Petticoat Junction (1963–1970): Season 2, Episode 14 - The Curse of Chester W. Farnsworth - full transcript

Is there a ghost haunting the Shady Rest? Uncle Joe thinks there is a ghost from a guest 50 years ago.

In the hotel business,

you always want to have
guests return again and again,

but ideally, not
after they've died.

Uncle Joe is convinced that
the Shady Rest is haunted

and playing host
to a repeat customer

who checked out a long time
ago in this very unusual episode.

From January 12, 1965,

here is "The Curse of
Chester W. Farnsworth."

(train whistle blows)

♪ Come ride the little train ♪

♪ That is rollin' down the
tracks to the Junction ♪



(bell clanging)

♪ Forget about your cares ♪

♪ It is time to relax
at the Junction ♪

(whistle blows twice)

♪ Lots of curves, you bet ♪

♪ And even more when you get ♪

♪ To the Junction ♪

♪ Petticoat Junction ♪

(snare drum plays train rhythm)

♪ There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪

♪ Petticoat Junction ♪

♪ It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪

♪ Petticoat Junction ♪

♪ And that's Uncle Joe,
he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪



♪ At the Junction ♪

♪ Petticoat Junction! ♪

(train whistle blows)

(thunder crashes)

(wind blowing)

One second later and
you'd have been in here

and your tail would have
been wagging outside.

Hold it.

Don't you hide
that in the kitchen.

You just put it down
somewhere till later.

(thunder crashes)

What's the matter?
What's the matter?

(muttering indistinctly)

There's a storm coming up.

You better latch the, uh,
door of the chicken coop.

Chicken coop?

And next time,

finish your supper at the table.

I thought we had
fish for dinner.

(thunder crashing)

Girls!

We're finishing the dishes, Mom!

(thunder crashes)

You can do them later.

Betty, you go on upstairs
and close the windows

and tell Mr. Richardson
to close his.

Yes, ma'am.

And Billie, Bobbie,

see that the porch
swing is covered

and that the rockers
are protected, huh?

Then everybody report
back to the lobby for pot detail.

There's always been another leak

around here somewhere.

Ah!

I thought so.

(whining)

Next time, ask somebody.

Hello. Hello.

Oh, your room all
right, Mr. Richardson?

Fine. Good.

Just thought I'd sit down
here in the lobby for a while,

read my magazine.

Oh, don't sit there,
Mr. Richardson. Oh!

No. Couch is comfortable.

(laughing) Thank you.

(thunder crashes, wind howling)

Well, that's quite a storm.

It's real Chester
Farnsworth weather.

Chester Farnsworth weather?

Yeah, you see, he...

Um, I don't think
that Mr. Richardson

would be interested
in that story, Uncle Joe.

Would you, Mr. Richardson?

Uh, no, I don't think I'd
be interested, Mr. Carson.

How do you know when
you ain't even heard the story?

He-He came down here
to read his magazine.

Huh.

You won't read no stories in
that magazine half as exciting

as the curse of
Chester Farnsworth.

(thunder crashes)

The curse of Chester Farnsworth?

All right, you got him hooked.

Tell him the story.

Well, you see...

It's just a lot of plain
foolishness. You see...

I don't even know why
you're taking his time.

Kate, are you going to let
me tell this story or ain't you?

Well, I guess I won't
be able to stop you.

(whispering): What's the matter?

Uncle Joe's going to tell
the Chester Farnsworth story.

It's about that
time of year again.

It was just about
this time of year,

over 50 years ago,

on just such a night as this,

with the lightning
a-lightnin'...

(thunder crashes)

the thunder was a-thunderin'.

You're sure getting
sensational cooperation.

The rain was a-pouri"
and upstairs in room four,

the very same room you're in...

A dapper young drummer,

who was the greatest
towel snatcher of his time,

was packing his satchel.

(thunder crashing)

The Cincinnati Inn.

And in mint condition.

Clyde City YMCA.

Beautiful!

Martha Washington House.

(laughing)

And they said it
couldn't be done.

Now, one more towel
to add to my collection.

Shady Rest Hotel.

There's not another
drummer in the country

that can match my
collection of towels.

(laughing maniacally)

(thunder crashing)

And sometime that night,

after he'd packed
the Shady Rest towel

with the rest of
his ill-gotten loot,

Chester Farnsworth
came down those stairs,

went out that
door into the storm

and was never seen alive again.

(thunder crashing, wind howling)

What was that?

(in spooky voice): The ghost
of Chester W. Farthington.

Farnsworth.

(in ghostly voice): Farnsworth.

You sure blew that one.

You girls can laugh at
the story if you want to,

but it wasn't funny
to old Chester.

Now, what happened to him?

Um, uh, Mr. Richardson,

wouldn't you like
some pie and coffee?

I'm not through yet, Kate.

You are, as far
as I'm concerned.

Why don't you want
me to tell this story?

'Cause it's a lot of nonsense.

I suppose it was
a lot of nonsense

when his ghost was seen
wandering around the halls

of the Clyde City YMCA, trying
to get back into his old room.

His ghost?

He was trying to
return a towel he took.

You see, Chester was condemned

to wander the face of the earth,

returning the towels he took

before his spirit could
apply for admission

to that great
salesroom in the sky.

Them towels have been turning
up regular through the years

and I figure, pretty soon
the Shady Rest is due

for a visit from old Chester.

(thunder crashes, wind howling)

That's a very fascinating story.

Well, I'll see you
in the morning.

Uh, good night.

Uncle Joe, what
are you trying to do?

Give the Shady Rest a
reputation of being haunted?

Oh, it didn't bother him none.

It bothered me.

I'm not going to
sleep a wink tonight.

Count sheep.

Or towels.

(whistle blows)

(barking)

I heard it.

Wipe your feet first.

Mr. Richardson?

KATE: The Cannonball's coming.

Be right down, Mrs. Bradley.

(ghostly music plays)

♪ ♪

Well, how much do I owe you?

Same as always.

Three dollars.

I've been thinking
of raising the rates,

but then the guests would
probably expect fancier cooking.

And a younger bellboy.

Uh, would you mind
taking Mr., uh, Richardson's,

uh, suitcase down to the train?

Oh, no, no, no,
no, no. I'll take it.

(growling and barking)

Well, he doesn't seem to
want me to take my bag.

Behave yourself.

Now, put that down.

It belongs to Mr. Richardson.

That's a funny way
to spell "Richardson."

Why, Mr. Richardson.

Uh, Mrs. Bradley, I can explain.

Yeah, I'll bet you can.

What else you got
stashed in there?

Uncle Joe.

It's a good thing I trained
that dog in towel retrieving

or our guests would be
drying on old newspapers.

Mrs. Bradley, you've known
me for years, haven't you?

Well, yes, I have,

and that's why I
can't understand

you doing a thing like this.

Well, I can't
understand it, either.

A few minutes ago,
when I was packing,

I got this strange
urge to take that towel.

It's just like somebody
was making me do it.

Chester Farnsworth,

the last of the great
towel snatchers.

He's come back.

Well, if he has,
he'd better register.

I'm terribly sorry.

Oh, that's all right,
Mr. Richardson.

At one time or another,

all of us get the urge to
do something we shouldn't.

Uh, yeah. (train
whistle blowing)

Uh, uh, bye.

Bye.

Uncle Joe.

We are going to have
to have a little talk.

(clattering)

Chester wants his key.

(sniffing)

(whimpering)

(bell clanging)

Kate, about that
chest... Uncle Joe!

Relax. I was only asking
about that chest of drawers

I was supposed to paint.

Don't mention a
chest of nothing.

That's an unmentionable
word around here.

But, Kate... Now, look.

For the first time in months,
we're expecting a full house

and I don't want you
entertaining our guests

with any of your
made-up spooky stories.

JOE: Kate, I...

KATE: I'm warning you. Hi, Kate.

Hi, Charley.

Hi, Kate.

What's the matter with Floyd?

He's afraid to come in.

KATE: Why?

He's a-scared of
Chester Farnsworth.

Who told him?

Don't look at me.

If you come outside, I'll
be glad to tell you about it.

You come on in here, Floyd.

There's nothing to be afraid of.

I don't suppose he'd be
around in the broad of daylight?

Nor in the dark
of night, either.

But, Mr. Richardson
told me... Richardson.

Yeah, he was really shook
up when he got on the train.

He was pale as a ghost.

Floyd, you come back in here.

Now, fellas, all this talk

about... Where are
your passengers?

We ain't got none.

But I was expecting six salesmen

to come in with you on this run.

They ain't a-comin'. Why not?

Well, they ran into that
Mr. Richardson in Pixley...

I see.

And they told me to
tell you that they're sorry,

but they're going to skip
the Shady Rest this trip.

Fine.

They might make
it next trip if...

Chester Farnsworth
ain't still moaning around.

Uncle Joe... I hope
you're satisfied.

By the time Richardson
gets through with that story,

there won't be a
salesman in the county

who will spend the night here.

Including Chester!

I dug this out of the attic

so as we can settle
Chester once and for all.

Now... (coughing)

This is the register
that you claim

covers the period that
Chester stayed here.

He did.

Show me. But, uh...

If his name is in
there, I'll apologize,

and if it isn't...

Well, you're leaving anyway.

Kate, you wouldn't
really... Show me.

An awful lot of names in here.

Well, wouldn't it be the same
month as this, Uncle Joe?

Yeah, I guess so.

(gasping)

Mom!

It... Who.. (stammering)

It's him. He h-h-had room four.

I told you.

Look at the date he registered.

In another week, it will be
old Chester's anniversary.

Of what?

Of the last mortal
towel he ever swiped.

He's probably been
hanging around

waiting till then to return it,

so as the curse will be off

and they'll let him in the
big salesroom in the sky

with a clear conscience.

Mom, can things
like that really...

Well, I-I-I...

(gasping)

Did you... But...

There's got to
be an explanation.

Like what?

The hotel settling.

Sure, that's what it is.

Ain't it, Chester?

(gargling)

Come on out of there.

You've got to go to sleep.

It's way past midnight.

(whimpering)

(gargling)

Oh, that's nothing
to be afraid of.

That's Uncle Joe gargling.

(sighing)

What's Uncle Joe doing
gargling at this time of night?

(gargling)

(gargling)

(gargling stops)

(snoring)

(knocking on door) Who is it?

It's me.

What's the matter?

Uncle Joe, were you gargling?

Gargling?

What would I be gargling
for this time of night?

I must have been dreaming.

(gargling)

Oh... it... It just
isn't possible!

It isn't possible, is it, Doc?

Not scientifically, no.

But then there
are a lot of things

that science can't explain.

Oh, I've seen some mighty
weird things in my time.

(sighing) Yeah... What
are you looking for?

Tranquilizers to relax you.

They keep sending me samples
of these new wonder drugs.

You wonder if they're
any better than aspirin.

You aren't violent with
paraclinical morias, are you?

No. Just with
Chester Farnsworth.

Now, Doc, what am I going to do?

Intended for
chronic plasticemia.

That's a new one on me.

You know, you miss one
episode of those doctor shows,

you don't know what's
going on in the medical world.

Doc, I-I didn't come for pills.

I came for advice.

Frankly, Kate, I don't
know what to advise you.

In all the years that
I've been practicing...

Hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

Dex Melman.

I told you, I don't
need any medicine.

No, no. Dex's a fella I
went to medical school with.

Always interested in
psychic phenomenon.

You know, the weird
and the unexplained.

You ought to see his
wife. She's a weird one

he's never been able to explain.

Doc!

But seriously, Kate,
he's a psychiatrist.

He's written several
articles on the subject.

Why don't I get
in touch with him?

He lives upstate.

Maybe he'd be interested
in meeting Chester.

That's the original
towel rack, Mrs. Bradley?

The same one, Dr. Melman.

We better leave Mr. Farnsworth
room to return his towel.

Dex, you don't really
think that he might...

Of course he might.

He's getting tired
of wandering around,

dragging an old towel
through the hereafter.

Uncle Joe, why don't you
let Dr. Melman handle this?

He's the expert.

Fine expert, killing a
million dollar business.

Uncle Joe wanted to sell
tickets for Chester's homecoming.

When I asked you to come here,

I just wanted to
make Kate feel better,

but now that you're here, I
don't know what to believe.

Bart, I've investigated
many of these,

uh, occurrences
for a long while now

and I don't know
what to believe myself.

You mean to say you
think there's a possibility

that tomorrow morning,

we might find an old
towel hanging on that rack?

All I can tell you is I
investigated a case in Canada

where, years ago, a
ghost had been seen

in the library of the
Kennison mansion.

Apparently searching
for a copy of...

of an old book of love
poems which he had written.

One night, the book disappeared.

And the ghost was
never seen again.

Then, if there's a towel
there tomorrow morning,

we're rid of Chester?

That's a fair assumption.

Well.

The happiest moment of my life

will be when I can
broadcast the fact

that Chester has left
the Shady Rest for good,

and we're open
for human business.

(thunder crashes)

This is perfect Chester
Farnsworth weather.

(scraping)

What's that?

(wind howling)

Don't leave that bone on
the rug for Chester to trip over.

Do you think we should have

baked Chester an
anniversary cake?

Maybe we still got time.

When will he be here?

We don't want to miss him.

You girls are going
up to your room

and locking your
doors until morning.

Oh, Mom! Oh, Mom! But, Mom...

And I'm doing the same thing.

How about you, Uncle Joe?

Oh, I think I... Go ahead, Joe.

I at least ought to get
to say good night to him

We'll tell him what
room you're in.

(in ghostly voices): Good night!

GIRLS: Ooh...

Well, good night.

I hope...

How can you think of
eating at a time like this?

What do we do?

Sit and wait.

Aren't you scared?

No.

How come?

Don't they send you
samples of tranquilizers?

(snoring)

(creaking)

(clanging)

What? Shh!

Chester.

(creaking)

(clanging)

Shh!

Do you want to scare him away?

(creaking)

(howling)

Come on.

(door creaking)

(ghostly music plays)

(gasping)

He was here!

And there was the
towel on the rack.

And Chester snuck
in and put it back?

That's what Dr. Melman said.

Well, if that don't beat
a note in a milk bottle.

And what does that mean?

I just say them, I
don't explain them.

Did you see the towel
yourself, Betty Jo?

Yes, and I've never
seen one like it before.

Mom said it was the kind of
towel they used in the hotel

long before she was born.

Well, I'll be doggoned.

What does that mean?

Mom said to be sure to
spread the word around Pixley

that the hotel has
been de-haunted.

Well, don't worry, we will,

just as soon as we take
Doc Stuart and Doc Melman

back to Hooterville.

I don't know how to
thank you, Dr. Melman,

for coming here to help
us get rid of Chester.

I really didn't do anything.

Except ruin Kate's only
chance to become a rich widow.

I've got something for you.

I want you to have
Chester's towel

as a memento of last night.

Well, thank you.

As a matter of fact, I have
another memento of last night.

Uh, Dex had a camera
with infrared film in it

hidden in the room.

He did?

I developed it
early this morning.

You mean you actually
got a picture of Chester?

Now, I know how
Mr. Richardson felt

when he got caught
with a towel in his valise.

Well, Mrs. Bradley.

Dr. Melman, I waited till
nearly 5:00 this morning

for Chester to do his dirty work

and when he didn't show
up, I sneaked into the room

with my passkey
and helped him out.

You see, I had to
get rid of Chester

so as folks wouldn't
be afraid to stay here.

I understand.

I don't think Chester
will bother you again.

Thank you.

Good-bye. Good-bye.

And-And thank you, too, Doc.

My pleasure. Uh, tell me, Kate.

Where did you
get that old towel?

I found it up in the attic

when I went looking
for the old register.

That's the last
one in existence.

FLOYD: Board!

I'm going to clean
up four, air it out good

and forget about
Chester forever.

All right, girls. We'll
start with the bed,

then the dusting and then...

(ghostly music plays)

Mom, I thought you were going

to give that towel
to Dr. Melman.

I did.

But where did that
one come from?

Chester must have taken two.

I guess so.

(whimpering)

Good-bye, Chester Farnsworth.

Wherever you are.

♪ Petticoat Junction. ♪

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