Professor T (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - A Fish Called Walter - full transcript

For centuries, scientists
have conjectured

that certain people are predisposed
to criminal behaviour.

In 1876, Cesare Lombroso
claimed to have found evidence

that some people
were born offenders.

He believed the criminal gene
could be passed on

and those that inherited it
were recognisable

by their physical characteristics.

One might wonder if Lombroso
had been drinking too much Lambrusco

when he developed his theory.

But what if one might
recognise a culprit

by the heaviness of his brow,
his receding hairline,



or maybe just
his unfeasibly large ears?

In truth, criminality
is much harder to discern.

Any one of us could be
harbouring murderess intent,

no matter how benign
our outward projection.

As long as I outrun you,
you bastard!

It is only when our neighbour turns
out to be a serial killer

that we realise it.

Hello.

Poison may lurk in the most
innocuous of vessels.

I...

Your task this week is to write an
essay on the nature of a criminal.

Unexplained death,
50-something male,

almost instant, apparently.
Anything more?

Chief librarian at the university,
say his chapter's closed (!)



Half a dozen witnesses
in the immediate vicinity.

We're taking preliminary statements.

There are more than
a 100 names on this guest list.

We need contact
details for all of them.

We're going as quick as we can.

You can add another
20 staff to that number.

Got this list
from the head of catering.

Any chance it's just a heart attack?

Poisoning more likely.

Carbon dioxide in the Champagne
makes it work much faster.

Cheap and nasty Cava by the smell
of it, but the effect is the same.

He should have stuck to beer.
There are two glasses.

We'll test both.

The waitress we spoke to got
the glass from the service table.

If it is poison, anyone in the room
could have put it in the glass.

And anyone could have drunk it.

It's going to be a long night.

Desperate Dan
seems delighted by the prospect.

You're such a bitch, Martin.

You fancy him?
Oh, he fancies you, obviously.

Oh, right.

I don't blame him.

'L'appuntamento'
by Ornella Vanoni

I'm glad you finally noticed
the notice board.

Is there something on it
worth noticing?

It's a cliche, I know,
but beneath this lacquered veneer...

Hm. Might I inquire,
in your wildest dreams,

what do you think the lifetime
of a refrigerator might be?

An IQ of a squillion,
but he needs help to buy a fridge.

I may appear to be
an ice queen, Professor,

but that doesn't make me
an expert in white goods.

BTW and FYI,
there are two visitors

from her majesty's constabulary
in your office.

Leave it, Dan.

I really couldn't stop them.

'DS Donckers. Detective.'

You've made yourselves comfortable,
I see.

We're here about
the murder of Nigel Wiggins.

Detective Chief Inspector Brand

suggested the two of you
were acquainted.

Oh, yes, Mr Wiggins.

If ever there was a book
one could judge by its cover.

That's our problem.

No wife, no kids,
no friends, no hobbies,

definitely no scandals.
Just books.

We believe that whoever poisoned him
may have intended another target.

A reasonable assumption.
Thank you, Miss Snares.

I'm sure the Feng Shui
is fully restored by now.

There were a 115 guests
and 20 staff.

We've taken preliminary statements.

The trouble is any of them
could have put poison in the glass

and we have no idea who
the intended victim was.

We're looking at days,
maybe weeks of interviews.

If there's any psychological
insight that you can offer us,

Professor, that might help us
narrow the field would be...

You appear to have retained
a meagre portion

of what you were taught here,
Detective Sergeant,

let me refresh your memory.

Poison is infrequently used
to commit murder,

it's the cause of death

in just under one half
of one percent of all homicides.

Perhaps more pertinent
to your inquiry,

women are seven times
more likely than men to select it

as the means to affect a fatality.
I hope that's of some use.

That could certainly help
reduce our list a little.

Ah, Mrs Claudine Froggatt.
You know her?

She works at the university,
one of many superfluous jobsworths

in the property
and accommodation office.

But not, in your opinion,
the type to commit a murder?

Are you of the opinion there's such
a thing as a murderess type?

No, I just wondered
if you thought she might be capable.

Who knows what any of us
are capable of in extremis.

Miss Snares, would you kindly
show the detectives out?

Of course, Professor.

As you know, I'm not one
to trade in tittle tattle,

but the word at the Departmental
Personal Assistant's

Lunch Club on Thursday
was that Mrs Froggatt has cause

for a certain amount
of righteous indignation.

With Mr Wiggins the librarian?

Goodness, no, with her husband,

the rather female-friendly
Mr Froggatt.

I see.

Hell hath no fury.

This one is long overdue, you know?

Toxicology have confirmed
it's cyanide.

There was a trace
in only one of the glasses.

There's every chance Wiggins
wasn't the intended target though.

We're working through
a list of attendees.

There's nothing for it but leg work.

I've asked Lisa and Dan

to see if Professor Tempest
might be able to narrow the field,

such a great help
to us on the rape case.

I think it might even be an idea
to put him on a retainer.

Something to think about, maybe.

Mrs Froggatt.
Oh, Professor Tempest.

May I offer my commiserations.

Oh, that's terribly kind of you.

Yes, what an awful shock,
poor Mr Wiggins.

I was referring to your husband,

and the reports that have reached me
of his infidelity.

I beg your pardon?

'Orphee Aux Enfers: Can-Can'

Perhaps I was being
a little indelicate.

Perhaps.

My apologies,
I was under the impression

it was the talk
of the corridors.

It is?

If it has reached me,
then apparently so.

Well, I don't know what
business it is of yours.

Or anyone else's, for that matter.

When the officers
bring you in for questioning,

may I recommend you do not
conceal the unfortunate matter

of your husband and his dalliance.

Bring me in?

I imagine they will predominantly
be looking at female suspects

who may have had a motivate to wish
harm on someone attending the event.

'Non Dimenticar' by Flo Sandon's

♪ Non dimenticar che t'ho

♪ Voluto tanto bene... ♪

♪ T'ho saputo amar

♪ Non dimenticar... ♪

Jasper, darling.

♪ Un sol ricordo
T'appartiene... ♪

Don't crouch there like a Cossack,
it's bad for your posture.

♪ Non gettario ancor

♪ Fuori dal tuo cuor. ♪

What are you doing here, Mother?

What?

What are you doing here?

I'm visiting the studio.

Now that you've
decided to move back in,

I thought I might also
take up residence once again.

Hm. And what do you want with me?
Sorry?

And what do you want with me?

I merely wish to ask when we can
expect this charade to be over.

How long do you plan to hole
yourself up in this catacomb?

Indefinitely!

Don't be ridiculous, Jasper,
this place is not good for you.

Not good!

Sharper than a serpent's tooth,
is to have a thankless child.

King Lear.

What's the hurry?

Mrs Froggatt's here, voluntarily.

Here you go, Mrs Froggatt.
Oh, thank you.

This my colleague, DS Donckers.
Hi.

Hello.
You were telling me,

your husband works long hours?

Yes, he's Chief Planning Officer
for the council

and Acting Treasurer
for the Museum's Board of Trustees.

Busy man.
Yes.

He always has been.

But recently it's non-stop.
He's...

he's away evenings, weekends...
I've barely seen him.

And that made you suspicious?

I-I found a credit card receipt
for a hotel room.

Stansted Mountfitchet of all places.

He just left it in his pocket...

...like he didn't even care
if he were to get caught.

Thank you.

But there's something else.

Far worse
than the credit card receipt.

Good afternoon, Mr Froggatt.

Please, take a seat.

We're looking at the possibility
the glass of poisoned fizz,

at the reception,
was meant for you.

Whatever gives you that idea?

We received information about a man
who came to your house a while ago

and made threats to your safety.

Who told you that?
Your wife.

My wife?

She came to the station
to tell us in person.

She also told us you're having
an extra-marital affair.

Irate husband perhaps?

Hey, hey, give it a chance, love.
You heard what he said.

They're discovering
new treatments all the time.

Sweetheart, I'm so sorry,
I've got to go.

Be back later, I promise.

Can I come in?

Please.

So, Froggatt claims he can't
remember any specific threat.

According to him,
you piss of a lot of people

when working in planning
for the council,

but I don't understand
Mrs Froggatt volunteering

so much information
about her husband.

I may have played a part in that.
In what way?

I merely suggested
she unburden herself to you.

So you think she attempted
to murder her husband, then?

How ridiculous.
Mrs Froggatt is obviously innocent.

Then why have me waste my time
interviewing her today?

Who says you wasted your time?

'Il Mondo' by Jimmy Fontana

♪ No, stanotte amore

♪ Non ho piu pensato ha te

♪ Ho aperto gli occhi
Per guardare intorno a me

♪ E intorno ha me Girava
Il mondo come sempre

♪ Gira, il mondo gira
Nello spazio senza fine

♪ Con gli amori appena nati
Con gli amori gia finiti

♪ Con la gioia e col dolore
Della gente come me

♪ Oh mondo
Soltanto adesso io ti guardo... ♪

Funny place to meet.

♪ Il mondo... ♪

♪ Non si e fermat... ♪

My doctor's prescriptions
are easier to decode than this.

I don't have bad handwriting.
I've just got my own font.

Morning. Have we ID'd him?

Jonathan Fell?

Yes, we did.

The phone was by his side,
keys were in his pocket,

driving licence and wallet
were in the car and this.

Uniform have been to the house,
nobody's in,

but the neighbours say they spend
a lot of time at the hospital

their daughter is being treated
for leukaemia.

Poor sod. Anything to suggest
it's not suicide?

He was still wearing his glasses.

And that's what that got to do
with the price of tea in China?

Maybe nothing, it's just...

It's just what?

It's just this stat I remember
from one of my criminology lectures.

More than 90% of victims
remove their spectacles

before killing themselves.
Here we go again.

Hey guys, look at this.
There might be something

on the edge over there,
maybe a heel mark.

It's not exactly distinctive.

Let's make sure
we lift a proper print off of it.

That's something
concrete for us to work with.

No pun intended.
Not some crackpot statistic

from insufferable
Professor Know-It-All.

What's the occasion?

It's my birthday.

Oh, I wish I'd known,
I would have got you something.

Is he in?

Right.

Dig out the departmental
credit card...

'Bambino' by Dalida

♪ Les yeux battus la mine triste
Et les joues blemes... ♪

Did you know you can
buy cyanide on the dark web?

£15 sterling for 50 grams.

That seems surprisingly cheap.

You need approximately 0.15 grams
to kill an adult so 333 corpses,

give or take, for a mere 15 quid.

You're a trustee of the museum
aren't you?

Not for several years now.

Were you ever acquainted with
the treasurer, a Mr Roland Froggatt?

A preening popinjay.

But a generous donor to fundraising
appeals on the museum's behalf.

Well, he bought his way to whatever
status he currently enjoys.

I've been looking into
the library's affairs.

It would appear that a member
of the faculty has returned

a large number of periodicals
in the last 24 hours.

Interesting.

Some of which would have been
returned more than a decade ago.

Given the sad demise of Mr Wiggins,

which, one assumes,
in no way motivated the return,

I'm proposing a moratorium
on outstanding fines.

Generous.

And in return for that generosity,

I wonder if,
on behalf of your mother,

I might speak to you about
your return to the family home.

No, you absolutely may not.

Well, that's all sorted, then.

We're trying to understand
how your husband died, Mrs Fell.

We have to look
at all possibilities.

Were you worried at all
about his mental state

the last time you spoke to him?

Would you prefer it
if we saved the questions for later?

Yes, your largest bouquet of roses,
please.

Red.

Message, yes.

The message should read...
"Sorry."

I'm surprised you came.

How's Desmond?

Derrick is fine, thank you.
How's your mother?

Good.

I gather you have a proposition.

I do.

How would you feel
about joining the team

as an advisor
on an ad-hoc basis?

We have some great talent here.

Lisa has amazing potential.

Dan is very solid and Paul
is extremely capable, he's just...

Not much cop.

I was going to say he's dealing
with some personal issues.

So I understand.

The fact is we're very stretched
here at the moment,

dealing with the poisoning,

and there are questions
now being raised about the suicide.

We could really do with your help.

I'll certainly give it some thought.

Great, wonderful news.

Would you mind sitting in
on an interview with me now?

It's something I'd like
to spare Paul.

Hmm.

John was an optimist.

I never could understand
how he remained so positive.

Positive, optimistic people do not
generally commit suicide, Mrs Fell.

I suppose not.

Which suggests there may be
an alternative explanation

for his untimely demise.

Murder?

An accident, more likely,
but since you mention it,

did you know that four out of five
murderers

are known to their victims?

In 72% of cases,
it's their long-term partner.

Are you suggesting that...?

No, no, of course not.

'I'm suggesting there's
a high probability

'that you know whoever killed
your husband, Mrs Fell,

'if he was murdered.'

'Jonathan got on with everyone.'

Your daughter's very ill.
Her chances of recovery are slim.

Jasper.
I'm so sorry.

It would make anyone angry.

She won't die. She can't die.

Your husband was angry too.
Jasper...

He had every right to be.

We don't need his help.

We're managing perfectly well
without him.

I understand what you're saying...

but it's just as an advisor.

I'm not interested
in undermining you.

Don't hide behind the job
as an excuse.

We don't need his help.

He has an absolutely forensic brain.

I think we can all learn from him.

We're working perfectly well
without him.

Look...

It's not a reflection on you.

No.

No, it's a reflection on you.

Excuse me.

Apologies accepted.

Enjoy your Irish coffee.

I beg your pardon?

What did you say?

What did you say?!

It's a screw-top.

You buy screw-tops
because Mummy hides the corkscrews.

Mind your own business.

Can I grab you for a debrief,
both of you?

The Fells made a complaint
to the council

because they believed
Field Rose Homes

knew the site was contaminated
before building on it.

So what did the council do?

Nothing. Permits and paperwork
all supposedly held up.

The Fells have been preparing
legal action ever since.

Mr Fell working two jobs
to cover their legal costs.

Maybe Field Rose Homes were worried
the Fells were on to something.

Worried enough to push him
off a building.

Seems unlikely they would stage it
at one of their own developments.

What's the latest on the poisoning?

Back at square one. We've got
nothing on either Froggatt.

No, hang on. Froggatt works at the
council in the planning department.

Precisely so.

Mr Froggatt is responsible

for testing all building sites
for contamination

before planning permission
can be granted.

When Mr Fell discovered his
own house was built on toxic land,

he confronted Mr Froggatt
at his home and threatened him.

And shortly afterwards,

someone attempted to murder Froggatt
at the museum.

I do not believe in coincidence.

There's not a shred of physical
evidence to connect these two cases.

We've got this footprint.

And Mr Fell's belongings
are being examined for forensics.

We should have the results soon.

All right. Donckers, Winters,
dig into the Froggatts again.

DS Donckers?

This may prove useful the next time
you speak to Mr Froggatt.

It's a long list of numbers.

It's a long list of donations,
Detective.

Made on a council worker's salary.

Mrs Froggatt?

Sorry.
Do you recognise this man?

Yes. That's the man
who threatened Roland.

Thank you.

Hey, Martin, what's up?

'Well, we just found
some fingerprints

'from a third party
on Mr Fell's phone.

'Guess who they belong to.'

This report, signed by you,
finds no evidence of contamination

on a site where Field Rose Homes
went on to build 120 homes.

Yep, that would seem to be
the case.

Did they bribe you to say that,
Mr Froggatt?

I don't know
what you're talking about.

Do you know a Mr Jonathan Fell?

Can't say I do.

Your wife has identified Mr Fell as
the man who threatened you at home.

Like I said,
get a lot of complaints.

He and his wife bought
one of the new homes on that site.

They had the soil tested
independently.

Let me read it to you.

"There is significant indication

"of a ginormous shitload of
poisonous crap

"all over this hellhole."
It doesn't say that.

But that what it boils down to.

You know perfectly well
it used to house a zinc factory.

The Fells' daughter
is being treated for leukaemia.

Chances are her illness
is connected to the pollution.

We found evidence
on Mr Fell's laptop.

He purchased 50 grams of cyanide
through an illegal website.

The same poison that killed
Nigel Wiggins at the reception.

Did you return the favour?
Don't be ridiculous.

You weren't present
when Mr Fell died?

Could be anybody's footprint.

Look again, around the edges.

You don't tend to find
exquisitely hand-stitched loafers

on building sites.

You can come in now.

Doesn't prove anything.

But it's enough to get us
a court order

to find out where the money
came from

to fund your passion
for fancy Italian footwear

and for making donations
to the museum

with your swanky chums.

You realised Wiggins wasn't
the intended victim, didn't you?

Could you take your shoes off,
please, sir? No.

When you learned you might have
been the intended target,

you guessed who'd done it.

Your shoe, please, sir.

Was it your idea
to meet at the building site?

Funny place to meet.

Took a bit of a risk, didn't you,

meeting up with a man
who just attempted to murder you?

It's going to be quite something,
don't you think?

Perhaps you figured
he wouldn't have the nerve

to try anything face-to-face.

Someone like me could never afford
to live somewhere like this.

Oh, but you could.

Did you tempt him up there
with a proposition, Mr Froggatt?

Just drop the case
and I'll sign over the deeds.

You can shove your blood money.

It's not for you, it's for her.

In a few years,
when she's recovered.

Forget it.
Everything you just said...

...recorded.

I think you lashed out in a panic.

Give me the phone.

So much of a panic, in fact,
after you erased everything...

you forgot to wipe your fingerprints
off Mr Fell's phone.

It was an accident.

I thought everyone would assume
he committed suicide...

...because of his daughter.

Right.

Let's get pissed.

What's up?

Doesn't it bother you that
we've got no eyewitness accounts

of Mr Fell at the museum that night?

So?
There were a 130 people present

and no-one saw him
and that thing the Professor said

about poison being
an infrequent means of murder.

There's something vengeful about it.
Exactly.

But everyone said
he's such a decent person, Mr Fell.

What were we saying about the pub?

It's a bit early, isn't it?

♪ Ne me quitte pas

Il faut oublier

♪ Tout peut s'oublier

♪ Qui s'enfuit deja

♪ Oublier le temps
Des malentendus

Et le temps perdu

♪ A savoir comment... ♪
What did you say?!

♪ Oublier ces heures...

What did you say?!

♪ Ne me quitte pas... ♪

Here's to killing two birds
with one stone.

I promise I won't take advantage
of you if you get shit-faced again.

Not everything is about you, Dan.

Wow, I'm glad you decided
to come to the pub (!)

Sorry, I've got to take this.
Don't mind me.

Hello.

No, I'm in a pub.
Are you all right?

All finished, love?

No, our dinner date is tomorrow.
Are you sure you're OK?

Of course, darling. It's just...

I thought I could smell some gas
in here,

so I've opened some of the windows
just in case.

All right, OK, hang on,
I'll be right there.

Sorry, I have to go.
Got competition, have I?

You have to be a contender
for there to be competition, Dan.

125, 130.
Thank you.

I'll be in a bit late tomorrow.

Mr Tucker? DS Donckers.

Yeah, I remember.
I'm afraid I'm pretty busy.

Two minutes, that's all.

Unless you'd rather I got
on the phone

to Her Majesty's Revenue
and Customs?

OK, OK. Two minutes.

'Vai Tu Sei Libero' by Dalida

Sir?

Excuse me.

Is everything OK?

Can I help you?

I'm looking for Lena Fell.
Are you a relative?

Family friend.

Room 116.

Which way is that?

Just follow the yellow dots.

Mrs Fell?

I'd like to be left alone,
if you don't mind.

I will not stay long.

My father died when I was seven.
I was raised by my mother.

If Lena pulls through,
she'll need her mother too.

A mother who is not burdened
by her conscience.

Why should I be worried
about my conscience?

Because our conscience
is our foundation.

Once contaminated...
it can destroy everything.

Come with me.

"Come with me"?
I'm not your dog.

Listen, I'll call you back, yeah?
Cheers.

Jonathan Fell didn't kill
Nigel Wiggins.

It's been bothering me.
He wasn't on the guest list

and he wasn't on the list of staff
supplied by the catering company.

So he slipped in unnoticed?
And left before we arrived.

I've been having another friendly
chat with the catering manager.

Turns out there are another
three people in attendance

we haven't accounted for.

They were off the books,
cash in hand, all women.

I was able to get the full list.

23 staff all in the building
at the time of the murder,

and look who's on it.

You can't imagine how it feels.

I should have protected her.

How can you protect your child
against something can't even see?

So the two of you
decided to kill Froggatt?

Not Jonathan.

He was furious.

Heartbroken.

But still hopeful.

'I was researching alternative
therapies for Lena.

'A lot of very desperate people
swear by the use of Vitamin B17.'

It's a natural form of cyanide.

And then once you start looking...

well, you can buy pretty much
anything on the internet.

And when the package arrived, it was
simply a case of... delivering it.

I've been doing cash-in-hand stuff,
birthdays, wedding, christenings,

and one of the firms I worked for
was hired to work at the reception.

I wasn't sure I could go through
with it.

But then I heard him boasting...

...about how much money he'd donated.

For a bloody book.

And everyone was praising him,
telling him how generous he was.

And my Lena's lying sick
in the hospital.

That made my blood boil.

But then...

...someone took the glass before
I had a chance to give it to him,

and there was nothing I could do.

I know that scum had murdered
my husband...

...but I couldn't say anything, could
I, because then you'd arrest me,

and Lena would be on her own?

What's gonna happen to my baby?

She is certainly being
taken care of, Mrs Fell.

You don't have to worry.

Poor little fish.

I have studied your papers
with the closest attention

and I have to say not a single one

shows the slightest sign
of clarity, insight or intelligence.

Instead, I propose to read
an extract

on the nature of a criminal
by a former student,

who happens to be in possession
of a first-class mind.

"Criminality and brutality
are not an inevitable inheritance

"from our bestial forebears.

"Each of us is capable of cruelty,
but many of us...

"most, indeed,
do not succumb to that urge.

"Despite poverty or provocation,
society is not lawless.

"Only the worst give in
to base instincts,

"be it greed or covetousness
or lust.

"The mind of the murderer
is formed in increments.

"It takes shape when someone
decides to walk that dark path...

"..yet others
with far greater reason turn away."

You knew, didn't you?

You didn't want Mrs Fell
on your conscience...

...for Lena to be left
without a mother.

Professor, if that is the case,

I ask you to consider
DCI Brand's proposition.

I could learn a lot from you.

I was under the impression
I'd already accepted.

Hmm.

I do not believe
we have been acquainted.

"Walter's the name.
How are you doing?"

♪ Dream, dream, dream, dream

♪ When I want you in my arms

♪ When I want you
And all your charms

♪ Whenever I want you

♪ All I have to do is dream

♪ Dream, dream, dream... ♪