchanged notes,
but we never actually met.
I got there...I got there
half an hour early
and then I saw
that terrible thing happen,
so we never even...
Yeah, I know that she
went to the computer,
I read her emails.
Okay, well, all
he want...no, actually...
I have the gourd.
All he wanted to do was talk.
Oh, really?
Give me the damn gourd.
Oh, because I'm sure
was simply gonna drive
into the city to chat it up
in an alley!
- Okay, the truth...
- Of course!
Okay, truth, truth.
The truth is,
maybe I do miss
the outside world, okay?
But all he wanted to do was
ask me questions about this place.
That's it.
If you really need to know,
okay?
- It's not a big deal.
- Okay, okay.
I'll tell you what he wanted.
What he wanted was
to walk in with you,
each other's hand
in your back pockets...
Okay, okay, very good.
That's what he was looking for.
- No.
- Oh, I read the email!
- I have the gourd.
- Shhhh!
I have the gourd.
Okay, thanks, that's great.
Maybe when we get two gourds
we can work that out.
That was really interesting,
thank you for that.
Really putting it
all out on the table.
You went to meet a man,
but didn't.
- We move on.
- Wait a minute.
- That email address...
- Hold up.
If you want to speak,
you have to score the gourd.
You're kidding, right?
I never kid.
Oh, shut up.
That email address, it...
belonged to Dan Cooper.
I saw it in his Internal Affairs file.
That means...
the man that Nicole
went to visit is the same man
that she saw killed.
What?
No, no, that's not possible.
He never said anything
about being a police officer.
He didn't.
Dead man was a cop.
I had no idea.
You have to believe me.
He found my Facebook page.
Really?
That's funny, I thought you guys
didn't have stuff like that.
We don't, it's sort of a secret.
Did you change your
relationship status?
Cooper was his name.
He reached out to me.
He said he had questions
about my life here,
like, maybe he was looking for
something missing in his life.
I understood that, you know?
He was sweet...
like Burton.
Heh, that's how I do it.
He never sent me a photo of himself.
We set up a place to meet,
he said he would find me.
Then I saw the murder
and I fled.
I never thought
it was the same person.
That's the truth, I swear it.
Why didn't you tell anyone about this?
Because it's complicated,
people might get the wrong idea.
Right.
I know that she went to the computer,
I read her emails.
You're pretty cute, sunshine.
Unh!
I'm getting something.
I sense that you and Jeff
have a previous relationship.
Yes, we were married.
He's my ex-husband.
Ah, she was married.
I just heard
"were" and "ex."
I left him two years ago
and I moved on.
But he never did.
I'm also sensing
that he is jealous enough
to have followed you
into the city
and murdered the man
he suspected you were seeing.
I think I know where we're going next.
Where's Jeff's hut?
Oh, hi, what do you want?
You got any problem
with us searching your hovel?
No.
Not at all.
Please...why would I?
Well, then step aside, Gandhi.
Oh, vision of darkness!
Shed some light on the dark...
Shed!
Mmm...
Check the shed.
- O'Hara, eyes on him.
- Oh, boy.
- Can I get anything for you?
- Nope.
Not you, nope.
Stay there.
That's Cooper.
Please! This is
a horrible misunderstanding!
You little tree-humpers
are all the same, aren't you?
You profess to be saving the world
but deep down, you're all just
a bunch of
freedom-hating murderers.
No, no...ack!
I like freedom!
Eli!
Get your feet off the seat!
So Jeff killed Cooper
just because he thought
he was seeing his ex-wife?
Well, the heart can make you believe
some pretty crazy things.
Isn't that right, Gus?
Pfft, brother Shawn,
for the last time,
my support for this community
has nothing to do with Nicole.
- Who's that, Cooper's wife?
- No, Cooper was single.
I'm sensing this woman
used to live here.
Oh, her name is Cynthia Cooper.
We were the first women
to join this community
about 15 years ago.
We were like sisters.
What happened?
Six years back
she woke up
and decided she had enough.
I guess she missed her family
and her luxuries of the old life.
Why are we still talking
to these stinky flag-burners?
We've already got the bad guy.
Carlton, really?
What do you mean,
"the old life?"
She was a promising ob-gyn.
I was a hedge fund manager,
and a pretty big one.
I used to be
a trust-fund kid.
Where's Cynthia now?
I've been searching for her myself,
but last I heard she was
living in a trailer park.
And had become mentally unstable.
All right, I'm getting something here.
But I'm gonna need you guys
to make some phone calls.
You're so very close to me, it's...
Excellent.
Your empathy transport
should be well tonified.
Heh.
Now for our next exercise
you're going to need a partner.
- Who would like to be mine?
- Ooh! Ooh! Me!
Me, I wanna be your partner.
- All right.
- Please!
But first,
I'd like to try
a little exercise of my own.
It's called,
raise your hand
if you're a swindling crook
pretending to be a spiritual leader!
What are you talking about?
Let me ask you all a question.
Who here, other than Milosh,
wasn't making a ton of dough
before joining this community?
Gus...
You actually joined this freak show?
No.
But I ain't mad at the idea of it.
Of course everyone here was wealthy,
why do you think they came to me?
Wealth creates unhappiness.
Did they really just come to you, Eli?
Really?
Upon arrival, you all sign
this piece of paper, correct?
Yeah, it's a pledge of simplicity.
Right, it's a
carefully worded document
that gives Eli here power of attorney.
Which means he now owns everything
that used to belong to you.
Don't listen to him.
He is a slave to his own cynicism.
I'm a slave to love, Jack.
And fashion, and movies
where dogs cover their eyes
when couples get intimate around them.
Nicole.
That man you went to meet that day,
his name was Dan Cooper.
He was a cop,
and he was murdered by Eli,
not your ex-husband.
Cooper was the one guy
that knew what Eli was up to.
His sister Cynthia Cooper
used to live here, for years.
It's true.
She was here before all your time.
But then she left.
And she discovered she was ruined,
and was never the same.
And that is when Cooper
decided to start building a case
against the man responsible.
He's right.
We confirmed it with his boss.
That's why Cooper
reached out to you, Nicole.
Pretending to be a lost soul.
You mean all he wanted
was information about the commune?
That's correct.
Though if he had actually met you,
I suspect he would have
wanted much, much more.
Eli did his homework.
He knew that Cooper was on to him
so he tracked him down
and killed him in cold blood.
The one thing he wasn't expecting
was you, Nicole,
witnessing the whole thing.
And that was a hell of a surprise,
so he had to act fast.
He thought he had you.
But then he was blindsided again.
Although your esteemed leader
did catch one break.
Nicole didn't get a good enough look
to know it was him.
And when she returned,
he knew his secret was safe.
Heh, this is total insanity.
Look at how I live.
What would I do with all this wealth
you think that I'm stealing?
Oh, I don't know,
flee the country perhaps?
You applied for
a U.S. passport last Tuesday.
So?
How do you know that, by the way?
You're not the only one
around here who sees things, brother.
He was planning on taking
all the stuff he stole from you,
and fleeing to beautiful Antigua.
To live in the house that he now owns,
courtesy of Jeff.
Eli, is this true?
Of course not, Milosh.
Nooo!
I devoted my life to you!
Should I shoot him in the leg?
No.
Dot's got mad wheels.
Unh!
Uh, Shawn?
Why am I wearing mala beads
around my neck?
Heh, 'cause you're a fool.
Are you ever gonna let me
forget about this?
No, I'm not.
- Aaah!
- That's gonna leave a mark.
Mmm...
Mm, that's for believing me.
And that's for saving my life.
- Um...
- I'm gonna miss you.
Miss me?
What do you mean?
I'm off to India.
What?
For how long?
Well, I kinda bought
a one-way ticket.
Oh, I just had the most amazing idea.
- Come with me!
- Um, what do we do in India?
We'll meditate, align our chakras,
get in touch with our inner light.
Oh, and you'll
get to meet Rama Murthy.
He's incredible.
Who's Rama Murthy?
- He's incredible.
- You said that already.
The three of us
will bask in golden light
and liberate our inhibitions.
Um, are you crazy?
Love will abound, Gus.
My love doesn't abound like that.
- But it can.
- But it won't.
How about I check you
when you get back?
I'll look forward to that.
This is an awfully long way to come
for a piece of fruit, Shawn.
You'll soon understand, Jules.
I saw how tirelessly
you worked to make sure
that these people got everything back
that was stolen from them.
So what does
that have to...
So...
You get your reward.
- Oh, my God.
- Yes.
- Aaaah!
- Hi, Shawn.
- Dot.
- Shawn.
- Hey!
- Hey!
I just wanted to thank you
for everything.
I haven't dreamed like that in years.
Okay, all right, that's my chest.
You're a very lucky lady indeed.
- How are you, Dot?
- Pretty damn good.
Since I got my money back,
Geoff and I are
planning on buying this place.
- Get outta here, that's great!
- Yeah!
Geoffrey.
I owe you one, big guy.
Yeah.
Aw! Hey!
- Aah!
- Look at you.
Congratulations.
- Come here.
- Hey!
Didn't get
quite enough! Aw!
Uh, Jules?
- Mm!
- Jules.
What is this,
do your job half-ass day
at the Santa Barbara
Police Department?
We've got serious business to tend to.
Serious business?
You're going to the opening
of a new cupcake store.
No, we're going to a closing
of an old cupcake store.
And then we're going to the opening
of a new cupcake store.
Bring me back a red velvet.
Ah, just give us our check.
Sign.
- There you go.
- Thank you.
I'm gonna die and come back
as that peach scarf.
Wha...?
I thought you wanted to
come back as the skinny Elvis.
No, you wanted to come back
as skinny Elvis.
I wanted to come back
as black Michael Jackson.
Now you're downgrading to a scarf?
You know that's right.
We'll be keeping this report on file
and if you need
absolutely anything else
please don't hesitate
to give me a call.
What's your number?
I was gonna ask you the same question.
Um, Gus.
Please, this woman
may have witnessed a crime.
A crime in progress.
She's stealing my heart,
but I ain't pressing charges.
Wow.
I would like to apologize
for my creepy colleague.
No need.
I find his energy very soothing.
Really?
Your silhouette
should be on a mud flap.
That's the weirdest flirting
I've ever heard.
Burton Guster, P.I.
My apologies for your traumatic
crime-seeing experience.
Oh.
Guys.
Sidebar?
Sure.
Yeah, we'll be right back.
Don't go anywhere near this one.
Why is that?
Because Janis Joplin over there
is crazier than Janice Dickinson.
This girl's obviously been doing
too much of this.
Suffering from hemorrhoid pain?
Doing an inaccurate impression
of Dr. Evil in Space?
She claims she
witnessed a murder in an alley
right off of main street
at the height of lunch hour.
That is crazy.
No chance of getting a table
after that.
We checked with
all the businesses in the area.
The only weird thing
anyone saw was a girl
a peach scarf
dancing off a Greyhound bus.
So? That doesn't mean
it didn't happen.
Look at the girl.
She's been living in the hills,
she hasn't been down
to the city in five years.
She meditated during the interview.
The only understandable thing
in the witness statement
was a doodle of three large circles.
- Maybe a snowman did it.
- Okay.
You've been warned.
Okay.
I don't know, man.
As much as I like to zig
when Lassiter zags,
I'm feeling pretty zaggy.
So what do you say we hit the, uh,
museum of lactose intolerance
like you've been wanting to.
No can do, Shawn.
I feel a case comin' on,
and it's comin' hard.
Eh...
That's the creepiest euphemism
of all time.
So what did the killer
look like exactly?
I don't remember, but
it happened right over there.
Okay.
So you didn't see the killer,
you barely saw the victim,
and you were the only one
looking down the alley?
Wait, no, I do remember
something about the victim.
He had a very heavy presence.
Mmm, that's good.
It's not great.
Yes, for this conversation it is.
Oh, I'm getting something.
Gus, over here.
Excuse me one second.
You think she's making it up?
I don't know, man.
I guess I think she believes it.
The only reason we're
listening to any of this
is because you have a crush on her.
Since when are you
into the granola chicks anyway?
First of all,
don't try to put me in a box.
I'm a complicated man
who likes complicated women.
And Brazilians.
Secondly, I've seen you take a case
based on the testimony of a cat.
It was suspicious meowing.
Not testimony, don't be ridiculous.
Trust me, this girl
did not witness a murder.
Unh!
I've given it some thought,
and I'm willing to reconsider.
You think?
Someone is after her.
No, Shawn, she can't
stay here at my place.
Oh, come on, Jules.
A car zoomed out of nowhere
and almost ran her over.
On the sidewalk?
No, no, not exactly.
So where was she standing?
- She was, um...
- Shawn.
She was in the area directly
between the two sidewalks.
So she was in the street.
Only sort of.
Did you get a look at the car?
Yes, I did.
Dark blue sedan, no license plates.
Or license plates.
Look, I would
really like to believe her,
but she's making it very difficult.
And don't think I didn't see Gus
doing that thing that he does
with his lip.
This better not be some elaborate
wingman act on your part.
Look, there are consequences
on my part
if I intercede at this point,
especially in my own home.
You should know that.
So take her someplace secure
and we will check out the blue sedan.
And that's all I can tell you
at this point.
All right, we'll go somewhere else.
Hopefully nothing
terrible happens to us.
All right.
I think we should go pretty far away,
you know, someplace
completely off the map.
That way at least you'll be safe
while we figure this thing out.
I say we go north.
Can you be a little more specific?
Fine, south.
Well, if you wanna go off the map
you can take me home.
Tsk, I feel that.
Wait!
Go back inside!
All of you!
# In between the lines #
# there's a lot of obscurity #
# I'm not inclined to resign to maturity #
# if it's all right #
# than you're all wrong #
# but why bounce around #
# to the same damn song #
# you'd rather run when you can crawl #
# I know you know
that I'm not telling the truth #
# I know you know #
# they just don't have any proof #
# embrace the deception,
learn how to bend #
# your worst ambitions #
# tend to psych you out in the end #
Aah.
That's very nice.
You live on a farm.
No, it's more than a farm.
Gus.
Gus, we may have a
Children of the Corn
situation happening here.
Oh, come on, guys.
Don't you like love?
- I like love.
- Gus.
Gus, drive! Drive!
- There are people around.
- Drive through them!
They're smiling.
Fine, they'll die happy.
Floor it!
No, Nicole! Don't be a hero!
Gus, what are you doing?
No! Just...
Welcome.
Ooh.
Welcome back, sister.
You two are sisters?
Sure, in that we are
all brothers and sisters here.
Aah, all right.
So you're not...
not really sisters.
I mean you're "sisters,"
'cause, uh, I was thrown.
Because there's really no resemblance
between the two of you.
- Shawn.
- What...?
Oh, we were so worried.
We were so worried.
When you didn't return
from the bus station, I...
- Oh.
- Oooh.
- Wow, okay.
- Ooh.
Oh, yeah, when one of us is gone
the whole balance is off.
I haven't been regular all day,
and that's just not like me at all.
Listen, come here, I love you.
- Hey, no, I'm good.
- Oh, no?
Yeah, I'm good.
You should eat some roughage.
- I know!
- Maybe we can hug it out later.
I'd love to.
So you guys aren't related to corn
in any way, shape, or form?
We like to think of ourselves
as an intentional community.
Living together in peace
and celebrating our shared values
of cooperation, nonviolence,
equality and ecology.
All under the loving guidance
and leadership of Eli.
Welcome back, sister.
I tell you people,
I woke up this morning
and right away...
something wasn't right.
There was a jaggedness.
Who else felt it?
Come on, now.
I know this guy did.
I can see a glorious wind
has brought back one of our own.
Eli, I saw something in the city.
She saw a murder.
Oh, little bird.
My poor little bird.
I blanked, I flipped,
I was completely useless.
She was brave and dreamy.
If that matters.
Are these the heroes
who delivered you safely to us?
Mm-hmm.
I'm Burton Guster, I'm just a man.
A man who cares.
We think Nicole might be in danger.
We'd like to stay and protect her.
- Uh, we would?
- Yes.
That's funny, 'cause
I was under the impression
that this was more
of a drop-off situation.
No, mm-mm.
See we have tickets
to a screening of Xanadu
at 5:50.
I feel like a eucalyptus tree.
Normally we don't take in strangers.
Perfect.
I...
would feel safer if...
they stayed.
Well, a brother of my sister
is a brother of mine.
- So welcome, brothers.
- All right.
All right.
Everyone, we have guests.
We've got three simple rules.
Keep your mind open, your heart pure,
and your plate full.
I hear that.
I'm afraid I can't abide
by those stifling restrictions.
Ooh, let's eat.
- Let's eat, huh?
- Let's eat.
- Let's eat!
- Ah!
You don't find anything odd
about this whole setup?
Not really.
You're too trusting.
It's like that time you bought
that dwarf all those drinks
in the ice bar 'cause
he told you he was a prince.
No, he was a prince in exile
and he lost his wallet.
I'm telling you, man,
there's something
seriously strange about these people.
Like what?
Like maybe...
It's a cult.
It's a cult.
Let's eat.
Oh, my God.
Thank goodness you're okay.
Shawn, I've been calling.
I guess we were out of range.
What's going on?
Shawn, you were right,
somebody is after Nicole.
Some lunatic shot up
my house like an hour ago.
My place is a crime scene.
Holy crap.
Jules, are you okay?
We're coming back right now.
No, Shawn, I am fine.
I wasn't the target,
but I'm pretty sure Nicole was.
We've extended an APB
to surrounding counties.
We haven't heard anything.
The shooter could
still be in the area.
Please tell me you are
somewhere out of the way.
Oh, yeah, we're so far off the grid
I think we're actually
back on the grid.
Okay, I will get
a protective order for the girl.
Just keep her safe
until Lassiter and I
can figure things out
on this end, okay?
I will send somebody out there
for you soon.
Okay, there's only one problem.
Uh, we don't really know where we are.
Good.
Oh, my God.
I can't believe anyone
would be up at this hour.
- Not even animals.
- Mm-hmm.
Are we really protecting
a witness in a cult?
It's not a cult, Shawn.
They grow their own food
and make kick-ass hammocks.
You need to open your mind.
Man...
You are in complete denial
because you're
smitten with Nicole.
Oh, that has nothing to do with it.
But I do like the girl, though.
All right, all right.
Listen to me, man.
- I gotta say this.
- Mm-hmm.
You know that I am okay
with you doing your thing
and putting a little vibe out there
every once in a while, but...
I think lately things
are getting out of hand.
Oh, no it's not.
Dude, you gave a necklace
to the Fed-Ex girl last week.
That's because she kept
stopping by for no reason.
She kept stopping by
to deliver our Fed-Ex packages.
All right, fine, fine.
Maybe I want somebody special
in my life too,
you ever think of that?
And if putting out a slightly
stronger signal is gonna help,
well, that's something
I'm willing to do.
I'm not sure it's helping.
Agree to disagree, Shawn.
I can't move.
Mmm, neither can I.
- Let's pretend we're dead.
- Mm-mm.
Hey, it's morning ritual
down by the peace ash,
so I brought you guys
some fresh clothes.
- We are so there.
- Peace ash?
- Hello?
- Hello.
Shawn, why are you whispering?
Because I have to, okay?
I just...
Look, I just am.
Such a waste of time.
Shawn, we are standing here
on Nicole's street corner
and there is absolutely nothing.
I could really
use your help right now.
Look, I can't just
be psychic on demand, okay?
Right now it's all I can do
just to carry the tiger
over the mountain.
Come on, tell your boyfriend goodbye
and let's go get some pancakes!
Cloud hands.
This place is beautiful.
Isn't it?
I used to be a trust fund kid.
Nothing in the world
meant anything to me.
When I signed the
pledge of simplicity,
my life suddenly became clear.
I'm finding some
clarity myself and whatnot.
Shawn, are you even listening?
I mean...
Whoa!
Hey! It's a red light!
What the hell was that?
Oh, some jackass
just blew through a red light.
And it happened right over there.
Okay, look, I'll get on
the psychic thing, all right?
And, um, I'll call you back.
And open...
And close.
Excellent.
Bring on the day!
I really shouldn't
be doing this, Shawn.
Yeah, well, dad,
I'm desperately trying
to drum up a psychic vision here,
so a little help would be nice, okay?
Ooh!
Ooh, wait.
I can totally see your screen.
Like, I told you this would work.
I told you how to do it.
Two minutes ago,
you didn't even think it was possible.
Okay, listen,
I need to see any pictures
the traffic-cam
may have taken
between noon and 12:30.
That's when Nicole claimed
to have seen this murder.
And the victim has a face,
a suit, and a heavy presence.
You know it's a real long shot
that a car would blow a light
at the exact moment
your guy was standing there.
Dad, just look.
Otherwise Gus is going to end up
handing out lunch meat at airports.
Wait, wait.
This may sound crazy,
but I know this guy.
It's Dan Cooper.
This guy's a cop.
- He's I.A.
- Internal affairs?
Yeah, that's him all right.
He's a crusader
with a chip on his shoulder.
He's pissed off
a lot of cops in his time.
Hm.
Hey.
You're not supposed to be in here.
Uh...
I know that.
Now.
It's a rule, eh?
That's the man I saw killed.
All right, check it out.
The guy who got killed
was an I.A. investigator
named Dan Cooper.
I'm guessing whoever killed him
was one of the officers
he was investigating.
Because as you know,
Internal Affairs
isn't very popular with cops.
I have Jules looking into it.
These plums are God's candy.
Okay, if God meant
for them to be candy,
then why did he invent candy?
Huh? Did you hear
what I just said?
I'm trying to do my job.
Your job is to find out
who tried to kill Nicole,
not sell apples.
Shawn, you think
every round fruit is an apple.
No, I don't.
Okay.
- What are these?
- Tiny apples.
And those?
Halloween apples.
These berries are green now,
'cause they're just
pulled from the vine.
But in a few days they're gonna
be this right, beautiful red.
Oh, terrific,
you have a beautiful day.
Seems like a lot of work for 75c.
Trust me, you try rolling calls
to your hundred clients
explaining why the Plainco fund
is suddenly worth half it's value,
and you tell me
which is more rewarding.
You were a hedge fund manager?
Oh, yeah, I was a pretty big one.
Yeah, I had a beach house
in Antigua, and...
but none of that buys happiness.
- Heh, no way.
- Mm-mm.
That sounds awful.
Hey, weirdoes!
How are things
at the freakstand today?
Yeah, you see any double rainbows?
I will kick their redneck asses.
No, no, shh, brother Gus.
Eli has taught us
that these kind of people
need our love, not our fists.
We love you.
You love me, huh?
Even if I did this?
Yes, I do.
I don't, just for the record.
- I don't love you.
- Sweet.
But you...you're
pretty cute, sunshine.
That's it, I'm gonna kill him.
I'm so torn 'cause I don't wanna be
part of this group, and I don't wanna
be part of their group either.
Pow!
- Aah!
- Mother of Pete!
- Come on, quick!
- Oh, my...
- One punch, Shawn.
- No.
That's all I need, one punch.
Come on, come on!
Okay, buddy, one punch.
Aaaah!
Pow!
Aaaah!
Dude, this is like Footloose!
Brawling with townies...
that means I'm Bacon
and you're Lori Singer.
Why do I have to be a girl?
'Cause you just swung like that.
Yaah!
Aah!
- Arrggh!
- Rraah!
Aah!
Waah!
You aren't ready for this, son!
You're not ready for that!
Ha!
Unh!
Pow!
- No.
- Aaaaah!
Unh!
Come on, boys, let's get outta here.
Shawn!
Shawn, are you okay?
Oh.
We knew you guys are busy
at Internal Affairs,
so thanks for coming.
We'll make this fast,
March, believe me.
I don't wanna be seen palling around
with the head of Internal Affairs.
That's fine, I don't need to be seen
hanging with Carlton Lassiter.
Ha! You don't know me.
We know you.
Believe me.
Listen this is regarding one
of your officers, Dan Cooper.
We need to know who
he was investigating.
Why would I tell you that?
Well, because we have reason
to believe that one of them
may have just killed him.
I talked to Cooper yesterday.
What evidence do you have?
Well, to be honest
our evidence is a little hazy.
Purple hazy.
Oh, okay.
Well, when it becomes
a little less hazy,
call me.
I'll check on Cooper.
Until then I'm not disclosing
who he was investigating.
You listen to me, you little snitch.
- We're trying to help you...
- Carlton!
Look, if there's anything
you can tell us...
Look, Cooper chased paper trails.
Professional standards.
It's not the kind of stuff
that makes real enemies.
As for you, detective,
we'll be watching.
Oh, please.
You don't have anything on me.
In '04 you discharged
a weapon in a circus.
Twice.
Last year you put
an 86-year-old shoplifter
in full body restraints.
That old lady was feisty as hell,
and I've got the denture marks
to prove it, Bub.
Oh, no.
What else?
What else you got?
Am I making you nervous?
You're not making me nervous at all.
Am I making you nervous?
Hey.
What's with all the angry texts?
You blew your cover,
you're at a hippie farm?
- How do you know that?
- Box Canyon.
We got a report on the wire
that you two
got into a physical altercation
with some of the locals.
What is that ridiculous sound?
That's my washboard, Jules.
I'm washing my bloomers.
Actually they're not mine per se,
they're Dot's.
Truth be told,
they're community bloomers.
These panties are owned
by the collective as a whole.
Clearly Eli's out of original ideas.
Look you guys are vulnerable,
the person looking for Nicole
could know that you
and Gus are with her.
Well, we don't
know that for sure, Jules.
Look, do you have
any good news for me?
Or just doom and gloom stuff?
Doom and gloom.
We hit a dead end at I.A.
with your guy Cooper.
He's small time.
Evidence-related paperwork,
logging and inventory...
Wait, like, evidence inventory?
Yeah, why?
Bring me back a red velvet.
The guy wasn't
half-assing his job.
He didn't sign on purpose.
Um, I'm getting something!
Pierce...Officer Pierce.
I think that may be the cop
that Cooper was investigating.
Okay, well, I will check it out.
Until then I need you
to lay low and make sure
that Gus does the same thing.
Yeah, will do.
As soon as I figure out where he is.
Shawn!
Hi!
It's creepy.
Eli, nice house.
Creepy family, but nice house.
Hello, sister Nicole.
Uh, brother Gus?
May I speak with you
gently but sternly
outside on the porch?
Sure, brother Shawn.
Gus, what the hell is wrong with you?
Brother Shawn, don't come at me
with anger in your voice.
Hey, kill the brothers thing.
You were using it.
Yeah, as a joke.
You're using them for real.
I use them all the time.
'Cause you're a black guy.
You know what Eli says?
That's anger from previous lives
that was never set free.
Okay, what are you...
what are you talking about?
It makes sense.
Clean living
with higher thinking, Shawn.
I think they found
a higher way of living.
Okay, stop it.
Just stop it.
You have been sucked into this thing
because Nicole is pretty
in a Kate Hudson
from Almost Famous sort of way.
And you're you.
- Burton.
- Oh, uh...
Don't be jealous, Shawn.
You know what they say.
Love is abounding and is for everyone.
True, Nicole is beautiful.
But she's merely a vessel
for that love.
Right.
True, that vessel is smoking hot,
and sometimes bathes
in an outdoor shower.
- Really?
- Yes.
But we cannot possess love, Shawn.
That kiss was not just
between her and me,
it was with everyone.
Right.
I would leave you here,
but I owe it to your parents
to see this thing through.
Burton.
Uh...Eh...
I appreciate this talk, Shawn.
But it's time to get transcendental
and rejoice in the wonder of the day.
Wonder of the...?
- Hello?
- You were right, Shawn.
It was Pierce.
We caught him in possession of drugs,
stolen from evidence.
- No kidding.
- Yeah.
We got him to cop to it.
He tried to make a run for it
but now he's in custody.
He's been doing this for months now,
working alone.
Lassiter's confident
we can get him to confess
to the murder of Dan Cooper,
and lead us to the body.
Yes!
Jules, this is amazing.
It means I can get
the hell out of this place.
And that Gus isn't going to
end up robbing a bank
in a beret with a machine gun.
What?
Hello? Hello?
Hey, buddy.
Gus, come on.
We're outta here.
Don't bother me, Shawn,
my aura shield is up.
Which means
my prana vayu and my apana vayu
are in the midst of harmonizing.
Correction: Were in
the midst of harmonizing.
My bad.
That's my bad, clearly.
I just wanted to apologize for earlier
and tell you that I too
could use some harmony.
So why don't we rendezvous
at the peace ash,
and reconnect with our,
uh, Shoshanna Lonsteins?
I do love me some peace ash.
See?
That's what I'm talking about.
Hey, Nicole, bye, Nicole.
Let's go.
I'm pretty sure the peace ash
is back the other way, Shawn.
Yeah, well, I'm taking a shortcut.
Doesn't seem like a shortcut to me.
That's because it's a
shortcut the hell out of here.
- What?
- Ridiculous thing.
What are you doing?
- We're going home, Gus.
- You tricked me.
Hey, isn't that the same car
that tried to run down Nicole?
Yes, but it doesn't make any sense.
Pierce is in custody.
That means Pierce isn't the killer.
And the killer just got here.
Nicole! Nicole!
- Nicole!
- What are you doing?
Trying to summon
every Nicole within 50 miles?
One of you gonna hand me a towel?
- She seems fine.
- Yeah.
- I'll get it.
- Okay.
Oh, good, you made it.
We got here as soon as we could.
- Thank you.
- Great directions, Spencer.
If it wasn't for the fetid
stench of unwashed hippie pits,
we might never have
found this place at all.
We are not hippies, sir.
We enjoy the serenity
of isolation, and I welcome you.
I'm Eli.
You may call me Eli.
This is what our troops
have been fighting to protect?
The right not to wear brassieres?
You like what you see, slim?
Back off, squeaky fromme.
Spencer, where's this car
you were talking about?
I don't wanna spend one more second
with these do-nothings
than I have to.
We're hardly do-nothings.
These are some of the most
successful members
of your malfunctioning society
come together.
And this is a fully operational farm.
Oh, I'll bet it is, Cheech.
How about I bring
some pals down from the DEA.
And we help with the harvest?
Shut up.
If we're all done making friends here,
why don't I stay with Nicole
and you guys go check out the car?
Great.
Thank you.
Love, love, come here,
come here, come, come.
Please be careful.
The killer's here somewhere.
Gus.
Love, love,
love, love, love, love.
- Gus?
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
Love, love,
love, love, love, love.
No plates, no registration.
Have to run the VIN by the DMV.
Gus...
Check out the tiny apples.
The berries are green now
'cause they're
just pulled from the vine.
But in a few days
they're gonna be this
bright, beautiful red.
Ripe and ready to eat.
That means the killer
didn't just get here.
He's been here the whole time.
Eli, I'm gonna need to interrogate
your entire herd of weirdoes.
You're gonna
treat us all like criminals?
There is your problem, sir.
Come with me.
I have a much more effective ceremony
which all my brothers and sisters
gather in the barn...
and speak the truth.
Dare I even ask what you call this
flowery gathering of nonsense?
The barn of truth.
Okay.
I know we don't do this very often,
but sometimes we need to
purge ourselves of our secrets.
Maybe some lies.
So let's keep it loose,
speak freely,
get it all out in the open.
Then get together for a community hug,
and send these outsiders on their way.
Milosh, my man, "the gourd
of transparency" please.
This is your left shoe, Milosh.
The gourd.
I need the gourd.
Oops.
Okay.
Thank you.
Remember, if you want the floor,
you must hold the gourd.
Now who'd like to
get something off their chest?
I do.
This is beyond ridiculous.
Thank you, hi.
I have had a series of
deliciously impure dreams,
where I'm dumping out
cold butter, sugar, raw eggs,
flour, and chocolate chips
all over the exposed body of that man.
This is a rough moment for me.
- We have a history.
- That's not...
He washed my bloomers.
Uh, okay...
they were community bloomers.
- I told you that on...
- Hmm.
On the phone.
And I was assigned those bloomers
as a work assignment
from...from Eli.
They were so clean.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
- That was great.
- There you go.
Thank you, thank you very much.
Okay, very good.
Anyone else?
I'd like to give it a go.
Thank you, Eli.
Uh, I have to tell the truth, Nicole.
When you went to Santa Barbara,
uh, I know you weren't going shopping
for bobbins the other day.
I know you were gonna see a man.
Okay.
Uh, well...
Actually, it wasn't like that at all.
Um, we exchanged notes,
but we never actually met.
I got there...I got there
half an hour early
and then I saw
that terrible thing happen,
so we never even...
Yeah, I know that she
went to the computer,
I read her emails.
Okay, well, all
he want...no, actually...
I have the gourd.
All he wanted to do was talk.
Oh, really?
Give me the damn gourd.
Oh, because I'm sure
was simply gonna drive
into the city to chat it up
in an alley!
- Okay, the truth...
- Of course!
Okay, truth, truth.
The truth is,
maybe I do miss
the outside world, okay?
But all he wanted to do was
ask me questions about this place.
That's it.
If you really need to know,
okay?
- It's not a big deal.
- Okay, okay.
I'll tell you what he wanted.
What he wanted was
to walk in with you,
each other's hand
in your back pockets...
Okay, okay, very good.
That's what he was looking for.
- No.
- Oh, I read the email!
- I have the gourd.
- Shhhh!
I have the gourd.
Okay, thanks, that's great.
Maybe when we get two gourds
we can work that out.
That was really interesting,
thank you for that.
Really putting it
all out on the table.
You went to meet a man,
but didn't.
- We move on.
- Wait a minute.
- That email address...
- Hold up.
If you want to speak,
you have to score the gourd.
You're kidding, right?
I never kid.
Oh, shut up.
That email address, it...
belonged to Dan Cooper.
I saw it in his Internal Affairs file.
That means...
the man that Nicole
went to visit is the same man
that she saw killed.
What?
No, no, that's not possible.
He never said anything
about being a police officer.
He didn't.
Dead man was a cop.
I had no idea.
You have to believe me.
He found my Facebook page.
Really?
That's funny, I thought you guys
didn't have stuff like that.
We don't, it's sort of a secret.
Did you change your
relationship status?
Cooper was his name.
He reached out to me.
He said he had questions
about my life here,
like, maybe he was looking for
something missing in his life.
I understood that, you know?
He was sweet...
like Burton.
Heh, that's how I do it.
He never sent me a photo of himself.
We set up a place to meet,
he said he would find me.
Then I saw the murder
and I fled.
I never thought
it was the same person.
That's the truth, I swear it.
Why didn't you tell anyone about this?
Because it's complicated,
people might get the wrong idea.
Right.
I know that she went to the computer,
I read her emails.
You're pretty cute, sunshine.
Unh!
I'm getting something.
I sense that you and Jeff
have a previous relationship.
Yes, we were married.
He's my ex-husband.
Ah, she was married.
I just heard
"were" and "ex."
I left him two years ago
and I moved on.
But he never did.
I'm also sensing
that he is jealous enough
to have followed you
into the city
and murdered the man
he suspected you were seeing.
I think I know where we're going next.
Where's Jeff's hut?
Oh, hi, what do you want?
You got any problem
with us searching your hovel?
No.
Not at all.
Please...why would I?
Well, then step aside, Gandhi.
Oh, vision of darkness!
Shed some light on the dark...
Shed!
Mmm...
Check the shed.
- O'Hara, eyes on him.
- Oh, boy.
- Can I get anything for you?
- Nope.
Not you, nope.
Stay there.
That's Cooper.
Please! This is
a horrible misunderstanding!
You little tree-humpers
are all the same, aren't you?
You profess to be saving the world
but deep down, you're all just
a bunch of
freedom-hating murderers.
No, no...ack!
I like freedom!
Eli!
Get your feet off the seat!
So Jeff killed Cooper
just because he thought
he was seeing his ex-wife?
Well, the heart can make you believe
some pretty crazy things.
Isn't that right, Gus?
Pfft, brother Shawn,
for the last time,
my support for this community
has nothing to do with Nicole.
- Who's that, Cooper's wife?
- No, Cooper was single.
I'm sensing this woman
used to live here.
Oh, her name is Cynthia Cooper.
We were the first women
to join this community
about 15 years ago.
We were like sisters.
What happened?
Six years back
she woke up
and decided she had enough.
I guess she missed her family
and her luxuries of the old life.
Why are we still talking
to these stinky flag-burners?
We've already got the bad guy.
Carlton, really?
What do you mean,
"the old life?"
She was a promising ob-gyn.
I was a hedge fund manager,
and a pretty big one.
I used to be
a trust-fund kid.
Where's Cynthia now?
I've been searching for her myself,
but last I heard she was
living in a trailer park.
And had become mentally unstable.
All right, I'm getting something here.
But I'm gonna need you guys
to make some phone calls.
You're so very close to me, it's...
Excellent.
Your empathy transport
should be well tonified.
Heh.
Now for our next exercise
you're going to need a partner.
- Who would like to be mine?
- Ooh! Ooh! Me!
Me, I wanna be your partner.
- All right.
- Please!
But first,
I'd like to try
a little exercise of my own.
It's called,
raise your hand
if you're a swindling crook
pretending to be a spiritual leader!
What are you talking about?
Let me ask you all a question.
Who here, other than Milosh,
wasn't making a ton of dough
before joining this community?
Gus...
You actually joined this freak show?
No.
But I ain't mad at the idea of it.
Of course everyone here was wealthy,
why do you think they came to me?
Wealth creates unhappiness.
Did they really just come to you, Eli?
Really?
Upon arrival, you all sign
this piece of paper, correct?
Yeah, it's a pledge of simplicity.
Right, it's a
carefully worded document
that gives Eli here power of attorney.
Which means he now owns everything
that used to belong to you.
Don't listen to him.
He is a slave to his own cynicism.
I'm a slave to love, Jack.
And fashion, and movies
where dogs cover their eyes
when couples get intimate around them.
Nicole.
That man you went to meet that day,
his name was Dan Cooper.
He was a cop,
and he was murdered by Eli,
not your ex-husband.
Cooper was the one guy
that knew what Eli was up to.
His sister Cynthia Cooper
used to live here, for years.
It's true.
She was here before all your time.
But then she left.
And she discovered she was ruined,
and was never the same.
And that is when Cooper
decided to start building a case
against the man responsible.
He's right.
We confirmed it with his boss.
That's why Cooper
reached out to you, Nicole.
Pretending to be a lost soul.
You mean all he wanted
was information about the commune?
That's correct.
Though if he had actually met you,
I suspect he would have
wanted much, much more.
Eli did his homework.
He knew that Cooper was on to him
so he tracked him down
and killed him in cold blood.
The one thing he wasn't expecting
was you, Nicole,
witnessing the whole thing.
And that was a hell of a surprise,
so he had to act fast.
He thought he had you.
But then he was blindsided again.
Although your esteemed leader
did catch one break.
Nicole didn't get a good enough look
to know it was him.
And when she returned,
he knew his secret was safe.
Heh, this is total insanity.
Look at how I live.
What would I do with all this wealth
you think that I'm stealing?
Oh, I don't know,
flee the country perhaps?
You applied for
a U.S. passport last Tuesday.
So?
How do you know that, by the way?
You're not the only one
around here who sees things, brother.
He was planning on taking
all the stuff he stole from you,
and fleeing to beautiful Antigua.
To live in the house that he now owns,
courtesy of Jeff.
Eli, is this true?
Of course not, Milosh.
Nooo!
I devoted my life to you!
Should I shoot him in the leg?
No.
Dot's got mad wheels.
Unh!
Uh, Shawn?
Why am I wearing mala beads
around my neck?
Heh, 'cause you're a fool.
Are you ever gonna let me
forget about this?
No, I'm not.
- Aaah!
- That's gonna leave a mark.
Mmm...
Mm, that's for believing me.
And that's for saving my life.
- Um...
- I'm gonna miss you.
Miss me?
What do you mean?
I'm off to India.
What?
For how long?
Well, I kinda bought
a one-way ticket.
Oh, I just had the most amazing idea.
- Come with me!
- Um, what do we do in India?
We'll meditate, align our chakras,
get in touch with our inner light.
Oh, and you'll
get to meet Rama Murthy.
He's incredible.
Who's Rama Murthy?
- He's incredible.
- You said that already.
The three of us
will bask in golden light
and liberate our inhibitions.
Um, are you crazy?
Love will abound, Gus.
My love doesn't abound like that.
- But it can.
- But it won't.
How about I check you
when you get back?
I'll look forward to that.
This is an awfully long way to come
for a piece of fruit, Shawn.
You'll soon understand, Jules.
I saw how tirelessly
you worked to make sure
that these people got everything back
that was stolen from them.
So what does
that have to...
So...
You get your reward.
- Oh, my God.
- Yes.
- Aaaah!
- Hi, Shawn.
- Dot.
- Shawn.
- Hey!
- Hey!
I just wanted to thank you
for everything.
I haven't dreamed like that in years.
Okay, all right, that's my chest.
You're a very lucky lady indeed.
- How are you, Dot?
- Pretty damn good.
Since I got my money back,
Geoff and I are
planning on buying this place.
- Get outta here, that's great!
- Yeah!
Geoffrey.
I owe you one, big guy.
Yeah.
Aw! Hey!
- Aah!
- Look at you.
Congratulations.
- Come here.
- Hey!
Didn't get
quite enough! Aw!
Uh, Jules?
- Mm!
- Jules.