Pinky and the Brain (1995–1998): Season 1, Episode 8 - A Pinky & the Brain Christmas - full transcript

GEE, BRAIN. WHAT DO YOU
WANT TO DO TONIGHT?

THE SAME THING
WE DO EVERY NIGHT,
PINKY--

TRY TO TAKE OVER
THE WORLD.

♪ THEY'RE PINKY
AND THE BRAIN ♪

* YES, PINKY
AND THE BRAIN *

♪ ONE IS A GENIUS

♪ THE OTHER'S INSANE ♪

♪ THEIR HOLIDAY PLAN

♪ IS TO OVERTHROW MAN

♪ THEY'RE DINKY ♪

* THEY'RE PINKY
AND THE BRAIN *



♪ BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN

* BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN,
BRAIN, BRAIN *

BY THE DAWN
OF CHRISTMAS DAY *

♪ THEIR PLOT
SHALL BE UNFURLED ♪

♪ THEY'LL CONTROL
THE EARTH ♪

♪ AND BRING JOY
TO THE WORLD ♪

♪ THEY'RE PINKY
AND THE BRAIN ♪

* YES, PINKY
AND THE BRAIN *

♪ THEY'LL HAVE YE
MERRY GENTLEMEN ♪

♪ SINGING THIS REFRAIN

♪ THAT AFTER CHRISTMAS EVE

♪ THE WORLD WILL BELIEVE

♪ IN PINKY

* IN PINKY
AND THE BRAIN *



♪ BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN

♪ BRAIN, BRAIN,
BRAIN, BRAIN ♪

NARF!

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
WARNER BROS.

♪ DECK THE HALLS
WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY ♪

♪ FA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA ♪

AAH!

[THWUP]

HA HA HA HA!

♪ 'TIS THE SEASON
TO BE JOLLY ♪

♪ FA LA LA LA LA--

PINKY, PLEASE.

I CAN'T EVEN
HEAR MYSELF PONDER.

SHH!

[WHISPERING]
* La la la la la

DEAR SANTA...

DEAR SANTA,

HELLO.

HELLO...

HA HA!

NARF!

HA HA! NARF.

PINKY.

OH, BRAIN, LOOK.
I'M WRITING A LETTER
TO SANTA.

BRAIN?

BRAIN?

YOU ARE UNDER MY CONTROL.
CAN YOU HEAR ME?

NARF.

I'LL TAKE THAT
AS A YES.

I ORDER YOU
TO CLUCK LIKE A CHICKEN.

MOO!

A CHICKEN.

OH, RIGHT.
CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK.

GOOD.

NOW YOU ARE STANDING
ON HOT SAND.

OOOW!

STOP! STOP!

NOW IMPERSONATE
WILLIAM F. BUCKLEY.

HMM?

IMPERSONATE REGIS PHILBIN.

I'M OUTTA CONTROL!

YES!

SUCCESS!

PINKY?

WAAH!

AAH!

B-BRAIN, YOU--THE--

I AM ME.

THAT, PINKY,
IS A FANTASTICALLY
POWERFUL DOLL.

BEHOLD NOODLE NOGGIN!

NOODLE NOGGIN?

HA HA HA!
I LOVE THAT NAME.

CAPABLE OF HYPNOTIZING HUMANS,
IT SHALL BRING US THE WORLD.

UM, BRAIN,

DO YOU REALLY
WANT TO TRY

TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD
AT CHRISTMASTIME?

I MEAN, REMEMBER
WHEN YOU TRIED
TO PLAY SANTA?

HO HO HO. WHO'S NEXT
TO TALK TO SANTA?

I AM!

WELL, IT'S DIFFICULT
TO RULE THE WORLD

WITH NO AIR
IN YOUR LUNGS.

OH, OH, AND
THERE WAS THAT TIME

WE MARKETED OURSELVES
AS POPULAR TOYS.

AIN'T THAT RIGHT?
WE ARE VERY POPULAR.

NARF!

WE'RE ON CARS
ALL OVER THE PLACE.

YES, UNFORTUNATELY.

NOW THAT PLAN...

WAS A LOT OF FUN.
HA HA HA!

OH, OH, AND REMEMBER
WHEN WE TRAVELED IN TIME

BACK TO BETHLEHEM, AND--

ENOUGH! LET US FOCUS
ON THIS CHRISTMAS.

MY PLAN, PINKY,
IS TO GET

A NOODLE NOGGIN DOLL
INTO EVERY HOME
ON THE PLANET.

AND THEN,
ON CHRISTMAS DAY

WE BROADCAST
MY HYPNOTIC SUGGESTION

TO THE WORLD.

IMPERSONATE REGIS PHILBIN.

EGAD! CHAOS!

NO, PINKY, MY MESSAGE
OF WORLD DOMINATION--

I SHALL BE THEIR RULER.

OUR ONLY PROBLEM IS
THAT WE NEED ONE BILLION
NOODLE NOGGIN DOLLS.

TO MAKE ALL OF THEM OURSELVES
WOULD TAKE 137 YEARS.

OH, WELL,
WE'D BE PRETTY OLD
BY THEN, WOULDN'T WE?

YES, I BELIEVE
WE'D BE 139.

NO. THE ONLY WAY
TO MAKE THEM ALL

IS TO PAY
A HUGE WORK FORCE.

OH, OH, I KNOW, BRAIN.

WE CAN GET A HOLIDAY JOB
AS MALL SECURITY.

PLEASE, PINKY, I--

YES!

PINKY, THIS IS IT!
LOOK.

"ELVES WANTED
FOR HOLIDAY RUSH.
APPLY NORTH POLE."

PINKY, ARE YOU PONDERING
WHAT I'M PONDERING?

I THINK SO, BRAIN,
BUT APPLY NORTH POLE
TO WHAT?

THE ELVES, PINKY.

SANTA'S WORKSHOP
IS THE MOST PRODUCTIVE

MANUFACTURING FACILITY
IN THE WORLD.

APPLY NORTH POLE
TO THE ELVES?

PINKY, RIGHT NOW
YOUR BRAIN WAVES

ARE GIVING
THE AMAZING KRESKIN
A POUNDING HEADACHE.

WE'LL GET JOBS
AT THE NORTH POLE

AND HAVE
THE UNWITTING ELVES

MAKE OUR DOLLS FOR US.
AND THEN--OH, YES,

SANTA HIMSELF
WILL DISTRIBUTE OUR DOLL

TO EVERY HOUSE, HOVEL,
AND HUT IN THE LAND.

OH, BRAIN,
THIS IS WONDERFUL.

YES, PINKY,
THE VERGE OF WORLD
DOMINATION.

WELL, YES, THAT,
BUT, NOW I CAN DELIVER

MY LETTER TO SANTA
IN PERSON.

HOORAH!

♪ DECK THE HALLS
WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY ♪

PLEASE, PINKY,
DON'T BE SUCH A CHILD.

BECAUSE...WHY?

♪ FA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA ♪♪

COME, PINKY.
TO THE NORTH POLE
AND THEN THE WORLD.

NORTH POLE. RIGHT, BRAIN.

OH...

HELP ME, BRAIN.
THAT WOULD BE...

NORTH.

NORTH! RIGHT!

YES.

USUALLY DON'T GO
THIS FAR NORTH.

YOU SOME KIND
OF SCIENTIST?

DON'T TALK MUCH,
DO YOU?

YEAH, HAD A BOYFRIEND
LIKE YOU ONCE.

ALWAYS THINKING.

REAL QUIET.

TURNED OUT
HE WAS ACTUALLY
A PROPANE TANK,

WHICH EXPLAINED A LOT.

I MISS HIM.

PINKY, GIVE ME
A HAND WITH THIS.
IT'S FROZEN.

PINKY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OH, JUST WORKING
ON MY LETTER
TO SANTA, BRAIN.

PUT THAT
SILLY THING DOWN.

AS IF SANTA COULD
POSSIBLY READ ALL
THE LETTERS HE GETS.

OH, NO, BRAIN.

THE ELVES IN THE MAILROOM
READ THEM.

THEN THEY INPUT
THE INFORMATION
INTO BIG COMPUTERS.

OH, YES, OF COURSE.

THE SANTA COMPUTERS
THAT RUN ON CANDY CANES
AND POTPOURRI.

NOW PUT IT AWAY
AND HELP ME.

TAKE THE WHEEL.
I'M GOING TO GRAB
SOME COFFEE.

TAKE THE WHEEL?

HEY! I SAID
TAKE THE WHEEL!

YAH!

AAH!
AAH!

SHUT THE DOOR!
SHUT THE DOOR!

AAH!
AAH!

AAH!
AAH!

DUMMY.

WAAH!
WAAH!

COME ON, PINKY.
WE'VE GOT TO GET
OUT OF HERE.

JUMP!

NARF!

BRAIN, UM,
I WAS THINKING.

I DON'T THINK
I REALLY WANT
TO BE AN ELF.

REALLY? WHAT DO YOU
WANT TO BE?

A DENTIST.

YOU'VE SEEN TOO MANY
CHRISTMAS SPECIALS, PINKY.

[WOOF WOOF WOOF]

MUSH! MUSH!

OW!
SORRY.

AAH!
AAH!

THE ACTUAL
NORTH POLE, PINKY.

NOW WE MUST FIND
SANTA'S WORKSHOP.

EGAD, BRAIN. LOOK!

TIME FOR
OUR JOB INTERVIEW.

REMEMBER, WE MUST BE
CONVINCING AS ELVES.

HA HA! YOU LOOK
SMASHING, BRAIN.

NARF! SORT OF LIKE
A YOUNG SIGMUND FREUD.

WHY, THANK YOU, PINKY,

ALTHOUGH I CONSIDER
MYSELF JUNGIAN.

YEAH, YEAH.
NOW, YOU GOT ANY
SPECIAL SKILLS THERE?

I HAVE ADVANCED KNOWLEDGE
OF MECHANICAL DESIGN,

ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING,

PRODUCT DEVELOPMENT,
DRAFTSMANSHIP, ERGONOMICS.

GOOD, GOOD. YOU'LL START
IN THE MAILROOM.

ISN'T THIS GREAT, BRAIN?

ACTUALLY, PINKY,
THIS MAILROOM JOB
WILL WORK TO OUR ADVANTAGE.

TAKE THIS LETTER,
FOR EXAMPLE.

DANNY OREN.
A BIKE, A SCIENCE KIT,

AND...

NOODLE NOGGIN DOLL?

SCHOTZIE, WHAT IS THIS
NOODLE NOGGIN DOLL?

I DON'T RECALL THAT.

YEAH, WELL, MISTER, SEE,
WE'RE NOT REALLY SURE.

I GOT THOSE DUMB GUYS
DOWN THERE GOING CRAZY

LOOKING
FOR THE BLUEPRINTS.

WHATEVER IT IS,
WE'RE GOING TO NEED
A LOT OF THEM.

EVERY KID ON THIS
SPREADSHEET IS
ASKING FOR ONE.

I WANT YOU TO PULL
EVERYONE YOU'VE GOT

INTO THE FACTORY
AND GET CRANKING
ON THESE.

FIND THOSE BLUEPRINTS.

YO! I'M ON IT.

AND, SCHOTZIE...

WHAT'S WITH THAT GOATEE?
IS THAT STILL IN?

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
HEY, I'M AN ELF.

LOOK, BRAIN.

THE REINDEERS
ARE INVITING ELVES

TO JOIN THEM
FOR A PARTY
AT DONNER'S HOUSE.

HMM. SOMEHOW THE
IDEA OF JOINING
THE DONNER PARTY

IS UNAPPEALING.

I'M ALMOST THROUGH,
PINKY.

OOH, BRAIN.

WHAT IS THAT?
SOME SORT OF NEW
SECRET HAND SIGNAL?

NO, I THINK I'M
GETTING CARPAL
TUNNEL SYNDROME.

THERE.
NOW QUICKLY, PINKY.
WE MUST HURRY.

BUT, BRAIN,
THERE'S ONE MORE
LETTER--MINE.

PINKY, GROW UP.
THERE'S NO TIME.

WE'VE GOT TO SWITCH
THE BLUEPRINTS

AND GET NOODLE NOGGIN
INTO PRODUCTION.

NOW FOLLOW.

HA HA!

THERE, PINKY.

HEY, HEY, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING HERE?

THIS IS
A RESTRICTED AREA.

UH, BREAK TIME.
UNION RULES.

HEH! THAT'S FUNNY.

'CAUSE WE DON'T
HAVE A UNION.

REALLY? DO YOU
THINK THAT'S

IN THE BEST INTEREST
OF THE COMMON ELF?

I WANT YOU TWO
COME WITH ME.

LOOK!
A DECOY!

AAH!
AAH!

HEY! HEY!

HEY!

[SNAP]

EH, TEMPS.

GETAWAY VEHICLES.

OOH, BOMBIE'S GO-GO VAN.

I CAN'T START IT.
WHAT'S UNDER THE HOOD?

LIPSTICK.

AAH!

OOH! WOW!

LET'S ROLL.

COME ON, MAMA!

YES!

TURN, BRAIN! TURN!

I DON'T HAVE CONTROL.

WAAH!
YAAH!

AAH!
AAH!

YOU GUYS AREN'T
REAL ELVES, ARE YOU?

OF COURSE WE ARE.

WE'RE JUST...CANADIAN ELVES,
TRYING TO BLEND IN, EH?

UH-HUH. YEAH,
CANADIAN. WELL,
YOU FAILED.

WANT TO EXPLAIN
THESE FAKE EARS?

WELL, YOU PUT THEM HERE,

AND THEY MAKE YOUR EARS
ALL POINTY, SEE? NARF!

HEY, SCHOTZIE,
LOOK AT THIS.

HEY, HEY, HEY.

THESE ARE THE BLUEPRINTS
FOR THE NOODLE NOGGIN DOLLS

WHAT THAT WE'RE
LOOKING FOR!

A LITTLE INDUSTRIAL
ESPIONAGE, HUH?

WHO YOU
WORKING FOR?

THE EASTER BUNNY?
THE TOOTH FAIRY?

HERSCEL
THE HANUKKAH GOBLIN?

OH, NO. BRAIN DREW
THOSE PLANS HIMSELF.

WHY, HE--

GOSH DARN IT,
YOU CAUGHT ME.

SHUCKS.
NOW YOU'LL JUST HAVE
TO MAKE THOSE DOLLS.

YOU GOT IT,
BOOBY.

OK, GET THESE PLANS
ON THE FLOOR.

RETOOL. DOUBLE UP ON SPEED.
COME ON, COME ON, LET'S GO.

WE NEED ONE BILLION OF THESE
BEFORE SANTA LEAVES.

AND AS FOR YOU TWO...

UNGH!

Pinky: HA HA!
WE'RE GETTING AWAY!

FUN, FUN,
SILLY WILLY!

I NEED EVERYONE
ON THE LINE

FOR THESE
NOODLE NOGGIN DOLLS.

PINKY, DOWN THERE.

NOW TRY TO LOOK LIKE ME.

SCHOTZIE,
SANTA'S ABOUT TO LEAVE

AND HE CAN'T REMEMBER
THAT THING HE SAYS.

WHEW!

AAH!

[YAWNS]

YEOW!

[THWAK]

YEE-AAH!

WAAH!

UMPH!

PINKY, THEY'RE LEAVING.

SANTA'S SLEIGH
IS LOADED WITH OUR DOLLS.

LOOK, BRAIN.
SANTA'S COMING.

I CAN GIVE HIM
MY LETTER.

WILL YOU FORGET
THAT STUPID LETTER?

BRAIN, WHERE'S YOUR
CHRISTMAS SPIRIT?

STASHED AWAY
WITH MY BIGFOOT PHOTOS.

NOW, PLEASE, WE'VE GOT
IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!

All: MERRY CHRISTMAS.

ON, DASHER. ON, DANCER.
ON, PRANCER. ON, BLITZEN.

ON--

JUST ACT NATURAL,
PINKY.

RIGHT, BRAIN.

LA LA LA LA LA!

ZORT! HA HA!

NARF! POIT! EGAD!

PINKY,
NOT THAT NATURAL.

MOO!

PINKY, THE LAB.

NOW!

WAAH!
WAAH!

THIS PARTICULAR SCHEME
HAS A PHYSICALITY TO IT

THAT I DISLIKE IMMENSELY.

BRAIN, ISN'T THIS
YOUR HYPNOTIC
TRANSMITTER?

NO!

YES, IT IS.

QUICKLY, PINKY,
WE MUST REBUILD.

THERE'S NOT MUCH TIME.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, KIDS.

OOH!

FROHLICHE WEIHNACHTEN.

OH!

OOH!

PINKY, GET ME A PAPER CLIP
FROM THE BAG.

[GASPS]

BRAIN, MY LETTER
TO SANTA.

PINKY,
NOT THAT LETTER AGAIN.

A PAPER CLIP.

BUT, BRAIN,
MY LETTER TO SANTA.

IT'S STILL HERE.

I DON'T CARE ABOUT
YOUR STUPID LETTER.

BUT I DIDN'T GIVE IT
TO SANTA.

I FORGOT TO GIVE IT
TO SANTA CLAUS!

PINKY, WE'VE GOT TO GET
THIS THING WORKING.

AHH...

AHH...

HUH?

THERE.

NOW, PINKY,
MAN YOUR STATION
AT THE SWITCH.

BUT, BRAIN, I DID--

I DIDN'T GIVE--
GIVE HIM THE LETTER.

IT'S VER--VERY IMPORTANT.

GIVE ME THAT
STUPID LETTER!

NOW THROW THIS SWITCH
WHEN THE METER HITS RED.

"DEAR SANTA,
HELLO. HA HA. NARF.

"THIS YEAR, SANTA,
I ASK FOR NOTHING,

BUT I WISH TO TELL YOU
ABOUT MY DEAR FRIEND,
THE BRAIN."

"HE'S HONEST
AND VERY HARD-WORKING.

"HE ONLY WANTS
WHAT'S BEST FOR THE WORLD,

"BUT HE GETS NO REWARD.

"HE'S ONLY GREETED
WITH DEFEAT.

"HE NEVER GIVES UP,

"BUT I KNOW
IT MUST BE VERY HARD.

"SO, PLEASE, TAKE ANYTHING
THAT YOU HAVE FOR ME

"AND GIVE IT
TO MY BEST FRIEND
IN THE WHOLE WORLD,

THE BRAIN."

"LOVE, PINKY.

"P.S., BY ANY CHANCE
DO YOU HAVE

IN THAT BIG OLD BAG OF YOURS
THE WORLD?"

YOU'RE ON.

President:
HEY, LOOK AT THAT.

YOU'RE ON, BRAIN.

UH...

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
OF THE WORLD,

YOU WILL DO AS I SAY,

FOR I--I COMMAND YOU...

I COMMAND YOU TO...

HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS,
EVERYONE.

HAVE A MERRY,
MERRY CHRISTMAS.

JOY TO THE WORLD.

YES!

[SOBBING]

AAH!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

FROHLICHE WEIHNACHTEN.

[STRUGGLING]

DARN WINDOW.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, PINKY.

OH, BRAIN. FOR ME?

A SPELL CHECKER!

OH, THANK YOU,
BRAIN!

HERE, BRAIN.

THANK YOU, PINKY.

AND MERRY CHRISTMAS.

MERRY CHRISTMAS
TO YOU, BRAIN.

Pinky:
* JOY TO THE WORLD

♪ NARF NARF NARF NARF

Brain: IS THAT NECESSARY?

♪ HARK THE HERALD
ANGELS SING ♪

♪ THEY'RE DINKY ♪

♪ THEY'RE PINKY
AND THE BRAIN ♪

♪ BRAIN, BRAIN,
BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN ♪