Police Woman (1974–1978): Season 1, Episode 15 - Sidewinder - full transcript

Please help me with
my zipper. I'd love to.

I think somebody is
about to start a war.

Listen, I, uh, know a motel
that's got X-rated movies...

in every room.
Whatever turns you on.

- I've got it. It's getting stronger.
- Let's go, man!

You lied to me!

Police! Open up!

Wonderful.

Hey, Mike, we got a signal
on the pressure alarm.

Where is it?

Oh, it's over there
at the armory again.

You know, that's the third time
this month. Must be the wind.

Well, I'll get over
there and check it out.

Well, off to another
big adventure.

Hey, Pat. No cheatin'.

Okay.

You are beautiful.

Ammo for the
bazooka. Three boxes.

Beautiful.

Uh-huh. Boys.

Okay.

Hello, Mercury. Hello,
Mercury. Come in, Mercury.

Hello.

Come on. Let's get out of here.

Come on, hurry up!

According to the
doctor, he has a severe

concussion and he's
lucky to still be alive.

How many M-16's did
they get, Colonel? Forty.

- They also got a bazooka.
- Any ammo?

- No. Not for the M-16's anyway.
- Excuse me.

No ammo for the M-16s.

So that means they got out of here in a
big fat hurry after they hit the patrolman.

But six shells for the
bazooka are missing.

Well, one thing's for sure. Weaponry is,
uh, pretty high on the market these days.

It's on a par with
gold and wheat.

Oh, guns. They're the kind of
thing that could be stolen by, uh,

militants, by, uh, crooks to sell
to other crooks or just plain kooks.

You guys don't have the
corner on kooks, you know. Oh?

No, we've got more than the F.B.I., I
think, today. You want to trade places?

Me? I can't. My horoscope says I'm stuck
with him for at least another three years.

Oh, really? What did it say... you
and this handsome, sexy officer? Huh?

Uh, it said "boss." Huh?

Listen, I've got to get in to the
bureau and make this report.

Anything new comes in,
you'll let me know, huh, Bill?

We'll cut you right
in. See you, Scorpio.

- Ciao, Leo. You are a Leo?
- You remembered.

Sure.

Three more years, huh?
Written in the stars, honey.

Huh. How about it,
Al? You find anything?

Man, I've got prints
coming out of my ears.

Have to run a comparison with every
guy who's handled these weapons.

You've got it tough, Al. What
do you think, Pep? Frankly?

Since when did I ever
get it any other way?

I think somebody's
about to start a war.

Well, they've got enough firepower.
They could blow up this whole city.

You know, uh... What?

Maybe we should wait
a day or two for this.

Roger, my boy, you've been
in retirement too long, son.

- Say I'm getting cautious.
- Yeah? Since when?

Since the last time.

When we almost wound
up with our butts in a sling.

- You remember the last time,
don't you?
- Yeah, I remember.

Charlie? Yeah.

What the hell's that got to
do with anything? Plenty.

All that time we spent
training those Biafrans,

what really came of it?

- We all came home broke.
- He's right, Collie.

- I know he's right.
- Hey, that was six years ago.

Let's quit living in
the past, all right?

Okay, Collie, you're the
boss. What's the plan?

We're just gonna
take it nice and easy...

and, uh, well, just make
a simple buy, that's all.

Yeah, but what if
it isn't so simple?

Don't borrow trouble,
Jerry. Mm-mmm.

Mm-hmm. Hey. Hey,
baby, is this the place?

Yeah. Hmm? Okay.

Jerry, how about you?
What's your excuse? For what?

For letting Collie
talk you into this.

I needed the bread.

Yeah, I have the, uh,
fox call and the crow call...

by Philip S. Olt of,
uh, Pekin, Illinois.

Two dollars. Right.
Yeah, we're open till 5:00.

Good. Okay. Bye-bye.

Ah, good morning, gentlemen. What
can I do for you? Morning, morning.

Well, we come to pick up the-the
.222 calibers that we ordered.

- Uh, what's your name?
- Uh, Collier. Joe Collier.

How's Maria? Maria.

I wish I had one of those
waitin' for me at home.

Well, the next time
you blow out the

candles on your birthday
cake, wish for one.

I-I-I'm sorry, uh, I don't
see that order here.

Oh. Boy.

Well, I mean, uh, maybe we
can make an order right now.

Put your arms down,
young trooper. Oh, boy.

What are you standing around?
Come on. Come on. See what's going on.

Where are they? Over
there on those shelves there.

- Over there on
those shelves there?
- Mm-hmm.

Let's go to work.

And he wants a
grand for both, right?

Far out, man. Room
404. Right. Thanks.

Well, we got a break. That
was a snitch named Willy Bova.

He says he knows a guy
who has two M-16's for sale.

Good. We got a man in
the hospital, a man dead...

and 4,000 rounds
of .222's stolen.

- It's great news. Great.
- Pardon me, Pep.

Knowin' Willy, we've got to be very
careful with his contacts. No heavy stuff.

Well, I'm for that, Joe.
It's been a long, hard day.

Looks like it's you and me again,
Pep. The "Mighty Crowley Art Players."

But this time I get to
play Lady MacBeth.

In case the contact
doesn't dig cops.

That's fair enough.
When and where?

The Olympic Hotel,
Room 404, 10:00 p.m.

Yeah?

Come on in. Come
on in. Hi, there.

Uh, listen, I'm sorry about the
mess. I'm getting ready for a trip.

Willy, say hello to
Sergeant Anderson.

Yeah, pleased to
meet you, Sergeant.

Hi, Willy. I see you've been
visiting your travel agent, huh?

Yeah. I'm off to
Machu Picchu. Where?

Peru. That's the place where the Aztecs hid
the women and the kids away from Cortés.

- I'm on a tour.
- You going with a group?

Yeah. Friends of the
museum. I'm a charter member.

The Incas. Huh?

No, I just said the Incas. If it's
Peru, it's the Incas, not the Aztecs.

Okay. I'll ask one of
'em when I get there.

Well, as long as we're on it, the
Spanish heavy was Pizarro, not Cortés.

- That's what I said.
- Yeah, she's right. You said Cortés.

- What about the guns?
- Listen, do you
want a sandwich?

No, thanks. I'm on a
diet. What about the guns?

Hey, last year I
went to the Orient.

Beautiful people. I mean, sharp.

Bova, the guy with the
M-16's... What's his name?

- Moe.
- Moe who?

- Moe Harris.
- Sounds like a suit.

- Terrific.
- Does he usually deal in
this kind of merchandise?

No, he's a bookie.
Strictly legit. He

wouldn't know one end
of a gun from another.

- Well then, what's his story?
- I don't know. I didn't ask
him. That's your job.

- How do we make contact?
- I'll duke you into him.

You know, say you're
friends. You guys got a story?

Sure, the best. Okay. Well, you
guys can fill me in on the way over.

Here, let's see. Hey, how about
this? Bought that baby in Hong Kong.

- That's really
beautiful, Willy.
- Yeah, it was a bargain.

- Let's go.
- Hey, wait a minute.

Your guy Royster, the
guy with the cuckoo hat?

He said you were gonna lay
five bills on me for the intro.

- That's funny. He told us four.
- Five. You know how much dough
it costs to travel today?

Willy, he said four.

Mm-hmm. Okay,
we'll settle for five.

For that kind of money, we expect
a postcard. From Machu Picchu.

You know somethin', I wouldn't
mind taking you with me.

I was thinkin' the same
thing. Why don't you get lost?

No need to teach a couple of
old dogs new tricks, huh, Charlie?

I haven't seen one of
those since the last time.

When was that... Inchon? Mm-hmm.

And later, in the Belgian Congo. We stopped
four supply trucks that day, remember?

We got bombed that
night in Leopoldville.

The lousiest gin I ever tasted.

Here he comes.

Okay, Charlie, let's do it.

You boys ready? We're set.

- I haven't lost my touch.
- Works just like a charm.

Well, let's get out of
here, Ranger boys.

So, uh, you collect guns.

May I ask, uh, what for?

It's my hobby. Oh.

Uh, would you, uh,
people like a drink?

No, thanks. Think they have
any raspberry soda here?

They don't have any raspberry
soda. Raspberry soda? I doubt it.

Then nothing. Mmm.

So, uh, guns is your hobby, huh?

You approve of your husband
having this kind of a hobby?

Of course. Why not?

Well, it's expensive for one thing. And
if you've got kids, it could be dangerous.

We don't.

Excuse me, Mr. Harris,
but seems to me like

you just aren't too
anxious to make a sale.

Oh, I didn't say that. I was just,
uh, warning you and your wife.

Well, we appreciate
that. But you see...

See, we've been collecting
guns for a long time.

In fact, we've got a whole room
of them down in our basement.

Mahogany paneling.
You should see it.

It's gorgeous. He
did it all himself. Okay.

Did Willy tell you the price or was he on
the way to catch a plane for somewhere?

Machu Picchu. Machu Picchu.

Yeah, he told us
the price. Yeah.

Five hundred dollars per
gun, right? That's right.

How many have you got? Two.

Only two? Two.

I'll take 'em. But I
got to see 'em first.

Oh, yes. It's still got
the serial number on it.

You want 'em or do you
want your money back?

Uh, do you want to tell
him, honey, or shall I?

I'll do it, darling. You're
so heavy-handed at times.

Ain't it the truth? Go
ahead, sweetheart.

Mr. Harris, you're under arrest.

You can't do this to me. You should
have thought about that before, Moe.

Hey, Moe, I told you to
sit down, now sit down!

You should have thought about it
before you started dealing in hot guns.

You come in here
without a search warrant!

You wanna show him
the search warrant, Pep?

Uh, okay. Okay.
What do you want?

We want those other guns. You're
crazy. I told you. There are only two.

Where'd you get the guns?

Uh, from a guy in a bar.
I paid 50 bucks apiece.

Come on, Moe.

I-I swear, that's the truth.

Bill, look at this, his
owe sheets. Hey...

Just relax, will
you? Relax, Moe.

You're a little careless,
aren't you, Moe?

This looks like a list of all those
bettors that owe you money.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Oh, isn't this fire-prevention
week? Now that you mention it.

Does this paper
look safe to you?

Let's test it. Why don't we?

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
You'll set the place afire.

You're right,
Bill. It isn't safe.

Moe, when you put
a match to it, it burns.

Okay, put it out. Put it out!

- What's his name?
- His name's Jerry.

- Jerry what?
- I don't know. I swear I don't know!

Moe, come on. Do I have to light
up another one of these dumb things?

Now look, uh, this
chick I occasionally...

I occasionally do business
with, uh, she introduced us.

It was a couple of months ago. This guy
was a heavy bettor. And a heavy loser too.

He got into me for a
bundle, and he couldn't pay.

- So I took the guns on account.
- How do you get
in touch with him?

I don't. He calls me when he wants
action, places the bets by phone,

- and then we meet at the bar.
- This girl,
what's her name?

- Huh?
- Uh, Charlene.

And she tricks with this
guy... What'd you say... Jerry?

Yeah. Pretty regular, from what I
hear. She's a great-looking broad.

Then she must know how
to get in touch with him.

And you know how to get in
touch with her, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Uh, listen, Moe, I'll
tell you what I want you to do.

I want you to get
on the horn here,

give, uh, Charlene
a little jingle.

Tell her you've got
this great-looking john...

- who's just dying to meet her.
- Who's that?

♪♪ Okay. Okay. Okay. Hey.

I'm Bill Crowley.
Hello, Bill Crowley.

Oh. Won't you come in?

Make yourself at home.

Want a drink? Yeah, you got
any scotch? Scotch and water?

Scotch and water.

Listen, I got to tell you that,
uh, green's my favorite color.

- Oh, really?
- Uh-huh.

- That's why I picked it.
- Oh, yeah?

Hey, this is some
great place you got here.

- Why, thanks.
- Business must be good, huh?

Dynamite.

So are you.

Oh, you're beautiful.

You know, the guys Moe usually
sends me are flabby... like him.

Yeah, well, I, uh...
I work out a lot.

I bet. Taste?

Mmm. Perfetto. Perfetto.

That's the sexy
half-Italian in him.

Before I, uh,

get into something more
comfortable, where's the hundred?

Oh.

Mmm-mmm.

What am I gonna
get for this? Oh.

Evidently.

Would you please help me
with my zipper? I'd love to.

But I'm afraid
you're under arrest.

You crum... You crummy...

You crummy... You crummy... Oh, Little
Red Riding Hood's after our Wolfman.

No, it was nothing
serious, Chief.

Just a little
scratch, that's all.

I, uh... What?

Yeah, I'll have to
try that next time.

Listen, can I talk to
you later about this?

Yeah, good. Fine. Thanks.

Okay. Now who's the wise guy that told the
chief that I almost got killed last night?

I can't imagine.

Well, it could have been
anybody. Everybody knew.

- Right.
- Yeah.

Suddenly I'm surrounded by clowns.
A bunch of clowns they give me.

Well, you see, Sergeant, uh, in our line
of work, an occasional moment of levity...

- Shut up.
- A generous man but not much in
the way of a sense of humor.

Yeah. Yeah, bring her in.

Charlene? Yeah.

You've got guts, Bill.

You guys want to go
work on your reports?

It wasn't me, Bill.
I'm telling you. Uh...

You wanna knock it off?

Hello. Thanks.

Well, if it's not my
friend, the crummy...

Look, just don't start.
Don't start up with me.

'Cause you're in enough trouble
already, all right? So cool it.

Look, Charlene, we're
not here to hassle you.

It's your boyfriend,
Jerry, we want.

I don't know any Jerrys.

Let's book her.

Go right ahead.

I'll be back on the streets again
in two hours, and you know it.

- Not this time.
- Maybe you don't
know my lawyer.

You don't know what
we're charging you with.

Hooking, right?

Wrong. Murder, accessory to.

Now, look... No, you look.

A man's dead. Murdered. Killed.

We have no reason to believe
you weren't involved in that murder.

You gotta be crazy. You
can't pin any of that on me.

We sure can try.

I... You can't do that to me.

- Try us, honey.
- Oh.

Oh.

- Okay, what is it
that you want?
- Jerry.

Yeah? Yeah?

Okay.

A bank job 10
minutes ago. Four guys.

Killed a guard,
wounded two officers.

They sprayed the
place with M-16's.

So you didn't see their faces at
all? No, they all wore gas masks.

And then when our guard tried to stop them,
they... they opened up with their guns.

- Did anybody get
their license number?
- No. I'm sorry.

Hello, Bill. Pepper. Hi, Jim.

Excuse me. Thank you very much.

Well, we've got a make on that
suspect, Jerry Woolard. Good. Good.

Yeah, he's a
Korean vet. No priors.

Uh, teamed up with some of his
buddies after the war as paid mercenaries.

Uh, Bay of Pigs, various
jobs in South America...

and down in Central America where
they were playing in the "B" leagues...

on some border thing.

Then Africa, where they lost two
members of their group, decided to disband.

Woolard's been, uh, working
on assorted jobs ever since then.

Uh, subsists mostly
as a-a gambler.

Married a Cuban refugee,
Maria Sanchez. One child.

- Any political
connections, Jim?
- No, Pepper.

Apparently these guys got
involved strictly for the dough.

- Is this guy Woolard
the boss?
- Uh, no, no.

Uh, their leader was a gung-ho
type, Joe Collier, ex-marine sergeant.

Looks like they've gone
into business for themselves.

- How much did they get?
- Seventy thousand bucks.

So after about two
hours, he came back and

said, "I found the
left-handed monkey wrench,

but I couldn't find
General Orders."

Divided four ways, that's
17,500 on the button each.

Not too bad for a morning's work.
What do you say, darlin', hmm?

- I think it was stupid.
- Stupid?

Yeah, we could have
blown the whole thing.

It was a warm-up, you see.

We all need a
little bit of practice.

Operation Sidewinder's still
on. Any questions from anybody?

Jerry. Jerry.

Collie, uh, Maria and me figured
we'd just take our cut and pull out.

That right?

I don't know.

Uh,

that money we picked up this
morning is, uh, for operating expenses.

That's right. Uh,

nobody's gonna cut the pie until
we, uh... we finish with Sidewinder.

Well, you know, I
just thought that...

Don't you think now, Jerry.

Thinking, I mean deep
thinking, ain't your bag.

Any questions?

When's zero hour?

Friday morning.

Friday morning, 6:00 a.m.

You let him talk you out of it.

No, I didn't let him. You
just don't understand.

What don't I understand?

Well, the four of us have
been in some pretty tough spots.

Sort of a... a camaraderie when
you've been in tight scrapes.

Oh, come on, Jerry.

You're just like little
boys. You never grew up.

That isn't the way you
talked back in Miami.

When your father and his friends
had us help out at the Bay of Pigs, right?

It's time for the baby to
take a nap. Give it to me.

Come on, baby. Huh?

Jerry, you were
paid for it, you know?

You were paid for it.
You didn't do it to help out.

You only did it to help
yourself and your friends.

- And you!
- And me. Oh, yes.

- And look at all
I have to show for it.
- Oh.

Where are you going?
I need some cigarettes.

Jerry... Don't lecture me
again! I said I needed cigarettes!

Jerry...

- Charlene?
- H-Hi, Jerry.

- Listen, babe,
I need to see you.
- Yeah, sure. When?

- This afternoon. Uh,
the Latin Doll at 3:00, okay?
- Yeah, okay.

- See you, babe.
- Good-bye.

♪♪

That's him. Hello, Nicky.

Hi, gang. How are we?

Keep the change.

Business must be good.

Dynamite.

Hi. Charlene sent me.

- Who are you?
- Pam. She, uh,
had an emergency.

What do you mean, emergency? All
of a sudden she had to go someplace.

Asked you to phone
her tonight, she'll explain.

Oh, in the meantime,
she wrote this for you.

I peeked. It says, "Darling, Be good
to Pam and she'll be good to you.

Call me 11:00-ish. Charlene."

In her own hand.
How's your drink?

Ah, fine. Thank you.

I haven't seen you around.

- I'm in from the east.
- Where east?

- Detroit.
- It gets pretty cold there
this time of the year.

- That's why
I changed territories.
- How are tricks?

Great. Charlene's
been a great help.

You must know her pretty well.

Yeah. We're old buddies.

- Here's to it.
- Whatever turns you on.

Drink up.

It was good of Charlene to fix
me up like this. I need the company.

She thinks you're dynamite.
She told me so herself.

Uh, you know, if I wasn't married, I'd
seriously think about teaming up with her.

I know she's a hooker, but I
understand they make great wives.

That's what they tell me.

- How's Bonnie?
- Bonnie?

- Yeah, Charlene's roommate.
- Oh, fine. She's fine.

She's great.

Where are we going?

Where are we going?

Slow down, Pete.

I don't see the car.
Yeah, me neither.

- Hang a left here, Pete.
- Let's take a look. Yeah.

I'll just make a "u-ey."

- They're not here.
- Yeah, but we saw them
turn in here though.

They've gone out the
back way. You got contact?

Yeah, man, but it's very weak.

Goose this thing,
Pete. We're losing them.

Come on, let's
go. Let's go, man.

What are you doing
here? Come on. Let's go.

Huh? Come on!

Wha... For cry... Hey,
sweetie, take it easy.

All right, I'm not
just... Come on.

Which way?

Hey, go straight. I got
it. It's getting stronger.

Hey. Will you stop
pushing me around?

Hey, uh...

- Hold it! Hold it!
- What?

Back up! Back
up! Down that alley.

There!

You got eyes like a hawk.

Now you lied to me. Charlene
didn't send you to that bar.

Oh, come off it.
Charlene sent...

- I said, you lied to me!
- Charlene sent me...

Well now, maybe it was
her roommate, Bonnie, huh?

I'm telling you, Charlene...
Except there is no Bonnie.

All right, lady...

Okay. So I'm a police officer.

- Why, you lousy...
- Stop!

Police! Open up!

Wha... You okay?
Yeah. He's got a gun.

Police!

Give me your cuffs.

Thanks, man. Anytime.

He's still alive. Better
call an ambulance.

Please, not too long.

Woolard. Woolard.

My name is Anderson.
And this is Sergeant Crowley.

You want to give us a statement about
those guns you laid off on Moe Harris?

I don't know what
you're talking about.

You're in serious trouble,
Woolard. You want to tell us about it?

Leave me alone.

Where'd you get those M-16's?

From the tooth fairy.

They were left under my
pillow because I was a good boy.

I don't believe
that, do you? No.

Well, let's just talk to his
wife. No, leave her out of this.

She doesn't know
anything... Ahh.

Who is it?

Police officers, Mrs. Woolard.
You want to open up, please?

What's wrong? May we come in?

Yes, please. Tell
me, what is it?

Your husband's in serious trouble,
Mrs. Woolard. He's been shot.

- Shot? Who did it? Where is he?
- He's in the hospital.

What hospital? The
receiving hospital downtown.

- We have a warrant to
search your apartment.
- What for?

For guns. There are no guns
in here. We-We have no guns.

Can you tell us anything about this?
You must take me to my husband.

Pepper, why don't you take
her to the hospital? It's okay.

Oh, my baby!

Joe and I'll stay here
and search the place.

It's okay. It will be all right.

Oh, I just remembered.

My friend, uh, across the hall,
she'll be back in a half hour.

That's okay. It's number six.

Don't worry about it. Take her,
will you... Take her to the hospital.

It's okay.

Hey, boy.

You look good, Pop.

Dr. Robert Stall, please report
to the sixth floor nurses' station.

Hi, honey.

I don't know why I'm surprised.

I always dream
about this moment.

This nightmare.

All through these years, I've always
dreamed someday this would happen.

Just this way. I'm
gonna be all right.

Oh, I know. This is just...

It's just the way a wife
wants to see her husband...

With the police at home
and-and a frightened child...

while they're
searching for guns...

while she's standing
here next to him...

thanking God that he's not dead.

Just keep holding my hand.

Don't say anything more for now.

Where's 540?

I want to see Jerry
Woolard. It's all right.

I'm gonna tell them, Jerry.

Who?

The police.

You're gonna tell them
what? Everything I know.

You are not. Why not?

Tell me, why not? I mean, so you
can recover and get out of here...

and go out there again
and start selling those guns,

sitting back, counting
that rotten money...

while some innocent
people get killed?

Or you destroy yourself?

You're not gonna tell
them anything at all.

Oh, please! Look
at you! Look at you!

I don't mean to yell. I'm sorry.

Jerry, you are destroying yourself and
me and our baby, and I won't let it happen.

Now I just... I don't
want to see you dead.

Better a husband in jail,
huh? Better alive, Jerry.

Maria?

I love you, Jerry.
You know that?

And through all the years,
when you were gone,

sometimes here and there, and
sometimes I didn't know where you were...

or what you were
doing with your friends,

and maybe even with other women,

all I know is that I love you...

and I always will.

Please, I want you
to remember that.

Please.

It is called, uh,
Operation Sidewinder.

Does that have some special
significance? What does that mean?

I don't know. It's just a
name that they gave it.

They always gave
names like that.

- Military.
- Yes.

You say they're planning
to blow up an armored truck?

Yes, the one that carries the
payroll to, uh, McAdams Base.

- When?
- I don't know.

Very early, uh, this morning.

You mean, now.

We're ready.

Look, Collie, this is crazy.

- They're gonna
split Jerry wide open.
- No, they won't.

They haven't before. He's
been done over by experts.

At the end of the line,
there's three million

bucks. He knows he's
gonna get his share.

Look!

Here they come. Let's do it.

The police! Let's
get out of here!

They're all around us.

Collier, you're surrounded.

Throw out your
guns or you're dead.

- Freeze!
- Police! Hold it right there!

I couldn't stop him, Bill.

No wonder. He's
wearing a half inch of steel.

I could have sworn he was Superman,
the way those bullets kept bouncing off.

You should have seen her face.

Come on. Your face would have
looked a lot funnier. Toast. Toast.

To Pepper Anderson,
who held 'em off at the pass.

I'll drink to that.
I'll drink to that.

I'll drink to that.

You've come a long way, baby.