Psych (2006–2014): Season 2, Episode 15 - Black and Tan: A Crime of Fashion - full transcript
Psych is hired to look into the murder of a co-founder of the Ciabella fashion house. While they are undercover as male models, which Shawn does quite well, the other founder suffers the same fate. Motives for both murders must be compared from both professional and private lives.
where's that nice new sweater vest your
mom just put on you for picture day?
It wasn't working for us.
We chose the knight rider
shirt instead. Mom loves KITT.
Do you know how a cop
distinguishes when somebody's lying?
When it sounds like that.
Go upstairs, put the vest back on.
Pictures last forever, Shawn.
I want you to look your best.
There's a body in a service elevator?
- A dogfighting ring? A missing snowman?
Yes, a snowman is missing, but
we're not on that case. Relax.
- I am not working.
- I know you aren't.
I do not work on my birthday.
I think you've made your
position clear on that.
- Then tell me where we're going.
- That's not how a surprise works.
Happy birthday, dude.
Welcome to the fall line
launch party for Ciao clothing.
Gorgeous models, fake celebrities.
No food, though.
This is the most exclusive
event of the year.
What's the Rub?
I think you're in the
wrong line there, gentlemen.
- I think we're on the VIP list.
Black and Tan.
- First names?
- No first names.
One of us is Black,
and one of us is Tan.
- We're a modeling team.
- Perhaps you've heard of us.
Let's just go.
Just check your list.
Holy crap, it is here.
Sorry for the mix-up, Tan.
I beg your pardon?
My name is Black.
His name is Tan.
I can't believe you just
made that assumption.
You should be ashamed of
yourself and your family.
Okay, how did you pull that off?
Well, Ciao's number
was in the phone book.
I don't ever want to hear again that
my filipino accent doesn't work magic.
This is one of the most thoughtful
presents anyone's ever given me.
Man, that's Berlinda Desidovicz!
She's not a waitress, she's the model.
The one from the Floppy cakes ad.
The third girl on the left on
that billboard I always point out.
- You know her name?
- Her name? I know her life story.
She has a fan club. Well,
she's putting one together.
I'm number one on the interest list.
She's one of the most popular models in the
entire Santa Barbara downtown area, Shawn.
I've been in love with
her since the icy pops ad.
- She's the one that says "gooey".
- Yes, she's the "gooey" girl.
This is Huge for you,
man. I'll hook it up.
I can take care of this
myself. What you think?
Should I pull out the Cheetah?
The Cheetah is the worst name for a
pickup move in the history of mankind.
Remember the rule: treat
a woman like a person,
then a Princess, then a greek
goddess, then a person again.
Besides, I think operation:
Colonel Sugarlemons is a much
better move for a place like this.
Ladies and gentlemen,
our Chairman and
Founder, Gregor Uwe Steeb.
Do not worry.
I will, raise this myself.
I'm only the head of the company, and
after doing all the design work myself,
I was looking forward
to some menial work.
Oh my god!
You absolutely sure you
don't want to work tonight?
You expect us to believe that you model?
What, that's hard to believe?
What, me and my bro here aren't worthy
of leering into a little camera lens
or blue-steeling it up occasionally?
Your bro, of course.
His features are immaculate.
not so much.
What are you, insane?
Help, help me out here, Tan.
- He's a foot model.
- Well, that makes sense.
Really, thanks for that.
It was foot and...
And I did some hand work, okay?
Perhaps you recognize this...
from the insurance commercials.
I have to go to the
bathroom. Want to come?
She seems so bored. So lonely.
Yeah, but so does everybody here, dude.
Did you notice that the mike stand was set
too low when Gregor came out on the stage?
Why would the mike stand be set so low when
he's the only one who was gonna speak tonight?
- Do you see the clock?
- But what if we stumble upon something huge?
What does the clock say, Shawn?
- Thank. Never mind.
It's your birthday. No work, got it.
All right, you will each, one
by one, go to the area I've
sequestered, state the name
of the agency you work for and.
Why am I surprised?
Usually it's because just tell
me if you've seen anything.
Maybe. Do you suspect foul play?
Not really. There's no one
here with an IQ over 40.
So you're asking for our help.
We're not available tonight.
Wide open tomorrow, though.
What is this about, Shawn?
Look, my dad insisted I
return these by 8:00 A. M.
I don't know about you, I plan
on sleeping in till at least noon.
- Especially after we howl all night.
I think somebody's in there.
No, that can't be.
Dude, it's 10:43.
He's easily been asleep for two hours.
No, I think it's a woman. Listen.
See there is someone here.
I just came by to leave these
half boots on the door mat.
I didn't see anything.
Mr Spencer, please come in.
I just thought I'd bring my dear
friend Susan over to meet your father.
She's a lovely, single
woman who works at city hall.
O'Hara, this better be big.
You're still at Ciao?
The electrical cabling's
been tampered with?
Okay. Well, this case just changed.
- I will kill you, Shawn.
All right, get any potentials down
to the station. I am on my way.
You be okay?
Bye, Henry. Thank you.
- What are you doing here?
- Well, we
didn't realize it was
ladies night at club Henry.
So I dropped by to
return your half boots.
Wow, Henry, that's some
- Susan, this is my son Shawn and, Gus.
- Nice to meet you.
You can call me Sue.
Most people call me Sue B.
Because there are two
Sues at the office.
But obviously that's
not really a factor here.
Shawn, could you...
help me in the kitchen
with these? Thank you.
We'll be right back.
heard about Pluto?
That's messed up.
Cheese cubes and wieners?
What's happening here?
Is this some sort of blind date?
Sort of. I don't know.
what do you call it? Nondescript.
I've never heard a woman described like
that unless she was a robbery suspect.
I just don't know. I mean, she's pretty.
She's a little boring and prim.
I cubed these myself.
She didn't even try one.
What do you think? What's your opinion?
I have no opinion of
any kind whats oever.
Shawn, come on. You have an opinion on
everything. Especially when it comes to women.
- Just give me your first impression.
You have to get over this.
Nobody wants to grow old alone.
Maybe a nice lady will
help him relax a little.
New subject, Gus.
Did you see the chief run out of there?
Must be something big.
You know, I was thinking, there's
only 73 minutes left in your birthday.
- Actually, 72 minutes.
- Not until midnight, Shawn.
I'm Cinderella, and this is my ball.
And I'm not lifting a finger until my
carriage turns into a big-ass pumpkin.
- Got it? Good.
- Got it.
Okay, where do you
want all these people?
Just put 'em in both interrogation
rooms and we'll rove it.
Let's go, go, go!
So the electrical cable offstage
was deliberately severed.
The chief thinks it was done pro.
You don't remember where
you were this afternoon?
It was yellow.
Are we talking about a restaurant?
I don't know, maybe.
Just write down that it was lame.
I do like that jacket.
Somewhere a transient is
shivering in the night.
Fine, tell me what you got.
How's it going, crime fighters?
They're not very
forthcoming... or bright.
One of them cannot confirm the
correct spelling of his own name.
Did you by chance interview a model
named Berlinda? Is she still around?
Gus, we don't have time for this.
I know, and that's why I'm
here to offer our services.
I'd rather shower with a bear.
Look, they're only gonna
talk to their own kind. Okay?
cruel, and Gorgeous.
We're already embedded.
What do you mean "embedded"?
Chief, we may or may not have used
deception to get into the party tonight.
See you at swimwear wednesday.
- Don't let 'em scare you, Tan.
- He's Tan.
- They think we're models.
- They think I'm a model.
- Me too.
- A foot model.
And ankle, Gus! Dude, that's just
ridiculous anyway. Everybody look at my jaw.
Well, I've seen enough. You're hired.
Hired. You can look the word
up. Change that tie, detective.
Now, Mr Spencer, if you have a
moment, I'd like to see you privately.
Of course, Chief.
Ciaobella and Gregor are
home grown celebrities.
The local media is sharpening
its pencils on this one.
And that is not the kind of press that
this department or its interim chief needs.
- Do I make myself clear.
- Clear as a crystal ball.
Good. So tell me...
did your father say anything
about my friend Susan?
They all live here?
Well, Gregor owns the building.
The Ciao studio's across the street.
He uses this loft for his prime models.
I wonder if it looks like
the loft in head over heels.
You, and only you, can confirm that.
My Husband's funeral
is tomorrow at 12:25.
Be there no later than...
And I'll have to approve
whatever you're wearing.
we have no choice but to continue with
the fall line unveiling on wednesday.
Ma'am, before we move on, should
I hire someone to do Magnolias
- tomorrow for the service?
- Well, of course hire someone, Emily!
It's not like they grow on trees.
That marriage always seemed weird to me.
Like when Liza Minnelli
married David Gest.
Yeah, well, Ciaobella and
Gregor lasted eight years, Gus.
I suspect that some of those marble-chiseled
simpletons are more devious than they let on.
We're gonna have to dig deep and
blend in in order to get real answers.
Dude, you thought I was gonna
have trouble blending in?
I have this shirt, this shirt.
Most of these shirts.
And these are my exact Kenneth Coles.
And that picture of my mom
parasailing in Montego bay.
You moved me in?
Dude, we got Lucky. They
just threw some guy out.
Now we can live it up chic
while we catch a killer.
- Now help me set up my clapper.
- I'm not moving in here, Shawn.
I don't care how many
secrets we uncover.
I got the window.
You must be Sigrid.
- What is that, Cossack?
- You can question her.
- You know who I'm questioning.
What's up, Roomies?
Put 'em up.
- I'm allergic to pillows.
- Tommy John, both elbows.
Give me your best shot...
It would really behoove you guys to
get our names right in the future.
Good. Berlinda, you're here.
Look, we are so out of the loop.
You gotta catch us up
on everything, you know.
The dead Gregor thing,
that awful Ciaobella.
- The agency.
- Maybe we can play truth or dare.
Actually, we were thinking about
maybe going to a bar, doing some 02.
Couldn't we do that after we talk?
Because I know I have so many questions.
I could be ready in three minutes.
How did you find me?
Shawn, I was a detective for 15
years. You're not hard to find.
Was that guy wearing a bra?
Could possibly be so important
that you're here right now?
It's Karen's friend Susan.
She called again. Twice
in the last two days.
Doesn't that reek of desperation?
No, no, no. This is not happening.
Shawn, this is ridiculous!
You come to me for advice on one of
your stupid cases at least once a week.
I ask for a simple assist on dating
protocol, you can't give it to me?
Call me old-fashioned, Shawn. I haven't
been pursued by a woman in 33 years.
- It used to be the other way around, you know.
- Okay, fine, dad, look.
Women your age, they don't
have time to play games.
She was wearing a cardigan!
But she saw the inside of your house,
and didn't run screaming in horror.
Ride the upside. Now, I can't
talk about this for one more second
because I'm proud of the fact that
I have never been in therapy, okay?
- Dude, what the hell happened to you guys?
Some of the models got creeped out that
you hang with your dad all the time.
- All right, fine!
We were afraid if we hung out with him
any longer, we might catch wrinkles.
Just tell me where you're going.
- Shawn, I can't talk now.
- Gus, you're not being helpful.
And we have a case to...
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you.
- I'm Black...
- I know who you are.
You're staying at the loft.
You're the one no one
believes used to be a model.
Who's saying these things?
I believe you.
I think your ankles are magnificent.
Well, I play a lot of ping-pong.
Wow, these are really good.
I've never really shown
them to anyone before.
I'd totally wear these.
- This if I was very confused.
You know, I just let Gregor
and Ciaobella do the designs.
It's Ciaobella's company now.
Well, my lunch break is over.
It's after 9:00.
Yeah, I kinda work long hours.
I'm just so far behind,
Ciaobella's gonna freak.
I've gotta get back to work.
Will I see you tomorrow at the funeral?
I'm, yeah. I think so, yeah.
Don't work too hard.
Hi, you've reached Burton Guster
with Central Coast Pharmaceuticals.
Leave me a message and
I'll get back to you.
Straight to voice mail?
That's how we're doing it now?
One moderately hot chick comes
by, and suddenly I'm invisible?
You know what, Gus? That's fine.
I'm taking the bunk next to the window.
And don't be surprised if your
pillow smells faintly of my butt.
What is this?
Did you guys get up at dawn? Dude,
you couldn't give me a little shake?
We got up five minutes ago.
Sigrid, we can all go together.
I would rather eat my own earlobes
than spend another hour
with you callous monsters.
That girl's acting like a freak.
Did you accomplish anything last night
besides selling me out for vacant head?
Yes, I did.
I found out that Berlinda always
wanted a pet dwarf bunny as a child.
And she loves anything that
smells and looks like lavender.
Let's call the chief and get paid.
I also found out that Ciaobella
was grilling all of the models
because she was convinced that one
of them was sleeping with Gregor.
Well that coupled with the fact
that she's drunk with power,
treating her sweet little assistant like
dirt, give us a pretty good suspect, I'd say.
Let's crash a funeral.
Oh, my god.
Is he wearing Hugo Boss?
What a sellout!
See you never.
Good night forever...
you bald bastard.
It was me who peed in the hot tub.
You reap what you sow,
Uwe Steeb. Remember that.
You don't even know that dude.
I'm in character, Shawn.
Besides, Berlinda's listening. Shut up.
You know what, man?
I didn't want to tell you this.
Berlinda's the one that
couldn't spell her own name.
You don't know her like I do, Shawn.
That was a love note. That's a
love note. That's a love note.
She just hid a love note in the casket.
That means Sigrid was Gregor's mistress.
Ciaobella found out about
it and killed him. I got it!
- You can't dance at a funeral, Shawn.
- All of a sudden you're the arbiter of good taste?
We wait until it's over, and we do it
without blowing my cover to Berlinda.
She only dates models.
Fine, I'll call Jules.
Well, thank you all for coming.
We gather today not to mourn the passing
of my dead husband... Hassenfeffer!
But rather to celebrate
all that he once was.
While I will always Miss
Gregor Uwe Steeb...
whose real name was
I encourage you all not to cry...
but to drink and laugh and dance
as we remember a man who once thought
a belt made of dried bits
of panther was a good idea.
Good-bye, my love.
She's really planting one on him?
I've changed my mind.
It wasn't the wife.
I loved Gregor, and he loved me.
But he wasn't gonna leave his wife, and
you never learned to share as a child,
so you went ahead and killed them both.
Sound about right?
No, it wasn't like that.
I mean, sure, it was frustrating.
I couldn't say anything about her
without him flying off the handle.
He wouldn't even let me drink
out of the same glass as her.
He said that comparing me to her
was like comparing
Cleopatra to Miss Cleo.
- You think Berlinda's back at the loft?
- That analogy doesn't make any sense.
It would if you knew
who either of them were.
But I was sharing.
I accepted it.
A piece of him was enough.
I mean, it was that or nothing.
I miss him so much.
He was the only one that knew how
to accentuate my shoulders
to make my waist and hips look smaller.
You realize you had more motive
- than anyone, Sigrid.
Now Emily Bloom has taken
over sole creative control
of Ciao. I mean, she
- The mousy assistant?
She started as an assistant.
That's just how they treated her.
But she's third in line.
She failed to mention
that little factoid.
- Is that the same suit...
- Yes, okay? It is!
I can get more than one wearing
out of a suit in a work week.
- It's the same tie.
- Get out of here!
Don't go getting any ideas about
hopping a plane to Trinidad and Tobago.
You're not out of the woods yet, missy.
- What's the plan, Stan?
- Go away.
The reason we brought you in on this
case was so that people would stop dying.
O'Hara, get down to Ciao. I want
you to put the clamps on Miss Bloom,
our little kiwi ladder climber.
Then I will pay the penalty
to terminate the contract.
William, will you please make sure
those pleather samples make it
to Alicia Silverstone before 3:00.
Don't even give it another thought.
No, a bunny does not need to
go blind in order to confirm
that our buyers should
not eat our clothing.
How would you like it if I
doused your retina in henna,
you Cromagnon piece of...
- I'm detective O'Hara from the...
- Screw you!
Let's acknowledge the curve, Samantha.
You know, real women, real figures.
Just raise the waist
line. Make it an "A" cut.
And don't think for one second
I didn't notice your new bangs.
- You look 21 again.
- Miss Bloom, I need to ask you a few questions.
And we're walking.
We believe that both your predecessors
were killed by the same person.
And no one stood to gain more
than I did by killing them both?
Well, I'm glad you can
see where this is headed.
- I'll need you to account for your whereabouts.
- Now it's just the protype,
but I've never wanted to be
a woman this badly in my life.
Okay. Can you try these on?
I don't think that's appropriate.
Wait, excuse me! What?..
These are fabulous.
Now, are we talking
in your office or mine?
Okay, back to work, everybody.
William, order pizza for everybody.
That yummy place with the soy ricotta.
Well, this is my office, so fire away.
You've been head of this
company for six hours,
and you've changed
just about everything.
You're not exactly
preserving the Ciao legacy.
You know, I have all these
things I've always wanted to do.
And I'm turning the company
green. I'm ending animal testing.
Subsidizing proceeds to help
find a cure for breast cancer.
Do any of those sound
like bad things to you?
Unfortunately, that's not an alibi.
No, it isn't.
And what's more, I
don't think I have one.
I mean, I was with
them all day every day.
Well, I'm sure you won't
mind if I have a look around
and chat with a few of your employees?
No, of course not.
That's it, Miss Bloom.
Aren't you forgetting something?
You know, you have such great lines.
There's no reason why
you can't dress to arrest.
All right, what do we
know about Emily Bloom?
Well, she wrote, are you there, god?
It's me Margaret, and freckle juice.
I think that was Judy Bloom.
- Then I got nothin'.
- Could you possibly be bringing less
- to the table right now?
- Shawn, you're just upset because
- I'm more than a pair of ankles.
- I don't get it.
Emily Bloom was the vice
President of the company,
yet she was running coffee
and balancing the books?
Dude, are you oiling your head.
Berlinda likes her men to shine.
Mr. Spencer, I'm going to ask
you a very important question,
- and I'd appreciate some candor.
Has your father lost his mind? I mean,
why hasn't he called my friend Susan back?
- Honestly, he should be so lucky.
- Chief, I cannot get involved
in some sort of soap
opera starring my father.
- For the record...
- Hold on.
This is Vick.
He asked me out.
Wonderful! Oh, my gosh. What did he say?
- Oh, well, he left a message.
- Oh, yeah, that sounds like Henry.
- Should I take her to crab shack Willie's
- or the third wharf?
- Those can't possibly be real places.
- Look, dad, I'm really busy, okay?
- Do not bring your purse into the restaurant.
- Shawn, just pick a restaurant.
- Listen, I'm gonna call him back.
Okay, call me later, honey.
I don't know where you
should take her to dinner!
That's her. Gotta go.
- He called her.
- He called her.
Now stop messing around
and go find me a killer.
- Am I dreaming?
I just look this good.
How is it possible that
I am the only sane person
- in the universe right now?
do you think this shirt enhances
or detracts from my traps?
Berlinda's going to get
me into the fashion show.
- Have you worn that before?
This shirt was designed
by Gregor Uwe Steeb, Shawn.
It's a part of the new fall line.
I'm only the head of the company,
and after doing all
the designs myself...
- These are really good.
- Thank you.
I've never really shown
them to anyone before.
That is not Gregor's design.
- What are you talking about?
- They're stealing her designs.
Gregor said he personally
designed the whole new line.
He's full of it. That's
Emily's. I've seen it.
They're all Emily's.
Would you please put some pants on?
The fish and chips is
actually pretty good.
I've been craving meat lately.
Well, in that case the
prime rib is excellent.
BYOB. Help yourself.
- No, no, actually, I don't think it is.
- Is it hot in here?
I don't think so. It's
Whew, that's better.
Don't you think?
- What happened to you?
- I am a woman, chief.
And I am choosing to dress like one.
You can't do that, O'Hara.
I paid for it myself. I was
feeling good about myself,
it was my lunch break and...
Carlton, is that a new tie?
Don't be ridiculous.
- I trust this is all in aid of something?
- Yes, chief.
I spent the entire afternoon
at Ciao, and I am certain
that Emily Bloom is not our killer.
I grilled her, she didn't break.
Not to mention she has
over a dozen employees
that would take a bullet for her.
She simply doesn't have it in her
to kill somebody, much less two
somebodies. I'd bet the farm on it.
I'm sensing something.
Gregor and Ciaobella were
stealing Emily's designs.
Stealing them, passing them off as their
own. All the while treating her as a peon.
That's not a bad start for motive.
Ciaobella was poisoned.
The only thing in her system
were traces of arsenic, soy milk,
and green superfood powder.
Bad news, Jules.
I think you just lost the farm.
Would you like me to
butter your biscuit?
So what's it like working for the mayor?
It'd be more fun if he
wasn't married though.
So what's it like being retired?
I mean, you're not that
old, so what's the story?
You take a slug?
Or did you just get tired
of being good all the time?
Now be honest...
Isn't that better than
some flaky piece of fish?
- Very good.
Oh, damn it, damn it.
Damn it, I dropped my fork, I...
I'll just get one myself.
Okay, for the record, I still
don't feel right about this.
- Dad, I thought you were supposed to be...
- Shawn, I was wrong.
She's like this carnivorous mink.
She wants to eat me right here...
That was weird.
Oh, come on!
still feel like she's our killer?
Three dead bodies?
- Detectives, go call an ambulance.
- Holy crap!
She's stable now.
They've pumped her stomach. I have
a sample on the way to the lab.
Wh-what are you doing here?
It's a long story that you
don't really need to hear.
How do you feel?
Not terrible. I just...
I can't remember anything
that happened after
I finished, my dinner.
What did you have?
Well, the pizza was gone, so I just had
a superfood smoothie
and some tofurkey jerky.
- Oh, my god.
I was really hungry,
- and I just wanted something quickly.
- No, no, no, I've gotta go solve...
I'm... I-m... I'm really glad,
though, that you're feeling...
That you're not, um... My name is...
- How 'bout I come back later?
- Yeah, I'd like that.
Gregor and Ciaobella...
I'm all over the second and
third "hows" with these smoothies.
All the models that would have benefited
from killing Gregor and Ciaobella
have no reason to kill
Emily too, I don't think.
- What's the missing link?
- Right, put a pin in it, and I'll make my move
on Berlinda, and we'll
pick it up in the morning.
Only a few know that their
actual wedding took place
in a private ceremony on
the small bahamian island
of Abaco two years earlier.
Today would have been their
tenth wedding anniversary.
Did you know that?
No, Shawn. I'm not interested
in learning new trivia
- about our murder victims.
- Ten years is a milestone
anniversary in this state, Gus.
Financially, it's a benchmark.
It means all the assets get
split right down the middle.
We're not gonna solve
this thing tonight, Shawn.
I know part of it.
I might even know 2/3 of it.
Dude, I could totally go up there.
- But you won't.
- All right, Spencer, we did a rush tox screen on Emily.
You were right. She had the same
poison in her system as Ciaobella,
- but in a much higher dose.
- I definitely know 2/3 of it!
Stop it, Shawn. Don't do it.
Don't just get up there and start
winging it. That's not how we operate.
Dude, where have you been
for the last two years?
Come on, Shawn. I'm so close.
- Would you tell us why we're here?
- Never afraid to take risks, Ciobella's dress
of electric lights, set the Paris
- fashion world ablaze...
- Oh, my god,
this is a doozy. I mean, wow.
Establishing her as one of the
top designers working today.
Stop the projector.
Or... or just keep it
going. That's... that's fine.
I know this may be hard
for some of you to believe,
but I'm not really black.
And I'm not a model.
My partner Gus and I are detectives.
You're not a model?
I'm only a detective part-time.
And my full name is Tan Gus.
Ciaobella Masterson was murdered
by her husband, Gregor Uwe Steeb.
Wait, wait, wait.
That doesn't make any sense.
Gregor was already dead.
Do I come down to your office and
bother you while you're working?
All the time.
Gregor was having an affair.
He couldn't chance getting caught. Not with
his tenth wedding anniversary approaching.
He was desperate to get out of the
marriage without losing half of his company.
So he poisoned Ciaobella's
green superfood powder.
Only she wouldn't die...
because she was bulimic.
Ciaobella couldn't keep
anything she ate down.
That's why it took forever
for the poison to take effect.
All Gregor could do was wait...
He wouldn't even let me drink
out of the same glass as her.
And keep his vampire mistress away
from the poisonous elements.
But Ciaobella knew of the affair,
and had herself a mind for murder.
Using her own skills with electricity,
she laid a trap for Gregor
before his plan was complete.
What about Emily?
Emily was drinking a superfood
smoothie the day she took over.
- You too?
- I'm sorry.
Is this just a free-for-all? Anybody
can just bounce in anytime they want?
In summation, Ciaobella killed Gregor.
Gregor killed Ciaobella.
Emily got caught in the
green powdery crossfire.
But not before she
designed the new fall line.
It's revolutionary, by the way.
We all deserve to feel beautiful.
What am I supposed to do with these?
Nothing. Put 'em away.
I guess what I'm saying is...
you're all free to go.
That was crazy, right?
You could have told
me that over the phone.
Hell, you could've put it in an email.
Dude, did you see that?
That was, like, the most
stylish wrap-up ever.
Except for the part where there was
no one to accuse. But whatever, right?
It was hot.
All right, here I am.
Why are you dressed like Perry Como?
- Thanks for coming, son.
- You said it was important.
Clearly, you're about to
shoot an old spice commercial.
Look, Shawn, I just... I need to
talk to you. You know, face to face.
I got it. You've been invited to a
very special screening of bullitt.
I'm going on another date with Susan.
What, the woman you described
as a carnivorous mink?
I'll admit her behavior
threw me a little off balance,
but the night ended
up being a lot of fun.
Oh, my god.
You have a hickey!
You called me over here
to show off your hickey?!
- That's sick!
- Shawn, no!
No, I called you over here because...
I don't want to feel guilty
about moving on with my life.
Your mother's not a part of it anymore. She hasn't
been for a long time. She is not coming back.
And I hope she's happy.
Yeah... I mean that.
She deserves it. But
my life is here, Shawn.
And I don't want to have to
sneak around trying to live it.
- I can't deal with this right now.
- Well, Shawn, you have to.
Look, I don't care what
you do, okay? I don't care.
I just don't want to hear about it. So don't
call me on the phone asking me for advice.
And don't expect me to meet you and your
new dominatrix girlfriend for dinner.
- Kid, this is not easy for me either.
- Yeah, it never was.
Have a nice date.
And unless you plan on
taking her to wayne manor,
lose the turtleneck, okay?
Let her admire her work.
And remember, you treat a woman
like a person, and then a princess,
- and then a greek goddess...
- And then a person again.
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