Preacher (2016–…): Season 2, Episode 1 - On the Road - full transcript

Seventy million circumcisions
every year.

That they report.
And that's just
in this country.

Think about that.

You know what, Cassidy?
I don't want to.

Seventy million baby
boys' foreskins, right?

Severed, harvested, piled up.

Shoveled into
bloody warehouses,

and you don't wanna know
what they're using them for.

Who's the "they," Cassidy?

The oligarchs.

It's big business.



Hey, this guy of yours
we're gonna go see,
what's his deal?

Mike's an old family friend.

If we're looking for God,
seems like a good
place to start.

So, he's like
a God detective, right?

Like, some kind
of spirit tracker,

bounty hunter kind
of family friend?

He's a religious scholar.

Just reads a lot.

Huh.

Well, that sounds like
a fun place to start.

Skin grafts. Skin grafts.

We know they're
putting foreskin
in skin grafts.

It was on
the Oprah Winfrey Show.

And they're putting it into
the face creams
you all use, the girls.



Hold up. They do not put
foreskins in face creams.

Yes, they do. It helps bloody
collagen or something
like that.

Cassidy, that is a lie.

You'd feel those itty-bitty
foreskins on you.

What you feel is smoother,
younger-seeming skin. See?

And that's how they hook you.
Just gotta think about it.

You do have nice skin.
Shut up.

(MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)

This is such a bad song.

Shite.

♫ Come on, Eileen...

(SIREN BLARING)

Bollocks, I just lit this.

How fast were you going?

Ninety-seven.

It's cool.

I'll just pull over

and do my Afghan
war vet thing.

Yeah, you could do that.

Seriously?

It's up to you.

We're low on gas.

Don't do it then.

(SCOFFS)

(MUSIC PLAYING LOUDER)

I love a car chase.

♫ Come on, Eileen

♫ Oh, I swear
What he means

♫ At this moment

♫ You mean everything

♫ You in that dress
Oh, I swear, I confess

♫ Verge on dirty

♫ Come on, Eileen

♫ Come on, Eileen

(ALL HUMMING)

♫ And you'll hum
this tune forever

♫ Come on, Eileen

♫ Oh, I swear
What he means

♫ At this moment

♫ You mean everything

♫ You in that dress

♫ My thoughts, I confess

♫ Verge on dirty

♫ Come on, Eileen

It's a good song.

Yeah. It's all right.

(ENGINE SPUTTERING)

(TULIP SIGHS)
(SIREN BLARING)

You happy now?
Getting there.

You're cute.

Wanna go out some time?

I'd like that.

(CHUCKLES)

OFFICER: Get out of the car!

(SIGHS) There's gonna
be a plan, right?

Sure.

(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)

SERGEANT: All right, freak.

Drop the grass
and the umbrella, right now.

Mmm-hmm. (INHALES)

But I need the umbrella,
otherwise I burst
into flames, see?

Drop the umbrella. Now!

(SPITS) All right, well...

All right,
let me just get me thing...

No, hands! Hands!

Let me see your hands!
Just relax.

I'm just gonna
grab me sunscreen.
Let me see!

I just wanna grab my...
(SCREAMING)

OFFICER: Give me your hands!

CASSIDY: You bastard!

(GROANING)

Keep your hands in there.
Hey, be careful, be careful.

Thanks ever so much.
'Course. Anytime.

Nice bloke.

What the hell are you doing?

But he said he'd catch fire.

(CHUCKLES) Idiot...

(SCREAMING)

Guess he was telling the truth
about needing that
umbrella, huh?

Come on out here, boy.

Wanna ask y'all
some questions,
out here in the sunshine.

No, no, no.

Don't. Don't.
JESSE: Stop.

Holster your guns.

SERGEANT: The hell'd
you just say?
Shut your mouth!

Step over there.

You.

Gas up our car.

You.

Mace your balls.

(UNZIPPING)

(MACE SPRAYING)
(GROANING)

You two hold hands.

And you,

recite
The Yellow Rose of Texas.

♫ There's
a yellow rose of Texas

♫ I'm going down to see

♫ No other soldier knows her

♫ No soldier, only me

♫ She cried so when I left her

♫ It like to broke her heart

♫ And if I ever meet her
We never more will part ♫

No, I don't like that.

Like what?

That thing of yours.
That thing that
made me kiss you.

Genesis.

Whatever. I don't like it.

You rather we just shoot
our way out of this?

Be fair at least.

That thing ain't even fun.

It's kind of fun.

(GROANING)

TULIP: Something that
gets in your head

like some kind of
smoky brain hand,

and makes you do things?
Uh-uh.

"Smoky brain hand?"
Whatever.

Look, my point is,
how would you like it?

Get Cassidy and let's go.

(MUFFLED GUNSHOT)

(GRUNTS)

(MUFFLED GUNSHOT)

Everybody, down!

Sniper! We're in the open.

Smoke!

(GRUNTS)

Cease fire!

(YELPS) Help!

(SCREAMING)

♫ You talk about
your Clementine ♫

Stay down!
(GRUNTS)

God damn it!

What kind of gun is that?
I don't know.

Maybe I'll make him tell me.

(BOTH GRUNT)

Time to go.

I'm not leaving my car.

Where's Cassidy?

I'm not leaving my car, Jesse!

Then you better
siphon some gas.

Siphon? With what?

How about that?

No way.
It's up to you.

I gotta find Cassidy.

(GRUNTING)

(BLOWING)

(CASSIDY SCREAMING)

Ready to go?
Yes, please.

Go! Go, go, go!

I gotta get the taste out.

My Lord.

What the heck you folks
get into out there?

Is that...

Is that intestine?

All right, I'm gonna
call the cops right now!

There's no cops left!

That son of a bitch
shot them all.

We don't want
any more trouble.

So why don't you just
pretend we weren't here.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Mmm-mmm.
(SIGHS)

(BURPS)

Here.

(GRUNTS)

(SIGHS)

Trust me.

(CHUCKLES)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTING)

(MEOWS)

Hello.

Come here, you little beauty.

(CAT MEWLING)

REPORTER:
Still no reports of survivors

in the blast that destroyed
a small Texas town.

Authorities are
calling the explosion...

Hi.

All right.

I got bottled water...
(SIGHS)
Juice, some, uh...

Yoo-hoo and hot sauce.

Hello?

All right.
I'm ready. Let's go.

Fine.

Did you see that back there?

It was like we weren't
even there.

JESSE: Everyone okay?
Sure.

What the hell happened
up there? Was that us
or the cops?

We didn't do anything.
Why would anybody
wanna shoot at us?

CASSIDY: Have you not been
paying attention?

Your boyfriend's got
a bloody superpower.

There's all kinds of folks
gonna be coming
out after that.

TULIP: "Superpower." Please.

No offense to our superhero
and his superpower,

but maybe we just showed
up at the wrong place
at the wrong time.

We're in Texas.

(CHUCKLES) They pretty much
grow dumbass crazy here.

I don't know. Padre,
what do you think?

We have a job to do.

If I see him again,
I'll deal with him.

But for now we keep going.

Unlucky start is all.

That's what it is.

That's what it is.
It's an unlucky start.

Nothing but smooth-ish sailing
from here on out, Padre.

Hey, Cass?
What?

You got some cat fur.

Oh. (CHUCKLES) Thanks.

Ginger?

(CHUCKLES)
Where'd you get to, girl?

Preacher?

(STAMMERS) He wasn't here.

Preacher?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

He wasn't here.

Open.

Sorry?

Your mouth.

Oh, God.

No.

(SCREAMING)

You guys wait here.

Mike can be...

I'll be right back.

Oh, yeah. Getting a real
religious scholar vibe here.

Maybe he's between schools.

Whatever.

I just wanna take a shower.

Keep finding bits of...

I don't know what in my hair.

What?
(CLICKS TONGUE)

Nothing.

Tulip, I feel bad.

About what?
About Jesse.

I don't like keeping
secrets from me mate.

I didn't know.

I didn't know you
and him were a...

When me and you,
you know, when we...

Look, I just...
I say we tell him.

I really...
I think he will understand.

Okay. I'mma try not to
exaggerate here, Cassidy.

But out of all
the stupid things
you've ever said,

that is the stupidest.

I doubt that's true.

Listen to me, Cassidy.

You wanna feel really bad?

Go tell him we had sex.

See what your mate does then.

'Cause you don't
know him like I do.

I know he saved my life
more than once, all right?

And I know he tries
to do the right thing.

More than most people do.

Sure, Jesse's got sides
to him.

A good side, a fun side,
the boring Bible side,

but he's got
a whole other side.

A deep-down side.

Sure, we all got sides.

Me, I got tons of them.

Might be the most
many-sided
person you ever met.

Would you hush?

(WHISPERING) What is that?

Hello?

(WOMAN CRYING)

Hello?
WOMAN: Hello?

Yes! Hello! I'm here.

Thank God. Quick.
Phone. Give me a phone.

Before he comes back.
Hurry, my phone.
There's no time.

Give me a phone
before he comes...

MIKE: Leave her.

Excuse me? Who is this?

That's Ashleigh.

(SOBBING) Please.
I'm begging. Please. Please!

MIKE: Come on.

You don't hear
her as much inside.

None of our business.

Pleasure meeting
you, Ashleigh.

I'm sorry.

(ASHLEIGH SOBBING)

ASHLEIGH: No, please,
just let me use
your phone, please!

So, bathroom's in there,
if you need.

My wife used to tidy,
but she died.

ASHLEIGH: Please! I can't
take much more of this!

Young lady, that's enough.

I have house guests.
Do I need to
call your parents?

ASHLEIGH: No, Mike. Sorry.

MIKE: All right. Living room.

That's Eddie the dog.
He used to bite,
but then he got old.

Can I ask a question
that isn't about the dog

and the different rooms?

She wants to know
about the girl.

Well, parishioners need help
with their urges...

Drugs, sex, Twitter...

They come to me.

So someone comes
to you for help
and you put them in a cage?

A covered cage. That's right.

To curb their urges.

Am I the only one who thinks
that's, like, psychotic?

No. I was wondering
the exact same thing.

Why not just lock
her in a cellar?

You could chain her
to the bloody wall
or something like that.

Covered cage
works best is why.

Now, anyone else
I never met before

want to tell me
how to minister?

So...

I know you didn't
come all this way
to show off my manners.

No.

What then?

I'm afraid I have
some bad news.

Obviously.

Okay. Spit it out.

It's about God.

Come on. There's whiskey.

He's gone.

You sure?

Somehow I'm not surprised.

These past few weeks,

every time I prayed...

He didn't answer.

And now I know why.

God's gone.

Missing is what they said.

Most likely walking the Earth.

MIKE: This angel said?

That you commanded
with your power?

Genesis, that's right.

Meaning what? Missing where?

Well, you're the scholar.

We're asking you.

You know,
when I was a young man
studying in Mesopotamia,

I came across a map
that claimed to foretell

the Almighty's whereabouts
if He ever walked the Earth.

Mesopotamia? Where's that?

I don't know,
but it sounds like
just the thing, doesn't it?

Are you kids high right now?

No.

Not in a covered
cage kind of a way,
we're not.

Idiots. There's no map.

But something you've read?
Something in your library?

No.

Nothing in all these books?

MIKE: Books?

You call Heaven
on an angel phone

to discover God's
gone to roam the Earth?

What book is that exactly?

All right. All right.

So, something you've seen
or heard?

Someone you talked to?

I said no.

And I've said it about every
which way I can think of.

(SIGHS)
Look, I'm sorry.

I know you had your hopes up.

But that's why
there's whiskey.

ASHLEIGH: Can I just have
my phone for five
minutes, please?

Just to post something
on Instagram.

Just say your prayers
like I told you.

No one wants to see photos
of a sick girl in a dark cage.

I think you'd be surprised,
actually, mate.

Hush your mouth.

ASHLEIGH: Can you refill
my water dish then?

Give me a sec.

CASSIDY: He seems really nice.

Yep. A nice waste of time.

Maybe.

What you got there?

Your parents.

Mike married them.
Let's have a look.

John Custer and Christina...
(STAMMERING)

L'Angelle.

She was beautiful.

Is she...

A long time ago.

There's just
the three of them.

Where's the rest
of the family?

Mike was pretty much
the only family my father had.

On your mom's side, the...
(STAMMERING)

L'Angelle.

L'Angelles, where were they?

They weren't invited.

(DOOR OPENS)

(MIKE SIGHS)

That Internet
is a soul killer.

Stay clear of it if you can.

You spending the night?

Is that okay?
Yeah.

Eddie and I'll take the couch.

You can have my room.

Wait, I'm sorry, um...

Thanks for having us and all,

but don't you have,
like, a guest room?

(SNIFFS)

I'm sorry.
Mmm-hmm.

It's cozy. Isn't it?

Now, look.

I know this is your first
night together
in quite a while,

so I'd imagine you have plans
of a romantic nature.

It's fine.
No, Jess. I just...

I hate to be a third wheel.
No, you're not.

No. Listen, in Ireland,
when you're poor,

you got your folks,
they're shagging away

right on top of you
like lunatics, practically.

Hmm.
Yeah.

The grunting, rocking back
and forth. The smells.
(CHUCKLES)

You learn to sleep through it.

Right.
I'm not gonna be an issue.

It's not a problem for me.

Thanks, Cass.
All right.

I think we're
all tired anyway.

Right?

Yep.

Right.

Rumor is I'm
a bit of a snorer,

so if it gets vexatious,
just give me a nudge.

(SNORING)

(EXHALES)

MIKE: You expecting someone?

Just the stars.

You ever consider
that if the good
Lord's gone missing,

maybe He's got a reason?

Yeah, and I wanna hear it.

Maybe He has a good reason.

Maybe He's in trouble.

Maybe something went wrong.

Maybe He needs help.

Maybe we can help Him.

What if I don't
like His reason?

If I find out He's left
us here all alone
to pick up His mess?

I'm gonna hold that son
of a bitch to account.

Don't you blaspheme.

Your daddy heard
you talking like that?

"Hold Him to account."
That right?
You and what army?

I don't need an army.
I have Genesis.

Show me. Go on.

Otherwise, for all I know,
you've just lost your mind.

Break something.

Jesus.

Before my daddy died,

if you wanna talk
about my daddy...

Right before he died, he said

big things would
be coming for me.

Said it like it was a promise
of some future calling.

For the longest time,
I didn't know what
he meant by that.

For a while, I thought maybe
he meant Annville, the church.

This is it.

This is my call.

I'm gonna find Him, Mike.

Whether you help me or not.

What you got there?

I ran into a woman,
few weeks back.

Parishioner of mine.

I had her out in the garage
a couple of times.

Booze, pills.

But she'd been sober a while,
or so I thought.

I found her looking pale
as a ghost, trembling.

I ask her, "What's wrong?"

And she told me God Himself
had just been in.

So I assumed she was
back on the bottle.

But now?

Looking back on it?

She was pale as a ghost.

That's her card?

It's sort of a dance hall
down in Kimble County.

Right.

Maybe she can help.

So I guess we just drive
down to Kimble County

and ask to talk
to this "Tammy."

Can't be that easy.

No, son. I'm sure it won't be.

(DOG BARKING)

(BARKING CONTINUES)

(DOG YELPS)

You broke my door and my dog.

What the hell
else do you want?

MAN:
Preacher.

I'm the only preacher here.

There's whiskey.

Sit.
Where is he?

He cut out for Dodge City
first light.

Join up with Wyatt Earp.

Where is he?

Georgia. Midnight train.

Where is he?

He's on his way to San Antone,
to cornhole your mother,
the whore.

You know who I am?

You're the...

Yeah. I've heard about you.

So, you know I can
make you tell me.

And you know that knife
that you're holding
in your hand

won't stop me asking.

No.

But it'll stop me from saying.

(MIKE GRUNTS)

TULIP: God came here?

JESSE: That's what Mike said.

CASSIDY: I think
this is just a cover.

Hide in plain
sight kind of thing.

Outside, it's a strip club,

inside, old chaps wearing
robes, smoking bloody
pipes and that.

(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
(CHATTERING)

CASSIDY: Or, even better,
it's just a normal strip club.

All right.

I'm gonna go and have a look
'round. See what
I can find out.

I'm gonna look for Tammy.

Mmm-hmm.

Hey.

What's going on?

You haven't heard?
Whole town blew up.

What town?

Come on. She's in back.

(KNOCKING)
Yeah?

They're asking for you.

(SCOFFS)

Not again.

Tell the Bishop no
more church events.

Not after what
happened last time.

What happened last time?
I don't know what that means.

You're not from the diocese?

No.

(WALKIE-TALKIE STATIC)
Doug, I got hands
in Room Three.

We're looking for God.

(CHUCKLES) Aren't we all?

Mike told us you might
have seen Him.

I know a lot of Mikes.

A lot of Mikes that put you
in a covered cage?

Oh.

That Mike. Yeah,
that Mike thinks I'm crazy.

JESSE: Not after we talked
to him.

He thinks that
maybe you saw God.

(SCOFFS) "Saw God."
(LAUGHS)

Yeah.

Now I think he's crazy.

Tammy, your hand's shaking.

I think maybe
you saw God, too.

Well, on account of Mike
and that cage
that saved my life,

I'll tell you this much.
But that's it, you understand?

TAMMY: Close the door.

God was here.

He came in a couple times
a few months ago.

He sat in the back,
kept to himself.

Asked the band to play
Walk to the Peak.

Guess it was His favorite.

Other than that?
He was a customer.

A customer?

Really?

No, I lied. He was a dancer.

What was He like?

What did God look like?

What was He doing here?

Let me ask you a question,
Preacher.

What do you want from Him?

We just have a few questions.

"Questions?" The arrogance.

(CHUCKLES) God won't
answer them.

He might.
No, He won't.

He'll turn His head
and stare through
you like glass.

You'll feel so naked
and terrified,
you'll shit yourself.

But He won't
answer your questions.

Customer confidentiality
is a priority here at She-She.

So, help yourself
to a fistful of peanuts
on the way out, huh?

So, Genesis.

I can use it on her, right?

Hm, I don't know.

What's not to know?
This is textbook.

She is being a dick
and her hair is stupid,

but I think Genesis should be
a last-resort kind of thing.

Doug? Hello? Do you copy?

Come into my office, please.

We're asking questions,
she's not answering them.

Now she's calling Doug.

Seems pretty last-resort
if you ask me.

No, you're being lazy.

If you want answers,
just beat them out of her.

I'm not gonna beat her.
She's an old lady.

She ain't that old.
I'll do it if you want.

Doug. I need you in my office.

At least let me ask
what God was doing here.

Why do all men come
to these dumb-ass places?

First time it's for the girls.

And if they come back,
it's for one girl
in particular.

(CLICKS TONGUE)

He fell in love? With who?

I told you what I was gonna
tell you, now get the hell
out of here.

I'm guessing it's
the trashy blonde.

Doug. Damn it.

Doug, you idiot.

Quit your fooling
around and get in here.

I really want
to use it on her.

What are your
specific objections?

My specific objections
are that it's mind invasion.

I am not down with that.

What if I use it on her
and erase her mind after?

That way she'll forget
the invasion feeling.

Doug!

She is really irritating.
Fine.

So, Tammy.

I'm gonna do something to you.

You ain't doing shit!

JESSE: Hey. Calm down.
Anybody tries to hurt me...

I will stab their eyes out.

Tammy, please.

Doug! Doug! Help me!

Get in here!

Tammy. Tammy, it's fine.
It's fine. No one's
gonna hurt you.

(MUFFLED GUNSHOT)
(GASPS)

(SIGHS)

No.

(GROANS)

Damn.

No. No, no, no, no, no,
no, no. Damn it.

I'm sorry, Tammy,
but you're gonna
need to tell me.

Who was God coming
to see here?

Who was God's girl?

God didn't come for the girls,
you idiot.

He came for the jazz.

The jazz?

I hope you find him, Preacher.

You will shit yourself.

(CHUCKLING)

(DOOR OPENING)

(PANTING)

Woah.

You're in trouble now.

(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

MAN: Look, now, for me,
I really like the disruption
of the Taurus.

No. You wanna
stop something quick?
Okay, yeah.

It's the Springfield, okay?
The Springfield?

You're good to go.
Come on.

Move.

Sorry.
TULIP: What the hell
were you thinking?

You can touch the girls
for three seconds
and everybody knows it.

It's industry standard.
There's a three-second rule.

That's for food, Cassidy.
You got a lady shot.

No, I didn't shoot anybody.
That was Douglas, not me.

Enough!

We've been over it.

Let's go to bed.

(MOUTHING)

Hey. Did we get
anything out of her?
Any leads before she was...

We learned we're
on God's trail.

Great! That's good, isn't it?

Right there on His trail.
That's progress,
though, right?

Right?

Good night, Cassidy.

Padre.

Padre, I'm sorry.

(STAMMERS) I won't
let you down again, all right?

See you tomorrow.
All right.

(EXHALES)

MAN: (ON TV) Mumbai Sky Tower,

East Texas's premiere and only
actual Indian casino
and resort,

is proud to announce
our brand-new act.

You think you've seen it all,
until you've seen
The Amazing Ganesh.

TULIP: Hey.

A once-in-a-lifetime
experience...

You know what I like to do?

When I've had a bad day,

it feels like I got
nothing but problems?

I like to go in the bathroom

and lock the door behind me.

Open it.

You open it.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(THUDDING)

MAN: (ON TV) You think
you've seen it all,

until you've seen
The Amazing Ganesh.

A once-in-a-lifetime
experience that you must
see to believe.

Book your tickets today

for a performance
to remember from

a performer you
will never forget.

Huh?

(INDISTINCT TV CHATTER)

Stop!

I said stop!