Play for Today (1970–1984): Season 3, Episode 13 - Kisses at Fifty - full transcript
[cheerful piano music]
[indistinct chattering]
Eight o'clock tonight,
lads, all right?
Yeah, all right.
See you tonight then.
All right, all right, yes, yes.
George will be in
tonight, won't he?
-I believe so.
-Yeah.
Yeah, he'll definitely be here.
Certain.
-Positive now?
-Yes.
Tarar, Harry.
Tarar.
[soft music]
[food sizzling]
What time is it, Sandra?
I told you so.
That yesterday thing's
on, it's just started.
Oh, I wanted to watch that.
Go on then, I'll put dinner on.
Your dad's comin' in.
Oh, bugger me dad.
Go on.
Go.
Sunday dinner.
He'll not even taste
it, state he'll be in.
♪ Todlin' whoam
to meet in mint ♪
♪ Todlin' whoam
content and skint ♪
♪ Me head in me hat
♪ and me feet in me shoon
♪ I'm toddlin whoam
nun too soon ♪
♪ I'm fain to be todlin' whoam
♪ Todlin' whoam to
fireside bliss ♪
♪ Todlin' whoam to
childer's kiss ♪
♪ God bless yon bit
o' curlin' smoke! ♪
♪ God bless yon
cosy chimley nook ♪
♪ I'm fain to be todlin' whoam
All right.
♪ Todlin' whoam to
prattlin' tungs ♪
♪ Toddlin' whoam to
childers' songs ♪
♪ Toddlin' whoam
to sink, to rest ♪
♪ With wife and
little brids in nest ♪
♪ I'm fain to be todlin' whoam
♪ I'm fain to be todlin' whoam
[gate slamming]
Happy birthday dear granddad,
and I just want to say,
may you enjoy a birthday,
that's fine in every way.
Lots of love to Granddad
from our Philly.
I've got to have some friends,
some mates have to come.
It's a lovely Spanish galley,
sit down and have a look.
Now then, who is this one from?
Oh, it's from Aunt Lorraine.
It's not a wedding without me.
Ellen love,
just a minute.
"A happy birthday dear Granddad,
and may it be for you,
one where each hour
is filled with love.
Close relatives, aunties,
uncles and that
and a few mates...
Will you put that
stuff back, Lorraine?
he never eats it.
Put it back!
Thank you.
All right now Flo.
We'll have to be
brutal, that's all.
We'd need the town
hall if we asked...
"One where each hour
is filled with love
and treasured memories too."
Love and kisses
from our Lorraine.
Well we'd like a few friends,
your dad and me
wouldn't we Harry?
Whose wedding is it!?
Whose bloody birthday is it?
Can't your mum share her love?
Let me explain.
I had this one here
from our Chris, Dad?
Dad?
What?
You seen this one?
See Louise, a soldier on
guard, he's guarding the Queen.
We'll have to make
a list that's all.
Oh, Ella love will you shut up.
Oh, there's no verse!
Best wishes Chris, that's all.
From your Uncle Christopher.
Probably thinks a bit
of poetry is common,
toffee nosed bugger!
My God, since he
went down London.
Still, it's got a bit
of summat about it.
Not like some I could mention.
And last of five,
whose lover conquered
the Rocky Mountains,
guarded with fire to
wake her from sleep?
Well, the lady, whose lover?
Brunhilda.
Brunhilda correct
Lover being Siegfried,
five points.
Right, a bonus of 15 coming.
Your starter.
What is the nearest ice shelf...
♪ Happy birthday to you
♪ Happy birthday to you
♪ Happy birthday dear granddad
♪ Happy birthday to you.
[TV] Is waiting
to go into chapel
Never mind Lewis, come on.
We're wasting our time,
they're naught but
pigs, the pair of 'em!
[TV] Each one correct
again being five.
And then last for five points,
whose tutor is sometimes called,
"the father of modern archery",
because of his
book "Toxophilus"?
Robin Hood.
[TV Contestant] Xenophon?
No, in fact, it's
Elizabeth the First
who heralded Robert Ashton.
What do you mean,
you're not going out?
Christ almighty mother,
it's his birthday.
Get out for a drink with him!
I'm not bothered.
He's asked me,
but I'm not bothered.
Well, get bothered, are
you married or what?
You know, you never see him.
Don't be ridiculous,
Of course I see him.
[silverware crashing]
For half an hour, six
o'clock at morning.
My God, you'd have to be quick
to make a marriage out of that.
And willing!
Like goin' t' bleedin' stud!
Now you watch your tongue madam,
save that sort of language
for your own home.
Anyway, it's not his
fault he is on nights.
Of course it's his fault.
And what about you off
sweeping classrooms
at crack o' blinkin' dawn?
What's all that about?
Nice to have a bit of
spare money, we need it.
There's Ellen's wedding.
Oh, my God, if I
hear another word
about our Ellen's wedding...
Well, it's gotta be paid for.
I know it's got to be paid for,
but not with your
blinking blood.
Working all the hours God
sends the pair of you,
what's up with ya?
Don't you like
each other anymore?
Now don't be daft.
Where is he now?
He's upstairs getting
washed and shaved.
[cutlery clinking]
Get up there and tell him
you've changed your mind.
He doesn't want to
be going out with me,
he enjoys it in the
tap room with the lads.
I'd only be in the way.
That will do no harm.
Put summat nice on,
get out for a drink
with him, go on.
Go on!
[soft music playing]
There's a clean shirt
in the airing cupboard,
and some socks, love.
You don't mind, do
you if I don't come?
Well, you can have a
drink with the lads
with the kids being over.
No, don't worry.
I don't feel much like
celebrating anyway.
I'm getting too bloody old.
Ta.
[door bangs]
Well?
He's all right, he'll be
better off with the lads.
[skipping footsteps]
Hey.
Hi.
[laughing]
Hello, love!
Here, I've got a little present
for you, all right, here.
Just put it in your
pocket, here only one.
And that's between
you and Phillip
tell your mum, all right?
Yes gramps, but it
isn't our birthday.
No love, it's mine,
everybody gets presents
on my birthday, you know?
It's like Christmas
ain't it, eh?
Yes.
Bye bye love.
Bye granddad and
happy Christmas.
[gate shuts]
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven.
[children chattering]
♪ We march to our places,
♪ with clean hands and faces,
♪ And pay great attention,
♪ to all we are told
♪ For we know we can never,
♪ be happy or clever.
♪ For learning is better,
♪ than silver and gold.
17, 18, 19, 20,
21,22,23,24, 25, 26
[Sergeant-Major]
Battalion will march!
By the centre!
Slow...
March!
["See, the Conqu'ring
Hero Comes!"]
29, 30, 31, 32.
[machine clanging]
40, 41, 42, 43,
45, 46, 47, 48, 49.
50.
What, inside legs.
No, it's me birthday.
[laughing]
-Good, I'll have a pint.
-I'll get you all one.
You better pull about 15
for they'll all be on pints.
Who said!
Why you smilin', love?
Oh sorry Phil,
And a dandelion and burdock.
Aye, with a scotch in it!
[everyone laughing]
What's it like to
be 50 then, Harry?
Forgotten have you?
[laughing]
Well that's very
nice, I must say.
Hey Flo.
-Yes.
-You think I look 50?
You look as though you're
fair fifty. [laughing]
I tell you what, I've
felt 50 in me time!
[everyone laughing]
Is this me 51st?
No thank you,
quite satisfied
with what I've had,
thanks very much!
Satisfied with your Joe?
Do me a favour!
He had hands like a dredger
with sides like barnacles!
[laughing]
Harry got it ye,
it's his birthday he's 50 today.
Is it, the bugger?
Congratulations,
Harry many of 'em.
You'll soon have me caught up!
Cheerio Winnie.
Happy birthday.
Hey Flo.
-Yes, love?
-Ask your friend to have one.
Audrey, this is Harry.
Happy birthday.
Darlin' what you havin'?
Oh thanks, I'll have a sherry.
[bar chatter]
Where's that wiz?
Hey, give him one,
for God's sake or
he'll never stop.
Good looking lass to be
out on her own, Harry.
You're talking about how I'm
good looking, I'm a male.
I've noticed, where is Rene?
Got Phil, and my
daughter's over and all.
Plenty on your hands have
you, on your birthday?
Give over.
Cheers, here's to the next 50.
I hoped you hadn't heard that.
Why didn't you
tell us at dinner?
It's not up to me to
shout about, is it?.
Prince Phillip's 50.
You're not gonna hold that
against me for God's sake, eh?
[bar chatter]
You're not from round
here, are you Audrey?
Just come, me husband's
up at Simpsons.
Good job?
Good money.
Same thing ain't it?
Is it?
I've always thought so.
Have done for years, you'd
bar me if you didn't.
Hello Ted, hello Harry.
Aye, I know what you mean.
[murmuring]
A bit rough, isn't it?
First night,
putting you on the taproom?
You grumbling?
[Harry] We're not.
[Phil] I'm not!
[Harry] You never are!
People's the same, bar
makes no difference.
Oh no, the talk's a bit
different in here, in't it?
The language.
Sometimes it is.
I don't hear naught
licited to me personal.
[Harry] What then?
I'll just ask for a bit
of respect, that's all.
I like that.
Do ya?
Here let me buy you one.
No, you're alright.
[Audrey] Come on,
for your birthday.
No love, you're
all right for one.
Come on I want to,
so's I don't owe you nowt.
All right then.
I thought you were feeling ill?
Put half in there.
[beer spluttering]
Cheers, many happy returns.
My birthday and half
is no danger, cheers.
[soft music]
You going out or not?
Not bothered, good film on here.
You can go for me.
Fancy it, Kev?
What?
Pint.
I don't think so, I'm
all right here, ta.
I should hope so.
Fine bloody birthday
me dad's having.
Very good files Emery,
real precision Joe,
worth anything up to a fiver.
How much?
On me.
Oh, come on George.
For your birthday then.
I get 'em for naught, any road.
You sure?
Foreman, he trusts me.
He said, "George, owt
you want, just take it."
"Within reason of
course, just ask for it
"you can take it,
I'd rather know."
He knows stuff's
about to get nicked,
this way he can keep
his eye on things,
knows where he's at,
you know what I mean?
Aye.
Dear bugger, you're not
even listening, are you?
Hey look, do you
want them or not?
Of course, I want them.
Put them up out of
sight, for God's sake,
you wanna get me running?
I thought you said they know.
I know they know, but the
whole bloody town doesn't!
Give the firm a bad name,
you know what I mean?
Some folk are bastards.
Are you listening to me?
Eh?
Who the hell is she any road?
Who?
The bird you're gobbing.
Her name's Audrey.
Not gobbing.
Not much you're not.
You've had your eyes screwed
to her arse since I came in.
Go steady, George.
Will I buggery,
tap room this is,
concert room or lounge
okay, I'll go steady.
In here I'll say
what I bleedin' like.
Just watch it in front
of Audrey, that's all.
Why what's so special about her?
You want anything lads?
[Harry] Aye, thanks Audrey.
We'll have two pints.
By the way, old mate
of mine, George.
Hello George.
[George] Hello.
Hey Flory are you gonna
have a shot for my birthday?
I'd love a whiskey
and dry, Harry love.
Happy birthday.
[kissing]
Bless you.
What about you Audrey?
Do you have anything to drink?
I'd rather have a kiss.
Go on, have a go Harry boy!
[Bar Patrons] Go on Harry!
[laughing]
That's the best
kiss I've ever had.
♪ Oh the moon shines on the
lights on Charlie Chaplin ♪
♪ His boots are crackin'
♪ for want of blackin'
♪ And his owd fusty coat
♪ is wanting mending
♪ Until they send him
♪ to the Dardanelles
Trafficking as you leave.
Mornin' Harry.
About bloody time too!
Lovely morning.
Great.
[machine roaring]
We'll all see a bit.
I'm bloody knackered!
I've shovelled half a
colliers bridge in there,
I must've.
Gotta get a foreman
and get some gig.
While I give it the other half.
Off out the shaft?
I'm going up to the tops,
get a bit of sunshine.
I can do it!
By Christ, you've got
it made, you have!
Well said.
Home to bed at Mrs.
Kitchen dinner.
Egg and bleedin' bacon!
Lose her.
An upset bloody top with
best little arse in business.
I'll tell you summat,
that bloke in London
with all them bunny clubs
he's not better organised
than you, no danger!
Jealousy will get you
no where you know.
You what?
I'm bleedin' thriving on it, me.
How do you do it any road?
Christ, you've only
known her three weeks!
There's folk up there,
with their tongues hanging out,
drooling in their pints,
[laughing]
Aye, you can laugh,
but it's true.
Pathetic!
Pack as light walnuts, that lot.
Just about their cops gobbing.
Have you seen their
own women nattering?
Right Ted, I'll be
seeing you then.
Hey, don't kill yourself.
No danger!
Have a good time our lad!
And think of me,
you lucky bugger!
♪ My dreams are getting
better all the time. ♪
[cat meows]
You awake?
[Rene] Yes.
Cup of tea there for you.
Ta.
What time is it?
Half six.
[Harry breathes heavily]
What's it like out?
Nice day, will be any road.
Thank God for that.
Harry,
who is this Audrey?
So we're bust wide open are we?
Aye.
I've never hid nothing.
Not that I wanted
to, bugger 'em.
Rubbish.
That mate of yours George,
a right pink eared liar he
makes if ever there was one.
I'll ask him to back
me up that's all.
With Rene, you know,
tell her I was with him.
I didn't wanna
cause her any pain.
He needs causing.
Summat needs causing.
Shake him rigid.
All this...
This same bloody sameness.
[laughing]
Oh we really fell for it,
didn't we Harry, you and me.
A great wedding yarn.
Climbing all starry eyed
building our sweet little nest.
It took just six months to dawn.
What?
I'd married a
bloody great cuckoo.
Oh, it wasn't his fault though.
Any one of a thousand would
have ended up the same.
Clock work, waiting
for spring to run down.
The way the world's run.
Our world, any road.
What did you say to her then?
Rene?
Yes.
Rene...
she's all right.
She works hard.
Always has for all of us.
She's always there Rene,
I can't just,
trample on her,
tread on her face.
Oh, you lied to her.
Aye.
Said that we're separate
like, you know, removed.
Made no difference.
Who are you tryin' to kid?
You can't have your cake
and eat it you know.
Some do.
How long has this
been going on then?
About three week,
since his birthday.
They've been seeing each
other in the afternoons,
they've been off out together.
Stupid sod, he's
a bloody old man.
He's only 50.
Now, don't you
start defending him
for Christ's sake.
Bloody typical that is.
You'll be saying you
understand him next.
No I don't.
I don't understand him.
I've never refused
him nothing, never.
Poor Ellen, her wedding.
Oh, sod Ellen and
her bloody wedding.
What are you gonna do about it?
Well, you've got
to do something!
What is this woman?
What's her husband doing?
Don't ask me what
her husband's doing,
how hell should I know?
I know what my husband's
doing, don't I?
Isn't that enough for you?
Who told you?
Mrs. Jackson over the road,
she heard them
talking in the market.
Charming.
What does he have
to say for himself?
He said it were separate,
made no difference.
Made no difference!
What does he think you are,
his bloody housekeeper?
Don't start shouting
at me again!
[women shouting]
-[Lorraine] Mum?
-Go out and play the yard,
there's a good girl.
No flaming difference.
Bloody men they
trample all over us.
Mother, they've
got it all sown up.
A bit of flattery,
mollycoddling,
few weddings snaps
kids and a roof over his head.
That's what they give us.
It's something.
And it's something
worth fighting for.
This, whoever she
is, this Audrey,
she's grabbing your
only existence.
You'll have naught left.
Do you still love him?
I do, of course I do.
Well where is he now?
At the pub.
With her.
She works there.
Jesus.
He kissed her on his birthday
in front of the whole pub.
Kissed her as though
he meant it, they said.
I can't go on.
I'm sorry Harry,
I just can't walk with you.
Can't go on with what?
This covering up, lying, deceit.
It's not right.
Bleedin' deceit,
have you seen her?
Rene asks can you
actually lied to her?
No, but if I had seen her,
I'd have had to, wouldn't I?
And it wouldn't be right,
it won't be right.
Piss off you bloody hypocrite.
Who's a bloody hypocrite?
You are, God you'd
nick half your works
if you had the chance, you.
Proud of it and all, great lad.
Then you come preaching to me.
Look, it's not fair on Rene.
She knows, I've told her.
Told her what?
All the sordid bloody details.
What I mean to say...
Oh, just shut your
hole will ya, George,
You're like the
rest of 'em in here.
gutting themselves
with bloody envy
and no guts to grab
aught for themselves.
I don't bloody envy you.
Not much you don't,
you are jealous twice over you.
Jealous of me cause of her,
cause I've had her.
And of her cause of me
because she's had me.
Me, jealous of her.
Aye she pushed your bloody
nose out, didn't she?
We've been going round
together for years,
you and me, like a
couple of bloody Nancy's.
We've been mates and that's all.
Man and bleeding wife more like,
you spent more time with
me the last 20 years,
than you have your own wife.
When'd you last
take Ivy out, you?
Run away and play George, they
want a four in the corner.
Go on.
Well said Harry lad.
-I thought you were deaf.
-Eh?
[laughing]
What was all that about?
Naught, just having a
laugh with Winnie here.
No, I mean with George.
Told him he were due
to grow up, that's all.
You're burning all
your bridges Harry,
you know that, don't you?
Is it worth it?
[adventurous music]
Right.
Dad, in case you forgot,
this is my mother.
What's that supposed to mean?
Your bloody wife
that's what it means.
I know damn well who my wife is.
Well, who the hell's
this when she's at home
Mrs. Grant to you, if
it's any of your business.
Which it's not.
Bloody well is you know,
what you think you're
playing at you?
Right sod in your old age
you're turning out, aren't ya?
We'll have none of that
sort of language in here,
thank you very much.
You'll have what you
bloody well get, all of ya!
You've had your
sodding say, you lot.
All over bloody town.
Well jokes over, now
and now it's our turn.
Oh no its not.
-Oh yes, it bloody well is.
-Not in here it's not.
What's the matter with here?
From what I heard, it's where
it's all been happening.
Right bleedin' floor
show from all accounts,
Christ, it makes me sick to
think of it lookin' at ya.
Two right decrepits!
Get off home Sandra before I...
You clout me?
It's the only way
you'll shut me up
and I'll tell you that for nowt.
Let's have you out
of it, Rene, come on.
Mummy.
Oh no, she staying.
[shouting]
Tell her, for Christ's
sake mother, tell her!
-We'll talk about it at home!
-Mummy.
[Harry] Get out of it, you!
[woman shouting]
Get out, for Christ's
sake get out!
Lets go, get out.
All right.
I'll say it for her.
You keep your stinking
hands out of our family,
do you hear?
Or I'll claw you're
bleeding eyes out.
[murmurs]
Audrey, I think you'd
better find another job.
♪ Oh the moon shines
bright on Charlie Chaplin ♪
♪ His boot are cracking,
for want of blacking ♪
♪ And his old fusty coat
is wanting mending ♪
♪ Until they send him,
to the Dardanelles ♪
♪ Until they send him,
to the Dardanelles ♪
Had a good night have you?
Bloody fantastic!
[shovel digging]
She just stood there
cool as a cucumber,
brazen bloody hussy!
It'll make me think twice before
setting somebody else
on, I'll tell ya.
I loved her little
arse though, Flo.
They're all lovely to you,
I caught the bloody cats
up when you're coming in.
First bother I've ever had
in this pub, first ever.
All over a bloody arse!
I told him it weren't
right, tonight I told him.
Poor old Rene.
She's been a good wife
to him and all that.
Yeah, she has.
She has.
What's her husband
think he's up to?
What is he?
Deaf or dumb or summat?
He might not have heard yet,
but there'll be blood and snot
flying about when he does.
Do you know him?
-No.
-So how do you know then?
It's only natural
he'll come looking
for Harry when he does.
I keep telling Harry.
I don't know, it's feeling
like the wild West, isn't it?
I thought Harry had
more bloody sense.
Oh give over for God's sake!
[Terry] Eh?
I've never heard
such bloody rubbish!
You're dead, you lot.
I've been 20 years,
walking bloody zombies!
And you've 20 years to
go the same bloody path,
I know I've walked it.
I hope they bugger
off, the pair of them.
By Christ, I wish my
arse were bony again,
off like a dose of
salt I'd be, no danger!
Give us another stout Flo,
owt to make me bleedin' death.
[machine engine rumbling]
[shovel digging]
[soft classical music]
[shovel digging]
[soft music]
[shovel digging]
[machine engine rumbling]
[knocking on the door]
You expecting anybody then?
Are you?
Well, you'd better go and
answer it, hadn't you?
Or do you want me
to do it for you?
Must be our Eileen.
Well, they'd hardly knock
the back door, would they?
[gentle footsteps]
You looking for me?
What do you mean
looking for you?
I've heard you're
looking for me,
well I'm here you're
looking at me.
This is the bleedin'
great cuckoo
you were telling me
about, is it Audrey?
You should hit me,
do you know that?
You should bloody murder me.
If I was you, I'd
bloody murder me!
I don't want to hit you and
I'm not looking for you.
I'm giving your
Audrey one you know,
I'm poking her!
Harry.
You wanna try her sometime,
she's a great grind.
Harry, don't you ever
talk about me like that.
He don't bloody deserve you.
Go on, Harry you go on
and I'll catch you up.
[door shuts]
I'm going tonight.
I'll come back tomorrow
and pick up my things.
He's 50 years of age Chris.
So what?
Well, he's not a bit of a kid,
they've had 25 years together.
Surely summat's cemented,
he just can't up and
leave everything,
he just can't.
He can, he is.
If you've nothing
better to offer
than stupid remarks like that...
He is, isn't he?
It's all my mother says but
she's so bloody gutless.
He's sold in the
idea that's all.
It's too late, he
is a bloody old man.
Is it hell too late?
As far as he's concerned
its the ideal time.
Kids grown up, all
of us off his hands
See my mother?
Yeah, what about my mother?
But it's been on the
cards, hasn't it?
So bloody stagnant up here,
like a crowd of bloody budgies
clustered on your purchase.
Give you a seed, your clean
sandpaper and you're happy.
You should see the letters
I get from my mother,
they reek of boredom.
My dad hardly gets a mention.
You drag me up here to
help cope with a tragedy.
My God, it's a
flaming renaissance
as far as me dad's concerned.
Oh fine, Mr. bloody
metropolis, fine.
You'd probably have him
down there, pair of 'em.
Showing him the sites, the
life bloody sophisticate.
But what's my mother gonna do.
What's my mother gonna do?
Think of herself for a change.
I'm a habit Rene, that's all.
A habit, and a bad one at that.
Bad for both of us.
Those 20 years have
gone like the wind,
and bugger all's happened.
Got another 25 and all.
We could plod on,
of course we could!
Christ knows
everybody else has to.
But I don't.
I've got a chance.
She's a chance and I
can't afford to miss it.
We'll have to help out
with the wedding coming up.
The wedding can wait.
Oh yeah, let him kick
it all into touch.
The wedding, me mother,
family and grandkids,
they don't mean owt that lot.
So Harry's found a drop
of juice left in him.
So we all mark time,
while he gets rid digging
his pockets and all.
He won't be able to
afford much on his wage.
Oh, you are breaking
my bloody heart.
He should have thought of that
before he started
collecting his women.
God knows what he's spent
on her, me poor mother
paying tele every week.
Christ, it makes me weep.
Let him get on with it.
Get it out of his system,
make a bloody fool of himself.
He's been doing
too much boozing.
I have told him there's
more to life than boozing.
He didn't believe
you though, did he?
Don't you dare bloody laugh!
This is our home, our family
and it's breaking up, crumbling.
[Sandra] Oh, to hell with him,
let him get the hell out
of here and good riddance!
I just hope he sleeps
nights, that's all.
She's new, younger than me.
Got a bit of sex about her.
She looks at me as if I'm here,
around,
breathing, not like part
of the bloody wallpaper.
Look at us Rene,
we do nothing for each other.
We don't, reflect owt, we
don't, spark off no more.
We're living here together,
cause here's where we were put.
You dust desks, I shovel shit
and that's life by Christ.
We might as well be bleeding
pit ponies for all
the daylight we see.
It's still sex,
with her it's sex.
Of course it's sex, it's
all we've got left, sex.
Take that away, the canal'd be
blocked with bloated bodies.
You've got to be
wanted to have sex.
I listen, I wait for the
gates to shut in the morning.
But you climb into bed, I
watch your back breathing.
I have got sex, if you'll give
me a chance, Harry, please.
Gone Rene, it's gone.
Why?
Because it's all gone.
It's just gone.
[ light footsteps]
[Police Officer] Six o'clock,
come on, wakey, wakey.
Come on.
Six.
Knackered, are ya?
I'm cold.
You not found anywhere yet then?
A place, a flat.
Have you not found anywhere?
Found plenty, too bloody dear.
I know one or two cheap places.
Real quick though you have to
be there first thing you know.
Second night, innit?
Here, there's a couple in
there up Heron Road way.
Beds are bloody hard round here.
Ta.
[water running]
[door closing]
[case clicking]
[toilet flushing]
A large second floor furnished
room in Victorian house,
in personable area,
crockery etc provided,
and linen.
Good decorative
order, £5 a week.
[upbeat music]
♪ Charlie Chaplin
meek and mild ♪
♪ Swiped a sausage
from a child ♪
♪ When the child began to cry
♪ Charlie socked
him in the eye ♪
♪ And the moon shines
bright on Charlie Chaplin ♪
♪ His boots are cracking
for want of blacking ♪
♪ And his owd fusty coat
is wanting mending ♪
♪ Until they send him
to the Dardanelles ♪
Coffee love, please.
Get me a donut
while you are at it.
What the hell are
you doing here?
Oh I'm very sorry, I'll
go back again then...
I mean your train wasn't
due until half past.
It was a special
for the football.
[Harry] Oh.
Well, can I sit down again?
Aye.
Ta.
You havin' a coffee?
Yes, please.
Right.
And another one love, please.
What made you take
the football train?
Well, it's cheaper, nearly
half a normal single.
It can get rough at times,
you know them football trains.
[cup clinking]
Well I can't go chucking
me money about now, can I?
We.
You're looking full of yourself,
I thought you said it was rough.
Aye, it's nowt to
an old desert rat.
[laughing]
Oh come on, were
you a desert rat?
Not out of bloody
choice, I wasn't!
I didn't know that.
There's a lot you don't
know, ain't there?
Yes.
I must be flamin' barmy.
A month we've known each other.
Four weeks, and we've
'em all in after a month.
Aye, but we've
been years waiting.
So you found a place?
Aye, it's not a
lot like, you know.
It's small bedsitter, kitchen,
bathroom, fiver a week
I nearly bit the
fellow's hand off,
stuff I'd seen
for twice as much.
Walls are all right, no damp.
Whole place wants doin'
up, but I don't mind that.
[car engines rumbling]
It's horrible, Audrey,
but it's a start, in't it?
We'll do it up a bit, eh?
I wanna go to bed.
♪ Charlie Charlie
Chuck Chuck Chuck ♪
♪ Went to bed with
three white ducks ♪
♪ One died, Charlie cried
♪ Charlie Charlie
Chuck Chuck Chuck ♪
Now you're quite sure
this is all correct.
Yes.
And that you forbidden
to work by your doctor,
nerves you say made
you give up your job?
That's right, I didn't want to.
I must say you look fit
enough to work to me.
Would you check
that over, please?
Now I'm going to read
to you a declaration.
Listen carefully.
And if you concur
sign, is that clear?
Yes.
I claim supplementary allowance,
and declare that to the best
of my knowledge and belief,
the information on this form is
a true and complete statement
and that I have no income,
savings, property, or
assets except as shown.
That's right.
Sign there please.
Now, when did your
husband actually leave?
Three months ago last Tuesday.
And that is the last
time you saw him.
Yes, he writes.
Sent me £5, all he
can afford, he says,
but it's not enough.
£5 a week?
No, not every week, no.
How often?
About twice a month.
And he's living
here, but no address.
Yes.
How does your money
come, check or cash?
Postal Order.
Where did your husband work?
The dye works.
Do they have a
branch in the area?
I don't know, he was only
a furnace man, any road.
He used to be a whacking belter,
but they made him redundant.
What is the woman's name?
Grant, Audrey Grant.
Can you think of any reason
why they should go to
this particular area?
Relatives or any other reason?
Nobody knows them there.
Do you have a photograph
of your husband?
Yes.
I'm sorry, it's old,
but he hasn't changed that much.
No, I'm afraid
it's not up to date
enough for our purposes.
Can you give me a rough
description of him?
Pardon.
Your husband, can you
describe him to me?
Oh, yes he's um...
he's 50,
young looking, well-built,
very smart.
Always turns himself out smart.
Grey hair, blue eyes.
Quite tall, carries
himself very straight.
Polishes his shoes,
enjoys a drink and a joke
he's always laughin...
[soft music]
[cart engine rambling]
[soft music]
[light footsteps]
Mr. Harold Cook?
Aye.
Late of 63 Carlisle Crescent,
Ravenswike, Yorkshire?
That's right.
Ah, Department of Health
and Social Security.
Had a bit of bother finding you.
Mum, please!
That looks right about there,
what do you think?
No shorter certainly.
Let's make it there then.
Mum listen.
Will you keep still and shut
up just for two minutes.
You can't afford a white
wedding, it's ridiculous.
Kevin says...
Keep still.
I think it would be great
when mum' shortened.
They all have 'em
short these days,
you know, and look nice.
Oh, you look lovely Ellen.
She does.
I think we need to take
it in a bit at the waist,
shorten the sleeves,
it will be a different dress.
Lovely Sandra!
Very pretty.
Mum!
I think it's smashing.
I don't want a White wedding.
-Well you're havin' one!
-Whose wedding day is it?
Yours, the only one you'll get
so shut up and make
the most of it.
Who are you trying to kid?
Sandra had white,
you're having white?
It's been white since
you got engaged.
Kevin says keep it simple.
Sod Kevin, it's not
his day, it's yours.
He'll be satisfied with a
buttonhole on a bonner piece,
so long as he gets his bunk up.
They like to get it
over with, most of 'em.
Oh they'd love that round
here, wouldn't they?
All of 'em, wedding
on the cheap!
Harry must be leavin' us short.
He is leaving you short.
He's not, he's doing his best.
I got money regular,
I'm managing.
Is that why you're on relief?
Who told you that?
Everybody knows that,
now you're dressing me
up like a dog's dinner.
We all know the state you're in.
He's doing his best,
all he can afford.
Your dad can't afford no more.
Don't give me that
rubbish mother.
Now, don't you start on me
again Sandra, your dad...
Me dad's finished,
dead and buried.
Treat it as a widow's pension.
You managed then,
you'll manage now.
So just forget him and
pass the blinking pins.
It's all right you talkin'.
Oh we've every right to talk.
How do you think we feel like,
gaped at everywhere we go?
My God, he's been gone three
months and they're still at it.
Biggest thing since
sliced bread around here,
you two breaking up.
So don't talk to
me about talking.
You just can't forget,
just like that.
If he was dead, you wouldn't
ask that forgetting.
I'd still have my memories.
Memories!
Fine memory you've got!
Remember what he did
for goodness sake.
Run off with a tart and left you
with her wedding to pay for.
Right, cosy little
memory that makes.
You make me bloody sick.
[door bangs]
I might have to go
to court you know.
Christ, it's all
so bloody sordid.
Oh, come on Harry, let's
have a bit of spirit.
It's not spirit I want, love.
I wrote that bloody letter.
Snotty nosed little
bastard lecturing me.
I sent money, whenever
I've had some I've sent it.
And let's face it,
we're not exactly living in
the lap of luxury are we?
How was I to know she
had to give up work?
She didn't know your address.
Look we 'opped
it, started fresh.
I didn't want to have
Sandra hounding you,
avenging angel,
bloody pestering.
She had a chance to
be left her alone.
So you break cover and
send your wife money?
Look, I had to send her money,
it's right I should
send her money.
Look, I know it's right.
And we don't start nattering
on about starting fresh.
She's your responsibility,
accept the fact.
Stop trying to hide.
You've got a conscience,
God help you,
you can't help being honest.
If you weren't I wouldn't
here now, would I?
So come on, get your
tea before it gets cold.
You're having it there or here?
[spoons clinking]
Your Sandra, I'll
give her 10 years
then she'll be down here
with us milkman and all.
What time do you
have to get there?
Seven I start at
Severn Cocktail Bar.
Coming on in the
world, aren't we?
They know a bit of
class when they see it.
Aye not half they don't.
I'll do the washing up
and I'll be over.
Hey, do they serve pints
in your cocktail bar?
Just half.
Right, I think I'd rather
have you swim in it.
I'm sorry that fella
depressed me a bit.
Look, I came down here
in a football train,
not a cloud of
blinking stardust.
I'm not in love or
out, it doesn't exist.
We were bottled up you and me
corked up and ready to blow.
We just nodded each
other off that's all.
It's all, is it?
It's enough.
It's the most exciting thing
that ever happened to me.
You pulled a bloody
big pillow off my face,
I took three great gulps
and I shouted for joy and I'm
still shouting, aren't you?
Aye, just about.
Are you going to the wedding?
It's all right, you
told me weeks ago.
I remember these things.
Next Saturday isn't it?
Aye.
That's one thing
that'd made me wait,
Ellen's wedding.
I couldn't be sure of you
if I had done, could I?
You can never be sure
of anything, Harry.
Suddenly I was there
and you grabbed me.
If you had blinked, I
might have disappeared.
You must go Harry.
For her sake and yours,
tie up all the loose ends.
And then if you don't come back,
we'd have had no
chance any road.
Would you go back?
No, never, there's
nothing there for me.
How old is she?
17.
Just 17.
[ladies laughing]
[soft music]
♪ Today there's
been some changes ♪
♪ in our house
this week or two ♪
♪ Where once there
used to be a den ♪
♪ It's like a Sunday stew
♪ Our little winding roads
and Jimmy's brushed his cap ♪
♪ And they want us
think the reason ♪
♪ why our sir is diggin' a jam
♪ Here comes a colt
and everything ♪
♪ He fills our cups with dreg
♪ His skate blue
skaters on his feet ♪
♪ And girls on his yet
♪ He likes to swing
talk about his stroke ♪
♪ To talk about his base
♪ He is such a tender novice
but I don't know what it is. ♪
♪ He picked all
our sold in ware ♪
♪ He is such and owl and swell
♪ I wish he picked another
girl or loose his bloody self ♪
♪ Our farm is gone and coptic
stones, flister with a flap ♪
♪ How about going dabs and
all cause I was service yeah ♪
[chattering]
Everybody outside!
All right Rene.
[soft music]
[murmuring]
Marvellous, in't
she, considering?
God knows how she
she keeps it up.
She'll feel it tomorrow though.
She will and so will Ellen.
-Yeah.
-Who is giving her away?
Her brother is
coming up tonight.
She's bearing up okay now.
Yeah, house full
and mum's happy.
Did you get upstairs sorted out?
Yeah, I cleared
the front bedroom,
put a few chairs
round record player,
there's room to
dance, we'll be okay.
Do you think he'll
come, your dad?
I don't know.
He's bloody cheeky enough!
Bottle left hand,
opener right, see?
Method like, yeah?
Bottle tops box underneath,
glasses right, on the bar right.
Barrel right, glass
in right hand,
draw with the left.
Swing centre, serve.
What about shots?
Shots behind you, out
of the bastards' reach!
They'll bloody nick it, shots.
Port, you're all right.
Sherry on the bar.
For shots, well back, guarded.
Ginger Ales, bitter
lemon, tonic, bar left,
help themselves.
Screw top big bottles
is easier, okay?
Aye.
Right then, have a go.
[murmuring]
I'll have a pint of Advocaat.
[banging]
I'm waiting for that
liver sausage mum.
I know, I'm looking,
I put them somewhere.
Put them on spam
here while I look.
It's all right, love,
I'll open up another one,
but it's here somewhere.
Well it'll wait,
hey steady on a bit.
We don't want you cracking
up for our Ellen's wedding.
I'll not crack up.
I know you won't.
It's Ellen's day mum,
things have sorted
themselves out, haven't they?
Yes.
Where are you off to love
and where are you staying?
We're not saying.
I'd no honeymoon, me.
Couldn't afford it
before war you know.
Only saw him every other night.
He worked through day, night,
day, off, day, night, day.
On t' Docks.
It were a job, he
were glad of it.
By God, he made up for it though
at nights we did,
have no danger!
[laughing]
I needed other night
off to recover!
Same all his life, mind,
virile and vigorous,
who would have
thought he'd go at 50?
Bloody good bet by the sound
of it, rationing Ellen,
Bill would've
bugger off tomorrow
if I didn't make him beg for it.
Tfunny thing about me,
I quite enjoy it myself.
Where do you want
your caller, missus?
God where the hell are
we going to put that?
Down in bloody throat tomorrow!
Where's it going
in the meantime?
Take it into the living room,
Keith's got a bar fixed up.
He'll tell ya.
What's this stuck
at side of my head?
[cheering]
Hello love?
Hello George.
Getting yourself
sorted out are you?
Aye.
Beginning to see
daylight, eh? Good.
Like we said, these are the
cups, saucers, and plates.
She would've been
around helping,
but you know how it
is, wine making class.
She's bringing some
over tomorrow is she
to give us a taste?
Oh, I wouldn't recommend it,
you know our cat's never
been off his sin since
he supped some in his milk?
He hasn't, he just sits
there all glassy-eyed.
For all the world, like
a yogi with haemorrhoids.
[laughing]
Missing summat, am I?
Oh Chris.
-Hello ma.
-Oh I'm glad you've come.
Sandy.
Hello Chris.
Where's the blushing bride then?
She's inside making sandwiches,
Ellen, Chris is here.
[Ellen] Okay.
How long are you home for love?
Just the weekend,
long enough to launch
my baby sister.
Hello love.
Hello Chris.
Present for you.
Ta.
No second thoughts then?
I can't afford 'em, can I?
No sign of Harry by now.
No.
[ladies laughing]
What a mug he is.
I've known him years, Harry,
I just can't see it,
I just can't see it.
Can anybody?
He had it all right,
he had it soft.
Sandra'd tear me bollocks off!
Pint of the best
please, my good man.
Hi Chris!
How are you?
Hello Chris.
Good evening girls, how
is your crust crumbling?
Have you seen your mum,
she's in the kitchen.
-Aye, I've have seen her.
-Don't she look well.
She does, what have
been doing to her?
Oh you know, taking
her out, bingo, boozer
showing her life's worth living.
Your dad not coming then, Chris?
I don't know, love.
I heard you're giving her away?
Aye.
What's up, don't you
think I'm old enough?
I think it's sad for your mum.
Sad?
It's opened her bloody eyes!
Hey, I'm thinking of
taking her and Enid
back down to London with me,
setting them up
in a flat in Soho.
Strictly professional,
you know, 50-50.
[laughter] How do
you fancy it love?
You are a jumper,
I'd start bleeding
amateur forms tomorrow
me, no danger.
Are you all right love?
Yeah.
I wondered where you were.
Just thought I'd come up
for a think, you know?
I'm sorry love
for all the upset,
these things happen.
God knows you don't
mean them to happen.
Don't apologise to me mum.
You're a lucky girl,
Kevin's a good lad,
you've got a good lad.
Was he?
What?
My dad, when you married
him, was he a good lad?
[knocking on the door]
[dogs barking]
What do you want?
Ellen, I want to see Ellen.
She's all right without
you, we all are.
You've done enough, do
you want to do more?
No, I just wanted to see Ellen
have a word with her.
Please.
Come in.
Ellen, just talk to
Ellen, Dad, all right?
Sandra...
We've pulled me mother through,
but if she saw you,
well you'd crucify her.
Ellen, then out, all right?
All right.
My God Harry, I wouldn't
let a kid of mine
talk to me like that.
George a kid of yours
wouldn't know how.
Have you seen our Ellen?
I think she's upstairs.
Ellen your Dad's arrived.
He wants to speak to you.
Ellen, he wants to see Ellen.
[door closes]
[light footsteps]
You think I'm a right
swine don't you?
Sandra does.
I don't.
What do you think?
I think it's a bloody shame,
that's what I think.
Ellen are you sure you know what
you're letting yourself in for?
Oh, come on dad.
No, you come on love,
it's the last chance
you'll have you know.
There'll be no sitting
and chatting tomorrow.
The time for chatting is over,
we should have chatted
years ago all of us.
If we had...
Oh I know, don't think I don't.
Love, you've got half
your life in front of you.
All right, so you...
want every kid's always wanted,
a house, kids,
holidays with them.
Great, so did I, we both did.
We had to drain
ourselves dry to get 'em.
Dad, you and my mother
aren't me and Kev.
What's so special
about you and Kev then?
I know you think you're special.
God help us if you didn't.
But you're not, you know.
Do you think you can
beat it, the pair of ya?
Working all hours God sends.
Coming home knackered,
grunt over beans on toast.
God, I think your
mother and me are lucky,
we just miss being buried alive.
And what have you gotten
now that's better?
Damn cheek!
By God if I were Rene,
I'd be after him
with that poker.
Bloody good hiding he
wants, and send him packing.
And if I were a man
I'd see that he got it.
He should have stayed away.
It's putting boot in
proper for Rene, this is.
A fine state we'd
be in if we all
took our up when
we felt like it.
I'm not bloody delirious
with my wife, am I?
If he upsets our Ellen,
spoils the only day she's got,
stirs it and ruins
it, I'll kill him.
So help me, I'll
bleeding kill him.
I wish you could meet.
I wish you could meet Audrey.
Somehow she survived.
When I met her, she sparked
something off in me.
Summat I thought
was dead long since.
The self respect, dignity.
Ellen, love, I want to know
are you sure about tomorrow?
You got plenty of
time you know love,
you're only 17.
17, 90, 90 bloody nine it's
all the same round here.
I have a choice, I stand
in the shop all my life
and breed varicose veins
or I get married and breed kids,
I've chose kids
and the sooner, the
better as I see it.
You don't mean that.
Of course I bloody
don't, I love Kevin.
I think he's smashing and
I want to be with him.
What the hell's wrong with that?
Nowt.
Dad, I know what you mean.
But us young 'uns,
we're not the same,
we'll not put up with it.
I hope you're right, love.
I'm half you, remember.
Probably more.
Don't worry, they won't
know what's hit 'em.
You're a great pair you
know, you and Sandra.
You're not going back are you?
No love, I'm
staying at a mate's,
I thought it would be better.
Yeah, I'll be there
tomorrow you know,
if you want me.
I want you.
Then I'll be there.
[door shuts]
Are you listening, are
you listening all of you?
That was my dad, he's back,
he's giving me away
tomorrow and I'm glad.
[bridal chorus]
[Vicar] Dearly beloved,
we are gathered together
here in the sight of God
and in the face of
this congregation,
to join together this
man and this woman
in holy matrimony.
Which is an honourable estate,
instituted of God at the
time of man's innocence.
Signifying unto us
the mystical union that is
between Christ and his church,
which holy estate Christ
adorned and beautified
with his presence,
and first miracle
that he wrought
in Cana of Galilee.
That is commended of St. Paul
to be honourable among all men.
And therefore is not by
any to be entertained,
nor taken in hand,
unadvisedly,
likely, or wantonly,
to satisfy men's carnal lusts
and appetites like brute beasts
that have no understanding.
But reverently, discreetly,
advisedly, soberly,
and in the fear of God
duly, considering the causes
for which matrimony
was ordained.
Wilt thou obey
him and serve him,
love, honour and keep him,
in sickness and in health
and forsaking all other
keep the only unto him so
long as you both shall live?
I will.
Who giveth this woman to
be married to this man?
I do.
[Photographer] Right, now
nice big smile come on now.
Lovely, one more.
[camera snap]
Lovely.
Now one of the bride
and the bridesmaids.
Can I just, bride, groom,
bridesmaids please,
everybody else
out, everybody out.
[murmurs]
Can we have the
parents in please?
Where are the parents?
Mummies and daddies, please.
Can we have the parents,
Mother!
Will you get in there, go on.
[Photographer] Lets have
you a bit closer, please.
A bit closer, please.
Bit closer.
That's right there,
that's lovely.
Nice big smile.
Philip, Philip.
Philip, nice big smile.
Philip!
[Photographer] Here
we go, that's lovely.
Right, now we'll
have the parents
with the bride
and groom I think,
would that be all right?
Can we get rid of the
bridesmaids please?
Okay, that's great.
[Photographer] All right,
nice close one now.
[Keith] Come on now, big smile!
Come on, everybody happy.
That's lovely.
Come on, that's a nice one.
[ladies laughing]
Is that it then?
[Photographer]
Yeah, that's okay.
Okay Kev, go on now, in the car.
[crowd cheering]
Bye.
Good bye.
[car engine rambling]
[murmuring]
Thanks for coming
dad, for Ellen's sake.
Well, you've got me address,
anytime you feel like a
break, drop me a line.
All right our lad.
Have a weekend and a
smoke, you and erm...
Aye, we might even do that.
You not coming back
to the house for one?
I've got the car.
No lad, I don't think so.
Nothing back there
for me no more.
I'll see you Dad.
All right, take
care of yourself.
[gentle guitar music]
♪ Todlin' whoam
took me t' mint ♪
♪ Todlin' whoam
content an' skint ♪
♪ Me' hed I' mi hat ♪
an' mi feet i' mi shoon ♪
♪ Todlin' whoam none too soon
♪ I'm sent to be todlin' whoam
♪ I'm sent to be todlin' whoam
[train door locks]
[train horn]
[energetic guitar music]
♪ And the moon shines
bright on Charlie Chaplin ♪
♪ His boot are cracking
for the want of blacking ♪
♪ And his owd fusty coat
is wanting mending ♪
♪ Until they send him
to the Dardanelles ♪
♪ Charlie Chaplin
went to France ♪
♪ To teach the
ladies how to dance ♪
♪ First you heel
and then you toe ♪
♪ Lift up your skirts
and round you go ♪
♪ And the moon shine
bright on Charlie Chaplin ♪
♪ His boots are cracking
for the want of blacking ♪
♪ And his owd fusty coat
is wanting mending ♪
♪ Until they send him
to the Dardanelles ♪
♪ Charlie Chaplin had no sense
♪ He bought a fiddle
for eighteen pence ♪
♪ The only tune
that he could play ♪
♪ Was tarara boomdiay
♪ And the moon shines
bright on Charlie Chaplin ♪
♪ His boots are cracking
for the want of blacking ♪
♪ And his owd fusty coat
is wanting mending ♪
♪ Until they send him
to the Dardanelles ♪
♪ And his owd fusty coat
is wanting mending ♪
♪ Until they send him
to the Dardanelles ♪
[indistinct chattering]
Eight o'clock tonight,
lads, all right?
Yeah, all right.
See you tonight then.
All right, all right, yes, yes.
George will be in
tonight, won't he?
-I believe so.
-Yeah.
Yeah, he'll definitely be here.
Certain.
-Positive now?
-Yes.
Tarar, Harry.
Tarar.
[soft music]
[food sizzling]
What time is it, Sandra?
I told you so.
That yesterday thing's
on, it's just started.
Oh, I wanted to watch that.
Go on then, I'll put dinner on.
Your dad's comin' in.
Oh, bugger me dad.
Go on.
Go.
Sunday dinner.
He'll not even taste
it, state he'll be in.
♪ Todlin' whoam
to meet in mint ♪
♪ Todlin' whoam
content and skint ♪
♪ Me head in me hat
♪ and me feet in me shoon
♪ I'm toddlin whoam
nun too soon ♪
♪ I'm fain to be todlin' whoam
♪ Todlin' whoam to
fireside bliss ♪
♪ Todlin' whoam to
childer's kiss ♪
♪ God bless yon bit
o' curlin' smoke! ♪
♪ God bless yon
cosy chimley nook ♪
♪ I'm fain to be todlin' whoam
All right.
♪ Todlin' whoam to
prattlin' tungs ♪
♪ Toddlin' whoam to
childers' songs ♪
♪ Toddlin' whoam
to sink, to rest ♪
♪ With wife and
little brids in nest ♪
♪ I'm fain to be todlin' whoam
♪ I'm fain to be todlin' whoam
[gate slamming]
Happy birthday dear granddad,
and I just want to say,
may you enjoy a birthday,
that's fine in every way.
Lots of love to Granddad
from our Philly.
I've got to have some friends,
some mates have to come.
It's a lovely Spanish galley,
sit down and have a look.
Now then, who is this one from?
Oh, it's from Aunt Lorraine.
It's not a wedding without me.
Ellen love,
just a minute.
"A happy birthday dear Granddad,
and may it be for you,
one where each hour
is filled with love.
Close relatives, aunties,
uncles and that
and a few mates...
Will you put that
stuff back, Lorraine?
he never eats it.
Put it back!
Thank you.
All right now Flo.
We'll have to be
brutal, that's all.
We'd need the town
hall if we asked...
"One where each hour
is filled with love
and treasured memories too."
Love and kisses
from our Lorraine.
Well we'd like a few friends,
your dad and me
wouldn't we Harry?
Whose wedding is it!?
Whose bloody birthday is it?
Can't your mum share her love?
Let me explain.
I had this one here
from our Chris, Dad?
Dad?
What?
You seen this one?
See Louise, a soldier on
guard, he's guarding the Queen.
We'll have to make
a list that's all.
Oh, Ella love will you shut up.
Oh, there's no verse!
Best wishes Chris, that's all.
From your Uncle Christopher.
Probably thinks a bit
of poetry is common,
toffee nosed bugger!
My God, since he
went down London.
Still, it's got a bit
of summat about it.
Not like some I could mention.
And last of five,
whose lover conquered
the Rocky Mountains,
guarded with fire to
wake her from sleep?
Well, the lady, whose lover?
Brunhilda.
Brunhilda correct
Lover being Siegfried,
five points.
Right, a bonus of 15 coming.
Your starter.
What is the nearest ice shelf...
♪ Happy birthday to you
♪ Happy birthday to you
♪ Happy birthday dear granddad
♪ Happy birthday to you.
[TV] Is waiting
to go into chapel
Never mind Lewis, come on.
We're wasting our time,
they're naught but
pigs, the pair of 'em!
[TV] Each one correct
again being five.
And then last for five points,
whose tutor is sometimes called,
"the father of modern archery",
because of his
book "Toxophilus"?
Robin Hood.
[TV Contestant] Xenophon?
No, in fact, it's
Elizabeth the First
who heralded Robert Ashton.
What do you mean,
you're not going out?
Christ almighty mother,
it's his birthday.
Get out for a drink with him!
I'm not bothered.
He's asked me,
but I'm not bothered.
Well, get bothered, are
you married or what?
You know, you never see him.
Don't be ridiculous,
Of course I see him.
[silverware crashing]
For half an hour, six
o'clock at morning.
My God, you'd have to be quick
to make a marriage out of that.
And willing!
Like goin' t' bleedin' stud!
Now you watch your tongue madam,
save that sort of language
for your own home.
Anyway, it's not his
fault he is on nights.
Of course it's his fault.
And what about you off
sweeping classrooms
at crack o' blinkin' dawn?
What's all that about?
Nice to have a bit of
spare money, we need it.
There's Ellen's wedding.
Oh, my God, if I
hear another word
about our Ellen's wedding...
Well, it's gotta be paid for.
I know it's got to be paid for,
but not with your
blinking blood.
Working all the hours God
sends the pair of you,
what's up with ya?
Don't you like
each other anymore?
Now don't be daft.
Where is he now?
He's upstairs getting
washed and shaved.
[cutlery clinking]
Get up there and tell him
you've changed your mind.
He doesn't want to
be going out with me,
he enjoys it in the
tap room with the lads.
I'd only be in the way.
That will do no harm.
Put summat nice on,
get out for a drink
with him, go on.
Go on!
[soft music playing]
There's a clean shirt
in the airing cupboard,
and some socks, love.
You don't mind, do
you if I don't come?
Well, you can have a
drink with the lads
with the kids being over.
No, don't worry.
I don't feel much like
celebrating anyway.
I'm getting too bloody old.
Ta.
[door bangs]
Well?
He's all right, he'll be
better off with the lads.
[skipping footsteps]
Hey.
Hi.
[laughing]
Hello, love!
Here, I've got a little present
for you, all right, here.
Just put it in your
pocket, here only one.
And that's between
you and Phillip
tell your mum, all right?
Yes gramps, but it
isn't our birthday.
No love, it's mine,
everybody gets presents
on my birthday, you know?
It's like Christmas
ain't it, eh?
Yes.
Bye bye love.
Bye granddad and
happy Christmas.
[gate shuts]
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven.
[children chattering]
♪ We march to our places,
♪ with clean hands and faces,
♪ And pay great attention,
♪ to all we are told
♪ For we know we can never,
♪ be happy or clever.
♪ For learning is better,
♪ than silver and gold.
17, 18, 19, 20,
21,22,23,24, 25, 26
[Sergeant-Major]
Battalion will march!
By the centre!
Slow...
March!
["See, the Conqu'ring
Hero Comes!"]
29, 30, 31, 32.
[machine clanging]
40, 41, 42, 43,
45, 46, 47, 48, 49.
50.
What, inside legs.
No, it's me birthday.
[laughing]
-Good, I'll have a pint.
-I'll get you all one.
You better pull about 15
for they'll all be on pints.
Who said!
Why you smilin', love?
Oh sorry Phil,
And a dandelion and burdock.
Aye, with a scotch in it!
[everyone laughing]
What's it like to
be 50 then, Harry?
Forgotten have you?
[laughing]
Well that's very
nice, I must say.
Hey Flo.
-Yes.
-You think I look 50?
You look as though you're
fair fifty. [laughing]
I tell you what, I've
felt 50 in me time!
[everyone laughing]
Is this me 51st?
No thank you,
quite satisfied
with what I've had,
thanks very much!
Satisfied with your Joe?
Do me a favour!
He had hands like a dredger
with sides like barnacles!
[laughing]
Harry got it ye,
it's his birthday he's 50 today.
Is it, the bugger?
Congratulations,
Harry many of 'em.
You'll soon have me caught up!
Cheerio Winnie.
Happy birthday.
Hey Flo.
-Yes, love?
-Ask your friend to have one.
Audrey, this is Harry.
Happy birthday.
Darlin' what you havin'?
Oh thanks, I'll have a sherry.
[bar chatter]
Where's that wiz?
Hey, give him one,
for God's sake or
he'll never stop.
Good looking lass to be
out on her own, Harry.
You're talking about how I'm
good looking, I'm a male.
I've noticed, where is Rene?
Got Phil, and my
daughter's over and all.
Plenty on your hands have
you, on your birthday?
Give over.
Cheers, here's to the next 50.
I hoped you hadn't heard that.
Why didn't you
tell us at dinner?
It's not up to me to
shout about, is it?.
Prince Phillip's 50.
You're not gonna hold that
against me for God's sake, eh?
[bar chatter]
You're not from round
here, are you Audrey?
Just come, me husband's
up at Simpsons.
Good job?
Good money.
Same thing ain't it?
Is it?
I've always thought so.
Have done for years, you'd
bar me if you didn't.
Hello Ted, hello Harry.
Aye, I know what you mean.
[murmuring]
A bit rough, isn't it?
First night,
putting you on the taproom?
You grumbling?
[Harry] We're not.
[Phil] I'm not!
[Harry] You never are!
People's the same, bar
makes no difference.
Oh no, the talk's a bit
different in here, in't it?
The language.
Sometimes it is.
I don't hear naught
licited to me personal.
[Harry] What then?
I'll just ask for a bit
of respect, that's all.
I like that.
Do ya?
Here let me buy you one.
No, you're alright.
[Audrey] Come on,
for your birthday.
No love, you're
all right for one.
Come on I want to,
so's I don't owe you nowt.
All right then.
I thought you were feeling ill?
Put half in there.
[beer spluttering]
Cheers, many happy returns.
My birthday and half
is no danger, cheers.
[soft music]
You going out or not?
Not bothered, good film on here.
You can go for me.
Fancy it, Kev?
What?
Pint.
I don't think so, I'm
all right here, ta.
I should hope so.
Fine bloody birthday
me dad's having.
Very good files Emery,
real precision Joe,
worth anything up to a fiver.
How much?
On me.
Oh, come on George.
For your birthday then.
I get 'em for naught, any road.
You sure?
Foreman, he trusts me.
He said, "George, owt
you want, just take it."
"Within reason of
course, just ask for it
"you can take it,
I'd rather know."
He knows stuff's
about to get nicked,
this way he can keep
his eye on things,
knows where he's at,
you know what I mean?
Aye.
Dear bugger, you're not
even listening, are you?
Hey look, do you
want them or not?
Of course, I want them.
Put them up out of
sight, for God's sake,
you wanna get me running?
I thought you said they know.
I know they know, but the
whole bloody town doesn't!
Give the firm a bad name,
you know what I mean?
Some folk are bastards.
Are you listening to me?
Eh?
Who the hell is she any road?
Who?
The bird you're gobbing.
Her name's Audrey.
Not gobbing.
Not much you're not.
You've had your eyes screwed
to her arse since I came in.
Go steady, George.
Will I buggery,
tap room this is,
concert room or lounge
okay, I'll go steady.
In here I'll say
what I bleedin' like.
Just watch it in front
of Audrey, that's all.
Why what's so special about her?
You want anything lads?
[Harry] Aye, thanks Audrey.
We'll have two pints.
By the way, old mate
of mine, George.
Hello George.
[George] Hello.
Hey Flory are you gonna
have a shot for my birthday?
I'd love a whiskey
and dry, Harry love.
Happy birthday.
[kissing]
Bless you.
What about you Audrey?
Do you have anything to drink?
I'd rather have a kiss.
Go on, have a go Harry boy!
[Bar Patrons] Go on Harry!
[laughing]
That's the best
kiss I've ever had.
♪ Oh the moon shines on the
lights on Charlie Chaplin ♪
♪ His boots are crackin'
♪ for want of blackin'
♪ And his owd fusty coat
♪ is wanting mending
♪ Until they send him
♪ to the Dardanelles
Trafficking as you leave.
Mornin' Harry.
About bloody time too!
Lovely morning.
Great.
[machine roaring]
We'll all see a bit.
I'm bloody knackered!
I've shovelled half a
colliers bridge in there,
I must've.
Gotta get a foreman
and get some gig.
While I give it the other half.
Off out the shaft?
I'm going up to the tops,
get a bit of sunshine.
I can do it!
By Christ, you've got
it made, you have!
Well said.
Home to bed at Mrs.
Kitchen dinner.
Egg and bleedin' bacon!
Lose her.
An upset bloody top with
best little arse in business.
I'll tell you summat,
that bloke in London
with all them bunny clubs
he's not better organised
than you, no danger!
Jealousy will get you
no where you know.
You what?
I'm bleedin' thriving on it, me.
How do you do it any road?
Christ, you've only
known her three weeks!
There's folk up there,
with their tongues hanging out,
drooling in their pints,
[laughing]
Aye, you can laugh,
but it's true.
Pathetic!
Pack as light walnuts, that lot.
Just about their cops gobbing.
Have you seen their
own women nattering?
Right Ted, I'll be
seeing you then.
Hey, don't kill yourself.
No danger!
Have a good time our lad!
And think of me,
you lucky bugger!
♪ My dreams are getting
better all the time. ♪
[cat meows]
You awake?
[Rene] Yes.
Cup of tea there for you.
Ta.
What time is it?
Half six.
[Harry breathes heavily]
What's it like out?
Nice day, will be any road.
Thank God for that.
Harry,
who is this Audrey?
So we're bust wide open are we?
Aye.
I've never hid nothing.
Not that I wanted
to, bugger 'em.
Rubbish.
That mate of yours George,
a right pink eared liar he
makes if ever there was one.
I'll ask him to back
me up that's all.
With Rene, you know,
tell her I was with him.
I didn't wanna
cause her any pain.
He needs causing.
Summat needs causing.
Shake him rigid.
All this...
This same bloody sameness.
[laughing]
Oh we really fell for it,
didn't we Harry, you and me.
A great wedding yarn.
Climbing all starry eyed
building our sweet little nest.
It took just six months to dawn.
What?
I'd married a
bloody great cuckoo.
Oh, it wasn't his fault though.
Any one of a thousand would
have ended up the same.
Clock work, waiting
for spring to run down.
The way the world's run.
Our world, any road.
What did you say to her then?
Rene?
Yes.
Rene...
she's all right.
She works hard.
Always has for all of us.
She's always there Rene,
I can't just,
trample on her,
tread on her face.
Oh, you lied to her.
Aye.
Said that we're separate
like, you know, removed.
Made no difference.
Who are you tryin' to kid?
You can't have your cake
and eat it you know.
Some do.
How long has this
been going on then?
About three week,
since his birthday.
They've been seeing each
other in the afternoons,
they've been off out together.
Stupid sod, he's
a bloody old man.
He's only 50.
Now, don't you
start defending him
for Christ's sake.
Bloody typical that is.
You'll be saying you
understand him next.
No I don't.
I don't understand him.
I've never refused
him nothing, never.
Poor Ellen, her wedding.
Oh, sod Ellen and
her bloody wedding.
What are you gonna do about it?
Well, you've got
to do something!
What is this woman?
What's her husband doing?
Don't ask me what
her husband's doing,
how hell should I know?
I know what my husband's
doing, don't I?
Isn't that enough for you?
Who told you?
Mrs. Jackson over the road,
she heard them
talking in the market.
Charming.
What does he have
to say for himself?
He said it were separate,
made no difference.
Made no difference!
What does he think you are,
his bloody housekeeper?
Don't start shouting
at me again!
[women shouting]
-[Lorraine] Mum?
-Go out and play the yard,
there's a good girl.
No flaming difference.
Bloody men they
trample all over us.
Mother, they've
got it all sown up.
A bit of flattery,
mollycoddling,
few weddings snaps
kids and a roof over his head.
That's what they give us.
It's something.
And it's something
worth fighting for.
This, whoever she
is, this Audrey,
she's grabbing your
only existence.
You'll have naught left.
Do you still love him?
I do, of course I do.
Well where is he now?
At the pub.
With her.
She works there.
Jesus.
He kissed her on his birthday
in front of the whole pub.
Kissed her as though
he meant it, they said.
I can't go on.
I'm sorry Harry,
I just can't walk with you.
Can't go on with what?
This covering up, lying, deceit.
It's not right.
Bleedin' deceit,
have you seen her?
Rene asks can you
actually lied to her?
No, but if I had seen her,
I'd have had to, wouldn't I?
And it wouldn't be right,
it won't be right.
Piss off you bloody hypocrite.
Who's a bloody hypocrite?
You are, God you'd
nick half your works
if you had the chance, you.
Proud of it and all, great lad.
Then you come preaching to me.
Look, it's not fair on Rene.
She knows, I've told her.
Told her what?
All the sordid bloody details.
What I mean to say...
Oh, just shut your
hole will ya, George,
You're like the
rest of 'em in here.
gutting themselves
with bloody envy
and no guts to grab
aught for themselves.
I don't bloody envy you.
Not much you don't,
you are jealous twice over you.
Jealous of me cause of her,
cause I've had her.
And of her cause of me
because she's had me.
Me, jealous of her.
Aye she pushed your bloody
nose out, didn't she?
We've been going round
together for years,
you and me, like a
couple of bloody Nancy's.
We've been mates and that's all.
Man and bleeding wife more like,
you spent more time with
me the last 20 years,
than you have your own wife.
When'd you last
take Ivy out, you?
Run away and play George, they
want a four in the corner.
Go on.
Well said Harry lad.
-I thought you were deaf.
-Eh?
[laughing]
What was all that about?
Naught, just having a
laugh with Winnie here.
No, I mean with George.
Told him he were due
to grow up, that's all.
You're burning all
your bridges Harry,
you know that, don't you?
Is it worth it?
[adventurous music]
Right.
Dad, in case you forgot,
this is my mother.
What's that supposed to mean?
Your bloody wife
that's what it means.
I know damn well who my wife is.
Well, who the hell's
this when she's at home
Mrs. Grant to you, if
it's any of your business.
Which it's not.
Bloody well is you know,
what you think you're
playing at you?
Right sod in your old age
you're turning out, aren't ya?
We'll have none of that
sort of language in here,
thank you very much.
You'll have what you
bloody well get, all of ya!
You've had your
sodding say, you lot.
All over bloody town.
Well jokes over, now
and now it's our turn.
Oh no its not.
-Oh yes, it bloody well is.
-Not in here it's not.
What's the matter with here?
From what I heard, it's where
it's all been happening.
Right bleedin' floor
show from all accounts,
Christ, it makes me sick to
think of it lookin' at ya.
Two right decrepits!
Get off home Sandra before I...
You clout me?
It's the only way
you'll shut me up
and I'll tell you that for nowt.
Let's have you out
of it, Rene, come on.
Mummy.
Oh no, she staying.
[shouting]
Tell her, for Christ's
sake mother, tell her!
-We'll talk about it at home!
-Mummy.
[Harry] Get out of it, you!
[woman shouting]
Get out, for Christ's
sake get out!
Lets go, get out.
All right.
I'll say it for her.
You keep your stinking
hands out of our family,
do you hear?
Or I'll claw you're
bleeding eyes out.
[murmurs]
Audrey, I think you'd
better find another job.
♪ Oh the moon shines
bright on Charlie Chaplin ♪
♪ His boot are cracking,
for want of blacking ♪
♪ And his old fusty coat
is wanting mending ♪
♪ Until they send him,
to the Dardanelles ♪
♪ Until they send him,
to the Dardanelles ♪
Had a good night have you?
Bloody fantastic!
[shovel digging]
She just stood there
cool as a cucumber,
brazen bloody hussy!
It'll make me think twice before
setting somebody else
on, I'll tell ya.
I loved her little
arse though, Flo.
They're all lovely to you,
I caught the bloody cats
up when you're coming in.
First bother I've ever had
in this pub, first ever.
All over a bloody arse!
I told him it weren't
right, tonight I told him.
Poor old Rene.
She's been a good wife
to him and all that.
Yeah, she has.
She has.
What's her husband
think he's up to?
What is he?
Deaf or dumb or summat?
He might not have heard yet,
but there'll be blood and snot
flying about when he does.
Do you know him?
-No.
-So how do you know then?
It's only natural
he'll come looking
for Harry when he does.
I keep telling Harry.
I don't know, it's feeling
like the wild West, isn't it?
I thought Harry had
more bloody sense.
Oh give over for God's sake!
[Terry] Eh?
I've never heard
such bloody rubbish!
You're dead, you lot.
I've been 20 years,
walking bloody zombies!
And you've 20 years to
go the same bloody path,
I know I've walked it.
I hope they bugger
off, the pair of them.
By Christ, I wish my
arse were bony again,
off like a dose of
salt I'd be, no danger!
Give us another stout Flo,
owt to make me bleedin' death.
[machine engine rumbling]
[shovel digging]
[soft classical music]
[shovel digging]
[soft music]
[shovel digging]
[machine engine rumbling]
[knocking on the door]
You expecting anybody then?
Are you?
Well, you'd better go and
answer it, hadn't you?
Or do you want me
to do it for you?
Must be our Eileen.
Well, they'd hardly knock
the back door, would they?
[gentle footsteps]
You looking for me?
What do you mean
looking for you?
I've heard you're
looking for me,
well I'm here you're
looking at me.
This is the bleedin'
great cuckoo
you were telling me
about, is it Audrey?
You should hit me,
do you know that?
You should bloody murder me.
If I was you, I'd
bloody murder me!
I don't want to hit you and
I'm not looking for you.
I'm giving your
Audrey one you know,
I'm poking her!
Harry.
You wanna try her sometime,
she's a great grind.
Harry, don't you ever
talk about me like that.
He don't bloody deserve you.
Go on, Harry you go on
and I'll catch you up.
[door shuts]
I'm going tonight.
I'll come back tomorrow
and pick up my things.
He's 50 years of age Chris.
So what?
Well, he's not a bit of a kid,
they've had 25 years together.
Surely summat's cemented,
he just can't up and
leave everything,
he just can't.
He can, he is.
If you've nothing
better to offer
than stupid remarks like that...
He is, isn't he?
It's all my mother says but
she's so bloody gutless.
He's sold in the
idea that's all.
It's too late, he
is a bloody old man.
Is it hell too late?
As far as he's concerned
its the ideal time.
Kids grown up, all
of us off his hands
See my mother?
Yeah, what about my mother?
But it's been on the
cards, hasn't it?
So bloody stagnant up here,
like a crowd of bloody budgies
clustered on your purchase.
Give you a seed, your clean
sandpaper and you're happy.
You should see the letters
I get from my mother,
they reek of boredom.
My dad hardly gets a mention.
You drag me up here to
help cope with a tragedy.
My God, it's a
flaming renaissance
as far as me dad's concerned.
Oh fine, Mr. bloody
metropolis, fine.
You'd probably have him
down there, pair of 'em.
Showing him the sites, the
life bloody sophisticate.
But what's my mother gonna do.
What's my mother gonna do?
Think of herself for a change.
I'm a habit Rene, that's all.
A habit, and a bad one at that.
Bad for both of us.
Those 20 years have
gone like the wind,
and bugger all's happened.
Got another 25 and all.
We could plod on,
of course we could!
Christ knows
everybody else has to.
But I don't.
I've got a chance.
She's a chance and I
can't afford to miss it.
We'll have to help out
with the wedding coming up.
The wedding can wait.
Oh yeah, let him kick
it all into touch.
The wedding, me mother,
family and grandkids,
they don't mean owt that lot.
So Harry's found a drop
of juice left in him.
So we all mark time,
while he gets rid digging
his pockets and all.
He won't be able to
afford much on his wage.
Oh, you are breaking
my bloody heart.
He should have thought of that
before he started
collecting his women.
God knows what he's spent
on her, me poor mother
paying tele every week.
Christ, it makes me weep.
Let him get on with it.
Get it out of his system,
make a bloody fool of himself.
He's been doing
too much boozing.
I have told him there's
more to life than boozing.
He didn't believe
you though, did he?
Don't you dare bloody laugh!
This is our home, our family
and it's breaking up, crumbling.
[Sandra] Oh, to hell with him,
let him get the hell out
of here and good riddance!
I just hope he sleeps
nights, that's all.
She's new, younger than me.
Got a bit of sex about her.
She looks at me as if I'm here,
around,
breathing, not like part
of the bloody wallpaper.
Look at us Rene,
we do nothing for each other.
We don't, reflect owt, we
don't, spark off no more.
We're living here together,
cause here's where we were put.
You dust desks, I shovel shit
and that's life by Christ.
We might as well be bleeding
pit ponies for all
the daylight we see.
It's still sex,
with her it's sex.
Of course it's sex, it's
all we've got left, sex.
Take that away, the canal'd be
blocked with bloated bodies.
You've got to be
wanted to have sex.
I listen, I wait for the
gates to shut in the morning.
But you climb into bed, I
watch your back breathing.
I have got sex, if you'll give
me a chance, Harry, please.
Gone Rene, it's gone.
Why?
Because it's all gone.
It's just gone.
[ light footsteps]
[Police Officer] Six o'clock,
come on, wakey, wakey.
Come on.
Six.
Knackered, are ya?
I'm cold.
You not found anywhere yet then?
A place, a flat.
Have you not found anywhere?
Found plenty, too bloody dear.
I know one or two cheap places.
Real quick though you have to
be there first thing you know.
Second night, innit?
Here, there's a couple in
there up Heron Road way.
Beds are bloody hard round here.
Ta.
[water running]
[door closing]
[case clicking]
[toilet flushing]
A large second floor furnished
room in Victorian house,
in personable area,
crockery etc provided,
and linen.
Good decorative
order, £5 a week.
[upbeat music]
♪ Charlie Chaplin
meek and mild ♪
♪ Swiped a sausage
from a child ♪
♪ When the child began to cry
♪ Charlie socked
him in the eye ♪
♪ And the moon shines
bright on Charlie Chaplin ♪
♪ His boots are cracking
for want of blacking ♪
♪ And his owd fusty coat
is wanting mending ♪
♪ Until they send him
to the Dardanelles ♪
Coffee love, please.
Get me a donut
while you are at it.
What the hell are
you doing here?
Oh I'm very sorry, I'll
go back again then...
I mean your train wasn't
due until half past.
It was a special
for the football.
[Harry] Oh.
Well, can I sit down again?
Aye.
Ta.
You havin' a coffee?
Yes, please.
Right.
And another one love, please.
What made you take
the football train?
Well, it's cheaper, nearly
half a normal single.
It can get rough at times,
you know them football trains.
[cup clinking]
Well I can't go chucking
me money about now, can I?
We.
You're looking full of yourself,
I thought you said it was rough.
Aye, it's nowt to
an old desert rat.
[laughing]
Oh come on, were
you a desert rat?
Not out of bloody
choice, I wasn't!
I didn't know that.
There's a lot you don't
know, ain't there?
Yes.
I must be flamin' barmy.
A month we've known each other.
Four weeks, and we've
'em all in after a month.
Aye, but we've
been years waiting.
So you found a place?
Aye, it's not a
lot like, you know.
It's small bedsitter, kitchen,
bathroom, fiver a week
I nearly bit the
fellow's hand off,
stuff I'd seen
for twice as much.
Walls are all right, no damp.
Whole place wants doin'
up, but I don't mind that.
[car engines rumbling]
It's horrible, Audrey,
but it's a start, in't it?
We'll do it up a bit, eh?
I wanna go to bed.
♪ Charlie Charlie
Chuck Chuck Chuck ♪
♪ Went to bed with
three white ducks ♪
♪ One died, Charlie cried
♪ Charlie Charlie
Chuck Chuck Chuck ♪
Now you're quite sure
this is all correct.
Yes.
And that you forbidden
to work by your doctor,
nerves you say made
you give up your job?
That's right, I didn't want to.
I must say you look fit
enough to work to me.
Would you check
that over, please?
Now I'm going to read
to you a declaration.
Listen carefully.
And if you concur
sign, is that clear?
Yes.
I claim supplementary allowance,
and declare that to the best
of my knowledge and belief,
the information on this form is
a true and complete statement
and that I have no income,
savings, property, or
assets except as shown.
That's right.
Sign there please.
Now, when did your
husband actually leave?
Three months ago last Tuesday.
And that is the last
time you saw him.
Yes, he writes.
Sent me £5, all he
can afford, he says,
but it's not enough.
£5 a week?
No, not every week, no.
How often?
About twice a month.
And he's living
here, but no address.
Yes.
How does your money
come, check or cash?
Postal Order.
Where did your husband work?
The dye works.
Do they have a
branch in the area?
I don't know, he was only
a furnace man, any road.
He used to be a whacking belter,
but they made him redundant.
What is the woman's name?
Grant, Audrey Grant.
Can you think of any reason
why they should go to
this particular area?
Relatives or any other reason?
Nobody knows them there.
Do you have a photograph
of your husband?
Yes.
I'm sorry, it's old,
but he hasn't changed that much.
No, I'm afraid
it's not up to date
enough for our purposes.
Can you give me a rough
description of him?
Pardon.
Your husband, can you
describe him to me?
Oh, yes he's um...
he's 50,
young looking, well-built,
very smart.
Always turns himself out smart.
Grey hair, blue eyes.
Quite tall, carries
himself very straight.
Polishes his shoes,
enjoys a drink and a joke
he's always laughin...
[soft music]
[cart engine rambling]
[soft music]
[light footsteps]
Mr. Harold Cook?
Aye.
Late of 63 Carlisle Crescent,
Ravenswike, Yorkshire?
That's right.
Ah, Department of Health
and Social Security.
Had a bit of bother finding you.
Mum, please!
That looks right about there,
what do you think?
No shorter certainly.
Let's make it there then.
Mum listen.
Will you keep still and shut
up just for two minutes.
You can't afford a white
wedding, it's ridiculous.
Kevin says...
Keep still.
I think it would be great
when mum' shortened.
They all have 'em
short these days,
you know, and look nice.
Oh, you look lovely Ellen.
She does.
I think we need to take
it in a bit at the waist,
shorten the sleeves,
it will be a different dress.
Lovely Sandra!
Very pretty.
Mum!
I think it's smashing.
I don't want a White wedding.
-Well you're havin' one!
-Whose wedding day is it?
Yours, the only one you'll get
so shut up and make
the most of it.
Who are you trying to kid?
Sandra had white,
you're having white?
It's been white since
you got engaged.
Kevin says keep it simple.
Sod Kevin, it's not
his day, it's yours.
He'll be satisfied with a
buttonhole on a bonner piece,
so long as he gets his bunk up.
They like to get it
over with, most of 'em.
Oh they'd love that round
here, wouldn't they?
All of 'em, wedding
on the cheap!
Harry must be leavin' us short.
He is leaving you short.
He's not, he's doing his best.
I got money regular,
I'm managing.
Is that why you're on relief?
Who told you that?
Everybody knows that,
now you're dressing me
up like a dog's dinner.
We all know the state you're in.
He's doing his best,
all he can afford.
Your dad can't afford no more.
Don't give me that
rubbish mother.
Now, don't you start on me
again Sandra, your dad...
Me dad's finished,
dead and buried.
Treat it as a widow's pension.
You managed then,
you'll manage now.
So just forget him and
pass the blinking pins.
It's all right you talkin'.
Oh we've every right to talk.
How do you think we feel like,
gaped at everywhere we go?
My God, he's been gone three
months and they're still at it.
Biggest thing since
sliced bread around here,
you two breaking up.
So don't talk to
me about talking.
You just can't forget,
just like that.
If he was dead, you wouldn't
ask that forgetting.
I'd still have my memories.
Memories!
Fine memory you've got!
Remember what he did
for goodness sake.
Run off with a tart and left you
with her wedding to pay for.
Right, cosy little
memory that makes.
You make me bloody sick.
[door bangs]
I might have to go
to court you know.
Christ, it's all
so bloody sordid.
Oh, come on Harry, let's
have a bit of spirit.
It's not spirit I want, love.
I wrote that bloody letter.
Snotty nosed little
bastard lecturing me.
I sent money, whenever
I've had some I've sent it.
And let's face it,
we're not exactly living in
the lap of luxury are we?
How was I to know she
had to give up work?
She didn't know your address.
Look we 'opped
it, started fresh.
I didn't want to have
Sandra hounding you,
avenging angel,
bloody pestering.
She had a chance to
be left her alone.
So you break cover and
send your wife money?
Look, I had to send her money,
it's right I should
send her money.
Look, I know it's right.
And we don't start nattering
on about starting fresh.
She's your responsibility,
accept the fact.
Stop trying to hide.
You've got a conscience,
God help you,
you can't help being honest.
If you weren't I wouldn't
here now, would I?
So come on, get your
tea before it gets cold.
You're having it there or here?
[spoons clinking]
Your Sandra, I'll
give her 10 years
then she'll be down here
with us milkman and all.
What time do you
have to get there?
Seven I start at
Severn Cocktail Bar.
Coming on in the
world, aren't we?
They know a bit of
class when they see it.
Aye not half they don't.
I'll do the washing up
and I'll be over.
Hey, do they serve pints
in your cocktail bar?
Just half.
Right, I think I'd rather
have you swim in it.
I'm sorry that fella
depressed me a bit.
Look, I came down here
in a football train,
not a cloud of
blinking stardust.
I'm not in love or
out, it doesn't exist.
We were bottled up you and me
corked up and ready to blow.
We just nodded each
other off that's all.
It's all, is it?
It's enough.
It's the most exciting thing
that ever happened to me.
You pulled a bloody
big pillow off my face,
I took three great gulps
and I shouted for joy and I'm
still shouting, aren't you?
Aye, just about.
Are you going to the wedding?
It's all right, you
told me weeks ago.
I remember these things.
Next Saturday isn't it?
Aye.
That's one thing
that'd made me wait,
Ellen's wedding.
I couldn't be sure of you
if I had done, could I?
You can never be sure
of anything, Harry.
Suddenly I was there
and you grabbed me.
If you had blinked, I
might have disappeared.
You must go Harry.
For her sake and yours,
tie up all the loose ends.
And then if you don't come back,
we'd have had no
chance any road.
Would you go back?
No, never, there's
nothing there for me.
How old is she?
17.
Just 17.
[ladies laughing]
[soft music]
♪ Today there's
been some changes ♪
♪ in our house
this week or two ♪
♪ Where once there
used to be a den ♪
♪ It's like a Sunday stew
♪ Our little winding roads
and Jimmy's brushed his cap ♪
♪ And they want us
think the reason ♪
♪ why our sir is diggin' a jam
♪ Here comes a colt
and everything ♪
♪ He fills our cups with dreg
♪ His skate blue
skaters on his feet ♪
♪ And girls on his yet
♪ He likes to swing
talk about his stroke ♪
♪ To talk about his base
♪ He is such a tender novice
but I don't know what it is. ♪
♪ He picked all
our sold in ware ♪
♪ He is such and owl and swell
♪ I wish he picked another
girl or loose his bloody self ♪
♪ Our farm is gone and coptic
stones, flister with a flap ♪
♪ How about going dabs and
all cause I was service yeah ♪
[chattering]
Everybody outside!
All right Rene.
[soft music]
[murmuring]
Marvellous, in't
she, considering?
God knows how she
she keeps it up.
She'll feel it tomorrow though.
She will and so will Ellen.
-Yeah.
-Who is giving her away?
Her brother is
coming up tonight.
She's bearing up okay now.
Yeah, house full
and mum's happy.
Did you get upstairs sorted out?
Yeah, I cleared
the front bedroom,
put a few chairs
round record player,
there's room to
dance, we'll be okay.
Do you think he'll
come, your dad?
I don't know.
He's bloody cheeky enough!
Bottle left hand,
opener right, see?
Method like, yeah?
Bottle tops box underneath,
glasses right, on the bar right.
Barrel right, glass
in right hand,
draw with the left.
Swing centre, serve.
What about shots?
Shots behind you, out
of the bastards' reach!
They'll bloody nick it, shots.
Port, you're all right.
Sherry on the bar.
For shots, well back, guarded.
Ginger Ales, bitter
lemon, tonic, bar left,
help themselves.
Screw top big bottles
is easier, okay?
Aye.
Right then, have a go.
[murmuring]
I'll have a pint of Advocaat.
[banging]
I'm waiting for that
liver sausage mum.
I know, I'm looking,
I put them somewhere.
Put them on spam
here while I look.
It's all right, love,
I'll open up another one,
but it's here somewhere.
Well it'll wait,
hey steady on a bit.
We don't want you cracking
up for our Ellen's wedding.
I'll not crack up.
I know you won't.
It's Ellen's day mum,
things have sorted
themselves out, haven't they?
Yes.
Where are you off to love
and where are you staying?
We're not saying.
I'd no honeymoon, me.
Couldn't afford it
before war you know.
Only saw him every other night.
He worked through day, night,
day, off, day, night, day.
On t' Docks.
It were a job, he
were glad of it.
By God, he made up for it though
at nights we did,
have no danger!
[laughing]
I needed other night
off to recover!
Same all his life, mind,
virile and vigorous,
who would have
thought he'd go at 50?
Bloody good bet by the sound
of it, rationing Ellen,
Bill would've
bugger off tomorrow
if I didn't make him beg for it.
Tfunny thing about me,
I quite enjoy it myself.
Where do you want
your caller, missus?
God where the hell are
we going to put that?
Down in bloody throat tomorrow!
Where's it going
in the meantime?
Take it into the living room,
Keith's got a bar fixed up.
He'll tell ya.
What's this stuck
at side of my head?
[cheering]
Hello love?
Hello George.
Getting yourself
sorted out are you?
Aye.
Beginning to see
daylight, eh? Good.
Like we said, these are the
cups, saucers, and plates.
She would've been
around helping,
but you know how it
is, wine making class.
She's bringing some
over tomorrow is she
to give us a taste?
Oh, I wouldn't recommend it,
you know our cat's never
been off his sin since
he supped some in his milk?
He hasn't, he just sits
there all glassy-eyed.
For all the world, like
a yogi with haemorrhoids.
[laughing]
Missing summat, am I?
Oh Chris.
-Hello ma.
-Oh I'm glad you've come.
Sandy.
Hello Chris.
Where's the blushing bride then?
She's inside making sandwiches,
Ellen, Chris is here.
[Ellen] Okay.
How long are you home for love?
Just the weekend,
long enough to launch
my baby sister.
Hello love.
Hello Chris.
Present for you.
Ta.
No second thoughts then?
I can't afford 'em, can I?
No sign of Harry by now.
No.
[ladies laughing]
What a mug he is.
I've known him years, Harry,
I just can't see it,
I just can't see it.
Can anybody?
He had it all right,
he had it soft.
Sandra'd tear me bollocks off!
Pint of the best
please, my good man.
Hi Chris!
How are you?
Hello Chris.
Good evening girls, how
is your crust crumbling?
Have you seen your mum,
she's in the kitchen.
-Aye, I've have seen her.
-Don't she look well.
She does, what have
been doing to her?
Oh you know, taking
her out, bingo, boozer
showing her life's worth living.
Your dad not coming then, Chris?
I don't know, love.
I heard you're giving her away?
Aye.
What's up, don't you
think I'm old enough?
I think it's sad for your mum.
Sad?
It's opened her bloody eyes!
Hey, I'm thinking of
taking her and Enid
back down to London with me,
setting them up
in a flat in Soho.
Strictly professional,
you know, 50-50.
[laughter] How do
you fancy it love?
You are a jumper,
I'd start bleeding
amateur forms tomorrow
me, no danger.
Are you all right love?
Yeah.
I wondered where you were.
Just thought I'd come up
for a think, you know?
I'm sorry love
for all the upset,
these things happen.
God knows you don't
mean them to happen.
Don't apologise to me mum.
You're a lucky girl,
Kevin's a good lad,
you've got a good lad.
Was he?
What?
My dad, when you married
him, was he a good lad?
[knocking on the door]
[dogs barking]
What do you want?
Ellen, I want to see Ellen.
She's all right without
you, we all are.
You've done enough, do
you want to do more?
No, I just wanted to see Ellen
have a word with her.
Please.
Come in.
Ellen, just talk to
Ellen, Dad, all right?
Sandra...
We've pulled me mother through,
but if she saw you,
well you'd crucify her.
Ellen, then out, all right?
All right.
My God Harry, I wouldn't
let a kid of mine
talk to me like that.
George a kid of yours
wouldn't know how.
Have you seen our Ellen?
I think she's upstairs.
Ellen your Dad's arrived.
He wants to speak to you.
Ellen, he wants to see Ellen.
[door closes]
[light footsteps]
You think I'm a right
swine don't you?
Sandra does.
I don't.
What do you think?
I think it's a bloody shame,
that's what I think.
Ellen are you sure you know what
you're letting yourself in for?
Oh, come on dad.
No, you come on love,
it's the last chance
you'll have you know.
There'll be no sitting
and chatting tomorrow.
The time for chatting is over,
we should have chatted
years ago all of us.
If we had...
Oh I know, don't think I don't.
Love, you've got half
your life in front of you.
All right, so you...
want every kid's always wanted,
a house, kids,
holidays with them.
Great, so did I, we both did.
We had to drain
ourselves dry to get 'em.
Dad, you and my mother
aren't me and Kev.
What's so special
about you and Kev then?
I know you think you're special.
God help us if you didn't.
But you're not, you know.
Do you think you can
beat it, the pair of ya?
Working all hours God sends.
Coming home knackered,
grunt over beans on toast.
God, I think your
mother and me are lucky,
we just miss being buried alive.
And what have you gotten
now that's better?
Damn cheek!
By God if I were Rene,
I'd be after him
with that poker.
Bloody good hiding he
wants, and send him packing.
And if I were a man
I'd see that he got it.
He should have stayed away.
It's putting boot in
proper for Rene, this is.
A fine state we'd
be in if we all
took our up when
we felt like it.
I'm not bloody delirious
with my wife, am I?
If he upsets our Ellen,
spoils the only day she's got,
stirs it and ruins
it, I'll kill him.
So help me, I'll
bleeding kill him.
I wish you could meet.
I wish you could meet Audrey.
Somehow she survived.
When I met her, she sparked
something off in me.
Summat I thought
was dead long since.
The self respect, dignity.
Ellen, love, I want to know
are you sure about tomorrow?
You got plenty of
time you know love,
you're only 17.
17, 90, 90 bloody nine it's
all the same round here.
I have a choice, I stand
in the shop all my life
and breed varicose veins
or I get married and breed kids,
I've chose kids
and the sooner, the
better as I see it.
You don't mean that.
Of course I bloody
don't, I love Kevin.
I think he's smashing and
I want to be with him.
What the hell's wrong with that?
Nowt.
Dad, I know what you mean.
But us young 'uns,
we're not the same,
we'll not put up with it.
I hope you're right, love.
I'm half you, remember.
Probably more.
Don't worry, they won't
know what's hit 'em.
You're a great pair you
know, you and Sandra.
You're not going back are you?
No love, I'm
staying at a mate's,
I thought it would be better.
Yeah, I'll be there
tomorrow you know,
if you want me.
I want you.
Then I'll be there.
[door shuts]
Are you listening, are
you listening all of you?
That was my dad, he's back,
he's giving me away
tomorrow and I'm glad.
[bridal chorus]
[Vicar] Dearly beloved,
we are gathered together
here in the sight of God
and in the face of
this congregation,
to join together this
man and this woman
in holy matrimony.
Which is an honourable estate,
instituted of God at the
time of man's innocence.
Signifying unto us
the mystical union that is
between Christ and his church,
which holy estate Christ
adorned and beautified
with his presence,
and first miracle
that he wrought
in Cana of Galilee.
That is commended of St. Paul
to be honourable among all men.
And therefore is not by
any to be entertained,
nor taken in hand,
unadvisedly,
likely, or wantonly,
to satisfy men's carnal lusts
and appetites like brute beasts
that have no understanding.
But reverently, discreetly,
advisedly, soberly,
and in the fear of God
duly, considering the causes
for which matrimony
was ordained.
Wilt thou obey
him and serve him,
love, honour and keep him,
in sickness and in health
and forsaking all other
keep the only unto him so
long as you both shall live?
I will.
Who giveth this woman to
be married to this man?
I do.
[Photographer] Right, now
nice big smile come on now.
Lovely, one more.
[camera snap]
Lovely.
Now one of the bride
and the bridesmaids.
Can I just, bride, groom,
bridesmaids please,
everybody else
out, everybody out.
[murmurs]
Can we have the
parents in please?
Where are the parents?
Mummies and daddies, please.
Can we have the parents,
Mother!
Will you get in there, go on.
[Photographer] Lets have
you a bit closer, please.
A bit closer, please.
Bit closer.
That's right there,
that's lovely.
Nice big smile.
Philip, Philip.
Philip, nice big smile.
Philip!
[Photographer] Here
we go, that's lovely.
Right, now we'll
have the parents
with the bride
and groom I think,
would that be all right?
Can we get rid of the
bridesmaids please?
Okay, that's great.
[Photographer] All right,
nice close one now.
[Keith] Come on now, big smile!
Come on, everybody happy.
That's lovely.
Come on, that's a nice one.
[ladies laughing]
Is that it then?
[Photographer]
Yeah, that's okay.
Okay Kev, go on now, in the car.
[crowd cheering]
Bye.
Good bye.
[car engine rambling]
[murmuring]
Thanks for coming
dad, for Ellen's sake.
Well, you've got me address,
anytime you feel like a
break, drop me a line.
All right our lad.
Have a weekend and a
smoke, you and erm...
Aye, we might even do that.
You not coming back
to the house for one?
I've got the car.
No lad, I don't think so.
Nothing back there
for me no more.
I'll see you Dad.
All right, take
care of yourself.
[gentle guitar music]
♪ Todlin' whoam
took me t' mint ♪
♪ Todlin' whoam
content an' skint ♪
♪ Me' hed I' mi hat ♪
an' mi feet i' mi shoon ♪
♪ Todlin' whoam none too soon
♪ I'm sent to be todlin' whoam
♪ I'm sent to be todlin' whoam
[train door locks]
[train horn]
[energetic guitar music]
♪ And the moon shines
bright on Charlie Chaplin ♪
♪ His boot are cracking
for the want of blacking ♪
♪ And his owd fusty coat
is wanting mending ♪
♪ Until they send him
to the Dardanelles ♪
♪ Charlie Chaplin
went to France ♪
♪ To teach the
ladies how to dance ♪
♪ First you heel
and then you toe ♪
♪ Lift up your skirts
and round you go ♪
♪ And the moon shine
bright on Charlie Chaplin ♪
♪ His boots are cracking
for the want of blacking ♪
♪ And his owd fusty coat
is wanting mending ♪
♪ Until they send him
to the Dardanelles ♪
♪ Charlie Chaplin had no sense
♪ He bought a fiddle
for eighteen pence ♪
♪ The only tune
that he could play ♪
♪ Was tarara boomdiay
♪ And the moon shines
bright on Charlie Chaplin ♪
♪ His boots are cracking
for the want of blacking ♪
♪ And his owd fusty coat
is wanting mending ♪
♪ Until they send him
to the Dardanelles ♪
♪ And his owd fusty coat
is wanting mending ♪
♪ Until they send him
to the Dardanelles ♪