Play for Today (1970–1984): Season 5, Episode 15 - Just Another Saturday - full transcript

[upbeat piano music]

[upbeat folk music]

[dog barking]

[fast paced fiddle music]

[light snoring]

♪ As I entered, the
Lord he knows where ♪

♪ First bound up in
chains, it is true ♪

♪ My shoes from my feet
I did then cast away ♪

♪ To receive the bright
orange and blue ♪

♪ To receive the bright
orange and blue ♪

♪ Receive the bright
orange and blue ♪



♪ I was ordered to stand
at the brother's command ♪

♪ To receive the bright-

What's the matter?
John, are you sick?

Eh?

Sorry.

Didn't mean to waking you.

[John whistles]

[Woman] Can you not sleep?

No chance.

Think I've been
lying here for days.

Get up then.

You kidding?

The light's not cracked yet.

Anyway, I'd have to sit
around with my trousers on.



I don't wanna blunt
those creases.

Christ.

It's no wonder I can't sleep.

What if I make an arse of myself

in front of all those people?

The mace goes flying
through the air.

Hand goes out to catch it.

Wallop, missed it.

Right in the street.

Jesus.

What'd you say?

Nothing.

Just thinking of the march.

It was lovely
banners at John Knox.

Flutes.

Drums pounding.

Magic.

♪ Up on the falls road,
the Fenians did well ♪

♪ They have their big chapels,
their priests there as well ♪

♪ But we on the Shank hill,
we know we are right ♪

♪ And if ever the day comes,
we'll show them the fight ♪

♪ With its oo-rall-aye,
oo-rall-aye, oo-rall-aye ♪

♪ Right over Dungannon,
to hell with them all ♪

[dogs barking]

John.

John.

Cup of tea ready for you, son.

What?

What?

Cup of tea.

Jesus Christ.

Have I slept in?

No, you're all right, it's
only half seven, you're okay.

[Boy] Can I get tea?

No, you can not.

It's gonna be a good day.

That guy's definitely
a protestant.

[radio jingle]

[news reader talking]

Dan, bring in that
shirt to iron.

[radio jingle]

♪ You remember the voice
of the antispy chat ♪

[Radio] All right.
and here we are,

at 27 minutes before I begin.

Go and hurry John up.

He'll be all right.

He kept me awake all last night
chanting his Orange songs.

I wish he'd forget all
this Oranges stuff.

So do I, he sings
like a gutted fish.

I didn't mean that.

I know what you mean.

But it's a big day
for us to forget.

It's just like
going to a picnic.

You know what I mean.

He's gonna get a hell of a
sore face one of these days

running about with
that crowd of Killies.

[kids arguing]

[Kid 1] Leave this study now.

[Jack] Come on you two, get up.

-Okay get off.
-Get lost, you.

Ack.

[kids arguing]

How do I look, dad?

No, honestly now.

Does it not just fill your
heart with pride to look at me?

[Dan] True, true.

I don't know what
it fills me with,

but there's a definite
staring in me.

I don't know about my ankles.

That's a pile of linoleum.

Take that.

Christ, this shirt's
still wet, Ma.

I know, son, I'm awfully sorry.

I let the fire go out
when I went to bed.

It'll dry when
you're in the sun.

[Dan] The chance of a big boy
like you catching pneumonia

are as scarce as
hobby horse's shape.

Christ, you in one
of your funny moods?

No, but I'll tell you one thing.

You'll regret having that
King Billy tattoo on your arm.

I should know.

What makes you so special?

Some sort of male
model or something?

Hey, here he is, Lizzie.

The founder of the faith.

Keeper of liberty and freedom.

Stoic Orangeman and stick
swinger extraordinary.

Oh, the Queen's religion's safe.

God bless her.

And send her wee dogs
plenty of grass to run on.

You look awfully nice, son.

Never mind him, he's
just a big waster.

At least you believe
in something.

All he's good for is a drink.

Terribly harsh words, Lizzie.

Considering I haven't
given you your wages yet.

Anyhow, I think they're
a fine upstanding order.

You know they're not allowed
to swear with their sash on.

Last year I saw
wee Sammy Roebucks.

Take off his sash, fold it
neatly, put it in his pocket,

and then start swinging
a couple of bottles

at a chap's head.

As if he was giving an
exhibition of Indian clubs.

Defender, Christ, if
that was him defending,

I wouldn't like to see
him attacking an infidel.

Never mind him son, he's just
a big gulgar-faced swine.

John?

Get hold of your father's
coat to get on the bus with.

Oh, ma, don't start this again.

I'm not wearing his coat
just to hide my uniform.

Let these people have a good
look at me. I don't care.

His coat's miles too
big for me anyway.

Please, son, just for me.

I don't want you to cover it up,

just hide it a
little bit, please.

You never know who's
going in on these buses.

Might be a crowd of
Celtic supporters.

Celtic must have
had heavy fixtures.

It's the middle of July.

-Mom.
-Here you are, John.

Look, I'm 17, I can
take care of myself.

I know that, son.

There might be a gang of them.

They could start
throwing stones and that.

It's getting worse, you know.

Yesterday, somebody on Fern Road

painted an Alsatian
green and gold.

[Dan] Did they
give it two coats?

You should still be getting
in at the boy's gate.

John, will you not
put the coat on?

No!

Get him to put it on, Dan.

John.

Look, son.

If you want me to come
in on the bus with you,

just wait at the
bottom of the stairs.

I'll tell her I'm
going for fags.

She means well, she just gets

a little bit
embarrassed sometimes.

It's no problem, Dan.

Okay.

I'll bring in your gear for you,

then we'll go for a drink.

All right.

Cheerio, Ma.

-Good luck, son!
-Cheerio, weans!

[Kids] Cheerio, John.

Hey, see you later.

You can give us
a body count, eh?

Cheerio, John!

Cheerio!

God bless King Billy, the Queen
and the Duke of Edinburgh!

Shut up for goodness sake.

[car engine revving]

[dog barking]

[John whistling]

[group of girls chattering]

Oi, look at that.

John McNeil.

Going to one of your
fancy dress parades?

[Girl 1] Yoo hoo!

Lovely, isn't he?

Go on, sing us
one of your songs!

Aye, sing us the song you
sang at your 'ma's wedding

you Orange bastard.

[engine revving]

[kids shouting]

An Irish band, eh?

Don't they look too
smart to be Eire boys?

They're stricter there.

Just stay off the boat
and don't come over.

Aye, I know Mister.
I've walked in Ireland.

Have you?

I know you. You're young Danny
McNeil's boy, aren't you?

I've sailed with your
father many a day.

Many a day.

Have you?

Aye!

Right, mister,
where are you going?

[Ronnie] I'm going
to get my hair cut.

Aye, right, well
it's 12p to here,

and you've only got a 10.

So give us 5 pence
or get off my bus.

10? I wouldn't give you
the pickings of my nose

if you were starving.

I'll walk.

Now, you dirty old swine.

You wouldn't talk like that
to me if my man was here.

If he has to listen
to that voice

it's no wonder he has
you working the bus.

Tell your fella you were
talking to Ronnie, would you?.

All the best, son.

Hey, do you want
me to lend you 5p?

Not at all. I get
off here anyway!

She's upset 'cause she's a Pib.

[laughs]

I heard that mister.

I'll have you know I'm
a Catholic not a Pib.

Aye, you're all mince, Mrs.

I hope your driver's a Pib too.

It'll do him good to sit in
his cabin and watch the band.

I bet the veins in his
neck are all swelling blue!

[laughs]

[John whistling]

[bell dings]

[marching band drums]

[flute playing]

[marching band playing]

Just roll it up against
the bedroom door.

Here he is boys,
the man himself.

How you going, John?

All right.

Did you hear about
wee Sean and big Mary?

In the back having a wee winch.

Sean says to big,
"Oh Mary, Mary, Mary,

"I'll meet and marry you".

Big Mary says, "Oh Sean,
you can't, you can't.

I'm a prostitute".

Sean says, "I don't
care, I'll turn".

[group laughing]

And a big Irish bloke
saw the advert in a zoo.

The male gorilla had died

and they needed a new
mate, but a female.

Big Sean says, "Well if I do
that, I want three conditions".

He says, "First I want £ 500."

His superintendent says, "Done".

He says, "Second, I want a
female drugged and tied up".

Superintendent, "Done".

He says third, he says,

"If there's any weans,

I want them brought
up good Catholics".

[group laughing]

[melodic flutes]

[marching drums playing]

[marching band practising ]

Hey, Donald! We're
ready to go now, son.

Okay, Rab.

Right lads, we're all
here now, gather round.

Come on.

Okay, lads.

This is our day.

Now let's enjoy ourselves.

Just turn the light on,
it comes once a year.

And remember, get out
there and let them hear it.

So, move it out, come on!

[group cheering]

Ooh. How's your luck, son?

Not bad, a little
bit nervous though.

Don't worry, I'll be there.

No, I didn't mean that, I'm
nervous about the parade.

It's a big day, you know?

Have you not had a drink yet?

Go on into the wee hall,

there's half a bottle
of Scott in there.

No.

It's hard enough to
see this thing spinning

without being jacked.

No drink?

Christ, that's great son, I'll
call you when we're ready.

-See you.
-Come on you lot, come on.

Hurry up!

[excited chattering]

[whistling]

[rhythmic drums]

[marching band plays]

[whistle blowing]

[laughing]

[marching band playing]

[murmuring]

[laughing]

Mind the way here!

How long we got, John?

Five minutes. There's still
some of the guns arriving.

[Man 2] Right you
lot, out on the road.

[crowd chattering]

[drums playing]

[bells chiming]

I won't repeat this.

I don't want any trouble
from any of the men.

There'll be no dancing around
the street from the men

or the drum major.

The band will stop playing
100 yards from any church.

If I find anyone drunk,

I'll have no hesitation
in disbanding your band.

Is that understood, brother?

Anything you say, gov.

See the patter of that.

Just 'cause his fella
was a ballroom dancer?

That one will meet
you in a desert,

he wouldn't even give you a nod.

Right, when he's up the
road, you get louder.

[Man 3] Here, John!

We're ready for the offset.

Hold that for me.

[rhythmic drum beat]

[shouting]

[marching band playing]

[crowd cheering]

[marching band playing]

Hey!

[man preaching]

Forbids the heir of
the British throne

from lying on papers

are also being banded about.

Then we have speculation
over Prince Charles,

and his humanist Roman
Catholic girlfriends.

Any tampering, no
matter how slight,

for the act of settlement
must be resisted.

Have those.

I know that you have yourself,

but in recent years
in the House of Lords

there is an increasing number
of Roman Catholic laws.

They'll conquer these positions
by the mixed marriage order,

which allows the Roman Catholics

to get married in a
Protestant church,

and allows the Protestant
bringing up of his son and heirs

as Roman Catholics.

They have done this in
England for the noblemen.

They have done it with some of

Scotland's great
families as well.

And there's no reason
why they should not,

or cannot do it with the son
and heir to the British throne.

That day, brethren
is near, very near.

At this time we must
stand firm, brothers.

Permanent heritage,
permanent cause.

And brothers-

Listen to that big minister.

He'd put the fear
of God up anybody.

Would you look at
the nose on him?

I bet he takes a
right good bucket.

So toleration and
moderation must be shown

to the Catholic people.

They are all insane, no body

Our fights-

It's a good job
that wee guy isn't

climbing on top of there.

This is terrible.

We'll go to the pub and have
a pint, do you fancy it?

Aye, he's a bit long
that big minister anyway.

Come on.

He reminds me of someone.

Who?

Humpty Dumpty.

[laughing]

If we remain united
in the beliefs

of our glorious Orange Order.

[crowd cheering and clapping]

Brethren, listen
to the Lord's word.

Hey, hey son, son. Lend
us a couple of bob?

I'm skint, friend, no chance.

Come on, friend.

A couple of bob and you'll
see your weans begging.

What do you want it for?

What I do with my money
is my own business.

Come on, give us it.

[Minister] Stated from
his town hold to the clad.

[crowd applauding]

[crowd chattering]

No chance.

Aye, you're right.

That poor barman's
gonna expire any minute.

Look at them boys over there.

Look at those half
bottles they've got.

They're not gonna
get away with that.

What is it, a Catholic?

A bit of blood sport?

No, look, them boys over
there are rifling the gantry.

That's terrible.

No wonder we've got a bad name.

Disgraceful.

You're gonna stop them, are you?

Serves the greedy
bastards, right?

Should have more
bodies behind the bar.

Come on, lets get out of
here before the police come.

Assuming by that park
today, we're ready to leave.

All the best, boys.

Good luck too.

[police siren wailing]

I tell you now, that barman
had to crack sooner or later.

It's not gonna do him
much good now though.

I don't suppose they'll get
him closed getting blootered.

Yeah, you're right.

It's all that big bald
headed minister's fault.

Someone has shoot me, John.

Who has?

Five foot away.

Go away you, you camp bastard.

♪ Oh we are the christian,
we hate the Romans ♪

♪ Come we give you the party

-♪ We hate the Christians
-♪ We hate the Christians

[marching band playing]

Come on, John!

Grab your mace and join in.

Surely you can do it.

No, my hands are all blistered.

[Man 4] It'll be
all right, come on.

I'm not going soon anyway.

[Man 4] All right,
suit yourself.

[marching band playing]

Hey, come on and drum.

[cheering]

You all right, Johnny?

[drunk people singing]

[marching band playing]

[crowd singing]

[accordion music playing]

Hey, see them arresting
that fella over there?

Caught drinking a bottle of Seg

and they charged
him with fragrance.

Come on, cheer
up. You all right?

Hey, we're ready to go
now. And listen son,

when we leave the main parade,

give it everything you've got.

All the officials will be there.

Aye, okay then.

Hey, are we leading or are
we behind somebody else?

No, no, we'll be the first

so get them ready to move it.

[crowd cheering]

[marching band playing]

[cheering]

[crowd cheering]

Hey, I'm glad all the
officials are gone.

I was nearly clubbing
one of them there.

It wouldn't have been worth it.

Hey, can you stop
all these people

handing drink to the boys?

Brian keeps on
falling to his arse

every time he blows
into his flute.

Aye, okay, next one I catch
I'll give them a harsh word.

Make sure it's
just a harsh word?

I mean, we've got priorities.

I think it's going to rain.

You get them warmed up for
when we get to Fenian Alley.

Right you are.

Uh oh.

Here come the patches
looking for a capture.

Right, Donald, here we go.

Okay, John.

March parade.

[marching band playing]

[cheering]

[cheering]

[marching band playing]

They make you ashamed
to be a protestant.

Just look at them.
The lowest of the low.

They're scruff all right.

Just an excuse to drink.

Still, I suppose if it
wasn't for the likes of them

we wouldn't be able to
wash up on these days.

We'd all be Catholics.

Yeah, I suppose so.

Come on, Meg, let's get out
of this blooming racket.

[crowd yelling]

[marching band playing]

Jesus Christ, son, stop,
man. There's a funeral.

Who in the name of the any
man wants to get buried

on a Saturday in a big parade?

It must be a left
footer out of spite.

[slow drum banging]

God bless you boys.

You're Christian
gentlemen, showing respect

for our Christian souls and all.

Good on you boys.

Think, that's some
poor balloons wife.

Somebody's 'ma too.

There's not one of the mourners
has even squinted at us.

Must be a Pib.

You can't blame them
for not looking at us.

I mean even though he is a Mick

he's not gonna take as
much out on you, is he?

Christ, they slay me so they do.

See that last old pope?

All he ever talked
about was going to see

his great father maker above.

First chance he gets he's
got two or three doctors

round his death bed trying
to prevent him from going.

See young big Marshall there?

He's awful nicely
dressed isn't he?

Aye.

His wife always says he's
doing well, so she does.

Listen, you've done great son,

but lets see that stick really

going up in the air there.

We're coming to the alley.

All right.

Okay, Donald, gimme all you got!

Billy boys.

[Man 3] Billy
boys, right you go!

[marching band plays]

Look at those Fenian.

Give 'em something
to listen to, son.

[marching band plays loudly]

[crowd cheering]

[crowd cheering]

Get them moving.

Get this bunch of buggers out
of here as quick as you can.

Who are you calling
buggers you snotty idiot?

Watch it will you, son.

I don't take that from anybody,

especially not you and
your bunch of cowboys.

Now get them moving.

Or you get yourself blocked.

All right, John.

[marching band playing]

[glass smashing]

[shouting]

[crowd shouting]

God save the pope
and our sacred lady.

[men shouting]

[whistle blowing]

[women screaming]

[men arguing]

[dogs barking]

Hey, the poor Swings and
Oranges are gonna get murdered.

Well it serves the
bastards right.

Aye, okay, a doing's fair enough

but they're gonna
arrest her as well.

It's a protestant country.

If they don't like it
they can go back to Rome.

Ah, don't talk so stupid.

They're Scottish, just
the same as you and me.

[glass smashing]

[window breaking]

[women screaming]

All right, come on you all,
get out the back street.

[window breaking]

[police siren wailing]

Five more captures down there.

Told the police to take 'em
straight to the slaughterhouse.

That was a wee bit
stiff back there.

Bugger them. I
remember during the war

I'm glad they were all
leaving this town but

there were thousands odd
trying to juke being called up.

That was a long time ago.

I mean, if they were Irish

you're probably gonna
hate 'em anyway.

Don't you kid yourself, son.

The ones that left were
as Scottish as me and you.

Aye, maybe so.

You better get
that hand seen to.

That's all right. I'll
suffer that for the cause.

[police siren wailing]

Good boy, I'm glad of you son.

Gives us something to
do on our Saturdays.

[police siren wailing]

[marching band playing]

[men chanting]

Right band, the Queen!

[drum roll]

["God Save the Queen"]

♪ God save our gracious Queen

♪ Long live our noble Queen

♪ God save the Queen

♪ Send her victorious

♪ Happy and glorious

♪ Long to reign over us

♪ God save the Queen

[crowd cheering]

I take my hat off to you!

[crowd chattering]

A grand day. A grand day.

How's it going, Dan?

All right.

Is that a clean shirt
you've got for me?

Aye, there's one in there.

I heard you ran into a bit
of trouble. Was it bad?

No, it wasn't bad.

One of the bastards
threw shit at me.

[laughs] Oh my God.

Well that's taking
suffering for the cause

a wee bit too far I know.

Don't start, please.

[Dan] Wee mess you've
got your hands in,

that makes you feel good, eh?

Don't be stupid.

Does so, can't kid me.

Been punishing yourself
for the cause, eh?

How's it going?

Christ, look who it is.

Desperate Dan, the town money
lender and scum to the poor.

It's a good boy
you've got there, Dan.

A lot better if he didn't
know old tubes like you.

Jesus, what's the
matter with you father?

I'm not gonna mix
it with you, Dan.

See you later John.

He'd kill a Baathists
if he wanted to.

Ye of little faith.

Come on, hurry up and get
changed. I still want a drink.

Wasn't a bad parade
today, was it?

And you done great,
John, so you did.

Aye, well that carry on
in the close was nasty.

There's wee weans
in there, you know.

Ah, I suppose it was.

You get too influenced
with men like Williamson.

I mean, you're impressed
by him because he's tough,

yet anybody can be tough.

Oh aye, and how
does that work, eh?

All you've gotta be is
half daft to start with.

You mix it up with drink,
you've got a hard man.

Don't you fall into a trap,

don't let that happen to you.

I should know.

I mean, a song, a
football, the Orange lodge

or something like that

it stops us all
from going crazy.

Hey, Joe.

How's it going Joe? Still idle?

Aye, how're you young man?

Everything go all
right for you today?

It was okay.

There was a wee bit of trouble
up the alley, that was all.

One of the polers

led them into an ambush
on Duncan Street.

Ah, fuck.

[laughing] What you having, Joe?

I'll have a beer.

You hurted Joe?

No, I didn't

but there were some wee weans
there that could've done.

Well that's terrible.

Tell him what else
happened, John.

Go on, tell him.

Well, some clown
splattered me with keech.

Christ, that's desperate.

It's like a police said,

he was walking under a
three-story building,

he looks up at this window,

he got hocked by a shite.

[laughing]

Oh, he wasn't pleased, you know.

So he's wiping it
off with his fingers,

he looks up at this
window, he said,

"You dirty bastards!"

This woman shouts down,

"You've a cheek to talk,
your face is all shite!"

[laughing]

[Barman] Thank you.

Ah, thanks.

[Barman] 35.

There you are.

[Barman] Much
obliged, thank you.

I was just telling
John about the cowboys

and the headcases
that come in here.

You know how I feel.

I know hundreds
of guys who would

fight Cassius Clay
for a glass of wine,

isn't that right, Dan?

I'd fight him myself
for another one.

Sorry, I didn't
know it was my turn.

Herald, give us three halves!

I'm not kidding you, John.

Should've seen this
place during the war.

It was like a Klondike.

Every bugger was Billy to here.

Australians, Yanks,
Canadians, the lot.

The razor gangs were barbers
on a Saturday afternoon.

Isn't that right, Dan?

They would soon false
coming for a lesser

man than yourself
John, it's true.

I think it's time you
headed for home, big fella.

I think it's time
you went home, John.

He's awful drunk now.

Your ma will murder him.

Isn't that right, Dan?

Lizzie will kill you.

Don't be spouting that,
just shut up and drink.

Your fella's a good man, son,

but when he's drunk he
loses his place a wee bit.

I think it's home for
him, do you not think so?

It's not just that,

but he's not as young
as he used to be.

Christ, he could
fairly shift a drink

but now he gets drunk dead easy.

Don't get me wrong all the same.

Aye, okay, Joe.

Hey dad, coming home then?

Hold on, hold on, the
man's gonna give us a song.

Come on now, give us a chant.

Okay boy.

That's the stuff.

[drunk singing]

Hey, what else does
he do for a living?

Keeps him happy and
solves little else.

Yeah, I can see that.

How'd you get him to stop?

Let yourself go, belt it out!

[grunting]

That's big Hughey, the dummy.

Can't speak a word but he's
awful good at the lip reading.

[drunk singing]

[grunting]

Hey Dan, the big
man's getting angry.

You know what he's like.

[grunting]

Listen, can you explain to him?

You told me you sign a
bit of sign language.

Right, okay.

Hey, Hughey! It's okay!

Joe, are you explaining it
to him in short sentences?

[laughing]

[Dan] Oh, Jesus.

Hey, Dan, I recon you're getting
a wee bit hot, all right?

I think it's time you
took him home, son.

Okay Dan, you and me will
have a drink tomorrow, eh?

Don't jigger me.

I'm not that drunk.
Tomorrow Is Sunday.

Aye, come on, dad.

Son, I'll go home myself, eh?

No.

Now look, you don't think
your mother would let

two of us walk in drunk, do you?

She'd make you your tea and

she'd make me do
penance for a year

for teaching you bad ways.

Anyway, you've gotta meet Jimmy.

Okay, will you get over the
road yourself all right?

I'm fine just point
me to where I'm going.

You sure?

Here, son.

Oh, thanks Dad.

You're a good boy. Just
watch yourself, eh?

See you later.

See you tomorrow, Joe!

I'll see you tomorrow, Joe.

[rain falling]

[heavy breathing]

[crowd chattering]

Can I get a pint and
a whiskey please?

[Barman] No, you'd
better go home son.

You've had too much to drink.

I'm not serving you.

Hey, it's all right, Sammy.

He's with us, give him his
drink, I'll pay for it.

Oh Paddy, ya big shin thing!

How's it going, son?

Hey, you must've had a good day.

You're well on I see!

Hey, Tom and Jackie are
right around the corner.

It's John who saw you coming in.

There you go. Get a drink, man.

You big Orange swine, you.

Heard that band of yours
passing my work this morning.

Look at this state,
you going to a Ceilidh?

As soon as I saw you this
morning, I says to myself,

"Thank Christ I'm a Pib".

All these stupid wee
men in bowler hats

dancing about like epileptics.

They're all a bunch of
Tory bastards anyway.

Hey, the Labour Party
is run by Catholics.

How they do in Derry?

Sure they do in Daft's wee.

Christ, if it was run with us

I'd be in the chapel every day

on my knees every
day for great money.

He comes right up to my
bar and introduces himself.

And he says to me,
"Mr. McNab", he says,

"it's been a pleasure
working with you--"

Empty! Empty! Empty!

What is it for Christ's sake?

Empty! More drink you clown!

You've been there since we paid.

Any more of that, son, and
you're out on your arse!

Aye, very good.

It's a bit heated
that, you know,

talking that way
about a big lassie.

I was very near
planting him one.

Tim's a big time
Rangers supporter.

I heard Tim and his mate went
to a game and couldn't get in

so went to the pictures,
went to see "The Rome".

So there's this
scene in it where

they throw the
Christians to the lions,

apparently Big Tom had
started greeting them.

So the usherette comes up,

"What's wrong?"

He says, "Oh they're
throwing them poor Christians

there to the lions".

So she looks at his
Rangers scarf and says,

"Don't worry, they're Catholics
the lions are eating!"

So she goes away.

Couple minutes later
she's back again,

Big Tom's bawling his
head off, greeting!

She says, "Look, I told you,

it's Catholics the
lions are eating!"

He says, "I know

but there's one lion over
there doing nothing!"

[laughing]

[Man 5] I've been
looking for you, kid.

Oh, aye.

You're the boy who throws
a stick in the Orange band.

Aye, what about it?

I live in Duncan Street.

My brother was arrested,
got a hell of a hammering

off your pals this afternoon.

Now I'm gonna have you.

Oh, bugger off.

You couldn't have your
wife if she was sedated.

Hold on you two.
Now forget it pal.

Us three's Catholics,
the same as yourself.

John's just a daft
boy, he's a baby.

He didn't have anything
to do with your brother.

Look, don't lower yourself
to these Orangemen's level.

We'll have a wee
drink, forget it.

He's just a daft boy.

He's not old enough to have sex.

Listen friend, my brother's
in a hell of a mess.

They had to put a
steel brace in his jaw.

I don't want trouble with you.

Look, I didn't do it.

I don't know who did.

Could've been anybody.
I don't know, do I?

What you don't see doesn't
happen, is that it kid?

Well I seen it, and I'm
gonna take you and you.

I'm not joking, son.

I'm gonna damage you.

These people are animals.

Oh is that right?

Well you better save
up your embassy coupons

for a tin tarry gun

'cause that's the only way
you're gonna get near him.

Don't worry about him, son.

He's a mouth.

The ones that threaten
you never dare.

It's the ones that kick
you, you want to watch.

I mean, look at
yesterday's strooder.

I think he's bombing fetter.

I wouldn't be too
sure about that.

He's a head banger.

He just got out for swapping
knuckles with the police.

Christ, Paddy, I had
nothing to do with him

to get a knock.

Forget it, son!

You don't have to
justify yourself to us.

I don't care!

His brother's a swine anyway.

Thanks. But that doesn't
make me feel any better

if that big pig's gonna
pummelled my body.

[laughing]

That's fair, forget about it!

Here, hurry up and get
another round before

the bloody bell goes.

Four pints, four halves.

Bloody liberty, isn't it?

Imagine wanting to hit that,

you see the legs on him?

The last time I
saw legs like that

there was mast tied
to one of them!

[laughing]

Christ, you could knock it down

with your stoat for diarrhoea.

[laughing]

Here's your change, Paddy.

I don't want it.

Did the barman not
ask your age there?

No, he only asked me
to give him money.

Christ, I've spent the
wife's wages again.

She'll divorce me for that.

What's wrong with that?

I would love a divorce.

Alimony, that's
what's wrong with it!

That's what's
keeping us all back.

Well that and the
fact we're Catholics.

There was this wee guy,

he was in the divorce courts.

The judge says,

"I'm gonna give your
wife £15 a week".

The man says,

"That's very civil
of you, your honour,

I'll slip her a few bob myself".

[laughing]

A wee Glasgow woman,

up in the high court for murder.

Big barrister says,

"Tell me, Mrs. McGlumphar,

why did you shoot your
husband with a bow and arrow?"

She says, "Oh, I didn't
want to wake the weans."

[laughing]

[Barman] Come on, everybody out.

[men chattering]

Careful, I need to
get down these stairs.

I'll shove my studs
on your boots!

Come on, move!

I'm busting. Hurry up!

[Paddy] Just made it, eh?

Shouldn't make me walk
like that, it's a stutter.

Have you got a fag?

I've got a wean in
my pocket somewhere.

Hey, you Orange bastard.

I told you to forget it, pal.

And I told you--

[men shouting]

Get the bastard!

Go on, get him!

Come on, he's bluffing!

Oh my God.

Jesus, God!

What did they do?

That wasn't me!

You're all baby bastards!

I'm coming!

Ill kill you!

You're all right, there's
nothing wrong with you.

You've just had
too much to drink.

Now listen, just stay here.

Stay here alone, all right?

[John sobbing]

[men shouting]

You better get off
to your ma, lads.

I've just phoned the police.

They'll be here in a minute.

[police siren wailing]

[policeman shouting]

[dogs barking]

Ah, give up! Give up!

That's right you
wee bugger, run!

Don't worry, we'll get you!

[drunk singing]

Hey, hey. What about
the big Alice's song?

♪ You forgot to remind me

♪ To remember to forget

♪ You promised me memories

♪ I'd never forget

What the hell are
you smiling at?

[Friend] Hey, hey!

What was that?

Just screw the boy.

Hey Johnny, you'll miss the bus!

Jesus Christ.

Everybody's getting at me.

Mum, dad, you got me down.

[TV jingle]

[News Reporter] It's
22 minutes to midnight,

and on the M1 motorway
in Derbyshire,

roadworks will slow two lanes

of the Southbound
carriageway again tomorrow

between junction
29 and the A617.

[Mother] What happened to you?

Some guy hit me.

What for, in the name of Christ?

[John] Whistling.

Whistling?

It must've been one of your
bloody Orange songs then.

People don't go about
hitting you for nothing.

Oh my God, look at
your good jacket.

Aye, sure.

Will you get me
something to eat?

I'm really starving.

No wonder you're drunk.

You've been drinking all day
on top of an empty stomach.

I'll get you something.

Been giving somebody your lip?

Too much of that jungle juice.

It's not just that.

Come on, 'ma!

[Dad] Don't notice my coat, son.

If you've sold it or lost it,

I'm not surprised you're sick.

Actually I've lost
your coat, dad.

Sorry.

That's all right, forget it.

I've never worn a
coat in my life,

your mother bought it for me.

What was that you said?

Oh, Christ.

Thought she was in bed.

You lost the coat, did you?

Jesus Christ, I've still got
12 weeks to pay on that coat

and you've gone and lost it?

I suppose you were falling
about drunk with it on?

Well you can finish
the payments, boy.

You lost it, you pay for it.

Aw, 'ma!

Hell of a sorry
about your coat, dad.

[Dad] What, 12 payments?

Christ, that's one
more after a dog

when I couldn't find a stone.

Anyway pal, what's
making you so sick?

Everything, the whole setup.

You know that Rob Williamson?

He battered an old man about
60, right in the mouth.

They only released him
out of Whamnea for parade.

The man's an animal.

I'm not sure about
it all anymore.

You know what I think.

I could never tell you
not to join, could I?

You had to find that
out for yourself.

By rights, you
shouldn't be drinking

but you're going to drink,
no matter what I say.

If you join organisations
like the Orange band

it saps you, you don't
feel much anymore.

You don't care.

You take whatever
they throw at you.

You never give us peace, dad.

Look, if you and I

were to go outside in
the street just now

and there was a man being
pummelling to a pulp,

you'd be sensitive enough
to let that upset you.

I'm not your friend here.

I'd have to make a joke
about it, so I would.

[John] I think your
head's just adrift.

It's the same as that story
in the papers the other day.

Two boys heaved a man
out of a tenement window.

Up in court they said he
thought he was going to be sick

and they were only gonna give
him a wee bit of fresh air.

[laughing]

It's a good laugh.

But try and think of the noise

that fella's skull made when
it splattered on the pavement.

You either laugh or you
do something about it.

But you can't though.

How no?

Because there's too many
bloody organisations

like the Orange lieges.

The Masonic liege,
the Hibernian,

the knights, the Catholics too.

As long as they're there,

they keep the people split and

fighting against each other

instead of battling
together for something

better for themselves.

I don't know why
I hate Catholics.

I suppose it's because I
might prefer them being Irish

than they are Scottish.

Jesus Christ, pal.

Do you not know it was
your saviour King Billy

that gave the order for
a massacre at Glencoe?

If you're so proud
of being Scottish

I wouldn't be too fond of his.

Ah, it's not true.

It's true as I'm sat here
looking at your fat lip.

You're being conned,
every one of you.

Listen son,

a lot of your mates in
the world are Catholic.

You don't hate them.

They're not any different
from the fellas in the band.

There were times today where
I felt sick to my boat.

There was two wee weans
standing at a window

and somebody put the
bottle right through it.

You should've seen the
horror on their faces.

It's bloody terrible, so it was.

That's what I mean, son.

That's no way to live.

You know yourself,

I've always known there
was something better.

I could never do
anything about it.

Don't get me wrong,
I had my chances

but all I'm trying to tell you

is don't let
yourself get trapped.

'Cause if you do,
your mother and me

will mould your life for you.

You make it rain.

If anything's gonna do me
harm it's gonna be this place,

not you or my 'ma.

[Dad] Look son, I
know you're restless,

I was the same myself.

I'm different from you dad.

Aye, in the same way

that I was so different
from my father I hated him

so I ran away to sea.

After all those years abroad,

I realised that you cannot
juke your environment by

crossing borders into
different countries,

'cause in the end it's yourself
you're running away from.

And you can't because
of what you are

and because of
what you come from.

All you can do is compromise.

I'll not compromise, dad.

'Cause I know I'm
different from you.

[Mother] There you are.

Ta.

I don't get one?

Get up off your arse
and make your own.

Filling the boy's head with
your bloody stupid ideas.

I've been listening to you.

May God strike me down dead

as I oppose in this
chair if I tell a lie.

Smart arse, you cannot kid me.

I told you this morning
son, his head's wasted.

He's one of these
men that believes in

bugger all but drink.

Christ woman, you're
as daft as a brush.

Not that daft, let me tell you.

I know why you're trying
to get him to leave.

Sure bloody tinkle I do.

You're jealous of him.

[laughs]

Aye, laugh you big swine,
you know it's true.

14 years at sea, no letters,
no money, no nothing.

Now you're back,

you're jealous of the
attention I give John,

you think you should
be getting it!

Christ, you wouldn't get
the matter out of my eye!

That boy's more of a man
now than you ever were

or ever will be.

I'll pour you a cup of tea, dad.

Thanks, son.

[John] So how come
you didn't stay away

when you had the chance?

Is it because you're married?

That's what we all like
to kid ourselves of

but it's just an excuse.

That's all it is.

Men are weak and frightened
like everybody else.

It's a big place, you've
gotta make it yourself.

Most people don't, they
prefer their grievance.

I'm one of them.

I'm feared.

Your mother is right.

I see things in you
that I haven't got.

Even though I can't fight?

So you've settled
for your lot then?

All that shite and garbage,

all the time hidden behind
your wee bit of philosophy?

And yes, you're no better off
than all the men in lieges,

maybe even worse off,

'cause at least they've got
something going for them.

I mean, I know when
I was a drum major,

made me feel a wee bit special,

giving a wee bit
extra, you know?

That's true.

Not everybody can
split their fingers,

hurling a lob of wood there.

But you said it
yourself, it's better.

So as soon as I get some
money together, I'm off.

It's better all right, son,

but you can't leave for
a couple of years yet.

Why not?

How can let you go,
you're still a minor.

Christ, what's this
you're giving me now?

I'm old enough to go
out and drink with you

and get a punch in the mouth

but I'm too young to leave home?

No way, keech.

Look, John. I work a lot
of hours in the week.

I get five knicker
of pocket money.

Come Saturday, I go out and
get blotted and collapse.

Now I cannot remember
the last time

your mother and me
slept in the same bed.

We don't talk much anymore

but she's all I've got.

Sounds like it, why don't
you tell a parish minister?

Doesn't matter much what
it sounds like to you.

I'm telling you
she's all I've got

and unlucky for you sunshine,

you're all she's got.

You leave, I get the blame

and that's her really
finished with me.

What difference is a
couple of years gonna make?

None to me, understand?

Jesus, you're a loser, dad.

What you trying to do, eh?

You spend all your
time telling me

about chances you've
had and missed,

then tell me how I
should take mine?

Especially after
missing all that shit,

you're embarrassing now.

That was the drink talking.

We all mouth when
we've had a drink.

Anyway, I didn't say you
cannot take your chances.

I just said you cannot go yet.

Listen you big
waster, I'm leaving.

And you said it yourself,
you cannot stop me.

It's just like my 'ma
said, you're all self.

Shuffling everything
about to suit yourself.

You know if I stay here I'm
gonna end up just like you.

[Dad] That's a chance
I'm gonna have to take.

Oh aye, bet you're good at
odds, considering it's my life.

[Dad] What else can I do, son?

You can go and get
yourself blocked.

I'm leaving dad, and
you're not gonna stop me.

You're staying, son.

With your lip trembling baby,

you are staying.

I'm sorry for you, dad.

[John sniffling]

What's that big bastard
been saying to you?

You should've
punched his face in

instead of wasting
your tears on him.

You're a good Protestant,
he believes in nothing.

Don't you listen to him son.

He's trying to get you
to leave, I know he is.

I know he's been
all over the world

but I know if you went anywhere
else, you wouldn't like it.

'Cause listen son,
there's nowhere like home

and there's none like
your own so ignore him.

Goodnight, 'ma.

Night, son.

I saw you today.

I was proud of you.

[muffled children shouting]

John?

I polished your football boots
and put the new studs in them

for your game tomorrow.

Okay, 'ma.

Goodnight.

[Mother] Night, son.

[upbeat bass riff]

We are the people.

Magic.

[upbeat rock music continues]