Petticoat Junction (1963–1970): Season 1, Episode 35 - Local Girl Makes Good - full transcript

In this tale,
Hooterville gets a visit

from a former resident
who has since gone on

to great wealth and
success in the big city.

Mary Jane Hastings,
played by Elena Verdugo,

who you remember
from Marcus Welby, M.D.,

is a masterful businesswoman
who's also adept

at giving the local
men the business...

A fact that doesn't
necessarily impress Kate.

So, it may be a matter of
opinion that this episode

is called "Local
Girl Makes Good."

♪ Come ride the little train ♪



♪ That is rollin' down the
tracks to the Junction ♪

♪ Forget about your cares ♪

♪ It is time to relax
at the Junction ♪

♪ Lots of curves, you bet ♪

♪ And even more when you get ♪

♪ To the Junction ♪

♪ Petticoat Junction ♪

♪ There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪

♪ Petticoat Junction ♪

♪ It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪

♪ Petticoat Junction ♪

♪ And that's Uncle Joe,
he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪

♪ At the Junction ♪

♪ Petticoat Junction! ♪



Uncle Joe, I need your help.

Not now. I'm busy.

Doing what? Chasing a pigeon.

Oh.

Hi, Mom.

What's with Uncle Joe?

I just saw him hightailing

around the side of the house.

He's chasing a pigeon. Huh?

That's what he told me
when I asked him to help me.

Chasing a pigeon?

Oh, he must be slipping.

He usually comes up with
a better excuse than that.

Did you tell her
about it, Betty Jo?

Tell me about what?

Mary Jane Hastings arrived
in Hooterville this morning.

But she isn't supposed

to receive the Chamber
of Commerce award

until next week.

Why'd she come so early?

Oh, she wants to spend some time

visiting with her old friends,

and guess where
she's gonna stay.

Where?

Right here at the Shady Rest.

How do you know
she's gonna stay here?

Well, they were just
talking about it in Hooterville.

She wants us to pick
her up in about an hour

and move her out here.

Be quite an honor
to have the president

of Hastings Enterprises
for a guest, huh, Kate?

Reckon Mary Jane's the
biggest business success

Hooterville's ever turned out.

Yeah, but...

she was planning
on staying in town.

Now, what changed her mind?

Well, Uncle Joe ought
to know about that.

She said something about

discussing it with
him this morning.

Where is he? Chasing a pigeon.

Oh, come on!

Uncle Joe?

I want to talk to you.

Can't you see I'm busy?

Why you chasing that pigeon?

To catch it.

Why didn't you tell me

that Mary Jane Hastings
is coming here to stay?

You mean, she is?

I guess that little
talk I gave her

about the Shady
Rest really did the trick.

She's reserving three
rooms for the whole week.

Three rooms?!
How do you like that?

I even outdid myself.

One of the extra room is for an
assistant she brought with her,

and the other's to
use for an office.

She aims to keep in touch with
her business while she's here.

From the Shady Rest?

I guess I really impressed her

when I described
our modern facilities.

Did you happen to describe
one of our modern facilities

as no telephone?

Well, uh, no.

Well, how do you expect
the woman to keep in contact

with her business stuck way
out here with no telephone?

Well, uh, I'm working
on a substitute.

Like what, mental telepathy,

smoke signals, a homing pigeon?

Oh, no!

Why not?

Uncle Joe, your
telephone is ringing.

Here we are, Mary Jane.

Oh!

It's just as I remembered it,

and I was so afraid the
old charm would be gone.

Why?

Well, Mr. Carson spoke

about all the modern
facilities you've installed.

Oh, those.

Everything looks
exactly as it was.

The calendar's new.

It was put out this year.

Excuse me, Mary Jane.

I want to fetch my girls. Oh?

They're dying to see you.

Where do these go?

You know

the Executive Suite's
on the second floor.

Just put them on the elevator.

The elevator don't
work, Mary Jane.

Remember? Decoration.

Oh, yes.

Oh, look, I better use the phone

and tell my office where
they can reach me.

Oh, I'm afraid the
telephone don't work, either.

Another decoration?

Tell me, how do you manage
your business without a phone?

That ain't no problem for Joe.

He don't work, either.

If you want to use a phone,

you can use Hank Folsom's.

Hank Folsom? Our neighbor.

Oh. He's just seven
miles down the line.

Oh.

Charley and Floyd
can run you over there

whenever you
want to make a call.

Well, what if I
want to make a call,

and-and Floyd and
Charley are in Hooterville?

Hank Folsom will
call Sam Drucker,

and he'll send 'em right out.

Well, how will Hank Folsom
know when I want them?

We'll send him a message.

How? By homing pigeon?

It's one of the new
facilities I was referring to.

Mary Jane?

These are my girls.

Oh, let's see,
this is Bobbie Jo.

Hello. Betty Jo.

This is Billie Jo. Hello.

Of course. Oh, well, I...

You certainly have grown.

I can remember when
the little boys used

to chase after you.

Now it's the big boys.

Hi, Billie Jo.

See what I mean.

Uh, Phil and Roger,

would you take my
suitcases upstairs, please?

Steve, you're gonna
have to go back to town.

There's no phone here,

and you have a lot of
phone calls to make.

Check, M.J. Now, wait.

I want to go over the Hagen
contracts first. Check, M.J.

M.J.?

That stands for Mary Jane,

like those big
time executives talk

on those Doris Day movies.

Oh.

Oh, the contracts
are in that suitcase.

Roger?

I'll need that bag.

Yes, ma'am.

My error.

They're-They're
in the other one.

Phil?

I'll need the bag you have.

Right.

We'll have to go over the
Cooper specifications, too.

They are in the other suitcase.

Roger?

I'll need that bag after all.

Yes, sir.

Ma'am.

Wow. She's terrific!

And that Doris Day thinks
she's such a big executive.

Yeah.

Phew!

That bag is heavy.

Tell me, did Mary Jane
hire you boys to work for her?

Oh, no, we're just helping out.

Mm-hmm.

Then why do you jump
when she talks to you?

Well, that's
because... I don't know.

I guess it's the
way she says it.

I want three copies
of these new clauses.

Check, M.J.

You can take these
bags upstairs now, boys.

Check, M.J.

You think you can get
me a cup of coffee, Kate?

Check, M.J.

Well, how about it, Billie Jo?

Are you going to the
dance with me Friday night?

Yeah, Bobbie Jo,
what do you say?

Well, I hate to disappoint
all those other fellows.

Me, too.

Great, then you're
going with us.

Huh. And you girls were worried
that nobody would ask you.

Okay, now, come on,
stop playing games.

Is it a double date? Well...

Excuse me. May I speak
to you girls for a moment?

Why certainly, Mary Jane. Sure.

Look, there are
a lot of old friends

that I want to
see while I'm here,

but I'm on such a tight
schedule, I need help.

Would you girls be interested
in being my social secretary?

Oh, we'd love to.

Billie Jo, what about the dance?

Would you excuse the
girls for a little while, please?

How do you like that?

First she's got us lugging
her suitcases all over the place,

and now she butts in just
when we're dating the girls.

Yeah, well, no wonder
she's still not married.

No guy with any backbone
would stand for anything like that.

Like what? Like the
way she just treated us.

Uh, Wednesday, I'll have
lunch with the people on list "A."

Uh, girls who graduated
high school with her.

Uh-huh, and on Thursday,

I'll have dinner with
the people on list "B."

Boys you used to date?

Yup, plus their wives.

Well, that brings us
back to list "A" again.

Well, that's it, girls.

I know you'll do a good job.

Thank you. Not at all.

Oh, boy, I'd sure like
to follow in her footsteps.

Yeah. She's great.

Well, how about the dance?

Dance? You should
have asked us earlier.

We did, but you wouldn't
give us an answer.

Well, a girl's entitled

to a little time to
make up her mind.

And besides, we're Mary
Jane's social secretaries now.

We're too busy for the dance.

Well, why don't you let us help,

and then maybe
you won't be so busy?

Oh, no thank you, but
if we think of something,

uh, we'll let you know.

For a couple of
social secretaries,

you're certainly
not very social.

You know, I'll bet if we had
more experience as executives,

we could think of something
for Phil and Roger to do.

I guess it takes practice.

I, uh, know you
girls are very busy,

but somebody
has to set the table.

Phil?

Roger?

What does she think she's doing?

Practicing to be an executive.

Oh.

Mary Jane is sure
a human dynamo.

She's got that
fella Steve hopping

like he was raised up on
Mexican jumping beans.

And how about the way
she's got you two hopping?

Between Hooterville and
Hank Folsom's telephone.

We didn't even
get any breakfast,

and here it is dinner time.

Oh. Well, come on inside.

I got pea soup, chicken salad,

corn fritters and
loads of coffee.

Whoo, that sounds good!

That'll keep us going.

Oh, Charley and Floyd,
it's good you're here.

You got to go right
back to Hooterville.

What for?

Mary Jane's got some business.

She's got to make some calls.

Mary Jane, they're here.

I was just about to send Hector

with a message to fetch you.

Again? Uncle Joe,
aren't you ashamed

the way you've been
working that poor pigeon?

You're flying the
wings off of him.

I'll bet he's put in more
mileage than John Glenn.

Well, if he's gonna work

for a big business executive,

he's got to hold his end up.

Is that right, Hector?

Look like he's having
trouble holding anything up.

Sorry to keep you waiting,
but I'm ready now. Let's go.

Now, lookee here,
Mary Jane... Yes, Floyd?

Well, Charley and
me just got here.

Oh. Your tie is crooked.

There. That's better.

Now what were you
going to say to me?

Oh, well-well, uh, uh...

let me carry this
little suitcase.

What a woman.

She knows how to do things.

Yeah.

To every man around here.

I'm sweeping the lobby.

So I see,

but that happens to
be Bobbie Jo's job.

Well, she told me to do it.

She's kind of busy in there.

Oh?

I think we should put these
names in alphabetical order.

Check, BJB. I'll
work on the "B" list.

Check, BJB.

Now, where's the "B" list?

BJB has it. Huh?

Betty Jo.

Oh. BJB.

Right.

Phil?

What is it?

Uh, run upstairs and get
the "B" list from Betty Jo.

Now wait a minute.

You made me wash the
dishes, clean the silver,

and now I'm doing the pots.

How much more
an I supposed to do?

There now. What were you saying?

It's the fourth time today
you straightened my tie.

Well, Phil, if you
want me to have time

to go to the dance with you...

All right. All right.

As soon as I finish the pots?

I still don't see
why you're so upset.

Haven't you noticed the girls
since Mary Jane came here?

Not exactly. I been too busy

keeping the communication
system working.

What's the matter, Hector,
can't you catch them today?

Uncle Joe, I'm
trying to tell you

how the girls have
been behaving.

How?

Roger, let's get with it!

That's how.

Oh, that.

Phil!

And that.

Born executives, that's
what them girls are.

Carson blood's
beginning to show through.

Well, it's time to
apply a tourniquet.

I don't like what's
happening to them.

Why not?

This might be the start
of a great business career.

Look at Mary Jane.

That's just what I'm looking at.

Why, with their natural
ability and my coaching,

the girls might
turn the Shady Rest

into a national
string of hotels.

North, south, east...

Kate, you should've
had another girl.

Phil! Roger!

Three's enough.

The invitations to the
luncheon are ready.

You've got to take
them into Hooterville.

But the train isn't here.

Uncle Joe, we
need the Cannonball.

Send Hector out with a message.

Wait till I get
through refueling him.

We can't wait.

He's got to go right out.

Okay, okay.

When you send the message,

make sure and tell Floyd
and Charley to hurry.

You two, come upstairs.

I'll give you the invitations.

Oh, Phil.

Check with me before
you go into Hooterville,

because I have some
additional instructions.

Yes, BJ.

And, Roger, when you come down,

be sure to bring
the "B" list with you.

Yes, BJ.

Wow.

I thought Mary Jane
was one of a kind,

but looks like you breed
them that way out here.

My girls were perfectly
fine till a few days ago.

They've just been
exposed to a bad example.

Now, don't you be
too hard on Mary Jane.

She has a lot of
wonderful qualities.

I was thinking mostly of you.

Me? What have I done?

Everything that Mary Jane
tells you to, in double time.

Seeing you scramble every
time Mary Jane snaps her fingers

is what's giving
my girls big notions.

Oh, that.

Mm-hmm.

Um, answer me a question, Steve.

You're an intelligent man; you
could always get a good job.

How come you don't
stand up to that woman?

Answer me a
question, Mrs. Bradley.

What's a fella do when
he's in love with his boss?

Oh.

Have you told her that?

When would I get a chance?

Well, if you want her
to be in love with you,

you're going about it in
the worst possible way.

What do you mean?

Well, no woman can love a
man who's always on his knees,

unless he happens
to be proposing.

You got to make her
have some respect for you.

Well, she's a little
too big to spank.

Why don't you try
cutting her down to size.

When she barks at
you, bark back at her.

No, that wouldn't
work with Mary Jane.

Hmm.

Well, that's up to you.

I-I didn't mean
to be butting in.

The only reason I said so
much was because of the girls.

Well, I understand, Mrs.
Bradley, and I'm sorry.

Look, why don't you,
uh, explain to the girls

what a big mistake
they're making.

The way they feel about
Mary Jane right now,

they'd be completely
indifferent to anything I said.

No.

That's the worst thing I can do.

If you girls go on this way,

you'll be making
a terrible mistake.

And I just got finished doing
the worst thing I could do.

Mom, how could you
be so old-fashioned?

Men like forceful,
competent women.

Sure, look at Mary Jane.

She's surrounded by men.

They work for her.

That's just it.

When a woman's successful,
she can be independent.

Men need her more
than she needs them.

Hmm.

Well, it just shows that a
mother's never too old to learn.

How wrong her children can be.

If ever a man stood
up to her for a change,

you'd see who
needs who the most.

But, Mom, you just don't
understand what a man...

Hi. Hi.

Have a good time in Hooterville?

Well, I spent most
of it in a phone booth.

I'm afraid I have to leave
tomorrow morning, Kate.

Oh, something wrong?

No, no, it's just
business, but...

Oh, Steve... MJ...

No, I'm going back to the
office tomorrow morning.

Some new things have
come up on the Hagan contract

that need immediate attention.

Well, um, why don't
you let me handle it?

I know more about the
Hagan contract than you do.

No. I'll feel better if
I attend to it myself.

Girls, I'm sorry,

you're gonna have
to cancel everything.

Well, uh, what about the award

that Hooterville was
planning to give you?

Oh, Steve, you'll have to stay
behind and accept it for me.

Well, I got to go upstairs.

There are a million
things to take care of.

Well?

Well, just call me Rover.

Wait a minute, Mary Jane!

I want to have a word with you!

Girls, here's your chance to
find out about a woman executive

who's too much executive
and not enough woman.

What did you want
to tell me, Steve?

I'm really terribly busy.

Oh, you're busier
than you think.

If you want that award, you're
going to have to accept it yourself.

What do you mean?

I mean I am fed up with being

vice president in
charge of errands.

Every time you snap your
fingers, I click my heels!

We sound like a
pair of castanets,

and I don't like the
tune we're playing!

Steve... I'm...
I'm terribly sorry.

You are?

I had no idea you felt this way.

Well...

maybe I should've told
you this a long time ago.

Apparently, we never
understood each other.

Apparently.

Well, then it's agreed.

You will accept the award.

Well, I guess I'll have to.

Since you won't be
working for me anymore.

What?

Well, I certainly
wouldn't want to keep you

on a job that's
making you unhappy.

Are you firing me?

It looks like we're finally
understanding each other.

Well, so much for theory.

We better start
canceling those invitations.

Phil! Roger!

Well, Mrs. Bradley...

certainly solved that problem.

Don't have to worry about

being in love with
my boss anymore.

All I have to worry about
now is finding a new one.

Steve, I'm terribly sorry.

No! We're finished
taking orders,

and you can forget
about the dance.

And I don't need anybody

to straighten my
tie anymore, either.

It was never crooked
in the first place.

It's a clip-on.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Bradley.

We were just saying
good-bye to the girls.

Yeah, so I heard.

Uh, d-did I also
hear that you're not

taking them to the dance?

Why?

Well, if you want
to know the truth,

we don't have any
strength for dancing.

Is that really the reason?

Well, if you want to
know the honest truth,

before I dance with
one of those girls,

I'd rather dance with... him.

And I can't even follow.

Uh, boys, look, you
mustn't feel this way.

Ha! Steve, where are you going?

Upstairs to pack.

Well, just a minute,
please, huh?

Now, boys, you
wait a minute, too.

Steve, you can't
give up this way.

There's got to be
something you can do.

I don't see why you're
so worried about me.

You're in a worse fix, you know.

What do you mean?

I've only lost a Mary Jane;

you've gained three of them!

And what you did to Steve

was not very nice, Mary Jane.

That's my affair.

Even if you thought I acted

in the most outrageous manner,

why should you be concerned?

Because my three daughters
are using you as a model,

and how did you know
that was what I thought?

The way you treated
Steve was no way to act

towards a man who cares for you.

Who cares for me?

Oh, no, he only
cares for himself.

He is the most arrogant,

selfish, cruel
man I've ever met.

Mary Jane...

are you trying to tell me
you're in love with him?

It's just about time
somebody understood me.

Well, if you love him,
why did you fire him?

Because he is the
most arrogant, selfish...

You're repeating yourself.

But it's true.

But did you hear the
way he spoke to me

when I just... just asked
him to accept the award?

You mean when you told him to.

Now, what difference
does that make?

Oh, it makes a lot of difference

to a man who loves you.

Yes, he does, Mary Jane.

And if you had any
sense, you'd catch him

before he leaves and
tell him you're sorry.

After the way he spoke to me?

No, absolutely not.

Sit down, Mary Jane,
we're gonna have a little talk.

Look, Kate, it doesn't
make any difference

what you say to me.

You know that I would
never run after a man,

even if I loved him.

Oh, now we're
gonna have a big talk.

Sit down.

You leaving?

Just as soon as the
Cannonball gets here.

Look, have you girls seen Steve?

He's on the porch
waiting for the Cannonball.

Where's Mary Jane?

She just went out
on the front porch.

What is this, follow the leader?

You might call it that.

And if you pay close attention,

you're gonna see a new leader.

And can you ever forgive me

for the way I treated you?

Well, I'll think about it.

It'll all be different
from now on.

And won't it, though?

I especially like that part

about your taking my last name

instead of my taking yours.

Now, darling, no more fussing.

Please?

"Pretty please."

Check, SR.

Golly, do you see that?

Yeah, and I heard it, too.

And I promise that I'll...

I'll never give
you another order.

Except one.

And what's that?

Kiss me.

Please?

Gee.

That's enough, girls.

You got the point.

But they're just
getting to the best part.

Into the dining room, BJB.

And you, BJB.

And you, BJB.

That's an order from M-O-M.

Then, you're not
leaving tomorrow

to take care of that business.

Oh, no, Steve
will take care of it.

In fact, from now on, Steve

will take care of everything.

Yeah, especially you, darling.

You're smarter than I
thought you were, Steve.

Most young fellas marry
the boss's daughter.

You're marrying the boss.

Just, from now on,
Steve's the boss.

Oh, let's not
overdo it, Mary Jane.

You know the old saying.

"You put out your
hand to a man..."

"And he'll put a ring on it."

And no more orders, Bobbie Jo?

Oh, I promise.

All right, I'll accept
your apology.

And from now, I'm the boss?

Whatever you say.
You're sure now?

Oh, on my word of honor.

All right, I'll dance with
you instead of Roger.

Well, Uncle Joe, looks
like the women around here

are all through
giving orders. Yeah.

Come on, I got a
lot of work for you.

♪ Petticoat Junction. ♪

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Filmways Presentation.