Portlandia (2011–2018): Season 4, Episode 2 - Ecoterrorists - full transcript
Hi.
I'm Bryce Shivers.
And I'm Lisa Eversman.
We've come upon some
tough times.
Money is running low.
It's kind of a long
story, not my fault
but we figured out a solution.
_
_
_
You can rent out anything.
Extra bedroom-- rent it out.
Have a car-- rent it out.
Just like New York City you
can rent out everything.
Anything, anyone.
Isn't that kind
of like prostitution?
Not when it's from
a cute website.
Welcome to the cool crisp clean
website of Rent It Out.
It's very very simple.
This new economy is so fun
we've rented everything out.
Got room in your fridge?
Rent it out!
What a cool site.
My member name is Bryce!
Why don't you tell
them your password?
Are you sure?
I don't know but yea go ahead,
here's his password.
"SHIVERS1".
- Got a couch?
- Rent it out.
Rent it out!
- Have an extra toothbrush?
- Rent it out.
No tooth paste, alright.
I'm not a taxi driver, I'm just
a girl with a car so,
I rent it out.
He's a total stranger
I feel completely safe.
We're living on our roof now,
it's the only space available.
Hey if you are going to rent it
out you have make sure you
sign the sheet down...
Out, he's supposed to say out.
Out.
No don't walk out.
Today I'm cleaning
someone else's kitchen.
How did you end up
in that situation?
I said that I could mop
and some lady chose me?
- Wow
- Yeah.
Ow!
There is no one less
skilled at this then me.
Yea, but you are the one
that signed up to do it.
These people, they're basically
just hiring art students to
come and like watch their
kids and mop their floors.
Uh, those kids, thank you.
Damn it.
Are you guys ready for
everyone's minds to be blown?
We're about to change lives and
change animal's lives.
Go go go go go...
Interrupting your work day?
Much?
We showed up uninvited and
unannounced, consider this
a warning, we hate you.
You're going to think twice
about what you do!
Ha, oh my God, did you see that?
Nothing happened.
Didn't they run out of
the building, they must
have been freaking out.
No, they're still even testing
on animals, they just dumped a
barrel of monkeys off
the roof, dead monkeys.
Literally we just saw that.
I had the bull horn,
is this working?
It's absolutely working.
Sorry.
Damn it.
We just, we don't look serious.
I don't want to change now.
Whats up with your jacket.
You know when you want to
put something draped on
half way around your whole body
to cover the waist area?
What do want me
looking like this?
- No.
- No you want me like this.
We don't look
like revolutionaries,
we look like ravers.
That's yellow arms, big, smiley
face legs, you know?
This is what we chose.
Is it a parachute?
Looks like a tent.
You guys didn't say
anything when I got it.
You didn't say anything in the
van, when I'm walking around
and now use guys have issue with
it, you got to say something.
You going to stand around?
Why do you have a chicken bag?
Is that a purse? We're
not on the same page
with protest strategy.
Well this is the wrong time to
do it, don't you think?
In a parking lot? I mean wow!
I told you what
we need to do, ok?
What's that?
I need to take my top off.
Listen, I know you want to do
that, but that's way at the
end somewhere you do it now...
It's not a real protest if no
one has their top off, how do
they know that this is
supposed to mean something?
We're supposed to shock them.
That's the grand finale, we got
to save it until someone is
actually watching, I
can't just take your top off
for us anymore.
We got to get
attention with that.
How are they going
to take that down?
Pretty fast.
I don't think so.
Yea, there is already someone up
there just taking it down.
Leave that alone.
Why is waving a smiling.
Katharine are you asleep?
Nope.
What's wrong?
I can't sleep.
Can I help you in anyway?
I don't know but I probably am
only getting one to two hours
of sleep at night.
That's bad.
I read all of these articles if
you lose sleep, you die.
Well I don't want
us to die, ever.
It will just be me, you'll
sleep through my death.
I sleep pretty great.
Yeah, I know.
How about this, why
don't I coach you?
You coach me with things, I can
coach you right back.
I don't know if you
can just coach sleep.
Sure you can.
How?
Watch, ready? Sleep.
Atta girl sleep,
good girl, sleep.
Does it look like I'm sleeping?
No.
Close your eyes, there we go,
there she is, off to sleep.
There she goes, there we go.
Dave this is very
hard on my abs.
Just lie back a little bit on
your shoulder, think of all
the things you've got
piling up in our life...
the bills, think of a leaky faucet,
think of the door rattling
downstairs, you gotta
fix that door knob...
Is this how you sleep at night?
Yeah.
Thinking about the
stuff that we have to do?
Yeah.
Arm up like this, kind
of look at the clock.
Make a little bit of small talk,
that kind of meaningless
sort of, aimless conversation.
Is that what you do to me?
It just helps, a sort
of open ended question.
That was funny with the
bushes today, wasn't it?
That driveway
seemed bigger today.
Oh no.
Ok now.
Did that work?
♪ oh... in the bar and for once
you... me dreaming ♪
♪ when the children
count their sheep... ♪
Are you done babe?
Were your eyes not
closed the whole time.
Those lyrics are wrong,
you know that right?
Those are the original medieval
lyrics, I'll tell you
some boring stories
from my drive home.
Wait Dave, that's when I get
tired, when I'm driving.
Oh.
Just concentrate on
the sound of the road...
♪ do do doo, and the town they
are sleeping and the lamb ♪
♪ sings a song
through the... ♪
Hi I'm, I'm Trish.
Oh, Jamie thinks
this dog is really cool.
I love this dog so much.
This is Marley
our rasta dog, he's
available for adoption today.
What you did you do that for?
You make the jerk chicken man.
He hates that.
What are you doing?
Are you from Kingston man?
Now this whole area is just
booming right now.
Mixed use, live-work space.
It's just a big giant raw space.
Unreal, look at those windows.
Take a look, take a look around.
Wow, I can run, incredible.
This place is great.
A lot of space.
You know maybe this is a
little sunken living room.
Sort of Dutch Japanese feel to
it, if everything is low
to the ground,
that's a tommy room.
Is this all here?
Yea that's the floor.
Ok, but could we get in it?
Sure.
One of those screening rooms?
Absolutely.
Why not?
I don't think we ever need to
discuss it, we'll take it.
Oh great, ok, well let's see we
need first and last, then
full month deposit,
and that's $5,000 a month.
What's $5,000 a month?
For the loft, it's
$5,000 a month.
We just want this unit, we don't
want the whole building.
No no the actual unit, the loft,
all the space, $5,000.
I thought it was
going to be $275.
Did somebody say 275, I don't
know where that is coming from.
We can give you, $400 a month.
Perhaps you'd
like a studio loft.
Alright don't play hard ball
with us, she said 400.
425? I mean this getting boring.
You know I can show
you some other units that
are slightly smaller.
- No we'll figure...
- Let's just add
another room mate, our bedroom
is going to be back there.
Maybe you can build
your room over there.
Yea, you know how to make things
so we figure you can do that.
- Great.
- Cool.
Alright so...
That's going to be
$1600 a month each.
- What?
- How?
Well you take 5,000 is how and
divide it by three, that's
a pretty good deal, I
want to get you in here.
You guys can't have access to
all our stuff but I mean
that's just how it is.
- You know
- Alright, let's do it.
So 5,000 divided by 5 tenants,
that's $1,000 a month.
How?
Are we in Morocco or something,
what is with the haggling?
Remember it was $5,000
now you have 5 tenants so,
5,000 divided by 5 is 1,000.
That is, yeah, I see that now.
Ok, so it looks like you've got
18 people, 5,000 divided by
18 is 275 a month,
that's what you wanted.
We did it, good work guys.
Ok, I am going to need just one
more thing, I need a name to
put on the lease.
I can't. I have bad credit.
Yeah. I can't, I mean, your
dad is he? No he's pissed.
Yeah, always.
Oh, Josh you're good
for it. Right?
Put the name Josh down.
Just Josh?
J-O-S-H?
Ok, sure, you have a deal.
1-2-3... Can we
have 18 keys made?
Guys, I think this is
going to work this time.
I can't wait to see their
faces, they're going to be at
work like 'we got all this stuff
to do' and they are going to
look up and go like
"Ah, I'm quitting".
Everything is going to
change, we are going to
have to change our identities.
Good point. We are going to
have to change our names.
Yeah, what are you going to pick?
Dakota.
Me too.
I was going to say
Dakoto, for a male version.
What about you Brandon?
You didn't think about it
did you? Now what if the
cops get you? What's going
to happen? Now listen...
I'm sorry. Yes?
Oh know I just wanted to ask at
what point you want me to
take my top off?
- Ah...
- We've seen it, I'm just saying...
We're good, ok, some other time.
Go go go...
We're back and this
time we're puppets.
You ignored me before but now
listen to this fat puppet of
yourself. You like my jacket?
I guess I'll go out on my yacht.
I guess I'll go out on my boat,
on my sail boat when I'm
done with this, and then I
will stop off at the bank.
Haha, oh my God
did you see that?
It looked festive,
it looked like a pinata.
Yeah, I thought it was Mardi Gras.
That didn't have
any effect at all?
- No.
- Didn't they come screaming
out of here like
"Who made that puppet?"
They started making margaritas.
Uh, huh. Well...
Ok, we just got to do it over
and over and over and one day
they're going to be at their
desk and their going to go.
Wait a minute. That's the 100th
time they've done this.
Maybe we're
doing something wrong.
I think we need other props.
Well if that doesn't
work, I have no idea
what's going to work.
What you guys are
doing is very important.
That's right.
But I think you need
to go for a bigger target.
What do you
know about corporations?
Can I borrow the megaphone?
Sure.
I know a place
that harms humans!
- Humans?
- Kids!
- Kids?
- Kids!
I think he escaped
from a child labor camp.
They take away your stuff if you
don't do something right.
Even if you like do all the
chores and cleaning everything.
You're a child, right?
Yes.
You're not an adult.
No, I'm not an adult. And
I'm part of that system.
I am one of their slaves.
They are the worst
oppressors on the block.
Make sure they
never do it again!
You have no rights. We're
totally against that.
We can help you.
And I'm a really big fan. I love
the goose. Nice job guys.
Let's do it!
Let's do it!
Yeah!
Do you want to
bring your scooter?
- Oh yeah.
- I'll get it.
You get the scooter.
What kid just gets in a van?
Candance.
Yes Tony.
It's that time of
the month again.
Not for me. It's not.
Uh no. I meant paying the rent.
That's what I used to
call it. Paying the rent.
And believe me I haven't paid
the rent in a long time.
Candance, we need to figure out a way to
making the rent at this point.
Hmmm.
- Car wash.
- Car wash.
We need to make our rent.
Don't beep.
Let us wash your bike?
Stop!
Right here!
Well don't slow down and then
drive off. Oh good.
- Hi sir.
- Hi.
- Just pull around or?
- Yeah, right around there.
Ok.
Ok, so would you like your
car today or tomorrow?
Today.
Ok, so this is a
rush job for today.
Do you want a ding
dong wickedy window?
Or a rim trim keep it slim?
Or we also do a
light bright tire and tudy.
Ok.
Do you want a light
bright tire and tudy?
I just said, "Yeah."
- I don't over hear everything.
- I'm sorry, yes I would like.
- It's not my business.
- Ok.
Ok before we go inside
the car we need to know.
And you've got to
be truthful about this.
Do you have a dog in the car?
No.
Has there ever been
a dog in the car?
Yes, I'm going to say yes.
How many dogs are in
the car right now?
No dogs are in the
car right now.
Is there a dog in the trunk?
No, there's no... no. No.
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
Whereabouts are you from?
Portland.
Oregon?
Yeah.
Oh nice.
I work in real estate.
We're kind of in the
real estate business.
Real estate of the mind. We take
a vacant space in someone's head
and we fill it with literature.
That's beautiful, Tony. That's
beautiful.
You know, you guys are doing a
really great job.
It really looks great. I mean
you guys have all the tools and
the buckets and the hoses and
the sponges.
I mean, what were you
expecting?
Like a playboy car wash?
No. I just meant that...
Like a tiny little triangle,
little bikini with some
bottom cleavage?
Did you think we were going to
be giggling and laughing
for no reason? And like rock
music playing.
And we're going to be in slow
motion like...
Hey.
That this sponge is going to be
dripping down my face.
That's what you're imagining
right now? Just a slow wet drip?
No.
When you do that with your hands
I can feel them right on me.
Thanks guys. Great job.
Candace, how did we do?
Twelve dollars!
That's great. Only a 100 more
car washes and we can pay
the rent.
Yay!
- You!
- Ouch.
What?
Ouch wait. There's
water in my ear.
I got water in my vagina.
Hey, so my friend has extra
tickets to the
Jay-Z concert tomorrow. You
wanna go?
Oh yeah, that sounds great. It
sounds like it'd be fun.
Yeah, I think it will be. Are
you going to get that?
Yes.
Ok, ok hold up, hold up.
Stop the track.
This is the part of the show
where I like to pick someone out
of the audience so they can tell
me about their favorite moment
in hip hop history. How about
this Rick Moranis looking dude
over here?
Ummm.
Say something.
Uh, it all started in LA?
Fred. Come on.
Should we all answer together?
There, there were many hits?
Carrie, Carrie wake up.
What's wrong?
I think I missed hip hop.
What do you mean?
Just, it passed me by.
Fred, hip hop's been big for
like twenty-five years.
I can't go to that show.
Yeah, you can.
I don't want to be
made the fool.
You have like fourteen hours
until the show starts. I can get
you ready. I can teach you.
How?
It was mostly
happening in New York City.
Like who? Who is that? Who did
they have back then?
Grand Master Flash,
Sugar Hill Gang.
And were they really a gang?
They were a group.
So was Sir-Mix-A-Lot in the
Wu-Tang Clang?
- Clan.
- Clan.
There's no G. It's Wu-Tang Clan.
Wu-Tan Clan. Is this a fad? Or
is this here to stay?
Hip hop?
I understand it's won Grammy's?
Right? Young MC won a Grammy.
Ok, Young MC?
So there's a Grammy there.
So it's Grammy winning music,
- right?
- I wouldn't say...
What's Suge Knight?
Ok. Why don't you tell me what
you remember about East Coast
versus West Coast.
Uh, Queen Latifah is
against the 2 Live crew.
They're two, like
they're just cursing so much.
And then the Fat Boys are just
like, "We're kind of the fattest
guys around." And
Notorious Big is like
"I'm kind of a little fatter."
Ok, name the members of the
Wu-Tang Clan.
Chuck D is public enemy.
So Wu-Tang Clang is just.
Clan.
D-Z-A. Dizzy.
ODB.
Yes, ODB.
What does that stand for?
On duh...
Old... Dirty...
Black man.
Ok, so Little Wayne. The Carter.
That's like a four part series
of albums.
Right. You ok?
A lot of cursing.
Well that's ok.
This guy is really mad.
Aww, this is the Dirty South
because it sounds pretty dirty.
You're going to be so
ready for the show.
Shh. There's like a little play
going now.
Oh, sometimes they do skits
between songs.
Order in the court. It sounds
like it's pretty simplistic.
So this is kind of old school?
Alright, alright.
I think I got it.
Hold up, hold up, stop
the track, it's your boy, this
is the part of the show I'd like
to pick someone out of the
audience so they can tell me
about the favorite moment in
hip hop history, what
about you over there.
Fred, you got this, do it.
New York City 1977...
- That was good
- I liked it.
Yo, yo, yo, Rick Moranis hold up
one second man, I heard what
you said in there, that
kind of like, it blew my mind.
Well it's just history you know,
it's just there, I just
accessed it, that's all.
That's easy for you to say
you're a hip hop master mind.
Thank you brother.
- Wow you're very nice
- Yeah.
Nice job Rick Moranis.
Want to get some tapas?
You know what I miss
the whole tapas craze.
Oh ok I'll tell
you all about it.
Ok.
Mathew can do what ever he
wants, he's 12, alright.
Jeez.
We're taking you down.
Respect private property, you
have no right to go into
Mathew's room.
Parents are spies,
mom and dad lie--
Mathew, come out here please,
did you have something to do
with this?
- Umm...
- He doesn't have to speak
to you with out
a lawyer present.
Mathew do you want me
to take my shirt off?
I guess that could work.
Mathew, honey you're 12, ok?
And until you start doing own
laundry I'm going to
have to go in your room.
Is there somebody
in that dresser?
Yes!
Brandon are you alright buddy?
Are you nodding?
That doesn't seem very safe,
should we get him out?
Is that a shrug, Brandon?
Protest.
I knew this wouldn't work.
- You traitor.
- Yeah, we spent all night
building your parents.
I know but...
Wait did you guys make all of
this, who did the paper
mache? This is really creative.
- I do wardrobe and then Benji...
- I do all the puppeteering
so the idea is like,
look in the mirror!
- Ow, wait.
- Are you ok?
Yeah.
Do you want me to
help you with that?
Wait.
- Oh, oh.
- We got you.
Ok.
I think there is a lot you guys
can do with this, I mean look
at all these people,
they came to see you guys.
Brandon let me just describe
what she, she's referring to
a group of people from the
neighborhood just kind of
looking at us, just so you know.
- Hi.
- Hey.
We were trying to protest, them.
Maybe instead of protesting you
guys could like, I don't know, celebrate?
So you guys do we want to be
revolutionaries or
entertainers?
Is that a shrug, Brandon?
Happy birthday!
High five!
- Yeah.
- Make a wish.
Happy birthday!
Uh hey everybody,
attention please.
Guys?
We are $800 short for rent this
month, what we are going to do is
we are gonna maybe have some
band play and charge admission.
Alright so let's get those
theater chairs moved.
Let's set up for the show.
So...
it's gonna be fun.
I'm Bryce Shivers.
And I'm Lisa Eversman.
We've come upon some
tough times.
Money is running low.
It's kind of a long
story, not my fault
but we figured out a solution.
_
_
_
You can rent out anything.
Extra bedroom-- rent it out.
Have a car-- rent it out.
Just like New York City you
can rent out everything.
Anything, anyone.
Isn't that kind
of like prostitution?
Not when it's from
a cute website.
Welcome to the cool crisp clean
website of Rent It Out.
It's very very simple.
This new economy is so fun
we've rented everything out.
Got room in your fridge?
Rent it out!
What a cool site.
My member name is Bryce!
Why don't you tell
them your password?
Are you sure?
I don't know but yea go ahead,
here's his password.
"SHIVERS1".
- Got a couch?
- Rent it out.
Rent it out!
- Have an extra toothbrush?
- Rent it out.
No tooth paste, alright.
I'm not a taxi driver, I'm just
a girl with a car so,
I rent it out.
He's a total stranger
I feel completely safe.
We're living on our roof now,
it's the only space available.
Hey if you are going to rent it
out you have make sure you
sign the sheet down...
Out, he's supposed to say out.
Out.
No don't walk out.
Today I'm cleaning
someone else's kitchen.
How did you end up
in that situation?
I said that I could mop
and some lady chose me?
- Wow
- Yeah.
Ow!
There is no one less
skilled at this then me.
Yea, but you are the one
that signed up to do it.
These people, they're basically
just hiring art students to
come and like watch their
kids and mop their floors.
Uh, those kids, thank you.
Damn it.
Are you guys ready for
everyone's minds to be blown?
We're about to change lives and
change animal's lives.
Go go go go go...
Interrupting your work day?
Much?
We showed up uninvited and
unannounced, consider this
a warning, we hate you.
You're going to think twice
about what you do!
Ha, oh my God, did you see that?
Nothing happened.
Didn't they run out of
the building, they must
have been freaking out.
No, they're still even testing
on animals, they just dumped a
barrel of monkeys off
the roof, dead monkeys.
Literally we just saw that.
I had the bull horn,
is this working?
It's absolutely working.
Sorry.
Damn it.
We just, we don't look serious.
I don't want to change now.
Whats up with your jacket.
You know when you want to
put something draped on
half way around your whole body
to cover the waist area?
What do want me
looking like this?
- No.
- No you want me like this.
We don't look
like revolutionaries,
we look like ravers.
That's yellow arms, big, smiley
face legs, you know?
This is what we chose.
Is it a parachute?
Looks like a tent.
You guys didn't say
anything when I got it.
You didn't say anything in the
van, when I'm walking around
and now use guys have issue with
it, you got to say something.
You going to stand around?
Why do you have a chicken bag?
Is that a purse? We're
not on the same page
with protest strategy.
Well this is the wrong time to
do it, don't you think?
In a parking lot? I mean wow!
I told you what
we need to do, ok?
What's that?
I need to take my top off.
Listen, I know you want to do
that, but that's way at the
end somewhere you do it now...
It's not a real protest if no
one has their top off, how do
they know that this is
supposed to mean something?
We're supposed to shock them.
That's the grand finale, we got
to save it until someone is
actually watching, I
can't just take your top off
for us anymore.
We got to get
attention with that.
How are they going
to take that down?
Pretty fast.
I don't think so.
Yea, there is already someone up
there just taking it down.
Leave that alone.
Why is waving a smiling.
Katharine are you asleep?
Nope.
What's wrong?
I can't sleep.
Can I help you in anyway?
I don't know but I probably am
only getting one to two hours
of sleep at night.
That's bad.
I read all of these articles if
you lose sleep, you die.
Well I don't want
us to die, ever.
It will just be me, you'll
sleep through my death.
I sleep pretty great.
Yeah, I know.
How about this, why
don't I coach you?
You coach me with things, I can
coach you right back.
I don't know if you
can just coach sleep.
Sure you can.
How?
Watch, ready? Sleep.
Atta girl sleep,
good girl, sleep.
Does it look like I'm sleeping?
No.
Close your eyes, there we go,
there she is, off to sleep.
There she goes, there we go.
Dave this is very
hard on my abs.
Just lie back a little bit on
your shoulder, think of all
the things you've got
piling up in our life...
the bills, think of a leaky faucet,
think of the door rattling
downstairs, you gotta
fix that door knob...
Is this how you sleep at night?
Yeah.
Thinking about the
stuff that we have to do?
Yeah.
Arm up like this, kind
of look at the clock.
Make a little bit of small talk,
that kind of meaningless
sort of, aimless conversation.
Is that what you do to me?
It just helps, a sort
of open ended question.
That was funny with the
bushes today, wasn't it?
That driveway
seemed bigger today.
Oh no.
Ok now.
Did that work?
♪ oh... in the bar and for once
you... me dreaming ♪
♪ when the children
count their sheep... ♪
Are you done babe?
Were your eyes not
closed the whole time.
Those lyrics are wrong,
you know that right?
Those are the original medieval
lyrics, I'll tell you
some boring stories
from my drive home.
Wait Dave, that's when I get
tired, when I'm driving.
Oh.
Just concentrate on
the sound of the road...
♪ do do doo, and the town they
are sleeping and the lamb ♪
♪ sings a song
through the... ♪
Hi I'm, I'm Trish.
Oh, Jamie thinks
this dog is really cool.
I love this dog so much.
This is Marley
our rasta dog, he's
available for adoption today.
What you did you do that for?
You make the jerk chicken man.
He hates that.
What are you doing?
Are you from Kingston man?
Now this whole area is just
booming right now.
Mixed use, live-work space.
It's just a big giant raw space.
Unreal, look at those windows.
Take a look, take a look around.
Wow, I can run, incredible.
This place is great.
A lot of space.
You know maybe this is a
little sunken living room.
Sort of Dutch Japanese feel to
it, if everything is low
to the ground,
that's a tommy room.
Is this all here?
Yea that's the floor.
Ok, but could we get in it?
Sure.
One of those screening rooms?
Absolutely.
Why not?
I don't think we ever need to
discuss it, we'll take it.
Oh great, ok, well let's see we
need first and last, then
full month deposit,
and that's $5,000 a month.
What's $5,000 a month?
For the loft, it's
$5,000 a month.
We just want this unit, we don't
want the whole building.
No no the actual unit, the loft,
all the space, $5,000.
I thought it was
going to be $275.
Did somebody say 275, I don't
know where that is coming from.
We can give you, $400 a month.
Perhaps you'd
like a studio loft.
Alright don't play hard ball
with us, she said 400.
425? I mean this getting boring.
You know I can show
you some other units that
are slightly smaller.
- No we'll figure...
- Let's just add
another room mate, our bedroom
is going to be back there.
Maybe you can build
your room over there.
Yea, you know how to make things
so we figure you can do that.
- Great.
- Cool.
Alright so...
That's going to be
$1600 a month each.
- What?
- How?
Well you take 5,000 is how and
divide it by three, that's
a pretty good deal, I
want to get you in here.
You guys can't have access to
all our stuff but I mean
that's just how it is.
- You know
- Alright, let's do it.
So 5,000 divided by 5 tenants,
that's $1,000 a month.
How?
Are we in Morocco or something,
what is with the haggling?
Remember it was $5,000
now you have 5 tenants so,
5,000 divided by 5 is 1,000.
That is, yeah, I see that now.
Ok, so it looks like you've got
18 people, 5,000 divided by
18 is 275 a month,
that's what you wanted.
We did it, good work guys.
Ok, I am going to need just one
more thing, I need a name to
put on the lease.
I can't. I have bad credit.
Yeah. I can't, I mean, your
dad is he? No he's pissed.
Yeah, always.
Oh, Josh you're good
for it. Right?
Put the name Josh down.
Just Josh?
J-O-S-H?
Ok, sure, you have a deal.
1-2-3... Can we
have 18 keys made?
Guys, I think this is
going to work this time.
I can't wait to see their
faces, they're going to be at
work like 'we got all this stuff
to do' and they are going to
look up and go like
"Ah, I'm quitting".
Everything is going to
change, we are going to
have to change our identities.
Good point. We are going to
have to change our names.
Yeah, what are you going to pick?
Dakota.
Me too.
I was going to say
Dakoto, for a male version.
What about you Brandon?
You didn't think about it
did you? Now what if the
cops get you? What's going
to happen? Now listen...
I'm sorry. Yes?
Oh know I just wanted to ask at
what point you want me to
take my top off?
- Ah...
- We've seen it, I'm just saying...
We're good, ok, some other time.
Go go go...
We're back and this
time we're puppets.
You ignored me before but now
listen to this fat puppet of
yourself. You like my jacket?
I guess I'll go out on my yacht.
I guess I'll go out on my boat,
on my sail boat when I'm
done with this, and then I
will stop off at the bank.
Haha, oh my God
did you see that?
It looked festive,
it looked like a pinata.
Yeah, I thought it was Mardi Gras.
That didn't have
any effect at all?
- No.
- Didn't they come screaming
out of here like
"Who made that puppet?"
They started making margaritas.
Uh, huh. Well...
Ok, we just got to do it over
and over and over and one day
they're going to be at their
desk and their going to go.
Wait a minute. That's the 100th
time they've done this.
Maybe we're
doing something wrong.
I think we need other props.
Well if that doesn't
work, I have no idea
what's going to work.
What you guys are
doing is very important.
That's right.
But I think you need
to go for a bigger target.
What do you
know about corporations?
Can I borrow the megaphone?
Sure.
I know a place
that harms humans!
- Humans?
- Kids!
- Kids?
- Kids!
I think he escaped
from a child labor camp.
They take away your stuff if you
don't do something right.
Even if you like do all the
chores and cleaning everything.
You're a child, right?
Yes.
You're not an adult.
No, I'm not an adult. And
I'm part of that system.
I am one of their slaves.
They are the worst
oppressors on the block.
Make sure they
never do it again!
You have no rights. We're
totally against that.
We can help you.
And I'm a really big fan. I love
the goose. Nice job guys.
Let's do it!
Let's do it!
Yeah!
Do you want to
bring your scooter?
- Oh yeah.
- I'll get it.
You get the scooter.
What kid just gets in a van?
Candance.
Yes Tony.
It's that time of
the month again.
Not for me. It's not.
Uh no. I meant paying the rent.
That's what I used to
call it. Paying the rent.
And believe me I haven't paid
the rent in a long time.
Candance, we need to figure out a way to
making the rent at this point.
Hmmm.
- Car wash.
- Car wash.
We need to make our rent.
Don't beep.
Let us wash your bike?
Stop!
Right here!
Well don't slow down and then
drive off. Oh good.
- Hi sir.
- Hi.
- Just pull around or?
- Yeah, right around there.
Ok.
Ok, so would you like your
car today or tomorrow?
Today.
Ok, so this is a
rush job for today.
Do you want a ding
dong wickedy window?
Or a rim trim keep it slim?
Or we also do a
light bright tire and tudy.
Ok.
Do you want a light
bright tire and tudy?
I just said, "Yeah."
- I don't over hear everything.
- I'm sorry, yes I would like.
- It's not my business.
- Ok.
Ok before we go inside
the car we need to know.
And you've got to
be truthful about this.
Do you have a dog in the car?
No.
Has there ever been
a dog in the car?
Yes, I'm going to say yes.
How many dogs are in
the car right now?
No dogs are in the
car right now.
Is there a dog in the trunk?
No, there's no... no. No.
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
Whereabouts are you from?
Portland.
Oregon?
Yeah.
Oh nice.
I work in real estate.
We're kind of in the
real estate business.
Real estate of the mind. We take
a vacant space in someone's head
and we fill it with literature.
That's beautiful, Tony. That's
beautiful.
You know, you guys are doing a
really great job.
It really looks great. I mean
you guys have all the tools and
the buckets and the hoses and
the sponges.
I mean, what were you
expecting?
Like a playboy car wash?
No. I just meant that...
Like a tiny little triangle,
little bikini with some
bottom cleavage?
Did you think we were going to
be giggling and laughing
for no reason? And like rock
music playing.
And we're going to be in slow
motion like...
Hey.
That this sponge is going to be
dripping down my face.
That's what you're imagining
right now? Just a slow wet drip?
No.
When you do that with your hands
I can feel them right on me.
Thanks guys. Great job.
Candace, how did we do?
Twelve dollars!
That's great. Only a 100 more
car washes and we can pay
the rent.
Yay!
- You!
- Ouch.
What?
Ouch wait. There's
water in my ear.
I got water in my vagina.
Hey, so my friend has extra
tickets to the
Jay-Z concert tomorrow. You
wanna go?
Oh yeah, that sounds great. It
sounds like it'd be fun.
Yeah, I think it will be. Are
you going to get that?
Yes.
Ok, ok hold up, hold up.
Stop the track.
This is the part of the show
where I like to pick someone out
of the audience so they can tell
me about their favorite moment
in hip hop history. How about
this Rick Moranis looking dude
over here?
Ummm.
Say something.
Uh, it all started in LA?
Fred. Come on.
Should we all answer together?
There, there were many hits?
Carrie, Carrie wake up.
What's wrong?
I think I missed hip hop.
What do you mean?
Just, it passed me by.
Fred, hip hop's been big for
like twenty-five years.
I can't go to that show.
Yeah, you can.
I don't want to be
made the fool.
You have like fourteen hours
until the show starts. I can get
you ready. I can teach you.
How?
It was mostly
happening in New York City.
Like who? Who is that? Who did
they have back then?
Grand Master Flash,
Sugar Hill Gang.
And were they really a gang?
They were a group.
So was Sir-Mix-A-Lot in the
Wu-Tang Clang?
- Clan.
- Clan.
There's no G. It's Wu-Tang Clan.
Wu-Tan Clan. Is this a fad? Or
is this here to stay?
Hip hop?
I understand it's won Grammy's?
Right? Young MC won a Grammy.
Ok, Young MC?
So there's a Grammy there.
So it's Grammy winning music,
- right?
- I wouldn't say...
What's Suge Knight?
Ok. Why don't you tell me what
you remember about East Coast
versus West Coast.
Uh, Queen Latifah is
against the 2 Live crew.
They're two, like
they're just cursing so much.
And then the Fat Boys are just
like, "We're kind of the fattest
guys around." And
Notorious Big is like
"I'm kind of a little fatter."
Ok, name the members of the
Wu-Tang Clan.
Chuck D is public enemy.
So Wu-Tang Clang is just.
Clan.
D-Z-A. Dizzy.
ODB.
Yes, ODB.
What does that stand for?
On duh...
Old... Dirty...
Black man.
Ok, so Little Wayne. The Carter.
That's like a four part series
of albums.
Right. You ok?
A lot of cursing.
Well that's ok.
This guy is really mad.
Aww, this is the Dirty South
because it sounds pretty dirty.
You're going to be so
ready for the show.
Shh. There's like a little play
going now.
Oh, sometimes they do skits
between songs.
Order in the court. It sounds
like it's pretty simplistic.
So this is kind of old school?
Alright, alright.
I think I got it.
Hold up, hold up, stop
the track, it's your boy, this
is the part of the show I'd like
to pick someone out of the
audience so they can tell me
about the favorite moment in
hip hop history, what
about you over there.
Fred, you got this, do it.
New York City 1977...
- That was good
- I liked it.
Yo, yo, yo, Rick Moranis hold up
one second man, I heard what
you said in there, that
kind of like, it blew my mind.
Well it's just history you know,
it's just there, I just
accessed it, that's all.
That's easy for you to say
you're a hip hop master mind.
Thank you brother.
- Wow you're very nice
- Yeah.
Nice job Rick Moranis.
Want to get some tapas?
You know what I miss
the whole tapas craze.
Oh ok I'll tell
you all about it.
Ok.
Mathew can do what ever he
wants, he's 12, alright.
Jeez.
We're taking you down.
Respect private property, you
have no right to go into
Mathew's room.
Parents are spies,
mom and dad lie--
Mathew, come out here please,
did you have something to do
with this?
- Umm...
- He doesn't have to speak
to you with out
a lawyer present.
Mathew do you want me
to take my shirt off?
I guess that could work.
Mathew, honey you're 12, ok?
And until you start doing own
laundry I'm going to
have to go in your room.
Is there somebody
in that dresser?
Yes!
Brandon are you alright buddy?
Are you nodding?
That doesn't seem very safe,
should we get him out?
Is that a shrug, Brandon?
Protest.
I knew this wouldn't work.
- You traitor.
- Yeah, we spent all night
building your parents.
I know but...
Wait did you guys make all of
this, who did the paper
mache? This is really creative.
- I do wardrobe and then Benji...
- I do all the puppeteering
so the idea is like,
look in the mirror!
- Ow, wait.
- Are you ok?
Yeah.
Do you want me to
help you with that?
Wait.
- Oh, oh.
- We got you.
Ok.
I think there is a lot you guys
can do with this, I mean look
at all these people,
they came to see you guys.
Brandon let me just describe
what she, she's referring to
a group of people from the
neighborhood just kind of
looking at us, just so you know.
- Hi.
- Hey.
We were trying to protest, them.
Maybe instead of protesting you
guys could like, I don't know, celebrate?
So you guys do we want to be
revolutionaries or
entertainers?
Is that a shrug, Brandon?
Happy birthday!
High five!
- Yeah.
- Make a wish.
Happy birthday!
Uh hey everybody,
attention please.
Guys?
We are $800 short for rent this
month, what we are going to do is
we are gonna maybe have some
band play and charge admission.
Alright so let's get those
theater chairs moved.
Let's set up for the show.
So...
it's gonna be fun.