Psych (2006–2014): Season 3, Episode 9 - Christmas Joy - full transcript

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, it's
barely morning. Just hold up.

I know you're excited,
your adrenaline is rushing

and your heart rate is pumping
just like you got a big case

and this is a hot crime scene.

Dad, I just want to see
what Santa brought me.

And you will soon enough.
But first,

I want you to recreate everything
that went down here last night.

Santa came in,

sat down, ate his
milk and cookies,

put the presents
under the tree,

then something spooked him
and he ran out.



That's right. Maybe you woke up
a little earlier than he thought.

It's a pity, too, because

he didn't get a chance to finish
putting together your brand new bicycle.

Merry Christmas, Shawn.

What took you so long?

You know I have to get
to my mom and dad's.

Choosing the perfect holiday
gifts takes time, Gus.

You can't cut corners. You have
to customize, match the gift

with the individual. Look, I
took our Halloween decorations

and put Santa hats on them.
What do you think?

Look, can we do this later? My sister
Joy's flight gets in any minute now.

You have plenty of time.

No, I don't, Shawn. You know she
usually works during the holidays,

London, Paris, Hong Kong.



Now that she's home, we have to spend
as much time together as possible.

All that time away from home for work,
precisely why I didn't go to law school.

Yeah, that
and the school part.

Well, hello there.
May I help you?

Are you Mr. Psych?

I'm Mr. Shawn and this
is Scrooge Jones.

We're psychic detectives.
Who might you be?

My name's Brittany.
Mr. Shawn, I need to hire you.

I see. What for?

To get Santa out of jail.
All I have is $1.38.

I hope it's enough.

We couldn't possibly
accept that.

He's right.
What else do you have?

The policeman dragged him away
from the Santa's Village in Solvang.

Please. You have to help him.

Don't worry, Brittany,

there are some wonderful public
defenders in the North Pole.

Santa will be out
in no time.

But if he's not out by Christmas
Eve, he can't deliver his toys.

Uh, this is...

This is a matter
for the police.

Yes, and we never interfere
with police matters.

I understand.

Okay.
Good.

Oh, boy.

What are you supposed to do
when a child's crying like this?

You cave. Brittany,

Mr. Shawn and I will get Santa
out as soon as we get back.

Thank you, Scrooge Jones!
Thank you, Mr. Shawn.

Let's go.

Gus! Gus, we're back
from the airport.

Hey, sis!
Oh, Gussie!

I missed you.

I missed you, too.

You don't know what it's been
like not having anyone to talk to.

Well, I want to hear more about
this psychic detective agency.

It's very impressive.

As we found out last year when we
were both brought up on murder charges.

I still find that
hard to believe.

Well, we were in the wrong
place at the wrong time.

Nobody to blame.

Mmm-mmm.

You two must be
pretty good.

It's funny, I don't remember
you being psychic.

Oh.

When did this happen?

High school.
High school.

Did you two just
look at each other?

Hmm?

No.
No.

You just did it again,

as if to corroborate
what you were going to say.

Joy, what is this?
I mean...

We're not on trial here.
Joy.

It's Christmas time.

You came through the door
and it's like, what?

Be merry. It's not a
courtroom. It's not about law.

So why are you both
striking defensive poses?

I was
just keeping it...

I was keeping it loose.
Yeah.

Uh, I'm going to
be late for work.

Don't forget,
I'm covering the night shift.

No, Joy just got here.
Raytheon can wait.

Government planes
don't make themselves... yet.

It's okay, Daddy. It'll give
me and Gus a chance to catch up.

All right, well, I'll see you
in the morning then. Okay, bye.

Sweetheart, your
room's all ready,

and I'll just be a
little longer in the kitchen.

Let me get this up
to your room for you.

I doubt you
need all of them.

You
can get them later.

I know, you know
That I'm not telling the truth

I know, you know
They just don't have any proof

Embrace the deception
Learn how to bend

Your worst inhibitions tend
to psych you out in the end

Wait a minute!
What are we doing?

What are we doing?
This... This cannot happen.

I know.
It was a one-time fling

10 years ago and that's it.

I never told.

Well, thank God.
Gus would be crushed.

We're both adults, okay?

No, that's where
you're wrong.

We're not adults.
You are Gus' big sister

with the tassels on the
handlebars of a banana seat bike,

and I am Gus' best friend who
put a frog on top of your head.

Listen, listen, we can't fool around,
especially not in your living room.

For Gus' sake,
we have to fight it!

Speak for yourself.

You know, Joy, since you're
so interested in Psych,

you should spend as much time
with me and Shawn as possible.

Great.

This is where we do our thing,

where it all goes down,
where the magic happens.

Do you realize you repeat yourself
when you're trying to impress someone?

Yeah, right.
Whatever. Please.

You kind of do.

Told you so.
Touch?.

You can't
touch? yourself.

Sure I can. Your bad.

It's not my bad. You can't
"my bad" for someone else.

Yeah, but you ain't mad at it,
though. Know what you saying?

Will you stop it?
Mr. Spencer, Mr. Guster,

I don't remember
hiring you for a case.

Oh, we're here researching
a case for another client.

Detective O'Hara's
expecting us.

All three of you?

Oh, this is my sister Joy.

She's our guest.
Hi.

Um, well technically,
you are guests,

so that doesn't give you
the right to bring your own.

I'm sorry, Chief. Joy was
just excited to see what we do.

Have you ever seen a movie
about high school?

Yes.

Then you've pretty much
seen what they do.

Oh, Chief,
she's just a joker.

Sorry, no visitors
beyond this point.

Oh, yeah. Sure.

Wait here just a moment.

Jules, wait up.
Hey, oh, I'm sorry,

I got your message. Things have
just been really hectic around here.

Something about the holidays.

Speaking of which, I'm sensing
the Santa we've been looking for

probably would have been
brought in this morning.

Must have been that fight down
at Santa's Village in Solvang

we got a call about.

Yeah, we sent a paddy wagon
down to assist the county.

Where are they now?

Well, unfortunately, some poor guy was
knocked unconscious during the fight,

so we're holding everyone
in a holding cell until

we can find out who's going to
face assault charges. This way.

And here we are.

Wow, he really does
look like Santa.

Excuse me, sir, could you
please step out of the way?

That's your Santa.

Of course it is.

Let me know if you
need anything else.

Dude, our Santa only
has defensive wounds.

There's no way he put
anybody in a coma.

But I can tell from that guy's bracelet
that he's a master of Krav Maga.

His fists are considered
deadly weapons.

Since when can
you read Hebrew?

Since I spent a summer working in a
Hasidic deli. Those were good times.

Shlomo.

Jules, I'm getting
something here.

I'm seeing hands, fast as lightning.
It's more than a little exciting.

Kung fu fighting? That's
right. Someone in the fight

was a master of martial
arts, but not Santa.

He brings peace and joy.
That's right, Gus.

The man I'm thinking of
is a lethal machine

trained in the martial arts of
the Middle East. Hey! That's him!

He's the one who knocked
the victim unconscious,

and he's the one who should serve
time for assault with a deadly weapon.

Assault? I was minding
my own business.

I only hit that guy
because I was defending Santa.

Nice job, Shawn. You just
saved us hours of processing.

Well, consider
it your Christmas gift.

Take him to the
interrogation room, please.

And make sure this one gets back to Santa's
Village to spread some Christmas cheer.

There's a very sweet
little girl counting on it.

We just saved Christmas.
What?

So when the cluster of bullets is very
tight, we refer to that as precision,

not to be confused with
accuracy which has to do with

the proximity
to the intended target.

What's going on here?

Just having a conversation
with your delightful sister.

Really?

Ooh, let me
get that for you.

Get that for you?

I know exactly
what that means.

Shawn, what is the sentence
for assaulting a police officer?

Whoa! It's okay, buddy.

Sorry, Gus is a little
overprotective of his older sister.

What's the deal with you
and people's sisters anyway?

First Vick and now mine?

And aren't you still married?
Stand down, Guster.

We were simply having
a conversation. Jeez.

You snow white...

Lassie, I think Dobson is,
uh, calling for you.

Really nice to meet you.

The nerve of some people.

You know, Gus, hey!

I'm a big girl, and I can
see whoever I want, thank you.

No, not if that person's
supposed to be a friend of mine.

Uh-uh. Hell no.

Yeah, well, you weren't there to
see its little face looking up at me

meowing for milk and warmth
and shelter, were you, Garth?

Fine. Thanks.

Apparently, my apartment
is infested with fleas.

May or may not have something to do
with the stray cat that I took in,

but they cannot blame me for
infesting the entire building.

One adult female flea
lays thousands of eggs.

Wow. That's a
little bit frightening.

I need some place to crash
while they fumigate.

I'd stay at my dad's, but he's got
some of his lodge buddies in town.

Well, Gus and I are staying
with our folks for the holidays.

Why don't you stay with us?

Oh, I don't know, Joy...

Shawn, please.
There, it's settled.

Look.
What is it?

I saved your butt this time, Daddy! You're
lucky I didn't leave you in there to rot!

Now we only have
three days left!

Don't screw up again!

Jeez, I'm sorry.

She's a little con artist.

I bet she had more
than $1.38 on her, too.

Dude, we got
conned on Christmas.

I don't like having my
emotions toyed with like that.

Well, we ran
fingerprints on everyone.

His name was Carl Wilcox,

and according to police
records, he is a known con man.

Now we only have
three days left!

Whatever it is, they must be
planning it for the 24th.

We just need to get proof.
Thank you, Jules.

You're welcome.

What?
What?

Here you go, ma'am. Enjoy.

Ho, ho, ho, have you
been good this year?

All right, so that'll be
20 wallets and one 8x10.

We can send them to a home
address. Just check the box.

Okay, well, you keep
those grades up

so that we can give you everything
on your list, okay? All right.

Who is next in line
to see Santa?

Excuse us.

I don't think Santa's lap
is big enough for you boys.

Cut the crap, Carl. We know you
conned us into getting you out of jail.

Okay. Not here, all right?

Santa's going to take a five.
Be right back.

Hey, what blind kid
did you steal that from?

Why would a blind kid
have a videogame?

You have cooties on your face. Shawn!

She started it.
You started it.

She gave me the stink eye.
She was playing a videogame.

She's a little...
Shawn.

Okay, look, guys, I really
appreciate you getting me out of jail.

But I'm working, okay?
Why don't you come back,

and we can have a little
reindeer lunch break.

Or maybe you'd like
to tell us about

that little con you have
planned for the 24th.

Here's the thing, Carl.
We're on to you. Both of you.

A couple of smart guys, huh?
Maybe too smart for your own good.

This guy.

Don't hit me!

Whoa! Whoa!
Slow down, Santa!

Not so fast, Saint Nick, huh?
International sign of guilt, buddy!

Look at those guys!

Hey, those are the same
two guys I saw cut in line!

They don't even have kids!
This is not good.

All right. Enough
of you two. Let's go.

I've never been kicked out of
Santa's Village before, Shawn.

You're gonna
get used to it.

I don't want to get
used to it. It's humiliating.

We still don't know what crime Carl and
Brittany are planning for Christmas Eve.

Good night, guys.
Good night.

Good night, Joy.

See you in the morning.

It's like they're
mocking us, you know.

It feels like a slap in the
face. Not a Rhett Butler slap,

an Ike Turner slap.
Mmm.

But we still have a few days to
figure it out. Let's just go to bed.

Cool.

Good night, dude.
Good night.

This is ridiculous.

Joy!

Joy!

Joy!

Joy!

Shawn?
Mr. Guster?

You're supposed to be asleep.
What are you doing here?

I thought that I heard
a noise or something.

You're supposed to be working the
night shift. What are you doing home?

I... I forgot something.

Oh!

So I guess you'll be
going back to work, then?

And I guess you, you'll
be going back to sleep?

Why aren't you leaving? It's my
house. I can leave when I want to!

You want to tell me what you
were looking for down here?

Whoa, I'm getting
something here.

You weren't at work
like you said you were.

I see a projector,
a movie projector.

You're not going to be reading me. Yes.

Uh-uh. No, no.
Oh, Mister, please...

No, no.
That's ridiculous.

No, stick and move. Stick and
move. Sir, please don't do that.

I already had the vision.

It's over. The vision's over.
I've had it. It's done.

You lied to your family
about working the night shift.

The truth is...

I lost my job at
Raytheon a month ago.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Why are you
keeping it a secret?

It's Christmas time.
Joy's home.

I didn't want
everybody to worry.

So I go out on interviews
all through the day

and hang out at the movies
or a coffee shop at night.

The family thinks
I'm doing my night shift.

And this is between me and you
and that lamp over there, right?

You're saying the
lawn chair isn't trustworthy?

Oh, be serious, boy.
So we're cool, right?

Oh, we're cool, Mr. G.

I would hate to think that things
change because you betrayed my trust.

Believe me, you don't
have to worry about that.

The problem is Carl already
knows we're on to him.

He's not going to let us get close
enough to figure out what he's up to.

Unless we're...

You guys ready to grab lunch?

Good idea.
You could use a pick-me-up.

I'm sorry, man. I just, I didn't
get a lot of sleep last night.

Um, unless, of course,
we could figure out a way

to snoop around Santa's
Village without Carl knowing.

How are we going to do that?

I can help.

Welcome aboard.

Thank you. We can use
all the help we can get

for the Christmas rush.

All right, enough
of you two. Let's go.

Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.

Great job!

Thank you. Make sure you
sign up for Carl's shift.

Okay. Stay close to him. Let
us know what you find out.

We'll pick you up later.
I'm on it.

What the heck
are you looking at?

That is
a beautiful wreath.

I hear that.

So? Did Carl realize you
were checking up on him?

He didn't suspect a thing.

What did you find out?
I'm sorry, guys, but

Carl seems like
he's on the up and up.

You didn't see him talking
with any shady characters?

No. Just the kids. And you know
what? He's a pretty good Santa.

I mean, he doesn't just ask them
what they want, he asked the kids

what they like most about Christmas,
what they're most thankful for,

what relatives they're going
to visit. It's quite touching.

So that'll be
20 wallets and one 8x10.

We can send them to a home
address. Just check the box.

Wait a minute, that's it.

What? What do you see?

Are you having a vision?

It's
a small, tiny vision.

Cold shower, baseball stats,
watching my grandmother eat meatloaf.

Shawn!
I see Carl and Ted

standing in front of
a computer screen

with a list of addresses,
getting the information

from the kids about who's
traveling over the holidays,

gives them a built-in list
of empty houses to rob.

That's why he had to be
out of jail on Christmas Eve.

We need to warn the police
before tomorrow.

What the heck are
you looking at?

That... Look how cute
the little snowman is.

I hear that.

His car is still here.
So where is Carl?

Not a creature was stirring, not even
a mouse, much less a robber. Really?

No one is here.
Not a single person. Hello?

Great. Thanks for dragging us
out here for nothing, Spencer.

You're sure you sensed something
was going to happen tonight?

Maybe we just missed them.

We could try to figure out which
houses they were planning on robbing.

What do you start doing, just randomly knocking
on doors? We've got better things to do.

Come on, O'Hara.

How often are you
wrong like this?

Not often.

Often.

As usual, they neglected to
make one of the wise men black.

I thought everyone knew
about Balthazar.

It's Ted.

We're not dealing with con artists.
We're dealing with murderers.

Thank you for coming,
Mr. Spencer.

Now that this has become a murder
case, we're amping up the investigation.

As you can imagine, the city wants
people to feel safe this holiday season.

We brought Carl
into custody this morning.

Brittany's in the conference room
with Child Protective Services.

So far, we haven't found anything
that can link Carl to the murder,

so technically, we can only charge
him with conspiracy to commit burglary.

But we're willing to recommend
that the D.A. Cut a deal

if he cooperates
in the murder investigation.

Did he take it?

He says he'll only
talk to you guys.

So I need to know
what you can get out of him.

Let's close the book
on this one pronto.

I admit it,

the Santa job was just a long con to rob some
people, okay. But you've got to believe me,

I could never
have killed Ted.

I know. Ted was
your inside man.

I kept that from the police.

All right, Ted and I
were partners for a long time.

We scammed people all up and down
the coast, but we were just con men.

We never physically hurt
anybody. That wasn't our thing.

Listen, whoever it was that killed
Ted might be coming after me next,

or even worse, after Brittany. I
don't trust the cops to protect us.

You got to stop them.

How can we believe
anything you say, Carl?

Fool us once, shame on you,
fool us twice, shame on us.

Fool us thrice makes an
ass out of you and me. Nope.

We're soon parted?
That's a fool and his money.

What a fool believes?
Shawn.

Look, if they kill me, they're just going
to throw Brittany back in the system.

Now, she's a tough little girl, but she's
already been through a lot, all right?

And I'm all she's got.

Sorry, man. We don't trust you
as far as Gus can throw you.

Now we know where Brittany
got this little trick.

Oh, dude, I think
he's really crying.

Shawn, you know I can't handle
it when a grown man cries.

I'm a sympathetic crier.
What?

I...

Ok, fine! Fine.

We'll see what we can do, but you
have to promise to cooperate fully.

Otherwise, we'll have you dragged right
back in here for this Christmas con.

Deal. Thank you.

Stop it.

Do you know who may have
wanted to hurt you or Ted?

We might have kind of owed
someone a little money.

How about you be
a little more specific?

We were into our bookie for 10 grand.
That's why we were going to do the robberies.

Do you know where
we can find this bookie?

Frank works at two bars,

O'Neil's and The Wild Ox.

Sweet.

We'll have to split up. You in
the mood for Hepatitis A or C?

Excuse me. Where is Frank?

All right. Get me $10 on Do Not
Resuscitate in the fifth race.

I don't have any cash, but
give me your PayPal account,

I'll make a secure
deposit online.

Some kind of joke?

Maybe I should introduce myself.
Shawn Spencer, psychic detective.

I'm here to talk to you about couple
of your customers, namely Carl and Ted.

Well, I hope it's about those two
bums paying me the money they owe me.

It's going to be tough for Ted to pay you
back, seeing as how he's dead and everything.

When did this happen?
Last night.

As if you didn't already know.
Come on, Frank, I know the game.

Somebody loses big, they
can't come up with the cash,

you got to send a little
message. Isn't that the code?

There's a bigger
code than that.

Dead men don't pay back
debts. Injured men do.

So I'm not your guy. Besides,
there's a bar room full of witnesses

who can vouch for my whereabouts
last night. Now, if you'll excuse me,

a paying customer's
just arrived.

Fine. That's weird.

Mrs. G!

What in the world
are you doing here?

Do you know what
this guy does?

Oh, this is so
embarrassing. Um, Shawn...

I recently made the first
and the only bet in my life.

But you're Gus's mom,
for goodness sakes.

I know. I know. And normally, gambling
isn't something that I would approve of,

but Susan in accounting has
this cousin Jeff, nice guy.

He knows someone who knows
someone who knows Frank.

I already told you
this, Frank.

I wasn't listening.

Anyway, it all seemed like
fate at the time until I lost.

Oh, oh, I felt terrible and I learned a
valuable lesson about the perils of gambling.

Long story short, I...
I lost my Christmas money.

Shawn, you have to promise
not to tell my husband.

I don't want him to know
about my secret vice.

Oh, Mrs. G. First of all,
one time is not a vice.

It was a momentary lapse
in judgment, maybe a jones.

Secondly, I am psychically detecting
that Mr. Guster will not be angry

with you for keeping a secret
from the family. He'll understand.

What are you guys doing up?
It's barely light outside.

Have a seat, dear.

Wow! Christmas at my house never
starts until after the football game.

Well, you're just in time
to open presents.

Gee, I wonder if Santa
put money in our stockings

even though he knows
we don't need it.

Hey, where's my Christmas money?
I was looking forward to that!

I thought you had this handled.
With me working the night shift,

I didn't have time to...
I have been cooking,

cleaning, getting the house
ready. I've been swamped.

I'm not going to lie. Honey,
I made a horrible mistake.

I know how you feel about gambling,
there's no place for it in the Guster house,

but I placed a bet with a bookie
and I lost all my spending money.

Oh, Winnie!
Mom!

You know how
to find a bookie?

I am sorry. I am so, so
sorry. Please forgive me.

Winnie Guster placed a bet.

She...

Oh, honey, of course we
forgive you. Come here.

In fact, you've inspired me to
come clean about something too.

I, uh...

I got laid off from
my job a month ago.

And before you all start
worrying, it's okay.

I've already got a couple of
callbacks for some interviews.

I just couldn't bring myself
to admit it to you guys.

Oh, Daddy. You know you
could have come to us.

Yeah, I mean, layoffs are common
in this economy. We understand.

Oh, sweetheart, you'll
always be a good provider.

Yeah.
Thank you.

Hey! Hey, you down there.
You deserve some of this.

Oh, no.
Oh, yes.

It was Shawn who helped me realize that
I could trust you guys with the truth.

Yes, he was there when I needed
him, too. Come on up here, boy.

Oh, oh, okay.

Group hug!

Group hug!

What?

Um, I have something
to confess, too.

Actually,
Shawn and I do.

No, we don't.
Yes, we do.

No, we don't. Please.

We had a romantic tryst 10 years ago.
Just a little something something.

But with everyone's blessing, we would
like to pick up where we left off.

You fooled around
with my sister?

Please don't say
fooled around.

That makes it sound so dirty. One time.
10 years ago. You were off at college.

Just because I'm not here
doesn't make her not my sister!

Or our baby girl.

Point of information,
I am not a baby.

What happened to all the love and the
forgiveness from just a second ago?

Oh, my mistake
wasn't this bad.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Are you
implying that my mistake was worse than yours?

Because yours was a lot worse.

Excuse me, I have a job.

I knew it.
I knew it was coming.

Who loses a job
after 35 years?

You see? That's why you
lost all your little money.

God don't like ugly.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, no, he didn't.
Oh, no, he did not.

Wait, wait a second. I'm the
one that should be upset here.

Everyone in here
was lying to me.

Grow up. I can't see who I want
because you can't handle it.

You fooled around
with my best friend.

You'll do whatever you can just to
be the center of attention, won't you?

Forehead!

Ears!

What?

I'm so sorry, man.
Goodbye, Shawn!

Yeah, yeah, shrimp, I got it.
I'm coming. I'm coming.

Hi, Dad, merry Christmas.

Hey, Shawn, I thought you were
staying over at the Gusters'.

Yeah, well, I kind of, sort of
ruined Christmas at that house.

What did
you do this time?

Gus's sister and I sort of
hooked up a while back,

and for some unknown reason she
announced it to the whole family,

and now Gus is pissed
and he's kicking people out.

Yeah, well, fooling around
with your best friend's sister

certainly wasn't
your most brilliant idea.

No, that was the toaster alarm
I invented in the third grade

that woke you up by smacking
you in the face with a waffle.

I think I peaked too soon.

All right, look, Shawn, of
course Gus is going to overreact.

He's more than just your
friend, he's your partner.

There's a special
kind of trust there.

When you find out you've been lied
to by your partner, you get angry.

I saw it on the force
all the time.

We scammed people
all up and down the coast.

Dad, that's it. That's it! I bet
Carl and Ted have another partner.

Carl and Ted? How many
relatives do the Gusters have?

I gotta go!
I have a break in the case!

Wait... Merry Christmas!

Where's the shrimp?
Yeah! Yeah!

I'm sorry for taking you away from
your family on Christmas, Jules.

Oh, it's fine.
Where's Gus?

We had a fight.

He totally overreacted.

Back in the day, his sister and I
had this teeny, weenie little fling.

You're going to take his side.
I can't believe this.

I'm just saying it's
a little inappropriate.

Don't worry, it was way
before I knew you.

Why would that matter?
It might.

It doesn't.
It could.

It won't.

Let's carry on.

So I pulled all of Carl and Ted's
court records from across the state

like you said. Your psychic
sense about them was right.

Look at this. 10 years ago in Fresno,
Carl and Ted turned state's evidence

in an assault
and robbery case.

They implicated someone
named Moncrief Johnson.

See, I knew I had heard that
name before, but I thought it was

the black quarterback that replaced Woody
Harrelson in Wildcats. Then I remembered

he was the guy who was knocked
unconscious in the fight at the mall.

It was the same fight
Carl was involved in.

And guess what else. He was
released from the hospital

the same day that Ted's
body was found at the mall.

We never physically hurt
anyone. That wasn't our thing.

I'm getting something here. Carl
and Ted turned state's evidence

because he started using
violence, which wasn't their M.O.

Moncrief wasn't an innocent victim at
the fight at the mall. He started it.

Carl didn't realize he had gotten out
of prison and was hunting them down.

But the Krav Maga expert knocked
him out before he could get to Carl.

When Moncrief got out of the hospital,
he picked up right where he left off.

Only this time,
he didn't rely on his fists.

He's probably going to make his
move before Carl can get away again.

You call Lassie.
I have to warn Carl.

Ho, ho, ho.

Moncrief Johnson, you're under arrest
for the murder of Theodore Meltregger

and the attempted murder of Carl Wilcox.
I think you made the naughty list.

Congratulations, Shawn.
We got him.

Thanks for believing
me this time.

Thanks for saving my daddy.

Uh, uh, uh, uh.

All right, folks,
clear the area.

All right, you guys
can come with me.

Hey, man, look.
I'm not a parent,

nor an uncle,
or even a godfather.

I think children are sticky. But
look, one thing's for certain,

and that's that Brittany
is a very smart little girl.

She's not going
to be little for long.

When these times are gone, she'll
be out there making her own choices.

I mean, do you really think you're
teaching her to make the right choices?

Please don't.
I'm a grown man.

She's right over there.

Carl!

Thank you.

Oh, here comes your dad.

Daddy.
Come on, let's go.

What do you want?

Uh, I feel... Good
enough for me. Come on in.

What is going on here? When I left,
you guys were furious with each other.

We stayed that way for a
while, but we got over it.

Like we always do.

See, it's not the first time that we got
mad because one of us did something stupid.

And it won't be the last.

Our rule is you can get
as mad as you like,

as long as you spend the same amount
of energy working it out afterwards.

It took a lot of energy for us
to work out how we felt about

the secret the two of you
were keeping.

But they got over it.

Then we realized you frustrate
us the way only family can,

so we decided
to forgive you too.

Thanks, man.
Merry Christmas.

Oh, and as far as your sleeping
arrangements, well, you don't have to go home,

but you got to get
the hell up out of here.

I hear that.
Say that.

Got you.

Merry Christmas, though.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Hey!

Oh, hey! Hey, Shawn.

I just came by to drop off your gift.
What happened to your lodge buddies?

Oh, I made the mistake of telling
Singleton his wife was getting hippy.

It was just a joke. I
didn't mean anything by it.

But tempers started to flare,
the next thing you know,

the room was divided into two
camps, hippy and not hippy.

Needless to say, it was time
to send everybody's ass home.

Wow. I'm really sorry
to hear that, Pop.

No worries because we still
have our tradition to do, right?

And my winning streak
is about to be extended.

Oh, my! Did we get
each other the same...

No. Now, you see, I figured you'd pull a
stunt like this, so mine is just a decoy.

Your real present...

You're so predictable, which is
why I hid your real present...

Now, this is just uncanny.

You better not have gotten me
the same iPhone I got you.

Don't be ridiculous. I got
you the Psych iPhone skin.

But, silly me,
you don't have an iPhone,

so I'll just keep it
for my new one.

And my winning
streak continues.

Merry Christmas.

In between the lines
there's a lot of obscurity

I'm not inclined
to resign to maturity

If it's all right
then you're all wrong

But why bounce around
to the same damn song?

You'd rather run
when you can't crawl

I know, you know
That I'm not telling the truth

I know, you know
They just don't have any proof

Embrace the deception
Learn how to bend

Your worst inhibitions tend
to psych you out in the end

I know, you know

I know, you know