Petticoat Junction (1963–1970): Season 3, Episode 29 - Kate Bradley, Peacemaker - full transcript
Because the cheap refrigerator that Uncle Joe bought for $9 isn't working, Kate sends him into Pixley to get some ice for the icebox. However, Floyd and Charley are having a feud over who ...
(train whistle blows)
♪ Come ride the little train ♪
♪ That is rollin' down the
tracks to the Junction ♪
(bell clanging)
♪ Forget about your cares ♪
♪ It is time to relax
at the Junction ♪
(whistle blows twice)
♪ Lots of curves, you bet ♪
♪ And even more when you get ♪
♪ To the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
(snare drum plays train rhythm)
♪ There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ And that's Uncle Joe,
he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪
♪ At the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction! ♪
(train whistle blows)
(whirring vibration)
(dog whines)
(growls)
I have had it.
That contraption has got to go.
Easy, girl.
Easy.
Steady now.
Uncle Joe!
What's the matter?
Must be an earthquake.
Here's your earthquake.
Get it out of here.
We've only had it
for a couple of days.
Let's give it a chance.
To wreck the hotel?
Already it cracked
a set of dishes,
shattered a window, and
knocked eight shingles off the...
- (refrigerator groans, stops)
- roof.
You see? It stopped.
Boy, what a bargain.
Kate, it only cost nine dollars.
And it's already done
$14 worth of damage.
- (whirring)
- Now, I want this monstrosity
out of here, and get me a
cake of ice for the old icebox.
Kate, you don't think modern.
What do you want an
outmoded old icebox for
when you can have
this fancy deluxe
all-electric type refrigerator?
(refrigerator groans, stops)
It isn't going to
work, Uncle Joe.
What isn't gonna work?
Your idea of
getting out of work.
Who-who lugs 200 pounds of
ice up from the train twice a week?
Floyd and Charley.
Somebody's got to hold
an umbrella over the ice
so that it won't melt.
Mom, look at this.
Honey, I don't have time
to discuss homework.
Since when did you
start taking Japanese?
I'm not.
I started writing in English,
and then this thing
started vibrating.
(whirring)
Mom, you've just
got to do something.
What's wrong with
learning to write Japanese?
Get this piece of
junk out of here
and get our nine dollars back.
If it's the shaking
that's bothering you,
all it'll take is a
simple little adjustment.
Think I got it, Kate.
(groans, crackles)
Go get the ice.
A new fuse would... Get the ice.
- Kate...
- The ice.
Kate... (whirring)
See, I told you.
(groans, stops)
- Go get the ice.
- The ice.
There.
I give you your big
chance and you blew it.
What do you mean?
Oh, you'll never
make an engineer.
You only give it 17 squirts.
Listen, Charley, I've been
watching you oil the Cannonball
for 30 years, and you
always give it 17 squirts.
Then you've been watching wrong.
I give it 19 squirts.
Give me that oil can.
All right, you two, break it up.
I got to get into
Pixley right away.
Aw, hold your horses.
We're settling a
railroad matter.
Well, settle it later.
I got to get some ice.
So, your nine-dollar
refrigerator conked out, huh?
It didn't conk. Kate
wants to fill an ice bag.
She's got a headache.
Yeah, from the
nine-dollar refrigerator.
All right, get
this train rolling.
As soon as we
settle our argument.
Yeah.
Now, as I was saying...
What was we arguing about?
I don't know.
I thought you was keeping track!
Joe, what was Floyd
and me arguing about?!
Listen, you overstuffed
throttle-bender,
if you don't get me into Pixley,
you won't have to wonder
what you're arguing about.
Listen here, Joe Carson.
You can't talk to
Charley that way.
Come on, Charley,
don't mind him.
Okay, Floyd.
Charley, what did
you do with my apple?
What apple?
The one I put right there.
I didn't take your old apple.
I put an apple
there, and it's gone.
And it couldn't
have walked away.
Are you calling me a liar?
I ain't calling you a liar.
Maybe your memory
is shot from old age.
There's nothing
wrong with my memory.
You made that
same false accusation
back on July 18, 1953.
I did not.
Yes, you did.
That's the day you accused
me of stealing your blueberry pie.
Hmm. It turned up
back in the coach
with Mrs. Gunderson
sitting on it.
That was July 23,
and it wasn't
blueberry; it was cherry.
And besides that, it was
sat on by Mrs. Norton.
That was your responsibility.
I just don't like anybody
messing up my train.
Your train? What do
you mean, your train?
Well, I'm the engineer.
Well, I'm the conductor.
And I'm the passenger.
You stay out of this!
I got to get Kate some ice.
This train don't
move until I say so.
What do you mean,
till you say so?
Says who?
- FLOYD: Says me.
- CHARLEY: Who says?
FLOYD: I says!
(Floyd and Charley shouting)
- CHARLEY: Says who? Who says?
- FLOYD: I says.
Darn refrigerator.
Couldn't have broken
one of my everyday pieces.
No.
Had to be one of my good ones.
Well...
a few more minutes,
this glue will hold...
(grunts) and it'll
be good as new.
Kate. Kate!
Uncle Joe, don't slam the...
(china shattering)
Well, there goes a
half hour's work ruined.
I thought you were
on your way to Pixley.
Well, I was.
Then I got on the
train, and then I wasn't.
Look, Uncle Joe, I am
in no mood for riddles.
Now, what's that all about?
Oh, Charley and Floyd.
They got into some kind
of a fathead argument
about who was boss.
Well, didn't you tell them
why you had to get to Pixley?
Yeah, but it didn't do no good.
They're steamed up like
two clams in a Turkish bath.
Well, maybe I can calm 'em down.
Well, they're all yours.
They're out on the front porch.
Oh.
(clears throat)
- Hi, Floyd.
- Hi, Kate.
- Hi, Charley.
- Hi, Kate.
Nice day, isn't it?
Must be a lot of people waiting
for a ride on the Cannonball,
and if Uncle Joe
doesn't get to Pixley,
my food's going to spoil.
Kate.
Yes, Charley?
Would you please ask
my pigheaded assistant
to go rock someplace else?
Now, Charley.
And you can tell that
potbellied rhinoceros
that this is a free country,
and I'll rock wherever
I darn please.
See? Rock, rock, rock.
Yeah, well, I'm rocking
right back at you, see?
Oh, you know...
Boys, this is ridiculous.
Look here. Y-You
grew up together,
you went to school together,
and you've been working together
for the past... Let's
see... 25 years.
Thirty.
Charley, when you were sick,
who brought you
that nice hot soup?
Floyd.
And, Floyd, when we had
that cold spell last winter,
who loaned you the
money for an overcoat?
Charley.
Now, come on, I want you
to stop acting like children
and get back on that train.
Well... Do you hear?
I want you to shake
hands and make up.
That's nice.
Now you're friends again.
Uncle Joe?
JOE: Yeah, Kate.
You can go fetch the ice now.
Charley and Floyd just made up.
Oh...
(laughter)
Well, I'm glad to see you
two clowns made it up.
Hey, Floyd, will you
come and help me
lug the ice up from the train?
Charley says you got more
brawn than brain anyway.
When did you say that?
Yesterday.
I ain't making up with nobody
that talks behind my back.
I ain't been talking
behind your back.
I didn't know he
was such a sorehead.
Oh, yeah, and I've been
putting up with this for 30 years!
Kate, you sure fixed things up.
Floyd and Charley
are still at it.
They're madder than ever.
I don't know what happened,
but I got a feeling you
said the wrong thing.
Huh.
Floyd, won't you ple...?
Charley, isn't there anyth...?
Betty Jo.
Yes, Ma?
Where are you going?
Well, I'm going
into Hooterville.
Andy Buckles gave me
his catcher's mitt to oil up,
and I have to get it back
to him in time for the game.
Oh, I see. Have a nice ride.
Oh, wait a minute, Betty Jo.
I think I have a more
important mission for you.
Whatever it is, Betty Jo...
it must be important.
Oh, it is.
The crew of the Cannonball
is having a mutiny
on the front porch.
Well, there must be more.
Soon as I catch my breath!
You see, Charley thinks he's
the boss of the Cannonball
'cause he's the engineer.
And Floyd thinks he's
the boss of the Cannonball
'cause he's the conductor.
Well, Mom had
everything settled,
and then Uncle Joe
stirred 'em all up again.
You see, he was
on his way for ice
when the refrigerator
conked out,
and, and then... Never mind.
I'll find out when I get there.
You go on, Mr. Douglas.
Mom's waiting for you
at the top of the hill.
(groans)
Boys, uh, you know Mr. Douglas.
Certainly. Mr. Pratt, Mr. Smoot.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Mr. Douglas is a lawyer.
Yeah, we know.
And we know why you
brought him here, Kate.
To settle our argument.
But we don't need
no outside help.
But, boys...
Kate, you shouldn't
have brought him here.
We don't need no New York lawyer
to tell us what to do.
No.
I'm sorry, Mr. Douglas.
No, no, no. No, wait, gentlemen.
I'm not here as a
New York lawyer.
I'm here as a member
of your community.
A new one, perhaps, but...
but one who deeply
appreciates the fact that your train
is the main artery
of Hooterville Valley.
Why, without your
experienced hands
guiding the controls
of the Cannonball,
the produce of the valley
wouldn't get to market.
Our children
wouldn't get to school.
The entire economy of the valley
would come to a grinding halt.
Gee.
- Never thought of it that way.
- Me neither.
Well, now, you're
both reasonable men.
There's a very simple
way of solving who's boss,
who's management, who's labor.
You simply split up the week.
Monday, Tuesday,
Wednesday, you're the boss.
Thursday, Friday,
Saturday, you're the boss.
And if anybody works
on Sunday, you alternate.
Today's Tuesday, ain't it?
That's right, Charley.
Well, that makes me management.
All right, Floyd, get your
hide on that Cannonball
and start to
stoking that boiler.
Well, Mr. Management, let
me wish you the best of luck
with your strike.
- What strike?
- Me.
Floyd.
What's the idea of the sign?
To show the people
what you really are.
Listen, you're
management and I'm labor,
and never our twain shall meet.
Stop following me.
Doggone it.
My darned shoelace is untied.
Hold this.
I don't want this stupid sign!
Girls! Girls?
Time for school!
But, Mom, haven't you
forgotten something?
We can't go to school.
Yeah. The good old
Cannonball isn't running.
But the good old handcar is.
- Oh, Mom.
- Oh, gee.
Come on. Into your
clothes and on your way.
(Betty Jo groans)
Kate, you can't do that... make
those girls pump that handcar
25 miles in to school
and 25 miles back.
You're absolutely right.
You can pump the handcar.
And while you're in town,
would you pick up some ice?
(barking)
Oh, I'd almost
forgot your breakfast.
Not only is our
food going to spoil,
but you are down
to your last biscuit.
- Well, thanks for the ride.
- Thanks, Uncle Joe.
Hey, give me a
hand here, will you?
Too puny, huh?
Instead of wasting
your time chasing cats,
you should have studied
to be a Saint Bernard.
(growls)
There ain't no sense
in giving, Sylvia.
There's no way to
get your milk to market
till this here
strike is settled.
You're wasting your time, Elroy.
Floyd and Charley
are still tiffing.
Well, no use letting
it all go to waste.
♪♪
♪♪
A rally to settle the strike.
That's a wonderful
idea, Uncle Joe.
I didn't know you
were so civic-minded.
Civic-minded, nothing.
Pumping that handcar
reactivated my lumbago.
Hey, I got these all over town.
Mm-hmm. You forgot one detail:
With the strike on, how are
the people gonna get out here?
(men laughing)
Ah, you're a good egg,
Charley, bringing me
that fresh pair of socks
when I was marching agin you.
Well, after all,
didn't you give me
your container of hot coffee
so's I wouldn't freeze while
I was watching you march?
- Yeah.
- (both laugh)
(laughter continues)
- Hi, Kate. Hi, Joe.
- Hi, Kate. Hi, Joe.
Hi. How wonderful!
- You boys made up!
- Yeah.
You guys got a lot
of nerve making up.
Me wasting all this
time painting the sign.
Read it out loud, Charley,
so I'll know what it says.
"Giant stop-the-strike rally.
"Shady Rest Hotel, 8:00 tonight.
Put Charley and
Floyd back to work!"
So, you got to him?
Got to who?
Joe. Everybody knows
that the conductor's name
comes before the engineer.
Boys... This is
Floyd the fireman,
not the conductor.
And everybody knows
that the engineer
comes before the fireman.
Oh, yeah?
Boys...
Well, I guess you put your
big paintbrush in it this time.
You and your rally.
I got to come up with something
before my back conks out.
This here arbitration
is officially open.
Now, the first order of business
is to get management and labor
to face each other,
or the arbitration ain't
going to get off the ground.
Now, the key issue in
this railroad strike is, uh...
Oh, uh, oh, uh, featherbedding.
Anybody got anything to say?
I have. What is featherbedding?
Yeah, what's featherbedding?
You're railroad men.
You ought to know what that is.
Well, how should I know?
We ain't got a Pullman
on the Cannonball.
Oh, well, that
clears that matter.
We're really making
progress, ain't we?
My function is to reconcile
the conflicting demands
between management and labor.
Now, uh, which one
of you is management?
- Me. I am management.
- I am, I am.
Which one of you is labor?
- Him.
- Him. He is.
Hold it. Hold it.
I got to look up one of
them, uh, what do you call it?
Oh, "proceedings for a
labor-management dispute
without labor."
Okay, that settles that.
Now, let's get to the
core of the matter.
Core... apple.
Did you get it?
Just a little joke to
relieve the tension.
It ain't no joke when a
pigheaded engineer is too cheap
to buy his own apple
and has to steal mine.
You've got so much
fat in your head,
nothing gets through to you.
I didn't steal your
old apple, see!
Please. Please, boys. You're
un-progressing progress.
- Hmm!
- Hmm!
Imagine me wasting my talents
on them two pigheaded mules.
- I'm telling you, Kate, they...
- (laughing): Oh, Uncle Joe,
your rally idea may
have been a flop,
but that getup is sheer genius.
Why, they'll take one
look at that, start laughing,
and get right back
on the Cannonball.
This is my arbitrating outfit.
- And they've already seen it.
- Oh.
I'm telling you, Kate, there's
just no way to get to 'em.
Uncle Joe, there is a
way to get to everybody.
(crickets chirping)
(whispering indistinctly)
What happened to "I am not"?
(whispering indistinctly)
Mighty nice of you to
invite me to supper, Kate.
Don't mention it.
Come on in, Floyd.
Supper will be ready
in a few minutes.
Well, if he's
eating, I ain't eating.
Well, if you're not
eating, he's not eating,
so you might as well
go back to your signs.
Wait a second, Kate, I don't
mind eating if he's eating
- 'cause I'm hungry.
- Good.
Sit right there.
Floyd, there.
- But, Kate...
- If you're not sitting,
you're not eating,
and he's not eating.
- Well, I'm sitting.
- Then you're eating.
Hey, that's my
seat you're sitting in.
- Kate told me to sit here.
- I don't care who told you.
I'm the manager of the
hotel, and that's my seat.
You may be the manager,
but Kate's the owner.
- And I'm the conductor.
- You keep out of this.
- Yeah!
- Don't tell me to keep out of this.
- I'll tell you anything I want to.
- Now...
(quietly): Nice going.
Uh, supper will be ready
in a few minutes, boys.
- What are you doing?
- It's not done enough.
Well, I say it is.
Look, I'm the oldest.
I've got seniority.
(sighs)
- How are we doing, Kate?
- Just fine.
Put the chicken over there.
Uh, just a minute, dear.
Let everything come to a halt!
It's time the people around
this hotel learned who is boss,
and that is final!
And in you go.
They're too lumpy.
No, they're not.
I'm the manager around here
no matter what anybody says.
Here's your dessert.
They haven't had supper.
But they're hungry.
Then don't give them apple pie.
An apple started
the whole thing.
- But they like apple pie.
- No, they don't.
- Yes, they do.
- Don't argue. I'm your mother.
It's the age-old battle
between management and labor.
What does that mean?
It means we're sitting
but we ain't eating.
Floyd, you reckon they're
trying to tell us something?
Yeah. That the
chicken ain't done
and the potatoes are lumpy
and we don't like apple pie.
No, it's management
and labor. It's us.
It is?
- What have we been arguing about?
- I don't know.
- Well, what are we arguing for?
- I don't know.
Well, why don't we stop?
CHARLEY: Kate!
- Yes?
- We're friends again.
- We sure are.
- Well, fine.
Girls, bring in the lumpy
potatoes, the underdone chicken,
and what's left
of the apple pie.
- Hey. (laughs)
- Here you are, boys.
- Now we're sitting.
- And eating.
- Yeah.
- (girls laugh)
(indistinct chatter)
♪ Petticoat Junction. ♪
This has been a
Filmways Presentation.
♪ Come ride the little train ♪
♪ That is rollin' down the
tracks to the Junction ♪
(bell clanging)
♪ Forget about your cares ♪
♪ It is time to relax
at the Junction ♪
(whistle blows twice)
♪ Lots of curves, you bet ♪
♪ And even more when you get ♪
♪ To the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
(snare drum plays train rhythm)
♪ There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ And that's Uncle Joe,
he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪
♪ At the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction! ♪
(train whistle blows)
(whirring vibration)
(dog whines)
(growls)
I have had it.
That contraption has got to go.
Easy, girl.
Easy.
Steady now.
Uncle Joe!
What's the matter?
Must be an earthquake.
Here's your earthquake.
Get it out of here.
We've only had it
for a couple of days.
Let's give it a chance.
To wreck the hotel?
Already it cracked
a set of dishes,
shattered a window, and
knocked eight shingles off the...
- (refrigerator groans, stops)
- roof.
You see? It stopped.
Boy, what a bargain.
Kate, it only cost nine dollars.
And it's already done
$14 worth of damage.
- (whirring)
- Now, I want this monstrosity
out of here, and get me a
cake of ice for the old icebox.
Kate, you don't think modern.
What do you want an
outmoded old icebox for
when you can have
this fancy deluxe
all-electric type refrigerator?
(refrigerator groans, stops)
It isn't going to
work, Uncle Joe.
What isn't gonna work?
Your idea of
getting out of work.
Who-who lugs 200 pounds of
ice up from the train twice a week?
Floyd and Charley.
Somebody's got to hold
an umbrella over the ice
so that it won't melt.
Mom, look at this.
Honey, I don't have time
to discuss homework.
Since when did you
start taking Japanese?
I'm not.
I started writing in English,
and then this thing
started vibrating.
(whirring)
Mom, you've just
got to do something.
What's wrong with
learning to write Japanese?
Get this piece of
junk out of here
and get our nine dollars back.
If it's the shaking
that's bothering you,
all it'll take is a
simple little adjustment.
Think I got it, Kate.
(groans, crackles)
Go get the ice.
A new fuse would... Get the ice.
- Kate...
- The ice.
Kate... (whirring)
See, I told you.
(groans, stops)
- Go get the ice.
- The ice.
There.
I give you your big
chance and you blew it.
What do you mean?
Oh, you'll never
make an engineer.
You only give it 17 squirts.
Listen, Charley, I've been
watching you oil the Cannonball
for 30 years, and you
always give it 17 squirts.
Then you've been watching wrong.
I give it 19 squirts.
Give me that oil can.
All right, you two, break it up.
I got to get into
Pixley right away.
Aw, hold your horses.
We're settling a
railroad matter.
Well, settle it later.
I got to get some ice.
So, your nine-dollar
refrigerator conked out, huh?
It didn't conk. Kate
wants to fill an ice bag.
She's got a headache.
Yeah, from the
nine-dollar refrigerator.
All right, get
this train rolling.
As soon as we
settle our argument.
Yeah.
Now, as I was saying...
What was we arguing about?
I don't know.
I thought you was keeping track!
Joe, what was Floyd
and me arguing about?!
Listen, you overstuffed
throttle-bender,
if you don't get me into Pixley,
you won't have to wonder
what you're arguing about.
Listen here, Joe Carson.
You can't talk to
Charley that way.
Come on, Charley,
don't mind him.
Okay, Floyd.
Charley, what did
you do with my apple?
What apple?
The one I put right there.
I didn't take your old apple.
I put an apple
there, and it's gone.
And it couldn't
have walked away.
Are you calling me a liar?
I ain't calling you a liar.
Maybe your memory
is shot from old age.
There's nothing
wrong with my memory.
You made that
same false accusation
back on July 18, 1953.
I did not.
Yes, you did.
That's the day you accused
me of stealing your blueberry pie.
Hmm. It turned up
back in the coach
with Mrs. Gunderson
sitting on it.
That was July 23,
and it wasn't
blueberry; it was cherry.
And besides that, it was
sat on by Mrs. Norton.
That was your responsibility.
I just don't like anybody
messing up my train.
Your train? What do
you mean, your train?
Well, I'm the engineer.
Well, I'm the conductor.
And I'm the passenger.
You stay out of this!
I got to get Kate some ice.
This train don't
move until I say so.
What do you mean,
till you say so?
Says who?
- FLOYD: Says me.
- CHARLEY: Who says?
FLOYD: I says!
(Floyd and Charley shouting)
- CHARLEY: Says who? Who says?
- FLOYD: I says.
Darn refrigerator.
Couldn't have broken
one of my everyday pieces.
No.
Had to be one of my good ones.
Well...
a few more minutes,
this glue will hold...
(grunts) and it'll
be good as new.
Kate. Kate!
Uncle Joe, don't slam the...
(china shattering)
Well, there goes a
half hour's work ruined.
I thought you were
on your way to Pixley.
Well, I was.
Then I got on the
train, and then I wasn't.
Look, Uncle Joe, I am
in no mood for riddles.
Now, what's that all about?
Oh, Charley and Floyd.
They got into some kind
of a fathead argument
about who was boss.
Well, didn't you tell them
why you had to get to Pixley?
Yeah, but it didn't do no good.
They're steamed up like
two clams in a Turkish bath.
Well, maybe I can calm 'em down.
Well, they're all yours.
They're out on the front porch.
Oh.
(clears throat)
- Hi, Floyd.
- Hi, Kate.
- Hi, Charley.
- Hi, Kate.
Nice day, isn't it?
Must be a lot of people waiting
for a ride on the Cannonball,
and if Uncle Joe
doesn't get to Pixley,
my food's going to spoil.
Kate.
Yes, Charley?
Would you please ask
my pigheaded assistant
to go rock someplace else?
Now, Charley.
And you can tell that
potbellied rhinoceros
that this is a free country,
and I'll rock wherever
I darn please.
See? Rock, rock, rock.
Yeah, well, I'm rocking
right back at you, see?
Oh, you know...
Boys, this is ridiculous.
Look here. Y-You
grew up together,
you went to school together,
and you've been working together
for the past... Let's
see... 25 years.
Thirty.
Charley, when you were sick,
who brought you
that nice hot soup?
Floyd.
And, Floyd, when we had
that cold spell last winter,
who loaned you the
money for an overcoat?
Charley.
Now, come on, I want you
to stop acting like children
and get back on that train.
Well... Do you hear?
I want you to shake
hands and make up.
That's nice.
Now you're friends again.
Uncle Joe?
JOE: Yeah, Kate.
You can go fetch the ice now.
Charley and Floyd just made up.
Oh...
(laughter)
Well, I'm glad to see you
two clowns made it up.
Hey, Floyd, will you
come and help me
lug the ice up from the train?
Charley says you got more
brawn than brain anyway.
When did you say that?
Yesterday.
I ain't making up with nobody
that talks behind my back.
I ain't been talking
behind your back.
I didn't know he
was such a sorehead.
Oh, yeah, and I've been
putting up with this for 30 years!
Kate, you sure fixed things up.
Floyd and Charley
are still at it.
They're madder than ever.
I don't know what happened,
but I got a feeling you
said the wrong thing.
Huh.
Floyd, won't you ple...?
Charley, isn't there anyth...?
Betty Jo.
Yes, Ma?
Where are you going?
Well, I'm going
into Hooterville.
Andy Buckles gave me
his catcher's mitt to oil up,
and I have to get it back
to him in time for the game.
Oh, I see. Have a nice ride.
Oh, wait a minute, Betty Jo.
I think I have a more
important mission for you.
Whatever it is, Betty Jo...
it must be important.
Oh, it is.
The crew of the Cannonball
is having a mutiny
on the front porch.
Well, there must be more.
Soon as I catch my breath!
You see, Charley thinks he's
the boss of the Cannonball
'cause he's the engineer.
And Floyd thinks he's
the boss of the Cannonball
'cause he's the conductor.
Well, Mom had
everything settled,
and then Uncle Joe
stirred 'em all up again.
You see, he was
on his way for ice
when the refrigerator
conked out,
and, and then... Never mind.
I'll find out when I get there.
You go on, Mr. Douglas.
Mom's waiting for you
at the top of the hill.
(groans)
Boys, uh, you know Mr. Douglas.
Certainly. Mr. Pratt, Mr. Smoot.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Mr. Douglas is a lawyer.
Yeah, we know.
And we know why you
brought him here, Kate.
To settle our argument.
But we don't need
no outside help.
But, boys...
Kate, you shouldn't
have brought him here.
We don't need no New York lawyer
to tell us what to do.
No.
I'm sorry, Mr. Douglas.
No, no, no. No, wait, gentlemen.
I'm not here as a
New York lawyer.
I'm here as a member
of your community.
A new one, perhaps, but...
but one who deeply
appreciates the fact that your train
is the main artery
of Hooterville Valley.
Why, without your
experienced hands
guiding the controls
of the Cannonball,
the produce of the valley
wouldn't get to market.
Our children
wouldn't get to school.
The entire economy of the valley
would come to a grinding halt.
Gee.
- Never thought of it that way.
- Me neither.
Well, now, you're
both reasonable men.
There's a very simple
way of solving who's boss,
who's management, who's labor.
You simply split up the week.
Monday, Tuesday,
Wednesday, you're the boss.
Thursday, Friday,
Saturday, you're the boss.
And if anybody works
on Sunday, you alternate.
Today's Tuesday, ain't it?
That's right, Charley.
Well, that makes me management.
All right, Floyd, get your
hide on that Cannonball
and start to
stoking that boiler.
Well, Mr. Management, let
me wish you the best of luck
with your strike.
- What strike?
- Me.
Floyd.
What's the idea of the sign?
To show the people
what you really are.
Listen, you're
management and I'm labor,
and never our twain shall meet.
Stop following me.
Doggone it.
My darned shoelace is untied.
Hold this.
I don't want this stupid sign!
Girls! Girls?
Time for school!
But, Mom, haven't you
forgotten something?
We can't go to school.
Yeah. The good old
Cannonball isn't running.
But the good old handcar is.
- Oh, Mom.
- Oh, gee.
Come on. Into your
clothes and on your way.
(Betty Jo groans)
Kate, you can't do that... make
those girls pump that handcar
25 miles in to school
and 25 miles back.
You're absolutely right.
You can pump the handcar.
And while you're in town,
would you pick up some ice?
(barking)
Oh, I'd almost
forgot your breakfast.
Not only is our
food going to spoil,
but you are down
to your last biscuit.
- Well, thanks for the ride.
- Thanks, Uncle Joe.
Hey, give me a
hand here, will you?
Too puny, huh?
Instead of wasting
your time chasing cats,
you should have studied
to be a Saint Bernard.
(growls)
There ain't no sense
in giving, Sylvia.
There's no way to
get your milk to market
till this here
strike is settled.
You're wasting your time, Elroy.
Floyd and Charley
are still tiffing.
Well, no use letting
it all go to waste.
♪♪
♪♪
A rally to settle the strike.
That's a wonderful
idea, Uncle Joe.
I didn't know you
were so civic-minded.
Civic-minded, nothing.
Pumping that handcar
reactivated my lumbago.
Hey, I got these all over town.
Mm-hmm. You forgot one detail:
With the strike on, how are
the people gonna get out here?
(men laughing)
Ah, you're a good egg,
Charley, bringing me
that fresh pair of socks
when I was marching agin you.
Well, after all,
didn't you give me
your container of hot coffee
so's I wouldn't freeze while
I was watching you march?
- Yeah.
- (both laugh)
(laughter continues)
- Hi, Kate. Hi, Joe.
- Hi, Kate. Hi, Joe.
Hi. How wonderful!
- You boys made up!
- Yeah.
You guys got a lot
of nerve making up.
Me wasting all this
time painting the sign.
Read it out loud, Charley,
so I'll know what it says.
"Giant stop-the-strike rally.
"Shady Rest Hotel, 8:00 tonight.
Put Charley and
Floyd back to work!"
So, you got to him?
Got to who?
Joe. Everybody knows
that the conductor's name
comes before the engineer.
Boys... This is
Floyd the fireman,
not the conductor.
And everybody knows
that the engineer
comes before the fireman.
Oh, yeah?
Boys...
Well, I guess you put your
big paintbrush in it this time.
You and your rally.
I got to come up with something
before my back conks out.
This here arbitration
is officially open.
Now, the first order of business
is to get management and labor
to face each other,
or the arbitration ain't
going to get off the ground.
Now, the key issue in
this railroad strike is, uh...
Oh, uh, oh, uh, featherbedding.
Anybody got anything to say?
I have. What is featherbedding?
Yeah, what's featherbedding?
You're railroad men.
You ought to know what that is.
Well, how should I know?
We ain't got a Pullman
on the Cannonball.
Oh, well, that
clears that matter.
We're really making
progress, ain't we?
My function is to reconcile
the conflicting demands
between management and labor.
Now, uh, which one
of you is management?
- Me. I am management.
- I am, I am.
Which one of you is labor?
- Him.
- Him. He is.
Hold it. Hold it.
I got to look up one of
them, uh, what do you call it?
Oh, "proceedings for a
labor-management dispute
without labor."
Okay, that settles that.
Now, let's get to the
core of the matter.
Core... apple.
Did you get it?
Just a little joke to
relieve the tension.
It ain't no joke when a
pigheaded engineer is too cheap
to buy his own apple
and has to steal mine.
You've got so much
fat in your head,
nothing gets through to you.
I didn't steal your
old apple, see!
Please. Please, boys. You're
un-progressing progress.
- Hmm!
- Hmm!
Imagine me wasting my talents
on them two pigheaded mules.
- I'm telling you, Kate, they...
- (laughing): Oh, Uncle Joe,
your rally idea may
have been a flop,
but that getup is sheer genius.
Why, they'll take one
look at that, start laughing,
and get right back
on the Cannonball.
This is my arbitrating outfit.
- And they've already seen it.
- Oh.
I'm telling you, Kate, there's
just no way to get to 'em.
Uncle Joe, there is a
way to get to everybody.
(crickets chirping)
(whispering indistinctly)
What happened to "I am not"?
(whispering indistinctly)
Mighty nice of you to
invite me to supper, Kate.
Don't mention it.
Come on in, Floyd.
Supper will be ready
in a few minutes.
Well, if he's
eating, I ain't eating.
Well, if you're not
eating, he's not eating,
so you might as well
go back to your signs.
Wait a second, Kate, I don't
mind eating if he's eating
- 'cause I'm hungry.
- Good.
Sit right there.
Floyd, there.
- But, Kate...
- If you're not sitting,
you're not eating,
and he's not eating.
- Well, I'm sitting.
- Then you're eating.
Hey, that's my
seat you're sitting in.
- Kate told me to sit here.
- I don't care who told you.
I'm the manager of the
hotel, and that's my seat.
You may be the manager,
but Kate's the owner.
- And I'm the conductor.
- You keep out of this.
- Yeah!
- Don't tell me to keep out of this.
- I'll tell you anything I want to.
- Now...
(quietly): Nice going.
Uh, supper will be ready
in a few minutes, boys.
- What are you doing?
- It's not done enough.
Well, I say it is.
Look, I'm the oldest.
I've got seniority.
(sighs)
- How are we doing, Kate?
- Just fine.
Put the chicken over there.
Uh, just a minute, dear.
Let everything come to a halt!
It's time the people around
this hotel learned who is boss,
and that is final!
And in you go.
They're too lumpy.
No, they're not.
I'm the manager around here
no matter what anybody says.
Here's your dessert.
They haven't had supper.
But they're hungry.
Then don't give them apple pie.
An apple started
the whole thing.
- But they like apple pie.
- No, they don't.
- Yes, they do.
- Don't argue. I'm your mother.
It's the age-old battle
between management and labor.
What does that mean?
It means we're sitting
but we ain't eating.
Floyd, you reckon they're
trying to tell us something?
Yeah. That the
chicken ain't done
and the potatoes are lumpy
and we don't like apple pie.
No, it's management
and labor. It's us.
It is?
- What have we been arguing about?
- I don't know.
- Well, what are we arguing for?
- I don't know.
Well, why don't we stop?
CHARLEY: Kate!
- Yes?
- We're friends again.
- We sure are.
- Well, fine.
Girls, bring in the lumpy
potatoes, the underdone chicken,
and what's left
of the apple pie.
- Hey. (laughs)
- Here you are, boys.
- Now we're sitting.
- And eating.
- Yeah.
- (girls laugh)
(indistinct chatter)
♪ Petticoat Junction. ♪
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