Psych (2006–2014): Season 4, Episode 3 - High Noon-ish - full transcript

When Lassie's favorite childhood hangout is going to close, he secretly hires Shawn to investigate the reason - and he and Gus uncover a dead body in the process.

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it - foodval.com
---
Shawn, why is there
a giant hole
in my front yard?

It's simple, Dad.
Don't get upset.

The hole was my grave.

What?

Gus made me dig
my own grave,

then shot me
and stole my boots.

Only he didn't bury me
far enough, and the buzzards
ate my entrails.

Oh. So, you...

You were playing
cowboys and lndians, huh?

Just cowboys.
Playing lndians is offensive.

Then the buzzards
ate your entrails.
That's awful.



Yeah. It was a tragic end
to our adventure.

But it's the realism
that makes it fun.

If it helps, Gus ended up
getting hung by
a one-eyed crooked sheriff.

Well, did the buzzards
eat his entrails, too?

Of course they did.

Hey, Shawn,
I got a game for you.

It's called
get your butt in my yard
and fill in that hole now.

It's the realism
that makes that fun, too.

(SlGHS)

(WHlSPERlNG)
He's going to kill us.

What?

He hasn't said a word
the whole time
he's been driving.

Face it, Shawn,
he's finally snapped.

He asked us for a favor,
that's all.



We can leave
anytime we want.
Case in point.

(HANDLE RATTLlNG)

This is all your fault.

You and all your
practical jokes
you play on him.

Those were
team-building exercises
to build camaraderie.

How do you build camaraderie
by changing someone's
bank account numbers?

What the hell's
going on back there?

Look, Lassie,
I know I've been
a tad annoying in the past,

but shooting Gus
and disposing his body in
the aquifer is not the answer.

(HlTTlNG)
Ow!

Don't be ridiculous.
I'm not going to shoot anyone.

He didn't say anything
about knifing anybody.

Do you really need
that clarification?

It would be nice, yes.

So what's with
all the secrecy,
you handsome pasty devil?

(EXHALES)

What we're doing
isn't exactly official
Santa Barbara Police business

and it isn't exactly
my jurisdiction.

We're going to a small town
a few miles up north

where the sheriff's
an old friend of mine.

Some unexplained things
have been happening at night.

You two have a propensity
for finding something
from nothing

and I need that gift.

Where's the town?

This is the back.

The back?

Wow. Just how old
is Old Sonora?

I will ask you to stifle
your urge to make fun
of everything that is decent.

Sheriff Hank is
a good man

who deserves
not only your respect

but your admiration.

Okay.

Sheriff.

Well, look at you.
Ain't you a sight
for sore eyes.

Thanks for coming.

How you doing, Sheriff?

These are the men
I was telling you about.

That's Burton Guster
and Shawn Spencer.

Well, pardon me,
but we had a mess
of trouble here last night.

Sheriff Hank Mendel.
Pleasure to meet you.

Welcome to Old Sonora.

Thank you, Sheriff.

I'm sure you've heard
about what I do
and how cool it is.

You've now seen my hair
which means
you're doubly impressed,

but let's not get
wrapped up
in gushy compliments.

I get a little
self-conscious.

Hell, I wasn't even
going to call you out here,
but Binky insisted.

Binky?

Oh, you don't
call him Binky?

(CHUCKLlNG)
We do now.

Sheriff Hank,
why don't you tell the boys
what the problem's been here?

Well, it started out
as simple vandalism.

Somebody's been stealing
our wood from sidewalks,
buildings, fence posts.

Wood thieves.
My first instinct
is beavers,

but I'm not willing
to rule out those
pesky Keebler Elves.

What else you got?

Well, our water's
been poisoned,
and check this out.

There's been a stench
in the air that
wasn't there before.

That's funny,
I don't smell anything.

Oh, gosh, cat urine.

Don't mind him.
Cat pee is
Gus' kryptonite.

As a child he was locked
in a closet with the family's
incontinent tabby, Mr. B.

It's a very long story.

No, it's not.
That's the story.

Just breathe through
your mouth, all right?

Since then,
things have gotten
more aggressive,

stuff has been stolen,
misplaced, destroyed.

Folks are starting
to get nervous.

And it's my job
to protect them. Hey.

Drop your weapon
and come peaceably.

Well, Sheriff,
I ain't exactly
a peaceful man.

Holy crap.

He shot that guy.

I know. Isn't it great?

(PlANO PLAYlNG)

This is not a real town.

It's a tourist trap.

In between the lines
there's a lot of obscurity

I'm not inclined
to resign to maturity

If it's all right
then you're all wrong

But why bounce around
to the same damn song?

You'd rather run
when you can't crawl

I know, you know
That I'm not telling the truth

I know, you know
They just don't have any proof

Embrace the deception
Learn how to bend

Your worst inhibitions
tend to psych you out
in the end

Listen closely because
I am only going
to say this once.

Old Sonora is an old,
historic mining town

with buildings recreated
to capture the spirit
of the Old West.

I spent every weekend
of my childhood
in this beloved place

and I am not about to
let some faceless coward
who only comes out at night

tear it down.

I need you two
to find out who's
doing this, and fast.

All right. Well,
you can count on us.

I knew I could.

Here's your bedrolls.
Good luck.

We're sleeping here?

Well, it happens at night,
so you have to
stay here at night.

What about you?

Are you kidding?

I can't be caught
investigating here.

Do you know how far out
of my jurisdiction we are?

See you later, Hank.

Thanks for your help, Binky.

You got it.

I'll check back with you
in the morning.

Wait, you expect me
to stay here
the entire night?

Binky, come back!

Hey, I hope
you boys like beans.

If this turns into
Blazing Saddles,
I'm out of here.

Hmm.

Pull that.

Tell me, Hank,
have you ever
seen this vandal?

I've felt him.

Was that in
an appropriate way?

I've felt their presence.

I see.

Can you think of
any other explanation

for why this town is
falling apart?

Are you talking about
the ghost rider?

Uh...

No.
What do you mean
by "ghost rider"?

According to the legends,
he was a horse thief

that met his fate
at the end of a rope.

They say his spirit
still haunts these parts.

Now, I myself
don't cater to this tale,

(FLY BUZZlNG)
no matter how many people
out here see him.

Nope. I'm out of here.
I'm calling a cab.

Those things don't
work out here.

We got no TVs,
no radio,
no refrigerators.

Sounds like prison,
except they have
all those things.

(WHlSPERlNG)
Will you stop it?

How long have you
known Binky, Hank?

Oh, 30 years or so.

He used to come here
every weekend.

His papa wasn't
around that much
and his mama worked days,

so she'd drop
him off Saturdays.

I guess he needed somebody.
I suppose I did, too.

We've been close
ever since.

In fact, he's about
the nearest thing
I got to family.

Wow. I didn't know that
about Lassie's papa.

His papa wasn't
around much, Gus.

What are you doing?

(HORSES WHlNNYlNG lN DlSTANCE)

You hear that?
Something's
spooking the horses.

What the hell are we doing?

I don't know, Gus.

I think I'm starting to get
why Lassie loves
this place so much.

It represents a simpler time
when people weren't
so preoccupied

with the distractions
of modern life.

Like living past age 40.

All right, you be
your cynical self.

I'm just saying
technology is
way overrated.

That's interesting.
Just yesterday,
you told me

you intend on having
your wedding in space.

And that hasn't changed.

I'm just saying
I think the past is
also worth preserving.

Yeah. Well, your people
have a much more
affectionate memory

of this period of history
than my people do.

What are you
talking about?

We saw Posse, together,
in theaters.

(WlND HOWLlNG)

I want to go home.

Yeah, that's fair.

Hank!

(WOLF HOWLlNG lN DlSTANCE)

Hank!

Here's how it's
going to go.

We're going to
tell Hank his town is
old and decrepit

and he should be glad
it didn't fall down
10 years ago.

There is no saboteur,
no vandal, no bad guy.

At the worst,
he has a terrible
cat problem.

(GRUNTS)

Gus.

Watch your feet.

Watch my feet?
I'm leading the way.

Your stride is
too long, Shawn.

It's your ridiculous gait.
That's the problem.

No. Your shoes
are too large.

(SlGHS)

Gus.
What?

Don't panic.

SHAWN: Hank! Hank!

There's no Hank.
No horses!

(RUMBLlNG)

And what is that sound?

(GASPS)

Look out.
(GROANS)

(HORSES NElGHlNG)

Hank!

Oh, no.

CARLTON: Easy.
Bring him in.

I don't believe this.
I send you two out there

to find out
what the heck's going on

and you get Sheriff Hank
run over by horses?

Look, Lassie, first of all,
I don't even know how
to get someone run over.

And as long as
we're assigning blame,

the horses shouldn't
get off scot-free.

We feel terrible
about this

even though it was Hank
who left us there all alone.

You're lucky
he didn't get killed.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I don't want him
bleeding all over
my couch.

There you go.
CARLTON: You're okay.

Easy.

SHAWN: That's better.

He should really be
in an emergency room.

No hospitals.

He doesn't believe in them.

Says the only way
he's ever going to
go in one is feet first.

Okay. Let's put it up here.
Let's take a look.

Oh!
Ooh, guys, this is deep.

This man has got
to see a doctor.

I don't even have
anything to numb the pain.

That's okay,
I don't believe
in anesthetics.

Gus, just bite down
on my big toe.

It'll make me forget
about the pain in my leg.

I'm not biting down
on your toe.

Damn it, Guster, when a man
asks you to bite his toe,
you bite his toe.

You do it.
HENRY: Drink this.

Oh, much obliged.

Uh, Hank, I just want to say
on behalf of Gus and l,

thank you very much
for saving our lives.

I'm the Sheriff,
that's what I'm paid for.

Well, technically
you're not a real sheriff

and when you say "they,"
you actually mean "you,"

being that you own the town,
which isn't really a town.

Why?

Just hurry up
and do this, will you?

I got to open
them gates by 9:00.

Pal, you're not going
anywhere for quite a while
even if I do get this sewn up.

Old Sonora hasn't
closed in 45 years

and it ain't gonna
close today.

Spencer, come here.

(SNlFFlNG)

Look, with everything
that's been going out there,

and now finding
this dead body,

the county wants to
shut down Old Sonora,

which means not only
will a place
that teaches children

important lessons
from a simpler time
be lost forever,

but Sheriff Hank
will be left destitute,

and I will not
let that happen.

Don't worry, Binky.
I already have a plan.

All right, everybody,
take a good look.

Keep looking. Drink it in

Iike a bottle of laudanum.

Is there a point to this?

There's a point to this.

There's a new sheriff
in town, guys.

It's me.
Just for a couple days.

We all know how we feel
about old Hank.

The man loves beans.

So I'll be helping out
after the accident last night.

Don't worry,
I'm not going to go
changing too much

about the way things
work around here.

At least not right away.

GUS: Maybe after lunch.

I would like the opportunity
to sit down with each of you,

ask a few probing
questions,

and get to know you
a little better.

We can do that
later. Yeah.

They're not very helpful,
are they?

How about I wear the spurs?

How about the sheriff
wears the spurs?

How about you kiss
my blacksmith ass?

Carlton, that was County.

They got an lD
on the body
outside of Old Sonora.

He's a Santa Barbara resident.

Yes, that is awesome!

Wow. Okay.

That's gonna at least
get us some sort of
access to this case.

I'm calling
the county sheriff.

It gets a little
more strange.

What, he's a hobo,
a drifter,

or some sort of psycho
with a longstanding grudge

against beloved
childhood institutions?

He's a multimillionaire
businessman.

Frank McBain,
got a big house
up on the hill.

Been missing for a few days.
Wife thought he was
on a business trip.

All right,
so let's figure out

what he was doing
wandering alone

in the hills of Old Sonora
in sneakers and shorts.

In the meantime,
I'm going to call a buddy
of mine who's a county judge,

and get a warrant
for McBain's office.

Carlton, the McBain
homicide is a county case.

The chief made it
very clear you are
not to get involved.

Damn it, O'Hara,
whose side are you on?

I am just following
jurisdictional protocol
like you taught me to do.

Well, sometimes
there are exceptions.

(SlGHS)

Look at this.

All of the acreage
around Old Sonora has
been purchased by McBain,

which means the only land
that he doesn't own is Hank's.

And Hank will never sell.

What's this?
That's the new toll road.

No, this road's
supposed to run
10 miles south of here.

Not necessarily.
The council hasn't made
its final vote yet.

So, what did McBain know
that we don't?

McBain wanted Old Sonora.

And he would do
anything to get it,
including wrecking the town,

trying to get the county
to shut it down,

and now getting Hank
run over by horses.

We solved it.

Ow!
Detective Lassiter and O'Hara.

You remember
Sheriff Becker with
the County Sheriff's Office?

Uh...

Sheriff Becker just
informed me that you two have
been sticking your noses

into his investigation,
which I recall specifically
telling you not to do.

We have cause, Chief.

We believe McBain
was using vandalism

to run a cherished
local institution
out of business.

The name of this cherished
local institution wouldn't
happen to be Old Sonora?

That's really neither
here nor there, Chief.

The fact is we have blown
this case wide open.

Well, I hope you have
some solid evidence
to support those accusations.

Of course I do.

It's obvious why McBain
wanted the land.

He's building
a mass transit system

in association
with the new toll road.

Probably at
taxpayers' expense,
the heartless bastard.

That's a kiddy railroad.

It's a free park
that McBain's
donating to the county.

Here's the permit.

He's calling it
the Ashley Baird Park.

He's not even naming
it after his wife.

This woman is
probably his mistress
which makes him a two-timer.

Ashley Baird.
Wasn't she the little girl
who had leukemia?

She was so brave.

Okay, Chief, maybe I jumped
the gun a little bit here,

but this McBain is
one bad hombre.
You've got to believe me.

And we can consider
this vandalism case
completely closed.

There's just a few
loose ends to tie up.

Vandalism?
We're talking about murder.

And now we got
a prime suspect.

We don't have any suspects.
What are you talking about?

The person
who owns Old Sonora
who wouldn't sell.

No, no...
That's not possible.

Dang it, Hank,
why didn't you tell me
about Frank McBain?

You watch your language,
Binky, and who the hell
is Frank McBain?

He's been trying
to buy your land
for the last two years.

Hank, you cannot keep
this kind of
information from us.

We are killing ourselves
trying to figure out
who may want to hurt you,

and you leave
a prime suspect
off the table?

No, the only folks
trying to buy my land is
the Sweet Water Land Corp.

(SlGHS) I'll bet McBain
used dummy corporations
to make the purchases.

It keeps prices
from skyrocketing

when investors see
what's going on.

Well, it's a good thing
she's pretty.

Now, Sweet Water Land
don't want to hurt me.

They sent me two letters
six months ago.

I politely declined
and I never heard
from them again.

Are you sure?
Because McBain's
secretary said

he'd already been
out to Old Sonora
three times this month, alone.

I never spoke to the man.

Then who did?

(HARMONlCA PLAYlNG)

What the hell is
going on here?

This is called
19-card stud.

Regular poker's
too complicated.

Makes it easier
to get pairs.

Plus anything
with a picture is wild.

Why aren't you two
out interviewing suspects,

or feeling the walls,
whatever the hell
it is you do?

At least do something.

Man, I tried. I did.

These people are
kind of mean.

It's a tough racket
being sheriff, Lassie.

Besides, I got to go gun down
that stinky feet fellow
in about 20 minutes.

Stinky Pete.

You wouldn't understand.
You've never killed a man.

Yes, I have.

Yeah, but you've never
pretend-killed one,
repeatedly.

I struggle with it
every time.

Two times now.

Yep. Both times.

Well, while you two
are sitting here playing
cowboys and lndians...

Uh, uh...
Just cowboys, Lassie.

Injuns is offensive.

I didn't say "lnjuns," Guster.
That's what I heard.

Me, too.
CARLTON: Would you
just shut up?

Hank has managed
to become our
number-one suspect.

McBain wanted his land
and he was talking
to somebody here.

You two need to
find out who it was.

You were thinking today?

The man's life
is on the line.

Get out there
and get me a lead!

Man's all hopped up
on cactus juice.

(PLAYlNG HARMONlCA)

Let's start
at the saloon.

Yep. Little lady.

What are you doing?

Exactly what it looks like.

(EXCLAlMlNG)

Whoa!

Really?

(PlANO PLAYlNG)

Gus, it's stinky feet.

He's trying
to bushwhack us.

Bushwhack us?

Huh?

GUS: Shawn!

Shawn, that's not
Stinky Pete,
he's a tourist.

Oh, yeah.

I think you're
right about that.

Sorry about that, friend.

A man in my line of work
can't afford to be
too careful.

I'm sure you understand.

TOURlST: Yeah.

Well, hello, Miss Annie.

Yeah, hi, Shawn.

Yeah, I'd appreciate it
if you'd refer to me
as Sheriff Spencer.

Or Hickory Pot
or Dry Gulch Slim.

Any of those
would do me just fine.

Yeah, well that's
not going to happen.

Fair enough.
How long have you
been doing this?

About a decade.
Five years here,
before that at Disneyland.

They have madams
at Disneyland?

No. I worked the teacups.

I'll bet you did.

Now, I'm going to have
to ask you a couple of

uncomfortable-type
questions about Hank.

Oh, you mean that
we were lovers?

You... No.
Not that uncomfortable, no.

He broke my heart.

But that was
a long time ago.
Ancient history.

Hey there!

You're the one that plays
Deputy Sheriff Tripsy,
is that right?

That's what it says
on my paycheck,
if I still get one.

Sounds like
you're not too happy
with your job right now.

Maybe you're
angry enough to take it
out on your boss, Hank.

Maybe you poisoned
the water

so that you could have
Old Sonora all to yourself.

Maybe even enough
to kill for it?

(SCOFFS)

I don't know what
you're talking about,

and as far as Hank goes,
I love the man
like a brother.

(SCOFFlNG) Please.

That's what everyone says.

Who's everyone?
Miss Annie.

No, dude, she doesn't
love him like a brother.
Definitely not like a brother.

Unless they have
a really weird family.

They've got some serious
flowers up in that attic.

GUS: You know
what I mean.

How would I know that?

Dude, he was there
before the horses
trampled Hank.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
not so fast there, Tripsy.

You see, we know that
you were at the corral
the other night.

And just for the record,
your nickname is
extremely offensive.

So I was up there.

Something spooked
the horses and I went up
to check on them.

And I caught a glimpse
of whoever it was, too.

And then he, uh, vanished.

Ooh.

You trying to tell us
it was the ghost rider

that tried to kill
Hank? Please.

I don't like
your tone, mister.

Is that right?
Because I've been told
it's quite soothing.

Hey, Shawn,
try to stay on point.

I think you're lying, Tripsy.

I think it was you
who spooked the horses

because you knew
dadgum well that
Hank would come running.

That's a lie.
I love Hank Mendel.

Gus, get the County
Sheriff's Office
on the phone.

You tell them we found
ourselves the vandal,

and that he might have
just killed McBain, too.

Okay, okay, boys,

I didn't see nobody.

But something spooked
the horses,

and it wasn't me,
I swear.

Yeah, I was up there.
It was for
a different reason.

I was working for McBain.

Mmm-hmm.

Go on.

He was paying me
to make a list

of all the safety violations
we got around this place.

And he was going to
use them to force
the county to shut us down.

After that, well,
Hank would have no choice
but to sell to McBain.

And you say
he was like
a brother to you?

Hey, I ain't proud
of what I've done, mister.

(SlGHS)

(BANGlNG)

Hey, are there any other
employees still here?

Uh, no. When Hank's
not around, I'm always
the last one to leave.

Shawn!

(HORSE WHlNNlES)

Is that the...

Ghost rider.

He must have
gone in there.

That's completely sealed.
There's no way
he got through there.

Unless he can
move through solids,
which by definition he can.

Really? We have to have
that conversation?

Fine.

Maybe the guy
on the horse
is not a ghost,

and let's say
he is the vandal,

which doesn't even
make sense,

because the guy
who wanted
the land is dead.

Even so,
there's still something

we haven't taken
into account yet.

Yeah? What is that?

What if McBain's murder
is related to
something else,

or just a random
act of violence?

I'll go even further.

What if the guy
on the horse is not
vandalizing the town?

What if no one is?

You said it
yourself, Shawn.

What if this place
is so run down
from neglect and old age

that it's falling apart?

Huh?

(CREAKlNG)

I see your point.

A ghost?

Maybe a ghost.

Definitely not a ghost,
but a ghostlike fellow.

An ethereal, moonlit figure.

Who might be able
to go through rocks.

But probably not.

I send you out there
to investigate for two days,

and all you come back with
is campfire stories?

Gus caught the consumption.

I didn't... (COUGHlNG)

What's going on in here?

Costume party.

And this wouldn't have
anything to do with
the Old Sonora, would it?

Sorry, which one's
Old Sonora again?

You know, I don't want
to hear it, Detective.

And if I find out
that you hired Spencer
and Guster on your own,

then that constitutes
a conflict of interest

and there will be
disciplinary measures.

I highly recommend
that you stick to
your assigned cases.

Gee, thanks
for hopping in there

and taking some of the heat
from the Chief, Spencer.

Well, you're very welcome.

I was being facetious.

Yeah, you wimped out.

If you believe
the short-sighted
pundits on CNN,

but I take
a longer view of history.

That doesn't even
make any sense.

Coroner's report said
McBain's been dead
for five days,

yet the vandalism hasn't
stopped since then.

Therefore we can effectively
eliminate McBain.

I'm now sensing
that someone else
wants that land.

McBain's got the kind
of money that's
tough to beat.

As a result, he or she...

Or even a he-she.

...had to kill McBain
before he got it.

He was eliminating
the competition.

Precisely.

Okay. Yeah, maybe.

When I find
this murdering scum,

I'm going to shoot
him in the face.

I'm tired. That's all
just wishful thinking.

We don't have the vaguest clue
who this bastard is.

No thanks to you, Spencer.

So far, you've
given me bupkes.

Get back out there
and get to work.

He just said...
Bupkes.

Yeah.

The thing is, you never
have to wonder why Lassie
doesn't have more friends.

Hank, what are you
doing here, man?
You should...

You should be resting.

You didn't come back
for the spurs, did you?

Where are you going?

I'm leaving town.

Why?

Well, I've been licked.
Whole buildings
are starting to fall.

Better I just move on and
forget the whole damn thing.

Look, Hank,
I admit it's a long shot,

but there's still a chance
that we can save Old Sonora.

I've seen the park
they want to build.
It's a nice place.

And I believe
that folks are gonna
want to go there.

I'm an old relic.
I've known that
for a long time.

Look, Hank,
we can fix the buildings.

We just...
We'll get some nails.

And Febreze.

Oh, fellas, that sounds
awful good, but...

No, it's too late, boys.

I've already contacted
the folks over
at Sweet Water Land

and accepted their offer.

Old Tripsy, he's going
to handle the last show.
Me, I'm done.

I guess that's that.

This list
of possible suspects
is garbage.

Detectives, a moment. Now.

Look, Chief,
if this is about the...

All right, Chief,
I just want to say
that I am 100% sure

that you have
no proof whatsoever

that I have done anything even
remotely Old Sonora-related

in the last two hours.

Sheriff Becker would like
to formally invite you

into the McBain case.

Oh, thank God,
because I was totally
lying just then.

Sheriff,
what can I do for you?

Just received
the ballistics report.

Guys in our lab say
they've never seen a slug

Iike the one they pulled out
of McBain, and,

well, I thought, uh,

because of your
expertise with firearms,

maybe you could
help identify it.

They've never seen
a bullet like this because
it's over 100 years old.

Well, what kind of a gun
uses a slug like that?

An original
1873 Colt Peacemaker.

You sure, uh...
You sure this is
all you got, Hank?

I mean,
we're good on space.

I can grab you
a wagon wheel.

Or that barrel.

CARLTON: Hank,

I need to see your pistol.

Why do you need to see that?

You don't think
Hank had anything to do
with McBain's death?

Don't be crazy.
Come on.

Shawn, stay out of this.

The gun, Hank.

Slowly.

Why you been firing
live rounds, Hank?

I saw a rat and I shot it.

Hank Mendel,
you're under arrest

for the murder
of Frank McBain.

Come on.

Read him his rights, O'Hara.

You have the right
to remain silent.

Anything you say can
and will be used against you
in a court of law.

Why do people that
I try to help usually
end up getting arrested?

Well, Shawn, sometimes
people you think are innocent

turn out to be guilty,
and vice versa.

The important thing is,

how are you going to
help me get Hank's blood
out of my couch?

Hank is innocent.

Yeah, can you prove it?

Not yet.

You want to know
what I think?

No, I just came by
for one of your inedible,

fat-free grilled
cheese sandwiches.

Yes, I'd like to know
what you think.

Lassiter is so emotionally
invested in trying
to save this town,

you, in trying to help him,

have developed
some of the same
feelings and desires.

It's a simple case
of transference.

You don't use words
like transference.

Have you been secretly
hanging out with Mom?

We may or may not have
dined together last week.

The point is,
your judgment in this case

is being clouded
by your emotions.

"Dined together"?

You're David Niven now?
That's your new thing?

All right, Shawn, look,
you think Hank is innocent,

go back to Old Sonora
and get yourself some proof.

But this time,
don't look at the town

as this magical place
that means so much
to Lassiter.

Instead, look at it
for what it really is,

a dump that probably
isn't worth saving.

We've been looking
for over an hour, Shawn.
I need a break.

There's got to be
a logical explanation

for where that horse
and rider disappeared to.

I've got one for you,
the next dimension.

(SlGHS) Really,
Winston Zeddmore,
that's what you believe, huh?

I haven't slept
in two days, Shawn.
I don't know what I believe.

What? What do you see?

I'm not sure.

(CRACKlNG)

(SCREAMS)

(BOTH GROANlNG)

I think I broke
my back and my neck
and my arm.

That's nothing.
I just bruised
my coccyx.

Say what?
You know what I mean.

I most certainly do not.

When I get home,
I'm going to have to
rub oil on my coccyx.

Oh, Gus, please,
that's disgusting.

What?

A deep tissue massage
is definitely what
my coccyx needs.

Would you stop
saying that word?

Coccyx? That's what
it's called, Shawn.

(GRUNTS)

Dude, this must be
part of the old mineshaft.

It's no wonder
it's not on the tour.

It's completely
unauthentic.

Look at this.
Look at these tools.
They're all modern.

Looks like
they're being used.
Let me see the light.

Dude.

What?

Are you kidding me?

That's what this
whole thing is about?
Copper?

That's gold, Shawn.

Oh. I guess that would
make more sense.

So I was right.

Old Sonora was
never being vandalized,
at least not deliberately.

Clearly I agree with you.
I just don't know why.

The theft and damage
on the surface
can be explained

by the fact that mining
is going on underground.

The stolen wood posts
are being used
to prop up the shaft.

The contaminated water
and the sinkholes are

common side effects
of shaft mining.

The foul odor in the air
is from the exposed
sulfur deposits.

The only thing
I don't understand is

why would a ghost
be mining for gold?

It wasn't a ghost, Gus.

Then who is it?

Dude,

it was the other gunfighter.

That stinky feet guy.

The name is Stinky Pete.

Hold up! Hold up! Hank!

I tested your gun, Hank.
It doesn't match the slug.

I told you
it wasn't me, Binky,

but you don't want
to listen no more.

Hank, I am so sorry.
I never should have...

The murder weapon is
mostly likely
an identical twin to yours.

Well, actually, I think my gun
might have been part of a set.

You know,
it was so long ago,
I had forgotten.

Do you have any idea
who may have the other one?

As a matter of fact, I do.

How you doing
over there?

(GROANlNG) Now I have
a throbbing headache
and a throbbing coccyx.

What?

Who are you really?

I'm a psychic
and I can see everything
very clearly now.

Just like Tripsy,
you were on McBain's payroll,

and when you went looking
for safety violations,

you decided to check out
the old mineshaft

and, as dumb luck
would have it,

you found yourself
a previously undiscovered
vein of gold.

What's more,
you were the rider
that we saw last night.

Pulling wood into
the entrance of the mine,

which only appeared
to be sealed,

because neither Hank
nor anyone else
thought to check

if the rocks
were actually real.

I got to hand it to you, Pete,

it's quite a nifty operation
you had going here.

Still do.

Ooh, ooh.

Unfortunately,
McBain got what he needed

to ensure that Hank
would fail the upcoming
safety inspection

so Old Sonora
had to close down.

When McBain took ownership
out of foreclosure.

it wouldn't take long
for his little
construction crew

to discover your gold strike,

so to slow things down
and give yourself
more time to mine,

well, you went ahead
and killed McBain.

I could deny it,

but then there ain't
much point, is there?

There's more than
a million dollars
of gold in here.

Not only are you a murderer,
but you're a thief.

This gold belongs to Hank.

That man has been
more than fair and generous
with all of his employees,

including yourself.

Well, I guess after playing
a bad guy all these years,

the line between
actor and role
got kind of blurred.

Hmm.

They say the same thing
happened Yul Brynner.

Wait! No!

No!

(COUGHlNG)

This is not good.

Dude, what are you doing?

It worked for Tim Robbins in
Shawshank Redemption, Shawn.

Get busy living
or get busy dying.

Gus, we don't have years
to dig a tunnel.

Besides, it makes me
Morgan Freeman.
That's weird.

(TRlCKLlNG)

Wait a minute.
That's water.

Dude, give me
the pickax.

Watch yourself.

(SHAWN GRUNTlNG)

To end evil!

GUS: Stop pushing, Shawn.

SHAWN: Dude,
this tunnel's only
big enough for one person.

(BOTH GRUNTlNG)

God.

Pete Dillingham,

you're under arrest
for the murder
of Frank McBain.

Throw your weapon down
and come peacefully.

How can you tell
which one's the bad guy
if they're both wearing black?

Boo!
Boo!

Boo!

I'm the good guy,
you toothless hillbillies.

(GROANlNG)

Though I did just
shoot that man for real,
so clear on out.

Well, the great news is,
with all the money
you make from selling gold,

you can fix up Old Sonora,
restore it to
its former glory.

I don't know, Binky,
I've been thinking

maybe it's time
that this old cowboy
hung up his spurs.

I guess
I could take comfort
in the fact that

I've lasted this long.

Well, and that you're
about to be filthy rich.

Oh, that, too.

I'm gonna miss this place.

Hank, you've been
a damn good friend to me.

You've been
more than a friend.

Yeah, them are hard
to come by these days.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I got myself
a wayward and wild woman
to ask to marry me.

What?
(WHlSTLES)

Look at that.
She's about to give up
the world's oldest profession.

She was never
a real madam, Shawn.
You do know that.

Mmm.

Agree to disagree.

By the way, Spencer,
you ever call me
Binky again, I'll shoot you.

Understood.

How about once more
just for old time's sake?

Nope.
Okay.

I know, you know
That I'm not telling the truth

I know, you know
They just don't have any proof

Embrace the deception
Learn how to bend

Your worst inhibitions
tend to psych you out
in the end

I know, you know

I know, you know

I know, you know