Play for Today (1970–1984): Season 13, Episode 1 - Soft Targets - full transcript

A Russian in London finds himself targeted by British Intelligence.

[brassy fanfare]

[distant voices shout]

[knocking on door]

[clocks tick]

[knocking on door]

[sighs]

[quiet string music]

[speaking Russian]

[speaking Russian]

[Radio] There it is,

the Road and General Travel News



on a Sunday morning at
six minutes past seven.

Thanks to Phil Webb,

[wistful flute music]

Alexei?

Alexei!

Alexei!

Why are you running away?

[Alexei] I wasn't!

What's the matter?

Was I pronouncing your
name wrongly or something?

And why didn't you stop?

This is Alexei, this
is a colleague of mine,

Tim Castle.

Oh, hello.



[Nicholas] Haven't seen you for ages.

Alexei is some sort of a journalist.

I am journalist.

[Tim] Stationed here, are you?

I thought only soldiers were stationed.

[Tim] Posted, you are posted here?

-Yes!
-And enjoying it, I trust?

Yes, now if you'll excuse me,

I do have to put these parcels
on the plane to Moscow.

We've just had a really joyous time.

Stuck at the airport
the whole bloody night,

trying to put a Spanish
fish expert on a plane.

Fish rights, and all that endless rubbish.

I think I'll be going, Nicholas.

I'm completely exhausted.

Fine, yeah, yeah, of course.

Silly little creep's been
complaining all night.

He's ambitious, too, he's
much younger than he looks.

He's one of those deceptive types,

they seem harmless, but aren't.

Come on Alexei, there's nobody here yet,

and I could do with some help.

Won't take a moment.

But there should be someone here.

It won't take a moment.

Don't look so alarmed.

I'm just trying to drown our impatience

with absolutely no success
whatever, of course.

It's all right, you can come in,

there's nobody here.

Nobody watching.

Yes, he bought a lot of
soft porn for the flight,

which he seems to have left behind.

Foreign Office hospitality.

What do you think?

So, this is how you
entertain people, mister,

what you get up to.

Started to draw pictures on the walls.

Well, can you imagine what it was like

spending Saturday night in here?

I was going to a party
last night, do you realise?

Sounded distinctly promising.

I intend to make up for it right now.

Yes, well,

Alexei, you couldn't just
help me clear up, could you?

I do pronounce that right, don't I?

Alexei, that is right, isn't it?

It'll do.

I really do have to put these parcels

on plane to Moscow.

Yes, we just have to do this first.

It won't take a moment.

We just have to give a vague impression

of having tidied up, that's
all that's necessary.

Come on.

Just as a matter of interest,

not wishing to pry or anything,

but what are you doing out
here on a Sunday morning?

Trying to put these
parcels on plane to Moscow!

Oh yes, of course.

And what's in them?

Excuse me?

The parcels.

What's inside them?

[Alexei] My articles,
the pieces I've written.

Yes, and?

Well, you wouldn't believe me.

How do you know?

Try me.

English television programmes.

Video tapes of television programmes.

Well, why not?

At least I managed to
wrangle some duty frees

out of all of this.

Illegally, of course.

You must have some.

Come on, come on, hurry up.

I've got a plane to catch and
my flight's been announced.

Sorry to barge in on this,
but I won't be a second.

I'm going to Australia, you see.

Gate one, two, three, four.

How much is that?

[speaking Russian]

You mean you have to pay for them as well?

Can't just throw them on the plane?

No, I do this instead.

Oh.

You really don't believe me, do you?

[speaking Russian]

[horn music]

Was that the bus home?

Yes.

Well, don't worry, there's no problem.

I'll give you a lift into town.

I'd rather take taxi, I have things to do,

think about.

Don't be ridiculous!

It'll cost you the rest
of your year's wages.

Come on.

[Alexei] You haven't been
drinking all night, have you?

[Nicholas] I've been shut up in a box

the whole bloody night

and all to protect our fishing rights,

what do you expect?

It's just that, I mean,
you normally pick up people

at airports who you
know only very slightly,

just pick them up?

Extraordinary question!

Relax, don't worry!

Nobody's going to get hurt!

[tyres screech]

On the way there, I
thought we might drop in

on that party I was going to last night.

Yes, well, if you could just
let me off at this corner.

I have to get home, it's
something rather urgent.

Come on, you deserve a chance to relax.

Why?

[tyres screech]

All those endless hours
of having to be polite.

Oh, I'm expecting letter
from my wife rather badly,

and the post hadn't arrived before I left.

There's no post on a
Sunday in this country.

Oh yes, of course, I always forget.

Come on!

What have you got to lose?

I only hope this is the right house.

Ah.

So you finally decided to arrive.

[Nicholas] Christ, are we late?

I thought you said about eight.

I've been working.

You've just missed a
really foul party, anyway.

[Nicholas] Oh, good.

[Frances] A really foul
collection of people.

I thought I'd never get rid of them.

[Nicholas] 'Course, I chose
to spend Saturday night

at the airport.

They have such fantastic food there now.

It's terrific.

God, the smoke in here.

I don't know anybody who
enjoys their own parties.

Do you?

I certainly hate mine.

Glad you could come.

Yes.

First time.

I don't think I've ever been to party

at eight o'clock in the morning before.

[Nicholas] Anyway, I brought
you all the Sunday papers.

[Frances] Somebody read them for me

and tell me what to go and see.

Anyway, you can start clearing up,

since you were so punctual.

[Nicholas] You want me to clear up?

I've only been here two minutes!

Certainly I'll clear up, come on.

[Frances] You had to spend the whole night

with the alien, did you?

[Nicholas] No, I met him in the morning.

I'm sorry.

[Frances] Oh Nick!

Here's another present for you.

I'm sorry, I seem to
have gotten myself lost.

Yes?

Looking for the bathroom.

Every room I walk into seems to have

naked woman lying in it.

It's behind you.

The bathroom.

I'm sorry.

I was only joking.

Not every room.

I've only found one so far.

[Frances] God, I hate Sundays.

Celia?

Celia!

I'll be furious if she's
started clearing up.

Celia?

Christ, people must be
grinding their teeth,

us making this noise on a Sunday morning.

[Nicholas] Come on everyone,

I think we ought to get going

before someone spots us
making all this noise.

[Frances] What are you doing?

Are you coming with us?

Coming where?

To breakfast, of course.

I'm absolutely starving.

What's the matter?

You're allowed to have an
English breakfast occasionally,

aren't you?

No, it's not encouraged.

Oh.

[Frances] That's an enormous sausage.

Okay, right.

They were dressed up
as bits of vegetation!

[laughs]

I've changed my mind.

I'm beginning to need my bed rather badly,

otherwise I'm liable to start misbehaving.

[Alexei] Oh, well,

No, no, don't be absurd!

You eat your food.

Enjoy yourself.

I'll see you all soon.

-Bye!
-Bye.

Oh, and by the way, I won't
be coming to your wedding

on Wednesday.

-What?
-I can't, I'm afraid.

Sudden change of plan.

[door shuts]

Are you going to be all right without him?

Oh yes, I think I'll survive.

[Guest] Anyway, there they were,

singing their lungs out
amongst all these junkies!

It was absolutely amazing!

Oh no, it's all right, it's all right.

It's no problem.

[Guest] Erm, about the wedding.

We shan't be going either,

so we won't be able to give you a lift.

Oh, for Christ's sake!

There isn't any bloody station,

it's in some remote part of Sussex!

How are we going to get there?

Come on, tell me!

Train!

There isn't any station,
I just told you that.

-If it's in Sussex,
-Yes?

Well, I could take you there.

I have to go to Sussex
for a day next week.

I could, I mean, it's
the least I could do.

You know that area, do you, Rydale?

Sussex?

Oh yes, intimately.

[Guest] You mean you're allowed
to go anywhere you like?

Just pop into a car and rush off?

[Alexei] Well, there is a 15 mile limit,

but I can get permit very easily.

[Frances] By Wednesday?

Oh yes.

Thanks, but I don't think
that will be necessary.

Well, if you change your mind,

you let me know, yes?

Excuse me.

Who do I ask for?

You have your own phone, do you?

Oh yes.

We've got round to using those too.

Alexei Varyov.

Let me know.

[glass smashes]

[shouting in Russian]

[tense clarinet music]

[talking in Russian]

Hello?

[Frances] Is Alexei Varyov there?

Yeah, speaking.

[Frances] Ah, 'cause I just wondered,

were you being serious?

'Cause we do find ourselves
in a little difficulty.

And we wondered, if
you've got your car handy,

could you give us a lift
to this wedding tomorrow?

Hello, are you still there?

Yes --

[Frances] If it's
difficult, if it's a drag,

we could find someone else, but,

hello?

What's happened to you?

Er, I'm just talking with someone.

I won't be a minute.

[tense string music]

Hello?

[Celia] This is Celia.

Frances couldn't wait any longer.

Can you come?

Yes.

[Celia] 10:30 tomorrow?

17 Addison Avenue.

Okay.

[sighs]

We had a little excitement
today where I live.

There was a man who was so
eager to get back to Russia

that he got drunk and
jumped out of a window

and started to smash up
anything he could see.

It worked, they're sending him home.

He was that eager to get home?

Seems very bizarre.

Not to Russian.

[Frances] What do you really do?

[Alexei] I'm a kind of journalist.

Kind of?

Well, I'm a writer, actually.

I've several books published at home.

Very good reviews.

Please watch the road.

I'm here just to help out.

Temporary assignment.

They wanted somebody to
write about the things

that the main correspondent
didn't have time to cover.

I mean, I could write about
this wedding, if I like.

[Frances] And your wife,
do you have a wife?

[Alexei] Oh yes.

She was here, she got a little homesick,

so I let her go home.

[light flute music]

[guests chatter]

Oh yes, this is Mr Alexei Varyov,

that's near enough, isn't it?

He was kind enough to bring
us all the way down here.

My pleasure, I'm delighted
I was able to come.

[Ellie] I must get the champagne.

[Guest] Congratulations.

Thank you.

-You look beautiful.
-Thank you.

-Ellie, congratulations.
-Hello.

[Guest] I understand you're from Russia.

Yes, I believe that's so.

I do hope there's something
here you can find to eat.

[Alexei] Excuse me?

Something here you're used to eating.

Oh, thank you.

I'll search hard.

[guests chatter]

[camera snaps]

[camera snaps]

[camera snaps]

Careful, watch out, he's taking pictures!

Watch out, he's taking pictures!

Know them well, do you?

Mary and what's-his-name, what's his name,

the bridegrooom?

Oh, no, no, I'm afraid I don't know.

Oh.

I didn't catch, where did
you say you came from?

I didn't.

I come from Soviet Union.

Good lord!

They let you out, did they?

Well, not exactly.

You see, I still live there.

I'm Soviet citizen.

They allow you to go
to weddings and things?

-Ah-ha.
-Extraordinary!

Maybe you can drop us a postcard

when you're going to start to, you know,

dropping the big one.

I've started digging in my garden.

A shelter.

You know, just in case.

[chuckles]

[Guest] Have you been to Alaska?

Not recently, no.

Used to be Russian, you know.

Well, what'd you do?

Living undercover?

I am Yugoslavian film director.

My latest piece just finished
shooting, it's called

"The Solitary Bicyclist
Rides Into The Canal."

[band plays]

[everyone claps]

Thank you.

I must just go and keep
an eye on next door.

They must be about to cut the cake.

[rock music]

[guests chatter]

Hello.

Why are you here?

You're not meant to be here.

I didn't think you would be.

Why?

Well, you could have given them lift!

There's no reason for me to
be here at all, is there?

What makes you think that?

I can't stand having
other people in the car

when I'm driving.

And don't look so paranoid.

They've done very well, haven't they?

Quite a collection.

But the happy couple
seem to have disappeared.

Alexei, you know about this
taping of television thing?

Well, it just so happens,
incredible though it may seem,

that I was on the box the other night.

A little sort of documentary
thing about the FO.

And I just wondered,

if you might have it taped?

I like to have rate.

Couldn't show it to me, could you?

Maybe.

Next week, perhaps?

Maybe.

You really don't believe me, do you?

Of course I believe you.

Wouldn't be asking otherwise.

I have appointments.

British Consul dinner.

I mustn't be late back.

What are you doing?

I always make straight for here.

There's usually something I want.

Don't you ever do this?

Anyway, they always get two of everything.

Anything you'd fancy?

Not really, not stealing!

Come on, have one of these!

[Alexei] Don't be absurd.

No need to worry, I gave it to them.

I've decided to take it back.

[door opens]

Excuse me.

[Jonathan] We'd better get out of here.

[men shout]

[All] Alison! Alison! Alison!

[birds sing]

Are you going to London?

I didn't say anything about
driving you back as well.

If you could just find room.

[Alexei] I think you grew
up in a house like that.

Did you?

No.

Not really, no.

This is what I imagined
all of England looked like

before I came here.

And full of brightly
coloured steam engines,

and men in top hats.

I saw them in the old-fashioned

English children's books we had at school.

The sleekest landscape in all the world,

one of your famous writers called it.

I tell you something else if you want,

I didn't get the 15-mile
clearance to make this trip.

An illegal journey.

Thought you probably hadn't.

I forged a pass in case we're stopped.

I've done it one or two times before.

I've never been stopped, it's formality.

It'll be fine, no problem.

I expect we'll hit main road soon.

I expect we'll hit it in a moment.

[tyres screech]

[glass breaks]

[tyres screech]

[broken glass crunches]

You all right?

Are you?

I'm okay.

I'm all right.

Don't worry.

[Alexei] I don't know what happened.

Everything just went blank.

I must have ...

Put this around you, keep warm.

[Celia] You fell asleep.

Only for a moment.

[tense string music]

Let's push.

Can you push?

Let's get this thing back on the road.

Right, get in, let's go.

[tense string music]

Are you all right?

Can I help at all?

No, we can manage, thank you.

Looks like she's in rather a mess.

No, we're perfectly all right, thank you.

Okay, fine.

He was probably following us.

I don't know, maybe.

Following us?

Oh yes, we're usually followed.

If we're sufficiently well known to them.

It depends how busy they are,

what the weather's like,

if there's anything good on television.

Unfortunately, we're a
little conspicuous now,

but when we get to
London, within the limit,

everything should be fine.

Strange sort of feeling, isn't it?

It's like coming into a foreign city.

Places that before looked totally harmless

look different.

And not knowing whether
totally normal looking people

are following you or not.

[tense clarinet music]

I thought that might happen.

Now he won't be able
to resist stopping us.

We must make quite a
spectacle, looking like this.

It's bound to make him suspicious.

Don't worry, I'll handle it.

Yes, now he's taken my
number and he'll pass it on.

It'll start to go
through your Home Office.

Well, we made it back, anyway.

Would you like to see where I work?

You're now standing on Russian territory.

You're not, of course, but sounds good.

And I like the view.

I had no idea how to decorate it,

so I decide not to.

So, this is where it all happens.

All happens, what do you think happens?

You like to look in some drawers?

Look, there's some postcards,

few back numbers of Time Out,

and dead moths, is all.

This is where I sit and write my articles.

And I observe from here.

[Celia] Observe?

Any spare moments, I'm writing novel.

It's an English story,
sort of pale ghost story.

It's a mixture of Dostoevsky
and Sherlock Holmes,

but in my own style, of course.

Is that all you do here?

What do you mean, all?

Everybody thinks that
I'm involved in espionage

of some kind!

Absolutely everybody, even
the bloody taxi drivers!

The fact is, quite simply,

I would not know where to begin!

I'm too impatient, I
would be quite hopeless

at all this waiting
around for hours and hours

to collect messages out of holes in trees,

that sort of thing!

But nobody believes me!

[Celia] You have to expect that.

Won't anybody get worked up

about you having left London

without proper clearance?

And then having an accident?

I hope they do!

You hope?

Why?

Listen.

The last two days,

a person whom I know only very slightly

picks me up at airport

and practically drags me to his car.

Having gone through the most
amazing play acting first,

to try and persuade me

that he spent the night there

on some Foreign Office business

when it was quite clear that
he was there to meet me.

Then he bullies me or, if you like,

encourages to me to go to a party

at eight o'clock in the morning?

And when I get there, I find the place

full of naked women
walking round the room.

And then he eventually drives to Sussex.

It's quite clear, unless
you are an imbecile,

British are trying to compromise me.

Frances is involved, perhaps.

Maybe ...

Yes?

What were you going to say?

Nothing, doesn't matter!

They want me out of here,
your Secret Service,

that is obvious.

And I tell you, I'm going to let them.

Let them?

I have decided I need to get home.

I agreed two years, but,
no, I need to get back.

So, I am taking shortcut.

Breaking a few minor rules,

behaving a little outrageously,

and as I'm being watched
very closely all the time,

the British will ask me politely to leave,

as you will see.

Won't that get you into
some sort of trouble

when you get back home?

If you're involved in a scandal?

Nonsense!

You English, you have such primitive grasp

of these matters,

it's all so black and white.

Thank you.

There'll be no scandal.

There'll be just a quiet
but sudden reposting.

Listen, I did them favour in coming here,

I'm just hurrying my return, that's all.

Oh, I assure you, I did not plan accident.

That was unexpected bonus.

You look suspicious.

Do I?

I believe you.

I don't expect you to.

I'd like to read your English
ghost story some time.

Yes?

If you finish it.

[laughs]

[Alexei] Anyone there?

No, don't think so.

Been rather extraordinary day, hasn't it?

One of the best since
I've been in this country!

[telephone rings]

[tense string music]

-Hello?
-Hello.

Is Alexei there?

Yes, it's me speaking.

I just got back.

You've timed your call perfectly.

[Jonathan] Yes, you got
back all right then.

Of course.

Why, why you ask?

[Jonathan] No reason.

Don't sound so jumpy.

I just wondered if you
fancied a drink with me.

Drink?

Yes, might be possible.

[Jonathan] Good.

Shall we say, no, not tomorrow,

what about Tuesday, at about 5:30?

Okay, fine.

[Jonathan] Oh, by the way,

don't forget to bring the tape

if you've got it.

You know, the thing I mentioned.

The All England Tennis Company

always have to face the eternal problem

of how to improve the facilities

without in any way
interfering with the tradition

of the place, which, of
course, is world famous.

Not just the atmosphere, the
general flavour of the place.

That's how we're thinking, anyway.

I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.

I haven't been listening
to what you were saying.

I thought you wanted to
write about English tennis.

No, it really doesn't matter any more.

Then, why did you arrange --

My friend, my mind is too
full of useless facts,

I'm afraid.

I have been little over-conscientious
since I've been here.

I'm expecting to be recalled
at the end of the week

so it would be unfair to waste any more

of your valuable time.

So please, complain to whoever

you have to complain to.

You'll give my successor something to do.

[bright clarinet music]

Can I give you a lift?

Where to?

You don't know where I'm going.

I can take you anywhere you like.

[Frances] I don't think you can mean that.

Anywhere?

[car doors close]

Yes, but starting tomorrow.

[bright clarinet music]

[Celia] Why are you following me?

Was I following you?

Well, I was just passing.

[Celia] Do you want to see me?

If you want to, you can.

Do you want to?

Yes.

[Celia] In the cafe, then,
where we had breakfast.

On Monday at five o'clock, okay?

[bright bassoon music]

["Watching the Detectives"
by Elvis Costello]

Celia?

Didn't you see me looking for you?

What're you doing?

No, I'm sorry, we didn't see you.

I don't believe you!

Is your injury better?

You've changed your image, I mean.

It's, why'd you do it?

Do you want to be unrecognisable?

Why'd you do it?

No, it was just an experiment.

Is that your car?

[Alexei] Oh yes.

Sorry, you can't do that,
this is a Russian car.

Soviet diplomatic business.

You're on double yellows, I'm afraid, sir.

Double yellows.

No, no, no.

Take the number, and here is my name,

and you make your complaint to whoever

you're meant to complain to.

Yeah, but I'm afraid I have to --

Right, now make sure you do that, okay?

So, you haven't been sent home yet?

Don't you get your reposting?

No, any day.

But you British are a little
sluggish in these matters.

I may have to do something bigger.

Do what Guy Burgess did in Washington

when he was desperate to be recalled,

go on mad drunken spree or something.

Really, I might have to.

Think I'll come with you this time.

I saw that on television over here.

I have no other connection
with British double agents,

I assure you.

You gonna help me?

Somebody might help me!

I knew we shouldn't
have shopped round here.

That was a filthy place
in there to have tea.

This is my mother.

Better hurry, catch the train.

Your father'll be home.

I hate being in London.

We all thought you'd forgotten
your father's birthday.

I've got to go this way now, Mum.

Oh, yes, well, nice to see you, dear.

Don't forget.

Who is she?

That old woman isn't
really your mother, is she?

[Celia] Yes.

She looks like stranger.

I have to go.

Frances is giving a dinner party.

I said I'd help.

You could come if you want.

Why don't you?

[Frances] I've spent so much
time on this bloody party,

all my time!

Can't bear it!

Just one more of you dares to be naughty,

just one more, Lisa,

I'm going to call the
whole bloody thing off!

Oh, there you are, Celia!

Where the fuck have you been?

Everybody has been
ringing up, you realise,

saying they can't come!

All these people have cancelled!

[Jonathan] I'll be here, so don't worry!

Everything will be all right!

[Frances] There's going to be no one left,

no one here!

[Celia] Course there'll be people here.

There always is, isn't there?

[Frances] Can't bear it!

[Celia] Don't work yourself up.

[Frances] Can't believe this is happening!

What are you doing here?

What are you staring at?

I don't want him here!

[Celia] All right.

[Frances] He'll be in there eavesdropping.

[Celia] All right, I'll see to it.

[telephone rings]

[Frances] And don't
anybody bloody answer that!

Just don't answer it!

Think you'd better go.

Yes, at once.

[Frances] I'm sorry,
I did go over the top.

He looked terrified.

[tense string music]

[shouting in Russian]

[bottles clink]

[Alexei] The hell are you?

[tense piano music]

We obviously regret having to
ask you to leave, Mr Varyov,

because we know that you're
a man of wide interests.

Not the usual anonymous Party hack,

but the type of person
that we like to deal with.

As a matter of fact, we've
been reading your articles

about England and the English scene.

We managed to obtain some copies of them.

We found them surprisingly amusing.

Not, perhaps, very accurate,

but very amusing.

Yes, I was very surprised.

I didn't know you had it in you, Alexei.

But your writing is marvellous.

Stunning.

We know that in your own country

you're considered as,
apart from anything else,

a very considerable talent.

Rapidly becoming quite a
literary celebrity, I understand.

Indeed, you're really rather famous.

And although we've been forced

to take this regrettable action

because you've broken the rules,

we wouldn't like you think
that it was anything personal.

I'm going to miss you, Alexei.

We managed to order some of your books.

They're going to become required reading

for all members of the department.

Perhaps, if you have time,
you might sign a few.

[books thump]

[Nicholas] Ah, there you are.

[Alexei] Nicholas.

I have come on the right day,
haven't I, for our drink?

Yes, of course.

This way.

That's one of our secretaries
I think you'd best avoid.

It's quite incredible,

the amount of bloody
fools in this building.

A lot of them go amazingly far.

Well.

Yes?

[Nicholas] Have you brought the tape?

No, of course not.

I didn't believe you were serious!

I don't tape everything, you know.

I haven't got the time.

I have my work to do.

That's a pity.

[Alexei] I can show you
other tapes if you wish,

to prove to you that I
really have been doing that.

Why should I want that?

No, I just rather fancied
seeing myself on telly,

that's all.

A very primitive desire, I admit.

I have a ludicrous yearning
for that kind of celebrity.

There.

Yes, I see.

You could be very useful to me, Alexei.

Yes?

I could catch up on all
sorts of telly I miss.

I'm sure Moscow wouldn't mind.

Well, have you got any news for me?

News?

[Alexei] Yes.

[Nicholas] What kind
of news would you like?

You know perfectly well.

Come on, Alexei, drink up.

You know, for some reason,
you look different.

What have you been doing to yourself?

Maybe it's the clothes you're wearing.

Okay.

I'm leaving England at any moment,

as I'm sure you probably know.

These must be my last few days.

So, as it seems I'm
being given the chance,

I've decided to enjoy myself.

A unique opportunity.

I'll do whatever I like.

I warn you.

[ominous woodwind music]

[light jazz music]

Can I help you, sir?

Would you like a drink or a bar snack?

No, thank you.

Oh, excuse me, er, sorry.

[Celia] Can I help you, sir?

Would you like a drink or a bar snack?

No, thanks, that's ...

Would you like a drink?

You don't mean you work here!

Yes.

Of course I do.

What do you think I'm doing here?

Can I get you a drink?

No.

This is our common room.

It's a nice, informal
atmosphere, as you can see.

You never told me you work here.

You never told me you work at all!

You never asked me.

What are you doing here, anyway?

I would never have
guessed you're a waitress.

Surprisingly comfortable, actually.

And your name pinned on.

Yes.

Sometimes we swap them round for fun.

Mine's the only one
misspelt, for some reason.

Celia with an H.

-Ah yes.
-I like it, actually.

So, your locker, which
number's your locker?

330.

330, 40, 38, 36.

This one?

Ah.

It's nothing very interesting.

A little light reading.

Frivolous, really.

Hmm, chocolate.

Oh, chocolate.

What the hell do you think you're doing?

Did anybody give you permission

to take yourself a break early?

Did they?

I wasn't taking myself a break.

And what on earth are you playing at,

bringing men in here?

I was just going to lend --

I know what you were just doing.

Now, out of the hotel.

I'm sorry, that happened because of me,

that revolting small man finding us.

I hope I haven't lost you your job.

We've only got 10 minutes
of your supper break left.

Doesn't matter.

I'm not bothered about going back.

I was going to leave there anyway.

I'm glad.

I'm getting quite used to
being driven around London

in a Russian car.

If you like, but only if you want to,

I'll show you inside
our official residence.

Okay.

Why not?

[Alexei] It's first time
I've ever tried to do this.

[ominous clarinet music]

You sure it's all right me coming in?

Nobody'll notice.

No one'll know you're not Russian.

Alexei.

[speaks Russian]

He's from embassy.

A cultural attache.

I don't have much in
common with those people.

A genuine idiot.

I told him you worked
in our Aeroflot office.

[Celia] Does that mean I've
got to talk about aeroplanes

in Russian?

No, no, we shouldn't meet anyone else.

There's Russian evening
at the Barbican Centre.

My room's just down here.

[door closes]

[talking in Russian]

What was all that about?

They sometimes raid my tapes,

they like the football.

Now you see me in my lair.

It's pretty bloody cold, yes?

[Celia] They keep it cold on purpose

just to make you feel at home?

[Alexei] Maybe.

It's not very tidy.

Oh, I use these in the theatre.

Of course.

Ever since my wife returned to Russia,

I've let it grow wild.

You must miss her.

Do people watch you from here?

Peer at you from the
tops of tall buildings?

[Alexei] Yes.

And I peer back.

[laughs]

Looks really strange from here.

Are they watching now?

[Alexei] Almost certainly.

But they're taking
surprisingly long time to act.

How are you waitress
and also know Frances?

I met Frances when I
first came down to London.

Through a boy, a boy I
went out with for a month.

He took me to her parties.

It was another world,

like visiting another planet.

An alien place, but quite
interesting, all those people.

Rich young things.

Frances and me became
friends, kind of friends.

Frances hates me doing that job,

she won't talk about it.

I can't see anybody watching.

Are these your machines?

[Alexei] Yes.

I used to have terrible
fights with my father

about television.

He'd always switch over

if there was ever anything interesting on,

switch over to rubbish.

He liked his daughters
to do what he wanted.

Always.

Think I'll get undressed now.

You don't have to do that, you know.

Course I don't have to.

There's no rush.

Russians are allowed to sleep with women.

Maybe people are not going to come running

through the door with flashlights,

like in the movies.

I know, I just ...

I just would like, if you don't mind,

if I could, I'd like to
spend the night here.

Just tonight.

To stay.

Of course.

But you don't have to pay me like that.

Not unless you want to, of course.

Oh, did you --

I didn't mean to look like I have --

Just a little.

There's no violent hurry.

People are often amazed
that I'm like this.

They expect all Russians

either to be compulsive dissidents

or incapable of intelligent
talk, except slogans.

I'm casual sort of member of the Party,

but I belong to my country,

just like all the people I meet here.

It's part of one, of one's soul.

One accepts the virtues and the faults.

Exactly like people here,

but they don't understand that.

They expect me to be bowed down

by ideological turmoil.

I say to them, I hate this tit-for-tat,

is that the expression?

I hate that sort of conversation.

But do they think about Northern Ireland

every moment of every day of their lives?

Of course they don't.

Anyway.

I'm writer, not politician.

What I really want to be is,

a naive fantasy of many
men of my generation,

I wish to be film director.

Should have been me that
filmed War and Peace.

I have an eye for things.

I'm like camera lens, as
one of your writers said.

And it may just be becoming possible.

When I get home.

Please, don't do that, tidying everything.

It's all right.

Do you bring real Aeroflot
stewardesses in here?

No.

So I won't find any
uniforms under the bed?

Do they always make this amount of noise?

There used to be a man
downstairs at Frances's,

who shrieked every quarter of an hour,

between one and three
o'clock in the morning,

like a clock.

And his shrieking, well,

it was more of a squeal
than a shriek, really.

Frances always used to sleep through it,

well, almost always.

He went off eventually.

That's it.

I'm sorry, there isn't any punchline.

[laughs]

[stirs]

I hope nothing terrible happens to you

because I've stayed here.

[Alexei] No.

Just the opposite, it'll help me get home.

[gentle violin music]

[Announcer] Calling Mr Alexei Varyov.

Calling Mr Alexei Varyov.

Mr Alexei Varyov, could you go

to the information desk
immediately, please.

[Alexei] Message for Mr Varyov?

Mr Varyov, yes.

A telephone call for you,

round the corner on the left.

First left.

Hello?

[Celia] I've always
wanted to page someone,

or have somebody paged.

It's you! Where are you?

[Celia] Doesn't matter.

I was just wondering,

I wondered if you could
meet this afternoon?

I know it's a bit short notice

and may be inconvenient,

it's just if you could, possibly.

I'm afraid I can't.

I have too many goodbye errands to do,

and I have to clear out my papers.

[Celia] Oh, that's all right, don't worry.

I've got to go now.

I'll be in the cafe, the same one,

the day after tomorrow,
that's Friday at four o'clock.

Be there if you can.

Thanks.

Sorry, we're closed now.

[mysterious horn music]

[dialling tone]

[Frances] I'm afraid
Frances Oliver's not in

at the moment.

If you'd like to leave a message, you can.

I'll call you when I get back in.

Please wait for the tone.

[beeps]

Celia, why did you not show up?

Alexei.

[ominous woodwind music]

Hello, is Celia there?

[Frances] Frances Oliver
is not here at present.

If you'd like to leave a
message, you may do so.

After a pause.

Is that you, Frances?

It's not a machine at all, is it?

Can I speak to Celia?

[Frances] Celia's disappeared.

What do you mean?

[Frances] Celia's disappeared.

[clicks]

[light jazz music]

Hello.

You know that girl I was with?

Celia.

[Waitress] She hasn't
been back since that day.

I haven't seen her.

She hasn't been in touch with you?

You've no idea --

No idea, no.

Well, could I see for myself?

You know, your common room.

What?

The lockers.

Oh, you're not allowed in there.

[bangs on door]

I suppose you'll tear
the door down, won't you,

if I don't let you in?

[Alexei] Has she vanished
like this before?

No.

[Alexei] I think that it might have

something to do with me,

that's why I'm worried.

She might be involved in something

that I don't know about.

Can I see her bedroom, please?

No.

But since you're going to
anyway, it's over there.

You won't find anything in there.

What are these?

She used to write stories.

She hasn't done for a long time, though.

Put them back exactly
where you found them.

If you don't leave this flat very soon,

it means I will have to.

Unless of course you're going to use force

and hold me here.

[Alexei] I just don't understand why

you're being so hostile about it.

Then you must be spectacularly naive.

You really do believe that
I'm the enemy, don't you?

Do I look like it?

I know exactly what you are.

I did the first time I saw you.

Then why did you start all
this in the first place

by asking me for a lift, if you felt ...

That was Celia's idea.

But don't you want to know where she is?

After all, she's your friend!

Aren't you curious?

God, you're an insensitive
little man, aren't you?

Get out, please, before I start to scream.

[ominous orchestral music]

[Receptionist] Excuse me!

Ah yes, I'm with, it won't be long,

could you get us a taxi
in five minutes, please?

[ominous orchestral music]

What on earth are you doing here?

You've discovered me
uncharacteristically working late.

I'm sorry to burst in on you like this,

but there's something I
needed to ask you urgently.

[Jonathan] It must be, mustn't it?

I will be quick.

You know that girl you introduced me to?

I haven't introduced you to anybody.

You know, Frances's friend.

Oh yes.

What was her name?

I've forgotten her name.

[Alexei] Celia.

That's right.

She's disappeared.

[Jonathan] Has she?

Where is she?

I haven't the slightest idea.

Why should I know that?

You introduced us, for God's sake!

You engineered our meeting!

You're being totally
incomprehensible, Alexei.

Explain to me, why on earth
should I want to do that?

You know perfectly well!

You encouraged me to, how
to put it, to take risks.

It happens all the time.

You know how the British
Secret Service works.

They must have asked you

because we knew each other slightly,

just as in Moscow --

This is total gibberish.

Whatever's been happening
to you has not involved me.

Then why did you pick
me up for lift, then,

and take me to party?

To amuse myself, whyever else?

To ease the boredom.

So, do you know where she is?

Asking me twice, I'm afraid,
won't make any difference.

Why are you so worried about her?

Seemed to be rather a dull little thing.

I'm curious.

Listen, if you won't tell me,

then you must know
someone, other than Frances

who knows her.

There must be somebody else.

Please don't start shouting, okay?

I'm not exactly happy
about you being here at all

at this time.

Having a Russian in the office
in the afternoon is one thing

but at this time of night,

you might look a trifle eccentric.

Why people should worry about that now?

Oh, come on Alex.

Everybody knows you're a spy.

The whole of London knows, I should think.

Just what sort of spy, I
haven't the faintest idea,

nor am I really that interested either.

You have the most outrageous cover story

the world has ever known.

Oh, for God's sake Nicholas,

we can't argue about this now.

I will never make you
believe me, that's clear.

Just try to understand.

I would like to find this
girl before I go home.

For the third time --

I don't believe you!

Just can't be true.

I must insist, Alexei,
that you leave me alone.

I am being deliberately
conscientious at the moment

out of necessity,

and I do not want that to be disrupted.

Now, I want you to get out of my office.

Yes, but please, just --

Otherwise, I shall have
to call security, won't I?

[ominous orchestral music]

[Alexei] Get in, I'll give you a lift.

[Tim] What are you doing, following me?

[Alexei] Just get in for
a moment, please, come on.

I'll give you a lift
wherever you want to go.

Just get in.

[tense orchestral music]

You remember who I am?

Yes.

What on earth do you think you're doing?

I just need somebody to talk to.

Even you.

People are backing off me at the moment

like I have smallpox.

Tell me, where are your Secret Service?

Come on, why won't they pick me up?

Since I've committed
bloody serious offences,

broken all the rules.

There's no sign of them.

-Really?
-Why?

Well, how should I know?

Now, are you going to let me out?

Look, where are you taking me?

How do I look for somebody?

How do I find somebody in this city?

I haven't the remotest idea!

Now, let me out of this car!

[wistful flute music]

One, please.

Would you come with us, please?

Me?

Yes, you, please.

Thank God you've come.

Free ticket.

One, please.

You certainly have taken your time.

The car keys?

[Alexei] What have you been doing?

[lights click on]

To be picked up, waiting outside cinema,

in movie queues.

Very appropriate, like
Dillinger, American gangster.

[Agent] You like the movies, do you?

[Alexei] Oh yes.

[Agent] As you see, we're
still in the process of moving.

I just have to do this.

[Alexei] Oh, of course.

Just a formality.

I've never known such thing!

I consistently go out of London illegally,

in broad daylight, with forged permit,

I hang around government
buildings at night while drunk,

I leave motor car crammed
full of incriminating evidence

right outside police
station, and what happens?

Absolute silence!

I was beginning to wonder
if you knew your job!

That's surprisingly helpful.

See if this is recording.

Good.

Now, if we just,

well, if we continue in this vein,

we may all leave and
get some sleep tonight.

You're Vladimir Bugin?

No, wrong for start.

I am Alexei Varyov.

Yes, now come on, there's no point --

No, listen, I tell you.

That's who I am.

Alexei Varyov, here.

I don't even look like Bugin.

[laughs]

We've got the wrong one.

They must have given
us the wrong car number

he's using tonight.

[Agent] Who the hell are you, then?

I for one have never heard of you.

Let's see where you are
on the batting order.

Oh, no, shit, that's who you are.

This would happen, wouldn't it?

I don't think you're of any
interest to us at all, in fact.

How'd you mean?

I mean exactly that,
lower security ranking.

Your wife left you to return
to Moscow six months ago.

My wife did not leave me.

She just wished to go back to Russia.

Yes, part time journalist.

As you are aware,

your articles are no
longer being published

in the Soviet Union.

That is complete rubbish!

I receive copies of papers all the time.

My articles are there!

[Agent] How recently was this?

Well, not recently, because
there's been a backlog.

I myself ...

Well, if it was true, why
haven't they been appearing?

How should we know?

Perhaps people didn't understand them.

Perhaps other people have
been using your material.

Apparently, the main reason
he's being kept on here

is that many highly placed officials

have been enjoying the steady flow

of taped English television programmes,

of which he is the main source.

Well, that is obviously completely untrue.

It's hardly a reason to keep me here.

I see that four previous
applications from you

to return home early
have been turned down.

As I remember, we
discussed him, didn't we?

We had that meeting with
the Russians in Windsor.

He's no interest to us.

You seem to be slightly
misinformed about everything!

I assure you, that is
one thing we are not.

This is a bloody nuisance, isn't it?

I'm sorry to be the cause of
administrative inconvenience!

Couldn't we just put
him back on the street

where we found him?

No, afraid we can't do that,

much as I'd like to.

Not after he's admitted to all
that forged permit et cetera.

We have it on record as well.

And we have to kick it up further.

Otherwise we might be
starting a nasty precedent.

They may start feeling they
can get away with anything.

Well, let me ask you this.

If all this is true, indeed, any of it,

why've you been following me?

Nobody's been following you.

Not at all?

But I thought --

[Agent] No.

I don't know that your people

will be exactly overjoyed
with you, either.

[Agent] That's putting it mildly.

Now you will return to
your place of residence,

and stay there,

until you receive official
notification from us.

You should not leave there
at all for any reason.

Normal procedure, of course,
in these circumstances.

This will go on up,

and within the next 24 hours,

you will be quietly
asked to pack your bags

and leave.

Right, wait there, we'll drop you off

seeing as we have a moment.

[chattering in Russian]

[TV crackles]

[ominous orchestral music]

[Alexei] Is that Celia's mother?

Mrs Watson, is that you?

[Mother] Celia's not
here, what do you want?

This is the man that you met with Celia!

The man from Russia.

I don't know where she is,

I just wondered if,

[Mother] Yes?

Are you there?

Yes.

[Mother] Celia, she ...

Celia tried to kill herself.

I'm terribly sorry.

I didn't know.

What happened?

[Mother] She tried to commit suicide.

[Alexei] But what happened to her?

I was with her,

well, the last time that I saw her,

she seemed, I mean, I didn't see,

when was this?

[Mother] I don't know what happened.

She just tried, I don't
know anything about it,

she ...

[Alexei] But is she in hospital?

Where is, which hospital?

[Celia] Hello?

You surprised to see me?

No, not really.

Nice of you to come,

but they're going to ask
you to leave any second.

Yes, I know.

I haven't bought anything, I'm afraid,

there was nothing open.

Was it difficult finding it?

No.

But it was extremely
difficult trying to find you.

I had no address, it wasn't easy.

I'm sorry.

Why did you leave that hat in the cafe?

Wasn't mine, I was returning it.

Oh, got these books of your stories,

I brought those.

Thank you.

Shall we go for a walk?

It's a nice hospital.

But the food's always cold.

I suppose they can't help that.

Have you got any money?

Money?

Oh yes, here,

wait a minute,

there, and I want to get rid
of all my English loose change.

I have at last got my reposting.

Good.

Your plan worked.

You're going home, you must be pleased.

Yes.

It didn't quite happen the
way I imagined, though.

You know, it's funny.

I wasn't being followed at all.

I was living in this world of conspiracy,

with Harman and me throwing
all that paranoia at each other

and our conversations, and,

I'm sorry.

We ought to.

Please don't feel guilty about anything.

It had nothing to do
with anything you did.

[Alexei] No, I ...

I liked being with you.

It was just very silly of me.

Silly?

[Celia] Would you like a biscuit?

To use up some of your loose change.

No, please, don't bother.

We just happened to meet

when it was already, I mean,
it was the car accident,

just sort of threw us together, really.

I was just feeling very
distant from things.

Nothing very special.

Distant?

Yes, sort of, you know,
like you're outside,

gone outside things,
and you feel very light,

and doesn't really matter being there,

being anywhere, really.

I shouldn't be talking about
myself, it's all nonsense.

Sorry.

Come on, drink up,
otherwise they'll spot us

then they'll come and shout at both of us.

Did I tell you this?

I've been meaning to say this for ages.

Your English is really good.

My English?

It's all right, I suppose.

Been meaning to say that for ages.

Sounds really stupid now, doesn't it?

I've got to go,

or I'll miss the pills
they give us insomniacs

to knock us out for the night.

Wasn't as bad as you expected, was it?

Coming here, seeing me?

Bad, what do you mean, bad?

You know, embarrassing.

I really appreciate you coming, anyway.

You may see me at the hotel again.

If you're ever over here.

Celia?

You must tell me

that you won't do
anything like this again.

It's all right.

Everything will change.

Don't worry about me.

I hope it all works out for you

when you get back home.

[wistful orchestral music]

I just came here,

it's too late to see her tonight.

Did you see her?

Yes.

I saw her for a few minutes
yesterday, that's all.

She tell you anything?

No.

[wistful violin music]

[Mother] Will you be
able to see her again?

I doubt it.

I'm leaving tomorrow, going home.

What'll happen to me there, I don't know.

I suppose we've both been kinds of exiles,

me and your daughter.

To be alien and stranger
in foreign city is bad,

but to feel stranger in your own city

must be very frightening.

[Mother] I'll walk a bit
further with you if I can,

if you don't mind.

[Alexei] Of course.

I'm in no hurry.

[gentle piano music]