Preacher (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - Monster Swamp - full transcript

Get away.

Get out of here.

Well, you got me, Clive.

Always do, Lacey. Always do.

What the hell?

Clive, I said...

Lacey?

Shit.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.



Peace be with you.

And also with you.

Let us pray.

"Guide us, O God, by your
Word, and Holy Spirit,

that in your light we may see light,

in your truth find freedom,

and in your will discover peace."

A word, if I may?

I'm busy, Cass.

You got two minutes.

No, no, no. Two... No.

Two minutes is tough. This
is kind of complicated.

- Well, summarize.
- Done.

It's not really a strong
suit, but all right.



You know, the other night,
we kind of tied one on?

No, not really.

'Course not. You were blizzard.

But I mean after that.

These two fellas come by, right?

Dressed as cowboy-types on the outside,

but sounded more like two blokes

who just stumbled in out
of the pub in Clerkenwell,

if you know what I'm trying to say.

I have no idea.

All right, that bit, that's confusing.

But the point is,
things got testy, right?

Then things got rough.

Now I'm a big believer
in live and let live,

but when someone comes
at one of my friends

brandishing a bloody chainsaw,

we're gonna have issues.

Right. Where are my keys?

I thought they were here for me. Right?

I thought this is my problem,

I'm gonna deal with it
on me own, and I did.

A dozen pieces buried in
a suitcase and that's it.

- Problem solved, right?
- Good.

Good, except they come back.

- Who?
- What do you mean "who?"

Honestly, will you pay attention?

The guys! The ones I was telling you.

They're following me
halfway across the country!

Oh.

- The vampire hunters?
- Yes!

Except they weren't vampire hunters.

They were like government
agency clones, I think.

Or like androids with
human innards or...

Honestly, I don't know how they do it.

The technology's incredible.

Is that an apple pipe?

Yeah, but that's not what this is about.

You know, I've got...

Ooh!

Jesus.

You ever been to New York?

Or San Francisco? Tijuana?

Honestly, the stories I
could tell you about TJ, man.

What are you talking about now?

I'm talking about we have
to get you out of here!

Road trip. You've got to know
that's where this is headed.

I'm not going anywhere. Did
something happen to the van?

Yeah, that was the clone people.

That was the second
time I killed them there.

All right, what were you smoking?

Attic insulation, mostly.

But look, that's not what
this is about, you know?

Cassidy, what is wrong with you?

What's wrong with you, huh?

I've got no air-conditioning.

Fix the damn thing already, would you?

Padre, I'm trying to tell you...

That thing you've got inside your
pupil, they're gonna want that.

And I'm going to give it to them.

Nice outfit, by the way.

This world...

Where's Donnie?

Called in sick.

Hello.

Uh...

Thank you all for coming out today.

There are some lessons to be learnt.

First, you boys need to
watch the roughhousing.

'Cause this is what can happen.

And, uh, you ladies,

if you're gonna be out here
in the middle of the night,

you need to watch where you're walking.

All right, you heard him. Show's over.

Come on, let's go.

Come on.

What the hell was that?

What?

Am I the only one who sees a dead
girl hanging there by her ankles?

Well, what do you
expect? It's Chinatown.

Hey.

- Mom home?
- She's pooping.

Oh, I'm sorry to barge in.

Timmy let me in.

Tommy. It's Tommy. Barge in away.

Uh, what's up?

How many people did we have
in the church last Sunday?

Twenty-five? Thirty?

I have to check my notes,

but I think 22, including infants.

- Why?
- Twenty-two.

But after the baptism and the
outreach we did, I bet it's more.

Well, I want it full.

How do we make that happen?

- Mommy!
- Mom!

You guys are supposed to be
getting ready for soccer practice!

Patience and hard work.

We're just getting started, Jesse.

What about a raffle?

Raffle?

I mean, I could ask
Gary if he could donate

a Flavor Station gift certificate.

No, no. Something
people want, like a TV.

You know, people come
crawling out of the woodwork

for one of them big
flat-screens, right?

For a $1,000 model we
can in no way afford?

Yeah, they'll come running, Jesse.

You don't need to worry about
the money. That's not an issue.

Jesse, what is this?

What happened?

Did you do something?

Did I do something?

What do you mean?

Nothing.

Mom!

You guys...

I'll be there in a minute, Alice.

What do you mean, "Did I do something?"

- Give me a for-instance.
- A for-instance...

Someone said they saw you

breaking into Linus Dilmoe's
place the other night,

and the next day, saw him driving
his bus with his face all bandaged.

Yeah, that was...

Never mind. I know your
business is your business.

I've learnt that much.

It's just, for me,
I've been feeling things

were getting on an overall, you know,

nice track at the church
with us, and I just...

I worry about you sometimes.

You don't need to worry about me, Em.

Not now.

Not anymore.

Okay?

Okay.

Think you got...

- ...a Band-Aid.
- Band-Aid.

So, you think you'll be
able to pick up the TV?

I'm working a double.
Maybe you could do it?

Well, I gotta prepare.

Best Buy on I-10's open until 11:00.

No, I know. It's just I have the kids.

All right. I'll ask Cassidy.

Oh, no. It's okay.
I'll just get a sitter.

- You sure? That's great.
- Mmm.

After what I'm gonna do, that
church is gonna be full every Sunday.

It'll be worth it.

What are you gonna do?

Something wonderful.

- Like that.
- Easy.

Come on.

People look to you.

It's important to make an
example for others to learn from.

Understand?

Jesse, do you understand?

You said you'd bring him to us.

No, I said I'd talk to him.

Act as the middleman. And I have.

And, do you know,
honestly, he's intrigued.

He just wants to know a little bit
more about your plan, that's all.

The plan is simple.

The Preacher comes to us,

we remove what's inside of
him and take it back with us.

Right. Do you know what, I'm gonna...

Write this down.

Get on the same page here.

So...

What's inside him, exactly?

- We can't say.
- I see.

But you'll remove it how?

Cut him open.

- With a chainsaw?
- Right.

Although, we could try to
draw it out with a song again.

- Song?
- Wynken, Blynken and Nod.

His favorite.

Mmm. Wynken, Blynken and
Nod. Yeah, that sounds great.

I just... I think he'll prefer
that to the saw, I'll be honest.

We scoop it out and get
it back into its domicile.

Because it lives inside a coffee can.

Put it back into its domicile,

take it home where it belongs,

and that is the plan.

This guy... That is
just... That's brilliant.

That's a really interesting plan.

So you're from Heaven, right?

That's right.

Which means what? You're
angels or something?

Right, okay.

But you aren't...

Look, no offence, but as far as
angels go, you're not actually...

You two aren't in charge, are you?

No. No, no, no, no. Not at all.

Right.

Yeah, that's been really
helpful. That's great.

So payment.

What's the offer?

"Payment"? As in money?

Jesse has a weakness for
controlled substances, all right?

China white,

black beauties,

reds, blues,

and opiates are a particular weakness.

But a great honking
armful of drugs, it just...

It'd really help close
the deal here, boys.

You know what I mean?

Or money will do.

I'll just take the whole lot.

Well, where are you going?

You need to bring him to us.

Yeah, but I can't bring him
to you without leaving, can I?

When will you be back?

Soon.

- Be specific.
- Very soon.

See you in a bit.

I don't trust him.

Fiore, what are you doing?

It's time to let them
know what's going on.

And if they find out that we're
down here without permission?

Why we're down here without permission?

We can't call them.

We're on our own.

No choice but to trust him.

The Mayor's here.

Your company keeps the lights on.

So the benefits are plain as pie

every time anyone opens
their electric bill.

But this isn't just another dog

or some cow that wandered
into the wrong field.

Hmm.

This is a human being
we're talking about.

You know, this young woman who fell.

All right.

The issue for me is safety.

What's causing these
sinkholes in the first place?

"Plain as pie."

Right.

Well, anyway, I wouldn't be doing my job

as Annville's elected representative

if I didn't come over and check in,

and, you know, talk your ears
off a little bit about it.

- Which you have.
- Which I have.

Thanks for your time.

You know, so back to the
salt mines of government.

How was Austin, Mr. Mayor?

Oh, Austin?

Threadgill's Restaurant, Austin, Texas.

Right, I just...

I stopped in for a bite just last week.

You stopped in for a bite just last week

with Jerry Cutler and
others from Green Acre Group.

That's right.

Well, I know they've been
reaching out to you, too.

I mean, it's kind of an amazing company.

You know, I don't know if you've
seen any of their informationals,

but, I mean, they have
a ton of cool stuff on

soil sustainability and aeroponics.

"Profitability problems with
water, earth and sun solutions...

Sustainability silos...

Business brawn of the bean curd."

You see, you should meet them,

hear them out.

I'm telling you, they're really nice.

It'd be a hell of a partnership.

My grandfather, Jonas Quincannon.

One time, the Gormann Brothers

had a pork concern out at Las Cruces.

Hoping to move in on his territory,

they were pressuring
wholesalers, something like that.

Uh, anyway, Jonas found out about it.

He took care of it.

Took care of them.

Didn't ask, didn't
warn, didn't get angry.

Just got what needed doing done.

Nobody said a damn word.

Yeah.

His father, same way. My father...

All of them.

No one said boo.

Yeah.

Local tax revenues...

They're down 11% in the last 36 months.

Fifty-eight percent
in the last 10 years.

Mr. Quincannon, we're in a malaise here.

This town, I mean...

We grow or we die.

Something needs to change.

And this could be just the thing,

the shot in the arm we all need.

So with your permission,

I would love to arrange a meeting

for you to sit down with them and...

- What are you...
- Don't look at me.

Oh, come on.

Plain as pie.

Two half-pound patties,

covered in cheese, dripping in sauce.

The Big As Texas Burger.

Fit your mouth around this.

Don't.

Do not answer that phone.

Hello.

Checking out?

Very soon.

Where are you going?

I'm hungry.

One Big As Texas Burger, please.

Sorry.

We ain't got a restaurant
or room service here.

We got a vending machine.

Oh, hey, come on.

Let me give you a hand with that.

Wow!

Okay.

Whoa!

- How much did that put you back?
- Too much.

I told you not to clean.

Oh, I just straightened up a little.

Kids go down all right?

Oh, yeah. They went down great.

Cleaned their plates,
finished their homework.

Tommy helped Alice with her
jammies which was very cute.

Good.

You want wine? You look stressed.

No. No, thank you. I got
way too much left to do.

You got here when? 4:30?

All right. We went over this.

Nothing I'd rather do
on my Saturday night

than look after your little scamps.

Well, I appreciate the help.

What... Please.

After everything you
do for everyone else?

I mean, the kids, the
Flavor Station, the church.

You know, running around
for Preacher Custer.

I mean, Lord knows you deserve a break.

So I said,

"I understand you're upset
about the Zoning Bill, Doug.

You can come to my house
and pull your pants down

every day of the week, twice on Sundays,

but it won't change a little something

called the United States Constitution."

I bet that brought him up short.

Well, he still went ahead
and defecated on my driveway.

What?

To be fair, he was conflicted.

He was apologizing the
whole time it was going on.

- No.
- Yeah, yeah. It's true.

I mean, he even helped
me clean it up afterwards.

Which is more than I could
say for Odin Quincannon.

I mean, he has once and for all
and finally slipped his biscuit.

I'm never gonna be with you.

You know that, right, Miles?

Yeah, you've told me enough times, sure.

Out before morning. Kids
almost caught you last time.

"In the mouth of the foolish
is a rod for his back.

But the lips of the
wise will protect them.

Where no oxen are, the manger is clean.

But much revenue comes by
the strength of the ox."

To me, Lacey was just fun.

She liked TV and eating and
trying on different shoes.

When I think of her...

What the hell do oxen have
to do with anything, huh?

Explain that to me.

It's a parable.

It's bullshit, is what it is.

Lacey wasn't called to
Heaven by fairies on a cloud.

She was run down by a bunch
of cavemen with pop guns,

and fell into a bottomless shit pit.

No, that was an accident.

We weren't trying to hurt anyone.

Not talking to you, Vern. Shut up.

Comes to men and their deviancies,

I threw my hands up long ago.

But, you ladies, you should know better.

Running around in your underwear,

getting hunted like animals.

What the hell were you thinking?

You hear that, girls?

Instead of all this, you should be
working for dollar tips at Denny's.

Shut your mouth, Clive.

No, you shut yours, O'Hare.

No one wants to hear your
girlie-go power bullshit.

Too bad about Lacey.

Great piece of ass. Boo hoo.

You work in a whorehouse
long enough, eventually...

That's enough, Clive.

There'll be no fighting.
Not here. Not tonight.

I'll tell you what, boys.

In honor of Lacey and her peaceful ways,

next hour's on the house.

Come on, let's just go upstairs.

You were a damn cute
little girl, Priscilla-Jean.

- I know.
- Fun, funny. Such a great spirit.

But that temper of yours, not
even your mama could handle it.

My mama never tried, Mose.

She was too busy up there,
handling all them boners and balls.

Be a good girl.

I'm gonna go make us some tea.

Ugh.

- Yes. Yes.
- What the hell?

Eat shit, Clive.

Jesus. Oh, God.

I'm so sorry!

Oh, please don't die,
mister! Please don't!

I didn't mean to. I...

It's my stupid fricking temper.

I just... I thought you
were this other guy and...

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

- Can you please go faster?
- I'm trying.

It's okay. It's all right.
Just keep breathing, all right.

I thought you were that dickwich, Clive.

Stupid, stupid, stupid Tulip!

- Hurry up!
- Okay.

Please God... Please God, or

whatever the hell you call yourself,

I know we hate each other,
but please, please, please,

just this once, do the right thing here.

I'll be good, I swear. I'll be good.

I'll be so damn good, you
won't even know it's me.

- Kiss me.
- What?

- Kiss me.
- Okay, okay, okay.

- Kiss me.
- Okay, relax.

It's all right. You're gonna make it.

My friend needs a doctor.

Whoa! No, no. Are you listening?

No forms or take-a-number crap.

He needs a fricking doctor, grandma,
and he needs it fricking now!

Who?

You were right, love.

I think I'm gonna make it.

Wake up.

We gotta go.

Wait here.

But she's my daughter.

Denounce him.

Denounce him!

Come on.

Some people just can't be saved.

Poor bastard. No idea
what's coming for him.

Where shall we put John Baugh?

Here, with Bowie.

Not with Travis?

No. Fell back with Jim Bowie.

Met his end manning that
12-pounder in the chapel there.

But Bowie died in the
barracks, didn't he?

Yeah, of course.

- I had an idea, Mr. Quincannon.
- Did you?

For the church.

A way to teach a lesson.

I just have to find
someone people look up to,

a leader of the community,

show them as an example.

- Come to church tomorrow.
- No, thank you.

- How long since you've been?
- Church service? Long time.

Time was you were a regular.

Past due now, don't you think?

A man of your years

got to be thinking what
happens next after he dies.

Now, you know the rules.

I don't talk how my meat gets made,

you don't talk about
your magic man in the sky.

No shame in having questions.

I'm not ashamed.

And I know what comes next. Nothing.

Maybe.

But what if you're wrong?

What if there's Judgement?

"Judgement."

What if we're held to
account for our actions?

What if there's punishment?

What if there is fire?

What if there's ice and darkness?

What if there's beasts
with cloven hooves

and tortured children and
screams that curdle your blood?

What if they tear you
apart real slow-like,

with chains and spikes?

What if it's deeper
than that, like some say,

and you spend all eternity living your

worst memory over and over and over?

Or what if you feel nothing?

Except for all the pain
you caused everybody else?

Jeez.

Aren't you afraid?

Nope.

Seems to me you are, Preacher.

I could make you come to church.

That wouldn't be very Christian of you.

My father's land.

You always wanted it.

Biggest plot left you don't already own.

It's more than 20 hectares, yeah.

Come to church tomorrow.

Listen to my sermon.

You don't leave a Christian after that,

it's yours.

_

Peace be with you.

And also with you.

I want to thank you all
for coming out this morning.

I know it's not always easy
to get here on a Sunday.

Kids don't want to get dressed.

Lawn needs mowing.

Doing laundry, paying bills.

Whatever. It's been a long week,

and you got another one starting
up tomorrow, so thank you.

Besides, and here's the real reason

it ain't easy getting here, and that's,

"What good's it gonna do?"

Right?

I mean, look at this world.

You turn on the radio,
surf the Internet.

Heck, look out your dang window.

It's crazy out there.

You've got wars in every direction,

bombs going off in
coffee shops and schools.

Folks scared to hug each other

on account of some new disease.

Yep.

The world is turning to shit.

And you know what?

It's all your fault.

You've turned your back on the Lord.

Your despair has caused
you to lose faith,

embrace false idols.

But these idols, these things...

They won't save you.

Your whisky won't save you.

Your money won't save you.

Sex, love, romance...

They will not save you.

Your parents, your
precious little children,

that 55-inch flat-screen TV out there?

Nothing.

Nothing will save you.

You are sinners.

You have strayed.

You have forgotten
the power of the Lord.

But it's not too late.

I'm here to remind you
that starting today...

No, starting right now,

I'm going to bring you back to God,

one by one.

Beginning with one man amongst us

who has strayed furthest.

God wants you back, Mr. Quincannon.

"Serve him and you will go out in joy,

be led forth in peace."

Right.

"The mountains and hills will
burst into song before you.

And all the trees in the
field will clap their hands."

I ask you now...

Will you serve God?

No.

Will you serve God?

Now, I heard you the first time.

Will you serve Him?

Oh, for Pete's sake.

Odin.

I win, Preacher. It wasn't even close.

Now, I'm telling you...

Serve God.

I ask you again.

Will you serve God?

Of course I will.

Yes, sir.

Yeah.

Of course.

Yeah.

I will.

I will.

Hello.