Psych (2006–2014): Season 1, Episode 8 - Shawn vs. the Red Phantom - full transcript
While detective Carlton Lassiter must drive the pregnant captain to hospital, Juliet O'Hara enlists Psych unofficially to start looking before the legal 48 hours pass into the disappearance of well-behaved nerd-knave Breyfogle. Examining his room suffices to realize the teen came into spending money and took two mates, fellow teenage comics-fans Don and Rob, to the nearby triennial convention TriCon. There Shawn performs as psychic and poses of Star Trek star Takei's assistant to snoop with true fan Gus into what turns out to be a planned series of crimes inspired by a comic.
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Faster than a speeding bullet,
more powerful than...
Hey.
Hey.
Where did these
comics come from?
Gus, right?
Come here.
Well, at least
you're not a tattletale.
What's the big deal?
All the kids read them.
Yeah, well, all the kids
don't live in this house,
and all the kids
don't have a police officer
as a father, Shawn.
So what?
So, these things
make cops look like idiots
who'd rather flash
a signal in the sky
than do real police work.
They set a bad example.
They do not.
Shawn, don't argue with me.
Do you have any idea
of how many kids' brains
I have to scoop up
off the driveway because
they think they can fly?
Those kids are dumb.
Shawn, these things
are a fantasy.
Real heroes do not wear a cape
and they don't wear their
underwear on the outside.
The guys who wear capes...
They're on angel dust.
Come here.
You want to know
what a real hero is?
What?
He's flesh and blood.
He wears a badge.
He lays it on the line
every time he walks the beat.
Shawn, do you really
want to be a hero someday?
Yes, sir.
Become a cop.
Get your head
out of the clouds.
(SIGHING)
All right, let's see if we can
make this thing useful
somehow, huh?
Hit the showers.
(PHONE RINGING)
(GROANS)
(PHONE RINGS)
SHAWN.: Somebody needs
a hot oil massage.
Pardon?
Stress?
Tough day at the office?
Who are you kidding?
You'II probably never
get those reports typed.
Who is this?
Shawn.
Spencer.
Great, you were already
thinking about me.
You know, you should
roll your head both directions
if you really
want that to work.
Okay, where are you?
On the phone.
Where are you?
You know damn well
where I am.
How can you see me?
Do you really want to know?
I don't ask questions
I don't want to know
the answer to.
Then never ask a boyfriend
if he thinks
your sister's hot.
I don't have a sister.
How about a boyfriend?
Where are you?
WeII, there's a spectraI plane
where all of our auras
are visible, see.
When a souI is tortured
or stressed, Like yourself...
Okay, never mind.
You asked.
You know what, Shawn?
I have a really
hectic day today.
The chief, she's...
Out of the office.
Going to a seminar
on non-lethal weaponry
with Lassiter? Out of town?
She sort of
Left you in charge?
Okay, psychic.
Give me the details.
How did you figure that out?
Most of it is in
her day planner.
(GASPS)
You cannot be
in the chief's office.
Oh, come on.
She's not going to know.
Notice how no one
ever Looks in here?
Why is that?
What are you guys
so afraid of?
It's not Like the belly bites.
She's actually
a pretty kick-back Lady
if you give her a chance.
Look what
she's done with this place,
it's really warm in here.
I know I can't stay away.
And have you tried this chair?
Okay, you have
five seconds to
get your butt out of...
Actually, you know what?
Stay right there.
Ooh, indecisive.
I Like that.
Take a look at that.
Tell me what you think.
Flower doodle in the
upper right-hand corner
is excellent.
This horse at the bottom
doesn't look anything
like My Little Pony.
The writing, not the...
That's a dog.
I draw when I get anxious.
I think you made
a wise decision not
going into animation, Juliet.
Mmm.
Okay, fine.
Something about
a missing kid.
He's not a kid. He's 18.
And he's only been gone
for 24 hours, so technically
he's not missing.
You want my help.
I'm not sure yet.
His name is
Malone Breyfogle.
Malone Breyfogle?
Mmm-hmm.
l'll tell you this much,
kid's been lifted up by his
underwear more than once.
He seems like a good kid.
Honor roll,
never been in trouble.
His mother's worried sick.
You can't do anything
until he's been missing
for 48 hours?
That's so stupid.
Exactly. I know
the rules and regulations.
They made sense
when I memorized them, but...
When you have to look into
some poor mother's eyes
and tell her she can't
worry about her son
until he's two days missing...
That is really depressing.
Consider me hired.
You're not hired.
I can't pay you.
If it turns out
there's something to it,
l'll make sure
you get put on the case.
That's all I can do.
Juliet,
I'm quite sure we can
work out some kind of
services exchange.
You see, I like to do
a little sketching myself,
and sometimes I need a model.
Huh.
Was that inappropriate?
Felt okay.
Let me get this straight.
I left in the middle of work
to come check out a case,
which is not a case, in which
we likely won't get paid.
Who are you
kidding right now?
I pulled you
out of a Starbucks.
Where you were pretending
to finish your route
that you actually
finished yesterday
so we could do
a tiny favor for Juliet
that will grant us
much larger favors
in the future.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Preferably ones that I can't
mention in the presence
of nuns or men of the cloth.
Oh, hello.
Thank you so much
for coming.
Come in.
Can I get you boys anything?
LESLlE:
They'll be ready in a minute.
I can't believe
you're letting that woman
make us pancakes.
She offered, Gus.
Tell me you're not excited
about pancakes.
She's worried sick.
Cooking helps her cope.
How do you know that?
How do you know
it doesn't?
LESLlE:
Do you boys want
your syrup warmed up?
I don't need it,
Mrs. Breyfogle,
but Gus does,
so, I guess, yes.
You're the one
who won't eat cold syrup.
Yeah, but I'm working you
into the conversation.
Now she knows your name.
I'm just afraid
something terrible
has happened.
Here you go.
Mmm-hmm.
My son, Malone, has been
acting so strange lately.
Strange how?
Well, he worked so hard
to get a paid
summer internship
with a big
computer company,
then turned it down
at the last second,
wouldn't tell me why.
Rarely leaves his room.
Even his two oldest friends,
Rob and Don, tell me
they hardly get to see him.
Have you spoken with
Rob and Don
since Malone disappeared?
No. I spoke to their parents.
Both boys are at
computer camp.
All right.
These are delicious.
Yes.
But I need
to see his room.
Are you all right?
I feel the answer
is in the light.
The light?
Shawn?
Will you tell the spirit
to hurry the hell up?
Oh, yes.
Yes, I'm definitely
feeling something here.
It's good.
It's nice.
What? What is it?
This mattress.
It feels like one
of those mattresses
where you can bounce
a bowling ball, but the
glass of wine doesn't spill.
Gus, go find a glass of wine
and a bowling ball.
Mrs. Breyfogle,
I feel we'll find
a clue in here.
(EXCLAIMS)
♪ ♪ I know, you know
That I'm not telling the truth ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ I know, you know
They just don't have any proof ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Embrace the deception
Learn how to bend ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Your worst inhibitions
tend to psych you out
in the end ♪ ♪
How does some 18-year-old kid
still living at home make
that kind of money?
Lemonade stand?
That is,
if instead of lemons,
he's using heroin.
Whatever it is, anything that
pays in stacks of cash
like that can't be legal.
Or healthful.
It's obvious what happened.
Malone was involved
in some shady dealings.
He's either off on a spending
spree or things got
a little too shady for him.
So, what now?
Find his friends.
Computer camp, please.
Malone's rolling in dough.
Whatever he's doing,
they're with him.
We find them, we find him.
The question is where.
Wait a second.
You don't already know
where he is?
Gus, I'm a professional
gathering information, okay?
I'm getting there.
(CHUCKLES)
You know, Shawn, l...
I just thought you
were a little better
than this.
Just a little.
All right,
what is this?
You know where he is?
Of course I do.
While you're playing
with light switches
and ordering breakfast,
I was investigating a case.
I see.
Okay.
Okay, l'll bite.
Where is he,
Chocolate Columbo?
Tri-Con.
Do what?
Tri-Con.
The Tri-Annual Comic Book
and Science Fiction Convention
is in Santa Barbara
this weekend.
You saw all those comic books
in Malone's room.
You're 18 years old.
You have a ton of cash
burning a hole in your pocket
and you love comics.
Where else would you go
to spend your
disposable income?
Think, Shawn.
Gus, I apologize.
That's brilliant.
Thank you.
Let's verify it
so we can go check it out.
Shawn, I'm sure he's there.
There's no doubt.
You're sure?
Yep.
How's that?
(SIGHING)
Are those directions
to the convention center?
I found it
in his wastebasket.
You know,
in case I never said it,
I was really pleased
when you were named as chief.
Interim chief. I'm sure
that's only temporary.
Mmm-hmm.
It's true that
the outgoing chief
was important to me.
He was my mentor.
Made me the cop I am today.
Mmm-hmm.
I know the outside perception
is that the force was
a real boys' club under him,
so I thought it was
really smart when they named
a, you know, woman.
All right, honey.
Excuse me, what?
I love you.
Huh?
(CHUCKLING) Okay.
Yeah, l'll just see you
when we get back. Okay.
I'm sorry, Detective,
were you saying something?
No, I wasn't.
We can't just
walk into the con.
I'm sorry, ''the con''?
Yeah.
You're calling a place
filled with overweight
teenagers
battling mild cases
of scoliosis and advanced
bed-wetting ''the con''?
We can't get in there.
The tickets were
sold out a month ago.
Did you already try
to get tickets?
Focus, Shawn.
How much were they?
Will you focus?
No, no, no,
leave this out of sight
until we get the issues
resolved with the food
in his room, all right?
I don't know
if he's going to walk over
the blueberry issue,
but we cannot have people
lining up until we're sure
he's participating.
I gotta call his agent.
Get me a list of all the
produce vendors in the area.
We can't risk alienating
the Star Trek fans.
You can't come in
without tickets.
They didn't tell you
we were coming?
Who?
We work for George.
Takai?
You mean Takei?
Yeah. Those closest
to him know exactly how
he likes it pronounced, okay?
You think you can have
a convention without
Commander Chekov?
Sulu, jackass.
Have his fresh blueberries
arrived yet?
I don't have record
of receiving them yet.
You don't have record
of having received them yet.
Give me that.
(LAUGHING SARCASTICALLY)
(LAUGHS)
They don't have
the fresh blueberries.
(ALL LAUGHING)
(STAMMERING)
What's the big deal?
What's the big deal?
What is the big deal?
Do you have any idea
what happened when they
forgot his blueberries
at the con in San Antonio?
That comb-over
will be the least of your...
You know what,
it's better.
It's better
if you don't know.
It's how I ended up
with a stutter
and a wooden pinky toe.
Now for the love of Scotty...
Still Sulu.
(STUTTERING) Would you...
Please, let me get in there
and save all of our asses?
Dude, some guy
in a wolf costume
with a light saber
just said hi to you.
I don't know that guy.
He looked right at you.
He was mistaken.
He said, ''Hi, Gus.''
And then another dude
with a cape and a codpiece
gave you a half-nod.
I don't know any of
these people, Shawn, okay?
Uh-huh.
Hey, guys.
I'm Talia. This is Dent.
We're from Parastone Pictures
and just wanted to remind you
to go see the world premiere
of the Red Phantom
trailer tomorrow night.
It'll be the biggest movie
of the summer.
Do not miss out.
No way,
I love the dead phantom.
Red Phantom.
What, he didn't die
at the end?
Bye.
Bye.
I hear this movie's
going to bomb.
MAN ON PA.:
Check one. Check two.
Too bad. I kind of dug
the Red Phantom.
You haven't even seen
the trailer, you already
hate it, how's that possible?
Fortress of Attitude.
What did you just say to me?
Fortress of Attitude.
It's this site
that reviews movies
based on comic books.
The Malcontent,
the guy who runs it,
says he already saw
a 30-minute presentation
here at the convention.
He blazed it online.
Can't you just look at porn
on the net like every
other guy and his brother?
Everybody reads this blog.
No. Not everybody.
Everybody here does, Shawn.
And you know what?
I don't care what you think.
So why don't you let me
do the talking here
at the convention,
and try not
to embarrass me.
This is my turf.
And yes, I know the guy
in the codpiece.
His name is Dave.
And he's a very nice guy.
Snap.
Two for 50 cents.
What?
That's Hiltz Kooler.
Excuse me, Mr. Kooler?
I'm a huge Green Spirit fan.
He's my favorite,
actually.
I was wondering,
would you mind signing
my original copy
of The Green Spirit
Strikes Again?
Whoa. Haven't seen
one of these in a while.
I couldn't believe
I found a guy selling one.
I love how this story
reinvented the character
for today.
Well, there you go.
Enjoy.
It's one of my favorites.
You know, I wish
they'd based the movie
on this story arc.
What am I gonna do?
I told them
about a million times.
They don't listen to me.
Still a huge fan.
Well, I'm glad someone is
after that Green Spirit movie.
Wait, wait, wait.
Is this the movie
you dragged me to
where the hero
had big nipples
on the outside of his costume?
Damn those nipples.
(LAUGHING)
They were like big
angry marshmallows.
Be nice to him, Shawn.
The Green Spirit movie
nearly killed the character.
Gus, all I care about
is finding our guys.
I can't take
much more of this.
There's too much real estate.
We can't cover it all at once.
Maybe we should split up.
I can help our situation.
So, next on our List...
Sir, can I heIp you?
Yeah, I'm Shawn Spencer,
psychic, SBPD.
I just need a moment.
Psychic?
Mmm-hmm.
welcome.
Ladies and gentlemen,
science fiction fans,
we've got a special treat
for you today,
we have a psychic,
a real live
professional psychic.
Shawn, no.
Who's this?
(CROWD CLAMORING)
This is my sidekick,
Magic Head.
(CROWD CHATTERING)
You're a psychic?
Like Professor X?
Professor X is a telepath,
not a psychic.
But I do have
telepathic tendencies.
No, you don't.
You have psychic visions.
They're different.
No, really, I can do both.
No, you can't.
Can you read me?
Sure.
I'm getting a reading.
I'm getting a reading
right now, yes.
You spend a great deal
of time in front
of your computer.
(GASPS)
(CROWD MURMURING)
And, I see a girl.
Yes.
You like her from afar.
She doesn't really
know you exist.
Yes. Yes.
Her name's Megan.
Do I have a chance?
Don't put
too much work into it.
I think she might
want to be ''just friends.''
Shawn, we're supposed to be
looking for Malone.
Obviously Malone
is keeping a low profile.
Whoa! Boy, I'm getting...
Whoa! I'm getting an ''R.''
I am getting an ''R.''
Does anyone here have a name
that begins with ''R''?
Oh, wait a second...
Hold, nobody...and a ''D.''
Yes a ''D.''
An ''R'' and a ''D.''
(STAMMERING)
An ''R'' name... Rim... Rolph...
Robert... No ''bert,''
just Rob.
Rob. And a ''D'' name, yes.
Uh, Dan. Uh, Doodle.
Dook... Dook...
Dookie...
Duder... Dumb...
Don! Yes!
Rob and a Don.
That's us!
(CROWD APPLAUDING)
An actual
Rob and Don together.
(CHUCKLING)
Sometimes I scare myself.
Hey, fellas, first I need
you both to empty
your pockets.
Mmm... Oh!
A room key. Even though
you both reside locally.
Oh, our friend sprang
for a hotel suite for us.
Ah, room 1 29.
428.
Yes, of course.
I'm getting something.
This friend you speak of,
I sense you haven't
seen him for a while,
but you didn't
tell anyone, no.
You're not supposed
to be here.
You told your parents
you were going
to computer camp.
Computer camp, guys?
Really?
I know what you're hiding.
We're not going
after them?
What for?
Malone's not with them.
But I think I know
where he might be.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Shawn Spencer and Magic Head.
Let's check out room 428.
Well, they seemed
pretty convincing.
That's them there!
Why are you telling people
you're my assistants?
Because we are
your assistants.
Excuse me?
Are you serious,
George?
(SCOFFS)
I know we said we'd work
outside the loop,
but this is
a little ridiculous.
I don't recognize you.
You hired us personally.
We met you in Chicago
at a screening of that movie
with the whales.
Star Trek IV.:
The Voyage Home.
The last time I was in
Chicago, I was doing a reading
from my autobiography.
Right. We booked that.
Remember Robin told us
he'd never be able
to fill a room that size?
Yeah.
I don't know any Robin.
That's because I fired her.
Look, George, you don't
need that kind of
negativity, okay?
It's her fault
what happened
in San Antonio.
Though you didn't
hear that from me.
I'm very confused.
Look, George,
we can stand around
and talk all day...
Like Robin used to.
Or I can try to do
something about solving
your blueberry crisis.
The choice is yours.
Well, all right, then.
Get to it.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Ew!
Gosh.
I see why Rob
and Don were freaked.
They didn't want to
be held responsible
for this mess.
This place is trashed.
Maybe Johnny Depp
stopped by.
(LAUGHING)
I'm sorry,
did that joke just arrive
in a time machine from 1992?
He used to
trash hotel rooms.
Used to.
The man has kids now.
He lives in France.
You got a better version?
Of course I do.
How about that lame-o
who's dating Kate Moss?
He's British and
nobody knows who he is.
Okay, fine. Too inside.
Stephen Dorff.
Always solid.
Dude, come here.
Why would this kid
have these mock-ups?
Because I think
our missing person
has a secret identity.
By day,
he's a laptop-toting,
comic-loving virgin.
At night,
he's your
favorite blogger.
You think
The Malcontent is a kid?
He must have pissed off
the wrong people
with his blog.
Shawn, look.
''One down, two to go.''
Hmm.
There goes the
kid-on-a-spending-spree
theory.
(EXCLAIMS)
Keith Moon.
I just went over the posts
on Malone's blog.
Did he bash anything
in particular?
The Red Phantom movie.
He's relentless.
It's weird, because
if you go back a little,
he was originally saying
great things about it.
So Parastone Pictures
paid him to praise
the Red Phantom flick.
That must be
where all the money
from his room came from.
Makes sense.
Malone's blog
started the bad buzz
which sunk Parastone's
last comic book movie.
I don't think the nipples
helped either, Gus.
Well, yeah.
So the studio had everything
riding on this new film.
They would have
done anything to prevent
history from repeating itself.
But Malone blazed
The Red Phantom anyway.
He reneged,
which might be
why he's missing.
We need to
find those execs.
Hey. Any progress?
I picked up
Malone's astral trail.
That's what it's called.
It leads to
a hotel across from
the convention center.
Room 428.
Oak door, can't miss it.
That's more specific
than usual.
Sometimes the spirits
are in a giving mood.
You won't find Malone,
but l sense
some seriously dark
juju magumbo
went down in there.
Yeah, send some uniforms
to the hotel across from
the convention center
and tell them
to cordon off
room 428.
Good.
This had better
be for real.
So, how's the convention?
A lot of cool stuff
going on, I bet.
Oh, come on.
Not you, too.
You're a collector, too?
Since middle school.
I just got
Hiltz Kooler's autograph.
Shut up, you did not?
Yes, I did.
Hi. Missing kid,
worried mom.
Can we focus here?
Since when did you
get so structured?
Since you turned
into Urkel
(STAMMERING)
and you just became
(STAMMERING)
Jan Brady...
Wow.
Tina Yothers...
There's... There's not
an exact match for that.
You didn't want to tell her
about our suspicions with
the Parastone executives?
Please, Gus, we have to leave
something to divine later.
Yeah. This is nice.
It's good one-on-one time.
Let the guard down.
You know, I had an idea
not too long ago,
and it's funny
I should think of it now,
but it really doesn't make
any sense to have
so many officers
working the daytime shift
at Grab.
Detective.
Since most car thefts
occur at night.
Now, if you were
to split the shift,
go with me on this...
Carlton!
What?
My water just broke.
Are you sure?
No, Carlton, there's water
spilling out of me
for some other reason.
Oh, no. Oh, can you
move my briefcase?
Your briefcase?
It might be
in the line of the...
Do you understand
how uncomfortable this is?
It's leather.
I didn't Scotchguard it!
You know what, never mind.
Just has tremendous
sentimental value.
Just take me to
the nearest hospital.
All right?
Oh, I don't think
we need that.
Oh, I think we do.
Do you know what?
We'll use the siren, too.
For you. Just in case.
(SIREN WAILING)
Hey, guys.
Hey.
Can't stop to talk.
Got to sign autographs.
Look, dude, I got a date
with that Talia girl from
the studio in, like, an hour.
A nice romantic walk
on the beach to Jim's.
Best scungilli in
Santa Barbara.
Why couldn't you
just talk to her now?
Because, Gus, happy hour
doesn't start until 5:00.
You're supposed
to be figuring out
if she's innocent.
That's exactly
what I plan to do.
Shawn.
GT.
The blueberries
are still wrong.
I requested North Carolina
blueberries, but they sent me
Michigan blueberries.
People say I'm crazy,
but I can taste
the difference.
I don't think
that's crazy at all.
And I requested that
my green room not be
at the end of the hall.
I have to be in the middle.
It's affecting my chi.
Gus.
What?
Did you skimp out and get
the Michigan blueberries?
What?
And screw up
the room location?
And what are you doing
to George's chi?
Are you touching it
and whatnot? Stop it.
This is my fault,
Mr. Takei.
My fault for farming out
responsibilities
that I should have
seen to personally.
My humblest apologies.
We'll get you
the right blueberries
as soon as possible
and a better room assignment.
You have my word.
Well, all right, then.
Good help is hard to find,
I suppose.
Why did you blame
that on me?
Dude, we needed
a fall guy.
I can't be the fall guy
in front of one
of my heroes, Shawn.
Okay, then you and l
need to create a third
imaginary assistant
that's completely
incompetent.
I think her name
should be Beatrice.
What say you?
All right, yeah,
just send it to my assistant.
It's tremendous.
You don't mind it, though.
You don't mind all
the comic book stuff?
It's fun, harmless,
a little wish fulfillment.
Oh, come on,
you didn't pretend
to fly around like Superman
when you were a kid?
So, uh, pretty high stakes
on the Red Phantom movie, huh?
We, uh, took a bath
a couple of years ago on
this other comic book movie,
The Adventures
of the Green Spirit.
Yeah, the nipple flick.
God, is that all anyone
remembers about that movie?
Yes.
Ugh, we had to
build a landfill
for the unsold action figures.
So, we're pulling out
all the stops
to launch the trailer
for the Red Phantom movie.
You know, lasers, music.
Dent even organized this
whole pyrotechnics display.
Word of mouth is the first
and most vital step
in this world.
Vital enough
to pay somebody off?
What?
Hmm? Let's say
there's a blogger,
right?
And he's wielding
way more power
than he should.
And he can be had
for a price.
You guys would be fools
not to take a shot, right?
Who are you, Shawn?
I'm a psychic.
I work with the police.
I'm investigating
a disappearance.
Malone Breyfogle.
The Malcontent.
I'm sensing you probably
know a lot about him.
Okay, this conversation
is over.
No. It's just starting
to get good.
See, he reneged on a promise
and now he's missing.
Missing?
Look, whether or not this guy
had a consultation fee
is besides the point.
We don't harm people.
It's just a movie.
Just a movie?
You think your boss
will tell me the same thing?
I don't know.
Why don't we go
ask him together?
Dent is back at our
convention headquarters.
Fine.
So, no scungilli, then?
I didn't expect you
to be so cooperative,
so if I seemed
a little pushy...
Accusing me of kidnapping?
I accused you of bribery.
I implied you may have
had something to do
with the kidnapping.
There's a difference.
You know, a lot of couples
start off on the wrong foot.
It just means we have
nowhere to go but up.
Well, when you're done here
with Dent, we're done.
What the...
Oh, my God.
What happened here?
Where is he?
Some seriously
dark juju magumbo
went down in here.
''Two down, one to go.''
Okay, good news,
your boss is innocent.
Bad news, he just became
a face on a milk carton.
I checked Malone's blog
again today.
There are more entries
blazing the Red Phantom movie.
I think Malone was kidnapped
before the blogs showed up.
He was probably going to honor
his deal with Parastone.
So, the kidnapper
is the one roasting this
new movie online?
He also wrote,
''The guilty will pay.''
The guilty will pay?
Yep.
Wow.
One of these comic book freaks
has clearly blurred the line
between reality and
comic book.
The kidnapper still has
one more person to snatch.
And it appears he's targeting
anyone involved
in this bribery scam.
(CELLULAR PHONE RINGING)
Talia. Talia has to be
the next victim.
We need to get
the real police in here.
Hello?
Uh, hello, Mr. Takei,
what can I do for you?
Just name it.
Hold on.
It's for you.
G-Dog. What's up, handsome?
Beatrice?
I canned her.
Yeah, she's out of here.
Tonight? Absolutely, sir.
l'll meet you there.
Huh.
What? What's happening?
Karaoke with George later.
Get out of here.
This is a Trek fan's
dream come true.
Hmm. Awkward.
What?
He sort of just invited me.
You know what?
Call him back,
tell him I said we need you
for all the high harmonies.
This is messed up, Shawn.
No, this is messed up.
This isn't a churro.
This is...
I don't know what this is.
Okay, finally got a hold
of your husband.
He's on his way,
but apparently
traffic is a nightmare.
Thank you, Carlton.
Everything's looking
really good.
You just relax.
I'm going to go now
and let you...
No, wait.
Wait, wait, wait.
Don't... Don't go.
You want me to stay?
Yeah. In class,
I always had a coach.
So, just stand here
and keep your eyes
north of the equator.
Yeah, that won't be a problem.
You ready
for your epidural?
No, thank you.
I'm going to do
this naturally.
Okay. We'll hold off, then.
Mmm-hmm.
Are you insane?
I don't need it.
Listen, I would put myself
on a morphine pump
if I were going to push
eleven pounds of limbs
and elbows out of...
l've made my decision.
And I admire you for it.
Have you considered this?
Maybe the whole thing
is a stunt.
What do you mean?
You know,
to promote the movie.
The whole scenario
is just so fantastical.
It's like a plot
to a comic book.
Dent could have arranged it,
maybe Talia.
It could have been
all three of them.
It's just so theatrical
with the cryptic notes.
Shawn?
Hi.
Hi. Gus said
you've seen the kidnapper.
You told her that?
We needed her.
Can you give me
a description?
You can't tell her
l've seen the kidnapper when
I didn't see the kidnapper.
I didn't see the kidnapper.
You didn't?
I saw through
the kidnapper's eyes.
He was stalking
his next victim.
It was a woman.
Shawn.
Talia. It's Talia.
Wait. The woman you discovered
the second note with
is the third victim?
Quite possibly.
Or she could be the kidnapper.
So, what,
she's kidnapping herself?
Or the second victim
is the kidnapper
and he was just pretending
to get kidnapped.
Guys, I just saw her.
She's outside on the phone.
Man.
Where did you see her last?
Over there.
Oh, man.
''9-1 ...'' Uh-oh.
GUS:
What? No note?
SHAWN:
Wait a minute.
Excuse me.
Thank you.
''Judgment day.''
Looks like Talia's
joined Malone and Dent
in missing-persons land.
Judgment day?
It sounds bad.
That's, like, the day
that you're judged.
In T2 it was
the end of mankind.
Though I doubt our kidnapper
has first-strike
nuclear capabilities.
Ooh!
What the hell
are you doing?
Running makes me hungry.
You know that.
You don't know
where those have been.
They could have bird flu
on them or something.
Bird flu. Wow.
Look at you.
How can you read a comic book
at a time like this?
First of all,
I can read a comic anytime.
And secondly,
Juliet has almost the entire
police force inside there.
They'll find Talia
and the others.
Dude, whatever
this crazy person has planned
for these people,
he's going to do it soon.
He has all his victims.
We need to figure out
who stands to gain
from the disappearance
of those three
and who would want
the Red Phantom movie
to tank this badly.
Why don't you ask your friend,
George Takei?
I would.
But once he starts
singing Afternoon Delight,
he just goes to another place.
Shawn?
Juliet didn't find anything
at the latest crime scene
to help?
Shawn?
No forensics on the note?
Shawn?
What?
Look. It's the same
as the note in Malone's room.
Somebody's recreating
the crime from
this comic book.
What happens
in this thing?
A super-villain named
Fear Career,
he kidnaps the judge,
prosecutor
and defense attorney
he felt
locked him up years ago.
Fear Career. Awesome.
Then what?
He sets them on fire.
He sets them on fire?
Yeah.
Give me that.
What the hell are you doing?
Looking for clues.
You're ruining
a first printing
near-mint work of art.
l've been looking
for that comic
for five years now.
Gus, lives are at stake.
The kidnapper must be
some kind of deranged fan.
Deranged? Yes. Fan?
I'm not so sure.
Wait, what?
What the...
You're buying me another one.
First printing!
(WOMAN CHATTERING ON P.A.)
(GROANING)
She's not focusing.
Can you help
motivate her a little bit?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Motivation was my thing
at the academy.
All right,
now you listen to me,
it's time to squeeze
this puppy out.
So, when I say push,
I want you to push,
you understand me?
Push! Push! Push!
Yeah, that's not really
working for me right now!
Fine, I was just
giving it a shot!
Um, okay, okay.
Just, just remain calm.
Everything's going to be fine.
Uh, yeah.
I don't need that either.
I don't know
what you want then.
I don't know
what any woman wants.
Just give me your hand
and shut the hell up.
It's crowning. Here we go.
Here we go.
(SCREAMING)
It's a girl.
(CRYING)
We did it.
Want to cut the cord, Dad?
No, I'm not the...
Yeah, okay.
Oh, oh, you're going to...
Oh!
Hi, there.
Nice to meet you.
Children are
one of the reasons
my wife and I split up.
She didn't think
I wanted any.
She was wrong.
Yeah, that's great, Carlton.
You think I might
hold my baby now?
Of course.
We need to find Juliet fast.
She's in plain clothes.
She could be anywhere
in this place.
It's like looking for
a needle in a haystack.
I know how
I can get her attention.
Shawn!
Will you stop going up there?
Sorry. Judgment day.
Got to do it.
Ladies and gentlemen,
George... Uh, okay, okay.
Please welcome back
to the stage psychic
Shawn Spencer!
I'm sensing something.
Something strong.
A spirit. A disturbed spirit.
Why is my assistant up there?
Maybe he's setting up
a karaoke machine
for your duet, Chekov.
Sulu, damn it!
It's getting clear now.
It's a kidnapping spirit
responsible for crimes
committed right here
at the con!
(ALL MURMURING)
I need heIp.
I must caII upon the powers
of Magic Head!
ALL: Magic Head! Magic Head!
Magic Head! Magic Head!
Magic Head!
Who's Magic Head?
Where are you going?
(CROWD CHEERING)
I can see it now.
It is a vengeful spirit
and there is a color.
The color is green.
It is the Green Spirit.
The kidnapper is the creator
of The Green Spirit,
Hiltz Kooler.
Ah, yes, you had motive,
didn't you?
The studio execs bastardized
your beloved Green Spirit
and turned him into
a pop culture punch line.
You hated Malone,
The Malcontent,
because it was his tidal wave
of bad buzz
that sunk your flick.
You were on the brink
of becoming a moguI.
But then it all slipped away.
Now you're reduced
to cursing nipples
and signing autographs
at conventions.
Like a classic
super-villain, you were
driven mad by revenge.
You read Malone's blogs,
Looking for clues
to his true identity.
Then, one day,
Like manna from heaven,
The Malcontent blogged
he was coming here.
You aIso read the execs
who had screwed your character
would be here, too.
All the people that
wronged you in the same place
at the same time.
The opportunity was too good
to pass up.
And you could
hide your identity
by wearing a costume.
And every time you snatched
one of your victims,
you Left a note just Like
Fear Career in your comic.
Yes, people!
This was written
by a criminal.
There is malice in the ink.
I can see it now.
Hiltz always had
a very distinctive way
of writing the letter ''O. ''
It has the swirl.
I'm sure
if the police analyzed
this autograph,
they'll see the handwriting
is an exact match for the
kidnapper's threatening notes.
(CROWD CLAPPING)
It's the same thing
that happened in San Antonio.
Where are your victims?
My plan is already in motion
and there's nothing
you can do to stop it.
Somebody's re-creating
the crime
from this comic book.
What happens in this thing?
He sets them on fire.
They're near fire.
Dent even organized this whole
pyrotechnics display.
Under the stage.
Oh, down here.
They're here. All of them.
Look, don't worry,
everything's going to be
just fine, okay?
We're going to
get you out of here.
Guys.
Hi. Hi.
So, after I collared
the villain
and saved the girl,
Jules grabbed the others
and everyone hoisted me
on their shoulders,
carried me to the car
chanting my name.
It was awesome.
Oh, but your story
about cutting the cord
was good, too.
Lot of drama, suspense,
twist ending that I don't
think any of us saw coming.
At which point
did you faint?
I did not faint.
I was merely
resting my eyes momentarily
and fell slightly backwards.
Hey, I don't know
if it makes a difference.
I think you're a hero.
Which one is hers?
I don't know.
Lassiter, you cut the cord.
Well, they all look alike.
Is there one that poops a lot?
I know.
Let's ask our psychic.
You know what, guys,
this is weird,
I'm not getting anything.
I think one of these babies
might be evil, blocking
my abilities to communicate.
Damien?
Come on. isn't it obvious?
She looks exactly like me.
Hi.
Chief, should you be up
and walking?
Walking?
I'm coming into work tomorrow.
No, don't be ridiculous.
You need to go home
with your child. Relax.
Take a load off.
Refresh yourself.
January, I think January.
Come back in January.
So glad you both
could make it.
Make it? I live here.
What's that behind your back,
Shawn?
I dropped back by the con.
You went back without me?
Those people, good people,
good hearts.
You were right
from the beginning, Gus.
And I didn't want
to ruin the surprise.
Introducing,
Tranya Independent Comics'
latest limited-edition
one-shot...
Surprise.
''Follow
the adventures of Psych-Man
''as he uses
his bizarre mental powers
to foil criminal plots
''with his sidekick
Magic Head.''
And bam!
(HENRY SNICKERS)
What's that supposed to be?
Dude, it's Magic Head!
It's like looking in a mirror.
Why would I need a wand
when I have a magic head?
It's a ceremonial thing.
It's, it's just...
It's representative.
You don't actually
use the wand.
Stupid.
I think it's dope.
Now, who wants an autograph?
♪ ♪ In between the lines
there's a lot of obscurity ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ I'm not inclined
to resign to maturity ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ If it's all right
then you're all wrong ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ But why bounce around
to the same damn song? ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ You'd rather run
when you can't crawl ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ I know, you know
That I'm not telling the truth ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ I know, you know
They just don't have any proof ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Embrace the deception
learn how to bend ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Your worst inhibitions
tend to psych you out
in the end ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ I know, you know ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ I know, you know ♪ ♪
---
Faster than a speeding bullet,
more powerful than...
Hey.
Hey.
Where did these
comics come from?
Gus, right?
Come here.
Well, at least
you're not a tattletale.
What's the big deal?
All the kids read them.
Yeah, well, all the kids
don't live in this house,
and all the kids
don't have a police officer
as a father, Shawn.
So what?
So, these things
make cops look like idiots
who'd rather flash
a signal in the sky
than do real police work.
They set a bad example.
They do not.
Shawn, don't argue with me.
Do you have any idea
of how many kids' brains
I have to scoop up
off the driveway because
they think they can fly?
Those kids are dumb.
Shawn, these things
are a fantasy.
Real heroes do not wear a cape
and they don't wear their
underwear on the outside.
The guys who wear capes...
They're on angel dust.
Come here.
You want to know
what a real hero is?
What?
He's flesh and blood.
He wears a badge.
He lays it on the line
every time he walks the beat.
Shawn, do you really
want to be a hero someday?
Yes, sir.
Become a cop.
Get your head
out of the clouds.
(SIGHING)
All right, let's see if we can
make this thing useful
somehow, huh?
Hit the showers.
(PHONE RINGING)
(GROANS)
(PHONE RINGS)
SHAWN.: Somebody needs
a hot oil massage.
Pardon?
Stress?
Tough day at the office?
Who are you kidding?
You'II probably never
get those reports typed.
Who is this?
Shawn.
Spencer.
Great, you were already
thinking about me.
You know, you should
roll your head both directions
if you really
want that to work.
Okay, where are you?
On the phone.
Where are you?
You know damn well
where I am.
How can you see me?
Do you really want to know?
I don't ask questions
I don't want to know
the answer to.
Then never ask a boyfriend
if he thinks
your sister's hot.
I don't have a sister.
How about a boyfriend?
Where are you?
WeII, there's a spectraI plane
where all of our auras
are visible, see.
When a souI is tortured
or stressed, Like yourself...
Okay, never mind.
You asked.
You know what, Shawn?
I have a really
hectic day today.
The chief, she's...
Out of the office.
Going to a seminar
on non-lethal weaponry
with Lassiter? Out of town?
She sort of
Left you in charge?
Okay, psychic.
Give me the details.
How did you figure that out?
Most of it is in
her day planner.
(GASPS)
You cannot be
in the chief's office.
Oh, come on.
She's not going to know.
Notice how no one
ever Looks in here?
Why is that?
What are you guys
so afraid of?
It's not Like the belly bites.
She's actually
a pretty kick-back Lady
if you give her a chance.
Look what
she's done with this place,
it's really warm in here.
I know I can't stay away.
And have you tried this chair?
Okay, you have
five seconds to
get your butt out of...
Actually, you know what?
Stay right there.
Ooh, indecisive.
I Like that.
Take a look at that.
Tell me what you think.
Flower doodle in the
upper right-hand corner
is excellent.
This horse at the bottom
doesn't look anything
like My Little Pony.
The writing, not the...
That's a dog.
I draw when I get anxious.
I think you made
a wise decision not
going into animation, Juliet.
Mmm.
Okay, fine.
Something about
a missing kid.
He's not a kid. He's 18.
And he's only been gone
for 24 hours, so technically
he's not missing.
You want my help.
I'm not sure yet.
His name is
Malone Breyfogle.
Malone Breyfogle?
Mmm-hmm.
l'll tell you this much,
kid's been lifted up by his
underwear more than once.
He seems like a good kid.
Honor roll,
never been in trouble.
His mother's worried sick.
You can't do anything
until he's been missing
for 48 hours?
That's so stupid.
Exactly. I know
the rules and regulations.
They made sense
when I memorized them, but...
When you have to look into
some poor mother's eyes
and tell her she can't
worry about her son
until he's two days missing...
That is really depressing.
Consider me hired.
You're not hired.
I can't pay you.
If it turns out
there's something to it,
l'll make sure
you get put on the case.
That's all I can do.
Juliet,
I'm quite sure we can
work out some kind of
services exchange.
You see, I like to do
a little sketching myself,
and sometimes I need a model.
Huh.
Was that inappropriate?
Felt okay.
Let me get this straight.
I left in the middle of work
to come check out a case,
which is not a case, in which
we likely won't get paid.
Who are you
kidding right now?
I pulled you
out of a Starbucks.
Where you were pretending
to finish your route
that you actually
finished yesterday
so we could do
a tiny favor for Juliet
that will grant us
much larger favors
in the future.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Preferably ones that I can't
mention in the presence
of nuns or men of the cloth.
Oh, hello.
Thank you so much
for coming.
Come in.
Can I get you boys anything?
LESLlE:
They'll be ready in a minute.
I can't believe
you're letting that woman
make us pancakes.
She offered, Gus.
Tell me you're not excited
about pancakes.
She's worried sick.
Cooking helps her cope.
How do you know that?
How do you know
it doesn't?
LESLlE:
Do you boys want
your syrup warmed up?
I don't need it,
Mrs. Breyfogle,
but Gus does,
so, I guess, yes.
You're the one
who won't eat cold syrup.
Yeah, but I'm working you
into the conversation.
Now she knows your name.
I'm just afraid
something terrible
has happened.
Here you go.
Mmm-hmm.
My son, Malone, has been
acting so strange lately.
Strange how?
Well, he worked so hard
to get a paid
summer internship
with a big
computer company,
then turned it down
at the last second,
wouldn't tell me why.
Rarely leaves his room.
Even his two oldest friends,
Rob and Don, tell me
they hardly get to see him.
Have you spoken with
Rob and Don
since Malone disappeared?
No. I spoke to their parents.
Both boys are at
computer camp.
All right.
These are delicious.
Yes.
But I need
to see his room.
Are you all right?
I feel the answer
is in the light.
The light?
Shawn?
Will you tell the spirit
to hurry the hell up?
Oh, yes.
Yes, I'm definitely
feeling something here.
It's good.
It's nice.
What? What is it?
This mattress.
It feels like one
of those mattresses
where you can bounce
a bowling ball, but the
glass of wine doesn't spill.
Gus, go find a glass of wine
and a bowling ball.
Mrs. Breyfogle,
I feel we'll find
a clue in here.
(EXCLAIMS)
♪ ♪ I know, you know
That I'm not telling the truth ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ I know, you know
They just don't have any proof ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Embrace the deception
Learn how to bend ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Your worst inhibitions
tend to psych you out
in the end ♪ ♪
How does some 18-year-old kid
still living at home make
that kind of money?
Lemonade stand?
That is,
if instead of lemons,
he's using heroin.
Whatever it is, anything that
pays in stacks of cash
like that can't be legal.
Or healthful.
It's obvious what happened.
Malone was involved
in some shady dealings.
He's either off on a spending
spree or things got
a little too shady for him.
So, what now?
Find his friends.
Computer camp, please.
Malone's rolling in dough.
Whatever he's doing,
they're with him.
We find them, we find him.
The question is where.
Wait a second.
You don't already know
where he is?
Gus, I'm a professional
gathering information, okay?
I'm getting there.
(CHUCKLES)
You know, Shawn, l...
I just thought you
were a little better
than this.
Just a little.
All right,
what is this?
You know where he is?
Of course I do.
While you're playing
with light switches
and ordering breakfast,
I was investigating a case.
I see.
Okay.
Okay, l'll bite.
Where is he,
Chocolate Columbo?
Tri-Con.
Do what?
Tri-Con.
The Tri-Annual Comic Book
and Science Fiction Convention
is in Santa Barbara
this weekend.
You saw all those comic books
in Malone's room.
You're 18 years old.
You have a ton of cash
burning a hole in your pocket
and you love comics.
Where else would you go
to spend your
disposable income?
Think, Shawn.
Gus, I apologize.
That's brilliant.
Thank you.
Let's verify it
so we can go check it out.
Shawn, I'm sure he's there.
There's no doubt.
You're sure?
Yep.
How's that?
(SIGHING)
Are those directions
to the convention center?
I found it
in his wastebasket.
You know,
in case I never said it,
I was really pleased
when you were named as chief.
Interim chief. I'm sure
that's only temporary.
Mmm-hmm.
It's true that
the outgoing chief
was important to me.
He was my mentor.
Made me the cop I am today.
Mmm-hmm.
I know the outside perception
is that the force was
a real boys' club under him,
so I thought it was
really smart when they named
a, you know, woman.
All right, honey.
Excuse me, what?
I love you.
Huh?
(CHUCKLING) Okay.
Yeah, l'll just see you
when we get back. Okay.
I'm sorry, Detective,
were you saying something?
No, I wasn't.
We can't just
walk into the con.
I'm sorry, ''the con''?
Yeah.
You're calling a place
filled with overweight
teenagers
battling mild cases
of scoliosis and advanced
bed-wetting ''the con''?
We can't get in there.
The tickets were
sold out a month ago.
Did you already try
to get tickets?
Focus, Shawn.
How much were they?
Will you focus?
No, no, no,
leave this out of sight
until we get the issues
resolved with the food
in his room, all right?
I don't know
if he's going to walk over
the blueberry issue,
but we cannot have people
lining up until we're sure
he's participating.
I gotta call his agent.
Get me a list of all the
produce vendors in the area.
We can't risk alienating
the Star Trek fans.
You can't come in
without tickets.
They didn't tell you
we were coming?
Who?
We work for George.
Takai?
You mean Takei?
Yeah. Those closest
to him know exactly how
he likes it pronounced, okay?
You think you can have
a convention without
Commander Chekov?
Sulu, jackass.
Have his fresh blueberries
arrived yet?
I don't have record
of receiving them yet.
You don't have record
of having received them yet.
Give me that.
(LAUGHING SARCASTICALLY)
(LAUGHS)
They don't have
the fresh blueberries.
(ALL LAUGHING)
(STAMMERING)
What's the big deal?
What's the big deal?
What is the big deal?
Do you have any idea
what happened when they
forgot his blueberries
at the con in San Antonio?
That comb-over
will be the least of your...
You know what,
it's better.
It's better
if you don't know.
It's how I ended up
with a stutter
and a wooden pinky toe.
Now for the love of Scotty...
Still Sulu.
(STUTTERING) Would you...
Please, let me get in there
and save all of our asses?
Dude, some guy
in a wolf costume
with a light saber
just said hi to you.
I don't know that guy.
He looked right at you.
He was mistaken.
He said, ''Hi, Gus.''
And then another dude
with a cape and a codpiece
gave you a half-nod.
I don't know any of
these people, Shawn, okay?
Uh-huh.
Hey, guys.
I'm Talia. This is Dent.
We're from Parastone Pictures
and just wanted to remind you
to go see the world premiere
of the Red Phantom
trailer tomorrow night.
It'll be the biggest movie
of the summer.
Do not miss out.
No way,
I love the dead phantom.
Red Phantom.
What, he didn't die
at the end?
Bye.
Bye.
I hear this movie's
going to bomb.
MAN ON PA.:
Check one. Check two.
Too bad. I kind of dug
the Red Phantom.
You haven't even seen
the trailer, you already
hate it, how's that possible?
Fortress of Attitude.
What did you just say to me?
Fortress of Attitude.
It's this site
that reviews movies
based on comic books.
The Malcontent,
the guy who runs it,
says he already saw
a 30-minute presentation
here at the convention.
He blazed it online.
Can't you just look at porn
on the net like every
other guy and his brother?
Everybody reads this blog.
No. Not everybody.
Everybody here does, Shawn.
And you know what?
I don't care what you think.
So why don't you let me
do the talking here
at the convention,
and try not
to embarrass me.
This is my turf.
And yes, I know the guy
in the codpiece.
His name is Dave.
And he's a very nice guy.
Snap.
Two for 50 cents.
What?
That's Hiltz Kooler.
Excuse me, Mr. Kooler?
I'm a huge Green Spirit fan.
He's my favorite,
actually.
I was wondering,
would you mind signing
my original copy
of The Green Spirit
Strikes Again?
Whoa. Haven't seen
one of these in a while.
I couldn't believe
I found a guy selling one.
I love how this story
reinvented the character
for today.
Well, there you go.
Enjoy.
It's one of my favorites.
You know, I wish
they'd based the movie
on this story arc.
What am I gonna do?
I told them
about a million times.
They don't listen to me.
Still a huge fan.
Well, I'm glad someone is
after that Green Spirit movie.
Wait, wait, wait.
Is this the movie
you dragged me to
where the hero
had big nipples
on the outside of his costume?
Damn those nipples.
(LAUGHING)
They were like big
angry marshmallows.
Be nice to him, Shawn.
The Green Spirit movie
nearly killed the character.
Gus, all I care about
is finding our guys.
I can't take
much more of this.
There's too much real estate.
We can't cover it all at once.
Maybe we should split up.
I can help our situation.
So, next on our List...
Sir, can I heIp you?
Yeah, I'm Shawn Spencer,
psychic, SBPD.
I just need a moment.
Psychic?
Mmm-hmm.
welcome.
Ladies and gentlemen,
science fiction fans,
we've got a special treat
for you today,
we have a psychic,
a real live
professional psychic.
Shawn, no.
Who's this?
(CROWD CLAMORING)
This is my sidekick,
Magic Head.
(CROWD CHATTERING)
You're a psychic?
Like Professor X?
Professor X is a telepath,
not a psychic.
But I do have
telepathic tendencies.
No, you don't.
You have psychic visions.
They're different.
No, really, I can do both.
No, you can't.
Can you read me?
Sure.
I'm getting a reading.
I'm getting a reading
right now, yes.
You spend a great deal
of time in front
of your computer.
(GASPS)
(CROWD MURMURING)
And, I see a girl.
Yes.
You like her from afar.
She doesn't really
know you exist.
Yes. Yes.
Her name's Megan.
Do I have a chance?
Don't put
too much work into it.
I think she might
want to be ''just friends.''
Shawn, we're supposed to be
looking for Malone.
Obviously Malone
is keeping a low profile.
Whoa! Boy, I'm getting...
Whoa! I'm getting an ''R.''
I am getting an ''R.''
Does anyone here have a name
that begins with ''R''?
Oh, wait a second...
Hold, nobody...and a ''D.''
Yes a ''D.''
An ''R'' and a ''D.''
(STAMMERING)
An ''R'' name... Rim... Rolph...
Robert... No ''bert,''
just Rob.
Rob. And a ''D'' name, yes.
Uh, Dan. Uh, Doodle.
Dook... Dook...
Dookie...
Duder... Dumb...
Don! Yes!
Rob and a Don.
That's us!
(CROWD APPLAUDING)
An actual
Rob and Don together.
(CHUCKLING)
Sometimes I scare myself.
Hey, fellas, first I need
you both to empty
your pockets.
Mmm... Oh!
A room key. Even though
you both reside locally.
Oh, our friend sprang
for a hotel suite for us.
Ah, room 1 29.
428.
Yes, of course.
I'm getting something.
This friend you speak of,
I sense you haven't
seen him for a while,
but you didn't
tell anyone, no.
You're not supposed
to be here.
You told your parents
you were going
to computer camp.
Computer camp, guys?
Really?
I know what you're hiding.
We're not going
after them?
What for?
Malone's not with them.
But I think I know
where he might be.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Shawn Spencer and Magic Head.
Let's check out room 428.
Well, they seemed
pretty convincing.
That's them there!
Why are you telling people
you're my assistants?
Because we are
your assistants.
Excuse me?
Are you serious,
George?
(SCOFFS)
I know we said we'd work
outside the loop,
but this is
a little ridiculous.
I don't recognize you.
You hired us personally.
We met you in Chicago
at a screening of that movie
with the whales.
Star Trek IV.:
The Voyage Home.
The last time I was in
Chicago, I was doing a reading
from my autobiography.
Right. We booked that.
Remember Robin told us
he'd never be able
to fill a room that size?
Yeah.
I don't know any Robin.
That's because I fired her.
Look, George, you don't
need that kind of
negativity, okay?
It's her fault
what happened
in San Antonio.
Though you didn't
hear that from me.
I'm very confused.
Look, George,
we can stand around
and talk all day...
Like Robin used to.
Or I can try to do
something about solving
your blueberry crisis.
The choice is yours.
Well, all right, then.
Get to it.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Ew!
Gosh.
I see why Rob
and Don were freaked.
They didn't want to
be held responsible
for this mess.
This place is trashed.
Maybe Johnny Depp
stopped by.
(LAUGHING)
I'm sorry,
did that joke just arrive
in a time machine from 1992?
He used to
trash hotel rooms.
Used to.
The man has kids now.
He lives in France.
You got a better version?
Of course I do.
How about that lame-o
who's dating Kate Moss?
He's British and
nobody knows who he is.
Okay, fine. Too inside.
Stephen Dorff.
Always solid.
Dude, come here.
Why would this kid
have these mock-ups?
Because I think
our missing person
has a secret identity.
By day,
he's a laptop-toting,
comic-loving virgin.
At night,
he's your
favorite blogger.
You think
The Malcontent is a kid?
He must have pissed off
the wrong people
with his blog.
Shawn, look.
''One down, two to go.''
Hmm.
There goes the
kid-on-a-spending-spree
theory.
(EXCLAIMS)
Keith Moon.
I just went over the posts
on Malone's blog.
Did he bash anything
in particular?
The Red Phantom movie.
He's relentless.
It's weird, because
if you go back a little,
he was originally saying
great things about it.
So Parastone Pictures
paid him to praise
the Red Phantom flick.
That must be
where all the money
from his room came from.
Makes sense.
Malone's blog
started the bad buzz
which sunk Parastone's
last comic book movie.
I don't think the nipples
helped either, Gus.
Well, yeah.
So the studio had everything
riding on this new film.
They would have
done anything to prevent
history from repeating itself.
But Malone blazed
The Red Phantom anyway.
He reneged,
which might be
why he's missing.
We need to
find those execs.
Hey. Any progress?
I picked up
Malone's astral trail.
That's what it's called.
It leads to
a hotel across from
the convention center.
Room 428.
Oak door, can't miss it.
That's more specific
than usual.
Sometimes the spirits
are in a giving mood.
You won't find Malone,
but l sense
some seriously dark
juju magumbo
went down in there.
Yeah, send some uniforms
to the hotel across from
the convention center
and tell them
to cordon off
room 428.
Good.
This had better
be for real.
So, how's the convention?
A lot of cool stuff
going on, I bet.
Oh, come on.
Not you, too.
You're a collector, too?
Since middle school.
I just got
Hiltz Kooler's autograph.
Shut up, you did not?
Yes, I did.
Hi. Missing kid,
worried mom.
Can we focus here?
Since when did you
get so structured?
Since you turned
into Urkel
(STAMMERING)
and you just became
(STAMMERING)
Jan Brady...
Wow.
Tina Yothers...
There's... There's not
an exact match for that.
You didn't want to tell her
about our suspicions with
the Parastone executives?
Please, Gus, we have to leave
something to divine later.
Yeah. This is nice.
It's good one-on-one time.
Let the guard down.
You know, I had an idea
not too long ago,
and it's funny
I should think of it now,
but it really doesn't make
any sense to have
so many officers
working the daytime shift
at Grab.
Detective.
Since most car thefts
occur at night.
Now, if you were
to split the shift,
go with me on this...
Carlton!
What?
My water just broke.
Are you sure?
No, Carlton, there's water
spilling out of me
for some other reason.
Oh, no. Oh, can you
move my briefcase?
Your briefcase?
It might be
in the line of the...
Do you understand
how uncomfortable this is?
It's leather.
I didn't Scotchguard it!
You know what, never mind.
Just has tremendous
sentimental value.
Just take me to
the nearest hospital.
All right?
Oh, I don't think
we need that.
Oh, I think we do.
Do you know what?
We'll use the siren, too.
For you. Just in case.
(SIREN WAILING)
Hey, guys.
Hey.
Can't stop to talk.
Got to sign autographs.
Look, dude, I got a date
with that Talia girl from
the studio in, like, an hour.
A nice romantic walk
on the beach to Jim's.
Best scungilli in
Santa Barbara.
Why couldn't you
just talk to her now?
Because, Gus, happy hour
doesn't start until 5:00.
You're supposed
to be figuring out
if she's innocent.
That's exactly
what I plan to do.
Shawn.
GT.
The blueberries
are still wrong.
I requested North Carolina
blueberries, but they sent me
Michigan blueberries.
People say I'm crazy,
but I can taste
the difference.
I don't think
that's crazy at all.
And I requested that
my green room not be
at the end of the hall.
I have to be in the middle.
It's affecting my chi.
Gus.
What?
Did you skimp out and get
the Michigan blueberries?
What?
And screw up
the room location?
And what are you doing
to George's chi?
Are you touching it
and whatnot? Stop it.
This is my fault,
Mr. Takei.
My fault for farming out
responsibilities
that I should have
seen to personally.
My humblest apologies.
We'll get you
the right blueberries
as soon as possible
and a better room assignment.
You have my word.
Well, all right, then.
Good help is hard to find,
I suppose.
Why did you blame
that on me?
Dude, we needed
a fall guy.
I can't be the fall guy
in front of one
of my heroes, Shawn.
Okay, then you and l
need to create a third
imaginary assistant
that's completely
incompetent.
I think her name
should be Beatrice.
What say you?
All right, yeah,
just send it to my assistant.
It's tremendous.
You don't mind it, though.
You don't mind all
the comic book stuff?
It's fun, harmless,
a little wish fulfillment.
Oh, come on,
you didn't pretend
to fly around like Superman
when you were a kid?
So, uh, pretty high stakes
on the Red Phantom movie, huh?
We, uh, took a bath
a couple of years ago on
this other comic book movie,
The Adventures
of the Green Spirit.
Yeah, the nipple flick.
God, is that all anyone
remembers about that movie?
Yes.
Ugh, we had to
build a landfill
for the unsold action figures.
So, we're pulling out
all the stops
to launch the trailer
for the Red Phantom movie.
You know, lasers, music.
Dent even organized this
whole pyrotechnics display.
Word of mouth is the first
and most vital step
in this world.
Vital enough
to pay somebody off?
What?
Hmm? Let's say
there's a blogger,
right?
And he's wielding
way more power
than he should.
And he can be had
for a price.
You guys would be fools
not to take a shot, right?
Who are you, Shawn?
I'm a psychic.
I work with the police.
I'm investigating
a disappearance.
Malone Breyfogle.
The Malcontent.
I'm sensing you probably
know a lot about him.
Okay, this conversation
is over.
No. It's just starting
to get good.
See, he reneged on a promise
and now he's missing.
Missing?
Look, whether or not this guy
had a consultation fee
is besides the point.
We don't harm people.
It's just a movie.
Just a movie?
You think your boss
will tell me the same thing?
I don't know.
Why don't we go
ask him together?
Dent is back at our
convention headquarters.
Fine.
So, no scungilli, then?
I didn't expect you
to be so cooperative,
so if I seemed
a little pushy...
Accusing me of kidnapping?
I accused you of bribery.
I implied you may have
had something to do
with the kidnapping.
There's a difference.
You know, a lot of couples
start off on the wrong foot.
It just means we have
nowhere to go but up.
Well, when you're done here
with Dent, we're done.
What the...
Oh, my God.
What happened here?
Where is he?
Some seriously
dark juju magumbo
went down in here.
''Two down, one to go.''
Okay, good news,
your boss is innocent.
Bad news, he just became
a face on a milk carton.
I checked Malone's blog
again today.
There are more entries
blazing the Red Phantom movie.
I think Malone was kidnapped
before the blogs showed up.
He was probably going to honor
his deal with Parastone.
So, the kidnapper
is the one roasting this
new movie online?
He also wrote,
''The guilty will pay.''
The guilty will pay?
Yep.
Wow.
One of these comic book freaks
has clearly blurred the line
between reality and
comic book.
The kidnapper still has
one more person to snatch.
And it appears he's targeting
anyone involved
in this bribery scam.
(CELLULAR PHONE RINGING)
Talia. Talia has to be
the next victim.
We need to get
the real police in here.
Hello?
Uh, hello, Mr. Takei,
what can I do for you?
Just name it.
Hold on.
It's for you.
G-Dog. What's up, handsome?
Beatrice?
I canned her.
Yeah, she's out of here.
Tonight? Absolutely, sir.
l'll meet you there.
Huh.
What? What's happening?
Karaoke with George later.
Get out of here.
This is a Trek fan's
dream come true.
Hmm. Awkward.
What?
He sort of just invited me.
You know what?
Call him back,
tell him I said we need you
for all the high harmonies.
This is messed up, Shawn.
No, this is messed up.
This isn't a churro.
This is...
I don't know what this is.
Okay, finally got a hold
of your husband.
He's on his way,
but apparently
traffic is a nightmare.
Thank you, Carlton.
Everything's looking
really good.
You just relax.
I'm going to go now
and let you...
No, wait.
Wait, wait, wait.
Don't... Don't go.
You want me to stay?
Yeah. In class,
I always had a coach.
So, just stand here
and keep your eyes
north of the equator.
Yeah, that won't be a problem.
You ready
for your epidural?
No, thank you.
I'm going to do
this naturally.
Okay. We'll hold off, then.
Mmm-hmm.
Are you insane?
I don't need it.
Listen, I would put myself
on a morphine pump
if I were going to push
eleven pounds of limbs
and elbows out of...
l've made my decision.
And I admire you for it.
Have you considered this?
Maybe the whole thing
is a stunt.
What do you mean?
You know,
to promote the movie.
The whole scenario
is just so fantastical.
It's like a plot
to a comic book.
Dent could have arranged it,
maybe Talia.
It could have been
all three of them.
It's just so theatrical
with the cryptic notes.
Shawn?
Hi.
Hi. Gus said
you've seen the kidnapper.
You told her that?
We needed her.
Can you give me
a description?
You can't tell her
l've seen the kidnapper when
I didn't see the kidnapper.
I didn't see the kidnapper.
You didn't?
I saw through
the kidnapper's eyes.
He was stalking
his next victim.
It was a woman.
Shawn.
Talia. It's Talia.
Wait. The woman you discovered
the second note with
is the third victim?
Quite possibly.
Or she could be the kidnapper.
So, what,
she's kidnapping herself?
Or the second victim
is the kidnapper
and he was just pretending
to get kidnapped.
Guys, I just saw her.
She's outside on the phone.
Man.
Where did you see her last?
Over there.
Oh, man.
''9-1 ...'' Uh-oh.
GUS:
What? No note?
SHAWN:
Wait a minute.
Excuse me.
Thank you.
''Judgment day.''
Looks like Talia's
joined Malone and Dent
in missing-persons land.
Judgment day?
It sounds bad.
That's, like, the day
that you're judged.
In T2 it was
the end of mankind.
Though I doubt our kidnapper
has first-strike
nuclear capabilities.
Ooh!
What the hell
are you doing?
Running makes me hungry.
You know that.
You don't know
where those have been.
They could have bird flu
on them or something.
Bird flu. Wow.
Look at you.
How can you read a comic book
at a time like this?
First of all,
I can read a comic anytime.
And secondly,
Juliet has almost the entire
police force inside there.
They'll find Talia
and the others.
Dude, whatever
this crazy person has planned
for these people,
he's going to do it soon.
He has all his victims.
We need to figure out
who stands to gain
from the disappearance
of those three
and who would want
the Red Phantom movie
to tank this badly.
Why don't you ask your friend,
George Takei?
I would.
But once he starts
singing Afternoon Delight,
he just goes to another place.
Shawn?
Juliet didn't find anything
at the latest crime scene
to help?
Shawn?
No forensics on the note?
Shawn?
What?
Look. It's the same
as the note in Malone's room.
Somebody's recreating
the crime from
this comic book.
What happens
in this thing?
A super-villain named
Fear Career,
he kidnaps the judge,
prosecutor
and defense attorney
he felt
locked him up years ago.
Fear Career. Awesome.
Then what?
He sets them on fire.
He sets them on fire?
Yeah.
Give me that.
What the hell are you doing?
Looking for clues.
You're ruining
a first printing
near-mint work of art.
l've been looking
for that comic
for five years now.
Gus, lives are at stake.
The kidnapper must be
some kind of deranged fan.
Deranged? Yes. Fan?
I'm not so sure.
Wait, what?
What the...
You're buying me another one.
First printing!
(WOMAN CHATTERING ON P.A.)
(GROANING)
She's not focusing.
Can you help
motivate her a little bit?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Motivation was my thing
at the academy.
All right,
now you listen to me,
it's time to squeeze
this puppy out.
So, when I say push,
I want you to push,
you understand me?
Push! Push! Push!
Yeah, that's not really
working for me right now!
Fine, I was just
giving it a shot!
Um, okay, okay.
Just, just remain calm.
Everything's going to be fine.
Uh, yeah.
I don't need that either.
I don't know
what you want then.
I don't know
what any woman wants.
Just give me your hand
and shut the hell up.
It's crowning. Here we go.
Here we go.
(SCREAMING)
It's a girl.
(CRYING)
We did it.
Want to cut the cord, Dad?
No, I'm not the...
Yeah, okay.
Oh, oh, you're going to...
Oh!
Hi, there.
Nice to meet you.
Children are
one of the reasons
my wife and I split up.
She didn't think
I wanted any.
She was wrong.
Yeah, that's great, Carlton.
You think I might
hold my baby now?
Of course.
We need to find Juliet fast.
She's in plain clothes.
She could be anywhere
in this place.
It's like looking for
a needle in a haystack.
I know how
I can get her attention.
Shawn!
Will you stop going up there?
Sorry. Judgment day.
Got to do it.
Ladies and gentlemen,
George... Uh, okay, okay.
Please welcome back
to the stage psychic
Shawn Spencer!
I'm sensing something.
Something strong.
A spirit. A disturbed spirit.
Why is my assistant up there?
Maybe he's setting up
a karaoke machine
for your duet, Chekov.
Sulu, damn it!
It's getting clear now.
It's a kidnapping spirit
responsible for crimes
committed right here
at the con!
(ALL MURMURING)
I need heIp.
I must caII upon the powers
of Magic Head!
ALL: Magic Head! Magic Head!
Magic Head! Magic Head!
Magic Head!
Who's Magic Head?
Where are you going?
(CROWD CHEERING)
I can see it now.
It is a vengeful spirit
and there is a color.
The color is green.
It is the Green Spirit.
The kidnapper is the creator
of The Green Spirit,
Hiltz Kooler.
Ah, yes, you had motive,
didn't you?
The studio execs bastardized
your beloved Green Spirit
and turned him into
a pop culture punch line.
You hated Malone,
The Malcontent,
because it was his tidal wave
of bad buzz
that sunk your flick.
You were on the brink
of becoming a moguI.
But then it all slipped away.
Now you're reduced
to cursing nipples
and signing autographs
at conventions.
Like a classic
super-villain, you were
driven mad by revenge.
You read Malone's blogs,
Looking for clues
to his true identity.
Then, one day,
Like manna from heaven,
The Malcontent blogged
he was coming here.
You aIso read the execs
who had screwed your character
would be here, too.
All the people that
wronged you in the same place
at the same time.
The opportunity was too good
to pass up.
And you could
hide your identity
by wearing a costume.
And every time you snatched
one of your victims,
you Left a note just Like
Fear Career in your comic.
Yes, people!
This was written
by a criminal.
There is malice in the ink.
I can see it now.
Hiltz always had
a very distinctive way
of writing the letter ''O. ''
It has the swirl.
I'm sure
if the police analyzed
this autograph,
they'll see the handwriting
is an exact match for the
kidnapper's threatening notes.
(CROWD CLAPPING)
It's the same thing
that happened in San Antonio.
Where are your victims?
My plan is already in motion
and there's nothing
you can do to stop it.
Somebody's re-creating
the crime
from this comic book.
What happens in this thing?
He sets them on fire.
They're near fire.
Dent even organized this whole
pyrotechnics display.
Under the stage.
Oh, down here.
They're here. All of them.
Look, don't worry,
everything's going to be
just fine, okay?
We're going to
get you out of here.
Guys.
Hi. Hi.
So, after I collared
the villain
and saved the girl,
Jules grabbed the others
and everyone hoisted me
on their shoulders,
carried me to the car
chanting my name.
It was awesome.
Oh, but your story
about cutting the cord
was good, too.
Lot of drama, suspense,
twist ending that I don't
think any of us saw coming.
At which point
did you faint?
I did not faint.
I was merely
resting my eyes momentarily
and fell slightly backwards.
Hey, I don't know
if it makes a difference.
I think you're a hero.
Which one is hers?
I don't know.
Lassiter, you cut the cord.
Well, they all look alike.
Is there one that poops a lot?
I know.
Let's ask our psychic.
You know what, guys,
this is weird,
I'm not getting anything.
I think one of these babies
might be evil, blocking
my abilities to communicate.
Damien?
Come on. isn't it obvious?
She looks exactly like me.
Hi.
Chief, should you be up
and walking?
Walking?
I'm coming into work tomorrow.
No, don't be ridiculous.
You need to go home
with your child. Relax.
Take a load off.
Refresh yourself.
January, I think January.
Come back in January.
So glad you both
could make it.
Make it? I live here.
What's that behind your back,
Shawn?
I dropped back by the con.
You went back without me?
Those people, good people,
good hearts.
You were right
from the beginning, Gus.
And I didn't want
to ruin the surprise.
Introducing,
Tranya Independent Comics'
latest limited-edition
one-shot...
Surprise.
''Follow
the adventures of Psych-Man
''as he uses
his bizarre mental powers
to foil criminal plots
''with his sidekick
Magic Head.''
And bam!
(HENRY SNICKERS)
What's that supposed to be?
Dude, it's Magic Head!
It's like looking in a mirror.
Why would I need a wand
when I have a magic head?
It's a ceremonial thing.
It's, it's just...
It's representative.
You don't actually
use the wand.
Stupid.
I think it's dope.
Now, who wants an autograph?
♪ ♪ In between the lines
there's a lot of obscurity ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ I'm not inclined
to resign to maturity ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ If it's all right
then you're all wrong ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ But why bounce around
to the same damn song? ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ You'd rather run
when you can't crawl ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ I know, you know
That I'm not telling the truth ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ I know, you know
They just don't have any proof ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Embrace the deception
learn how to bend ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Your worst inhibitions
tend to psych you out
in the end ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ I know, you know ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ I know, you know ♪ ♪