Petticoat Junction (1963–1970): Season 2, Episode 26 - The Black Box - full transcript

The Shady Rest is in danger and does not know it. A special government camera falls from a plane and lands on the Shady Rest. The camera includes an exploding device which can be activated by remote control.

There's plenty of
intrigue at the Shady Rest

when an Air Force
plane drops a top-secret,

self-destructing camera
right at our humble hotel.

Wow. Sounds more
like Mission: Impossible

than Petticoat
Junction, doesn't it?

The great character
actor Fred Clark

is featured as General Loomis.

Clark appeared in everything
from Sunset Boulevard

to Dr. Goldfoot and
the Bikini Machine.

He also played the recurring
role of Dr. Roy Clyburn

on our sister show...
The Beverly Hillbillies.



From April 6, 1965,

let's find out just what's
inside "The Black Box."

(train whistle blows)

♪ Come ride the little train ♪

♪ That is rollin' down the
tracks to the Junction ♪

(bell clanging)

♪ Forget about your cares ♪

♪ It is time to relax
at the Junction ♪

(whistle blows twice)

♪ Lots of curves, you bet ♪

♪ And even more when you get ♪

♪ To the Junction ♪

♪ Petticoat Junction ♪

(snare drum plays train rhythm)



♪ There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪

♪ Petticoat Junction ♪

♪ It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪

♪ Petticoat Junction ♪

♪ And that's Uncle Joe,
he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪

♪ At the Junction ♪

♪ Petticoat Junction! ♪

(train whistle blows)

(jet engines roaring)

Here's your mop, Kate.

Mm.

(sonic boom)

Cut that out!

You'd think that air
force would know

we've got a 25-mile-an-hour
speed limit in Hooterville.

Uh, is there anything
else you can think of

you need for spring
cleaning, Kate?

No, I-I don't think so, Sam.

It's, uh... Where's the dog?

Here, boy.

(dog barking)

Must have jumped
in the pickle barrel.

It's a good thing I
forgot to order pickles.

(laughing)

(sniffing)

Say, he has a nice
dill smell about him.

You're gonna need
spring cleaning, too.

Sam, would you mind

putting these things
in a bag for me?

I got to get back
to the hotel. Sure.

Joe know you're
starting spring cleaning?

Yeah, I broke the news
to him this morning.

I guess he headed for the hills.

No, I persuaded him
to stay around and help.

Let me out, let me out!

I'm sorry, Mom
gave me strict orders.

I just want to get out

so I can get the
spring cleaning started.

Well, why don't you
start in your room?

I'd rather start downstairs.

Let me out!

JOE: Let me out!

Sounds like Uncle
Joe is going stir-crazy.

Give me that key!

He'd better not be around
when Kate springs me.

Little beauty, isn't it?

Yes, sir.

Doesn't look much like a camera.

No, sir.

Well, it may not look like one,

but let me tell you
something, son.

This little baby is
capable of photographing

a name on a golf
ball from 20 miles up.

Yes, sir.

Uh, you realize that
the success of this test

depends upon your maintaining
a constant altitude and speed.

Roger.

Uh, one small detail has
been added to this camera

since your earlier briefing.

In the interest of security,

a detonating device
which is timed

to destroy the camera 12 hours

after it's been disconnected

or removed from the plane.

So, let's be a little
careful with it, shall we?

That will be all.

Wilco.

Uh, Colonel...

think you'd better stop watching

all those old movies on late TV.

Carry on.

Colonel.

Betty Jo...

you get mopping
and swabbing detail.

Billie Jo... dusting
and sweeping.

And Uncle Joe...

airing out the bedding
and the blankets.

I've got to write a
composition for English class.

Oh, I've got just
the title for you.

"How I Tried to
Get Out of Mopping

and Swabbing Detail But
Didn't" by Betty Jo Bradley.

Now, this hotel has
got to be cleaned

from cellar to attic.

And nobody's doing
anything else until it's done.

Your ma is right... you
ought to be ashamed

trying to get out... (groaning)

Ain't that just the luck.

Just as I was getting
ready to go to work,

I come down with
a case of lumbago.

Hit you just about the
same time last year, didn't it?

Zero hour.

Kate, you wouldn't believe

how I was looking
forward to pitching in.

I can hardly bend.

Feel all right when
you stand up straight?

Yeah. Oh, good.

Then you can stand up straight

and clean the windows.

Oh, Kate.

(engines roaring)

(sonic boom)

Boy, he's really traveling.

Gosh, we live in the jet age.

You'd think they'd invent

some easy way to
do spring cleaning.

Yeah, like a little magic box

that you set in the
middle of a room

and it dusts and
sweeps and scrubs.

Yeah.

Shall we try a little

old-fashioned elbow
grease while we're waiting

for somebody to drop one of
those magic boxes in our laps?

Whoops.

(beeping)

(oscillating tone)

Never saw such a
family for collecting things.

Now, you take those
outside, and you lose them.

Uncle Joe.

Hi, Kate.

I've been over an
hour on this window.

You've worn your
finger to the bone.

It ain't mine.

He framed me.

What are you doing?

Oh, Mom told me to carry them

down to the train so Charley
and Floyd could take them

into Hooterville for
the rummage sale.

But I ain't finished
reading them yet.

The Literary Digest?

They went out of
business in 1938.

Oh, we'll never get
this place cleaned out

if nobody wants to
throw anything out.

What have you got there?

Old hats.

Those are my good hats.

Take them back.

If you don't throw
away your hats,

I don't see why I have to
throw away my magazines.

Well, all right.

You keep your magazines,
and I'll keep my hats.

But that's all.

There'll be no more saving.

From now on,
everything goes out.

Except that.

Well, Mom, you'll
never use this again.

This is when you
had an 18-inch waist.

You never know.

I might diet down
to that size again.

More chance of Literary
Digest coming back.

You lost the camera?

Yes, sir.

Where? I'm not sure.

You see, I hit this turbulence,

and I was so busy
fighting the controls that I...

Show me!

I'm sure it must have
happened east of the Rockies.

Well, at least we know
it's not in Disneyland.

East of the Rockies.

Well, then all we
have to worry about

is this 2,000-mile
hunk of real estate.

We'll find it, sir.

It shouldn't take more
than two or three days.

Two or three days?

Are you forgetting
that little device

that's set to explode

12 hours after the camera is
disconnected from the plane?

No, sir.

Major Millbank...
No, Colonel, sir.

Major Millbank.

We have less than ten hours

to locate that box
and deactivate it.

I only hope that
no one else finds it.

It's a miniature bomb.

Oh.

What's that?

I don't know. I just
found it over there.

Well, put it here with
the rest of the junk

for Charley and Floyd.

Oh, it might be valuable.

Valuable? What is it?

Could be one of them doohickeys.

What doohickeys? Electric kind.

It's got wires on it.

Get rid of it.

And get rid of all of this.

Where did you lose the camera?

These figures are just
off the computer, sir.

Figuring air speed,
drift and, uh...

Where did you lose the camera?

We've narrowed it down to
less than a thousand miles, sir.

"A thousand miles"?

Took us three
years to develop it.

Now, it's going to take
us five years to find it.

Captain Millbank.

Uh, pardon me, sir.

Major Millbank.

Captain Millbank.

You go back to
that computer room

and tell them to put
on more computers

or whatever else they need.

We've got to find that
camera before it explodes!

KATE: Uncle Joe!

Uncle Joe, look what I
found under the desk.

Oh, yeah, Kate. I was
going to throw that away.

Oh. May I?

Your serve.

(beeping)

(oscillating tone)

500 miles?

Captain Millbank, that's as big

as the state of Rhode Island.

Oh, but sir...
Lieutenant Millbank,

we have exactly five hours left.

Now, you find me that box.

Yes, sir.

Ain't gonna throw this away.

But Mom told us to clean

everything out of the attic.

You know what that is?

That's a radio.

Oh, you're putting us on.

What are all those knobs for?

That's for tuning it in.

In the old days, they
didn't pamper the audience.

If you wanted to listen
to Myrt and Marge,

you had to work for it.

You mean that thing still works?

Plug that in.

I'll show you how
to get distance.

(static crackling)

(oscillating tone)

I think we're getting something.

Yes, the Dust Bowl.

Uncle Joe... Shh! I can't hear.

Did I hear you
correctly, Lieutenant?

"Hooterville"?

That's where the
computer said it landed, sir.

Hooterville?

Since when have we been
using a funny computer?

Well, I could have the
figures checked, sir...

There's no time!

This is General Loomis.

Get me a radio
station in Hooterville

or any city nearby.

Hooterville!

Of course it's in
the United States!

Contact the landing field

and have a jet
warming up for us.

Yes, sir. (grunts)

What? WKPKW Pixley?

Well, put them on.

Yes, this is an emergency.

I want you to put a bulletin
on the air right away.

Program of organ music
from whose car wash?

(gentle music plays)

It works!

Ever hear a tone like that?

Never.

(over radio): Neighbors, we
got an important announcement

for you from Washington.

Immediate following,

we'll get back to our
program of organ music

coming to you direct
from Hendrick's Car Wash

in the heart of downtown Pixley.

Here's the announcement.

They want us...
(radio clicks off)

They was just going to make
an important announcement

from Washington.

I've got an important
announcement

from Hooterville.

Nobody's going to get any supper

until we finish
cleaning the hotel.

Is that clear?

Yes, ma'am.

(switch clicks)

Control Tower to Air Force 721.

Lieutenant Millbank, what
is your ETA... Hooterville?

Come in, Lieutenant Millbank.

MILLBANK: Sergeant Millbank.

Is this Air Force 721?

LOOMIS: Yes, and
this is General Loomis.

Yes, sir.

Uh, would you mind putting
Sergeant Millbank on?

I thought I told you
to get rid of this?

I did.

Well, how'd it get
in the cupboard?

He must've drug it in.

Well, you "drug" it out.

(barking)

No, you can't keep it.

We've got another load
to take down to the train.

Anything in here
you want us to take?

Yeah, take this.

I thought we already
threw that away.

We did, several times.

Hey, Charley, look.

The Lighterary Disgust.

Literary Digest.

I thought they went
out of business.

They did. These are old copies.

Of what?

The Lighterary Disgust.

This is the last load, fellas.

What is this?

Oh, we found it near the tracks.

Does it belong to the train?

Let me take a look.

There's nothing
like that on the train.

Of course there
ain't if it fell off.

Well, throw it in.

Well, back to the mop and broom.

Let's get going, Floyd.

(sonic boom)

There's another one of
them "ma-sonic" booms.

(mutters): Ma-son...
Get out of here.

You didn't hear the announcement

on the Pixley radio station?

No, I don't listen
to them anymore

since they stopped
broadcasting Myrt and Marge.

It's a black box about this big.

It's got two wires
attached to it.

You say it fell
out of your plane

and landed somewhere
around Hooterville?

That's right.

Ooh, that could cost you
ten dollars or ten days.

We got a litter
law in Hooterville.

I impress upon you
how important this is.

That box is dangerous!

It's going to blow up.

What's going to blow up?

Well, stay out of this, Floyd.

This is official
government business.

This is General Loomis.

No fooling?

What country you with?

At the present,
the United States.

If I don't find this
box within one hour,

I don't know who
I'll be working for!

Have you fellas seen a black box

about this big with
two wires attached to it?

No, the box we found
was about this big.

You mean, you know where it is?

Yeah, it's on the train
with The Lighterary Disgust.

Let's go!

It's not there, sir.

That's funny.

I tossed it on myself.

Hey, maybe you
tossed it too hard,

and it went out
through the other door.

Where did you load this train?

The Shady Rest. Where's that?

25 miles that way.

How fast can you get us there?

Well, once upon a time,
we made her in 68 minutes.

Can you make it any faster?

He had to stretch the
truth to make it in 68.

Look, that thing's

going to blow up
in less than an hour.

Instead of talking,
let's get going.

He's a good man, General.

Ever think of making
him an officer?

Move out!

How, uh, how fast are you going?

My lunch box vibrating?

Yes. 45 miles an hour.

Don't you have some
kind of an instrument

to tell you how
fast you're going?

Got a speedometer. Where is it?

My lunch box.

It's busted and we
don't want to lose it.

Floyd, what's your
steam pressure?

Oh, somewhere between a hundred

and a hundred and ninety two.

Hey, what does
that red zone mean?

Jump.

You fly one of them jet planes?

(screeching, clattering)

Oh! Ooh!

Must be pretty dangerous.

Well, that's the last room.

And I must say, you
all did a good job.

Can I take my nap now?

After we inspect the downstairs.

Come on.

Let's get it over with.

Let's take a look
at the kitchen.

We only got 35 more minutes.

We gonna make it?

If we stay on the track.

How fast are you going now?

Take a look at my lunch pail.

Is it leaking coffee?

Yes. Then we're doing 55.

We're never going to make it.

Floyd, what's the pressure now?

Oh, it's reaching the part

where there ain't no numbers.

Have you got a safety valve?

That's in my lunch box.

Charley, you'd better whistle
down a couple of pounds.

(whistle blows)

(brakes squealing)

All right, now where
do you think it fell off?

Let's see, I was
standing right over there...

Well, let's go look for it.

We've only got 15 minutes.

It's as clean as
I've ever seen it.

Then are we through?

Until next spring cleaning.

Now can I take my nap?

Oh, go right ahead.

But keep your
feet off the couch.

Am I dead?

Me, too.

Well, it ain't here.

Well, where do
you suppose it is?

Could be somebody found
it and took it up to the hotel.

You fellas keep on looking.
Come along, Sergeant. Yes, sir.

Ah, you don't know
what a relief it is

to have everything
neat and clean.

Madam, have you
seen a black box?

I beg your pardon?

Who are you?

General Loomis, the
United states Air Force.

Oh, well, I-I'm Kate Bradley,

and that's my uncle, Joe Carson.

And these are my daughters,

Billie Jo, Betty... Have
you seen a black box

with two wires attached to it?

It fell off of
Corporal Millbank's

plane somewhere around here.

Corporal?

What is it?

It's a new aerial camera.

Don't say anything, Kate.

They may be spies.

If you know where
that box is, tell me.

There is a detonating
device attached to it.

It is set to go off in
exactly 12 minutes.

We don't have it anymore.

We gave it to Charley and Floyd.

They said they might've
lost it down by the tracks,

but we can't take any chances.

Could anybody have
brought it back here?

No, I... Wait a minute.

Here, boy! Here, boy!

He might've dragged it back.

Yeah, he took a liking to it.

He don't have the same taste

as regular dogs.

Where would he put it?

Well... Well, now,
come on, think!

This whole place may go up.

We just cleaned it!

Where does he hide things?

Under the porch sometimes.

Corporal! Under the porch.

Yes, sir.

Where else?

The kitchen cupboard.

I thought I told you...

Look, is it in there? No.

We have to find out

if he brought that
box into this hotel.

Well, ask him.

He's very smart.

Ask him? Hmm.

Now, look, son.

Do you know where the box is?

B-O-X.

Box?

(barking)

See?

That ain't no box.

That's a book.

Stupid dog.

You wouldn't want
him in the Air Force.

He can't even spell.

It's not under the porch, sir.

And Charley and Floyd
couldn't find it down by the tracks.

Phew. Eight minutes.

Well, we just have
to search this hotel

from top to bottom.

Oh, any luck? Ain't in my room.

Oh! Ooh! Ooh!

Not that way!

Could've waited till tomorrow
to do my spring cleaning.

It's not upstairs!

A minute and a half!

We'll have to evacuate the hotel

before it goes up. Oh, but we...

Everybody out! Sure.

Uncle Joe!

I can't let him die.

(cries out in pain)

General, if the little box

is in the hotel and
it goes off, will...?

I'm sorry, madam.

45 seconds.

Where's the dog?

Oh, my goodness!

Here, boy! Here, boy!

Hey, you can't go
in there! But the dog!

Look!

General.

Well, go get it.

Me?

You. Colonel.

Colonel?

Yes, sir.

Here you are, sir. No!

D-D-Disarm it!

I don't know how, sir.

Me, neither. (stammering)

Well.

Well, madam, the United
States Air... Force...

I don't want him to get
too attached to the general.

He might drag him into
the kitchen cupboard.

♪ Petticoat Junction. ♪

This has been a
Filmways Presentation.