Police Woman (1974–1978): Season 3, Episode 21 - Silky Chamberlain - full transcript
(tense music)
(water splashing)
- Why doesn't he split?
- [Bill] No, he's
much too cool for that.
- One switch,
just so the bad
guys win in the end.
- The man marked D for David.
Uncle Luigi said he's the one
who posed as the FBI man.
- What do you mean
my husband and I
are being impersonated
by two police officers!?
Why?
- You people have got
a lot of nerve using our
name on some kind of a...
- Look, it's not
easy to explain.
Listen, I'm gonna tell
you something now
you never thought you'd
hear from these lips.
- Yeah?
- Go put your clothes on.
(siren wailing)
(dramatic action music)
- Grant unto him, O
Lord, and let perpetual light
shine upon him,
may he rest in peace.
Amen, and may his
soul and the souls
of all the faithful departed,
through the mercy
of God rest in peace.
- Amen.
- Rest in peace.
You know, if I didn't
have this arthritis,
I would be down there
helping them to carry him out.
- Sure, I know you
would, Uncle Luigi.
- It's the least I can do
for him, I owe it to him.
You know why?
Because when I was
wounded in the trench
during the Aragon Offense,
who do you think had carried me?
- Mr. O'Malley.
- O'Malley!
- Uncle Luigi?
- Yeah?
- Why did we sit up here?
Why couldn't we sit
downstairs with everybody else?
- Because that's
where O'Malley and me,
we used to sit every Sunday.
- You mean right here?
- Well, are we leaving or not?
Come on.
What a night,
I'll never forget it.
I thought we would never
make it, but we made it.
We beat those
hounds, I'm telling you.
- Uncle Luigi, you
sure you don't mind
that I can't go with you
to the cemetery, huh?
I gotta get back to the
office, I got a lot of work to do.
- Yeah, don't
worry, don't worry.
- Huh, it's all right?
- O'Malley's son-in-law,
Silverstein, he's a
doctor, Silverstein,
they tell me he's a very
good doctor, a big shot.
He said he's going to take me
to the cemetery and
then to my house.
- Good.
- I says...
The car, did you see, that's
no car, it's a living room!
- It's a fantastic looking
thing, you know, it's great.
- And this way you don't
have to ride with me.
(both speaking in Italian)
You think I'm gonna
have a nephew
talk to an uncle the
way you talk to me?
- What're you talking about?
- You want me to retire
in an old fossil house?
- O'Malley went when
he was 80, didn't he?
Didn't he go into a
home when he was 80,
told you it was very nice.
You told me that yourself,
he said it was very nice.
- Yes, I said, I said, I said,
it was all right for
O'Malley, but not for me!
- Watch your step.
- And O'Malley's not Italian,
what does he know about food?
God rest his soul, he
knows nothing about food
but I do because I
like to cook, that's why.
- Uncle Luigi, I told
you, Mrs. Tedesco says
she found this fantastic
place for her aunt,
they got a great
Italian kitchen.
- No, (speaking in Italian)
you have to understand
that I want to eat the
food when I wanna eat,
if I wanna eat, why I
wanna eat, I wanna be free.
- You are free, it's not
a prison, Uncle Luigi!
- No, no, no, no, no,
because I have to tell them
when I come in and where I go.
The money that I got in the
bank, and you know that I got,
- I know you got the
money in the bank.
- I can take care of anything,
I could even take care of you.
You're getting soft, you know?
- Yeah, I'll give you soft.
You better watch yourself.
- I don't take any
wooden nickels and...
- And don't do anything
I wouldn't do, right?
- Wise guy.
(kissing)
And that's not for you,
it's for my girlfriend
Sergeant Pepperoni.
(both laughing)
How she laughs when
I call her Pepperoni.
How is she, is she okay?
- She's fantastic.
I don't know why, but
she sends you her love.
- This jacket,
look at how it fits,
looks like you got a
bag of marshmallows.
What did they give you, a
baseball bat with that, huh?
Go on (laughing).
- All right, I'll see you soon.
(both speaking in Italian)
- Bring 'em down.
Okay, keep those arms,
keep 'em up straight.
Okay.
(metal clanking)
I'm sorry, sir, but
males aren't permitted
in this section of the spa.
- It's okay, I am a sergeant.
I'm looking for Pepper Anderson.
- Okay, she's right there.
- Oh yeah, thank you.
(metal clanking)
Hey, that's a little
too heavy for ya,
let me fix that for ya.
Make it a little lighter.
There we go, now try.
- William.
- Oh, hi Pepp,
what're you doin' here?
- That's the police
commissioner's daughter.
- Uh, (coughing) excuse me.
- Can't you read
that sign outside?
Says Women Only.
- Well, that's
female chauvinism.
- That's the word for it.
- How come we never see
action like this around the office?
- (chuckling) How come you
never just pick up the phone
and call me when I'm at the gym?
- Listen, I'm gonna
tell you something now
you never thought you'd
hear from these lips.
- Yeah?
- Go put your clothes on.
- That's new.
What's happening?
- We gotta get to the
airport, Janichek took
an earlier flight than he
had booked himself on.
We gotta get out there
so we can serve him
those little papers.
Let's go!
- I haven't been
on the vibrator yet.
- That reminds me, Uncle
Luigi sent you a little something.
- What?
- Scuzi.
(kissing)
- He asked you to
do that? (laughing)
- He sends his love.
- And you think he's ready
for the old folks home?
(doorbell buzzing)
- Hold your horses.
Every time I make
a cup of coffee,
somebody's always
ringing the bell.
Yes?
Yes, just one minute,
all right (chuckling).
Yes?
- Mr. Louis Concetta?
- Yes?
- Charles Franklin's
my name, FBI.
- FBI?
- And I am Mario Seta.
- Oh, Seta, Italian,
are you not?
- Oh yes.
- I am Italian too!
- On my father's side.
- Oh, very nice!
Won't you come in,
gentlemen, please.
- Oh, this is charming.
- Would you want some
espresso, it's homemade?
It's good stuff.
Some of my espresso?
- Oh, no, no, no.
Thank you, nothing
at all, no, no, no.
- Make yourself at home, please.
- I am one of the
vice presidents
of the Banes Savings and Loan.
- Oh, that's my bank,
it's where I do
business are the corner.
- Yes, sir, on, Krasnow, sir.
Does that name
mean anything to you?
- Ah, Krasnow.
I call him Lenny, I can't
pronounce his last name.
The wife had give
birth to two boys.
- That's the one.
- He's a nice fellow.
He's the teller at the
bank, yes, I know, I know.
- Leonard Krasnow,
I'm afraid I have some
(sighing) disquieting
news for you.
- Oh no.
- The offices of the bank,
with the help of the Bureau,
are in the unhappy position
of having to
investigate Mr. Krasnow.
- Why?
- Well, there's a
strong possibility
that he has been
embezzling some of the funds.
Even possibly some from
your own accounts, Signore.
- My money?
You, you think he's,
he's embezzling,
he take my money
out of the bank?
Oh no!
- If it is true, you will
get all your money back,
every penny, I promise
it, but we need your help.
- $18,643 plus
interest, my life savings,
Mr. Seta, I wanna
know about my money!
- Exactly, and what
the FBI wants you to do
is to come with us now,
go down to the bank,
we will wait while you
close out your account.
- All the money,
this will help the FBI?
- Yes, sir.
- Every penny and in cash.
- Are you sure
you wanna do this?
This is all your money, every
cent you've got, Mr. Concetta?
- It's my money, my every cent,
just like you say, Mr. Krasnow.
You put the money
right in here, now!
- But...
- Don't make me
raise my voice, you get the cash
just like it says on the slip.
Get the money and count every
cent in front of my very eyes!
- But I really don't
think that you should...
- Get it!
(phone ringing)
- Crowley, yeah.
Hey! (speaking in Italian)
No, of course your nephew's
here, I'm always working hard.
What's up?
- Guess who worked
with the FBI today.
- I don't know, who?
Banny Fox?
Elizabeth Bray?
I don't know, tell me.
- I worked with
the FBI! (laughing)
We catch a crook at my bank.
How do you like them apples?
- What're you talking about?
- This bank teller, you know,
he, um, (speaking in Italian)
he embezzle all of my
money from the bank.
And these two men, one very
distinguished from the bank
and the FBI, they come
here to talk to me and...
- And they ask you to
withdraw all your money
from the bank while
they investigate it?
- That's what happened!
'Ey, that's the way you
catch a crook, methodically!
You come right away, huh,
we'll have vermicelli boscaiola
and we'll do something
that you like, okay?
- Yeah, I'll come
right over, Uncle Luigi.
But I think I just
lost my appetite.
- You know what, you people,
I don't think you
hear me too good.
I said Seta, Mario Seta, Seta!
- Uncle Luigi, what does
Seta mean in Italian, huh?
Silk, right?
Okay, now look, these con guys,
they're very shrewd,
they're clever.
They get their
kicks outta leaving
their trademark on their work.
A guy becomes
Italian so he changes
his name from Silky to Seta.
(knocking)
- Charlie, Pepper.
- Hey, Randy, come in.
This is Randy Carol
from our Bunco Division,
this is my Uncle Mr. Concetti.
- Ah, Mr. Concetti, about
what happened, I'm very sorry.
- Ha, hello Mr. Sorry,
meet Mr. Stupido.
- Is that the picture?
- Yeah, this is Chamberlain.
He's slick and he's
fast, I think he's our man.
- Uncle Luigi, come here.
- Oh, please, no more.
- Uncle Luigi, come
on now, look at this.
- Just take a minute.
- Come on, look at that.
Is that the guy who
took your money?
- Hm, no.
(Uncle Luigi
speaking in Italian)
This is not the man.
The man that I said to
you before is much older,
he's got a mustache, he's
distinguished, he's Italian.
This guy's a crook.
This is not the man!
- Okay, I'll take you
home Uncle Luigi.
- No, no, no, you give
this to the young lady
and say thank you very
much and I'll be along.
Thank you.
(somber music)
- Hey, Crowley, just got word
from Intelligence, it's working.
- What's working?
- Chamberlain and
two of his helpers
have just flown up
to Bradford Springs.
- Oh yeah?
- Got a reservation
at the Ray Hotel,
booked as Mr. Samuel
Ingersal Leonard Kent.
Can you believe it?
- I believe the
initials, S-I-L-K.
- Yeah, and now he's
got his front money,
so I'm all set to move.
- Hey Randy.
Count Pepper and me
on this thing, will you?
I got a personal score to
settle, I'll clear it with Parks.
- Great.
- Yeah, now I gotta
work out the money angle,
but I'll sweat that, don't
you worry about that.
- Okay.
Yeah, I've gotta find
myself a wife fast,
we've set Chamberlain
up to be on the lookout
for a Mr. And Mrs.
Collins, rich and classy.
- Rich and classy?
What about Mary Lou up
in R&I, that's a classy type.
- Oh, no way,
she's got a husband.
I was, um, I was kinda thinking
of Kate Lindsey, works Vice.
You know her?
- I know her, pretty girl.
- Very efficient.
- Yeah, very efficient.
And pretty.
And single.
- Yeah.
And single.
Yeah, well, um,
but very efficient.
- Yeah, I said that.
- See ya.
- And single.
(water splashing)
- [Clerk] Mr. And
Mrs. Larry Collins?
- That's right.
- From Coos Bay, Oregon.
- Oh yes, we got your wire,
I'm sorry there are no suites
available at the moment,
only choice doubles.
(Kate sighing)
- See what you can do, okay?
See, this is our
second honeymoon
and there's nothing too
good for my bride here.
- I'm sorry, Mr. Collins,
there's nothing else available.
- Oh great.
First my luggage
gets lost on the flight...
- Darling, we can't fight fate,
the man said a double,
we settle for what he's got.
And don't worry about
clothes, I'll buy you a bikini.
- (chuckling) Thanks
a lot, I need a dress.
- First things
first, we'll take it.
- [Clerk] Room 408, please.
- (chuckling) Yeah,
you heard me right,
Glenn, I said a thou.
On Tecopo in the
third to show, one thou.
- [Bill] Careful, don't
take so many shots,
you're wasting film,
I just got one roll left.
- [Pepper] Well, why
didn't you buy some more?
- [Bill] I didn't have
my credit cards with me
and they wouldn't take a check.
- What, you stopped borrowing
from me all of a sudden?
- (chuckling) You
I gotta pay back.
- [Randy] Enjoying
your lunch, sweetheart?
You seem to be
eating quite a bit of it.
- Chocolate Bavarian
pie is on my diet.
- Cute.
- Okay, Glenn, fourth
race, you ready?
Another thou on, let me see...
- You don't care how you waste
the department's
money, do ya kid?
Hey, Randy, I forgot to tell ya.
We just got the word
we got the full cooperation
of the Bradford
Springs PD on this thing.
- Hey, great, Glenn,
hey that sounds
like another real winner!
(laughing) Yeah, another
thou on that, okay?
To win.
Mm-hmm, okay now, sixth race.
Yeah, Brass Monkey to show.
Okay.
Mm-hmm.
(Randy sighing)
(Randy laughing)
Okay, Crowley,
we can knock it off,
our audience has
just walked out on us.
- Yeah, I can see that.
Okay, nice going.
- Right.
- We strike out?
- No, Chamberlain's
still circling the field,
he just hasn't landed yet.
But when he
bites, you'll know it.
Uh, sweetheart, you
can stop eating now.
- Are you kidding?
Very rarely do I get to eat
caviar and duck l'orange.
- Hey, I've got a terrific idea.
Let's go up and
take a little nap.
- I got a better idea!
Why don't you go up
and take a little nap
and I'll go do a
little shopping,
you know, buy a few clothes.
- Alone?
- Mm-hmm.
- I think it's a rotten idea.
In the interest of the
police department,
I'm gonna go along and
protect Crowley's bankroll.
- Well, my dear, you
have been most helpful,
and I do thank you so much.
(chuckling) Right.
Goodbye.
(phone thudding)
- [Ralph] This guy
checks out okay?
- Mm-hmm.
Gentlemen, that was
Mr. Lawrence Collins' secretary
in Coos Bay, turns
out our pigeon's family
owns a plywood mill,
although he and his wife
are on vacation
they can be found,
believe it or
not, in this hotel.
Ha!
So, the operation is go.
- All right!
Take a bow, Silky.
- If there's one truism,
Ralph, in this life,
it is that people with
money always want more
and if there's another,
it is until we are through,
no women, and no liquor.
Do I make myself clear, hm?
- Hey, well, in that case
I better give Cindy a call.
I told her...
- No, you can do that later.
I've got to reach
Harold in New York,
just in case they check
up on my credentials.
You guys don't have to let
any grass grow under your feet.
Lobby and patio.
Come on, let's get on it.
(Chamberlain laughing)
- You know, I'm beginning to
enjoy playing with this thing.
- Oh?
Is that a hint for
your birthday?
- Or Christmas.
Well, I guess that's it for now.
- Where're you going?
- To my room to take a shower.
- Well, listen, why don't
you just take a shower here?
- Bill.
- No, really, I'll
take the film out,
we'll see what develops.
(Pepper scoffing)
- See you later.
- Call me if you need
help with the exposure.
- (chuckling) Yeah.
Ah!
- You dropped your key, my dear.
- Oh, well thank
you, you're very kind.
- Uh, don't I get a
reward or something?
Maybe a drink, you know?
- (chuckling) Maybe later.
- Uh, but you said
I was very kind.
- You're kinda getting on
my nerves, give me the key.
- Take it from me.
Come on.
Take it from me.
(laughing) Take it from me.
Come on, come on!
- Give it to me I said!
(door slamming)
(punches thudding)
- Okay, that settles it.
- That settles
what, Sir Galahad?
- From now on you're
staying here with me.
One more trip like that,
you could blow our cover.
- I have a feeling I'd have
been better off with him.
- (laughing) Crowley is really
gonna be knocked out by this.
$224 bucks for a dress.
- Well, I had to have
something to wear!
Besides, if he finds my suitcase
he can take the dress back.
- Um, I thought I
heard the lady say,
"No refunds or exchanges!"
- Well, then he's
stuck with the dress.
- Now, where're you going?
Uh, sweetheart, what're those?
- Whoop, sorry.
- (scoffing) Well, I thought
in case I couldn't sleep,
I'd have something
to read tonight.
- Couldn't sleep?
But we're on our second
honeymoon, remember?
- (chuckling) In that
case, you can read to me.
- Terrific, just terrific.
- What's the matter?
- My pocket's just been
picked clean and beautifully.
I lost my wallet and my key.
- That's terrific.
That means Chamberlain's
got you marked,
now he's checking you out.
Let's give him plenty of room.
Okay.
Yeah, fine.
Ha.
- Sounds good.
- It's getting better
and better, I'll tell ya.
What're you doing?
- I'm trying to get proficient.
You know, they're a
great looking couple.
- Let me see what you got there.
- I wanna get some
good pictures of them.
- You know what would help this?
- Uh-uh.
- If you took this off.
- What were you
gonna call this shot,
Midnight in the Cold
Shoot? (phone ringing)
- Answer the phone.
- Hello?
Yeah, Pete, what's up?
When?
How is he?
Yeah...
Pete and Joe found Uncle
Luigi unconscious on the floor.
(sighing) Where is he now?
Have they contacted
his own doctor yet, Pete?
No, well let me
tell you something.
Now this has
happened twice before,
it's his high blood pressure.
Yeah.
Now just tell the doctor that.
Okay.
I'll hang by the phone if it...
Yeah, give me a call, will ya?
(phone thudding)
- Is he gonna be all right?
- (sighing) I think so, it's
his high blood pressure,
it's been brought on
by all this aggravation.
Boy, talk about bad timing.
- Bill, why don't I go back?
You're more important
here than I am.
And if anything
happens, I'll call you
and you'll break off, all right?
- Would you, Pepp, do you mind?
- (chuckling) I love
him, too, you know.
- I'll get you a reservation
on the next flight.
(phone thudding)
- Damn!
- They don't have a suite yet
or your suitcase hasn't shown?
- Both.
- Hey, look, it's not that bad.
I don't mind
sleeping in the buff
so you can have
my pajamas, right?
- Wrong.
(knocking)
Who is it?
- Mr. Kent.
I'm a guest here.
I have something that I
think belongs to your husband.
Viola!
- You found it!
- Outside the
elevator on my floor.
I, of course, have
to admit, Mrs. Collins,
that when I realized it
belonged to the husband
of that gorgeous lady I
saw out by the pool today,
well, I wasn't going to
let some bellhop return it.
Besides, he might've
been a little bit too greedy.
- Oh, it was very sweet
of you to return it yourself.
Darling?
Darling?
- [Randy] What?
- Mr. Kent found your wallet.
- My wallet?
Well, sir, I certainly
thank you for this.
- I hope there's
nothing missing.
- No.
Gee, let me tell you, Mr. Kent.
- Oh, please, please, Samuel.
- Samuel.
Hey, I really appreciate this,
I mean, not too many people
would go out of their
way to do what you did.
You know, make the
effort to bring it back intact.
Tell me, sir, what is your
favorite restaurant in town?
- Well, I usually dine at a
supper club called Le Toile.
- Then that is where we're
asking you to dinner tonight.
- (gasping) That's a super idea!
- All right, I'll accept,
but on one condition.
That you are both
my guests, all right?
- All right (chuckling).
- Terrific.
- Seven o'clock
tonight in the lobby.
- Okay.
- Got a deal!
- All right.
- Bye bye.
(door closing)
(piano music)
- Larry's work?
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, I guess you could say
that he's the president
of a large family mill.
- Try one of those,
you'll just love it.
- Oh, it looks good!
But just between you and
me, and the champagne,
his kid brother does
most of the work.
The dummy loves it!
(Chamberlain laughing)
- And you two, what do you love?
- Traveling.
The world, you name
it, we've been there.
I mean, it's fun and educational
and you get to meet
the most interesting
and attractive
types, like you sir.
- (laughing) Oh,
thank you, ma'am.
- But I should say about Larry,
he's very bright in
business too, you know,
I mean innately, he
likes a good thing.
- Larry, you son of a gun, you.
You certainly did
marry an attractive girl.
- Oh, don't I know.
- Well, thank you
both, gentlemen.
I'm afraid I've just
been telling Samuel
the story of our lives.
- Well, how about you, Sam?
- You mean what do I do?
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, I'm on the finance
committee of Coast and Southern.
We check out small businesses
that seem to be going under,
with our resources
we're able to buy them up.
Then we announce the
large capital investment
in each of these
little businesses,
when the stock goes up,
that's when we sell out.
- They're probably setting
up the rag gambit right now.
- I'm sure they are.
- Rag gambit.
Uh, hold it, guys.
We lost Katie.
- That's an updated version
of the old big con
known as The Store.
See, the crook goes
out, he'll tent a store
and will even rent
equipment, set it up
to look like a small branch
of a large, legit organization.
Then they hire local
crooks (phone ringing)
and they'll pay them
back as customers.
Yeah?
Pepper?
- Good news, Bill.
I just talked to the doctor,
it was a combination
of high blood pressure
and, as you said, aggravation,
but his blood pressure's
nearly normal now.
- He's okay then?
- Well, he pinched
me twice so far.
- Then he's fine, would you
get that old faker outta bed?
- Incidentally, they hope to
be able to send
him home tomorrow.
- Okay.
Yeah, yeah, just watch yourself.
- Sure.
Bye bye.
- That was Pepper.
My uncle's okay.
- Oh, that's terrific.
- It's gettin' a little late.
You two got a
heavy day tomorrow,
what do you say
we all hit the sack?
- Uh, hold it, anxious.
- Give me about 20 minutes.
- Thanks, Crowley.
- What'd I say?
- Where do you
think you're going?
- To bed, where else?
- Fine.
I'll take the sofa.
- Well, look, wait a minute.
I, I, I've got a bad
back, you see.
- Hey, it's okay.
Like I said, boy takes bed,
Jane climbs into sofa tree.
Problem solved.
Case is closed.
(Randy sighing)
- Officer Lindsey.
The bed!
(hands slapping)
- Thank you.
- It's okay.
(Randy sighing)
Good night.
- Night.
(Randy sighing)
- So, what do you
think of Vice, huh?
- Is that a
professional question?
- Considering the
circumstances, yeah.
- It's okay.
- Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Well, is that okay okay,
or terrific okay, huh?
(Kate sighing)
- Look, if you like
busting pimps,
which I do, it's terrific okay.
I'm really tired, Randy.
- Hey, I'm not tired, come
on, tell me more, huh?
You, Vice, Vice, you.
What is Vice?
- (sighing) What is Vice, okay.
What is Vice.
Well, you get to meet the
most interesting people,
in the most exotic places.
Standing on street
corners, sleazy bars,
hanging out of
windows, the candy store.
You know, like that.
- Oh, Bunco isn't like that.
Uh-uh.
No, Bunco is people.
Watching people, old
people, young people,
some smart, some not so smart,
but all of them vulnerable
and all of them being
conned and swindled.
Sometimes their entire
lives are broken by crooks,
con artists who
can only be caught
by matching a cop's
wit against theirs.
So one day I decided to
become one of those cops.
You know what I
really miss tonight?
- Hm?
- My teddy bear, you know?
Something nice and
soft to cuddle up against.
- Good night, Smokey.
- Okay.
- Where are those reports?
Come on.
- Charlie?
- Yeah?
- Put this over on
table three, will ya,
and make it look
nice, that's a boy.
Yeah, that's plant's
fine, Annie, thank you.
All right, sweetheart,
we gotta get
those dungarees
in the back, I think.
Finish this up and let's go.
Larry, please!
Please, I can't
have ladders here,
let's go, they're gonna
be here any minute.
Ralph, check on it, will ya?
(phone ringing)
- They're coming,
they're on their way.
- Okay, all right everybody.
(clapping) Here's where
the fun begins, places please!
Just like the old days,
let's have a good time.
Okay.
- All right.
- Now, what about that?
I don't buy it.
- The plastic's out,
bid is looking good,
the plastic's out and...
- Yeah, but we only had a
report on them yesterday.
How much was it?
40, what, what was it?
How many?
No, but look, right
up there, you can't...
Excuse me.
Oh, wait a minute, thank you!
Hello, friend.
Come on, you're just in
time, would you believe it?
- Hello.
- Good to see ya.
- Nice to see you.
- Madhouse here, forgive me.
I just put $20,000 on
Harriet and Spencer Chemical
and I think that might
be a good spot for you,
but I think you should
go in a little bit smaller.
Would you say, what, $1,000?
- Well, that's fine with me.
- Good.
Charlie, on that
Harriet and Spencer,
give me another thousand
right away before they change it.
(ticker rumbling)
(phone ringing)
- Wow, this is incredible.
- Hey, look, it is incredible!
See that last little
clickety-click over there?
I just made myself $40,000,
and you my friend are
$2,000 richer right now!
- Samuel, I don't believe this.
- It's true.
- I mean, I'm involved
in a business myself
and I'm aware of a few
loopholes here and there,
but come on, man,
this is a license to steal!
- Larry!
- No, honey, I
understand how he feels.
- How come you're
laying this on me?
- All right, I'll be honest
and pragmatic with you.
I've checked you
out, Larry, both of you.
You're my kind of people.
I just happen to
like you, that's all.
- And the bottom line is?
- I think that you
and I could form
a very healthy and
profitable relationship.
I mean, I don't know
what the future holds,
financially speaking, but
it looks pretty good to me.
- Well, I don't know, it
sounds honest enough
and pragmatic enough,
but I don't know, I don't know.
- I'll tell you what.
You and I will have
dinner again at the hotel,
the three of us, and
we'll talk about it.
And if nothing
comes of it, fine,
at least I've enjoyed
your company, okay?
- Okay.
- Look at her,
she's going crazy!
(Chamberlain laughing)
- Sweetheart.
- Sweetie, come here.
Charlie, give me something nice,
I don't know, perfume,
something good,
the little lady wants to break
into the business, come on.
(Kate laughing)
- [Man] One, two, three,
four, five, six, is that it?
Okay, there you go,
thank you very much.
Okay.
- Yes, may I help you?
- Yeah, we'd like a room please.
Mr. And Mrs. Lawrence Collins.
(ominous music)
- Collins?
And you're from?
- Coos Bay, Oregon.
- What do you mean
my husband and I
are being impersonated
by two police officers?
Why?
- You people have got
a lot of nerve using our
name on some kind of a...
- Look, it's not
easy to explain.
Now, you see, we were
told that you were in Mexico.
As a matter of fact, what
are you doing at this hotel?
- Hey, listen, I
called my office
and I get a hold of
this screwy secretary
who tells me that we can
be reached here at this hotel.
- So we hustled
right on over here
just to find out who we were.
- You see, it's a
little complicated.
Well, we're investigating
a confidence racket.
- Racket?
You mean you
involved us in a racket?
Oh, Larry!
- I'm gonna call my attorney,
and I'm gonna sue everybody
that's involved in this
screwy organization!
- Hold it, freshman,
you're out of line.
- Randy!
(laughing) Randy Carol!
- Chin up when you address
an upperclassman, mister.
- Not for some
second-string tailback,
I'm not gonna chin up.
(laughing) How you doing?
- Good seeing you, Larry.
- Hey, what're you doing
here, I thought you were a cop.
- I am, and so is she.
- (chuckling) I'm
the fake Mrs. Collins.
My name's Kate.
- I must say I'm impressed.
- Randy, would you
explain to this guy,
please, what's going on here?
- Uh, yeah, you see,
Larry, we needed a cover
and who could be better
than my old college roommate?
Everybody always said
we look like brothers, right?
I mean, the rich Larry Collins,
who could be a better
mark for any conman?
Since you were in Mexico,
your brother gave us a go ahead.
- Yeah, so that's why that
dingbat said that we were here.
- Sure, now it makes sense.
- All right.
- That's right, that's
what we told her to say.
- Listen, is there
anything we can do?
- Hey, what'd I tell ya, huh?
- Mr. Collins, the
best thing you can do
is just disappear
as soon as possible.
- All right, to put it
bluntly. (laughing)
- Let me take them
down to the car, okay?
- Bye!
- Bye bye!
- You better debrief
that desk clerk.
Thank you very much
for your cooperation.
Come right back, Randy, will ya?
That's what I call a close call.
- (scoffing) What do you suppose
the odds are against
them showing up here?
- Oh, speaking of odds, Silky
make you any money today?
- If this keeps up,
I'm gonna retire.
- You're kidding?
With a wad like that,
I'm sure Silky thinks
he's got you hooked.
- When do you think
he'll pull the string?
- Now the secret
is to get the sugar
thoroughly blended
in to the rum.
You see, that's
what you have to do.
I got that from this
Scandinavian chef in Stockholm.
(phone ringing) All right.
Hey, would you get that
for me, please, Larry?
Now, what you do is
you ladle it very carefully,
you don't wanna put
it on there too fast.
- Hello?
- Right even on each one.
- Uh, just a minute.
Sam?
You've got a long distance.
- Oh, oh.
All right, wait a minute.
- Miami Beach.
- Excuse me a minute.
Yeah, I'll get it.
(Kate giggling)
Hello?
Yeah, yeah, this is Mr. Kent.
Oh yeah, put him on, put him on.
Sully, what's up?
Well, they can't do that now!
Look, can't you stall
'em for just a little while?
But listen, you can...
You can block it for
one full day, can't ya?
Yes, the whole bundle,
a hundred thousand!
I'm buying the lot.
Look, throw him
out, I don't care
about Norman or
any of his friends!
Right!
(phone slamming)
(Chamberlain sighing)
You heard it.
That's our last chance
to make a big killing.
They are taking Atlantic
Minerals off the board.
We'll sell out at $50,000.
You'll make 300% net
profit on your money.
Are you in?
- Larry!
That much?
And tax free!
And we can't lose,
can we, Samuel?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, I didn't quite say that.
But I think the odds are stacked
pretty strongly in our favor.
- Larry?
- Sure, why not?
- Heh, of course the
money will be marked.
Tell them they'll get it back,
tell them they'll get it
back with a nice dividend.
I'm talkin' about Chamberlain!
What other dividend?
Dinner?
Captain, I'll tell you what.
You get me the 50 grand,
I'll spring for dinner
at Mazzarino's.
That's right.
Okay, thanks.
Talk about blackmail.
(both chuckling)
Okay, Randy, we
can pick the money up
at the airport at 10:30.
- You know, we'll
probably end up
with a caseload of
worthless certificates.
- Then what?
- Then the important
thing is to get out of there.
Now, Chamberlain's
gonna have to stay there
to pay off his stooges,
so our locals will move in
and they'll grab him
with the marked bills.
We got him.
- Yeah, we got Chamberlain.
But how are we gonna get
your Uncle Luigi's money back?
- Yeah, well, we're
working on that too.
- (coughing) Please, my
eyes are getting tired, please.
- Ah, there's just four or five
more, Uncle Luigi, come on.
(Uncle Luigi coughing)
- That's him!
That's the fake FBI!
That's the one!
- What, what is it?
- Do you know who that guy was?
- What, who, do you know him?
- Yeah, he busted
me on a pigeon drop.
He's a cop!
- Are you positive?
- Cindy swears he's a Bunco cop,
he busted her once.
- Yeah, well, I
think we're being
set up for a turn
in the slammer!
- Oh, now, gentlemen,
gentlemen, let's not panic, shall we?
- Silky, if he's a cop,
the smart thing to do
would be to quit now!
- Mm-hmm.
Maybe you're right.
But before we do,
let's just review the
bidding, shall we?
First.
Why didn't the cops simply
come up here and arrest me?
I'll tell you why, we
haven't taken a nickel yet,
they've got nothing on us.
All right.
Second.
Then what are they up to?
Could be a set up,
using police money.
But in that case, they'd have
to catch us trimming the mark.
In a way, (chuckling) they
could be trying to con us.
(chuckling) You know
it's funny, gentlemen,
but in this particular venture,
we could end up being
the mark (chuckling).
- Yeah, well I don't like it.
- On the other hand, we
know that they're police
and they don't know we know,
so we have an advantage, right?
All we need is a little switch,
just so the bad
guys win in the end.
- 41,000.
42,000.
I promised Silky I'd
pick him up in his room.
- Okay, I'll meet
you in the lobby.
(tense music)
(Chamberlain humming)
- Be with you in just a minute!
Hiya, Larry!
Come on in!
- The New York
board in half an hour.
- Oh, we've got
nothing but time.
Listen, I'm just
gonna get my jacket,
why don't you fix
yourself a drink, huh?
- Uh, no thanks.
- [Chamberlain] Okay,
then, well fix me one, will ya?
A Scotch would be just fine.
(blow thudding)
(dramatic music)
(knocking)
(Randy groaning)
- Randy!?
Randy, what happened?
(Randy wincing)
- Oh, the money's gone!
- Where's Chamberlain?
- Probably a million miles
away by now, I don't know.
(Chamberlain groaning)
- You too, Larry?
Oh no!
(sighing) My
money, it's all gone!
- What're you gonna do?
- Operator?
Yes, this is Mr. Kent.
Give me the police.
That's right, the
police, right now!
(water splashing)
- [Randy] Why doesn't he split?
- [Bill] No, he's
much too cool for that.
It's a lot more fun
just to bluff it on.
What're we gonna arrest him for?
And in case we
wanna check him out,
he's got some phony
front ready for us,
give him enough
time to make his move.
- Sure.
- He's so cool with Kate
down there, isn't he?
Yet I know he know who we are.
I don't know how he
found out, but he found out.
Guess we can't help it now.
- I'd hate to be around
when you tell my boss
the city's out 50 grand
and we couldn't help it.
- Yeah, Randy, let
me tell you something.
I'm in charge of this case
and if any heat
comes down I'll take it.
(phone ringing)
Yeah, hello?
Yeah, Pepp, what's up?
- Bill, I've been trying to
get you for a couple of hours.
Take a look at your
copy of photograph 17.
- Wait a minute, let me get it.
- Take them!
- I took 'em already!
- Not those, the other
ones, take two of these.
- These ones?
- The yellow ones.
- Yeah, that was,
okay, I got it, 17.
- The man marked D for David,
Uncle Luigi says he's the
one who posed as the FBI man.
- Is he sure about that?
- Uh, just a minute.
Swallow it, get 'em down.
He's pretty sure, but I
think if he saw him in person.
- Pepp, listen, wait a minute,
let me get the flight schedule.
- Well, who's he?
- He's probably the
guy that conked you.
- What?
- No, I was talking to Randy.
There's a flight
at three o'clock.
Get Pete and Joe and get on
it, bring Uncle Luigi with you.
Chamberlain's sitting it out
but I don't know for how long.
- Your uncle's up
to it, and then some.
- Listen, don't worry,
if Uncle Luigi can
pinch, he can walk.
- We'll get there.
- Good, I'll see you later.
- Hey, this is
beginning to fit now,
Chamberlain wouldn't
keep the money with him.
- [Bill] No, D
for David's got it.
(door clicking)
- Well, they
brought you in, too?
What, what, what's new?
- Mr. Kent?
- Yes.
- I'm Sergeant Pinkerton
Chester Oliver Pinkerton.
- How do you do?
- We spoke on the phone, sir.
- Yes.
- If you all would
come this way, please.
- You mentioned something,
sergeant, about
some developments?
- Yes, sir, we think
we've identified
the man who robbed you.
His name is Charles
Franklin and he's wanted
for a Bunco fraud in Las
Vegas and San Francisco.
- Oh, but this was
armed robbery, sergeant,
I understand confidence
men avoid that sort of thing.
- Well, as a rule
that's true, sir,
but a hundred
thousand dollars...
Here we go.
You have to admit
is quite a temptation.
This man was spotted hanging
around your hotel this morning.
You recognize him?
- Well, there wouldn't really
be any way that I could,
he was wearing a
handkerchief across his face.
- Well, maybe, you might be able
to identify his voice, then?
- No, 'fraid all I ever
heard him do was grunt.
- [Bill] Well, I think you
oughta see him in any case.
- You've arrested him?
- No, not yet.
But we've made
copies of this picture
for every man on our
force and it won't be long.
- Well, I certainly hope
so, I'm leaving town tonight.
- Tonight, sir?
- Company business, emergency.
- Mr. Kent, I'm afraid
you can't leave tonight, sir,
you're our only witness
and we need you.
- Are you asking or
ordering, sergeant?
- Well, I hope it
doesn't come to that, sir.
But I would like to remind you
that it's your money
we're trying to get back.
- Good point.
Very well, I'll change my plans.
You can reach me at
the hotel if you need me.
- Thank you very much.
- Would you two
like a ride back?
- Uh, no thanks, we
have our own car.
- Thanks for coming in.
Well, boys and girls,
this is where the
rubber meets the road.
- Jeez, it's about time,
I'm starving to death.
- Aw, come on, there's
no mustard in that thing!
- At least you got the fries.
(phone ringing)
- Who knows we're here?
- Just the boss.
- Hello?
Ah, Silky.
What!?
Rio?
Come on, we're
leaving right away!
Well, look, I'll take
the money with me,
we'll split it up down there.
What's the matter,
don't you trust me?
Aw, come on, what're you crazy?
Ralph and I can't
meet you at the airport!
Look.
Look, don't threaten me, man.
She'll be there.
- Who's she?
- You, baby.
(pensive music)
- [PA] Flight 69,
Flight 6 9, for Miami,
now loading in Gate 12.
- Right on time, eh?
Okay, give me the suitcase.
- Hey!
- What's the matter,
sweetheart, don't you know me?
- Jeez.
- Well, after all, Mr. Kent
was getting a little bit warm.
- Mm-hmm.
- What're you and
Chuck gonna be doing?
- Splitting up,
meeting in Brazil.
- Uh-huh.
- He and Ralph
are taking a later plane.
- I see.
- Silky?
- Yeah?
- The man at two o'clock.
- Oh.
He might as well be
wearing a neon badge.
He has eyes, but does he see?
- (chuckling) See you
at the Copacabana.
- You know it, sweetheart.
(Chamberlain humming)
Scuzi.
I beg your pardon.
(Chamberlain chuckling)
Thank you.
- Rio de Janeiro?
- Yeah.
- We'll have to
check your passport.
- Oh, everything is in order.
- Mr. Seta.
I'm sorry sir, there's
some minor technicalities,
all Latin American passengers
have to be checked again.
- Ah, I'll miss my plane!
- It's all right, sir, we'll
hold the plane for you,
this will only take a moment.
Right this way please.
This way, please.
- Uh-huh.
- Bongiorno, Mr. Seta.
- I don't believe
we've met, sir.
What's going on here?
- Cool it, Mr. Chamberlain,
we busted your three buddies
and now we're busting you.
You're under arrest.
- Chester Ol...
Chester Oliver Pinkerton?
That's really the name you used?
- Look, I figured there was
a little poetic justice to it.
Figure it out, Chester
Oliver Pinkerton.
C-O-P, cop, you got it?
- Oh, thank you, teacher,
let's get in and celebrate, okay?
- That's why I'm a sergeant.
(everyone cheering)
- Have some cheese.
- Brandy?
- Get the wine first, I
wanna make a toast.
- Thank you, thank you.
- And what about me?
- What about me,
it's my deal, no?
- No, we haven't
forgotten about you, Luigi,
here's your drink.
- What's this?
- Cream soda, it's delicious.
- Cream soda?
What am I gonna do
with a cream soda?
- Doctor's orders, sorry.
- Doctor?
If he was a doctor,
he stops a man
from having a glass of wine?
(Bill speaking in Italian)
- Look, I have something
that'll make you happy.
Get the envelope.
- Oh, right, yeah.
- [Bill] Give to him.
- Here you go.
- Here you go, Uncle Luigi.
- What is this, an
eviction notice?
- Open that, you
know what that is,
that's a check for your money.
- Awarded to you by the court
from the monies recovered
from Chamberlain
and his friends.
- My money!
(everyone laughing)
(upbeat music)
(dramatic action music)
(water splashing)
- Why doesn't he split?
- [Bill] No, he's
much too cool for that.
- One switch,
just so the bad
guys win in the end.
- The man marked D for David.
Uncle Luigi said he's the one
who posed as the FBI man.
- What do you mean
my husband and I
are being impersonated
by two police officers!?
Why?
- You people have got
a lot of nerve using our
name on some kind of a...
- Look, it's not
easy to explain.
Listen, I'm gonna tell
you something now
you never thought you'd
hear from these lips.
- Yeah?
- Go put your clothes on.
(siren wailing)
(dramatic action music)
- Grant unto him, O
Lord, and let perpetual light
shine upon him,
may he rest in peace.
Amen, and may his
soul and the souls
of all the faithful departed,
through the mercy
of God rest in peace.
- Amen.
- Rest in peace.
You know, if I didn't
have this arthritis,
I would be down there
helping them to carry him out.
- Sure, I know you
would, Uncle Luigi.
- It's the least I can do
for him, I owe it to him.
You know why?
Because when I was
wounded in the trench
during the Aragon Offense,
who do you think had carried me?
- Mr. O'Malley.
- O'Malley!
- Uncle Luigi?
- Yeah?
- Why did we sit up here?
Why couldn't we sit
downstairs with everybody else?
- Because that's
where O'Malley and me,
we used to sit every Sunday.
- You mean right here?
- Well, are we leaving or not?
Come on.
What a night,
I'll never forget it.
I thought we would never
make it, but we made it.
We beat those
hounds, I'm telling you.
- Uncle Luigi, you
sure you don't mind
that I can't go with you
to the cemetery, huh?
I gotta get back to the
office, I got a lot of work to do.
- Yeah, don't
worry, don't worry.
- Huh, it's all right?
- O'Malley's son-in-law,
Silverstein, he's a
doctor, Silverstein,
they tell me he's a very
good doctor, a big shot.
He said he's going to take me
to the cemetery and
then to my house.
- Good.
- I says...
The car, did you see, that's
no car, it's a living room!
- It's a fantastic looking
thing, you know, it's great.
- And this way you don't
have to ride with me.
(both speaking in Italian)
You think I'm gonna
have a nephew
talk to an uncle the
way you talk to me?
- What're you talking about?
- You want me to retire
in an old fossil house?
- O'Malley went when
he was 80, didn't he?
Didn't he go into a
home when he was 80,
told you it was very nice.
You told me that yourself,
he said it was very nice.
- Yes, I said, I said, I said,
it was all right for
O'Malley, but not for me!
- Watch your step.
- And O'Malley's not Italian,
what does he know about food?
God rest his soul, he
knows nothing about food
but I do because I
like to cook, that's why.
- Uncle Luigi, I told
you, Mrs. Tedesco says
she found this fantastic
place for her aunt,
they got a great
Italian kitchen.
- No, (speaking in Italian)
you have to understand
that I want to eat the
food when I wanna eat,
if I wanna eat, why I
wanna eat, I wanna be free.
- You are free, it's not
a prison, Uncle Luigi!
- No, no, no, no, no,
because I have to tell them
when I come in and where I go.
The money that I got in the
bank, and you know that I got,
- I know you got the
money in the bank.
- I can take care of anything,
I could even take care of you.
You're getting soft, you know?
- Yeah, I'll give you soft.
You better watch yourself.
- I don't take any
wooden nickels and...
- And don't do anything
I wouldn't do, right?
- Wise guy.
(kissing)
And that's not for you,
it's for my girlfriend
Sergeant Pepperoni.
(both laughing)
How she laughs when
I call her Pepperoni.
How is she, is she okay?
- She's fantastic.
I don't know why, but
she sends you her love.
- This jacket,
look at how it fits,
looks like you got a
bag of marshmallows.
What did they give you, a
baseball bat with that, huh?
Go on (laughing).
- All right, I'll see you soon.
(both speaking in Italian)
- Bring 'em down.
Okay, keep those arms,
keep 'em up straight.
Okay.
(metal clanking)
I'm sorry, sir, but
males aren't permitted
in this section of the spa.
- It's okay, I am a sergeant.
I'm looking for Pepper Anderson.
- Okay, she's right there.
- Oh yeah, thank you.
(metal clanking)
Hey, that's a little
too heavy for ya,
let me fix that for ya.
Make it a little lighter.
There we go, now try.
- William.
- Oh, hi Pepp,
what're you doin' here?
- That's the police
commissioner's daughter.
- Uh, (coughing) excuse me.
- Can't you read
that sign outside?
Says Women Only.
- Well, that's
female chauvinism.
- That's the word for it.
- How come we never see
action like this around the office?
- (chuckling) How come you
never just pick up the phone
and call me when I'm at the gym?
- Listen, I'm gonna
tell you something now
you never thought you'd
hear from these lips.
- Yeah?
- Go put your clothes on.
- That's new.
What's happening?
- We gotta get to the
airport, Janichek took
an earlier flight than he
had booked himself on.
We gotta get out there
so we can serve him
those little papers.
Let's go!
- I haven't been
on the vibrator yet.
- That reminds me, Uncle
Luigi sent you a little something.
- What?
- Scuzi.
(kissing)
- He asked you to
do that? (laughing)
- He sends his love.
- And you think he's ready
for the old folks home?
(doorbell buzzing)
- Hold your horses.
Every time I make
a cup of coffee,
somebody's always
ringing the bell.
Yes?
Yes, just one minute,
all right (chuckling).
Yes?
- Mr. Louis Concetta?
- Yes?
- Charles Franklin's
my name, FBI.
- FBI?
- And I am Mario Seta.
- Oh, Seta, Italian,
are you not?
- Oh yes.
- I am Italian too!
- On my father's side.
- Oh, very nice!
Won't you come in,
gentlemen, please.
- Oh, this is charming.
- Would you want some
espresso, it's homemade?
It's good stuff.
Some of my espresso?
- Oh, no, no, no.
Thank you, nothing
at all, no, no, no.
- Make yourself at home, please.
- I am one of the
vice presidents
of the Banes Savings and Loan.
- Oh, that's my bank,
it's where I do
business are the corner.
- Yes, sir, on, Krasnow, sir.
Does that name
mean anything to you?
- Ah, Krasnow.
I call him Lenny, I can't
pronounce his last name.
The wife had give
birth to two boys.
- That's the one.
- He's a nice fellow.
He's the teller at the
bank, yes, I know, I know.
- Leonard Krasnow,
I'm afraid I have some
(sighing) disquieting
news for you.
- Oh no.
- The offices of the bank,
with the help of the Bureau,
are in the unhappy position
of having to
investigate Mr. Krasnow.
- Why?
- Well, there's a
strong possibility
that he has been
embezzling some of the funds.
Even possibly some from
your own accounts, Signore.
- My money?
You, you think he's,
he's embezzling,
he take my money
out of the bank?
Oh no!
- If it is true, you will
get all your money back,
every penny, I promise
it, but we need your help.
- $18,643 plus
interest, my life savings,
Mr. Seta, I wanna
know about my money!
- Exactly, and what
the FBI wants you to do
is to come with us now,
go down to the bank,
we will wait while you
close out your account.
- All the money,
this will help the FBI?
- Yes, sir.
- Every penny and in cash.
- Are you sure
you wanna do this?
This is all your money, every
cent you've got, Mr. Concetta?
- It's my money, my every cent,
just like you say, Mr. Krasnow.
You put the money
right in here, now!
- But...
- Don't make me
raise my voice, you get the cash
just like it says on the slip.
Get the money and count every
cent in front of my very eyes!
- But I really don't
think that you should...
- Get it!
(phone ringing)
- Crowley, yeah.
Hey! (speaking in Italian)
No, of course your nephew's
here, I'm always working hard.
What's up?
- Guess who worked
with the FBI today.
- I don't know, who?
Banny Fox?
Elizabeth Bray?
I don't know, tell me.
- I worked with
the FBI! (laughing)
We catch a crook at my bank.
How do you like them apples?
- What're you talking about?
- This bank teller, you know,
he, um, (speaking in Italian)
he embezzle all of my
money from the bank.
And these two men, one very
distinguished from the bank
and the FBI, they come
here to talk to me and...
- And they ask you to
withdraw all your money
from the bank while
they investigate it?
- That's what happened!
'Ey, that's the way you
catch a crook, methodically!
You come right away, huh,
we'll have vermicelli boscaiola
and we'll do something
that you like, okay?
- Yeah, I'll come
right over, Uncle Luigi.
But I think I just
lost my appetite.
- You know what, you people,
I don't think you
hear me too good.
I said Seta, Mario Seta, Seta!
- Uncle Luigi, what does
Seta mean in Italian, huh?
Silk, right?
Okay, now look, these con guys,
they're very shrewd,
they're clever.
They get their
kicks outta leaving
their trademark on their work.
A guy becomes
Italian so he changes
his name from Silky to Seta.
(knocking)
- Charlie, Pepper.
- Hey, Randy, come in.
This is Randy Carol
from our Bunco Division,
this is my Uncle Mr. Concetti.
- Ah, Mr. Concetti, about
what happened, I'm very sorry.
- Ha, hello Mr. Sorry,
meet Mr. Stupido.
- Is that the picture?
- Yeah, this is Chamberlain.
He's slick and he's
fast, I think he's our man.
- Uncle Luigi, come here.
- Oh, please, no more.
- Uncle Luigi, come
on now, look at this.
- Just take a minute.
- Come on, look at that.
Is that the guy who
took your money?
- Hm, no.
(Uncle Luigi
speaking in Italian)
This is not the man.
The man that I said to
you before is much older,
he's got a mustache, he's
distinguished, he's Italian.
This guy's a crook.
This is not the man!
- Okay, I'll take you
home Uncle Luigi.
- No, no, no, you give
this to the young lady
and say thank you very
much and I'll be along.
Thank you.
(somber music)
- Hey, Crowley, just got word
from Intelligence, it's working.
- What's working?
- Chamberlain and
two of his helpers
have just flown up
to Bradford Springs.
- Oh yeah?
- Got a reservation
at the Ray Hotel,
booked as Mr. Samuel
Ingersal Leonard Kent.
Can you believe it?
- I believe the
initials, S-I-L-K.
- Yeah, and now he's
got his front money,
so I'm all set to move.
- Hey Randy.
Count Pepper and me
on this thing, will you?
I got a personal score to
settle, I'll clear it with Parks.
- Great.
- Yeah, now I gotta
work out the money angle,
but I'll sweat that, don't
you worry about that.
- Okay.
Yeah, I've gotta find
myself a wife fast,
we've set Chamberlain
up to be on the lookout
for a Mr. And Mrs.
Collins, rich and classy.
- Rich and classy?
What about Mary Lou up
in R&I, that's a classy type.
- Oh, no way,
she's got a husband.
I was, um, I was kinda thinking
of Kate Lindsey, works Vice.
You know her?
- I know her, pretty girl.
- Very efficient.
- Yeah, very efficient.
And pretty.
And single.
- Yeah.
And single.
Yeah, well, um,
but very efficient.
- Yeah, I said that.
- See ya.
- And single.
(water splashing)
- [Clerk] Mr. And
Mrs. Larry Collins?
- That's right.
- From Coos Bay, Oregon.
- Oh yes, we got your wire,
I'm sorry there are no suites
available at the moment,
only choice doubles.
(Kate sighing)
- See what you can do, okay?
See, this is our
second honeymoon
and there's nothing too
good for my bride here.
- I'm sorry, Mr. Collins,
there's nothing else available.
- Oh great.
First my luggage
gets lost on the flight...
- Darling, we can't fight fate,
the man said a double,
we settle for what he's got.
And don't worry about
clothes, I'll buy you a bikini.
- (chuckling) Thanks
a lot, I need a dress.
- First things
first, we'll take it.
- [Clerk] Room 408, please.
- (chuckling) Yeah,
you heard me right,
Glenn, I said a thou.
On Tecopo in the
third to show, one thou.
- [Bill] Careful, don't
take so many shots,
you're wasting film,
I just got one roll left.
- [Pepper] Well, why
didn't you buy some more?
- [Bill] I didn't have
my credit cards with me
and they wouldn't take a check.
- What, you stopped borrowing
from me all of a sudden?
- (chuckling) You
I gotta pay back.
- [Randy] Enjoying
your lunch, sweetheart?
You seem to be
eating quite a bit of it.
- Chocolate Bavarian
pie is on my diet.
- Cute.
- Okay, Glenn, fourth
race, you ready?
Another thou on, let me see...
- You don't care how you waste
the department's
money, do ya kid?
Hey, Randy, I forgot to tell ya.
We just got the word
we got the full cooperation
of the Bradford
Springs PD on this thing.
- Hey, great, Glenn,
hey that sounds
like another real winner!
(laughing) Yeah, another
thou on that, okay?
To win.
Mm-hmm, okay now, sixth race.
Yeah, Brass Monkey to show.
Okay.
Mm-hmm.
(Randy sighing)
(Randy laughing)
Okay, Crowley,
we can knock it off,
our audience has
just walked out on us.
- Yeah, I can see that.
Okay, nice going.
- Right.
- We strike out?
- No, Chamberlain's
still circling the field,
he just hasn't landed yet.
But when he
bites, you'll know it.
Uh, sweetheart, you
can stop eating now.
- Are you kidding?
Very rarely do I get to eat
caviar and duck l'orange.
- Hey, I've got a terrific idea.
Let's go up and
take a little nap.
- I got a better idea!
Why don't you go up
and take a little nap
and I'll go do a
little shopping,
you know, buy a few clothes.
- Alone?
- Mm-hmm.
- I think it's a rotten idea.
In the interest of the
police department,
I'm gonna go along and
protect Crowley's bankroll.
- Well, my dear, you
have been most helpful,
and I do thank you so much.
(chuckling) Right.
Goodbye.
(phone thudding)
- [Ralph] This guy
checks out okay?
- Mm-hmm.
Gentlemen, that was
Mr. Lawrence Collins' secretary
in Coos Bay, turns
out our pigeon's family
owns a plywood mill,
although he and his wife
are on vacation
they can be found,
believe it or
not, in this hotel.
Ha!
So, the operation is go.
- All right!
Take a bow, Silky.
- If there's one truism,
Ralph, in this life,
it is that people with
money always want more
and if there's another,
it is until we are through,
no women, and no liquor.
Do I make myself clear, hm?
- Hey, well, in that case
I better give Cindy a call.
I told her...
- No, you can do that later.
I've got to reach
Harold in New York,
just in case they check
up on my credentials.
You guys don't have to let
any grass grow under your feet.
Lobby and patio.
Come on, let's get on it.
(Chamberlain laughing)
- You know, I'm beginning to
enjoy playing with this thing.
- Oh?
Is that a hint for
your birthday?
- Or Christmas.
Well, I guess that's it for now.
- Where're you going?
- To my room to take a shower.
- Well, listen, why don't
you just take a shower here?
- Bill.
- No, really, I'll
take the film out,
we'll see what develops.
(Pepper scoffing)
- See you later.
- Call me if you need
help with the exposure.
- (chuckling) Yeah.
Ah!
- You dropped your key, my dear.
- Oh, well thank
you, you're very kind.
- Uh, don't I get a
reward or something?
Maybe a drink, you know?
- (chuckling) Maybe later.
- Uh, but you said
I was very kind.
- You're kinda getting on
my nerves, give me the key.
- Take it from me.
Come on.
Take it from me.
(laughing) Take it from me.
Come on, come on!
- Give it to me I said!
(door slamming)
(punches thudding)
- Okay, that settles it.
- That settles
what, Sir Galahad?
- From now on you're
staying here with me.
One more trip like that,
you could blow our cover.
- I have a feeling I'd have
been better off with him.
- (laughing) Crowley is really
gonna be knocked out by this.
$224 bucks for a dress.
- Well, I had to have
something to wear!
Besides, if he finds my suitcase
he can take the dress back.
- Um, I thought I
heard the lady say,
"No refunds or exchanges!"
- Well, then he's
stuck with the dress.
- Now, where're you going?
Uh, sweetheart, what're those?
- Whoop, sorry.
- (scoffing) Well, I thought
in case I couldn't sleep,
I'd have something
to read tonight.
- Couldn't sleep?
But we're on our second
honeymoon, remember?
- (chuckling) In that
case, you can read to me.
- Terrific, just terrific.
- What's the matter?
- My pocket's just been
picked clean and beautifully.
I lost my wallet and my key.
- That's terrific.
That means Chamberlain's
got you marked,
now he's checking you out.
Let's give him plenty of room.
Okay.
Yeah, fine.
Ha.
- Sounds good.
- It's getting better
and better, I'll tell ya.
What're you doing?
- I'm trying to get proficient.
You know, they're a
great looking couple.
- Let me see what you got there.
- I wanna get some
good pictures of them.
- You know what would help this?
- Uh-uh.
- If you took this off.
- What were you
gonna call this shot,
Midnight in the Cold
Shoot? (phone ringing)
- Answer the phone.
- Hello?
Yeah, Pete, what's up?
When?
How is he?
Yeah...
Pete and Joe found Uncle
Luigi unconscious on the floor.
(sighing) Where is he now?
Have they contacted
his own doctor yet, Pete?
No, well let me
tell you something.
Now this has
happened twice before,
it's his high blood pressure.
Yeah.
Now just tell the doctor that.
Okay.
I'll hang by the phone if it...
Yeah, give me a call, will ya?
(phone thudding)
- Is he gonna be all right?
- (sighing) I think so, it's
his high blood pressure,
it's been brought on
by all this aggravation.
Boy, talk about bad timing.
- Bill, why don't I go back?
You're more important
here than I am.
And if anything
happens, I'll call you
and you'll break off, all right?
- Would you, Pepp, do you mind?
- (chuckling) I love
him, too, you know.
- I'll get you a reservation
on the next flight.
(phone thudding)
- Damn!
- They don't have a suite yet
or your suitcase hasn't shown?
- Both.
- Hey, look, it's not that bad.
I don't mind
sleeping in the buff
so you can have
my pajamas, right?
- Wrong.
(knocking)
Who is it?
- Mr. Kent.
I'm a guest here.
I have something that I
think belongs to your husband.
Viola!
- You found it!
- Outside the
elevator on my floor.
I, of course, have
to admit, Mrs. Collins,
that when I realized it
belonged to the husband
of that gorgeous lady I
saw out by the pool today,
well, I wasn't going to
let some bellhop return it.
Besides, he might've
been a little bit too greedy.
- Oh, it was very sweet
of you to return it yourself.
Darling?
Darling?
- [Randy] What?
- Mr. Kent found your wallet.
- My wallet?
Well, sir, I certainly
thank you for this.
- I hope there's
nothing missing.
- No.
Gee, let me tell you, Mr. Kent.
- Oh, please, please, Samuel.
- Samuel.
Hey, I really appreciate this,
I mean, not too many people
would go out of their
way to do what you did.
You know, make the
effort to bring it back intact.
Tell me, sir, what is your
favorite restaurant in town?
- Well, I usually dine at a
supper club called Le Toile.
- Then that is where we're
asking you to dinner tonight.
- (gasping) That's a super idea!
- All right, I'll accept,
but on one condition.
That you are both
my guests, all right?
- All right (chuckling).
- Terrific.
- Seven o'clock
tonight in the lobby.
- Okay.
- Got a deal!
- All right.
- Bye bye.
(door closing)
(piano music)
- Larry's work?
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, I guess you could say
that he's the president
of a large family mill.
- Try one of those,
you'll just love it.
- Oh, it looks good!
But just between you and
me, and the champagne,
his kid brother does
most of the work.
The dummy loves it!
(Chamberlain laughing)
- And you two, what do you love?
- Traveling.
The world, you name
it, we've been there.
I mean, it's fun and educational
and you get to meet
the most interesting
and attractive
types, like you sir.
- (laughing) Oh,
thank you, ma'am.
- But I should say about Larry,
he's very bright in
business too, you know,
I mean innately, he
likes a good thing.
- Larry, you son of a gun, you.
You certainly did
marry an attractive girl.
- Oh, don't I know.
- Well, thank you
both, gentlemen.
I'm afraid I've just
been telling Samuel
the story of our lives.
- Well, how about you, Sam?
- You mean what do I do?
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, I'm on the finance
committee of Coast and Southern.
We check out small businesses
that seem to be going under,
with our resources
we're able to buy them up.
Then we announce the
large capital investment
in each of these
little businesses,
when the stock goes up,
that's when we sell out.
- They're probably setting
up the rag gambit right now.
- I'm sure they are.
- Rag gambit.
Uh, hold it, guys.
We lost Katie.
- That's an updated version
of the old big con
known as The Store.
See, the crook goes
out, he'll tent a store
and will even rent
equipment, set it up
to look like a small branch
of a large, legit organization.
Then they hire local
crooks (phone ringing)
and they'll pay them
back as customers.
Yeah?
Pepper?
- Good news, Bill.
I just talked to the doctor,
it was a combination
of high blood pressure
and, as you said, aggravation,
but his blood pressure's
nearly normal now.
- He's okay then?
- Well, he pinched
me twice so far.
- Then he's fine, would you
get that old faker outta bed?
- Incidentally, they hope to
be able to send
him home tomorrow.
- Okay.
Yeah, yeah, just watch yourself.
- Sure.
Bye bye.
- That was Pepper.
My uncle's okay.
- Oh, that's terrific.
- It's gettin' a little late.
You two got a
heavy day tomorrow,
what do you say
we all hit the sack?
- Uh, hold it, anxious.
- Give me about 20 minutes.
- Thanks, Crowley.
- What'd I say?
- Where do you
think you're going?
- To bed, where else?
- Fine.
I'll take the sofa.
- Well, look, wait a minute.
I, I, I've got a bad
back, you see.
- Hey, it's okay.
Like I said, boy takes bed,
Jane climbs into sofa tree.
Problem solved.
Case is closed.
(Randy sighing)
- Officer Lindsey.
The bed!
(hands slapping)
- Thank you.
- It's okay.
(Randy sighing)
Good night.
- Night.
(Randy sighing)
- So, what do you
think of Vice, huh?
- Is that a
professional question?
- Considering the
circumstances, yeah.
- It's okay.
- Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Well, is that okay okay,
or terrific okay, huh?
(Kate sighing)
- Look, if you like
busting pimps,
which I do, it's terrific okay.
I'm really tired, Randy.
- Hey, I'm not tired, come
on, tell me more, huh?
You, Vice, Vice, you.
What is Vice?
- (sighing) What is Vice, okay.
What is Vice.
Well, you get to meet the
most interesting people,
in the most exotic places.
Standing on street
corners, sleazy bars,
hanging out of
windows, the candy store.
You know, like that.
- Oh, Bunco isn't like that.
Uh-uh.
No, Bunco is people.
Watching people, old
people, young people,
some smart, some not so smart,
but all of them vulnerable
and all of them being
conned and swindled.
Sometimes their entire
lives are broken by crooks,
con artists who
can only be caught
by matching a cop's
wit against theirs.
So one day I decided to
become one of those cops.
You know what I
really miss tonight?
- Hm?
- My teddy bear, you know?
Something nice and
soft to cuddle up against.
- Good night, Smokey.
- Okay.
- Where are those reports?
Come on.
- Charlie?
- Yeah?
- Put this over on
table three, will ya,
and make it look
nice, that's a boy.
Yeah, that's plant's
fine, Annie, thank you.
All right, sweetheart,
we gotta get
those dungarees
in the back, I think.
Finish this up and let's go.
Larry, please!
Please, I can't
have ladders here,
let's go, they're gonna
be here any minute.
Ralph, check on it, will ya?
(phone ringing)
- They're coming,
they're on their way.
- Okay, all right everybody.
(clapping) Here's where
the fun begins, places please!
Just like the old days,
let's have a good time.
Okay.
- All right.
- Now, what about that?
I don't buy it.
- The plastic's out,
bid is looking good,
the plastic's out and...
- Yeah, but we only had a
report on them yesterday.
How much was it?
40, what, what was it?
How many?
No, but look, right
up there, you can't...
Excuse me.
Oh, wait a minute, thank you!
Hello, friend.
Come on, you're just in
time, would you believe it?
- Hello.
- Good to see ya.
- Nice to see you.
- Madhouse here, forgive me.
I just put $20,000 on
Harriet and Spencer Chemical
and I think that might
be a good spot for you,
but I think you should
go in a little bit smaller.
Would you say, what, $1,000?
- Well, that's fine with me.
- Good.
Charlie, on that
Harriet and Spencer,
give me another thousand
right away before they change it.
(ticker rumbling)
(phone ringing)
- Wow, this is incredible.
- Hey, look, it is incredible!
See that last little
clickety-click over there?
I just made myself $40,000,
and you my friend are
$2,000 richer right now!
- Samuel, I don't believe this.
- It's true.
- I mean, I'm involved
in a business myself
and I'm aware of a few
loopholes here and there,
but come on, man,
this is a license to steal!
- Larry!
- No, honey, I
understand how he feels.
- How come you're
laying this on me?
- All right, I'll be honest
and pragmatic with you.
I've checked you
out, Larry, both of you.
You're my kind of people.
I just happen to
like you, that's all.
- And the bottom line is?
- I think that you
and I could form
a very healthy and
profitable relationship.
I mean, I don't know
what the future holds,
financially speaking, but
it looks pretty good to me.
- Well, I don't know, it
sounds honest enough
and pragmatic enough,
but I don't know, I don't know.
- I'll tell you what.
You and I will have
dinner again at the hotel,
the three of us, and
we'll talk about it.
And if nothing
comes of it, fine,
at least I've enjoyed
your company, okay?
- Okay.
- Look at her,
she's going crazy!
(Chamberlain laughing)
- Sweetheart.
- Sweetie, come here.
Charlie, give me something nice,
I don't know, perfume,
something good,
the little lady wants to break
into the business, come on.
(Kate laughing)
- [Man] One, two, three,
four, five, six, is that it?
Okay, there you go,
thank you very much.
Okay.
- Yes, may I help you?
- Yeah, we'd like a room please.
Mr. And Mrs. Lawrence Collins.
(ominous music)
- Collins?
And you're from?
- Coos Bay, Oregon.
- What do you mean
my husband and I
are being impersonated
by two police officers?
Why?
- You people have got
a lot of nerve using our
name on some kind of a...
- Look, it's not
easy to explain.
Now, you see, we were
told that you were in Mexico.
As a matter of fact, what
are you doing at this hotel?
- Hey, listen, I
called my office
and I get a hold of
this screwy secretary
who tells me that we can
be reached here at this hotel.
- So we hustled
right on over here
just to find out who we were.
- You see, it's a
little complicated.
Well, we're investigating
a confidence racket.
- Racket?
You mean you
involved us in a racket?
Oh, Larry!
- I'm gonna call my attorney,
and I'm gonna sue everybody
that's involved in this
screwy organization!
- Hold it, freshman,
you're out of line.
- Randy!
(laughing) Randy Carol!
- Chin up when you address
an upperclassman, mister.
- Not for some
second-string tailback,
I'm not gonna chin up.
(laughing) How you doing?
- Good seeing you, Larry.
- Hey, what're you doing
here, I thought you were a cop.
- I am, and so is she.
- (chuckling) I'm
the fake Mrs. Collins.
My name's Kate.
- I must say I'm impressed.
- Randy, would you
explain to this guy,
please, what's going on here?
- Uh, yeah, you see,
Larry, we needed a cover
and who could be better
than my old college roommate?
Everybody always said
we look like brothers, right?
I mean, the rich Larry Collins,
who could be a better
mark for any conman?
Since you were in Mexico,
your brother gave us a go ahead.
- Yeah, so that's why that
dingbat said that we were here.
- Sure, now it makes sense.
- All right.
- That's right, that's
what we told her to say.
- Listen, is there
anything we can do?
- Hey, what'd I tell ya, huh?
- Mr. Collins, the
best thing you can do
is just disappear
as soon as possible.
- All right, to put it
bluntly. (laughing)
- Let me take them
down to the car, okay?
- Bye!
- Bye bye!
- You better debrief
that desk clerk.
Thank you very much
for your cooperation.
Come right back, Randy, will ya?
That's what I call a close call.
- (scoffing) What do you suppose
the odds are against
them showing up here?
- Oh, speaking of odds, Silky
make you any money today?
- If this keeps up,
I'm gonna retire.
- You're kidding?
With a wad like that,
I'm sure Silky thinks
he's got you hooked.
- When do you think
he'll pull the string?
- Now the secret
is to get the sugar
thoroughly blended
in to the rum.
You see, that's
what you have to do.
I got that from this
Scandinavian chef in Stockholm.
(phone ringing) All right.
Hey, would you get that
for me, please, Larry?
Now, what you do is
you ladle it very carefully,
you don't wanna put
it on there too fast.
- Hello?
- Right even on each one.
- Uh, just a minute.
Sam?
You've got a long distance.
- Oh, oh.
All right, wait a minute.
- Miami Beach.
- Excuse me a minute.
Yeah, I'll get it.
(Kate giggling)
Hello?
Yeah, yeah, this is Mr. Kent.
Oh yeah, put him on, put him on.
Sully, what's up?
Well, they can't do that now!
Look, can't you stall
'em for just a little while?
But listen, you can...
You can block it for
one full day, can't ya?
Yes, the whole bundle,
a hundred thousand!
I'm buying the lot.
Look, throw him
out, I don't care
about Norman or
any of his friends!
Right!
(phone slamming)
(Chamberlain sighing)
You heard it.
That's our last chance
to make a big killing.
They are taking Atlantic
Minerals off the board.
We'll sell out at $50,000.
You'll make 300% net
profit on your money.
Are you in?
- Larry!
That much?
And tax free!
And we can't lose,
can we, Samuel?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, I didn't quite say that.
But I think the odds are stacked
pretty strongly in our favor.
- Larry?
- Sure, why not?
- Heh, of course the
money will be marked.
Tell them they'll get it back,
tell them they'll get it
back with a nice dividend.
I'm talkin' about Chamberlain!
What other dividend?
Dinner?
Captain, I'll tell you what.
You get me the 50 grand,
I'll spring for dinner
at Mazzarino's.
That's right.
Okay, thanks.
Talk about blackmail.
(both chuckling)
Okay, Randy, we
can pick the money up
at the airport at 10:30.
- You know, we'll
probably end up
with a caseload of
worthless certificates.
- Then what?
- Then the important
thing is to get out of there.
Now, Chamberlain's
gonna have to stay there
to pay off his stooges,
so our locals will move in
and they'll grab him
with the marked bills.
We got him.
- Yeah, we got Chamberlain.
But how are we gonna get
your Uncle Luigi's money back?
- Yeah, well, we're
working on that too.
- (coughing) Please, my
eyes are getting tired, please.
- Ah, there's just four or five
more, Uncle Luigi, come on.
(Uncle Luigi coughing)
- That's him!
That's the fake FBI!
That's the one!
- What, what is it?
- Do you know who that guy was?
- What, who, do you know him?
- Yeah, he busted
me on a pigeon drop.
He's a cop!
- Are you positive?
- Cindy swears he's a Bunco cop,
he busted her once.
- Yeah, well, I
think we're being
set up for a turn
in the slammer!
- Oh, now, gentlemen,
gentlemen, let's not panic, shall we?
- Silky, if he's a cop,
the smart thing to do
would be to quit now!
- Mm-hmm.
Maybe you're right.
But before we do,
let's just review the
bidding, shall we?
First.
Why didn't the cops simply
come up here and arrest me?
I'll tell you why, we
haven't taken a nickel yet,
they've got nothing on us.
All right.
Second.
Then what are they up to?
Could be a set up,
using police money.
But in that case, they'd have
to catch us trimming the mark.
In a way, (chuckling) they
could be trying to con us.
(chuckling) You know
it's funny, gentlemen,
but in this particular venture,
we could end up being
the mark (chuckling).
- Yeah, well I don't like it.
- On the other hand, we
know that they're police
and they don't know we know,
so we have an advantage, right?
All we need is a little switch,
just so the bad
guys win in the end.
- 41,000.
42,000.
I promised Silky I'd
pick him up in his room.
- Okay, I'll meet
you in the lobby.
(tense music)
(Chamberlain humming)
- Be with you in just a minute!
Hiya, Larry!
Come on in!
- The New York
board in half an hour.
- Oh, we've got
nothing but time.
Listen, I'm just
gonna get my jacket,
why don't you fix
yourself a drink, huh?
- Uh, no thanks.
- [Chamberlain] Okay,
then, well fix me one, will ya?
A Scotch would be just fine.
(blow thudding)
(dramatic music)
(knocking)
(Randy groaning)
- Randy!?
Randy, what happened?
(Randy wincing)
- Oh, the money's gone!
- Where's Chamberlain?
- Probably a million miles
away by now, I don't know.
(Chamberlain groaning)
- You too, Larry?
Oh no!
(sighing) My
money, it's all gone!
- What're you gonna do?
- Operator?
Yes, this is Mr. Kent.
Give me the police.
That's right, the
police, right now!
(water splashing)
- [Randy] Why doesn't he split?
- [Bill] No, he's
much too cool for that.
It's a lot more fun
just to bluff it on.
What're we gonna arrest him for?
And in case we
wanna check him out,
he's got some phony
front ready for us,
give him enough
time to make his move.
- Sure.
- He's so cool with Kate
down there, isn't he?
Yet I know he know who we are.
I don't know how he
found out, but he found out.
Guess we can't help it now.
- I'd hate to be around
when you tell my boss
the city's out 50 grand
and we couldn't help it.
- Yeah, Randy, let
me tell you something.
I'm in charge of this case
and if any heat
comes down I'll take it.
(phone ringing)
Yeah, hello?
Yeah, Pepp, what's up?
- Bill, I've been trying to
get you for a couple of hours.
Take a look at your
copy of photograph 17.
- Wait a minute, let me get it.
- Take them!
- I took 'em already!
- Not those, the other
ones, take two of these.
- These ones?
- The yellow ones.
- Yeah, that was,
okay, I got it, 17.
- The man marked D for David,
Uncle Luigi says he's the
one who posed as the FBI man.
- Is he sure about that?
- Uh, just a minute.
Swallow it, get 'em down.
He's pretty sure, but I
think if he saw him in person.
- Pepp, listen, wait a minute,
let me get the flight schedule.
- Well, who's he?
- He's probably the
guy that conked you.
- What?
- No, I was talking to Randy.
There's a flight
at three o'clock.
Get Pete and Joe and get on
it, bring Uncle Luigi with you.
Chamberlain's sitting it out
but I don't know for how long.
- Your uncle's up
to it, and then some.
- Listen, don't worry,
if Uncle Luigi can
pinch, he can walk.
- We'll get there.
- Good, I'll see you later.
- Hey, this is
beginning to fit now,
Chamberlain wouldn't
keep the money with him.
- [Bill] No, D
for David's got it.
(door clicking)
- Well, they
brought you in, too?
What, what, what's new?
- Mr. Kent?
- Yes.
- I'm Sergeant Pinkerton
Chester Oliver Pinkerton.
- How do you do?
- We spoke on the phone, sir.
- Yes.
- If you all would
come this way, please.
- You mentioned something,
sergeant, about
some developments?
- Yes, sir, we think
we've identified
the man who robbed you.
His name is Charles
Franklin and he's wanted
for a Bunco fraud in Las
Vegas and San Francisco.
- Oh, but this was
armed robbery, sergeant,
I understand confidence
men avoid that sort of thing.
- Well, as a rule
that's true, sir,
but a hundred
thousand dollars...
Here we go.
You have to admit
is quite a temptation.
This man was spotted hanging
around your hotel this morning.
You recognize him?
- Well, there wouldn't really
be any way that I could,
he was wearing a
handkerchief across his face.
- Well, maybe, you might be able
to identify his voice, then?
- No, 'fraid all I ever
heard him do was grunt.
- [Bill] Well, I think you
oughta see him in any case.
- You've arrested him?
- No, not yet.
But we've made
copies of this picture
for every man on our
force and it won't be long.
- Well, I certainly hope
so, I'm leaving town tonight.
- Tonight, sir?
- Company business, emergency.
- Mr. Kent, I'm afraid
you can't leave tonight, sir,
you're our only witness
and we need you.
- Are you asking or
ordering, sergeant?
- Well, I hope it
doesn't come to that, sir.
But I would like to remind you
that it's your money
we're trying to get back.
- Good point.
Very well, I'll change my plans.
You can reach me at
the hotel if you need me.
- Thank you very much.
- Would you two
like a ride back?
- Uh, no thanks, we
have our own car.
- Thanks for coming in.
Well, boys and girls,
this is where the
rubber meets the road.
- Jeez, it's about time,
I'm starving to death.
- Aw, come on, there's
no mustard in that thing!
- At least you got the fries.
(phone ringing)
- Who knows we're here?
- Just the boss.
- Hello?
Ah, Silky.
What!?
Rio?
Come on, we're
leaving right away!
Well, look, I'll take
the money with me,
we'll split it up down there.
What's the matter,
don't you trust me?
Aw, come on, what're you crazy?
Ralph and I can't
meet you at the airport!
Look.
Look, don't threaten me, man.
She'll be there.
- Who's she?
- You, baby.
(pensive music)
- [PA] Flight 69,
Flight 6 9, for Miami,
now loading in Gate 12.
- Right on time, eh?
Okay, give me the suitcase.
- Hey!
- What's the matter,
sweetheart, don't you know me?
- Jeez.
- Well, after all, Mr. Kent
was getting a little bit warm.
- Mm-hmm.
- What're you and
Chuck gonna be doing?
- Splitting up,
meeting in Brazil.
- Uh-huh.
- He and Ralph
are taking a later plane.
- I see.
- Silky?
- Yeah?
- The man at two o'clock.
- Oh.
He might as well be
wearing a neon badge.
He has eyes, but does he see?
- (chuckling) See you
at the Copacabana.
- You know it, sweetheart.
(Chamberlain humming)
Scuzi.
I beg your pardon.
(Chamberlain chuckling)
Thank you.
- Rio de Janeiro?
- Yeah.
- We'll have to
check your passport.
- Oh, everything is in order.
- Mr. Seta.
I'm sorry sir, there's
some minor technicalities,
all Latin American passengers
have to be checked again.
- Ah, I'll miss my plane!
- It's all right, sir, we'll
hold the plane for you,
this will only take a moment.
Right this way please.
This way, please.
- Uh-huh.
- Bongiorno, Mr. Seta.
- I don't believe
we've met, sir.
What's going on here?
- Cool it, Mr. Chamberlain,
we busted your three buddies
and now we're busting you.
You're under arrest.
- Chester Ol...
Chester Oliver Pinkerton?
That's really the name you used?
- Look, I figured there was
a little poetic justice to it.
Figure it out, Chester
Oliver Pinkerton.
C-O-P, cop, you got it?
- Oh, thank you, teacher,
let's get in and celebrate, okay?
- That's why I'm a sergeant.
(everyone cheering)
- Have some cheese.
- Brandy?
- Get the wine first, I
wanna make a toast.
- Thank you, thank you.
- And what about me?
- What about me,
it's my deal, no?
- No, we haven't
forgotten about you, Luigi,
here's your drink.
- What's this?
- Cream soda, it's delicious.
- Cream soda?
What am I gonna do
with a cream soda?
- Doctor's orders, sorry.
- Doctor?
If he was a doctor,
he stops a man
from having a glass of wine?
(Bill speaking in Italian)
- Look, I have something
that'll make you happy.
Get the envelope.
- Oh, right, yeah.
- [Bill] Give to him.
- Here you go.
- Here you go, Uncle Luigi.
- What is this, an
eviction notice?
- Open that, you
know what that is,
that's a check for your money.
- Awarded to you by the court
from the monies recovered
from Chamberlain
and his friends.
- My money!
(everyone laughing)
(upbeat music)
(dramatic action music)