Petticoat Junction (1963–1970): Season 1, Episode 32 - Dog Days at Shady Rest - full transcript
All kinds of guests would
check in to the Shady Rest,
and each of our visitors
was treated like family.
The president of the railroad,
in order to bring
us some business,
sends a friend
to stay with us...
His basset hound.
(laughs)
From April the 28th, 1964,
this one is fittingly titled
"Dog Days at Shady Rest."
(train whistle blows twice)
♪ Come ride the little train ♪
♪ That is rollin' down the
tracks to the Junction ♪
(bell clanging)
♪ Forget about your cares ♪
♪ It is time to relax
at the Junction ♪
(whistle blows twice)
♪ Lots of curves, you bet ♪
♪ And even more when you get ♪
♪ To the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
(snare drum plays train rhythm)
♪ There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ And that's Uncle Joe,
he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪
♪ At the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction! ♪
(train whistle blows twice)
(bell clanging)
Hey, Uncle Joe,
you shouldn't be running
on a hot day like this.
Got a telegram for your mother.
Kate, telegram for you!
A telegram? Who'd
send Mom a telegram?
What's it about?
How should I know?
It's marked personal
for your mother.
Who would send me a telegram?
Norman P. Curtis.
He's a riot.
He still claims he's president
of the C. & F.W. Railroad.
Well, what's the message?
JOE: How would I know?
Nutty Norman says Bedloe's
coming back out here again.
That sneaky Mr. Bedloe.
He's always trying to
scrap the Cannonball.
This time he's got a
henchman with him named Fred.
Don't start worrying, Mom.
Yeah, you've outsmarted
Mr. Bedloe before.
I wonder what skullduggery
he's dreamed up this time
with this... Fred.
Mr. Curtis, I've just come back
from the cattle car convention.
Heard you're sending
me to Hooterville.
Ah, you're on the
right track, Bedloe.
And so are you, sir.
Oh, I knew eventually
you'd see things my way.
You know when
you've got a liability,
you've got to get rid of it
for the good of the railroad.
Oh, I'll junk that Hooterville
Cannonball so fast,
those people down there will
think they have a breakaway toy.
Well, now you're
on the wrong track.
They thought they were going
to outsmart your vice president.
Well, now that I've
got your support,
I can get rid of that
antediluvian eyesore,
that tuna-ville folly.
Those people down there
are going to drop to
their bended knees.
Now who's got the last laugh?
(laughing)
You're not laughing, Mr. Curtis.
Bedloe, you are a mean man.
Thank you, sir. I try.
Every organization
must have a mean man.
And ours is the best
mean man in the business.
Thank you, sir.
But you lay one clammy
finger on that Cannonball,
and I'll have you
tied to the tracks.
But, Mr. Curtis...
I'm sending you to Hooterville
this time on a mission of mercy.
Mercy? Me?
You feel all right, chief?
I feel fine.
It's Fred who doesn't feel well.
Fred? Who's Fred?
I've already wired
Mrs. Bradley...
Kate, a wonderful woman...
To reserve adjoining
rooms for the both of you.
Adjoining rooms?
Fred belongs to my housekeeper.
Now, they're both getting
old, but I love them dearly.
Now, cooped up in my
penthouse, he's lost his snap.
So I'm sending him to
the Shady Rest with you.
I'm to go to the Shady
Rest with a dog?!
Oh, Fred is more than a dog.
He's a beloved companion
to my housekeeper and me.
Well, he doesn't look like
any more than a dog to me.
Confined to city living,
he's lost his dogginess.
Haven't you, old pal?
In a world of
apartments and city living,
it's wrong to bark, to be a dog.
Fred, old pal,
I haven't heard
you bark in months.
But one week with
those wonderful people
and Fred will come
back a changed man,
revitalized by their
robust way of life.
So that's what my efforts
to close down that
railroad have led to,
lowering my status so I'm a
keeper of the dog, is that it?
Not really, Bedloe.
I was hoping to kill two
birds with one stone.
I want the love and the
kindness of those people
to rub off on you, too.
I sincerely hope by
the time you get back
you will have broadened
your perspective.
You know, there's
really more to life, Bedloe,
than banging your head
against the Cannonball.
Now, how can you
disagree with that?
I can't because you're
the president, sir,
and I'm merely your vice
president in charge of a dog.
For months you've been hounding
me to get back to that valley.
Now that I've given
you the opportunity,
what do you say?
Thank you.
(chuckling)
(train squeaking over rails)
I'll muscle your bag on
up to the hotel, Mr. Bedloe.
All right. (horn honking)
Good grief, look!
What's that?
That? That's
Orville's Flivverball.
Running on the C. & F.W. tracks?
He's Betty Jo's boyfriend.
He put handcar
wheels on his flivver
so he can drive
out here to visit her.
He uses our tracks?
Ain't any others.
Hi, Mr. Pratt.
Greetings.
What are they doing?
What we always do
when Orville signals
he's about out of gas.
We tow him into Pixley.
Fred, I'd report this to the
president of the railroad,
but he wouldn't believe me.
And you wouldn't back me up.
Come on.
(barking)
(yipping)
Hey, easy, Sheba.
Don't fall for
those city slickers.
You'll only get hurt.
(yipping)
(yipping)
(barking)
Now, you stop that.
This is a miserable trip,
so you stay miserable.
(barking)
Now stop that dillydallying.
We have to face the enemy.
I have the beginning of a plan.
I'll appeal to their sympathy
and draw them in, and then...
well, I don't know what that
"and then" is gonna be just yet,
but believe me, there
will be an "and then!"
That... that's Fred?
This is Fred.
(chuckling) Oh, look at that.
So this is Fred, the
bloodshot basset.
(chuckling)
When you buy a suit
and two pair of pants,
you don't wear both pair
at the same time, Fred.
Uncle Joe, you'll
hurt his feelings.
Come up, Fred. Come on up, Fred.
Come on up. Come on, baby.
(laughs) Aw.
Mr. Bedloe, we got the telegram,
but what brings
you and, uh, Fred
to the Shady Rest?
Would you believe
it if I said I came
to bank the fires
of brotherhood?
No.
You don't understand
me, Mrs. Bradley.
I'm a changed man.
I have no reason to lie.
Then, that must
mean that temporarily,
you ran out of reason.
Now, is that nice, Mrs. Bradley?
I came in the spirit of
friendship and the role
of a humane citizen
caring for a tired old dog.
Uh, girls, would you
turn down the beds
for our humane
guest, Mr. Bedloe?
And watch him like a hawk.
Bye, Fred.
Oh, you've got me wrong
this time, Mrs. Bradley.
I'm not the Bedloe
you used to know,
that surreptitious,
miserable man of old,
who thought of
this lovely retreat
as a Victorian egg
crate or referred
to that magnificent
Hooterville Cannonball
as a despicable piece
of... of shrapnel on wheels.
No, no, I'm a...
I'm a changed man.
Now, back up, Bedloe.
That ain't like you.
The explanation is...
is simple, but honest.
When I was introduced
to Fred here...
His master is president
of our company...
This dog, this noble creature
crept into my heart
and changed my life.
Fred, old pal, come on.
Let's go, boy.
Come on now.
Come on, Fred.
Come on, old boy.
Yes.
Come on, Fred.
That's it, up we go.
(groaning)
Here we go, boy, all
the way up the stairs.
Upsy daisy, that's it.
(barking)
Yes, you're happy.
Well, I'm not, and I won't be
until I find a way
to destroy every...
(barking)
Oh, stop wagging
that stupid tail.
Wait a minute, that's it.
If I can bring you back in
worse shape than you came,
the president will
cease being a patron
of this backwater stop,
and I can regain my full status.
If Kate Bradley and her
clan can't cheer you up...
if they goof... Oh-ho!
My lumpy friend, you've
given me the greatest scheme
I've had in a long, long time.
Poor guy.
I think I hear him talking
to the dog up there, all alone.
He was talking all alone
when he was down here.
Now, Kate, old
Homer's a nice guy.
He's a changed man.
Let him up.
Somebody's got to be
down before you let him up.
Now, there you go, Kate.
You got good points,
but you're a mighty
poor judge of character.
I beg to differ.
I think that Mr. Bedloe
is mean and tricky,
and you are an old softy.
Kate Bradley, that's
the meanest thing
you ever said to me in my life.
Oh, Mr. Bedloe, are
the, um, rooms all right?
Wonderful,
everything's wonderful.
Mm-hmm. Are you
and, uh, Fred hungry?
Certainly are.
Well, I'll fix something
for both of you right away.
Oh, any old time
for me, Mrs. Bradley,
but feed good old Fred here.
Best in the house, please.
Certainly, Mr. Bedloe.
And if he gives you
any trouble, boot him out.
Use a broom on him.
Remember, you must
love a dog and feed a dog,
but never let a dog get
the upper hand, you know?
I'll try not to.
There's something going on.
I look at Mr. Bedloe
and then at this dog,
and I see a Trojan horse.
He ain't no Trojan horse.
That's just a beagle
in a bloodhound suit.
(chuckling)
I feel sorry for him.
Even his drool drools.
Oh, I love Fred,
but a smiling,
happy Mr. Bedloe...
that worries me.
Kate, ain't you ever
heard the expression,
"If a leopard wants to
change his spots, let him"?
The expression goes like this:
"A leopard doesn't
change his spots."
I knew it was
something like that.
(Fred barking)
Sounds like the
bark of a happy dog.
(barking)
That's disgusting, revolting.
Make your move, Homer,
old boy, starting now.
There, that's a lot neater.
Look at him dig in.
Yeah.
Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Bradley.
I just remembered,
that dog's on a strict diet.
Pills for his ulcer,
pills for his arteries
and pills for his nerves.
And powdered dog
food, which I will give him.
See what I mean?
I still say he ain't
no Trojan horse,
just a basset full of pills.
(dog barking)
(laughs) You old rascal.
You're feeling your oats
around here, ain't ya?
All right, Fred,
back to your room.
Oh, it's all right.
He's taken to playing
games with me.
He likes me and my Indian.
As a matter of fact,
he likes all of us.
We like him, too.
He's the best-paying
guest we've had.
Don't you see what's happened?
He's become a barker.
Is that bad?
I never known a dog
that was much of a talker.
You bet it's bad.
Now I didn't want to
say this to Mrs. Bradley.
'cause I didn't
want to worry her.
But I feel like I can tell you.
Sure, you can tell me anything.
And you're right,
Kate is a worrier.
The president of the railroad
paid a lot of money to
have that dog trained.
And he's run wild up here.
Do you know what the
president would do if brought back
an undisciplined barker?
No. I know a lot about dogs,
but I ain't had much
truck with presidents lately.
Well, this one's
got a mean temper.
He'd scrap the
Cannonball for sure.
Why would he want to do that?
Why? Because you
people have turned
this dog into a barker.
Yeah, I guess we did.
Well, we're sorry.
Well, being sorry won't
be enough for the president.
There must be
something you can do
to return Fred to
his old dignified self.
You know, I'd hate to
see you and Mrs. Bradley
and those three lovely
girls in the poorhouse.
So would I.
If it's only a matter of
stopping Fred from barking,
I can do that.
Good. And remember my friend,
the poorhouse might be bad,
but you also have to
climb over a hill to get to it.
Thanks, Homer,
I'll keep that in mind.
Good. Very good and wise, too.
Hey, you know, I cured a
dog from a barking fit once
just scaring him a little.
Do you think you might perform
that glorious
service for old Fred?
Well, I can try it.
You go up the stairs a way.
When I start dusting
the Indian, let him go.
I salute you, sir.
You're a man among men.
I've yet to meet your equal.
Come along, noble beast.
(barking)
(Frank barks, Fred whimpers)
I really think you did it.
Of course, I did.
It never failed.
I thought I heard
a strange bark.
What's so strange about it?
That was me.
Fred? Fred?
Here, boy. Here, boy.
Here he is.
Uncle Joe, he's been
hiding in this room
ever since you barked at him.
How did I know he was
gonna take it personal?
He won't even bark for my stew.
Uncle Joe, you broke his spirit.
Bedloe didn't want him to bark.
I said, "Discipline
him," not ruin him.
Tomorrow, I'm
taking that dog home
away from this, this bedlam.
And when the president
of the C & F.W. finds out
what you people...
Oh, so that's your plan
to scrap the Cannonball.
That's right. I made
a better mousetrap
and caught all of you in it.
You, you'd ruin a
dog just to ruin us?
You state it so
simply, Mrs. Bradley.
Beautiful, isn't it?
Victory clutched from
the jaws of defeat.
Beautiful! Fred,
you're beautiful.
Life is beautiful.
I got to go next door and pack.
Well, what do you think
of good ol' Homer now?
I think he's the south end of
a Trojan horse going north.
Well, I'm not as worried
about the president
as I am about poor Fred.
Before he goes back, we
just got to make him feel better.
He looks so sad and
forlorn, Uncle Joe.
Do you think we'll ever be able
to make him bark
again, Uncle Joe?
Aren't we lucky
to have an expert
on dog psychology, Uncle Joe?
Why'd I let myself get
suckered in by that Bedloe?
I'm too smart for that.
You said that, I didn't.
We tried to sneak him
out to bark at rabbit trails.
But he just looked at us.
I don't think he'll
ever bark again.
I know I won't.
I just about worn all the
paint off my Indian dusting him.
He won't even come near me.
Girls, let's take a walk.
Good morning, girls.
ALL: Good morning.
We didn't try that.
Try what?
Well, you know about old dogs.
A pretty charmer makes
them feel like pups again.
What are you gettin' at, Kate?
Before the Cannonball comes
back to pick up Mr. Bedloe and Fred,
we got to round up
every girl dog we can find.
Fred Ziffel the pig
farmer's got one.
Looks more like
a pig than a dog.
I'll get him.
Girls, wait, we got work to do!
Where's Mr. Bedloe?
He's upstairs.
He'll be right down.
All right, start the parade.
(girls giggling)
Look, Fred, look what
we brought for you.
Aren't they sweet?
Here, Fred, look at this one.
Isn't she pretty?
Look, Fred, they Brigitte
Bardot of the dog world.
Hold on! Wait a minute!
Now, stop all this
nonsense immediately.
Oh, I get it. You're
baiting Fred to bark
with all these canine cuties.
Well, that's unfair.
Next.
Well, this is the last
of the batch, Fred.
Bark a little, bark.
I got a secret weapon.
I'll be right back.
Thank you, thank you one and all
for giving me living proof
that you've
killed Fred's spirit.
(yowls)
(dogs barking)
Well, I tried.
No doubt about it, Fred,
you are a beat basset.
Bedlam, bedlam, bedlam!
You people deserve to
have this place shut down.
You know why? Because
you've got no perspective.
No sense of values, no
appreciation of money.
You'd rather cater to a canine
then worry where your
next dollar's coming from.
You're right.
You're sick! Come on, Fred!
Don't drag him.
I'll carry him down for you.
Poor fellow, he looks like
he's about on his last legs.
Thanks to you.
Wait till I show
him to the president.
The melting down
of the Cannonball
will be a monument to Fred.
(antique car horn beeps)
It's Orville.
This'll be the end of that,
that hot-rod handcar, too.
Come along, my depressed
friend, and we'll get aboard.
Good-bye, Fred!
Good-bye, Fred.
Good-bye, Shady Rest.
What's going on?
He looked so sad.
I don't think Fred
wants to live anymore.
He doesn't? Why not?
I barked at him. That's why.
You want to make
something out of it?
Barked at him?
Oh, Uncle Joe, stop
blaming yourself.
We did all we could
to pull him out of it.
We couldn't get him
interested in anything.
Why didn't you show him Sheba?
He was real interested in her.
Sheba?
(whining)
Fred's interested in that mutt?
She's pathetic.
Well, he nearly proposed to
her the first time he saw her.
It was love at first sight.
Why didn't you say
so, you dopey kid?
Stop the train!
Joe, it's too late.
Granted, she's just a stray
and doesn't look like much,
but she thinks
somebody would want her.
You don't?
Well, I can't keep her.
I took her to Pixley, but
I couldn't give her away.
Stop the train!
Uncle Joe, it's too late.
But it may not be too
late for a long shot.
A shot at Bedloe?
That's a good idea.
Bedloe's not too
far away for that.
Give me a gun.
Joe.
Orville, you are
going to take Sheba
to the airport in
the Flivverball.
I am?
Sheba to the airport, Mom?
Yes, I think the president
of the C & F.W.
Railroad deserves
a present from all
of us at Shady Rest.
You mean that
flea-bitten female?
Well, if Fred was
bitten and smitten,
that's good enough for me.
Mom, I think that's
a wonderful idea
What a welcome home for Fred.
Come on, Sheba. Come on, baby.
There we go.
Now then, what worries me is
how do you package a dog?
How do you package a dog?
How about using my cat crate?
(all laugh)
(knock at door)
Yes, come in.
Oh, Bedloe, you're back.
With sad, sad news, sir.
Look at what those people
have done to poor Fred.
What did they do?
Well, Fred hasn't
eaten, he hasn't played,
he hasn't barked
in days. They...
(barking)
Where did you get
that morale builder?
Oh, she's a present
from Kate Bradley
and the folks at the Shady Rest.
Now you were saying?
Well, I, uh...
Oh, before you start
composing your lie,
I think maybe you'd better
walk Fred and his country cousin
down to the nearest meat market
and buy them each a steak.
The nearest market's
two miles away.
Yes, it is quite
a walk, isn't it?
It certainly is.
Well, maybe you'd
better get them two steaks.
Now, you get going, Bedloe,
and take care of the dogs.
You know, I'm
disappointed in you.
You came back in a foul humor.
And a foul humor is contagious.
It might depress the
dogs, so you watch it.
But... Don't but me! Be happy.
(chuckles)
Yes, sir.
Isn't that nice of Mr. Curtis
to send me a telegram saying
that everything worked out fine?
Wasn't it nice of me
letting you open it first?
Bye, Mom, Uncle Joe. Bye.
See you later. Bye.
Bye-bye.
What lovely daughters.
(train whistle blows)
What a beautiful sound.
Summer smoke, bees
buzzin', honeysuckle.
How lucky we are.
I have a cinder in my eye.
Course it gets hot, but I
don't even mind dog days
as long as they're
at Shady Rest.
How about you, Uncle Joe?
Uncle Joe?
(barking)
♪ Petticoat Junction. ♪
This has been a
Filmways Presentation.
check in to the Shady Rest,
and each of our visitors
was treated like family.
The president of the railroad,
in order to bring
us some business,
sends a friend
to stay with us...
His basset hound.
(laughs)
From April the 28th, 1964,
this one is fittingly titled
"Dog Days at Shady Rest."
(train whistle blows twice)
♪ Come ride the little train ♪
♪ That is rollin' down the
tracks to the Junction ♪
(bell clanging)
♪ Forget about your cares ♪
♪ It is time to relax
at the Junction ♪
(whistle blows twice)
♪ Lots of curves, you bet ♪
♪ And even more when you get ♪
♪ To the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
(snare drum plays train rhythm)
♪ There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction ♪
♪ And that's Uncle Joe,
he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪
♪ At the Junction ♪
♪ Petticoat Junction! ♪
(train whistle blows twice)
(bell clanging)
Hey, Uncle Joe,
you shouldn't be running
on a hot day like this.
Got a telegram for your mother.
Kate, telegram for you!
A telegram? Who'd
send Mom a telegram?
What's it about?
How should I know?
It's marked personal
for your mother.
Who would send me a telegram?
Norman P. Curtis.
He's a riot.
He still claims he's president
of the C. & F.W. Railroad.
Well, what's the message?
JOE: How would I know?
Nutty Norman says Bedloe's
coming back out here again.
That sneaky Mr. Bedloe.
He's always trying to
scrap the Cannonball.
This time he's got a
henchman with him named Fred.
Don't start worrying, Mom.
Yeah, you've outsmarted
Mr. Bedloe before.
I wonder what skullduggery
he's dreamed up this time
with this... Fred.
Mr. Curtis, I've just come back
from the cattle car convention.
Heard you're sending
me to Hooterville.
Ah, you're on the
right track, Bedloe.
And so are you, sir.
Oh, I knew eventually
you'd see things my way.
You know when
you've got a liability,
you've got to get rid of it
for the good of the railroad.
Oh, I'll junk that Hooterville
Cannonball so fast,
those people down there will
think they have a breakaway toy.
Well, now you're
on the wrong track.
They thought they were going
to outsmart your vice president.
Well, now that I've
got your support,
I can get rid of that
antediluvian eyesore,
that tuna-ville folly.
Those people down there
are going to drop to
their bended knees.
Now who's got the last laugh?
(laughing)
You're not laughing, Mr. Curtis.
Bedloe, you are a mean man.
Thank you, sir. I try.
Every organization
must have a mean man.
And ours is the best
mean man in the business.
Thank you, sir.
But you lay one clammy
finger on that Cannonball,
and I'll have you
tied to the tracks.
But, Mr. Curtis...
I'm sending you to Hooterville
this time on a mission of mercy.
Mercy? Me?
You feel all right, chief?
I feel fine.
It's Fred who doesn't feel well.
Fred? Who's Fred?
I've already wired
Mrs. Bradley...
Kate, a wonderful woman...
To reserve adjoining
rooms for the both of you.
Adjoining rooms?
Fred belongs to my housekeeper.
Now, they're both getting
old, but I love them dearly.
Now, cooped up in my
penthouse, he's lost his snap.
So I'm sending him to
the Shady Rest with you.
I'm to go to the Shady
Rest with a dog?!
Oh, Fred is more than a dog.
He's a beloved companion
to my housekeeper and me.
Well, he doesn't look like
any more than a dog to me.
Confined to city living,
he's lost his dogginess.
Haven't you, old pal?
In a world of
apartments and city living,
it's wrong to bark, to be a dog.
Fred, old pal,
I haven't heard
you bark in months.
But one week with
those wonderful people
and Fred will come
back a changed man,
revitalized by their
robust way of life.
So that's what my efforts
to close down that
railroad have led to,
lowering my status so I'm a
keeper of the dog, is that it?
Not really, Bedloe.
I was hoping to kill two
birds with one stone.
I want the love and the
kindness of those people
to rub off on you, too.
I sincerely hope by
the time you get back
you will have broadened
your perspective.
You know, there's
really more to life, Bedloe,
than banging your head
against the Cannonball.
Now, how can you
disagree with that?
I can't because you're
the president, sir,
and I'm merely your vice
president in charge of a dog.
For months you've been hounding
me to get back to that valley.
Now that I've given
you the opportunity,
what do you say?
Thank you.
(chuckling)
(train squeaking over rails)
I'll muscle your bag on
up to the hotel, Mr. Bedloe.
All right. (horn honking)
Good grief, look!
What's that?
That? That's
Orville's Flivverball.
Running on the C. & F.W. tracks?
He's Betty Jo's boyfriend.
He put handcar
wheels on his flivver
so he can drive
out here to visit her.
He uses our tracks?
Ain't any others.
Hi, Mr. Pratt.
Greetings.
What are they doing?
What we always do
when Orville signals
he's about out of gas.
We tow him into Pixley.
Fred, I'd report this to the
president of the railroad,
but he wouldn't believe me.
And you wouldn't back me up.
Come on.
(barking)
(yipping)
Hey, easy, Sheba.
Don't fall for
those city slickers.
You'll only get hurt.
(yipping)
(yipping)
(barking)
Now, you stop that.
This is a miserable trip,
so you stay miserable.
(barking)
Now stop that dillydallying.
We have to face the enemy.
I have the beginning of a plan.
I'll appeal to their sympathy
and draw them in, and then...
well, I don't know what that
"and then" is gonna be just yet,
but believe me, there
will be an "and then!"
That... that's Fred?
This is Fred.
(chuckling) Oh, look at that.
So this is Fred, the
bloodshot basset.
(chuckling)
When you buy a suit
and two pair of pants,
you don't wear both pair
at the same time, Fred.
Uncle Joe, you'll
hurt his feelings.
Come up, Fred. Come on up, Fred.
Come on up. Come on, baby.
(laughs) Aw.
Mr. Bedloe, we got the telegram,
but what brings
you and, uh, Fred
to the Shady Rest?
Would you believe
it if I said I came
to bank the fires
of brotherhood?
No.
You don't understand
me, Mrs. Bradley.
I'm a changed man.
I have no reason to lie.
Then, that must
mean that temporarily,
you ran out of reason.
Now, is that nice, Mrs. Bradley?
I came in the spirit of
friendship and the role
of a humane citizen
caring for a tired old dog.
Uh, girls, would you
turn down the beds
for our humane
guest, Mr. Bedloe?
And watch him like a hawk.
Bye, Fred.
Oh, you've got me wrong
this time, Mrs. Bradley.
I'm not the Bedloe
you used to know,
that surreptitious,
miserable man of old,
who thought of
this lovely retreat
as a Victorian egg
crate or referred
to that magnificent
Hooterville Cannonball
as a despicable piece
of... of shrapnel on wheels.
No, no, I'm a...
I'm a changed man.
Now, back up, Bedloe.
That ain't like you.
The explanation is...
is simple, but honest.
When I was introduced
to Fred here...
His master is president
of our company...
This dog, this noble creature
crept into my heart
and changed my life.
Fred, old pal, come on.
Let's go, boy.
Come on now.
Come on, Fred.
Come on, old boy.
Yes.
Come on, Fred.
That's it, up we go.
(groaning)
Here we go, boy, all
the way up the stairs.
Upsy daisy, that's it.
(barking)
Yes, you're happy.
Well, I'm not, and I won't be
until I find a way
to destroy every...
(barking)
Oh, stop wagging
that stupid tail.
Wait a minute, that's it.
If I can bring you back in
worse shape than you came,
the president will
cease being a patron
of this backwater stop,
and I can regain my full status.
If Kate Bradley and her
clan can't cheer you up...
if they goof... Oh-ho!
My lumpy friend, you've
given me the greatest scheme
I've had in a long, long time.
Poor guy.
I think I hear him talking
to the dog up there, all alone.
He was talking all alone
when he was down here.
Now, Kate, old
Homer's a nice guy.
He's a changed man.
Let him up.
Somebody's got to be
down before you let him up.
Now, there you go, Kate.
You got good points,
but you're a mighty
poor judge of character.
I beg to differ.
I think that Mr. Bedloe
is mean and tricky,
and you are an old softy.
Kate Bradley, that's
the meanest thing
you ever said to me in my life.
Oh, Mr. Bedloe, are
the, um, rooms all right?
Wonderful,
everything's wonderful.
Mm-hmm. Are you
and, uh, Fred hungry?
Certainly are.
Well, I'll fix something
for both of you right away.
Oh, any old time
for me, Mrs. Bradley,
but feed good old Fred here.
Best in the house, please.
Certainly, Mr. Bedloe.
And if he gives you
any trouble, boot him out.
Use a broom on him.
Remember, you must
love a dog and feed a dog,
but never let a dog get
the upper hand, you know?
I'll try not to.
There's something going on.
I look at Mr. Bedloe
and then at this dog,
and I see a Trojan horse.
He ain't no Trojan horse.
That's just a beagle
in a bloodhound suit.
(chuckling)
I feel sorry for him.
Even his drool drools.
Oh, I love Fred,
but a smiling,
happy Mr. Bedloe...
that worries me.
Kate, ain't you ever
heard the expression,
"If a leopard wants to
change his spots, let him"?
The expression goes like this:
"A leopard doesn't
change his spots."
I knew it was
something like that.
(Fred barking)
Sounds like the
bark of a happy dog.
(barking)
That's disgusting, revolting.
Make your move, Homer,
old boy, starting now.
There, that's a lot neater.
Look at him dig in.
Yeah.
Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Bradley.
I just remembered,
that dog's on a strict diet.
Pills for his ulcer,
pills for his arteries
and pills for his nerves.
And powdered dog
food, which I will give him.
See what I mean?
I still say he ain't
no Trojan horse,
just a basset full of pills.
(dog barking)
(laughs) You old rascal.
You're feeling your oats
around here, ain't ya?
All right, Fred,
back to your room.
Oh, it's all right.
He's taken to playing
games with me.
He likes me and my Indian.
As a matter of fact,
he likes all of us.
We like him, too.
He's the best-paying
guest we've had.
Don't you see what's happened?
He's become a barker.
Is that bad?
I never known a dog
that was much of a talker.
You bet it's bad.
Now I didn't want to
say this to Mrs. Bradley.
'cause I didn't
want to worry her.
But I feel like I can tell you.
Sure, you can tell me anything.
And you're right,
Kate is a worrier.
The president of the railroad
paid a lot of money to
have that dog trained.
And he's run wild up here.
Do you know what the
president would do if brought back
an undisciplined barker?
No. I know a lot about dogs,
but I ain't had much
truck with presidents lately.
Well, this one's
got a mean temper.
He'd scrap the
Cannonball for sure.
Why would he want to do that?
Why? Because you
people have turned
this dog into a barker.
Yeah, I guess we did.
Well, we're sorry.
Well, being sorry won't
be enough for the president.
There must be
something you can do
to return Fred to
his old dignified self.
You know, I'd hate to
see you and Mrs. Bradley
and those three lovely
girls in the poorhouse.
So would I.
If it's only a matter of
stopping Fred from barking,
I can do that.
Good. And remember my friend,
the poorhouse might be bad,
but you also have to
climb over a hill to get to it.
Thanks, Homer,
I'll keep that in mind.
Good. Very good and wise, too.
Hey, you know, I cured a
dog from a barking fit once
just scaring him a little.
Do you think you might perform
that glorious
service for old Fred?
Well, I can try it.
You go up the stairs a way.
When I start dusting
the Indian, let him go.
I salute you, sir.
You're a man among men.
I've yet to meet your equal.
Come along, noble beast.
(barking)
(Frank barks, Fred whimpers)
I really think you did it.
Of course, I did.
It never failed.
I thought I heard
a strange bark.
What's so strange about it?
That was me.
Fred? Fred?
Here, boy. Here, boy.
Here he is.
Uncle Joe, he's been
hiding in this room
ever since you barked at him.
How did I know he was
gonna take it personal?
He won't even bark for my stew.
Uncle Joe, you broke his spirit.
Bedloe didn't want him to bark.
I said, "Discipline
him," not ruin him.
Tomorrow, I'm
taking that dog home
away from this, this bedlam.
And when the president
of the C & F.W. finds out
what you people...
Oh, so that's your plan
to scrap the Cannonball.
That's right. I made
a better mousetrap
and caught all of you in it.
You, you'd ruin a
dog just to ruin us?
You state it so
simply, Mrs. Bradley.
Beautiful, isn't it?
Victory clutched from
the jaws of defeat.
Beautiful! Fred,
you're beautiful.
Life is beautiful.
I got to go next door and pack.
Well, what do you think
of good ol' Homer now?
I think he's the south end of
a Trojan horse going north.
Well, I'm not as worried
about the president
as I am about poor Fred.
Before he goes back, we
just got to make him feel better.
He looks so sad and
forlorn, Uncle Joe.
Do you think we'll ever be able
to make him bark
again, Uncle Joe?
Aren't we lucky
to have an expert
on dog psychology, Uncle Joe?
Why'd I let myself get
suckered in by that Bedloe?
I'm too smart for that.
You said that, I didn't.
We tried to sneak him
out to bark at rabbit trails.
But he just looked at us.
I don't think he'll
ever bark again.
I know I won't.
I just about worn all the
paint off my Indian dusting him.
He won't even come near me.
Girls, let's take a walk.
Good morning, girls.
ALL: Good morning.
We didn't try that.
Try what?
Well, you know about old dogs.
A pretty charmer makes
them feel like pups again.
What are you gettin' at, Kate?
Before the Cannonball comes
back to pick up Mr. Bedloe and Fred,
we got to round up
every girl dog we can find.
Fred Ziffel the pig
farmer's got one.
Looks more like
a pig than a dog.
I'll get him.
Girls, wait, we got work to do!
Where's Mr. Bedloe?
He's upstairs.
He'll be right down.
All right, start the parade.
(girls giggling)
Look, Fred, look what
we brought for you.
Aren't they sweet?
Here, Fred, look at this one.
Isn't she pretty?
Look, Fred, they Brigitte
Bardot of the dog world.
Hold on! Wait a minute!
Now, stop all this
nonsense immediately.
Oh, I get it. You're
baiting Fred to bark
with all these canine cuties.
Well, that's unfair.
Next.
Well, this is the last
of the batch, Fred.
Bark a little, bark.
I got a secret weapon.
I'll be right back.
Thank you, thank you one and all
for giving me living proof
that you've
killed Fred's spirit.
(yowls)
(dogs barking)
Well, I tried.
No doubt about it, Fred,
you are a beat basset.
Bedlam, bedlam, bedlam!
You people deserve to
have this place shut down.
You know why? Because
you've got no perspective.
No sense of values, no
appreciation of money.
You'd rather cater to a canine
then worry where your
next dollar's coming from.
You're right.
You're sick! Come on, Fred!
Don't drag him.
I'll carry him down for you.
Poor fellow, he looks like
he's about on his last legs.
Thanks to you.
Wait till I show
him to the president.
The melting down
of the Cannonball
will be a monument to Fred.
(antique car horn beeps)
It's Orville.
This'll be the end of that,
that hot-rod handcar, too.
Come along, my depressed
friend, and we'll get aboard.
Good-bye, Fred!
Good-bye, Fred.
Good-bye, Shady Rest.
What's going on?
He looked so sad.
I don't think Fred
wants to live anymore.
He doesn't? Why not?
I barked at him. That's why.
You want to make
something out of it?
Barked at him?
Oh, Uncle Joe, stop
blaming yourself.
We did all we could
to pull him out of it.
We couldn't get him
interested in anything.
Why didn't you show him Sheba?
He was real interested in her.
Sheba?
(whining)
Fred's interested in that mutt?
She's pathetic.
Well, he nearly proposed to
her the first time he saw her.
It was love at first sight.
Why didn't you say
so, you dopey kid?
Stop the train!
Joe, it's too late.
Granted, she's just a stray
and doesn't look like much,
but she thinks
somebody would want her.
You don't?
Well, I can't keep her.
I took her to Pixley, but
I couldn't give her away.
Stop the train!
Uncle Joe, it's too late.
But it may not be too
late for a long shot.
A shot at Bedloe?
That's a good idea.
Bedloe's not too
far away for that.
Give me a gun.
Joe.
Orville, you are
going to take Sheba
to the airport in
the Flivverball.
I am?
Sheba to the airport, Mom?
Yes, I think the president
of the C & F.W.
Railroad deserves
a present from all
of us at Shady Rest.
You mean that
flea-bitten female?
Well, if Fred was
bitten and smitten,
that's good enough for me.
Mom, I think that's
a wonderful idea
What a welcome home for Fred.
Come on, Sheba. Come on, baby.
There we go.
Now then, what worries me is
how do you package a dog?
How do you package a dog?
How about using my cat crate?
(all laugh)
(knock at door)
Yes, come in.
Oh, Bedloe, you're back.
With sad, sad news, sir.
Look at what those people
have done to poor Fred.
What did they do?
Well, Fred hasn't
eaten, he hasn't played,
he hasn't barked
in days. They...
(barking)
Where did you get
that morale builder?
Oh, she's a present
from Kate Bradley
and the folks at the Shady Rest.
Now you were saying?
Well, I, uh...
Oh, before you start
composing your lie,
I think maybe you'd better
walk Fred and his country cousin
down to the nearest meat market
and buy them each a steak.
The nearest market's
two miles away.
Yes, it is quite
a walk, isn't it?
It certainly is.
Well, maybe you'd
better get them two steaks.
Now, you get going, Bedloe,
and take care of the dogs.
You know, I'm
disappointed in you.
You came back in a foul humor.
And a foul humor is contagious.
It might depress the
dogs, so you watch it.
But... Don't but me! Be happy.
(chuckles)
Yes, sir.
Isn't that nice of Mr. Curtis
to send me a telegram saying
that everything worked out fine?
Wasn't it nice of me
letting you open it first?
Bye, Mom, Uncle Joe. Bye.
See you later. Bye.
Bye-bye.
What lovely daughters.
(train whistle blows)
What a beautiful sound.
Summer smoke, bees
buzzin', honeysuckle.
How lucky we are.
I have a cinder in my eye.
Course it gets hot, but I
don't even mind dog days
as long as they're
at Shady Rest.
How about you, Uncle Joe?
Uncle Joe?
(barking)
♪ Petticoat Junction. ♪
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