Petticoat Junction (1963–1970): Season 3, Episode 6 - Bobbie Jo's Sorority - full transcript

An excited Bobbie Jo has been nominated for membership into Omicron Epsilon Pi, Hooterville High's only sorority. She is still concerned as she knows of many girls who were nominated but didn't pass the initiation. The head of the sorority, Henrietta Watson, who is still mad at Bobbie Jo for beating her in the spelling bee and as such doesn't want Bobbie Jo in the sorority, devises what she believes is an impossible initiation task for Bobbie Jo: get a date with the school's star athlete, Stonewall Jackson, who seems only interested in sports and not girls. Bobbie Jo thinks that Billie Jo and her seductive powers may be able to help, but Bobbie Jo asked the wrong sister as Stonewall is probably more interested in what Betty Jo can teach her. The Betty Jo School of Sports only has three days of operation before Bobbie Jo needs to get that date. Bobbie Jo thinks that she also has a way to get back at Henrietta for the difficult initiation task.

(train whistle blows)

♪ Come ride the little train ♪

♪ That is rollin' down the
tracks to the Junction ♪

(bell clanging)

♪ Forget about your cares ♪

♪ It is time to relax
at the Junction ♪

(whistle blows twice)

♪ Lots of curves, you bet ♪

♪ And even more when you get ♪

♪ To the Junction ♪

♪ Petticoat Junction ♪



(snare drum plays train rhythm)

♪ There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪

♪ Petticoat Junction ♪

♪ It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪

♪ Petticoat Junction ♪

♪ And that's Uncle Joe,
he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪

♪ At the Junction ♪

♪ Petticoat Junction! ♪

(train whistle blows)

(train whistle blows)

BOBBIE JO: Mom!

Mom! Uncle Joe! Uncle Joe!

What's the matter?
What's the matter?

- (barking) -Where's Mom?
I got something to tell her.



One at a time.

Shh. Where's Mom?

- She's in the lobby.
- Thanks.

Just a second.

What do you want?

One thing I can't
stand, it's a rude dog.

Mom? Mom?

Mom!

(barking)

What is it, Bobbie Jo?

Wait till you hear
what happened.

(barking continues)

Is your name Bobbie Jo?

Will you please be quiet?

I want to Mom the news.

- What news?
- Well...

Mom, have you seen
my baseball glove?

- Well, isn't it in your closet?
- No.

How about under the bed?

No, I looked under there.

Don't you want to hear my news?

Well, of course I do, dear.

What news?

Well, the most...

Mom, the potatoes
are all peeled.

Oh, good girl. Would you
put on some water to boil?

For crying out loud!

Oh, I'm sorry, darling.

What news?

- Well...
- JOE: Kate, Bobbie Jo...

- Oh, you found her.
- Yes.

Well, I just wanted
to make sure.

Bobbie Jo wants to
tell you something.

- Yes, she...
- What was it?

I haven't been
able to tell her yet.

Why not?

- Because...
- Go on, Bobbie Jo.

Well, I've been nominated

for Omicron Epsilon Pi.

I'll be out on the
porch if you need me.

I'll put the water on to boil.

Hey, I just remembered.

I left my glove in my lunchbox.

Fine family.

I came home with the
most important thing

that's ever happened to me,
and nobody wants to listen.

Well, honey, I want to listen.

And I think it's just wonderful

that you were
nominated to the...

uh, Harmion... Armon... Epson?

Whatever it is.

Omicron Epsilon Pi.

(chuckles) You know,

it's just wonderful
to be able to say it.

What is it?

It's Hooterville High's
most exclusive sorority.

Not only that,
it's the only one.

Oh, that's great.

One, two...

Of course I'm not really
a full-fledged member

until I take my initiation.

Well, they must want you

or they wouldn't
have nominated you.

Lots of girls have
been nominated,

but didn't pass the initiation.

Like last year.

Poor Eloise McElroy
had to wear a potato sack

to school on the very
day she had to recite

the "Ancient
Mariner" in assembly.

- Wasn't that awful?
- Yeah... oh.

I wonder what I'll have to do.

What are we going
to make Bobbie Jo do?

I still don't think she's
Omicron Epsilon Pi material.

Henrietta, you're just jealous
because Bobbie Jo beat you

in the spelling bee
contest last month.

That has nothing to do with it.

Girls, look.

There he is.

(sighs)

Hi, Stonewall.

- Hi, Stonewall.
- Hi, Henrietta.

Hi, Stonewall.

She's pathetic.

She sure is.

Stonewall isn't interested
in anything but athletics.

Well, he isn't gonna pay
any attention to Henrietta,

even if she is shaped
like a hockey stick.

I saw the game a week ago.

Saturday. Remember?

Yeah, I was in it.

- Did you get my note?
- What note?

The one I slipped
you in history class.

Which one is yours?

Um, it's the one
about Thursday night.

I thought you could
come over to my place

and we could listen
to some records.

Gee, I don't know.

My pesky brother won't be home.

He's going to that
basketball game

over at Crabwell Corners.

Hey, that's right.

You'll be over?!

Yeah, tell your brother
I'll pick him up at 7:30.

Are you going out with
him Saturday night?

I could if I wanted to.

Nobody's ever gotten
a date with Stonewall.

Let's get back to Bobbie Jo.

What about her initiation?

I know.

If she really wants to prove

that she's worthy
of our sorority,

let her get a date with
Stonewall Jackson.

Oh, but she wouldn't
have a chance.

Hi, girls.

Bobbie Jo...

Oh, hi, Bobbie Jo.

There's some fresh-made
ice cream in the freezer...

(sobs softly)

Bobbie Jo, what's wrong?

Everything.

No fever.

Stick out your tongue.

No, Mother, leave me alone.

You know what?

It must be that virus
that's been going round.

It's worse than the virus!

Well, next run of
the Cannonball,

I'm taking you into town

and let Doc Stuart
have a look at you.

It's no use, Mom.

This is beyond medical science!

Oh?

Who is he?

(groans)

Pixley boy?

Crabwell Corners?

Hooterville?

Hooterville! The
boy's from Hooterville.

Uh, tall boy?

Short boy?

Freckled boy?

Tall, short, freckled boy?

Don't tell me. Don't tell me.

Uh, Fenton Kincaid.

- Mother!
- Oh, of course not.

Fenton Kincaid's
only nine years old.

Um, could be... Walter Brubaker.

It's Stonewall Jackson.

And I have to get a
date with him. (sobbing)

Well, what's so hard about that?

Well, why do you think
they call him Stonewall?

No girl can get a date with him.

Want to bet?

Not even you.

Ah-ah-ah-ah.

I'll take half that bet.

I got a great deal of
confidence in your sister.

Well, even if she can,
what good would it do me?

I'll just tell him I'll go out
with him on one condition:

that he takes you out first.

I should have never
let you talk me into this.

Oh, don't make such
a federal case out of it.

After all, he's just a boy.

But you don't know Stonewall.

He's not interested
in the opposite sex.

Up till now, he hasn't met
any girl who's this opposite.

Point him out.

He's the one throwing
the football to Red Nelson.

Now pay attention.

That's just practice.

Now, I ask you, how
could a guy miss it?

It was right in his mitts.

Perhaps something
distracted his attention.

Well, he didn't see
anything I didn't see.

I don't think we've met.

I'm Billie Jo Bradley.

Billie Jo Bradley?

Oh, you've heard of me?

Yeah, your kid
sister plays shortstop

for the Hooterville Hawks.

You know, I was just thinking,

for the first time
in six months,

I've got a Saturday night open.

You have?

Come to think of it, so have I.

Well, you have a
Saturday night open,

and I have a
Saturday night open.

Yeah.

It would be a shame
to waste it, wouldn't it?

Oh, I'm not going to waste it.

I'll get Chunky McGurk
and play some handball.

My reflexes are
getting kind of slow.

Slow?

I've got news for
you, Mr. Jackson.

They're dead.

KATE: That you, girls?

Yes, Mom.

Now then, tell me all
about your brilliant conquest

of Stonewall Jackson.

You lost.

You mean that he didn't...

Mother, I don't
want to talk about it.

All right, dear, we
won't talk about it.

Uh, we're having pickled beets
with the fried chicken tonight.

And for dessert, we...
You know something?

That young man
must have been kicked

in the head at spring training.

Yes, and summer
and fall and winter.

He's impossible.

I've never been so humiliated.

I'd never even have
talked to that adolescent

if I weren't trying to help you.

Well, it was your idea.

I thought we weren't
gonna talk about it.

What aren't we gonna talk about?

We're not gonna talk
about Stonewall Jackson,

that's what we're
not gonna talk about.

Oh, well, why aren't gonna
talk about Stonewall Jackson?

Because he's impossible.

And besides, he's stupid.

He isn't stupid.

Once I was having
trouble snagging grounders,

then he came along
and in two minutes,

he showed me what
I was doing wrong.

And you know what
I was doing wrong?

I was too slow
getting my glove...

Betty Jo, please.

We're not interested
in your old grounders.

Betty Jo, you've
just hit a home run.

- I did?
- Of course.

And now I know why
you two struck out.

Huh?

You can get
anything out of a man

if you just use
the right approach.

- What do you mean?
- You got to speak his language.

But he's only
interested in sports,

and I don't know
anything about them.

Classes start
right after supper.

Don't be late.

You got it now, Bobbie Jo?

I think so.

Okay, now let's go through
the football lineup once again.

In the middle is the center.

On either side of him is,

uh, the right guard
and the left guard.

That's very good, Bobbie Jo.

Keep going.

Next is the-the right
tackle and the left tackle.

And right behind the center,

waiting for the
ball, is shortstop.

No, no.

Shortstop is baseball.

It's the quarterback.

Now, the mustard
here is the center.

The salt shaker
is the right guard.

Pepper is the left guard.

Right behind the
center is the quarterback.

Careful, Uncle Joe.

The quarterback's
diluting the gravy.

That ain't important.

Now, what position does
Stonewall Jackson play?

Uh, right touchdown.

No, no.

Left touchdown.

Bobbie, I guess I'm just gonna

have to keep you
in after school.

What record did
Stonewall break last year?

Pole vaulting.

What was the record?

14 feet, eight inches.

Good, good.

Now, in the baseball
playoff last season,

how many innings did he
pitch without giving up a hit?

Uh, seven.

You're doing fine.

Now, what record is
he going for this year?

Shot put.

No, I mean discus.

Right.

Do you know the difference
between a shot put and a discus?

Well, a shot put is like this.

Mm-hmm.

And, um, a discuss is like this.

No, that's not the way to do it.

It's like this.

First you spin to
get up momentum,

and then at the
proper moment, you...

Honestly.

You're supposed to
put the dishes back

in the cupboard by hand.

1922 to 1926.

Now, what famous sports
event is held in Poughkeepsie?

Yeah, yeah. What do
they do in Poughkeepsie?

Don't show us. Tell us.

Oh... Oh, don't
conk out on us now.

Please, I'm so tired.

It's the 1932 Olympics.

What sports event did
Bronislav Walichevsky switch to

after winning all the
weightlifting events?

Yeah, yeah. What sport did,
uh, what's-his-name shift to?

Come on, now. Quit stalling.

You know it, Bobbie Jo.

What sport?

Water polo.

Don't quit!

Now, it's Hooterville
and Pixley.

Third down, 30 yards to go,
and two minutes left to play.

Now, what did Stonewall
do to win the game?

Yeah, what did
Stonewall Jackson do?

He threw the
halfback out at first.

And let me get some sleep!

- Hi, Betty Jo.
- Hi.

Well, Bobbie Jo, I suppose

you've got your date all lined
up with Stonewall Jackson?

Well, I... Go ahead.

You just get my
sorority pin ready

and let me worry
about Stonewall.

Well, you haven't
much time left.

Deadline's less
than three days away.

Girls, I'm afraid we haven't
been fair to Bobbie Jo.

Why, it's asking a... a
sparrow to lure a peacock.

(girls laugh)

Well, of all the...
Boy, that Henrietta!

When they were handing
out mean disposition,

she came back for seconds.

The train's coming. You ready?

No, and I never will be.

I tell you, it's not
going to work.

Oh, of course it will.

Charley says that
Stonewall takes the 3:15

from the ice plant where
he works every Saturday.

And you'll be on the train

like you were going
into town to play tennis.

Sure. You two make
it sound so simple.

But right now, my
knees are shaking,

and I know I'm gonna
forget everything.

Oh, forget about your knees
and shake up your mind.

Ask her a question.

Uh, who won

the National Junior AAU
pole-vault championship in 1948?

Bob Smith, San Diego State.

His father Ralph won it in 1927,

and his Uncle Harry
took the title in 1925.

- Ah, see?
- You've got nothing to worry about.

Get going.

I can do it in front
of you and Mom,

but when I'm with Stonewall,
I'll turn to jelly inside.

(train whistle blows)

The train's in. Hurry!

Come on. Good luck.

I wish she had more confidence.

Let's face it, she just doesn't.

Well, Betty Jo, I
guess it's up to you.

I know.

- Plan A.
- Plan A.

You'll never get
no date this way.

Go down and sit by him.

Won't that be awfully obvious?

There are only two
of us on the train.

Me and Charley
made sure of that.

You should have heard
the hollering and fussing

when we put those
other passengers off

at Bleeker's Creek.

Now, get next to him.

♪♪

- How's she making out?
- She ain't.

She won't talk, and he acts like
he don't even know she's there.

Bobbie Jo's such a pretty girl.

Stonewall don't sound
like he's too brilliant

for a three-letter man.

Yeah, and I know
the three letters:

D-O-P, dope.

- Floyd, "Dope" has five letters.
- Five?

F-L-O-Y-D, dope.

Gee, that's spelled
the same as my name.

Never mind. Get out
there and do something.

We got to get 'em together.

Hey, Charley, speed her up.

Are you out of your head?

We're coming to
Dead Man's Curve.

I know that. Speed her up.

(metallic screeching)

Well, of all the people
to meet on the 3:15 train

coming from the
Pixley Ice Plant:

Stonewall Jackson.

Hi.

In 1948, Cleveland beat
Boston four to two in six games.

Uh-huh.

However, in 1949,

the Yankees beat
Brooklyn four to two in...

four to one in five games.

Mm-hmm.

"Talk about him"?

I was just thinking about
that sensational end run

you made in the
game against Pixley,

when you stiff-armed
Bruiser Brannigan

and raced 83 yards
for a touchdown,

bringing your season's
total up to 1,876 yards.

But after the Crabwell
Corners game,

you brought your
total up to 2,019.

You interested in football?

Oh, yes.

I'm interested in all sports.

I'm on my way to Hooterville
now to play a match with the girls.

Yesterday, I beat Mildred
Stevens three straight sets.

Oh? What was the score?

30-love.

I guess her putting was off.

I mean, her backhand was off.

I never played much tennis.

Well, with... how could you

with football,
baseball, basketball,

javelin throwing,
pole-vaulting, discus?

You know, you're
the first girl I've met

who's ever made any sense.

And so this mean
Henrietta Watson said

that if Bobbie Jo wanted
to get in the sorority,

she'd have to get a date
with Stonewall Jackson.

Which is practically impossible,

but I got one because
he's interested in sports,

and everybody taught
me all about sports.

(Betty Jo and Bobbie Jo
talking at the same time)

H-H-Hold it.

Hold it.

Could I have that again, please?

The whole thing?

No, just the last part.

(Betty Jo and Bobbie Jo
talking at the same time)

(Oliver whistles)

Lisa?

Yes, darling?

Would you come out here, please?

Yes. Oh, hello, girls.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Uh, they're trying to
ask me something,

but I can't quite
figure out what it is.

Well, what's the problem?

Well, Bobbie Jo
has a date with...

And she wants to borrow a dress.

Yes, ma'am.

How did you determine that?

Woman's talk.

Come along, girls, let's
see what we can find.

(laughs) Gosh,
are these all yours?

Yes, darling, and
take any one you want.

How about this one?

Oh, no, this is more for after
you are married to the man.

Oh, what kind
of a fellow is this?

Well, he's very athletic.

He likes sports and
football and baseball...

Well, I'm afraid I haven't
got anything to offer

for a football player, but...

oh, this will do for
any kind of man.

Are you sure it'll work?

This is the one I
caught Mr. Douglas with.

It was the green one.

Darling, you remembered.

Betty Jo, tell it to me again.

Oh, Mom, I've already
told it to you three times.

(barks)

You're right. Four times.

Just once more.

About the part where Bobbie
Jo and Stonewall get off the train

right in front of Sam's
store, and there's Henrietta

and the sorority girls, and...

Well, you... you go on.

And it couldn't have
worked out better,

because where do you suppose

Stonewall asked
Bobbie Jo for a date?

Right in front of
Henrietta Watson.

(laughs)

Get to the part about
the jelly doughnut.

Oh, Mom.

(sighs) Well, Henrietta was
eating this jelly doughnut,

and when Stonewall
asked Bobbie Jo for a date,

Henrietta almost died.

- And then...
- And then she squeezed

the doughnut so
hard she squirted jelly

(laughing): all over
Sandra's glasses.

Bobbie Jo certainly did
look lovely tonight, didn't she?

That was nice of Mrs.
Douglas to lend her that dress.

Sure was.

Oh, I just hope she and
Stonewall run into Henrietta

when they're on their way to...

Where did you say
they were going tonight?

They didn't.

Probably some
quiet, romantic spot

where they can be alone.

And he'll be whispering
sweet nothings into her ear.

No, no, Bobbie Jo.

You bring the shot
up to this position.

Now, let her fly.

Get down, boy.

I hope Bobbie Jo is
having a good time.

With a swell-looking
boy like Stonewall,

she must be walking on air.

All right, you can
come down now.

I wonder how they're doing.

Do you think Stonewall
will try to kiss her?

If he does, I hope she
remembers what Billie Jo taught her

and plays hard to get.

No, Stonewall.

Maybe next time.

Please.

Oh... all right.

(Stonewall mutters)

You just hold the ball
like that and let her go.

Right about now,
Stonewall and Bobbie Jo

should be sitting in the
Pixley ice cream parlor

having a double
chocolate banana colossus.

Yeah, and as they sit there
gazing into each other's eyes,

I'll bet athletics is the
furthest thing from their minds.

Mom, she's home.

Bobbie Jo? Oh, my goodness.

I didn't hear the Cannonball.

We didn't take the Cannonball.

You didn't?

When Stonewall Jackson
says he's going to run you home,

he runs you home.

And now, as secretary of
the membership committee,

I bestow this pin,
thereby inducting you,

Bobbie Jo Bradley,
into Omicron Epsilon Pi.

Thank you.

I had a speech
all ready, but I...

Oh, never mind the speech.

How was your date
with Stonewall Jackson?

- Tell us how it was.
- (Bobbie Jo chuckles)

Girls, you wouldn't believe it.

You going to go steady with him?

Well, since Henrietta
was responsible in a way

for my meeting Stonewall, I
thought the least I could do

was get her a date with him.

Oh, there she is.

Now, as soon as you heal
up, we'll go right back out there

and try that pole vault again.

♪ Petticoat Junction. ♪

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