Pistol (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Track 1: The Cloak of Invisibility - full transcript

♪ Ah

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh

♪ Ooh-ooh

♪ I'm an alligator

♪ I'm a mama-papa
coming for you

♪ I'm the space invader

♪ I'll be a rock 'n' rolling
bitch for you

♪ Keep your mouth shut

♪ You're squawking
like a pink monkey bird

♪ And I'm busting up my brains
for the words

♪ You know I am



♪ Keep your electric eye...

♪ ...on me, babe

♪ Put your ray gun to my head

♪ Press your space face
close to mine, love

♪ Freak out
in a moonage daydream

♪ Oh, yeah

♪ Keep your electric eye
on me, babe

♪ Put your ray gun
to my head... ♪

I love you!

♪ Press your space face
close to mine, love

♪ Freak out
in a moonage daydream

♪ Oh, yeah

♪ Freak out

Stop!



Shit!

Get back!

Hey! Man!

♪ Keep your electric eye
on me, babe

♪ Put your ray gun to my head

♪ Press your space face
close to mine, love

♪ Freak out
in a moonage daydream

♪ Freak out
in a moonage daydream
♪ Oh, yeah... ♪

♪ Oh, yeah... ♪

It still has
Bowie's lipstick on it.

Fucking hell!

The Phantom of the Odeon
strikes again.

♪ Put your ray gun to my head

♪ Press your space face
close to mine, love ♪

Shit! Pull over!

Steve, pull over now.

I'm gonna lose
my apprenticeship.

They'll definitely
kick the shit out of us

for having a better motor
than them.

I shouldn't have let you
talk me into this.

- Won the pools, have we, lads?
- Hello, Officer.

- Step out of the vehicle, sir.
- All right.

"Dance To The Music"]

You're a fucking lunatic!

Do you want to keep
your apprenticeship or not?

- Dance to the music!
- Right, round this corner,

we're gonna jump out,

throw on the old cloak
of invisibility, and scarper!

You and your bloody
cloak of invisibility!

It doesn't work, does it?

Oh, it's only cos
they can see you, you pillock!

Don't forget,

rehearsals tomorrow.

You mean...

we can rehearse here
as long as we want?

Yep! We're rewiring
the entire building.

- It'll take years.
- Thanks, Dad!

Just make sure I get a ride in
your Rolls when you're famous.

- Yeah, all right.
- Cheers!

Yah!

All right, good news!
I've come up with a new name.

What's wrong with the old name?

- Yeah, I like "The Strand".
- Nah, it's boring.

- Like Glen's hair.
- Piss off.

Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you "The Swankers".

- "The Swankers"?
- Sounds like "Wankers".

Nah, it's edgy.

Why do you get
to choose the name?

- It's my band.
- You can barely sing.

I can sing better
than you can play.

I'm the best musician.

You're also a jumped-up little
ponce who likes The Beatles

- and minor diminished 4ths.
- Oh, yeah.

Plus,
I nicked all the gear.

Yeah. Yeah, you did.

Phantom of the Odeon.

And, uh...
I've written an original.

- You?
- Yeah.

Give us a look.

Oh, it's...
It's not actually written down.

Oh! So, when you say
you've "written" a song,

- you mean...
- Don't be a prick, Glen.

Look, Wally,
do you remember that riff

we was mucking around with
the other day? It was like...

we was mucking around with
the other day? It was like...
♪ Da-na-na-na-na... ♪

♪ Da-na-na-na-na... ♪

Nah, sorry.

Jesus! They don't call you
"Wally" for nothing, do they?

Glen...

Do you remember the chords?

Try A.

Like this:
Da-na-na-na-na...

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, that's right.
Glen?
D.

- Glen?
- D.

All right, play D.

Yeah, Glen?

- E, maybe?
- Yeah.

That's it. Right, repeat it.

- Give us some noise.
- One, two, three, four!

♪ We like noise

♪ It's our choice

♪ Gotta lot to learn

♪ Gotta lot to learn
♪ I don't work, I just speed

♪ I don't work, I just speed

♪ Gotta lot to learn ♪
Now the chorus!

- Come on, mate!
- Come on!

♪ I'm a lazy sod

♪ I'm a lazy sod

♪ I'm a... ♪
Go back to E!

♪ Sod! ♪

What happens next?

Uh, I don't know. I gotta
come up with more lyrics.

It's a bloody good start.

Well, it's not quite
The Beatles, but...

It's better!

It's ours.

Oh, shut up, you ponce.

Right, one, two...

with the music,

Now we've got to think image.

Yeah, how about tight suits with
white shirts and skinny ties?

- What, like The Beatles?
- Bloody hell!

No! No, like The Small Faces.
We cover their songs.

Yeah, it's a good idea.

No, it ain't. It's no good
copying other bands.

We gotta be like us.

What, four broke, working class
gits who can't play for shit?

The Fucked Four.

Yeah.

What?

All them dinosaur bands

with their "oh, look at me"
15-minute guitar solos,

they don't mean nothing to us,

cos we're just...
we're pissed off, we're bored,

we're trying to scrape together
enough for another pint.

We're invisible.
No one gives a shit about us.

You know? So, we don't
give a shit about no one else.

You know? So, we don't
give a shit about no one else.
Maybe that should be our image.

Maybe that should be our image.

That! You know?

Not giving a shit!

So, no suits?

No! No fucking suits.

♪ Well,
you're dirty and sweet

♪ Clad in black,
don't look back

♪ And I love you

♪ You're dirty and sweet,
oh yeah

♪ Well, you're slim
and you're weak

♪ You've got the teeth
of the hydra upon you

♪ You're dirty, sweet,
and you're my girl

♪ Get it on

♪ Get it on
♪ Bang a gong, get it on

♪ Bang a gong, get it on

♪ Get it on

♪ Bang a gong, get it on

♪ Well,
you're built like a car

♪ You've got
a hubcap diamond star halo... ♪

♪ You've got
a hubcap diamond star halo... ♪
You think I can't see you.

You think I can't see you.

You mean, you can?

Maybe the old
cloak of invisibility

is wearing a bit thin.

Put 'em back.

Or I'll beat
your brains out.

I didn't think you Yanks
played cricket.

I'm not playing.
Put them back.

- You must be new. I'm Steve.
- Put them back!

They're for me band!
They're for me band!

Viv... Viv said I could take
whatever I wanted.

Did I?

Oh...

Right, I... I thought
that's what you said.

- Do you remember?
- You're that mouthy kid

that's always trying
to steal things.

Seems like that cloak
of invisibility is a bit shit.

Here at Sex,

we don't call the police.

We have our own methods
of dealing with felons.

What did you steal?

See, I thought
that you said it'd be OK

if I borrowed some things
to wear on stage.

Cos our band's
gonna be really famous.

Where do you play?

Look, we're in the
rehearsal phase right now,

Look, we're in the
rehearsal phase right now,
but... we'll be playing soon.

but... we'll be playing soon.

Who are your influences?

Roxy Music, Mott The Hoople,
Bowie...

Bowie's a big one.

You heard about that fella
what got on stage,

nicked a load of gear
after the "Ziggy" show

nicked a load of gear
after the "Ziggy" show
at the Hammersmith Odeon?

at the Hammersmith Odeon?

That was me.

One of the mics still had
Bowie's lipstick on it.

In my book, thievery's
the highest form of flattery.

In my book, thievery's
the highest form of flattery.
Oh, we should be flattered, Viv!

Oh, we should be flattered, Viv!

- Why'd you steal these?
- Cos they're cool.

- Why'd you steal these?
- Cos they're cool.
Why are they cool?

Why are they cool?

Cos they're trousers,
which is really normal, right?

Cos they're trousers,
which is really normal, right?
But they're bondage...

But they're bondage...

...like a straightjacket
for a mental patient,

which isn't normal, you know?

So, it's sort of
like the world.

♪ Je t'aime

- Put them on
- ♪ Oui, je t'aime

- All right!
- ♪ Moi non plus... ♪

See, everyone's pretending
everything's normal.

You know, like "Rule Britannia"
and all that shit, but really...

You know, like "Rule Britannia"
and all that shit, but really...
...everything's falling apart.

...everything's falling apart.

And all of us poor fuckers
who've got nothing,

we're supposed to just
stand there and shut up

and sing "God Save the Queen",
and that's sort of mental.

Well, you certainly know
your size.

That's very important
when you're always nicking...

I mean, borrowing stuff.

What's your band called?

- The Swankers.
- Wankers?

The Swankers. It's edgy.

- Are you queer?
- No.

Oh...

Though I did pay a guy 50p
to suck me off on a train once.

I was coming back
from juvenile detention.

Oh, fuck off!

I think I was just a bit
depressed to be going home.

You're a product
of state oppression.

- Aren't you?
- What?

Juvenile detention...

Where do you live?

Just here and there.
With friends, mainly.

Ruffians like you excite me.

Look, it was just the one time
on a train.

- I don't want to fuck you.
- Oh.

I want you to fuck the world.

What?

Viv and I want to create
a revolution

inspired by the raw authenticity
of forgotten kids like you.

What Malcolm in his uniquely
pretentious way is trying to say

is that you are welcome
around here... anytime.

If you want to wear something,
you ask.

Because if I ever catch you
stealing from me again,

I will chop your bollocks off,
you got me?

Yeah. Got you.

She said we could
borrow clothes for the band.

- I won't even have to nick 'em.
- You're kidding!

Yeah.
Malcolm's gonna manage us.

Did he actually say that?

Well, no, but he wants me to...
you know, inspire him.

- "Inspire him"?
- Yeah, for his revolution.

- "His revolution"?
- Yeah.

So...

So...
he's not managing us.

he's not managing us.

Not yet, but he will.
I'm gonna convince him.

♪ Ain't got no trouble
in my life

♪ No foolish dream
to make me cry

♪ I'm never frightened
or worried... ♪

Hello, darling.

- ♪ I know I'll always get by
- How are you, darling?

- Long time no see.
- ♪ I heat up

♪ I cool down

♪ When something
gets in my way

- ♪ I go round it
- Hey, lovey!

You got any Mandy?

♪ Gonna take it
the way that I found it

♪ I got the music in me

♪ I got
the music in me

♪ I got the music in me...
yeah! ♪

♪ I got the music in me...
yeah! ♪
"Big Spender"]

♪ The minute
you walked in the joint

♪ I could see
you were a man of distinction

♪ A real big spender

♪ A real big spender
You step foot
out of this house again,

You step foot
out of this house again,

and you know what you'll get.

♪ Wouldn't you like to know
what's going on in my mind?

♪ So, let me get
right to the point

♪ I don't pop my cork
for every man I see

- Mum!
- ♪ Hey, big spender

♪ Hey, big spender

♪ Hey, big spender

♪ Spend a little time with me

♪ Yes! ♪

Mum?

- Mum!
- Turn around, Mary.

- Mum!
- Turn around, Mary.

Get back to bed
and stay there.

Get back to bed
and stay there.
What's wrong with her?
Mum?

What's wrong with her?
Mum?

Irene!

Call a doctor!
I think she's losing the baby.

- Mum!
- Get out of it!

- Don't annoy Ron.
- What have you done to my mum?

What have I done?

It's you what done it!

Always bothering her,
always causing trouble.

Now we're losing the good baby,

and all we'll be left with
is rubbish you.

♪ Who are you?

♪ Who, who? Who, who?

♪ Who are you?

♪ Who, who? Who, who?

♪ I really want to know

♪ Who are you?

♪ Who, who? Who, who?

♪ Who are you?

♪ Who, who? Who, who?

♪ Who are you? ♪

You're a good-for-nothing
lazy little sod.

No wonder your poor mum's
in the hospital.

♪ Who are you?

♪ Who are you?
♪ Who, who? Who, who? ♪

♪ Who, who? Who, who? ♪

What the fuck?

Are you here
to clear the place out?

Oi!

Chrissie, hang on.
Fuck!

I'm just...

Jesus!

...doing this inspiring thing
with Viv and Malcolm now.

Like they said last night.

Yeah, sorry,
it was already broken.

I'm just hanging out...
being inspiring,

till they want me to,
you know, fuck the world.

Right.

I'll have two sugars in mine.

Hey, what d'you wanna hear?

Astound me.

Astounded?

Mildly surprised.

♪ Sittin'
in the mornin' sun... ♪

You know, I heard this song
for the first time

when I was Battersea Fairground
when I was thirteen.

Couldn't believe
what I was hearing.

Stood there for two hours,
hoping they'd play it again.

For some reason,
it just rewired my brain.

Maybe because old Otis
was a bit like me,

sitting on that dock...

...wanting to get away,
somewhere better.

Touching.

Another one was Jimi Hendrix,
"Purple Haze".

Love how the guitar kinda goes,
"Clunk-uh-whoa..."

Mm-hmm.

Bet yours were English. I bet
that's why you're in London.

What's that?
What are you writing?

- I have a boyfriend.
- Oh, great!

- What's his name?
- Nick.

He's quite a famous
music journalist.

Oh, yeah. Nick Kent.

He's a bit of a prick. I mean,
he thinks he's Keith Richards.

Uh...

Yeah, he's got
the heroin part of it right,

not so much the playing.

Jealousy is such
an attractive quality!

Not the jealous type.

Strictly sexual with me.

As soon as feelings
are involved, I get bored.

- That's why you're so popular.
- Exactly!

- That's why you're so popular.
- Exactly!
So, what were yours, then?

So, what were yours, then?

- You talk a lot, don't you?
- I showed you mine.

Come on.

One wannabe songwriter
to another...

I didn't think
you was writing a novel.

All right... smart-ass!

- Bowie.
- Knew it!

English!

- The "Spiders" tour?
- Cleveland, Ohio.

The Starman,
on stage with...

God! Mick Ronson,
playing his Les Paul!

Those silver-satin strides
just changed my life forever.

Those silver-satin strides
just changed my life forever.
- Ronson can play!
- And Bowie's...

- Ronson can play!
- And Bowie's...

I gave him a ride...
in my mom's car.

- Bowie?
- Yeah.

- Bowie!
- Yeah.

Get out! How?

Get out! How?
Uh... fuck! It was Ohio.

Uh... fuck! It was Ohio.

Did you really steal his gear?

And was there really
lipstick on his mic?

I bet there was lipstick on
his mic in Cleveland, an' all!

Oh, I don't know.

I never saw his mic.

Viv's having kittens.

The new tailor
fucked the rubber.

Can you drive?

Look out, they're behind us.
You'd better put your foot down.

Put your foot down,
we'll lose 'em easy.

Faster! Go faster!

Ding, ding!

I hate driving.

Well, I never had a father
who would teach me.

Me neither.
I learned on building sites.

Oh, so you have had
gainful employment?

I wouldn't say that.

Bloody hell!

Then I graduated to scooters.

Oi! Come here!

I prefer cars. I'll drive them
till they run out of petrol,

and then I'll just nick
another one.

But how do you
get away with it?

But how do you
get away with it?
So, I worked out
that for most people

So, I worked out
that for most people

a kid like me
doesn't even exist, right?

So, if I don't exist,
I can't be seen.

You know, I just throw on
the old cloak of invisibility,

I'd go to toy stores,
department stores, wherever,

I just took what I wanted
and walked out.

You're a right
little anarchist, aren't you?

Yeah...

Kids like you, they're gonna
kick the establishment

right up their
collective arseholes.

Oh, yeah! Yeah! That's what
we're doing with the band.

We're just shaking it all up.

Hang on a minute, lads,
I got a great idea.

You and Viv should come
and see us rehearse.

You should promote us.

Manage us.

What do you think about
"Weimar Republic"

- for the next collection?
- Uh... cool.

Oh, no, it's just up here.
Pull over here, on the right.

Come see us rehearse.

I guarantee
you won't be disappointed.

Perhaps "Weimar" is a bit...
poncey.

All right, I will.

Now, come and help me
with this tailor.

- We're closing!
- Malcolm's managing the band.

Right.
The Wankers!

He's coming to see us rehearse
tomorrow night. D'you wanna...

suck me cock before there's
a queue around the block?

I'll restrain myself.

How about
I go down on you, then?

Very equal opportunity
in that regard.

That's most gracious...

No!

Suit yourself.

I bet you sing, don't you?

I reck you'd be right good
an' all.

You're so full of shit, Jonesy.

See, that's it,
right there!

You're as tough as nails,
but when you say "Jonesy",

there's that little bit
of magic in it.

- Fuck off!
- Prove me wrong.

I'm not gonna sing for you.

I promise I won't ever ask you
to suck me cock again.

That is an incentive.

Maybe I'll hear of a band
who want a girl singer.

That's if you can sing.

Pretend that you're on stage
with Bowie

in Cleveland, Ohio.

- Only if you be Bowie.
- I don't know the words.

♪ Didn't know what time it was

♪ The lights were low

♪ The lights were low
♪ I leaned back on my radio

♪ I leaned back on my radio

♪ Some cat was layin' down
some rock 'n' roll

♪ "Lotta soul," he said ♪

Don't be shy.

I'm happy listening to you.

Cat got your balls?

♪ Came back like a slow voice
on a wave of phase

♪ That weren't no DJ,
that was hazy cosmic jive

♪ Du-du, du-du, du-du

♪ There's a starman
waiting in the sky

♪ There's a starman
waiting in the sky
♪ He'd like to come and meet us

♪ He'd like to come and meet us

♪ But he thinks
he'd blow our minds

♪ There's a starman
waiting in the sky

♪ He's told us not to blow it
cos he knows it's all worthwhile

♪ He told me

♪ Let the children lose it

♪ Let the children lose it
♪ Let the children use it

♪ Let the children use it

♪ Let all the children boogie ♪

Equal opportunity time, Jonesy.

Chrissie?

Nick! Fuck!
I forgot to lock the door.

Hang on!

Mm, trying on a bit
of new rubber, are we?

- Let me see.
- Wait, one sec.

Hi!

Hi!

- Everything all right?
- Sure!

Yeah, let's go.

All right, Nick?

How ya doin'?

Hi.

Are you...
working here now?

Nah, I can't count to ten.

Malcolm's managing the band.

What band?

- The Swankers.
- The Wankers?

Swankers.

- It's edgy.
- And...

I... I was helping him
get his looks together.

For the band.

You've definitely got
a future in fashion

You've definitely got
a future in fashion
if the music don't work out.

if the music don't work out.

We should go.

- Right.
- Not you!

Me and Nick.

All right, I'll catch you
at rehearsals tomorrow night.

You should come, Nick.

Get on the ground floor
of "The Next Big Thing".

Get on the ground floor
of "The Next Big Thing".
- Right.
- Swankers!

- Right.
- Swankers!

Maybe.

'The potato shortage

'has had many
unexpected consequences.

'has had many
unexpected consequences.
'Our chips are in short supply.

'Our chips are in short supply.

'The prices have shot up
at local fish and chippies.'

You got work
in the morning, love.

Shall I tell him to stop?

Don't make him feel bad.

Are you and Dad
gonna need your room back?

It's getting late.

Malcolm McLaren is coming
to see us rehearse tomorrow.

Oh, lovely.

Fifteen more minutes?

- I'll tell Dad.
- All right. Thanks, Mum.

'...more bread and butter,
but they don't complain.'

What do you think of Steve?

Well, he's very damaged.

- But that's quite good.
- Yes.

Makes his mind work
in a very original way.

I'm thinking
of taking on his band.

Oh, Mal!

After what happened
with The New York Dolls!

The New York Dolls
are up their own arses.

You tried to dress them
as Chinese communists, pet.

It didn't suit the music...
or their ethnicity.

It didn't suit the music...
or their ethnicity.
I am creating a revolution here.

I am creating a revolution here.

I don't want musicians,
I want saboteurs, assassins,

I want shock troops!

Steve's the real deal.

He's got nothing else
to live for.

Open it! Oi!

Oi, Ron, you cunt!

Oi, Ron, you cunt!
Open the fucking door!

Open the fucking door!

Some people have to work
in the morning.

- Yeah, then don't bolt it.
- Oh, yeah?

Right, so I should risk
getting burgled,

just so you can treat this place
like a hotel?

The only stuff
worth nicking's mine.

That's because you're
a thieving little prick!

Why can't you get a job
like a normal kid?

- And end up like you?
- You lazy sod!

- And end up like you?
- You lazy sod!
Making rubber rings,
ain't it?

Making rubber rings,
ain't it?

- It's honest.
- "Honest"!

Come home...

covered in stinking filth,

like a beaten dog -
fucking pathetic!

Steve!

Apologise to Ron.

Oh, no, no, no,
you're gonna apologise!

- Stop it!
- Yeah?

- You fucker!
- You speak to me like that?

Stop it! Stop it!

- Apologise!
- Fuck that!

Or you can leave this home
for good.

Thanks for making the choice
so easy.

You finally got
what you always wanted -

me mum, all to yourself.

Ugh!

♪ I...

♪ I...
♪ I just took a ride

♪ I just took a ride

♪ In a silver machine

♪ And I'm still
feeling mean... ♪

Hello?

Fuck!

Fuck!
- Oi!
- Go, Willy!

- Oi!
- Go, Willy!

Fuck it!

He's wasted!

Come on, move it!

You'll fucking die!

- You little fucker!
- Will you shut it?

Come on,
you little bastard!

You're mine! You're mine!

Oh, yeah!

Come on, little dickhead!

Where did you get that?

Thieving little sod!

Your mum's coming home tonight.

You, see you? You tell her
any stupid stories,

she'll throw you
out of this house,

and you will go straight to
the orphanage where you belong.

She'd be happier without you.

And you know that,
don't ya? Ey?

Did you hear me?

Did you hear -
Steve Jones got nicked.

What?

Word is, he's going away
for a few years.

Oh.

That guy is incredible.

He'd steal his own gravestone
if he could.

I heard he even stole
Keith Richards' coat.

At least he didn't steal
his music.

What?

Nothing.

What do you think
of this open tuning in G?

Yeah!

Sounds just like Keith.

Breaking and entering.

Breaking and entering.
Petty larceny.

Petty larceny.

Resisting arrest.

Resisting arrest.
Assaulting police.

Assaulting police.

You have been
quite the miscreant,

haven't you, Mr Jones?

- Yes.
- "Your Honour."

- What?
- "Your Honour."

Yes, Your Honour.

And how do you plead
in this matter,

your most serious to date?

Uh, guilty, Your Honour.

So, we as a society must ensure
that you reform your ways.

That must involve punishment.

That must involve punishment.
Before I pass sentence,

Before I pass sentence,

do you have anyone
to speak on your behalf?

Parents? Teachers?

Character witnesses?

No, Your Honour.

See, I'm nothing
but a lazy s...

- So sorry I'm late.
- Who are you?

I'm Malcolm McLaren,
Your Honour,

Mr Jones's employer.

I thought your client
was unemployed, Mr Wentworth?

Haven't had very long
with the brief.

No, far from it.

Mr Jones is
our most promising employee.

"Promising"?

- At what exactly?
- Everything.

I find that difficult
to believe.

Well, I did, too,
at first, Your Honour.

But you see, Mr Jones,

who did grow up
so very poor,

he was forced to leave school
at a very young age

in order to support
his ailing mother, but...

sadly drifted into
a rather unsavoury milieu.

But he's now become
a shining example

of the rehabilitative powers
of hard work

of the rehabilitative powers
of hard work
and guidance from
the right sort of people.

and guidance from
the right sort of people.

And what is
your business, Mr...

And what is your business, Mr...
McLaren, Your Honour.

McLaren, Your Honour.

I and my family,

we own and operate the Vivienne
Westwood ladieswear corporation.

I don't know,
you might've heard of us.

We have a number of boutiques.

I'm entirely unaware of it.

Well, that's not unusual
for a gentleman... Your Honour.

However, I'm sure the fairer
members of your family,

they would've heard of us.

Given the serious nature
of this matter,

I fear your rehabilitative
powers have failed you.

I do... I blame myself,
Your Honour.

You see, I was away in Paris
at the time, on business,

and the only father figure

that poor old Mr Jones
has ever really had

was his great-uncle Dicky.
Isn't that right? Yes.

He was a fighter pilot
during the war,

and he was shot down
over Belgium.

He subsequently lost his leg.

He died on the night
of the incident.

Uh... who died?

Uncle Dicky.

So, you see,
Mr Jones here,

with no one of any real
moral compass to console him

with no one of any real
moral compass to console him
in his moment of grief,

in his moment of grief,

well, he ran
with his old crowd

and perhaps drank
rather too much

and did go on to commit
this terrible crime.

But...

I give you my word,
Your Honour,

that if you let this young,
silly fellow here

have one more chance,

I shall make it
my life's personal mission

to see that he reaches
his true potential

as a... truly astounding member
of this society.

You're a bloody genius.

Quickly now,
before he changes his mind.

Honestly, no one's ever even
done anything like that for me.

I don't think I'd ever even
done that for my own son.

But still, I mean,

how was I supposed to get you
to play your first gig?

"Gig"?

Gig, yes. That's what
a manager does, doesn't he?

He lines up gigs for his band.

He lines up gigs for his band.
You haven't even seen us play.

You haven't even seen us play.

Details!

You have the authenticity,
my boy,

you got that kamikaze spirit.

But "Swankers", I mean, that's
got to go. It was terrible.

From now on,
it's "Kutie Jones".

- "Kutie Jones"?
- Yes, that's you.

"And his Sex Pistols".

- When's this gig?
- Shit!

A bloody ticket!

Tonight.

- "Tonight"?
- Yes.

Is there a problem?

Apart from that I just got out
of the nick five minutes ago?

We're outlaws.

- Are we?
- Yes.

And tonight, we're going
to change the world.

You're up for that, aren't you?

- Course I am!
- Good, good.

You can drive!

I nearly killed myself
getting here.

I hear you boys need a singer!

Hey, hey, hey!

You're cutting it fine,
ain't you?

By the skin of his
Artful Dodger teeth.

- Who's got a beer? Come on.
- There he is!

- Welcome back, pet.
- Oh, thanks, Viv.

Chrissie, bring that shirt.

Viv made you a new cloak.

I need one an' all.

I thought...

you could wear this tonight.

It's our declaration of war.

Across the top it says,

Across the top it says,
"You're going to wake up
one morning

"You're going to wake up
one morning

"and know what side of the bed
you've been lying on."

And then down this side,

it's got all the dead culture
that we hate,

like synthetic food,
Max Bygraves,

the Head
of the Metropolitan Police,

Andy Warhol, etc. etc.

And on the other side,
we have things we love.

Legal aid,
when you can get it,

Bob Marley, Jimi Hendrix,
Sam Cooke, Muhammad Ali,

and right here,
Kutie Jones and His Sex Pistols.

Huh!

That's pretty good company
to be in.

You are the leader
of our shock troops.

You are the leader
of our shock troops.
Things are finally
going to change.

Things are finally
going to change.

Can you feel it?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, definitely.

Nick's coming, too.
He's gonna write about it.

Great!

Do you mind if I have some time
with the lads?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, good, good!
Play your last string.

Come on!

- Who's got a Mandy?
- Is that a good idea?

Settle down, Grandma!

Right, what's on the menu
for tonight?

Well...

Well...
We open with "Lazy Sod".

We open with "Lazy Sod".

Of course,
everybody's favourite.

Right!

- One, two, three, four!
- Yes!

Yeah!

I can't do it!

♪ ...lazy sod ♪

What's he doing?

Say something!

Good boy!

Don't you stop,
you lazy little sod.

You finally found something
you're good at.

That's it. Don't stop.
Lazy little sod.

Don't you fucking stop.

A bit faster.

Go faster.

That's it.

Oi!

What the fuck
is wrong with you?

Piss off!

- No!
- Piss off!

No, I'm not gonna piss off.

All I've heard from you
for Christ knows how long now

is the band, the band, the band.
Yeah, go on.

My mum and dad have a drum kit
in their bedroom because of you!

Oh, yeah?

And you bottle it!

You fucking bottle it
like this!

Yeah!
I'm not good enough.

Yeah, none of us are,
but we're getting better.

I'm never gonna be
good enough, so...

For singing, or...?

It's all right for you,
ain't it?

Cos you're smart,
you got your apprenticeship,

and you got a mum and dad

who put up with a drum kit
in their fucking bedroom

cos they...

Cos they...

I'm funny.

You know,
I screw a lot of birds,

and I act tough.

But when I'm up there, and...

I've got nowhere...
nowhere left to hide.

It just...

makes me remember what a total
waste of space I really am.

Steve...

Steve!

- Steve!
- "Wish You Were Here"]

♪ So

♪ So you think you can tell

♪ Heaven from hell?

♪ Blue skies from pain?

♪ Can you tell a green field

♪ From a cold steel rail?

♪ A smile from a veil?

♪ Do you think you can tell?

♪ Did they get you to trade

♪ Your heroes for ghosts?

♪ Hot ashes for trees?

♪ Hot air for a cool breeze?

♪ Hot air for a cool breeze?
♪ Cold comfort for change?

♪ Cold comfort for change?

♪ Did you exchange... ♪

♪ My boy Lollipop

♪ You made my heart
go giddy-up

♪ You are as sweet as candy

♪ You're my sugar dandy

♪ Well oh,
my boy Lollipop

♪ Never ever leave me

♪ Because it would grieve me

♪ My heart told me so

♪ I love you, I love you,
I love you so

♪ But I don't want you to know

♪ I need you, I need you,
I need you so

♪ And I'll never let you go

♪ My boy Lollipop

♪ You make my heart go giddy-up

♪ You set the world on fire

♪ You are my one... ♪