Pistol (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - Track 4: Pretty Vaaayc**t - full transcript

The band shock the nation out of its torpor. The media frenzy causes their egos to explode. Malcolm blackmails Steve into replacing Glen Matlock with Sid Vicious as bassist.

[Man] 'One of the most reviewed
and most reviled rock phenomena

'of recent weeks,
we got a few votes:

'Sex Pistols.

'You can hear them warming up
in the background even now.'

[♪ Band strikes up]

- 'Take it away!'
- ♪ Flowers

♪ Romance

♪ Baby

♪ A Woodstock coming for me ♪

One, two, three, four!

♪ Get off your arse! ♪



Francie, are you watching?

[Francie] 'Oh, Lord, yes,
I am watching.'

♪ I am an Antichrist

♪ I am an anarchist

♪ Don't know what I want,
but I know where to get it

♪ I want to destroy
your passion, boy

♪ Cos I...

♪ I want to be...

♪ Anarchy ♪

"Anarchy in the UK"

is a call to arms

for all the kids
who feel that rock 'n' roll

has been taken away from them.

[Francie]
"Meet Malcolm McLaren.



"He runs a shop called 'Sex'.

"He manages a group
called 'The Sex Pistols'.

"His rockabilly leathers
deconstructed

"by the effete white scarf
that shrouds his whey face."

What's a "whey face"?

I don't know.
There's a picture.

That face must be "whey".

Fundamentally,
rock is a young people's music.

[Jeannie]
"McLaren declares himself

"the commissar
of a youth revolution."

The bus!

Come on,
I want to get to the back.

♪ How many ways
to get what you want... ♪

We have created a brand new...

"...generation gap," says
McLaren. "16-year-olds..."

...are telling 18-year-olds
that they're too old.

Move along, foetus.

Look at this clown!

♪ Anarchy... ♪

[♪ Music continues]

[Laughing]

All kids are anarchists...

Malcolm!

...until they get dragged
into the system.

All the other bands
that have risen

out of the wake of the Pistols
are great.

It's like having
an army behind you.

We are to the Bay City Rollers

what the Stones were
to the Beatles.

See, that's cool, innit?

It says here they're going
to do a tour up North.

Are they coming
to Huddersfield?

It doesn't say.

- What are you slags wearing?
- Show us your tits.

Show us your arse.

Get, you know...
Get lost!

[Laughing] Ooh!

- That wasn't very Punk.
- OK.

I'm just getting used to it.

♪ Anarchy

♪ The way to be... ♪

[Gunshot]

What do you think?

That has got "hit"

- written all over it.
- Cheers.

When you get
your new recording contract,

I'd definitely suggest
this is your first single.

Thank you, Dave!

Next time I need advice
from a stoned-out hippy,

I'll know precisely
where to turn.

In the meantime, please stick
to your assigned role

as a third-rate sound engineer.

He's just jealous cos I wrote
the tune and most of the lyrics,

apart from that rewrite you did
on the 2nd verse

which admittedly
is an improvement.

The only thing that makes it
not an ABBA song,

is that I sing "pretty va-cunt",

whereas you wanted
"pretty vacant".

Dave's right. When we present
to potential record companies...

Shut up, Glen!

Ugh!
Are we fighting again?

"Pretty Vacant" does not
represent us as a band.

Oh, no, not like "Anarchy".

"I'm an anarchist.
I'm an Antichrist."

Do you know what a hard time
my mum gets at work

over those lyrics?

Because "anarchist"
and "Antichrist" don't rhyme?

[John] I'm the one
who people notice.

And I'm the one
who bears the consequences,

so pardon me, Glen,

if I don't give a fuck
what your mum thinks!

Mind out, lads.

What is this?

[Malcolm]
That is a call to arms.

That is a stream
of unpunctuated hot air

from a broken hair dryer.

Oh, please don't allow me

to interrupt your
very important potato prints.

Not important enough for you
to mention in your interview.

Ah! Bruised ego, is it?

I like the "anarchy" bit.

What about
the "Bay City Rollers" bit?

The bit about the shop
and the band sharing a name?

Well, it's just always good

to throw some facts in
with the bullshit.

I'm changing
the name of the shop.

Well, we can't change
the name of the band now.

The shop is not there
to service the band.

The shop is not there
to reinforce your brand.

Well, what is it there for,
then?

To expose hypocrisy
and provoke revolution.

What, with sticky back plastic
and squeezy bottles?

[Grunts]

Do you know the difference
between you and me, Malcolm?

How do I differ from thee?
Let me count the ways...

Your idea of ambition
is to be the new George Epstein.

Brian Epstein.
It's "Brian".

And my idea of ambition
is to be the new Boudica.

I want to ride a chariot
down Oxford Street

and burn this city
to the ground.

Oh!

So, what does Boudica want
to call her new boutique, then?

"Seditionaries".

[♪ "St. James Infirmary Blues"
on acoustic guitar]

There you go.

♪ Da-da-da, da-da,
da, da-da

♪ Da, da, da, da, da ♪

You're a fucking great
guitarist.

- You know that?
- I'm not.

You're just really shit.

Mouthy Yank!

Play with me.

You might learn something.

♪ I went down
St. James Infirmary

♪ I saw my sweetheart there

♪ Lying on a table

♪ Oh, so cold, so white,
so fair... ♪

[♪ Song continues]

We do make great music together.

You talking about the lying-down
kind, or the sitting-up kind?

Both.

Well, actually
there's more than two

cos you can do
the lying-down music...

standing up and sitting down.

And you can do
the sitting-down music

- standing up and lying down.
- [She laughs]

It's confusing

speaking in metaphors
all the time, isn't it?

Ugh, it's a right nause!

♪ Da-da-da, da-da,
da, da-da... ♪

What is a metaphor?

It's a thing
that's like a thing.

Right.

Those northern towns
are gonna hate you.

[Steve] Might not
make it back alive.

[Chrissie] Might not.

[Steve] We'd better make music
one last time...

...before I leave.

See, now that...

is a metaphor.

♪ Da...

♪ Da, da, da-da...

♪ Da-da

♪ Da-da, da-da,
da-da-da ♪

[Steve] Fucking hell!
Go on, Cookie, push!

- Are you doing anything?
- My foot's all the way down!

[Indistinct shouting]

Get in!

Wait! I'm up front.
I'm the navigator.

- I'm up front. I'm the star.
- No, you're not.

♪ There's no point in asking,
you'll get no reply

♪ Oh, just remember,
I don't decide

♪ I got no reason,
it's all too much

♪ You'll always find us

♪ Out to lunch

♪ Oh, we're so pretty,
oh, so pretty... ♪

[Crowd booing]

♪ We're vacant

♪ Oh, we're so pretty,
oh, so pretty ♪

[Man 1] You're not special!

[Man 2] Get here,
you fucking cunt!

There's gonna be a riot!

Come on!

Oh, look, the northern oafs
are snogging.

I didn't know Barnsley
was this brutal.

To be honest with you, son, it's
like this most Saturday nights.

It's Wednesday.

The ceiling.

[Viv] We're going
for a bombed-out look.

Yeah, just smash
some holes into it.

It's full of asbestos.

If you unsettle it,
it'll kill you.

I can't ask my lads to touch it.

OK, thank you very much
for coming out!

[♪ SEX PISTOLS:
"Pretty Vacant"]

Victory!

You fool!

I'm starving.
It's obscene.

well, I've only been
provided with money

for petrol and accommodation.

[John] We can't work
if we're starving.

- Yeah, fill 'er up, will you?
- Yeah.

♪ We're so pretty,
oh, so pretty

♪ We're vacant

♪ We're so pretty,
oh, so pretty...

- Hey!
- ♪ We're vacant... ♪

Uh-uh! No, no, no!

You're the star.
You stay in the front.

Yeah, go on!

♪ I got no reason,
it's all too much

- ♪ You'll always find us
- Nice one, Jonesy.

♪ Out to lunch... ♪

We are here.

♪ We're so pretty,
oh, so pretty... ♪

They...

...are here.

What are we gonna do?

- [Indistinct chatter]
- Fuck off!

♪ Now

♪ And we don't care

♪ There's no point in asking,
you'll get no reply... ♪

[Indistinct shouting]

[Man] Fucking cunt!

♪ We're so pretty,
oh, so pretty

♪ We're vacant... ♪

Where do you think
you're going?

♪ We're vacant

♪ Oh, we're so pretty,
oh, so pretty

♪ And now

♪ And we don't care

♪ We're pretty

♪ We're pretty vacant

♪ And we don't care ♪

Hello.

Good afternoon.

Good afternoon, welcome
to the Grand. I'm Bernadette.

You must be the Sex Pistols.

[Blows raspberry]

Right.
You'll be in the Ballroom.

If you could just follow me,
gentlemen.

Our resident DJ...

Our resident DJ kicks off
the proceedings at 7pm sharp.

There's a buffet.
You can help yourselves.

All right.

Then it's you
from eight till nine.

- Watch the upholstery, John.
- [Laughs]

- Don't even know what that is.
- Fucking...

Through this way.

And can I just say,

the North Yorkshire
Hairdressers' Association

are beside themselves
with excitement.

[Steve] Look at that!
Fucking hell!

Will you stop pushing me
through the fucking walls?

- Leave it, John!
- Fucking hell!

Oh, holy shit!

We open to the general
at 6:30 for 7.

All yours till then.

I haven't heard you,
but I've read a lot about you.

So, good luck.

Hmm! [Whistles]

Whoo!

I think it's time for a drink.

♪ Boogie nights

♪ Boogie nights

♪ Boogie nights

♪ Ain't no doubt,
we are here to party

♪ Boogie nights

♪ Come on now,
got to get it started

♪ Dance with the boogie,
get down

♪ Cos boogie nights
are always the best in town... ♪

What's Malcolm playing at,

sending us on this tour
of England's biggest twat-holes?

Isn't exactly
our target audience, is it?

We're on.

What?

- Look at the legs on that one.
- Yeah, I've seen 'em.

- In the middle.
- Yeah, I know.

♪ Get that groove

- ♪ Let it take you higher
- [Belches]

- [Woman] Disgusting!
- ♪ Make it move

♪ Set the place on fire

♪ Dance with the boogie... ♪

Hello, Whitby or Shitby
or wherever we are.

Do you want to hear
something real?

[♪ Band strikes up]

♪ Too many problems,
oh, why am I here

♪ I need to be me
cos you're all too clear

♪ And I can see
there's something wrong with you

♪ But what do you
expect me to do?

♪ At least I gotta know
what I wanna be

♪ Don't come to me
if you need pity

♪ Are you lonely,
you got no one

♪ You get your body
in suspension

♪ That's no problem

♪ Problem

♪ Problem

♪ The problem is you

♪ Eat your heart out
on a plastic tray

♪ You don't do
what you want... ♪

[Bernadette] Could you
turn it down a bit, please?

The sound.

Turn it down!

The sound! We've got Bingo on
in the Lesser Ballroom.

They can't hear the numbers.

- Bingo?
- Bingo, yeah.

Next door.

♪ Two fat ladies,
eighty-eight

♪ Two fat ladies, kind of,
thirty-three

♪ Thirteen, not so unlucky

♪ That curious number,
sixty-nine

♪ Problem

♪ Problem

♪ Problem

♪ The problem with you

♪ So, what you gonna do
with your problem?

♪ Problem

♪ Problem ♪

Hey, it's Bernadette.

It's Bingo!

Turn it up!

[Steve] This one goes out
to Bingo and her boyfriends.

♪ Suburban kid,
you got no name

♪ Too dumb, baby,
and you got no brain

♪ I bet you're all so happy
in suburban dreams

♪ But I'm only laughing
cos you ain't in my scheme

♪ Hey, babe

♪ I love you

♪ I love you

♪ I love you ♪

Oi... oi!

What's that noise?

The sea.

That's the sea.

[Glen] Get out!

You never once got taken
to the seaside?

My childhood wasn't quite the
lap of luxury yours was, Glen.

Even us impoverished
Irish immigrants

had the occasional
seaside holiday.

Poor, underprivileged Jonesy.

Fuck off!

[Grunts]

Ugh!

I didn't mean anything.

You're always going on
like I'm some kind of rich kid,

but I grew up the same as you.

Oh, right!

That's why you went
to that posh school, is it?

I went to grammar school because
I passed the entrance exam.

Fair enough.

I was too thick for all that.

You know why I play bass?

Loneliness.

All them grammar school kids
thought I was scum.

And all you lot thought I was
a stuck-up posh boy, so, uh...

...I learned music.

But I didn't start a band.

You did.

And, uh...

...it's the best thing
that's ever happened to me.

You're not thick, Steve.

Yeah, Rotten's got all that...

...but you're the one
who actually gets things done.

Well, for my money...

...you're smarter
than all of us.

- Come here, you!
- Oi, oi, oi!

Stop it! No! Oh, fuck!

- Hey, Cookie!
- Woo-hoo!

No... Fuck me!

Steve, be nice,
I'm gonna be sick!

Raving fucking hell!

For fuck's sake!

For fuck's sake!

They're perfect tonight!

They play like a band.

♪ There's no point in asking,
you'll get no reply

♪ Oh, just remember,
I don't decide... ♪

[♪ Music slowing down,
vocals fading out]

I can't bear it any longer,
Francie.

I'm a prisoner in my own home.

It's time for youth revolution.

Get in!

[Indistinct shouting,
cheering]

[Church bell ringing]

Welcome to Mission Control.

Well... it's a dump!

Oh, hello. I'm Steve.

I know.
I know who you all are.

And can I just say

that I think what you're doing
is so important.

You could say that,
but would it be true?

Look, don't mind Johnny,
he's a right nause.

Do mind Steve,
he's a sexual maniac.

Yeah, I am. Sorry, there's
nothing I can do about it.

[Malcolm]
Sophie is my aide-de-camp.

- Aide de what?
- I think he means assistant.

Oh, grammar school
is finally paying off.

Sophie shall be giving you
your weekly wages.

Oh!
How much do we get?

Twenty-five pounds.

[Johnny] What?

I used to get more
as an apprentice.

It's just until we start
selling records.

Speaking of which...

Your freshly negotiated
EMI recording contract.

- Give us a look.
- How much is it for?

Forty thousand pounds.

Whoa, fuck!

Wait, hang on, hang on.
Then why only 25 quid a week?

Well, the 40k is to pay for
the recording of your new album.

- Come on!
- Oi!

This is a complex
legal document.

You get 25 percent,

and we pay your expenses?

- All very standard stuff.
- [Steve] Look, it's all right.

Malcolm knows
if he stitches us up,

I'll break his fucking legs.
Don't you, Malcolm?

Too right, my boy.

Right, who's first?

Oi! Wait, wait, wait!

Can we see the actual cheque?

[Malcolm] The actual cheque.

Made out to "Glitterbest"?

What's "Glitterbest",
Malcolm?

Sophie,
will you explain it to him?

Um, Malcolm tells me

"Glitterbest" is
a limited liability company.

The money still belongs to you.

"Glitterbest" merely handles it.

You seem like
a very sensible girl, Sophie.

If there's anything wrong
with this, it's your fault

because you're the only one
what's read it.

- [Glen] Oi! That it... John!
- [Steve] Too right!

[Malcolm] You can all hire
lawyers if you really want to,

but frankly, they are
a bunch of corrupt bastards

who are not worth their pay.

Isn't that right, Sophie?

- Well, I can't say...
- Of course you can't!

Neither can I.
What I'd much rather you do

is go on Thames Television
live tomorrow evening

to discuss the phenomenon
that you are about to become.

Thames Television?

- Which show?
- "Grundy".

"Grundy"?
My mum loves him.

Sign the contract,
then go tell the world.

- [Glen] You're not joking?
- [Sylvia] We've told everyone.

Your aunt Julia
almost had a conniption.

Everyone watches it,
don't they?

It's really quite exciting.

I always knew you'd be famous.

You get it from me.
Charisma. [Laughs]

- Why are you on?
- Because...

You haven't done
anything wrong, have you?

Are you on it as well, Steve?

Yeah, were all gonna be on it,
Mrs. C.

Oh...
Should've asked me on.

Is your mum excited, Steve?

Oh... yeah.

- Bound to be.
- We're on cos...

- You haven't told her, have ya?
- Mum!

We've got a recording contract.

- Oh, lovely.
- That's a big deal.

Go and tell her, Steve.

She's your mum.

[Mary] On telly!

That's exciting.

We've got a contract,
Mrs Jones.

- It's a lot of money.
- Oh, Steve!

Yeah,
we're actually on tonight.

On the "Today" show.

That'll be a laugh.

It'll make a change
from keeping it to ourselves,

watching him cock up live on TV.
[Chuckles]

Well, now the whole world
will get to see

what your poor mum's had
to put up with all these years.

Lazy little sod.

Huh? Honestly...

What did we do to deserve you?

Ey?

- Don't miss it.
- Yeah.

Ta-ta.

[♪ Plays alternating notes]

Sexy young assassins!

Your carriage awaits you.

[♪ Plays faster, louder]

Jones!

Steve!

Steve!

Are you all right, my boy?

[Chuckles] Never better!

Come on.

- Oh, no, no, no...
- [Indistinct]

For fuck's sake!

Oi!

[Conversation
continues indistinctly]

[Woman] I was told
the band was a four-piece.

We're not a band,
we are a movement.

Now, if he talks to you
about violence, remember,

you have to destroy
in order to create.

If he asks you about filth,
just turn it back on him.

Talk about the filthy conditions
the poor live in or something.

Just turn it back on him
every time.

This is going to be
very confrontational.

Do shut up, Malcolm!

- You all right?
- What?

- It'll be a piece of piss.
- Good!

- Cos I am fucking damn pissed.
- Good.

[Woman] You know,
there really are a lot of you.

- There's a lot of you.
- Do we get a fee for this?

No, not a fee as such,
but you're welcome to go back

- and finish the crisps.
- Ah!

[Shouting]

[Woman] Just come through
calmly!

[Malcolm] Behave yourselves!

I think you'll find that I'm
the king of this establishment.

- And you'll need more chairs.
- Hello!

[Woman] Please find your seats.
Do not touch anything.

And make your way to the set!

[John]
Oh! You are rather cross!

[Woman] We are live
in three minutes!

[Man] Sit down!

[Woman]
Do not touch the cue cards.

- Are you going on, too?
- Me? No, no.

- I'm the éminence grise.
- Oh. Course you are.

The interviewer's late.

- What are you doing for a job?
- Fat oaf!

- Hello.
- Better late than never, eh?

[♪ Theme music]

[Grundy]
'They are punk rockers.'

- Oi, oi!
- 'The new craze, they tell me.

'Their heroes? Not the nice,
clean Rolling Stones.

'You see,
they are as drunk as I am.

'They are clean by comparison.'

There you are.
He said they're drunk.

'And I am surrounded now
by all of them...'

- [Steve] 'In action!'
- 'Let's see the Sex Pistols...

[Both] '...in action.'

We were there.
Why are we watching this?

They're good, they are.

People are gonna be disappointed
we aren't Queen,

ballet dancing like Mr Mercury.

- Is that what I was wearing?
- Oh, look!

Beauty and the beast!

- NVC going live...
- [Belches]

...in five, four...

[Grundy] 'I am told

'that that group have received
£40,000 from a record company.'

Did he just say "40,000"?

A load of old bollocks!

It's hype! You know?

Not real money.

- 'Tell me more about it.'
- 'Fucking spent it, ain't we?'

[Gasps] What did he say?
What did Steven just say?

- Did he just swear?
- 'Good Lord, that's shocking!'

- He's joking, though, isn't he?
- I think that fella's drunk.

Are you serious, or are you
just trying to make me laugh?

Yeah, it's all gone.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- I mean what you're doing.
- Oh, yeah.

- You are serious?
- Mm.

Beethoven, Mozart, Bach...

Yes, well, they're all
heroes of ours, ain't they?

What did you say, sir?

- Yes, they're wonderful people.
- Are they?

Oh, yes,
they really turn us on.

But they're dead.

Well, supposing
they turn other people on?

That's just their tough shit.

- It's what?
- [John] Nothing. A rude word.

- Next question?
- No, no.

What was the rude word?

Oh, what the fuck
did he ask him that for?

'Shit.'

[Gasps] Oh!

There you are! I told you,
didn't I? Here we go.

He's just more or less asked him
to swear live on air!

Are you worried, or are you
just enjoying yourself?

- Enjoying myself.
- Are you?

- Yeah.
- That's what I thought!

You know,
I always wanted to meet you.

- Did you really?
- Yeah.

We'll meet afterwards,
shall we?

You dirty sod!

[Laughs]

- That told him!
- [Steve] 'You dirty old man.'

Well, keep going, chief,
keep going.

Go on, we got
another five seconds.

- [Steve] 'You dirty bastard!'
- [Grundy] 'Go on, again!'

'You dirty fucker!

'You dirty, dirty,
dirty fucker!'

- [Grundy] 'What a clever boy!'
- 'What a fucking rotter!'

[Grundy] 'Well,
that's it for tonight.

'The other rocker, Eamonn,

'and I'm saying nothing else
about him,

'will be back tomorrow.
I'll be seeing you soon.'

I hope I won't be
seeing you again.

From me, though, good night.

[♪ Theme music]

What a disgusting sleaze!

Shit! I hope
my mum wasn't watching!

[All operators]
Please hold! Please hold!

Right, that...

- That is the complaint line!
- Oh!

Oh, just...
Just get in the green room.

I knew he'd be bad, but
I didn't think he'd be that bad.

- Uh, tell me about it!
- You tellin' me!

What... have you done?

What you told us to do.

I did not tell you
to end your entire career,

to destroy everything
that we have worked for,

by appearing in front
of the British public

on teatime television

as a bunch of sweary toddlers!

Malcolm!

Always the revolutionary
until the barricades go up,

and then he runs home
to Grandma.

Look, the bloke
just wound us up, and...

No one has said the word "fuck"
on British TV

ever before in history.

Brendan Behan.

What?

It's a matter of great pride to
the Irish community in Britain

that the first person to use
the F-word on British TV

was in fact
the poet Brendan Behan.

He said "fuck"
to Malcolm Muggeridge.

Ten times.

So this is just
a storm in a china tea cup

on the table of doilies
of your cowardice.

Who told you to laugh?

No, no, it's just...
doilies are funny.

So funny!

Whoops!

[Steve] Our work here is done.

Let's go back to the old
hideout, get pissed!

Destroy!

[♪ THE MODERN LOVERS:
"Pablo Picasso"]

♪ Some people
try to pick up girls

♪ And get called assholes

♪ This never happened
to Pablo Picasso

- ♪ He could walk... ♪
- It's in the bin!

I brought you the papers.

- Cheers!
- Who is she?

- Uh, she's...
- I'm his music teacher.

Yeah. yeah, yeah.
That's right.

You might wanna read
those headlines.

Wait! You can't!

"The Foul-Mouthed Yobs."

"Were The Pistols Loaded?"

"The Filth And The Fury."

"Filth And The Fury"
is good.

- [Banging on door]
- [Man] News of the World!

Johnny? Tony says
you're a foul-mouthed...

Fucking hell!

Open up, boys!

[Steve] How the fuck
did they get up there?

Sid! Sid!
What are you doing?

Answering the door.

Is it an orgy, boys?

Let's give 'em
an eyeful of this.

[John] Get your hand
off that knob!

- This is punk!
- Shh!

We do what we want
where we want!

And we ain't scared
to show the world.

You think I want the world
seeing me like this?

My dear mother might think
I was stupid enough

to exchange bodily fluids
with these harridans.

Oi! Piss off!

I wouldn't exchange
bodily fluids with you

if you were the last body
in London!

- Open, sesame!
- Sid!

I'll tell Mum that you led me
into this depravity,

and she will ban you
from our house forever!

No more cups of tea!

No more iced biscuits!

No more motherly sympathy!

Just cold, hard banishment!

- I do love your mum.
- And she loves you.

Let's keep it that way.

[Man] Come on, boys,
let's see you!

Oh, God!

♪ Hey... ♪

And now, music news.

'A huge uproar's broken out

'after members of the punk rock
group The Sex Pistols

'repeatedly swore live
on teatime television.'

♪ Our Father

♪ Which art in heaven... ♪

[Man] Oi!
There's Johnny fucking Rotten!

Come here, you fuck!

I'm gonna kick
your head in!

My mum was watching that,
you fuck!

Get in! Lock this door!
Lock the door!

Fuck!

- Drive!
- You fucking cunt, you!

I mean, this I like,
cos this is something different.

You know? This is
what it should be about.

Look at you! You think
you're all right, don't you?

- Or what exactly?
- Ponce! Cunt!

Oh, here we go.

Ding, ding,
next question, please.

♪ For thine is the kingdom

- ♪ And the power
- [Screaming]

♪ And the glory

♪ Forever

♪ And ever... ♪

Quick, Julia!

♪ And ever ♪

Fucking cunt!

[Sid] They should've kept
an eye on you. You're the face.

And what makes the band
the band.

It's not your fault
everyone wants to talk to you.

They got to appreciate that...

...take care of you.

You're my only real mate, Sid.

You'll need another,
for later.

I'll be dead
by the time I'm 21.

Don't say
stupid clichés like that.

No, I mean it.

Do you want a cup of tea?

Yeah, thanks.

I'll make it.

[♪ BLONDIE: "X Offender"] ♪ You read me my rights

♪ And then you said...

♪ "Let's go"
and nothing more

♪ I thought of my nights

♪ And how they were

♪ They were filled with... ♪

[Viv] No, pet, we did not
spray-paint "Scum" and "Filth"

on the outside of our shop.
Why would we do that?

Yes, I suppose it is
the kind of thing we would do,

but in this instance... no!

- Malcolm...
- [Phone rings]

- It's your call, Mal.
- Yeah?

['Male speaker, indistinct']

No... I...
Well, couldn't we...?

We couldn't.

Yes, no, I see.

I see.

- What?
- The shop...

Actually, never mind...

What?

- EMI have just dropped us.
- And the shop has been... Oh!

Are they asking
for the money back?

No, no, no, the advance
is not returnable.

So, this is interesting.

[Glass smashing,
kids screaming]

Stay down! Stay down!

- [Man shouting]
- What happened?

Watch you mouths,
you filthy scum!

Fucking
fascist arrogant cunts!

What's happening?

The fascist bastard
just threw a bloody brick

- through our window.
- Not the window!

I can see what happened
to the bloody window, you fool!

What have you done?

What have you done
to our lives?

Are you all right?
Are you all right?

Look, they've gone.
Are you all right?

- I'm OK, Mum.
- Let me see your hands.

Oh, I know what I've done.

I've made us matter.

[Malcolm] Right,
thanks to my strategy,

we are now poised
to change the world

Your "strategy"?
You were shitting your pants.

[Malcolm] You have been banned
from playing

right across the country,
which is wonderful.

- Wonderful, how?
- Society fears you.

You... matter.

And to add to the glory of
the day, EMI have dropped you.

- What?
- Shit!

- Which means...
- We're fucked!

It means that we're available.

We are available,
and we are infamous!

And we are an instantly
recognisable brand,

which is why Jamie is here.

Jamie is an anarchist,
a Druid, and a genius.

In that order.

He is also now
our new Head of Marketing.

Working under him
will be Julian.

Uh, actually
I'm an independent.

- And Helen.
- Uh, I'm independent, too.

We're a team.

And to build
our world-wide brand,

we must sharpen and focus
our image.

Imagine we're in a movie

by Jean-Luc Godard.

Imagine I punch you
in the face.

You would play
the tortured street poet.

You would play the rough,
yet sensitive criminal.

You would be the street-smart,
loyal friend.

Naturally.

And you... You would be...

- Uh...
- The really boring mummy's boy

with bad hair, bad jeans,

and a very annoying,
whiny little voice.

You fucking cunt!

No wonder everyone in this band
fucking hates you!

Sorry.

Not much sleep.

It's all right.

That's anarchy.

- He speaks!
- Only occasionally,

but with great perspicacity.

We need to create
a visual style...

...that supports
the fundamental anarchy

that lives both within
and without the band.

You see, perspicacious.

Incomprehensible!

Jamie's also on with Sophie.

- Thanks, Malcolm!
- Well, it's a matter of fact!

- Prick!
- What I mean is,

we are all one great, big...

...unhappy family!

And families yell,

and they scream,
and they fight,

but none of that matters,

as long as we stick together.

[♪ DENNIS BROWN:
"Milk And Honey"]

Where is it?
It's supposed to be there.

- That's him!
- Stay calm.

Follow him!

Excuse me!

- Nice!
- ♪ Don't stop

♪ Jah! Jah! Bring forth
milk and honey, don't stop

♪ Let the newsmen write

♪ What they wanna write... ♪

I need to see Malcolm.

He's not here, pet.

- Fuck it!
- Come on, then.

Mind out!

Yes?

Um, we...

- We...
- We want to change our lives.

Yes. Completely.

Put this on.

Oh, God!

I couldn't wear that.
Never!

Let me tell you about this.

For hundreds of years,

women had to wear stuff
like this under their dresses.

They literally lived in bondage.

Are you asking us
to wear it now, then?

My project

is to summon this darkness
out of its own shadows...

...and into the light of reason.

Is that a song?

It's a creed.

All these means of oppression
were hidden away

behind bustles and crinolines.

And it were no different
when our mothers were young.

The Playtex girdle
was just another corset

destroying your insides.

Wait. Are you saying
you wear this on the outside?

Of course!
I don't make underwear.

What do you take me for?
Marks and Spencer?

I'm not St. Michael, darling.

It's too sexy.
It's way too sexy.

It was designed to be sexy -

to offer women's bodies
up to the gaze of men,

but you wear it on the outside.

And what happens?

You get a lot of funny looks.

But no wolf whistles.

Turn the male gaze
back on itself.

It's the opposite of sexy.

It exposes the mystery,
the mechanics.

Do you follow me?

Wait, are you saying
we could wear this stuff?

We can't afford it.

I'm dressing you.

The gig is my show.

And you're going to be
on the catwalk.

[Chuckling]

[Man] Are you ready?

We're from Huddersfield!

We love you!

♪ You thought
that we were faking

♪ That we were all just
money making

♪ You do not believe
we're for real

♪ Or you would lose
your cheap appeal

♪ Oh, don't you judge a book
just by the cover

♪ Unless you cover yet another

♪ And blind acceptance
is a sign

♪ Of stupid fools
who stand in line

- ♪ No need to cut
- ♪ And there is no reason why

- ♪ No need to cut
- ♪ I tell ya it was all a frame

- ♪ No need to cut
- ♪ They only did it cos of fame

♪ EMI

- ♪ I do not need the pressure
- ♪ EMI

♪ I can't stand
those useless fools

♪ EMI

- ♪ Unlimited supply
- ♪ EMI

♪ Hello, EMI

♪ Goodbye ♪

[Blows raspberry]

Sidney! Sidney!

Good evening, London.

We are the Sex Pistols,

and we are coming
to shoot you down dead!

He's gotta go
to the loo.

- Steve, I want a quick word.
- Where?

I'm grabbing the others.

In private. John. John.

I just want a quick word.

Steve!

[Steve] What's up?

I just wanted to give you

one last little kiss
for the evening.

A&M would like to offer you
a contract.

How much?

A hundred and twenty-five
thousand pounds.

You're f...

Fucking kidding me!

Have a good evening, boys.

And I suppose the cheque
will be non-returnable?

You know,
so if we get dropped again,

it'll just disappear
under the Glitterbest umbrella?

Well, I mean, I haven't read
the fine print yet,

um...
but if you're concerned,

may I suggest
that you don't get dropped?

Huh?

- Easy enough, innit, I guess?
- Stevie!

Steve!

Uh, back in a sec.

Come, sit. Join me.

- Glen has a point.
- Right.

If this doesn't work...

...we're running out of labels
to sign with.

And?

John has musical differences
with Glen,

and Vivienne has stylistic
differences with Glen.

And I know you think
that he's...

Look, he's a nause,
but he's all right.

He doesn't fit the brand,
though.

And John won't work
with him anymore.

He said that?

You should consider
edging Glen out.

- I should consider?
- It's your band!

- Yeah, but, I mean...
- Oh, come on, my boy,

you have to do what is right
for the band.

Make me proud!

- You OK?
- Yeah.

What are you having?

[Woman]
I was so disappointed.

Uh...

I'll just, uh...
I'll be with you in a sec.

[Indistinct,
excited chattering]

Oi!

- Hello, Huddersfields.
- Hi.

- I thought I recognised you.
- From the crowd?

I could hear you both screaming
from the stage.

- Be honest, what did you think?
- It was amazing.

- Did you think?
- Yeah.

- Best thing ever!
- Where are you going?

Oh, well,
we met some people,

and they said we could sleep
on their floor.

- Oh! On their floor?
- Mm-hmm.

I can do better than that.
Look, if...

Oi, oi! [Whistles]

You're both welcome.
There's plenty of room.

I mean, I don't know...

- So... I wouldn't mind.
- Yeah?

- [Francie] All right, then.
- [Steve] All right, then.

So, what was
your favourite tune?

My favourite one would be
"Pretty Vacant".

It's not far from...
Uh... Jordan!

- We..
- I'm taking care of them.

It's all right,
I'm taking care of them.

Oh, crossed wires.
You're talking about the girls.

I'm talking about the clothes.

- Step in, girls.
- Sorry.

430, King's Road, please.

Night, Steve.

Coming through!

Coming through,
make some room.

Hey! That's for you.

Oh, oh, oh, oh!

[All cheering]

What's your hurry? Eh?

You got a minute?

Yeah.

Is this about the money
Malcolm gets when we sign?

Cos I think we should be talking
about this to the others, too.

It ain't about the money.

It's about... [Clears throat]

...personnel.

You are fucking joking!

- Thing is...
- You are fucking joking!

I was talking to John...

No, you weren't talking
to John.

You were talking to Malcolm.

And you weren't talking to him,
he was talking to you.

Ah, come on,
you know this is mental.

- You know you need me.
- It's my band!

Mine.

And what I'm trying
to say to you...

...is you're sacked.

All right.

[Clears throat]

Whenever Malcolm
feels like shafting you,

you just bend over,
don't you?

Malcolm's good little boy.

You fucking...

Yeah, come on.

You love that.

- Fuck it!
- Huh?

You'd love to be able to say
that we had a big manly fight...

Yeah?

...so that you wouldn't have to
tell anyone that you bent over.

Boys, boys, b...

We're just going up the Roxy.

Let's go.

Steve, you coming?

Why not, Steve?

Yeah, Steve, why not?

Fuck!

[Jordan]
You look fabulous, ladies,

but I'm afraid we're going
to need those pieces back.

[Jeannie] Vivienne said...

[Jordan] Vivienne said
you could exhibit them.

She didn't say
you could own them.

I bet the lads in the band
keep theirs.

They do.

But I imagine Malcolm deducts
the cost from their earnings.

He does mine.

A thank-you present.

From Vivienne.

For doing the clothes justice
on the night.

I'm sure you'll be splashed all
over the New Musical Express.

These are train tickets.
To Huddersfield.

- With compliments.
- We've run away from home.

And now you can run back and
tell everyone what you've seen.

But, no... We're staying.

You've got nothing,
you know nothing,

and if you stay here,
you'll become nothing.

You think we're just stupid
little girls, but we're punks.

You're just old.

"Old"? Well...

We're the new generation gap.

Good for you.

And how long before you're
the old, new generation gap?

What'll you have then
but a très boring story

about how you were once
the brightest young things

at some gig
no one even remembers?

Go home.
Learn things.

Get clever.

Make your own destiny.

We'll be back.

Yeah.

You can count on it.

No one's gonna be fucking
bothered about fucking Glen!

Fuck! No one's even
gonna know it was me.

I just saw Glen at the Roxy.

Oh.

We had musical differences.

He snores in the van.

He's the best musician
and songwriter in your band.

He dresses like Paul McCartney,
always washing his feet.

- His feet?
- He doesn't fit the image.

What's Malcolm got over you,
Steve?

Why can't you ever
stand up to him?

Cos he...

Cos...

Cos he stood up for me.

In court.

He said I meant something
to him.

He gave me a chance.

And you of all people,
you can...

You can understand that.

Can't you?
I mean, it's just like...

...you with your music.
You...

You just need someone...

...to give you a chance.

And they will.

I mean, they will -
sooner than you think.

[John] There he is!

The man of the hour.

This calls for celebration,
Chrissie.

We have a replacement.

Our man Jonesy is about
to give a very unique individual

the chance of a lifetime.

The chance of a...

Who is the replacement?

Wait...

Are you going to ask me?

No [Chuckles]
No, it's all sorted.

Hello, Chrissie.
Guess what...

I'm a Sex Pistol.

[Gunshot]

[♪ BUZZCOCKS:
"Ever Fallen In Love"]

♪ You make me feel like dirt,
and I'm hurt

♪ And if I start a commotion

♪ I run the risk of losing you,
and that's worse

♪ Ever fallen in love
with someone

♪ Ever fallen in love,
in love with someone

♪ Ever fallen in love,
in love with someone

♪ You shouldn't
have fallen in love with

♪ I can't see much of a future

♪ Unless we find out
what's to blame

♪ What a shame

♪ And we won't be together
much longer

♪ Unless we realise
that we are the same

♪ Ever fallen in love
with someone

♪ Ever fallen in love,
in love... ♪