Perfect Strangers (1986–1993): Season 8, Episode 6 - Up, Up and Away: Part 2 - full transcript
(male narrator)
Last on "Perfect Strangers..."
Well, you’re gonna have
this baby any day now.
No, Larry,
I’ve been pregnant so long
that this baby is gonna go
straight from delivery room
to college.
[giggling]
Oh, I feel a funny inside.
I think I’m having
my baby. Oh.
You can’t be having your baby.
I‐I’m due before you are.
It’s my turn.
Guys, the most amazing thing
just happened.
Mary Anne had the baby
in the car.
‐What?
‐Balki, you have a son.
I need to know
everything Mary Anne did
leading up to the birth of
little Robespierre Boinki.
We went for a
helium balloon ride.
And then she wanted a corn dog,
which I really don’t understand.
’Cause it’s not corn
and it’s not a dog, what is it?
It makes perfect sense.
She went up in the balloon,
the air pressure changed
she went into labor.
Now‐now, sweetheart,
listen, listen.
I know you’re not gonna
like this
but I absolutely forbid you
to go up in a balloon.
Now, is‐is that gonna be
a problem, sweetheart?
Larry, are you sure you guys
know what you’re doing?
Absolutely.
Obvious to anyone
with a brain.
‐It is this one.
‐No, I was in the basket.
I know it.
‐Well, now you’ve done it.
‐Well, now you’ve done it.
‐You pulled the wrong rope.
‐You pulled the wrong rope.
‐Now, we can’t get back down!
‐Now, we can’t get back down!
(Larry)
’Balki, get this thing
back down on the ground.’
(Balki)
’I can’t get back.
I don’t know how it works.’
[theme song]
♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you
just get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds are
this time ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna stand
in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ And a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ The rain and thunder ♪
♪ The wind and haze ♪
♪ I’m bound for better days ♪
♪ Oo‐oh ♪
♪ It’s my life my dream ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna stop me now ♪
[music continues]
[dramatic music]
Larry, we’re going up too fast.
I’m feeling strange.
No, it’s okay.
It’s okay, Jennifer.
Everything is gonna be okay.
Well, I hope you’re happy.
We have no way of getting
back down to the ground
thanks to you.
Cousin, this is no time
to place blame.
Sure, we’re no longer
tethered to Mother Earth
but we’re‐we’re communing
with Father Sky
and all his airy
children, the wind
the clouds, that plane!
Duck!
Just kidding. But see
what fun you can have up here?
Yee‐yee‐yay!
Balki, don’t do that
to me again.
Come on, cousin.
Come on. Loosen up. Loosen up.
Have fun with it.
Have fun with it.
Feel the wind whooshing up
your pant leg and out your arm.
Whoosh! Whee!
Whoosh! Whee!
‐Whoosh! Whee.
‐Alright, stop it. Stop.
May I interrupt this stimulating
discussion to say something?
Yes. Sure.
Tell Balki he’s an idiot.
‐I’m in labor.
‐You see? She agrees with me.
You’re in labor.
‐What?
‐I’m in labor.
Oh, oh, oh, my Lord.
Are‐are you saying
that you’re in labor?
I’m saying I’m having
a contraction, now.
Oh. Ow.
Okay, you’re hurting me.
You’re hurting me.
Ow. Ow, ow, ow.
Well, toss my greens
and call me Caesar.
Jennifer?
Jennifer,
our theory was correct.
Going up in the balloon is what
made Mary Anne go into labor.
I mean, do you realize
what this means?
Expectant mothers
everywhere will thank us.
We’ve given a great gift
to humanity.
Yeah, yeah humanity,
right, okay.
Listen, Jennifer, do‐do you
think that... Watch it.
Do‐do you think this could be
another false alarm?
No, this is
no false alarm, Larry.
Uh, I think my contractions are
about, uh, eight minutes apart?
Well, alright, then we still
have plenty of time.
We’ll be down
on the ground before you have
your next contraction.
Oh, God.
Another one’s starting.
Alright, okay, alright,
I was wrong about that but
Jen, Jen, shouldn’t you be
doing your Lamaze breathing
in‐instead of trying
to hurt me?
Larry, I never planned on
doing the breathing.
I planned on
having painkillers.
Lots of them.
The only reason I was
in that stupid class was
because it was
the only place I could be
where I wasn’t
the fattest woman in the room.
Larry, I don’t want to have
this baby in a balloon.
Jennifer, Jennifer,
you’re not going to
have this baby
in a balloon.
‐I won’t?
‐Well, of course not.
Don’t be ridiculous.
You’re going to have this baby
in a flimsy wicker basket
suspended from a balloon.
One with lots of patches
in it, I might add.
‐Okay, don’t help, don’t help.
‐Look at that one.
Do not help.
Do not help.
‐I’m just trying to‐‐
‐Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Okay, Jen? Jen?
We’re just gonna relax
and‐and why don’t we
uh, try to think of
some funny stories?
Oh. Oh.
I got one. I got one.
Okay, a pig, a butcher and a
rabbi are getting off a bus.
Okay, don’t help. Don’t help.
Don’t help. Do not help.
‐Do not help.
‐I want to tell the story.
Alright, alright, stop it.
You still wanna hear it?
Okay.
Um, oh, did I mention
that the pig could talk?
I can’t do the piggy
little accent
but anyway he’s all
trussed up in this‐‐
If you don’t shut up I’m gonna
throw you to your death.
Balki, my wife
is having a baby!
Well, you’ve known that
for months.
No, I mean she is having
a baby now in‐in this balloon.
And I haven’t
the foggiest idea what to do.
Oh, is that what all
this mishi gastiki is about?
Cousin, chill out.
I know something
about birthin’ babies.
‐You do, Balki?
‐Why, sure.
I’ve delivered my share
of babies and livestock.
If you were gonna
deliver a sheep
I could do that blindfolded.
As a matter of fact,
that’s how we do it back home.
You really don’t wanna look.
Oh, my goodness, there’s
there’s all you have to have
a thing, a bib that comes
from here down to your toes‐‐
Okay, that’s it.
That’s it.
You’re going over the side.
Cousin. Oh. Oh. Oh!
Larry, something’s wrong.
We’re going up again.
Found the problem.
I know why we’re
going up again.
Eh, uh, the‐the sandbag
has a leak.
Larry, we’re going up too high.
We’re gonna run out of oxygen.
‐Oh, no we won’t.
‐We won’t?
No.
Long before
we run out of oxygen
the atmosphere will replace
the helium in the balloon
and the balloon will explode
and the‐the rest
will just upset you.
Alright, alright.
Hold it. Hold it. Hold it!
Alright, now two things
have gotta happen here.
Number one,
Balki has got to shut up.
And number two,
someone’s gotta go over the side
and repair the sandbag.
Okay, let’s see Jennifer,
you’re in labor.
I’m your coach.
Balki, that leaves you.
Good luck, buddy.
Cousin, I think I can help
with part one of your plan.
I can shut up.
I think.
But, uh, uh, going over
the side of the basket...
It, let’s see, uh, nope.
Nope. Not gonna happen.
‐Can somebody please go?
‐Oh, sweetheart...
Okay, okay, I’ll‐I’ll go.
But not because you asked me.
For Jennifer.
I’m gonna do it for Jennifer.
And‐and for Howard the balloon
man because‐because, uh
well, without his balloon
Howard the balloon man
is just Howard the man.
[intense music]
Okay, okay, keep breathing.
Keep breathing. Good. Good.
Alright, alright,
and your contraction
should be ending soon. Yes?
Okay, cleansing breath.
Okay, alright.
You’re doing beautifully, Jen.
You’re doing beautifully.
Balki, how you doing?
Uh, good, cousin.
I’ve got a nice strong
grip on the sandbag
and I’ve stopped the flow
of sand with my handkerchief.
But when I pulled my
handkerchief out of my pocket
all the change
in my pocket fell out
but there’s not a whole
lot to spend it on up here.
[laughs]
Where do I come up with them?
I’m fine. I’m fine.
Don’t worry about me.
I’m not.
Okay, Jen,
just‐just try to relax
until your
next contraction.
It’s amazing, Larry.
This‐this breathing stuff
is really helping.
And I’m gonna be with you
every breath of the way.
Cousin? Cousin?
Balki, I can’t talk to you
right now.
Well, uh, it’s now or never.
’We’re about to drop
a hundred and seventy‐one’
’and a half pounds
of counterweight.’
Are we losing
another sandbag?
No, but we’re losing a Balki.
My arches have fallen
and I can’t get up.
Where do I come up
with them?
[intense music]
Oh‐oh‐oh, he’s right.
We’re losing him.
Uh, okay, uh,
Balki, I’m coming.
No! No! No, Larry. Please,
don’t leave me. I’m afraid.
I don’t want to have
this baby alone.
Breathe. Breathe.
Oh, Larry, that breathing stuff
is just a bunch of‐‐
Not you. Not you.
I can’t breathe.
Alright, listen, sweetheart,
I‐I know that‐this is, this is
just a really bad time
but Balki is
about to plunge
hundreds of feet
to his death.
And I‐I just thought that
I ought to go and‐and help him.
Now, I’ll‐I’ll be back
before your next contraction.
Cousin! Cousin!
I don’t mean to rush you but
I’m hanging on by my toes.
‐Go get him.
‐Okay, alright, alright.
Alright, alright, sweetheart,
you have to let go now.
You’re gonna have to let go.
Yes, you are.
Just, here grab the blanket.
Grab the blanket.
Okay, I’m gonna help you here.
I’m gonna help you.
Here we go.
There we go.
Hang on.
Hang on.
I’ll be right back.
I’ll be right back.
Alright, Balki?
Balki, here,
just‐just grab my hand
and I’ll, and I’ll pull you up.
Yeah, whoa!
Larry? Larry?
(Larry)
’We’re fine. We’re fine.’
Nice catch.
Well, I‐I do try.
[intense music]
You know, cousin,
all things considered
I think things
are going rather well.
Going rather well?
Balki, I am hanging hundreds
of feet in the air by my hair
my wife is in labor and my,
and my watch just fell off.
Well, you know
what they say, cousin
"Time flies
when you’re upside down."
[laughs]
Where do I come up
with them?
Larry, I need you.
Jen, I’d really like to be
with you right now
but I‐I think you’re gonna
have to go on without me
I‐I‐I just can’t get there.
‐Cousin?
‐Yeah?
I‐I don’t want
Jennifer to hear.
Uh, I‐I didn’t have time
to wash my hair
and I’m afraid
you might slip. Here.
[grunting]
‐Cousin, look over there.
‐Oh! Balki. Balki.
Don’t let go of me again.
But‐but I’m just
trying to show you
I’m just trying
to point out
that I see a big backup
on the interstate but as usual
I can’t see
any reason for it.
Well, maybe the reason
is the sight of two men
hanging from a balloon.
Where? Where?
[helicopter engine whirring]
Oh, cousin, look.
Look!
It’s‐it’s‐it’s a helicopter.
[dramatic music]
Larry, what’s going on?
Jen, there’s‐there’s
a police helicopter.
It’s on its way.
We’re‐we’re about
to be rescued.
Well, tell them to hurry.
Oh, Larry,
I’ve changed my mind.
I don’t wanna do this.
That’s no police helicopter.
That’s‐that’s Captain Fred.
The Channel 8
Eye in the Sky.
Hey! Hey!
Captain Fred!
I watch you every night on,
on television
and I never thought I’d live to
be face to chopper with you.
Hang on, folks.
Help is on the way!
In the meantime, smile!
You’re on the evening news!
This is so exciting.
Captain Fred?
Captain?
I’m Balki Bartokomous,
and this is my cousin
Cousin Larry Appleton
and in the basket we have
Cousin Larry’s lovely wife,
Jennifer.
Wave, Jennifer!
Jen, looks like things
are working out for the best.
Remember we talked about
videotaping the birth?
Well, uh, it’s‐it’s being
done by professionals.
Yeah, Jennifer,
Captain Fred is the best.
What the man does
with perspective is amazing.
The man paints
with videotape.
Jen, how you doin’?
Jen?
[baby crying]
(Jennifer)
’I’m fine, Larry!
And so is our son!’
Balki, I have a son.
Cousin, now we are so happy,
we do the dance of joy.
♪ Di di di di da‐da di da ♪
‐Hey!
‐Hey!
‐Hey!
‐Hey!
[music continues]
(male #1 on TV)
’And so tonight,
Chicago’s population grew
’by one tiny baby who made
his entrance into the world’
’in a way his parents
won’t soon forget.’
’This is Ken Wiley wishing you
and yours a good evening.’
I don’t know about you
but I never get tired
of watching that tape,
do you?
No, No, love it.
The miracle of my wife
giving birth to my son
hundreds of feet in the air.
[chuckling]
I mean, I...
I can’t get over it.
Yeah.
My favorite part was when
Captain Fred let me go
up into the helicopter and help
him with the traffic report.
Oh, yeah.
It reminded me of the time
that Uncle Stavros
let me help him with
the traffic report on Mypos.
We packed a lunch and climbed up
into that gingko tree and...
...waited for the mule
to pass by.
He never came.
Who knew the
mule was dead?
[baby crying]
Shush.
These little guys told us
they wanted to spend some time
with their daddies
while we cook dinner.
Well, they didn’t
actually talk.
Rational thought process
occurs in the sixth month.
Verbal skills follow
in the ninth or tenth.
I heard that on
"Sesame Street."
Well, why don’t we go
start dinner?
Well, Jen, are you sure
you feel up to it?
I mean, shouldn’t you
be resting?
Larry, I’m fine.
And just looking at
little Tucker makes me realize
he was worth everything
I went through.
Balki and I talked it over
and we want to have
six or eight more kids.
How about you and Larry?
Well, Larry and I
talked it over.
We’re getting a dog.
Well, what do you say we spend
some quality time with our sons?
Yeah.
Hey.
Piggy‐wikki.
[baby cooing]
Hey, cousin, this might
be a good time
to teach little Robespierre
the itsy bitsy scorpion.
"Itsy bitsy scorpion?"
What’s that?
‐What is that?
‐Yeah, what is that?
It’s a classic
Myposian nursery rhyme
that teaches valuable
life lessons.
Well, then, why don’t ya teach
it to little Tucker as well?
I would be proud to.
♪ Itsy bitsy scorpion
crawled up inside my shirt ♪
♪ I bashed his little head in
and threw him in the dirt ♪
♪ When his legs stopped wiggling
I dropped him in my stew ♪
♪ ’Cause I like
crunchy insects ♪
♪ With pinchers on
don’t you ♪
♪ Itsy bitsy stingray swam
up inside my shorts... ♪
Okay, okay, alright.
I’ll be in charge of
nursery rhymes from now on.
Well, boy,
here we are
a couple of daddies.
We’ve come a long way
together, huh?
[sighs]
Cousin...
...when I came to America
six years ago
I came looking
for my cousin.
I never imagined
I would find
the best friend
that anybody ever had.
[instrumental music]
♪ Unforgettable ♪
♪ That’s what you are ♪
♪ Unforgettable ♪
♪ Though near or far ♪
♪ Like a song of love ♪
♪ That clings to me ♪
♪ How the thought of you ♪
♪ Does things to me ♪
♪ Never before ♪
♪ Has someone ♪
♪ Been more ♪
♪ Unforgettable ♪
♪ In every way ♪
♪ And forever more ♪
♪ That’s how you’ll stay ♪
♪ That’s why darling ♪
♪ It’s incredible ♪
♪ That someone ♪
♪ So unforgettable ♪
♪ Thinks that I am ♪
♪ Unforgettable too ♪
[music continues]
♪ Unforgettable ♪
♪ In every way ♪
♪ And forever more ♪
♪ That’s how you’ll stay ♪
♪ That’s why darling ♪
♪ It’s incredible ♪
♪ That someone ♪
♪ So unforgettable ♪
♪ Thinks that I am ♪
♪ Unforgettable too ♪
You know, Balki...
...if I had it
to do all over again...
...I wouldn’t change a thing.
Me, neither.
What have you two been up to?
Oh, just
a little reminiscing.
Who would have thought
six years ago
that we’d be holding
the next generation
of Appletons and
Bartokomous’?
Won’t it be wonderful
to watch them grow up?
Yes, it will.
Balki, you think our families
will always be as close
as we are right now?
Well, of course we will.
Don’t be ridiculous.
Mary Anne and I aren’t
planning to move for
years and years
to come and
and if you two move,
we’re going with you!
[instrumental music]
(Robert)
Ladies and gentlemen,
for the last time
let’s welcome the stars
of "Perfect Strangers."
Rebeca Arthur.
Melanie Wilson.
Mark Linn‐Baker.
And Bronson Pinchot.
Ladies and gentlemen
a hand please
for the cast and crew
of "Perfect Strangers."
[music continues]
Thank you all
for being with us.
Goodnight.
Last on "Perfect Strangers..."
Well, you’re gonna have
this baby any day now.
No, Larry,
I’ve been pregnant so long
that this baby is gonna go
straight from delivery room
to college.
[giggling]
Oh, I feel a funny inside.
I think I’m having
my baby. Oh.
You can’t be having your baby.
I‐I’m due before you are.
It’s my turn.
Guys, the most amazing thing
just happened.
Mary Anne had the baby
in the car.
‐What?
‐Balki, you have a son.
I need to know
everything Mary Anne did
leading up to the birth of
little Robespierre Boinki.
We went for a
helium balloon ride.
And then she wanted a corn dog,
which I really don’t understand.
’Cause it’s not corn
and it’s not a dog, what is it?
It makes perfect sense.
She went up in the balloon,
the air pressure changed
she went into labor.
Now‐now, sweetheart,
listen, listen.
I know you’re not gonna
like this
but I absolutely forbid you
to go up in a balloon.
Now, is‐is that gonna be
a problem, sweetheart?
Larry, are you sure you guys
know what you’re doing?
Absolutely.
Obvious to anyone
with a brain.
‐It is this one.
‐No, I was in the basket.
I know it.
‐Well, now you’ve done it.
‐Well, now you’ve done it.
‐You pulled the wrong rope.
‐You pulled the wrong rope.
‐Now, we can’t get back down!
‐Now, we can’t get back down!
(Larry)
’Balki, get this thing
back down on the ground.’
(Balki)
’I can’t get back.
I don’t know how it works.’
[theme song]
♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you
just get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds are
this time ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna stand
in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ And a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ The rain and thunder ♪
♪ The wind and haze ♪
♪ I’m bound for better days ♪
♪ Oo‐oh ♪
♪ It’s my life my dream ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna stop me now ♪
[music continues]
[dramatic music]
Larry, we’re going up too fast.
I’m feeling strange.
No, it’s okay.
It’s okay, Jennifer.
Everything is gonna be okay.
Well, I hope you’re happy.
We have no way of getting
back down to the ground
thanks to you.
Cousin, this is no time
to place blame.
Sure, we’re no longer
tethered to Mother Earth
but we’re‐we’re communing
with Father Sky
and all his airy
children, the wind
the clouds, that plane!
Duck!
Just kidding. But see
what fun you can have up here?
Yee‐yee‐yay!
Balki, don’t do that
to me again.
Come on, cousin.
Come on. Loosen up. Loosen up.
Have fun with it.
Have fun with it.
Feel the wind whooshing up
your pant leg and out your arm.
Whoosh! Whee!
Whoosh! Whee!
‐Whoosh! Whee.
‐Alright, stop it. Stop.
May I interrupt this stimulating
discussion to say something?
Yes. Sure.
Tell Balki he’s an idiot.
‐I’m in labor.
‐You see? She agrees with me.
You’re in labor.
‐What?
‐I’m in labor.
Oh, oh, oh, my Lord.
Are‐are you saying
that you’re in labor?
I’m saying I’m having
a contraction, now.
Oh. Ow.
Okay, you’re hurting me.
You’re hurting me.
Ow. Ow, ow, ow.
Well, toss my greens
and call me Caesar.
Jennifer?
Jennifer,
our theory was correct.
Going up in the balloon is what
made Mary Anne go into labor.
I mean, do you realize
what this means?
Expectant mothers
everywhere will thank us.
We’ve given a great gift
to humanity.
Yeah, yeah humanity,
right, okay.
Listen, Jennifer, do‐do you
think that... Watch it.
Do‐do you think this could be
another false alarm?
No, this is
no false alarm, Larry.
Uh, I think my contractions are
about, uh, eight minutes apart?
Well, alright, then we still
have plenty of time.
We’ll be down
on the ground before you have
your next contraction.
Oh, God.
Another one’s starting.
Alright, okay, alright,
I was wrong about that but
Jen, Jen, shouldn’t you be
doing your Lamaze breathing
in‐instead of trying
to hurt me?
Larry, I never planned on
doing the breathing.
I planned on
having painkillers.
Lots of them.
The only reason I was
in that stupid class was
because it was
the only place I could be
where I wasn’t
the fattest woman in the room.
Larry, I don’t want to have
this baby in a balloon.
Jennifer, Jennifer,
you’re not going to
have this baby
in a balloon.
‐I won’t?
‐Well, of course not.
Don’t be ridiculous.
You’re going to have this baby
in a flimsy wicker basket
suspended from a balloon.
One with lots of patches
in it, I might add.
‐Okay, don’t help, don’t help.
‐Look at that one.
Do not help.
Do not help.
‐I’m just trying to‐‐
‐Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Okay, Jen? Jen?
We’re just gonna relax
and‐and why don’t we
uh, try to think of
some funny stories?
Oh. Oh.
I got one. I got one.
Okay, a pig, a butcher and a
rabbi are getting off a bus.
Okay, don’t help. Don’t help.
Don’t help. Do not help.
‐Do not help.
‐I want to tell the story.
Alright, alright, stop it.
You still wanna hear it?
Okay.
Um, oh, did I mention
that the pig could talk?
I can’t do the piggy
little accent
but anyway he’s all
trussed up in this‐‐
If you don’t shut up I’m gonna
throw you to your death.
Balki, my wife
is having a baby!
Well, you’ve known that
for months.
No, I mean she is having
a baby now in‐in this balloon.
And I haven’t
the foggiest idea what to do.
Oh, is that what all
this mishi gastiki is about?
Cousin, chill out.
I know something
about birthin’ babies.
‐You do, Balki?
‐Why, sure.
I’ve delivered my share
of babies and livestock.
If you were gonna
deliver a sheep
I could do that blindfolded.
As a matter of fact,
that’s how we do it back home.
You really don’t wanna look.
Oh, my goodness, there’s
there’s all you have to have
a thing, a bib that comes
from here down to your toes‐‐
Okay, that’s it.
That’s it.
You’re going over the side.
Cousin. Oh. Oh. Oh!
Larry, something’s wrong.
We’re going up again.
Found the problem.
I know why we’re
going up again.
Eh, uh, the‐the sandbag
has a leak.
Larry, we’re going up too high.
We’re gonna run out of oxygen.
‐Oh, no we won’t.
‐We won’t?
No.
Long before
we run out of oxygen
the atmosphere will replace
the helium in the balloon
and the balloon will explode
and the‐the rest
will just upset you.
Alright, alright.
Hold it. Hold it. Hold it!
Alright, now two things
have gotta happen here.
Number one,
Balki has got to shut up.
And number two,
someone’s gotta go over the side
and repair the sandbag.
Okay, let’s see Jennifer,
you’re in labor.
I’m your coach.
Balki, that leaves you.
Good luck, buddy.
Cousin, I think I can help
with part one of your plan.
I can shut up.
I think.
But, uh, uh, going over
the side of the basket...
It, let’s see, uh, nope.
Nope. Not gonna happen.
‐Can somebody please go?
‐Oh, sweetheart...
Okay, okay, I’ll‐I’ll go.
But not because you asked me.
For Jennifer.
I’m gonna do it for Jennifer.
And‐and for Howard the balloon
man because‐because, uh
well, without his balloon
Howard the balloon man
is just Howard the man.
[intense music]
Okay, okay, keep breathing.
Keep breathing. Good. Good.
Alright, alright,
and your contraction
should be ending soon. Yes?
Okay, cleansing breath.
Okay, alright.
You’re doing beautifully, Jen.
You’re doing beautifully.
Balki, how you doing?
Uh, good, cousin.
I’ve got a nice strong
grip on the sandbag
and I’ve stopped the flow
of sand with my handkerchief.
But when I pulled my
handkerchief out of my pocket
all the change
in my pocket fell out
but there’s not a whole
lot to spend it on up here.
[laughs]
Where do I come up with them?
I’m fine. I’m fine.
Don’t worry about me.
I’m not.
Okay, Jen,
just‐just try to relax
until your
next contraction.
It’s amazing, Larry.
This‐this breathing stuff
is really helping.
And I’m gonna be with you
every breath of the way.
Cousin? Cousin?
Balki, I can’t talk to you
right now.
Well, uh, it’s now or never.
’We’re about to drop
a hundred and seventy‐one’
’and a half pounds
of counterweight.’
Are we losing
another sandbag?
No, but we’re losing a Balki.
My arches have fallen
and I can’t get up.
Where do I come up
with them?
[intense music]
Oh‐oh‐oh, he’s right.
We’re losing him.
Uh, okay, uh,
Balki, I’m coming.
No! No! No, Larry. Please,
don’t leave me. I’m afraid.
I don’t want to have
this baby alone.
Breathe. Breathe.
Oh, Larry, that breathing stuff
is just a bunch of‐‐
Not you. Not you.
I can’t breathe.
Alright, listen, sweetheart,
I‐I know that‐this is, this is
just a really bad time
but Balki is
about to plunge
hundreds of feet
to his death.
And I‐I just thought that
I ought to go and‐and help him.
Now, I’ll‐I’ll be back
before your next contraction.
Cousin! Cousin!
I don’t mean to rush you but
I’m hanging on by my toes.
‐Go get him.
‐Okay, alright, alright.
Alright, alright, sweetheart,
you have to let go now.
You’re gonna have to let go.
Yes, you are.
Just, here grab the blanket.
Grab the blanket.
Okay, I’m gonna help you here.
I’m gonna help you.
Here we go.
There we go.
Hang on.
Hang on.
I’ll be right back.
I’ll be right back.
Alright, Balki?
Balki, here,
just‐just grab my hand
and I’ll, and I’ll pull you up.
Yeah, whoa!
Larry? Larry?
(Larry)
’We’re fine. We’re fine.’
Nice catch.
Well, I‐I do try.
[intense music]
You know, cousin,
all things considered
I think things
are going rather well.
Going rather well?
Balki, I am hanging hundreds
of feet in the air by my hair
my wife is in labor and my,
and my watch just fell off.
Well, you know
what they say, cousin
"Time flies
when you’re upside down."
[laughs]
Where do I come up
with them?
Larry, I need you.
Jen, I’d really like to be
with you right now
but I‐I think you’re gonna
have to go on without me
I‐I‐I just can’t get there.
‐Cousin?
‐Yeah?
I‐I don’t want
Jennifer to hear.
Uh, I‐I didn’t have time
to wash my hair
and I’m afraid
you might slip. Here.
[grunting]
‐Cousin, look over there.
‐Oh! Balki. Balki.
Don’t let go of me again.
But‐but I’m just
trying to show you
I’m just trying
to point out
that I see a big backup
on the interstate but as usual
I can’t see
any reason for it.
Well, maybe the reason
is the sight of two men
hanging from a balloon.
Where? Where?
[helicopter engine whirring]
Oh, cousin, look.
Look!
It’s‐it’s‐it’s a helicopter.
[dramatic music]
Larry, what’s going on?
Jen, there’s‐there’s
a police helicopter.
It’s on its way.
We’re‐we’re about
to be rescued.
Well, tell them to hurry.
Oh, Larry,
I’ve changed my mind.
I don’t wanna do this.
That’s no police helicopter.
That’s‐that’s Captain Fred.
The Channel 8
Eye in the Sky.
Hey! Hey!
Captain Fred!
I watch you every night on,
on television
and I never thought I’d live to
be face to chopper with you.
Hang on, folks.
Help is on the way!
In the meantime, smile!
You’re on the evening news!
This is so exciting.
Captain Fred?
Captain?
I’m Balki Bartokomous,
and this is my cousin
Cousin Larry Appleton
and in the basket we have
Cousin Larry’s lovely wife,
Jennifer.
Wave, Jennifer!
Jen, looks like things
are working out for the best.
Remember we talked about
videotaping the birth?
Well, uh, it’s‐it’s being
done by professionals.
Yeah, Jennifer,
Captain Fred is the best.
What the man does
with perspective is amazing.
The man paints
with videotape.
Jen, how you doin’?
Jen?
[baby crying]
(Jennifer)
’I’m fine, Larry!
And so is our son!’
Balki, I have a son.
Cousin, now we are so happy,
we do the dance of joy.
♪ Di di di di da‐da di da ♪
‐Hey!
‐Hey!
‐Hey!
‐Hey!
[music continues]
(male #1 on TV)
’And so tonight,
Chicago’s population grew
’by one tiny baby who made
his entrance into the world’
’in a way his parents
won’t soon forget.’
’This is Ken Wiley wishing you
and yours a good evening.’
I don’t know about you
but I never get tired
of watching that tape,
do you?
No, No, love it.
The miracle of my wife
giving birth to my son
hundreds of feet in the air.
[chuckling]
I mean, I...
I can’t get over it.
Yeah.
My favorite part was when
Captain Fred let me go
up into the helicopter and help
him with the traffic report.
Oh, yeah.
It reminded me of the time
that Uncle Stavros
let me help him with
the traffic report on Mypos.
We packed a lunch and climbed up
into that gingko tree and...
...waited for the mule
to pass by.
He never came.
Who knew the
mule was dead?
[baby crying]
Shush.
These little guys told us
they wanted to spend some time
with their daddies
while we cook dinner.
Well, they didn’t
actually talk.
Rational thought process
occurs in the sixth month.
Verbal skills follow
in the ninth or tenth.
I heard that on
"Sesame Street."
Well, why don’t we go
start dinner?
Well, Jen, are you sure
you feel up to it?
I mean, shouldn’t you
be resting?
Larry, I’m fine.
And just looking at
little Tucker makes me realize
he was worth everything
I went through.
Balki and I talked it over
and we want to have
six or eight more kids.
How about you and Larry?
Well, Larry and I
talked it over.
We’re getting a dog.
Well, what do you say we spend
some quality time with our sons?
Yeah.
Hey.
Piggy‐wikki.
[baby cooing]
Hey, cousin, this might
be a good time
to teach little Robespierre
the itsy bitsy scorpion.
"Itsy bitsy scorpion?"
What’s that?
‐What is that?
‐Yeah, what is that?
It’s a classic
Myposian nursery rhyme
that teaches valuable
life lessons.
Well, then, why don’t ya teach
it to little Tucker as well?
I would be proud to.
♪ Itsy bitsy scorpion
crawled up inside my shirt ♪
♪ I bashed his little head in
and threw him in the dirt ♪
♪ When his legs stopped wiggling
I dropped him in my stew ♪
♪ ’Cause I like
crunchy insects ♪
♪ With pinchers on
don’t you ♪
♪ Itsy bitsy stingray swam
up inside my shorts... ♪
Okay, okay, alright.
I’ll be in charge of
nursery rhymes from now on.
Well, boy,
here we are
a couple of daddies.
We’ve come a long way
together, huh?
[sighs]
Cousin...
...when I came to America
six years ago
I came looking
for my cousin.
I never imagined
I would find
the best friend
that anybody ever had.
[instrumental music]
♪ Unforgettable ♪
♪ That’s what you are ♪
♪ Unforgettable ♪
♪ Though near or far ♪
♪ Like a song of love ♪
♪ That clings to me ♪
♪ How the thought of you ♪
♪ Does things to me ♪
♪ Never before ♪
♪ Has someone ♪
♪ Been more ♪
♪ Unforgettable ♪
♪ In every way ♪
♪ And forever more ♪
♪ That’s how you’ll stay ♪
♪ That’s why darling ♪
♪ It’s incredible ♪
♪ That someone ♪
♪ So unforgettable ♪
♪ Thinks that I am ♪
♪ Unforgettable too ♪
[music continues]
♪ Unforgettable ♪
♪ In every way ♪
♪ And forever more ♪
♪ That’s how you’ll stay ♪
♪ That’s why darling ♪
♪ It’s incredible ♪
♪ That someone ♪
♪ So unforgettable ♪
♪ Thinks that I am ♪
♪ Unforgettable too ♪
You know, Balki...
...if I had it
to do all over again...
...I wouldn’t change a thing.
Me, neither.
What have you two been up to?
Oh, just
a little reminiscing.
Who would have thought
six years ago
that we’d be holding
the next generation
of Appletons and
Bartokomous’?
Won’t it be wonderful
to watch them grow up?
Yes, it will.
Balki, you think our families
will always be as close
as we are right now?
Well, of course we will.
Don’t be ridiculous.
Mary Anne and I aren’t
planning to move for
years and years
to come and
and if you two move,
we’re going with you!
[instrumental music]
(Robert)
Ladies and gentlemen,
for the last time
let’s welcome the stars
of "Perfect Strangers."
Rebeca Arthur.
Melanie Wilson.
Mark Linn‐Baker.
And Bronson Pinchot.
Ladies and gentlemen
a hand please
for the cast and crew
of "Perfect Strangers."
[music continues]
Thank you all
for being with us.
Goodnight.