Psych (2006–2014): Season 5, Episode 16 - Yang 3 in 2D - full transcript

A woman tells the police she was kidnapped by Yin. They do not believe her but Shawn does. When she is missing again, Shawn and Gus think she has been kidnapped again. Yang is released from the psychiatric prison to help find him.

Previously on Psych...

Yang is the most notorious killer
this city has never seen.

The switch has such a light
and then boom!

You're gonna ride in a cell
with four padded walls. The end.

Mary, you seem disturbed,
even more so than usual.

Yang wasn't working alone.

So there really is a Yin to her Yang.

- Mary!
- I wanted to be heroic.

He was right there!

Shawn, the last time this happened,
you put your life on the line

and we almost lost your mother.

This guy has
never gone up against me.

I will beat him.


He's got her.

If you think I'm sick...

You ain't seen nothing yet.

This game isn't over.

If I had to choose...

I would die execution-style
by firing squad.

First of all, nobody's
asking you to choose.

And secondly, why that?
It's brutal and violent.

I know.

But I would select
all my shooters personally.

George Carlin, Abbot...
or Costello...

or whoever the fat one was.

Richard Pryor, Adam Brody...
all the comedy greats.

- How funny would that be?
- It wouldn't be.

You'd be dead.

Why do you gotta
take it to a dark place?

Her name is Allison Cowley.

She claims to have been abducted
by our serial killer, Mr. Yin.

And she won't give
her statement to anyone but you.

What is that sound?

Oh, I'm sorry, chief.

Sucking candy?

We have a situation here.

Okay, the situation
is that Gus and I

field six of
these Yin calls a month


That would insinuate one
of us was missing an appendage.

Sucking candy?


These Yinites
come out of the woodwork

looking for some kind
of thrill, or a validation, or...

- Closure.
- Sickos and whackjobs.

But very sad.

I concur, Lassie.


Mr. Spencer,
we have an obligation

to investigate every claim
that comes into this station.

So get in there.

You know, these Yinites

are usually women
in their late 40s.

You're off-type,
I'll give you that.

And I'm guessing that's
your red Jetta out front?

Am I right?

She seems genuinely upset.

I was kidnapped.

I should be dead right now.

Do you have any idea
how that feels?

Why do you think
that this is Yin?

I don't think, I know.

I heard his voice.

He told me I was special.

And then he
shackled me to a pipe.

This was my retainer.

Now it's just a little piece
of wire that saved my life.

I came to you because this
is very, very real

and very personal.

I don't need to
be here anymore, do I?


All right, look,

you've obviously
been through something.

Okay, sure.

And I know it
feels very real to you.

But regardless of what
you've read or may have heard,

I have no personal connection
to this psychopath.

All right?
I'm sorry.

Sorry to let you down.

I stole this on my way out.

In between the lines
there's a lot of obscurity

I'm not inclined
to resign to maturity

if it's all right

then you're all wrong

but why bounce around
to the same damn song?

you'd rather run
when you can't crawl

I know, you know, that
I'm not telling the truth

I know, you know, they
just don't have any proof

embrace the deception

learn how to bend

your worst inhibitions

tend to psych you
out in the end

I know, you know

You're sure this is
the house, right?

I'm positive.

Stay here.

All right, on my count.

One, two, go!


Hands in the air!

- Hey!
- Hands in the air!

- Hands in the air!
- Hey!

Aw, crap.

Again, we apologize profusely.

And the sergeant
behind you will indeed

take your statement
at this time.

It's not possible.

There were no people.

None of this is right.

I don't know what kind of
thrills you were after

at the expense of the Santa
Barbara Police Department,

but you can bet
that I will personally

be pursuing charges for
filing a false police report.

Chief, we jumped the gun,
and we do apologize profusely.

Whoa, whoa, wait
just one profuse second here.

What about the photograph?

If you hadn't had that psychic
tizzy fit back at the station,

we would've taken the time
to have the photograph analyzed.

Looked photoshopped to me.

Analyze it.

And then get back
to me within seconds

of you having
anything conclusive.

I'm not crazy.
He brought me here.

I'll prove it to you.

Straight ahead is the kitchen.

Go to the left,
there's a fireplace

with river rock.

French doors
go out to the yard.

To my right,
there's stairs going up

with a stained glass window.
At the base, tulips.



They thought that was worth
staining in the glass?

I would've done something

with Kristy Swanson's character
from Higher Learning.

Huh? Maybe her
hitting a backhand.

Please believe me.

Um, Shawn, can
I talk to you for a sec?


One second.

- Shawn, I'm a little concerned.
- I know.

I know, I've been wearing these
jeans for seven months straight.

I'm gonna wash them
this weekend.

Stop it.

You still believe this girl?

I don't know for sure, but
shouldn't we give her a chance?

What if she is
telling the truth?

Shawn, I was willing to give
her the benefit of the doubt,

but this has been
a complete waste of our time.

And a little sick,
quite frankly.

Why is it so hard for
you to imagine?

You, of all people.

Are you afraid to believe her?

Hey, Allison,
where are you staying?

I'm living in
an apartment off-campus.


That doesn't feel too safe.

At least not until
we sort this out.

You know, we know a place
where you'll be in good hands.

Old, calloused hands, but safe.

So are you psychic too?

Uh, no.

No, that's...

That's Shawn's gift...

Here you go.
Now sip it, it's hot.

Thank you.

You guys seem really close.

Yeah, that's me
forcing Shawn to fish.

He hated it.

Photographs can
be very deceiving.

The pixel is the smallest
addressable screen element.

It's the smallest unit of a
picture that can be controlled.

Each pixel
has it's own address.

Is the picture real?

Parts of it are.

What does that mean?

Well the background is
simply that... it's changeable.

This image has been laid
on top of a fixed pixel array.

It's fake.

Now we're talking.

These pixels, however,

are rendered from
the same set of subpixels.

They're undeniably connected.

You were definitely standing
next to the woman in the photo.

Oh, another hand turkey.

- Think that makes six.
- Yeah, it's a good thing

that Shawn is sharp
in other areas,

because he is

Oh, come on, that's
not bad for a toddler.

He made that one
last Thanksgiving.

I hope the He-Man sheets
are acceptable.

Wow, seems untouched.

Yeah, I thought
about turning the room

into some sort of workspace,
but in my case

that meant target practice.

Which didn't
seem too practical.


Hey, come on, come on.

Everything's gonna be okay,

you just went through a trauma,

and sometimes the body
has to go into shock

before it can start
to process this stuff.

I'm not crying about that.

I'm crying because
Shawn believes me.

He's the only one.

The family
had just returned home

from a two week vacation
in Fort Lauderdale.


So he may have been there
the night before.

Your theory is that Yin
broke into the house,

stole all the furniture,
abducted the girl,

then moved it all back in
once she escaped?

You sound like Spencer.

Okay, I know
it sounds farfetched,

but Yin has done more elaborate
things in the past.

Allison Cowley knew the exact
layout of this home.

So maybe she broke
into the house herself

to learn the layout.
She's a whackjob!

- Come on, O'Hara.
- Look...

I know what
it feels like, okay?

I have heard his voice,
I have felt his breath, Carlton.

I know what you're thinking,

and I don't need to
hear it, okay?

If this girl is telling
the truth, she needs our help.

My help.


I want pictures of
every inch of this room.

With this guy,
anything can be a clue.

This cannot happen again.

If this girl dies, we
all have blood on our hands.

No, no, no, there
is nothing down there.

I cannot believe I did not
check this room first.

Look dad, you followed
your instincts, okay?

And they were right.
She should've been safe here.

The son of a bitch
was in my house,

he's gonna contend with me now.

He's gonna
contend with all of us.

And I mean...All of us.

You really think
this will work?

Certainly worth a shot.

We wouldn't have made it through
the last round without her.

What the...?


Looks like
somebody was a bad girl

and raided mommy's closet.

Hi, boys.

Thank you, Gregory.

Shawn, Shawn, Shawn.

The prodigal son returns.

Are you wearing makeup?

I am.

It's part of
my new self-esteem class.

Do you think I look pretty?

Depends, how far along
are you in the class?

Yes, we do.
We think you look lovely.

I've made a lot of progress

since the last time
we saw each other, Shawn.

They're calling me
a model prisoner patient.

No longer considered
to be a danger

to myself or others.

Except for the fat bitch
in the cafeteria

who can't grasp the concept

of a full scoop
of mashed potatoes.

We're here to
ask for your help again.

You look
so much happier, Shawn.

Are you seeing someone?

Uh, I don't really
think that's really...

Shawn Spencer
has taken a lover.


About time,
we were worried about you.

Why don't
you tell me about this?

Oh, look!

We looked
so innocent back then.

Why can't I remember it?

You don't remember it?

Shawn, I'm insulted.

This was our moment.

Where was this photo taken?

No, no, no, no.

You guys have to figure that
out for yourselves.

I'm not just going to tell you.

How much fun would that be?

Yin has taken another victim.

Her name is Allison Cowley.

If you've made
all this progress,

why don't you prove it to us?

If you want redemption,

lead us to Yin
and help us save this girl.

Color me intrigued.

Start talking.

No, Shawn.

That's not the way
I work, you know that.

I'm just like you.

I need to feel, and touch,
and see things

with my own eyes.

Take me to the crime scene.

Oh, come on, that's impossible.

No, me hosting The View

and making out with Elizabeth
Hasselbeck is impossible.

This is not.
It's non-negotiable.

You're gonna take me there,

I'm gonna tell you
where I think Yin is,

where he's
holding the girl, et cetera.

Otherwise, I'm late
for the afternoon movie.

screening Carbon Copy.

I can't resist
a young Susan Saint James.


Yeah, I can't believe this.

Lassie, hey.

I need a smallish favor.

You remember a shirt
that Shawn had as a kid?

It was a sky blue shirt
with a dark blue collar.

Henry, what is this about?

Who would remember
his shirts from childhood?

I do.
Almost all of them.

I just don't remember this one.

Now I know
he stopped wearing shirts

with brand names on them
right after his ninth birthday.

Why do you know that?

Because we had
an argument about it.

He didn't wanna promote products
without being paid for it...

Maddy, do you remember
the shirt or don't you?

What's going on, Henry?

You sound like
a detective right now.

I am a detective.

Maddy, I don't want you
to be alarmed,

but this has to do with Yang.

Did she escape?

No, no, no,
it's nothing like that.

She's safe, she's behind bars,

it's just this photograph...
this picture...

It's nothing,
don't worry about it.

I'm gonna handle it all.

Look, if Shawn is in trouble,

you better tell me right now...

Maddy, I'm gonna
have to call you back.


So this is where it all began.

Boyhood nights, under
the covers with a flashlight,

making shadows
on the ceiling dance,

counting little lambs
while you drifted off to sleep.

Oh, I wish I could
go back in time.

And pinch those
chubby little cheeks,

and tell you
nothing will be okay.

Start talking, Yang,
or it's back to the rubber room.

What does Lassie think this is,
Shutter Island?

- Either that or Tootsie.
- Okay, okay,

don't get your 1950s boxers
in a twist, Carlton.

Come on, Shawn,
let's do this together.


You must've cared
a lot about this girl

to let her sleep in your bed.

Does your lover know?

I haven't taken a lover, okay?

Besides, my dad made
the sleeping arrangements.

Oh, and they
call me the sick one?

The girl wasn't
dragged out of here,

she was lifted out.

Was she drugged?

CSI said they
found an alcohol swab.

So he was gentle with her.

He told me I was special.

Something different
about this one.

She's special.

Exactly, Shawn.
See how well we work together?

So maybe he won't kill her.

Oh, no, he is
definitely going to kill her.

He's just got
something special planned.

Something fit
for a grand finale.

So where would
he have taken her?

Sadly, I have not
been in contact with Yin.

Surprise, surprise,
he hasn't visited me

during my incarceration.

Then why the hell
did we bring you here?

Because Shawn and I have
a romantic history together.

And I deserve
to see his bedroom.

That's it.
This circus is over.

- Let's go.
- Okay, ow!

Gosh. Fine.

Sometimes it isn't something
he leaves behind, the clue.

Sometimes it's something
he takes with him.

- Shawn.
- What?

I've been in this room twice
in the last 15 years,

how am I supposed to know
if something's missing?

Shawn, think.
Use your gift.

Go back in time and se...
sense the way things were.

What does this possibly

have to do
with Barbra Streisand?


One of my army men.

It's facing
the wrong direction.

It's pointing at my vinyl.

Meat is Murder,
by The Smiths,

1984, Van Halen...
both missing.

Are you sure?

Of course I'm sure,
they're clearly in order.

Tears for Fears, Depeche Mode,
Thompson Twins...

- What order are you using?
- Sweetness.

Men Without Hats is cooler
than Echo and the Bunnymen?

But more importantly,

where are Devo and
the Talking Heads in all this?

All right, let's just
think about this for a second.

Meat is Murder, first track,
The Headmaster Ritual.

Second track...
Wait a second.

1984 has
Hot For Teacher.

The headmaster, teacher...

I live in
an apartment off-campus.

I'm sensing that
this is about her teacher.

Save Ferris.
Save Ferris.

Awesome, great.

Hey, this is
Allison's class schedule.

Maybe you can...

'Cause Shawn and I have
a romantic history together,

and I deserve
to see his bedroom.

Hey, Simoleum building,
lecture hall C, where is it?

Are you serious?

Oh, no, I'm not.
Not very often!

If you hit lecture hall D,
you've gone too far!

Karl Rotmensen!

You're wanted for questioning
in the abduction of...

I'm not Karl Rotmensen,
I'm just his substitute.

- Where is he?
- I don't know.

I don't know, I was just given
his lesson to copy on the board.

Let me see some I.D.
It's okay.

"A wily prince named Spencerton
attempts to save lady Allison

"from the evil clutches
of the handsome,

but vicious lord Yin."
What the hell is this?

It's an exercise,
a writing essay.

The students can write
the details of the story

any way they want but they
all have to use the same ending.

What is the ending?

The girl dies.
It's a real downer.

Professor Rotmensen has not
shown up for his lecture

since last week,
so we brought in a sub.

He never called in sick
and we never heard from him.

You never noticed
anything strange about him?

- Any odd behavior?
- If you're asking me

if he conducted himself
like a serial killer,

running around
with shrunken heads,

or wearing students' skin
as a dress, then no.

We're talking about
a highly intelligent man

who was either tenured
or an adjunct professor

at every prestigious
institution in California.

We were lucky to get him.

I'd hold off on naming
a library after him just yet.

I don't suppose you have
an address for him on file?

This is the
only address on file.

Thank you, you've
been very unhelpful.

I should've
remembered the shirt.

I should've
remembered a lot of things.

- Look, Maddy, I...
- I got on a plane,

and I flew here, and now
I'm standing here in your house.

This is where you make me
a pot of your horrendous coffee.

It's gonna be a long night.

These are all the photographs

I took that summer
with my camera.

I've been through
everything, twice, three times,

I just can't find a match.


What are you doing here?


Your father called me.

I came here to help.

- Dad, why in the hell would...
- Shawn,

she figured it out,
she's here now, okay?

Let's focus
on what's important.

We're gonna have
to do this together.

Gus, Juliet...

- Detective Lassiter.
- Doctor.

All right, fine.

We got an address for Yin.

It was a field.

In the middle of
the field was a box,

inside the box
was some VHS tapes.

We don't know what's on them,
but we're about to find out.

I can't believe he
led us to a cardboard box

in the middle of a field.

That's such
a blatant rip-off of Se7en.

We got lucky, it could've
been Gwyneth Paltrow's head.

Good thing you
still had a VCR, Shawn.

I've got
a laser disc player too.

Gus still
has his lite-brite.

Hey, Shawn.


So a lot of this stuff
is just gonna be, you know,

just some random thoughts
that I'm having.

Ideas... there'll be
a lot of my personal poetry,

and there'll be some
observations on Yin and Yang.

What the hell is this?

It's his video diaries.

Yin must've stolen it
from Mary's apartment

when he broke in last year.

He kept them this whole time?

I suspect for
this precise moment,

to help us find him.

You're saying
he wanted us to find him?

Yeah, I've
been thinking why else

take someone so close to home?

This feels
like an exit strategy.

In other words,
if we don't catch him now,

- we don't catch him.
- Then let's pay attention.

Day one, hour one.

What is the deal
with One Tree Hill?

I don't understand.

It's like a poorly-executed
Dawson's Creek.

Why are they doing that?

Don't even get me started
on Chad Michael Murray.

Too late, I'm gonna start in.

He has dead eyes.

Jasper Peaks,
arrows and bows...

Is he wearing a monkey asskot?

It's a monkscot.

The tickle of
a good friend's nose,

and a tum tum
filled with spaghettios.

Spencer, when do
we turn this crap off?

There has to be a clue
buried in here somewhere for me.

There has to be.

Whoa, wait a minute.

That's dated two nights
before he was murdered.

No, Marian.

Okay, Shawn...

I might be loopy on too much
string cheese right now,

but I think I just
realized something.

The reason
that Yang's book rang false

could be...'Cause
she's a pawn in all this, okay.

She exhibits characteristics
that are way more

indicative of a victim
than an aggressor, all right?

And we know she didn't
do it alone, right?

Maybe she didn't do it at all.

I just think Yin is very, very
angry with her for being caught.

Maybe even
jealous of the infamy.

Shawn, I think Yin's
about to take revenge

of the highest malevolence.

And I'm worried.

Henry, wait a minute.

What'd you find?

Remember that Instamatic
you bought me

for my photography class?

These are the pictures I took.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Wait a minute.

Oh, my God.
It's her.

Whose car was this?
What were you doing there?

I think that CGI has ruined

movie story-telling
for all of us.

- Is he wearing a onesie?
- Yes.

I don't wanna say it's
completely Michael Bay's fault,

but that guy needs to be stopped
'cause it's all his fault.

Whoa, whoa.
That's Allison.

Where is she?

Those stairs seem to indicate
a basement somewhere.

I was out looking for Shawn
because he was late for dinner.

And it was starting to rain.

I found him on his bike,
and I met her.

She asked if she could
have her picture taken with him.

And you let her?

She seemed so sad.

She said Shawn was
the luckiest, most handsome boy

she'd ever seen, and that
he had kindness in his eyes.

I felt so bad for her.

I never saw her again.
I looked for her that week.

I put the picture
in the mailbox,

I never knew she ever got it.

Yeah, well,
now we know she did.

Shawn, get down here!

We found it.
Your mom took this photograph.

It's a house,
it's over on Grayson Street.

Grayson Street?

Oh, my God.

That was Yang?

This whole thing
started three blocks away.

- Come on, Gus!
- No, Shawn...

Shawn, get back!
Shawn, get...

Damn it, Shawn.

Where the hell
is Grayson Street?

Damn it, Shawn!
Maddy, stay here,

lock both doors, do not leave.

The flag's up.

"Shawn and the salesman,

"the key's under the mat,
wipe your feet,

come alone
or the girl dies."

- Shawn...
- We don't have a choice, Gus.

What is this about?

- Is this about Shawn?
- That's your mom's voice.

Is he okay?

Look, if Shawn is in trouble...

You better tell me
right now because I...

- Henry?
- He must've tapped

my dad's phone and recorded it.

Henry, backup's on the way!


Where is he?

It's okay, we're
gonna get you outta here.

It's gonna be okay.

Shawn, nothing's gonna be okay.

Oh, my God.

I told him that I didn't
think you would take the bait.

But I guess that's why
he's the master.

And I'm the apprentice.

What do you say I give you
a tour of the house?

Allison, don't do this.

You have been brainwashed.

Put the gun down,
you could still have a life.

Save it, Pyramus.

You were so easy.

All I've heard is,
"He's so worthy.

My greatest foe..."
Blah, blah, blah.

I bust out the
pouty lips and puffy eyes,

you fell for every neo-romantic
cliche in the book.

- Oh!
- Go on.

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Go on.

Ow, wh...


There's no way in.

This place is like Fort Kknox.

It was in the mailbox.

Son of a bitch!

Call for the ram.

That'll just about do it.

I'd like to thank Mr. Yin

for letting me
open up for him tonight.

It's been a blast.

I've got t-shirts and iron-ons
for sale in the lobby.

Do you remember
the precise moment

that you knew you
were a complete psychopath?

- Shawn.
- No, I'm interested.

Was it gradual, or did
you just wake up one morning,

look in the mirror, and see
the chimp from Monkey Shines?

Ms. Cowley,
you're excused.


No way am I missing this.

I did everything
that you asked me to.

I was perfect.
I deserve this.

I won't ask again.

First impressions?

- Hideous.
- Arcane.

I must apologize
for the lack of decorum

on the part of
my new colleague.

Kids, you know, these days.

However there is no substitute
for enthusiasm,

and hers is off the charts.

Even I shudder to think
what she'll be capable of

once I pass off
the proverbial baton.

If only your good friend Yang
had been as passionate.

Oh, well, no use
crying over spilled soda.

Uh, what is going
inside the syringe?

You should know that
two famous 15th century knights

of the Italian Renaissance...

I believe they were from
the Este family of Ferrara...

met their deaths
in those two very chairs.


No, I found them
at a flea market in Oxnard.

But don't worry, Shawn, tonight
we'll be making our own

new style of history.

Are you ignoring
my question on purpose?

Gus, do
you really want to know?

Yes, Shawn, I'm very particular

about what goes into my body.

It's probably safe to
assume it's something lethal.

Is that accurate?

A box of Mars bars
to you, Shawn.

How much longer
are we gonna wait?

It's not my call, what
the hell do you want me to do?

This is wrong.

O'Hara, every fiber of
my being tells me

this is a bad idea.

It's the only thing we have

that Yin
hasn't planned for, chief.

There's a hidden storm cellar.

I can get you into
the house on two conditions.

You're in no position
to negotiate terms.

What are they?

One, I go in with you alone,
you need me to navigate.

Anything more and he's gonna
know what we're up to,

- if he doesn't already.
- What's number two?

I get another
picture with Shawn,

the other one is just too old.

O'Hara, listen to me,
you don't have to do this.

Yes, I do.

Stay here, Carlton.

Girl time!

Okay, this is as far as I go
unless the shackles come off.

Not happening.
That was not part of the deal.

Deals are meant to be broken,
aren't they, Juliet?

Shawn has such kind eyes,
don't you think?

What are you up to?

- You don't trust me.
- Of course not.

Well, you should.

I'm the only chance
your boyfriend has

of getting out of here alive.

Follow me!

Now to answer
your question, Burton,

what we have here
is a little concoction

I affectionately
coined "the last kiss."

One part cyanide,
one part strychnine,

two parts atropine,
with just a shake...

not stirred...
of boat cleaner.

And it's all for you.

That's not gonna work.

I can't watch him die,
you'll have to kill me first.

You must be
out of your damn mind

if you think
I'm gonna sit here and die

after watching you die
with some ridiculous grin

on your face because
you're thinking of sopapillas,

or that stupid scene
from Summer School

where the students
all pretend to be dead.

And do you have
just the one needle?

Do you plan on sterilizing
in between uses?

Surely you can't be serious.

I don't know where all
you've been, Shawn.

Okay, chief, everything is fine

we are inside the house.


Detective O'Hara.

Uh, chief, I have Allison.

She's okay,
I'm gonna bring her out.

Allison, are you hurt?

- No.
- Here, give me the gun,

give me the gun. Do you
know where the others are?

Can you take me to them?

I don't know
where Shawn and Gus are.

He drugged me with something,
I just woke up, I don't know.

Okay, okay,
everything's gonna be fine.

Everything's gonna be fine,

I'm gonna take you out
right now.

Don't stop, please.
You gotta get me outta here.

You said you
just woke up, Allison.

Yeah, he drugged me
or something.

So how did you know

that Shawn and Gus
were in this house?

I don't know
what you're talking...

How did you know?

Not bad for a blonde.

- What's going on?
- We lost contact.

- What?
- O'Hara!

Break down the walls,
do whatever it takes.

Ah! Ah!

Since when am I
an unclean person?

You rode halfway around
the world on a motorcycle

with a bumper sticker
that said "pucker up and blow."

- It was a little cartoon tuba.
- With human lips.

That's enough.

You two are insufferable.

Don't you even breathe.

Only Burton gets the needle,

I have something far more
colorful in mind for you, Shawn.

Firing squad?

Please say firing squad.

I don't blame you, Shawn.

I want you to know that...

That if I had a chance
to do it all over again,

I wouldn't change a thing.

You're my best friend
and we got a chance

to live out
our childhood dreams.

I don't blame you, okay?

And I'm sorry
if I couldn't always

cut loose
the way you wanted me to.

You kill him, I kill you,
you got it?

That race done did run, baby.

No, shouldn't
you be launching into

some kind of soliloquy, huh?

About why you do
the things that you do,

and why you picked me,
and all that stuff?

I mean, I think I deserve
an explanation here.

You're stalling,
it's beneath you.

No, he isn't, we just
appreciate a little closure

before we say good-bye to
Grover's Corners one last time.

That's right.
Whoa-whoa-whoa, what is that?

What is that,
a Sesame Street reference?

No, Shawn.

You want to tell us,
you can't help it.

It's called
serial killer's prerogative.

You can't resist,
it's protocol.

Very good, Don Cheadle, junior.

Yes, I suppose
I didn't lure the two of you

all the way over here just
to flash you my folksy smile.

I bet you are so textbook.

Overbearing mommy
lock you in a closet, huh?

Dissect small animals
when you were a little kid?

Memorize episodes
of Perfect Strangers

- line for line?
- None of the above, Freud-zoid.

I could've gone
either direction,

but I chose
to indulge the crazies.

I like to defy stereotypes
at every turn.

I never jumped on
the frozen yogurt train either.

Why did you pick me
in the first place?

Because you were pretty good.

You were interesting.

You had a black side-kick,
and that felt fun.

No, it was more than that.

You've been obsessed
with me since I was a kid.

No, Yang.

Yang was obsessed
with you, Shawn.


I didn't even know
who the hell you were

until you started
doing this shtick.

Yang took notice of
the pre-pubescent you

and developed an unhealthy crush.

Feelings are the enemy
of efficiency, Shawn.

She betrayed me
to save your mother,

and that threw a serious wrench

into the cogs
of my career plans.

She broke my trust

and she broke my heart,

and for that, I blame you.

And now it's time to die.

- Ab...
- Hi, daddy.

Well, well, well, well, well.

Did you read it, daddy?

Did you read my book?

No, I did not read your book,
I was angry with you.

You guys really
dropped the ball, huh?

We got played by the new you.

You replaced me?

Daddy, I'm your
own flesh and blood,

I just wanted you to be
proud of me.

You betrayed me.
You chose him.

No, no, no, I just wanted us
to be like a real family,

- like the Spencers.
- A real family?

You're obsessed with
a fairy tale, my dear,

I taught you better.

No, you're right.
You're right, daddy.

I'm sorry.

I was sadly mistaken.

No, Yang.

Don't listen to him,
he doesn't control you.

- Not anymore.
- Daddy,

I just wanna come home.

Can I come home now, daddy?

Yes, my darling girl,
you can come home.

You can come home,
come to daddy.

Come to daddy.
Come give daddy a big hug.

Yes, daddy loves you.
Here, sit on daddy's lap.



I never loved you.

I know.

Don't move a muscle!

You guys all right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Allison's crazy, though.
She's in on this.

Yeah, I learned that
the hard way.

I was dead wrong, I'm so sorry.

Oh, my God, are you all right?


You should see her.

She's gonna haunt me
in my dreams, Shawn.

And not in a good way.


Well, what?


You never actually
killed anyone, did you?

I could've stopped him.
I was weak.

He raised you.

You never had a chance.

Come on.

Carlton, wait.

A deal's a deal.


What deal?


One more, one more, fast.

Let's go.

Good-bye, Shawn,
good-bye, Gus.

And good-bye, Juliet.

Don't be strangers, we
have badminton every Wednesday.

Well, I haven't
played badminton...

No, Shawn.

I'll catch up with
you later, Mr. Spencer.


We're okay.

You still here?

There was no way I was leaving
here till this thing was over.

This has been a traumatic day.

Year, actually.

Just thinking about
all of the...


I was gonna say
near-death experiences.

You don't feel anything?





- You're like a robot.
- Thank you.

I got the same comment
on my eHarmony page

so it must be true.

One thing you learn
about me right off the bat,

takes a lot more
than a day like today

to ruffle this bird's feathers.

Go home to your wife, McNabb,
we start at 9:00 A.M.

It's 7:00 right now.


Come in an hour late.

Hey, there you are.

I finished writing
my statement 20 minutes ago,

Gus is in the car, engine on,
wheels pointed towards pancakes.

Please, tell me you're in.

I can't write this.

I thought if I just had
a moment to myself I could.

But it's just living it
all over again,

this is what you write.

"We did it."

Maybe you add
an exclamation point

if that doesn't feel
too excessive.

I could quite possibly
be elated very soon,

but part of me just feels like
we are just marking time

till the next crazy rolls in.

Oh, yeah, of course we are.

But the next crazy's gonna be
small potatoes compared to Yin.

Plus...You have me now.

I know I may not appear

that physically imposing
at first blush,

but it turns out I have
the tenacity of a Swiss fox,

and the instincts
of a dragonfly.

You realize
one of those is a rabbit

and the other is an insect?

Yeah, that's why I chose them.

But I'm trying to tell you...

That I would protect you.

And I would
protect you right back.

I think you're swell.

I'll see you tonight.

I'll bring you some pancakes.

I don't know if
they're gonna travel.

They might.

I'll get all the stuff
on the side.