Psych (2006–2014): Season 2, Episode 12 - The Old and the Restless - full transcript

Psych is hired by a rest home orderly for semi-able seniors to examine a series of resident fatalities which the police dismisses as non-suspicious accidents. Lacking full access, Shawn tricks his wager-eager father into being admitted as demented grandfather. While Henry has a blast, Shawn soon comes up with surprising motives, suspects and methods.

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
Put that down. We're not
here to feed the birds.

That's just a cover
to throw your dad off.

Well, if we're not here to feed the
birds, what are we here to do, grandpa?

We're here to girl watch,
everything they do is magical.

Mysterious, your grandmother
was a lifetime of surprises.

Now, what can you tell me about her?

She's a surfer. She's goofy-footed.

- Goofy? - Left-handed,
but with her feet.

No, stop. Stop that right now.

I don't want you to profile her,
or tell me who she actually is.

I want you to tell me
who you think she is.

What she likes. What she dreams about.

Use your imagination.

Well, then her name is
Larsa Von Lykenhoffer.

German broad, good.

What else? What else?

And she's a giraffe
wrangler and a test pilot.

And it's possible she's a manimal.

Shawn, I thought I told you to finish
the dishes before you feed the birds.

Dad, Shawn's got chores that come
before goofin' off at the beach.

Let me relax with my grandson.

What are you two doing exactly?

Just beach gazing.

- You wouldn't understand.
- I understand.

- You wanna beach gaze?
- Scoot over.

You wanna beach gaze.
We'll all beach gaze.

Close your eyes, Shawn.

- How many towels with red stripes?
- Here we go with the towel thing again.


Henry, do you have to drain
the fun out of everything?

Dad, I want you to leave the
raising of my son to me. All right?

He's got responsibilities.

And you, you, better
be two steps behind me.

'cause you got a date with
some suds and a sponge.

Do me a favor, Shawn.

Sometimes you gotta let what your
dad says float through the ears.

Make your own choices.

Don't take life too seriously.

Travel the world.

Meet interesting people.
Have some adventures.

Because some day you're
gonna wake up and realize

you're too old to do
anything really fun.

Yes, grandpa.

- This isn't gonna work, Shawn.
- It's gonna work.

We've failed to get in here six times.

We haven't gotten to one witness.

We haven't seen where the
missing man disappeared from.

This place is a fortress.

I think you might be right.
Maybe we should crawl.

I'm not crawling on this wet grass.


I read an article that says 90%
of high-voltage signs are bogus.

They just hang them up
there to scare people off.

Good theory. You test it.

I can't touch that.

I conduct way more electricity
than you. You know that.

Touch it. Just use your fingertip.

I'm not touching an
electrified fence, Shawn.

How about I touch it?

I don't think I like
the way that sounds.

What the hell are you
two doing with my stuff?

- We need tools.
- For what?

If you must ask, it's
for a stakeout, okay.

We've got a tough case, and
our binoculars only go up to 2x.

Well, what are you doing with my cooler?

We have to keep the
gelato cold in the car.

You two girls are useless...
Shawn, didn't you learn anything

- I ever taught you about surveillance?
- We happen to be awesome at covert ops.

We just ran into a bit of a gauntlet,
and took a missing person case

based in an extremely
difficult place to crack.

What impenetrable stronghold did
this missing person disappear from?

Glorious pines.

- Say again.
- Glorious

- pines.
- The old age home?

- It's a retirement community. -
It's top-of-the-line in independent

senior living, with a
full-time security team.

My son, the super sleuth, can't even get
himself access into an old folks home.

No-no-no-no, dad. You have
no idea what we're up against.

Okay. I tried everything.

I tried the whole, "I'm
a traveling doula" bit.

"The dingo ate my baby" routine.

Hiding Gus in a sack
trick, which never fails.

Trust me. You wouldn't have
gotten any closer than we did.

Give me a break.

I'll be in that joint, crack
the case in eight minutes.

Okay, yeah.

Tomorrow. It's on.
Show us how it's done.

No, wait, just hold on a second.

- I didn't mean to...
- Exactly.

6:00 a. m. Sharp.

- That's too early.
- How about 9:00?

- 9:00's a little late.
- Come on, guys. Let's be reasonable.

Just split the difference.
Okay? Call it 11:15.

6:00 it is.

I'll drive.

You sure you wanna park this close, dad?

We're almost a quarter of a mile away.

Shawn, we're exactly where we should
be to get a read on the situation.

I can literally see the
curvature of the earth from here.

You know, Shawn, why don't you honk the horn and
let them know that we're here while you're at it?

Who is this missing guy?

Oswald Chester, resident, 73 years
old. He's been missing for three days.

And what we've gathered from our client
is, the community is trying to cover it up.

Your client went to the police already?

I don't know, dad. We
didn't get that far.

What? You didn't ask the
question? What are you doing, Shawn

didn't you learn anything
that I tried to...

- All right, that's enough of this nonsense.
- No, not enough. We've just started.

Slow down, would you?

What are you gonna do,
march right in there?

That looks to be the plan.

No wonder you guys are failing so badly.

Rule number one, never make
yourself known to your target.

- Rule number two...
- Dad, you got your glasses?

- Yeah, of course I got my glasses.
- Good. Go ahead and put 'em on.

- What?
- Here. Give me that.

Oh, a disguise. Look at you go.

Right out of the private
eye handbook, huh?


Put this on too.

This thing's like 100 years old.

What... Shawn... I
look like Henry Fonda.

Allow me to apologize
in advance for this.

Ah... hot.

- What the hell, Shawn?
- What the hell?

- Hold this for a second.
- What?

- May I help you?
- Yes. Pamela, is it?

That's what it says right in
front of you. May I help you?

- We are here to check somebody in.
- Really?

And who might that be?

My grandfather.

- I'm not doing this. No, Shawn.
- Grampy.

Calm blue ocean.

- Go to your quiet place.
- I'm sorry.

But we don't accept walk-in admissions.

There's an application and
a very long waiting list.

- Uh, fine. We're leaving.
- No-no-no. Absolutely.

- He just got in off the waiting list.
- I'm not on any damn waiting list.

Please forgive our grampy here.

He gets irate and a little forgetful.

You two are brothers?

Our father worked at Benetton.

And what's your grandfather's name?

Talmadge McGulager.

Just a moment.

Talmadge McGulager?


All right, look, what the
hell are you guys doing here?

This is the part where you
get blindsided with plan B.

It's kinda fun when
it's not happening to me.

Look, I'm getting us in. Relax, dad.

I mean, grandpappy.

This is never gonna work.

Mr. McGulager... looks
like we're all set.


You're who I've been waiting for.

My apologies. I'm Pamela,
the chief administrator.

My goodness, you don't look
remotely old enough to live here.

Grandpapa is 72.

It's true.

The thing is, he used
to be a male model.

That's why he looks so young... You can
see he had a lot of plastic surgery done.


My, my, they have done marvelous work.

I would have guessed 59, 60 tops.

All right, you listen here,
lady, I'm not a day over...

Opa! You be sweet to Pamela.
She's here to help us.

She is a helper.

Sorry, Pamela.

He's gone a little... How
can I put this eloquently?

I understand.

A lot of our residents
are hesitant at first.

Excuse me while I get some forms.

All right, how did you
know about this Talmadge?

Dad, use the cane. It
really helps sell it.

Wait, wait, wait. You had
this planned all along?

I snatched this off one of
the guards that tossed us.

According to the schedule, Talmadge
McGulager was supposed to check in last night.

So I called Mr. McGulager and
informed him that the community

is infested with african
gambian pouch rats.

The largest rats in the world. Nice.

He'll be back in three days.
It's the amount of time it takes

to fly in and deploy the
pouch rat's natural predator.

The sudanese birch pelican.

You don't actually expect
me to spend three days here.

No-no-no. We're
gonna solve it in two.

The third day is really
more about reflection.

Besides, with you in here, we'll be able to
get visitor's passes, come and go as we please.

All right, all right,
I'll tell you what, Shawn.

Normally I'd storm outta here.
I'd leave you in the lurch.

But this time, kid, just this
time, I'm gonna teach you a lesson.

I'll be your Talmadge Magruder.

- McGregor.
- McGulager.

- Exactly.
- I'll be all those guys.

And I'll have this case solved by lunch.

Considering they eat lunch here at 10:15,
I'm gonna say we'll have it done by 9:45.

- You're on.
- You're on.

Mr. McGulager, why don't I
show you around the facilities.

And your grandboys fill out
your admissions paperwork?

That's a brilliant idea, boys.
Why don't you get right on that?

Can we fill that out later? We'd really
like to take a look around as well.

Yeah, and I have a bit
of carpal tunnel going on.

We'll just tag along if that's okay.

You don't take one step past this point
until all of these forms are complete.

There are two signatures
which must be in blue.

I'll let you figure out
which ones those are.

Lester here will check
your work when you're done.

- You wanted to see us, chief?
- What's your caseload like?

- Light.
- ...ish.

Good answer.

Because I have a special assignment
that comes directly from the mayor.

The mayor? Really?


There's your assignment.

- Is he a witness or something?
- No, he's just a delinquent.

He's been pulling off some
penny ante vandal stuff.

Taking down street signs, crazy
gluing parking meter slots,

removing hood ornaments.
Nothing serious yet, but...

Ah, but that's how it starts. One
minute they're destroying public property

and the next thing you
know they're shooting cops.

- So what I need you to do is...
- No, I know exactly

where you were going with this thing, chief. It's
like our brains are just connected on this thing.

I'm just trying to figure out
how we try this kid as an adult.

I need you to dial it back about 50 notches,
or I will ask you to put your gun on my desk.

What you are going to
do is straighten him out.

Spend a little time with him. Take
him on a ride-a-long. Nurture him.

Show him what a life of crime leads to.

And he gets this special
treatment because?

His mother's the deputy mayor, and
she doesn't want the kid in the system.

So just fix him.

Yes, ma'am.

I think all that writing
gave me a ganglion cyst.

You can't get a cyst from
filling out paperwork.

If the pen is wrong, you can.

There's definitely some
carpal bossing in there.

We should see if they have some
extra thumb splints lying around.

You know what we should do?

We should enroll you
in some man classes.

Well, well, well. Look who's here.

While you two guys were
off dottin' your I's and

crossing your t's, I was
busy cracking your case.

It worked. You're finally in.

- Who the hell is he?
- He's our client.

You have a guy on the inside, and you
need me to get you in here, come on!

I didn't get all the clearances
I was hoping for, okay?

Jervis works here part-time.

He doesn't exactly get
the respect he deserves.


How the hell'd you two get in here?

- You're coming with me.
- I don't think so.


Say it with me, vis-it-or's
badge uh-huh, uh-huh do something.

I dare you.

I'll be watching you.

We'll be gettin' watched.

We gotta hurry. I'm not
supposed to be off lawn duty.

- I'll show you where you're sleeping.
- I'm not sleepin' anywhere.

I at least got them to give Talmadge
the other empty bed in Oswald's room.

Yeah, you practically own the joint.

Jervis, give him the scoop,
so he'll shut up for a minute.

Oswald disappeared from this room
three mornings ago without a trace.

I'm gonna ask the first question
that my son should have asked.

- Have you tried the police?
- The police?

The police couldn't catch bird
flu at a Hong Kong duck farm.

They blew me off just
like the staff here did.

Anything else you
wanna tell us, Mr. Kent?

- No, not that I can think of.
- Are you sure?

Dad, what are you getting
at? Just spit it out.

Shawn, Oswald Chester disappeared
from these grounds 12 times before.

And the last three instances
they threatened to throw

his ass outta here if
he ever did it again.

Don't you check these nutcases
out before you take 'em on?

Is that true, Jervis?

Uh, yes.

Did you also happen to mention to
my son that during these jaunts,

the community here filled
out a missing persons report.

Only to have good old
Ozzie pop up the next day.

Guys, I know what this sounds like.

but Ozzie did not run off
on his own. Not this time.

And you know this how?

He was my best friend.

I could always tell when he was
getting antsy, when he wanted to run.

But this time there were no warning
signs. He just vanished into thin air.

Jervis, life lesson
number 20: people lie.

Then they leave without warning.

Life sucks.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.

I'm getting something.

It's strong.


Could be alligator. He
left without his wallet.

He doesn't have his wallet.

That's amazing.

Can't get very far
without cash. Can you, pop?

Yeah, and all his cash and credit
cards are still in his wallet.

- You went through his wallet?
- Of course I did.

I'm investigating this
thing too, you know.

I have a theory based on
formaldehyde and mind control.

Jervis, do you mind if I confer
with my two grandsons here

for a moment while we
work through all this?

But you haven't heard my
identical twins theory.

First thing tomorrow morning. All
right, Shawn, come on. Let's go.

There is no case here.
This guy is just AWOL.

Hey, look at this.

Oswald was on prazosin
for high blood pressure.

Why would he possibly leave
without his partalecsdnt...

You can fill that
prescription anywhere, Shawn.

- He went running.
- What?

He was traing for a marathon.

Those numbers are the distances
he was trying to reach.

And the date that's circled
is the Santa Barbara marathon.

And how do you know that?

Easy, it's the same as
Val Kilmer's birthday.

We gotta figure out
where he went jogging.

All right, Shawn, I'm gonna humor ya.

Let's get outta here.

Humor me?

That was spot on.

It's like almond butter with honey.

You only know that because
you have an unhealthy

fascination with the
guy from real genius.

Okay, that's it. You're
not coming with us.

I am going down to that
Nazi lady at the front desk,

and I am having your
in/out privileges revoked.

Oh, Mr. McGulager.

This is Meredith Cloverfield.

Hi, I'm in charge of room service here.

She's gonna check on your
special dietary needs.

Now, do you have any digestive issues?

- No, no, not...
- Don't let him lie to you, Miss Cloverfield.

He has a very weak heart. All he can
have is egg whites and powdered dirt.

And he shouldn't have any
solid foods after noon.

- Is that true?
- No, no. My son is a liar.

- Your son?
- No, no. I, uh, my grandson too.

Both liars. Big filthy liars.

So how are we gonna blindly
trace a man's jogging path?

We're gonna use my indian blood.

You can't get indian blood
by working in a casino.

Maybe you can't.

Dude, this place goes nowhere. If
I was gonna run, I'd go that way.

Now where do we go?

I sense he'd go this way.

That's amazing, Shawn.

Man, this guy was in good shape.

Would you stop it?

He was, like, 100.

Maybe if you weren't
wearing plowman's boots.

I'm not wearing plowman's boots, Shawn!

All right, looks like
we got two options.

I say we go this way.

Hold up, let's think
this through for a minute.

What are you doing?

I'd go uphill first, save the
downhill part for the home stretch.

Plus this side gets better
shade in the afternoon.

I'm also sensing some
water buffalo nearby.

What is that? Your indian blood?

They were here first, Gus.
Don't ever forget that.

- Always hatin' on the indians.
- It's not the indians, Shawn.

I'm hatin' on you.

Dude, that rock is
sprayed with arterial red.

- Maybe it's roadkill.
- Taste it.

- What is that about?
- What?

My whole life you've been
trying to get me taste blood.

Every time I cut myself
or scrape myself, it was,

Shawn, taste it, lick it.
"It'll make you feel better."

It does. Lick it.

- It's not my blood.
- It's on a rock.

Dude. Pedometer.

It's exactly what a marathon runner
would be carrying around with him.

How far would you say we
are from the community?

I would say about six miles.

- I guess we found the place where he fell.
- Yeah, we did.

Now we got a bigger problem.

If he's not at the community, and he's
not here, where the hell is his body?

This is the closest
hospital to the drop zone.

If someone came across Oswald's
body, this is where he would be.

Hi there.

We're looking for my
father, Oswald Chester.

I'm sorry, we don't have
anyone here by that name.

You know what? He left his ID at home.

Can you check for a John Doe, please?

Actually, can you check all the Doe's?

Tae-kwon, cookie,
play, do-si?

I'm sorry. Visiting hours just ended.

- Looks like we're gonna have to go... incognito.
- Shawn...

Candy striper? Really?

I didn't even know they
made those uniforms for men.

They just started. There was a lawsuit.

I'm just saying, aim higher.

I hope you understand what a
huge break you're getting here.

This back seat smells like foot.

I mean, seriously, did
something die back here?

That's the smell of your future
unless you straighten up and fly right.

What's your story, baby?

- Excuse me?
- It's detective O'Hara, punk.

- And that's strike one.
- Is he always like this?

Call me baby again, you're
gonna get on my bad side too.

Whoa, what bad side? All
good from where I'm sitting.

Hey, unless you wanna pee
in front of seven other guys

for the rest of your life,
you will respect the badge.

- Why don't you tell me why you're acting out?
- I'm not acting out!

- He started it!
- I was talking to the kid.

Did anyone tell you that your
hair smells like strawberries?

It's peaches.

I have to buy peaches on the
way home. I just remembered.

- So, uh, Juliet...
- It's detective O'Hara!

- Strike two.
- You gotta lighten up, man.

You get to hang out with this
amazingly hot woman all day long.

Detective O'Hara's
an officer of the law.

She is a competent investigator,
efficient with her paperwork,

and maintains her work space
in a clean and orderly fashion.

But she is above all things, not hot!

Wheelchair to admitting.

Wheelchair to admitting.

That's Oswald!

Let's find out what
happened. Medical students?

- Residents.
- It's all the same to me.

Hello. I am Dr. Hauser.

I am filling in today.

This is my personal
candy striper Knik-Knac.

- Hello.
- He's from Guam.

We will be instructing you.

Let's begin. You, impress me.

This patient is three days post-op.

He has an open wound,
which is healing nicely.

Knic-knac, get a hold of yourself.

Or I'll put you on the
first raft back to Talofo.

God, that looks like roadkill.

Yeah, is what his family probably
thought when they came here to visit.

Because they love him.

You know what? I was...

I was thinking of something
more in an older guy.

Athletic build. Perhaps in
a coma or a coma-like state.

The patient behind you's in a coma.

No sh...

Perfect. Let's begin there.

John Doe.

Admitted two days ago with severe
hypotension causing low brain perfusion.

Also suffered intracranial bleed
from syncope and falling down.

What the hell's wrong with you?

Where do you get off using all those long,
complicated words in front of the patient?

You know, when I went to school
where one goes to become a doctor...

- Med school.
- Yes,

there was something
called bedside manner.

Do they not teach that anymore?

Uh, sir, this patient's
unconscious. He can't hear me.

You're wrong.

You're dead wrong. He can hear you.

Sure, his body is sleeping,
but inside he is dancing.

- He is feeling it.
- He's doing his thing.

And he hears you say all those scary words,
and he retreats right back into his mind.

Now, do you wanna help
this patient or not?

Of course, sir.

Then speak to me like I'm ten years old.

He had a sudden drop in blood pressure,
which deprived his brain of blood.

He also suffered a contusion
and small cerebral hemorrhage.

Talk to me like I'm five.

His blood pressure went boom?

- And his brain got an owie.
- I see.

- And why do we suspect foul play?
- We don't suspect foul play.

Oh, really? You don't find anything
at all strange about his condition?

Well, his BP didn't come up
immediately when we administered fluids.

- And what does that tell us?
- He...

probably took too much of his blood
pressure medication by accident.

Sometimes the elderly have to take
a lot of pills at different dosages,

or they take it, forget,
and take it again.

But there's nothing criminal about that.

No. No, there's not.

Well done. Both of you.

I don't know about you, but I'm
drained. What do you say we take a fiver?

Grab a coke. Maybe play some frogger.

Doctor, we still have a
lot of patients to see.

Five minutes isn't
gonna kill them, is it?

- Is it?
- We did it, Gus.

We beat my dad. Proved our point.
Now let's rub it in a little.

Maybe make fun of his toes.
Give Jervis the good news.

- Get the hell out of here.
- I hear that.

I'm starved.

That's four in a row,
Talmadge. You're on fire!

You just broke the pines record.

For what?

Number of times jumping
in without breaking a hip?

Yeah, that's funny, kid.
Hey, Talmy, who is this?

Oh, this is my S...
grandson Shawn and his...

Hey, guys, meet buddy Markowitz. He
used to be a stand-up in the catskills.

And Rodrigo Lopez, one-time
number five, clearly no longer,

lightweight champion of the world.

Ah, and that's my asian
friend Hoo Flung Poo.

- I don't get it.
- That guy wasn't even asian.

Well, that's what makes it funny.

You mind if we steal
g- pop here for a second?

Just as long as he's back in time
for the cannonball competition!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, thank you.

What are you wearing?

Well, you didn't pack me any trunks, Shawn.
This is the only thing I could borrow.

Yeah, well, while you've
been here playing at campcoon,

we've been Busy solving the case.

We found Oswal, he was in the hospital.

Time to get you outta here.

No, no, no, no.

We can't leave yet.

- Why not?
- This case isn't over.

Look, this place is a hot
bed of suspicious activity.

Hey there.

Here's your sandwich, Talmadge.

Well, thank you, Meredith.

Thank you, where's that barbecue sauce?

You know Pamela really
doesn't like complainers here.

You know you Lucky. You should
see the food give my mother

over at that horrible
sunshine Meadows place.

It is one step above cat food.

Gee, Mer, I'd feel a whole lot luckier

if the sweetest woman in the world
would score me just a little teensy,

eensy, weensy bit of
steak sauce. Come on.

- Your grandfather is a flirt.
- You are, ah!

That is disgusting.

You like it here.

You, you do. That's...

That's why you wanna keep investigating.

Because you like the
sandwiches and the adulation.

Shawn, I'm telling you.
Something else is going on here.

Dad, we found Oswald.

There's nothing left to solve. Admit it.

We beat you because
we have the sweetness.

All right, clear a path,
folks. Coming through.

It's all right.

You have the sweetness?
What about that guy, Shawn?

What about that one?

They're dropping like flies.

- You saw the bracelets, didn't you?
- Yes, I saw them.

All right, so we got three guys
all living at the same place.

They all get sick, and for some reason
they're all wearing the same bracelets.

What were you saying again,
Shawn, about solving this case?

Soemone is treint of old timers,

at glorious pines.

Three people have gotten
suddenly sick there.

It could be an angel
of death type thing.

You know, that is a brilliant theory.

But what you've failed
to take into account

is that it's five degrees hotter
today than the same day last year.

Frogs can't swallow
with their eyes open.

It's true.

I'm sorry, I thought we were offering
up useless pieces of information.

What Lassiter here means is that it's
not out of the ordinary for older people

to fall ill during heat
waves or cold snaps.

Look, we found Oswald
when you were convinced

he was just wandering
around in his bathrobe.

This is our client, Jervis Kent.

I mean, shouldn't you call forensics in?

Look at wills. Interview beneficiaries.
I learned that at the police academy.

You went to the academy?

I thought I recognized that name.

Aren't you the guy who
set his black and white

on fire during the academy road test?

Yeah, you shot someone's toe
off at the police firing range.

It didn't come all the way off.

I saw him yesterday.

- He still has a limp.
- Spool!

Threads, thread.

I'm seeing thread.

Spinning, and, and, bobbing and weaving.

Arting, yet crafting.


Homemade bracelets.

All three of them had the same bracelet.

Well, in that case, O'hara, call CNN
because we've got their new lead story.

Do the doctors who've been treating
any of these patients suspect foul play?

No, Chief.



Mr. Spencer, as always
it's been an experience.

You know where the exit is.

I gotta finesse that...

do you see what happens when you
act like a Jackass all the time?

No one takes you seriously.

If you do not wanna end
up like that buffoon,

you better learn to walk
the straight and narrow.

I don't like that guy.

There's hope for you yet, kid.

And what was all that bracelet talk?

I sensed a common thread. Pun intended.

You mean the friendship
bracelets? Those came from Chelsea.

She makes them herself in craft class.

And she doesn't just
give 'em to anybody.

Dude, she's totally dancing with my dad.

Where did they learn the tango?

Grab a partner. Meet
me on the dance floor.

So you knew my friend Oswald, right?

He courted me a little.

Can I, get cutsies?

Find your own partner, Shawn.

I don't mind, Talmadge.

I haven't had this many men ask me
to dance since Nixon went to China.


My name is Shawn.

I'm Talmadge's Grandson.

I'm trying to meet
all of his new friends.

Did he happen to mention
that I'm a Psychic?



I sensed a dark cloud.

And then, did you hear about
what happened to Harley?

The paramedics and all of that stuff?

Of course I heard.

He's an ex-boyfriend of mine.

You dance divinely, Burton.

Thank you.

My turn, Shawn.

So you're quite the
queen bee around here?

You have many boyfriends
here at glorious pines?

I've had my share of romantic trysts.

Men fall in love easily when
I start taking care of them.

What do you mean?

Now spin me.


They call it the Florence
nightingale effect.

So you're a nurse.

You must have done a lot of work
here with different medications.

Well, not anymore.

All I do now is lead the heart-smart
high blood pressure seminar once a month.

That's where I met Harley and Oswald.

Save me a seat at bingo.


Shawn, come back here!

We learned that all the
victims had high blood pressure,

so they might have been
on the same medications.

I learned that old people are heavy.

Look, my prized students believe

that Ozzie got sick because
he overdosed on his medication.

Maybe they all did.

Which means either three
different people all accidentally

- took too many pills
- Or someone else slipped it to them.

Wait, wait, wait a minute.

I overheard a couple of
the guards talking about

a break-in at the on-site
pharmacy here last week.


You wait until just now to tell us that?

The thief got away with
codeine and oxycontin.

But I think they also got away
with blood pressure medication.

So that stuff was just a cover
to make it look like drug-seeker.

The BP Meds were the real target.

All right, at least that gives us the
how. Now we just gotta figure out the why.

Which reminds me, gus, will you please
get us those tickets for the who?


Look, we need to get a list of all the
people on blood pressure medication.

- They're all targets.
- That's something Pamela would have.

We gotta get her outta there.

The real Talmadge's stuff
showed up this morning.

He's gonna be here today.

I bet she'll come out if
a resident hurt themselves.

Take a spill down the stairs.

- What?
- Just take a quick header down the stairs.

I'm not gonna deliberately hurt myself,
break my neck to create a distraction.

Fine. Push you. It'll be an
accident. Does that make it easier?

What? You have to do something.

My toe!

Hey, I hurt my toe here.

- You stubbed your toe?
- Dude, you have to do better than that.

- I'm your father. You do not call me dude.
- Pull your weight! Come on.

My liver! My liver! Oh, my
liver! It could be failing.

You go from one to ten like that?

How about a heart attack or a stroke?

My liver.

My liver!

- Oh, god, it hurts.
- Your liver is fine.

You're not even jaundiced.

Abdominal pain can be
caused by a lot of things.

You're not even holding your
liver. That's your spleen.

My spleen?

It's my spleen! It's about to rupture!

Now, now, now, now, mr.
McGulager, settle down.

Oh, it's so painful!

We need to find a list
of people's medications.

I think this is it!

No, this is the waiting list.

Dude, Oswald's getting kicked out.


It says FTC next to his name.

The other two victims as well. FTC.

Ferocious tiger what?

FTC means full time care.

Looks like all the victims need
additional nursing assistance now.

What? They get kicked out for that?

This place won't accept anybody
that needs continuous medical care.

It was all in the
informational handbook.

That's what's happening here.

Someone on the waiting
list got tired of waiting.

Recognize any of those names?

We just found our bad guy!



Is someone in there?

- Take the window.
- Who's in there?

Lester! Lester, I need the key.

This is Darryl Jablonsky.

He's currently doing a
nickel at the state pen.

- Darryl.
- Meet JJ.

Call me "hell on earth."

We all thought JJ would
benefit in meeting you, hell.

See, you two have a lot in common.

JJ here is also a tough guy.

He's not afraid of the law.

So what you in for?




So why don't you take his rap
sheet back to chucke. Cheese, man,

because the only thing
you're gonna get in here

is curbed for a Chicago smile and,

I'm sorry.

I just can't do this now.

Okay, I think he's got the
message. Prison is hell. Let's go.

Can't do what?

I can't lie, JJ.

Part of my rehabilitation
according to Dr. Shenkman.

I'm not supposed to
be lying, and things.

So tell me for real.

What's it like in prison?

For real?

It ain't bad.

I hang out with my best
friend, "White Slavery,"

most of the day.

We go work out.

Chill in the library.

We got the correctionson CD.

It's read by Robert Forster.

It's pretty good. It's
tight, man. I enjoyed it.

Then we go back again. We
work out. We eat and sleep.

We chit chat.

Play ball.

You know what I mean? We
do what we do, man. It's,

like, good living out here, man.

Okay, but the guards are merciless.

Nah, man, they're pretty cool, man.

Actually, we're having a birthday
party for one of them later on today.

Hey, is tyrone baking the cake, man?

All right.

I even have a job in prison, man.

Telemarketer, man.

Best seller of this month.

Believe that.


It's all right in here, man.

Don't worry about a thing.

You're gonna have a blast, man.

Okay, this is absolutely pointless.

Let's go. Come on!

Thanks for nothing, Darryl.

By the way, you can kiss that recommendation
at your next parole board hearing sayonara.

That's cool.

I hear we're getting a
frappucino machine next month.

So, what goes 10,

9, 8, 7, 6?

Bo Derek getting old!


Is this thing on?

There is a malicious force
at work in glorious pines!

The recent rash of illnesses here...

not an accident!

What the hell's going on here?

He's a Psychic.

Maybe he's having an episode.

Yes, and I can feel that the culprit is
right here in this room, and it's you!


Well, I can't lie.

I've killed on stage.

No, no, no.

Not you.


Who me?

No, not you.



Meredith Cloverfield!


A name is coming to my brain.

Help me, help me, help me, help me,
help me, help me, help me, Rhonda!

Rhonda Cloverfield.

Your dear old mother
at Sunshine Meadows.

Seventh on the waiting
list to get into the pines.

But you couldn't stand watching
her rot away at that hell hole.

'cause there's no sunshine,
and there's no meadows!

You love her.

So you tried to bump
her up that waitlist.

The first thing you did,
break into the pharmacy,

snatch yourself some
blood pressure medication.

And then you targeted the people
that were already taking those pills,

whose food you served.

Chelsea's bracelets
practically marked 'em for you.

First up, Oswald Chester.

You knew he carbed up before a run.

It was the perfect opportunity
to make him overdose.

This is outrageous.

- I couldn't hurt a fly.
- But you could.

But she did!

Almost kill two other
members of this community.

A couple more people,

and you and your mother would have
been reunited, and it would have felt...

so good.

Talmadge McGulager. Our cover's blown.

Wrap it up, Shawn. Quick.

Check her pockets for pills!

I think she's got some on her right now!

How dare you?

Do you have a prescription for these?

Everyone here in the room with high
blood pressure, your food may be poisoned!

That's right. Spit it out!

Get some baggies, 'cause
this stuff is evidence.

Jervis, baby, slap the cuffs on her.

All I've got is a Rubber
band and some twisty ties.

It's fine, it's great
just call the police!

Gotta go! Peace!

Mr. Spencer, good work on
that retirement community case.

Here's your check to show our gratitude.

Thank you.

And in case you were wondering, miss
Cloverfield made a full confession.

I'm sorry, Chief.

This Demon Spawn is beyond my
help. I've tried threatening him.

I've tried scaring him.
I even tried bribery.

I told you kids want
Xboxes, not hot chocolate.

Does anyone know how to
get Swiss Miss out of silk?

Lemon wedges.

All this kid cares about is what
O'Hara's wearing and where she works out.

I'm a little curious myself.

Chief, since he has some sort
of strange attachment to me,

maybe I should try talking to him alone.

Use my office.

Hey, you.

Let's go.

What is going on in there?

I'm sorry for all the
trouble I caused earlier.

And I promise it won't happen again.

Well, I'm...

glad I finally got through to you.

And I thank you for your time,

and for keeping the streets
of Santa Barbara safe.

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