Petticoat Junction (1963–1970): Season 3, Episode 17 - Betty Jo Catches the Bouquet - full transcript

(train whistle blows)

♪ Come ride the little train ♪

♪ That is rollin' down the
tracks to the Junction ♪

(bell clanging)

♪ Forget about your cares ♪

♪ It is time to relax
at the Junction ♪

(whistle blows twice)

♪ Lots of curves, you bet ♪

♪ And even more when you get ♪

♪ To the Junction ♪

♪ Petticoat Junction ♪



(snare drum plays train rhythm)

♪ There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪

♪ Petticoat Junction ♪

♪ It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪

♪ Petticoat Junction ♪

♪ And that's Uncle Joe,
he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪

♪ At the Junction ♪

♪ Petticoat Junction! ♪

(train whistle blows)

Just think, Uncle Joe,
Gladys is the fifth girlfriend

of Billie Jo's to get
married this year.

Yeah, there's been
a plague of weddings.

Oh, my, these "orr
devores" are delicious.

Now, let's see, I'd like some of
these, and, uh, some of those...



Hold it, Newcomb.

Ain't this the third
time you've been back?

Why, no. It's only the second.

Let's see your plate.

There you are, three X's.

That's three times.

Uncle Joe, the X's were
from the last wedding.

You're using
checkmarks for this one.

Who washed these dishes?

You did.

Don't try to erase
those marks yourself.

- I got you spotted.
- (Newcomb huffs)

Uncle Joe...

You know, people at
weddings are all alike.

They try to get
back in free food

what they laid out in presents.

We have to use some system

to keep the hotel
from going broke.

(Kate humming)

Weddings. Yuck!

Mom, I need a refill.

Huh! They're eating 'em
faster than we can make 'em.

Uncle Joe needs a crayon.

Is he marking plates?

Mom, isn't Gladys
Knockelheimer a dream?

I'll say she is.

She's even a prettier bride
than Susie Murdoch was.

And she was even more
gorgeous than Florene Cook.

And Florene is even more
stunning than Norma Jean Clump.

Oh, brother.

If Gladys
Knockelheimer's so pretty,

how come, when she graduated,

they refused to put her
picture in the school yearbook?

All brides are beautiful
on their wedding day.

Now, also, her
guests are hungry.

So, would you mind
taking those trays in?

Well, see you later.

Where do you think you're going?

Well, I have a ballgame
over in Thompson's pasture.

You're not leaving until
the bride and groom leave.

Aw, Mom, they're just
going on their honeymoon.

I've got something
important to do.

You are going in there
and paying attention,

so you'll know what to
do on your wedding day.

Mom, you're so funny.

(mocking laugh)

Gladys, Gladys, let's go.

GLADYS: Oh, just
a minute, Bernie.

I've got something
important to do.

Are you ready, girls?

- (women clamoring)
- Spread out, spread out.

Okay, here we go.

(women screaming)

- Betty Jo, you're next!
- No!

You're next!

Next?!

You caught the bouquet.

You're next to get married.

Married?!

Billie Jo!

She's upstairs
taking a bath, Floyd.

Oh, I couldn't go up there.

Eh, no.

What did you want
to see her about?

She got a postcard from
Gladys Knockelheimer...

I mean, Mrs. Bernie McKenzie.

Oh, fine.

She says, quote...

"This is our hotel
in Beaver Falls.

"The arrow on the other
side points to our room.

"We are having...

having..." having something.

Floyd, where's the card?

Now I remember.

"We are having a wonderful time,

and guess who is staying
right across the hall?"

Who?

I don't know.

That's when Gladys'
card blew out of the cab.

Well, I'll see

that Billie Jo gets the message.

- Thanks, Kate.
- Sure.

Oh, I forgot something.

What?

Unquote.

You about finished, Betty Jo?

Yes, ma'am.

There's an awful good bill

at the Pixley Bijou Saturday.

How about you
and me taking it in?

That'd be nice.

(laughs gently) You missed one.

This one and
there's another one.

Yeah, it's, um,
it's a triple feature.

I think you'll like it.

It's, uh, The Blob
Goes Surfing at Waikiki,

uh, plus, uh, The
Robot Martian A-Go-Go.

Uh... You got
something on your mind?

Mom, when I get married
will I have to give up my room?

Well, usually, it's...
The-the bride go...

What brought that on?

I caught the bouquet!

Well, just because
you caught the bouquet

doesn't mean you
have to get married.

It isn't a law.

It's a custom.

What about Gladys Knockelheimer?

She caught Susie
Murdoch's bouquet.

Well, that was a coincidence...

And Susie caught
Florene Cook's bouquet.

And Florene, a
month before that,

caught Daphne Fay
Cadwaller's bouquet,

right here in this hotel.

Well, I know, but
that doesn't mean...

you see, it's just coincidence.

What happened six weeks
before you married Dad?

What happened, Mom?

I caught the bouquet.

I'm doomed.

Is she doomed
or is she just trying

to get me to finish the dishes?

For 16 years, we've
been happy together.

(sighs)

Now it's all over.

And why?

Why?

Because you had to
catch that stupid bouquet.

(dog barking)

Pretty soon, a perfect stranger
will come through that door

and take me away from my home

and my sisters, my
uncle, my mother and...

and my best friend.

Why did it have to be me?

Why not Billie Jo or-or-or
Bobbie Jo or the others?

They were right around
the bride, just asking for it.

And I was clear across the room.

Why did Gladys Knockelheimer

have to have such a good arm?

When I go away
with whoever it is,

whenever I go and wherever I go,

remember... we'll
always be friends.

(clears throat)

Um, would you tell your friend

that there's some
ice cream and cookies

on the table downstairs,
in the dining room?

Mom, how can you talk about food

when I'm facing a crisis?

Betty Jo, what's
the matter with you?

You're usually so sensible.

Mom, this is marriage.

That's nothing to
be sensible about.

But, I think you...

I think it's time you and I had

a frank
mother-and-daughter talk.

Yes, it's just about time.

And young man, you
better leave the room.

Out.

Now, Betty Jo,

in the first place,
you're only 16 years old.

In the second place, you're
still going to high school.

And in the third place, I don't
think you're even interested

in any particular young man.

- Are you?
- No.

Well?

Oh, Mom, what's marriage like?

Well, it's when two people meet

and they're attracted
to one another

- and they fall in love.
- And?

And that's all there is to it.

What do you mean,
that's all there is to it?

Well, then they get married.

And that's all?

There's a little
more to it than that.

Like what?

Well, like-like...
I-I... you-you...

if you, if you don't eat that
ice cream, I'm gonna melt.

I mean, the cookies
are gonna melt.

I mean... (laughs)

Come on.

Keep going.

I finished my homework.

Well, good.

(sighs) Sure is a nice night.

It's lovely.

It's a keen night
to hunt bullfrogs.

Yeah.

Mom?

How do you pick a husband?

Uh, w-wouldn't you
rather talk about bullfrogs?

Mom, husbands are more
important than bullfrogs.

Aren't they?

Oh, indeed, yes.

Well, then?

(clears throat)

Um... what's the question?

How do you pick a husband?

You don't pick a husband.

He picks you.

Oh.

After you've picked him.

Of course, you don't let
him know you've picked him.

Oh.

It isn't easy to explain.

You see, you watch a man,

and you look for
his good qualities.

(sighs) Then I better
cross off Doug Keefer.

Well, he's got a
terrible batting average.

That isn't quite what I meant.

Well, what do you mean?

Well, you see, you have to
have a good basis for marriage.

A common interest.

Oh, well, that makes it easy.

I'll marry Arthur Baker.

Who's Arthur Baker?

I've told you about him.

He's second baseman
on the Hawks.

And since I'm shortstop,

we'll make a great
double-play combination.

(groans)

Betty Jo?

I'm not getting through to you.

You talk about marriage
like it was the World Series.

There's more to it than that.

Well, that's what
I'm trying to find out.

Well, it's-it's two people
finding each other,

loving each other and
being happy together.

Marriage is the most
wonderful thing in the world.

Well, if it's so wonderful,

how come Uncle Joe
and Charley and Floyd

and Mr. Drucker
never got married?

Well, they just...

never met the right woman.

Oh.

(laughs)

Mom...?

Yes?

How will they know if
they find the right woman?

Oh, they'll know.

It may be too late,
(laughs): but they'll know.

Hey, Myrtle, did
you get the answer

to the fifth problem
in today's algebra?

- Hey, Larry, did you ge...?
- No.

Hey, Betty Jo, I got
a question to ask you.

Well, you can just save
your breath, Doug Keefer.

With your batting average,
I wouldn't marry you

if you were the
last man on Earth.

Nice tag, Betty Jo.

Thanks! That was a good throw.

Will you marry me?

Sure. Hey, I bet you
don't get this one.

(laughs) Say hey!

- When?
- When what?

When will you marry me?

Are you kidding?

No.

I can't get married yet.

I still got that paper route.

Oh.

Well, in that case,

I guess I'll have to
ask somebody else.

I'll have you know my Albert
is too young to get married!

Much too young, do you hear?

Y-y... I agree with you.

Your-your Albert's only 16.

And your Betty Jo is
too young to get married.

You're right.
You're absolutely...

Won't-won't you sit down?

Well, then, if you
agree with me,

how come you let Betty
Jo ask Albert to marry her?

She didn't!

She most certainly did.

Well, to... (laughs, stammers)

I don't think this is a
laughing matter, Kate Bradley.

Well, I just don't understand

Betty Jo doing
a thing like that.

Your Albert must
have misunderstood.

Kate Bradley!

Oh, Wilma Blodgett.

How nice to see you.

My son Kenneth is
going to be a doctor

in spite of anything
that you can do.

I-I'm not trying to stop
him from being a doctor.

Oh, no?

How is Kenneth
going to medical school

if he has to support
your daughter?

Support my daughter?

- Yes.
- Kate Bradley?

- Uh-huh?
- I want to talk to you.

Mrs. Hennessy, your
Stanley's going to have to wait,

because her Albert and her
Kenneth are ahead of him.

Answer me, young lady!

Did you ask Albert
Jessop, Kenneth Blodgett

and Stanley
Hennessy to marry you?

Well, sure I did.

And they said they'd let me know

after they checked
with their mothers.

Well, they checked with
their mothers, all right.

I had a most interesting
afternoon, I can tell you.

Betty Jo, you can't
go around willy-nilly

asking boys to marry you.

But Mom, I was just
following your advice.

What advice?

Well, trying to narrow it down

to boys I have something
in common with.

What you have in common
with somebody today,

you won't have
five years from now.

Why not?

I'll feel the same way
in five years as I do now.

(sighs)

Teenagers.

And Cape Kennedy thinks they
have complicated equipment.

I really enjoyed that.

- I know; I did too.
- It was so much fun.

Mom, you shouldn't
have waited up.

I was reading.

Why, you don't think
I'm one of those mothers

who waits up to find out
everything their daughters did?

Now, sit down, tell your
mother what you did.

Nothing exciting
happened on my date.

Henry Brewster proposed again.

Tenth time.

The 12th.

He just never quits.

Oh, he's a nice boy.

I hope you turned him
down without turning him off.

And, uh, how was your evening?

Fine.

This was only our second date,

and Fred wants to go steady.

I'd like to, but I'm already
going steady with Marvin.

Well, why don't you
go steady with Fred

on Tuesdays and Saturdays,

and with Marvin on
Wednesdays and Fridays?

Now I know what to get
you girls for Christmas:

a computer to keep
track of your beaus.

Well, come on,
time to get to bed.

Come on.

(sniffs)

(knocking on door)

Come on in, the
door's not locked.

(knocking continues)

Hmm. Mighty strange.

My land!

Girls!

Girls, come quick!

Oh, I wonder what it is?

Gee, what's that, Mom?

Well, it's a package
for one of you.

Well, who's it for?

It's addressed to Miss
Bradley, Shady Rest Hotel.

Seems like flowers.

That Henry Brewster.

He never gives up!

Henry never gives. Period.

I bet it's from Fred.

Well, there's one
way of finding out.

"To the most
attractive, beautiful,

intelligent, smart, adorable..."

"enchanting girl in Hooterville:

Betty Jo Bradley"?

Betty Jo Bradley?

Honey... these are yours.

Mine?

Oh, gee.

Well, who are they from?

It's signed,
"Worshipper from Afar."

Jeepers.

Betty Jo has a secret admirer.

♪♪

Hey, Kate.

Well, that was
a fast fishing trip.

Did you catch anything?

I sure did.

Another present for Betty Jo.

Oh...

(inhales) Say, that's nice.

New, isn't it?

Our kid sister loaned it to me.

It's another present from
her unknown admirer.

The whole school's
trying to guess who he is.

Probably some immature child.

Child?

No child would
pick out a perfume

with a name like "Ruff."

Girls, I need your help.

Should I wear a
scarf I got on Tuesday

with the necklace
I got on Thursday?

Or should I wear Monday's
necklace with Friday's scarf?

Wow, is she in orbit.

You'd better prepare
yourself for reentry.

Your mystery admirer hasn't
sent you a present in three days.

He will.

For me?

Oh... When will it ever stop?

No, thank you.

I'm on a diet.

- (dog growls)
- Oh, I'm sorry.

Pick which one you like.

Well, if you girls
change your mind,

it'll be right here.

Come on, boy.

Well, Uncle Joe, where is he?

Where's who?

The secret admirer.

You can forget about him.

He won't show up
with me on guard.

But Uncle Joe...

To get past me, he'd
have to be invisible.

Uncle Joe, have a chocolate.

Ooh.

Mmm, those are delicious.

Thanks, Bobbie Jo.

Don't thank me.

Thank the Invisible Man.

He just left it for Betty Jo.

That's impossible.

These are long-range binoculars.

He must have
sneaked in up close.

Don't worry, girls.

I'll find out who it is if
it's the last thing I do.

Joe, will you let up?

I've told you 27 times,

I don't know who Betty
Jo's secret admirer is.

Okay, okay, never mind.

I'll work it out by deduction.

Anybody buy a green
scarf here lately?

Uh, yeah.

About four days ago, Otis
Lembecker bought one.

He had it gift-wrapped.

That's our man.

Where can I find him?

He and his wife
are out at that new

senior citizen's development
near Crabwell Corners.

He ain't our man.

All right, who bought
a rock and roll album:

Music to Let Your
Hair Grow Long By?

Um... oh, a couple of days
ago, Fitch Stutley bought one.

Well, that's our man.

He ain't much of a man.
He's only nine years old.

What about a necklace?

Necklace?

What size?

About this big.

Purplish-blue rhinestones
about as big as marbles.

With little red beads
in between 'em?

Yeah, yeah, that's it.

And an imitation gold clasp?

Yeah! Yeah, who bought it?

Nobody bought it. I don't
carry that kind of junk.

Fine lot of help you are.

I might have known
no secret admirer

would buy his presents here.

He's trying to start a
romance, not break one off.

Nice-looking
package you got there.

Thank you.

Might make a
present for some girl.

Uh... I don't think so, sir.

Ah, shy type.

Bet I can guess what's in it.

It ain't a scarf,
ain't a necklace,

or a box of candy,

or another bouquet of flowers?

Nope.

Kind of a surprise present, huh?

I guess you could call it that.

Aha!

Full speed ahead
to the Shady Rest!

We got our man!

Nineteen dollars.

"IOU $1.98.

"IOU $2.49.

IOU $2.50, IOU $1.65."

What in the world would they...

- (dog barks)
- BETTY JO: Come in.

Hi.

What's he barking at?

Oh, he hears a possum
out there in the woods.

- (barking) -Oh, he doesn't
miss much, does he?

(laughs) He's a
real good watchdog.

Yeah.

Funny he, uh...

he never barks at your
mysterious secret admirer.

You know, your secret
admirer must be pretty rich.

Well, yes, I guess so.

I mean, uh, is he?

Well, what do you figure
these gifts set him back?

I don't know... $10 or $12?

Eight dollars and
seventy-five cents.

What?

Oh.

I didn't expect you
to find those so soon.

I was going to pay you
back out of my allowance.

So you are your
own secret admirer.

Yes.

Honey, why would you do...

Billy Jo and Bobbie Jo
have dates all the time.

And everybody I
know is getting married,

and nobody wants to marry me.

And I didn't want
everybody to think

that my mom was
raising an old maid.

Well, if that's what's
worrying you, forget it!

If all the old maids
looked like you,

there wouldn't be a
bachelor left in the country.

Honey... (laughs)

JOE: Kate! Girls! I got him!

Come here quick!

KATE: What's that?

Oh, no, you don't.

You might as well confess.

Here's the one's been
causing all the uproar.

Betty Jo, here's
your secret admirer.

Uncle Joe...

I caught him red-handed
with the next gift.

That's a present for
my grandfather in Pixley.

Fine present for a grandfather.

Cigars.

Here, Betty Jo, here's...

Cigars... Gee, I'm sorry, kid.

I'm not.

Neither am I.

Uncle Joe, you get
back on that train.

You got two more nieces to go.

(laughing)

(sighs happily)

♪ Petticoat Junction. ♪

This has been a
Filmways Presentation.