Psych (2006–2014): Season 1, Episode 8 - Shawn vs. the Red Phantom - full transcript
While detective Carlton Lassiter must drive the pregnant captain to hospital, Juliet O'Hara enlists Psych unofficially to start looking before the legal 48 hours pass into the disappearance of well-behaved nerd-knave Breyfogle. Examining his room suffices to realize the teen came into spending money and took two mates, fellow teenage comics-fans Don and Rob, to the nearby triennial convention TriCon. There Shawn performs as psychic and poses of Star Trek star Takei's assistant to snoop with true fan Gus into what turns out to be a planned series of crimes inspired by a comic.
Faster than a speeding bullet,
more powerful than...
Hey.
Hey.
Where did these comics come from?
Gus, right?
Come here.
Well, at least you're not a tattletale.
What's the big deal? All the kids read them.
Yeah, well, all the kids don't live in this house,
and all the kids don't have a police officer as a father, Shawn.
So what? So, these things make cops look like idiots
who'd rather flash a signal in the sky than do real police work.
They set a bad example. They do not.
Shawn, don't argue with me.
Do you have any idea of how many kids' brains
I have to scoop up off the driveway because they think they can fly?
Those kids are dumb.
Shawn, these things are a fantasy.
Real heroes do not wear a cape and they don't wear their underwear on the outside.
The guys who wear capes...
They're on angel dust.
Come here.
You want to know what a real hero is?
What? He's flesh and blood.
He wears a badge. He lays it on the line every time he walks the beat.
Shawn, do you really want to be a hero someday?
Yes, sir.
Become a cop.
Get your head out of the clouds.
(SIGHING)
All right, let's see if we can make this thing useful somehow, huh?
Hit the showers.
(PHONE RINGING)
(GROANS)
(PHONE RINGS)
SHAWN.: Somebody needs a hot oil massage.
Pardon?
Stress? Tough day at the office?
Who are you kidding? You'II probably never get those reports typed.
Who is this? Shawn.
Spencer.
Great, you were already thinking about me.
You know, you should roll your head both directions
if you really want that to work. Okay, where are you?
On the phone. Where are you?
You know damn well where I am. How can you see me?
Do you really want to know?
I don't ask questions I don't want to know the answer to.
Then never ask a boyfriend if he thinks your sister's hot.
I don't have a sister. How about a boyfriend?
Where are you?
WeII, there's a spectraI plane where all of our auras are visible, see.
When a souI is tortured or stressed, Like yourself...
Okay, never mind.
You asked. You know what, Shawn?
I have a really hectic day today.
The chief, she's... Out of the office.
Going to a seminar on non-lethal weaponry with Lassiter? Out of town?
She sort of Left you in charge?
Okay, psychic. Give me the details. How did you figure that out?
Most of it is in her day planner.
(GASPS)
You cannot be in the chief's office.
Oh, come on. She's not going to know.
Notice how no one ever Looks in here? Why is that?
What are you guys so afraid of? It's not Like the belly bites.
She's actually a pretty kick-back Lady if you give her a chance.
Look what she's done with this place, it's really warm in here.
I know I can't stay away. And have you tried this chair?
Okay, you have five seconds to get your butt out of...
Actually, you know what? Stay right there.
Ooh, indecisive. I Like that.
Take a look at that. Tell me what you think.
Flower doodle in the upper right-hand corner is excellent.
This horse at the bottom doesn't look anything like My Little Pony.
The writing, not the...
That's a dog.
I draw when I get anxious.
I think you made a wise decision not going into animation, Juliet.
Mmm. Okay, fine.
Something about a missing kid.
He's not a kid. He's 18.
And he's only been gone for 24 hours, so technically he's not missing.
You want my help. I'm not sure yet.
His name is Malone Breyfogle.
Malone Breyfogle? Mmm-hmm.
l'll tell you this much, kid's been lifted up by his underwear more than once.
He seems like a good kid.
Honor roll, never been in trouble.
His mother's worried sick.
You can't do anything until he's been missing for 48 hours?
That's so stupid.
Exactly. I know the rules and regulations.
They made sense when I memorized them, but...
When you have to look into some poor mother's eyes
and tell her she can't worry about her son until he's two days missing...
That is really depressing. Consider me hired.
You're not hired. I can't pay you.
If it turns out there's something to it,
l'll make sure you get put on the case. That's all I can do.
Juliet,
I'm quite sure we can work out some kind of services exchange.
You see, I like to do a little sketching myself, and sometimes I need a model.
Huh.
Was that inappropriate?
Felt okay.
Let me get this straight. I left in the middle of work to come check out a case,
which is not a case, in which we likely won't get paid.
Who are you kidding right now?
I pulled you out of a Starbucks.
Where you were pretending to finish your route
that you actually finished yesterday
so we could do a tiny favor for Juliet
that will grant us much larger favors in the future.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Preferably ones that I can't mention in the presence of nuns or men of the cloth.
Oh, hello. Thank you so much for coming.
Come in. Can I get you boys anything?
LESLlE: They'll be ready in a minute.
I can't believe you're letting that woman make us pancakes.
She offered, Gus.
Tell me you're not excited about pancakes.
She's worried sick. Cooking helps her cope.
How do you know that? How do you know it doesn't?
LESLlE: Do you boys want your syrup warmed up?
I don't need it, Mrs. Breyfogle, but Gus does,
so, I guess, yes.
You're the one who won't eat cold syrup.
Yeah, but I'm working you into the conversation.
Now she knows your name.
I'm just afraid something terrible has happened.
Here you go. Mmm-hmm.
My son, Malone, has been acting so strange lately.
Strange how?
Well, he worked so hard to get a paid summer internship
with a big computer company,
then turned it down at the last second, wouldn't tell me why.
Rarely leaves his room.
Even his two oldest friends, Rob and Don, tell me they hardly get to see him.
Have you spoken with Rob and Don since Malone disappeared?
No. I spoke to their parents. Both boys are at computer camp.
All right.
These are delicious. Yes.
But I need to see his room.
Are you all right?
I feel the answer is in the light.
The light?
Shawn?
Will you tell the spirit to hurry the hell up?
Oh, yes.
Yes, I'm definitely feeling something here.
It's good.
It's nice.
What? What is it?
This mattress. It feels like one of those mattresses
where you can bounce a bowling ball, but the glass of wine doesn't spill.
Gus, go find a glass of wine and a bowling ball.
Mrs. Breyfogle,
I feel we'll find a clue in here.
(EXCLAIMS)
♪ ♪ I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ I know, you know They just don't have any proof ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Embrace the deception Learn how to bend ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end ♪ ♪
How does some 18-year-old kid still living at home make that kind of money?
Lemonade stand?
That is, if instead of lemons, he's using heroin.
Whatever it is, anything that pays in stacks of cash like that can't be legal.
Or healthful.
It's obvious what happened. Malone was involved in some shady dealings.
He's either off on a spending spree or things got a little too shady for him.
So, what now?
Find his friends. Computer camp, please.
Malone's rolling in dough.
Whatever he's doing, they're with him. We find them, we find him.
The question is where.
Wait a second.
You don't already know where he is?
Gus, I'm a professional gathering information, okay? I'm getting there.
(CHUCKLES) You know, Shawn, l...
I just thought you were a little better than this.
Just a little. All right, what is this?
You know where he is? Of course I do.
While you're playing with light switches and ordering breakfast,
I was investigating a case.
I see.
Okay.
Okay, l'll bite.
Where is he, Chocolate Columbo?
Tri-Con.
Do what? Tri-Con.
The Tri-Annual Comic Book and Science Fiction Convention
is in Santa Barbara this weekend.
You saw all those comic books in Malone's room.
You're 18 years old. You have a ton of cash
burning a hole in your pocket and you love comics.
Where else would you go to spend your disposable income?
Think, Shawn.
Gus, I apologize. That's brilliant. Thank you.
Let's verify it so we can go check it out.
Shawn, I'm sure he's there. There's no doubt.
You're sure? Yep.
How's that?
(SIGHING)
Are those directions to the convention center?
I found it in his wastebasket.
You know, in case I never said it,
I was really pleased when you were named as chief.
Interim chief. I'm sure that's only temporary.
Mmm-hmm.
It's true that the outgoing chief was important to me.
He was my mentor. Made me the cop I am today.
Mmm-hmm.
I know the outside perception is that the force was a real boys' club under him,
so I thought it was really smart when they named a, you know, woman.
All right, honey.
Excuse me, what? I love you.
Huh?
(CHUCKLING) Okay.
Yeah, l'll just see you when we get back. Okay.
I'm sorry, Detective, were you saying something?
No, I wasn't.
We can't just walk into the con.
I'm sorry, ''the con''?
Yeah.
You're calling a place filled with overweight teenagers
battling mild cases of scoliosis and advanced bed-wetting ''the con''?
We can't get in there. The tickets were sold out a month ago.
Did you already try to get tickets?
Focus, Shawn. How much were they?
Will you focus?
No, no, no, leave this out of sight
until we get the issues resolved with the food in his room, all right?
I don't know if he's going to walk over the blueberry issue,
but we cannot have people lining up until we're sure he's participating.
I gotta call his agent. Get me a list of all the produce vendors in the area.
We can't risk alienating the Star Trek fans.
You can't come in without tickets.
They didn't tell you we were coming?
Who?
We work for George.
Takai?
You mean Takei?
Yeah. Those closest to him know exactly how he likes it pronounced, okay?
You think you can have a convention without Commander Chekov?
Sulu, jackass.
Have his fresh blueberries arrived yet?
I don't have record of receiving them yet.
You don't have record of having received them yet.
Give me that.
(LAUGHING SARCASTICALLY)
(LAUGHS) They don't have the fresh blueberries.
(ALL LAUGHING)
(STAMMERING) What's the big deal?
What's the big deal? What is the big deal?
Do you have any idea what happened when they forgot his blueberries
at the con in San Antonio?
That comb-over will be the least of your...
You know what, it's better.
It's better if you don't know.
It's how I ended up with a stutter and a wooden pinky toe.
Now for the love of Scotty... Still Sulu.
(STUTTERING) Would you...
Please, let me get in there and save all of our asses?
Dude, some guy in a wolf costume
with a light saber just said hi to you.
I don't know that guy.
He looked right at you.
He was mistaken.
He said, ''Hi, Gus.''
And then another dude with a cape and a codpiece gave you a half-nod.
I don't know any of these people, Shawn, okay? Uh-huh.
Hey, guys. I'm Talia. This is Dent.
We're from Parastone Pictures
and just wanted to remind you to go see the world premiere
of the Red Phantom trailer tomorrow night.
It'll be the biggest movie of the summer. Do not miss out.
No way, I love the dead phantom.
Red Phantom.
What, he didn't die at the end?
Bye. Bye.
I hear this movie's going to bomb.
MAN ON PA.: Check one. Check two.
Too bad. I kind of dug the Red Phantom.
You haven't even seen the trailer, you already hate it, how's that possible?
Fortress of Attitude.
What did you just say to me? Fortress of Attitude.
It's this site that reviews movies based on comic books.
The Malcontent, the guy who runs it,
says he already saw a 30-minute presentation here at the convention.
He blazed it online.
Can't you just look at porn on the net like every other guy and his brother?
Everybody reads this blog.
No. Not everybody.
Everybody here does, Shawn.
And you know what? I don't care what you think.
So why don't you let me do the talking here at the convention,
and try not to embarrass me.
This is my turf. And yes, I know the guy in the codpiece.
His name is Dave.
And he's a very nice guy.
Snap.
Two for 50 cents.
What? That's Hiltz Kooler.
Excuse me, Mr. Kooler?
I'm a huge Green Spirit fan.
He's my favorite, actually.
I was wondering,
would you mind signing my original copy
of The Green Spirit Strikes Again?
Whoa. Haven't seen one of these in a while.
I couldn't believe I found a guy selling one.
I love how this story reinvented the character for today.
Well, there you go.
Enjoy. It's one of my favorites.
You know, I wish they'd based the movie on this story arc.
What am I gonna do? I told them about a million times.
They don't listen to me. Still a huge fan.
Well, I'm glad someone is after that Green Spirit movie.
Wait, wait, wait. Is this the movie you dragged me to
where the hero had big nipples on the outside of his costume?
Damn those nipples.
(LAUGHING) They were like big angry marshmallows.
Be nice to him, Shawn.
The Green Spirit movie nearly killed the character.
Gus, all I care about is finding our guys.
I can't take much more of this.
There's too much real estate. We can't cover it all at once.
Maybe we should split up.
I can help our situation.
So, next on our List...
Sir, can I heIp you?
Yeah, I'm Shawn Spencer, psychic, SBPD. I just need a moment.
Psychic? Mmm-hmm.
welcome.
Ladies and gentlemen, science fiction fans,
we've got a special treat for you today,
we have a psychic, a real live professional psychic.
Shawn, no. Who's this?
(CROWD CLAMORING) This is my sidekick,
Magic Head.
(CROWD CHATTERING)
You're a psychic? Like Professor X?
Professor X is a telepath, not a psychic.
But I do have telepathic tendencies.
No, you don't. You have psychic visions. They're different.
No, really, I can do both. No, you can't.
Can you read me? Sure.
I'm getting a reading. I'm getting a reading right now, yes.
You spend a great deal of time in front of your computer.
(GASPS)
(CROWD MURMURING)
And, I see a girl. Yes.
You like her from afar.
She doesn't really know you exist.
Yes. Yes. Her name's Megan.
Do I have a chance?
Don't put too much work into it.
I think she might want to be ''just friends.''
Shawn, we're supposed to be looking for Malone.
Obviously Malone is keeping a low profile.
Whoa! Boy, I'm getting... Whoa! I'm getting an ''R.''
I am getting an ''R.''
Does anyone here have a name that begins with ''R''?
Oh, wait a second... Hold, nobody...and a ''D.''
Yes a ''D.'' An ''R'' and a ''D.''
(STAMMERING) An ''R'' name... Rim... Rolph...
Robert... No ''bert,'' just Rob.
Rob. And a ''D'' name, yes.
Uh, Dan. Uh, Doodle.
Dook... Dook... Dookie...
Duder... Dumb... Don! Yes!
Rob and a Don.
That's us!
(CROWD APPLAUDING)
An actual Rob and Don together.
(CHUCKLING) Sometimes I scare myself.
Hey, fellas, first I need you both to empty your pockets.
Mmm... Oh!
A room key. Even though you both reside locally.
Oh, our friend sprang for a hotel suite for us.
Ah, room 1 29.
428.
Yes, of course. I'm getting something.
This friend you speak of, I sense you haven't seen him for a while,
but you didn't tell anyone, no.
You're not supposed to be here.
You told your parents you were going to computer camp.
Computer camp, guys? Really?
I know what you're hiding.
We're not going after them?
What for? Malone's not with them.
But I think I know where he might be.
Ladies and gentlemen, Shawn Spencer and Magic Head.
Let's check out room 428.
Well, they seemed pretty convincing. That's them there!
Why are you telling people you're my assistants?
Because we are your assistants.
Excuse me? Are you serious, George?
(SCOFFS)
I know we said we'd work outside the loop,
but this is a little ridiculous.
I don't recognize you.
You hired us personally.
We met you in Chicago at a screening of that movie with the whales.
Star Trek IV.: The Voyage Home.
The last time I was in Chicago, I was doing a reading from my autobiography.
Right. We booked that.
Remember Robin told us he'd never be able to fill a room that size?
Yeah.
I don't know any Robin.
That's because I fired her.
Look, George, you don't need that kind of negativity, okay?
It's her fault what happened in San Antonio.
Though you didn't hear that from me.
I'm very confused.
Look, George, we can stand around and talk all day...
Like Robin used to.
Or I can try to do something about solving your blueberry crisis.
The choice is yours.
Well, all right, then. Get to it.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Ew! Gosh.
I see why Rob and Don were freaked.
They didn't want to be held responsible for this mess.
This place is trashed.
Maybe Johnny Depp stopped by.
(LAUGHING)
I'm sorry, did that joke just arrive in a time machine from 1992?
He used to trash hotel rooms. Used to.
The man has kids now. He lives in France.
You got a better version? Of course I do.
How about that lame-o who's dating Kate Moss?
He's British and nobody knows who he is.
Okay, fine. Too inside.
Stephen Dorff. Always solid.
Dude, come here.
Why would this kid have these mock-ups?
Because I think our missing person has a secret identity.
By day, he's a laptop-toting, comic-loving virgin.
At night,
he's your favorite blogger.
You think The Malcontent is a kid?
He must have pissed off the wrong people with his blog.
Shawn, look.
''One down, two to go.'' Hmm.
There goes the kid-on-a-spending-spree theory.
(EXCLAIMS)
Keith Moon.
I just went over the posts on Malone's blog.
Did he bash anything in particular?
The Red Phantom movie. He's relentless.
It's weird, because if you go back a little,
he was originally saying great things about it.
So Parastone Pictures paid him to praise the Red Phantom flick.
That must be where all the money from his room came from.
Makes sense.
Malone's blog started the bad buzz
which sunk Parastone's last comic book movie.
I don't think the nipples helped either, Gus. Well, yeah.
So the studio had everything riding on this new film.
They would have done anything to prevent history from repeating itself.
But Malone blazed The Red Phantom anyway.
He reneged, which might be why he's missing.
We need to find those execs.
Hey. Any progress?
I picked up Malone's astral trail.
That's what it's called.
It leads to a hotel across from the convention center.
Room 428. Oak door, can't miss it.
That's more specific than usual.
Sometimes the spirits are in a giving mood.
You won't find Malone,
but l sense some seriously dark
juju magumbo went down in there.
Yeah, send some uniforms to the hotel across from the convention center
and tell them to cordon off room 428.
Good.
This had better be for real.
So, how's the convention?
A lot of cool stuff going on, I bet.
Oh, come on. Not you, too.
You're a collector, too? Since middle school.
I just got Hiltz Kooler's autograph.
Shut up, you did not? Yes, I did.
Hi. Missing kid, worried mom.
Can we focus here?
Since when did you get so structured?
Since you turned into Urkel
(STAMMERING) and you just became
(STAMMERING) Jan Brady...
Wow. Tina Yothers...
There's... There's not an exact match for that.
You didn't want to tell her about our suspicions with the Parastone executives?
Please, Gus, we have to leave something to divine later.
Yeah. This is nice.
It's good one-on-one time.
Let the guard down.
You know, I had an idea not too long ago,
and it's funny I should think of it now,
but it really doesn't make any sense to have so many officers
working the daytime shift at Grab.
Detective. Since most car thefts occur at night.
Now, if you were to split the shift, go with me on this...
Carlton! What?
My water just broke.
Are you sure?
No, Carlton, there's water spilling out of me for some other reason.
Oh, no. Oh, can you move my briefcase?
Your briefcase? It might be in the line of the...
Do you understand how uncomfortable this is?
It's leather. I didn't Scotchguard it!
You know what, never mind.
Just has tremendous sentimental value.
Just take me to the nearest hospital. All right?
Oh, I don't think we need that. Oh, I think we do.
Do you know what? We'll use the siren, too. For you. Just in case.
(SIREN WAILING)
Hey, guys. Hey.
Can't stop to talk. Got to sign autographs.
Look, dude, I got a date with that Talia girl from the studio in, like, an hour.
A nice romantic walk on the beach to Jim's.
Best scungilli in Santa Barbara.
Why couldn't you just talk to her now?
Because, Gus, happy hour doesn't start until 5:00.
You're supposed to be figuring out if she's innocent.
That's exactly what I plan to do.
Shawn. GT.
The blueberries are still wrong.
I requested North Carolina blueberries, but they sent me Michigan blueberries.
People say I'm crazy, but I can taste the difference.
I don't think that's crazy at all.
And I requested that my green room not be at the end of the hall.
I have to be in the middle. It's affecting my chi.
Gus. What?
Did you skimp out and get the Michigan blueberries?
What? And screw up the room location?
And what are you doing to George's chi?
Are you touching it and whatnot? Stop it.
This is my fault, Mr. Takei.
My fault for farming out responsibilities
that I should have seen to personally.
My humblest apologies.
We'll get you the right blueberries as soon as possible
and a better room assignment. You have my word.
Well, all right, then.
Good help is hard to find, I suppose.
Why did you blame that on me?
Dude, we needed a fall guy.
I can't be the fall guy in front of one of my heroes, Shawn.
Okay, then you and l need to create a third imaginary assistant
that's completely incompetent.
I think her name should be Beatrice.
What say you?
All right, yeah, just send it to my assistant.
It's tremendous.
You don't mind it, though. You don't mind all the comic book stuff?
It's fun, harmless, a little wish fulfillment.
Oh, come on, you didn't pretend to fly around like Superman
when you were a kid?
So, uh, pretty high stakes on the Red Phantom movie, huh?
We, uh, took a bath a couple of years ago on this other comic book movie,
The Adventures of the Green Spirit.
Yeah, the nipple flick.
God, is that all anyone remembers about that movie? Yes.
Ugh, we had to build a landfill for the unsold action figures.
So, we're pulling out all the stops
to launch the trailer for the Red Phantom movie.
You know, lasers, music.
Dent even organized this whole pyrotechnics display.
Word of mouth is the first and most vital step in this world.
Vital enough to pay somebody off?
What?
Hmm? Let's say there's a blogger, right?
And he's wielding way more power than he should.
And he can be had for a price.
You guys would be fools not to take a shot, right?
Who are you, Shawn?
I'm a psychic. I work with the police.
I'm investigating a disappearance.
Malone Breyfogle. The Malcontent.
I'm sensing you probably know a lot about him.
Okay, this conversation is over.
No. It's just starting to get good.
See, he reneged on a promise and now he's missing.
Missing?
Look, whether or not this guy had a consultation fee is besides the point.
We don't harm people. It's just a movie.
Just a movie?
You think your boss will tell me the same thing?
I don't know. Why don't we go ask him together?
Dent is back at our convention headquarters.
Fine. So, no scungilli, then?
I didn't expect you to be so cooperative,
so if I seemed a little pushy...
Accusing me of kidnapping?
I accused you of bribery.
I implied you may have had something to do with the kidnapping.
There's a difference.
You know, a lot of couples start off on the wrong foot.
It just means we have nowhere to go but up.
Well, when you're done here with Dent, we're done.
What the...
Oh, my God. What happened here? Where is he?
Some seriously dark juju magumbo went down in here.
''Two down, one to go.''
Okay, good news, your boss is innocent.
Bad news, he just became a face on a milk carton.
I checked Malone's blog again today.
There are more entries blazing the Red Phantom movie.
I think Malone was kidnapped before the blogs showed up.
He was probably going to honor his deal with Parastone.
So, the kidnapper is the one roasting this new movie online?
He also wrote, ''The guilty will pay.''
The guilty will pay?
Yep. Wow.
One of these comic book freaks has clearly blurred the line
between reality and
comic book.
The kidnapper still has one more person to snatch.
And it appears he's targeting anyone involved in this bribery scam.
(CELLULAR PHONE RINGING) Talia. Talia has to be the next victim.
We need to get the real police in here.
Hello? Uh, hello, Mr. Takei, what can I do for you?
Just name it.
Hold on. It's for you.
G-Dog. What's up, handsome? Beatrice?
I canned her. Yeah, she's out of here.
Tonight? Absolutely, sir. l'll meet you there.
Huh. What? What's happening?
Karaoke with George later.
Get out of here.
This is a Trek fan's dream come true.
Hmm. Awkward.
What? He sort of just invited me.
You know what? Call him back,
tell him I said we need you for all the high harmonies.
This is messed up, Shawn.
No, this is messed up.
This isn't a churro. This is... I don't know what this is.
Okay, finally got a hold of your husband.
He's on his way, but apparently traffic is a nightmare.
Thank you, Carlton.
Everything's looking really good.
You just relax.
I'm going to go now and let you...
No, wait. Wait, wait, wait. Don't... Don't go.
You want me to stay?
Yeah. In class, I always had a coach.
So, just stand here and keep your eyes north of the equator.
Yeah, that won't be a problem.
You ready for your epidural?
No, thank you. I'm going to do this naturally.
Okay. We'll hold off, then. Mmm-hmm.
Are you insane? I don't need it.
Listen, I would put myself on a morphine pump
if I were going to push eleven pounds of limbs and elbows out of...
l've made my decision.
And I admire you for it.
Have you considered this? Maybe the whole thing is a stunt.
What do you mean? You know, to promote the movie.
The whole scenario is just so fantastical.
It's like a plot to a comic book.
Dent could have arranged it, maybe Talia.
It could have been all three of them.
It's just so theatrical with the cryptic notes.
Shawn? Hi.
Hi. Gus said you've seen the kidnapper.
You told her that? We needed her.
Can you give me a description?
You can't tell her l've seen the kidnapper when I didn't see the kidnapper.
I didn't see the kidnapper. You didn't?
I saw through the kidnapper's eyes.
He was stalking his next victim. It was a woman.
Shawn.
Talia. It's Talia.
Wait. The woman you discovered the second note with is the third victim?
Quite possibly. Or she could be the kidnapper.
So, what, she's kidnapping herself?
Or the second victim is the kidnapper
and he was just pretending to get kidnapped.
Guys, I just saw her. She's outside on the phone.
Man.
Where did you see her last? Over there.
Oh, man.
''9-1 ...'' Uh-oh.
GUS: What? No note?
SHAWN: Wait a minute.
Excuse me.
Thank you.
''Judgment day.''
Looks like Talia's joined Malone and Dent in missing-persons land.
Judgment day? It sounds bad.
That's, like, the day that you're judged.
In T2 it was the end of mankind.
Though I doubt our kidnapper has first-strike nuclear capabilities.
Ooh!
What the hell are you doing?
Running makes me hungry. You know that.
You don't know where those have been.
They could have bird flu on them or something.
Bird flu. Wow. Look at you.
How can you read a comic book at a time like this?
First of all, I can read a comic anytime.
And secondly, Juliet has almost the entire police force inside there.
They'll find Talia and the others.
Dude, whatever this crazy person has planned for these people,
he's going to do it soon.
He has all his victims.
We need to figure out who stands to gain
from the disappearance of those three
and who would want the Red Phantom movie to tank this badly.
Why don't you ask your friend, George Takei?
I would.
But once he starts singing Afternoon Delight, he just goes to another place.
Shawn?
Juliet didn't find anything at the latest crime scene to help?
Shawn? No forensics on the note?
Shawn? What?
Look. It's the same as the note in Malone's room.
Somebody's recreating the crime from this comic book.
What happens in this thing?
A super-villain named Fear Career,
he kidnaps the judge, prosecutor and defense attorney
he felt locked him up years ago.
Fear Career. Awesome. Then what?
He sets them on fire.
He sets them on fire? Yeah.
Give me that. What the hell are you doing?
Looking for clues.
You're ruining a first printing near-mint work of art.
l've been looking for that comic for five years now.
Gus, lives are at stake.
The kidnapper must be some kind of deranged fan.
Deranged? Yes. Fan?
I'm not so sure.
Wait, what? What the...
You're buying me another one. First printing!
(WOMAN CHATTERING ON P.A.)
(GROANING)
She's not focusing. Can you help motivate her a little bit?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Motivation was my thing at the academy.
All right, now you listen to me,
it's time to squeeze this puppy out.
So, when I say push, I want you to push, you understand me?
Push! Push! Push!
Yeah, that's not really working for me right now!
Fine, I was just giving it a shot!
Um, okay, okay.
Just, just remain calm.
Everything's going to be fine.
Uh, yeah. I don't need that either.
I don't know what you want then.
I don't know what any woman wants.
Just give me your hand and shut the hell up.
It's crowning. Here we go. Here we go.
(SCREAMING)
It's a girl.
(CRYING)
We did it.
Want to cut the cord, Dad?
No, I'm not the... Yeah, okay.
Oh, oh, you're going to... Oh!
Hi, there.
Nice to meet you.
Children are one of the reasons my wife and I split up.
She didn't think I wanted any.
She was wrong.
Yeah, that's great, Carlton.
You think I might hold my baby now?
Of course.
We need to find Juliet fast.
She's in plain clothes. She could be anywhere in this place.
It's like looking for a needle in a haystack.
I know how I can get her attention.
Shawn! Will you stop going up there?
Sorry. Judgment day. Got to do it.
Ladies and gentlemen, George... Uh, okay, okay.
Please welcome back to the stage psychic Shawn Spencer!
I'm sensing something. Something strong.
A spirit. A disturbed spirit.
Why is my assistant up there?
Maybe he's setting up a karaoke machine for your duet, Chekov.
Sulu, damn it!
It's getting clear now.
It's a kidnapping spirit
responsible for crimes committed right here at the con!
(ALL MURMURING) I need heIp.
I must caII upon the powers of Magic Head!
ALL: Magic Head! Magic Head! Magic Head! Magic Head! Magic Head!
Who's Magic Head?
Where are you going?
(CROWD CHEERING)
I can see it now.
It is a vengeful spirit and there is a color.
The color is green. It is the Green Spirit.
The kidnapper is the creator of The Green Spirit,
Hiltz Kooler.
Ah, yes, you had motive, didn't you?
The studio execs bastardized your beloved Green Spirit
and turned him into a pop culture punch line.
You hated Malone, The Malcontent,
because it was his tidal wave of bad buzz that sunk your flick.
You were on the brink of becoming a moguI. But then it all slipped away.
Now you're reduced to cursing nipples
and signing autographs at conventions.
Like a classic super-villain, you were driven mad by revenge.
You read Malone's blogs, Looking for clues to his true identity.
Then, one day, Like manna from heaven,
The Malcontent blogged he was coming here.
You aIso read the execs who had screwed your character would be here, too.
All the people that wronged you in the same place at the same time.
The opportunity was too good to pass up.
And you could hide your identity by wearing a costume.
And every time you snatched one of your victims,
you Left a note just Like Fear Career in your comic.
Yes, people!
This was written by a criminal.
There is malice in the ink.
I can see it now.
Hiltz always had a very distinctive way of writing the letter ''O. ''
It has the swirl.
I'm sure if the police analyzed this autograph,
they'll see the handwriting is an exact match for the kidnapper's threatening notes.
(CROWD CLAPPING)
It's the same thing that happened in San Antonio.
Where are your victims?
My plan is already in motion and there's nothing you can do to stop it.
Somebody's re-creating the crime from this comic book.
What happens in this thing? He sets them on fire.
They're near fire.
Dent even organized this whole pyrotechnics display.
Under the stage.
Oh, down here.
They're here. All of them.
Look, don't worry, everything's going to be just fine, okay?
We're going to get you out of here.
Guys.
Hi. Hi.
So, after I collared the villain and saved the girl,
Jules grabbed the others
and everyone hoisted me on their shoulders,
carried me to the car chanting my name.
It was awesome.
Oh, but your story about cutting the cord was good, too.
Lot of drama, suspense, twist ending that I don't think any of us saw coming.
At which point did you faint?
I did not faint.
I was merely resting my eyes momentarily and fell slightly backwards.
Hey, I don't know if it makes a difference. I think you're a hero.
Which one is hers?
I don't know. Lassiter, you cut the cord.
Well, they all look alike. Is there one that poops a lot?
I know. Let's ask our psychic.
You know what, guys, this is weird, I'm not getting anything.
I think one of these babies might be evil, blocking my abilities to communicate.
Damien?
Come on. isn't it obvious? She looks exactly like me.
Hi.
Chief, should you be up and walking?
Walking? I'm coming into work tomorrow.
No, don't be ridiculous. You need to go home with your child. Relax.
Take a load off. Refresh yourself.
January, I think January. Come back in January.
So glad you both could make it.
Make it? I live here.
What's that behind your back, Shawn?
I dropped back by the con. You went back without me?
Those people, good people, good hearts.
You were right from the beginning, Gus.
And I didn't want to ruin the surprise.
Introducing, Tranya Independent Comics'
latest limited-edition one-shot...
Surprise.
''Follow the adventures of Psych-Man
''as he uses his bizarre mental powers to foil criminal plots
''with his sidekick Magic Head.''
And bam!
(HENRY SNICKERS)
What's that supposed to be?
Dude, it's Magic Head! It's like looking in a mirror.
Why would I need a wand when I have a magic head?
It's a ceremonial thing. It's, it's just... It's representative.
You don't actually use the wand.
Stupid.
I think it's dope.
Now, who wants an autograph?
♪ ♪ In between the lines there's a lot of obscurity ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ I'm not inclined to resign to maturity ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ If it's all right then you're all wrong ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ But why bounce around to the same damn song? ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ You'd rather run when you can't crawl ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ I know, you know They just don't have any proof ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Embrace the deception learn how to bend ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ I know, you know ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ I know, you know ♪ ♪
Hey.
Hey.
Where did these comics come from?
Gus, right?
Come here.
Well, at least you're not a tattletale.
What's the big deal? All the kids read them.
Yeah, well, all the kids don't live in this house,
and all the kids don't have a police officer as a father, Shawn.
So what? So, these things make cops look like idiots
who'd rather flash a signal in the sky than do real police work.
They set a bad example. They do not.
Shawn, don't argue with me.
Do you have any idea of how many kids' brains
I have to scoop up off the driveway because they think they can fly?
Those kids are dumb.
Shawn, these things are a fantasy.
Real heroes do not wear a cape and they don't wear their underwear on the outside.
The guys who wear capes...
They're on angel dust.
Come here.
You want to know what a real hero is?
What? He's flesh and blood.
He wears a badge. He lays it on the line every time he walks the beat.
Shawn, do you really want to be a hero someday?
Yes, sir.
Become a cop.
Get your head out of the clouds.
(SIGHING)
All right, let's see if we can make this thing useful somehow, huh?
Hit the showers.
(PHONE RINGING)
(GROANS)
(PHONE RINGS)
SHAWN.: Somebody needs a hot oil massage.
Pardon?
Stress? Tough day at the office?
Who are you kidding? You'II probably never get those reports typed.
Who is this? Shawn.
Spencer.
Great, you were already thinking about me.
You know, you should roll your head both directions
if you really want that to work. Okay, where are you?
On the phone. Where are you?
You know damn well where I am. How can you see me?
Do you really want to know?
I don't ask questions I don't want to know the answer to.
Then never ask a boyfriend if he thinks your sister's hot.
I don't have a sister. How about a boyfriend?
Where are you?
WeII, there's a spectraI plane where all of our auras are visible, see.
When a souI is tortured or stressed, Like yourself...
Okay, never mind.
You asked. You know what, Shawn?
I have a really hectic day today.
The chief, she's... Out of the office.
Going to a seminar on non-lethal weaponry with Lassiter? Out of town?
She sort of Left you in charge?
Okay, psychic. Give me the details. How did you figure that out?
Most of it is in her day planner.
(GASPS)
You cannot be in the chief's office.
Oh, come on. She's not going to know.
Notice how no one ever Looks in here? Why is that?
What are you guys so afraid of? It's not Like the belly bites.
She's actually a pretty kick-back Lady if you give her a chance.
Look what she's done with this place, it's really warm in here.
I know I can't stay away. And have you tried this chair?
Okay, you have five seconds to get your butt out of...
Actually, you know what? Stay right there.
Ooh, indecisive. I Like that.
Take a look at that. Tell me what you think.
Flower doodle in the upper right-hand corner is excellent.
This horse at the bottom doesn't look anything like My Little Pony.
The writing, not the...
That's a dog.
I draw when I get anxious.
I think you made a wise decision not going into animation, Juliet.
Mmm. Okay, fine.
Something about a missing kid.
He's not a kid. He's 18.
And he's only been gone for 24 hours, so technically he's not missing.
You want my help. I'm not sure yet.
His name is Malone Breyfogle.
Malone Breyfogle? Mmm-hmm.
l'll tell you this much, kid's been lifted up by his underwear more than once.
He seems like a good kid.
Honor roll, never been in trouble.
His mother's worried sick.
You can't do anything until he's been missing for 48 hours?
That's so stupid.
Exactly. I know the rules and regulations.
They made sense when I memorized them, but...
When you have to look into some poor mother's eyes
and tell her she can't worry about her son until he's two days missing...
That is really depressing. Consider me hired.
You're not hired. I can't pay you.
If it turns out there's something to it,
l'll make sure you get put on the case. That's all I can do.
Juliet,
I'm quite sure we can work out some kind of services exchange.
You see, I like to do a little sketching myself, and sometimes I need a model.
Huh.
Was that inappropriate?
Felt okay.
Let me get this straight. I left in the middle of work to come check out a case,
which is not a case, in which we likely won't get paid.
Who are you kidding right now?
I pulled you out of a Starbucks.
Where you were pretending to finish your route
that you actually finished yesterday
so we could do a tiny favor for Juliet
that will grant us much larger favors in the future.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Preferably ones that I can't mention in the presence of nuns or men of the cloth.
Oh, hello. Thank you so much for coming.
Come in. Can I get you boys anything?
LESLlE: They'll be ready in a minute.
I can't believe you're letting that woman make us pancakes.
She offered, Gus.
Tell me you're not excited about pancakes.
She's worried sick. Cooking helps her cope.
How do you know that? How do you know it doesn't?
LESLlE: Do you boys want your syrup warmed up?
I don't need it, Mrs. Breyfogle, but Gus does,
so, I guess, yes.
You're the one who won't eat cold syrup.
Yeah, but I'm working you into the conversation.
Now she knows your name.
I'm just afraid something terrible has happened.
Here you go. Mmm-hmm.
My son, Malone, has been acting so strange lately.
Strange how?
Well, he worked so hard to get a paid summer internship
with a big computer company,
then turned it down at the last second, wouldn't tell me why.
Rarely leaves his room.
Even his two oldest friends, Rob and Don, tell me they hardly get to see him.
Have you spoken with Rob and Don since Malone disappeared?
No. I spoke to their parents. Both boys are at computer camp.
All right.
These are delicious. Yes.
But I need to see his room.
Are you all right?
I feel the answer is in the light.
The light?
Shawn?
Will you tell the spirit to hurry the hell up?
Oh, yes.
Yes, I'm definitely feeling something here.
It's good.
It's nice.
What? What is it?
This mattress. It feels like one of those mattresses
where you can bounce a bowling ball, but the glass of wine doesn't spill.
Gus, go find a glass of wine and a bowling ball.
Mrs. Breyfogle,
I feel we'll find a clue in here.
(EXCLAIMS)
♪ ♪ I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ I know, you know They just don't have any proof ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Embrace the deception Learn how to bend ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end ♪ ♪
How does some 18-year-old kid still living at home make that kind of money?
Lemonade stand?
That is, if instead of lemons, he's using heroin.
Whatever it is, anything that pays in stacks of cash like that can't be legal.
Or healthful.
It's obvious what happened. Malone was involved in some shady dealings.
He's either off on a spending spree or things got a little too shady for him.
So, what now?
Find his friends. Computer camp, please.
Malone's rolling in dough.
Whatever he's doing, they're with him. We find them, we find him.
The question is where.
Wait a second.
You don't already know where he is?
Gus, I'm a professional gathering information, okay? I'm getting there.
(CHUCKLES) You know, Shawn, l...
I just thought you were a little better than this.
Just a little. All right, what is this?
You know where he is? Of course I do.
While you're playing with light switches and ordering breakfast,
I was investigating a case.
I see.
Okay.
Okay, l'll bite.
Where is he, Chocolate Columbo?
Tri-Con.
Do what? Tri-Con.
The Tri-Annual Comic Book and Science Fiction Convention
is in Santa Barbara this weekend.
You saw all those comic books in Malone's room.
You're 18 years old. You have a ton of cash
burning a hole in your pocket and you love comics.
Where else would you go to spend your disposable income?
Think, Shawn.
Gus, I apologize. That's brilliant. Thank you.
Let's verify it so we can go check it out.
Shawn, I'm sure he's there. There's no doubt.
You're sure? Yep.
How's that?
(SIGHING)
Are those directions to the convention center?
I found it in his wastebasket.
You know, in case I never said it,
I was really pleased when you were named as chief.
Interim chief. I'm sure that's only temporary.
Mmm-hmm.
It's true that the outgoing chief was important to me.
He was my mentor. Made me the cop I am today.
Mmm-hmm.
I know the outside perception is that the force was a real boys' club under him,
so I thought it was really smart when they named a, you know, woman.
All right, honey.
Excuse me, what? I love you.
Huh?
(CHUCKLING) Okay.
Yeah, l'll just see you when we get back. Okay.
I'm sorry, Detective, were you saying something?
No, I wasn't.
We can't just walk into the con.
I'm sorry, ''the con''?
Yeah.
You're calling a place filled with overweight teenagers
battling mild cases of scoliosis and advanced bed-wetting ''the con''?
We can't get in there. The tickets were sold out a month ago.
Did you already try to get tickets?
Focus, Shawn. How much were they?
Will you focus?
No, no, no, leave this out of sight
until we get the issues resolved with the food in his room, all right?
I don't know if he's going to walk over the blueberry issue,
but we cannot have people lining up until we're sure he's participating.
I gotta call his agent. Get me a list of all the produce vendors in the area.
We can't risk alienating the Star Trek fans.
You can't come in without tickets.
They didn't tell you we were coming?
Who?
We work for George.
Takai?
You mean Takei?
Yeah. Those closest to him know exactly how he likes it pronounced, okay?
You think you can have a convention without Commander Chekov?
Sulu, jackass.
Have his fresh blueberries arrived yet?
I don't have record of receiving them yet.
You don't have record of having received them yet.
Give me that.
(LAUGHING SARCASTICALLY)
(LAUGHS) They don't have the fresh blueberries.
(ALL LAUGHING)
(STAMMERING) What's the big deal?
What's the big deal? What is the big deal?
Do you have any idea what happened when they forgot his blueberries
at the con in San Antonio?
That comb-over will be the least of your...
You know what, it's better.
It's better if you don't know.
It's how I ended up with a stutter and a wooden pinky toe.
Now for the love of Scotty... Still Sulu.
(STUTTERING) Would you...
Please, let me get in there and save all of our asses?
Dude, some guy in a wolf costume
with a light saber just said hi to you.
I don't know that guy.
He looked right at you.
He was mistaken.
He said, ''Hi, Gus.''
And then another dude with a cape and a codpiece gave you a half-nod.
I don't know any of these people, Shawn, okay? Uh-huh.
Hey, guys. I'm Talia. This is Dent.
We're from Parastone Pictures
and just wanted to remind you to go see the world premiere
of the Red Phantom trailer tomorrow night.
It'll be the biggest movie of the summer. Do not miss out.
No way, I love the dead phantom.
Red Phantom.
What, he didn't die at the end?
Bye. Bye.
I hear this movie's going to bomb.
MAN ON PA.: Check one. Check two.
Too bad. I kind of dug the Red Phantom.
You haven't even seen the trailer, you already hate it, how's that possible?
Fortress of Attitude.
What did you just say to me? Fortress of Attitude.
It's this site that reviews movies based on comic books.
The Malcontent, the guy who runs it,
says he already saw a 30-minute presentation here at the convention.
He blazed it online.
Can't you just look at porn on the net like every other guy and his brother?
Everybody reads this blog.
No. Not everybody.
Everybody here does, Shawn.
And you know what? I don't care what you think.
So why don't you let me do the talking here at the convention,
and try not to embarrass me.
This is my turf. And yes, I know the guy in the codpiece.
His name is Dave.
And he's a very nice guy.
Snap.
Two for 50 cents.
What? That's Hiltz Kooler.
Excuse me, Mr. Kooler?
I'm a huge Green Spirit fan.
He's my favorite, actually.
I was wondering,
would you mind signing my original copy
of The Green Spirit Strikes Again?
Whoa. Haven't seen one of these in a while.
I couldn't believe I found a guy selling one.
I love how this story reinvented the character for today.
Well, there you go.
Enjoy. It's one of my favorites.
You know, I wish they'd based the movie on this story arc.
What am I gonna do? I told them about a million times.
They don't listen to me. Still a huge fan.
Well, I'm glad someone is after that Green Spirit movie.
Wait, wait, wait. Is this the movie you dragged me to
where the hero had big nipples on the outside of his costume?
Damn those nipples.
(LAUGHING) They were like big angry marshmallows.
Be nice to him, Shawn.
The Green Spirit movie nearly killed the character.
Gus, all I care about is finding our guys.
I can't take much more of this.
There's too much real estate. We can't cover it all at once.
Maybe we should split up.
I can help our situation.
So, next on our List...
Sir, can I heIp you?
Yeah, I'm Shawn Spencer, psychic, SBPD. I just need a moment.
Psychic? Mmm-hmm.
welcome.
Ladies and gentlemen, science fiction fans,
we've got a special treat for you today,
we have a psychic, a real live professional psychic.
Shawn, no. Who's this?
(CROWD CLAMORING) This is my sidekick,
Magic Head.
(CROWD CHATTERING)
You're a psychic? Like Professor X?
Professor X is a telepath, not a psychic.
But I do have telepathic tendencies.
No, you don't. You have psychic visions. They're different.
No, really, I can do both. No, you can't.
Can you read me? Sure.
I'm getting a reading. I'm getting a reading right now, yes.
You spend a great deal of time in front of your computer.
(GASPS)
(CROWD MURMURING)
And, I see a girl. Yes.
You like her from afar.
She doesn't really know you exist.
Yes. Yes. Her name's Megan.
Do I have a chance?
Don't put too much work into it.
I think she might want to be ''just friends.''
Shawn, we're supposed to be looking for Malone.
Obviously Malone is keeping a low profile.
Whoa! Boy, I'm getting... Whoa! I'm getting an ''R.''
I am getting an ''R.''
Does anyone here have a name that begins with ''R''?
Oh, wait a second... Hold, nobody...and a ''D.''
Yes a ''D.'' An ''R'' and a ''D.''
(STAMMERING) An ''R'' name... Rim... Rolph...
Robert... No ''bert,'' just Rob.
Rob. And a ''D'' name, yes.
Uh, Dan. Uh, Doodle.
Dook... Dook... Dookie...
Duder... Dumb... Don! Yes!
Rob and a Don.
That's us!
(CROWD APPLAUDING)
An actual Rob and Don together.
(CHUCKLING) Sometimes I scare myself.
Hey, fellas, first I need you both to empty your pockets.
Mmm... Oh!
A room key. Even though you both reside locally.
Oh, our friend sprang for a hotel suite for us.
Ah, room 1 29.
428.
Yes, of course. I'm getting something.
This friend you speak of, I sense you haven't seen him for a while,
but you didn't tell anyone, no.
You're not supposed to be here.
You told your parents you were going to computer camp.
Computer camp, guys? Really?
I know what you're hiding.
We're not going after them?
What for? Malone's not with them.
But I think I know where he might be.
Ladies and gentlemen, Shawn Spencer and Magic Head.
Let's check out room 428.
Well, they seemed pretty convincing. That's them there!
Why are you telling people you're my assistants?
Because we are your assistants.
Excuse me? Are you serious, George?
(SCOFFS)
I know we said we'd work outside the loop,
but this is a little ridiculous.
I don't recognize you.
You hired us personally.
We met you in Chicago at a screening of that movie with the whales.
Star Trek IV.: The Voyage Home.
The last time I was in Chicago, I was doing a reading from my autobiography.
Right. We booked that.
Remember Robin told us he'd never be able to fill a room that size?
Yeah.
I don't know any Robin.
That's because I fired her.
Look, George, you don't need that kind of negativity, okay?
It's her fault what happened in San Antonio.
Though you didn't hear that from me.
I'm very confused.
Look, George, we can stand around and talk all day...
Like Robin used to.
Or I can try to do something about solving your blueberry crisis.
The choice is yours.
Well, all right, then. Get to it.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Ew! Gosh.
I see why Rob and Don were freaked.
They didn't want to be held responsible for this mess.
This place is trashed.
Maybe Johnny Depp stopped by.
(LAUGHING)
I'm sorry, did that joke just arrive in a time machine from 1992?
He used to trash hotel rooms. Used to.
The man has kids now. He lives in France.
You got a better version? Of course I do.
How about that lame-o who's dating Kate Moss?
He's British and nobody knows who he is.
Okay, fine. Too inside.
Stephen Dorff. Always solid.
Dude, come here.
Why would this kid have these mock-ups?
Because I think our missing person has a secret identity.
By day, he's a laptop-toting, comic-loving virgin.
At night,
he's your favorite blogger.
You think The Malcontent is a kid?
He must have pissed off the wrong people with his blog.
Shawn, look.
''One down, two to go.'' Hmm.
There goes the kid-on-a-spending-spree theory.
(EXCLAIMS)
Keith Moon.
I just went over the posts on Malone's blog.
Did he bash anything in particular?
The Red Phantom movie. He's relentless.
It's weird, because if you go back a little,
he was originally saying great things about it.
So Parastone Pictures paid him to praise the Red Phantom flick.
That must be where all the money from his room came from.
Makes sense.
Malone's blog started the bad buzz
which sunk Parastone's last comic book movie.
I don't think the nipples helped either, Gus. Well, yeah.
So the studio had everything riding on this new film.
They would have done anything to prevent history from repeating itself.
But Malone blazed The Red Phantom anyway.
He reneged, which might be why he's missing.
We need to find those execs.
Hey. Any progress?
I picked up Malone's astral trail.
That's what it's called.
It leads to a hotel across from the convention center.
Room 428. Oak door, can't miss it.
That's more specific than usual.
Sometimes the spirits are in a giving mood.
You won't find Malone,
but l sense some seriously dark
juju magumbo went down in there.
Yeah, send some uniforms to the hotel across from the convention center
and tell them to cordon off room 428.
Good.
This had better be for real.
So, how's the convention?
A lot of cool stuff going on, I bet.
Oh, come on. Not you, too.
You're a collector, too? Since middle school.
I just got Hiltz Kooler's autograph.
Shut up, you did not? Yes, I did.
Hi. Missing kid, worried mom.
Can we focus here?
Since when did you get so structured?
Since you turned into Urkel
(STAMMERING) and you just became
(STAMMERING) Jan Brady...
Wow. Tina Yothers...
There's... There's not an exact match for that.
You didn't want to tell her about our suspicions with the Parastone executives?
Please, Gus, we have to leave something to divine later.
Yeah. This is nice.
It's good one-on-one time.
Let the guard down.
You know, I had an idea not too long ago,
and it's funny I should think of it now,
but it really doesn't make any sense to have so many officers
working the daytime shift at Grab.
Detective. Since most car thefts occur at night.
Now, if you were to split the shift, go with me on this...
Carlton! What?
My water just broke.
Are you sure?
No, Carlton, there's water spilling out of me for some other reason.
Oh, no. Oh, can you move my briefcase?
Your briefcase? It might be in the line of the...
Do you understand how uncomfortable this is?
It's leather. I didn't Scotchguard it!
You know what, never mind.
Just has tremendous sentimental value.
Just take me to the nearest hospital. All right?
Oh, I don't think we need that. Oh, I think we do.
Do you know what? We'll use the siren, too. For you. Just in case.
(SIREN WAILING)
Hey, guys. Hey.
Can't stop to talk. Got to sign autographs.
Look, dude, I got a date with that Talia girl from the studio in, like, an hour.
A nice romantic walk on the beach to Jim's.
Best scungilli in Santa Barbara.
Why couldn't you just talk to her now?
Because, Gus, happy hour doesn't start until 5:00.
You're supposed to be figuring out if she's innocent.
That's exactly what I plan to do.
Shawn. GT.
The blueberries are still wrong.
I requested North Carolina blueberries, but they sent me Michigan blueberries.
People say I'm crazy, but I can taste the difference.
I don't think that's crazy at all.
And I requested that my green room not be at the end of the hall.
I have to be in the middle. It's affecting my chi.
Gus. What?
Did you skimp out and get the Michigan blueberries?
What? And screw up the room location?
And what are you doing to George's chi?
Are you touching it and whatnot? Stop it.
This is my fault, Mr. Takei.
My fault for farming out responsibilities
that I should have seen to personally.
My humblest apologies.
We'll get you the right blueberries as soon as possible
and a better room assignment. You have my word.
Well, all right, then.
Good help is hard to find, I suppose.
Why did you blame that on me?
Dude, we needed a fall guy.
I can't be the fall guy in front of one of my heroes, Shawn.
Okay, then you and l need to create a third imaginary assistant
that's completely incompetent.
I think her name should be Beatrice.
What say you?
All right, yeah, just send it to my assistant.
It's tremendous.
You don't mind it, though. You don't mind all the comic book stuff?
It's fun, harmless, a little wish fulfillment.
Oh, come on, you didn't pretend to fly around like Superman
when you were a kid?
So, uh, pretty high stakes on the Red Phantom movie, huh?
We, uh, took a bath a couple of years ago on this other comic book movie,
The Adventures of the Green Spirit.
Yeah, the nipple flick.
God, is that all anyone remembers about that movie? Yes.
Ugh, we had to build a landfill for the unsold action figures.
So, we're pulling out all the stops
to launch the trailer for the Red Phantom movie.
You know, lasers, music.
Dent even organized this whole pyrotechnics display.
Word of mouth is the first and most vital step in this world.
Vital enough to pay somebody off?
What?
Hmm? Let's say there's a blogger, right?
And he's wielding way more power than he should.
And he can be had for a price.
You guys would be fools not to take a shot, right?
Who are you, Shawn?
I'm a psychic. I work with the police.
I'm investigating a disappearance.
Malone Breyfogle. The Malcontent.
I'm sensing you probably know a lot about him.
Okay, this conversation is over.
No. It's just starting to get good.
See, he reneged on a promise and now he's missing.
Missing?
Look, whether or not this guy had a consultation fee is besides the point.
We don't harm people. It's just a movie.
Just a movie?
You think your boss will tell me the same thing?
I don't know. Why don't we go ask him together?
Dent is back at our convention headquarters.
Fine. So, no scungilli, then?
I didn't expect you to be so cooperative,
so if I seemed a little pushy...
Accusing me of kidnapping?
I accused you of bribery.
I implied you may have had something to do with the kidnapping.
There's a difference.
You know, a lot of couples start off on the wrong foot.
It just means we have nowhere to go but up.
Well, when you're done here with Dent, we're done.
What the...
Oh, my God. What happened here? Where is he?
Some seriously dark juju magumbo went down in here.
''Two down, one to go.''
Okay, good news, your boss is innocent.
Bad news, he just became a face on a milk carton.
I checked Malone's blog again today.
There are more entries blazing the Red Phantom movie.
I think Malone was kidnapped before the blogs showed up.
He was probably going to honor his deal with Parastone.
So, the kidnapper is the one roasting this new movie online?
He also wrote, ''The guilty will pay.''
The guilty will pay?
Yep. Wow.
One of these comic book freaks has clearly blurred the line
between reality and
comic book.
The kidnapper still has one more person to snatch.
And it appears he's targeting anyone involved in this bribery scam.
(CELLULAR PHONE RINGING) Talia. Talia has to be the next victim.
We need to get the real police in here.
Hello? Uh, hello, Mr. Takei, what can I do for you?
Just name it.
Hold on. It's for you.
G-Dog. What's up, handsome? Beatrice?
I canned her. Yeah, she's out of here.
Tonight? Absolutely, sir. l'll meet you there.
Huh. What? What's happening?
Karaoke with George later.
Get out of here.
This is a Trek fan's dream come true.
Hmm. Awkward.
What? He sort of just invited me.
You know what? Call him back,
tell him I said we need you for all the high harmonies.
This is messed up, Shawn.
No, this is messed up.
This isn't a churro. This is... I don't know what this is.
Okay, finally got a hold of your husband.
He's on his way, but apparently traffic is a nightmare.
Thank you, Carlton.
Everything's looking really good.
You just relax.
I'm going to go now and let you...
No, wait. Wait, wait, wait. Don't... Don't go.
You want me to stay?
Yeah. In class, I always had a coach.
So, just stand here and keep your eyes north of the equator.
Yeah, that won't be a problem.
You ready for your epidural?
No, thank you. I'm going to do this naturally.
Okay. We'll hold off, then. Mmm-hmm.
Are you insane? I don't need it.
Listen, I would put myself on a morphine pump
if I were going to push eleven pounds of limbs and elbows out of...
l've made my decision.
And I admire you for it.
Have you considered this? Maybe the whole thing is a stunt.
What do you mean? You know, to promote the movie.
The whole scenario is just so fantastical.
It's like a plot to a comic book.
Dent could have arranged it, maybe Talia.
It could have been all three of them.
It's just so theatrical with the cryptic notes.
Shawn? Hi.
Hi. Gus said you've seen the kidnapper.
You told her that? We needed her.
Can you give me a description?
You can't tell her l've seen the kidnapper when I didn't see the kidnapper.
I didn't see the kidnapper. You didn't?
I saw through the kidnapper's eyes.
He was stalking his next victim. It was a woman.
Shawn.
Talia. It's Talia.
Wait. The woman you discovered the second note with is the third victim?
Quite possibly. Or she could be the kidnapper.
So, what, she's kidnapping herself?
Or the second victim is the kidnapper
and he was just pretending to get kidnapped.
Guys, I just saw her. She's outside on the phone.
Man.
Where did you see her last? Over there.
Oh, man.
''9-1 ...'' Uh-oh.
GUS: What? No note?
SHAWN: Wait a minute.
Excuse me.
Thank you.
''Judgment day.''
Looks like Talia's joined Malone and Dent in missing-persons land.
Judgment day? It sounds bad.
That's, like, the day that you're judged.
In T2 it was the end of mankind.
Though I doubt our kidnapper has first-strike nuclear capabilities.
Ooh!
What the hell are you doing?
Running makes me hungry. You know that.
You don't know where those have been.
They could have bird flu on them or something.
Bird flu. Wow. Look at you.
How can you read a comic book at a time like this?
First of all, I can read a comic anytime.
And secondly, Juliet has almost the entire police force inside there.
They'll find Talia and the others.
Dude, whatever this crazy person has planned for these people,
he's going to do it soon.
He has all his victims.
We need to figure out who stands to gain
from the disappearance of those three
and who would want the Red Phantom movie to tank this badly.
Why don't you ask your friend, George Takei?
I would.
But once he starts singing Afternoon Delight, he just goes to another place.
Shawn?
Juliet didn't find anything at the latest crime scene to help?
Shawn? No forensics on the note?
Shawn? What?
Look. It's the same as the note in Malone's room.
Somebody's recreating the crime from this comic book.
What happens in this thing?
A super-villain named Fear Career,
he kidnaps the judge, prosecutor and defense attorney
he felt locked him up years ago.
Fear Career. Awesome. Then what?
He sets them on fire.
He sets them on fire? Yeah.
Give me that. What the hell are you doing?
Looking for clues.
You're ruining a first printing near-mint work of art.
l've been looking for that comic for five years now.
Gus, lives are at stake.
The kidnapper must be some kind of deranged fan.
Deranged? Yes. Fan?
I'm not so sure.
Wait, what? What the...
You're buying me another one. First printing!
(WOMAN CHATTERING ON P.A.)
(GROANING)
She's not focusing. Can you help motivate her a little bit?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Motivation was my thing at the academy.
All right, now you listen to me,
it's time to squeeze this puppy out.
So, when I say push, I want you to push, you understand me?
Push! Push! Push!
Yeah, that's not really working for me right now!
Fine, I was just giving it a shot!
Um, okay, okay.
Just, just remain calm.
Everything's going to be fine.
Uh, yeah. I don't need that either.
I don't know what you want then.
I don't know what any woman wants.
Just give me your hand and shut the hell up.
It's crowning. Here we go. Here we go.
(SCREAMING)
It's a girl.
(CRYING)
We did it.
Want to cut the cord, Dad?
No, I'm not the... Yeah, okay.
Oh, oh, you're going to... Oh!
Hi, there.
Nice to meet you.
Children are one of the reasons my wife and I split up.
She didn't think I wanted any.
She was wrong.
Yeah, that's great, Carlton.
You think I might hold my baby now?
Of course.
We need to find Juliet fast.
She's in plain clothes. She could be anywhere in this place.
It's like looking for a needle in a haystack.
I know how I can get her attention.
Shawn! Will you stop going up there?
Sorry. Judgment day. Got to do it.
Ladies and gentlemen, George... Uh, okay, okay.
Please welcome back to the stage psychic Shawn Spencer!
I'm sensing something. Something strong.
A spirit. A disturbed spirit.
Why is my assistant up there?
Maybe he's setting up a karaoke machine for your duet, Chekov.
Sulu, damn it!
It's getting clear now.
It's a kidnapping spirit
responsible for crimes committed right here at the con!
(ALL MURMURING) I need heIp.
I must caII upon the powers of Magic Head!
ALL: Magic Head! Magic Head! Magic Head! Magic Head! Magic Head!
Who's Magic Head?
Where are you going?
(CROWD CHEERING)
I can see it now.
It is a vengeful spirit and there is a color.
The color is green. It is the Green Spirit.
The kidnapper is the creator of The Green Spirit,
Hiltz Kooler.
Ah, yes, you had motive, didn't you?
The studio execs bastardized your beloved Green Spirit
and turned him into a pop culture punch line.
You hated Malone, The Malcontent,
because it was his tidal wave of bad buzz that sunk your flick.
You were on the brink of becoming a moguI. But then it all slipped away.
Now you're reduced to cursing nipples
and signing autographs at conventions.
Like a classic super-villain, you were driven mad by revenge.
You read Malone's blogs, Looking for clues to his true identity.
Then, one day, Like manna from heaven,
The Malcontent blogged he was coming here.
You aIso read the execs who had screwed your character would be here, too.
All the people that wronged you in the same place at the same time.
The opportunity was too good to pass up.
And you could hide your identity by wearing a costume.
And every time you snatched one of your victims,
you Left a note just Like Fear Career in your comic.
Yes, people!
This was written by a criminal.
There is malice in the ink.
I can see it now.
Hiltz always had a very distinctive way of writing the letter ''O. ''
It has the swirl.
I'm sure if the police analyzed this autograph,
they'll see the handwriting is an exact match for the kidnapper's threatening notes.
(CROWD CLAPPING)
It's the same thing that happened in San Antonio.
Where are your victims?
My plan is already in motion and there's nothing you can do to stop it.
Somebody's re-creating the crime from this comic book.
What happens in this thing? He sets them on fire.
They're near fire.
Dent even organized this whole pyrotechnics display.
Under the stage.
Oh, down here.
They're here. All of them.
Look, don't worry, everything's going to be just fine, okay?
We're going to get you out of here.
Guys.
Hi. Hi.
So, after I collared the villain and saved the girl,
Jules grabbed the others
and everyone hoisted me on their shoulders,
carried me to the car chanting my name.
It was awesome.
Oh, but your story about cutting the cord was good, too.
Lot of drama, suspense, twist ending that I don't think any of us saw coming.
At which point did you faint?
I did not faint.
I was merely resting my eyes momentarily and fell slightly backwards.
Hey, I don't know if it makes a difference. I think you're a hero.
Which one is hers?
I don't know. Lassiter, you cut the cord.
Well, they all look alike. Is there one that poops a lot?
I know. Let's ask our psychic.
You know what, guys, this is weird, I'm not getting anything.
I think one of these babies might be evil, blocking my abilities to communicate.
Damien?
Come on. isn't it obvious? She looks exactly like me.
Hi.
Chief, should you be up and walking?
Walking? I'm coming into work tomorrow.
No, don't be ridiculous. You need to go home with your child. Relax.
Take a load off. Refresh yourself.
January, I think January. Come back in January.
So glad you both could make it.
Make it? I live here.
What's that behind your back, Shawn?
I dropped back by the con. You went back without me?
Those people, good people, good hearts.
You were right from the beginning, Gus.
And I didn't want to ruin the surprise.
Introducing, Tranya Independent Comics'
latest limited-edition one-shot...
Surprise.
''Follow the adventures of Psych-Man
''as he uses his bizarre mental powers to foil criminal plots
''with his sidekick Magic Head.''
And bam!
(HENRY SNICKERS)
What's that supposed to be?
Dude, it's Magic Head! It's like looking in a mirror.
Why would I need a wand when I have a magic head?
It's a ceremonial thing. It's, it's just... It's representative.
You don't actually use the wand.
Stupid.
I think it's dope.
Now, who wants an autograph?
♪ ♪ In between the lines there's a lot of obscurity ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ I'm not inclined to resign to maturity ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ If it's all right then you're all wrong ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ But why bounce around to the same damn song? ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ You'd rather run when you can't crawl ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ I know, you know They just don't have any proof ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Embrace the deception learn how to bend ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ I know, you know ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ I know, you know ♪ ♪