Play for Today (1970–1984): Season 5, Episode 13 - Funny Farm - full transcript
[upbeat theme music]
[dog yapping]
[Jack] Morning Alan.
Morning Jack.
I've, I've made the
tea, shall I dish it up?
Aye, go on.
I'll give them a shake in a minute.
Right.
Morning.
Morning Al.
God, it's thin out there.
Bill's made some tea.
Has he?
Mm. Give us a cuppa.
-Bill?
-No, I'm going to bed.
How's it been?
Oh, so-so. Quiet.
Sidney was upset at bedtime.
Weepy again.
But he settled after medication,
and he had a comfortable night.
Mr. Scully was restless and quarrelsome.
He had a Mogadon, and he settled.
Graham was wandering again.
I find him sitting at that chess table
at half past three.
Was he?
He bloody was.
I let him make some tea.
He only put a teabag and
three spoons of coffee
in each cup.
Nigh on bloody poisoned me.
I told him to get back into bed
before I crammed that
chess set up his arse.
Oh, he'll be clapped out
again, then, will he?
It's murder getting him to
get occupational therapy.
He shouldn't be allowed at that chess set
as much as he is.
And I've put that in my report.
Have you?
[Bill] Well, he's no chance
while he's stuck with that,
has he?
Aye.
[John] That all then, Bill?
I think so.
Oh, I had to shut Mr. Chadd up.
Bellowing out Nymphs and
Shepherds at half past two.
[group laughs]
And there's was quarrelsome
and medications.
The usual.
Oh, and keep your eye on one to three.
He'll be excitable and impulsive.
But, he had a good night.
Well, I'm going to put
my head on the pillow.
All right.
See you in the morning.
Charge nurse still off?
[John] Yeah.
Just the two of us here.
I don't know.
Tara, then.
[John] See you.
Tara Bill.
Here we are then.
Heat up.
Arthur's first.
Arthur.
Arthur.
Do you realise what you've
just interrupted, Jack, eh?
Tea?
I just got a... jeez, the size of it.
Just got a spread out on the divan.
Sorry.
Tea, Arthur, wake up.
What is it?
Going, Arthur.
Knackers.
-Morning, Ted.
-Morning.
Tea's out there.
Nice and fresh, I- I've just made it.
Suppose I'll get a cup of it.
Come on Arthur, sup up.
Your fag's on the top there.
Oh aye, it is.
Good, thanks Arthur.
Tip this tongue, got a spec on it.
This place gets more like a
bleeding madhouse every day.
This is the life, you know.
Just like the forces.
Good mates, comradeship.
I'll get a cup of tea.
[Sidney] I'm awake, Arthur.
Aye.
They'll not bury you today, then.
Don't feel like getting up, though.
[Arthur] Stay in bloody bed.
Oh, no, I- I can't do that.
That's what you're hear for, rest.
Stay in all bloody day
if you feel like it.
[Sidney] No, it's against my principles,
lying rotting in bed.
You're better up, folk die in bed.
Dying's not a crime, you know.
I reckon that's what's happening to me.
[Arthur] Oh, it will Sidney, it will.
Nothing so sure as that.
All those pills, I don't hold them.
It's not natural is it?
All right Arthur?
Aye, champion.
I told you I had an office
job, didn't I, Arthur?
Yes, you did.
Good job.
Very good.
Clean.
Promoted I was, I did ever so well.
I, I was only a warehouseman,
and I got promotion.
Stock control.
Got to that.
Stock control.
In an office.
Going to work with a suit on, and...
Whatever would have happened to me?
When...
Do you think it'll ever come
back, Arthur, my concentration?
I, I've been here 18 months now,
and I'll be sent back to the
rehabilitation ward soon.
I know they will.
Once you get up there...
Arthur.
Do you think I'll ever get out of here?
Of course you will.
It's figures, you see.
My- my head.
All I ever wanted was an office job.
Proud as punch, I was.
But the figures.
The figures, in my head I couldn't.
I didn't know.
[Jack cries]
18 months, Arthur, and
I'll never get out of here.
They'll be sending me back
to the rehabilitation ward.
I'll never get out.
Come on, Jack.
You've not been like this for days, now.
Come on, pull yourself together,
and don't be so bloody morbid.
The improvement in you
since I've been here,
what, you can get out any time.
You're onto a good thing,
and you want to hang onto it.
I, I want to go back
to work, in the office.
[Sidney] I never want to go to work again,
not to that factory.
You get on with your dying, Sidney.
Arthur, you-
Get me another cup, go on,
before the pot's empty.
Bloody gannets out there, go on,
I'll see if I can find you another ciggie.
All right, Arthur.
You're very good to me, thank you.
Jeff?
Jeff?
Look at him, a pair of boxing
gloves for him tonight.
Jeff!
It can drive you blind as well as daft.
[Ted] Some characters here, hey?
Aye, they're called barmy.
That bloke down there, one that runs off,
he's just given 40 fags away.
[Sidney] Best thing he could do with them.
Christ, don't half get some laughs here.
Hey, give him a kick.
Just look at him, wanked out.
[John] Morning.
[Mr. Chadd sings]
♪ Oh, what a beautiful morning ♪
♪ Oh, what a beautiful day ♪
Morning everybody.
Ha ha, the finest boy soprano in Leeds.
Yeah, but you're over 70 now.
But I never lost me thrush.
[group talking]
Graham, stop snoring, you'll
have the wallpaper off.
Graham.
I'm going for the paper, Al.
You're all right, okay.
Graham.
You're all right.
Come and get a cup of tea, it'll be cold.
Come on now.
You okay Les?
Top of the world. A1.
Fit as a fiddle.
Bit of depression, though,
middle of the night.
A very bad night, in fact, Alan.
Very disturbed.
Did you see the night nurse?
Nurse?
Oh no, no.
Didn't like to disturb him.
Thought he might be having a kip, eh.
Oh, I wouldn't presume that.
Oh, but you know what I
mean, nothing serious,
just restless.
Need more exercise.
Not enough work in the
entire world to tyre me out.
[Alan] Right then.
Right.
All right.
[Alan] Morning everybody.
I think I'll do 30 today.
One.
-Two.
-[Mr. Chadd sings]
♪ You were the only girl in the world ♪
♪ And I was the only ♪
Four.
Five.
♪ Nothing else would matter in the world ♪
Six.
Seven.
Eight.
Nine.
Ten.
Eleven.
Twelve.
Now then, Mr. Scully.
Are we all right?
I brought you a cup of tea.
Drink up, now.
That's it.
What time is it?
It's coming up to breakfast.
Are you getting up?
Have you taken my clothes?
No, they're here, look.
On your chair, just where
you left them last night.
Can you remember last night?
Huh?
I'll give you a hand getting dressed
when you've had your tea, shall I?
Is there sugar in this?
Yes.
I don't take it.
That's why I didn't put any in.
Drink up.
There we are.
What have you done with me clothes?
They're here.
You've took them away.
No.
We put your case away.
It's in the cupboard just out there.
Round the corner, third door on the right.
What case?
It's quite safe.
Huh?
Your case.
Do you want anything?
I don't know what you mean.
If you do, you've only to ask, right?
I want a shave.
And you shall have one.
Have you taken me shaving things?
Let the barber do it.
He comes round after breakfast.
I'll do it myself.
Aye, perhaps tomorrow.
Let the barber do it today.
Shall I help you dress?
Can't.
Course you can.
-I'll help you.
-Can't!
Now then, Mr. Scully.
I can't.
Anybody can see in.
Doors open.
Oh well, that's soon fixed, isn't it?
There.
Now I'll close the door, and I'll pop back
in a few minutes to see
how you're getting on.
Are you going to fetch me clothes?
No, they're here, look, on your chair.
I'll be back soon.
[door slams]
[Walter] Nurse, I say, nurse.
What is it, Walter?
Can I have my clothes today, nurse?
Not till you've seen the doctor, Walter.
He'll let you know what's best.
Well it, it's awful
walking about like this.
Alan, isn't it?
That's right.
Yes, uh, I forget, you see.
Wednesday, is it?
Thursday.
Is it?
Whatever happened to Wednesday, then?
Did I have an attack?
No, and you're doing very well.
Now just take things slowly,
and try not to be impatient.
I want to get better.
You will.
I hope so, as soon as I can.
I haven't seen me children for...
Three weeks is it, or?
You're much better already.
Just be patient.
Have I had the electric treatment?
No.
Are they going to?
The doctor'll decide that, Walter.
I don't mind, if it gets
me better, you know.
If it helps.
We'll see, eh?
Right, yeah.
Yes, sir.
Like a fag?
No, no no, it's all right.
Yes, go on, have one, please.
Yeah, okay then, I'll, uh,
I'll have it later with me coffee.
Take the packet.
No, don't be silly.
It's good, I've got some more.
No, now put them in your pocket.
And I don't want you
giving all this stuff away
to other patients.
You'll have nothing left for yourself.
That's right, and leave them there.
They sent me some from work, you see,
and I like to see the lads with a smoke.
Well I'll get on,
and you're seeing Doctor
Roberts this morning.
Ooh, uh...
What it is, Alan.
I don't know whether I've
mentioned this to you before,
but I had this, um,
I had cancer when I was 18,
and it killed me.
Awful it was.
Cancer of the bowel.
Killed me.
I've never got over it.
Have a sit down, I'll bring you a paper
with your breakfast, if
I can get hold of one.
Ooh, right, well thanks very much, nurse.
Y- you didn't mind me
telling you that, did you?
Have a sit down.
I'll behave myself.
Perhaps me clothes today, eh?
Yeah, I'll be much better then.
I feel better when I've got me clothes.
[Ted] Time to get down
to mess soon, eh lads?
Down to what?
The mess.
I mean the dining room.
Miss the queue.
You're not in the blinding army, Ted.
Well good eyes, isn't it?
Eh, look at you making your bed, there.
Bet you don't do that at home?
I'm not at home, and when I am
I don't buy a doubt about myself, do I?
Ah, well it's like a billet isn't it?
I mean, not so big as the old nissen hut.
But you've got your mates
around you, having a laugh.
Hey, jeez, I've forgotten
what laughing was
till I come in here.
Eh, the trouble the doctor
had to come in here, eh?
Well, I mean I thought
they were all doolally,
all nutters, you know?
I mean, I thought with that lot.
Hey, no thank you.
Yet here I am.
Here.
Hey, all them worries and
work, and kids and nags
are all outside.
Out there.
Stuff it.
I were taking 18 pills a day.
You don't do so bad in here.
Ah, but I was having to
work on top, you know.
I took on too much.
The business was running away with me.
I had no time to sleep, always something.
Me head was never still.
I did the last contract
practically on me own.
I'm flaming grateful for this
place, for a bit of peace.
And I thought they were all nutters, hey?
They are.
You are, we all are.
Hey, you're a laugh, Arthur.
You are.
Not half, eh?
I don't know though what
I'll do when I have to leave.
It frightens me.
I don't know whether I can cope.
Hey, what if they send me home on Friday?
I mean, they do turn out
and me month's almost up.
How long have you been in now, Sid?
I feel rotten.
Just after me, wasn't it?
I, I dunno.
Aye.
Aye, it would be.
I- I was on the night shift
when they brought me here.
Twelve hour shifts.
Terrible.
Unnatural.
I sort of went...
I- I'd spent me life out of doors.
Gardener, yeah.
Twenty three years with the same boss.
When my daughter got married,
they came to live with us, see.
And he, he was an agitator.
Never anybody gabbed so
much in all me born days.
I was on 18 a week.
18 pounds and the tied cottage.
Well, the son in law went on at me about
working overtime without
pay, and being on call
every weekend and not getting...
Well, somebody had to feed
the hens, didn't they?
He, he just went on, and I told him,
I, I get me vegetables, I said.
And there's fruit.
I told him straight, I, I used
to sell a bit on the side,
make a shilling or two that way.
Told him, I did.
But he wouldn't have it.
Said I was forced into
criminal activity to survive.
Criminal.
Every gardener does it,
it's one of the perks.
Any road, the upshot was
I, I went to the boss
and told him I wanted more money.
Oh, you should've seen his face.
Sort of...
Gave me such a dressing down about,
didn't I trust him to do
the right thing and...
Funny, him dressing me down.
Because the boss had never
done a day's work in his life.
Everything inherited.
They don't keep the hounds anymore,
and the stables are empty,
but they hunt still.
He, never worked, giving me a rollicking.
Wasn't right, was it?
So I, I told him, I'd
have to look elsewhere.
Told him, I asked him, I'd
like to rent the cottage
and stay on, as I'd been
there all those years,
and giving good service.
Out in a month.
That's all he said.
Out in a month.
And my wife had done all
the jam making for them.
Chutneys, fruit bottling, jams.
She did all that for nothing.
So I had to go and live in a flat.
Two rooms, with people above
and below, and no garden.
I got this job at the mattress factory.
Got worse, just got miserable.
Miserable, more every day.
I, I was crying some days.
Crying, ha?
That's no way to live, is it?
And I wonder who's
tending me garden now, eh?
I nursed that soil.
Come on Sidney, lad.
Come on now, you're nowt
but a bloody peasant,
and we shall shoot you if
you start getting morbid.
[Ted] Ah, don't be down Sidney.
[Sidney] I feel rotten.
But you've got your mates.
We're your mates.
We're all here for the same reason.
We're ill, and we're gonna get better.
Ain't that right, Arthur?
Aye.
Hey, look at time.
We'll be back of queue.
Come on Sidney, Arthur.
Guess what's on my bleeding
diet sheet this morning?
Here you are, Walter.
Thank you.
You're very good to me.
Aye.
We'll soon have you right.
I'm, uh, not so keen on tomatoes.
Just leave them then.
It'll be all right, will it?
Aye.
Just this once.
All right then.
Yes, thank you very much, Alan.
Thank you.
Oh, that's it, Mr. Scully.
Well done.
I was just coming to fetch you.
Pardon?
Ready for your breakfast, are you?
I can't find me tie.
Somebody's taken me tie.
You've got in on.
I can't let people see me without me tie.
You've got it on.
Eh?
Is that the one I came with?
Yes.
I don't remember.
Bacon and tomatoes for you.
What is?
Bacon and tomatoes, for your breakfast.
I haven't had me breakfast.
That's it.
Take your time.
Lesley Dewhurst.
There you go.
Ah, good breakfast this morning.
Was it?
Aye.
Double helping.
Mr. Spinner?
How are you today, Ted?
Oh great, much better, thank you.
That's the stuff.
Mr. Charlton.
Yes?
There you go, Sidney.
They're not doing me much good, nurse.
Well give them a chance, Sidney.
I had a terrible night,
hardly slept a wink.
Oh aye.
Didn't I see you napping
yesterday morning?
And you had at least two
hours with your head down
in the afternoon, a little bird told me.
You're not working either.
Are you surprised you don't
sleep when you should?
I woke up feeling rotten.
Oh really?
Waking up from not sleeping can't be bad.
-Next, Mr. Chadd.
-[Mr. Chadd sings]
♪ You are my honeysuckle, and am the bee ♪
All right, Mr. Chadd,
just swallow the pills.
Haven't you got a bigger
one for him, nurse?
These are quite strong
enough for me, thanks.
I said bigger, not stronger.
Something to bloody choke you.
Ooh, we've got one of the
hard faced fraternity.
One of the moaners here.
Just swallow your pills, Mr. Chadd.
Choke, you bastard.
Now don't speak to me like that.
Remember, I'm 73 years old.
You'll finish up in the nuthouse.
Oh, all will be the same to you.
Rothwell, Arthur.
All right, John.
Arsenic.
Makes a change from bromide.
Seven minutes, forty three
seconds this morning, Lesley.
Oh aye, what's that?
To fetch the papers from the shop.
My chronometer doesn't lie.
Oh yes.
Keep you in trim.
When I get it down to seven minutes dead,
I shall be satisfied.
I'm determined to do that before I leave.
[Lesley] Mm.
Do you expect to be here much longer?
Mm?
No.
Just a few days.
I think I'll just settle for alcoholism.
[Lesley] You should get
to keep fit classes.
Join a club, that'll cure you.
No, no.
Seems to run in my family.
Father's got an implant.
I expect that's how I'll end up.
Oh, that's the easy
way, anyone can do that.
I mean, look at me.
The problems I've had,
and I've topped them all with fitness.
30 press ups this morning,
and I run everywhere.
Run all the times
outdoors, walk fast inside.
Keep moving.
Brisk, spring of the heels.
Deep breathing.
Oh, I'm as fit now as I
was in the paratroops.
Did you know, Jonathan, I signed for 12.
12 years straight, on the dotted line.
I wish I was still in.
Great life.
Talk about fit.
Only did two though.
Nerve went.
Not my fault, they said that,
it could happen to anybody.
It was just, just jumping.
I couldn't do enough.
Do you know something, eh?
I'd be all butterflies, trembling.
I didn't crap my pants,
but close to at times.
And somehow, somehow they'd
get me out of the aircraft
and I knew, I knew, yes, positive,
the shoot wouldn't open.
Falling, and I knew.
And the jerk as she took wind.
What a feeling.
I used to sing all the way down.
Sing at the top of my voice,
floating all that way down.
I froze up somehow.
Couldn't budge me.
They had to let me go.
They said they was sorry, like, and well,
I was a good soldier, smart and all that.
How long since you've been out?
Ooh, some time now.
Well couldn't you get back
in if you liked it so much?
You what?
Not with that mob, mate.
You've got to be perfect.
I, I only had that one
tiny flaw, and I was out.
Quite right too.
You can't win wars with invalids.
Yes.
What did you say you do now?
Yes, I think that's it.
-I say, Les.
-Hey?
Oh, well, the...
Coal miner.
Miner?
Yes.
Cut out for danger, you see.
A safe job's no good to me.
I burrow under there with the men.
But I thought you said
you lived at Bromington?
Hey?
Well, I do.
But only temporary, till I
can get back down the pit.
Got to get on with this lot, first.
Look at me, time.
I should be practising .
I'm, uh, playing at the patient's concert
next week, you know.
Got more work to do.
You seeing the doctor this morning?
No.
Not today.
And if he did discharge
me, I'd still come back
to do the concert, I
wouldn't let them down.
I've got to see him.
I hope I'm first on the list,
I want to get occupational therapy.
I've got this idea for another painting,
and I'm going to try to
get it done in 16 minutes.
Start to finish.
Oh, and I'll have me
canvas set up, naturally.
But the actual painting, 16 dead.
That'll be something, eh?
Have you got a cigarette?
Have you got a cigarette for me?
I don't smoke, it's a bad habit.
Go on, just one.
I won't ask anymore.
Go on, just give us one.
Can you let me have five
pence, then, for a cup of tea?
I'm ever so thirsty, I
haven't had any breakfast.
They're trying to starve me.
Just one cigarette and I'll be off.
[John] Graham, have you
had your medication yet?
I'm not doing anything.
Now you know you're not
supposed to come down here
pestering the other patients.
I know, nurse, but could
you let me have a cigarette?
I'm gagging-
Go on Joyce, go back to your own ward.
I don't smoke.
Five pee, then, for a cup of tea?
If I had five pee, I would
be smoking, wouldn't I?
Would you give me one?
Go back to your own ward.
I don't want to go.
I want a cigarette and a cup of tea.
That's all I want.
I'm not harming anybody.
Joyce.
Graham, have you had your medication yet?
Uh, no.
Well come on then, we're waiting.
In a minute.
Now, we're finished all but you.
Yes, I'll just move-
Graham, now.
Come on.
Graham!
Have you had your wash, Jeff?
Well, I would do.
Don't seem to get dirty down here, do you?
Everything's so clean.
Here you are.
Five and a half minutes, this
bloody crossword's useless.
I don't know how you do it.
Run down the sitting room,
Jeff, and get me The Telegraph.
What?
Oh, aye, it's bloody sacrilege
mentioning movement to you,
isn't it?
Unless it's giving it some
fist in your wanking pit.
Oh, I don't go in for that.
And what the hell are you
doing at 18 years of age?
I'm gonna play some
records in the quiet room.
You coming?
The quiet room.
Listening to that
half-baked American swine
slathering into his one-string guitar.
He's as bent as arthritis.
Elvis is the greatest.
[Arthur] Aye, so you keep
saying, but the greatest what?
The greatest.
Go and get me The Telegraph.
Go on, that bloke never reads it.
He just won't confess to the Daily Mirror
since his dad bought him carpet slippers.
I don't know how you do it.
I know I couldn't.
Like the books you read.
I mean, I could read a textbook.
Facts, figures, the
electronics, that sort of thing.
But a novel?
A waste of time to me.
Oh my gosh, you must've learned a lot
from the Meccano annual, Ted.
You don't learn much from novels, do you?
Just how have textbooks
enriched your life?
Lots of ways.
It's all useful.
You never know when technical
stuff is going to come in.
Doctor's due any minute now,
we're to go to wait in the sitting room.
[Arthur] Marching orders then?
Well I hope I can go.
[Arthur] Go?
You can't walk.
Get back to work.
You can't beat the dining room.
They say I'm the best waiter they've got.
You meet all sorts of people,
and get good tips and all.
Going to save up when I get back.
Can you imagine that, serving your grub?
He wouldn't last two
minutes on a pig farm,
and he reckons he's a top class waiter.
I am.
I am a waiter, honest.
[Ted] What will you save up for?
Dunno, go into business.
You?
Get your bed made.
[Jeff] It's all right.
There's bloody fumes coming
off it, you can seem them.
I'm going.
Aye.
Let's go.
Come on, can't we.
Eh, I bet I get out today.
You are Dr. Roberts, aren't you?
No, I'm Jonathan.
Oh, very droll.
[Mr. Chadd singing]
Do you mind, Mr. Chadd?
I first sang that song in
public when I was seven.
Oh yes.
[Mr. Chadd singing]
Mr. Chadd.
The doctor's here.
It's like being in the bleeding madhouse.
No it's not.
You're dead.
Aye, and we're all angels.
A choir of angels.
I diagnose 18th.
It's all right, Walter.
You can see the doctor after Jonathan.
Anyone like a cigarette?
No, just light one for yourself.
And remember what I told you.
Okay Alan.
Right.
Jonathan.
Right.
I'm going to speak to Dr. Roberts
about presenting one of my
paintings to the hospital.
Maybe on that wall over there.
[Alan] Come on, Jonathan.
How do you feel, Arthur?
Keep taking the pill.
I've got butterflies.
Wonder what the wife will
say if I go home now.
Business needs looking after, I know.
I, I'm already can't cope.
It's good in here.
Rest.
Sleep, and all that.
But I feel...
Terrible.
Heavy.
[Mr. Chadd singing]
When the red, red robin comes bob-
Do you have to keep doing that here?
What's that, Mr...
I don't know your name, do I?
No.
But remember, song uplifts
the spirits, friend.
It lightens your load.
Gives me a headache.
[Mr. Chadd] Then join in, see how-
Quit it.
[Mr. Chadd] I beg your pardon, young man?
I'm twice your age.
Oh, here Jeff.
Take Liza Minnelli over
there down to the quiet room
and give him a bashing with
your records, will you?
You've a musician here, friend,
a lot in common you two.
Oh, shut up Arthur.
You should be setting a good
example to these youngsters.
When we were their age,
we asked for guidance.
Aye, and we got it.
Discipline.
And no trains or buses,
just to jump on at your whim or fancy.
We walked.
Aye, walked almost everywhere.
It was nothing for me to walk
almost any summer's evening,
from the bridge at the
bottom of Spring Lane
right over tops to Pack
Horse, drink a pint of ale
and then walk back.
Nothing to it.
I walk miles every day in my job.
I bet having one of
those metres on me leg,
that'd give you a shock.
I read somewhere how far
a waiter walks in a day.
But I've forgotten.
I say, have you got a cigarette for me?
Go on, just one.
I won't bother you any more, then.
Jeff.
Go on, I'm gasping.
I haven't had one for weeks.
You're not to give her
one, she'll never give you
a minute's peace.
Get back to your ward, Joyce,
you shouldn't be in here.
Yes I should.
I'm allowed.
Will you give me one?
Eh?
A cigarette, just one.
Yes, here you are.
Give me another, this won't last long.
Help yourself.
Now get off.
You mind your own business.
She's harming nobody.
Can you let me have five
pee, eh, for a cup of tea?
Shop's open, soon.
Only five pee.
What have they done with me toes?
Go on, I won't bother you any more, then.
[Arthur] No.
No.
Tight fisted bastard.
All of you.
Give me five pee.
I shouldn't be here without me clothes.
You're all right, dad.
You're dressed, spruced and shining.
Ready for morning chapel, eh?
You all know what I mean.
I'll bet you never run the
highway in dirty boots.
Not likely, eh.
Right Walter.
Are you ready?
Joyce, out, you've been told once today.
-But I-
-Out.
I've got a cigarette.
I'll just have a smoke and
then get to ward, Alan.
Okay.
Come on, then, Walter.
How d'you get on?
Oh, Dr. Robert says I'm not ready yet.
Could be some time.
I don't mind, though.
Not at all, in fact, it
gives me a chance to work
at my painting.
He knows my family.
Sort of friend.
Treated father, so I suppose
that might have something
to do with it.
Did I mention I was thinking
of presenting one of my
paintings to the hospital?
Framed, naturally.
Maybe on that wall over there.
It should be appreciated.
Don't you think?
Depends what it is.
You got any nudes?
Oh, hark at bollock brain.
[Mr. Chadd] Hey, hey.
Language please.
There's respectable folk in here.
Knackers, bible brain.
Somebody'll be reporting you.
[Arthur] Well it wouldn't be
you by any chance, would it?
We learned the code in
the first world war.
In the trenches.
Never shop on your mates.
Aye, but they was mates.
[Arthur] First world war.
Aye.
[Arthur] In the trenches.
Correct.
Oh, then you're one of the
stalwarts who helped to make
us the nation we are today.
I did me bit.
Me best.
No man can do more.
So, you're one of the bastards to blame
for the mess we're in.
I might have known.
How dare you go winning wars.
Men died out there by the million.
Oh aye, I know.
I know.
And they should not have died.
You sit there canting bullshit
about flags, orders and death
like a slack-arsed boy scout,
yet there is not one solitary opinion
about your boring, cadaverous person.
They should not have died.
The only good thing about
the youngsters of today
is there won't go hurling
themselves on rusty bayonets
for any half-baked
reasons like your lot did.
Oh, obviously you didn't.
But you're happy enough
to take credit for your
brainwashed mates, long
dead with the breath
blown clean out of them.
You should be ashamed.
I wonder where you get
the words from, Arthur.
Religion and politics
shouldn't be discussed in here
in my opinion.
What should we talk about then?
Well, art, for one.
I think there should be more discussion
about our problems.
Why we're here.
You wouldn't get me in.
After all, it's a way of
helping each other, isn't it?
Constructive.
Never get a chance to do it outside.
I'm going over to OT.
Is anybody coming?
It's not right, you know.
Like a game, Mr. Rothwell.
No, Graham, I'm waiting on his lord.
[Graham] Mr. Spinner?
Hmm?
No, I- I can't play.
[Graham] Well I can teach you.
No, I'm waiting for doctor.
Who's next?
Sit down Walter.
We'll have coffee soon.
Thanks, nurse.
Like a cigarette?
No, and neither do you.
Anyone else?
No, no, they don't.
Mr. Spinner, you're next.
I'll take him in, Alan.
Right.
Graham.
Graham.
Yes?
Aren't you going for OT?
Well.
The others have been over there.
Come on, let's have you.
[Graham] I don't really feel up to it.
Now don't give me a hard time.
[Graham] Just one game.
Get off.
You see, if I could just-
No.
It wouldn't take long.
Right.
It's a bit late now, isn't it?
Be a good lad, Graham.
You could make me a music stand.
Mahogany, eh Graham?
I'm making a chessboard.
And go straight there.
You should burn that bloody chess set,
he's obsessed with it.
From what I've seen of
the lad, he's a genius.
He shouldn't be in here.
You all right, Mr. Scully?
Eh?
Are you all right?
My daughter, she was here a minute ago.
Where is she?
We've called her on the telephone.
She's coming to see you tonight.
I'm not staying here tonight, am I?
Of course you are.
You'll be all right,
your daughter's coming.
You're all right to take me clothes.
We'll have coffee soon.
Two,
three,
four,
five,
six.
Six.
Six.
Six.
Six.
[jar smashes]
One, two, three,
four, five,
six.
Seven.
Eight, nine,
ten.
What's up Arthur?
What's the matter?
Shall I get the nurse?
No.
Well what is it?
Nothing.
Have a lie down.
He wants me to stop on
a bit, does Dr. Roberts,
till the fortnight at least.
That's a relief, eh.
Must make full use of
this place while I can,
get full value.
How'd you get on?
Do you know how many times
I've broken at my home?
You what?
A dozen at least.
Smashed everything in sight.
The lot.
And my wife, time after time, yeah.
Just once more, just try once more,
won't happen again.
I've worn her out.
Out.
I've been in here and other places,
and there's no such thing as a cure,
and I dry out and leave.
My liver's gone.
Won't take any more.
And now, tomorrow, I'm discharged,
and what the hell's going to happen?
They've given you the elbow?
But, didn't you tell them
you're not ready yet?
And when will I be ready, eh?
Well, when you're gonna have a...
If you must have a drink,
just go in and have a couple.
Leave it, Ted.
Well that's what I do.
A- and I've been thinking,
we should keep in touch.
See each other regular.
Not like in the forces,
all them promises to write
going by the board.
No, we should meet, once a
week, meet and have a drink, eh.
Nothing excessive.
And a laugh, eh, a damn good laugh.
Start as soon as I'm discharged, eh?
You can't meet to laugh, Ted,
it doesn't happen like that.
Laughter feeds on a lot of things.
It's very fine.
[Ted] Better than boozing.
I don't think you understand.
[Ted] No, well I may not
be as bright as you, but-
No, no, hang on.
I'm an alcoholic.
Do you know what that means?
Well, what about your pills?
They must help.
Ted, it's hopeless.
No cure, the pills finally are cat piss.
[Ted] What about a hobby?
I've got one.
No, I mean something with your hands.
[Sidney] Coffee?
[Ted] Oh...
Mafeking.
I'll say, have you, have
you had that... ECT is it?
The electric treatment.
No, I bloody haven't.
They want me to have it.
Five goes to start with.
See how I get on.
Is it all right?
[Arthur] Up to you, Sidney.
Well, it can't be bad, you know.
I mean, some of them in here,
they come in all confused,
and depressed.
After the electric, you
can see the difference.
See it.
Have you had it?
No.
Young Jeff has.
Aye.
And look at him.
I don't know what to do.
He said it would help my
depression, the doctor.
I'm going for a cuppa.
You're not packing, are you, Arthur?
Aye.
Are you coming?
Won't be the same without you, Arthur.
I don't know who'll give us
a laugh when you've gone.
Here we are then.
Everybody happy?
Well done Jack.
Yours all right, Adam?
Champion, thanks.
Oh, might as well have one myself, then.
I've got a sweat on.
I, I was up at five
this morning, you know.
Oh aye, don't catch me
hanging about in bed.
Not likely.
Got to be on the go.
Tranquillising has no
effect on me, you know.
It doesn't touch me.
["Hound Dog" plays on gramophone]
Nurse.
What is it, Walter?
It'll do me good, the ECT, wouldn't it?
The doctor wouldn't have
suggested it otherwise, would he?
No.
Of course not.
I just want to do the right thing.
Get better.
It's a terrible disease,
that cancer, you know.
I had no chance.
-Everything since has-
-Hush now.
I'll have to go soon.
Stay still.
You don't want to go anywhere.
I have to.
It's something inside me.
It's evil.
Do you want to lie down?
I can give you a pill.
I have to go soon.
Now don't be silly.
How are you gonna get your clothes
if you keep dashing off, eh?
And I don't want to
keep chasing you, do I?
I'll wear myself out.
My clothes?
You start your ECT tomorrow,
and then be in your clothes
in a day or so.
Ah, me clothes.
That's good.
I don't like sitting about like this.
No, just take things easy.
We'll have a game of Scrabble later.
Phone, Alan.
Oh, right.
Who's gonna make up four with Walter then?
Hey Jeffrey, get the Scrabble board.
Oh, I can't play.
You can play that bloody gramophone.
Language, please.
[Arthur] Bollocks.
Now then, Arthur.
Come on, you give him a game.
And you, Ted.
But I'm not much cop.
But, uh, I'll have a go.
That's it.
What about you, Mr. Chadd?
No thank you.
I'm going to have a lie down.
[Mr. Chadd singing]
♪ The lord is my shepherd ♪
Fancy a game of table tennis Alan?
No, no no.
The, the phone's waiting.
Come on then, move yourself.
I'm willing.
When I've had the electric treatment,
I'm getting me clothes.
[Mr. Chadd singing]
Hello, Nurse Welbeck, Ward 4.
Doing what?
Oh, but we're three short on this ward.
No, there's only two of us,
and I'm still standing in
for the charge nurse.
I know, yeah, but there should be five.
No, I don't think it's fair, either to us
or to the patients, and
they're supposed to be
under observation.
Well, if that's an order.
No, I'm not refusing.
All right, I'll, uh, I'll
be there in 15 minutes.
Yes, and only for an hour.
They're short staffed on geriatrics one.
Yeah, on every ward,
this flu virus around,
on top of everything else.
You can't run a ward alone.
Won't be the first time.
Well what do you tell an inquiry?
Which one?
Any.
It's disgusting.
Look, do you want me to go?
No, I'll do it.
They're bloody unheated up there, though.
Still...
Hey, keep an eye on Walter,
we may have to put him to bed.
Mm, he's on ECT tomorrow.
I know, like most of them
get it, lucky people.
[John] What's getting into you?
Me?
Oh, nothing.
I quietly assist in manufacturing
a nation of epileptics
and nothing gets into me.
And it does nothing permanent.
Nothing really beneficial.
And it's no longer than two years at most
before they need another dose.
Six months sometimes and they're back.
Dependent on artificially
induced epileptic fits,
it's bloody marvellous,
[John] Yeah, and works
Alan, results over the years
-show it works.
-Yeah, so does
a knock on the head with a crowbar.
That sorts you out for a bit.
Only it means visible damage, doesn't it?
And we can't have that.
[John] No, that's not fair.
John.
In all the time I've
been nursing, and before,
I have never seen a really
disturbed person normalised.
Whatever that means.
Never.
And neither have you.
All the lectures, textbooks,
training, experience,
I still know nothing.
We know nothing but the short term effect
of chemicals on the
brain, we can only subdue,
shovel pills in by the tonne.
Oh, bullshit.
We aren't supermen.
We can't work miracles.
We only have a limited amount of knowledge
at any one time.
We can do no more than apply
that in all good faith.
Yeah?
Well,
you carry on.
What's that?
No.
Yeah.
[John] But what for?
Jesus
Oh, look, we all get fed
up for time to time, Al,
but you can't pack it in now.
-[Alan] Can't I?
-After three years training
on nothing?
All the work you've put in.
You'll be charge nurse here any day now.
You're very well thought of.
Everybody knows you're a good nurse.
Well I'm going, and
that's all there is to it.
[John] Who the hell's been getting at you?
My wage packet.
[John] Eh?
I can earn twice the
money I'm getting here.
[John] Where?
Bancrofts.
[John] Doing what?
Production line.
But we get half of them in here.
You can't work in a factory,
and especially not in that one,
it's a sweatshop.
John, lad.
I've got two kiddies at home.
Elsie doesn't know which
way to turn from one day
to the next, with the very
fundamentals of our existence.
I bike six miles to
work, and six miles back
in all weathers because I
can't afford the bus fares.
I can't afford holidays,
I can't afford clothes,
garden tools, a bunch of
flowers, sweets for Jo,
I can't afford anything.
And that bloody factory
can't take more out of me
than this job, and for less hours.
[John] No.
I like the job, of course I do.
I like feeling useful,
I enjoy helping people,
I go home with that satisfaction.
But I'm being poisoned by my wage packet.
As things are, I'll end up
in a bed next to the lads
out there.
If I have the responsibility
of a wife and two children,
I must do what I can for them first.
I'm not a charity.
Look.
Think about it first.
Don't put that in yet.
There's nothing else to do.
We won't discuss it any more.
I'm going over to geriatrics.
They said for an hour.
[door slams]
Right, Mr. Parry.
Can you turn over on your side?
Mr. Parry, I want you
turn over on your side.
Let yourself go, I'll help you.
That's it.
Good lad.
Right, now draw your knees up.
Draw your knees up, Mr. Parry.
Lovely.
There we are.
Now, it may be uncomfortable,
but it'll be much easier for
both of us if you can relax.
Just let go.
Alan.
Mm?
Would you play table tennis with us?
[Alan] I'm playing chess.
The table's free, I've just checked.
Have you?
Or grab a game of snooker.
You're in check.
Eh?
I'm playing chess.
Oh, go on.
Look, find somebody else, Jeffrey.
Does anybody else want to play
table tennis with Jeffrey?
See.
Well what's John doing, then?
Ask him.
When you've finished that, eh?
We'll see.
It won't take long, will it?
[John] Nurse!
Nurse!
See what you can do with that.
[John] Nurse!
Shall I get the bats?
[John] Nurse!
Nurse!
[angry commotion]
Nurse.
There's the man I want.
I'm having trouble with
your colleague here.
He doesn't seem to
understand the regulations.
He's insulted me.
He doesn't know who I am.
-James
-Quiet, woman.
I don't have to take lip from
a tuppence-ha'penny nothing
like him.
Does he know who I am?
What's your problem, James?
-I'm sorry-
-Quiet I say.
What's the problem?
Ah, nothing nurse, you know.
I mean, we understand each
other, you know my problem, mm?
You know my little demons.
You can't do it.
Can't I? Oh can't I?
You cannot walk in here like this.
Don't say you're getting
like him, you bloody toerag.
That's enough of that.
Mr. Ball, I'll take you to reception
and you can ask to see a doctor.
I did, I've been, I've
been, the ignored me.
I've been coming here for
years, and they ignored me.
Me!
He's refused to pay for the taxi.
Get hold of the doctor, come on.
Tell him I'll pay, I'll
pay ten pounds a minute.
I need help, and I'm asking you for help.
Eh?
Tenner a minute, eh, more if they want?
Ten pounds-
Let's go.
Oh no.
We'll have no violence,
I've got witnesses here.
I'll have none of that.
You get me a doctor.
Jim-
You!
What good are you, eh?
After I've looked after you,
woman, and you stand there
looking like, looking like that.
Putting me aside, are you?
-Please.
-Please!
I'm fed up with you.
You boring...
She won't drink.
All right, gentlemen, wait
in the sitting room, please.
Go on, Ted, Jeffrey.
I'll call reception.
James, I'll not tell you again.
I have patients here under my care.
They are ill, and I won't
have you disturbing the ward
like this, I want you out now.
You know what you can do?
Now!
I can buy you any time.
This is a hospital.
It's a hospital, do you
hear, it is not a dosshouse
for alcoholics.
What?
It is not somewhere you
come to sleep off a binge.
These patients are ill, and
I want you off this ward.
Right, woman, you in there.
Woman, come here.
All right John.
The doctor hasn't been
paid, and he won't give me
any money.
I haven't had any for weeks.
He's brought us eleven miles.
[Walter screams]
Steady, steady.
Nurse. You!
I'm asking you for help!
I can pay.
Morning Jonathan.
Have a good morning?
-Lesley.
-Yes?
I've done it.
Aye, what's that?
Sixteen minutes.
Hey?
My painting.
Oh yes.
Good.
And it's looking...
Oh, it's something new.
I've never seen anything like it.
Well, perhaps I'll have
a look at it later.
Yes, you do that.
You do that Lesley, I'd like you to.
I'd appreciate your opinion.
I don't see why you
shouldn't understand it.
Takes it out of you.
It's schematic,
the colour-
Spent all morning at the piano.
Afraid I'd miss the coffee break.
-Oh yeah?
-Yes.
Fair ate my fingers.
It's a damn good job I'm in top nick.
Must organise some finger
exercises later, though.
Can't afford to seize up.
Well, I'll tell you one thing, Les.
I am exhausted.
Drained.
I bet you are.
I mean, if it wasn't nearly
lunchtime I'd have a lie down.
Now that's one thing I have
got, is a good appetite.
How'd you get on with the doctor?
Oh, I'm not ready to go yet.
He's not satisfied.
Good.
That's good news.
Wouldn't be the same in here without you.
[Mr. Chadd singing]
♪ Beautiful dreamer ♪
♪ Awaken to me ♪
♪ Moonlight and roses ♪
♪ Are around you I see ♪
[Walter breathes heavily]
Right, Mr. Ball, if you come this way,
the doctor will see you now.
I beg your pardon?
Dr. Roberts, he'll see
you for a few moments.
Which doctor?
Roberts, he's very busy.
So am I.
Come along.
I'll adorn the venerable doctor,
see I've been on the medicine.
Don't James.
The taxi.
I don't mind tell him.
Please.
Bloody woman has been round
my neck whining for centuries,
made my brass in spite of her.
-Come along then.
-All right.
Because I need help.
I've still changed to car though.
I were about to do that
before I come in here.
Giving it serious consideration.
I like foreign cars, always have.
Oh, mind you, I'm quite pleased
with the one I've got now.
Peugeot 304 estate, 1288cc.
Carries well over 900
pounds, and I've had radios
put on every wheel.
But I saw, you should have
seen it in Somerville's,
they had a beautiful
Audi in their showroom,
the 100 ls, 1.8 litres,
went to have a look at it.
Ooh, front wheel drive,
and the steering only needs
three and three quarter turns to lock.
Bags of space, 60 miles
an hour in 11.7 seconds.
Beautiful.
Have you ever driven one, Alan?
I ride a bike.
[Ted] Ah, it's all right
for exercise, I suppose,
but I mean, your car.
You don't drive automatics, do you?
I can't stand them.
I can't afford a car,
that's why I use a bike.
I can't even afford bus fares.
Get away!
You're having us on.
[Alan] Do you know how much I earn?
What, net?
Can anyone in here guess what I earn?
I'll tell you something, I'll go to work
for a fiver a week so long
as it's not to that factory.
All right, gentlemen.
All fit.
Great menu today.
Oxtail soup, lamb chop or shepherd's pie,
apple crumble or rice pudding.
A double helping of that lot'll
put some marrow in your spine.
Aye, but will it put
any lead in me pencil?
Now, Arthur.
Remember the youngster.
Aye, what are you sniggering at?
He could show you a thing
or two about pencil lead,
could our Jeff.
You should bring him a
pair of boxing gloves
next time you're messing
about in that gymnasium
before he goes blind.
There's no messing about in the gym.
Strictly serious that,
it is for me anyway.
Keeping tiptop fit is no laughing matter.
Anyway... I for dinner.
Aye.
Come on, gentlemen, heads in the trough.
I'm not hungry.
Old bloody gannet there
will gobble your share.
Had no breakfast again midweek.
Mr. Scully?
Wake up, Mr. Scully.
It's lunchtime.
Huh?
Come on, I'll take you to the dining room.
Lunchtime.
I remember doing it earlier.
That's it.
It's dinnertime.
They've started serving.
Don't we get breakfast?
You've had it.
I haven't, and they took me clothes.
Mm.
Come on, Spassky.
Just bloody look at him.
Hey, where are you going?
Keep off that bed.
I'll get another pudding.
Another?
Yes.
How many is that you've had?
Three.
No wonder you're covered in acne.
Albino cosmetics are a point down.
No?
Oh, that's knackered my day, has that.
Hey, have we got any of
that cyanide left, Ted?
Look at him, old Sid
there would scoff the lot.
Hey?
Father'll be at the
bottle when he sees this.
And he will do, he takes
the Financial Times, too.
That's why I'm so-
You all right, Arthur?
No.
Graham, have you had lunch?
No.
No, I know damn well you haven't.
If I have to come fetch
you for a meal again,
I shall lock that chess set
away, now get out there,
you'll have us round the twist.
Just a minute, I'm busy.
Out!
Just leave this, then.
That's the last time I'll tell you,
I shall lock it away.
[portable chess set slams shut]
There we are, Mr. Scully.
Here's your water.
That's a good lad.
Pardon?
What are you going to do this afternoon?
Dora hasn't come.
Later, she's coming tonight.
Oh, she's got to.
Look, they'll, they'll have
the telly on all afternoon
in the sitting room.
It's awful, you'll be bored to tears.
If I can find ten minutes, would
you like me to take you out
for a walk, see the flowers?
A walk?
Flowers?
You go into the sitting room,
and I'll come and fetch you.
I'm going in there.
That's it.
You've got it.
Everything all right, Alan?
Yeah, fine thank you, Lesley.
Good.
That's it then, June?
Yes.
Are you going to the staff dance?
Yeah.
If you buy me a ticket.
[June laughs]
Should be a good do.
Don't tell anybody.
-Tara then.
-See you.
["Jailhouse Rock" plays on the gramophone]
Going out, Arthur?
Aye, I was thinking of taking a walk.
I don't know I shall bother.
Looks nice and fresh now.
Aye.
Home tomorrow, then?
Aye.
And, uh, your last chance, eh?
So they say.
Your liver won't stand
any more, you know that.
You don't need us to tell you
you can't bash the body
like the way you've done
without something giving way.
I'm done for, Alan.
He's sending me home to peg it.
He's doing no such thing.
You're an old hand at the whiskey stakes,
he knows he can't bullshit you.
You've got the facts, the warning.
If you can keep away from the booze,
you'll live to pester somebody for years.
If not, your liver packs up.
Now staying here can't alter that.
Aye, I know.
I know.
It's just... I feel.
I've got the smell of
death in me nostrils.
Can actually smell it.
Nay.
You need some fresh air.
Are you going?
Happen.
You're as stubborn as a bus
load of mules, aren't you?
Only when I'm trying.
I must get on.
Finishing before long, thank Christ.
I'll see you tomorrow, before you go.
[Arthur] Aye.
Anyway, uh, I'll be leaving
myself in a month's time.
[Arthur] Are you serious?
Aye.
I suppose somebody's
already given you stick
about career sacrifice and security.
Ah, there's a lot to come.
I'm giving me notice in today.
Got something lined up?
Bancrofts.
It's a bastard there,
Alan, nowt but a sweatshop.
Got a wife and two kiddies at home.
Sweatshop pays.
Do you know I can't...
Anyway, that's it.
Well, you know what you're doing.
Aye.
Get out for a walk, eh.
Wouldn't do for me, your job.
Looking after lunatics like me.
Oh, it's all right in here.
It's all that sanity
outside that frightens me.
Get off out.
And don't smoke.
Aye.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Aye.
Oh, Alan.
[Alan] Yeah?
In case I don't see you tomorrow.
Thanks.
All the best.
[Alan] Same to you.
Take care of yourself, you daft sod.
["Suspicious Mind"
plays on the gramophone]
Did you enjoy that, Mr. Scully?
Yeah, of course you did.
Done you the world of good.
[James] I say, nurse.
Go and sit down, Mr. Scully.
[James] Nurse!
Just a minute, I've only
got one pair of hands.
Have a rest in the
sitting room, Mr. Scully.
Pardon?
In there.
My daughter?
Later.
Did you hear me call you, nurse?
Now then, Mr. Ball.
Has a doctor seen you?
No it's not that.
I want my clothes.
Well can you organise my clothes?
You were told to get to bed
and wait for the doctor.
You know the routine by now, don't you.
I've been lying down,
he has not turned up.
It's not my fault.
I've done my bit, and
he has not turned up.
Now get my clothes.
[indistinct]
Mr. Ball, walk back to your bed.
You created havoc trying to
burst in here, and now...
I'm not having it.
You cause nothing but
trouble whenever you turn up.
-Don't you-
-Stop it!
You'd better wait for the doctor!
An order?
Yes.
Right.
When the doctor does arrive,
I'll have plenty to say to him.
You'll be looking for a job.
I can buy you any time.
[keys jangling]
You ready, Alan?
Eh?
Oh, no, no, not just now, Jeffrey.
I'm, I'm busy, I'm going off-duty soon.
Find somebody from the sitting room.
I can't.
Why not?
Well, don't like asking.
I don't know.
Come on.
[door slams]
[radio plays]
Somebody to play table
tennis with Jeffrey.
Ooh, nurse.
Do you want a game, Jack?
Is it convenient for me to take a bath?
Why, where are you taking it?
Yeah, of course it is.
There's the key.
And bring them back.
You've got your towel
and soap, haven't you?
[Jack] Oh, aye, thanks.
[radio plays]
Jonathan, come on, you come
and give Jeffrey a game.
I'm worn out.
With what?
The event that occurred this morning.
[Alan] And what could
that have been, I wonder.
I did a painting, oils,
start to finish, in 16 minutes.
[Alan] Well, table tennis
isn't going to make demands
of your artistic creativity, is it?
Oh, all right.
Shall I get the ball
from the office, Alan?
No, I'll get it.
Jack.
Jack.
Have you got the keys?
Thank you Alan.
They you are.
[Jonathan and Jeffrey arguing]
[table tennis balls clacking]
How do you feel, Walter?
Get a lot done?
Aye.
Don't put your notice in yet.
There's nothing to say, John.
All right.
I wish you wouldn't.
Cheerio, everybody.
[group all speak at once]
Tara, then, see you tomorrow.
Yeah.
Don't be late.
Cheerio, gentlemen.
[Mr. Chadd singing]
♪ Now is the hour for me to say goodbye ♪
See you tomorrow.
Thanks very much Alan.
Okay.
See you, Alan.
Give us a cigarette.
Go on, just one, I
haven't had one for days.
Give me a fag and a five
pence for a cup of tea,
and I won't bother you again.
Go on.
Tight fisted bastard!
[thunder claps]
[rain lashes]
[thunder claps]
All right for some!
[dog yapping]
[Jack] Morning Alan.
Morning Jack.
I've, I've made the
tea, shall I dish it up?
Aye, go on.
I'll give them a shake in a minute.
Right.
Morning.
Morning Al.
God, it's thin out there.
Bill's made some tea.
Has he?
Mm. Give us a cuppa.
-Bill?
-No, I'm going to bed.
How's it been?
Oh, so-so. Quiet.
Sidney was upset at bedtime.
Weepy again.
But he settled after medication,
and he had a comfortable night.
Mr. Scully was restless and quarrelsome.
He had a Mogadon, and he settled.
Graham was wandering again.
I find him sitting at that chess table
at half past three.
Was he?
He bloody was.
I let him make some tea.
He only put a teabag and
three spoons of coffee
in each cup.
Nigh on bloody poisoned me.
I told him to get back into bed
before I crammed that
chess set up his arse.
Oh, he'll be clapped out
again, then, will he?
It's murder getting him to
get occupational therapy.
He shouldn't be allowed at that chess set
as much as he is.
And I've put that in my report.
Have you?
[Bill] Well, he's no chance
while he's stuck with that,
has he?
Aye.
[John] That all then, Bill?
I think so.
Oh, I had to shut Mr. Chadd up.
Bellowing out Nymphs and
Shepherds at half past two.
[group laughs]
And there's was quarrelsome
and medications.
The usual.
Oh, and keep your eye on one to three.
He'll be excitable and impulsive.
But, he had a good night.
Well, I'm going to put
my head on the pillow.
All right.
See you in the morning.
Charge nurse still off?
[John] Yeah.
Just the two of us here.
I don't know.
Tara, then.
[John] See you.
Tara Bill.
Here we are then.
Heat up.
Arthur's first.
Arthur.
Arthur.
Do you realise what you've
just interrupted, Jack, eh?
Tea?
I just got a... jeez, the size of it.
Just got a spread out on the divan.
Sorry.
Tea, Arthur, wake up.
What is it?
Going, Arthur.
Knackers.
-Morning, Ted.
-Morning.
Tea's out there.
Nice and fresh, I- I've just made it.
Suppose I'll get a cup of it.
Come on Arthur, sup up.
Your fag's on the top there.
Oh aye, it is.
Good, thanks Arthur.
Tip this tongue, got a spec on it.
This place gets more like a
bleeding madhouse every day.
This is the life, you know.
Just like the forces.
Good mates, comradeship.
I'll get a cup of tea.
[Sidney] I'm awake, Arthur.
Aye.
They'll not bury you today, then.
Don't feel like getting up, though.
[Arthur] Stay in bloody bed.
Oh, no, I- I can't do that.
That's what you're hear for, rest.
Stay in all bloody day
if you feel like it.
[Sidney] No, it's against my principles,
lying rotting in bed.
You're better up, folk die in bed.
Dying's not a crime, you know.
I reckon that's what's happening to me.
[Arthur] Oh, it will Sidney, it will.
Nothing so sure as that.
All those pills, I don't hold them.
It's not natural is it?
All right Arthur?
Aye, champion.
I told you I had an office
job, didn't I, Arthur?
Yes, you did.
Good job.
Very good.
Clean.
Promoted I was, I did ever so well.
I, I was only a warehouseman,
and I got promotion.
Stock control.
Got to that.
Stock control.
In an office.
Going to work with a suit on, and...
Whatever would have happened to me?
When...
Do you think it'll ever come
back, Arthur, my concentration?
I, I've been here 18 months now,
and I'll be sent back to the
rehabilitation ward soon.
I know they will.
Once you get up there...
Arthur.
Do you think I'll ever get out of here?
Of course you will.
It's figures, you see.
My- my head.
All I ever wanted was an office job.
Proud as punch, I was.
But the figures.
The figures, in my head I couldn't.
I didn't know.
[Jack cries]
18 months, Arthur, and
I'll never get out of here.
They'll be sending me back
to the rehabilitation ward.
I'll never get out.
Come on, Jack.
You've not been like this for days, now.
Come on, pull yourself together,
and don't be so bloody morbid.
The improvement in you
since I've been here,
what, you can get out any time.
You're onto a good thing,
and you want to hang onto it.
I, I want to go back
to work, in the office.
[Sidney] I never want to go to work again,
not to that factory.
You get on with your dying, Sidney.
Arthur, you-
Get me another cup, go on,
before the pot's empty.
Bloody gannets out there, go on,
I'll see if I can find you another ciggie.
All right, Arthur.
You're very good to me, thank you.
Jeff?
Jeff?
Look at him, a pair of boxing
gloves for him tonight.
Jeff!
It can drive you blind as well as daft.
[Ted] Some characters here, hey?
Aye, they're called barmy.
That bloke down there, one that runs off,
he's just given 40 fags away.
[Sidney] Best thing he could do with them.
Christ, don't half get some laughs here.
Hey, give him a kick.
Just look at him, wanked out.
[John] Morning.
[Mr. Chadd sings]
♪ Oh, what a beautiful morning ♪
♪ Oh, what a beautiful day ♪
Morning everybody.
Ha ha, the finest boy soprano in Leeds.
Yeah, but you're over 70 now.
But I never lost me thrush.
[group talking]
Graham, stop snoring, you'll
have the wallpaper off.
Graham.
I'm going for the paper, Al.
You're all right, okay.
Graham.
You're all right.
Come and get a cup of tea, it'll be cold.
Come on now.
You okay Les?
Top of the world. A1.
Fit as a fiddle.
Bit of depression, though,
middle of the night.
A very bad night, in fact, Alan.
Very disturbed.
Did you see the night nurse?
Nurse?
Oh no, no.
Didn't like to disturb him.
Thought he might be having a kip, eh.
Oh, I wouldn't presume that.
Oh, but you know what I
mean, nothing serious,
just restless.
Need more exercise.
Not enough work in the
entire world to tyre me out.
[Alan] Right then.
Right.
All right.
[Alan] Morning everybody.
I think I'll do 30 today.
One.
-Two.
-[Mr. Chadd sings]
♪ You were the only girl in the world ♪
♪ And I was the only ♪
Four.
Five.
♪ Nothing else would matter in the world ♪
Six.
Seven.
Eight.
Nine.
Ten.
Eleven.
Twelve.
Now then, Mr. Scully.
Are we all right?
I brought you a cup of tea.
Drink up, now.
That's it.
What time is it?
It's coming up to breakfast.
Are you getting up?
Have you taken my clothes?
No, they're here, look.
On your chair, just where
you left them last night.
Can you remember last night?
Huh?
I'll give you a hand getting dressed
when you've had your tea, shall I?
Is there sugar in this?
Yes.
I don't take it.
That's why I didn't put any in.
Drink up.
There we are.
What have you done with me clothes?
They're here.
You've took them away.
No.
We put your case away.
It's in the cupboard just out there.
Round the corner, third door on the right.
What case?
It's quite safe.
Huh?
Your case.
Do you want anything?
I don't know what you mean.
If you do, you've only to ask, right?
I want a shave.
And you shall have one.
Have you taken me shaving things?
Let the barber do it.
He comes round after breakfast.
I'll do it myself.
Aye, perhaps tomorrow.
Let the barber do it today.
Shall I help you dress?
Can't.
Course you can.
-I'll help you.
-Can't!
Now then, Mr. Scully.
I can't.
Anybody can see in.
Doors open.
Oh well, that's soon fixed, isn't it?
There.
Now I'll close the door, and I'll pop back
in a few minutes to see
how you're getting on.
Are you going to fetch me clothes?
No, they're here, look, on your chair.
I'll be back soon.
[door slams]
[Walter] Nurse, I say, nurse.
What is it, Walter?
Can I have my clothes today, nurse?
Not till you've seen the doctor, Walter.
He'll let you know what's best.
Well it, it's awful
walking about like this.
Alan, isn't it?
That's right.
Yes, uh, I forget, you see.
Wednesday, is it?
Thursday.
Is it?
Whatever happened to Wednesday, then?
Did I have an attack?
No, and you're doing very well.
Now just take things slowly,
and try not to be impatient.
I want to get better.
You will.
I hope so, as soon as I can.
I haven't seen me children for...
Three weeks is it, or?
You're much better already.
Just be patient.
Have I had the electric treatment?
No.
Are they going to?
The doctor'll decide that, Walter.
I don't mind, if it gets
me better, you know.
If it helps.
We'll see, eh?
Right, yeah.
Yes, sir.
Like a fag?
No, no no, it's all right.
Yes, go on, have one, please.
Yeah, okay then, I'll, uh,
I'll have it later with me coffee.
Take the packet.
No, don't be silly.
It's good, I've got some more.
No, now put them in your pocket.
And I don't want you
giving all this stuff away
to other patients.
You'll have nothing left for yourself.
That's right, and leave them there.
They sent me some from work, you see,
and I like to see the lads with a smoke.
Well I'll get on,
and you're seeing Doctor
Roberts this morning.
Ooh, uh...
What it is, Alan.
I don't know whether I've
mentioned this to you before,
but I had this, um,
I had cancer when I was 18,
and it killed me.
Awful it was.
Cancer of the bowel.
Killed me.
I've never got over it.
Have a sit down, I'll bring you a paper
with your breakfast, if
I can get hold of one.
Ooh, right, well thanks very much, nurse.
Y- you didn't mind me
telling you that, did you?
Have a sit down.
I'll behave myself.
Perhaps me clothes today, eh?
Yeah, I'll be much better then.
I feel better when I've got me clothes.
[Ted] Time to get down
to mess soon, eh lads?
Down to what?
The mess.
I mean the dining room.
Miss the queue.
You're not in the blinding army, Ted.
Well good eyes, isn't it?
Eh, look at you making your bed, there.
Bet you don't do that at home?
I'm not at home, and when I am
I don't buy a doubt about myself, do I?
Ah, well it's like a billet isn't it?
I mean, not so big as the old nissen hut.
But you've got your mates
around you, having a laugh.
Hey, jeez, I've forgotten
what laughing was
till I come in here.
Eh, the trouble the doctor
had to come in here, eh?
Well, I mean I thought
they were all doolally,
all nutters, you know?
I mean, I thought with that lot.
Hey, no thank you.
Yet here I am.
Here.
Hey, all them worries and
work, and kids and nags
are all outside.
Out there.
Stuff it.
I were taking 18 pills a day.
You don't do so bad in here.
Ah, but I was having to
work on top, you know.
I took on too much.
The business was running away with me.
I had no time to sleep, always something.
Me head was never still.
I did the last contract
practically on me own.
I'm flaming grateful for this
place, for a bit of peace.
And I thought they were all nutters, hey?
They are.
You are, we all are.
Hey, you're a laugh, Arthur.
You are.
Not half, eh?
I don't know though what
I'll do when I have to leave.
It frightens me.
I don't know whether I can cope.
Hey, what if they send me home on Friday?
I mean, they do turn out
and me month's almost up.
How long have you been in now, Sid?
I feel rotten.
Just after me, wasn't it?
I, I dunno.
Aye.
Aye, it would be.
I- I was on the night shift
when they brought me here.
Twelve hour shifts.
Terrible.
Unnatural.
I sort of went...
I- I'd spent me life out of doors.
Gardener, yeah.
Twenty three years with the same boss.
When my daughter got married,
they came to live with us, see.
And he, he was an agitator.
Never anybody gabbed so
much in all me born days.
I was on 18 a week.
18 pounds and the tied cottage.
Well, the son in law went on at me about
working overtime without
pay, and being on call
every weekend and not getting...
Well, somebody had to feed
the hens, didn't they?
He, he just went on, and I told him,
I, I get me vegetables, I said.
And there's fruit.
I told him straight, I, I used
to sell a bit on the side,
make a shilling or two that way.
Told him, I did.
But he wouldn't have it.
Said I was forced into
criminal activity to survive.
Criminal.
Every gardener does it,
it's one of the perks.
Any road, the upshot was
I, I went to the boss
and told him I wanted more money.
Oh, you should've seen his face.
Sort of...
Gave me such a dressing down about,
didn't I trust him to do
the right thing and...
Funny, him dressing me down.
Because the boss had never
done a day's work in his life.
Everything inherited.
They don't keep the hounds anymore,
and the stables are empty,
but they hunt still.
He, never worked, giving me a rollicking.
Wasn't right, was it?
So I, I told him, I'd
have to look elsewhere.
Told him, I asked him, I'd
like to rent the cottage
and stay on, as I'd been
there all those years,
and giving good service.
Out in a month.
That's all he said.
Out in a month.
And my wife had done all
the jam making for them.
Chutneys, fruit bottling, jams.
She did all that for nothing.
So I had to go and live in a flat.
Two rooms, with people above
and below, and no garden.
I got this job at the mattress factory.
Got worse, just got miserable.
Miserable, more every day.
I, I was crying some days.
Crying, ha?
That's no way to live, is it?
And I wonder who's
tending me garden now, eh?
I nursed that soil.
Come on Sidney, lad.
Come on now, you're nowt
but a bloody peasant,
and we shall shoot you if
you start getting morbid.
[Ted] Ah, don't be down Sidney.
[Sidney] I feel rotten.
But you've got your mates.
We're your mates.
We're all here for the same reason.
We're ill, and we're gonna get better.
Ain't that right, Arthur?
Aye.
Hey, look at time.
We'll be back of queue.
Come on Sidney, Arthur.
Guess what's on my bleeding
diet sheet this morning?
Here you are, Walter.
Thank you.
You're very good to me.
Aye.
We'll soon have you right.
I'm, uh, not so keen on tomatoes.
Just leave them then.
It'll be all right, will it?
Aye.
Just this once.
All right then.
Yes, thank you very much, Alan.
Thank you.
Oh, that's it, Mr. Scully.
Well done.
I was just coming to fetch you.
Pardon?
Ready for your breakfast, are you?
I can't find me tie.
Somebody's taken me tie.
You've got in on.
I can't let people see me without me tie.
You've got it on.
Eh?
Is that the one I came with?
Yes.
I don't remember.
Bacon and tomatoes for you.
What is?
Bacon and tomatoes, for your breakfast.
I haven't had me breakfast.
That's it.
Take your time.
Lesley Dewhurst.
There you go.
Ah, good breakfast this morning.
Was it?
Aye.
Double helping.
Mr. Spinner?
How are you today, Ted?
Oh great, much better, thank you.
That's the stuff.
Mr. Charlton.
Yes?
There you go, Sidney.
They're not doing me much good, nurse.
Well give them a chance, Sidney.
I had a terrible night,
hardly slept a wink.
Oh aye.
Didn't I see you napping
yesterday morning?
And you had at least two
hours with your head down
in the afternoon, a little bird told me.
You're not working either.
Are you surprised you don't
sleep when you should?
I woke up feeling rotten.
Oh really?
Waking up from not sleeping can't be bad.
-Next, Mr. Chadd.
-[Mr. Chadd sings]
♪ You are my honeysuckle, and am the bee ♪
All right, Mr. Chadd,
just swallow the pills.
Haven't you got a bigger
one for him, nurse?
These are quite strong
enough for me, thanks.
I said bigger, not stronger.
Something to bloody choke you.
Ooh, we've got one of the
hard faced fraternity.
One of the moaners here.
Just swallow your pills, Mr. Chadd.
Choke, you bastard.
Now don't speak to me like that.
Remember, I'm 73 years old.
You'll finish up in the nuthouse.
Oh, all will be the same to you.
Rothwell, Arthur.
All right, John.
Arsenic.
Makes a change from bromide.
Seven minutes, forty three
seconds this morning, Lesley.
Oh aye, what's that?
To fetch the papers from the shop.
My chronometer doesn't lie.
Oh yes.
Keep you in trim.
When I get it down to seven minutes dead,
I shall be satisfied.
I'm determined to do that before I leave.
[Lesley] Mm.
Do you expect to be here much longer?
Mm?
No.
Just a few days.
I think I'll just settle for alcoholism.
[Lesley] You should get
to keep fit classes.
Join a club, that'll cure you.
No, no.
Seems to run in my family.
Father's got an implant.
I expect that's how I'll end up.
Oh, that's the easy
way, anyone can do that.
I mean, look at me.
The problems I've had,
and I've topped them all with fitness.
30 press ups this morning,
and I run everywhere.
Run all the times
outdoors, walk fast inside.
Keep moving.
Brisk, spring of the heels.
Deep breathing.
Oh, I'm as fit now as I
was in the paratroops.
Did you know, Jonathan, I signed for 12.
12 years straight, on the dotted line.
I wish I was still in.
Great life.
Talk about fit.
Only did two though.
Nerve went.
Not my fault, they said that,
it could happen to anybody.
It was just, just jumping.
I couldn't do enough.
Do you know something, eh?
I'd be all butterflies, trembling.
I didn't crap my pants,
but close to at times.
And somehow, somehow they'd
get me out of the aircraft
and I knew, I knew, yes, positive,
the shoot wouldn't open.
Falling, and I knew.
And the jerk as she took wind.
What a feeling.
I used to sing all the way down.
Sing at the top of my voice,
floating all that way down.
I froze up somehow.
Couldn't budge me.
They had to let me go.
They said they was sorry, like, and well,
I was a good soldier, smart and all that.
How long since you've been out?
Ooh, some time now.
Well couldn't you get back
in if you liked it so much?
You what?
Not with that mob, mate.
You've got to be perfect.
I, I only had that one
tiny flaw, and I was out.
Quite right too.
You can't win wars with invalids.
Yes.
What did you say you do now?
Yes, I think that's it.
-I say, Les.
-Hey?
Oh, well, the...
Coal miner.
Miner?
Yes.
Cut out for danger, you see.
A safe job's no good to me.
I burrow under there with the men.
But I thought you said
you lived at Bromington?
Hey?
Well, I do.
But only temporary, till I
can get back down the pit.
Got to get on with this lot, first.
Look at me, time.
I should be practising .
I'm, uh, playing at the patient's concert
next week, you know.
Got more work to do.
You seeing the doctor this morning?
No.
Not today.
And if he did discharge
me, I'd still come back
to do the concert, I
wouldn't let them down.
I've got to see him.
I hope I'm first on the list,
I want to get occupational therapy.
I've got this idea for another painting,
and I'm going to try to
get it done in 16 minutes.
Start to finish.
Oh, and I'll have me
canvas set up, naturally.
But the actual painting, 16 dead.
That'll be something, eh?
Have you got a cigarette?
Have you got a cigarette for me?
I don't smoke, it's a bad habit.
Go on, just one.
I won't ask anymore.
Go on, just give us one.
Can you let me have five
pence, then, for a cup of tea?
I'm ever so thirsty, I
haven't had any breakfast.
They're trying to starve me.
Just one cigarette and I'll be off.
[John] Graham, have you
had your medication yet?
I'm not doing anything.
Now you know you're not
supposed to come down here
pestering the other patients.
I know, nurse, but could
you let me have a cigarette?
I'm gagging-
Go on Joyce, go back to your own ward.
I don't smoke.
Five pee, then, for a cup of tea?
If I had five pee, I would
be smoking, wouldn't I?
Would you give me one?
Go back to your own ward.
I don't want to go.
I want a cigarette and a cup of tea.
That's all I want.
I'm not harming anybody.
Joyce.
Graham, have you had your medication yet?
Uh, no.
Well come on then, we're waiting.
In a minute.
Now, we're finished all but you.
Yes, I'll just move-
Graham, now.
Come on.
Graham!
Have you had your wash, Jeff?
Well, I would do.
Don't seem to get dirty down here, do you?
Everything's so clean.
Here you are.
Five and a half minutes, this
bloody crossword's useless.
I don't know how you do it.
Run down the sitting room,
Jeff, and get me The Telegraph.
What?
Oh, aye, it's bloody sacrilege
mentioning movement to you,
isn't it?
Unless it's giving it some
fist in your wanking pit.
Oh, I don't go in for that.
And what the hell are you
doing at 18 years of age?
I'm gonna play some
records in the quiet room.
You coming?
The quiet room.
Listening to that
half-baked American swine
slathering into his one-string guitar.
He's as bent as arthritis.
Elvis is the greatest.
[Arthur] Aye, so you keep
saying, but the greatest what?
The greatest.
Go and get me The Telegraph.
Go on, that bloke never reads it.
He just won't confess to the Daily Mirror
since his dad bought him carpet slippers.
I don't know how you do it.
I know I couldn't.
Like the books you read.
I mean, I could read a textbook.
Facts, figures, the
electronics, that sort of thing.
But a novel?
A waste of time to me.
Oh my gosh, you must've learned a lot
from the Meccano annual, Ted.
You don't learn much from novels, do you?
Just how have textbooks
enriched your life?
Lots of ways.
It's all useful.
You never know when technical
stuff is going to come in.
Doctor's due any minute now,
we're to go to wait in the sitting room.
[Arthur] Marching orders then?
Well I hope I can go.
[Arthur] Go?
You can't walk.
Get back to work.
You can't beat the dining room.
They say I'm the best waiter they've got.
You meet all sorts of people,
and get good tips and all.
Going to save up when I get back.
Can you imagine that, serving your grub?
He wouldn't last two
minutes on a pig farm,
and he reckons he's a top class waiter.
I am.
I am a waiter, honest.
[Ted] What will you save up for?
Dunno, go into business.
You?
Get your bed made.
[Jeff] It's all right.
There's bloody fumes coming
off it, you can seem them.
I'm going.
Aye.
Let's go.
Come on, can't we.
Eh, I bet I get out today.
You are Dr. Roberts, aren't you?
No, I'm Jonathan.
Oh, very droll.
[Mr. Chadd singing]
Do you mind, Mr. Chadd?
I first sang that song in
public when I was seven.
Oh yes.
[Mr. Chadd singing]
Mr. Chadd.
The doctor's here.
It's like being in the bleeding madhouse.
No it's not.
You're dead.
Aye, and we're all angels.
A choir of angels.
I diagnose 18th.
It's all right, Walter.
You can see the doctor after Jonathan.
Anyone like a cigarette?
No, just light one for yourself.
And remember what I told you.
Okay Alan.
Right.
Jonathan.
Right.
I'm going to speak to Dr. Roberts
about presenting one of my
paintings to the hospital.
Maybe on that wall over there.
[Alan] Come on, Jonathan.
How do you feel, Arthur?
Keep taking the pill.
I've got butterflies.
Wonder what the wife will
say if I go home now.
Business needs looking after, I know.
I, I'm already can't cope.
It's good in here.
Rest.
Sleep, and all that.
But I feel...
Terrible.
Heavy.
[Mr. Chadd singing]
When the red, red robin comes bob-
Do you have to keep doing that here?
What's that, Mr...
I don't know your name, do I?
No.
But remember, song uplifts
the spirits, friend.
It lightens your load.
Gives me a headache.
[Mr. Chadd] Then join in, see how-
Quit it.
[Mr. Chadd] I beg your pardon, young man?
I'm twice your age.
Oh, here Jeff.
Take Liza Minnelli over
there down to the quiet room
and give him a bashing with
your records, will you?
You've a musician here, friend,
a lot in common you two.
Oh, shut up Arthur.
You should be setting a good
example to these youngsters.
When we were their age,
we asked for guidance.
Aye, and we got it.
Discipline.
And no trains or buses,
just to jump on at your whim or fancy.
We walked.
Aye, walked almost everywhere.
It was nothing for me to walk
almost any summer's evening,
from the bridge at the
bottom of Spring Lane
right over tops to Pack
Horse, drink a pint of ale
and then walk back.
Nothing to it.
I walk miles every day in my job.
I bet having one of
those metres on me leg,
that'd give you a shock.
I read somewhere how far
a waiter walks in a day.
But I've forgotten.
I say, have you got a cigarette for me?
Go on, just one.
I won't bother you any more, then.
Jeff.
Go on, I'm gasping.
I haven't had one for weeks.
You're not to give her
one, she'll never give you
a minute's peace.
Get back to your ward, Joyce,
you shouldn't be in here.
Yes I should.
I'm allowed.
Will you give me one?
Eh?
A cigarette, just one.
Yes, here you are.
Give me another, this won't last long.
Help yourself.
Now get off.
You mind your own business.
She's harming nobody.
Can you let me have five
pee, eh, for a cup of tea?
Shop's open, soon.
Only five pee.
What have they done with me toes?
Go on, I won't bother you any more, then.
[Arthur] No.
No.
Tight fisted bastard.
All of you.
Give me five pee.
I shouldn't be here without me clothes.
You're all right, dad.
You're dressed, spruced and shining.
Ready for morning chapel, eh?
You all know what I mean.
I'll bet you never run the
highway in dirty boots.
Not likely, eh.
Right Walter.
Are you ready?
Joyce, out, you've been told once today.
-But I-
-Out.
I've got a cigarette.
I'll just have a smoke and
then get to ward, Alan.
Okay.
Come on, then, Walter.
How d'you get on?
Oh, Dr. Robert says I'm not ready yet.
Could be some time.
I don't mind, though.
Not at all, in fact, it
gives me a chance to work
at my painting.
He knows my family.
Sort of friend.
Treated father, so I suppose
that might have something
to do with it.
Did I mention I was thinking
of presenting one of my
paintings to the hospital?
Framed, naturally.
Maybe on that wall over there.
It should be appreciated.
Don't you think?
Depends what it is.
You got any nudes?
Oh, hark at bollock brain.
[Mr. Chadd] Hey, hey.
Language please.
There's respectable folk in here.
Knackers, bible brain.
Somebody'll be reporting you.
[Arthur] Well it wouldn't be
you by any chance, would it?
We learned the code in
the first world war.
In the trenches.
Never shop on your mates.
Aye, but they was mates.
[Arthur] First world war.
Aye.
[Arthur] In the trenches.
Correct.
Oh, then you're one of the
stalwarts who helped to make
us the nation we are today.
I did me bit.
Me best.
No man can do more.
So, you're one of the bastards to blame
for the mess we're in.
I might have known.
How dare you go winning wars.
Men died out there by the million.
Oh aye, I know.
I know.
And they should not have died.
You sit there canting bullshit
about flags, orders and death
like a slack-arsed boy scout,
yet there is not one solitary opinion
about your boring, cadaverous person.
They should not have died.
The only good thing about
the youngsters of today
is there won't go hurling
themselves on rusty bayonets
for any half-baked
reasons like your lot did.
Oh, obviously you didn't.
But you're happy enough
to take credit for your
brainwashed mates, long
dead with the breath
blown clean out of them.
You should be ashamed.
I wonder where you get
the words from, Arthur.
Religion and politics
shouldn't be discussed in here
in my opinion.
What should we talk about then?
Well, art, for one.
I think there should be more discussion
about our problems.
Why we're here.
You wouldn't get me in.
After all, it's a way of
helping each other, isn't it?
Constructive.
Never get a chance to do it outside.
I'm going over to OT.
Is anybody coming?
It's not right, you know.
Like a game, Mr. Rothwell.
No, Graham, I'm waiting on his lord.
[Graham] Mr. Spinner?
Hmm?
No, I- I can't play.
[Graham] Well I can teach you.
No, I'm waiting for doctor.
Who's next?
Sit down Walter.
We'll have coffee soon.
Thanks, nurse.
Like a cigarette?
No, and neither do you.
Anyone else?
No, no, they don't.
Mr. Spinner, you're next.
I'll take him in, Alan.
Right.
Graham.
Graham.
Yes?
Aren't you going for OT?
Well.
The others have been over there.
Come on, let's have you.
[Graham] I don't really feel up to it.
Now don't give me a hard time.
[Graham] Just one game.
Get off.
You see, if I could just-
No.
It wouldn't take long.
Right.
It's a bit late now, isn't it?
Be a good lad, Graham.
You could make me a music stand.
Mahogany, eh Graham?
I'm making a chessboard.
And go straight there.
You should burn that bloody chess set,
he's obsessed with it.
From what I've seen of
the lad, he's a genius.
He shouldn't be in here.
You all right, Mr. Scully?
Eh?
Are you all right?
My daughter, she was here a minute ago.
Where is she?
We've called her on the telephone.
She's coming to see you tonight.
I'm not staying here tonight, am I?
Of course you are.
You'll be all right,
your daughter's coming.
You're all right to take me clothes.
We'll have coffee soon.
Two,
three,
four,
five,
six.
Six.
Six.
Six.
Six.
[jar smashes]
One, two, three,
four, five,
six.
Seven.
Eight, nine,
ten.
What's up Arthur?
What's the matter?
Shall I get the nurse?
No.
Well what is it?
Nothing.
Have a lie down.
He wants me to stop on
a bit, does Dr. Roberts,
till the fortnight at least.
That's a relief, eh.
Must make full use of
this place while I can,
get full value.
How'd you get on?
Do you know how many times
I've broken at my home?
You what?
A dozen at least.
Smashed everything in sight.
The lot.
And my wife, time after time, yeah.
Just once more, just try once more,
won't happen again.
I've worn her out.
Out.
I've been in here and other places,
and there's no such thing as a cure,
and I dry out and leave.
My liver's gone.
Won't take any more.
And now, tomorrow, I'm discharged,
and what the hell's going to happen?
They've given you the elbow?
But, didn't you tell them
you're not ready yet?
And when will I be ready, eh?
Well, when you're gonna have a...
If you must have a drink,
just go in and have a couple.
Leave it, Ted.
Well that's what I do.
A- and I've been thinking,
we should keep in touch.
See each other regular.
Not like in the forces,
all them promises to write
going by the board.
No, we should meet, once a
week, meet and have a drink, eh.
Nothing excessive.
And a laugh, eh, a damn good laugh.
Start as soon as I'm discharged, eh?
You can't meet to laugh, Ted,
it doesn't happen like that.
Laughter feeds on a lot of things.
It's very fine.
[Ted] Better than boozing.
I don't think you understand.
[Ted] No, well I may not
be as bright as you, but-
No, no, hang on.
I'm an alcoholic.
Do you know what that means?
Well, what about your pills?
They must help.
Ted, it's hopeless.
No cure, the pills finally are cat piss.
[Ted] What about a hobby?
I've got one.
No, I mean something with your hands.
[Sidney] Coffee?
[Ted] Oh...
Mafeking.
I'll say, have you, have
you had that... ECT is it?
The electric treatment.
No, I bloody haven't.
They want me to have it.
Five goes to start with.
See how I get on.
Is it all right?
[Arthur] Up to you, Sidney.
Well, it can't be bad, you know.
I mean, some of them in here,
they come in all confused,
and depressed.
After the electric, you
can see the difference.
See it.
Have you had it?
No.
Young Jeff has.
Aye.
And look at him.
I don't know what to do.
He said it would help my
depression, the doctor.
I'm going for a cuppa.
You're not packing, are you, Arthur?
Aye.
Are you coming?
Won't be the same without you, Arthur.
I don't know who'll give us
a laugh when you've gone.
Here we are then.
Everybody happy?
Well done Jack.
Yours all right, Adam?
Champion, thanks.
Oh, might as well have one myself, then.
I've got a sweat on.
I, I was up at five
this morning, you know.
Oh aye, don't catch me
hanging about in bed.
Not likely.
Got to be on the go.
Tranquillising has no
effect on me, you know.
It doesn't touch me.
["Hound Dog" plays on gramophone]
Nurse.
What is it, Walter?
It'll do me good, the ECT, wouldn't it?
The doctor wouldn't have
suggested it otherwise, would he?
No.
Of course not.
I just want to do the right thing.
Get better.
It's a terrible disease,
that cancer, you know.
I had no chance.
-Everything since has-
-Hush now.
I'll have to go soon.
Stay still.
You don't want to go anywhere.
I have to.
It's something inside me.
It's evil.
Do you want to lie down?
I can give you a pill.
I have to go soon.
Now don't be silly.
How are you gonna get your clothes
if you keep dashing off, eh?
And I don't want to
keep chasing you, do I?
I'll wear myself out.
My clothes?
You start your ECT tomorrow,
and then be in your clothes
in a day or so.
Ah, me clothes.
That's good.
I don't like sitting about like this.
No, just take things easy.
We'll have a game of Scrabble later.
Phone, Alan.
Oh, right.
Who's gonna make up four with Walter then?
Hey Jeffrey, get the Scrabble board.
Oh, I can't play.
You can play that bloody gramophone.
Language, please.
[Arthur] Bollocks.
Now then, Arthur.
Come on, you give him a game.
And you, Ted.
But I'm not much cop.
But, uh, I'll have a go.
That's it.
What about you, Mr. Chadd?
No thank you.
I'm going to have a lie down.
[Mr. Chadd singing]
♪ The lord is my shepherd ♪
Fancy a game of table tennis Alan?
No, no no.
The, the phone's waiting.
Come on then, move yourself.
I'm willing.
When I've had the electric treatment,
I'm getting me clothes.
[Mr. Chadd singing]
Hello, Nurse Welbeck, Ward 4.
Doing what?
Oh, but we're three short on this ward.
No, there's only two of us,
and I'm still standing in
for the charge nurse.
I know, yeah, but there should be five.
No, I don't think it's fair, either to us
or to the patients, and
they're supposed to be
under observation.
Well, if that's an order.
No, I'm not refusing.
All right, I'll, uh, I'll
be there in 15 minutes.
Yes, and only for an hour.
They're short staffed on geriatrics one.
Yeah, on every ward,
this flu virus around,
on top of everything else.
You can't run a ward alone.
Won't be the first time.
Well what do you tell an inquiry?
Which one?
Any.
It's disgusting.
Look, do you want me to go?
No, I'll do it.
They're bloody unheated up there, though.
Still...
Hey, keep an eye on Walter,
we may have to put him to bed.
Mm, he's on ECT tomorrow.
I know, like most of them
get it, lucky people.
[John] What's getting into you?
Me?
Oh, nothing.
I quietly assist in manufacturing
a nation of epileptics
and nothing gets into me.
And it does nothing permanent.
Nothing really beneficial.
And it's no longer than two years at most
before they need another dose.
Six months sometimes and they're back.
Dependent on artificially
induced epileptic fits,
it's bloody marvellous,
[John] Yeah, and works
Alan, results over the years
-show it works.
-Yeah, so does
a knock on the head with a crowbar.
That sorts you out for a bit.
Only it means visible damage, doesn't it?
And we can't have that.
[John] No, that's not fair.
John.
In all the time I've
been nursing, and before,
I have never seen a really
disturbed person normalised.
Whatever that means.
Never.
And neither have you.
All the lectures, textbooks,
training, experience,
I still know nothing.
We know nothing but the short term effect
of chemicals on the
brain, we can only subdue,
shovel pills in by the tonne.
Oh, bullshit.
We aren't supermen.
We can't work miracles.
We only have a limited amount of knowledge
at any one time.
We can do no more than apply
that in all good faith.
Yeah?
Well,
you carry on.
What's that?
No.
Yeah.
[John] But what for?
Jesus
Oh, look, we all get fed
up for time to time, Al,
but you can't pack it in now.
-[Alan] Can't I?
-After three years training
on nothing?
All the work you've put in.
You'll be charge nurse here any day now.
You're very well thought of.
Everybody knows you're a good nurse.
Well I'm going, and
that's all there is to it.
[John] Who the hell's been getting at you?
My wage packet.
[John] Eh?
I can earn twice the
money I'm getting here.
[John] Where?
Bancrofts.
[John] Doing what?
Production line.
But we get half of them in here.
You can't work in a factory,
and especially not in that one,
it's a sweatshop.
John, lad.
I've got two kiddies at home.
Elsie doesn't know which
way to turn from one day
to the next, with the very
fundamentals of our existence.
I bike six miles to
work, and six miles back
in all weathers because I
can't afford the bus fares.
I can't afford holidays,
I can't afford clothes,
garden tools, a bunch of
flowers, sweets for Jo,
I can't afford anything.
And that bloody factory
can't take more out of me
than this job, and for less hours.
[John] No.
I like the job, of course I do.
I like feeling useful,
I enjoy helping people,
I go home with that satisfaction.
But I'm being poisoned by my wage packet.
As things are, I'll end up
in a bed next to the lads
out there.
If I have the responsibility
of a wife and two children,
I must do what I can for them first.
I'm not a charity.
Look.
Think about it first.
Don't put that in yet.
There's nothing else to do.
We won't discuss it any more.
I'm going over to geriatrics.
They said for an hour.
[door slams]
Right, Mr. Parry.
Can you turn over on your side?
Mr. Parry, I want you
turn over on your side.
Let yourself go, I'll help you.
That's it.
Good lad.
Right, now draw your knees up.
Draw your knees up, Mr. Parry.
Lovely.
There we are.
Now, it may be uncomfortable,
but it'll be much easier for
both of us if you can relax.
Just let go.
Alan.
Mm?
Would you play table tennis with us?
[Alan] I'm playing chess.
The table's free, I've just checked.
Have you?
Or grab a game of snooker.
You're in check.
Eh?
I'm playing chess.
Oh, go on.
Look, find somebody else, Jeffrey.
Does anybody else want to play
table tennis with Jeffrey?
See.
Well what's John doing, then?
Ask him.
When you've finished that, eh?
We'll see.
It won't take long, will it?
[John] Nurse!
Nurse!
See what you can do with that.
[John] Nurse!
Shall I get the bats?
[John] Nurse!
Nurse!
[angry commotion]
Nurse.
There's the man I want.
I'm having trouble with
your colleague here.
He doesn't seem to
understand the regulations.
He's insulted me.
He doesn't know who I am.
-James
-Quiet, woman.
I don't have to take lip from
a tuppence-ha'penny nothing
like him.
Does he know who I am?
What's your problem, James?
-I'm sorry-
-Quiet I say.
What's the problem?
Ah, nothing nurse, you know.
I mean, we understand each
other, you know my problem, mm?
You know my little demons.
You can't do it.
Can't I? Oh can't I?
You cannot walk in here like this.
Don't say you're getting
like him, you bloody toerag.
That's enough of that.
Mr. Ball, I'll take you to reception
and you can ask to see a doctor.
I did, I've been, I've
been, the ignored me.
I've been coming here for
years, and they ignored me.
Me!
He's refused to pay for the taxi.
Get hold of the doctor, come on.
Tell him I'll pay, I'll
pay ten pounds a minute.
I need help, and I'm asking you for help.
Eh?
Tenner a minute, eh, more if they want?
Ten pounds-
Let's go.
Oh no.
We'll have no violence,
I've got witnesses here.
I'll have none of that.
You get me a doctor.
Jim-
You!
What good are you, eh?
After I've looked after you,
woman, and you stand there
looking like, looking like that.
Putting me aside, are you?
-Please.
-Please!
I'm fed up with you.
You boring...
She won't drink.
All right, gentlemen, wait
in the sitting room, please.
Go on, Ted, Jeffrey.
I'll call reception.
James, I'll not tell you again.
I have patients here under my care.
They are ill, and I won't
have you disturbing the ward
like this, I want you out now.
You know what you can do?
Now!
I can buy you any time.
This is a hospital.
It's a hospital, do you
hear, it is not a dosshouse
for alcoholics.
What?
It is not somewhere you
come to sleep off a binge.
These patients are ill, and
I want you off this ward.
Right, woman, you in there.
Woman, come here.
All right John.
The doctor hasn't been
paid, and he won't give me
any money.
I haven't had any for weeks.
He's brought us eleven miles.
[Walter screams]
Steady, steady.
Nurse. You!
I'm asking you for help!
I can pay.
Morning Jonathan.
Have a good morning?
-Lesley.
-Yes?
I've done it.
Aye, what's that?
Sixteen minutes.
Hey?
My painting.
Oh yes.
Good.
And it's looking...
Oh, it's something new.
I've never seen anything like it.
Well, perhaps I'll have
a look at it later.
Yes, you do that.
You do that Lesley, I'd like you to.
I'd appreciate your opinion.
I don't see why you
shouldn't understand it.
Takes it out of you.
It's schematic,
the colour-
Spent all morning at the piano.
Afraid I'd miss the coffee break.
-Oh yeah?
-Yes.
Fair ate my fingers.
It's a damn good job I'm in top nick.
Must organise some finger
exercises later, though.
Can't afford to seize up.
Well, I'll tell you one thing, Les.
I am exhausted.
Drained.
I bet you are.
I mean, if it wasn't nearly
lunchtime I'd have a lie down.
Now that's one thing I have
got, is a good appetite.
How'd you get on with the doctor?
Oh, I'm not ready to go yet.
He's not satisfied.
Good.
That's good news.
Wouldn't be the same in here without you.
[Mr. Chadd singing]
♪ Beautiful dreamer ♪
♪ Awaken to me ♪
♪ Moonlight and roses ♪
♪ Are around you I see ♪
[Walter breathes heavily]
Right, Mr. Ball, if you come this way,
the doctor will see you now.
I beg your pardon?
Dr. Roberts, he'll see
you for a few moments.
Which doctor?
Roberts, he's very busy.
So am I.
Come along.
I'll adorn the venerable doctor,
see I've been on the medicine.
Don't James.
The taxi.
I don't mind tell him.
Please.
Bloody woman has been round
my neck whining for centuries,
made my brass in spite of her.
-Come along then.
-All right.
Because I need help.
I've still changed to car though.
I were about to do that
before I come in here.
Giving it serious consideration.
I like foreign cars, always have.
Oh, mind you, I'm quite pleased
with the one I've got now.
Peugeot 304 estate, 1288cc.
Carries well over 900
pounds, and I've had radios
put on every wheel.
But I saw, you should have
seen it in Somerville's,
they had a beautiful
Audi in their showroom,
the 100 ls, 1.8 litres,
went to have a look at it.
Ooh, front wheel drive,
and the steering only needs
three and three quarter turns to lock.
Bags of space, 60 miles
an hour in 11.7 seconds.
Beautiful.
Have you ever driven one, Alan?
I ride a bike.
[Ted] Ah, it's all right
for exercise, I suppose,
but I mean, your car.
You don't drive automatics, do you?
I can't stand them.
I can't afford a car,
that's why I use a bike.
I can't even afford bus fares.
Get away!
You're having us on.
[Alan] Do you know how much I earn?
What, net?
Can anyone in here guess what I earn?
I'll tell you something, I'll go to work
for a fiver a week so long
as it's not to that factory.
All right, gentlemen.
All fit.
Great menu today.
Oxtail soup, lamb chop or shepherd's pie,
apple crumble or rice pudding.
A double helping of that lot'll
put some marrow in your spine.
Aye, but will it put
any lead in me pencil?
Now, Arthur.
Remember the youngster.
Aye, what are you sniggering at?
He could show you a thing
or two about pencil lead,
could our Jeff.
You should bring him a
pair of boxing gloves
next time you're messing
about in that gymnasium
before he goes blind.
There's no messing about in the gym.
Strictly serious that,
it is for me anyway.
Keeping tiptop fit is no laughing matter.
Anyway... I for dinner.
Aye.
Come on, gentlemen, heads in the trough.
I'm not hungry.
Old bloody gannet there
will gobble your share.
Had no breakfast again midweek.
Mr. Scully?
Wake up, Mr. Scully.
It's lunchtime.
Huh?
Come on, I'll take you to the dining room.
Lunchtime.
I remember doing it earlier.
That's it.
It's dinnertime.
They've started serving.
Don't we get breakfast?
You've had it.
I haven't, and they took me clothes.
Mm.
Come on, Spassky.
Just bloody look at him.
Hey, where are you going?
Keep off that bed.
I'll get another pudding.
Another?
Yes.
How many is that you've had?
Three.
No wonder you're covered in acne.
Albino cosmetics are a point down.
No?
Oh, that's knackered my day, has that.
Hey, have we got any of
that cyanide left, Ted?
Look at him, old Sid
there would scoff the lot.
Hey?
Father'll be at the
bottle when he sees this.
And he will do, he takes
the Financial Times, too.
That's why I'm so-
You all right, Arthur?
No.
Graham, have you had lunch?
No.
No, I know damn well you haven't.
If I have to come fetch
you for a meal again,
I shall lock that chess set
away, now get out there,
you'll have us round the twist.
Just a minute, I'm busy.
Out!
Just leave this, then.
That's the last time I'll tell you,
I shall lock it away.
[portable chess set slams shut]
There we are, Mr. Scully.
Here's your water.
That's a good lad.
Pardon?
What are you going to do this afternoon?
Dora hasn't come.
Later, she's coming tonight.
Oh, she's got to.
Look, they'll, they'll have
the telly on all afternoon
in the sitting room.
It's awful, you'll be bored to tears.
If I can find ten minutes, would
you like me to take you out
for a walk, see the flowers?
A walk?
Flowers?
You go into the sitting room,
and I'll come and fetch you.
I'm going in there.
That's it.
You've got it.
Everything all right, Alan?
Yeah, fine thank you, Lesley.
Good.
That's it then, June?
Yes.
Are you going to the staff dance?
Yeah.
If you buy me a ticket.
[June laughs]
Should be a good do.
Don't tell anybody.
-Tara then.
-See you.
["Jailhouse Rock" plays on the gramophone]
Going out, Arthur?
Aye, I was thinking of taking a walk.
I don't know I shall bother.
Looks nice and fresh now.
Aye.
Home tomorrow, then?
Aye.
And, uh, your last chance, eh?
So they say.
Your liver won't stand
any more, you know that.
You don't need us to tell you
you can't bash the body
like the way you've done
without something giving way.
I'm done for, Alan.
He's sending me home to peg it.
He's doing no such thing.
You're an old hand at the whiskey stakes,
he knows he can't bullshit you.
You've got the facts, the warning.
If you can keep away from the booze,
you'll live to pester somebody for years.
If not, your liver packs up.
Now staying here can't alter that.
Aye, I know.
I know.
It's just... I feel.
I've got the smell of
death in me nostrils.
Can actually smell it.
Nay.
You need some fresh air.
Are you going?
Happen.
You're as stubborn as a bus
load of mules, aren't you?
Only when I'm trying.
I must get on.
Finishing before long, thank Christ.
I'll see you tomorrow, before you go.
[Arthur] Aye.
Anyway, uh, I'll be leaving
myself in a month's time.
[Arthur] Are you serious?
Aye.
I suppose somebody's
already given you stick
about career sacrifice and security.
Ah, there's a lot to come.
I'm giving me notice in today.
Got something lined up?
Bancrofts.
It's a bastard there,
Alan, nowt but a sweatshop.
Got a wife and two kiddies at home.
Sweatshop pays.
Do you know I can't...
Anyway, that's it.
Well, you know what you're doing.
Aye.
Get out for a walk, eh.
Wouldn't do for me, your job.
Looking after lunatics like me.
Oh, it's all right in here.
It's all that sanity
outside that frightens me.
Get off out.
And don't smoke.
Aye.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Aye.
Oh, Alan.
[Alan] Yeah?
In case I don't see you tomorrow.
Thanks.
All the best.
[Alan] Same to you.
Take care of yourself, you daft sod.
["Suspicious Mind"
plays on the gramophone]
Did you enjoy that, Mr. Scully?
Yeah, of course you did.
Done you the world of good.
[James] I say, nurse.
Go and sit down, Mr. Scully.
[James] Nurse!
Just a minute, I've only
got one pair of hands.
Have a rest in the
sitting room, Mr. Scully.
Pardon?
In there.
My daughter?
Later.
Did you hear me call you, nurse?
Now then, Mr. Ball.
Has a doctor seen you?
No it's not that.
I want my clothes.
Well can you organise my clothes?
You were told to get to bed
and wait for the doctor.
You know the routine by now, don't you.
I've been lying down,
he has not turned up.
It's not my fault.
I've done my bit, and
he has not turned up.
Now get my clothes.
[indistinct]
Mr. Ball, walk back to your bed.
You created havoc trying to
burst in here, and now...
I'm not having it.
You cause nothing but
trouble whenever you turn up.
-Don't you-
-Stop it!
You'd better wait for the doctor!
An order?
Yes.
Right.
When the doctor does arrive,
I'll have plenty to say to him.
You'll be looking for a job.
I can buy you any time.
[keys jangling]
You ready, Alan?
Eh?
Oh, no, no, not just now, Jeffrey.
I'm, I'm busy, I'm going off-duty soon.
Find somebody from the sitting room.
I can't.
Why not?
Well, don't like asking.
I don't know.
Come on.
[door slams]
[radio plays]
Somebody to play table
tennis with Jeffrey.
Ooh, nurse.
Do you want a game, Jack?
Is it convenient for me to take a bath?
Why, where are you taking it?
Yeah, of course it is.
There's the key.
And bring them back.
You've got your towel
and soap, haven't you?
[Jack] Oh, aye, thanks.
[radio plays]
Jonathan, come on, you come
and give Jeffrey a game.
I'm worn out.
With what?
The event that occurred this morning.
[Alan] And what could
that have been, I wonder.
I did a painting, oils,
start to finish, in 16 minutes.
[Alan] Well, table tennis
isn't going to make demands
of your artistic creativity, is it?
Oh, all right.
Shall I get the ball
from the office, Alan?
No, I'll get it.
Jack.
Jack.
Have you got the keys?
Thank you Alan.
They you are.
[Jonathan and Jeffrey arguing]
[table tennis balls clacking]
How do you feel, Walter?
Get a lot done?
Aye.
Don't put your notice in yet.
There's nothing to say, John.
All right.
I wish you wouldn't.
Cheerio, everybody.
[group all speak at once]
Tara, then, see you tomorrow.
Yeah.
Don't be late.
Cheerio, gentlemen.
[Mr. Chadd singing]
♪ Now is the hour for me to say goodbye ♪
See you tomorrow.
Thanks very much Alan.
Okay.
See you, Alan.
Give us a cigarette.
Go on, just one, I
haven't had one for days.
Give me a fag and a five
pence for a cup of tea,
and I won't bother you again.
Go on.
Tight fisted bastard!
[thunder claps]
[rain lashes]
[thunder claps]
All right for some!