Police Woman (1974–1978): Season 3, Episode 1 - The Trick Book - full transcript

The series' only two-hour one-part episode centers on the theft of a madam's client list, which will be worth a fortune in the hands of someone unscrupulous enough to blackmail the various Johns on the list. A seedy, elderly private eye (Jack Gilford) is the first to get his hands on the book. The English reviewers of this episode (which was shown in two parts in the United Kingdom) loved the first hour but thought the second one only a little above average.

- Meanwhile, Pepper
goes into her hooker act.

- Look at this way.

Where else can you
get paid so good for

lying down on the job?

- $200,00?

You're insane.

- Everybody seems
to agree on that.

- Just exactly what kind
of work are you into?

- I'm a specialist in
sexual dysfunction.

- Police! Freeze!

- And politics, while
naturally important to me,

reads second.

And I'll be honest
with all of you.

A very distant second to
my true love, my family.

And now I'd like you to meet

my beautiful wife of 10 years,

the mother of
our three children,

Renee.

This prerecorded
message paid for

by the Andrews for
Governor Committee.

- Miss Hilary
LaSalle's residence.

Yes, she is.

Just a moment, please.

- In fact, if I was
doing your office.

No, no, no, no.

Michael?

He's really nice...

- Mr. Andrews, what
a pleasant surprise.

- I had some spare
time this evening

and I thought that perhaps
Lorelei might be available.

- Lorelei?

Lorelei has an engagement.

Maybe Dani Summers might.

- No, it must be Lorelei.

- Very well.

Tomorrow evening then.

Discipline?

8:30.

8:30 would be just fine.

Goodnight.

Sleep warm.

Pep, will you hurry
with the pants?

They're gonna be
here in a minute.

- I know, I'm trying, Bill.

I'm not very good
at this, I told you.

Sure glad I found my
old sewing kit, though.

Oh, it looks great!

I love yellow and
white, it's fantastic.

Uh, Merry Christmas?

- You know how
hard it is to find a sign

that says happy six
years on the force, Pep?

- I'll buy that.

Besides, that's all they had.

- Where are we gonna get a tree?

Oh.

There's that sewing kit.

I'll hurry, Bill, I'm sorry.

- Anyway, like I
was tryin' to tell ya,

I'll pick you up
at 3:30 tomorrow.

- Tomorrow?

- Is there an echo in here?

- Tomorrow is a legal holiday.

I'm not going near
the department.

- See, what did I tell ya, huh?

Well.

Don't let 'em in.

Fix the pants, don't let 'em...

- What am I gonna tell 'em?

That I moved?

Happy anniversary!

- Oh, you weren't supposed
to bring any presents.

Oh, how chic, Crowley.

- How are you feeling?

Gee, your momma
dresses you funny.

- Hi, how are you?

Oh, I told you no presents.

- Um...

Excuse me.

Is this, ah, ah,
these yours, William?

- No, ah, it's, ah, nothing.

- Yeah.

- Well if we interruptin'.

- I'm fixing it.

See, the zipper broke.

- I broke my zipper, okay?

- I understand.

If we interruptin',
we'll, you know...

- No, I'm almost finished.

Harriet, come over here.

Let's get our food.

You waitin' for a bus?

- Hey, William, do me
a favor, will ya, please?

What?

- Save me the last waltz.

- Uh, Pep?

Listen, I got the deviled eggs.

They're all cooling.

Anyway, wait on
the beef stroganoff.

You're gonna lose your pants.

Don't eat too many of those.

Harriet.

- Sorry I don't have any caviar,

but you know how it is.

- Will you sit down,
please, honey?

Please hurry with the pants.

- I'm trying.

I'm not very good at this.

- All right, now about tomorrow.

- Read my lips.

I am off, off.

- Diamonds, diamonds,
lots of diamonds.

- I'm on.

- That's what I thought.

I'll pick you up at 3:30.

I'll take you, take you
personally to stolen property.

- Talk some more
about the diamonds.

- Sit down.

- Convince me.

- We're gonna get diamonds
and private property.

We're gonna get lots
and lots of diamonds.

Diamond rings, diamond
pins, diamond brooches.

- More, more.

- Sew, sew.

- Then I got a little job...
- Ouch!

- Don't bleed on the pants.

- I'm sorry.

- Then I got a
little job for ya.

- Do I have to do it?

- Yes.
- Okay.

- You and the diamonds
are gonna pay a little visit

to Hilary LaSalle.

- Is that a name or an
entry in the Grand Prix?

- That's a madame.

- Madame?

- Isn't that something
for ad vice?

Ordinarily, yeah.

But in this case...

I bet I know who it is.

- Very interesting.

- Oh, thank you.

Come on in, everybody.

Oh, come, hi!

I didn't know you'd all show up.

- What?

- I don't care what anyone says.

You wear that.

- Yeah.

- Although I think a
little hibiscus would be

very nice behind the left ear.

- Pep, I think there's ah,

Peter, I think there's a bowl of

avocado peanut
butter over there.

- Oh, thank you kindly, sir.

- Hey, Pep?

- I think I love
it the best of all.

Isn't this fantastic?

- Would you give it to Ilene?

- Oh, here, Ilene.

Would you put it over on the...

- Why don't you make
yourselves some drinks.

I got something for
your hostess to do.

Sit down and drink.

- All right, I'm trying.

- Now let's finish this.

- Okay, now you know what?
- I'll talk and you...

- You're the hit of the party.

- Yeah?

- I've got some
earrings upstairs

that would go
great with that outfit.

- Earrings with a hibiscus?

Are you mad?

- Now what is that about madame?

- Yes, it's madame.

You're right.

Ordinarily it would
be a job for ad vice.

But in this case
there's a kicker.

Blackmail.

- Oh.

- We've got a letter
today from a john

that said that Hilary
LaSalle has been

taken him for a lot of bread.

- Who?

- Anonymous.

Why didn't we ask
him to the party?

- I'll talk, you sew, okay?

- Anyway, we've
lifted a full set of prints

from the letter and
see how it checks out.

- Meanwhile Pepper
goes into her hooker act.

- Look at it this way.

Where else can
you get paid so good

for lying down on your job?

- Bad, bad.

- Green thread?

- It'll go with your earrings.

I gotta get the door.

- Who knows,
maybe I'll get lucky.

Wrong.

- Evening, Crowley.

- Hey, Doc, how are ya?

Come on in.

Hi, Nellie.

Hey, good seein' ya.

Hey, how are ya?

- Are you wearing
pantyhose, too?

- I warn ya, Doc.

One word, you're gonna be
performing your own autopsy.

- Oh, no, no, no.

I wasn't going to
say a thing, honestly.

Ma'am.

- Pepper!

Excuse me.

Pardon me.

- It's all right.

No, let's save the
cake till later, all right?

That'd be nice.

It's delicious.

- Isn't that good?

- I got it over...

- Just give me the pants.

Pep, I don't care if they're...

- They're finished,
they're finished.

Only trouble is the
zipper works only one way.

- A Miss Van Buren to see you.

- Van Buren?

Not Dear Abby?

- No, Paula.

- Oh, oh yes,
that's the girl that

Lucy Stone Cipher recommended.

- I don't like that
Stone Cipher of woman.

She's got no class.

- Oh, Celia, don't
be such a snob.

You can't judge our
colleagues like that.

- She ain't no
colleague of mine.

Here, let Miss Van Buren in.

- Miss LaSalle?

Miss Van Buren.

- Paula.

Oh.

- And it's Mrs.

- Ah, yes, Lucy did tell
me you were married.

And she did say
something very strange, too.

- Well, I'm not surprised.

Lucy's so dingy,
what did she say?

- That you were happily married.

- Oh, well yes, that's true.

Whatever else Lucy is,
she's a reliable gossip.

- I see.

Well, in my business
that's good to know.

You do see why I thought
it was strange, though.

- What, for a happily
married woman

to want to do a little
extracurricular hooking?

- Oh, please don't
say that word.

It's horrendous.

Bad for the morale.

- Okay, what
else do you call it?

- Moonlighting?

- Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm only available for day work.

- Oh, that's too bad.

- Why?

- Well, we cater to
the tired businessman,

and they usually only
get tired around, oh well,

when the sun's
over the yard arm.

- I see you've
known a few sailors.

- Yachtsmen, honey.

There's a difference.

It's called Dun and Bradstreet.

Have you ever
been a working girl?

- On the street?

- I mean on call.

- No.

To tell you the truth,

this would be, if you would
pardon the expression,

my maiden effort.

Of course once in
awhile there's been

a little quid pro quo maybe for

a couple of weeks in the
Caribbean, that sort of thing,

but no, no money ever
changed hands, no.

- Then why now?

- Bills.

I'm afraid I'm a
credit card junkie.

My husband's a customer's man.

Good address, big front,

but you know how the
stock market's been lately.

- Those diamonds are
not exactly chopped liver.

- Those diamonds
are not exactly paid for.

We were sinking
very quietly and, uh,

somebody had to do something.

- What about your husband?

- He won't know.

And he knows better than to ask.

- Well, then I guess we're set.

Just one little formality.

This is Jule.

- How do you do?

- Jule Buck.

He's our security officer.

And he doubles in
brass sometimes, too.

He helps me with recruiting.

I do the office interview.

And he does the field test.

You'll be graded
on attitude, aptitude,

enthusiasm, coordination,

physical ability, and well
maybe most important of all,

imagination.

Our clientele is
very discerning.

They pay us very
well for our services

and we don't want
to disappoint them.

I'm sure you understand.

- Oh.

- Well, Jule.

- Sure, Hilary.

But if you want me to be here
for your friend's appointment,

you gotta remember,
these things take time.

- Oh yes, I forgot
the appointment.

Mr. P.

Well, I want you
here for that one.

How about tomorrow
afternoon, same time?

- Oh, perfect.

I'll be here.

- Here, I'll show you out.

- I know the way.

- 12Y50, 12Y50.

- 50, yeah what's up, Pep?

- Well, A, it was fun.

B, it's a fancy house.

Accent fancy.

C, she's a madame all right.

The whole thing's a real
Park Avenue operation.

And footnote, I passed
the office interview.

- I never doubted you would.

Pep, you came through
loud and clear on the far-go.

- Then you know all I
have left is the field test.

Yeah, how about that?

- Hey, Bill, come
to think of it,

if that 250 pound beach boy
hadn't had an appointment,

you'd a let me go through
with it, wouldn't you?

- Well you know, Pep,

it's probably just as well
he was busy because

that'll give us a chance
to get together tonight

and concentrate
on your aptitude,

coordination, physical ability,

and most especially
your imagination.

What do you say?

- I don't think I'm gonna
have to work too hard

on my imagination.

Too bad you couldn't
see that gorgeous

hunk of beach
boy on your far-go.

- Pepper, listen.

Pete called in.

The prints on the
blackmail note have been

traced to a banker
named Cromwell.

- Yeah?

They're bringing 'em in.

I'll race you back to the farm.

- Mr. Patri?

You people just don't know
how to take no for an answer.

- And you people
just don't understand

the advantages of
doing business with us.

- Advantages?

We do all the work and
you get half the money?

What's the advantage of that?

- Protection.

You see, with us, you never
have to worry about the heat.

- Oh come on.

You've been watching
the Late Show again.

That was a bad line
when Bogie said it.

Of course you
wouldn't know that.

You were just a kid

strong-arming
blonde pencil peddlers.

- Oh, Hilary, Hilary, Hilary.

You know,

you got a beautiful,
beautiful set of caps.

Now how would you
like to pick 'em up

out of the carpet?

- Subtle, subtle.

Look, for the last time,

I do not want to put in
with your organization.

I'm old-fashioned.

A small town Republican
independent businesswoman.

I believe in free enterprise
and I'm not greedy.

Good food, good fur,

a little travel and
something to put aside

for my old age.

- Which you'll never see

if you don't get wise.

- Get out of here.

- Are you Sergeant Crowley?

That's right.

- My name is Cromwell.

I was told to come here.

- Yes, Mr. Cromwell,
have a seat.

- Look, I have very little time.

- Yes, sir, I appreciate that,

so just take a seat, please.

This won't take long.

- Now what's this all about?

- Well, we'd like to talk to you

about this letter you sent us.

- What letter?

This letter.

- So?

I never wrote this letter.

I've never seen this before.

- Mr. Cromwell, you might
as well have signed it.

Your fingerprints were
all over the original.

- If I could have some water?

Oh, of course.

- Why didn't you
sign this, Cromwell?

- Well, obviously, I,

I didn't want to get involved.

- Hello, darling.

How are you?

- Hello, Hilary.

- Draw me a bath, please.

I'll be up shortly.

- Oh, it's time for me to...

- Now listen.

The bus leaves every 20 minutes.

And by the way,

put back that piece of
china before you leave.

It's a good thing she
knows how to make a bed.

If she had to
depend on her toting,

as my dear
grandmother used to say,

she'd starve to death.

- Her stealing?

How about you, Hilary?

- I'm a businesswoman.

And you do have
something for me, don't you?

Oh, don't get so
panicky, Mr. Andrews.

There's nobody here
but Dani, Lorelei and me.

The girls are all
at the Excelsior.

- Big night on the
town for your ladies.

- Well, a big space convention.

Your therapist is waiting.

This is enough
for the treatment,

but nothing on account?

- On what account?

- On account of your
campaign, Assemblyman.

- You seem to
have all the answers.

- Your discipline tonight
will be in the governor's suite.

You know where that is.

Why not aim for the top?

With your smile
and my discretion,

you may make it yet.

- You've been such a bad boy.

- Hilary LaSalle's
been blackmailing you.

- She had been, yes.

- What does she
have on you, sir?

I mean, it's not
uncommon for a banker

or a politician, businessman
to frequent a brothel.

What does she have on you?

- I have a tendency
towards masochism.

- I see.

I've heard that she
specializes in offbeat sex.

- She has pictures.

Pathetic.

Grown man being beaten.

Enjoying it.

- Who did she plan to
show these pictures to?

Your wife?

- My wife?

Yes.

You see, my wife was
very ill these past few years.

She died recently

and it's over now.

- What would you
like for us to do with

this information, Mr. Cromwell?

- I'm not the only one.

Hilary keeps a record.

A regular who's
who in big business.

Names.

Dates.

Preferences.

- Trick book.

- What?

- They call it a trick book.

- This one must
be worth a fortune.

- Yeah.

- Mr. Cromwell, would you be

willing to testify against her?

Before you answer that,
let me tell you something.

Once you go into court,

all these details become a
matter of public knowledge.

Would you be willing to testify?

- Yes.

- Well, Hil, old girl.

You may be damned,

but the road to hell is
some kind of freeway.

What are you doing here?

Get out of here.

What are you doing?

Are you crazy?

Don't do that!

Ah!

Will you tell me
exactly what did

take place when you
got here this morning?

Well, I went to her bedroom.

I guess we'll never know how you

field test would turn out.

Stay on top of the
ladies and when you get

that report you check
back here, okay?

- Joe?

- Yeah, we talked to
the security people.

They say anybody
that anybody can get

in the service entrance.

All they needed was a key.

- Okay, if McKnight
calls, I'll be in the back.

- I got it, man.

- One call, please.

Right away.

- Right away, yeah?

- Yeah.

- Did you suspect anything
when you first got here?

I mean, was there
anything unusual going on?

No, there wasn't.

- Didn't happen to find
her trick book, did you?

- No.

There's these, though.

Looks like love notes.

Yeah.

- Typed love notes?

- Looks like they
all look typed.

Maybe he had
reason to type them.

- Neither of these
have Hilary's name

and neither of them
have signatures.

- Yeah, that's
what this has, too.

This might be something.

A reference to an
Emily as our friend,

Emily might've put it,

our love is like et cetera,
et cetera, et cetera.

- This one has a
reference to an Emily, too.

It says I spent half
the night talking about

you with Emily.

- Looks like he might've had
another lady friend of sorts.

Confidante, whatever.

- Whatever.

- We better find
out who Emily is.

- Well, you turned her up.

You find out who she is.

- How long have you been
working for Miss LaSalle?

- About eight, nine months.

- How'd you meet her?

- One of the girls
I was goin' with.

She introduced us.

- Who?

I asked you who.

- I don't remember.

- Will you tell us under oath?

- Hey, am I under oath?

That's Lorelei Frank,
Hilary's star performer.

- Yes, after I finished,
she had gone.

- Appointment?

- Patient, client,
take your pick.

You mind if I smoke?

- Yes, I do.

- Well, that's too bad.

- They're gonna
get you before I do.

- She's a real
beauty, isn't she?

- Yeah.

- Just exactly what kind
of work are you into?

I'm a therapist.

Oh yeah, far out.

Are you a therapist, too?

- Am I?

- She's what we
call a lay therapist.

I'm a specialist in
sexual dysfunction.

- And you have
papers and diplomas.

- Oh, yes.

A BA in English Lit and
a master's in Fine Arts.

- Your client, what
was his name?

- I don't know.

- Yes, you do.

You know that cute one that...

- Our services are
highly confidential.

They never reveal
the correct name.

- Well, but surely you recognize
your patients sometimes.

- Well, yes, but then
we have to be discreet.

Ours is a business
that is built on trust.

- We have some love
letters to your boss.

You know anything about them?

- No.

You?

- No, no.

- See, in a couple of them
there's a mention of an Emily.

You know an Emily?

- No.

- No, I never heard of one.

- Any other of her
fellow therapists

or friends named Emily?

- None of them.

- I know this may seem
a little hard to believe,

but Hilary didn't have
very many friends.

At least none that
we know about.

She was a very private person.

- I sure hope that
blonde doesn't smoke.

I'd hate to see anything
happen to her lungs.

- Look, how could I see her?

I was at the hotel all night.

- With the girls?

- Well, sort of like to
protect them, you know?

I mean, some of these old goats,

they get a little enthusiastic.

I just stick around in case
the girls need any help.

Hey, no strong arm stuff.

That went out
with narrow lapels.

- Well, you must wear a
lot of old clothes, buddy.

Says here that
you were picked up

for aggravated assault
eight months ago.

- Doesn't it also say
that the collar didn't stick?

You could've left
the hotel without

anybody knowing and returning.

Could you?

- Look, I was at the hotel.

- Okay.

What about the girls?

Were they all present
and accounted for

at the hotel last night?

- Yeah, sure.

- Are you sure about that?

- No, wait a minute.

One of them was missin'.

- Emily?

- Emily who?

- Okay, who was it?

- Her Japanese girl,
Princess Hanako.

Hey, it's just as well.

She's gettin' to be
a royal pain anyway.

- Get both these tapes on
paper as soon as possible.

- I doubt they'll tell us much.

- Well, this tells us
we better start looking

for Miss Hanako.

- Princess.

- I'll bet.

- You see those biceps?

- Yeah, but he's
got little feet.

The body of Hilary LaSalle,

one of California's
most prominent

and successful madames
was found submerged

in her bathtub.

Lying in the water next
to her was a hair dryer

which someone had
possibly tossed into the water.

The body was found
at about 10 o'clock

this morning at LaSalle's
plush establishment

in Wildwood Estates
where the police are now

in the process of rounding
up and questioning

all of the murdered
madame's girls.

Miss Celia Jackson,
the dead woman's maid,

arrived for work and
brought a breakfast tray

up to the victim's bedroom.

Miss Jackson
immediately phoned police.

Also being questioned is a
bouncer named Julius Buck.

- I don't believe Buck's story.

Bill, what do you think?

- I think he'd have
to be awfully stupid

to go knockin' Hilary off.

For him that was
a pretty good job.

An awful lot of work,
you know what I mean?

- Yeah, but did you see
the reaction I got from him

when I talked to him about
jumpin' out of the hotel?

- You gotta remember,

you're not dealing with
a mental giant here.

His brains have slipped
down to his deltoids.

- If you say so.

- Hey, listen.

Let's see what you can
pick up on this Jule Buck.

Get in there and dig.

I just feel he knows a lot
more than he's tellin' us.

- You got it.

Hey, Pep?

- Here, half a.

Have you noticed
since women's lib

there are no clean cups?

- First Rose and now Hefney.

I think you're
ready for a vacation.

Here, I'll take that.

- Oh.

- Would you settle for
two weeks in Inglerod?

- Definitely.

- Or I got a freebie in
the mail this morning

compliments of Pete Royster.

Dinner for two at
the Apple Valley

Prune and Avocado Ranch Hill.

How about that?

- I hear it's pretty good.

Isn't that down the
road from Dale and Roy?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, I'd like to
go there sometime.

- Did you know that
they had Trigger stuffed?

- With what?

Don't answer that.

Here's the lab report
on the fingerprints

from the love letters.

Because of the porous
nature of the paper,

no prints of sufficient
quality emerged.

Smudges.

- That's great.

- And no Hanako, no Emily.

- Well, we're off
to a flying stop.

What's your
conclusion, Dr. Watson?

- Well, the problem
is it's too simple.

The killer/thief was
someone who was

being blackmailed by the victim

and wanted the book,

or by someone who wanted
the book and the business.

- And?

- And what?

- The biggest prize of all.

The blackmailing concession.

- No!

No, I can't wait!

Now you've gotta get
over here right now.

Listen, Jule, they're
gonna be here any minute.

Now please, I have
to see you now.

- Yeah, all right.

Yeah, cool it.

Just give me time
to take a shower.

- She was married?

- Yes, married.

Now here's a trip.

Tell Bill that Jule Buck
and Hilda Shlager,

AKA Hilary LaSalle,

were married last week in Reno.

Right.

Only they wanted
to keep it a secret,

but they were partying
with a couple of hookers

from their ranch at Searchlight

and the whole group was
busted on disorderly conduct.

Some wedding party.

Hey!

Hey you!

Miss! Miss!

- Pete!

Pete, don't, don't yell.

- Officer!

This is really a trip, Pep.

I'm gonna get a parking
ticket if I don't split.

- Wait a minute, don't hang up.

What did you find out
about Princess Hanako?

- Uh, Japanese hooker.

Well, I just talked
with the landlady

and she said that the
last time she saw her

was yesterday at noon.

I gotta split, Pep.

I'll see ya.

Officer! Officer!

Lorelei?

- Well, well, if it
isn't Mr. America.

- Where's Lorelei?

- She split.

- Where's the book?

- What book?

- What book.

Now look, don't play
dumb with me, Muscles.

I want Hilary's trick book

and you know where she kept it.

- I don't know where it is,

and even if I did, you...

- Oh, oh, pardon me, Mr. Buck.

I'd like you to meet a
couple of associates of mine.

This is Mr. Leary
and Mr. Chaucer.

Gentlemen, do
whatever's necessary.

- Oh!

Oh!

Ah!

- Hey, calm down.

Now where's the book?

Did you make him?

- Yeah, it's Buck, all right.

What about the other guy?

Man says no ID.

- Hey, Bill?

I got an idea.

Remember those
Errol Flynn movies

where he and Basil
Rathbone or Claude Rains

use to fence around
the castle until one of 'em

would run out onto the
balcony and dive into the moat?

- Yeah, my mother
told me about 'em.

- Well, I figure
that either Mr. X

or Buck was in there
looking for something,

and Errol Flynn came
in and caught him.

- Looking for what, Lorelei?

- Lorelei or the trick book

missing from Hilary's.

- Mmm-hmm.

Then what do you think happened?

- Well, I think
they got into a fight

and they both took a
dive into the dry moat.

What do you think?

- I think you OD'd
on the late, late show.

Sergeant Crowley?

- Yeah.

- This is Sergeant Crowley.

This is Mr. Meservey.

He lives next door.

- How do you do, sir?

You live next door here, sir?

- Yes, right next door.

- Were you aware of any
disturbance to this apartment?

- Oh, Lord, yes.

First I thought it
was an earthquake.

I've been through
three of those out here.

- Did you see anything?

- No, I was asleep
during the big one in '71.

It threw me out of bed.

- No sir, I mean did you
see any part of the fight?

- No, I stood under an
archway until it was all over.

They say it's safer
under an arch.

- Uh, yeah.

- Did you see anything here?

Later, like out in the hall?

- Oh, well I did
open the door, yes.

And two men were
runnin' towards the stairs.

- Can you describe them?

- One was big and ugly.

The other one slighter,
but he was better dressed,

and had a piece of
tape across his nose.

- Here.

- No, it was in Long Beach.

We were livin' in Long
Beach when the earthquake

hit in '33.

Oh, now there was
really a day to remember.

We all went down to the
beach to watch the tidal wave.

I mean, standin' on a
high dune, of course.

Yeah, yeah.

- How are ya, Albert?

You're looking very
well with your long lashes

and kind of the ears
and looking very tall.

- Eglash?

- Micheal Eglash.

Private investigator, retired.

At your service.

My friends call me Mike.

- I don't like this.

- What?

- Meeting in the open.

- Grass, fresh air, friends,

reptilian and otherwise.

Don't talk back to 'em.

Perfect place for meditation.

Besides, doctor's orders
since the pacemaker.

Make yourself comfortable.

This is my office.

Now, what can I do for you, sir?

- I want Hilary
LaSalle's trick book

before the police and
the newspapers get it.

And you said on the
phone you could help me.

Somebody has that
book and I want it.

I want it very much.

- How very much?

$10,000, possibly?

Mmm.

I just may be able to help you.

- I'll go around the other side.

You take this side.

Miss Summers?

- That's it.

Keep comin'.

Get right over, that's good.

Come on.

- What do you want?

- Miss Summers,
you're a material witness.

Now I warned you not
to change addresses

without notifying us.

What the hell are
you doing on this boat?

- I'm not changing addresses,

I'm just hidin' out
on my friend's boat.

After Jule was
murdered, I got scared.

You can understand
that, can't you.

- What makes you
think he was murdered?

- Because somebody
threw him off that balcony.

Jule would never
kill himself, never.

- Well, do you think
that same somebody

might've been looking
for Hilary's trick book?

- I don't know
anything about that.

- You wouldn't happen to have
it, would you, Miss Summers?

- I told you I don't know
anything about that.

- Tell us what
happened to Lorelei.

- I don't know what
happened to Lorelei.

I don't, I don't know
anything about her.

What about this
Japanese girl Hanako?

Where's she?

- She had a beef with Hilary.

- About what?

- I don't know.

- Do you know an Emily?

- Emily?

Everybody keeps
asking me about a Emily.

I don't know any Emily.

This is 10853
Delaware, isn't it?

- Who are you and
what do you want?

I know who I am.

I also know you're
not Celia Jackson.

- Hey, look.

Why don't you ask one
of the other girls, huh?

- Because you were
Lorelei's best friend.

- I wasn't her best friend.

We were just friends.

- Where is she from?

- I don't know, back
east somewhere.

- Where?

- Vermont, Massachusetts.

One of those college towns.

- Wellesley, Bennington, where?

- I don't remember.

- Miss Pierce, isn't it?

I was married after that.

- Whatever your name
is, that's not important.

What is important is that, uh,

may I?

That history has a nasty
habit of repeating itself.

Criminal psychologists
call it recidivism.

Just means that a crook...

- I ain't no crook.

- No.

I've heard that
somewhere before.

Well, it doesn't matter.

You see, a crook
commits the same crime

over and over again.

As a group, criminals don't
have much imagination.

- Mr. English...

- Eglash.

- It's gettin' late.

I wish you'd get out of here.

- Oh, this won't take long.

Where's the book?

- She was broke
and she was drinking

pretty heavily when we met.

So I showed her
how to do a few tricks

and she learned really fast.

- She probably had a natural
aptitude and imagination.

That's hard to come by.

- Anyway, then
we went with Hilary

and Lorelei began to specialize.

You know, handle
the kinkier tricks.

The ones who were into pain.

- Did she discuss
her tricks with you?

- Oh yeah, she talked about 'em.

She even laughed about 'em.

She thought they were
stupid and ridiculous.

She even thought
they were pathetic.

But you know what?

I think she liked that.

I think she liked hurting,

a little bit anyway.

- Did she ever mention
any names to you?

- Oh yeah, sure.

She talked about The
Snake and Baby Blue Eyes.

- Dani, we need real names.

- You never use real names.

That's no-no number one.

- Several years ago,

almost 20 in fact, this
colleague, now deceased,

then living in Chicago,

had a very interesting case.

He was hired by a
prominent brothel keeper

to recover her
stolen trick book.

It turned out to be
in the possession

of a young black maid
who had been sacked

by the madame for pilferage.

Her name was Sarah Pierce.

- I wasn't busted for that.

- Oh, I know.

The madame had
a forgiving heart.

She didn't relish the publicity,

but she did make it
clear that you were

to get out of Chicago.

Right, Sarah?

- All right, about this
Hanako, the Japanese girl.

Where is she?

- Hanako?

Oh, you don't
think she really had

anything to do with it, do you?

- She's gone.

You told me she
had a beef with Hilary.

- Hey, look.

I don't know what it was about.

I don't know anything
about any of this.

But whoever it
is may think I do.

I'm scared.

Can I leave town?

Get out of here, go back home?

- Miss Summers,
you're material witness.

I'm taking you into
protective custody.

I want you available.

- I'm looking for a
missing trick book.

It would be worth, say, $2000
to me, no questions asked.

- You must be crazy, man.

Insane.

- Most people think so.

$2000, I'm
willing to pay for it.

There are others, I'm sure,

are quite willing
to kill for it.

Good day, Sarah.

- Who is it?

- Evelyn and her magic violin.

You wanna fiddle around?

- Come on in.

If I'd a known you were coming,

I'd a put on something decent.

- You kidding?

This is the last place that...

- Never mind.

- What you up to?

- Homework.

- I should think you'd know
these things by heart by now.

- Love letters.

A painting by a missing witness.

There's something here, Bill.

We just haven't found it yet.

- Like what, like Emily?

- For one.

Department shrink
come up with anything?

- Are you kidding?

All they ever come up
with is bad toilet training.

- Oh, ye of little faith.

- But we have.

- Faith?

- Nope.

We have come up with something.

A little information.

- Well, go, what
are you expecting?

A famine?

- We have identified the
hood who fell off the balcony

with Jule Buck.

- Well, go on.

- Should be worth a drink
or something, shouldn't it?

- So far you've only
earned a root beer.

- He was a syndicate soldier.

One of Leo Patri's troops.

- Five bedrooms, a huge pool,

a rumpus room that makes a
polar lounge look like a wet bar.

Almost room for a tennis court.

Yeah, it's a beauty,
Mrs. Gayling.

And we can whittle
him down on the price.

He's in the middle
of a terrible divorce.

Good.

I'll have Susan pick you
up in the morning at 9:30.

Not even married.

Yes, Lois.

My wife called?

What else?

Sergeant Anderson?

Tell my wife I'll call her back.

Send him in.

Cops here.

- Brinker, I'm
Sergeant Anderson.

You're?

I just said to Lois
out there, send him in.

- It happens all the time.

I'm sorry I've kept you waiting.

- That's all right.

Coffee?

- No, thank you.

- How about some yogurt?

You know, it's
good for my ulcers.

And it doesn't
taste too bad, either.

- No thank you.

- I've got strawberry,
raspberry...

- I don't care for
anything, thank you.

You sure?

- I'm on duty.

- Oh, what can I do for you?

- I need your help,
your expertise.

- My expertise?

I've been accused of a
lot of things in my time,

but being an expert
was not one of them.

- I hear quite the opposite,

that you're one of the
most knowledgeable men

in the business.

And Mr. Brinker, I am working
on the LaSalle murder case,

and I need some...

- Mmm, oh yes, a madame.

- Yes.

- Look, I get around a little,

but I haven't met
that particular lady.

- No, that's...

- Are you sure you
don't want some yogurt?

You know, you look
like a pineapple girl.

- No, thank you very much.

I'll tell you what I
do want, though.

It's, I have a painting here.

- Yeah.

- This is done by one of
Miss LaSalle's girls, we think.

- Oh.

- And it's possible she
also has been murdered.

Now it may be nothing, but...

- But you like to
check into everything.

That's right.

I don't know it.

It's not us.

- Us?

- Southern California.

This area is choked
with ersatz styles.

Ersatz Spanish, Chateau, Tudor.

Even ersatz ersatzs.

This particular type, with
these double chimneys,

square cupula, general feel,

I doubt you'd find
it anywhere within

a thousand miles of here.

For one thing, it's
built for cold winters.

- Well, we've had a few.

All right, Mr...

- You know, Sergeant,
I could be wrong.

I'm more of a hustler
than an expert,

but I've got a brother-in-law,

Morris the architect,
a pain in the...

You should excuse
the expression,

but a brilliant guy.

Maybe if I show this
to him, you know?

- I'd appreciate it.

- Can I keep this?

- Yes, we have copies.

Thank you.

- Ugh, did you make that?

- Yeah.

But you drink too
much coffee anyway.

It's bad for your liver.

Why don't you try some yogurt?

- There's not enough
caffeine in yogurt.

- Listen, tell me, do I
look like a pineapple girl?

- Uh, well, I don't know.

If I had to describe
you in fruity terms,

I might say some tomato

or bananas, for sure.

Pineapple, never.

Why?

- Uh, it's not important.

I dropped off the picture.

- Oh, what did the guy say?

- He'll show it to his
experts and get back to us.

- Mmm.

Crowley, yeah?

Aberduce Canyon?

Huh, okay, listen.

Get us a chopper, will ya?

Seymour, we'll pay for it.

When?

Never mind.

We could drive to Tahoe by then.

- Go powder your nose.

We're gonna take a
little trip to the desert.

- How come we never
get to go to Lake Tahoe?

What was she doing out
here in the middle of nowhere?

How the hell do I know?

The DMV says the car's
registered to Lorelei Frank.

Are you sure you know
where you're going?

Do I always?

- According to the map,
we've already passed it.

- Probably got it upside down.

Couldn't of passed
it, there'd be a sign.

- Maybe it blew down.

- Maybe.

Hey, here we go.

What'd you find?

A sign.

Which way was it pointing?

I don't know.

I'll tell you in a minute.

Mmm-hmm.

It's pointing that way.

- How do you know?

- Well, because
in these canyons,

the wind always
blows from the west.

You can tell by the way
the sign is weathered

it was pointing that way.

- You're a regular
Sherlock Holmes.

- That's right.

Besides, I've been here before.

Sergeant Crowley.

- Sergeant, I'm Butch.

Partner's Ramirez.

Hi, Butch.

Sergeant Anderson.

- Hi.

Eh, look at that.

Yup.

How'd you guys end up
out here in the first place?

- We weren't.

Chopper spotted it
about a couple hours ago.

They called us, we
called your office.

Found this near the car.

- Was there anybody in there?

- Nah, no bodies.

- Nobody, huh?

- Nah.

- Nobody around at all?

- A lot of blood on the
floor and on the front seat.

That's about it.

You want to take a look?

Ah, Bill?

Yeah?

- Just come here a second.

- I'll be right down.

What?

- What does this
look like to you?

- Let's see.

Looks like a buckle
on one of my shoes.

No, no way, not
one of your shoes.

This is a very expensive buckle

off a handmade Italian loafer.

We know any hoods
around here who would

wear shoes like that?

- What about our
fancy dresser Leo Patri?

- Patri?

Patri, now what
did Pete say about...

- Wait a minute, wait a
minute, wait a minute.

Yeah?

- The other night.

Didn't he say somebody
spotted Patri in a nightclub?

- That's right.

And he had a bandage
just like this across

the ridge of his nose.

Yeah, that's the bandage.

- Try this on for size.

You remember the guy next
door to Lorelei Frank's apartment?

- The earthquake friend.

- Yeah.

My buddy?

- Yeah.

- Didn't he say that
one of the hoods

running down the hall

had a bandage across
the ridge of his nose?

- I wonder if Leo
is missing a buckle.

- Let's go look at the car.

- Your money.

First the merchandise.

- I want five.

- I said two, two thousand.

- It could be worth
10 times that.

- Could be worth a
ticket to the morgue.

- Five.

- Three.

- Three.

- What are you gonna
do with all this money?

- Go away.

- To Chicago?

Sarah?

I would've given you the five.

- Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, Eglash.

Yeah, I get the
word that he's had,

hey, hey, easy, easy.

I get the word he's
had some conversations

with Hilary LaSalle's maid.

Uh-huh.

Maybe you should find out why.

Okay, later.

- Channing Andrews here.

Eglash here.

Our labors have been rewarded.

- Got it?

Yes.

- Where are you?

- Oh, that's not important.

- When can we meet?

- As soon as we can
have a new understanding.

- What new understanding?

We have a deal.

- Well, yes and no.

- $10,000.

I have the cash.

- 20 times that.

- $200,000?

You're insane.

- Everybody seems
to agree on that.

Crazy, maybe, but not stupid.

You know, Hilary
LaSalle's style is not

unlike that of Truman Capote.

And when she describes
your sexual peculiarities,

good old Marky must
be spinning in his grave.

Mr. Andrews, I
underestimated you.

- Eglash.

That's enough.

- Then there's the bishop.

- I don't want to hear that.

- The chairman of the board.

Well, and the fellow who
produces the children's pictures.

- Will you please stop?

- I consider myself
a worldly man,

but this little treasure trove
has opened my eyes too late.

My pacemaker couldn't take it.

I'd blow a fuse.

Too late, too late.

$200,000.

- That's a small fortune.

- I'm not a greedy man.

A small fortune's
all I ever aspired to.

- I don't have that
kind of money.

I know that.

- I can't raise that
kind of money.

- A future governor?

You underestimate yourself.

- May I speak to Sergeant
Anderson, please?

Oh, she's not?

Well, this is Celia Jackson.

Would you give her
a message for me?

- Audrey hangs out at a
place called the Frontenac.

I hear he's a sucker
for a pretty ankle.

- An ankle man.

Oh, what a change.

- Eh, some girls like
their share of the bod.

Hey, Joe.

- Hey, William.

- Got anything?

- Pepper, just got a
call from Celia Jackson.

She's leaving town.

She thinks she knows
who wrote those love letters.

- Who?

- She didn't say.

- I think she wants
to sell the information.

- Mrs. Jackson?

Mrs. Jackson?

Mrs. Jackson?

- Mrs. Jackson?

- Bill.

- Yeah?

- Good morning.

- Morning.

Hey, get me a cup of
coffee, will ya, please?

How'd you make out
with the real estate guy?

- Nothing on the house.

Those LaSalle letters I must've
read a couple dozen times.

- And?

- Nothing.

At least I'm consistent.

- Well...

What do you say
we try a different tact?

- Leo Patri.

- Very good.

- I get to meet him.

- That's right, you
get to meet him.

- Every day about
four o'clock he heads

over to the Frontenac
hotel gym for a workout.

Then he takes a dip in the pool

and then he looks
for a little action.

- And I'm it.

- Who looks better in a bikini?

- You do.

- Actually, that's true.

But I don't think I'm his type.

- And I suppose I get
to go in alone again?

- Nope.

I got Barbara Stern
and Mickey from vice.

They're gonna go in with ya.

Also, I sprang Paul Roberts
from robbery homicide

and Lee Adam from ad narc.

They're gonna make
like a couple of johns.

- He's cute.

- Who's cute?

- Both of 'em.

Here, have some more jam.

- Thank you.

Yeah, Crowley.

Yeah.

Spell that.

I-C-H-I?

R-O-S-H, Shirato?

Yeah, great.

Okay.

That was Hughes.

We got a lead on Hanako,
the missing Japanese hooker.

Where are the guys?

- Pete's having
breakfast at Joe's.

- At Joe's?

What's the matter
with you this morning?

You're all out of sorts.

- Nobody offered
me any breakfast.

- How about half a bagel?

- Thanks, a half.

- Hello?

Oh hi, Bill, how are you?

- I'm fine.

The question is how are you?

- Well, I was due
day before yesterday.

Which means it'll probably come

sometime next month.

- Is Joe there, honey?

- Oh yeah, sure.

Hold on a moment.

Joe?

- Yeah.

- It's Bill, honey.

- Bill who?

- Mmmwah.

Thank you.

Yeah, William, what is it?

- Listen.

I just got a call from
Hughes in intelligence.

Princess Hanako, that's right.

She's been spotted
holing up in an apartment

at 535 Fifth Street.

It's rented by a cousin of hers.

A guy named Ichiro Shirato.

- Hi, we're with the
police department.

I'm Investigator
Royster and this is...

- Styles.

Investigator Styles.

- We're here looking for
your cousin, Hanako Shirato.

Cousin?

- You don't speak English?

Hey.

It's the LA Times, Pete.

- It's definitely not the
Tokyo Gazette, my friend.

- What, you puttin' us on?

- Where is she, Shirato?

Hold it.

- Get the cuffs on him.

- I'm gettin', hold still.

- I got him!

Hold him right there!

I've got him!

Will you get the cuffs?

- They don't fit, man.

Well, got your belt?

- Yeah.

Hold it, just hold
him, will you?

Hold it.

I got it!

- Where is she?

I don't know how
they ever lost the war.

Why don't you ask him?

- Good afternoon, ladies.

- Oh, hi.

- Hi, Joe.

- Little fun and sun.

What? No tip?

- Not on the budget
Crowley's got us on.

- You know it.

- Yeah, well I'm gonna have
to talk to William about that.

- Mickey?

Thanks.

- Pepper.

Wow, I am getting
burnt to a crisp.

- So are my diamonds.

Just keep using your
suntan lotion till he shows.

- If he shows.

- Start laughing a lot,

nothing in particular.

Our stud's arrived.

- Like the other day.

- That's him, let's go.

- Hi, girls.
- Hi, girls.

Hi.

- You don't mind if
we join you, do you?

- Depends what you have in mind.

- Well, frankly
we're new in town.

Oh, what a coincidence.

So are we.

Were are you from?

Providence.

- Hey, you're from Rhode Island,

aren't you, Barbie?

- Mmm-hmm.

Smallest but the greatest.

You here for a
convention or something?

Mostly or something.

Well, why don't we
go up to my suite

and have a little adventure?

- That sounds great.

See ya later.

- All right, have fun.

- Hi.

Comin' in?

- Uh-uh.

Just had my hair done.

But don't let that stop ya.

Swimming's a great exercise.

- Hey, a guy's
gotta keep in shape.

- Bet you do push ups, too.

- Yeah, among other things.

I'll bet you've heard
it many times before.

- What's that?

- Oh, you're a beautiful woman.

- Every hour on the hour.

- Very beautiful.

- Your record's stuck.

- Nice.

- Mmm-hmm.

- New here, huh?

- How did you know?

- Mmm, come here a lot.

- Oh, you're right.

It's our first time here.

- You and your girlfriends?

- We're models from New York.

- What happened?

7th Avenue gone under?

- All the better French
restaurants were closing down.

And so we came
out here to see what

the life was like.

Snuggle up under
the palms, as it were.

- I see.

And uh,

those were two buyers
that your girlfriends

went snuggling upstairs with.

- In a manner of speaking, yes.

- Mmm.

Tell me something.

What do you specialize in?

Negligees?

- On and off.

- I'm Patri.

Leo Patri.

- As in lion?

- Or tiger, same family.

You're ah?

- Dakota.

Dakota James.

- Boy, that's cute.

- Better than that,
people remember it.

- You know, you
and your friends,

being new here,

not gonna be so
easy gettin' started.

It's a big city.

Might need some
help gettin' clients.

- Buyers.

Thanks, tiger, but we
can take care of ourselves.

- I'm talkin' about
very special buyers.

- Like who?

- Ah, let's say we'll, ah,

we'll talk about that.

- Well, if you'll excuse me,

I have some calls to
make, my own contacts.

Okay?

- I'll be here when
you come back down.

- Well, in case I don't make it,

here's something
to remember me by.

- Yeah, I want to
make a collect call to

New York City.

- I didn't quite
hear what you said.

There was a sudden
noise, a rustle of trees,

or those darling
simians at play.

- No way I can get
that $200,000 together.

- I'd a thought that
your very good friends

might really be
able to help you out

of a small financial and
moral crisis such as this.

- Well, they can't.

I can't ask them to.

- Oh.

Hey, we finally get to see
the Theropithecus gelada.

Hi.

- Look, look, I'm due to
leave for Sacramento today.

- Oh, to serve your
constituents, of course.

Yeah, I too happen to
be one of your constituents

and it wouldn't
bother me one bit

if you were delayed a few days.

But only a few.

- Look, I told ya,
no way I can raise it.

- Look, look for what?

Shouldn't you be looking
at some simple facts?

Fact one, you want the Hilary
LaSalle book very desperately.

Fact two, you don't
want to pay for it.

I really don't understand it.

- Jackson woman.

She's the one, she had it.

Am I right?

- Possibly.

- Did you murder her for it?

- That's not important.

- It's damned important.

- What are you gonna do?

Report me to the authorities?

I'm a private investigator.

You sir, you requested
that I investigate this woman,

and indeed found
she had the book.

I bought it from her.

She was done
away with by a party

or parties unknown who
no doubt wanted the book,

but didn't have the time
or opportunity to find it.

That's my theory.

I'm usually right.

Good day, Mr. Andrews.

- I raise you one anchovy
and two egg salads.

- I'll see that.

- I'm out.

- Well, count me out.

Stakes are a little too high.

- Okay, Sarge, I'm in.

What do you got?

- Full house.

- Come on, Pepper,
that's a choker.

Are you kidding?

- What, you didn't go to
up-your-sleeve school?

All right, come on, open up.

- Naughty time.

Let's go.

- You ready?

Who is it?

Police department.

- I didn't order any.

I didn't order
any of that, either.

- All right, get some
clothes on there, buddy.

Come on.

- What are you doing here?

- Lady, we've been on
to you for a long time.

- Watch your language.

- All right, let's
move it in there.

We're bringing your little
operation to a screeching halt.

Who the hell is
paying for all this?

- All right, would
you get out of here?

This is my suite.

- All right, let's
move it, let's move it.

- I am paid for this apartment.

- Case 21236.

Will the female
defendants please approach

the bench and stand here
alongside the public defender?

The arresting officers,
Sergeant Crowley

and Investigator Royster.

- Right here, Your Honor.

- Right here.

- The defendants
are Dakota James,

Barbara Stern and
Mickey Edwards.

How do they plead, Miss Barlow?

- Innocent, Your Honor.

The charge leaves out one
important piece of information.

- Your Honor, with
all due respect,

ask them if they
had a right, a warrant,

to barge into
our suite like that.

- Sergeant Crowley?

- Well, Your Honor,
we did phone in for one,

but as sometimes happens,

there just wasn't
enough time to pick it up.

- Enough time?

Your Honor, if you want
to know what I think,

I think they are a couple
of perverted voyeurs,

but they picked the
wrong suite because

there was nothing devoye.

- I'm gonna have to
dismiss this charge.

It appears the letter of
the law was not upheld.

And Sergeant Crowley,
Investigator Royster,

I want you to wait
in my chambers.

Case dismissed.

Creep.

Case number 102149.

- Come to get your
kicks here, pussycat?

- Think it over, baby.

You might need
help to get started.

- Let's say we'll talk about it.

He bought it.

- Hanako Shirato?

Are you Hanako Shirato?

Who are you?

- I'm with the
police department.

My name is Investigator Royster.

I'd like to ask you
a couple questions.

There's no need
to be frightened.

I just want to talk with you.

- What did you want
to talk to me about?

- Hilary LaSalle
and her trick book.

- I didn't have anything
to do with killing her.

And I know nothing
about any trick book.

- You didn't dig her
very much, did you?

- I hated her.

- Why?

Why, honey?

- I was in Japan without money.

And I had a son

who had no father.

She met me.

She asked if I would
like to come back with her

to be in her employ
for five years.

She said, "With your looks,

"you can make a lot of money."

"You'll live like a
princess," she said.

But after I came,

worked here,

I saw my son only on Sundays.

He became sad.

And lonely.

He said to me, "Why?

"Why couldn't we
be together more?"

- Well, if you didn't dig it,

why didn't you just split?

- I tried.

I went to her.

I asked her, please.

I pay anything,
give anything to get

some other sort of work.

But she...

- She what?

- She...

asked me how I'd
like it if one night

I woke up with razor
cuts on my face.

- The night of the
murder, what happened?

- I told you.

I wasn't there.

A friend of mine,

she asked if she could
take my son to the beach.

I said yes.

There was an accident.

Two cars.

My friend was dead.

And my son?

You can see.

I came straight here.

You don't believe me.

Any of it.

- Yes, I do.

I do believe you.

- Then leave me alone.

Leave us alone, please.

- Yeah.

Are you sure about that?

Hey, if it checks out,
it checks out, okay?

Yeah.

- Now there, there we go.

It's in Massachusetts.

Town called Amherst.

You know, if it were here

and on the market
I could get maybe

three, 400,000.

These historical celebrity
places, you don't need it.

- Historical celebrity?

How?

I don't understand.

- Well, it belonged
to a very famous lady.

Poetess.

Ah, today I guess you'd
say poet person, hmm?

- Who, Mr. Brinker?

Emily?

What are you trying to say, Pep?

- Emily Dickinson,
Bill, the poet.

This was her house.

The same one painted by Lorelei.

Don't you remember what
Dani Summers told us?

I mean about where she was from?

Yeah, she said she was from

Massachusetts or Vermont.

- It was Massachusetts.

This is Emily Dickinson's
house in Amherst.

- Okay, so Lorelei painted a
poet's house in her hometown.

- Lorelei majored
in English Lit.

She had to have read
a lot of Emily Dickinson.

I showed you those letters.

- As our friend
Emily would've put it.

Something like that.

- Exactly.

The letters were not
written to Hilary LaSalle.

They were written
to someone else

and by Lorelei Frank.

Jule Buck.

When Pete questioned Buck,

he said he's met Hilary
through one of her girls.

Uh-huh.

And his body was
found eight floors below

Lorelei's apartment.

- Hi.

- Let's go, Mr. Eglash.

You and I are gonna
take a little ride.

Come on, I said.

Let's go.

All right, you're home.

- Mr. Eglash.

Where is it?

- What?

Where's what?

- The trick book.

- What?

What book?

I don't know, I don't know
what you're talking about.

Listen, I'm sick, I'm very sick.

I'm a sick man.

- Mmm-mmm.

You're a dead man.

Chaucer?

- Please.

Please, I, I will,

I have a heart condition.

- Now you tell us where it is,

and you'll get your pills.

- I need those pills.

Listen to me.

I'm a sick man.

Give me.

Please.

Please.

Oh.

Please.

Oh, oh.

The trick book, Eglash.

- Oh.

I need those pills.

- You tell us where the book is

and you'll get the pills.

- The locker at the airport.

The key is stuck with gum

under the bench

where I sit in the park.

I need those pills, please.

Uh, uh.

Michael Eglash.

- Yeah, thanks
for calling us, Doc.

- Yeah, he was
carrying a whole lot of

scratch paper in his pocket.

One of 'em had an address on it.

LaSalle's maid.

- Celia Jackson.

- Yeah, well we had her
in here just a few days ago.

Want my opinion?

He was murdered, too.

- Based on what?

- Oh, surely find
that cardiac arrest

was the cause of death.

But he was carrying a
bottle of nitroglycerin tablets.

Could've saved
himself easy if he felt

a seizure coming on.

Just swallowed a few.

- Somebody kept him
from taking them, is that it?

- Well, I'm a coroner,
not a dramatist,

but it seems to me like
I saw something like this

in a movie one time.

You can call me kind of
a high-class movie buff,

an amateur detective.

Betty Davis.

Mr. Skeffington.

I suppose you've
asked yourself why

he was in that
warehouse all alone.

Yeah.

Yeah, he's here.

Crowley.

- Oh.

Yeah.

Yeah, Joe.

Who?

That's very interesting, thanks.

Channing Andrews
would like to talk

to somebody right away.

Joe says it's about
the trick book.

Doc, see ya later.

Let's go.

- Oh, uh, Doc?

It wasn't Mr. Skeffington.

It was The Little Foxes.

But it was Betty Davis.

- Yeah.

That's right.

- I attended a boarding
school in my teen years.

There was a headmaster

who used to beat me
at least once a week.

In order to cut off the pain,

I began to transform
it in my mind,

into an act of immense pleasure.

It's remained with
me ever since.

Meanwhile, my wife,

she just...

- I understood.

But there was just, there
was nothing I could do about it.

And then

Channing became
involved with this,

this LaSalle person,

one of her girls,

one named Lorelei.

When this LaSalle woman

realized who my husband was,

she started to blackmail us.

And he paid.

And uh, just kept on paying.

- You continued going to her?

- And then she was murdered.

A man who now
obviously had the book

took over, trying
to blackmail me.

- Eglash.

- Eglash.

Well.

I'm a natural target.

- Mr. Andrews,

why did you phone
the department tonight?

- A few hours ago I got a call

from another man

who says he's got the book.

- What was his name?

- Didn't give me his name.

He just gave me an address and

told me to be there
at 10 o'clock tonight.

- What is that address?

- 94 Lafayette Place.

A toast to the day we began

our happy partnership.

Goin' a little heavy
on that stuff, ain't ya?

Why don't you lay off?

- Remember the day when
I got you into all of this?

50/50 all the way.

But let's, let's not
drink to our new partner,

the one that you
sprang on me tonight.

All of a sudden
I'm 33 and a third.

- Relax, will ya?

I told ya, she's not
exactly a partner.

She's more like a,
like an associate.

- Oh, yeah, sure.

She's like an associate.

Is she a blonde
associate or is she

a redheaded associate?

Maybe she's a brunette.

- Now come on, Lorelei.

You know as well as I do.

We need some new
girls, some fresh faces.

- New girls, fresh faces.

What a great title for a song.

- Now listen to me.

Now that's Andrews.

You just behave yourself.

I'll get it.

- Hi, tiger.

- Well, hello.

- We did have an appointment?

- Yeah.

Yeah, I know, but
you're a little early.

- Okay, I'll come back later.

Maybe.

That's better.

Still got some of my suntan...

I thought it was a custom
to take a lady's coat.

What are you doing?

- You never know,

might have a little
lingerie sample in there.

Come on in.

- I didn't know you had company.

- Dakota James, Laura Francis.

- Hi, partner.

- I don't think I
understand this.

- Hmm, I understand perfectly.

You are the blonde associate.

- Let's get one
thing straight, Leo.

I don't want any lush
hooker in on this operation.

I work with my girls on my own.

If you want to help
us, we'll discuss it.

But I run a class shop.

A New York tart.

Huh, that is what
I call the ultimate.

The consummate in class.

- Oh, your friend
graduated high school, I see.

- Oh, you bet I did, baby.

- Get your hands off me.

- All right, all
right, now look.

Class is just
what it's gonna be.

With plenty of action
for the three of us.

I want both of you to
get something straight.

Now there's a bar in there.

Have a drink.

Both of you.

And get friendly.

- Sure, we're gonna end
up adoring each other.

- I said get friendly.

Andrews.

Come on in.

Now, Mr. Assemblyman.

I'm not a man to waste words.

I say what I have
to and that's it.

Mr. Chaucer,
Assemblyman Andrews.

Now you want to
be governor, right?

Well, we're gonna
go you one better.

You're gonna be
our next senator.

- What?

- You see, you got a lot
of friends you never met

or you'll never meet,
except for their hands.

As my grandmother used to say,

one hand washes the other.

- I'm gonna have another one.

You?

- No thank you.

- Never, never trust a
man who doesn't drink.

Humphrey Bogart.

Dakota, now there,
there is a real phony name

if I ever heard one.

What's it really, honey?

Rebecca?

Sonny Brook Farm?

- Emily.

What's the matter?

You've heard the
name, haven't you?

- And you have the book?

- Yeah, I got the
book with your name,

your sexual preferences
neatly circled.

- I want to see it.

- I said I got it.

- A lot of other people
may say they have it, too.

- Okay.

Here you go.

Page three, section A.

Enjoy.

- Let's go.

- Okay, Lorelei, time's up.

- Police, freeze!

- Watch out!

Get an ambulance.

Got the cuffs?

Here they are, Pep.

Hang on to her.

- Let go of me.

- I remind you of your
rights, Miss Frank.

You're entitled to a
lawyer of your choice

or if you so desire...

- What would a
lawyer know about me?

My life?

My secret life?

Anything?

Secrecy.

A man can hide all
things excepting twain.

That he is drunk
and that he is in love.

Thus spake Antiphanes.

- You were having an
affair with Jule Buck.

- Secretly.

I need a drink.

- Then suddenly he
married Hilary LaSalle.

- Secretly.

Except it wasn't
such a secret, was it?

- Lorelei, your letters to him.

- Oh-ho, my letters.

They must've had
a real loud laugh

reading them together.

- You murdered her.

- Now, I really
would like a drink.

Okay?

You get me a drink?

Dakota?

Tell him to get me a drink.

- And Buck.

What did you do with him?

Ask him to come over?

Except you weren't planning
to be there, were you?

But Patri was.

- I'll have a scotch.

A scotch'll do.

- She's right, isn't
she, Miss Frank?

You and Patri both
figured that Jule Buck

had the trick
book, only he didn't.

Celia Jackson did.

So you offed her, too.

Either you or Patri
or maybe both of you.

And then Eglash.

- Gin?

- And then your own death.

Now that was the
perfect way to lie low

for a little while, wasn't it?

- Vodka.

I'll take a glass of wine.

- Am I right, Miss Frank?

Am I right?

- I forget the year.

- What year?

- The year that
they said it to him.

The saddest of princes

in dark, dank.

'Tis true, 'tis pity.

'Tis pity and it's true.

I need a drink!

I need a drink!

I want a drink!

Get me a drink!

A vodka, please!

Get me a drink!

Something! Anything!

Please get me a drink!

I want a drink.

- Hey, easy, easy.

That's my finger.

- Let me take the ring off,
you can keep the finger.

- Oh, oh.

- Give me the ring.

- Come on.

- There you go.

Now let's have its playmate.

- Can't I keep it at
least till tomorrow?

- That old diamond you
got around your neck, honey,

is worth about $35,000.

- That doesn't bother me.

- Well, it bothers
me 'cause it was

checked out in my name.

Let's have it.

- Now just a minute.

Hey, Joe.

- Oh, anything yet?

- Oh, no.

But the doctor said
it would be soon.

- How's she doin'?

- She's takin' it pretty well.

- Oh, number three,
she ought to by now.

- How you doin'?

- I'm hangin' in, buddy.

- Peter, that's a
nice name for a boy.

Ever thought
about that one, Joe?

- I'll tell you what, Pete.

You buy, it's a boy,
and we'll negotiate.

- That's a deal.

Okay, gotcha.

How about you guys, Crowley?

- Here, here.

Wait a minute, wait a
minute, wait a minute.

You guys do the legwork

and Crowley'll spring it.

- Are you sure you know
what you're doin' now?

- Look, take the money.

Let's go.

- All right.

Legwork?

What's new?

- Isn't that somethin'?

Old Billy cheated.

- Oh, Hanako.

Hi.
- Hi.

Fine, thank you.

- Nice to see you.

How is, how's your boy?

- Oh, he's doing just great.

- That's good.

- I was going to call you

to thank you for setting
those appointments up

at the department stores.

- I'm just glad I
could be available.

- Well, ah, I guess
I better be going.

Thank you.

- Thank you.

- Excuse me, I thought
we were partners.

- Only in crime, Joseph.

- It's kind of nice to snuggle
up with a friend, isn't it?

- Yeah.

Yeah.

It sure is.